Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor Beta: Tuesday November 20th

Episode Date: November 20, 2012

We're testin' stuff out! Let us know what you think before we actually make this a real thing!

It's time, time, time, time, time... For Talk of Trends Hour in the morning! Shhh! Some people don't like this intro, but too bad! It's an intro when you have it in your face, ears! Boop boop! Get out of the way! Wake up, y'all! It's Talk of Trends Hour in the morning! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Sh Hello there, everybody. It's time for another episode of Cox and Crandall in the morning. It's bright, it's early, and you're getting the hell up, getting ready for work, getting ready for school, getting ready for whatever you're doing.

And we're back. Yeah, we're back. Day number two, because we get more professional every day. I don't know if that's an actual fact. I'm pretty sure it might not actually be that way. I think one day we'll just hit a point where we'll get so professional that our level of professionalism will be equal to someone just starting out in professional radio. Right? It'll be like our first day. One day, it'll be our first day on the job. Yeah. That's what I

aspire for. That's what I aspire to. Yeah. What's the difference between aspire for and aspire to? Is there a difference? I don't... Whoa. It's not that deep a question. You don't need to go that far into it.

I feel like I should know this, but I don't. I don't think there really is. Maybe it's like the same thing. Uh-huh. No, no, I'm pretty sure it's... I'm pretty sure it is, but I'm also pretty sure it's not. Because if you aspire to be something, you, if you aspire for something, you're aspiring to get something. Like you want something. To be something is you want to, you aspire to be,

like, it seems pretty obvious. I don't know why we're having a discussion about this. This is how we open up our radio show, talking about grammar. Yep, that's how it works. Grammar. Welcome to the GrammarCast. My name is Horatio Bottomlip. This is my colleague. Gramcracker.

It's like grammar. It's Gram Cracker. What are you, like a dog? That'd be a great kid show. Horatio Bottomleaf and Graham Cracker. Graham Cracker. What do you think of that, audience? I'm glad we have their approval.

I'm okay with that. They're pretty happy about it. Right? Okay, so if you remember yesterday, you had a mission. Let's remind people about yesterday. So yesterday, I had said to you, Crendor, you know what's the best? Pinkberry. And you said, I'm going to go to Pinkberry. I'm going to try it.

And today we're going to talk about it. So did you go to Pinkberry? Well'm going to try it, and today we're going to talk about it. So, did you go to Pinkberry? Well, I looked it up on Yelp. Turns out, the two Pinkberries that are by me are downtown. I didn't go downtown. So you just gave up? Well, to go downtown, I don't want to drive there, because you've got to park, and it's like, blah.

So, most people just like take the train like people that actually work downtown are just like oh I'll take the train so I would have had to take the train like 40 minutes and then look around for Pinkberry and it probably would have been like lunch time and then people

all would have been getting Pinkberry and then I would have had to take the train that then people all would have been getting Pinkberry. That was the point. It was your adventure. You were going to tell us about your adventure. Your adventure was half the fun. That's what we were going to learn about today. Instead, your adventure was you sat at home and didn't do anything.

No, instead I went and got breakfast at some place, and it was pretty good. Wait, whoa. Can you tell us where you got breakfast? It is a place called Wildberry. Oh, that sounds fancy. It is. It sounds like it could be Pinkberry's cousin. Tell us about Wildberry.

Okay, so. I want people to get hungry. Right now they're just waking up and they're like, man, I could use Wildberry. Well, Wildberry is a place that is in the Chicagoland area. There's three of them actually, according to this thing. It's just, it's popular. So they've branched out their brand of wildberries. They were even on TV!

I saw them on TV. Oh, shit! Well, okay then. Yeah, because they were like, it was this show on the Chicago station or whatever, and they were like, this place has amazing pancakes so we went there and i had their pancakes and they were pretty amazing so it wasn't false advertising is what you're saying it was not false advertising at all they had wow best pancakes

i may have ever eaten. Uh huh, uh huh, that's great. And they had pretty good bacon too, so I got a side of bacon. And their coffee was good. And the guy kept refilling my coffee, so that was appreciated. Right, for an old man like yourself, that is your key concern. Yeah. What are you doing? Not filling up my coffee?

