Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor: Tuesday, May 7th 2013

Episode Date: May 7, 2013

It's time for another Cox n Crendor! This time we head south of the border to talk about our love of Cinco de Mayo, or more importantly our complete lack of knowledge about it. Jesse solves a mystery ...and Crendor warns of impending biblical plagues. All this and more on Cox n' Crendor in the morning!

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trending! This is Trending in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios! Recording! Hit me! Wake your ass up! It's the next Trending in the morning!
Starting point is 00:00:23 Hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me! Trending in the morning! Hellouppet Puppet Puppet Puppet We're going to the party Hello everybody, it is Tuesday Hello Welcome To our show You got any more in there? How are you?
Starting point is 00:00:39 I am good It's Tuesday Uh-huh And... Uh huh And Uh huh I'm done Alright so We've been off for a while Mostly because life is busy
Starting point is 00:00:55 Things happen You have busy lives too Now we get to be a part of those again But Oh my god So Sunday was Cinco de Mayo yeah a part of those again, but... That's a great quote. Oh, oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. So, Sunday was Cinco de Mayo, yeah?
Starting point is 00:01:09 Yeah. And... Yeah, Holmes. For those of you who don't know what Cinco de Mayo is, it's just another excuse for Americans to get drunk. It is. And party. And feel good about themselves for doing it.
Starting point is 00:01:19 Yeah, for guys to get a little bit more wild and for women to wear a little less. It's, you know, it's like one of the first major summer parties. And I, first off, love the idea that whenever you go to a party, people are like, yeah, Mexican independence, man. Like, first off, one. Cinco de Mayo has nothing to do with Mexican independence. Nothing at all. But the funny thing is, is I assume we as Americans think that if it's a holiday or event in the beginning of a month, like the first half of a month, it's your independence.
Starting point is 00:01:47 Like Canada Day I think is like the first. July 4th is the fourth, right? This is the fifth. You got to figure, like, we just assume if you're in North America and you're celebrating something in the first ten days of a month, it's probably your independence. Listen, I was a member of the american education system and i learned nothing about this holiday really it we don't learn anything about we just know that it exists i think people have really especially mexican beer companies have really been like hey this is a thing you should definitely should be celebrating yeah and so i don't remember when i was a child thinking about
Starting point is 00:02:23 being big i do remember in high school it getting bigger And then college was just like Woo excuse to get drunk So yeah I would say it started maybe the late 90s This was a thing And so it's just grown Really Cinco de Mayo as far as I'm aware
Starting point is 00:02:40 It was like when the Mexicans beat the French And then a year later The French came back and beat the Mexicans. So I don't know why we're celebrating it. I'm sure there's a significant reason for it. I just don't know or care. It's a day to get wasted and eat tacos. So what happened was my power in my apartment complex goes out. Maybe midday.
Starting point is 00:03:03 Thank you for the sound effects. And I'm like, what is happening? I have so much stuff I want to do today before I go out. Maybe midday. Thank you for the sound effects. And I'm like, what is happening? I have so much stuff I want to do today before I go out. This is dumb. Thanks, world. So I waited around, just sat downstairs with the windows open, just waiting as it got perpetually hotter and hotter. And I was like, this is the worst.
Starting point is 00:03:20 I'm sitting there trying to play on my 3DS. I can't even focus on this game I'm sitting there trying to play on my 3DS Like I can't even focus On this game I'm playing So I go outside And the minute I walk outside There's about a thousand people on the street Apparently Everyone decided to go outside because it was hot inside And I was like why am I the dummy who stayed inside
Starting point is 00:03:38 The entire time So I'm outside walking around talking to people Trying to figure out what had happened Because our entire block Is out And I'm outside walking around, talking to people, trying to figure out what had happened. Because our entire block is out. And I'm like, this is ridiculous. What happened? And I notice there's power lines down, and people are cracking up. And I'm like, what happened?
