Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 142 - Jesse and Crendor's Big Weekend

Episode Date: October 17, 2017

The boys are back again for another episode, and this time they've got a few stories to tell. Jesse and Crendor spent a few days together and in that time did exactly what you think they would done - ...nothing. But in that nothing came a lot of sweet non-content. Also they look into the report of a man from the future as well as the new McDonald's sauce craze! Is it time for the return of the McCox n' Crendor? All this and more on this exciting episode of Cox n' Crendor! This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Sign up today for 10% off your first purchase by going to Squarespace.com/Coxandcrendor

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Today's episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Whether you need a domain, website, or online store, make your next move with Squarespace. Do it. Right now. Don't even listen to this podcast. It ain't even going to be that good. It's pretty, yeah, it's, I'm not going to listen to it. Yeah, but you're on it.
Starting point is 00:00:19 Shit. Hello, everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning. In, everybody. It's time for Cox and Crendor. Cox and Crendor in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live. In four-hour recording studio. Recording. Wake your ass up.
Starting point is 00:00:40 It's Cox and Crendor in the morning. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Cox and Crandor in the morning. Hello. Where'd you go? Hello. Oh, you were goofing. I was teleporting.
Starting point is 00:00:58 I know that's not true. Why would you lie to people like that? There are people listening right now who believe that you have the power of teleportation. George I learned how to teleport. George George the other day I was on a podcast
Starting point is 00:01:16 and a man teleported he did right in front of me. That's amazing. I know I told him don't trick people and he said I'm not tricking. I'm just teleporting. Wow. What an age we live in. I know.
Starting point is 00:01:32 It's blowing my mind right now. Make sure to buy our merchandise. I'm also very drunk. I'm always drunk. Speaking of drunk, oh my god. This week, so many people sent us articles. You have no clue.
Starting point is 00:01:49 One of my favorite ones, I'm not going to save it for the news because screw it, this is too good. And related to what we're talking about. Drunk time traveler arrested during alien invasion warning by police in Casper, Wyoming. Warning by police in Casper, Wyoming. Police say a central Wyoming man was arrested for public intoxication, claiming he traveled back in time to warn of an alien invasion. Casper police say the man they encountered at 1030 p.m. on a Monday said he was from the year 2048. KTW OAM and Casper. You know, KTW OAM. KTWOAM And Casper You know KTWOAM KTWOAM
Starting point is 00:02:27 Definitely plays coast to coast at night You know they do That's why they're reporting on this stuff And Casper reports that the man told police He wanted to warn people in Casper That aliens will arrive next year And that they should leave as soon as possible Where would you go?
Starting point is 00:02:43 First off where would you go guy? If aliens are coming first off why are they coming to casper second off why where would they go if aliens come to earth it's over i'll tell you uh-huh casper do you know where casper is the friendly ghost i have no idea where it is no the town i don't know it's in wyoming exactly you know nobody knows about Wyoming. Right? Nobody. Nobody has a clue. You're right.
Starting point is 00:03:08 You're right. The aliens know that. Perfect base settlement. Perfect base settlement. They're never going to go to Wyoming. Second, the aliens. This is like one of those movies. You know the movies where the person's running around like, you got to believe me.
Starting point is 00:03:22 And everyone's like, you're stupid. This is that guy. This is the protagonist. And we're just laughing at him. Let me finish the story. I know you want to believe. I know you want to believe. He asked to speak to the president of the town about 170 miles, 270 kilometers
Starting point is 00:03:38 northwest of Cheyenne. The man told police he was only able to time travel because aliens filled his body with alcohol. He noted he was supposed to be teleported to the year 2018, not this year, to which he was very agitated about. Alright, yeah, he's crazy. I love the fact that he's like, look, the only way you can time travel is by being filled with alcohol. Also, I wasn't even supposed to be in 2017.
Starting point is 00:04:11 I was supposed to be in 2018. I can't believe they said. I love this guy. I love that he got caught being drunk in public and his out was, guys, guys, I'm from the future and I'm not even supposed to be in this year. I don't even know what's going on. I didn't even know. I thought this year happened. Also, I would have gotten real scientific with it and been like,
Starting point is 00:04:34 I'm not even supposed to be in Cheyenne, but the damn curvature of the earth and the way it spins around the sun and all this other BS. I should have been in New York, but here I am. Oh, I'm off by a thousand miles. This is so dumb. I would have been in New York, but here I am. Oh, I'm off a thousand miles. It's so dumb. I would have gone real crazy with it. I would have been like, oh, I forgot about the seasons. Oh, and every year we get a little like a micro inch closer to the sun.
Starting point is 00:04:55 I'm surprised I'm not in the earth right now. I would have gone crazy. I knew in the year 2048, I thought we'd be in the fifth season by now. There's a fifth season that will be birthed in 2036. Yeah, the season of sprawl. It's not quite fall. It's not quite spring. Sprawl.
Starting point is 00:05:14 It's because of the warm. It's because of the warm. Oh, my God. Well, I guess I'm not going to that website anymore. It literally just gave me a, there is a problem with your plugin, and then tried to pop up 5,000 ads. Damn. They want you to see those ads.
Starting point is 00:05:33 They wanted me to see those ads because I am susceptible to bullshit stories. They figured I would be susceptible to crappy ads, too. They got me. All right. Here's something that I had to bring up all right okay so before we get into our trip we had well my trip all right i was about to say what we went on a trip what trip did we go on man so i was watching tv late night and there's one of the late night shopping networks it was like the home shopping network and there's one of the late night shopping networks.
Starting point is 00:06:05 It was like the home shopping network, and there's a man talking about coins, and he is just like, this is a 15th mint condition Jefferson quarter. These quarters do not come around often. This is only as rare as the Kennedy. You're not going to get this any other time. $70. You're getting 20 of these quarters prime silver and i just listened to him talk and try to sell these these coins and i had some questions one
Starting point is 00:06:32 of the questions was who collects coins you know i i used to think my dad collected coins until i realized he was just a hoarder and collects everything and has bins of just stuff. And I'm like, oh, no, you don't collect coins. You just collect things in the hopes that one day they'll be worth something. It's like Beanie Baby people. I collected them all. Maybe one day they'll be.
Starting point is 00:06:57 Or people who got Star Wars action figures in the hopes that one day they'll be worth something. Yeah. No, no. I used to think I knew a person who collected coins, but no, I don't. It's like stamps. Stamps are on, like, the same level.
Starting point is 00:07:12 But actually, I think I'd rather have coins than stamps. At least you can melt the coins down and sell the metal. Except that one stamp that's, like, a reverse upside-down stamp that's worth millions now or whatever. Oh, yeah, I remember that stamp. Like, that's pretty cool. I don't know of any coins that are worth that much money. But I guess there's gotta be some like doubloons like old pirate doubloons. Plus they're
Starting point is 00:07:29 cursed. So that's good. But the like these ones they sell on the home shopping network. They're just like 20 Jefferson nickels. Yeah, no, those are literally nickels that they're selling to you for way too much money.
Starting point is 00:07:45 Yeah. In the hopes that you're a dummy and going to be like, it'll be worth something. This is an investment for my grandkids. Sure it is. All right. I don't get it. And then they would change up the coins. Every five to ten minutes, he'd bring out a new thing of coins.