Cause if the coffee's half empty, and you're not filling it up, then you're not getting a good tip. Uh-huh. All right. That should be the number one rule. If I ever open a restaurant, which one day we obviously will, we're going to have it. It'll be a breakfast and lunch only place called Cox and Crandor in the morning.

Yeah, exactly. And it'll just play our podcasts all day. People will leave very quickly. That's how we can keep getting people in and out. Let's stay for the amazing food, but leave because of the horrible podcast playing. There'll be people just finished eating. They're like, why is that annoying?

Those two annoying men keep talking. I just want to talk over my coffee. What are they doing? Every day I come in here, it's all the yibbering and yabbering and talking. But if their cup is below half, you gotta refill it. If the people don't refill it, they're fired. Because I'm not one of those people that's gonna allow my employees to just slack off.

I'll be like, yo, you didn't fill that guy's coffee. I love how this is where you draw the line. The service line is drawn like, if you do not fill my coffee cup when it is half empty. So you are essentially my father. The only thing missing now from this story is when you left, you stole the little packets of jellies that are on the table. And you put them in your pocket and took them home. My dad, i swear to god here's the best part i know somewhere my mother will hear this and she will be like why are you

bringing up your father but i know for a fact this is this is a thing he does every time we go out every time we go out for breakfast when i when i go to visit them we always go to like either a mimi's or one of those you, sort of like cafe-y places. And so my dad will go around to the different tables and he'll just steal all the different types of like jams and jellies and peanut butters. Peanut butters? All the peanut butters. All the peanut butters.

Peanut butters. He'll take all of those and he'll even ask for more. Like he'll take them and be like, we didn't get any, and ask for more. And then he'll put them all in his pocket. And I'm like, you realize we have bottles of jelly at home. He's like, yeah, but it's about the fact that it's free, and I'm paying for it, so I might as well take it. And so he'll just take them.

It blows my mind. He's at that age where he just doesn't care now, which is hilarious. Like, I want might as well take it. And so I'll just take them. It blows my mind. He's at that age where he just doesn't care now, which is hilarious. Like, I want to get to that age. I want to live to that age where I can go into a grocery store and just do anything you want and not care. Just steal batteries. Just, he swear to God,

he goes to the, you know how there are those bins of candies in grocery stores? He'll open the bin and just start eating from it. He doesn't even care. People will look at him. There was this one time this kid looked at him and was like, excuse me, sir.

My dad gave him the stink eye and the kid ran away. I was like, what are you going to do? Tell on me? Like, really? It's amazing. Right? So I think you are one step away from that. I am. But I, oh, my God.

I just got the greatest idea. Uh-huh. So when we make our restaurant, we give people free packets of jelly, like fortune cookies. To take home with them? Yeah! On their tray when they leave, on their bill, will be a few packets of jellies. I'm like, here, take it on us. Can you imagine how many old people would come to our restaurant,

even though they had no idea who we were? And their taste buds are all shot, so we could serve them crap and they would love it. And we would just be like, hey, here's your free complimentary jelly packets, and they'd be like, oh my god. Everything we serve them would be some form of oatmeal or grits.

My dad loves grits. Although I love grits too, but, you know, come on. Lots of fiber-enriched foods. Right? We'll just pour honey nut cheerios in a bowl like they do in the commercials and serve it to people i've always wondered by the way who goes to a restaurant and then orders cereal at a rest like what who is this person who goes out to to a diner and is like yeah i'll have a bowl of cereal i don't who does that it happens on TV.

I remember there was a Seinfeld episode where Jerry's sitting there eating cereal. Maybe it was George... One of them, they're sitting there eating cereal at a diner.

Who does this? Who in real life is like, I'm going to go to a diner and pay like 12 bucks for something I could get. I could go get a gallon of milk and a cereal for like maybe $6.

