Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox n' Crendor: Tuesday November 25th, 2014
Episode Date: November 25, 2014Jesse and Crendor wax poetic about the Cox n' Crendor amusement park, rap lyrics, and a new Divergent movie. It's a very important episodes obviously....
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crendog!
Cox and Crendog in the morning!
In the morning!
Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live!
In 4-hour recording studios!
Recording!
Wake your ass up! It's Cox and Crendog in the morning!
Cox and Crendor in the morning.
Welcome back from outer space.
Da-da-da-doo-doo.
Something, something, something.
Yeah, yeah, you had it.
You had it, buddy.
That's all I knew.
I knew it.
I could feel it the moment you started singing that song. It was going to end with you
not knowing the lyrics.
That's the way I do.
That's the way I do.
So, what is going on, amigo?
Well, let's
see. I
played Dragon Age.
Uh-huh.
And I never played a Dragon Age game
before, like ever.
And so I was like, I'll play the new one.
And I played the new one for a while and I was like, eh.
And then I got to the Hinterland town and I was like, eh.
And then everyone's like, try out the Origins.
And so I played Dragon Age Origins and like after playing that game
for 20 minutes I was like
I really like this game
it's a fun game it looks old though
Dragon Age Origins is real dated
like
real dated
but it was still just like
super fun I was like I played the tutorial
and I'm already like this is crazy
it is crazy it definitely doesn't make any sense right away.
You're like, I don't know what even is happening right now.
That's why I loved it.
It's just like, welcome to the demon.
Here's a mouse, and here's a sleeping sloth demon.
And I'm just like, what the shit?
Yep, that sounds about right.
But then in the new one, it's kind of the typical, like, you are a person.
Here's your abilities.
Kill these, like, ghosts.
Yeah, but, but, but.
I'm on a treasure hunt right now in inquisition finding a treasure that i found a map that's like go to this location and find this treasure
on the three waterfalls and i'm like i will find you treasure and so i'm just wandering around
looking for treasure that may not exist it's just some map made up by some guy to trick people like you.
But I'm going to get that treasure.
I'm going to find it.
I swear to God.
It's like that guy we talked about that one time
that made a treasure map for people.
Remember that guy?
Yes.
Look, can we pull that off?
Do you think we could make a treasure map?
Probably.
And have people,
because I know that was like a real treasure of like doubloons and stuff, right? Yeah. So what if we make a treasure map probably and have people because i know that was like a real treasure of
like doubloons and stuff right yeah so what if we make a treasure oh we should go to a convention
and hand out treasure maps and have people hunt for treasure oh man and then when they find the
treasure it's just us the map leads to to my hotel. The treasure was us all along.
The treasure was me, man.
Now you have the option to buy our merchandise.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, man.
I mean, that's not where I was going with it.
But yeah, yeah, that's definitely an option.
It's like how you get off the ride at Disneyland.
It leads you right to the store.
Just like buy our stuff.
That's how we should do it. We should be
Cox and Crandor land. Yeah.
All of our rides and all of our characters.
What?
We could have, oh yeah, the Guy Hero
adventure. We could have Crandor's
wildly
unenthusiastic ride.
It's a really horrifying ride,
but it's just like, welcome to the ride.
Here's a thing coming up here.
I forgot what it was.
Oh, yeah, that's what it was.
Oh, that got you.
That definitely scared you.
Too spooky for me.
That was definitely a thing.
Yeah, and then I get the tunnel of Jesse Cox love.
How's that work?
It's just a tunnel, but I'm in the tunnel.
And I ride on it with you.
I like to think it's like the animatronic version of you.
Nope, it's just me.
It's just real life me.
And I jump into the little boat with you.
That's how that works.
Hello.
It's around lunchtime. That's how that works. Hello. It's around, like, lunchtime.
He's jumping with a sandwich.
Like, just don't mind me.
I'm going to eat my sandwich here.
Just imagine I'm, like, trying to kiss you or something.
But instead of eating a meatball sub.
Got my meatball sub here.