Starting point is 00:08:03 Then he was throwing the coins onto a pile. You know those arcade machines where they got all the coins and shit like stacked up it was like that he kept throwing them on the pile and they'd slide down the pile he's like these are rare rare coins so rare i'm throwing them on a pile i don't care they get scratched yeah as and he's like i've been selling these for 20 years And I have never seen a coin this rare This is the rarest coin I've ever seen Then why would you sell it on TV I don't know it's gotta be for old people Cause number one I don't know any younger people
Starting point is 00:08:35 That buy things on like the home Shopping network They can barely get money doing jobs They don't have money to spend on money You can barely buy your avocados Yeah you gotta get avocado and toast That's expensive They can barely get money doing jobs. You can barely buy. They don't have money to spend on money. Your avocados. Yeah, you got to get avocado and toast. That's expensive.
Starting point is 00:08:50 It's expensive, especially if you're going to Whole Foods. And then. Although, although, speaking of Whole Foods, shout out to Amazon for buying Whole Foods because now everything's super. Oh, yeah. It's like getting way cheaper. Yeah, they're reducing all the prices and stuff. It's fine with me. I might actually start going again.
Starting point is 00:09:03 I go to Whole Foods, but I buy like very specific items, like four of them. I want to go to Whole Foods and buy all the weird shit and make a video. Like, Jesse tries celery water. Oh my god, that's a great idea. I just want to, yeah, just, I'm like,
Starting point is 00:09:19 what is this? It's just water with a stick of celery in it. What is this bullshit? Oh my god, I want to do that now, too. No, you can't do that. You have to wait. I'll steal it. You have to wait until you come here, and then we have to do it together. All right.
Starting point is 00:09:32 That's fine. Although, someone's going to steal the idea now before that happens. All right. It's a race. Whoever can do it first. Got it. Oh, my God. Brilliant.
Starting point is 00:09:43 Perfect. And then, well, I guess we can do it in different styles i'll do it in a non-content style you can do a full-on review i'm not gonna do a review i'll be like this water's bullshit that's my review then i already know the ending you're just gonna say it's all bullshit no i won't there's got to be some good stuff. I'm sure of it. I'll be like hints of celery, light taste, probably soaked for 24 hours at minimum, maybe 48. It's literally
Starting point is 00:10:12 just water with a stick of celery in it. I can't figure out why it's like $6. That's like the people I put up that video, and they're like Fiji water. You can taste the difference of Fiji water. Someone in there is like like Fiji water You can taste the difference of Fiji water someone in there is like you water is like look everyone who? Commented like feed you other others waste of your money feed you water tastes better
Starting point is 00:10:34 I don't care what anyone says it tastes better tastes better. I've tasted many different water and everyone's like it's just bottle more It's not I'm telling you okay. Have you tried Dasani alright Dasani telling you. OK, have you tried Dasani? All right. Dasani shit water. All right. Maybe if you like Dasani, I'm sorry, but I don't. It tastes bad. You can tell. You can tell Dasani water from Fiji water. Give me a taste test.
Starting point is 00:10:54 I'll take your taste test and I'll prove you wrong. I'm I'm down for all waters. Be they bottled or non. But if I'm going to have water in my home and I'm going to give water to my guests, it's going to be the best water I can give to them because I love them. Not enough to poison them with Dasani. Dasani will kill you.
Starting point is 00:11:14 Dasani will kill you. What's that other one? Aquafina. That's the other shit one. Aquafina? Made of runoff. Drug water runoff. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:23 It's true. I'm telling you. You can taste the difference of Fiji water. You can taste it. Now, that doesn't mean that we are justifying the fact that there's such a thing as celery water. That's garbage. That's a lie. That's probably
Starting point is 00:11:37 Dasani mixed in with some celery. I haven't tried it yet. I'm not going to judge it until I try it. I'm totally judging it. I am prejudging. it till I try it maybe I'm totally judging it I am pre-judging I am judge Judy on this all I know is I've tried many different bottles bottled waters all right like Dasani Aquafina Ice Mountain some weird Polish one some other weird Polish one one called diamond water it is water that apparently is run over diamonds. It tastes like shit. Don't put stones on your water and then expect me to drink it.
Starting point is 00:12:09 I saw H3 bought that and tried it. It's garbage. Yeah, it's garbage. Even if you got diamonds on your water, it's not going to make crappy water better. That's all I'm saying. Like, yeah. Listen. If anything, you should be complaining about all the plastic that's with those bottles.
Starting point is 00:12:25 Yeah. That's killing me. Not the water in it. And if anything... I'd accept you complaining about the plastic. Yeah, the plastic. It probably gets, like, in a truck. The, like, plastic bleeds into the water or some shit.
Starting point is 00:12:35 It probably makes it really bad. Oh, we're killing fish and all that? That you can yell at me about. Yeah. Don't yell at me about my water. Here's the thing. I barely even buy bottled water. I always...
Starting point is 00:12:43 I got those, like, filtered bottles. It's like a bottle a bottle like you have for when you go exercising or biking whatever it's got a filter in it and i just fill it with tap water and then it filters it as i drink it and it's great that's what i do but whenever i have to get bottled water i buy a fiji one i don't go buy it by the truck loads every week all i'm saying is fridge, I keep having to explain this to people. My fridge exists only for two reasons. One, because I'm grabbing a drink on the way out or two, when I have guests over.
Starting point is 00:13:14 That's it. That's it. I'm only at the office 90% of my day and the rest of the time I'm sleeping. Or traveling. So like, you know, I don't want to keep things that can go bad in the fridge. Then you'll just have a fridge full of things that are bad. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:30 Then I have all like brown shit. So then when Crandor comes over, it'll be like, why does Jesse have all these vegetables that look gross? Because I'm never at home. So if you do want to see this fridge video, non-content, episode one, the Phantom Jesse Cox fridge on Wow Crandor channel. Check it out. No wonder it's see this fridge video. Non-content. Episode 1. The Phantom Jesse Cox fridge on WowCrendor channel. Check it out. No wonder it's such a bad video.
Starting point is 00:13:48 Phantom Jesse Cox fridge. And you can also see the Go-Gurt. I got Go-Gurt, but it was Stonyfield Go-Gurt. And all they had was the kids Go-Gurt. But you know what? Yeah, sure. It was good. Sure they did.
Starting point is 00:14:01 It was good. You went out and you bought Go-Gurt And sleeping medicine Because I had to fall asleep I am pretty sure Anyone who would have seen that You're with the registry right now You're with the registry right now They're like watching you
Starting point is 00:14:16 Like I don't know what this kid's doing Buying Go-Gurt and sleeping aids But I feel like Kid's Go-Gurt Listen That guy at the register Was creepy as shit he didn't judge you he was like good idea and then there was the angry man did we ever did we talk about this i
Starting point is 00:14:32 can't remember we didn't talk about it on the podcast we just talked about it with like kristin and like everybody at the office but yeah we told everyone we knew so go to to really a – I want to point out this spawned from another story, and I can't remember what we were talking about. I don't remember. It was something about Whole Foods. Oh, yeah, celery water, right? No, I don't know. I don't remember.