Starting point is 00:03:54 It's like, yeah, some guy threw his keg from the penthouse suite down to the power lines and hit them. Like, what? Like, yeah, apparently he threw a keg and and here's the thing you know this guy you've met him in the elevator many times black guy the really diesel first off that sounded kind of racist but it's an accurate description he is black but he's this really buff like vin diesel like super ripped guy he's a professional trainer. He trains various athletes and like models and stuff. Apparently he was having a party and he threw a keg at this power lines. Now I couldn't figure out why.
Starting point is 00:04:36 I was like, that's the dumbest. That must have been some roid rage. That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life. If you didn't know, he's on steroids. He has to be. He has to be. His kid has muscles on muscles. He does. We were in the elevator and we were going down and he just walked in with like his kid
Starting point is 00:04:54 and then we were just like, hey. And he's just like, yo. But like you could feel like the steroids like radiating from his body. I think I gained some muscle mass just being near him. I did too.'s, like, radiating from his body. I think I gained some muscle mass just being near him. I did, too. He's like, ugh.
Starting point is 00:05:08 So, what happens is, I was going to go to hang out and go drink and eat tacos. And so, I was like, I got to get out of the parking garage. The door's down. There's no power. So, myself and a bunch of other people lifted the door up. I think we broke it. We don't even care. We just lifted it up, and then it latched.
Starting point is 00:05:29 And then I drove out and left. As I'm driving away, it hits me. All the power in the entire area is out. Further down the road, as I'm driving down the road, there's a whole bunch of, like, police cars and fire trucks. Apparently, a car struck a pole. not one not a pole a uh one of those like power converter things and it knocked out the power for the entire area so hold on let me put on my detective hat for a minute whoa a car was the one that knocked out the power yeah so why did this guy throw a keg at the power lines?
Starting point is 00:06:05 And my theory is this. This is my theory. I'm going with it. The power was out, and he was so mad because he's the penthouse guy and he was throwing a big party for all of his friends that he took the keg, and because the power lines are connected to the power company, threw the keg at the power lines as a testament of I hate you, power company,
Starting point is 00:06:23 for ruining my party because he was so filled with roid rage. Holy shit. That is 110% accurate. I need a Sherlock Holmes in this case because it doesn't make sense. This is like one of those SVU where it's like, why kill someone when they're already dead? Right? It's that kind of thing.
Starting point is 00:06:41 The power's already out. Why try to kill the power? Because the power was out. That's the point. Yeah. Because he thought he was, like, he was so mad that he was like, screw it. Power's out. Might as well just break some shit.
Starting point is 00:06:53 That sounds extremely accurate, actually. He seems like the type of guy that could do that. He seems like if he wanted to aim a keg at a pinpoint location and throw it with perfect strength and accuracy, he could. It makes sense to me. That's what I'm saying. I was blown away by it. Because then I realized the power was out all over the entire area of the city. And I was like, whoa.
Starting point is 00:07:18 It had nothing to do with that guy. But in our little area, we thought that guy was responsible. So really, he's going to get a lot of blame from everyone else who lives in the apartment. But he didn't do it. He was just the guy who made it worse. Yeah. Oh, this is like, it's like we're on CSI. We are.
Starting point is 00:07:37 Oh, I get to be Grissom and you can be the blonde woman. All right. Like, oh, Grissom! I have solved the case! You ain't done shit, girl. Okay, okay. Here's my theory. Uh-huh. He was figuring out his life. There was
Starting point is 00:07:56 no party. He was alone the entire time. He was alone. Only some people showed up. Granted, it was five clients. It was all five attractive women and then a guy that just wants to get buff, but
Starting point is 00:08:12 he's too lazy to, and he kind of shows up every once in a while. His name is Poindexter. He's like, Hello, ladies! Yes. And he's like, There's gonna be ladies there! So he goes, but then he just kind of stands in the corner and then cries. And this guy, he's just like, you know what?
Starting point is 00:08:31 I bought this extra keg, and I don't need it. And now it's all coming to me. This keg symbolizes America. It's like we're all just trapped in this keg, and it's filled with alcohol. And it's slowly destroying our lives. And he was like, you know what? I'm going to destroy this keg's life for freedom. And then he knew it was Mexican Independence Day, and he threw the keg.