A pigeon always flies in.
I don't know.
I don't know what the problem is.
And a pigeon always flies in that we have have on state, like in the back,
and he's always just like trying to steal your sub.
I got a big ball sub.
You got a problem with that?
We'll have an exhibit for the 12 dwarf guys from Sweden.
Oh, no, they're like our Hall of Presidents.
Yeah.
But it's the 12 Christmas dwarves.
Like spoon licker will have like real Hall of Presidents. Yeah. But it's the 12 Christmas dwarves. Like, Spoon Licker will have, like, real spoons you can lick to be like him.
Oh, and then when you go to the gift shop, you get Spoon Licker spoons.
Yeah.
And they're all flavored spoons.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
Now we just need funding.
They're like those coffee ones.
Yeah, now we just need a million trillion dollars to make this happen.
I mean, we kind of work for Disney.
They'd probably like the idea.
I imagine they wouldn't at all.
I imagine the whole premise offends them.
It probably would.
We want to make a really shitty version of Disneyland.
But for us.
We are willing to put it on top of old nuclear waste disposal locations.
We don't care.
We need a couple million dollars.
But here's the thing.
People who will go there,
you want them to be radioactive
so they don't have kids, okay?
That's all we're saying.
We're helping the problem.
We're helping.
It's all we're doing?
Mm-hmm.
And what else did I do?
I saw the Hunger Games.
So did I.
I saw the Hunger Games too.
Still haven't seen Interstellar.
I need to get on there.
Look, I haven't seen it yet, but I saw The Hunger Games.
That's the thing.
I like The Hunger Games.
Here's the thing.
It felt like a TV show.
Like, it felt like a TV show episode.
Like, it was...
It's the same problem I had with the Deathly Hallows Part 1.
And all those movies that's like Part 1.
Because it would be like if they divided Return of the Jedi into two parts.
And Part 1 would literally be like we're at Jabba's Palace and a bunch of stuff's happening at Jabba's Palace.
And then oh no, Luke is here and this whole thing happens and we gotta save Han, right?
But that's the entire movie.
And then they don't even get to Endor and the Death Star fight until the second movie.
And if you look at it that way, that would be a shitty movie.
Every time I watch Empire Strikes Back, I fast-forward through that part.
Who gives a shit about Jabba?
Not me.
So what you're saying is they should have just made this last part just a whole thing.
One movie?
Yeah. Exactly, because that's insane. But they're like is they should have just made this last part just a whole thing. One movie? Yeah.
Exactly, because that's insane.
But they're like, we've got to milk this franchise.
That's what they're doing.
But it's like, that's what I thought it was going to be.
I was like, oh, it's a trilogy.
And I'm like, oh, it's this.
It's an unnecessary thing.
It's like, I haven't seen it, but I remember listening to a bunch of podcasts talk about the Breaking Dawn Part 1 and Part 2 of the Twilight Saga.
And apparently Breaking Dawn Part 1, literally nothing happens.
It's just two hours of nothing.
And I felt like this was that.
It was two hours of setup.
And I was like, man, that next movie is going to be fantastic.
It felt like the second to last episode of a season of a TV show.
Yeah.
Like you've experienced the whole thing and you know it's going to be good
and you can't wait for the finale.
It's going to be amazing.
But everything that happened was like, all right, all right, cool, cool.
Oh, I can't wait to see what happens next time.
Yeah.
And you wish it was coming out next week so you get your resolution.
I know.
But you have to wait a year.
It's like, oh, my God.
I could be dead by then.
I know, right?
Yeah.
I mean, I could go read the book, but I'm not going to do that.
Yeah, I don't want to read.
Yeah, I don't want to read it.
That's stupid.
I've already seen two and a half movies worth.
Yeah.
What's the point?
If I didn't see any movies, maybe then I'd read it.
But, I mean, I've already watched some movies.
I've already watched it.
Here's the thing we need to talk about, though.
This is very important.
Very important.
Did you see the trailer for Divergent 2?
No.
What?
Okay.