Starting point is 00:14:58 I don't remember what we were talking about. Anyway, so we went to this Ralph's Market, and it was – I don't know, it was sometime at night, like 8 or 9 o'clock at night. And the creditor was buying some stuff, and while he was buying stuff, there was a guy three or four registers over getting really upset for some reason. I couldn't tell you why, but he kept getting redder and redder and more mad. And this poor woman, I think it's because he couldn't understand her, maybe? I don't know. mad. And this poor woman, I think it's because he couldn't understand her, maybe? I don't know. But he flips out and grabs all the stuff back off the little
Starting point is 00:15:27 belt area and throws it back in his cart. He's like, fuck! And he rumbles away and he almost hits me as I'm walking towards him. And I turn around thinking, oh my god, he's about to hit Krendor. I look in Krendor's back with his camera out. I was like, oh my god, Krendor's filming
Starting point is 00:15:43 all of this. He's going to be so good. And the guy's like red-faced. He's like talking to himself. And he goes over to the other guy who we thought was definitely like some type of. Very creepy, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't leave your children with this man is what we're saying. And so he goes over to him and he's like, oh, that lady over there.
Starting point is 00:16:01 And he starts talking and getting crazy. Krendor is filming all of it, I think. I'm like, oh, my God. This is going to be the best. He comes over. I'm like, dude, that lady over there, and he starts talking and getting crazy. Crendor is filming all of it, I think. I'm like, oh, my God, this is going to be the best. He comes over, and I'm like, dude, did you get all that? And he goes, get all what? I'm like, you didn't see that? You didn't see what happened? And he shows me his phone, and he spent the entire time taking a photo of dog vodka.
Starting point is 00:16:21 Dog vodka. Vodka for dog lovers is what he took his phone out for meanwhile I thought I was recording this incredible moment of a sky losing his mind. I guess our priorities are different I Didn't even see him until he was leaving the store Yeah, I had to point him out. I can't believe he was screaming. I can't believe you were oblivious to it I was so focused on the dog vodka. Here's what it said. Vodka for dog people. We created vodka for dog people to unite with friends, fans, and partners to make the world a better place for pet.
Starting point is 00:16:54 They spelled better wrong. Place for pets and their families far and wide. Vodka for dog people. Tito's Vodka. I mean, sure. They make it sound like they're giving dogs vodka. It's like dog vodka. It's on your Twitter somewhere.
Starting point is 00:17:09 People can go look at it. It's so silly. Listen, it was just a dumb... I was like, this doesn't make any sense. I was so focused on this. I thought it was vodka for dogs. And that's my story. Yep. Yep, that happened.
Starting point is 00:17:24 And then we watched MTV, which I haven't watched mtv in so long that i didn't know what happened to the programming if it's like you know it was bad but it was very bad but now it's gotten even worse yeah we watched two shows one was 90s house 90s house was great actually yeah i love 90s love 90s house. 90s house was really entertaining. It was just a bunch of weirdos trying to live in a house, but stuck in the 90s. And a bunch of B-list 90s celebrities were like, hey, it's the 90s now. And then they had to do an intro to a sitcom that wasn't real. But one of the groups forgot to read the rules, so they made theirs about a sitcom called Cash Money High. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:08 Which even then. The girl who was leading that team was like a meme of a human being. Yeah. She wasn't a real person. Easily one of the most annoying human beings I've witnessed ever. Ever. It was incredible. And everyone was just like, we got to get her out.
Starting point is 00:18:23 And then when they kicked her out, she did this huge speech about why no one appreciated her and how awesome she was. And it was like, oh, sweet child. I know you hurt inside. I can see it in your eyes. She's like, I'm good. I'm the best there ever was. No one can mess with me. It's like, oh, I just want to help you.
Starting point is 00:18:41 I just want to give you a hug. Has no one ever hugged you? She's like, oh, people be hurting. That's okay. She's like the cash me outside girl. That's exactly who she was. Yeah. It's like, you don't know 90s house.
Starting point is 00:18:54 You don't know me. And then. That guy cried. She yelled at the guy and he cried. And he's like, sometimes you got to fake cry to get sympathy. And I was like, yes. yes yes i forgot about him there was a guy who was the like techie nerdy asian kid yeah who had all these gadgets and all this shit and so when they took it everyone's like oh man he's gonna cry he's like oh i can't live without my gadgets and um so the entire time he's really
Starting point is 00:19:22 like emotional and weird and at the very end end, she yelled at him, and he cried, and everyone felt really bad for him. And then at the post-credit thing, he's like, dummies, I cried on purpose. And I'm just like, what? He's like, I'm going to use it against them. They think I'm stupid, but I'm going to get them all. And I was like, this is the greatest show I have ever seen. No, that's reality television. That is reality TV.
Starting point is 00:19:50 Oh, so good. And then. And then. Oh, my God. Then the other show changed everything. That was the show that was terrible. Yeah. TV.
Starting point is 00:19:57 It's like one something. The one. Are you the one? Yeah. It's are you the one? The basic premise is a bunch of people who have been scientifically matched to be their perfect couple are put in the house. Let me put that in air quotes, scientifically. Right, right, right.
Starting point is 00:20:14 Scientifically matched to be the perfect couple, but no one knows who their perfect match is. And apparently the only way they all win the money is if they all end up with their perfect match at the end. Yeah. But because everyone in this house is like a big either dog and or skank, everyone is trying to bang everyone. Yeah. And nobody is like, everyone's like, oh, yeah, he must be my one. Or the guy's like, look, I'm going to sleep with all these girls. And it's so funny to watch them.
Starting point is 00:20:43 Like, I couldn't figure out what the point of the show was I was like why does this show exist this is so dumb literally one of the guys is like yeah girl I'm only in love with you I know they say I'm a player but I'm gonna and he like goes around trying to bang everyone in the house yeah meanwhile 20 minutes after he says that he's like making out with another girl after he just banged yeah then there's one girl who meets a guy first night, sleeps with the dude next day, hit it on someone else and the guy
Starting point is 00:21:10 is like heartbroken. He's like, I loved her. He's like, you just met her. And then there's one girl who at the very beginning is like, I love music. I want to hang out with this rapper guy who's like this white rapper who's terrible.
Starting point is 00:21:25 He was. And oh, my God, that guy was another. I imagine this white rapper guy. Remember that Australian rapper we made fun of? Absolutely. This is him. This is him. That was him.
Starting point is 00:21:36 Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And so this guy is this is this musician rapper. And she's like, I love music. She goes to hang out with him for like two seconds and immediately starts flirting with some other guy who's just much more attractive. And so he spends the rest of the episode not just in the friend zone, but living in it. And you know the producer people set this up.
Starting point is 00:22:00 Absolutely. I'm not saying that we know people who have been on MTV shows And MTV shows are fake But they are And so Are you telling me the reality television is fake? I'm going to let you in on a secret Most of MTV where it's like
Starting point is 00:22:16 I'm the girlfriend and I'm the boyfriend And we're going to go out with other people Is totally bullshit that's not true Most of that's fake it's like actors hired It's like the old school version of YouTube Like prank things Absolutely And so uh
Starting point is 00:22:32 This guy spends the entire time just like Down on himself he's like uh he goes out On a date with her and he just is like dick It's definitely one of those things where You know how you every once in a while Someone will post one of those uh I'm so old that I don't know what it's called. You know when they swipe left and right, my brain just died. Tinder.