Starting point is 00:08:58 Yep, he knew that. He just lifted it up, and he just threw it. And then it hit the power lines, which symbolized Mexico, and it combined America with Mexican electricity, and it created freedom. I never thought I'd have to say this, but you smoke entirely too much reefer. Granted, I got a 3DS too, and it's awesome. But the power ran out on mine, so I't, I couldn't do anything so I just sat there. So it wasn't actually... I sat there inside, getting hotter and hotter, not realizing there were just people chilling outside having a good old time. No, no, you made it seem like you were like, oh man there's people outside, I should be outside.
Starting point is 00:09:41 It was more like your power on your DS ran out and then you were like, well now I got nothing to do, I'm just gonna people outside. I should be outside. It was more like your power on your DS ran out, and then you're like, well, now I got nothing to do. I'm just going to go outside. That's pretty accurate. I want to be clear. I did not have any desire to go outside and socialize. It was only after the power went out where I was like, eff it, I guess I got to go talk to people. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:10:00 And then I went outside and pretended to be interested in their lives, like, oh, I was baking a cake. Like, no one cares. And my son, he's pretty to be interested in their lives. Like, oh, I was baking a cake. Like, no one cares. And my son, he's pretty good at baking cakes, too. He's baked four. I think he's going to bake it on the Food Network. My boyfriend and I, we were massaging each other. And then the power went out.
Starting point is 00:10:17 I was like, let's continue. He was like, no, babe, we've got to go outside. No one cares about your weird sex life. Just stop. Right now there's someone about to send me a message like, there's nothing weird about mutual massage, Jesse. Well, if there's nothing weird about it then you can come over to my place later.
Starting point is 00:10:37 Really, though? Yeah, you should probably come over. Yeah, I mean, if you want to. Send me more squishables. There's a werewolf one now. I want it. You giant filth. I mean, you don't have to get it. So, I know we were just talking about Mexico, so send me some products probably made there.
Starting point is 00:10:55 Listen, you don't have to get me anything. I'm just peer pressuring you. Yeah, he won't like you if you don't. Yeah, unless I do. He won't like you if you don't. Yeah, unless I do. But who knows if I like you or not until I tell you that. Well, speaking of telling us that, we probably should go to chapter 17 of this guy's Grendor.
Starting point is 00:11:18 Grendor, how's that driving over? Well, this is pretty crazy right now. There's a guy climbing a building, and he's's really angry and the police have helicopters all around and they're surrounding the building it appears that it's the guy from your penthouse and he's climbing to the top of the tower and he's got a keg in his arms and they're like sir put the keg down and he's like no i'm not putting the keg down and he just keeps on climbing it's becoming like a giant standoff here and. He's throwing the keg and he just knocked out the power to everybody's houses in America. Back to you. That must have been a giant ass keg. He threw a keg at a nuclear power plant.
Starting point is 00:11:53 Oh, God, it's going nuclear. It's going nuclear. I love that people from the rest of the world, every time I say the word nuclear, get really mad. They're like, it's not a family, Jesse. It's nuclear. No, it's nuclear. It's like clear skin, like Jessica Simpson's products. Yeah, well, we can't say that here in America because that's a trademark Jessica Simpson product.
Starting point is 00:12:17 So we have to say nuclear. Nuclear. Like our president said, get over it, hippies. Nuclear. Nuclear. Nuclear. Nuclear annihilation is what it is. America. America.
Starting point is 00:12:31 Um, I thought it was some guy like really pissed. Like, dear Jesse, I will not be giving you that back rub now. It's a guy from not America, so he sounds different. So he's like, JSC eats not nuclear. Or wait, nuclear? I don't know. I think I said it right. It doesn't matter how you say it.
Starting point is 00:12:54 We'll always be wrong. There's always going to be someone who's like, you're bad at this. And that's a lesson for life. There's always going to be someone that says you're bad at something, and they're most likely foreign. What? Technically, that's probably right, because as the billions and billions of people on Earth, only 350 million live in the United States. So really, they would be a majority of the people you talk to probably are of foreign descent. Mostly because most of them are immigrants to America.
