Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 284. And They Call Him King

Episode Date: November 17, 2022

🎟 Catch the uncensored/extended episodes ad/commercial free +1 entire bonus episode per month + Discord & exclusive content over on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia 👉 Get a 60-day free trial at shipstation.com/congrats. Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring the show! 👉 Thank you ORIGINAL GRAIN: Go to originalgrain.com and use code CONGRATS for 30% off your order   This week Chris has a lot to say about NCIS: New Orleans, au jus, and how great his shows in Colorado and Wyoming were.  Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, and welcome to another episode of Congratulations. And three, two, that's what one fire does every time. And we like that, so it's all good. We only want to do things that we like in life right but sometimes we got to do things that we don't like in life because we're adults and that's okay but it's just kind of where we're at you know in adult nation uh and this is adult nation but uh yeah we are off and running we are off and running we did a uh i've got new dates up new dates up they're on sale right now we have uh well let me pull them up i should already pulled them up but i didn't

uh but we well so okay so here's what we're doing actually um we're doing uh san diego and portland and you know all that seattle that actually sold out we're gonna add another one huge huge theater who knew in seattle your boy was up there just fucking keeping them seats warm uh did they they make chairs out there in seattle good let's keep them warm hey invite chris d'alia cool oh yeah we'll keep the chairs warm oh but they don't stay warm fully why because they're standing up during some of it uh we get it we get it what's that all about standing up because they can't stay warm fully. Why? Because they're standing up during some of it. Ah, we get it. We get it. What's that all about? Standing up because they can't, because, hey, dude, does your boy keep the seats warm or hot, right? You keep them warm because the people sit down,

but also keep, they must be hot because they keep standing up. You know what I'm getting at. Lakeland, Florida has been rescheduled to January 26th. Lakeland, Florida has been rescheduled to January 26th. Jacksonville, Florida has been rescheduled to January 28th. Wait, that can't be right, right? That's not right, right? 26th and 28th? Is that right? All right. Well, whatever.

I got to text my guy here because I don't know if that's right, but that's weird that there's a day in between. Ask Enrique right now, yeah? And then San Antonio, february 3rd sugarland texas february 4th february 5th new orleans province of ireland new york uh chicago but the new ones here are kansas city missouri oh wait was that new yeah that's new uh tulsa oklahoma austin texas march 25th minth Minneapolis, April 1st Columbus, Ohio, Cincinnati May 6th and 7th And then May 19th, Boise, Idaho

We're loving it, chrysalia.com Get the tickets, make sure the seats don't stay cold Let's warm them up But yeah, wow, that's so obnoxious to say that So go to chrysalia.com and get that We also got the merch, it's great for the holidays Go to chrysalia.com, get that We also got the merch, it's great for the holidays Go to chrislea.com, get your merch Keep people warm with that

Join the cult hoodie and all that We got new flannels coming out It's ridiculous, dude, life rips And make sure you show your loved one That life rips over the holidays Black Friday, we're having a crazy Ridiculous sale I probably am saying that a little prematurely

No, maybe not. Right? Maybe not. Get ready for Black Friday. Yeah. So, oh, and subscribe. You guys, you know, we love you. Subscribe.

We've been stuck at five. It's a conspiracy. YouTube's got a conspiracy against your boy. That's great. Hey, there's a conspiracy. Chris is walking in a room at YouTube Studios. Hey. Oh, but it's a conspiracy. he's stuck at 596, dude, what's going on, he's got two hit shows, why are they stuck at 596, dude, because YouTube's got a conspiracy against him, so good,

but we figured it out, and that's what we do in life, we figure things out, I was in Denver and Cheyenne, and that's amazing, dude, I was in Denver and Cheyenne, uh, and that's, and that's amazing, dude. Uh, I was in Denver and Cheyenne and it was absolutely beautiful. Uh, let me tell you something, dude. Okay. First of all, Denver, unbelievable. 4,500 of you came out. Love you all.

That is a crazy, crazy view from the stage. Had the best seat in the house. Belco theater killed it. All right? Absolutely fun. Had Lulu, had Linoche, and did the show, and it was absolutely unbelievable. Now, let me tell you something else, too. We got the tour report up on the other YouTube channel, and we showed you about the, what do you call it, the Denver show.

