Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 306. The Face King

Episode Date: March 23, 2023

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Runk. Dude, I got to start making some better faces in the podcast. I know that, like, you know, I'm the face king, but I'm saying, dude, I got to start making better faces to mess with this, dude. So we can pause on them and you can be like, what's this episode all about? So here goes one, dude. And we'll use this as the thumbnail. No, that's not good. How about like this? There we go. That one's killer, dude.

So, yeah. What's the deal, you know? That's what I'm always thinking. I'm shooting my special April 1st in Minneapolis, Minnesota, chrisalia.com. I'll be in Austin, Texas. I'll be in Midland, Texas. And I'll be in Midland, Texas, and I'll be in different places. You know, I never actually pull the schedule up and I should pull the schedule up when I start, but I, and it's,

it's respectful that I don't do that because I'm me. And what I do is respectful for you because I'm giving you me, Oh yeah, I'll be in Irvine, California. Oh, they actually, that's sold out Brea, California, Oxnard, California. Uh, just doing the test run there. Oh, actually, that sold out. Brea, California. Oxnard, California. Just doing the test run there. Oh, Milwaukee is the one before the special, March 31st. And Columbus and Cincinnati, which I'll be there. I'll be in Boise and Salt Lake City, Utah. Ah, just silly with words sometimes, you know. My son says nocculars instead of binoculars. He's got binoculars, and he keeps saying nocculars. And it's cute, and my nanny's like, Cal, it's binoculars,

and I don't want her to be doing that because I want to hold on to these years because I want him to be saying nocculars because it melts my heart. But anyway, feeling good today. Well, actually, I was feeling not so good at all. know some days you just wake up dread city for some reason and then you you try to focus on the positive at least that's what i try to do and then uh and then you watch a few clips of stuff online and i watched you know a little clip of golden hour the other podcasts i do and i saw eric and we were talking and on the clip he wasn't talking into the mic i pissed off tried to relax all good dude still a friend uh but he

wasn't talking into the mic and i was just like come on buddy and uh but yeah but then i came home and the organizers that my wife hired too much money all good but she did she hired him organized this podcast room and dude let me tell you it's just a whole new world in here it's amazing we pushed the desk out and it's a small room push the deck desk out i got more room back here look how far your boy goes back i'm touching the wall now so that's crazy um but i feel good and on and ivan get rid of isn't even here right now it's just one fire and i and so it's like it's like dude this is fit for a king i got my whole i might start twitching again you know i gotta set up so uh so yeah uh was out and about wearing a life rip shirt uh hoodie you can get that at chrislea.com just promoting that life rips lifestyle

uh and uh people were like, yo, life rips. And I was like, hell yeah, dude. And it makes me feel good when people do that. And, you know, woke up with some dread. Today, rip roaring. No medication. You know, just the prescribed, obviously, the daily for my OCD. And also, I take finasteride.

But I've been taking that for a decade. And that's just in case my hair goes away., it's okay. My hair's looking good. I, I, you know, dude, uh, so like, and subscribe. We love it. Pump the algo and, um, pump up the, what was that song? Pump up the volume, pump up the volume, uh, pump up the algo, whatever. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I could say that or not say that, but I did. Oh, Cal's crying.

I wonder what happened. So, yeah. So, finish The Last of Us. Did it because felt like I should, because everybody's talking about it, and Pedro Pascal copied my drink at starbucks bleep that out bleep that f word out it's too early to use the f words in this podcast um but yeah dude uh got the same starbucks drink order as pedro pascal people are saying yo what that says we're both equally as famous it's like people what the heck chris lee rips

off pedro pascal i'm like nah nah, dude, it's Pedro Pascal. That's ripping off me. You get my. Espresso's. So it's like, I see you, dude. So Pedro Pascal has got a good head of hair, speaking a good head of hair, and he's good in The Last of Us. And the other the girl is good in The Last of Us. Good actors, you know, but then I'm like, the show's fine, like, I watched

the show, and I'm like, it's fine, and then I'm watching the show for six episodes, and I'm like, it's fine, and then I'm like, it's okay, and then I'm like, oh, every episode, there's like three episodes where if you, like, legit just take them out, it's the same show, and you don't need nine episodes, it could be a six-part mini-series because like there's that whole episode where the two uh homosexual lovers god bless them we love them you know at the congratulations uh podcast at super good uh studios god bless them you know they get together and god bless them you know um and as a non-binary, you know, which I am, like I watch the thing and I'm like, well, God bless them, you know, but did they need the episode?

And as a non-binary person, I'm like, well, do we need that one? God bless them, but do we need that episode? Like I love having it, having the gays in television all over the place. I want them doing everything. I want them doing the craft service with some little cupcakes with the sprinkles on it, you know? Like a light, you know, maybe like a salad, you know? Light snacks.