Starting point is 00:13:24 Yep. I want to live in America. I don't know why they'd want to. Unless you're in Mexico, then. Actually, aren't we at like net zero now with Mexico? This is a Mexican episode. Really. Our immigration with Mexico, illegal I think, is like
Starting point is 00:13:38 at a net zero. There are actually people leaving the United States to go back to Mexico. There's like drug cartels, ain't that bad. Look, it's either I go to Mexico and stay and get my head cut off, or I have to live in America? Yeah, I'll make my choice. And they got better tacos. Every time I've been to Mexico, it has been delicious.
Starting point is 00:13:57 You act like you go like once a month. Well, all right. The two times I've been to McDonald's, it has been delicious. I'd imagine so. Right? It's like it's not Taco Bell. I know. I know.
Starting point is 00:14:11 That was our joke food yesterday. We went out and we had Taco Bell and tequila. Or not yesterday. Two days ago. Look, it doesn't matter what day it was. Did you get Doritos tacos? I got one. I'm not a big fan.
Starting point is 00:14:22 It's too dusty for me. Too dusty. With the cheese dust. Okay, I don't like the Cool Ranch. I don't like those. You can't taste it, really. Yeah, it's not Cool Ranch-y enough. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:14:35 They overdid it with the cheese and then underdid it with the Cool Ranch. I agree. I agree. Yeah, learn your lesson, Taco Bell. They've let me down. That's why Chipotle is a far superior product. It is. Chipotle, send us free stuff.
Starting point is 00:14:49 I just want Chipotle to send me a bag of tacos that are just like eight days old. Like, yeah, we shipped it to you. It'd still be good. I guarantee. It'd still be delicious. They use enough preservatives. Mm-hmm. All right.
Starting point is 00:15:02 Speaking of preservatives, how about we preserve the weather forecast with the weather. Crandor? Today's weather is going to be from the land of Arabella, New Mexico. This is the Mexican episode. It is. It is. All right, what's going on in Arabella? the Mexican episode. It is. It is. Alright, what's going on in Arabella?
Starting point is 00:15:26 Arabella's 74 degrees, 30% chance of rain, and that could be isolated thunderstorms. That could knock your power out. Much like a gag-wielding monster. Exactly. I don't see any tweets here, so that's the weather. Alright, now let's move
Starting point is 00:15:42 on to sports. In sports, we got two big stories. Number one, Terrell Owens makes his professional bowling debut. Oh, jeez. He's given up on football, and he's went to professional bowling. I hope he is just as big of an asshole there. He probably is. Bowls a strike, and then he's just, like, dancing. His touchdown dance.
Starting point is 00:16:05 He's just in the face of the other people. What up, old man? What up? The guy's like, I formed professionally in 1952. I was the best back then in the league of four people. We didn't allow the colors. Oh, Lord. Send your angry letters.
Starting point is 00:16:34 He's old. Times were different back then. It's a commentary on society, not racist. It's true. He's commenting through the eyes of an old person. To an old person which, granted we're both very old I saw your tweets about people
Starting point is 00:16:50 being young, like the guy who drove his car really loud at 2 in the morning Yes, yes, sometimes I get old man Jesse where it's like, it's 2am why are you driving that loud ass car up and down the street? First off why did he make his car so loud?
Starting point is 00:17:05 That's unnecessary. Second, it wasn't music. Like, I can understand if you bump in some tunes, you got to impress a lady sitting next to you, you're trying to bump her pants off. I get that. I get that. Or you just want some sweet bass going on.
Starting point is 00:17:18 I imagine that is a sound strategy for getting some. You turn up the bass so loud that her pants pops off. Her pants just pops off. I want that knob in my car. You can turn the bass up to like 10, and then right after 10, his pants pop off. You turn that thing on, the seat just shakes until they pop off. Wouldn't your pants fall off too, though? It's perfect.
Starting point is 00:17:48 It's perfect. That's the plan. Pants pop off. It's like a decimal meter. It's just like vibrate. And it's just like super vibrate. And then it's like ultra bass. It's like boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
Starting point is 00:18:02 It's not even like the pants shimmy off. It's just in one, like bo boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. It's not even like the pants shimmy off. It's just in one, like, boop. The pants just pop off. And then it's just pants off. Pants off. And you got, like, I can understand that. But this guy had like, It's like, dude.