But maybe they just want the diner experience. Then get a pancake. Get eggs. What if they don't want that? They want cereal. Well, then get oatmeal. Get a diner oatmeal. Get some grits.

That's like warm cereal. Could you sneak in cereal? You know what? I can see that happening. Because if you can sneak food into a movie theater, and I've seen people sneak food into other restaurants before. There was one time I was with some friends, and we went to this one restaurant.

I think it was like a Mexican steakhouse place. And one of my friends didn't want to eat there, so he went across the street and got Taco Bell and then went to the Mexican Steakhouse place, and when they brought out an appetizer of nachos, he took one of the little plates and then dumped his Taco Bell on it and pretended he was eating the food that was there, even though it didn't even look anything like it.

They just didn't care. They're just like, whatever. No, the woman looked at him when she came back. She looked at him and was like, yeah, okay. That's the thing. It's like at most of those places, like all the people working there are just like, I just want to go home. It's like you do what you want.

They don't care. Unless it's the manager and he's like fearful of his job or something. We are almost halfway through this show and we haven't even touched any of the content we're supposed to touch. That's how we do it. That's how we do. All right. So I think we don't really need to do an intro news. I think we should save our news story for the end.

Okay. That's what I think. And I think what we should first do is go directly into the weather because people want to know. They're just waking up. What's the weather like today? directly into the weather because people want to know they're just waking up. What's the weather like today? Well, today's weather will be from zip code 40672. Is that in Ohio?

Wait, apparently that does not exist. Let's do 40032. Oh wait, I put an extra zero. Okay. Let's do 40032. Oh, wait. I put an extra zero. Okay. 40032 is LaGrange, Kentucky. Wow.

LaGrange is very close to my parents. Okay. Well, they'll be happy to know that today, currently, it is 42 degrees Fahrenheit with 10-mile visibility, calm winds. And today's forecast is going to be 62 degrees, partly cloudy, 20% chance of rain, so maybe take a jacket out there when you're walking around. Wow, thanks, Grendor. You're welcome.

There's also going to be the sunrise at 7.27 a.m., so if you want to catch that sunrise, be sure to wake up extra early, even though you will probably miss it if you're listening to this podcast. Probably. You're probably a stoner, and it's probably midnight where you're at right now.

And you're eating cereal at a diner. All right, well, I guess that means it's time for traffic with Traffic Copter 7 and Crandor. How's it looking up there, buddy? Well right now I'm in lucky number seven up in the sky just looking down and I can see That it's looking pretty clear right now over the I-104 But it may just be me but just the other day. I didn't even think an I-104 existed so either I drank too much or But just the other day, I didn't even think an I-104 existed.

So either I drank too much or you just got a new quick way to go to work. So if I had to pick a way to go to work, I'd say take the I-104 today. Thanks, Crendor, for all that important information about the highways and byways. Now back to Crendog. Crendog, what do we have in the way of sports? Well, we have an amazing sports article today. Really? Oh, it's a whole article?

A whole article. Wow, okay. It's on Jacoby Jones. The one true football player. Yes. The only one. The only one. Except for Greg Jennings.

Greg Jennings. Who has been injured all this year. Being a Packer fan, I know these things. Anyway. Well, you know what? If Greg Jennings should just suck it up and put the team on his back. Get out on the field. He should.

If he can get a touchdown with a broken leg, he can carry the team on his back. I have a story about Greg Jennings. Okay, before we do this. I was watching the Packer game. They won. They've won five in a row. But Mason Crosby, the kicker, he was kicking, but he was kicking poorly.

And he missed. He missed like three field goals in a row. And he was just sitting there all sad and depressed. And Greg Jennings went up to him and he started friendly punching him. Like, come on, cheer up. And he was like, punch him. And the kicker just kept sitting there, just like, stop. Just stop.

But Greg Jennings. Is that the whole story? Yeah. But Greg Jennings. I thought there was going to be a payoff there. Like the kicker's going to be like, like Crosby's going to be like, like punch him back and be like,

okay, chup and like get up and go out and kick 12 field goals. No, he just. After that happened. Just beat up the kicker. After that happened, he did make a field goal. So Greg Jennings passed his power on through his fist. He did.