That one's up now, and then we're putting up the Cheyenne one. But the guy who came to see me was a real man, dude. Donnie, what's his name? Donnie. What was his name? The guy who does makes these, uh, Tomahawks on, uh, TikTok, look them up, Donnie something. Uh, and, uh, he'll just be like, he's a great guy. He showed up and I was like, this guy's a fucking man. He's like Jason Momoa of Jason Momoa. He's like the real life Jason Momoa. Where it's like, okay, I buy this guy being, in a way, you're like, I buy him being this sexy. Because in a way, he's actually more sexy than Jason Momoa. Even though girls would pretend that, you know, Jason Momoa is more sexy.

But he's not, though. This guy's like the real deal. Jason Momoa, he's out there doing the haka, performative and all the shit. This dude, Donnie somebody, whatever the fuck, came to see me in Denver. The dude's got like millions of TikTok followers. And he'll just be like, you want me to make a tomahawk? I'll make a tomahawk. And he'll just make it where he is.

He's like, you want me to make a Swiss Army knife? I'll just make it right now. Here, I got a tree. Let me just break some bark off. And then whittles a fucking knife out of it. Whittles another knife out of it. And then makes a fucking Swiss Army knife with those two wood knives. You know who I'm talking about.

He's very big on TikTok. But he came to see me in Denver, and it was very cool that real men are out there. He said it. He said it, dude. He said it. He said it, dude. He said it. But I love Denver. Dude, I really love Denver, man. We were staying at a hotel that was awesome.

I have no idea what it was called because I'm absolutely sometimes, you know, I just go where they point. And this hotel was like the Maynard or some shit. Wow, I don't know the name. This is going to be the episode where I just don't know anything's names and that's fine. I don't even give a fuck. Dude, you're just going to be, it's going to be, this is the podcast based off feeling. You're going to feel what I'm saying. I'm not even going to try.

And I'll tell you what, I've been off the gabapentin. All right. And I'm not taking Ginkgo biloba. I get it. And I'm forgetting names, but forget it. It doesn't matter. I was in a hotel. It was really nice i was in denver and um it had like a coffee shop attached to it a bar attached to it like a fucking place where you could buy shirts

and silly putty and then added a market that was attached to it and uh and then the in the market that morning they were playing bingo and there were two trans women fucking playing bingo from 9 a.m to 3 p.m bingo the whole time dude so that's the kind of fun i have dude and those are the kind of places that i stay at so don't ever say i don't stay at fucking popping places because i stay at popping places because i was doing i was at a place where you could get coffee beer and silly putty and also play bingo with some trans people. And that's the kind of poppin' places that I like to stay at, dude. And I went with David Sullivan and we were just poppin' around, lurkin' around.

I got fuckin' a... You know, look. It's like I bought silly putty for Calvin. I bought three silly putties for Calvin. I FaceTimed him. I told him I got a present and he said, what is it going to be? And I said, silly putty. And he said, silly putty. And I said, yup. And he said, what is that? And I told him, brought it home because he loves Play-Doh. I didn't know how hard silly putty is, dude. Silly putty is absolutely, it's too hard to pull. And

then I didn't have a newspaper to even use it. So good dad but also bad dad because i didn't know how to i didn't know how to i didn't i couldn't get you know you put the silly putty you roll it on the newspaper and then all of a sudden it shows what's on the newspaper couldn't do that with regular printer paper printed out like my fucking uh you know some some recovery shit i'm trying to do it on that. And it's not working. And it's also good dad, but bad dad, you know? Um, but yeah, Denver was, uh, absolutely amazing. Not too cold. Ate at a place called, uh, well, don't know the name. Woo. Dude, what was the fucking name of this goddamn place, man? I need Ginkgo frinken biloba. Anyway, I ate at this place and they had the au jus sandwiches dude i'm done with the au jus okay i'm done with the au jus sandwiches i don't you know me dude if you know me if you know me and if you've listened to every episode why don't i like au jus because i want this shit

to be done when it comes out if the juice belongs on the sandwich put the juice on the sandwich before you bring it to me right it's not ketchup it's not sauce they try to act like it's sauce dude it's like thinner than water and so they give me the so they're like what do you want so i get the turkey sandwich with the fucking, I got the Thanksgiving dinner sandwich, which is like, they're trying to sandwichify everything and it's fine. But I say, you know what? Leave out the cranberry sauce because it fucks up everything in Thanksgiving, right? Doesn't it?