Because gays are in shape. We love them, even if they're not. But we love them, but they're doing craft service, they get a nice spread. You get the boom guy holding it, you know what I mean? Another take. Like like we love him

the boom guy sound guy uh the chair's creaking we love him so um but what but you know but then it's like that they had the standalone episode the two, we find out the sexuality of the girl. And it's like, okay. But that was a standalone episode as well. And then people are like, but these episodes are great. And I'm like, yeah, they are great. But it's like, do we need them? So then I'm watching it.

So I'm waiting. So episode seven comes and there's nine episodes. And I'm like, okay. All right. All right. Okay. And then episode eight comes and I'm like, okay, all right, all right, okay. And then episode eight comes and I'm like, okay, right? So this is how you watch.

Okay, and then episode nine comes and you're like, okay. So these are the emotions you go through each episode of The Last of Us. You go like this. Episode one. Okay. Episode one. Okay. Episode two. Okay. Episode three. All right. Episode four. Okay. Episode five. Okay. Episode six. Okay. Episode seven. Okay. Episode eight.

Okay. Episode nine. Okay. And that's like basically the gist of The Last of Us. So by the end end it's good now everyone who's like yeah it gets good to all these shows that you could stream you start with the show and then it's like you gotta watch a few episodes okay but then you watch game of thrones and everyone is just like you gotta watch a few episodes or maybe even the whole first season so i I'm like, how many episodes do I have to be like, okay, until the thing is okay. Right. So I watched, dude, I watched Game of Thrones. How many episodes are Game of

Thrones a season? 10, 12. I swear. I'm just like, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Every episode. Okay. Okay. For three, four seasons until finally I'm like, okay, I'm done with it. until finally I'm like, okay, I'm done with it. So at least The Last of Us got to, okay, by episode seven of the first season, and now we'll watch the second season because I'm done with the, okay. I'm done with those shows, right? And that's my review for The Last of Us

and pretty much all the HBO shows. Anyway, dude, and that's how reviews should be, honestly. I should review shows and movies with, what okay is it? That's it, dude. We figured it out, man. Dude, that's what I'm going to do.

Okay. That's The Last of Us. That's how good it is. Ask me another movie. What did I see recently? Oh, I saw that movie with Morgan Freeman and Cole Hauser. Cole Hauser and Morgan. It came out and apparently, here's The Ritual Killer. It came out in 2023. It just came up. Cole Hauser was there in the thing. And then Morgan Freeman was on the thumbnail. And this is my review of The Ritual Killer. Okay. Right?

So you know how good it is. Dude, the most succinct way to review a movie. Yes, we figured it out. Okay? Too low. Wish it was louder. So, yeah. Anyway, that's how it goes glad we came up with that new system um so i'll be watching uh season two of that and am i am i am i a pedro pascal fan yeah

i'm a pedro pascal fan you know uh am i a a betsy willis what's her name the the little girl in it the the one with the you know i i i don't know yeah she's really good in it apparently she was in game of thrones 2 as well and um but she's in the new the last of us and i you know it was weird when i first i saw the whole thing about how because i played a little bit of the game because you know i i i delve into it a little bit sometimes but the video games and whatnot and i played a little bit of the game, because, you know, I delve into it a little bit sometimes, but the video games and whatnot, and I played a little bit of it, and Ellie was the character, right, and she's, and I, Ellie and the actress look nothing alike, Ellie in the video game and the actress look nothing alike, and honestly, neither does really, Pedro Pascal doesn't look like the guy either, but I don't care about that

stuff, but people were like in an uproar about that. And then now they don't care because she's so good. So anyway, dude, The Last of Us, really cool, man. And The Ritual Killer, not so good. Anyway, but I will tell you, dude, I love the director of The Ritual Killer, George Gallo. He is an awesome dude. And that's that really about my reviews and all that stuff, you know? Uh, but I want, I want to, you know, I talked about a little bit about this on, on Lifeline.

Pedro Pascal is great and that's it. Okay. So let's stop talking about Pedro Pascal. Talked about it on Lifeline with my brother. Done with that conversation. Um, but, uh, yeah, I, I, I, you know, I have a, I have had a good week. Um, and I, I was, I, you know what I really, okay. So I had, um, I had a week where first of all, everyone around me was getting sick. Just everyone, my whole family, um, Lulu, one of the people I travel with, uh, Enrique,

my tour manager, just everyone was getting sick. My brother, just so many people were sick. And you know your boy. Just, I mean, Johnny immunity, really. I have great, right? Like it's great, okay? Johnny emergency. And so, that's really just sugar, we all know.

Johnny Emergency. And so that's really just sugar. We all know. But so I'm good. And I'm coasting, dude. And I'm just coasting through it. Everyone's got sniffles. And I'm just Johnny Coasts a lot, right?

And Wednesday comes along. No, it's Thursday comes along. It's noon. My daily therapy, you know, I do therapy a lot, but it's Thursday. It's at noon. Don't want to do it. Don't want to do therapy. Just don't want to do it. Just straight up don't want.

