Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 239. The Greatest Story Ever Told

Episode Date: March 3, 2022

🎟 Catch the uncut/extended episodes ad/commercial free +1 entire bonus episode per month + Discord watchalongs & exclusive content over on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia In this week's episode Chris checks in on lumberjack Rick Ross, sings Pony by Ginuwine, wonders why Chingy exists, and watches the trailer for Congo. All that plus the war in Ukraine, and a really awful poem for Putin. 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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That's BetterHelp.com. Meeting with friends before the show? We can book your reservation. And when you get to the main event, skip to the good bit using the card member entrance. Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by card. Other conditions apply. Hey, guys, and welcome to another episode of Congratulations. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Hey guys, and welcome to another episode of Congratulations. Hey, here we are, dude. Episode whatever it is of Congratulations, and you know how we do it here. Don't push me, dude. A lot of stuff going on in the world.

Trying to move me on over. But we got the merch in effect. Looks really nice with the DMX chain. Got to take some links out of this shit. If I take some links out, it'll look a little bit like a choker. It'd be really nice. You know? Got the hat, which is really, really that nice Americana vibe.

And dude, just like need to take these links out and just keep it, like, really, you know what I mean? If I get the links out, I get the choker going on. Just with the don't push me. Jesus Christ, the drip is intense. Oh, come on, dude. Absolutely ridiculous. Come on, dude. Oh, the drip is absolutely fantastic.

So, yeah, man, we're doing it. We got another episode here congratulations get your merch don't push me and all the other stuff at crystalia.com that's what we're doing um and we got the other merch to go medium sometimes stay out make friends in the comments and all that other shit life rips we keep on restocking it we're doubling and doubling and we keep doubling it until they kill me that's what happens. We got an added show in Irvine because it's selling out, baby. So we added another one. Go to crystalia.com to go get tickets to Irvine.

We added one on the Thursday before that. Dude, what can we say? You want to fill the seat, so we're going to keep adding them, and we're going to keep doubling it until they kill me. And then we also got another show coming up you know your boy's starting to venture out there right he's starting to kind of just venture out there and see what he does but he's not doing it trepidatiously even though it seems like he might be he's not though dude because he's firing he's firing on all uh what do we say syllables so weables. So we got a, don't tell anybody, dude, but we got a gig coming up in Phoenix. And I'm not telling you when yet because I'll drop the date soon, but it's going to be April 30th.

And that's when it's going to be. And it's not going to be on my website yet, but be ready, dude, because it will sell out. And Phoenix, I know, you know, you like to come out and see your boy. I know you like to come out and see your boy. So I'll there in phoenix so just be ready when i drop this shit i'm gonna drop it soon and when i drop it get the tickets dude they'll sell they'll sell very quickly but i'm teasing it you know me i'm teasing it a little bit i'm just showing you a little bit of skin so chris leah.com keep checking back for that and also irvine added show and that's what we do it and then the merch don't push me you know what i mean that's what we do we wear merch to the shows we do and more importantly we wear my we wear chrislea merch to other people's shows because that's really the gangster shit and that's it dude I will tell you though I'm sick and fucking tired of hearing about the goddamn show euphoria so that's good yay fuck yeah dude oh yeah oh really euphoria oh yeah dude

euphoria man can't go anywhere without hearing about euphoria all right man want to watch a show about fucking zendaya want to watch a drake show about Zendaya hey euphoria you use more purple hey euphoria dude when I just see clips from euphoria it feels like I'm on drugs it's a by design to tonally to tonally purple euphoria. Who produced it, Drake? Me. Me walking out of a fucking viewing party of Euphoria. Bye, guys.

Before it starts. I'll check you later, guys. Oh, it's good. Oh, really? It's good? Alright, cool. Dude, I don't watch this shit you shove down my throat. I don't watch this shit you shove down... I don't watch this shit, shove down my throat. I don't watch this shit you shove down. I don't watch this shit, dude. I can't watch.

I mean, dude, here's the deal, man. I actually like HBO. I think HBO makes some balling ass shit. But God damn it, dude. If they make another fucking show about some, Euphoria is actually not this way, but they really do be making some fringe shit. I mean, they really do be making some fringe shit. Dude, Hollywood is fucking failing they are trying so hard to appease the friend shit

that all the people who have regular eyeballs are just like i don't what do i i i just want to watch a guy shoot someone i i just want to watch a family argue but it's like some fucking alien. It's got to be about some like In a small town, a trans alien comes to visit. What? And then everyone's like, hmm. This is every HBO show. Something happens and then somebody cut to somebody going like this.

But it's a drama. Ah. Dude. It's a drama. I get it when it's like the office and shit. When somebody is like, hey. And then someone's like, uh. But HBO, dude, they make those.

But it's a drama. Ah. Dude. but HBO dude they make those but it's a drama dude somebody will walk in I'll be like oh I'm sorry I critically acclaimed Stutterville from the makers of um comes Stutterville hi I Hi, I... Meep orp. From the makers of Why If You Uh... And Um Comes, Stutterville. Things are so fucking awkward that we only put the cameras on the guys who aren't talking.

