Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 421. Holiday Season (Director's Cut)

Episode Date: January 9, 2025

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RUNK! Covina California I'll be there in a few weeks. Covina California I will be there in a few weeks. At the Laugh Factory. Doing stand-up. San Luis Obispo. Fresno California. I got tickets coming up here.

Santa Rosa California. Stockton California. Tacoma Washington. Spokane. List all these dates here. Peoria, Dubuque, wherever that is. Gonna get shot there. Denver, Colorado, New York.

New York is how I like to say it. My heart bleeds in New York. You know, my soul is comfortable, we'll say, in New York. And Cheyenne, Wyoming. But my soul is comfortable in New York and kinda around the Boston area, but in New York and Cheyenne, Wyoming. But my soul is comfortable in New York and kind of around the Boston area, but mostly New York. I will be in Boston, May 3rd.

My soul will be comfortable enough, but when I hit New York, May 2nd, my soul will be completely comfortable because that's where my soul is comfortable. Then I'll go to Savannah, Georgia, fish out of water there, right? Atlanta and not to mention Winnipeg, Regina, Saskatoon for some reason. But anyway, I will be there.

Go to chrislew.com to get tickets. And also this is episode 421 of Congratulations. I So this sounds great actually to me it's actually too loud Do you can you it's it's unbelievable? But but but like I really I hear the I hear the then the niceness of my voice. We got some new equipment here So I guess I guess what I'm saying is it's on I guess I guess it's on and Now I like the podcast better. So you you know, it's on and you're welcome. It's the new year. We didn't do a Christmas episode.

We did a New Year's episode and then, or is this a new, I don't know. Who cares? Whatever, dude, I don't know. You know, ever since I graduated high school, I don't know what day it is. You know, you could say, hey, there's there's there. They actually changed the name of Thursday.

It's not Thursday. And I go, oh, when did they do that? And then you could be like in 2008 and I would say, oh, wow. OK. I don't know. I am chilling and I have I've been home now for like two months okay now I've done gigs but local ish gigs you know I've been at the Laugh Factory here in town and LA and I was at Brea Improv and I was at somewhere else. I don't remember

somewhere Irvine and But I've been home and I am straight up You know what I am? I'm a mom in 1963. That's what I am. I Wake up take the kids to kid to school Go get my coffee. I work out and And and by the way lately I do lady workouts now and I don't and I don't want to hear it from you guys All right, it's not really I'm tough when I do it But it's the kind of thing where I you know, I have been to the gym

But I also do it around the house. Sometimes I do workouts around the house. Look, they're tough, but in that respect, they're a mom from, you know, well, actually moms, when did moms really start working out? Probably the eighties. So I'm a mom from 19, other than that, they used to, if moms, moms didn't work out before the eighties, you know that, right? You know that.

You know, there was like no, dude, if you see a mom that was hot from 1978 prior, she was lucky, okay? She was blessed. She didn't have to move too much, right? Because women couldn't even really do stuff until when? I don't know. When did they vote? When did women vote, right?

Because ever since then, then they were like, wait a minute, we could do all the things guys do. And then they start working out and now they're into nutrition and look, now they're real hot. But now if you see a hot mom, you're like, oh, she works out out keep fit. Dude 1978 prior, lucked out. Luck of the draw. If you were fat, you were just fat. Right? Now if you're a guy you figured it out because men you know

they make shit happen right? Men make shit happen and I'm not saying that women don't make shit happen, right? Men make shit happen. And I'm not saying that women don't make shit happen, but it's like they really like to talk about it a lot, right? Can we agree on that? Can we agree women like to talk about it a lot? OK, so it's mostly like men make shit happen and women, I don't want to say complain, but talk about shit a lot, right? And so, so like I saw a comedian the other day, like the top ten comedians who made the most money in 2024,

um, uh, was dropped on Forbes and it was like, you know, Kevin Hart, Matt Reif, uh, Nate Bragazzi, uh, Adam Sandler, Sandler, Joe Coy, Sebastian Menescalco. They were all guys, OK? They were all guys. And OK, whoopsie. So as a guy, I don't even look at that list and think,

hey, these are all guys. I don't do that. I didn't do that, OK? I saw the at that list and think, hey, these are all guys. I don't do that. I didn't do that. OK? I saw the list, and I go, oh, wow. That's amazing. I'm not on that list. And you know, ha ha, it's all good.

And then I saw somebody, a comedian. I don't remember who it was. It was a woman. I don't think she was American, but she was talking about on Instagram about how like, of course we can't, you know, there's no women on this list because we have to unlearn a bunch of behavior. And I, and, and, and it, cause here's the thing. Hard tickets are what, that's the thing. If you can sell hard tickets, that's it.