Okay, hold on.
Before the movie started, myself and our friends that you know were all sitting there, and a lot of them listened to the podcast.
So when this trailer came on, everyone freaked out and looked at me and was like oh my god apparently despite our best intentions
they are making a trilogy out of that movie franchise all the characters are back and the
trailer appears to be in by the way if you haven't listened to our podcast about the movie divergent
you should go you should yeah you should go do it. One, go watch it.
Two, go listen to the podcast, and you'll be like, this is the truest thing that there ever was.
Divergent 2.
So Divergent, I think it's called Insurgence.
I don't know what it's called.
Insurgence official teaser trailer.
It is bonkers.
So the trailer is whatever the girl's name is who I've forgotten.
Her mom and her
are in the dream world
and they're in a house and she's trying to
save her mom as the world's exploding around them
and things are crumbling and she's like
a freaking ninja now.
And she's flying around and it's
I don't
I don't know if I heard correctly but I think
I heard a line that was like
I'm a virgin or something.
I don't know if I heard correctly, but I think I heard a line that was like, I'm a virgin or something. I don't know if I heard it right.
I'm watching it right now.
All right, all right.
You listen to it.
You tell me if you hear that line.
The house is exploding.
Shit's flying away.
She's jumping off another building into a burning building that she jumped off of.
Yes.
She got her mom.
They didn't say anything. Really? Or or wait that might have just been the like
tease there's a teaser trailer that wasn't the official one i think no maybe look all i know is
i could have swore i heard her say i'm a virgin are you sure she didn't say i'm insurgent
or i'm divergent because it sounds like she'd be more likely to say one of those things.
It's possible.
It's possible.
But I was like, did she just say she was a virgin?
Because I'm pretty sure she banged that guy in the first movie.
Yeah, that's what I thought too.
Which I'm excited to see what happens.
There's no way I'm going to read these books.
But I'm excited to see if they bring back Draw Me Like a French Girl's lady. Yeah. I'm excited to see if they bring back Draw Me Like Your French Girls lady. Yeah.
I'm excited to see if they bring back... Tattoo lady?
Yeah, like Mean Kid.
Mean Kid doing with them. Yeah, Mean Kid.
Oh, there's so much. And then
they're outside the walls, right? Yeah.
So that's gotta be a thing. Oh yeah, they go...
Oh man. I can't express to you
how excited I am that they're making a sequel
to an awful movie. Like, rarely.
Rarely is this a thing that
occurs that's because the books are so popular i don't know why i don't either maybe from a lot
of people said the books are better i mean obviously but well obviously but yeah like
they said the the what do you call it the like dog whole scene with like her being like oh i
saved the dog and all that that apparently was like a
lot more in depth than the books like it wasn't just one little thing too late it's too late
the movie was made you can't you can't be like read the book it's too late the movie exists
we watched it we're not reading the books only enjoying the movies and they are just plain bad
and we will appreciate them for as bad as they are. That's all I want from this movie right now.
That's all I want. I don't even want it to be good.
I just want it to be bad.
If I leave this movie with even more questions
than after the first movie,
I will be satisfied.
By the way, I figured out
what it is about Interstellar
that I don't like.
Which is what?
And it's Christopher Nolan's character development.
What?
Okay.
So.
What?
All the characters.
You can't talk about it until I say it, though.
Okay, well, I have to just give you this warning sign.
And I have to.
Okay.
All right.
All the characters.
I don't remember any of their names or anything.
I remember, like, three of them. And one's the robot, because he's awesome.
I didn't know there was a robot.
There's a robot.
His name's Tars, and he's very cool.
What?
But, like, and whenever I talk to people, like, I've talked to, like, a few people who've seen it,
and they're like, oh, yeah, I really like Anne Hathaway's character.
I really like Michael Caine's character.
And I'm like, do you remember their actual character names?
And they're like, no.
Like, it's just, there's something about his characters that are just so.
Well, maybe it's not about the characters, man.
Maybe it's about the experience.
Well, it is somewhat about the experience.