We have to film their reactions. Critically acclaimed already, even though it's not out, and only nine people watch it, comes Stutterville. About somebody who's obese, but we pretend like they're healthy. Stutterville. From a short-haired woman, I think,

comes Stutterville. It's like, alright, I'll watch. I don't want to watch it, dude. I don't want to watch it. Put a gun in a vampire's

hand and have them blast away. I'll watch it. Put a dragon with a fucking heroin problem flying out of a burning building. I'll watch it. From the

makers of from the producers of The Camera's Filming the Wrong Guys comes from the director of comes I mean, dude dude it's lost souls

in a fucking it's just like dude I don't want to watch it though dude this is what I'm talking about don't push me man don't push me I gotta sit there and watch this fucking bullshit it's just and I like HBO

I mean dude how could nine people watch it and this is why hollywood's failing because they're pushing that shit and of course uh it's a sniffing an agenda it's a smelling an agenda and you know i'm sniffing it out i'm a fucking doberman pincher on this shit you got an agenda i'm a doberman okay i smell it all right and i smell this agenda and so it's like so now i got you know and and hollywood will put nobody's watching the fucking oscars or the emmys anymore because god damn it did you see who's hosting it fucking amy schumer like who even fucking like dude it's that's so 2000 and fucking 16 they always get the person that was like hot in two hot four year five years ago to pop you're late hollywood you're fucking late dude you're late

you know that's why every show right now is about blm blm was so fucking 2019 it's un-fucking-lievable dude hollywood's late oh you have a show with brandy in it now no one gives a fuck that was so 2020 and now it's like the now it's like the emmys and the fucking oscars are trying to catch up and it's like dude you're and the fucking Oscars are trying to catch up. And it's like, dude, you're too late. And now we got to nobody's going to watch the Oscars with fucking Amy goddamn Schumer and Wanda Sykes as the host. From the producers of. The Oscars. This shit would have banged in 2017.

Jesus Christ. For fuck's sake. Why don't you get George Hamilton and a razor scooter to host it? It's so fucking ridiculous, dude. Brought to you by AOL. I mean, for fuck's sake, dude. Brought to you by

someone who used to rule land in fucking 1600. Dude, it's so old. Nobody gives a shit. And then they keep pumping out this shit to fucking, you know, to make 10,000 people happy. And then they, and then it's critically acclaimed. And then the Oscars don't give a fuck. So they give the awards to the people. Nobody's watching the shit.

Remember when they were going to put black panther in for the best uh they were gonna have black panther for because because the fucking the the agenda was trying to fucking push like oh well there's finally a movie for black superheroes and then they were trying to make it so uh it won an award so it was like most popular movie at the oscars and then then everyone was like this is bullshit bullshit. It's about art. And then they took it back and they walked back on it. Dude, it's like, just do. First of all, that was a good idea to fucking give an award to the most popular movie. That's all the Oscars should ever be. The Oscars should be six minutes long and it should be some fucking TikTok star. And he should just be like, hey, guys, this is the Oscar.

Today, the award goes to no nominees. Dude, just a guy who comes out with some stupid fucking back of a duck's ass hair in the front with some fucking idiotic dance move. With the fucking, what's that Cardi B song? Hey, guys, it's the Oscars. Hey, guys, chillax. It's the Oscars. We're keeping it lit. The winner of the Oscars is Black Panther. That's it. That's it. And then it's the oscars we're keeping it lit the winner of the oscars is black panther that's it

that's it and then it's over thanks for watching the oscars and it can't be over three minutes long because that's how long you got to make a goddamn tiktok for dude it's nobody's watching this shit and i gotta from from the makers of a woman in a small town with a flannel on comes i'm i'm just like that's why all these fuck that's why these youtube you see the talk to the kids my my buddy's got a five-year-old and he's like, are you on YouTube? I'm like, motherfucker, I've been on NBC. He goes, what's that? What's NBC stand for? Fucking new big cocky? I mean, come on, dude.

They take lumps of shit every week. New Wednesday, eight o'clock. Lumps of shit. Starring fucking John Cryer. Lumps of shit starring fucking John Cryer. Lumps of shit. So anyway, dude, I don't want to watch it. I don't care. Whatever, dude.

It's like, I don't know, man. Let's or I got to watch like the fucking thing that's hot on Netflix, like Tinder Swindler. And like it's and everyone talks about it for a week and then it's gone. And I can't even talk about enough podcast because it's too late and now I can't talk about tinder swindler because everyone's already fucking talked about it because it's been a fucking week ago I tried to

watch that yeezy fucking documentary genius or whatever the fuck genius dude it's Mexican hey have you seen genius hey you seen that genius movie dude fuck yeah dude i didn't watch fucking genius that's the other thing too it's like we're celebrating kanye west when he's literally telling people to fucking kill pete davidson and we're acting like that's cool because he brings in fucking stacks of absolute gold that uh fucking in a pyramid fashion that reaches the sky.