Because it's too sweet, right? What's that? Dessert? Oh, I got stuffing and turkey and also potatoes and shit on my plate. And you're just going to fuck it all up with some sweet shit, dude? Really? Give it to me later you might as well put a fucking chocolate cake next to my next to my dark meat makes no sense dude that's dessert it's not bad It just doesn't go. Okay? So I got the Thanksgiving dinner one, dipped it in the au jus, decided, you know what?

I'm not an au jus guy. Put it to the side, ate the sandwich. Honestly, ate the sandwich dry as shit. And that's how real I am, dude. That's how fucking real I am. Dude, and then they said, I said, can I have mayo instead?

And they said, oh, I swear to God, they said, do you want cranberry mayo? And I say, hey, you're a cranberry pusher, man. I want regular mayo. Now, that's a sauce, right? So I like to control how much of that substance that belongs on my sandwich. But au jus, that's juice that should already be in the shits. And we all know it. We all deep down know it. So I ate at this place. It was great. That's three places I've told you about. Don't know the names of them. That's the place that I stayed at, the other

sandwich place, and then the Donnie guy from TikTok that was a real man. I need to pay more attention to life. I need to pay more attention to people who come up to me and say, hi, I need to pay more attention to life. I need to pay more attention to people who come up to me and say, hi, I need to, I need to pay more attention to where I am and I need to pay more attention to where I'm going. But isn't that just everybody? Isn't that just everybody,

right? I'm waiting in line and I'm at the fucking coffee shop at the place that I stayed at. And this guy turns over and he says, Hey man, big fan. I said, Oh,

thanks a lot, I really appreciate it, he said, I didn't realize you looked so badass, whoopsie daisy, I'm yatted up, dude, whoopsie daisy, I'm all yatted up, I didn't realize I was yatted up, I saw a picture of myself, and I'm fucking yatted up, dude, right, I got one here, I got one here, I got a tattoo, every which way you look at me, I'm yatted the fuck up, unless maybe you see me from behind, Every which way you look at me, I'm yadded the fuck up. Unless maybe you see me from behind. I don't have any from behind, but I'm getting them.

Right? Made me feel good. You know, I don't know why every guy kind of wants to be badass. It's silly, right? Because we're not. We watch Batman and shit. The Dark Knight. Whatever with the good actor in it.

What's his name? Robert Pattinson. Got it. And we're like, that's probably how would be the batman that i would kind of be but you wouldn't dude you just fall down and slip and shit imagine you were batman you'd fucking die immediately right but you watch it and you're like dude see i you're watching this shit you're like see that's the kind of batman i'd be i'd stick to the shadows right not the other batman didn't really stick to the shadows robert pattinson batman he sticks to the shadows so i get it i would kind of stick to the shadows dude how lost would you get as batman that's me

did denver then went to cheyenne and uh did a trip from denver to cheyenne and let me tell you something we got a sprinter van and it was fucking dope because you can get the sprinter vans that all have the seats facing the same way, and then you can also get the fucking elevated version where the seats are facing each other, and you can have a real conversation. That jumps up the time that you could have from nice, from goose to silly goose. Dude, this shit was awesome. When you're staring at each other driving, dude, it's like an app. By the way, I didn't know Cheyenne was an hour away from Denver.

Also, Cheyenne, where is it? Also, Cheyenne, the capital of Wyoming. Also not big enough to be a capital of anything. Cheyenne, how many people do you have in it? 58,000. Not enough. How many people were at the show? 1,000.

That's 1 58th of the people knew that Chris D'Elia was in town. That's absolutely insane, dude. I thought 1,000 was a little bit small of a show. And then I realized, your boy, 1 58th of the fucking population there he's moving up too low played for cheyenne and uh let me tell you something dude that's a black stripper name and it's all good right because it's the whitest place in the world but it's a black stripper name cheyenne let you just felt like she's the one that found it hey y'all we're gonna we're gonna post up right

here get your tents out hey y'all look at this shit shit man it's open if this place sure is open shit hey y'all get the tents bring them yaks over here shit look how open this is post all right here this gonna be Cheyenne I'm the mayor bitch um so yeah and then now there's 58,000 people there and it is a place I did not know that Cheyenne was a place where America, the American government can fire nukes anywhere in the world in Cheyenne, Wyoming. Also, the reason is open space. If the bomb goes off, 58 000 people die and you know that's a lot but it's not you know it's not like you wouldn't launch nukes from new york new york start spreading the nukes um a part of it. New York, New York. So fucking dumb.

I want to wake up in a city that's permanently asleep. Sleep. So yeah, we did Cheyenne and Amanda, the ride, the ride was so elevated in a, in a time, you know, not elevated. It wasn't actually physically elevated.

It was so elevated. The time was so elevated because we were all looking at each other and that tour report, dude, we were doing all sorts of jokes. The fucking driver on the sprint sprinter van, we would get too loud and he would fuck, put up the partition, dude. That's the most disrespectful shit you can do. That's so disrespectful to be having such a good time. And then all of a sudden you notice that partition. Like the driver's just like this fucking goddammit and clicks the partition and the partition goes up and he can't see us. But we were having a good time and then got to Cheyenne.

You know, thank you for coming out, Cheyenne. I didn't realize it was an hour away from Denver, which means that if it was an hour away from Denver, what could have happened was all the people from Cheyenne could have went to the Denver show, even though they wouldn't have fit because it was almost sold out. But that's still, you know.

Cheyenne, dude. Jeffree Star came out to see me, which was very cool. Tall drink of water. Not sure the pronouns that Jeffrey likes to use, so I'll stay off it. But heavy on the makeup, he looks good. She, I don't know. He looks good.

And Google the pronouns before I get canceled again. But good person there there had a good time was with uh two two women that uh i've met before through the merch company and um he was great dude it was awesome i was like did you guys have fun i always i say that to people i have fun the two women were like yeah and jeffree star goes like this i was like playing it close to the chest, dude. Now I'm insecure. Want them to like me. Want everyone to like me.

Sit deeper. Walk in a room. And I think that people don't like me. I got to win them over. Problem with childhood. Why is it? This is who I am. Been delving into therapy about it,

walk in a room, immediately think I gotta win people over, why? Doesn't matter, every room, sad, but, my bag, everyone's got their bag of shit, isn't it, everyone got their bag of shit,

isn't it, um, and so, met Jeffree Star, and Jeffree Star, my cameraman was a big fan of Jeffree Star, he's like, I get a picture, he's like, okay, he kind of looks like Jeffree Star, to be honest, um, and, uh honest um and uh yeah man oh you know what happened in cheyenne i met a sheriff you know i'm saying like that actually happened how hilarious is that i bet you can't go to cheyenne without meeting a sheriff or somebody that used to be a sheriff well i used to be a sheriff down there oh yeah yeah back in, I used to be a sheriff down in Provo, Utah. Oh, really? Yeah. What made you move up here?

Ah, man, it just got a lot down there, didn't it? So I need some more space. I need some thinking. All that shit's code for racism. I'm all good. We love everybody equally, even racists. So, yeah, man. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. So, yeah, man.

We took David Sullivan on this trip. He talks too loud in the morning. That's it. Period. Talk softer. Period. Dude, he came over and we left for the shit. And he was just like, oh, he was on the phone.

Can I make a phone call? I was like, sure, man. You know, because I'll tell you you what it is annoying when somebody's on the phone in the car with you it's not a place to talk on the phone so asking is cool but my mother fuck this is how his phone call goes for real hey how's it going or oh out there yeah all right whoa ain't that nice yeah well I'm going to Cheyenne. And no, I wish I was hunting yak, but I'm not. But so, yeah, y'all good there? I know the fence fell down.

Oh, man. You got some weather? All right, well. And dude, it took five minutes, and I texted him, you're too loud. He hung up the phone, started laughing because he got the text. It's too loud. Dude, and he talks to everyone text. It's too loud. Dude, and he talks to everyone.

And it's so annoying because you can't talk to women without thinking that they're being hit on. And he'll just be like, beautiful day, isn't it? In an elevator. And I'm just like, no, don't do it, dude. How you doing today? What? Bro, what? A stranger? How you doing today? Me, what? Fine. What do you want, dude? I'm Russian, practically. Don't be smiling at me if you don't know me.

But he talks too loud in the morning. People who talk too loud in the morning, I don't want to talk at all in the morning. And by the morning, I mean all the way up until 8 8 p.m like i just like let me get going for 12 hours before anybody really bothers me if you got something you want to say just text me you know i just it's too much i really need to be uh absolutely uh i really need to be absolutely fucking a better person, right? Because the world doesn't revolve around me. But in a way it does because I am me, right? We could be AI. You guys could be AI.

