Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 288, Live In My Head • David Sullivan Pt 1

Episode Date: December 8, 2022

🎟 Catch the uncensored/extended episodes ad/commercial free +1 entire bonus episode per month + Discord & exclusive content over on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia This week is part 1 of Chris hanging out with his good friend David Sullivan. They discuss a variety of things including whether Chris could pass for Korean. 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It immediately starts burning for some reason because I just did the back part of my hand. Why did that burn? Well, I don't know. I put the cream on this part. I'm doing this. And so I'm like, oh, my. Okay. So that's your fault for starting off.

Yeah, yeah. That's definitely my fault. I can't hear him in mine. Oh, now I can. Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely my fault for doing that than that right but what is my fault is when you get something your eye you go wash it off right so what i did was i put hand sanitizer

on my hands wash my hands rinse my hands and then i start splashing my eye it starts burning more yeah i'm like why why would this possibly be burning more i did not know that there was hand sanitizer next to this thing. But you did. No, no, no. Because you live here. Yeah, but I don't, I always use the soap. I didn't know there was hand sanitizer.

Which one's the soap? I don't know. I always pick the soap. Right. No, you don't. Because if you can't tell me which one's the soap, then you don't know which one's the soap. But I've never used hand sanitizer at my own sink.

You've used hand sanitizer and you thought it was soap. No, no, no. Because I would be able to tell the difference because when you wash your hands with hand sanitizer, it absolutely feels different than it does with soap. Right. So what I'm saying is, you used hand sanitizer and you thought it was soap. No, no, no, because I would be able to tell the difference because when you wash your hands with hand sanitizer, it absolutely feels different than it does with soap. Right, so what I'm saying is you used hand sanitizer and you're like, yeah, it's not really bubbling up

like it usually does. And oh, that's all right, because I'm definitely not going to wash my hands again. I would know if there was hand sanitizer next to this. I've used hand sanitizer as soap before by mistake, not at my house. And I have been like, oh, this must be hand sanitizer. This is bothering me. at my house and i have been like oh this must be hand sanitizer this is bothering me so you don't ever screw up you don't ever do no i screw up all the

time okay so but i've just not screwed up in that situation side by side so you've definitely done okay no i haven't i genuinely haven't i'm gonna go get the two. Go get the two different things and bring them to your end. Okay. Which one do you use? I don't know. The soap one. Right.

But is it white or is it black? I don't even know. If you were to ask me what color is it now, I wouldn't even know. I wouldn't even know what color it is now. This is so annoying. There's a white one. I know. And that's all I really know. Right. I don't know. He'll show me the... If you use the white one, then guess what? I don't

know. Don't even ruin it, because I'll look at it and I'll say which one I use. You know, I don't think anyone should ever have hand sanitizer at the sink. Well, yeah. the white one is this is the soap no this one's the soap which one which one's the soap whatever one says soap oh yeah yeah where does it say soap on here you go i said that where does it say soap on here this is

you just said you just said oh that's what's the soap i said the white one's the soap no and then you said oh no that's one's the because he goes like the white one's the soap. No, and then you said, oh, no, that one's the soap. Because he goes like this. He fucked it up. No, no, no, no, no. He held them both up. Listen. Dude, see, he can't be wrong. This is annoying. I don't use this.

I don't use this. But you just said that was the soap. After he fucking, I go like this. This is the soap. And he goes like this. No, you saw them both. Yeah, because why would I? Okay, can I just say this, dude?

Look, if these two are on the sink, this is obviously the stuff that you have to unscrew and put in this is just a i would never ever you i i hand to god i have never used this on my sink okay this should not be at the sink okay i agree with you right do you know what that could also be in the white bottle dish but but even if But even if, but here's the deal. I have washed my hands with dish soap. And guess what? That's okay. It is okay.

Because you do it like that. But I don't want to wash my hands with dish soap. Well, yeah. Well, nobody. I know that's not dish soap. Right. But you also know that it's the better of the chance to make it so your hands are clean is right here. Because this could be dish soap.

Now, if you're going to wash your face, you've got to look carefully at what... One time, I did a play, and this guy... This guy put this soap in the thing and put it... And he's like, oh! And I look, and he's like, what is this? And I look, he said, Ajax. And I was like, you've got to go to the hospital.

Yeah, I've told this on the podcast before. But you've got to go to the hospital. We were doing the play Grease. And he put Ajax in his eyes, dude. And it was like, you got to go to the hospital. Yeah. I've told this on the podcast before. But like, you got to go to the hospital. We were doing the play Grease. And he put Ajax in his eyes, dude. And it was so funny. I felt so bad for the guy. Yeah, that's what it felt like just now. Yeah.