You know, like a kid is like, don't want to. Like I said to Calvin the other day, I was like, you want to, oh, I said, can I borrow your binoculars and he just goes like this no you can't I'm like being a kid is awesome because you could just do that and not offend anyone right but if someone's like to me like if I was like Calvin you like this shirt and he was just like no I'd be like haha but if an if an adult was like no I'd be like, ha ha. But if an, if an adult was like, no, I'd be like, okay, well that's fine. I mean, we all have our own shit and it doesn't matter what you think. It's a deeper. So, um, so, uh, mom with, I'm talking, I'm, I sit on the couch. Therapy is at noon and it's 12.05 and I'm just not clicking the Zoom link. I'm just, you know what I'm doing? Sitting.

I'm downstairs. My wife's upstairs. I'm like, I wonder if Kristen would be upset I'm not doing my therapy. But I'm just, instead, I'm just sitting. You know what I could do? Pretend to forget. You know what I could do? Pretend to not know what time it is.

All good. My wife walks downstairs, sits on the couch. We have a conversation. It's 1210. Nearing on 1215. My therapist texts me. I'm on. And I go, I see it.

And I go, yeah. Maybe I'll just kind of like conveniently forget. So then my wife stops talking in the middle of the conversation. She says, don't you have therapy? And I say, oh, you know what? Yeah, actually, I am getting on here a little bit. That's why my computer in front of me. She says, okay. So I get on and she walks out, obviously, and I get, I start talking to therapy and I'm just, just mentally just blah. Now, how do you feel your feelings? That's a whole thing. Like, I don't really know. I try to feel my feelings. I really didn't even know what, you know, shame and guilt and dread

was. I knew what dread was, but like for the past three years, been working on feeling my emotions and all that. Now this isn't going to get sappy at all. Uh, but I'm talking to my therapist and how do you know how you feel your emotions? And that's what I've been working on and not being defensive and really being open. Am I okay with fear? Am I okay with sadness? Am I okay with insecurity and all that stuff and acceptance? And I'm talking about therapists, and it's just dragging, dude.

Some sessions drag. Some sessions you go in and it's dang-a-da, dang-a-da, dang-a-da, tears, wipe, dang-a-da, dang-a-da, tears, wipe, dang-a-da, dang-a-da, tears, tears, tears, wipe, wipe, dang-a-da, dang-a-da, it and you're rolling and some you're just like okay it's like you're watching episode three of the last of us you're like okay and so i'm watching i'm doing i'm you know zooming with her and it 12 40 comes along and she says what's's going on? And I said, you know, I'm just not feeling it. She says, you look a little, uh, not well, like you're like white. And I'm like, you don't know me or I'm just a new, I'm like a new color. I'm like translucent. I'm like the color of off dead.

You know what I'm saying? And she's like, are you sick? And I'm like, it was like the scene in Good Will Hunting when he was like, it's not your fault. Is that what he says? It's not your fault. And Matt Damon's like, I know, I know, I know. And she was like, you're not sick? And I was like, no.

She's like, really? I was like, yeah, everyone else got sick. She's like, oh, okay. We start talking every few minutes. And she was like, I feel like maybe I'm dragging it out of you today. And maybe we can end early. And I'm like, really, and she says, yeah, and I said, yeah, maybe, I don't know, I'm just kind of like, whatever, she was like, are you sick, again, and I was like, no, I'm not, I feel good, I feel fine,

it's just kind of like, down, you know, we start talking, wrapping it up. And she says, you're sick, Chris. And I was like, you think that I'm like sick? Like I have something? She's like, yeah, you don't feel good and you're run down and it's okay. She's like, yeah, you don't feel good and you're run down and it's okay. And I was like, yeah, yeah, you're right. I am actually sick, I think. And then she said, well, take care of yourself.

And we hung up. And that's when I realized I was sick. I was sick. My here's how fucked up in the head I am. My therapist is diagnosing me with a cold. You know how fucked up that is? That's how much I compartmentalize my shit is that my mental doctor is telling me I need to take Dayquil. The level of fucked up you have to be in your head to have someone who's not a doctor, physical doctor, to tell you your mind won't let you realize that you got a bug is just on another level. Okay?

So the next day. I felt awful. And that night. I went to bed early. And the next day. I still felt bad. Dude if I just decided I was sick when I got sick, I felt like I would have been better already.

But my mind was playing. You know how the rest of that goes. How stupid can you be, honestly? How stupid can I be? So I got off the Zoom, and Kristen was like, how'd therapy go? And I said, yeah, I felt like I was having a tough day mentally and struggling, but my therapist just said that I was sick and I should get some rest. She's like, oh, cool. The good thing is, dude, I really do feel like I'm like branching out and doing things and like becoming a better, like a more well-rounded person. I mean, dude, I would have never thought ever in my life that I went to, I would go to Dave and Buster's.