Are you guys tricking me? I want to know really. I really want to know if we're an AI or not, but it's all good. David and I watched uh ncis um two nights three nights in a row have you ever seen ncis man and i don't mean the original one i don't know the one with mark harman really but i'm talking about the new orleans one with lucas whatever the fuck guy's name is from uh friday night lights and scott bacula scott bacula was in quantum leap okay and he is a cool looking dude whatever now in ncis there were three times i was watching an episode of nine of nIS and I actually had the thought, wait, that is Scott Bakula,

right? Because he kind of looks like a guy that looks like Scott Bakula now. And that's what happens when you get older a little bit and that's fine. But he did Quantum Leap. That's what he was really famous for. And then all of a sudden he's on NCIS. Dude, imagine being a guy that had a real career in the early 90s, and now it's 2000, I think 15 or 14 is when it started, NCIS, and they call you 30 years later, and they're like, hey, Scott Bakula, want to be on the new NCIS? you got to feel like Scott Bakula must have just been like, oh, I'm the luckiest guy in the world. Like, how could you not work for 30 years and then all of a sudden just be given a franchise? I mean, I know he worked and shit and I'm obviously, but like this NCIS, dude, they

make NCIS out of any city and it becomes a fucking smash hit from jump dude NCIS NCIS Los Angeles which by the way is still on that started in like 2007 NCIS is still on that started in 2003 dude it's been on for 20 years. Mark Harmon last year was like, you know what? I think I'm going to actually not do it. I'll let the show run without me. Dude, for after 19 years, Mark Harmon worked $400 million, dude. And now he's a producer on all of them. How the fuck does that work, dude?

They're just handing money out, you know? So now I'm watching NOLA, N-C-I-E-S, NOLA. And Scott Bakula, dude, is in it, and the other Lucas guy is in it, and then two kind of maybe Hispanic women, of course. They were like, are they Hispanic? And then another dude that's like a tall, lanky white dude that looks like Neil Brennan stretched out, and then another dude that's like a black dude

in a wheelchair, and I'm just like a yup dude is insane I stand for not come on insane shit dude this is so regular this show the guy's name is Dwayne Scott Beckley's name is Dwayne Pride, dude And they call him King The most badass shit My name is Dwayne Pride

Yeah, but call me King So badass, dude My name is Nuthugger Chickf fucker but call me scrotum that's the only more badass shit scrotum tonight at 11 scrotum on after magnum pi tonight at 11 uh an all-new scrotum we're gonna have to stretch this case out and then instead of the sunglasses just pulling his scrotum dude looks like looks like this chick just such bad fucking taglines looks like this chick, just such bad fucking taglines, looks like this chick.

Hey, you know what? Yeah, I understand that we're at odds, and normally I would take this case, but this time, balls are in your court. Yeah! Just stretches his scrotum, puts it over his head, and flies away. Ha ha ha! Do it! Just stretches his scrotum, puts it over his head, and flies away. Dude!

On an all-new Scrotum! Previously on Scrotum. Dude! Oh, no. look at this He kneels down Here, hold my nuts Hold my nuts I gotta kneel down and get a closer look

Previously on Scrotum Hold my nuts I gotta get a closer look Oh no This killer's absolutely crazy It looks like the balls are in his course um oh no here comes scrotum god damn it oh here he comes oh hey scrotum how's it going looking particularly veiny today. Um, so...

Oh, no. This person died in vain. Dude, so dumb. Oh, no. This person, it looks like my... Oh, no. My cock's about to spit up. What? That one didn't even make sense um yeah so we watched ncis dude duane pride on unreal and dude there's a but whenever there's a black guy in a wheelchair in a show i'm just like all right dude you know it's a push in an

agenda you don't need a push in an agenda. You don't need to be pushing an agenda that hard. How about give a black guy a role? And then also, by the way, I used to like, how dope would it be to be an actor? And that's your role. You don't, you just get to sit the fuck down all day. Are you kidding me? The most annoying part as an actor is you got to keep doing the same shit over and over again. And you've got to like walk in a room and sit down and get up and walk in it,

bro. And normally the time that sometimes the call times like 6 AM, bro, to be the guy to play a paraplegic and just sit down all day and you don't got to do shit. People are just pushing you places. Fuck. Yeah, dude.