Starting point is 00:18:20 And the best part was, because I live on a, like, I guess it's a cul-de-sac slash avenue, or whatever that thing is, so it has the grass in the middle, but then, like, so he drives down one end, back up around, and then back down again. Like, he's just driving around it. Like, go to bed, damn kid. Like, what's he trying to prove? I don't, sometimes, because the apartment complex Is across from me
Starting point is 00:18:45 I have a lot of college kids So sometimes there's like dudes And women Out in the middle of the night Like just fighting Like I loved you once Tony
Starting point is 00:18:53 But now It's like Go to bed No one cares About your wrecked love life No one You're in college You'll forget about this next week
Starting point is 00:19:02 Exactly I loved you, Tony! Whoever that Tony guy is, like, I remember this girl yelling at him into his window. I'm like, girl, just leave. Just leave. Tony! Why don't you love me
Starting point is 00:19:18 anymore? I tried throwing rocks in your window, but it didn't get your attention. Tony, I gave you myself! You popped my pants off in your car. And now all you've given back to me is nothing. Except herpes.
Starting point is 00:19:36 Wonderful. Oh, young love. Alright, what about there was one more sports story. Oh yeah. Florida water polo sore loser uses handshake line after state title loss to launch opponent into water so they're shaking hands that guy is living the dream i would have done that yep i would have done that if i had the balls they were just walking shaking hands and the one guy was like good game and he shoved him into the water and then he kept walking
Starting point is 00:20:04 and they shook like two more hands and the one who was like yo shoved him into the water. And then he kept walking, and they shook, like, two more hands, and the one dude was like, yo, you pushed him into the water. What are you doing, bro? And then they just got into a big fight. I would have pushed him into the water. Oh, damn. And then, fulfilling every girl's dream, a bunch of, like, buff water polo dudes would just be, like,
Starting point is 00:20:20 fighting in the water, rubbing all over each other. I assume that's their dream and not some weird, weird dream that I have. In which case, I've got a lot of explaining to do to my parents. You do. Like, well, Mom, Dad, I have a water polo fetish. For guys named Tony. For guys named Tony.
Starting point is 00:20:40 They have to be named Tony or else it's just ruined. Water polo, not nearly as exciting as regular polo. Unless they can find a way to get horses in the pool, that would be awesome. Just a bunch of drowning guys riding on drowning horses. Swinging at balls. That would be amazing. What if the horses have to come up from... Oh my god, what if the horses have scuba masks on?
Starting point is 00:21:06 Then it would just be 800 times better. Because then the horses, they got like the little things coming up out of the water so they can breathe. And then they're just riding around and they try to hit the croquet ball or whatever it is under the water. But the water slows down the movement of everything. Right, that's what I'm saying. It would be like watching art be made. It would. And then you just have to play that song in the background.
Starting point is 00:21:31 It's just like of every water polo match, there has to be like. We could call it horse water polo. All right. What is our big news story of the day? Okay. They're back. 17-year cicadas to swarm from Georgia to New York. Speaking of a 17-year cicada, remember that girl that we talked
Starting point is 00:22:06 about way back when? The girl who was like, I hate you, sorority sisters, that girl? She's been hired as an intern. I guess it doesn't really matter, but she's been hired as an intern at one of those fake news magazines that dish on celebrities.
Starting point is 00:22:22 What's her name again? I don't. Look, she's unimportant. Just know that that's what happened to her. We wondered what happened to her. That's what happened to her. And then she's going to. Rebecca Martinson's her name. Rebecca Martinson.
Starting point is 00:22:35 She still has no life goals and is still annoying. She's an intern. But let's get back to the real. Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. She got her Twitter back. Today would be a great day for a jog if this couch wasn't so soft and the TV wasn't so on and my stomach wasn't so full of macaroni. Hashtag lazy fuck.