Well, so you put hand sanitizer in your eyes and that's how we started. Sure. Okay. So listen, okay. Welcome to the episode of congratulations. David is in tears already because not even necessarily because of the Putting this in his eyes Which is the hand sanitizer that Kristen puts Next to the actual soap

On the Sink And she shouldn't and I agree with that But you put it By the way you put hand sanitizer on you And you wash no bubbles You know not to put it in your face Come on

You should have maybe thought what is going on here no here's what i thought so i put the hand sanitizer in there i start doing this i'm like god this is some sure this is shitty soap it sure is because it looks nice like a soap with that kind of label in the brown bottle i'm like man it sure looks like shitty soap right and so i i washed my hands i washed them all off and i'm like god this year is shitty and then i my hands are wet but they're clean and i'm like i have a little bit of water left and i do this and i'm like ow ow ow that you knew right away what it was though right not really because i was like oh that's just the water moving the lotion around so you're not a good detective okay yeah and then i was like this i've made a terrible mistake

okay so we all make mistakes i've made mistakes i would never make that mistake i would kill it with that situation you just said you didn't know which one it was i didn't say that i said that's the soap okay and then he goes like this and i go oh that's the soap because i thought he was trying to fucking but he fucked with me so you guys were doing it no he was so so you guys are queuing on and that's fine and and this is an episode of congratulations. Now, I brought David on here because I've had only guests I've had is my family, really. My brother, Matt, my dad, Bill, and my wife, Kristen. And everyone has been blood. I guess you could say your wife's not blood, but that's your family.

But everyone has either been blood or family you could say your wife's not blood but that's your family but everyone has either been blood or family but david sullivan and david sullivan is one of my best friends in the whole world i talk about him a lot on the podcast sometimes i refer to him as david sullivan sometimes i talk to him as my fat friend and it's okay but that so this is him why would you say i'm your fat yeah dude david sullivan's No, you have a lot of fat friends. I'm not one of the fat friends. So David Sullivan is one of my best friends in the whole world. Came with me a few times on the road.

Yes. Elephant in the room. Yes, he is. You're bigger. No, no, no. So I need to know what do you say about me when I'm obviously not in the room with myself. I say, yes, he's the guy. You say I'm the fat friend.

I always say you're a great actor. Okay. I say you have a big head and you're fat and you're a great actor and you talk like this, boy. I've never talked like that. Yeah, you do, dude. No, no, no. I may have talked like that in junior high when I didn't know how to speak. Hey, boy.

That's you. That's my different Southern impression. And so- But everybody's going to know you're a dum-dum because now they're hearing me speak and they're like, why is he, why is he? Well, he's not fat. He's really good looking. Yeah, he's a great actor.

We can just, I mean- Let me say you look good with a mustache. Thank you. So what is that? Is that the Texan in you? Well, I had a beard and then I have this show coming up and I think the guy has a mustache, so I'm doing the mustache. You think, but you're not sure. Well, in my mind, I'm like, yeah, you know what?

That's good, because you make real choices as an actor, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so that's like half the battle, or what? Yeah, well, I'm not a G.I. Joe, but yeah, basically you— I mean, life is war. Okay, well, no, it's not. But you do— You treat no, it's not. But you do, no. What you do as an actor, you look at a role and you're like, okay, how do I find my way

into this role? Right. And I had a big beard and I made the tape and I was like, ah, I don't like it. And then they liked me for the role. And I was like, you know what? The guy, he's like a sleazy, anytime like sleazy or like. Mustache. Mustache.

So it's kind of a cheat, but i do look good in it so are you are you do you think that if you were a an even better actor you could do it without the mustache 100 but but you so you're not you're saying so what i'm saying is you you in a way it's like if i were to put on a fat suit or and and and be an actor i'd have more sympathy for me, for my character, because I'm fat and people would be like, oh shit,

we got to feel bad for that guy if I was really obese, right? But if I just show up and I do the character like that, they're not going to have sympathy for me because my shoulder's going for days, right? I'm V'd out. Downwards?

Your shoulders go down. My shoulders go out like this, right? Huh. Maybe I'm looking at different shoulders And I'm V'd out and so if somebody looks at me They're not going to feel sympathy they're going to be like How come he has it all right So if I am a fat guy

In a fat suit I'm not as good of an actor because How come yes I can have it all but if I can make my body Be More sympathetic I wouldn't necessarily need the fat suit. So that's how good of an actor I am. And my goal is to ultimately play a Korean

person without using any makeup. I think I could do it. I think I could do it. You're that good. I think I could do it. I don't know if I'm that good of an actor, but I'm that good at, you know, kind of just gaslighting people into thinking that I'm Korean.