That's it, dude. That's it. You know, views, this is why you see a lot of these comedians, they do other shit besides just pure standup on stage. I'm not talking about crowd work. I'm talking about, you know, they'll bring someone up on stage and be like, hey, let's try to fucking do 10 jumping jacks. And then they'll post that clip.

That clip will go like, you know, get 6 million views. But nobody's going to look at that clip and be like, oh, dude, I got to see this guy. You're basically Richard Simmons, okay? And you know, you're not doing what people who want to go see stand-up comedy do. So you don't sell hard tickets. And if you do, you do it for a year and then it's done, right? So, hard tickets you can't argue with, right?

You can go viral. Like, I mean, dude, there's plenty of stand-up women doing stand-up with their tits all out that are getting, you know, millions of views, but nobody's gonna go see them because it's about the tits being all out, right? Okay? You gotta back it up. You gotta back it up with some, you know, fire shit, okay? And look, comedy is subjective. There are comedians that I don't find funny that are still good. You can't say that guy's bad. That woman's bad when they're selling tickets. They're doing their thing, right? bad when they're selling tickets. They're doing their thing, right? So there was a comedian, a female comedian that was saying something like, you know, we need

to unlearn a bunch of behavior. There's no women on this list, not because of how, you know, they're not funny, but because of how, you know, we need to, as a society, allow for women to feel like they can be funny and there's all sorts of shit. I don't even remember. I'm definitely loosely paraphrasing it because I was, I was watching the whole thing like this. I was watching the whole thing like this. So it's hard to hear. And so, but it is, it's just crazy. The mental gymnastics, to borrow a phrase that my wife uses too much, that somebody would use to just be like, hey, work hard, sell hard tickets, dude.

You don't even need to be hilarious. You need to be something. You need to be good, right? You need to be hilarious. You need to be something. You need to be good, right? You need to be good. You don't need to be, like, nobody needs to, you don't just need to be fucking high hilarity, high octane from fucking zero to sixty in two seconds for a whole hour. You don't need that. You need to be good at being humorous. There's crazy successful comedians that are kind of good. They're good. They figured it out. Right? They're not all gonna be a comics comic. They're not gonna be hilarious.

They're not all gonna be men. They're not gonna be women. But dude, hey, figure it out. Because there's enough people out there that will buy tickets to see horse shit. So don't complain, just find your horse shit. Find your horse shit. People will buy tickets to it. Dude, nobody cares what's on TV. Nobody cares. They still watch it. Remember when everyone was complaining about everything was getting too woke on TV, on

movies? They still watched it. They still watched it. And say, oh yeah, but viewership went down. Viewership is going down because of the internet. Because you can pick what you want to watch at any given moment. A monkey playing hockey. Where do I go for that? I want to see that. Where do I go for that? Hulu?

No. YouTube. Where do I go for that? NBC? Where do I go for that? Do I go to ABC? If I want to see guys tripping and falling, an hour of it. Huh? Over flow rider music. Where do I go for that? Huh? If I want to see guys tripping and falling an hour of it, huh?

Over flow-rider music. Where do I go for that? Huh? Do I go to CBS or do I type in guys tripping and falling compilation flow-rider music in YouTube and then it pops right up? So, if I'm a four-year-old, which my son is, and he wants to see something which... what does a four-year-old want to do? Let's see... hmm... let's see... hmm... think about it... hmm... whatever they want? What's a four-year-old

kid want to do? hmm... hmm... oh, they probably Oh, they probably want to do, hmm, hmm, hmm. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, I got it. Oh, they want to do whatever they want. You know what my son says? Whenever he finds a new toy or gets a new toy, he looks at it and he says, oh, man, I love this toy. I can do whatever I want with it.

He says that every time. And I go, yeah, I guess you can. It's like, you don't kill anyone, right? I don't say that part because you don't even know what killing someone is yet. I think probably unless he's been looking over my shoulder watching Dexter while I've been watching it. But, dude, just find the shit that you do well. That's it. That's the bottom line. It could be anything because of the internet now.

You could just, yo, my wife just started taking off the balusters on my stairwell upstairs for no reason, right? She just starts taking off the bal, I walk, I get home once, there's a baluster missing, okay? And I go, oh, fuck. And then I look and she's got the baluster on the couch, sanding it. And I don't even ask what you're doing, because you know why?

What the fuck does it matter? And then I look the next day and she's carving an eagle into it. And then I then I say, Hey, what's going on? And she says, well, I don't like these balusters that we have. I want to make them custom, and I figure I can do it. She has a sander. She has the little sander, the big sander, and then she made a thing that can hold the baluster so she could sand it while it's secure. And now she's been doing this one baluster for four days and it's got an eagle in it and she's like, this is very cool. Cause each baluster, I can have something, that means something to our family on each one.