That is the killer creme de la creme, especially on NCIS. Dude, if you're 60 and you get on ncis game over i would so do the output make let me be the sixth guy i'm way ahead of you make me be that guy that does that every the chick with the pink hair i'm way ahead of you here look we found him over on we got the ctTC in the fucking, but yeah, dude, we watch it. And let me tell you a little bit about this NCIS, man, since we're on this, since we're on the subject, dude.

he it's a new orleans dude it's in new orleans it's a show that's in new orleans and there he opened up a unit a branch of the fbi dude they like they like do crack cases in like a fucking is it you're like you're watching it and it's so nice looking it's like so such a hollywood version of what they think the fucking fbi is and like it's like are they cracking cases in a barn it's like a barn that like some lady on youtube that would decorate and there would be a channel it would be the channel be called like the barn and she'd be like today at the barn duane pride Pride wanted me to decorate for Christmas so I did a fancy twist on a New Orleans fucking

winter wonderland here comes scrotum now and so so the whole place is like three levels and they got like crazy of course like computers and shit.

But the best part about it, and by that I mean the worst part, and by that I mean the best part, is that, dude, they give Dwayne pride. There's a place called Pride's Kitchen and he cooks for everyone. Oh, dude, it's so fucking horrendous every end of the show he's just like making gumbo and he's just like there you go and dude it's so funny to think about like uh um what's his name scott bacula like not knowing shit about cooking at all ever you know and just like yeah hand me the paprika we're making andouille we're making andouille. We're making andouille sausage. You know what I mean? All this New Orleans shit.

And it is so fucking, dude, David and I were laughing so fucking hard because we were like, because every time Scott Bakula would be on a case and he would be like looking pensive, we would be like, got to go get some crawfish. I got to cook for the fucking team. Dude, and we would just be laughing dude sitting slaying in the same bed look at this this was my favorite thing pride's kitchen it's called uh ncis and this is the wiki fan base this is i love when i love when they do so this is the description for pride's kitchen on the wiki fan base right it goes like this pride's kitchen is a kitchen in the ncis where wait it went away fuck is a kitchen in the ncis new orleans building where the team led by ncis special agent Dwayne Cassius Pride can go get some food to eat while discussing the case.

Dude, go get some food to eat, dude. Take more time with the description. Dude, go get some food to eat. He's just fucking, we're making crawfish with andouille sausage, man. Dwayne Cash's King Pride. Is NCIS special agent in charge of the NCIS New Orleans office and also the

leader of the NCIS New Orleans team. He's the ex-husband of Linda Pride, the current husband of Rita Devereaux, I mean so convoluted, the father of Laurel Pride, and the, I mean, dude, you know. I love how in this because normally it's just like when they did um when they did uh when they used to do these shows it used to just be about the case right like law and order you don't have a fucking clue about their

dating life you don't have a clue like that ch Maloney. He could be literally the gayest cop on the weekends. Nobody knows. He's just cracking cases. That's it. He's just walking into rooms like, so what do we got? The guy could literally be taking Molly and fucking twinks. That's the law and order I want to see. So what do we got?

He walks in. Oh, no. I knew him. Oh, shit. We used to run together Previously on Lauren Order God damn it Chris Maloney goes on the weekend Pops a molly and can't stop fucking Previously on Law & Order So what do we got? Oh, I knew him!

Splurt I used to run with him Hello! Bringing donuts previously on Law & Order. Hello! I've got donuts for everyone I've got cream filled donuts but yeah that's the shit I want to watch

man and now it's like they try to make a fucking guy in a wheelchair and then have the lead cook as a personality just leave it at the fucking cases man i'm fine with it you don't need to be all you know oh god these movies they're they're so these shows they're so bad and they're the number one shows, dude. It's unreal. We're back, went potty. Oh, this thing was insane. He's a 10, but his dad is Andrew Tate.

Negative zero. You can make negative zero? I don't know. Random guy walks up. How you doing? How you doing? I'm doing great. Random guy walks up. Hey, how you doing? How you doing? I'm doing great. Las Vegas fucking sucks.

Okay, dude. So first of all, Billy Bob Thornton. Second of all, absolutely know as soon as he walks up that this is going to take a fucking sour turn. So here we go. Absolutely okay. Las Vegas fucking sucks. What do you want to know about it? I mean, the way the girl laughed.

I'm good on that. A lot of people want to fucking take people around here. Okay. What do you want to know about it? I'm good on that. Are you? I am. Why are you filming her?

I asked her to film her. Did you? I did. Yeah, he asked me. And you're okay with that? Yeah. Because these are fucking assholes. Okay, go ahead. Totally. He asked me, I said it was fine.

Go ahead. All right. It's all up to you. We already did it. We already did it, dude. What a time suck this guy is, you know? Like, dude, you're just holding up what's going to be happening. Hey, how's, just holding his, yes, I am.

Las Vegas fucking sucks. people take people huh yeah you're on camera now too i'm fantastically on camera absolutely foreign dude i am fantastically on camera he's been on camera. I'm a musician. Yeah. I play with bands you fucking don't even know. Not a brag, dude. Not a flex. I play with bands you don't even know because they're not successful. I hate people that take fucking people.

Are you that person? No, I'm not. Why would you say that? Okay, because I want to kill them. Because they are all fucking here in Las Vegas. Okay, I'm not from las vegas neither am i i travel the world i'm a musician yeah i hate to see people taking a break yeah okay thank you i mean and then she leaves just go do your thing the guy like was trying to already

the way he enters interview he's a 10 but his dad is Andrew Tate the question you know negative zero you can make negative zero this whole thing is so insane she has a shirt on that says slut and he's got a hat on the crazy guy has a hat on that says F-C-U-K guy walks up

how you doing I'm doing great Las Vegas fucking sucks I'm doing great. Las Vegas fucking sucks. I'm doing great. Las Vegas fucking sucks. How much has that guy's wife been looking for him for 30 years? What do you want to know about it? I mean, does it?

You're not included, guy. I'm good on that. A lot of people want to fucking take people around here. Dude, this guy is like, honestly i i'll tell you right now i know a guy like this that isn't like this yet that's going to be like this in 20 years what do you want to know about it i'm good on i'm good on that are you i am are you filming her dude this guy thinks he's being such a bad... He thinks he's Liam Neeson in Taken and he's wearing a fucking Birds of California shirt and maroon stained shorts. With a bag of... I wonder what the fuck is in there. It's absolutely insane.

And his leg is bleeding. Wow, his leg is bleeding, dude. I asked her to film her. Did you? I did. I mean, wow. God, it's just so much sadness out there in mental health. It's just sad.

But you know what? It's like people say you got to give people a pass when they have mental health. But then also, if you really think about it, definitely Nazis were suffering from mental health. And look what they fucking accomplished. for mental health and look what they uh fucking accomplished so you know maybe also take it seriously even if they're saying bullshit um yeah so i uh i did my show speaking actually speaking of nazis let me go to this kfc apologizes after german kristallnacht promotion um it's fried chicken let me look up kristallnacht i know it's it's bad, but I'm not too clear on what it is. Kristallnacht.

Oh, wow. Okay. The first thing that came up was Kristallnacht 2022, so that's probably going to be something very bad. Kristallnacht, for those of you that don't know what it is, on November 9th, 10th 1938 Nazi leaders unleashed a series of

pogroms against the Jewish population in Germany and recently incorporated territories this event came to be called Kristallnacht, the night of broken glass because of the shattered glass that littered the streets after the vandalism and destruction of Jewish owned businesses, synagogues and homes, so KFC was like let's make chicken.

KFC has apologized after sending a promotional message to customers in Germany urging them to commemorate Kristallnacht with cheesy chicken. This is the most stay-in-your-lane fucking thing of all time. The Nazi-led series of attacks in 1938 left more than 90 people dead and destroyed Jewish-owned businesses and places of worship.

It is widely seen as the beginning of the Holocaust. The message heavily criticized for insensitivity was later blamed on an error in our system. I mean, so... The fast food chain set an app alert on wednesday saying it's memorial day for kristallnacht treat yourself with a more tender cheese on your crispy chicken now at kcf at kf cheese around an hour later another message was sent with an apology according to the builders what was the error what was the error

someone hit the Nazi button what was there sorry dude it's hilarious if you first of all it's hilarious if you have the KFC app okay second it's hilarious that there's a KFC app third

it's hilarious that they alert you to anything. Fourth, they alerted you to Kristallnacht by trying to sell cheesy chicken and five or six, whatever we're on, they apologize an hour later. Oops, sorry. Boodaloo.

Celebrate Kristallnacht with cheesy chicken. You know, like, that's kind of weird. And then, sorry. Hey, sorry at KFC. Oh, God, I love shit like this, man. The world's fake. The fast food chain said the automated push notification was linked to calendars that include national observances. All right, fair enough. But then where's the Boxing Day one, you know? Where's the Kwanzaa one? Did they give you one for that?