And not only that, want to go, but I did. Okay. And the reason is, well, first of all, you know, my wife is like this person who, God bless her, she's my angel and I love her, but she gets an idea and then wants to do the idea immediately, even if it's like, hey, let's set up a scavenger hunt tonight. And I'm just like, well, that requires so much to do. And she's like, okay, then let's fix up an old car. What? We would have to get it. I'll look at the back pages and i'm just like well you don't

know what that entails you know should be like they're oh they're having a uh you can rent a villa in uh aruba uh may 6th you want to go and i'm like it's april 1st you know it's april 6th. Do you want to go? And I'm like, it's April 1st. You know? It's April 6th. It's April 6th. We got a month. You want to? She's like, I'm going to look.

You know what? I already talked to the business manager. And I'm just like, all right. Can we just? I didn't even hop on the train. You know what you did? You did the thing where Vin Diesel just is in the car and then opens the door and skids and and scoot you scooped me up like that like you scooped me up like you're tyrese in in fucking fast five and you just you don't slow down you just skid out open the door and just and scoop me up and i'm already on and i'm like what

are we i was just having a sandwich outside of an Italian deli. And you just, you know, Tokyo drifted by me. You're Luke, whatever his name is, that was in Fast and Furious 3. And then they fired him. And now you're in NCIS New Orleans. And y'all talk like this. Who's that guy, Luke? Who's the guy who talks like this on NCIS?

Luke, uh... Luke? Lucas? Lucas. Lucas Black, dude. I don't like how he said Lucas Black. Like, it's... Yes, obviously, because I said Lucas, and that's the guy on the... You know? And so, um... So, so, so, because I said Lucas, and that's the guy on the – you know? And so she says – so Mizzou, which is her college team, and, you know, she's in sports more than me, which is not much. But, you know, she went to Mizzou, and it's nostalgic for her, and they made the playoffs or something, right?

The top 16 or some shit, which is like a lot, you know? It's like basketball is the only sport that will be like, dude, they made the top 48. And you're like, what? Call me when it's five. Yeah, dude. And teams you never heard of. It's like, yeah, Fairmount-Walkerfielder field is dude the top seed and you're

like really what seed 29 and you're like that's bad you look at the players are all like tall white guys this is not they don't deserve to be here and so she's she, oh, great news. Guess what? And she texts it to me, and I'm like, oh, I'm uncanceled? And then she's like, and I go, oh, Mizzou made the top 16, right? 64? Are you kidding me? How many teams are there are there yo here's the deal there should be honestly 20 teams 60 they made the top 64 that was what you wanted to she's over there watching me right

she's right here but so i'm like but here's the deal. So she's like, Mizzou made the top 64, which I didn't know. So she says, so I get home. I get home, and she was like, I've got it. I've got the idea. And I'm like, what? And she says, Mizzou is playing tomorrow in California. Cal has never been a basketball game. It's my team.

Let's go. Now, what did you notice in that sentence? Because I'll tell you where my mind went right away. A dumb guy would be like, hell yeah. When do we have to leave? I don't want to catch traffic. But a smart guy, dude, is like, she said California.

California's big. She made it seem like she tried to sneak in like, oh, I would. She tried to play it like I was going to think it was in L.A., right? Like she might as well have said like North America, you know, like they're going to play it like I was gonna think it was in LA right like she might as well have said like North America you know like they're gonna play on this planet and so I'm like oh okay where and she said you know it's our state we got to go and I said yeah but where and she says Sacramento and I go I'm too smart for this game, dude. No hands down.

Right? Just. And then what else do you want to talk about from now on that has nothing to do with what we just stopped talking about? And she's like, well, come on. It'll be Cal's first game. We could could go fly up tomorrow stay in a nice hotel and i say there are no nice hotels in sacramento and i know that because i've been there a bunch of times and she's like well we could stay in san francisco and then drive and i'm like dude this is an ordeal. And also no hands down. Did we forget about that?

And she's like, but it's my team. This has never happened before. And now, just now, I figure out it's the top 64 teams. You know? And so I'm just like, we're not doing it. So we don't do it. And that's cool. But then I'm like, wait a second.

The next morning I wake up and I'm like, dude, she can't even fly anymore. She's 100 months pregnant. And I didn't even have to have the argument. I became the bad guy and now i gotta be like catered her her feelings because i said no when in actuality i could have just like put science on her and been like well you know you can't fly she'd be like oh yeah you're right i would have been good guy she tricked me dude women be tricking dude so now she got me because i'm bad guy she's like let's go to dave and busters and we'll watch the game and i'm like okay and i actually kind of want to right because like i'm

like calvin will have fun at dave and busters and i want to see his face look at all the video games and all that that's 100 degrees in here and um yeah where's the, why is it so hot this now, this time? And where's the remote for the thing? Oh. So, shouldn't be 100 degrees, so that's cool. It stopped oscillating? Oh, God.

So, anyway, so, anyway, she's like, let's go to Dave & Buster's. So, I'm like, okay. like let's go to david buster's i'm like okay so we go to david buster's and i'm like let's invite whoever we invite you know rick glassman brent moran uh uh one of the guys from my tour company and then uh we invited you know david sullivan came because he's always he's never never can sit still And he always wants to be a part of everything. And he's got a big fat head. And Kristen and Calvin. And we went and we got there. And no, we didn't invite, we didn't invite one fire because we figured you wouldn't go anyway.