Well, yeah, you're good at gaslighting people for sure, but you can't gaslight somebody. You thinking that I'm Korean. Well, yeah, you're good at gaslighting people for sure, but you can't gaslight somebody. You're saying people convincing people that you're fat even though you're not? That's gaslighting. No, I don't think you can do that. That's what I'm saying, I'm that good.

You're saying if anybody could, it could be you. I'm Korean. So if I come up to you and I say, dude, if I come up to you and I say, dude, I'm Korean, you say what? And we didn't I'm Korean, you say what? Like, and we didn't know each other. You say what? Oh, you were born in Korea?

Yeah. And I'm Korean. I'm actually 100% Korean. Oh, okay. My mom and dad are Korean. You should see my brother. You wouldn't believe me. Oh, so you had a different dad.

No, I had. Oh, you're adopted. Your adopted parents adopted you and they're from Korea. I think I can... Oh, you're adopted. Your adopted parents adopted you, and they're from Korea. I think I can make you believe I was Korean. I think I can make most people believe I was Korean. That's a problem. For everyone else. What is it?

No, not for everyone else. For you. For you to think that you can convince somebody... There you go. How'd you do that? Because I think that you have to have that confidence in life. Sure. You know?

Yeah. But that's delusional. But that's acting. But that confidence in life. Sure. You know? Yeah. But that's delusional. But that's acting. But that's acting. It is acting. It's not healthy. Okay, you think that Christian Bale isn't actually thinking he's those guys when he's being those guys. 100%.

So me and Christian Bale do that. And yeah, he's been offered more opportunities on cinema to do that but when it comes to real life if I need to pretend that I'm Korean in a Starbucks or whatever I bet I could get at least 30% of the people believing I'm Korean if I wasn't Chris D'Elia right they know they'd be like oh you're the guy yeah but like if it was just me and I walk in

if I just like slink into a fucking you know diner and I'm just like yeah it's just me people and and just me I need one seat and you got you guys do have korean food right because i love food from my home country people will be like really uh i think i get 30 of people yeah yeah no i i think you're right people be like oh he was born in korea and his mom and dad are korean my mom and dad are korean by the way no no i'll get this white fish and my mom and dad were born in korea and immediately people were just like oh yeah yeah

that's yeah i think a lot of people would be like, maybe he's crazy. There's no chance. Okay. So we agree to disagree, and that's fine. So you're an actor. You've been in a bunch of stuff, right? Yeah. And I've been in a bunch of stuff, too, so it's not a big deal.

No, not as an actor. But we both are, you know, you're an actor, and you're good, and you were in Primer, and you were in Flaked, and you were in a movie with Jessica Alba where you played a guy. What was that? That whole movie was sepia-toned. Yeah, yeah. It was. And I didn't even see it and I know it's sepia-toned because I can tell.

Yeah, well, I won an Oscar. You didn't. Okay, so let's talk about this. So you were in the movie Argo, right? Yeah. Which is kind of a rip because there was already a movie Fargo. Well, that has nothing to do with it. I know, but it's like if I had a movie I had a movie come out called Isshin Impossible.

No, Chris. It's kind of the same thing. No, not one person went to see Argo because they're like, oh, maybe it's just like Fargo because it sounds like it. The Englishman who went up a hill but came down a mountain. That's like making a movie like that because they already have a movie Fargo

and now you're the movie Argo. Right, right, right. So they're like, oh, this is Fargo like part two. This is like part of the series. No, it's just a rip. It's obviously a rip. Yeah, right, right. So they're like, oh, this is Fargo like part two. This is like part of the series. It's obviously a rip. Yeah, no, it has nothing to do with it. And so if I made a movie called Eiderman, right? No, man.

And the guy was swinging from building to building, but also it was about journalists. Yeah, if you have people swinging from building to building, but this clearly has nothing to do with Fargo. All right, so they should have called it something differently. No, no. That was the name of the script. The Journalist Chronicles.

And that actually came out. Or that story, it was based on a true story a little bit. And the script that the guy made was called Argo. And why was it called Argo? Way before the series Fargo came out. But Fargo the movie came out first. Fargo the movie did come out first.

But Argo was based on a true story about a fake screenplay where they went to go what was the screenplay called it was called argo okay so you're let it be known and this is you know gonna obviously make huge press waves but you're saying that fargo ripped off argo no i'm not saying that fargo is a town i think in probably north dakota so then argo ripped off the town. So something came first, right? But you're in that movie, and that movie was Gangbusters, right? Thank you.

Now, I didn't say that. I actually didn't even see it because I'm a bad friend, but I have seen all of your other stuff except for that and the sepia movie with Jessica Elfman. So you're saying you've only seen two of the things that I've done. I've seen Primer, and I've seen – Flaked. Some of Flaked.