So she put an eagle because of the eagle stuff in my standup and I was like, that's really sweet. And then I say, how many balusters do we have? And she says, 53. 53. We're going to be here in 2036 and my wife is still going to be on her fifth baluster. Dude, hey, she's never done this before. And by the way, she's good at it. And that's the thing that pisses me off the most, honestly, because it's like,

anyway, my whole point of saying this is, my whole point saying this is, let me put this, let me just reach across the table and put this Xacto blade inside the part with the Xacto part. So, because it was out and I have two kids under five and there's no reason that that should happen. And so, and who do you think left it there? Me, the guy who has a podcast, or the one who creates balusters. And so, oh, the producer's going like this, one fires like this, one fire, one fires, one fire, once my kids are that, so that's cool.

So, anyway, the whole reason why I say the baluster thing is because if my wife just decided today, you know what? Fuck everything except for carving balusters. She could be rich from that in three years. So when somebody's complaining about, hey, my algorithm or hey, what's with my business? I can't get the social media aspect of it. I can't draw.

Dude, fuck you. Hey. Dude, hey, YouTube anything. What pops to the top? Something with a million views. Something with a million what pops to the top? Something with a million views. Something with a million views pops to the top. Somebody's doing it right. Turtle hunting.

You know what, I'm gonna go on YouTube. I'm gonna fucking look up turtle hunting, okay? I'm gonna go look up turtle hunting. God, the algorithm doesn't owe you shit. Turtle hunting. Turtle hunting. How about this? With, first of all, I wrote turtle hunting with. There's many suggestions, okay? Shouldn't be one. Maybe turtle hunting, but with nothing. Not. With a net. Nah. With a, a, a,

a net. Net. Here we go. The top one, the top one has 29,000 views on it. That my friends is a fucking living. Dude.

Trapping snapping turtles with hoop nets is what it's called. It's got 29,000 views. That, my friends, is a living. Hey, dude, I know they pay nothing, but you keep putting up trapping snapping turtles up and you become the page that traps snapping turtles and then whoopsie daisy you're lining your pockets and you're driving a fucking dude. Do I even need to say it? Rivian! You're driving a Rivian.

And it's like, I not so annoying dude do your horse shit to the nth degree don't talk to me about that dude there's people lip-syncing making millions of dollars lip-syn, things like conversations other people had. Oh, that's a thing. Hey, it's a living. If that's a living, stand up works, and you just fuck right off or be better. Also, you probably sell tickets. Who the fuck looks at the top 10 most sellingest anything and goes, Oh man, sucks that I'm not in there. Because dude, that's the top...

Man, you know, sure it sucks I was 11, but it's like, come on. I just...so the people complaining, the horse shit that people do with the with the oh, you know my I just it's just dude But it's 2025 and then I don't know it's really changing I feel like look I did and I you know, I I've been doing my act for a year now. Oh, no I guess I've been in this act for, yeah, about a year, which is crazy to think about, uh, because it still feels like some of the jokes are new. Some of them are new, but, you know, I've been doing this mainly the bones of this. The bones of this, that sounds little.

I don't like how that sounds when it comes to art stuff, you know, stand up. But, um, yeah. Uh, I've been doing it for a year and I don't know what I'm going to do with it. I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I will tell you this. Your boy's gotten real comfy on his couch. Your boy's gotten real comfy on his couch. Your boy's gotten real comfy on his couch lately. Hey, holiday seasons. Let's do the fucking hey, dude.

Is this the holiday seasons with the extendo clip? Cause your boy's getting real comfy and it's January, January 6th. He's getting real comfy and it's only January 6th. It's getting real comfy and it's only January 6th. So it's like, is this the, is this the, is this the holiday season extendo clip? Dude, this is the high, am I living the holiday season Extendo clip dude, this is the high am I living the holiday season? Director's cut a dude. Where's the fucking DVD commentary because it's already

fucking uh January 6th, and I'm still real comfy on the couch dude holiday extendo clip holiday DVD commentary holiday fucking directors cut with DVD commentary from Quentin Tarantino With the extendo clip because man I was so comfy I'm on season Five of Dexter Hey, when you start when you start oh oh December 18th with the what not the first he did the original that yeah that's fucking 12 plus 12 plus 12 plus 12. What the fuck? That's fifth, 48 up. Yup. Plus two from season five. Dude.

Yintedilinintedilinintedilin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can't do that after a few episodes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't do that after a few episodes. I got every note.

Fuck you, Watches Dexter. And dude, hello, Dexter Morgan, John Lithgow. Final episode, season four. Then the show got rid of the two people who fucking were running it, took a huge dump, took a huge dump. That's the graph going down. Stock Dexter stock going, dude, when season, the second season five start, I go like this. My wife looks at me.