Starting point is 00:22:53 Yeah. So she's still just as boring. She is. All right. All right. Let's go back to the cicadas because those are much more interesting than she will ever be. Far more interesting and successful. Yes.
Starting point is 00:23:04 They get things done. They accomplish goals. They do. They're like, it's been 17 years. And unlike her, they keep coming back around and people care about them. It's true. In Hamden, Connecticut, colossal numbers of cicadas unhurriedly growing underground since 96 are about to emerge along the U.S. East Coast
Starting point is 00:23:26 to begin passionately singing and mating as their remarkable life cycle restarts. So basically, if you don't know, cicadas just vanish. I guess these are 17 years. So they stay underground for 17 years and just breed. And then all of a sudden they pop up and they're like,
Starting point is 00:23:42 I'm gonna eat your shit! I remember we had one of those and it was like 10 years ago, I think. It was like 9 or 10 years ago. And they were everywhere. Right. They were on cars. They were like in every tree. And they make that noise.
Starting point is 00:23:59 It's like. Like a boo-boo zela. Yeah, it is. And after a while, you're just like, dear God, they're everywhere. I remember one time we went to Lake Erie, I think, when I was younger. And I don't know if it was cicadas, but it was some type of bug. They were having one of those outbreaks. And they were everywhere.
Starting point is 00:24:23 It was horrifying. They were on everything. You couldn't do outbreaks. And they were everywhere. It was horrifying. They were on everything. You couldn't do anything without them just being everywhere. It was horrible. Were they making the noise? Yeah, and they were just staring at you like, what are you going to do about it? It's probably them. And then they die.
Starting point is 00:24:38 I don't know. They either die or their shell comes off or something. And those are everywhere. They molt, I guess. So then there's like little shells of them, and basically they leave. It would be like if you had a house guest who you really hated, and he's like, just so you remember how much you hate me,
Starting point is 00:24:54 I'm going to leave a copy of myself here for you. Then they just go back underground and be like, be back in 17 years and do this shit again. And then they just bang more and produce like a million more. And they're like, see you in 17 years, do this shit again. And they just bang more and produce, like, a million more. And they're like, see you in 17 years, bitches. Like, no! It's the worst. It's the worst.
Starting point is 00:25:13 So what are they saying? Is it like, are they prepared? Are they going to spray them? Or are they just like, look, just get in your house and wait a few months? Well, they say, this year heralds the springtime emergence of billions of so-called 17-year periodical cicadas with their distinctive black bodies, buggy red eyes, and orange-veined wings along a roughly 900-mile stretch from northern Georgia to upstate New York. The eerie cacophonous mating music they produce, along with the unusual synchronous mass emergence and lengthy development cycles, have amazed scientists and lay people alike for centuries. In central Connecticut, particularly dense concentrations of so-called brood II cicadas named magicata.
Starting point is 00:25:55 Shut up. Scientists are just running out of magicata. Magicata septendiscum. Yep. Magiketa septendiscum should arrive in late May or June, says Chris Mayer, entomologist with the Connecticut Agricultural Experiment Station in New Haven. This will be Mayer's third time studying their emergence. He tracked them in 79 and 96. He said they are next due in 2030 when he will be 81 years old or dead. Oh, my God. I like how he's like, look, God 2030 when he will be 81 years old or dead. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:26:26 I like how he's like, look, God willing, I will be dead. I added that part. So I do not have to deal with that shit. All right. I thought he was like, oh, yeah, God willing, I will be just dead. So I don't have to listen to those assholes again. That's like his whole job is to track the sick days. He's just like, oh, man, they're going to be back again, and I got to work.
Starting point is 00:26:49 He works like six months every 17 years. And the rest of the time he's just in his office being bored. He's got cicada pictures on the wall. He's like, I miss you guys. Maybe he's working on a cicada game the only thing you do in the game is live the life of a cicada and you just breed and shed your shell and then go back underground i know you know how that game would work too like it'd be a cicada japanese dating sim. What? Where you have 17 days. Or, I'm sorry, 17 years to, like, find a girlfriend before you emerge from the cocoon.