I haven't even seen it yet, and I just blew your mind.
There's also some things that blow your mind.
It's not about the characters, man.
Maybe you're supposed to be the main character.
Whoa.
Whoa.
I just blew your mind.
I haven't even seen it yet, and I just sold this movie.
I think.
You're the main character, Crandor.
That's why you don't know any characters, because the character's you.
And they're just your guides, your mental guides through the world of interstellar which
is transworldian whoa yep whoa you're welcome you're welcome i just i just triple pulled that
movie you're welcome you need to see this movie because i want to talk about it because i'm
talking gibberish right now i'm just making shit up. You are.
But it sounds like I'm right.
Yeah, you are right.
You need to see this movie.
All right.
I feel like you're going to see it,
and you're going to feel the same way,
where you're like, it was pretty good,
but just there's things.
Well, when I do see it, you'll be the first to know.
I'm glad.
Good.
Excellent. All right. All right. I think it's time to go to chapter 7 I'm glad. Good. Excellent.
All right.
All right.
I think it's time we go to Chapter 7 of the Sky with Crandor.
Crandor, how's that traffic out there?
Whoa.
Here we are today in the chapter chapter.
Traffic's going pretty good.
Oh, we had a break up there.
I was flying over Mount Everest. Very pretty this time of year.
But it appears that
Amanda Johnson has just climbed to the
top of Mount Everest.
Congratulations, Amanda Johnson. You win
a free trip to Cox and Crandor
World whenever it opens.
Don't take my word on that
because we have to talk to our lawyers first.
Back to you. I'm amused
that you somehow managed to get a helicopter
up to the top of Mount Everest.
This is no ordinary helicopter.
This is a chopter copter.
It's true.
It is true.
It's the chopter copter.
Chapter 7, 1 through 6 did not make it to the top of that mountain.
But 7, it happened.
We did it.
Luckily, we had test experiment people in those.
They signed waivers.
Those were the other Krendors.
Those were the clones.
All right.
What is going on in the weather?
In the weather today, can we go to Mount Everest?
Mount Everest.
Uh-huh.
Go on.
It says nothing.
Where's Mount Everest at?
There is no Mount Everest? Everest. Yeah, where is Mount Everest at? There is no Mount Everest?
Everest
Yeah, where is Mount Everest at, Crendor?
Is it like somewhere in Asia?
Where do you think it is?
I don't know, somewhere in Asia
Uh-huh, where do you think it is?
Where do you think it is?
I don't know, Everest?
Everest?
I mean, it's near Everest.
That'd be true.
Sure.
Where do you think Everest is?
I don't know.
I would have told you by now.
You haven't had time to Google it.
Oh, it said Nepal.
Yeah, there you go.
And there is no Everest.
There's no place called Everest, Nepal.
Oh, man.
Is Nepal like below Russia?
Where do you think Nepal is?
It looks like it's below Russia.
Like a little bit south of Russia.
Okay, so what is the weather in, pick a city in Nepal.
What's the weather?
Okay, let's head to Nepal then.
Hold the phone.
Mount Everest is also known as Nepal as Sagaramatha.
And in Tibet as Trambalanga are those the guys who wrote
Tubthumper? I don't know
I get knocked down
but I get up again
alright let's head to Nepal
Jawatanga
yup okay what's the weather like in Jawatanga?
Jawatanga it's 86 degrees
and hazy right now.
We got thunderstorms.
Yep, in Nepal.
We got thunderstorms coming in as well.
It's going to be 88, 89, 87, 89, 89, 88, 85, all with thunderstorms.
In fact, it's thunderstorms every single day.
Wow, so it's rainy but hot.
Yep, rainy but hot.
That's kind of weird.
That's not bad, though.
That's not bad. Here in chicago it snowed there's snow outside all the meatballs falling out of their cars
oh man it's so snow outside it's great weather for a meatball sub today you know what i'm saying
i like the smoke by the way the bears have won like two straight games even though they beat like
tampa bay who's won like one game and then minnesota has won like two straight games, even though they beat like Tampa Bay, who's won like one game,
and then Minnesota has won like two games.