How many episodes of Flaked have you watched? Two, but you were, yeah, maybe two, three maybe. Okay. We made like 20 of those. That's too many episodes to make up. Oh, really? Honestly, yeah. Huh.

Do you know how television works? If you were really about it- We've watched 20 episodes of NCIS. I know. So what you're saying doesn't make- A lot of what you're saying- And NCIS is a good show or a bad show It's a bad show

But you love it Because it's bad But my show's not bad You're welcome for only watching your show three episodes Because it's a good show dude I don't watch good shows So there we go I got into that one

So you're in the show Flaked You're in the movie Primary You're in the show Flaked. You're in the movie Primer. You're in the movie Argo, which you, it won an Oscar for what? Best Picture. And? And I think Affleck may have won for director. Okay, so I thought he won for director. No, maybe not.

No, no, he didn't. He didn't actually. It was someone else. And I thought, remember that year, I was like, that's bullshit. It won a bunch of Oscars. That it could win Best Picture and not Best Director. Yeah. I don't ever understand how a movie can win Best Picture but not Best Director.

Yeah. Do you agree? Yeah, that's tricky. I mean. Yeah. It's weird because the director is in charge of everything. Of the whole thing. Yeah.

Well, I think the story itself was so good. And it was, yeah, it was produced so well but i do think yeah i do maybe it wasn't edgy enough like maybe there wasn't like something in there where people are like oh it's like but nobody you haven't watched it so you don't know but anybody who's watched it will say yeah that's a good movie right like that's a really good movie that's probably why you don't watch it because it's good right probably but it is it is very strange when when yeah yeah when it wins for best picture so you need to have basically political stuff there too i'm sure which is why you need to be aligned with

the political ideology of the academy and to be winning everything and then also you have to have some sort of like edgy but it was edgy argo was kind of edgy yeah but what won who won the best director was scorsese What was it that year? Scorsese never won, right? What won that year for Argo? Ripoff of Argo. So it won best picture. And you're counting that as an Oscar win for you.

Well, I also won a SAG award. It won SAG award for best cast. So you're saying... I have the plaque. They gave it to you yeah yeah yeah okay well i they actually sent they sent me two that were wrong one of them was said larry sullivan they sent that in the mail and i'm like hey i think you guys made a mistake larry the worst that because you know what because you had the mustache it looked like you look like a

larry maybe and then i let them know that and then six weeks go by i get the thing in the mail and then they they misspelled they didn't even finish my last name it just says david You look like a Larry. Maybe. And then I let them know that. And then six weeks go by, I get the thing in the mail. And then they misspelled. They didn't even finish my last name. It just says David Sullivan, S-U-L-L-I-V. And I'm like, this is a joke? Yeah. What? So I actually have three certificates.

Dude, David Sullivan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have three certificates. Larry Sullivan, David Sullivan. Okay, so you basically. But yeah yeah I won uh I won a SAG award for uh best ensemble cast and then I I we right if you watch the if you watch the speech that Ben Affleck gives when we won best picture he thanks me does he yeah he

thanks me really he's like yeah you know I don't think he does he does if you watch it you'll see it's um does he say thank you David Sullivan Larry we couldn't have done it without you dude now you look like you sell jacuzzis. So what's the deal? You do. You really look like you sell jacuzzis. Just the way you're dressed and the way your facial hair is, you obviously are a jacuzzi salesman.

So how did you miss that calling to be an actor? Do you draw from, like how often do you think about jacuzzis basically? How often do you think about the price of jacuzzis? Not once. Not once have I ever thought about the price of jacuzzis i've played i winnebago salesman there we go dude and that's typecast man that's typecast because they know no dude that movie they were looking for a 50 year old and i did this movie 10 years ago so i was in my i was barely in my 30s okay they were looking for a 50-year-old overweight. Maybe I have the energy of a fat man. There we go, dude.

Maybe I have the energy of a fat man. We figured it out. Yeah, but I don't look like that. So you look great for your age. I'm going to tell you that. Yeah. You still look like a Winnebago salesman and a jacuzzi salesman. You look like a guy that could go like this.