I'm like this over across from the couch. She goes, what are you doing? I say, the stock is gone. They tried to, they're coming up with a new Dexter. Dexter resurrections. Now here's the thing, dude. Okay, now I talk about Dexter too much on this podcast, but I don't give a shit. It's mine. Listen if you want.

But I'm like dude they made Dexter Original Sin which is him younger a different actor plays it okay. I watched one episode ago like this and they're not tricking me. I'm watching the original Dexter first. I'm running through it. I'm watching the first four seasons because that's when it was really hitting. I'm not watching season five. I'm gonna watch original sin after that, but then I go like this. Let's just turn on season five because I'm a sucker and I did it and it's just look at this down down down down and so I am watching now Dexter and I find, dude, I'm on my way to my parents' house yesterday. I got the two kids, all right, in the back seat.

My wife is at home carving balusters. All right, she's got ADD, she's got ADD. And she also has to study for school. I understand, that's cool. She's in school to be a therapist, makes my life a living hell. So it's all good. And it's just because, you know, the therapist thing, right?

Try living with a therapist. Try living with one who isn't a therapist yet that is becoming a therapist. That's all good. That's all good, right? That's all good. I saw my head off. So now I'm on the way to my parents' house.

I got the two kids and I go, hey, yo, Calvin, cause Billy can't talk yet and doesn't really understand shit. Although I did say, will you go please open the door? And he went to go open the door. And I'm like, oh, well then why don't you understand,

stop crying. Cracks. So, but I said, hey, Calvin, you know, you can take a nap. And he goes like this immediately passes out. Okay. So I go, Hey, has Michael C hall ever done an interview? And then I think, wait a minute. And then I think, wait a minute, if I listen to Michael C. Hall give an interview about Dexter, I'm basically one of those shit heads that listens to like the office ladies or

the fucking scrubs guys podcast. Like what, what the fuck? Hey dude, cause I'm just like, Hey, Hey dude, I'm huge with Let a Show End. Okay? Which it's like, if they, if God, you know, if Undateable was a hit, like it was kind of a hit-ish, you know, we did three seasons. If it was a hit and then they got together and they go, hey, they want to watch episodes together and do a podcast about it. I, this is what I go like this. I jump out, I jump out. I jump out the room. I jump out the room backwards. Flip, like just fingers out, flipping up as I pray that there's pillows on the floor behind me because I'm not doing it, right?

I just go fucking, hey Chris, wanna do a fucking undateable podcast where you, oh yeah dude, I do. Actually, let me fucking check this shit first That's me hitting the pillows that are hopefully there and if they're not I hurt myself dude But it's worth it because I'm not doing it. Let us show fucking and now I say that and I'm watching Dexter in 2025 again and original sin and excited for Dexter resurrections coming out even though he already died in the original one and then he died after new blood years later so it's like Clyde Phillips you said Dexter was dead but he's not so So I'm like, do I listen to a

Michael C. Hall? Somebody who knows Michael C. Hall, can you please send him this? I, I, I just tag him. I know he does social media. You know why? Because I look for it. Because I want to follow him. The best I can follow is Mizuka. So,

look, Dexter, man, you're, no, Michael C. Hall, I don't, you know, you're great in that show, alright? And he's doing what I would do too. God damn, he's doing what I would do. I would ride, I say let a show end, I lie. Oh, lest we forget I lie on this podcast, dude, I would ride that motherfucker till five wheels came off.

OK, you understand? Five wheels never come off for. All four wheels could be off. And I'm still waiting for the fifth wheel to fall off and it's not there Because I ride it Till it falls off never So I ride it and I keep riding you understand the fucking

Metaphor so the metaphor so Yeah, oh dude Michael see He got the role of a lifetime, killed that shit, he's good at it. He's like handsome and kind of sexy but also lab geek but also monotone but makes it that way because that's what the character does but then you hear him talk and he... Dude, so he got that role, did the role, killed the role. This is now like the fifth spin-off of it that's coming up and he keeps dying at the end of it, dude! That's so awesome!

I want to do that, I'm gonna do that with this podcast. I'm gonna get killed at the end of the, like one of the episodes and then do a whole press run on like yeah it was great doing that podcast was awesome and then we're gonna come out with congratulations resurrection and we're gonna be like yo he didn't die he didn't die on his podcast because it was too cold in the room if it was if it was any hotter in the room he would have died but they but the coldness kept them

Oh, it's What happened you fear it you hear it what is that? Is it gonna be on the recording part No Hmm. There you go. Oh There you go No, no, no, it works. Okay Yeah, dude. Oh, he would have died.

But it was too cold in the room, so now he... Anyway, dude, my whole point is... Uh, let shows fucking end, dude. God! You know what? Let them end for at least a few decades. Or a decade. Why don't you say that?

Right? Because it's like dude fuck I know it still has a family I would but I would ride it till the wheels fall off as a fuck you though you understand as a fuck you not as a as a as I'm getting money as a as a extra paper scoop that up oh shit dude okay I'll buy more cars a jet and a fucking you know I'll only Postmates you know you know I'm saying almost throw up on my mouth but like I that's so dope to do that you know what I go like this if I'm Michael C. Hall at this point I go like this you

know what I'm actually Dexter fuck fuck it. I'm gonna start killing, because I don't give a fuck. I have so much money, he could probably get off. If he was meticulous as Dexter, he could. Anyway, this is not a Dexter podcast, but. Dude, he watched two episodes of season five, God bless.

Twice! You can't sustain a show, you know? You can't keep sustaining a show because it, the whole like, this is why shows suck after four years-ish. I know why. Do you know why? This is why. Because as much as people say they like shows that are like real life or a slice of life or that they can actually digest

because they identify with characters, as much as they like that stuff, they don't actually want to watch that. And if they do, they don't wanna watch it more than an amped up version of it. more than an amped up version of it. Now, an amped up version of it is what is successful on TV because it's going to be sensational. It's going to be wild. It's going to be, Oh my gosh, I can't believe they did that on television. Right. And when you do that, you create a show that people want to watch.

Those are the shows, the shows that people want to watch are the shows that get second seasons, and third seasons, and fourth seasons. Now, you make it fantastic. You make it fantastic on top of fantastic. Then the third season you make it fantastic on top of fantastic on top of fantastic. And then the fourth season you make it fantastic on top of fantastic on top of fantastic and then the fourth season you make it

Fantastic on top of fantastic on top of fantastic on top of fantastic And then the fifth season you go what the fuck is actually going on? The brother and the sister just fucked you know because they have to keep out doing themselves And then they got it it crumbles you can't you can't it gets too ridiculous They start abandoning plot lines and saying like, oh just make it convenient and oh have him do that and then the character doesn't do that though. Well they wouldn't have done it in season two, but we already done that in season two. So now he grows wings. See that's the thing they really should go for it. That should be the thing that they really do actually. They should make a show that's riding on itself for as long as it can. Three seasons. Then season four, introduce

honestly, I mean this and I truly mean this, introduce a majestic beast, right? Like for no re- like like make it- oh god dude this would be my goal. If I was- you know what? This would be my goal if I was still in- you know what? I could probably figure out a way to do this anyway with the YouTubers. I want to make a show that is a fucking- like you know, it could be procedural or like you know, it could be the show with like, like party of five. It could be whatever the show is. It's a normal show that you'd see on TV, okay? And then you do three seasons of it and it's good, it's good, you know, you're killing it. You're getting viewership, you go, ah, but this is good. The inner dynamics of the

fucking, the mother-daughter relationship and then the, the, the, the, it's funny because when he goes to work, it's, it's, it's simultaneously, he's dealing with the same thing as he is at home and his house, and you're like, oh yeah, it's got layers and shit, right? And kill it for as long as you can you milk it until You're like, you know what this next season it's gonna be the bad season because we can't keep doing this Introduce Like in the middle of season three a very quick shot of like a mystic beast like think party of five with a Wendingo.

And it just cuts to a Wendingo. Like, like you guys like, yeah it sucks you don't have your mom anymore. I know it sucks, but I'm the dad and I'll figure it out, you know, you're fucking the guy from Lost is on it. And he's just like, yeah, you know, Lacey Chabert is just like, but I need the mom. We need mom. And then, and then it cuts to a scene in a supermarket where a wind dango is fucking eating someone's soul. And, and, but it's like four seconds. And then you go, what the fuck?

And then it gets back, goes back to, uh, Scott Bayo and he's like having relationship troubles in a, in party of five and then and it's like episode eight of season three and you go what and you don't explain it and then maybe at the end full scene where Matthew Fox dude has to go to the supermarket and like he has to shop and he's having like he's at odds with you know Scott Baio and like they're there not Scott Baio what's his fucking name? Is that his name? No, who's got it? Who's Scott? Who's whom I think of Scott? party of five party of five cast

Scott wolf same fucking thing, you know, Scott wolf is the is the Scott bail of two thousands and so Scott wolf so he's with Scott. Matthew Fox is with Scott Wolf. He's like, we gotta get the fucking right stuff. And I don't know how to deal with her having a period. I'm a guy, but we gotta do this together. And then he rounds into the frozen food section and in next to the fucking uh personalized pizzas there's a fucking wendingo in the actual fridge and it cracks open and

scott baio and matthew fox go oh shit and then you know they run away from it and and and and and and it's a full scene with a wendingo and then that's it and then season four which you'll get because you'll get like, we'll be like, what the fuck season four, because the show is such a hit. You just now all of a sudden you got scenes with a Wendengo every episode, dude. Are you kidding me? You wouldn't see that. You wouldn't watch that.

You don't watch that. And they just eat that. And like the end of season four, it eats Neve Campbell. And then, and then the end of season four it eats Neve Campbell and then and then Season five Other beasts come in until Fucking everyone in party of five dies, and then it's just a different show and all of a sudden. It's It changes into where the wild things are

Are you fucking? Kidding me, dude? Binge, binge, binge, binge, Netflix, Hulu, Paramount+, Showtime, Crunchyroll. Are you kidding me? Binge, binge, Britbox, fucking Amazon Prime, Binge. Red Box. I'm outside 7-Eleven waiting for the Red Box to show up!

Season 7 of Party of Six? With werewolves and wendigos and fucking witches? And, uh, you you know i'm in dude oh fuck man the last one the last human they ate the last human in season six jeremy london got What? Oh, a fucking werewolf. Why don't they do that? You know what's gonna piss me off too? There's gonna be somebody in my DMs about this episode. They actually did do that with the show.

They do that on the end, then I'm gonna look it up and it's not gonna be that. Can you please come correct in fucking tweets and shit so I don't have to look up shit that isn't right and not what I'm talking about? Ha ha ha ha. Ah. Whatever dude, you're talking to a guy that got a fucking really dope jacket on Christmas.

It's crazy, I'll show it to you guys afterwards It's crazy It's crazy, it's so dope. It's one of those jackets that if you wear it you think For a second you think Can I really wear this and then you go? Second, you think, can I really wear this? And then you go immediately, fuck that. And you put it on and you go on stage and you rip. Now you don't do the last part.

I mean, maybe if you're a comedian, you know, but whatever, it is what it is. Squid Game 2, awesome. He said it. Dude, you know what? Squid Game 1, okay. Good, good. It's good.

All right? Squid Game Two, awesome. Squid Game One, I heard that Netflix bought it outright. Didn't give anybody, didn't give the creator barely any money. And it became the most watched thing on Netflix, dude. And now season two, the guy wrote a season two, at least to get some money now is what I heard. And it's like dude, corporations, they just don't give a fuck, huh? That's crazy. So Squid Game 2 is good. So, Squid Game 2 is good. Squid Game 1 is pretty good.

I was not as big of a fan. It's not, don't get me wrong, it's not Stranger Things. People love Stranger Things. I think Stranger Things is not something I watch. It's just not, to me it's not something I want to watch. It is not good. It's well done. It's just not something to me it's not, it's not, it's not something I want to watch. It is, it is not, it is not good. It's well done. It's just not something I want to watch.

I don't care, dude. I don't know. You know, I, I even saw a toy from stranger things in like a target the other day and I walked by, I go, what the fuck is that thing? And I looked at it and I was like, that's ugly. And then it was a stranger things toy and I go, yeah. Oh yeah. I hate that show. And so, and I felt bad too. Cause one time one of the kids came up to me on the Stranger Things

and they say, Hey man, I'm such a huge fan. And so is she. And it was the two kids from Stranger Things. And I go, Oh, thanks. And I was like, uh, yeah, thanks. And I had to like, don't say you watch a show, you don't watch a show in my head. And I got out of there without saying, I watch a show. I wasn't even really too, I wasn't, what do you call it, convinced that it was the people

from Stranger Things and then when I left, my wife was like, that's the people from Stranger Things, you love Stranger Things, you know. So I'm like, okay, well, I didn't lie. But anyway, my point is I would ride Dexter till the wheels fall off. You'd see Dexter in a fucking wheelchair. Yintadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadinadin Yeah, yeah, yeah. How could I do that if I only saw a few episodes? I got all the notes right.

Um, but I watched squid game season two and. You know, it was good, but I could change my mind if I wanted. Um, I mean, I could change my mind if I wanted. I just don't, I, you know, something that you ever do the thing where you're like, Oh, you're watching something, a movie. It's like a thriller or a horror movie or like a twisty type of movie with like a thing where you're like oh what really happened and then you you see the movie and then and then at the end you're like oh fuck wow what a mind

fuck and then you go to youtube and you're like let me look up videos to see if i like that movie let me look up let me look up let me look up fucking Prisoners Explained. Just to make sure I liked the movie. And then some geek sitting in front of a bunch of DVDs is just like, so here is the explanation of Prisoners. And then they start talking about the movie Prisoners and you're like, when Hugh Jackman and Jake Gyllenhaal, what it actually meant was this. And you go, oh yeah, all right, yeah, you know what, I think I like that movie. Yeah. I didn't realize? I think I like that movie. Yeah.

I didn't realize the whole thing was like that. That's what I do. I be watching, dude, I'll go ending explained to any movie. I don't give a, man, I will do like straight up just, give a f- man I will do like straight up just you know I'll go how I met your mother ending explained I don't give a shit congratulations ending explained what Crystal Lea Ment was and then yeah dude so it's so lost oh yeah you best believe I'm doing it. Yeah. Oh yeah. I'll go to fucking straight up Schindler's List ending explained. It just says, just look it up.

Look it up, it's history. I go ending explained. Yeah, yeah, there was a list of Jews and then they go, oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, I like that movie, I guess. This is so sad. Braveheart ending, explain. Yeah, they were cutting off his cock. Really, he was still yielding freedom. Oh, you know, I know, yeah, I like that movie.

I'm glad they didn't show that part of us off screen. So yeah. How about that new Minecraft movie? Why didn't they look, I'm a huge, I love Jack Black. Why didn't they make a fucking Minecraft movie like they made the Lego movie? Hey, whatever company is doing it, here's all the money if you did that. But instead you got Jason Mimosa in a fucking pink leather jacket as a character that isn't in the video game. And... no. Hey. Make it like the Lego movie. Tried and true.

You've already proved it works. Make them blocky as shit. And here's all the money. Not that it matters. I mean, dude, I go to, I bring Calvin to school. Every kid has a Minecraft shirt or pants or, you know, I mean, he goes to school with a square pick. I mean, there's so much Minecraft shit. It's unbelievable. And, and, and... He loves Minecraft. And get this, he's never played Minecraft. So that's some real gangster shit Minecraft. You know. But yeah, it is what it is.

We're all trying out there, right? I don't even, I didn't even look at any notes yet. I just started talking. I have, I had some, but I don't know. I just started talking because I was feeling you know did they green light seasons the what oh that's right because it was it like a cliffhanger and which I didn't like the ending because it was a cliffhanger wasn't really an ending. That's why But Yeah, uh, here we go. Oh did I talk about Kristen eating my medicine Wow I

Got it cuz I had the nose Wait someone asked when I asked me do I want to do casper wyoming april 24th What yeah sure high Money Uh, wait, hold on. What's the what date is it? I want to casual is my tour Tour manager hold on Let me look and see if I have it. Let me respect you guys and just do my fucking business here This is you know if you're in Casper, Wyoming, you know, you'll know what's up Where am I April 24th come on god damn it either way April 24th. Oh

For sure Cheyenne, Wyoming. Yeah for sure. Cheyenne, Wyoming. Yeah, for sure. Uh, there we go. We watched the Golden Globes. We didn't watch Golden Globes. Actually, let me do this. Chris, you're a straight G.

Appreciate you, homie. Keep it up. Stream the song Digital Void by Internet Child out on January 17th. If you're looking to grow your e-commerce business, check out SAMMA Labs, a marketing agency with 10 years of experience who have helped over 500 businesses. Go to www.SAMA-Labs.com.

Shout out to Peter Brigham. Shout out to Peter Brigham. Katie is hot for you. Okay, well, okay, there I said it. Go to holler.baby slash Chris Lee if you want to purchase a shout out or go to a mini ad on this podcast. But there you go, dude. Hot for you.

What are you fucking? Well, darling, I'm hot for you. That's like some fucking, who's that guy from Casablanca? What's his name? Humphrey Bogart shit. I'm hot for you, darling. God, movies were so bad.

You know, I get it. Casa Blanca is a classic, but don't go watching classics, man. That's the whole thing about TV show should end. They were good for the time. Oh, I have the worst part of Dexter and I know it. And I said it last night and I, and, and it is, it took me five seasons to realize it. Whoever did the costume designing and wardrobe for Dexter, they should never, They should never... it's the worst outfit... they are the worst dressed cast on TV. Period.

From Masuka to Angel to La Guerta to Dexter to Deb to the fucking... I mean Trinity Killer okay makes sense because he's like a very weird guy. They dressed him fine and he was old But my god, dude Like pastel and I know it's Miami but it wasn't even Miami it was like pastel shit that like somebody you know, it was like it was like they wear shit that like people in Charleston would wear in 2001 and uh, uh, Charleston would wear in 2001.

And you just go, what the fuck? I get it. They shouldn't be able to dress because they're cops, but come on. This is a TV show. It's the worst shirt that they, that they, that Deb wears. She wears the fucking shirt that buttons all the way down where the cuffs roll up. And then it has the little loop that you can button over the cuff, so the cuff doesn't go down. Get the fuck out of here.

Get out of here, dude. Ah, yo, let me roll my sleeves up and then button them. To button it with the loop so they don't go down because I'm a piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how Squid Game 2 is going to end. I mean, I know Squid Game 2, you know, it's a cliffhanger. I'm not going to spoil it, but why didn't they just make a whole nother, you know, I guess, it's coming out in the summer, so it's okay, fine.