Starting point is 00:27:32 And there's multiple endings. Because it's a Japanese game, all the cicada girls are basically just the same girl with three different breast sizes. And they have three breasts. Of course. I they have three breasts. Of course. I mean, come on. And then one of the secret bosses is a giant tentacle, because that's... Tentacle cicada. Tentacle cicada.
Starting point is 00:27:54 But he says, The first scientific recording of brood 2 specimens was in 1843. The precisely timed arrival of the 1.5 inch 38 millimeter plant-sucking flying adults takes place after a lengthy period of development underground as juveniles. After maturing, males begin what cicadas may be best known for, their conspicuous acoustic signals or songs to sexually attract females. So the noises they're making are mating calls. And the noises they're making, that's them trying to bop their pants.
Starting point is 00:28:25 They're bopping the pants off. It is. They discovered it before we did. The things we're learning from them. And that's what the shells are. Oh my God. It all makes sense now. It all makes sense.
Starting point is 00:28:38 It all makes sense. He says, when there's a lot of them together, it's like this hovering noise. It sounds exactly like flying saucers from a 1950s movie. Chris Simon, professor of ecology and evolutionary biology at the University of Connecticut, said on Thursday, When they suddenly emerge, the cicadas will be visible on the sides of the trees, on the sides of the house, on the shrubbery, even on the car tires.
Starting point is 00:28:59 It's like a Dr. Seuss poem. On the sides of the tree, on the sides of the house, on the sides of that boat, on the sides of that mouse. On the sides of the goat, on the sides of the moat, on the sides of the bees, on the sides of the seas. Dr. Seuss, 2013. He wrote that, true. He did. True story. When they suddenly emerge, cicadas will be visible.
Starting point is 00:29:21 Oh wait, yeah. The population densities from tens of thousands of cicadas per acre to 1.5 million per acre are much higher than they are with other cicada spe be visible. Oh wait, yeah. Population densities from tens of thousands of cicadas per acre to 1.5 million per acre are much higher than they are with other cicada speakeys. Speakeys? Species. Speakeys! Speakeys! Speakeys!
Starting point is 00:29:36 Speakeys! One theory behind their bizarre but sustainable life cycle is that their emergence produces such overwhelming numbers at once that predators, such as birds, spiders, snakes, and even dogs, can't eat them all. That sounds like a horrible, like, there's just so much food! Oh my god, I imagine you're a dog and you're just flipping out. They're everywhere! It's the best day of my life! I just can't eat them all! Meanwhile, Assange is like That's horrible
Starting point is 00:30:05 That sounds Dog's flipping his shit Like Oh my god I open my mouth And they just fall in It's so good That sounds horrible
Starting point is 00:30:17 If you're a dog That sounds like Christmas It is Christmas for dogs Every 17 years Some dogs don't get to experience it. You're right. Because Jesus was never a fan of dogs. He was more of a cat person.
Starting point is 00:30:35 Actually, technically that would make him more of a turtle person. He loved turtles. Who wouldn't love turtles? That's why turtles live so long, so they can experience cicadas every 17 years. Because turtles eat bugs too. It makes sense. Turtles. God's why turtles live so long, so they can experience cicadas every 17 days. Because turtles eat bugs too, it makes sense. Turtles, God's chosen animals. They live longer than us. If anything,
Starting point is 00:30:52 turtles are the ones who are inheriting the Earth. It's true. Turtles will inherit the Earth. They probably can survive a nuclear explosion too. Oh, then they'll be teenage and mutant. Then we're screwed. Oh shit. Then we're screwed. And then there'll be oneage Mutant. Then we're screwed. Oh, shit. Then we're screwed. And then there'll be one guy being like, they're not nuclear turtles.
Starting point is 00:31:10 They're nuclear turtles. No, they're nuclear. Nuclear. Nuclear. Nuclear turtles. Nuclear turtles. All right, guys. That's it.
Starting point is 00:31:20 Thank you for listening. We will be back tomorrow with another Cogsquad on the morning. Woo! It's always too big to do. That's it. Thank you for listening. We will be back tomorrow with another Cogs of Grudger on the Boarding. As always, to be continued.

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