Starting point is 00:22:53 Tinder. Thank you. I was like, you know, Grindr. I guess Grindr counts. But on Tinder, you know how people post messages people send to each other? And it usually goes something like this where it's a guy, hey, girl, let me see some nudes. And she's like, I don't think so. We just met each other.
Starting point is 00:23:11 He's like, yeah, but I feel like we have a connection, and I want to get some of that. No, I don't think so. And the guy's like, what are you, some bitch? What they like, right? Yeah, it's like that. You see those all the time. This is what that was like. This guy was trying to be real, real nice.
Starting point is 00:23:25 He's like, yeah, I love music and I love to rap. And she goes to meet some other guy. So when they finally go out on their date, he's like, yeah, whatever, stupid hoe. He's like, oh, boy. Okay. And so it's all these people just like being terrible drunks and weirdos. So it's obviously a party house. And everyone there is just there to get some or to whatever.
Starting point is 00:23:53 And I sat there and I couldn't figure out why is this show, why would anyone watch this show? What is the point? I don't get it. And then it hit me. The real conceit of this show is that at the end, all these people are going to fall in love with someone on this show. At least that's the plan, right? But they have to go into a booth where it matches you.
Starting point is 00:24:15 And the only way they win is if everyone gets matched with the person that they are supposed to be with and accepts it, which means all these people that get matched together may not like each other. In fact, may hate each other, but they're their perfect match based off of the interactions. So truly, at the end of the day, this is one of the greatest social experiments ever
Starting point is 00:24:37 because you know they're going to fail. They can't win. They cannot win. And it's going to be amazing to see people who are just like, oh, I'm just trying to get laid by everyone who don't want to be with any of these people who are just there to like sleep with as many women as possible be matched with the person and then have to be like accept that yeah oh i can't wait it's i haven't seen i haven't watched an episode since but i imagine
Starting point is 00:24:59 in theory it's a great show yeah i haven't either i would not watch that show again it was terrible turned on mtv just to see if it was on again i was like i wonder what's happening on that show and then is some other show and i was like well that's enough mtv for me and i just changed right off i mean if you can handle watching people who are genuinely like the worst kind of party people the people who are just like i don't even care care. I'm going to get wild. There's this one girl who straight up just. Oh, yeah, that girl. Well, not her. I think you're thinking like the one girl who the first episode literally is just like pushing her boobs out as far as possible.
Starting point is 00:25:35 That girl was incredibly entertaining, but a weirdo. No, I'm talking about the one girl who there's a very, very attractive black dude on this show, like chiseled dude. And every one of the women there wants to sleep with this guy. And so- There was like three specific Latina women, and they're like, you like Latina women? And he's like, I love Latina women. And all three of them were just like, we got to get with him. And they were competing.
Starting point is 00:26:00 But they were all like, I'm going to get with him over you. So they start fighting each other. So he ends up in the shower. Remember, this is first episode. So we're talking day one or two. He's in the shower with this one girl fooling around. She leaves. He comes out of the shower.
Starting point is 00:26:13 Girl two walks in, closes the door. He makes out with her. I was like, what is going on? I can't even, like, maybe I could understand the thought process of like I want to fight for my man and I want to win him but also I feel like there should be something in your
Starting point is 00:26:35 head that says hey this guy is sleeping with all three of you maybe he's not the one to fight for maybe he's not a good guy maybe you should fight for someone who's better yeah you'd think something would go off like wow if he's not a good guy. Maybe you should fight for someone who's better. Yeah, you'd think, like, something would go off. Like, wow, if he's willing to do this with me, he's probably willing to do this with someone else as well.
Starting point is 00:26:51 Especially since he keeps being like, I'm a player, but, like, I'm not a player anymore. And it's like, are you not? Oh, God, Seymour. So funny. And then he walks out and he, like, goes out to all the other guys. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the episode ends with him sleeping next to the girl that he banged in the shower
Starting point is 00:27:08 moments after hooking up with this other girl. I couldn't believe it. I was like, what is happening right now? I was infuriated as a human being. Just like this dude. I can't hate on that guy, but I can hate on the entire concept of the show. Because literally it's infuriating. I was like, I can can hate on the entire concept of the show because literally it's it's infuriating i was like i can't hate on him play or play but like jesus i thought that was crazy to one girl
Starting point is 00:27:32 where at first we saw her and she was like standing off to the side and we're like she's like standing alone and she's like yeah i'm from the south we're kind of just you know different down there and then she like yeah the girl who was like in cowboy boots yeah but everyone else's posture was like relaxed but her posture was like shoulders and elbows back and just boobs forward the entire time and every time the camera panned over her she looked totally out of place like she was at a photo shoot compared to everyone it was so weird just like yeah i just want to have some fun and then she was talking to one guy and he's like yeah i understand that i understand that and then they like make out or something And then she was talking to one guy and he's like, yeah, I understand that. I understand that. And then they like make out or something.
Starting point is 00:28:05 And then she like proceeds to make out with everybody. Like she made out with every guy. Oh, they dared her. They're like, yo, kiss everyone. She's like, okay. And she kisses every man and woman in the house. And the guy at first is like, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.
Starting point is 00:28:19 That's nice. And he like wants to get with her. They bang the first night and everyone like hears it and stuff. And then the next day she is just off with some other dude. Yeah. They even, like, show the thing. They're like, oh, they're banging in there. And they walk in, and they're like, yo, what up?
Starting point is 00:28:32 They just, like, keep banging. Yeah, the one guy's like, you want to join us? So, I don't. All I'm saying is, I don't understand why his reaction then is like she betrayed me yeah i know i can't believe you did like dude you literally know nothing about her she just jumped on you immediately pretty sure there's nothing emotional there yeah get over it yeah that was just and he was heartbroken which again goes to the people they. They clearly picked a guy who has the emotional maturity of a child, which is, I want what I want, but if I can't have it, I need to be mad about it. Right?
Starting point is 00:29:12 You hooked up with this girl. Dude, that's cool. Don't freak out the fact that she's now going to go hiccup with everyone because I'm pretty sure that was her plan to begin with. Yeah, it probably was. It's incredible. It's an incredible show filled with terrible people, and it's just like, this is garbage. It is hot garbage, and I couldn't stop watching. You know, Grendor, I've been thinking a lot about these MTV shows.
Starting point is 00:29:34 Right. And how, really, there should be some sort of website database for the best MTV shows so we can find and learn more about them. And I know you're probably saying, isn't that MTV.com? No, that website is garbage. Garbage. You know why?
Starting point is 00:29:51 Because they didn't use Squarespace. They didn't go to Squarespace where you can get beautiful, award-winning designer templates all in one platform where you have nothing to install, patch, or upgrade ever. 24-7 customer support., domains, transfer them there.
Starting point is 00:30:07 They could put MTV.com on Squarespace. They probably should. They definitely should. Or, like you said, somebody can just compile a list of a whole bunch of shows, like that one where they go to a person's room and then they find stuff in their room to determine if they're going to date them.