And so you would have went, wow, that sucks. Damn. Okay. Well, now I know. He would have went. sucks damn okay well now i know he would have went so um i was you know by the way david my friend david he's one of those guys that's like hey when are you going to uh dave and busters because i gotta go see my son singing a choir at five but the game's at 3 3030. I'll be there. And you're like, what? For how long? Do one thing.

I don't get people who drive from spot to spot. Like, I'm friends with King Batch. This motherfucker is, I mean, whenever you see him, it's the ninth thing he's done that day. It's unbelievable, dude. You could catch him at 8 a.m. And he's like, hey, man, I'm about to dip, actually, because I was just at my friend's coffee spot. And then we went to a brunch. And I got to go to this opening of a Fry's Electronics. And you're like, what?

What are you? This is the ninth thing you did today? I was with him the other day at the Ice House. It was like fucking 11 p.m., 1130. And he was like, all right, man, I got to go. My buddy's in John Wick 4. We got to celebrate. It's just like, why did you come here? I don't get guys like that.

Dude, if I go out, that's the thing. Next stop, Snoozeville. It's unbelievable dude it's dude i don't even want to pick a friend up that's another spot i gotta go to i want to go right to the place and right home dude sometimes i want to go to the place and then i'm like i just want to live here everyone out but um so i get to dave and busters and david's already been there for like 20 minutes which is hilarious and he's got his cowboy hat on and i'm pissed at it you know and uh and we're at dave and busters and calvin sees pac-man bigger than life and he is just so in it he is so in it dude we're walking around he's like

i'll play that one and i know i'm like, this one you won't like, but all right, let's do it. And then he's like, I don't want to play this. I'm like, I knew it, but all right, you got to figure it out for yourself.

And so, you know, Rick Glassman is killing it at a poppy shot. If that's what it's called, I don't know. He's just basically like mini basketball and he's doing so well and stuff.

And then we get to this big thing and I'll post the video of it. I put it on my Instagram. I put it on my Reels page. I didn't post it on the grid or whatever the hell you say. And there's like, you know those

things where you push the thing and it goes bzzz and you go bzzz with the claw and you try to get the Pokemon and then it gets up to here and then it drops and you never get it. There's a huge like adult version of it like where it has huge stuffed animals and it's taller than me. I'm a tall drink of water. I'm six, two, at least dude. Right.

Right. When I woke up in the morning, I'm probably six, three. And, um, it's got, it's so big that it's got like a door to go into it. Like that, that the, the maintenance or the workers go to put the stuffed animals in. And this dude walks up and I said, look, Calvin, do you want to play?

And this dude walks up and he looked like the second person that gets killed in the movie species with Natasha Henshaw. And he says uh hey watch this and opens the door to the big claw thing and steps inside and i don't i'm like i'm pretty sure he had a lanyard on, which means he worked there. But maybe I'm doing the thing where later on you're like, you witnessed a bank robber robbery and you're like, yeah, he had a mustache. And then you see the crook and you're like, why did I think he had a mustache?

I have no fucking idea. Basically is what I'm saying. If this guy worked there or not, but in my mind, I made it to where he has a a lanyard but maybe I just made it to where he has a lanyard because of the confidence he had with walking into a thing which I think I could probably get away with if I wasn't famous I could be like hey if the door is open hey I gotta fix you would believe me a hundred percent right so the guy walks in and he says, which one you want? To Calvin. And I'm like, oh, hey, just you, do you want one?

And he picks up a big ass dog. I mean, it's this, it's, I mean, it's, it's this big, you know? And he says, you want this one? And I said, do you like that buddy? And Calvin says, yes. And I said, you want that? He says, yes. I said, yeah, okay, that one. And he gives it to Calvin. I said, you want that? He says, yes. I said, yeah, okay, that one.

And he gives it to Calvin. I said, can you say thank you? And Calvin says, thank you. And then the guy says, now I'm going to take a nap. And goes like this. And just falls into all the stuffed animals. And then buries himself in the stuffed animals. And closes the door.

And now you can just win him i guess so and he's like buries himself to where he stays here for a few seconds and then peeks out and people who just walked up are like what the fuck is happening i got video of it i'll put it up on here but it's so funny it's also on my instagram on my reels page, dude. It's so funny to see that dude that, uh, is in there on the thing. Cause you know, cause of course it's funny anyway. Uh, well I was in Dave and busters and, uh, we had a good time and, uh, that's that, but I'll tell you, man, I was struggling the whole day, man. I was just struggling the whole day, just trying to be there and be cool with it. What pissed you off about that day? I had so many people in my messages.

Think it. Yep. Dude, I knew that that was going to happen. I got the credit for going to Sacramento because people thought we were in Sacramento because we were doing shit, dude. Yes, I knew that was going to happen and that pissed her off because I got credit for it, but alas, I got the credit.

Yeah, the escalator. I know. It doesn't matter what... Dude. I can say until I'm blue in the face, I wasn't in Sacramento. There's still going to be people that think I wasn't in Sacramento. I'm not a good guy. Yes, dude. He went to Sacramento, didn't he? uh so yeah so that's that's what's up and I'm gonna have a you know and I'm gonna have a new baby soon so so things are all pointed in the right direction I want to know uh if I know so the whole thing about Trump being arrested

like it's just so not gonna happen you, you know, and I know if people are like, he's going to get arrested and you know, he's even saying, Oh, here they come. I'm getting arrested on fucking Tuesday or whatever. It's just not going to happen. It's not ever going to happen. He's going to die first and he's going to live a long time. You know, he's going to live a long time. He does whatever the fuck he wants. That's the key to living a long time. Doing whatever the fuck you want within the confines of the law. That's what makes you live. Look, my grandfather lived. He had no business living until 79 or whatever, 78.

Guy smoked since he was fucking five years old. And just had no business, dude. And just did because he did whatever he wanted. And God bless people like that. And I used to be that way. And I'm not now. But anyway, so I'll die early. So I won't live as long as I want to.

So I hope you're happy now. So I... Dude. But yeah, so Trump's not're happy now. So I... Dude. But yeah, so Trump's not going to get arrested. He says he's going to get arrested, and you know, it makes the internet buzz, and he's not going to get arrested, and it's okay. If he did...

Wow. You know? And that's my comment on that. I can't even imagine a world where, where that happened, in my life, dude, you know how crazy shit is right now, imagine how crazy it's going to be in 20 years, and shit is going exponential, right, but I, once I saw the thing in Saudi Arabia that they're doing, the guy's paying $725 billion to make The Line or whatever it's called, where it's like, by the way, I don't, whenever I,

it's so annoying that America uses miles and everyone else uses kilometers and you got to like be like, what is it? But it's like a hundred fucking something miles of just two really large mirrors that go up, up, up, up, up so high. And you could live in them. And it's like a 10th of a mile wide and you can go up and down the line and get anywhere from each point of the line in 20 minutes. And you would be able to get anything you need within five minutes. And it's like this futuristic thing where nobody's going to drive and just going to live on the line. And that's how it's going to be. And they said you could move in

starting 2030 and it's like, okay, but no, you can't, but then you look into it and they already started production dude okay it has to fail it's they're putting the quote is 725 billion dollars dude they thought they were going to renovate the ice House Comedy Club for $3 million. I walked in the other day. There's no shot it was less than $10 million. No shot, dude. They got a VIP room. There's just no shot.

And you're going to make this line for $725 billion? No way. A Saudi prince or whatever? I get it. Of course. You know? Just in the desert? I'm getting a spot.

I'm moving there, dude. I'm opening up a comedy club on the line. Hey, how'd you wind up late? Everything here you can get to in five minutes. So they say, right? Yeah, what do you live? All the way south of the line. Anyway, just clips popping off on TikTok.

Dude, hashtag the line, hashtag crowd work. I'm the Saudi Arabian Matt Rife. But yeah, dude. So that's what's up. That's what's up. And frankly, that's what's up. I'm wearing my shoes here. The Jordan 4.

What the F-U-C-Ks. My dad got them for me. That's how cool he is. And I really want the Jordan 4 green SB. And I'm not going to get them. Why? I don't know. I got rid of so much stuff because of the purge, because of the organizers came in.

And it's so nice in here. But I really want those shoes. But I don't really wear fours. But I digress, dude. StockX got in a lot of trouble. They were saying that they were bringing out fake sneakers in. And honestly, here's what I have to say about that. I don't care. If I don't know the shoes

are fake and you got me for six bones, you got me. You got me for a rack. You got me. Right? I don't know know i guess it's different because i have a lot of followers on and so if they're gonna see it and then oh like what's his name um macklemore got uh fake red octobers and people were like he's got fake red octobers and then he finally admitted the other day that he has fake red octobers. And this is from like a decade ago.

But so he is, you know, if I had fake shoes, here's the deal. I don't care if I have fake shoes. I don't, I'd rather buy the real ones if I'm going to pay for it. Obviously, I'm not going to buy, I'd rather buy real ones for the money than fake ones for less money, or I'd rather just not get them than get the fake ones. But if you got me, you got me, dude me dude and that's fine i don't care don't tell me and then if i'm posting about it and then people are like you got fake ones and i don't know about it that's the thing that i get up that's the thing that i get upset about it right so stock x apparently turned

back now they're trying to do all this reverse press like well we turned back 100 million in fake uh product and it's like first of all sounds too perfect 100 million but then it's like okay so you let some go through because you got it but goat i'm sure goat does and all the other sneaker apps because it's impossible to always check. But what a racket, right? What a racket to shoe businesses, period. Like what a racket.