Hey, today we celebrate the fucking KKK with our KKK crispy chicken. Come on out and take a bite of our KKKK crispy chicken. KKKFC. Unreal. I did a show at the Hollywood Improv last night, and it was really sweet, man. I went to dinner with my business manager and this investment dude that I work with. Good guys, really good guys, had a great time. We went to this place called Laurel Hardware

and then it was way too sceny, dude. You know the place is way too sceny when there's like, you know, like if there was like a group of way too fashionable people outside of it and it sounded like it was like a group of way too fashionable people outside of it. And, um, and it was seen, sounded like it was loud.

We were going to go to a Laurel hardware. And then my buddy was like, nah, we're going to actually, it's, this is what you don't want. Cause I said, I didn't want it to be sceny.

And then we went over to, um, what do you call it? Uh, I went over to, uh, we went over to Delilah, which is across the street. Delilah has good food,

man. We got the fried chicken. It wasn't crystal knocked, but we got the fried chicken anyway. We got the fried chicken sandwiches and they were really fucking good. Delilah's pretty, pretty cool. Uh, I maybe have been there once before. Um, and then I went and we took, I took them to my show. We did, I did a show and, uh, as I was getting my car out of the valet, this dude comes up to me and he says, hey, man, I can't believe I'm seeing you, but I was supposed to go to your show tonight at the Melrose Improv in Hollywood, and I got it for the wrong date. And he showed me the ticket, and it said for a different date than what my actual show was on, which was this night.

And he said, and it's just so weird. I just started walking from the improv and now I'm right here and I'm staring at you. And it's so crazy because it's better that I get to see you and meet you than it is to even go to your show. I said, oh, well, let's take a picture with me. He said, oh man, awesome. I took a picture with him and he sent it to his buddy. And then I was like, dude, I was like, are you go, do you have anybody that you were going to go with? He was like, I was supposed to go with my buddy, but he bailed on me. And I was like, well, why don't you just go? I can get you in. I mean, I know it's sold out obviously because your boy is your boy, but you can, I'll put you on the list. And he was like, really? And I said, yeah yeah and i fucking got him a ticket and he and i'm on then i get on stage and i'm on stage i see i look over to the right he's

there sitting alone and it was really fucking sweet dude and it made me feel really good and i'm glad i ran into him he made a fucking mistake he wasn't going to be in town he's from las vegas las vegas fucking sucks i hate when people take people but but, yeah, he went to Las Vegas, and, or he was in Las Vegas, and then he was at my show, and serendipitously, he ran into me, and then, there we go, he was at my show, and it felt so nice for the guy, dude, I was really happy about it, so there, and you know what, that's the end of the motherfucking story dude too low um but it was beautiful and then after my show this woman comes up to me and just says hi chris and i say hi and she just broke down in tears and i said no no no why are you crying and she was like she actually said we're we're in the middle of the doorway and

i was like that's okay you don't have to cry and she was like no but said, we're in the middle of the doorway. And I was like, that's okay. You don't have to cry. And she was like, no, but I think we're in the way. And so I was like, oh, come outside. So we went outside and she was like, you've helped me with my OCD. I have OCD and it's really bad. And I'm terrified of flying. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry you're there, but I'm happy to be there for you.

I'm glad you listened to the podcast and my comedy and shit. And then she was like, bawling. And I was like, let's take a picture. We took picture and then she says i have something for you and she hands me a coffee bean and tea leaf uh gift card and it was the sweetest fucking thing man it was so sweet she was like it's weird like i know you but i i don't really know you but i know you like coffee bean and i wanted to do something for you so here you go dude and it touched my heart man it just touched my heart and i you know my i talk about ocd a lot here on this podcast a bunch you know i have ocd and uh you know it's always a little bit weird talking about it because i feel like i'm exposing myself to you that's unsexual but uh yeah i just uh fight the good fight, man. OCD is a real tough thing.

And my heart goes out to those people who have it and anyone dealing with mental health. I really have, I don't know what, but I've turned a corner and I really like and I enjoy meeting fans. You know, sometimes it's annoying, right? But somebody flew in from Egypt to go to a show and somebody was in from South Korea. I was like, Jesus Christ. I guess I'm going to have to do a show out there in fucking Cambodia or wherever the fuck it is. But yeah, I don't know, dude.

That was the end of the episode for YouTube. If you want the raw uncut version, the one, the version that's not on YouTube, go on over to our Patreon at patreon.com slash chrisdalia and you can listen to the rest of the episode of Raw and Uncut No Ads and you can also listen to all the extra episodes that have been in the past. I think there's about 18 of them now, maybe even 19, I don't know.

But go on over patreon.com slash chrisdalia and thanks for watching.