And they're just like, I know that the Bears were going to come through in the end.
And Jake Cotler making some big-time plays out there in the sports.
That's still two wins.
That's still two wins, though.
That's still two wins.
That's still two wins.
You take them any way you can get them.
Yep, and that's the weather.
All right.
Speaking of sports, what's going on in sports, Grendor?
So in sports, we've got some great news.
So the Seattle Seahawks beat the Arizona Cardinals,
and I don't know if you know who Marshawn Lynch is.
I do.
But he gave an amazing post-game interview.
What interview was that, Kandar?
So here's the transcript.
They asked Marshawn Lynch,
how does defense compare to others you've seen this year?
His answer, inedible.
Then they said, you on the sidelines there,
is the back all right?
How's your back feeling?
And he's like, yeah.
And then they said how important
was it to keep the ball on the ground and he said inaudible and then they said how did your back
feel and he said yeah and then they said you got those heating pads in your cleats i got a foundation
called edgewater on december 14th to help benefit inner city youth in oakland we were trying to
raise the built oh wait he said something about his
oakland youth center but then they said can you talk about this win against arizona today and he
said yeah then they said how about next week's big game against the 49ers and he said yeah and
then they said how are you feeling and he said yeah and then they said anything to add about
today he said yeah and then they, question about little boozy.
We can talk about that.
And he said, it's little boozy.
Then they said, you had some tough yards on the ground,
but you were able to catch some balls out that backfield.
Was that part of the game plan?
And he said, maybe.
What?
What is going on?
It's pretty much he just answered yeah and maybe.
And then he had a few inaudible answers that were just gibberish like.
Like they said, tough to rebound from Thursday.
And he said, maybe.
And then they said, what did you listen to on the bus?
And he said, no juice.
I guess that's a song by Lil Boosie.
Little Boosie, no juice.
I mean, no juice.
Little Boosie. Little Boosie, No Juice. I mean, No Juice, Little Boosie, Lyrics.
How does he get pumped?
What are the lyrics to this song?
Oh, man.
No Juice.
Oh, here we go.
No Juice, Lyrics.
All right.
N's be talking about this.
N's be rapping about that.
They ain't even got no straps, old lame ass ends.
You whack.
B, you ain't got no juice.
B, you gets no juice.
And ends telling these lies, living like, living they life disguised.
Exaggerate for these hoes.
Boy, you really think you could.
B, you ain't got no juice and nobody
believes you you can't lie that's the hook that's the that's the hook oh that's the hook all right
oh that's the hook yeah you know my favorite part about this if we probably heard the music
this might be an amazing song yeah that's that's that's how rap works it doesn't matter what the
lyrics are as long as the beat's good you're're like, man, this is a good song.
By the way, there's this guy on YouTube, and he made a thing called How to Make a Pop Song.
I don't know if you've ever seen that, but if you search in YouTube,
How to Make a Pop Song, right now, How to Make a Pop Song,
his name is Brett Domino, and it was an amazing video.
He's like, you just need to get an instrument that you can't really play very well, but
play a catchy beat on it.
So he was like, on like some weird trumpet thing.
Uh-huh.
And he just made up a bunch of lyrics.
And he was like, you need something that relates to people.
Like, girl, you're sexy when you do that.
But it's not too, it's generic, but it's still too it's generic but it's still it kind of relates
to people you can relate it to yourself and then here's some other stuff that's that's how books
are written for for young girls that's what we discovered just that's true everything generic
about being a young woman and then make a character that is that and everyone will be like it's me oh
i mean i learned that like five years ago when I was doing my how to win things.
I was like, this type of person's in your raid group.
And everyone's like, that's me.
And those got like a billion views.
I was like, yep, I figured it out.
Can I ask you a question?
Mm-hmm.
When he says, you bust her ass N on another partner.
You got no juice.
I got the juice.
The whole world loved me.