But it's like, dude, if this was anyone else, you'd cancel them, man. Remember when Chrissy Teigen was bullying that fucking stoddard girl? You fucking canceled her because she's not as big as Kanye West. Kanye West is leading the trolls. He's got a fucking army. The guy's got them Trump and he's leading fucking trolls to a fucking 28- old guy on snl to go fucking kill him calling him skeet dude and you know skeet davidson is fucking bipolar why aren't you canceling him because he stacks money to the sky dude if you take one thing away from this podcast right how right now this one it's that nobody gives a fuck except for the dollar dude the dollar

is when people care um it's like dude I you know by the way I saw a tinder swindler dude and that guy fucking got through it apparently he's got a hotter chick now apparently he's got like the hot the guy leveled up dude nobody gives a fuck

about anything the guy was swindling to fucking high heavens. All these different chicks, by the way. Hey, I know I get it. These chicks, they're, they're victims from the Tinder swindler and the guys piece of shit, but chicks come on. Hey dude. Also though, stop and think about stuff oh yeah you gave him eighty thousand dollars and then gave him twenty thousand dollars hey come on stand up and wake up what's going on dude work with him work with work with yourself

tinder swindler dude he's not even in jail because technically he just borrowed money dude you know how gangster that is swindle dude that's amazing man the guy just was like and then she called and she's like you're taking a lot of money from me he's like listen bitch what the fuck i have to do i have enemies oh dude i have enemies there after me bitch give me more money or else i can't fly away from my enemies. Wake up, girl! You're 30, though. Oh, real quick. Okay, I understand that you're a victim,

but real quick, you're 30. Don't give anyone 20 grand after you give them 80 grand. You know that old saying don't give anyone 20 grand after you give them 80 grand how you getting swindled oh dude i just i can't like just stop and think though right because you're a person on earth. And everyone says that wouldn't happen to me, but it would, but it wouldn't happen to me, dude. Not me. I got catfished one time when I was really young. Nothing happened. The girl just didn't show up. And then I realized, and now they got fucking all apps where you can make sure if you find out someone's fucking

catfishing you or this and that google how about you google if a guy if you're giving someone 80 grand give them a google Hi, I'm Chris D'Elia from NBC's Undateable. If you give a guy 80 grand, first of all, stop and think before you write that check. And give him a fucking Google, you moron. He might be in the news for swindling. And I do it myself. I sing it myself. I don't know how anyone gets swindled, honestly. What I do know is that there's bigger issues in the world, like the war in fucking Russia and Ukraine, and I know nothing about it. Everyone's just like, dude, the president in Ukraine is fucking absolutely, he's got big balls. And Everyone's just like, dude, the president in Ukraine is fucking absolutely,

he's got big balls, and I'm just like, okay, he's got big balls. Let's do it. Let's just fucking, let's just be on his side. Who knows what's going on, but let's be on his side, right? Who fucking knows? I have no clue. All I know is he used to do stand-up comedy, so I'm on board, man. And the guys on the front line, apparently, it's so funny that what's his name?

Fucking Putin is like, by the way, his last name is Putin, which means farting. The only fucking more name that is absolutely, I can't believe a last name is fucking Pujols. Alexander, what's his name?

Pujols? Alexander Pujols? Alex Pujols? whatever it is albert poo holes dude poo holes hey dude that's your last name might as well be anus albert anus poo holes dude two of them albertuses Albert 2 Anus Albert that's your name dude anyway Putin P-O-O-T-I-N is basically saying that he's like hey he fled dude Putin is

he's just like you know he fled and then the guy's like okay the Ukrainian president is like gotta put out a social media he's like no look I'm right here man I'm on the front lines, and Putin's just like, no, you fled, and they thought that they were going to clean up this shit in Ukraine immediately, but they didn't, dude, they even got him surrounded, and the fucking Ukrainian fucking will, dude, the Ukrainian will, dude, they just stood there like some trees, dude. The will that Ukraine got, man.

Just, we're not moving. Fought a guy from Ukraine once when I used to do jujitsu and honestly trying to fight that guy. Oh, no, never mind. He was Croatian. Never mind. I'm racist. So, yeah. Russians don't fuck around fuck around though dude did you see that one video where the tank just ran over a civilian car like jesus christ man how sad just so fucked up man

um let's look at this shit, man. I can't believe this is a real thing. You guys know who Annalyn McCord is? She was on this re-new, what do you call it, 90210 show that came out a while ago. I mean, she's got to be in her 30s now, but I mean, no, she's definitely in her 30s. while ago i mean she's got to be in her 30s now but i mean no she's definitely in her 30s this is the thing this is the new uh what was the new one where everyone was saying they were racist or something the wonder woman one in black and white where she was like i'm racist and i shouldn't be and will ferrell oh imagine it was they sang imagine imagine all the people and they were

just fucking saving the world you know you had fucking Cyclops from the first X-Men just like. Just shoot out your I-beams, bro. We're good. Just shoot out your I-beams instead. Imagine all the people. Fucking the Israeli. What's her name? Wonder Woman.