Starting point is 00:30:26 Remember that one? I do. Or the one where the guy and the girl meet another person and go on a date with them. And then the like the current boyfriend and or girlfriend is sitting in the room with the parents and watch them. And the mom's like, I picked out the better boyfriend than you. Sorority Sweet 16 or whatever that was called yes sorority sweet 16 uh catfish all those shows a whole bunch all those shows yeah i don't want to like go through the mtv actual site to find them because it's going to be like coming up tomorrow isn't
Starting point is 00:30:57 i'm like i don't care i just want to see the dumb things well i mean it's all dumb but maybe you could make a website that's devoted to music videos. Yeah. You know, like a music television website. But where you actually played music videos, you could do that. That's how flexible Squarespace is. You can have a wide range of concepts and ideas. It's made for musicians, designers, artists, restaurants, so much more. You know, everything that's not on MTV.com.
Starting point is 00:31:24 So do it. Yeah, do it right now. Start your everything that's not on MTV.com. So do it. Yeah, do it right now. Start your free trial today at Squarespace.com. Enter the offer code Cox and Crendor. That's an and Crendor for 10% off the first purchase. Go there. I'm telling you, you're gonna love
Starting point is 00:31:40 it. We use it. I know that we just talked with a good friend today about a website that he made on Squarespace for his upcoming project. So like, y'all, jump on it. Come on. Make us that website. Come on. Order the best shows
Starting point is 00:31:56 MTV has ever made. Obviously Real World Season 4 is first. Come on. I don't know if that's true, but I feel like it's gotta be one of those. Well, like Season 4. it's got to be one of those. Well, it's season four. What's season four? Seattle? Question mark?
Starting point is 00:32:08 I don't know. I didn't watch it. I was too busy in the real world. Damn. And then there's the best show, which was the National Geographic Alaskan show. And this woman, there's this woman who is a crazy person. I'm convinced she's a crazy person. Just being like, I live out here alone in these parts.
Starting point is 00:32:29 But there's like eight other houses. And I was like, are those just empty houses? Or there's like her houses. But she was like, I got to build a house. So maybe she's a lot of houses. I don't know if she lives with other people or by herself. But it was bizarre. You're right.
Starting point is 00:32:41 And then she got like a what do you call it? A forklift or whatever. What's that? Bulldozer. And she got like a Forklift or whatever what's that Bulldozer and she's like A little micro bulldozer kind of deal She's like I gotta pull this thing back to my Lumberyard Started like hooking up everything She was saying that
Starting point is 00:32:57 She wanted to make a sauna But because she lives off of The fact that she can tear down everything She builds she wants to Build a sauna that is makeshift and temporary, and so she needed a way to do that. And apparently her strategy was, like, find a metal sled and take it back to her camp and then build the sauna out of wood on the metal sled. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:22 But because it's a show where literally nothing dramatic can possibly happen, what I just described there is very boring. They tried to make everything dramatic, and one of the best commercial break moments was she's trying to move the sled. And she, like, is using this bulldozer to try and move it, and it's kind of, like, dramatic. And she's, like, trying to move it, and literally it just moves an inch, and she's got like dramatically, ba-da-da-da-da-da-ba-ba-ba, and she's like trying to move it, and literally it just moves an inch, and she's like, oh, this is going to be tough.
Starting point is 00:33:49 And then when she finally moves it, she hitches it to the back of this thing, when she finally moves it, they go in ultra, ultra slow motion, but don't change the audio. So it sounds like she's revving her engines very, very, very hard to pull this thing out, but in reality they've just slowed down the frame so much that it looks like she's struggling, but
Starting point is 00:34:14 the treads on her tractor aren't moving. So it's her, it goes freeze frame, but you still hear like, and then it speeds up again and it moves. So basically she got it the first time immediately but they were like we have to make this moment dramatic we've been selling it and so they edited it to make it look better than it was and the minute i saw that i was like oh this
Starting point is 00:34:34 show's garbage yeah it was it was i was like wait or that and then i just realized like oh my god it's slow motion they're putting it in slow slow motion. And then the guy with his dogs. Yeah, dog sled man. He's like, you gotta take care of your dogs. And every night, the dogs eat before I do. And he wraps them in little vests. And he had one dog that he massaged its paws. And I was like, this is very cute, if not creepy.
Starting point is 00:35:02 Yeah. Why are you alone out there in the woods with your dogs? He's like, gave up my corporate job. You know, I had like a wife, kids, everything. Moved out here with my dogs. But why? What? I have a lot of questions.
Starting point is 00:35:15 That entire time with that guy, I was like, why? Yeah. Yeah, that was. And then there's another man with dogs. He just didn't have a sled. He just walked around with them. And he was like, this here is bad ice. Don't walk on this ice.
Starting point is 00:35:30 And the dog ran out. He's like, get back here. Get back here. The guy, I couldn't tell what he was trying to do. He was clearing a path on the ice for winter, but also poking holes in the ice. Yeah. And I didn't know if he was... I couldn't figure out what the purpose of this was, except to make it so it would look like his dogs were about to fall on the ice every the ice. Yeah. I didn't know if it was, I couldn't figure out what the purpose of this was,
Starting point is 00:35:45 except to make it so it would look like his dogs were about to fall on the ice every commercial break. Yeah. And be like, don't go in that ice. And then it cut to commercial and they come back and the dog would just walk back around like, okay.
Starting point is 00:35:56 Yeah. That was just, I couldn't, I didn't know what was going on, but I was still curious. Like what's happening? Why? Yeah. We sat there the
Starting point is 00:36:05 entire time less impressed by the show and more genuinely quizzical about the situation we were like why yeah that was just my my theme for the night why that is truly one of the greatest questions of our lives is why we no one ever stops to ask why. Yeah. Even when you read newspaper articles, like this guy with the aliens, no one stops to ask why. Can I just say, after you left, the day after you left, I got in the mail a package from the video game Senran Kagura, which is literally just big boobed women doing weird, like anime women doing weird stuff. Yeah. Right? There's one where it's a cooking game. There's one where it's like a fighting game. Just big boobed women doing weird, like anime women doing weird stuff. Yeah. Right?
Starting point is 00:36:47 There's one where it's a cooking game. There's one where it's like a fighting game. There's one where it's like a Dynasty Wars style game. And the new one that just came out is literally like a water, like sexy boob anime girl water park version of Splatoon. And they sent me a mouse pad that is literally the size of my head. And along with this mouse pad is one of those boob mouse pads. So, of course, because the girl is the size of my head, the boobs are even bigger.
Starting point is 00:37:18 And I put it on my desk. It takes up half my desk. It is ridiculous. I guess you're supposed to rest your wrist slash arm between her boobs, but it's impossible because they're too big. You can't move your arm. So I had to turn to the side, so now I have a normal mouse pad, which is her head, and the boobs hang off the side of my desk.
Starting point is 00:37:41 The problem is I'll be reading a news article and just look over and notice I'm just rubbing a boob. Everyone else will notice too, and I'm like, I can't I'm just rubbing a boob. And like everyone else will notice too. And I'm like, I can't help it. They're right here. I'll be reading something like, hmm, drunk on alcohol. And he was sent by aliens. And I'll just be like rubbing it. And here's the thing.