I saw the new Vans coming out with the lightning bolt. Forget it. I want them. I want them so bad. I'm going to get every color. I'm going to be a Vans guy now. Vans, congratulations. You did it.

The new light with the lightning bolt. Dude, they're so sick. Look them up, dude. They're so sick. And I'm not a Vans guy, dude. I just threw out one pair of Vans, congratulations, you did it. The new light with the lightning bolt. Dude, they're so sick. Look them up, dude. They're so sick. And I'm not a Vans guy, dude. I just threw out one pair of Vans. They're pizza.

Guy gave them for me for free. I don't wear them, dude. But God, those are sick. You see them? With the backwards lightning bolts? Oh, put me in a body bag. I'm done, dude. I need those.

All four colors. Oh, with the blue one and the red one together. But yeah, I'm a shoe guy, you know. But man, you should see my closet. It's nice as fuck. I put on my story the other day. So I have to... Oh, wow. My buddy just texted me.

And I'm doing what I want. Responding to it. I'm doing what I want, responding to it. I'm doing what I want. So what else happened in the world, man? Did you have a thing? Did you put anything on the documents that we could talk about? Oh, dude, he did. He came equipped, dude.

And that was just me riffing. And now I'm going to the documents. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, we did the house organizers. Dude, those ladies, man, those ladies came in. They're like awesome. It's like they work so quick and efficient. Here's the thing, too.

They did such a good job, and we paid for it. They did not do it free. And I'm not the kind of guy that's like, hey, give me a deal because I'll post about it. No, that's horseshit. a deal because I'll post about, dude, no, that's horseshit. When people want free work for like eyeballs, kiss my ass. Like, no, pay people for their work. Okay. Look, a lot of companies send me stuff that, you know, and thank you. I appreciate you like to show this, this, uh, place I followed on Instagram row R O U H. I don't know. I think row is how you pronounce it. It's, I think it's overseas. They got great t-shirts, look them up. But, um,

they sent me stuff because I followed them on Instagram. They're like, we're big fans, you know, we'll send you, send you stuff. So they sent me some stuff. I follow them on Instagram. They're like, we're big fans, you know, we're sending you, sending you stuff. So they sent me some stuff. I wore them. My wife spilled coffee on the white one. We can't get it out. All good. But a brand new shirt.

It's fine. But it's just like, um, she did that, you know, probably can't get it out. It's fine. But the,

the, the, the, the, those shirts are great. And so that happens a lot. And, um,

and so I, I, they did such a good job. The house organizers, that was like, this is shirts are great. And so that happens a lot. And so they did such a good job, the house organizers, I was like, this is very visually appealing. And I put on my Instagram story and I put it and I tagged them because I'm like, they did such a good job, even though it cost racks. And I put it on my story

and then the lady responded of the, who's the head – who's the company it is. She's like, oh, my God. They said that you were so good at getting rid of stuff that you were the quickest perjurer they ever had. And I'm like, that actually feels kind of good. I don't think twice about throwing away a hoodie or giving away. I put it in the – either I gave it to my friends or I also gave it to the Salvation Army. I don't know where they took it. I said donate it. But anyway, my point is she reposted it honestly nine times to her story

by mistake and then took a screenshot of it and then put it on the grid on her Instagram and I'm like, this makes so much sense that the owner of an organizing company made this mistake, right? Like, I don't know what she is. I didn't look at her. I'm sure she's a white middle-aged woman and just posting away just so many times. I mean, people are just going to be like, what the fuck, but they did a great job. And, um, God, it makes me feel good. When, it makes me feel good when when my place is clean when my house is clean my wife it's like just it's just awesome i care that the place is clean, but not enough to clean it. My wife, when the shit is clean, I think my wife floats.

That's how much she can't get in a bad mood. If the place is nice, she can't get in a bad mood. Just period. Like I could, I could go out and just start punching people in the face. like I could, I could go out and just start punching people in the face. If I come back and the place isn't clean, she's like, and she sees it on the news. She's like, what the fuck? You can't just go out there and start knocking people out. If I come home and the place is clean and she sees it on the news, she'll be like,

Christopher, you know, you can't do that. Look at the way they, look at how it's all with the shelves. It's unbelievable. She'd be loving a clean place, man. And I do too, it's nice. But dude, I'm not, you know what I'm not doing? Cleaning. I did the dishes two days in a row and it sucks, man. I only did it to make her happy.

But that's me, dude. I'm an empath. I guess Ted Lasso. Jason Sudeikis was in the sup with Ted Lasso dude hey Ted Lasso sup never seen it friends on the show creating making the show so happy for all of their

Emmy nominations sup Ted Lasso never seen it, dude. See so many billboards everywhere. Dude, hey, hey, sup. Further, I want to go one further. Apple TV, sup. Right?