Hey, just rope up somebody in your invisible plane. How about that? That's fine. Living What's his name? John Lennon just rolling over in his grave. Oh, this isn't what I wanted. What the fuck are these idiots doing? Dirt all over him in his fucking coffin.

What the fuck are they doing? I wish that guy didn't shoot me so I could still be alive and wring these motherfuckers' necks. It's so, like, these celebrities, the fucking, Hollywood's done, dude. So anyway, they did that, and now, as apparently, you know, apparently Annalyn McCord didn't understand how much fun that was making fun of about everything. What was the other one? Was that the only one?

There was another one, too, where it was like, we're all racist. Where the girl from fucking the O.J. movie and the O.J. show or the fucking American history. No, American horror story girl was like, I'm racist. I'm sorry for my fucking privilege oh shit shut up man you know i'm so tired of hearing about fucking privilege here we go so she decided enelin mccord this white chick decided to make a fucking poem to to vladimir putin there's one thing i know for sure. Nobody named Vladimir ever read a poem. They don't give, at least now, maybe in like the fucking 1400s, poetry was probably like TikTok back then.

And they were just like, hey, we have. And the older generation was like, fuck this poetry. It's about stabbing enemies. It's about impaling your enemies. And they are out here writing words. Fuck them. Art is nothing. Impale your enemy's face.

But now, dude, you got white chicks out here thinking guys named Vladimir give a shit about fucking floral words. Some chick from 90210 just, here we go. Dear president, Vladimir Putin. I'm so sorry that I was not your mother. some chick from 90210 just here we go dear president vladimir putin

i'm so sorry that i was not your mother statistical imagine like just saying that to somebody, just that you met. Oh, I'm sorry. Hey, dude. Hey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't your dad. You wouldn't have been like this, bro.

I mean, you'd wipe that guy's face all over the pavement, you know? And this chick, because she's some fucking, here we go, actress. If I was your mother, you would have been so loved. Held in the arms of joyous light. Never would the stories plight the world. Unfurled before our eyes, a pure demise. Let me tell you one thing, too. Don't rhyme.

Okay? Don't rhyme. Rhyming sucks. Anyone rhyming. It's so corny. Even rappers. Like, what are you doing? Yeah, motherfucker.

I kill people. Oh, really? Yup, and I rob. Yup. Oh, really? Yeah, dude. Yeah, I kill motherfuckers and I rob and I fight constantly. Really?

Yup. Bacon shaking. Oh, that's corny, dude i rhyme though oh you rob and kill and rhyme so rhyming's corny also there's people who are much better at it like fucking eminem you know and kendrick lamar and this chick from 90210 is like unfurled, unfurled and uncurled and unjurled. Unworld and unfurled and unjurled demise. The second you put the word demise in a, in a, in a poem, you know, it's bad until my demise, until I fucking die. I don't like this floral language. Until I die.

And until my untimely demise and I'm blimely. Saving the world, dude. Nation sitting peaceful under a night sky. If I was your mother, the world would have been warm. Does she have kids? I need to know this. Anna Lynn McCord Children. Spelled it wrong. Does she have kids?

Oh, she does. Looks like she does. Cute. Cute. Okay, well, whatever. I don't know if she does or not she's holding kids in this though so i guess it's her thing so much laughter and joy and nothing would harm i can't imagine the stain the soul-stealing pain that the little boy you must have seen and believed and the formulation of thought quickly taught that you lived in a cruel, unjust world. You know what sucks, man, is like now that like I know what it's like to be shamed and stuff,

like I just feel bad. I used to think it was so funny, and I do for a little bit, and then I stop and I think, oh, this sucks for her. Everyone's coming after her. We love you, Anna Lynn McCord. We do here at Congratulations, and I hope you figure it out. And honestly, if poetry is the career you want to move to, I wish you all the best.

And I'm not even joking. But you can't save the world with a poem. You know, I know poets would be like, but yes, you can. But okay, but you can't though, right? What's up with this shit? Oh, if I was your mother. If I was your mother if I was your father

I'd yell at you I'd yell at you a lot because things would make me so pissed off that you did that's my poem if I was your father Vladimir you probably would hate me so much because I'd be so mad your name was Vladimir and that your mom chose that name

because that name isn't good Vladimir because I'd be so mad your name was Vladimir and that your mom chose that name because that name isn't good. Vladimir, if I was your father. Here's another thing that happened, which I mean, I get is right now I have a question. Is Rick Ross just, does he watch Congratulations? Because the guy just keeps pumping out new videos every week, and I feel like he's speaking to us, babies.

I feel like he's speaking to us. Remember when he did the piano that played himself, and then we made fun of it, and then he bought a cow, and then we made fun of it, and now he's doing this? Chopping trees down? Hey, Rick Ross, do you listen to my podcast? Hey, Rick Ross, do you listen to my podcast? Hey, Rick Ross, real quick, do you listen to my podcast or are you just that lonely?