I could get it for way cheaper than that for you. I'll match that price. You say that a lot. Oh, yeah. I could get, you look like a guy that could go like this. I could get it for way cheaper than that for you. And if you've, I'll match that price. That's, you say that a lot, right? Oh yeah, yeah. So your destiny was probably to be some sort of salesman. Probably. I feel like you would be a great salesman because here's the annoying fucking thing

about David Sullivan. Yeah. Okay. And one of the reasons why I love him, but then I also hate him. Because here's the thing. I always say this on my podcast. If you don't hate your friends,

your friends ain't shit. Okay. So here's what I dislike about you. You will say, hey man, fucking Billy's going to be at the park. We're going to go to park four 30. And I go, really? And then you tell Billy, Hey, Chris is going to be at the park at four 30. And then we get to the park and we realize that we both said yes, without you even asking the other person first. Right? So you don't you you will do what agents do you will say hey um billy's going to the park before even asking billy and you'll

tell billy chris is going to the park this way you know there's a better fucking reason for me to go to the park no no no i'll i'll i'll be like hey you want to go to the park today it's like yeah what time you want to go and i'll be like oh yeah four o'clock go to the park today? He's like, yeah, what time do you want to go? And I'll be like, yeah, 4 o'clock. And I'll plan on it. I wouldn't tell you, hey, go to the park and maybe my friend's going to show up. No, you wouldn't. You would say he's showing up. And then you'd use that to try to get the other guy. Yeah, I would only say it if he said he was going to come.

I don't know. You've got to come up with a better example. That's not true. What I'm saying is that's really good for a salesman. What I will do is I will— And justify the means, though. If we're all there having fun at the park, and we're all there having fun at the park, it doesn't really matter if you skirt the tree.

Yeah, but no, no, no, no, no. You're a very honest person, though. I will give you that much. No, but I will make sure that things are lined up a certain way. Now, if they don't, if we get there and they're not lined up a certain way, that's no longer my fault. Like if Billy says, yeah, I'll be there at 4.30, we get there at 4.30, he's not there, is that my fault?

No, that's Billy's fault. That's not your fault, but that's not what I'm talking about. That is what you're talking about. That's exactly what you just said. You can't say you're talking about something you're not talking about. Okay, so you won't say to somebody, okay, say you send a text to Jason.

Yeah. We're going to the park at 4.30. He's going to say, who's we? That's it. That's all you send to Jason. Okay. You won going to say, who's we? That's it. That's all you send to Jason. Okay. You won't tell me, hey,

Jason and I were going to meet at the park at 4.30. I don't understand. That's all you do is say, Jason, Chris and I

are going to be at the park at 4.30. Phew. And then to me, hey, Chris, Jason and I are going to the park at 4.30.

Yeah. You would do that? Yeah. Jason didn't confirm yet that I are going to the park at 4.30. Yeah. You would do that? Yeah. Jason didn't confirm yet that he's going to the park at 4.30. You just told him that you're going to the park at 4.30. See? You would do it, dude! He's an agent!

He's an agent, dude! Yes, I'm a lawyer! Yeah, but if I say we're going to the park at 4.30 and he says okay, that's different. But you, at your heart, in your heart of hearts, inside your heart, there's a smaller heart that's stronger. And the bigger heart can beat because of how strong the smaller heart is. And in that small heart, you sell jacuzzis. And that is what you need for that.

You need that heart that beats inside the bigger heart to make you who you are, and that is your destiny, and that is a Winnebago slash Jacuzzi. Okay, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, I'm going to disagree. You did kind of catch me in that, but that is because I believe in my friends.

The way he's compartmentalizing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We know how you do it. If I say, hey, Brent, I'll see you at the park at 430. I know Brent's not going to show up till six. I know that like that's, so I wouldn't say, hey, I'm meeting Brent at the park. So I know because of my friendships who I can count on and who I can't. Oh, God.

So. It all sounds cockamamie. So all the things you like to think are bad about me, they're actually really good about me. There we go. You just have a weird way of processing things. All right. So I, you know. Nailed you.

No, you didn't nail me because I don't agree with that. You agree. You don't have to. Well, I didn't agree with it and you nailed me and I said you nailed me. You agreed with what I was saying. You go, yeah, I would do that. And I go, yes. And you said, I'm this way.

And I said, I don't agree with that. So I'm winning in the conversation. But here's the thing, dude. We've known each other for 20 years. Close. That's crazy, bro. Yeah. I don't want to know anybody for that.

I think this might be the last of hanging. Knowing someone for too long is just, it's going to be sad later because one of us is going to die first. What is wrong with you? Don't you ever think about that? No. Who do you think will die first?

You. For sure. Why do you say that? You're reckless. I mean, I'm dangerous, but like you're reckless. No, I think though, well, not really. Who's going to go hang gliding out of the two of us?

Oh, yeah. You. Well, but you don't do anything. So let's talk about two things. You just make bad decisions. But let's talk about two things. Okay. I make good decisions, and I know everything's safe.

Go ahead. Okay. I make good decisions and I know everything's safe. Go ahead. Okay. You are somebody that I've known for 20 years. And also, you know I don't like to do too many things. Right.

You like to do everything. Right. So my question is, what are you running from? Right? What? If I say, hey, I'm going to the Mac store. You don't make sense a lot of the time. Yeah. Okay, so.