Oh, you got, oh, you're fancy? You got the fucking Apple TV? Sup, Apple TV. Sup with the fucking new show, Charlie Hunnam. Oh, sup, dude. What are you doing? Sup. Sup Apple TV Sup with the fucking new show Charlie Hunnam Aw sup dude What are you doing Sup With the what's it called

What's the fucking Charlie Hunnam show called Shanamaram M. Night Shyamalam Shyamalam a ding dong What's it called Well you're finding out soon huh Shyamalam? Dude, here we go. We're looking it up. If I find it first, everyone's... Shantaram. Dude, Apple TV has the worst titles for shows.

Shantaram. Okay? Look at these. Look at these Apple TV shows. Apple TV shows. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. These are not Apple TV Plus shows.

Apple TV Plus shows. Apple Originals. There we go. That's how we do it. Here we go. Apple Originals. Dude, I get pissed off because it's like Cocaine Bear, The Whale, and it's like these are just shows you can watch on the thing.

Dude, have you seen Cocaine Bear, The Whale. And it's like, these are just shows you can watch on the thing. Dude, have you seen Cocaine Bear? Here's my review. Here's my review for Cocaine Bear. Okay. They went for it. They thought it was funny. So they shot it with the comedy in mind. All right.

Dude, you fucked up. Could have made it way good. All right, here we go. Although I'm a huge fan of, what's her name? Elizabeth, whoever the director is. Here are the names of the shows on Apple, the Apple TV originals. These are the names. I'm just going to, Argyle with two L's.

Sup. Killers of the Flower Moon. Sup, dude. Here's another one swagger sup dude that's a fake tv show in a movie with adam sandler you know here's another one uh city on fire oh dude so basic here's another one. Silo. That's okay. The after party. That's okay. Ghosted.

Sup? Here's another one. Drops of God. Oh, sup? The last thing he told me. Dude, here's another one. Jane. Oh, hi. How you doing, dude?

Here's another one. Schmigadoon sup? Come on, man. Come on with these names. Oh, dude. Extrapolations.

Sup? I mean, come on, dude. Even this is the problem with john stewart sup dude that's so something that will come in 2003 dude come on man here's another one liaison dude here's another one the reluctant traveler come dude are you kidding here's's another one. Hello Tomorrow. Sup? This is just so, these names are so awful how they're doing it. And these aren't even kid shows. Sharper. Dear Edward.

Ah! Operation Trade Bomb. Ah! Little America. Dude, come on, man. And then the worst show that was ever created in the world. Carpool Karaoke.

The worst show that was ever created in the history of the world. Carpool Karaoke. And that's counting the shows The Commish and The Hat Squad. those are two shows that are real that have been in history and the worst show of all time is carpool karaoke the series

hey sup dude guys just pile in a car and you sing hits hey but you're sam jackson hey but you're brie larson hey you got no business singing but they just walk in and they're just like 525 600 minutes anyway go see captain marvel hey but also sup i mean make bet mythic quest sup I mean, make better... Mythic Quest, sup? These movies, the names of them. They're unbelievable. All right. We're done here.

You know, it's like, I don't know what you want from me, but... Ted Lasso was at the fucking White House, and it's just like, what's going on, right? How much of a... I've never I've never met him I met him once Jason Sudeikis and they were like it was at the comedy store years ago and they were like hey he wants to run his

thing that he's doing at the Oscars that's funny or something or his hosting thing and the guy was like alright you can go up after Chris D'Elia and he was like okay and I got off stage and just fucking leveled the place. And I say, Hey, have fun. Oh wait, no, he fucking actually left. Now that I remember he left, he didn't go on because your boy leveled up. I go, Oh, he's going to come up. Okay.

Okay. No, I want everyone to do standup. I want people who don't do stand-up to go on stage and do stand-up. I want them to. I'm not doing you any favors. I want you to go on. I want you to go on after me. Go on before me. I don't care. Go on after me.

I'm not doing you any me. Go on before me. I don't care. Go on after me. I'm not doing you any favors. Go on before me. They're going to go like this afterwards. Who was the guy that went on before Chris? Ah! When I go on stage and there's someone before me, dude, it's like Men in Black showed up. Flunk.

Who was it? Anyway, thanks for listening. That was the episode. Get your tickets at chrysalia.com. Milwaukee, Minnesota, Austin, you know, all the other places, Midland. I feel like I've been saying Midland for nine years. Ohio and all the different places. Go to chrisley.com. Salt Lake City, can't wait. That's almost sold out. Other ones are almost sold out. Other ones are sold out.

Go get your tickets, chrisley.com. Thank you very much. Like and subscribe and leave a comment. Do it. Pump that algo. That's it. That's the end of the show. If you want to watch the rest of the show,

the uncut episode, go on over to patreon.com. That's it for YouTube. You can get the extended version at patreon.com slash chrisley for YouTube. You can get the extended version at patreon.com slash chrystalia. And you can also get, there's like 25 extra episodes that are available

as soon as you unlock it for $6, patreon.com slash chrystalia. Thanks a lot. Appreciate you. Congratulations motherfucking Bob, you scared fucking fucker. Congratulations motherfucking Bob, you scared fucking fucker.