Fine, that's fine. I didn't look at the Golden Globes did you guys look at the Golden Globes the guy from succession is that really how he dressed by the way that's fucking dude they're laughing at you bro um it's like the Hollywood dressing, like these, look at this shit. Glazer, Nikki Glazer, 40 was the first time Globus hosted and she was far more successful than last year's disastrous host, Joe Coy. That's so fucking shitty, dude. Joe Coy, bro, it wasn't disastrous. Um, anyway, she said some funny stuff, you know, uh, I didn't see it, but it says

here, you have the most gorgeous eyelashes on your upper lip. This is such a good look to Timothee C. Shilohman. That's funny. Um, yeah. And, uh, so anyway, though this is the worst part. So is Aldana gets played off, uh, took home the best performance by a female actor in a supporting role in a motion picture for Amelia Perez.

Uh, that was, um, yeah. Yeah, man, she's been going to do it. She ever Twitter Amelia Perez, um, is what's hot right now. I guess she started getting emotional and then it played her off. Dude. Don't play off a woman and don't play off a woman of color. Not in Hollywood. Are you kidding me?

No way. Everyone got fired that night. Look, look, look, even the press is like, she was rambling a little, but it was her first win in a long career. Let her speak. That's so funny. Um, didn't mean more that she was fucking killed in that shit. Was that, uh, oh wait, was that? So anyway, Golden Globes, uh, yo, Yo, honestly, Elton John dresses like my mom.

Vin Diesel did that thing where he comes out and he said, hey Dwayne, and everyone went nuts, even though that's nothing. Man, Vin Diesel, huh? How much does Vin Diesel go home at night, every night, and legitimately think of the rock like with no commercial breaks for three hours? Even when he's like doing things like reading scripts and watching movies and like cooking.

Like he's cooking and he's like, but I could do this better than the rock. Um, Vin Diesel came out on stage to present the award for best cinematic box office achievement to Wicked and uh, there was, there was a feud, of course there was a feud between the rock and Vin Diesel. You know? They're the same guy. And also it's nothing. Man, they make news out of nothing, huh? Oh, it wasn't, he said, Hey, Dwayne, that's all he said.

But yeah, shout out to the Golden Globes. I guess, I don't know if people watched it. People stopped watching that. Hollywood is such a fucking joke, dude. Anyway. It's a funny account actually Have you ever been fingered by it? I've got a question. Okay. Have you ever been fingered by it? So sexist. I have a question. Have you ever been fingered by an MMI fighter? What is it? Like it's like it's 1985 this guy just fired it out there That fucking noise that people put on all videos is so annoying. What would it take?

To finger me? Like, are we talking about the same thing? To finger me? Yeah, yeah. Never. All right. I've got a question. Oh, my gosh, dude. Oh My gosh dude Look and some that is just Wow

I mean look at this idiot look what I just did Twitter and then the next one I scroll to on Twitter looking Would you rather? Get five million dollars or cancer What's the cash with the five mil straight to your bank account five million dollars or cancer Oh You guess bro same the two biggest idiots of all time man Look, you just got lost on Twitter. You ever get lost on Twitter. Like what's this one? With this basketball team that was in the championship one of the players took a really like good liking to me

I guess he takes you back to his hotel room and we don't even have sex. He just makes me his ass. And then he comes, which is great. So he has to leave in the morning. You know, how does this, how is there more story after this? So anyway, in the morning I went home home I did all the stuff I had to do and I said you can sleep over with me that's awesome that's great I sleep over with him and then he wakes up in the morning he's gonna leave he's like you

can like check out as an intel later like you can use the hotel room enjoy yourself do room service whatever you even though you already go to the bathroom and I turn on the light I I look in the mirror, he gave me f**king pink eye. Bro, yeah. Yeah, if you eat someone's asshole who's a professional athlete, you get pink eye. You get pink eye. You know in the morning he was looking at her too like, oh let yourself go. He was going to kick her out. He was like, oh fuck it.

Give her pink eye. You know, have fun. You know, get room service. See, see, get whatever you want. My eye was huge and red. It was not good. And then the next day they won the championship. Okay.

The end of that story is really dope. The next day they won the championship is hilarious. I don't know if she knows how funny that part is. But that is absolutely friggin disgusting. Don't eat anybody's butthole, right? Don't need, you know what? How about this? Don't eat a guy's butthole if he plays a lot of basketball. That just, it sounds like something that just shouldn't. That's not a good thing. I'm going to put this on, on this thing so you have the clip. I don't know who that person is but Congratulations lady you got pink eye for meeting the ball players back door and

Wow Everyone has a podcast huh That's it for this episode Thank you very much if you want to watch the rest of it go to the patreon patreon.com slash Crystal Ea and that's that'll be that'll be that guys. Thank you.