That doesn't make sense. Agree to disagree, and it does. And it does. So, and let me just break it down for you. Let's go to the Mac store. You say, all right, cool. Yeah, let's go. Fuck it, right?

If I say. But don't talk like that. Hey, boy. Ting. Let's go, man. No, no, no. Do, cool. Yeah, let's go. Fuck it, right? If I say- I don't talk like that. Hey, boy. Ting. Let's go, man. No, no, no. Do they got eye cams so I can spit my backy in it? No, I've never had a spittoon.

I've never had tobacco. Where are your boots at? You at the Mac store. You got to sell boots. Are they Bluetooth? You got shirts with pockets with the white buttons on it? Dude, you love shirts with pockets with white buttons on it, dude. It's the most Texan shit of all time.

All right? Two. Two. One here, one here. Oh, dude, I love it. Yeah. I love it. I love it.

So you wear that. So now you are, you do, and if I say, so let's go to the Apple Store, you say, let's go. If I say, let's go get a lunch, you say, let's go. If I say, let's go hike, you say, let's go. If I say, let's go get a lunch, you say, let's go. If I say, let's go hike, you say, let's go. If I say, let's go to Vegas this weekend, you go like this. Yeah, let's go. Okay. So what are you running from?

I'm not running from anything. It makes sense though, because why are you always doing all of this shit? Let me rephrase the question. Is there anything you're running from? You've already asked me that and I said, no. Is there anything you're running from? You've already asked me that And I said no Is there anything you're running from? No Okay

I The walls are up I grew up in a small town But in that small town I was surrounded Because it was small There was a lot of people In my little area

And in I have an older brother Older sister But I also Had six exchange students Over the course of like Twelve years So there was always people

A lot of people in my house Yeah So I like being around people that I like. And the rest of the time, guess what? I'm with me and I like me, but I also like being around people that I like. And believe it or not, I like you. I've liked you for a long time. And so I like being around you. And also it feels, it also feels good for me to help people. And you're one of my friends who needs a lot more help than most people. So I happen to be around you a lot because you need a lot of help. And that makes me feel good. So you're using me?

No. It makes you feel good to help me? I need help and you're using me. I'm helping you. If you look at it under a different lens. Why do you look at everything so negatively? Because I different dude you know how they say dude i'm built different i'm different yeah i'm different dude and that's honestly thank you're welcome dude and here's the thing thank my parents too if if um if, um, you know, uh,

I was raised in a different, uh, city or town, I could have possibly been a warlord, but because I came from La Cunada and my parents were my parents, I'm just a very specific comedian instead of that. The problem is you actually think that that's true. Yank.

Dink. Dink. Dink. Dink. Dink. Dude, honestly, I would like, I, I, I, I would like to say you're welcome for me not being a warlord.

I haven't said thank you. I know, but I'm saying it mostly to the people who listened to the congratulations. But I, on the other hand, going back to what you might be running from, and maybe you're not running from anything is what you're saying. I'm saying everybody's running from something. Running from anything is what you're saying. I'm saying, you know, everybody's running from something. But for me, I don't do things because I don't want to get outside of my comfort zone. And I am scared of certain things.

And I don't want to try new things because I live in my head and in my own world. That's not an answer. That's the, you don't have your headphones on, but that's the Jeremy Renner shit that went oh my god sometimes it goes you just have these things queued up well i thought they were done in post anyway but that's not an answer that so why don't you do things that you know might be enjoyable you said you're scared what are you scared of having a good time i don't know like when we were in boston i'm gonna turn the tv off in the other room yeah and i was like hey dude we're in boston let's like go let's walk the paul revere trail like let's see where paul revere rode and like you know warned every the bridge and you were like no

no we don't do that and i'm like what does that mean we don't do that he's like we get coffee we chill at the hotel we eat we do the show i'm like yeah but that mean we don't do that he's like we get coffee we chill at the hotel we eat we do the show I'm like yeah but but you just said second right there sounds fucking banging dude you me being all like this on some cobblestone but we're not just gonna like see like we're gonna experience like what was the history we're gonna like be in the place that like changed history. Like you don't know how that would make you feel because you haven't let yourself try it. History already happened, dude. We got to deal with what's going on.

But to be in touch with that, that's how we learn. We learn from our past. So there's probably something that you're dealing with and like not necessarily the past, but like you don't want to put yourself outside of your comfort zone because you may learn something about yourself that you may not like and that you may have to do work to fix it and doing work on yourself is scary echoing i get your horse right here his name is paul reville it's a horror movie. Fire from my childhood. Crystalia in Crystalia and Jeremy Renner.

I got your horse right here Dude, it's like that fucking How Jordan Peele does his like You can put the microphones on But dude, dude It's like when Jordan Peele does the slow songs For the horror movie and shit Just I got your

I got horse right here His name is Paul Revere Dude that sounds dope Put it on Yeah hell yeah Dude listen listen This is like Jordan Peele movie The horror movie

It's called Can you hear it? Yeah Can you hear this? Can you hear this for instance? Can you hear that? Oh yeah Yeah dude

I got you I got your horse right here His name is Paul Revere Right? But you're off beat, yeah. Well, yeah, because I have to keep hitting it. But anyway. But wait, so with that, it's a zoom and then your face catches on fire?

Me figuring out, no, it goes in my eyeball and in my eye there's fire. Oh, right. And it's me as a kid and the fucking fire demon crawls inside my mouth. All that kind of shit. So let yourself experience things. That's all I'm saying. Or live in my head, dude. Yo, it's so dope to live in your head.

I do have problems, and I would like to confront some of my problems, and I have confronted a lot of my problems, but it is actually fucking hard. Yes, dude. It's so hard. You know what I'll tell you, man? I hate being alone.

I hate being alone, and it's very weird. And I don't mean, by the way, with my phone or anything. I mean alone, like alone alone. I don't like that. Have you asked yourself why you don't like being alone? Have you asked yourself why you don't like being alone? Because we are not going to get into the territory. So that answers your question.

You don't want to look inward to see what it is that you need to work on because it's scary and it's going to require work. You have had a lot of things go your way. Yes, you're a hard worker, but your life has been pretty charmed. So this is good. This is okay. You have a family who loves you. They support you like you've always felt their love. And in having that love and that support system, you pursued a career that by all means you should not succeed in but the fact that you had that support and the fact that you were good at

it and you worked hard at it and you did have something special i wouldn't say that you could be a warlord but thank god that they're still you do still have issues that you need to work on and because your level of success has you have been rewarded for your behavior you haven't spent time to think about the things that really trouble you and i think i think you're on your way uh in doing that i've done man that's so shitty what you just did files done dude we did you hear anything i said i did or were you thinking about what joke can i make well i was thinking that too yes okay now i don't you know it's like you know okay you know i'm saying all right so now what well you're not saying anything

yeah but so i you can't say you know what i now what well you're not saying anything yeah but so i you can't say you know what i'm saying if you're not saying anything rappers do it all the time yeah um so sit with yourself i do do that and i hate it yes well you hate it because you're realizing that there are things that you have to work on and and you only want to work on three things you want to work on coffee and comedy and and chilling but like that's not the you've created a world where that's okay because i mean we're literally doing this in your house but like there's a world out there and you got to know how to like experience yourself in that world and the only way you're going to do that is by practicing it by doing things outside

your comfort zone i see what you're saying so like i. I'm too insular. What? I'm too insular. I need to be like doing stuff like hot air balloon rides and shit. Sure. Basically, you're saying if I do enough hot air balloon rides, I'll. If I did a hot air balloon ride and then also some like yoga and then also a trek. Yeah. You think that trek would make somebody a better person yes you do i but but i would start with a walk around the block you live in that you live in

a beautiful neighborhood i do sprints that's not what i said okay i said a walk around the block like just go out hey i'm gonna go for a walk for a half hour and come back and i you'll probably come back in tears because you would have used that time to do something that matters and you know what that's okay that's growth because you're you're checking into something that you don't allow yourself room to check into because you think oh there's a lot of darkness in there oh there's a lot of problems in there yeah but how do you fix those problems how do you how do you shine a light on that darkness right by asking yourself those questions i think that would be awesome and i yeah i don't know i think you'll you'll be a lot happier and you'll allow yourself to do cooler things so hey you're welcome no honestly you're

bad therapist how uh i'm not a therapist but how how was anything salesman how was anything i said bad no it wasn't bad you said you're a bad therapist no no i'm just saying i'm that is what you said i know but i'm just saying that you'd be a bad therapist we know that you don't have any training but um if i had training yeah i'm a i would be a great therapist yeah just like you if you practice it anything long enough you get good at it like anything right if you keep doing it, obviously. Well, not necessarily. I could try as hard as I wanted to be a fucking lineman on the NFL, but I couldn't do that.

Right? If you practice hard enough, obviously you wouldn't have the same physical capabilities, but you could have been a good lineman in high school. What are you, 5'10", 5'11"? I'm 6'2", man. Were you 6'2 in high school? Oh, I don't know. I don't remember. Yeah, you're probably're probably like five you're a short guy you kind of have short guy syndrome um so you were probably like five six five seven no and if you worked out hard enough then you could have done it i'm v'd out my shit goes you know from my ear to the end of my shoulder, it's a weird amount of space.