Starting point is 00:37:59 Everyone else who comes in the room also starts rubbing them too. You can't not rub them. They're just, they're so big. They're just, and what's inside of them is like what stress balls are made out of. So you're literally just like squeezing a boob like, I feel better now actually. I was stressed earlier, but now I feel good. It's ludicrous. It's so funny looking.
Starting point is 00:38:23 So yeah, that's what I have in my office now. Huh. I figured you should know. I figured everyone should know that when people come into my office, the first thing they see is a desk with just this giant boobed anime girl. Feeling really good about it. Has anyone got the Amazon Prime food yet? What?
Starting point is 00:38:43 Outside your place, the Amazon groceries. You know what? It's gone now. Oh, shit. For those who are curious, when Crandor came to visit, even though we talked about it on the podcast, when he came to visit, it was still there. Yep. It moved, though. And when he left, it moved a little bit.
Starting point is 00:38:59 Someone pushed it out of the way. And when he left, it was still there. Eventually, one day, it was removed. I don't know by who somebody took it yeah somebody was just like i'm taking this now that's that's the end of that i guess all right well i suppose we should go to top of the sky how's that travel there there's not a lot of traffic. I'm looking around. It's pretty open, pretty clear, pretty fresh, pretty fantastic,
Starting point is 00:39:32 pretty spectacular traffic, pretty awesome, pretty great, pretty sweet, pretty sick, bro, pretty gnarly, pretty radical, great traffic. Back to you. How far back in your timeline did you have to go look up those words in this in the course of your life how many of those words have you actually used
Starting point is 00:39:51 very few i was about to say i don't think i've ever heard you say gnarly before i was digging into the depths of my brain as i kept going and it just like my brain was just going through files it's like this is a word i heard yep you were digging uh okay well what's happening in the weather weather desk how you doing woppy woppy activated four five one four two no results 4, 2, 1, 8, 6. No results. 8, 7, 5, 3, 2. Espanola. New Mexico. 73 degrees.
Starting point is 00:40:34 Fahrenheit. Well, but you can't laugh. You're a robot. I have emotions programmed. Feels like 73. We need to fix that. High. Blank. Low. Feels like 73. We need to fix that. High blank low 45 degrees Fahrenheit.
Starting point is 00:40:51 UV index zero of 10. High blank? High blank? High blank. Clear skies low near 45 Fahrenheit. Winds south at 10 to 15 miles per hour. Monday, 60 high. 50 degrees Fahrenheit. Tuesday, 61 degrees Fahrenheit. All right.
Starting point is 00:41:12 Wait, I got a question. Hold on. Back it up. I thought New Mexico was going to be hotter than that. It's only 60? I mean, it is winter and it is the desert. So I imagine it gets colder. Yeah, but these are like the highs.
Starting point is 00:41:26 It's like sunny every day, and it's only like 67, 60. That's what it is here in Chicago. I don't know. I don't know the rules. I don't either. What's the rest of the week? What's the rest of the week? That's what it is.
Starting point is 00:41:38 It's 75, 75, 73, 67, 68, 69, 68, 68, 66, 66, 68. What's Chicago weather rest of the week? Chicago weather rest of the week is Chicago. 65, 62, 59, 58, 69, 74, 73. Yeah, look at that. It's like the same. Chicago's like New Mexico. Because of the hurricanes?
Starting point is 00:42:00 Oh, maybe. Or because of, like, there's got to be weather phenomenon that we are not smart enough to know about that answers our question. Any weather people out there that know things, please tell us. Yeah, I'm just excited I figured out where hurricanes come from. Yeah. I get the concept of a hurricane, but people were trying to explain on TV where hurricanes came from. I was like, this is bullshit. Then I went on Weather Channel, and this guy explained it so simply. I was like, this is bullshit. Then I went on Weather Channel and this guy explained it so simply.
Starting point is 00:42:25 I was like, thank you, Weather Channel. Thank you. Straight up, it literally is just Africa in the Sahara Desert. All the hot air blows out into the Atlantic, right? And then from the south, cool air flows up north and meets with that.
Starting point is 00:42:41 The cool air and the hot air combine and make the hurricanes. Well, the hotter it is in the desert, the worse the hurricanes are. So in years where there are terrible hurricanes, it's because shit is getting hotter in the desert. It's that simple. And I was like, all right, I get it now. Yeah, that makes sense. See, do that.
Starting point is 00:43:00 Somebody that's smart with weather, do that in the comments section. Yeah, dumb it down for us. Like, take it down to the dumbest level. Don't give us facts and figures. Just give it to us in a story. Like, well, the hot air meets the cold air, and they fall in love, and when they bang, they make hurricanes. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:17 Yeah, easy. Done. And let's go over to sports with Crendor. How's the sports looking? Sports. We got some crazy sports stuff happening. All right. It's insane.
Starting point is 00:43:27 If you take a look at the sports, first off, baseball. We're in the final round of the playoffs. We have the Yankees and the Astros. Astros up 2-0. And then the Dodgers and the Cubs. Dodgers up 2-0 after the Cubs blew it. Very dumb. Very dumb.
Starting point is 00:43:42 Dodgers up 2-0 after the Cubs blew it. Very dumb. Very dumb. I saw a clip online of the Cubs pitcher trying to hit one of the Dodger players in the head with the ball. And then the next pitch, the Dodger player got a home run. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that happens. It's going to happen. All right, yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:06 Yeah, of course. And then it says baseball. Cubs will come back. Don't worry. They'll do it. And then football, NFL football, a whole bunch of stuff happened yesterday. Worst thing of the season, likely, is that Aaron Rodgers is out. Gone. He's gone, possibly for the rest of the season.
Starting point is 00:44:24 Broke his collarbone. Broke his collarbone. Broke his collarbone. And last, he broke it in 2013. Only missed about six, seven weeks. But that was his non-throwing shoulder. This is the throwing shoulder. It's not good. It's not good.
Starting point is 00:44:36 Damn, he's down. He's done. Done so. Yeah, he's done. So at this point, I'd rather they just lose out, get a good draft pick, draft some people that actually block, and then he won't get hurt. So that's what I'm hoping now at this point. And then other teams doing well, though.
Starting point is 00:44:51 We got Kansas City. Kansas City is now – oh, wait, no, they lost. They lost to the Steelers. Yes, they did. Damn, they were 5-1. I thought they were going to be 6-0. They're 5-1 now. Like I've said many times, I said it on the internet, I'm going to say it here.
Starting point is 00:45:09 The Steelers, when presented with a difficult team, come out on top somehow. When presented with a team they should defeat easily, get stomped, and it makes no sense. Yeah, it makes... That is how they play. They are the weirdest team in the league. I don't know why I'm a fan. I blame my parents new england another one of those teams where they like they don't even look good but
Starting point is 00:45:32 they're in first place still it's just that's just new england that's because the conspiracy yeah their team called the patriots and they always have to win i get it conspiracy at the highest levels of government that is a conspiracy the. The Suns, somehow, the Los Angeles Rams are in first place. I don't know how that happened. I imagine money made it happen. They've been
Starting point is 00:45:55 bad for a while, so I think they've had some time. They have been bad for a while, so like you were saying, you know, eventually you become so bad that you get the picks to become good. Exactly. That's the best strategy. And that's why they're trying to do something about it because teams will just tank now.