Makes sense. That's... Makes sense. Okay, but anyway. Jacobi Jones. Jacobi Jones gives Michelle Tafoya a wink and a thank you, gorgeous, during Sunday Night Football interview. So apparently, Jacoboby was flirting with Michelle Tafoya, the NBC interviewer lady.

Uh-huh. Did you just have to take a drink of water? I did, but this guy continues to write, the role of a sideline reporter is a secondary one at best, but DeFoya is a veteran and a pro who does a lot of different things in the medium, and she should expect to be

treated with the same respect and regard any man would receive in a similar circumstance. I would be flattered if I was interviewing a woman and she was like, hey, gorgeous, wink. I know. I would be flattered if I was interviewing a woman and she was like, hey gorgeous, wink. I know. I would be honored. Well, this is what happens when you write sports for

Yahoo. We've learned Yahoo News has a lot of Yahoo's in their news department. My favorite is every time I read one of these articles I go down to the comments and some of them are, nothing to see here. Move along. A waitress called me hun today and now I am offended.

See, this is a totally biased article. Who wrote this? Was it a woman who wrote this one? It was a guy. What? Yep. Is this guy also trying to sleep with this woman? The sideline reporter?

Because it seems like he is. It seems like he's pulling the I'm above that card. And really he wants her to be like, thank you for standing up to me, now let's bang. I think that's what's going on in his mind. Because I don't feel like most guys would be like, you know what? I appreciate when a nice young lady tells me that I look good. Or he's trying to hook up with that chick that wrote the food article, the addicting foods.

Someone sent us a link that that woman who is the food article, Mandy, Mandy the communist, she was on Penn & Teller's bullshit, and it was them debunking her belief about food. No way. Yes way. There's an episode of bullshit out there. I like that I can say that legally because it's a TV show. No way. Yes way. There's an episode of bullshit out there. I like that I can say that legally because it's a TV show.

There's an episode of bullshit that it's Penn and Teller versus her. She's a public figure. We can attack her all we want. Oh, sweet. Right? But Jacoby Jones, you keep being you. Keep it on, Jacoby Jones, you keep being you. Keep it on, Jacoby. Yeah.

He's owning so hard that he's now just got so much confidence and swag. Yo, swag money. Fresh like my groceries. All right. So, do we have one big news story for today? How to avoid holiday fights with the family. Okay, I need to hear this because this is a big issue for everyone. I agree with you.

This is a good topic. You've chosen wisely. Yes. How do we avoid fights with the family? I assume this is the in-laws. Well, it has a picture of an old lady, and she's pointing her finger like, I'm looking at you, and it says, Nagging Grandma. Continue, please. Question.

Well, it's that time of year again. Thanksgiving dinner with my family can be rough. I have to deal with my brother's wife, who's always trying to show me up with her designer clothes and cherubic children. me up with her designer clothes and cherubic children. I've never even seen this word. Hold on, I need to look this up. You mean like as in cherub, cherubic? Like cherub, like little angel children?

Oh yeah, that's what it means. You went Spanish on us again, man. No, that was more like Egyptian. Cherubic. My Cherubic. Well, I've never heard of that word before. I learned something today, and so have you. Before you've even gone to wherever you're going. Pretty sure everyone knew that.

Okay, well. Cherub everyone knew that. Okay. Well. Cherubic. Uh-huh. Now I know it, and that's all that matters. And my grandmother, who's hounding me about that 10 pounds I need to lose. And my Uncle Mark, who drinks way too much and can get very loud. Got any tips for getting me through the madness without going mad?

All right. So here's what I've learned. me through the madness without going mad. Alright, so here's what I've learned. This woman is incredibly jealous of her brother's wife and children and children.

And her Uncle Mark. I think Uncle Mark's the happiest in this situation because he's so drunk. Uncle Mark's the smartest. Uncle Mark is the smartest. He drinks himself into a stupor so he doesn't either have to listen to or remember anything that goes on. She shouldn't complain about him. If anything, he's making the day better.