CNN say I got the whole world thuggin'
Sometimes it's best to walk away
Save yourself a case
Cause they in court testifying on us every day
Everybody wanna be fly
But nobody wanna get robbed
For reputations they love
What does that mean?
Alright, so
Am I so old that that made no sense?
All right.
So what was the first line again?
He said, I'm a hustling ass and with a gift partner.
You just a buster ass and on a trip partner.
All right.
So here's what that means.
Huh?
He's got a gift partner, which means he's been gifted a very special woman in his life that he know.
Maybe the gift.
No, no.
Maybe he's talking to the person.
He's talking to the person.
This is one of those songs.
It's not about it's like I'm talking to you.
You punks.
Right.
Oh, I'm just a hustling ass.
And with the gift partner.
Right.
And then he's like, oh, yeah.
Buster ass and on a trip partner.
Right. So he's like harassing the audience. bluster ass and on a trip partner, right?
So he's like harassing the audience.
Oh, yeah, he's harassing the audience.
Oh, I get it.
And then he's like, you got no juice.
I got the juice.
The whole world loved me.
Boom.
CNN say I got the whole world thugging.
So he's saying like even the news says he's awesome.
Sometimes it's best to walk away, save yourself a case,
because they in court testify on us every day.
Apparently he's being testified on every day.
Yes, every day.
Everybody want to be fly, but don't nobody want to get robbed for reputations they love.
That's the part that makes no sense. All right, so everybody wants to be fly, but they don't want to get robbed.
So is he saying that people that are successful are going to get robbed in his neighborhood?
Is he threatening to rob people?
Maybe he wants to, but he doesn't want to lose his reputation.
Everybody wants to fly, but nobody wants to get robbed for reputations they love.
For reputations, comma, they love.
I don't.
I don't what?
And then he starts harassing women.
They exaggerating for these women, hoping they look at them different.
Oh, he's talking about the rappers.
Oh, I see.
But now you playing the people since little one caught you slipping.
You's a rat.
You ain't ready for the lifestyle.
Oh, he's slamming on people.
Oh, man.
Oh, he's slamming on people.
Little Boosie's going ham in the paint.
Little Boosie's going ham. the paint. Lil Boosie's going ham.
He's going ham on those salty guys.
He's really just pouring the salt on them.
You know what?
I get it now.
I get why he's listening to Lil Boosie.
Lil Boosie goes hard.
He goes hard.
He goes deeper than just some ordinary rap song.
He makes fun of people in his rap.
Yeah.
Usually I'm used to rap being all bragging, but he's like, I don't need to brag because you is so weak.
I love it.
Also, that's sports.
That is sports.
Okay.
What's our big news story of the day?
All right.
Big news story of the day is something I found that's interesting.
It's something I found that's interesting.
Okay, so you have no story.
Is that what I'm hearing?
No, I got a story.
Uh-huh.
So there's a controller in Kickstarter being created that draws real blood every time you're shot in a video game.
I'm sorry, what?
A controller that draws blood every time you're shot in a video game.
Why would that exist?
So let me tell you.
Hold on.
Is this being funded?
Are people paying money for this?
Possibly.
Good research, buddy.
You're doing it.
So let me tell you, you better hope your kid's actually good at Call of Duty or he'll be losing a lot of blood.
Bloodsport is a device that draws real blood every time you're shot in a video game.
If the Kickstarter is successful, it'll raise stakes in shooters forever.
Creators Jonathan Root and James Jarvis plan to bring the machine to gaming events in Canada
where they will collect precious gamer's blood to donate to blood banks across the country.
Here's how it works.
It's stupidly simple.
Remember the Rumble Pack? Well, nowadays, most video game controllers rumble when you get shot in the country. Here's how it works. It's stupidly simple. Remember the rumble pack?
Well, nowadays, most video game controllers rumble when you get shot in the game.
That rumbling means that an electrical signal is being sent to the controller to let you
know you've been hit.
All we're doing is rerouting the same electrical signal and using it to turn on the blood collection
system.
I'm sorry, what now?