Starting point is 00:46:11 They'll just be like, yeah, we suck. Let's just get the best pick. And so in the NBA, they're like, no, no, we got the lottery and we're going to do the thing. It's like, come on, just let the shitty team get it. All right. Just let them go. Like, look at the Browns. Browns are 0-6 now.
Starting point is 00:46:24 They still haven't won so are the 49ers every time they find someone they're like this is the guy who's gonna turn around the guy turns out to be a shithead yeah yeah they don't well it's cause they're just bad like a college team playing in the NFL they really are
Starting point is 00:46:38 the 49ers are 0-6 49ers have been alright though they just they need some help, too. But the Eagles, Eagles 5-1. I think it's going to be the Eagles and the NFC. Powerful team. Kick it over to hockey. For all you hockey fans out there, crazy stuff happening.
Starting point is 00:46:58 Blackhawks, first place still, 4-1. They're scoring a lot of goals. And then on the other side new jersey and toronto and columbus and tampa bay and detroit are all tied at eight points so that's like damn five six first place teams put them all on the ice together put them all on the ice together let them battle it out yeah that's what i say and ottawa at eight point and then you got pittsburgh and washington at seven that's intense put them all on the ice all in one time yeah that's what I say. And Ottawa at eight points. And then you got Pittsburgh and Washington at seven. That's intense.
Starting point is 00:47:26 Put them all on the ice all in one time. Yeah, that's what you got to do. That'd be the most watched game ever in the history of sports. Buffalo's still at three points. Somehow they're bad, but they just can't find good players, I guess. All that's in Buffalo is ice. How are they bad? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:47:44 I remember being a kid. How do they consistently suck? And I used to like Buffalo because I just liked their Buffalo logo. Like the Sabres? And you're like, yeah, they're cool. No, no, they're terrible. They've never been cool. Well, they were cool for that one year.
Starting point is 00:47:57 They made it all the way, and then they lost in the final game of the Stanley Cup. That sounds about right, but that makes them even less cool. It was like 99 or something. I don't know. Then they're just bad. And that's hockey. Is there any other sport? Is there any other sport I missed?
Starting point is 00:48:13 What about football? Football. Oh, yeah. America didn't make the World Cup. Yes. In fact, they got beat by Trinidad, I think. Oh, yeah. They got beat by Trinidad.
Starting point is 00:48:24 The reaction was genuinely hilarious. It was like, oh, how could you get beat by Trinidad? You're so bad. People were losing their mind. You don't even deserve to play. You are a multi-million dollar team. You got beat by Trinidad? It was incredible.
Starting point is 00:48:38 Go find that clip. It's amazing. How are we so bad? That's a great question. I understand that it's not one of our main national sports. I get that, and I get it is everywhere else in the world. But still, with the population we have, and the amount of people from other parts of the world that immigrate to America,
Starting point is 00:48:56 shouldn't we, in theory, still be able to compete and beat smaller countries? Yeah, we should be able to find some people. It doesn't make sense. Trinidad must have either, A, a great team, or B, just their fundamentals down a little bit better. I mean, we play soccer as kids. Meanwhile, the women's teams kick ass. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:19 I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I mean, I guess I don't know any actual soccer players on our team. Neither do I. I guess you're right. I guess that makes sense. I knew a few people back when they had that goalie guy, Tim something. Pele.
Starting point is 00:49:37 Yeah, Pele. Yeah, you got Pele on the squad. Yeah, the guy with gloves. That guy who had the fancy gloves. Yeah, that's what I was saying. Yeah, the goalie. Donovan. Landon Donovan. I remember him. He was really popular in
Starting point is 00:49:49 the 90s or early 2000s or something. Beckham, because people would bend it like him. Yeah, you just throw the whole team together. And he got with the Spice Girl. And Smash Mouth. Palo, Palo. Yeah, Smash Mouth. Yeah, Smash Mouth. Yeah, it's soccer. Oh yeah, and then basketball starts tomorrow. Cavaliers, Celtics, Palo. Yeah, Smash Mouth. Yeah, Smash Mouth. Yeah, it's soccer.
Starting point is 00:50:05 Oh, yeah, and then basketball starts tomorrow. Cavaliers, Celtics, Rockets, Warriors, get ready, basketball. Oh, my God. All right. Well, Grendor, what is our big news story of the day? Big news story of the day. Well, there is that thing going on with McDonald's and Rick and Morty fans. That is the dumbest.
Starting point is 00:50:26 I can't even stress how dumb that is. I don't even, I don't get it. I've been moments away from tweeting about it all weekend. Just like, I want to say a thing or two about how much I hate this, but at the same time, I don't want to like piss anyone off but someone is dumb drove four hours they say at mcdonald's drove four hours at 6 a.m from canada for that sejuan sauce no sauce wouldn't even give us a poster hashtag i want my mcnugget sauce i can't apparently mcdonald's so for those who don't know what this is you probably don't watch rick and morty or you
Starting point is 00:51:03 probably are an adult. Either way. You're probably not smart enough to understand Rick and Morty. Yeah, you're probably not smart enough to understand how smart Rick and Morty is, guys. It's theoretical physics, guys. All right. Angry crowd. Angry crowd chants, we want sauce. We want sauce.
Starting point is 00:51:18 As police force them back. That was if people camped out to get sauce, but McDonald's had 70. That was if people camped out to get sauce, but McDonald's had 70. Yeah, so apparently, from what I was told, only 20 were sent to some McDonald's, 20 packets of sauce. So the whole joke, literally the whole joke is from season three's first episode. Rick goes on this tirade, this monologue about Szechuan sauce and how it doesn't exist anymore, how much he loved it. It became a meme and McDonald's of course jumped on the meme. And so they brought Szechuan sauce back,
Starting point is 00:51:52 which I'm very angry about. They brought it back as a Rick and Morty bit and not where it originally belongs and the movie Milan, which is what it was for originally. Yeah. But, um, yes, they brought it back,
Starting point is 00:52:04 but I guess crazy people be crazy And either be it by goof Or by whatever People just started lining up And I think most of the people doing this Did it for the goof of like We went to McDonald's and got Szechuan sauce And of course because they did it for the goof
Starting point is 00:52:19 Those are the same type of people who When McDonald's is like we don't have any Would lose their mind and start posting about it on the internet in the hopes that it then becomes a bigger goof so of course you have people shouting like pickle rick in the middle of a mcdonald's trying to get like in a video oh oh i hate it i hate it i hate it that's what they should have done. Should have had McRibs. Should have had the jalapeno burger. And they should have made Cox and Crandor's and handed them out. Should have done it. That would have changed.
Starting point is 00:52:52 You know what? I'm going to say it. I'm going to put it out there right now. Cox and Crandor was the original Rick and Morty. Yeah. The McCox and Crandor. Defeat Cis. I'm just saying I'm putting it out there right now.
Starting point is 00:53:02 I'm putting it out there right now. You have to be very intelligent to understand our humor. We are burp, wubba lub dub. Look at me. We're perfect. You obviously need to put Szechuan sauce on the macaques and corndog now to really just complete the flavor. I saw someone selling syringes of Szechuan sauce on the internet for $50
Starting point is 00:53:26 offering a sample taste for people who want to know what it tastes like. Syringing into people's mouths. I don't want to spoil it for you. Szechuan sauce was never very good. It wasn't good. It was sweet and gross and weird tasting, but whatever. I guess that's a meme now, so I guess I'm dumb. I think the worst part about it is that the employees at McDonald's have to get the flack for it.
Starting point is 00:53:57 When they're just going to work and doing their shit. The look on their faces in those videos is like, why? We're just trying to do our job. Stop. And the kids are are like where's our sauce where's and there's one video where this is this entire crowd chanting and then the camera pans over to just this one poor dejected woman who's just like i'm too old for this shit it's i don't i don't get it i don't get i just i don't get excited about these things i don't even if it's i don't i don't get it i don't get i just i don't get excited about these things i don't even if it's something i really care about i just never get hype like i gotta go there and
Starting point is 00:54:31 get i more so go to just see the people just do i think that's what the vast majority of this is is people who want to go see what it was about people who went for the joke and people who went because it was something to do with their friends yeah Yeah. Right? And I get it. I understand it. But boy, do I not like it. I think I finally hit old age mode where I get 20 years ago, that probably would have been me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:57 I probably would have been like, ah, it's for the goof. It's funny, right? Yeah. But God, does it look stupid to me right now? I'm like, this is dumb. Yeah. It God, does it look stupid to me right now? I'm like, this is dumb. Yeah. It's a packet of sauce. A McDonald's item.
Starting point is 00:55:11 It's a McDonald's item. It's a packet of it's pointless. It's it's a goof on a show that 10 years from now you will not remember. It's probably the ingredients probably start with like, oh, is I read the ingredients high fructose corn syrup of course water I want the shield tomato paste salt soy sauce, water, wheat, soybean salt, food starch, extra-rose, soybean oil. Natural smoke flavor. Uh-huh. Plant.
Starting point is 00:55:56 What the shit? Plant. What are you looking at? Where are you at? It's just this very small image I'm trying to read up. Oh, oh. It's just this really small image I'm trying to read up. It's just Let's see. Xantham gum,
Starting point is 00:56:14 caramel colored garlic powder, cellulose gum, some chili pepper, malic acid, natural flavors, fruit, vegetable, source, omen powder, sodium ben benzote, and some more acid. Meanwhile, you could eat that garbage. Or you could literally make it.
Starting point is 00:56:36 There's so many versions of this online. You can make a better one. Like, you can make a better one and be proud of yourself and then make a joke of, like, I have Szechuan sauce. Right? Yeah. You still, and it would be better, literally, it's like, garlic, balsamic vinegar, soy sauce, do not use low sodium, plum sake, brown sugar, some sriracha, a little bit if you want, and then red pepper flakes and mixed ginger. Yeah. That's it.
Starting point is 00:57:04 That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. And like there's other versions that are literally just like combine brown sugar and vinegar with a small saucepan. Cook over medium. Whisk it occasionally until sugar dissolves. Add ketchup, soy sauce, chili garlic sauce, onion powder, and ginger. Cook, whisk it constantly. It'll be done in about five minutes.
Starting point is 00:57:19 That's it. Like that's another recipe. It's going to be the exact same taste as the McDonald's one because spoiler the McDonald's one is chemicals designed to taste like something Let me tell you how to make the McDonald's one alright you buy a jug of high fructose corn syrup You pour it in you pour in some water some tomato paste some grape vinegar Some salt and then some soy sauce like packets and there you go You got to make sure it's like 80% corn syrup.
Starting point is 00:57:48 That's the flavor. But yeah, it's just stupid. I feel like McDonald's just didn't understand the amount of people that wanted the sauce. They're probably just like oh, just get some. Throw it in. But then, I don't know man.
Starting point is 00:58:04 Yeah, and like literally people are just posting like yeah,'ll just get some right throw it in but then i don't know man yeah and and like literally people are just posting like yeah i made the sauce and it tastes really really good i love it yeah of course because you homemade it and it wasn't like i'm telling you as a person who was alive in 1998 when this sauce existed it was awful it was not good Like that There's just some of the Like I wasted a full tank of gas Going to multiple McDonald's Thanks for nothing You lost a customer It's like what?
Starting point is 00:58:32 Yeah I don't I'm gonna go out on a limb and say No they didn't lose a customer I'm gonna say no I'm gonna say people who really care about McDonald's Did not give a shit about Szechuan sauce Yeah Was mad at Gonzalez for engaging in anal sex with Watson who really care about McDonald's did not give a shit about Szechuan sauce. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:47 Was Maddie Gonzalez for engaging in anal sex with Watson. Earlier, Mitchell participated in oral sex with Watson. Please say what? What? Yep. All right. Well, that's a terrible story. It is.
Starting point is 00:58:58 All right. What else do you have? What other stories are there? All right. This will be our days. This will be like the real news. Like, when it comes to long tongues, this dog licks up the competition right after they're like two shot and dead. We need a cheer.
Starting point is 00:59:12 Yeah. Like a squirrel on a bike. But a squirrel has taken a... Let's see. Boy swallows piece of pet toy and can't stop squeaking. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. That's pretty solid.
Starting point is 00:59:27 Young boy in Tucuman, Argentina suffered an unusual side effect after he swallowed a piece from a pet toy. He couldn't stop squeaking. The video above was taken in the emergency room of a children's hospital. They didn't put him in the emergency room and then film him like, oh, we got footage of you squeaking. They probably did. It shows the unnamed eight-year-old boy opening his mouth and squeaking up a storm. The whistle was stuck between the larynx and the pharynx. I'm sorry, what?
Starting point is 00:59:56 The larynx and the pharynx. None of that sounds like real things in your body, but I know it is. Okay. Using local anesthesia, Zuvira was able to remove the squeaker from the boy's throat. His mother was more scared than he was. It was a tragicomic situation. To be honest, I never seen or heard about a case like this in my life. He is recovered, but Zuvira posted the video on Facebook last week
Starting point is 01:00:22 to warn people about the dangers of swallowing things. It has received 9 million views since. I don't think that was the purpose. I think the purpose was, look at this kid. Kid's got squeaks in his mouth. Yeah, I think that is the purpose. But oh yeah, it's to warn you of the dangers. Oh my god, he does.
Starting point is 01:00:41 He hawks. Look at this. And... Oh, I got an ad for Fanta. This doesn't help me. It's an ad for Fanta where it's a bunch of kids dancing and people washing them with... Oh my god, it's still going.
Starting point is 01:00:57 This commercial's still going. It's a commercial for Fanta and it's just people dancing and I'm not okay with this. I don't you wanna Fanta. I don't want any and I'm not okay with this. I don't you wanna Fanta. I don't want any of it. Don't you wanna. Here we go. Ha! Oh, when he breathes he goes,
Starting point is 01:01:16 Ah! Yeah. He sounds like one of those ducks that when you, like in that video where you mash the duck or the chickens that go, Ah! Yeah, he does. like one of those ducks that when you match like that video where you match the duck or the chickens that go yeah he does oh my god well that's the best thing I've seen all day that was great that's a nice little cheer up there
Starting point is 01:01:35 alright well then I guess that's it for us thank you so much for listening or watching if you're doing on the tubes we will see you next time with another episode and as, to be continued.

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