Yeah, and everybody probably likes him because they're like, hey, that's Uncle Mark. He's just really loud and happy. Yeah, her complaint is that he's too loud. Like, oh, drunk Uncle Mark, he's too loud. At least he's not like drunk Uncle Mark, you know, rubbing up against you. He's just an old drunk. Let him be. Why do you have to ruin his fun on the holidays?

Yeah, this is like his favorite time of the year. He actually has a reason to drink aside from drinking alone the rest of the year. And he gets to hang around the kids and drink eggnog and not look like a lush. He's like, kids got to make milk. And they're like, what's that, Uncle Mark? And he's like, oh, it's grown-up milk. I want to be like you when I get older, Uncle Mark. Oh, you can be, kiddo.

Just start drinking six packs of past blue ribbon. Anyway. Well, this woman says, wow, definitely sounds like you've got a Thanksgiving dinner to remember coming your way, but I can give you a few pointers. Here's what to do. Number one, stay away from controversial topics at the dinner table. This includes religion and politics, but can also include things like your brother's recent decision to drop out of college. Wait, did she say her brother dropped out of college?

She did. Wait, was I not paying attention? No, she said don't bring up controversial topics. No, but the original writer, the person with the question, did she have a brother that dropped out of college? Or is this responding? No, she's just saying, like, you can include things like your brother's recent decision to drop out of college. She's just giving a zany example. Well, what if you were at dinner and you had a brother who didn't drop out of college, in fact was leading a great life, but you talked to him about how he dropped out of college and just brought it up?

Like, look, I'm not going to judge you for dropping out of college. Would that make it awkward? Just to start making shit up? I think that's a great way to have fun at your Thanksgiving. Wouldn't that be an amazing Thanksgiving tradition? Where instead of complaining about stuff that is real, making up fake stuff. Like, you sit down with your relatives. And you're like. So Jan. How's that botched liposuction going?

Right? And then she can say anything back to you. Because you don't bring up what really hurts you. You just bring up things like. Oh so yeah. Well about as good as your nose job. You whore. Right?

And it's like. It's a tradition. I like it. Right? I think that's going to go down. In the history books for my family. I think that's going to go down in the history books for my family. I think it's going to catch on. I'm going to make that a tradition in my house as well. I'll be like, hey, little Timmy.

I assume I'll name my child little Timmy. Little Timmy Cox. That's his full name. Will, L-I-L, Will Timmy. I have to talk about the way she finishes her advice. Oh, okay. No, continue, continue, continue. Because she says, keep the topics over dinner neutral and ones that everyone can enjoy, like travel stories or keeping up with the Kardashians.

What? Whoa. Whoa. And then provides. Whoa, hold up, hold up. She did not just Legitimately say Share your travel stories

There's nothing more boring Than listening to relatives You don't care about And their travel stories Let's be honest Everyone listening right now You have relatives That when you go visit them

You just don't care about them And you're going Because you don't want To seem like a dick This is This is the case With a lot of people out there No one wants to hear

Their travel stories It's a horrible advice. And then keeping up with the Kardashians, I guess the only thing people would agree with is like, the grandma would be like, I don't understand how those whores became so famous. And your grandfather would be like, I do.

Look at the ass on the black haired one. Oh, I'm going to get it. That's how I imagined it would go. And then your grandma's like, stop it, Harold. That's not funny. He's like, you haven't been funny for 40 years. But she also provides a link. Oh, oh. Where Keeping Up With The Kardashians links to another place with ads on it so that they can make money.

What? Now you have eight viruses. Way to click that link, buddy. Well, it links to Kim Kardashian. They could have just put, or Keeping Up With The Kardashians, but they had to link it to a different page. Like, you didn't have to link it to a different page. Like, you didn't have to link it to a different page, but they're like... They're assuming that whoever's reading this article is going to be like, Kardashians, click!