Let me see. Huh. It's a weird amount of space, right? Like if, okay, I'll put it this way. You're saying you have short legs. Put it this way. If a pirate was on top of your head and another person that the pirate wanted to walk the plank

and he said, walk the plank, Matty, and he had to walk off your shoulders, the guy would be like, no, I'm going to gonna die so soon if they did it to me on my head they'd be like shoo at least i have some time okay that that's all i'm saying there's a lot of real estate between my ear and the end of my shoulder it's so stupid and specific yeah that's what i'm saying so but you don't like when i live in my head. Oh, I should go out and do hot air balloon rides in a trek. Dude, I got shit in my head that I live here, and this is why I live here, and you're laughing, having a good time.

You're welcome. I sacrifice myself for others. Dude, we understand. We understand, but it's a comedy podcast. Dude, you convince yourself of things that aren't true, though, and that's dangerous. Like this guy with his fucking agent shit. That's dangerous, though.

Like, yeah, you're inside your head the majority of the time you're you you're you you're who you have to be with but there's a world out there man so when you go out there and you are doing something you've never done before yeah you feel good because of what not always sometimes it's like oh this sucks but like a lot of times it's like oh i can i can see what's cool about this or like you're very optimistic you're an optimistic person i am i i i try to live more positively than i i used to i try to be positive and i try to look at the things in a different way yeah you know because i think that you have to grow in life and i know we're joking around about how i fucking i i fucking don't like everything but that's obviously there's things i like no there's things i like and like i want to i want to be more often to you know to what what

are they right now well for instance i mean i love you i love being a dad i love having a family and shit like that but you think that that doesn't count because i'm just here anyway but you know you're talking about things to get out there and learn about myself like you want me to pick up an abacus and start learning how to do it. But, you know, and it's like, I just want you to have a hobby. I do need a hobby. Yeah. I've tried certain things, you know, but if it's not what my son or my family,

like I went to Color Me Mine with Calvin and we all painted like mugs and shit. I had a blast, dude. If I went to do that alone, dude, I got your horse right here. You know what I mean? No, I don't know what you mean. I think you do. I don't know what you mean. I think you do. I don't know what all this stuff is. So in movies, when songs slow down and they get lower, it's ominous.

Yes. All right? Yes. So people could be having a good time, and then all of a sudden, a slow, ominous song happens, and it zooms into someone's eyeball. And you see into their soul, dude. And so if they're doing the song from Guys and Dolls that Nicely Nicely sings. And it's going.

Because usually the song is like, I got your heart right here. His name is Warren here. And if the weather's clear, I can do. Can do, right? But if you slow it down and make it more ominous, I got your horse right here, your name is Horovir, and

if the weather blams and the weather's clear, and you go inside my soul and you see me as a little child on fire. My former self. And my mom is in the back.

But we just see a shadowy figure, but I know who it is. Can do. Can do. Can do. You know there's some deeper shit going on. Yeah. All right? Yeah.

Yeah. Everything that isn't nurturing can be trauma. And can do. Starring Chris D'Elia and Michael Chiklis. and can do starring chris d'alia and michael chickless and so and a woman who you can't tell what her race is and it comes out on fucking hulu i'd see i'd watch that tell me that doesn't make sense well i just didn't understand all the zooms and all the the the things that you were doing that's because you're too busy fucking hiking, dude, and doing treks. Oh, God. And learning how to play pickleball. No.

Me, I sit, and I just talk to myself with friends and shit, and my son, and I'm in my head, dude. But whatever, dude. Speaking of head, we got fucking life rips bucket hats, dude. ChrisLeah.com.

You know what? I will be in Sugarland, Texas. I will be in San Antonio, Texas. I will be in San Diego. You go to see ChrisLeah.com. You go to all the tours. You got to go New York, New York. I will be in San Antonio, Texas. I will be in San Diego. You go to see chrystalia.com. You go to all the tours. You've got to go New York, New York. I'm going to go to Chicago. I'm going to go to Seattle. I'm going to go to Portland. I've got a bunch

of different places that I'm going to. I'm going to be on tour at chrystalia.com. And that's what's up. Why don't you take it out and put it under the desk and then you can put it under there. But yeah, that's where I'm going to be. I'm going to throw up on my mouth. But that's where I'm going to be. And so if you want to come see me on tour, go to ChrisDelia.com. And if you want that Chris Delia merch, go to ChrisDelia.com.

And appreciate you. Hey, guys, that's it for the episode for YouTube. If you want to catch the uncut, the uncensored, the raw, the unedited version, all you got to do is go on over to our Patreon. That's Patreon.com slash Chris Delia. And you will get the rest of this episode and you will also get the extra episodes um that are one one we do one a month for only patreon people so and you can get that for just six dollars a month so that's patreon.com slash chris d'elia thanks a lot Thank you.