Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 432. The Gift of Seething

Episode Date: March 13, 2025

All the missing episodes are over on patreon.com/chrisdelia Get a shoutout on Congratulations: holler.baby/chrisdelia 🎤 MY SPECIAL: GROW OR DIE is here: chrisdelia.com/god 😏 Wondering where the missing episodes are? they're on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia - Extended episodes + 1 whole extra episode every month. Also no ads. This week Chris dives into the mind of a serial killer with the BTK Killer podcast. Plus an in depth review of Drake's album, a rapper worse than Snipes, and theeeeee Joe Anderson! Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram, X, and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/chrisdelialive 𝕏 X: x.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

BedMGM, authorized gaming partner of the NBA, has your back all season long. From tip-off to the final buzzer, you're always taken care of with this sportsbook born in Vegas. That's a feeling you can only get with BedMGM. And no matter your team, your favorite player, or your style, there's something every NBA fan will love about BedMGM. Download the app today and discover why BedMGM is your basketball home for the season. Raise your game to the next level this year with BedMGM. Download the app today and discover why BetMGM is your basketball home for the season. Raise your game to the next level this year with BetMGM.

A sportsbook worth a slam dunk. An authorized gaming partner of the NBA. BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Hey, it's DJ First Dibs. I notice you've been listening to a lot of summer vibes lately. I get it. You're dreaming about vacations.

Ooh baby, that's my jam. With Sunwing's first dibs on summer savings, let us curate something stronger than what you've been listening to. Because while your playlist screams, I need a vacation, my algorithm suggests book before March 30th. Remember Sunwing, save more, do more. Book with your local travel advisor or at Sunwing dot ca What's up it is absolutely another episode of congratulations welcome Um, it's episode 432, I think. I never really am sure. It's 432 I'm pretty sure.

My producer's shaking his head yes. I am here in the studio live. I mean it's not live because we recorded it and we made a little bit of a few like things like edits and stuff but you know what it is you know what it is dude you know what it is it's basically pretty much live I mean I don't it's not live it's live I shot it live and then we put it up so that's that's it and that's so that's how it's gonna be and that's fine there's nothing really you know exciting about it but uh you, I should do a live one I should get on twitch over there and do that. I haven't done twitch in a bit, but I have it all set up and

You know, it's it's weird that it's March already, it's March and I remember right just yesterday. It was like January, right? That February was pretty much just kind of came and went I added a bunch of new dates at crystal ea.com. I added South Florida. I added Las Vegas I'll be there in the actually soon Cranston, Rhode Island. I added lots Las Vegas. I'll be there in April. So go to crystal ea.com and then there's Denver and Savannah, Georgia Atlanta, Georgia, Atlanta, Georgia, Winnipeg, Regina, Saskatoon. Oh, I went, I did an Ontario improv last week and it was really fun.

I haven't done that dude. I haven't been there in 10 years. It's inland. It's in the inland empire, which I don't even know what that is. Don't call something an empire, right? Cause we're done. We're in America and we're in America and it's 2025. So when you call something the Inland Empire, you expect kings and queens and big elephants roaming around, but it's not. It's just like, you know, there's like

a market cafe and then a strip mall and, and, and, and, and, and, uh, and old KB toy store that still isn't like, kinda at a, for some reason, isn't out of business. But it's not an empire, right? Cause it's just a place, right? Full of houses that are, you know, ranch style houses and apartment buildings. So it's not an empire. But they, yeah, nonetheless,

they called it an empire and I went there. And it took four hours to get there. It's 70 miles away. Uh, and so that's what the traffic was like. And it was insane. But the reason, what's one of the reasons why I haven't played it because it's too far, it's too far, right? Stuff in LA is too far.

Stuff in Los Angeles is too far. Stuff in big cities is just, it's just too far. You know Like I was listening to a podcast the other day and they were talking about Wichita, Kansas and they were like Yeah, and then 30 miles away was and it probably takes 25 minutes to get there. That's crazy, dude If you're going 30 miles in la it's you need to pack a lunch Okay, you need to you you better hope that there's bathrooms on the way there because it's gonna it's it's gonna take at least six hours

And that's at 2 a.m. Because there's always traffic. But anyway, I went there and I went to Ontario not not Wichita I had that BTK guy on my mind because he's been fucking listening up and listening to the podcast God was depraved. maybe we'll talk about later, but yeah, I went to Ontario and I haven't been there for 10 years. I got there and they're like, man, you haven't played this place in 10 years.

I was like, wow, really? Because I remember the last time I played there. Okay, I remember the last time I played there. And I was 30, you know, well I guess I was 34, right? And I was doing a theater tour, selling out everywhere, okay? And then for some reason I had a weekend there at the Ontario Improv at the Inland Empire. And the club didn't sell out and I just was like okay not my demographic too long of a drive never coming here again now dude he went back

and it was that room is awesome and I'm going back again so I'm going back again dude May 29th dude I can't wait to buy I love that club it's awesome the staff there's great anyway whatever dude I know this isn't really I know other people are gonna be like I will keep we care about? You know, the people not in Ontario are not even close to the Inland Empire. They're not gonna be like, oh, what do we care about that? But whatever. It's my podcast and this is what I wanted to talk about. And I kind of feel bad I haven't been there because, you know, I like to show love to the empress and stuff. Anyway, shout out to them. It's super I get think I thought it

wasn't my demographic you know a lot of Mexicans and stuff but dude who's to say Mexicans aren't my demographic man you know what I mean orale so they're one of the the guy who was running this is a story about me kind of a guy who was running the Ontario improv last time I was there uh 10 years ago has a story and said and I can't have you ever heard something you might not you might have not because I think this probably happens to people who people know okay now I don't mean to be like bragging or whatever but like you know I'm out there okay as as mystical might say I'm out Chia okay and and and so I was doing the on the weekend there

and the manager there that I know now he's a friend of mine said to me a few years ago that this happened. And you ever hear something about yourself and you go, it doesn't make any sense. I don't believe that that happened. However, I don't believe the person is lying. Right? So it's like, are there different,

you're almost like, are there different universes? because this is so something I would not do and it happened and it happened because I believe him but I'm let me I'll tell you a story okay so he said to me and this was just a few years ago he said ten years ago I went to the Ontario Improv I did this thing and he said the whole staff wanted to do a photo with me afterwards and you know that's kind of a custom what comedy clubs will do they'll let's get pictures with everyone you were here the weekend and he came in the green room and asked hey the staff would love to take a picture with you and I said no dude you and I said no. Dude, how would I have... why would I have said no? Dude, he stands by it and I go that doesn't make sense. I must have... I must have not heard him right and

he's like you heard me right. I must have not... I must have had like some kind of stomach ache or something. I cannot believe I wouldn't take five minutes to take a picture. I don't and I will go, dude, I will never. I can't believe I still don't believe it happened. I can't believe that that's happened. I don't want to be a piece of shh, you know, I guess I'm a piece of shh But that's what it is

So anyway, I got into the BTK killer Recently, it's weird to say you got into it because he killed like ten people and stuff and I'm not into him into him But I will listen to a podcast of it the month. It's called monster BTK Bro first of all, I'm such an idiot, okay? Because I was listening to it and I am, I actually, now that I think about it, I cannot believe how stupid this was. Okay. It's 10 episodes long. And every episode after three, after the third one, I thought it was over. And I didn't listen

to it for like after that because I was like wow that's it and then I go wait a minute and then there was more. Okay it's ten episodes and it's not so good to do that once okay because look you know it would happen We're like I get out of the car around the end of the episode I wouldn't hear them say next time on BTK a monster, but you so I just like literally forgot It was a podcast stopped listening to it and go man. I listened to that whole thing That's crazy, and then I would get in the car, and then it I would be like oh There's more and I kept doing that and I did it so many times

Dude, I did it six times and then the ninth episode happened and then the ninth episode was over and I go That's it And then there was a tenth episode that you had to pay for that subscribe so I I apologize by paying for the tenth episode and And and I did and and it made it right in the world. Yes, dude. I don't like that though that they made me pay for it, but I guess I make people pay for this podcast.

But you don't have to, right? It's not like a series. It's not like you're hooked on it. Like I have a Patreon and you can go get the Patreon, patreon.com slash Chris D'Alia and listen to the extra episodes. But it's not like I leave you on a cliffhanger, right? It's not like I went to a coffee shop and some lady cut in line and I'll tell you about that in my Patreon episode. You go, fuck!

I need... Well, I mean not that that's even really that interesting. But when you listen to a podcast where a guy killed ten people and they're like we have updates. You're like I gotta know. So it would be like if I did this podcast and I was like I killed three people I'll tell you about who it is a patron patron.com slash Chris Lee you'd you'd I bet my picture I would do some stupid numbers if I did that But I'm not kidding. You know I'm not killing anyone. I think people who kill people are bitches, right? Um, I don't think people who punch people in the face for really good reasons are bitches though. Most of them I do, right? But if you run your mouth, sometimes you need to get knocked in the face, right?

But killing someone, different story. Absolute different story. The BTK guy was a crazy dude. I was watching the thing. I mean, the things that he did, first of all, he killed 10 people, okay? I was watching, and then I was watching his... For some reason the judge wanted to hear him at his sentences. He pled guilty, right?

Because he was like, you guys got me. You got me. I put a floppy disk, I sent you a floppy disk and you checked the metadata. You got me People talk about metadata like you know you check the metadata They check the metadata on his floppy disk and they were like, oh it says it's Dennis Rader and it says the church he goes to in the metadata, but it's like does it you know or like Do we believe in metadata they could just say it exists and you're like okay you're not gonna check I got a guy who does my social

media and he's not my social media but like you know my website and shit and he's like hey you know we got to put the pixels in so we get the metadata. And I'm like, this guy could just be running a scam on me. Oh, okay. Here's the money. Make sure the metadata works. You know? Like, what the fuck? And they say we're not in a simulation.

So BTK, here we go, BTK. This is just too much. Uh, the confession is crazy the way he talks about it. Yeah, I just, you know, I... Yeah, so I suffocated that, so I suffocated her, shot him in the head. It's like, you know, it's just... It's, it's just really...

Oh, let me, Let me play this here. Alright, Mr. Rader, I need to find out more information. On that particular day, the 15th day of January, 1974, can you tell me where you went to kill Mr. Joseph Otero? I think it's 1834. I mean, you know, it's more. All right. Can you tell me approximately what? Talk about it like baseball stats. Somewhere between seven and seven 30. This particular location.

I merged a whole family in the way he's talking about it. No, that's uh, particular location. This guy merged a whole family in the way he's talking about it. No, that's uh... No, that was part of my uh, I guess my wishful fantasy. These people were selected. All right. I mean dude, first of all the guy looks so much like a drunk guy at a party. Okay, I can't even believe it. Like he's older, but he's he's got to stare okay so shout out to him first of all for remembering anything I mean I know it was a big deal and I know but like dude he's 59 here I'm 44 ask me if I've seen certain movies I don't know ask me after I start the movie if I've seen it. I don't know.

I need to be halfway through a movie now at this point to know if I've seen it or not. At 44 I go, oh I saw this and if I'm with people I'm like guys I saw this can we watch something else and they're all hooked into it? I'm like, sorry dude. It's my stupid memory. I Bet you wish you're watching movies with BTK he'd know might wind up dead but he'd know so when I strangled him strangled him shot him thought he was dead went back strangled his wife heard went back, shot him again. I just, it's so crazy. That's one of those things.

Killing people is one of those things that I understand it happens, but there's no way. You know what I'm talking about? I tried it when I watched, when I listened to these podcasts because of all all the the rage You know I mean if somebody's killed more than three people there's a hundred and fifty podcasts about a period You know if someone's killed more than three people You know they've got a dateline. They've got a fucking forensic files. They've got a

an eight part podcast from I heart radio, uh, about them that you think ends after three episodes. And it's, uh, but I can't believe it. And I try to, when I listen to this or watch this stuff or when they, especially when they have the guy's own words, I try to think about like, could I ever do this? Like I'm trying to think about being in this like what if I what if I had to play this guy in a movie? Okay, and I had to be in the world. I would try and live it right?

But of course I wouldn't kill anybody but I'd be like I would I would think like what it like what is it? Like they say killing people is a lot of it is sexual which is crazy, crazy. That's why a lot of these serial killers are like this guy dressed up in bondage, you know. Like he wore, like he wore, he would kill the women and then wear their like bras. Hey guy, right? Like that's or their panties and just sit there. Like it was a a thing which is crazy because it is a thing, right? This is something that people do but I'm like is it something that people do or is it something that people do? Because now it's a thing because one guy did it and the media is reporting it and now if you kill a woman You kind of have to dress up in her panties. Otherwise you ain't shit

Right. Oh, dude have to dress up in her panties otherwise you ain't shit right oh dude right like you oh you oh you're a killer right do you have a hood with a zipper mouth no you ain't shit did you dress up with it with your victims pants nothing you ain't shit dude but this guy did it and he did it 10 times. So I'm like, could I do that? Is that is that for humans? Is that something that's in the deep dark accesses of each of our minds? Because I don't believe in evil. I believe in humans. Like one of the things that people say when they when when they're when the victims they have the victim impact statements and they're like you know what you're a

monster you're a piece of you're an animal you're nothing but it you're not a human. Dude you are a human. You're a human. You're a terrible human being. You're not an animal. Dude, animals, you have compassion for animals because they're dumb as fuck. You knew what to do and you're awful. That's worse. That's worse. Dude, you think I would give a fuck really if a crocodile put on somebody that they ate's bra and underwear, no, you did that, guy! That's gross! You suck worse than a fucking octopus! You suck worse!

You're a human who can do things like other things! All animals do is shit, and roam around so honestly if a koala saw a bra and was like you know what I'm gonna put that on you wouldn't even blame them But you a human guy who could do other things Decide to knife someone strangle, and then wear their panties around. You suck! This is my, this will be my victim impact statement. If somebody killed my parents, I'd be like, hey dude, you know what?

A lot of people would come up here and they would say that you're a, um, uh, an animal. And as a matter of fact, they did, right? Because you're a serial killer. You killed my parents, but you killed all the people's parents too, right? Okay? They said you're an animal and the matter of fact they did right because you're a serial killer you come out parents But you kill other people's parents too, right? Okay. They see you're an animal. They said you're you're less than human They say you're a monster, but you're not though, dude Monsters are kind of dope right? I bet they get shit done. They're not real First of all, we imagined them which means they're very cool because we didn't exist and we still think about them you exist and you kill and wear panties and you're awful hey guy

play video games but you didn't though did you you knew what to do and instead you you got a hood with a zipper over the mouth. You stuck an anal plug in your ass. And you went and you killed the family. Hey guy. Pick up pickleball. That's me. But you didn't do that because you're terrible. That's me.

Killing in the courtroom. Even though people are crying their la... He doesn't have a point. He doesn't have a point! He doesn't have a point! Get good at Tekken 3, dude! Fuck you! That's me in the thing. Get good at Tekken 3! Fuck you, bro! Could you imagine how viral that would go?

Wow, that was a powerful... Because you're not, dude! Hey, you're not a dog. My dog is this shit. I pet my dog. You are a terrible human being that couldn't learn Tekken 3. walk with us connect to the land that connects us all grow with us come together and make space for each other eat with us taste the many flavors of our cultures laugh with us smile. And bring each other joy. Come. Walk with us. Indigenous Tourism Alberta. Want to own part of the airline you flew with on your last vacation?

Or part of the company that makes your favorite triple shot latte with extra foam? What about owning part of a company that one day could send you on a tour of outer space? Now you can. With Partial Shares from TD Direct Investing, you can own part of your favorite companies. Just pick a stock and decide how much to spend on the share. It's a piece of cake. Learn more at td.com slash partial shares. TD, ready for you.

You could have been a fucking conductor, you stupid asshole. But you put on panties from someone you killed, you loser ass bitch. Contempt, no. Loser ass bitch. Get him out of here, no. He didn't look. He couldn't have taken three. Just getting out, the bailiff.

Get him out! KULTECKIN3! You fucking stupid ass! But that podcast was crazy. The guy, one of the victims was talking about how he was gonna jump over and kick BTK's ass. There the victim impact statement. And he wouldn't... And he was gonna do it. And he was up next. They went to lunch for, they went to lunch for,

and then he was like, okay, this is the time where I'm gonna do it. And then they went, and then after that, after lunch, he go, right when they were coming back, he got a phone call from his ex about his son that got hit by a car and he goes oh my god and they cut out and she's like he's in the hospital and he and then he went to go give the victim statement and he was like it was

like in that it was in that moment that I found my religion again because everything that I wanted to do to this dude I wanted to kill this dude it all just went away because all I cared about was my son and I wanted him to be okay and he was in a coma. He got better but dude that is that was a wild story. I'm driving and I go whoa like just like crazy. It is crazy. Very coincidental, very serendipitous.

Not sure God had anything to do with it. Maybe if there is a God, maybe he did have something to do with it. You know what I mean? But that is wild. Um, I don't know. But enough about this guy, dude. It's like, and when people are like, oh, when when chicks are like, serial killers are so sexy, bro, just show them a picture of Dennis Rader, you know? He looks like a fucking math teacher. But it's just, I don't know, man. This was great. I can't believe I've never seen this. This was like a year ago.

It went viral on TikTok, I guess. I'm gonna say never on tik-tok But this lady gets mad at this guy for parking in his space Or no, sorry parking in her space, but it's just public street Right. Okay This is for sure some white people's I don't you know, I don't mean things about race

But this is something a white person would do Also like a white woman So here we go. This is what happened. It's funny What The other guys disposition and let me act you before even start playing this this video. All right, I see sometimes comments Hey guy play the video, stop stopping the video. And it's like, no, watch the video.

It's out there. I'm me, you're listening to my podcast. This is what this podcast is this podcast is in a bunch of videos strung together that you watch it's just me talking and occasionally we'll play a video and I'll stop it and I'll talk about it so no all right let's go here is where I park my vehicle this is public street park this guy's disposition is great this is where I parked my car didn't say anything extra dude this is where I parked my vehicle this is a public place um this is where I parked my car absolutely

said nothing new amazing it's been it's been 12 seconds said nothing new know where it is at all times so I know where it is at all times for 12 years so wow congratulations dude that is great dude oh wow congratulations that's great yeah yeah you seem pretty proud of that. Well, actually, I am a very proud homeowner on this street. I know pretty much everybody on the street. Okay. And we're all very friendly with each other.

Well, I live here too. Well, obviously, you're not. I live here too, and so I can park here because this is public street parking. You could, but you could also be a nice neighbor and just let me have my spot and keep it open. How is me giving you a public street parking spot? Okay, look, I don't wanna argue, I don't wanna give you a new chair,

but everybody on this street is actually very nice and we all know that this is my spot, so if you don't mind, could you please move it? No, I'm not please move it no i'm not i'm not gonna move it oh dude why why does not this stuff happen to me i want to pray i you know i pray to to pray i i you know i pray to the god of you know white woman or or karen karen god right that's something like this will happen to me but it doesn't dude because I want to have fun dude.

Hey God, come on. I just wanna have some fun. Let a lady get mad at where I park. It doesn't happen to me dude. No. Then I'm gonna have to go get my husband. This is where it takes a turn. This is where it's great. She threatens to get her husband, okay?

And doesn't, here's the thing, she doesn't have a plan, all right? She's off a whim doing a threat. If you're gonna do a threat, come with it. Have a plan, be ready. Guys, when they have a threat, they usually have a plan right they usually are like oh check out this motherfucker and I'm gonna go I'm gonna go talk to him and you know what if he doesn't act right I'm gonna knock him the fuck out whole plan at least it's a plan this woman's like reacting off of emotion

all right now men do that too but they still have got that plan This woman is reacting off emotion and she goes like okay. Well now I'm pissed now I'm get my husband and now that's a that's kind of in a in a in a lady way. That's a threat All right, but watch what happens Yeah, I'm gonna get right now. All right, and what he do? This is great. Uh, try to talk to you. No plan, no plan. I don't know if that's gonna work, but I'm gonna go get my husband. It's probably not.

Actually... Hahaha! I don't know if that's gonna work, so... No, it's probably not. Plan thwarted. Okay? Have the plan. There was none.

Don't react. But... A true warrior shows no emotion Christa Lee at 2025 I think probably some soldiers said that too, but Sun Tzu probably said it or something, you know, some Russian guy said it for sure They regurgitate all this bullshit. You know what I mean, but Like that art of war is a book and it's great, but he was really just the first guy that said it I'll keep your friends closer and be closer really dude I have Armenian

friends I know that already they say that all the time. Scarface said it too. Do you know who my husband is? No I don't. Okay. The guy's disposition is just great. No, I don't Just zero fear. Okay. Now, here we go My husband's name is Joe Anderson, bro Who the fuck is Joe Anderson now, this is how you know even she knows he's nobody because she doesn't just say Joe Anderson she says my husband's name is Joe Anderson like she's introducing him to him because she is because Joe Anderson who are you now imagine Joe Anderson in the house behind her just like this she's doing the fucking thing again dude I'm not a

celebrity I'm not an influencer I've I don't I'm not like famous for fighting why does she do this so okay okay yes Joe Anderson okay Joe Anderson Joe Anderson all. What does that mean? Oh dude, not even who is he? What does that mean is great. Hey, not, the only thing better would have been if he said, see this is why I want this stuff to happen to me, cause I would have said, hey,

That's why I want this stuff to happen to me, because I would have said, hey, not just who is he, what does that mean? That, that, that would have been a bar, dude. The fucking, you would have turned black and white and you would have had that bang, ding, ding, bang,

with the sunglasses on you, la, da, da, da, da, la da da da da, and the weed. You know, like that old meme. Oh dude, not just who is that. What does that mean? Yeah. Yeah. Da da da da.

Hey, thank you. to you so hopefully you will move your car so that I can get my spot back. I am not moving my car. Smashed her. Yang ding ding. Yeah. Yeah, that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's Um, just giving you a heads up right now. I'm giving you a heads up. You can give someone a heads up that you're not going to do something. It is the crap. They love crap, dude. Hey, I'm giving you a heads up. Nothing's changed.

That's fucking phenomenal I'm gonna do that to my wife in the middle of sleeping 330 a.m. I wake up. I'm gonna be sleeping still. YANG TING TING! YAYA YAYA! YADALALALA YANG TUNG TUNG! SNOOP DOG! What? Fucking sleeping? Dude, I'm giving you a heads up! Shit's staying the same. Bro, that is...

This guy is a brown belt and shit talking now I don't know you might be a black belt but right now he's doing brown belt level of not escalating the situation keeping a great demeanor and then also the words he's saying heads up nothing's hey hey heads up not moving I understand it doesn't matter to me though so I'm not moving the car this is public street parking so why would I move my car? Great question. Joe Anderson. Have you seen this? Dude, to fucking be losing and go, I'm just going to say it louder and with the in front of it. So he understands that he's somebody. What if who is it? Okay. I heard you about Joe Anderson, but I am parked here in a public street parking spot.

Do you live down here or do you live down that part of the street? Don't worry about where I live. Don't worry about my house. Oh, I can't. I worry about... Where's your house? Now he says, where's your house? Oops. Sorry. So I'm drinking Perrier. It's not gross. It's just carbonated water.

It's not like if someone burps, if they eat a turkey sandwich, I'm out. I can't if you have a regular burp From soda water or coke or Pepsi. It's okay But if you eat a bowl of pasta and then burp get the fuck out of my house All right, that's not what I did I want everyone to know that that's not what I did and I don't do that. All right, so for the listeners I'm sorry for the people who see it. You can see I'm holding the perrier, right. And I'm sorry that that happened.

And this is the second apology video that I've ever done. And I do mean it. OK, so I do. I do not like that. I did that, but it happened. And I'm sorry. But the it was carbonated water. You see it right here. OK, it was not like fucking a chili burp is kind of almost OK because it's wet a little bit. Anything dry if you're eating chips and you burp, get the fuck out of my house anyway. Where's your house?

Oh, like, I'm going to tell you that right now. Oh, dude. Well, what the fuck, man? What game are we playing then, huh? Sweetie man? What game are we playing then, huh, sweetie doll? What game are we playing, sweetie doll? You just asked where I live. Where do you live? Oh, like I'm gonna tell you that. Exactly, sweetie doll.

This guy is a brown belt or black belt in deescalation, in the words he chooses, in disposition. You just asked me my house so I can ask you yours. This is my spot. You're a very rude person, aren't you? You're not a friendly neighbor type, huh? How am I being rude? You just ran up to my car, yelling at me about parking

in public street parking. I love the neighbors here. We all get along really well. We do sometimes even have like dinner parties. Bro, that O is fantastic. oh wow that was the that actually that he's a black belt cuz that oh was was so dope dude oh hold on let's go back to it let's listen to the oh. I love the neighbors here we all get along really well. We do sometimes even have like a party. Oh man. Who is this guy? Honestly, I don't know who I want to know more about Joe Anderson or this guy.

There but obviously you're not going to get invited to one of those. Alright, well, that's too bad. I guess. Yeah, I guess it is too bad for you. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So, see you. Can you leave me? Yeah. So, for you. Yeah, okay. Okay, so see ya So see ya why the fuck would this guy want to go to one of this to this woman's party As you imagine going work it okay texture. We're gonna park is you know, it's like dude Get him go get him go get him. Go get him. Go get him.

Hey, what was his name again, by the way? The Joe Anderson. Got it. Okay. Good to know. Can't wait to meet him. Bye. What a fantastic video.

Gosh. We love it! That is just so great. God, I love... come on, man. Why doesn't it happen to me? I get something like that happening to me. So anyway, that was a real... that was a thing that happened and I wish that that would happen to me. But that's it. So whatever dude. I was at... Dude, I was going to, I had a spot at the Laugh Factory, you know, I went to go, I did this thing where I go to, you know, I did this short and simple, it's kind of like a show. It's a, I guess it's a, I don't know if it's a podcast, but it's a show.

It's with Jesse and Steve. It's Steve, right? Yeah. And they're great guys. They're funny and shit. And I did this thing, you can go check it out. It's on my page. I put it on there.

But the guy Steve was gonna come to the show to meet me. And my spot was at 10. And so Kristen was like, I would love to go. And I said, yeah, come. I would love for you to come. I like when you come with me to the shows, you know? She was like, okay. When you have to leave? And I'm like, I would love to go and I said, yeah come I would love for you to come I'd like when you come with me to the shows, you know, she was like, okay when you have to leave and I'm like, alright Well, I gotta do the thing now or I Give myself some time. You know what I mean? Cuz she's gonna not be ready at the time, right because of

Right and I Wonder if trans women are like that too, or if it's, that's how you could tell if, if there's more than two genders is if trans women are also late getting ready, then you go, no, you're still a guy. If they're not late, you know what I mean? If they are late, you go, still open for debate maybe you are a woman but if you just if you're just if the trans woman is just, so, uh, we were at the, uh, which is, I say, so my spots at 10 55. I'm going to go, it's probably a little late. I want to go at, I want to go, I want to get there at 10 because that's what I told Steve I

was going to get there. But here's the thing I wanted to go to What do you call it the the coffee bean first and the coffee bean closes at 10 and I want to leave by 9 because I know I can still make it to the coffee bean all the way from West Lake Village If I get there before target they're right before 10 and then I'll just go left.'ll be a little late for city, I'll tell them I'll be late, you know. So I'm like, do I say nine or do I say eight, Narnie? Because one time she was like, do you ever say time, do you ever say you need to go earlier because you know I'm going to be late? And I I'm give her say you need to go earlier because you know, I'm gonna be late and and I said yes and

She's got mad and I was like Sun fair I know that's not fair but sun fair so Start earlier, you know what? I mean, then you start earlier, right? So I try not to You know what I mean? Then you start earlier, right? So, I try not to lie about it. So, I said to her, okay, nine. Because that's what I need to leave. Now, we got out the door at nine ten.

It was still late. And that's fine. Because I drove a little fast. But when we get in the car, dude, she goes, she puts, she she puts she's done this before I gotta work on my my anger honestly because I mean dude there it's it's so weird to love somebody so much like and to To know that you die for them, right but to be for them right but to be seething when they put on an audiobook right but but but to know you'd you'd jump in front of a bullet for them like but to be hey can

we listen to my audiobook for me to then immediately see right like it's almost to the point where if I had to take a bullet for her I jump in front get shot with the bullet and then as I'm dying I would think at least I won't have to listen to any more podcasts in the car right like it's crazy the mind that I that that I have and I I don't mean that in a good way okay so she's so because here's the thing I wanted to listen to the rest of the BTK I didn't know there was another episode I get a cargo there's another episode so she's like can we listen to my so here's the thing cuz we've already been through this we remember, can we listen to my, so here's the thing, because we've already been through this.

Remember when she made me listen to the World War One podcast? She's like, can you, I know this is weird, but there's 13 minutes left in my audio book and I'm really excited. So can I listen to it and like yeah you know yeah but I'll see sorry it's me yes I give that gift to you and I get the gift of seething right so we each get something you get to do it and I get to see okay so so great great so I'm like sure put it on 13 minutes left and I'm like let's see if it's really 13 minutes she puts it put it on 13 minutes left and I'm like, let's see if it's really 13 minutes. She puts it on It's 13 minutes left, right? and

We're listening to quick this thing. I gotta look it up. Actually, it's this vid. It's the not video it's called quicksilver which I fucking Hate the word quicksilver. Okay, cuz what is it? hate the word Quicksilver. Okay, cause what is it? Right? There's a superhero with that name. There's the logo company, the clothing.

I don't even know if it still exists anymore. But what the fuck is Quicksilver? You know what, I'm gonna ask. What is Quicksilver? It's such a bullshit silver. Okay, Quicksil silver used in similes and metaphors to describe something that moves or changes very quickly or that is yeah it's nothing do it it's not even a thing it's just somebody made it up once

in like 1920 and it's stuck yeah it's quick silver is what it is what's that you don't know what quick silver is? It's when something shifts and changes really quickly. Anyway, turn on the radio. Anyway Let's pretend like we're prowling really fast. All right. This is a dance called the Jigga Bug or something. Let's do that. And we're polka dots. We're fucking idiots Well, isn't that some fucking quicksilver What's that shut up woman you're less than me in the in the 20s though i'm saying like not now You got a poodle on your skirt you fucking idiot What the what's that all about?'s not fashion you're stupid but I shut the fuck up unless I'm

talking to you put on the radio this is real music I suck oh Oh, fuck man. I fucking suck, huh? I made up Quicksilver. Anyway, the book is called Quicksilver and so is a stupid clothing company and so is a stupid superhero. I don't even know what they do, right? God how cool did the person think that they were when they came put the word quick silver I'll do a fucking roundhouse kick right now in the air to show my distaste disgust Okay quick silver and every book she reads to is like a Series of book there it is series of books. There it is. Here it is. So who wrote this? Callie Hart. Right? Is it what it says?

Callie Hart. USA Today best-selling author. USA Today. What does that even honestly mean, USA Today? This is the worst cover I've ever seen to any novel. I mean, it's like a guy who's a knight that has some tattoos and he's holding his neck like this and there's a tear coming down his cheek and two butterflies around him. Oh, it's silver.

Yeah, of course, quick silver. Anyway, it's called. Yeah, of course quick silver Anyway, he's it's called quick silver. Okay now every book Kristen reads is one of you know eight one of eight So if she starts something it sucks because I got a constantly be like But you know, the only sound heard in the hallway walking down

when Quicksilver walked down was the echoes of soldiers pass and I'm just like, oh my, oh my God, dude. But she wants to listen to the last 13 minutes of the book and she goes, and guess what? The next book isn't even out yet, So I can't listen to the next one and I go fucking oh hell. Yeah, dude play it Dude and i'm listening and no and first of all she was like You can talk about this on your podcast but do not talk shit about it. It's really good

shit about it. It's really good. Dude. Have you met me? So. So we're listening to the. Thing, dude, it's like the worst acting with this audio book. It's the worst. And it took, I remember when I was young in Hollywood and I was trying to get like a voiceover agent

and they were like, well, have you gone to voiceover classes? And I'm like, no. And they're like, well, then you can't get a voiceover agent. And I'm like, what a crock of shit, dude. Why? I need to say my S is right. I don't want to sound like these assholes. This guy Quicksilver is like,

well, the only thing I could have done is stabbed him So I took out my sword and it's like dude, I can't get into that I want to hear like the BTK guy say it. Yeah, so, you know what I did was I cut out his abdomen And he bled all over the ground and then you know You found it attractive. So I slipped inside you But it's like so we're listening to the thing and these voice actors are just like first of all she's called the the woman is called he calls her little Osha and that to a woman if a woman's reading

a book or listening to an audio tape of a book that's where there is a love interest and it's like the guy is otherworldly and the woman is otherworldly of a book that's where uh, uh, there is a love interest And it's like the guy is otherworldly and the woman is otherworldly too But he's bigger and a beast kind of and calling her something like little osha That's the panty droppers. Okay That's the That's the panty droppers, okay And so we're listening to this thing and dude, there are, it's a sex scene. And I swear, bro, it's going like, Oh, it's like, they start like being with each

other and then the guy's like, Oh, you're so slick. Like I'm talking about the wetness. Oh, you're so slick. Like I'm talking about the wetness. And then she says, that was when he put his finger in her inside her and then the guy goes, oh, fuck yeah. And I'm like, and she's like, oh my God, this is like hot and she's like,

you don't think this is like cool? And I'm like, oh my god, this is like hot and she's like you don't think this is like cool and I'm like Hey What I Turned off BTK for this What I'm not gonna be able to go to coffee bean for this what I Have to drive extra fast for this. What? I'm not going to be able to beat my friend in a timely manner. What? He's a new friend. So like, and she's like, why won't you get into it? And I'm like, that's like, this is like, because, you know, I know they write,

women write this for women who can access their romance part of their brain. And then they get a little bit of the panty drop disease, right? But it's because it's, it's intellectual. It's not just tits and porn, right? Which for guys, that's what I'm into. So it's like, imagine if I was like showing her just some dude, drilling a chick slowly and, and like the, you know, look, and she goes, what get you why won't you get into this look at a bukkake this is crazy dude this is the

wheelbarrow position what the fuck you can't get it? She's got slopey tits. Come on, dude. Look at the way he's drilling her in slow motion. It's hard, but it's soft at the same time. It's smooth, but it's nice. And so, uh, I listened to this shit. And then afterwards when it was over, I was like, Oh my god, god dude that was just

I don't know man. Do you pretend you like it? Do you do that? Are you a guy who pretends you like it? Are you you know? Because women are good at getting into stuff that you're into right? Even though they don't want to they'll be like I'll find the good in it to, right? Even though they don't want to, they'll be like, I'll find the good in it. Dudes, they go, what the fuck? Can I do my thing? Man, it was when the guy goes, oh, fuck yeah. I'm like, this is just porn for you. So slick, he said. Ew Ew dude. Women will hear that and you know,

take care of themselves. They really will. Oh. No. Oh No The the off beatness She didn't start at the right time. What's up with people doing music and not starting at the right time? Yo That's embarrassing, bro that's embarrassing bro come on

oh my god bro can we play this without getting demonetized? I don't even know. Oh my gosh. Stop. Somebody filmed it and was like, yeah. Let's put it up. Hey lady. Quit. I don't understand. Well, hey, you know what? It's probably got the views. It's like, who cares at this point? That's so bad how off she is. Go back. I gotta go back to how, when she started. Here we go. Let's go back to when she started. It's just so huge. I like big homes. Why can't you do it? I like big boom! That's how it is. I like big homes. That's what it is. She's like, I like big homes. I like... That's what it is. She's like I like big homes. I like

Wow, that's awful That is so funny Wow, it's terrible good fine Ivan get rid of This was awesome the M what are they the M MD foodie boys. I talked about them the other day on the podcast well these guys review an album that they haven't heard that to me makes this one of the greatest podcasts I've ever heard in my life because that's what we do here at congratulations by we I mean me but these MF MD foodie boys Drake album Drake's my favorite artist. I looked it up on Tic Tac.

See like what songs were the best. Oh, so not the way guy. OK. I listen once I think it was like, let me look. Just give me a hug. I think that was best. It was really good when i listened to it i listened to one song and i literally like that i think that was the best song that's awesome dude this kid i'll tell you right now this kid's gonna go really far in life that's that is tremendous to do that, okay? I haven't got a chance to listen to it.

I haven't got a chance to listen to it. I didn't listen to it either, but it just... I've heard of it. You were talking about it. I've heard of it, dude! Hold on. Wait, let's just finish this out and then... But I haven't listened to it yet. Nobody heard it and they're reviewing the album. That is... like I I say there's too

many podcasts but let me tell you something it went all the way to the other side and now this is the greatest part this is art you understand and the thing about this podcast is they have microphones why does it sound like they're in an echo chamber dude why does this sound like they're in an echo chamber, dude? Why does it sound like they're in an they they're talking in a microphone? Are they on? How do you guys feel about the new Drake album Drake's my favorite artist? I looked it up on take that I see like that is just fantastic. I Looked it up on tik-tok to see For the best I listen one side. It was like

Just give me a hug. I think that was best song. It was really good. Why listen to it? Yeah, I haven't got a chance to listen to it, but I heard is pretty good Yeah, I didn't listen to it either, but it just sound it's I've heard of it Dude oh, yeah good review people were talking about it at school today. Raves. Brent, probably. This is awesome. How long can that last? That's just great.

Oh, wow. My producer just sent me this. It said, a rapper worse than Snipes, which is pull up a sticks and all of the choppers, why they want hate, but I'm too lit. Yeah. I'm gonna just flip a brick. Yeah.

I just, they want to see me when I was trapping by myself. I was so, so articulate. They want to see me when I was trapping by myself a fucking musical this guy is not rapping he's being in a musical I just thought they want to see me when I was trapping by myself I was getting out the hood I didn't have no help I didn't have no help dude don't swallow in the middle of rapping. Because I'm really getting up. Yeah, I'm gonna start off in the vet. Yeah, oh And I'm finna flip a brick. Yeah, put ice on my wrist. Yeah, I had to get it out the hood. Yeah by my Why does it just cut off?

I appreciate you guys listening. Sign up for my Patreon, patreon.com slash crystal. Ea. I'm gonna be in Vegas I'm gonna be in Saskatoon. I'm gonna be in Irvine, I got a bunch of dates, Huntsville, Miami, South Florida, Dania, Dania, Dania, I said that wrong, Dania, Dania, you know, Dania. All right, Boston, Savannah, Georgia, go straight out of Multiverse Tour, Portland, Oregon, oh this week I'll be in Lubbock, Texas and Amarillo, Texas, Uh, uh, uh, oh, this week I'll be in Lubbock, Texas and Amarillo, Texas, Cranston, Rhode Island, Portland, Maine. Go get tickets.

Casper Wyoming, two shows. Uh, chrislea.com. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,