Yeah, exactly. Like, I need to know more about them and their incredibly amazing life for doing absolutely nothing. Yeah, and they live a perfect life without any types of problems. Yes, unless you consider getting married for 72 days a problem of problems. Yes. Unless you consider getting married for 72 days a problem. Yeah. Yeah. Number two. Accept criticism gracefully.

Oh. That's good advice. You might feel the need to argue, but the truth is though these people might not express themselves in the most graceful way, they love you, and this is their way of showing it. It's like that backhanded comment from yesterday. It's just like, oh, hello there, Janice.

Look at you. Looks like you're filling out your pants nicely. Right? That just means they love you. It just means they love you. Number three, volunteer on Thanksgiving. It just means they love you. Number three, volunteer on Thanksgiving. Before you go to dinner, spend Thanksgiving volunteering in a homeless shelter or soup kitchen with your kids or spouse.

I feel like that would help you appreciate how uncrazy you think your crazy family is. It's true. Right? I think that's what that's saying. So that's actually a good tip. That's a very good tip. We might be one for two right now But That's better than most Yahoo articles

It is But number four is seat strategically Like a wedding? If you're the hostess, arrange the seating at the dinner table So that you can avoid any potential conflicts This might mean keeping your sister-in-law at the other end of the table away from someone that she doesn't like. Wow, that's...

You figure she could decide to do that on her own. I would assume adults were present, and you aren't having a feast with children. I would just assume. I would never assume that. Okay, well, I would. I would hope people would be smart enough to move away. Number five, this is just leave early.

I was actually having a conversation about this. What do you think would be the maximum amount of time to spend with your family? So imagine you are with your entire family. What's the maximum amount of time you would spend with them? You go home for Christmas, for Thanksgiving, which I guess doesn't apply to much of the world because Thanksgiving is just an American holiday because we're amazing. And we celebrate eating food and killing Indians. Native Americans, get it right. I'm sorry, killing Native Americans, get it right I'm sorry, killing Native Americans, my bad

There we go And what would you say the appropriate amount of time to spend at home was? I never thought about this I would say three days I would say three days is the max I can handle it That's a pretty good amount of time Right? Because if you stay any longer, you become a nuisance to everyone else And it's like, get back to your damn life good amount of time. Right? Because if you stay any longer, you become a nuisance to everyone else.

And it's like, get back to your damn life. That's the point where it's like any situation where you're around someone for three days non-stop. You're going to just start being like, listen, I don't want to be around you anymore. And she says, no one says Thanksgiving dinner

has to be six hours long. You can be a polite guest by staying for a couple hours and leaving before your Uncle Mark starts to get boozy. But that seems douchey. Like, if you're going to Thanksgiving for one day, spend the whole day. I think I'm summarizing how I feel about this now. If you're going to go travel for Thanksgiving Thanksgiving or if you're going somewhere for Thanksgiving the minimum amount of time you can put in is a day without seeming like the douche

of the family. Like you, you know go for a day, put on a smile do your thing, let Uncle Mark rub upon you if that's what he's got to do let him get drunk. Get drunk with Uncle Mark! Who cares? The kids won't care. They won't remember it. Give them some brandy. They'll forget. And then...

I do not endorse that. And then spend a day and then leave. You will never have to see them again for another year. Yeah. That's fine. Send them Christmas gifts in the mail. Boom. You're done. But, you know, I think one to three days is the perfect, perfect time frame. I like how the Uncle Mark starts to get boozy is uh hyperlinked

and so it goes to how to discuss climate change with your uncle during the holidays what and there's a whole article on it wow an entire article on it well you know what that means we're probably gonna have to save it for tomorrow Because ladies and gentlemen we're at the end of the show That's it we're done Time just flies by You've probably already reached your destination And you're just you're waiting

Because we're still talking and you don't want to go in Well you know what Thank you for that guys We appreciate it So we're going to wrap this up And I guess that's it We will see you tomorrow Thank you for listening Thank you for that, guys. We appreciate it. So we're going to wrap this up. And I guess that's it. We will see you tomorrow. Thank you for listening.

Thank you for watching. Thank you for doing whatever you're doing. And, as always, to be continued.