Here we go, right here. Morning, Gloria. I'm up early this morning and I just got my estimate. I got like 10 trees. First of all, 10 trees. Had no idea when i first heard this what he was talking about i was like how many trees is that i thought he said three then i realized

he's saying 10 when they cut down they say them big trees them big oak trees rose imagine dude i have 10 trees i want to come down i want to cut down well Well, them big trees, them big oak trees. Rose. I said, I don't care. I want them cut down. I'm fucking up. That's the vibe right there. Nigga told me $1,000 a tree. For 10 trees, that's 10,000.

Okay, I just told my homie, you go to Home Depot and you go get me the biggest motherfucking salt areas with a big chain. And you crank that motherfucker up i'm gonna cut the trees down dude had the worst childhood you know with how does a big chain because he's a rapper like that's not the fucking dude get it get it get a saw get a big saw get the biggest saw with a big chain. I mean, also, here's the other thing about this. You were only bragging about how you have money,

and now I get it. You're saying how cool you are that you could cut down trees, but also you're bragging about not having to spend money. You cheapskate now. So here we go. You heard me? You must have forgot who the fuck I am.

Yeah. I'm hands-on. I cut down my own motherfucking trees. You can't charge the boss $1,000 a tree to cut it down. I cut down my own motherfucking trees. I got to make room for my animals. Also, there was a fucking outfit change in the middle of those stories, which is great.

He put on a completely different hoodie and a fucking cowboy hat. You must have forgot who I was. I cut down trees. Oh, sorry. You never said that. God, how annoying would it be to be this guy's fucking friend? For real. You'd just be like, stop yelling, bro.

Yeah, but I got to cut down trees. Okay. Just hire someone. They tried to. They tried to. Okay. Just hire someone. They tried to, they tried to, but, but the thing is they tried to charge the boss $10,000 to cut down 10 trees.

Okay. That's a thousand dollars a tree. Okay. Yeah. So. Right. Did they forget who I was? No, I don't really understand.

They probably forgot who I was because I wouldn't show them ID. I wouldn't show them ID the last time they tried to drop off a package. Remember? That's why they forgot who you are, motherfucker. You don't show them the goddamn IDs when they're trying to give you jewelry. Boss, we got to get back to nature. You know what? He was right.

He did say he got to get back to nature. Now he's cutting down his own trees. Here we go So dangerous So dangerous Wow So dangerous Chased after the cameraman with a chainsaw

Oh my god so dangerous While he was running Chased after the cameraman with a chainsaw. Oh, my God. So dangerous. While he was running. Don't be a fat guy running with a chainsaw. Tripped a little bit, you know, over the leaves. A branch broke when he was. Wow, dude. Who's filming it?

For real? Who's filming it? Like anybody you think of is funny. Like just his buddy. Fucking hilarious. Because, you know know he doesn't... You know, man, I don't know if this is going to be the best idea. His mom? Hilarious.

A kid of his? Hilarious. His butler? Hilarious. Excuse me, Mr. Ross. Rose. Excuse me, Mr. Rose. Are we doing anything absolutely fucking terrible today? Both.

Right, but are we doing anything absolutely fucking atrocious today? That depends. What was the estimate on the tree thing? Get a big chain. Um. Um. Dude, this is so good. Jay Dempsey, John Dempsey posted on, uh, Instagram, right? Yeah.

A meme. I mean dude I mean this whole thing this is the greatest this is the greatest story ever told

and you could tell it in two minutes like there have been novels written like that took authors like years to write and edit and get down and figure out I mean the Godfather is considered the greatest movie of all time there is no story that's greater that has ever been told

than the firing of John Dempsey. Estee Lauder senior executive John Dempsey has been fired after posting this meme on Instagram. He was making nearly 10 million a year. He posted an apology saying he didn't read it before posting okay well don't do that senior executive and the fucking meme was first of all it i where do i even start to okay so it's a book by sesame street i guess and the title of the book is my and then n word snuffy done got the rona at a chingy concert and dude it has big bird with a mask on and snuffuffleupagus in bed with a thermometer in his mouth.

First of all, that meme is fucking hilarious. It's just hilarious. And he posted it it dude it's got the asterisks in the n-word so it doesn't say n-word but dude the ceo or whatever of s day lauder posted it dude don got the rona at a chy concert. Dude, Chingy. Was there ever a worse rapper? Does he even have concerts anymore? Dude. What was it? Chingy's song? Right, her.

Was that him or was that fucking... Was that Nelly, dude? Nelly basically is Chingy. I love how Chingy came out only because Nelly came out. Nelly was like, Hi, Ann!ingy chingy just rose up from the fucking womb hello are you here now i'm here right where right her i like the way you move it right her that was him right there wherever dude her there doesn't matter it's equally as stupid i like the way you move it right her that was him right there wherever dude her there doesn't matter it's equally as stupid i like the way you move it right there this is swag

dun got the rona at a chingy concert i know one thing if ch Chingy's still doing concerts, you definitely can't get the Rona there because there's one person there. Chingy. Dude, imagine being Chingy. Dude, imagine being Chingy and the amount of times people say, hey, do right there. Do the right there. Trying to come up with new music and everyone's like, no, no, no, do the one kind, the one. Do the one

that only came out because there was a Nelly. How many y'all got the Rona out there? Dude, this is this is unreal dude that this guy got fired for posting this this is hilarious this is so stupid dude cancel culture is so fucking idiotic this meme is fucking hilarious fuck you if you don't think so snuffy dun got the rona at a chingy, it says, it's all, dude, it's all, the fucking artwork, dude, the thermometer under his trunk, and Big Bird has a fucking mask on, oh, fuck,

he's taking care of him, one of those heat pad bottle things on the top of his head, wow, Chingy, what's he doing now, worst name, too, dude, Chingy, are they gonna come after me like they came after when I started making fun of fucking Busy Bone, does Chingy what's he doing now? Worst name too. Dude Chingy. Are they going to come after me like they came after when I started making fun of fucking Busy Bone? Does Chingy have that fan base too? Busy Bone they made a fuck they wrote an article about me man look at Chingy here we go Chingy let's see what he's up to let's look at the Wikipedia. Chingy Edward Earl Bailey Jr. Oh you're telling me his real name isn't Chingy? Okay. He's an American rapper, record producer, and actor. They're all record producers, dude. If you're a rapper and you don't have a record producer, if you don't have

a company, you ain't shit, dude. Chingy's 2003 debut album Jackpot sold 2 million copies. Dude, that is astounding. You can't even sell any copies now because it's all streaming. This is astounding. Thanks can't even sell any copies now because it's all streaming. This is astounding. Thanks to the boost from Right There.

A second album, Powerballin', was released 2004 to mixed reviews. And his 2006 release, Hoodstar, spawned the hit single Pullin' Me Back featuring Tyrese. Dude, Tyrese and Chingy on a song. You know? Eh? Seh? 2006. Featuring Jermaine Dupri

2007 Dude His fourth album Hater Love It Was released under Disturbing The Peace preceded by Lead single Fly Like Me Featuring Amory a studio album Success and Failure was released 2010 In 2018 he made his lead single, Fly Like Me, featuring Amory, a studio album success and failure,

was released 2010. In 2018, he made his official debut as a record producer with his single, Sparks Fly, which debuted on March 4th, 2018. Dude, I blame him for the pandemic. Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy. So what's he been doing now? Signing to Bungalow Records?

Chingy, in 2021, Chingy headlined a tour in the United States with R&B singers Maya and Genuine. Dude, Chingy headlined? With Genuine? Remember Genuine? Jump on it dude genuine come to it remember that song dude if you had an and if you had a fucking Acura Integra, you fucking bumped that song so hard.

B-yup. B-yup. B-yup. B-yup. Yeah. Dude, one fire said, are you singing Pony? Fuck yeah, I am, dude. Come on in.

Let's do it. B-yup. B-yup. B-yup. B-yup. pony fuck yeah i am dude come on it let's do it oh how could you listen to fucking any other fucking bullshit pocket when we do let's do it right at my pony wait what does he say doesn't he say i'm horny dude singing i'm horny late 90s oh shit i'll fucking do what I want, man. Be up. Be up. Be up. Be up. I'm horny.

Dude, I didn't know he sung I'm horny until like three years ago. When I found that out, I wasn't Chris D'Elia anymore. That's how much it took me out, dude. I just immediately became someone else. That's how much it fucked me up. i just immediately became someone else that's how much it fucked me up i was immediately just i don't know i can't believe that fucking dude i cannot believe that genuine first of all his name is genuine w-i-n-e he doesn't even spell it genuine and fucking he sings i'm a horny dude and like they play it at like bar mitzvahs jews would just be like fuck yeah be up be up be up be up just fucking doing body rolls yarmulkes

flying off be up be up i'm horny. Just the fucking Jewish dad. Just like you're a man now, son. Let's do it. I'm horny. Might as well be like got boners. I mean, dude, it's so crass to sing. I'm horny, dude. They played this shit at fucking birthday parties.

Like seriously, they played it at bar mitzvahs, dude. I'm horny, got boners, gonna stick them in twats. My saddle, that's a pussy. Saddle means pussy. Just so fucking. Ride it, my ride it my pony my pony means penis it means hard penis the up the up the up the up dude 1999 if Timbaland didn't do that beat, I will literally fuck a guy, like straight up, he did it, for sure

I'm not even looking it up, no matter what, he did it, even if he didn't do it he did it, Chingy right there, dude how much did Chingy only always wear oversized fucking football jerseys and he, like no matter where he was like at funerals, he came with a Colts jersey on, you know, he was, like, at funerals, he came with a Colts jersey on, you know?

He would fucking, at, like, his mom and dad's fucking 50th wedding anniversary, he showed up in a Drew Bledsoe fucking... What? Timbaland produced it. Fuck yeah, dude! We figured it out! Fuck yeah, dude, we figured it out Dude, Timbaland really do be making those Be-up, be-up, be-up, be-up Wow, that's amazing

Dude, that's the thing about R&B It's gotta be fucking shit Like, god damn Like, if an R&B song came out and it was called Bitch, I'm on your insides now, I swear to God it would be a hit. It would be a fucking complete hit. Make love to your insides.

I swear to God, that would be a fucking hit. Making love to your insides. Outside. And the music video was them, like, outside, doing it doggy style. It's Chingy, and he's got a fucking oversized kf uh kansas city jersey i almost said kfc jersey fucking worst football team ever fried chicken uh jesus christ i'm sweating i mean dude Snuffy got Snuffy done got the Rona at a Chingy concert Wow man

Oh my god dude Cancel culture is fucking hilarious That's the thing man Now what is he going to do He was making 10 million dollars a year Jesus Christ I mean dude He has to tell people that oh what happened

hey like people who don't know you know hey what's up man how's how's it going dude how's estee lauder oh i actually don't work there anymore what happened what you were like killing it there weren't you making like fuck you were making like 10 million dollars a year yeah i know i know i i just uh i didn't work out really you quit no uh they kind of forced my hand why well they were gonna fire me what what happened this lay lay people off but you're the senior executive yeah no no no um i posted a meme uh with the n-word and it said snuffy done got the ron at a chingy concert oh oh ah you remember that?

You remember Chingy, right? Yeah, yeah, I do. Yeah. He had that one song right there. Yeah, right there. Yeah. It was right around the time. Right around the time.

Nelly. Nelly, yeah. Yeah, Nelly came out. I actually don't even think that Chingy would probably have even been, uh, really famous if it wasn't for, if it wasn't for Nelly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, well, what are you going to do now? Uh, I think I'm going to start a meme page. I mean, my dad has listened to that song You know Wow imagine my dad meeting Genuine

Hey Bill There's no way Dude there's no fucking cock sucking way That Genuine doesn't sound like this Hey Bill how's it going Dude Hell yeah dude oh thank you to the valet guy giving him his keys back thank you for keeping it close dude the valet guy pulls up. The song,

Thank you for keeping it close. Isn't that ironic? That song is playing. That's my song. I sing I'm horny in it. Dude. Holy fucking shit, man. Oh, fuck fuck god damn it

oh my god what do you what what more do you want from me you know it's like this is the podcast oh god damn it i'm sweating dude i saw the fucking uh i was watching i was online earlier and i was watching this thing this youtube podcast what's up with algorithm like how the fuck why did daniel craig's screen test for 007 come up on my fucking front page on youtube you know and it was cool and i was watching i was watching it a little bit though i guess i'm the sucker right and i was watching it and they were doing it. And one of the producers was talking and she was like, I don't want, you know, he didn't want to do it. He didn't want to do the, play James Bond.

And then it was like cutting to Daniel Craig talking and he was like, I didn't want to do it. Like, you know, I don't know. I was like, eh, they'll send me the script. I'm sure I'll read it and I won't want to do it. And it's like, these fucking actors, dude. Are you, like, you don't want to do it and it's like these fucking actors dude are like you don't want to be james bond like even if you even if you hate it what do you what do you like dude there's construction workers out there there's like fucking there's i mean hooker is a job like just do it, eat it and then do whatever you want.

Be a fucking 100 millionaire. Chingy's out there. You know what I mean? Hey, guy, be James Bond for a decade. Sorry. But like then do whatever the fuck you want. It's so funny. These actors are like, I don't know if I want to be.

I don't know. Like you hear about God god i don't want to be spider-man i don't want to be or fucking andrew garfield after one spider-man like i don't know if this is for me oh yeah just stay in it what are you gonna do tick tick boom what are you gonna do a movie that matters on amazon prime who gives a fucking shit get those fucking monies get those monies and then do what you want it's so weird when actors are like no i'm gonna actually pass on that and then a year later come out in a movie called like ghost house with fucking kate beckinsale and you're like this is why you didn't want to be fucking Batman. This movie sucks. Dick. I don't understand it. Yeah. I'm going to pass. Honestly. I don't feel like being captain America instead. I want to be, uh, I want to be in the genuine auto bio,

the biopic. I'm going to be genuine genuine instead yeah no i don't want to be the fucking what's his name what what was his name who is the fucking uh the captain america sidekick guy that became captain america what's his name falcon i don't want to be falcon i i'm gonna play genuine it's the biopic and a lot of people don't know his story it's important for me to tell it no one's gonna see it dude what's it called the biopic oh it's of people don't know his story. It's important for me to tell it. No one's going to see it, dude. What's it called? The biopic. Oh, it's called I'm horny. I'm horny. Let's do it. One man. You know what I mean? They'd slow it down, right? down right one man i'm so horny hornier than ever b.o hi guys

it's 1998 only There were no algorithms back in 1998 But if there was This song would have been created through an algorithm One man would have been created through an algorithm. One man with a boner that touched the sky. From the makers of HBO's One light-skinned black man

with a mustache that looks like pubes dee-up comes I'm horny dee-up this summer squirt all over again.

Oh my God, dude. I think this might be the best episode of congratulations of all time, just with how much fun I'm having. And he stays drinking that iced Americano. You know what, dude? King of the sting in the Wing is going to be something, so sign up for that Patreon,

and also fucking watch that shit. It's on, babies. It's motherfucking on. And I got shows in Irvine coming up. I added a show. It's all sold out. You know how we do, my babies. We fill the seats.

We keep those seats so warm. Oh, God damn it. Oh, is Crystalia going to enter a building? Is she going to be speaking into a microphone? Then guess what? The temperatures of the seats we keep those seats so warm oh god damn it oh is crystalia gonna enter a building is gonna be speaking into a microphone then guess what the temperatures of the seats go up oh it will be hard to keep the it's hard to keep the seats cool why because people are always fucking sitting why because crystal is in the room god damn it that's all good he's in the room, dude. So anyway. Is there one cold seat? No. How did you make that happen?

Oh, Crystalia came by and spoke into a microphone. Oh, god damn it. We love warm seats. Oh, god damn it. What was the temperature of the seat? 98.6 degrees. Why? Because humans were in them.

Oh, my god. Anyway, dude. Do we have misconnections or no? We don't have any? What else can we talk about? Let's talk about one more thing. I know I'm at 105. Yeah, that's true. Yep. Let's look at this trailer here.

I want to look at this. For real. I remember this movie. And this is why I want to look at this trailer. Congo, 1995. Since we're on a 1995 kick. This is the official trailer to the movie Congo. Eh? Seh? 1995.

Okay. Tim Curry's in it. And one of the things that I like about Tim Curry is he is a fantastic actor. Okay. Now, what makes him a great actor? One line. He has the greatest one line in history of cinema. I'm pretty sure it's in the fucking trailer here

where he says, I didn't know what he said. I had to watch a trailer a few times. And he says, Wow, I've only heard this once. Let's see. I've only heard this once in the theater, twice in the theater.

I went and I heard it once. I didn't understand it. Then I saw the preview again in another movie, and I realized what he said. And this is what he says. This is what he says. The same hieroglyphics over and over again. But this is how he says it. The same hieroglyphics over and over again.

And when he did that, he skyrocketed to my number one actor of all time. Okay? So let's see if it's in the preview. I believe it is. It's a 95. It's a 95. Smoking a bomb. In the race for the world's most advanced communications technology. Is this a joke?

A shocking discovery has been made. What was that? Lock your remote. Give me a thermal reading result to six, six. It will take two young scientists into the heart of the African jungle. That guy, dude. Hidden for 2,000 years.

God, it was so the shit to have fucking wet curly hair in the 90s as a white guy. You used to work for the 90s as a white guy. A diamond mine of incredible bounty. Wow, that's him curry. The diamond mine of incredible bounty. Together they will search. My boss thought I wasn't gonna make it. He sent another expedition. mindful, incredible bounty. Come on, dude. Please say it.

What are you laughing at, this? This thing is a great gorilla. I saw one. Here we go. Same hieroglyphics over and over. Ah, dude, he fucking he's got a good memory dude he doesn't need fucking ginkgo biloba at all man the same irroglyphics over and over, when he did that, pow! Skyrocketed to the

I mean, dude, fuck Laurence Olivier. This guy gets all the Oscars, man. Wow, what a great build-up and what a great crescendo to this fucking podcast, man. The same over and over. Dude, unbelievable.

Same hieroglyphics over and over. The greater the danger. Almost choked. Dude, unbelievable. Almost choked. The same hieroglyphics over and over again. Is there anyone watching you? Help me! Help me! Busted. Came when he screamed. I never saw an animal move like that. Shoot it! Shoot it!

Wow, I hit him. How intelligent are they? To the smart, the two-gown smart. Watch out! We're getting out of here. What about them? Put them on the endangered species list. From the best-selling novel by the author of Jurassic Park.

The myth of the killer ape is true. Wow. The myth of the killer ape is true. Congo, where you are the endangered species. Wow, nice, of course. They really nailed that preview, huh? Congo, where you are the endangered species. The same illoglifics over and over again.

All right, well, that's good, man. You guys, we had a good time. Thank you for listening to this episode of Congratulations. Remember, don't push me. Now, what I'd like you to do is get down there and just kind of gently tap that like button and absolutely obliterate that comment section. Just make friends in the comments. You see people out there commenting.

You write them back. Hey, I'm from Orange County. Or hey, I'm from Illinois. Are you close? You know what I mean? Go to Red Robin. Chill. Go to chrislea.com, Irvine, and I got Phoenix coming up, my baby, so be ready for that.

Hey, guys. That's it for the episode on YouTube. If you'd like to watch the full uncut version, go on over to our Patreon and sign up, patreon.com slash chrislea. Not only will you get that, you'll get it ad-free. You'll get everything ad-free. You'll get an extra episode a month and all the backlog episodes that were only on Patreon. And we do

another thing called Review Mode. We got behind-the-seats footage to all my With Chris videos. It's great, man. There's a Discord where we all chat on. And go on and check it out. It's $6 a month. Head on over. Bye-bye. Oh, keep on over. Bye-bye. Congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations.

Congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations.

Congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations Congratulations Congratulations Congratulations Motherfucking Bob You scared the fuck out of me Motherfucker

Motherfucking Motherfucker He does definitely cut down trees.