That is, so they have like, are they going to put a syringe in you?
And then, like, just draw blood?
And then donate. And it will just open and close a valve and then valve and then you donate it.
So it's like you go to the blood drive.
Yeah.
It's literally a blood drive.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
So it's a blood drive.
I thought it was like the controller will cut your hands every time you lose.
Yeah.
Well, that's what I thought too.
Well, that's, I mean, that's like, that's, I mean, that's cool, I mean that's like I mean that's cool I guess
Yeah I guess it's cool
I mean I wouldn't do it
But like if you're gonna donate blood, why don't you just go donate blood
Cause you know, the Call of Duty guys
You gotta go the extra mile
They, look
You gotta add the realism
You can't have them sit there and give blood for like
Six minutes, cause that's too long
They gotta be quick. They gotta be
like, oh, he shot me.
Here's the thing though. The good players don't
donate any blood. And in the end,
they've wasted their time. You stuck a needle in the guy
for no reason. Those needles are expensive.
You gotta clean that. You gotta sanitize it.
Yeah, you gotta sanitize that. That's just trouble.
That's, you know what?
I'm just gonna say
it's an interesting idea yeah but not all
interesting things are good it's true leave it at that we learned that on a shark tank
yes various other things that guy is that is that is that our only story no because we got one more. Uh-oh. And it's called...
Uh-oh.
Good job looking it up.
Hold on.
Hold on.
I'm holding.
I'm holding.
I'm holding for you to Google search.
Now Google searching.
I'm looking at the thing.
Uh-huh.
Now you're Google searching.
Now I'm Google searching.
Hold the phone.
Uh-huh.
I'm just going to read a Florida man.
Okay.
Florida man.
Florida man. Florida man.
Florida man arrested.
Poked girlfriend in eye after she served him waffles on his birthday instead of pancakes.
Look, Florida man is very particular.
A Gainesville man was arrested Sunday morning after police say he poked his girlfriend in the eye over not getting his birthday breakfast.
James E. Irving Jr.
What did he poke her in the eye with?
Well, he got into a fight with his live-in girlfriend over his birthday present and preferred a celebratory breakfast, according to a Gainesville police department.
To express his disdain, Irving poked his girlfriend in the eye, which prompted a call to the police.
I see he just used his finger.
Well, okay.
I mean, all right.
I see he just used his finger.
Well, okay.
I mean, all right.
It says, call the police, and he is taken to jail on a misdemeanor battery charge.
Over a poked eye?
Over a poked eye.
What?
I mean, he might have done some other stuff, but they might just be saying poked eye.
And on Monday morning, jail staff served inmates a breakfast of fruit, grit, sausage, bread, and butter, according to Becky Butcher, a county sheriff spokeswoman.
So, I mean, he got breakfast.
It just still wasn't the breakfast he wanted.
Why did they include breakfast in the description of that article?
Because he wanted.
Yes, but it would have been funny if, like, they served him waffles when he was in jail.
Like, that would have been funny.
This was like, while he was in jail, he ate grits and, like, wait, what does that have to do with the story?
That's not even, like, a good ending to a story.
That's just a poorly written story.
This is from the Gainesville Sun.
So, I mean.
That's true.
I guess the writers in Gainesville are about one step removed from being Florida man themselves.
They are.
So, I mean, it makes sense.
Anyone living in Florida right now, you are one bad day away from being Florida man.
I'm just saying.
If you live there or are traveling through, you are one awful day away from being on this podcast.
One very awful day.
By the way, your parents are there, right?
Yes, they got here today.
I feel like we should have a segment with them on this show.
We could. The problem is that it's late and they're probably asleep.
They're old.
Let's do it with them when they're not awake.
Or wait, I mean
that's creepy. That's very creepy.
Mr. Cox,
what do you think about that?
Like, wow,
that is some fascinating conversation.
This could be a report
for the Gainesville Sun.
One really
bad day away.
All right, guys, that's it.
Thank you for listening.
We will be back with another episode shortly.
And as always, to be continued.