Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 152 - Dealing Drugs, Except it's Fajitas
Episode Date: April 24, 2018This week the boys discover they have some interesting thoughts on butter, and it strangely relates to Taco Bell. Jesse is excited to flee the country and Crendor want's nothing to do with the world. ...Meanwhile, a man steals a million dollars worth of Fajitas and sells them on the streets?! All this and more, inside this brand new Cox n' Crendor! Thanks to MeUndies for sponsoring this episode. Get 20% off your first pair at http://meundies.com/crendor Thanks to Shari's Berries for sponsoring this episode. Visit http://berries.com and use promo code: crendor.
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Today's episode is brought to you by MeUndies, MeUndies!
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Yep, yep, yep, and also today we're sponsored by sherry's berries berries
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It's hard to shop for mom because, you know, she already has the greatest gift of all you.
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Anyway, let's jump into the show.
Hello, everybody.
It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog.
Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning.
In the morning.
Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live.
In 4-hour recording studios.
Recording.
Wake your ass up.
It's Cox and Crandall in the morning.
Hello everybody.
Welcome to Cox and Crandall in the morning.
Hello sir.
That was the most enthusiastic
I think I've heard you in five years me that's because I'm about to leave the country for a
month I'm real happy I'm doing great I'm gonna go to Poland and then Amsterdam and then make like a
trek through a little bit of like the countryside find my way over to london drop off to uh uh ireland a little
bit oh my god you guys have no clue i'm ready along the whole what's the countryside entail
you just like skipped over country like the countryside well i haven't decided there's so
i have a start i have sort of chapter one two and three. And then I have chapters 19 through 24 done.
But it's those middle chapters where I'm like, I don't really know what's going to happen.
Yeah.
That's where the crazy stuff is.
Yeah, that's where there's the potential for me to be in one of those taken situations.
So I leave that open.
I don't know what's going to happen.
I'm going to leave that one open.
Or you'd be in one of those movies with Morgan Freeman and Robert De Niro.
You're getting older and then you just wind up in the fields of Luxembourg.
You're absolutely right.
This is just like those movies where it's me and a bunch of old men.
You're going to wake up on a farm with a milkmaid and being like,
time to milk the cow.
And you're like, how the shit did I get here?
You're wrong.
I'd be like, moo.
I get the joke.
Yeah.
I understand the joke.
Hey.
Man, yeah, I'm excited to get out of here.
I'm excited to, I've got a lot of work still in the next 24 hours,
less than 24 hours to get done.
But I'm ready.
I'm ready to go.
And so I'm all jacked up on goofballs.
I'm excited.
Jacked up on goofballs.
Jacked up on goofballs.
That's right.
I don't think I've ever heard that said ever.
Now you have.
Now you have. Jacked up on goofballs.
Jacked up on goofballs.
How do you even get jack checked up off a goofball well first you have to eat it oh no you smoke goofballs okay goofballs are either swallowed or smoked you don't you don't inject you inject
goofballs that'll kill you straight to the vein goofballs will kill you all right makes sense
i mean can we can we start a drug empire that only sells goofballs and kill you. Alright. Makes sense. I mean... Can we start a drug empire
that only sells goofballs?
And when people ask
what goofballs are,
we're just like,
man, if you don't know,
you don't need to know, man.
You don't deserve to know.
The goofball kings.
We'll have a compound
somewhere.
We'll see my goofballs. Okay. We've raided them.. We'll be like, you're going to see my goofballs.
Okay.
Yeah, it'll be great.
We've raided them.
They've got a dozen crates of goofballs.
This is like the mother load.
Then we're going to jail.
I'm trying to imagine what goofballs actually are.
I think maybe something like a little stickier version of a koosh ball.
What's a koosh ball? Remember the ko version of a koosh ball.
What's a koosh ball?
Remember the koosh balls?
Koosh ball?
I don't know what that is. It just sounds like I am talking about strands of weed now.
You gotta have that koosh ball, man.
It's a koosh ball.
We took the koosh balls.
We modified it with the goofs to make goof balls, man.
Oh, a Koosh ball.
Oh one of those.
When I thought.
Okay.
I was thinking more of like a like a gobstopper.
You know.
No.
I guess it could be like a gobstopper which is closer to a goof.
But then we want a goober.
Like we selling goobers too.
We got your goofballs.
We got your goobers.
We got your gob goobers. We got your goofballs. We got your goobers. We got your gob-goobers.
We got your gob-balls.
We got your gob-balls.
Gob-balls sounds like a sex toy.
Oh, my God.
Can I just say?
Yeah?
This is like, so these gobstoppers got this little guy on it, right?
And let me just link you this, because this guy, this little gobstopper guy.
Is this a gobstopper mascot guy He looks like he's had a few
Goofballs
He does he's kind of like
Hey what
How long have I been chewing on this thing man
And am I chewing
On myself man
I'm telling you
That could be our mascot
Our drug mascot
He basically is one Dan animation
Away from being one of us
Yeah
All that thing is missing is a little poof of like red hair
And it's basically me
If you look at it it's just a high version of me
It is
Can we just have an animation where now
Every time I get high in animation
I just turn into a gum stopper?
I'm eating myself, man.
Yeah.
That's something.
How did we even get to...
I don't know.
I don't know.
Oh, you know, I got the goofballs.
Because I'm jacked up on goofballs.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I'm excited to get out of here.
This is going to be great.
Wait, so you're on for like a full month then?
An entire month?
Until the end of May 20th, yeah.
Wow, that is a full month.
I can't stop working because I'm a crazy person.
Oh, I know you'll never do it, which is why I have to do it for the both of us.
I have to go live life for the both of us.
But no, I'm bringing sound equipment and my microphone that I'm using right now and all that stuff.
So hopefully no one will even notice I'm gone when we do the podcast and stuff.
That's just one of those things where I feel like it's, I don't know, I don't get traveling.
I get traveling for like a few days, but I never have been like, wow, I want to stay here.
I want to keep traveling.
I always just want to come back.
Well, of course everyone wants to come back, but I love the, the world experience and going places and seeing things.
Mostly to see.
Well, first off, the first thing I'm doing, I'm going to Poland.
And I'm, I'm the reason why this is all starting is because I'm going to Poland
At the beginning of the trip
And I'm going back to Poland at the end of the trip
For two events that I've been invited to
So the first one is a Gwent tournament
That I'm hosting
And it's in a salt mine
Which is incredible
So I'm going to be in a salt mine
It's the perfect kind of joke. And then
I was like, well, if I have to go back to Poland and less than like two weeks later,
what's the point of headed home and then flying back? It's insane. So I'm just going to stay
over in Europe and do like a whole thing of it. And so that's kind of the plan. And I
want to go different places. I want to to amsterdam because first off i'm going to see uh friends and be stupid and i am going to try i believe it's happening to get a tour of the
gorilla studios and um that's going to be awesome because that's you know i can go to the aloy mecca
and be stupid right and uh i am gonna see if i can get something signed by all the devs,
and then I'll just leave it in my office and never remove it ever again.
Right.
Also, I found out, besides the fact that I had a conversation with a friend the other day
about things to do in Amsterdam.
I was like, what can we do?
I'm going to be there for, I think, two and a half days.
I'm like, what can I do when I'm there?
Because I want to sightsee.
I want to look around.
I want to see the canals.
But I also want to go places and do stuff and see what's crazy about it.
And the first conversation we had was, well, they're like, we can walk through the red light district.
And I was like, what's in the red light district besides prostitutes?
Because as much as I want to experience that whole thing.
That's all it is.
I mean, I get it.
Yeah.
As much as I want to experience all of that, I don't know that I personally am ready for a prostitute.
I feel like I heard a story from a friend who said that when he was in some country, it might have been Amsterdam,
he told me the story of what he's like, well, I got to try it.
And it was the most awkward story I've ever heard.
I was like, that's not right for me.
I couldn't do that.
I couldn't do that.
And so it's not that I wouldn't because I'm, like, worried about super herpes.
It's more that I'm like, I just don't want to have an awkward experience with another human being.
I just, you know what, I don't want to, like, impede on you, ma'am.
Well, it's just like a, I think it's just more for, like, you're walking through.
It's like everybody's in windows, and you're just like, this is so weird.
And that's what I want to see.
I want to see, like, the weird part of it.
It's just like when I go to Japan.
I want to see the weird stuff.
Yeah, exactly.
And so I want to go there, and I want to check this out, and like, see
the area, but then I found out that
three blocks from my hotel is something
and maybe, I don't know,
wherever it is, it's very close to my hotel,
in like, one of the different directions, is the
Museum of Prostitution, and I was like, oh my
God, I want to go. I want
to know what is in this museum.
What could it possibly have?
I guess, let's see, museum. What could it possibly have? I guess.
Let's see.
Amsterdam.
What could it possibly have?
Museum of Prostitution.
There we go.
I'm very excited.
Looks like there's a bathtub.
Oh, my God.
There's a wall that says, what kind of things do men leave behind after a visit to a prostitute?
Oh, my. Don't spoil this for me i want to
know i'm gonna take so many photos of that place you have no clue i'm ready and then you know even
better the museum of prostitution has prostitutes and windows above the museum wow that's incredible
that genuinely is incredible i very much want to go see that
But I also want to go look at the
More like beautiful scenery places
And the buildings and you know the usual touristy shit
Just to see it
Because I've never been and the only other time
I was there was when I landed at the airport and left
So it'll be an experience
And then
After that I'm gonna
Go to I got a Place in london that was like pretty
pretty awesome and cheap but it has really fast internet i did research i did like
research dude i spent a lot of time contacting airbnb people and messaging people and like
kissing every ass that i could and just being everywhere. Like, okay, so.
Just for that internet.
Oh, yeah, because I've stayed at Airbnbs where they say we have good internet
and then it literally is like a little tiny box that has the same speed as like your phone.
Not happening.
You're a great hitter that I surf by email all the time.
Right?
And I think that's what they expect most people to want.
And so I was like, mm-mm.
So I did a lot of research on that and was like, look,
I'm going to be staying
at this place for two weeks.
I need you to
hook me up with
good internet. So finally I found one place
and it's awesome.
And so that's going to be sort of
my hub. And then from there, because
I've got plenty of time, I'm going to go and maybe take the
channel.
Is that what that thing's called?
Over to France and like check like there's places I want to go and want to see and just
like spend one or two days just like bumming around being stupid.
And because the Airbnb is so cheap, God bless Airbnb.
Sometimes I say that now, but I could get there and it could be the worst.
It could be terrible. You could. These are ultra hit now, but I could get there and it could be the worst. Yeah, it could be terrible.
Airbnbs are ultra hit and miss
every time. You get there and there's like
an old man living in the basement and he's
like, it's true. It could happen
here. It could very
much happen.
But I think the point is
that I'll hopefully be out and about
a lot, but I'm bringing
my audio equipment and then because we have a lot. But I'm bringing my audio equipment.
And then, because we have a very, very awesome friend
who works at HyperX,
they're going to hook me up with a little tiny baby computer.
So I'll be able to do stuff.
So he's going to bring it there.
Everything will be sweet and A-OK.
So it's like I won't even be gone.
Well, except you will be gone.
I will be gone.
I'm just excited to get away. i'm excited to get out of here and uh be in a different place for a while and and chill and not have to
like stress too badly about things it's nice on the flip side yeah boy okay yeah see like poland
for example uh-huh i wouldn't my thing is I don't mind traveling if it's not that far
you know what I mean that's my consider that far what do you consider that far by the way
anything over like past from where I am to LA I don't even I don't even believe that I don't even
believe that I think about two hours on a plane is the max you can do.
No, I've done the LA trip so much that I'm used to it.
But if it was like the same distance to like somewhere I didn't want to go, then I'd probably
be like, yeah, but like LA, I'm like, all right, I've done this a lot.
How far is LA to Chicago?
Four hours?
It's like three and a half.
Three and a half.
Yeah, I was pretty close.
Okay.
Yeah, it's about three and a half three and a half yeah I was pretty close okay yeah it's about
three and a half and that when that plane is done I've watched my like movie or two and I'm like
all right I'm good you know and I have the comfort level of like I've been here a billion times but
oh so you have like a comfort issue like you're you'd be if you were someplace else you'd be
freaking out I am yeah I am very much into the comfort and control of
situations well that's my thing i like control and i tell you the first time i went to poland
i was freaked out like it i was like oh no i don't speak polish and i'm terrified and then I met like a bunch of fans who all spoke English
and it got like really easy
and I was like oh okay and I had fun
same thing with
England and when I was
in Germany and all these places that I've been in the
past where it's like
you just sort of get
after you travel enough you sort of
get over the idea of
being overwhelmed by it.
And you're just like, F it.
Let's go nuts.
Let's see what there is to see and go have fun.
And sure, sometimes you're going to meet a person who's like, I don't understand.
But most of the time, people will be like, they'll point directions.
They'll tell you what's up.
Or you just self-rely on the fact that you're going to get lost and just enjoy being lost.
And I'm okay with that.
I'm fine with that.
I'm not.
I'm not going to enjoy being lost.
I know.
That's what's so sad.
Enjoy being lost, dude.
Get lost in the world.
You know who got lost?
Amelia Earnhardt.
She's dead.
Earnhardt?
Amelia Earnhardt? Amelia Earnhardt. She's dead. Amelia Earnhardt?
Amelia Earnhardt.
And she's dead. Never heard of her.
She must have been for real lost. She's dead.
I know.
You should have told that to her. Enjoy getting lost. It's fun.
Look at how
it turned out.
That's all I'm saying. You're so right.
You're so right. What a fool I've been. I wouldn't even go to Poland. And I'm part's all I'm saying. You're so right. You're so right.
What a fool I've been.
I wouldn't even go to Poland.
And I'm part Polish.
I'm like a fourth Polish.
Oh, it's fascinating.
Poland is fascinating. The last time I was there,
God, two years ago now?
All I remember is myself and Dodger
and two of our friends
that we got to come and film us
because they were like,
you can bring two people to film
this thing for The Witcher we were doing.
The event was awesome
because we went out to the middle of nowhere
and lived like we were in
The Witcher times,
if that was a real time.
And it was great.
And it was such a fun event.
But we had a few days of just bumming around in Poland.
And one of the things we did is we got a cab.
By the way, Guy spoke no English.
It was great.
We got in a cab, drove to a Polish super mall.
It was awesome.
It was such a cool mall.
We walked around.
A Polish super mall?
Yes.
It was like a mall.
But, you know, like the mega malls in the States, it was like that.
Ah.
And so we drove there and walked around and it was the most grossly American thing I've ever seen.
It was so perfectly American. Then we ended up going to a restaurant because earlier in the week we had walked around and we saw a restaurant that was like a Polish sort of all the different Polish foods you can imagine.
So we went in and we just ordered a bunch of stuff.
We got pierogi and we got this thing that was like a pea soup with sausage in it.
And we got like just a bunch of stuff.
It was great.
All of it was delicious. We saw that place in the. And we got like, there's a bunch of stuff. It was great. All of it was delicious.
We saw that place in the mall.
We're like,
huh?
I thought that was a one-off,
but I guess it's sort of a chain question mark.
So we went to that place again for dinner.
Cause it was,
it was amazing.
We meet up with the CD project guys and they're like,
yeah,
no,
that's like the taco bell of Poland.
We were like,
no wonder we love it so much.
Dude.
Here's the thing with taco bell, right? This is another one of Poland. We were like, no wonder we love it so much. Dude, here's the thing with Taco Bell, right?
This is another one of those.
Every time you bring up Taco Bell and you're like, I like Taco Bell.
Everyone's like, did you know that's not real Mexican food?
It's like, no shit.
No shit, I know that.
But you know what?
Sometimes I like it more than real Mexican food.
And I've eaten real Mexican food plenty of times.
what sometimes i like it more than real mexican food i've eaten real mexican food plenty of times i don't i would love for someone to do to do like a real presentation about why taco bell isn't real
mexican and not include the fact that the shells are made out of doritos or that the cheese isn't
actually cheese or that the meat is like ground up pellets.
Like I just someone someone ignore all that.
And it's just like, here's the real reason why it isn't.
Sometimes you want some highly saturated fatty sauce with fake cheese, rat meat and a Dorito shell.
It tastes great.
And a Mountain Dew Baja Blast.
It's not it's not good.
It's just sometimes you need it.
It's just you never truly understand how much you need a Taco Bell in your life
until it's 2 a.m. on a Sunday,
and for some reason you just really want to kill yourself with awful food.
And you're just like oh man you know what'd
be great getting a fritos stuffed burrito it's just it's another one of those things it's like
the weather it's the same as the weather like well in my weather blah blah it's the same like
well did you know it's like i did know that as long as that person who's gonna be, did you know? It's like, I did know that. As long as that person who's got to be like, did you know that that's not a thing?
It's not a real Mexican food.
I think people just want to feel like they're...
They want the high ground.
Is it like a special thing?
They want to feel special?
Like, did you know that I know more than you?
It's got to be that.
I don't know what it could be.
It has to be, right?
It's the same as the weather.
It's like, did you know I survive in worse conditions than you making me a superior person
it's gotta be something involving superiority but i want to have like the counterpoint to that like
yes but i chose not to live in that terrible place so perhaps i'm the superior one? I chose to eat Taco Bell, so I am superior.
My body can handle that terrible, terrible food.
Listen, I ate it.
Perhaps I am superior?
I ate Taco Bell without a gallbladder, and I was fine.
But I can eat actual Mexican food, and it'll give me stomach issues.
Explain that, science.
Well, I feel like one is Taco Bell is more of a slurry you put in your mouth.
So I don't feel like you don't do a lot of digesting.
Whereas real Mexican contains
beans and rice and meat
and like actual products,
vegetables,
things that are real.
He hates those. Yeah, yeah.
Your body wants a nice
meat paste wrapped in a tortilla with a little bit of cheese added. Yeah, yeah. Your body wants a nice meat paste wrapped in a tortilla
with a little bit of
cheese added. Yeah, I get it. Give me the meat paste.
Give him the meat paste.
Give me the meat paste.
Hashtag give me the meat paste.
If they sold Taco Bell
meat out of a tube,
I wouldn't complain.
I'd be like, yeah, I expect that.
Here's the thing. They sell all these types of things at the store where they're like, you can buy Taco Bell shells at the store.
And it's like, I'm not going to buy it at the store.
If I want Taco Bell, I'll just go with Taco Bell.
I don't want to make Taco Bell at home.
I do want to inquire to the world, who still makes tacos at home?
And not like you are of Hispanic origin or descent or you live in Mexico.
Where it's like part of your family.
Yeah, not like where your family literally makes tortillas.
I'm talking about like goes out, buys the ground beef,
buys that little awful packet, mixes water with the packet,
and then puts it in the Ortega crappy taco
shells.
By the way,
Ortega sponsor us.
Not so crappy.
Put them in those taco shells.
And then like,
does that,
who still does that?
Yeah,
I don't.
Cause I really am curious.
There's gotta be some like wholesome family in Utah.
It obviously happens because I think this is one of those things where as we as
a society
move away from that sort of 1950s
boxed food mentality
and things start to become fresher
and more wholesome
just like that I'm also curious
about mac and cheese because
I can't figure out for the life of me
when there's so many amazing macaroni
and cheese options let alone just cooking it yourself
and making it amazing,
how people are still buying Kraft Mac and Cheese.
And I get that some people are like, Kraft Mac and Cheese
is basically the same
thing as Taco Bell, right? I just want
something awful. I get it,
but at the same time,
I still don't.
I still don't.
And I guess I can say the same thing about you and me.
I get Taco Bell's function, but at the same time, I still don't.
I still am a little confused by why we put ourselves through that
when you can literally get anything better.
Well, can I just mention, we're not even sponsored by Blue Apron, this podcast,
but I'm very excited to eat my buffalo chicken meatballs that I'm getting from them.
I hope that they're good.
And I'm going to make it,
and I'm going to say this is a spicy meatball,
and it's going to all be wrapped up.
How dare you?
And it's going to be great.
I feel like it also depends where you are in the country,
or the world for that matter.
Like the South, I feel like in the South,
they cook a lot of home-cooked meals,
like home cooking. But a lot of it, there's like, the South they cook a lot of like home-cooked meals, like home cooking.
But a lot of it, there's like put a stick of butter in there.
So like it's home-cooked, but it's like just as fatty as something like Taco Bell.
That does sound delicious.
I don't know what you're talking about, but I imagine whatever you make, if someone says put a stick of butter in there, it instantly becomes better.
Instantly.
I mean, you go to County county fair, they deep fry butter.
That's true, and that seems gross, but people seem to love it.
Well, it's butter.
I mean, you're going to love it when you're eating it for the first two seconds,
and then you're going to hate yourself as your body tries to process it.
I don't, I think, I don't know what I think.
I can't figure out why anyone would just eat butter.
But if I like put a good butter on bread,
like sometimes you have a butter that's just delicious.
Yeah.
And I get that.
Well,
you're comparing two completely separate things.
One's,
Hey,
I like to add butter as a condiment to a thing
to help it taste better and one is i'm gonna eat an entire thing of butter because i want to i get
that but i also am reminded of the time my mom said bread is just a vehicle for butter and i feel
like most people feel that way right they don't want to just eat butter, but they like to spread it on something and then eat the bread with the butter.
I get that, but I just...
Butter is butter, right?
Right.
Peanut butter is butter that is made of peanuts.
People eat just normal peanut butter with a spoon all the time.
Yeah, but peanut butter isn't dairy, right?
You're right, but people drink glasses of milk.
Look, I'm not arguing that it makes sense.
It's like how almond milk isn't milk.
It's just bizarre, but people do it.
And I guess I would like to know, someone just tweeted us, if you just love butter.
And why?
I think my dad's like that.
He like butters everything.
Well, I understand buttering everything because it adds a layer of flavor to other food.
I get that.
But just butter itself.
If you're just like, give me a big old stick of butter and you love it.
Why though?
I'll stick with my Taco Bell fake Mexican food.
You know what isn't fake?
What?
Sherry's berries.
Sherry's berries.
Sherry's berries. Sherry's berries.
I like that response every time I say Sherry's berries. Sherry's berries.
Sherry's berries.
Mother's Day is coming up.
And you know, moms, they do a lot.
They do a lot.
They put in a lot of mom hours in order to make sure you grow up right.
You try to eat that butter? She's like, don't eat that butter you idiot it's true uh so i feel like
one of the things we should we should talk about is how you can get an awesome gift for your mom or grandmom or sister or sister-in-law
or godmother or grammy or granny or whoever.
Meemaw, Mamo, Meemaw.
Yeah, all those crazy ones.
Yes, exactly.
Or maybe your wife who is a mother or your girlfriend who is a mother
or maybe someone who's a mother that you're just really into.
Maybe they're a cat mom.
Yeah, who knows?
That's right.
Absolutely.
Whoever the mother is in your life,
wouldn't it be great if you got her something she actually loved?
Sherry's Berries.
Berries.
Let me tell you, I've given some bad gifts to my mom in the past, but I've made up for it.
I significantly made up for it.
Because when I was younger, boy, how do you shop for parents?
It's tough.
How do you, like, shop for them?
And then as you get older, you're just like, you're such a hurry.
You're like, get them a card.
Cards are dumb.
Cards are dumb.
Cards are dumb.
Cards are dumb.
All they do is throw them away after they're done with them.
Let's be real. They're like, oh, I kept it in a secret drawer. No, you didn't. Cards are dumb. All they do is throw them away after they're done with them. Let's be real.
They're like, oh, I kept it in a secret drawer.
No, you didn't.
You threw that away.
Yeah, and if they do, it's just in a box, and they're just adding to it,
and they never look at it again anyway.
Yeah.
The one thing they can use and will look at quite often,
fresh, juicy strawberries dipped in milk, dark, and white chocolatey goodness topped with rich chocolate chips, chopped nuts, and signature swizzles.
Rich chocolate chips, chopped nuts, and signature swizzles.
That sounds delicious.
You can make mom so happy.
And they've got more than just berries.
Amazing new treats with mom in mind like Mother's Day cake pops,
cheesecake bites, and artisanal chocolate truffles.
Sherry's cake pops, Sherry's cheesecake bites, and Sherry's chocolate truffles.
Sherry's going crazy out here.
I don't know what Sherry's doing.
I don't know how she has this much time to make all these berries and stuff.
But she's doing it
for you and for me because I'm going to be honest with you.
I'm not going to. Mom, I love you.
You're great, but I'm buying these for me. You can come
over if you want some, but these are for me.
And
they're going to arrive in Sherry's
signature gift box with a beautiful ribbon
so you don't got to wrap it.
Yeah, that's perfect. That's a gift to yourself.
I'm terrible at wrapping things.
But right now,
you can send
Sherry's berries starting at $19.99
plus shipping and handling or
you can double the amount of berries.
One for you, one for her
for just $10 more.
I'm just saying. That's a lot of berries.
Go get them berries.
Load up on them berries. Oh my god. I'm just saying That's a lot of berries Go get them berries Load up on them berries
Load up on them
Oh my god
I'm just thinking about them
Mouth watering
Because I
Double the berries
For ten dollars
More
That's a good deal
That's a good deal
That's a good deal
Customer satisfaction
Get your money back
If you are not satisfied
You can choose the delivery date
You can get it delivered
On Mother's Day
If you want
it's an incredible unique gift
that everyone will love
because it's delicious and
delicious things are something
all of us love
Mother's Day
May 13th alright
so go to berries.com
alright that's B-E-R-R-I-E-S.com.
Berries.com.
I made that up.
Then click on the mic.
Click on the mic in the upper right corner and enter the code Crendor.
That's me.
That's berries.com.
Code Crendor.
B-E-R-R-I-E-S.com.
I didn't even sing it right the second time.
Code Crendor.
Just go ahead and put it in the code.
It's my code.
Sherry's Berries.
Sherry's Berries.
Okay. Is there anything else happening in your
sweet life right now?
That's worth talking about.
I mean, my life
is very
not exciting
the way I like it.
And I'm mainly just working on my digestion, you know?
It's been about two months.
It's been exactly two months, actually, since I got my surgery thing.
And so you kind of slowly work your way back into things.
I went a little too hard on the fatty foods.
I was feeling great for, like, the first month. I was feeling great for the first month.
I was like, this is easy.
I made the mistake
of I went to Red Robin.
There you go.
Bottomless fries will get you every time.
I'd already started feeling a little queasy
because I had a day where I ate a little too much fat
and my stomach was like...
What did you eat that day? That day that was too much fat.
What was that day about? What happened to you?
I had like a hamburger.
I had some Costco muffins.
I had some other stuff.
And I was just I had that feeling.
It's not nausea, but it's kind of queasy.
Like my stomach was like, oh, boy, I haven't had this in a while.
So I was like, all right.
All right.
And then I felt a little better.
And I was like, you know what?
Go like Red Robin.
So Red Robin the day before Easter.
And I had a burger.
I had fries.
They're like, you want more fries?
I'm like, yeah, I'll have more fries.
I had a milkshake.
And then they brought me more fries on top of the more fries.
So I was just taken from both fries.
Because they were like, we thought we already got you the fries so we brought these to someone else but they didn't want them so
i'll just give them to you or something i was like whatever and then uh the next day was easter
and so woke up went to my parents house and we had like typical easter dinner and i think my
body was still trying to process the Red Robin
at that point so then I loaded up with like
probably the buttery mashed
potatoes and ham
and like all that type of stuff
we had Polish sausage
I also had a lot of wine
and we had coffee then we had dessert
and then I got home
and I think my body was just like I can't
do it
I can't do it.
This is I can't do it. And so it hit that point where I got to do it.
Do it for the fun.
I started getting kind of queasy.
And so I'm like, maybe I'll eat something.
So I ate a wait, wait, wait, wait.
Time out.
Time out.
Your response to getting queasy from eating things was maybe I should eat something.
And I was like, maybe my stomach's like empty.
I don't know what I was thinking.
What?
You just got done saying all the things you ate.
I don't know.
So I ate some graham crackers.
And then I just felt really bad.
I got nauseous.
Like nauseous.
Like I'm going to throw up nauseous.
And then I started the runs hit i was like oh boy
the runs are coming and then uh that lasted about four hours i just fell asleep woke up and then
like ever since then my stomach was like and so it's kind of queasy i'd like be like get some
like pain but now i'm getting back to now i'm good again but i don't i don't
think i'm gonna be eating a lot of fatty food all at once anytime soon again so i'm uh working on
that um it's very fun somebody was like it took my digestive system like eight months to a year
to get used to stuff and i was like all, alright. Okay. I mean, it makes sense. You remove
an organ.
It makes total sense.
It's just fascinating that you... I can't eat Red Robin
and then a fatty meal
after that anymore.
It's almost like
you have to live a little healthier.
It's crazy.
Man, I gotta live healthy.
I'm trying to think. There was something I wanted to tell you, and I can't remember what it was.
I'm trying to think if it was a movie that I had seen.
I seem to recall.
Oh, you know what it was?
The other day, I was watching.
I need to do this.
This is my goal.
I'm hoping it'll be on the plane.
I was flipping through channels.
First off, I'm going to end this story really quickly
so I can get to an even better one.
So I'm flipping through channels
and I saw the second Maze Runner movie was on
and I realized I had not seen the third one yet.
I need to make it my goal.
We need to talk about it.
We said we're going to talk about it.
We haven't talked about it.
It's my fault.
It's my fault.
I'm the one to blame.
It is your fault.
Everyone shame him.
You should shame me.
Shame.
No, no. Shame. me Shame Alright let me get naked
So
The other thing
Last night
The new episode of
Westworld was on
I was very excited
That was a great episode
I'm ready for the mystery
Won't even talk about it
So I had it
recorded and so when i got in i turned on the tv and there was like i guess it was still on hbo
and what was playing on hbo when i turned on the tv was uh like one of those soft core HBO porns
And it was like
Two people in a hot tub
And this woman is obviously
She's grinding on what is definitely
This man's belly button
It's not even
It resembles no
Oh no but this one was like
Like that
And they're like in a hot tub And she's just like grinding on this dude.
But literally her hips are at his like nipples.
It is not even close.
It's not even like there's no illusion.
It's one of those things made for like 80 year old people are like, oh boy.
I don't even know where the genitals are, but I don't know where mine are either.
That's why I hike my pants up that high.
And so it was ridiculous.
I was like, oh, boy.
So I turned on Westworld.
And about halfway through, for some reason, the volume of Westworld was very, very low.
So I turned up the volume.
And about halfway through the episode, it got hot, it got like hot in the, in the
apartment.
And so I opened up a window and, uh, the episode ended.
And as with all recorded TV shows, it sort of boots you back when it's over.
Yeah.
Cause, cause what happened is it ended and there was a, like on the next week.
Oh yeah.
Right.
But every time, just like with Game of Thrones or whatever, for some reason my recording
always cuts off halfway through the next
time on. And so
it cut off halfway through,
booted me back to the
HBO channel about an hour
later, and it was still that porn movie
except now instead of the scene in the
hot tub,
it was on a kitchen counter
and it was blasted up about 50% of the volume
with my windows open. It all was like
with someone in the back
going,
and it was, I looked around, I was like,
oh shit, like slam the window shut.
It was like,
oh no.
So I'd like to imagine anyone down below who's probably, like, standing outside or waiting for an Uber or whatever,
looked up and saw a frantic man slamming the door, like, the window shut.
As in the background, it's like, oh.
Like, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh.
And they were like, damn, I wish I was that man.
I just want to point out that, you know, I still watched the scene because I was curious what was going on.
But the transition after that ended was they were having sex on the kitchen table.
And then it cut to them sitting there at the kitchen table eating breakfast going, you know she's crazy, right?
And I was like, what is happening?
you know she's crazy, right?
And I was like, what is happening?
Well, those are like the types of softcore HBO things that people watch to make fun of because they're so bad.
I went to go to the information to see what the hell it was about,
and basically it's supposed to be, I don't remember the name of it,
but I think the premise was that a woman at a job falls in love with her boss
because, of course, they sleep together
because that's the plot of all these things.
And then she wants revenge,
so she gets revenge by sleeping with everyone in his family?
Question mark?
I don't know what happened.
I'm not really sure what happened.
But, yeah, it was weird.
And then the entire time, all I could think of was like,
you just had sex in that counter,
and now you're eating breakfast?
Nope. Nope.
Nope.
That would not fly.
That would not fly with me.
I'd be like, give me the sanitary wipes.
We got to clean this shit down.
I just searched HBO late night.
And then there's an article saying, wow, the late night section of HBO now is pretty much
just porn.
Right. Well, that's what they mean.
Late night equals porn. That's their way of
putting it in a fancy sense.
But not like porn porn.
Not like
it's porn.
We will have not been desensitized by the world.
I'm going to look this stuff up.
People that didn't grow up on the internet.
I need to find this.
It's the equivalent of
Fifty Shades of Grey
for men. Pretty much.
For like old men.
Pretty sure this movie was not a sci-fi.
It wasn't Sex and the City.
It wasn't Ouija, Origin of Evil.
Um.
Ouija, Origin of Evil.
Oh, was it Illicit
Desire? That's right.
An office worker becomes obsessed with her boss to the point of murder.
Starring Brent Harvey, August Ames, and Mia Lee.
Directed by Dean McKendrick.
And written by A.J. Lawrence.
Yep, that's exactly what it was.
122 minutes, adult content, adult language, nudity, strong sexual content.
I'm going to say not very strong.
Not very strong.
A little awkward.
A little awkward.
If someone goes out and finds that, verify for me. I'm just letting you know now. content strong i'm gonna say not very strong not very a little awkward a little awkward if someone
goes out and finds that verify for me i'm just letting you know now also it's streaming on hbo
now on hbo go but go look at that there's a scene the hot tub is the least sexy scene in a hot tub
ever like literally it's like they're they're wrestling there's there's there's no implied
sex at all they are wrestling in that water there's's like, I'm going to get you. It is.
No.
All I know is I remember Gmart and Kate were visiting.
We were going through HBO and we were like, oh, look, it's these like shitty HBO like
porn things.
And so we put it on just to see it.
And it was this is an Amazonian woman.
And she was like, I've traveled back in time to fight for the Amazons.
And we were like, this shit is happening.
And then they just have those terrible, terrible scenes.
And then her friend got lost.
And then G-Mark kept being like, can we stop watching this now?
And I was like, no, we have to see how it ends.
It ended just how I thought it would.
It was like the Amazonian woman banged everyone, and then she went home.
Sometimes you got to just really, truly appreciate terrible, terrible stuff.
It's true.
That's one of my favorite things in life is to just appreciate the terrible things.
That's why we like Nick Cage.
Did you hear this nonsense?
People are saying Nick Cage is going to retire from acting.
That's what I heard.
Oh, my God. I'm not okay with this.
That's not going to happen.
It's not going to be forever. I guarantee
it. We need to start
a fund to make a movie
that Nick Cage can star in.
There is no way he's going to retire.
I don't believe it. When Mom
and Dad becomes a success, we need to watch that
movie too. Yeah, we got to watch that too.
I have so many things I need to do in my life.
Here's the thing.
Maybe I can find it overseas because, you know, it's probably overseas somewhere.
It has to be.
Here's the thing.
He's not gonna retire.
He's gonna pull like a Brett Favre, and he's gonna come back like twice.
Well, he wants to direct, which I feel like...
I'd watch a movie directed by Nick Cage, too.
I would, too.
I'm not gonna lie.
Directed by Nick Cage. It's I would, too. I'm not going to lie. Directed by Nick Cage.
It's just like a kid crying for 30 minutes.
You're like, whoa.
That's it.
Keep it going.
I'd love it.
And then he's going to get back.
He's going to get that acting itch again after directing for a while.
He's going to come back.
And I think after that, it's going to be like his blue period.
He's going to come back, and he's going to be even better.
So I'm fine with it.
I truly believe that Nick Cage will get behind the camera
and realize that the people he's directing are terrible
and be like, I could do better,
and then he'll just be all the characters in his own movie directed by him.
And I'd be okay with that.
I'd be all right with that. I'd be alright with that.
That'd be amazing.
That would be amazing.
You know what else is amazing, dear friend?
Me undies.
Now that's a transition.
I love me undies.
I love me undies too.
Me undies are the best.
I wear them every day.
I have way too many.
I enjoy them immensely
and will continue to buy them
as new ones come out. I just got an avocado
one. It's avocado.
I got more boring ones and I love them.
Yeah. No, I have avocado. They're pink
but they have little avocados on them and I
love them a lot. So much.
MeUndies
is the
best underwear. Period. Thaties is the best underwear.
Period. That's just the way it is.
Lensing micromodal is the
key. What does that mean? I don't
even know. We don't know and we don't care.
It's sustainably
sourced fabric,
natural soft fibers
that starts with beechwood trees.
I don't know how that happens.
Freely farmed from the beechwood trees of Mitalmortal, the coasts of Mitalmortal.
Mitalmortal?
Sure, yes, it's possible.
Just like what you said, it's probably part of an elaborate dream that we're all a part of.
Because it's insane that they feel this way.
I don't even know it's a dream after Westworld, dude.
What is time, man?
What is real?
Me undies are real.
They are. They have adventurous
prints. They have fun, simple designs.
They have Crandor versions of stuff.
They got me. Limited edition
patterns. Brand new ones every
few weeks on a rolling basis. Once they
sell out, they are gone.
Unless you get the Crandor ones, in which case
they're never going to sell out of brown.
I'll always have them.
Gray.
Thank you very much. Yep, that's true.
100% satisfaction guaranteed.
Me undies guarantees you're
going to love their underwear. Trust
us or your money back. This is a
no-brainer. It's a no-brainer. We have gotten
so many messages from people
that are like, went out,
bought those MeUndies, and they're
really, really good. And it's true. And these are
real people, not actors. Yeah, no,
these are people who tweeted us. This isn't one of those
things like, yes, I
bought MeUndies and I put them on my
body and now I love them. From
Twitter handle Crandor.
Yeah, yeah. I was trying to think of a good one for me, and now I love them. From at Twitter handle Crandor. Yeah.
I was trying to think of a good one for me, but
all of them seem defensive. I love
my me underwear
very much. Yep.
Jassy Cox. So I mean
all you gotta do, right? No brainer.
Get 20% off a pair if you use
code Crandor at MeUndies.com. So that's
MeUndies.com slash Crandor. You get 20% off pair if you use code crendor at meundies.com so that's meundies.com
slash crendor you get 20 off your first pair you get free shipping and 100 satisfaction guarantee
which is going to be guaranteed because they're amazing so you just go to meundies.com slash
crendor meundies.com slash crendor meundies.com slash crendor that's meundies.com slash crendor
remember these are the underwear that someone Literally stole three times for me
In order to get them
Remember that
The postal service
There was an employee who stole
Three packages of this
From me
Because they come in like MeUndie branded packaging
And dude stole it three times
It's like, oh shit
I gotta get these
I know, that's how good they are he should
He should have just went to me on these like I'm slash Crandor
It's true. That's true and also have them shipped to my office because that's where I get them now. I
Don't trust that guy
Don't trust
Alright well, let's go to chapter I don't trust that guy. He keeps stealing my underwear. Don't trust him. All right.
Well, let's go to chapter 7.
I'm never going to.
I can't say it.
Chapter 7, the sky, the cretin door, cretin door.
How's that traffic out there?
I want to know how many episodes in a row you've messed that up because I think we're going on at least seven.
It's a problem.
It is a problem.
Looking down there.
Hey, it's getting warmer everywhere.
Some more people are going out, and they're walking places,
so traffic's actually a little light because you've got to get that exercise in,
get those steps in, you know?
Some people are starting to travel like you.
You know, who knows what's going on in the wide old world of the West.
I don't know what I'm saying anymore, so back to you.
Thanks, Crandor.
Now let's go over to Cendor at the sports desk.
Wait, weather desk.
Weather.
Hey, everybody, it's weather time.
I'm almost out of here.
I don't got time for this shit.
So this is like a Friday for you.
Yeah, this is our Friday episode, absolutely.
So, oh, yeah, weather. Hey, everybody, it's the weather. Last time we did weather, everyone was like, it's not Friday episode. Absolutely. So, oh, yeah, weather.
Hey, everybody, it's the weather.
Last time we did weather, everyone was like, it's not Tay-Tay, it's Ty-Ty or something.
Like, sorry.
Sorry, I don't know things.
All right.
Sorry, I don't know facts.
It's spelled T-A-Y, T-A-Y.
Okay, that's Tay-Tay.
T-A-Y, that is Tay-Tay.
That's Tay-Tay. Yeah, take that up with. Okay, that's Tay-Tay. That is Tay-Tay. That's Tay-Tay.
Yeah, take that up with Taylor Swift.
That's Tay-Tay. Yeah.
That's not on us. Is Taylor Swift?
It's T-H-A-I.
You think Taylor Swift's ever gone to Tay-Tay?
I
believe they probably changed their name
for her. That's true.
Okay, well.
Woppy. Woppy activated.
Seven, four, five, two,
four.
No items to display.
Switching. Seven, four, five,
two, four. Zero.
Eh.
Zero, eh? Oh. T.
T? A. A?
N. N?
A.
What?
Otana.
Kagoshima.
Japan.
Oh, that's okay.
Yeah.
74 degrees Fahrenheit.
Feels like 74 degrees Fahrenheit.
High, 76 degrees Fahrenheit.
Low, 66 degrees Fahrenheit.
UV index 1 of 10. Next 36 hours, 76 degrees Fahrenheit. UV index 1 of 10.
Next 36 hours.
76 degrees Fahrenheit.
100% chance thunderstorms.
Cloudy early.
Then thunderstorms.
Developing afternoon.
High 76 Fahrenheit.
Winds south-southwest at 15 to 25 miles per hour.
Chance of rain 100%.
Thunderstorms could reach 40 miles per hour.
Thunderstorms.
Thanks, Wappy.
All right, and now let's head over to sports.
Sports.
It's the sports desk.
We've got crazy stuff going on.
Go Pens.
Go Pens.
Go Pens.
We got hockey.
We got the Pens have defeated the Pittsburgh,
what do you call them, Pennsylvania, Philadelphia.
The Pittsburgh Penguins have defeated the Philadelphia Flyers,
is what you mean.
The Peas beat the Peas.
The Peas beat the Peas.
Also, the Vegas Golden Knights swept the LA Kings 4-0.
You know what?
I'm thrilled and shocked by that.
But also, it's hilarious that the two places on planet Earth
that have the least likelihood of ever having ice for hockey
are playing each other in hockey.
It's very true.
And what's even crazier is that Vegas, this is their first year.
This was every team had to be like, hey, here's a couple guys we don't really care about.
You can have them.
And now they're like one of the best teams in hockey.
You know what that is?
Vegas.
It's the power of Las Vegas.
That's the power of Vegas.
That's the power of Vegas, baby.
My friend Nick's in Vegas.
He goes to every game
now. He loves it.
I can't wait to go back. Vegas
is one of those places where when you go,
it's like the best until you
get overwhelmed by it. You're like, oh no.
I'll never leave.
And then you have
to pull yourself away or you'll end up
broken a weekend. You're like, I don't love it here.
No.
Boston's up 3-1 on
the Maple Leafs. So Toronto
on life support.
Winnipeg beat Minnesota 4-1.
And that series, Tampa
Bay beat New Jersey 4-1.
Boston's up 3... Oh wait, Boston's up 3-2
now. So it looks like
they play today.
So if Toronto can win this one, they can tie it up and go to Game 7.
That'd be kind of crazy.
Love a good Game 7.
Nashville won against Colorado.
So Nashville moves on.
And it looks like Washington is up 3-2 on the Blue Jackets in that series. But Washington always chokes in the playoffs.
And then San Jose swept the Ducks.
So, down
go the Ducks. Yeah, Sharks take on the
Ducks. The end. Yeah.
The Sharks take on
the Golden Knights.
Because they both swept their things. Oh, I meant
the Sharks took on the Ducks. I'm sorry.
Yeah, it's alright.
And then, kick it over to the NBA.
We've got some crazy stuff in the NBA.
Houston is up 2-1 on Minnesota.
I kind of want Minnesota to win because they haven't made the playoffs in the NBA in like 15 years.
So, it was their first time back in a long time.
Then Utah is up on Oklahoma.
OKC.
Milwaukee tied it up with Boston in that series, 2-2.
Go Milwaukee.
I want them to beat Boston.
I don't like Boston.
Golden State up 3-1 on the Spurs.
Toronto, Washington tied it 2.
Indiana, Cleveland tied it 2.
The Battle of Indiana, