Cox n' Crendor Show - 110 - Hotdog At The Home Of The Whopper
Episode Date: September 12, 2015Jesse returns from DragonCon with tales of the paranormal! Crendor creates an all new form of ASMR, and then the boys check in with their good pal Florida Man!...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crendog!
Cox and Crendog in the morning.
In the morning!
Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live!
In 4 hour recording studios.
Recording!
Wake your ass up, it's Cox and Crendog in the morning!
Cox and Crendall with the Board Egg.
Hey!
Oh!
Hey!
Oh!
What song is that from?
I don't know.
A 90s song.
That's for sure.
Hip hop hooray!
That's, that's, yeah. Hip hop hooray! That's,
yeah,
and they do that thing
with their hands.
Yeah.
That now makes you
look like an idiot.
Exactly.
That reflecting upon it
makes you look foolish.
Very metaphorical
of the 90s.
Yes.
The 90s.
When you look back,
kind of foolish.
Oh my goodness.
I'm back from Dragon Con.
Yeah.
Oh, Crandor, it was the craziest thing I've ever experienced.
I heard you saw some intense panels.
You need to come to Dragon Con next year.
All right.
I cannot recommend a convention more in my life.
All right.
First off, it's like five conventions in one.
There is four separate hotels.
All of the hotels are packed with people.
And then there's the vendor area, which is in a different place entirely.
It's like two blocks down.
Oh.
So it's all these hotels, all these different people, all these different communities,
all these different genres of convention in one area.
And it's awesome, because you don't have
to go and deal with
stuff you don't want to.
And you don't, it's not
all gaming, so it's not like you're just inundated
with gaming. It's, you know what,
right now I'm gonna go look at the Doctor
Who area, but next I'm gonna go to the
place that has to do with
I don't know
monster movies.
Right? Yeah. It's
crazy. So
because Dodger and I didn't want to have really
any interaction
with human beings, we decided to go to the paranormal
panels. Of course.
And they were basically live
episodes of Coast to Coast.
Oh, so good.
It was so good.
They were in the bottom, like in this basement of one of the hotels.
Every panel was packed.
And every panel was crazy.
Just crazy.
The first thing we wanted to do, which we tweeted at you, was a panel popped up on our thing that said,
Ghosts, how do they do what they do yes we were
like what does it even mean so we went to the panel but the panel was filled so rather than
leave we just waited for someone to leave so we could get in yeah so we missed the first half of
the panel so i don't i don't really know everything about how ghosts do what they do but what i do
know is that the two theories we saw before he opened it up to questions was one, ghosts are
energy clusters, and when
something traumatic happens,
the residual energy
replays that moment over
and over and over again. And so
when enough horrible things happen in an area,
the memories of
that reality come flooding back.
Right? And so other people can experience.
That was one theory.
The next theory was that it's like a rip in time.
And so the stuff you see is something that happened in the past.
Right?
Yeah. But if that's true, then the stuff you see could also see you.
And so that's what he's saying, like shadow people.
Right?
And he gave an example of how he was on this ghost hunt,
and he saw this shadow person that looked at him and then, like, walked through a wall. And he was saying, like shadow people, right? And he gave an example of how he was on this ghost hunt, and he saw this shadow person that looked at him and then walked through a wall,
and he was like, what?
And so he was saying in the past that wall wasn't there.
So maybe this was something from the past,
and it walked down the hallway that existed before the wall was put there.
Oh, shit.
Right?
And so it was pretty interesting.
We were sitting there like, hmm, yeah, it's interesting.
Having a good time.
And then the crowd got to talk.
Oh my god, the crowd was
amazing. They would tell you stories.
Everyone had a story about how they saw a ghost.
Or how a ghost influenced their life.
Or how, you know, a relative saw
a ghost and it changed forever.
Oh, exactly. It was so good.
We sat there and just
were mesmerized by all the stories.
And then one guy stood up and was like, I want to propose a theory.
You mentioned rips in time.
What if you combine several of your thoughts and you say there's a moment in time where you are traumatized
and that leaves the residualness of that moment as a ghost?
the residualness of that moment as a ghost.
What if you
seeing yourself
in the time rip in the past
is also you in the past
seeing yourself in the future
causing the emotionally traumatic
memory which you then block out
and only relive
in the future when you see your past again.
And everyone in the crowd
was like, holy
shit.
Everyone
was just like, whoa.
It was
so cool. We had a great time.
But finally
at the very end, a guy stood up.
It was the last question. He gave a speech
about how he used to live
on a plantation and he used to live on a plantation,
and he used to see ghosts of slaves,
and one day a slave woman folded his clothes and stuff.
Like, this whole thing.
Ghost slaves.
It was very interesting.
He sits back down, but then right as he's about to sit back down,
he stands up as the guy's about to be like,
all right, well, we're done here.
And he stands up and goes, oh, another thing. My aunt had a stalker who found her and cut off her head and ate her heart and then sits back
down.
And then the panel ends.
Nobody says anything.
And Dodger and I look at each other like,
what just, wait, what just happened?
That man just admitted that his
aunt had her head cut off and her heart eaten.
What? That'd be like if
Coast Coast AM ended with George being like one final call and the guy's like, hey, George, yeah, my aunt got her head cut off and her heart eaten. What? That'd be like if Coast to Coast AM ended with George being like
one final call and the guy's like, hey George,
yeah, my aunt got her head cut off and her heart eaten.
And George is like, alright, that's the end of the show. Click.
Like, what? We need answers.
Like, why wasn't
that your lead off story? Yeah.
That's far more interesting.
I was like,
what are you talking about?
And then the guy just vanished into the crowd as everyone left. He was gone. I would have stopped him and been like, bro, what are you talking about? And then the guy just vanished into the crowd as everyone left.
He was gone.
I would have stopped him and been like, bro, what?
Like, did a ghost do it?
There was no explanation.
It could have been the Watcher.
It could have been the Watcher.
No one knows.
We did get a few emails about the Watcher, but I haven't read them yet.
about the watcher but i haven't read them yet oh i actually uh i'm very happy in the 30 i spent for that coast to coast am because i never miss open calls now last or uh last friday's open calls were
great one lady saw an army of gnomes marching down the street yeah ghost gnomes not just normal
gnomes yep and uh another guy predicted that a meteor is going to hit the earth
on september 22nd and that the every text ancient text predicts it and he was like what do you think
about it dave because dave was the guy here and he's like well uh there's been a lot of things
like the mayan calendar and all these other false predictions. So I don't believe it. And he's like, most people don't believe me.
I tell you what, coast to coast viewers, prepare yourselves.
Get into your bunkers.
Get into your things because it is coming.
Noah and the flood is happening again.
I always say that.
Yeah.
He's like, he's like, cut him off.
And he's like, well, I mean, even if a meteor did hit, we'd probably go into like a nuclear winter and we'd all die anyway.
So really, you don't have to do anything.
It's just like, oh, oh, yeah.
I mean, great.
It's great program.
Got to listen to that.
Wonderful program.
I would highly recommend it.
90% of the time it's kind of jank, but the Friday is maybe the best show to listen to that wonderful program i would highly recommend it 90 of the time it's
kind of jank but the friday is maybe the best show to listen to yeah because that's when people
really call in they're like george i saw an alien have sexual relations with my dog
and i'm worried if i should take my dog to have an abortion it goes against my religion you're
like what are you talking about?
That's like the one you texted me about.
Did you finally hear it?
Yeah, I heard it.
She was crazy.
She's like, well, she sounded really normal at first.
You're like, oh, it's just some normal lady.
And she's like, well, you know, when you typically get abducted,
it's just they look like wasps.
You know, they're kind of like a military of wasps. And, you know, they drilled into my skull up in heaven.
And I was like, what?
That's so crazy.
Here's the thing.
You need to find the really, really old episodes from, like, 2000 back when the host was Art Bell.
Because George Norrie is far too forgiving.
He's like, yes, so what was that like?
Interesting, okay.
Art Bell would have been like,
all right, crazy lady, here's the deal.
You need some help.
Yeah, I was seeing the Art Bell ones.
I think he does come on every once in a while,
but he doesn't like them.
He used to, way back in the day.
And now they have like...
Now one of the weekend hosts is...
I don't know his name.
His name might also be George.
And he has that really, really deep voice.
Oh yeah, deep voice guy.
And he is legitimately as bad as the callers.
He's like, I've always believed that America was the fourth level of hell and that the government
is secretly trying to brainwash us all into becoming mutants.
And it's like, what are you talking about?
You're the host.
You're not supposed to be the crazy one.
He's like, he'll be like, I've always said Obama is initiating some kind of campaign
to round us all up and force us all into FEMA camps.
And it's like, what are you talking about?
They call up and it's like, I can't agree with you more.
Let me tell you, I was looking on the internet and I saw a photo of a FEMA camp.
And he's like, I knew it.
I told you before.
It's like, what are you talking about
god when i was trying to listen to the one you told me to get to i was listening like all the
hours before it this one guy's like now i keep a gun by my bedside and the one night i got abducted
by aliens through the window now they took me right through the window, and I was in their metal ship.
I couldn't move.
I was paralyzed.
I was paralyzed, but here's the creepy thing.
I thought it was a dream.
However, I reached my hand to my side table and grabbed my gun and fired two shots into the alien, and he went down and left.
Now, I thought it was a dream, but when I awoke, I looked at my gun and two of
the bullets were missing.
And I was like,
what?
I imagined he actually
shot someone.
What?
There she was.
My beautiful dog, dead.
Aliens killed her by taking the bullets out of his body
and placing it in my dog.
Now explain that to me.
Atheists.
My favorite ones are the ones where it's like,
George, I was
abducted by aliens, who we all know
are sent from the devil.
And they took me up into the sky
and they tried to convince me
they were there for good.
And I said, Jesus,
away with you.
And the aliens vanished before my eyes.
And I'm like, I don't.
And he's just like,
now do you think these aliens
are demons in disguise
that have created spaceships down in hell
and flown them out to the earth?
And she's like,
that is what I was thinking.
Why would aliens come to help us, George?
They're trying to harvest our brains.
That's how they feed Satan.
So anyway, speaking of Satan,
then another panel we went to was called Eerie America.
I've never seen a panel go badly before but this was one of them
so eerie america is a show that this guy i believe his name was corvus nocturnum
was trying to get like on tv and so he's pitching it to the crowd the audience there
and he's like i want to know what you think he gave us these sheets to write down
our thoughts on.
Yeah. Thankfully,
he did not give it to me or Dodger.
Yeah. Because
there was
nothing we wanted to say positive.
Yeah. Basically, it was a show
that was
a travel show about going
to weird places and seeing weird things.
Except, they showed nothing in the travel show.
They were like, we're going to go to New Orleans,
which is famous for having weird, creepy stuff.
The first thing they did was meet this guy who thought he was a vampire,
and then the guy took him to a bar, and they just went into a bar and sat there.
And they asked him, like, what's New Orleans about?
And he's like, well, it's about creepy aesthetic.
And then there was just them talking.
They didn't even show the creepy aesthetic.
One girl goes to a tarot card reader
and the tarot card reader does like,
you look like someone who's alone.
And she's just this like really sad looking goth girl.
And the tarot card reader's like,
you look like someone who's alone.
And she's like, I am.
And she's like, are you looking for love?
And she's like, oh my God, I am. And she's like, one day you'll find it. And She's like, I am! She's like, are you looking for love? She's like, oh my god, I am!
And she's like, one day you'll find it.
She's like, I will!
It was amazing. They went to
just random crap,
but they didn't actually go do anything.
Right? So when the video was over,
this Corvus guy
asked the crowd their opinions.
The first guy who raises his hand
is like,
that was awful.
Let me tell you something.
That tarot card reader,
not even a real tarot card reader.
Also, can you please maybe try to make it make sense because that was 35 minutes of nothing.
And he goes off on them.
And he's like, this was horrible.
And the Corvus Nocturnum guy's like,
well, you know, it was just clips
from all the shows we did.
It wasn't actually a real show. And the guy's like, well, you know, it was just clips from all the shows we did. It wasn't actually a real show.
And the guy's like, why the hell wouldn't you show us a real show?
We came here to give you our opinion on a real show.
You showed us clips from other shows that made no sense together.
And the Corvus guy stands up, walks to the back of the room, and starts shuffling papers.
Meanwhile, his co-host is like, all right, any other questions? And then people just start standing upling papers. Meanwhile, his co-host is like, um, alright, any other questions?
And then people just start
standing up to leave.
And we were like, is it over?
And everyone just sort of stood up,
and the Corvus guy just was in the back shuffling papers,
and didn't turn around to look at anyone,
didn't do a thing, and then everyone
just left the room. We were like, what happened?
That's so weird.
What just happened here like i
think he took it really badly yeah he probably like took out his frustration by shuffling those
papers i feel like he took it really badly i was like oh okay well that is definitely a thing that
happened the more panels i see the more I realize That our panels are actually really awesome
Yes, people are like, your panel was the best I saw
I'm like, now I believe that
Before, I never believed that, now I get it
Most panels are awful
People try way too hard
So other panels
That were at the paranormal
Panel area, by the way
There was also a lot of other things
So examples of the different panels
like panel types you can go to.
I'll scroll through this really quick because it's kind of cool.
So there was
alternate history
which is like the
great airship races and
mad science for miners.
I thought it was going to be like
the Native Americans.
Are they aliens?
No, this is this.
That's what I thought it was too,
but it's all steampunk stuff.
Oh, I see.
And I don't know why they wouldn't
just classify it as steampunk.
Yeah.
But apparently it's all steampunk.
So it's like, oh, okay.
Well, great.
Oh.
Then there's American sci-fi and fantasy, which is pretty obvious.
American sci-fi classics, which is pretty obvious.
Animation tune.
Anime manga.
Yep.
Of course.
Apocalypse Rising, which is all the war is coming.
The 100 cast Q&A.
Zombie makeup and you.
Like that kind of stuff.
Yeah.
Armory programming, which is threats of the streets.
Deputy Sheriff Slimmick shares the concept of when to escalate your level of force.
Let me tell you about the streets, kids.
It's great.
But then it's also medieval myth-busting and spears.
There's literally a panel called Spears.
Now, this spear right here, this is a 1495 spear straight out of the medieval war.
There's armory display rooms.
There's the gun wall, a tour.
There's art programming, which is different art things that you can do.
Autograph sessions.
Brit track, which is all the British shows.
It's like Doctor Who and Sherlock.
Comics and pop art.
Costuming.
Electronic frontiers forum.
So I don't know what the hell this is.
Legal issues with Kickstarter and crowdfunding.
Oh, it's that kind of stuff.
Fantasy literature.
Filk?
I love how the first thing is What is Filk? Good question
I don't know what it is
And I don't know that I want to know what it is
I don't either
Then there's Film Festival Film Tracks
That's all the different things
There's Horror, Kaleidoscope
Which is heroes and villains
Cartoon Network's new
Oh I guess this is all over the place
It's all sort of like
The Voice of a Disney Legend
That kind of stuff
Yeah
Live Performances
And then Paranormal
I want to read some of these to you
Because they're amazing
Yes
One is
Ghost Hunting Tech
Which would be awesome to go to
One is
Dark Mission
The Secret History of NASA
Oh god One was called Investigating the secret history of NASA. Oh, God. One was
called Investigating the Mothman.
The Mothman.
One was Exorcisms, the
case of Emily Rose.
You know what would be great? The Bell Witch
Hauntings. The Grid,
exploring the hidden infrastructure
of reality. Oh, shit. I'd
go to that one. Right?
Ancient Aliens and Secret Societies. The Hunt for Bigfoot. of reality. Oh shit, I'd go to that one. Right? Ancient aliens and secret societies.
The hunt for Bigfoot.
Paranormal illusions.
The haunted circus.
Psychic trials.
Some guy would be like, yeah, I'm gonna test
and see if you guys are psychic.
Oh shit. Ancient aliens.
The extraterrestrial question. Real life
celebrity ghost stories. Whoa. They have the extraterrestrial question. Real life celebrity ghost stories.
Whoa.
They have the ghost hunters from TV.
TV's ghost hunters.
Wait, for the celebrity things.
Do they bring actual celebrities there to tell their ghost stories?
Yep.
Then there's Paranormal Illusions again.
Oh, my goodness.
I guess that's every day.
And then Haunted Georgia.
Then there's the podcasting panel, which we were on.
Here's the best part.
So the podcasting track, keep in mind, the panel they gave us, the room, fit 100 people barely.
Oh, God.
Here's the other things that were there that they put us with that I feel like we were woefully underestimated.
Yeah.
Podcasting, Friday.
Podcasting and media kickoff.
We examine the current state of podcasting.
And there's one called FSL Tonight.
Fantasy sci-fi sports.
Coruscant versus the Cylon Raiders.
Oh, that's going to beat you out.
Clearly.
Dad's Garage Radio, live. Dad's Garage Radio, live.
Dad's Garage Radio.
It's a picture of a dad in the garage like,
I want to make a podcast.
Know what I hate?
The government.
There's the Jurymore and Friends podcast.
Don't know who that is.
I don't either.
The Inquiring Minds podcast. Right. We're giving these people shout know. Don't know who that is. I don't either. The Inquiring Minds Podcast.
Right.
We're giving these people shout-outs.
Shout-out to all these people.
Inquiring Minds.
The Sex Geeks Live Podcast.
Oh, man.
Disasterpiece Theater Podcast.
The Obsessed with Joe Scrimshaw Podcast.
How obsessed are they?
Obsessed, I guess.
So, like, you know know just podcasts yeah but i feel
like they underestimated where we fit into that world so it was it was very funny and that's sort
of like it like those are all the things you can do and it was crazy i want to go to this now i'm
telling you you would love it you would love it we should do a cox and crendor podcast yeah oh man
if they're gonna let any Joe Schmo do a podcast
We can fit a hundred people in a room
We need to call it like Cox and Crandor are aliens real
Yes
Yes and just be like
We've done no research
But
But we've
Oh my god
During the ghost panel
The guy when he goes
Alright time for questions
But before you ask me questions
I want you to know
There are no answers
What?
I want to do that from now on
I will take your questions
But I want you to know
We have no answers
Every time they said something
They'd be like
Well here's my theory
Do you think that ghosts Are really just Man of our own frustrations within this reality?
And he'd be like, good question.
That's it.
And then he'd be like, next question.
I think that's a great theory, but really there's no answer.
I just don't.
I mean, I can't give you an answer, so next question.
Yes, I want to see if we can get on the paranormal track.
Yeah, no doubt.
So we're going to do a panel about aliens.
Are they real?
We have no information either way, but we believe that they must be real
because they contacted me in my sleep and said so.
I've had a few dreams with aliens contacting me, in fact.
Oh my god, we need to have people make illustrations.
This is an artist's illustration of us being abducted by aliens, if it were to happen.
I described it to them and they drew it.
It's literally just Dan's artwork of us beating up an alien.
This is our first encounter with an alien.
It's on a metal slab in their spaceship.
They didn't have mouths.
I don't know how they ate.
They ate through their fingertips.
So when they were examining my body, I felt like they were licking me all over.
And there's just like a hot alien chick with like sexy fingers rubbing on me.
It's just like weird dirty pictures.
This is when they were examining my groin area.
I enjoyed it more than I should have.
I feel like I impregnated several of them.
We were on that ship for many hours.
And I was just one.
It was the next one after the next one.
And I couldn't stop myself.
Brilliant.
That's our panel.
That's our panel.
It's going to be a great panel.
I'm excited for that panel.
Oh, man.
I feel bad calling out panels, but some of them are so silly.
I'm just like, I want, I wish I could go to every single one.
Yeah.
I wish I could go to every single panel because I want to know,
because that one guy's panel was literally how to ghost do what they do,
and that's the silliest sounding thing I've ever, like, heard in my life.
The panel was so good, I want more of that.
Yeah.
I loved that panel. Legitimately, more of that I loved that panel
Legitimately not jokingly loved that panel
It was hilarious
That guy was great
He was really engaging
He was all over the place
Until he got to the Q&A when it became like
Just the craziest thing I've ever experienced
But when he was giving his presentation it was really interesting
It was watching like one of those shows on the History Channel or whatever
I'm down I want that
I want you and I want that.
Yeah.
I want you and I to go give a presentation.
We can call ourselves the USA Ghost Hunter Society.
Yeah.
And just ghost hunt.
United Ghost Hunters. We don't have to prove that we ghost hunted.
Yeah.
We can just make EVPs.
We can make them ourselves.
Hold on.
Hold on.
I'm going to be the static and you be the ghost in the background.
All right?
All right.
Let's see.
Hang on.
See?
Yeah.
That's a EVP.
That's a ghost right there.
Yeah.
That's definitely a ghost.
I want to know, if you can write in the comments either on SoundCloud or maybe on YouTube or on
iTunes.
Tell us what you think he said.
I guarantee they'll all be different.
Until someone's like, no, it definitely says
I am the ghost of your sister.
And then everyone's
like, oh, should I hear it?
Yeah, I hear. If you
really listen. You gotta really listen.
Hold on, guys.
Hold on.
Let's hear that again.
All right.
Yeah, no, I definitely hear, like, Obama president.
Obama Satan.
Oh, I hear that.
I hear it now. Yeah.
Oh, shit.
You just had to tune your dial. Yeah, I hear it now. You said tune your dial.
Yeah, I hear it now.
I feel like we're going to get on the wrong side of big paranormal.
They're going to come after us.
They're making fun of us.
They're making fun of us.
We've already had multiple communities come after us.
Just like, they're making fun of our community.
One was like the dreaming community.
One was the ASMR community.
Which I don't know why.
I love ASMR.
Oh, man, we still should have done our dreaming thing.
The like imaginary friend community.
There's a couple other ones.
We should make a show about imaginary friends dreaming in ASMR.
Yeah.
That would be great. Imaginary friend Waldo. I'm an imaginary friend, Waldo.
I'm going to help you out.
I'm going to just drink this soda.
As I make pancakes.
I want to tap on this.
Chuck right now.
I'm also imagining I remember that.
And this is a dream.
In your head.
You're sleeping right now.
But if you realize that you can control it.
Then later we can have sex.
All right.
True story.
So like two days ago I was on 4chan, which by the way, I love 4chan.
It's crazy.
All right.
And this guy was talking.
There was a dream topic.
This guy was talking about how he like forces himself to have sex dreams.
Right.
All right.
So first off, he learned how to control himself in his dreams.
Yeah.
Lucid dreaming. Yeah. So he learned how to control himself in his dreams Yeah lucid dreaming
Yeah so he learned how to do that
And then he basically told everyone
Like the 12 steps in order to make yourself
Have a sex dream
And he's like every night I do that
And every night in my dreams I control my sex dreams
And I was like this is the creepiest
Epic thing
To ever admit to anywhere
I control my sex dreams.
Like, alright, well, you're a crazy person.
He's on his way to far
beyond virtual reality.
He's like, every night, I go to bed
super horny, and my sex
dreams are amazing.
Oh, okay.
Great. Good for you, buddy.
I bet if you followed his
12-step program,
you'd probably be hooked buddy I bet if you followed his 12 step program You know what You'd probably be hooked
I bet I would
It sounds like a lot of work
I'd rather just sleep
I don't know, I'd rather just sleep
That sounds like a lot of trouble to me
Yeah so that's
I feel like we've just wasted 30 minutes of people's lives
I mean we usually do.
Hold on.
That's true.
We get power through all the segments.
But more so today.
More so today.
Let's power through all the segments, because I already picked out a new story.
Oh, okay.
Oh, let's go.
Traffic, I'm going to stop this guy.
Crud dog, crud dog.
I'm not driving down there.
Traffic's going to say we got Stylon Glidium, and he's driving his car down there.
Nice car you got there, Stylon.
Are you done?
Yeah, he's just driving a car, I'm already back in the studio.
Oh, alright. Hey!
Grendor, now let's go over to the weather desk!
How's that weather?
Uh, weather today, I don't know.
Woppy!
Woppy, activated!
5, 2, 4, 5, 2!
No results!
Damn technology.
Uh, Woppy, what's close to that?
Uh, uh, uh, uh
Redirecting, redirecting
Redirecting, redirecting, redirecting
Wheatland, Iowa
Wheatland, Iowa
80 degrees Fahrenheit
58 degrees Fahrenheit tonight Thursday, 80 degrees Fahrenheit, 58 degrees Fahrenheit tonight.
Thursday, 79 degrees Fahrenheit.
Scattered thunderstorms.
So ominous, Woppy.
Error.
Iowa.
Idaho.
Unsure.
What?
All right, great.
Good to know.
He doesn't know the difference between the Iowa and Idaho abbreviations.
I feel like we should have our computer looked at if that's the case.
Yeah, I'm going to have to tweak them a bit.
That seems like user error.
All right, and sports.
That's what he gets for traveling to England.
Sports.
Oh, yeah, football starts tomorrow.
Not like, you know, Europe football Like American football
Did you see that
The Patriots have been
Basically accused of cheating forever
Yeah, pretty much
Which is amazing, because everyone knew that
Everybody already knew that
But it was just kind of like
Now it's confirmed, they are horrible cheats
Yeah, and then Tom Brady was supposed to be suspended
Four games, but the judge was just like...
But the judge somehow was like, no, he's cool.
Apparently after that he was like, I got him on my fantasy team.
So that explains a lot.
But NFL season opens tomorrow night, Thursday, Pittsburgh, New England.
Yeah, that game will be awful for Pittsburgh.
As a Pittsburgh fan, I hate New England. Yeah, that game will be awful for Pittsburgh.
As a Pittsburgh fan, I hate New England passionately.
But Pittsburgh could win.
New England lost all their secondary as an NFL statistic person.
That's true, but Pittsburgh has been just awful.
Just awful.
Yeah.
It's a new year.
It's a new year.
Everybody's got hope. Oh, yeah.
Also, remember the guy with like three fingers Jason Pierre Paul
Yeah
Apparently he was like
I'm gonna play
And they're like alright
And they just examined
His hand yesterday
To see if they should
Sign him
And they were like
Uh go home
And rest
Which means
Like his hand
Is still effed up
So not sure
If he's gonna play
Well I mean
He's
He blew off his fingers
Yeah
So
There you go.
Don't be a dummy, kids.
Let's put a cast on it.
You can go out there.
Let's put a cast on it.
Tape it up.
Bambade.
All right.
And what is our big news story of the day?
Big news story of the day.
Florida man arrested for allegedly masturbating at Burger King.
I like the allegedly part.
Allegedly. Nobody knows for for sure the picture makes it better
there's the picture oh no uh so
that guy has the eyes of a man who doesn't know what's happening he does uh florida man faces indecent exposure charges
after allegedly exposing his hot dog at the home of the whopper good good news writing good
jefferson king 33 was arrested thursday after a customer at a west palm beach burger king
reportedly saw him playing with his sex organ at a seat near the restrooms.
The woman told police when she asked King what he was doing, he replied,
What? I'm playing with my penis.
It's quote for quote.
Yes, it is.
It is exactly what he said.
The woman then complained to the manager.
Honestly, he is being truthful. He told her exactly what he said. The woman then complained to the manager. Honestly, he is being truthful.
He told her exactly what he was doing.
He didn't lie.
He didn't try to cover it up.
He was blunt.
Yes, but the man told the truth.
He's like, you stupid.
That's what I'm doing.
I'm playing with my penis.
The woman then complained to the manager
who asked King to leave.
However, King allegedly refused to move from his seat
and kept playing with his genitalia.
Officers were called to the scene when they questioned King.
I want to know how long this took,
because that man might have some legendary stamina
if he was there for a while.
Yeah, he must have been going a while.
Also, what kind of level of jerking are we talking here?
Are we talking like a quick hander,
or are we talking Jamaican? What kind of level of jerking? we talking here? Are we talking like a quick hander or are we talking Jamaican?
What kind of level of jerk?
Like what was he looking at?
Probably the Burger King.
Yeah, that smile.
King was taken to the Palm Beach County Jail, booked on one count of indecent exposure.
He was released on Friday after posting a $1,000 bond bond but not before posing for a very memorable mugshot yes that is memorable all right
that is memorable i mean the other article i was gonna do is weird people find love quicker
but well that's true because they're willing to settle more yeah
you love me oh my god all right sure i'm in they're like we're curious to settle more. Yeah. You love me?
Oh, my God.
All right.
Sure, I'm in.
They're like, we're curious to see exactly the definition of normal, but whatever.
Let's get weird.
I also feel like too many people are trying to get weird to be cool because people are like, yeah, weird and nerdy is the new cool.
Don't even get me started on YouTube.
That's all it is anymore.
It's true.
Oh, yeah. No, I'm totally weird.
I have a pink strand in my hair. I'm all it is anymore. It's true. Oh yeah, no, I'm totally weird. I have a pink
strand in my hair. I'm so crazy
guys. I went
to the grocery store and I purchased
an alternate coffee
today.
Or not my normal coffee.
Guys, I'm so weird.
So weird. Or the occasional
like, I love donuts. I eat like
four donuts today. I'm so weird. God, occasional like, I love donuts! I eat like four donuts today, I'm
so weird!
God, you're so strange.
I didn't do my homework for three days straight.
It's like, I didn't do my homework
like, ever.
Like me now.
Yep.
Alright,
that's it! Thank you so much for
listening, and we'll be back with another episode shortly
and as always
to be continued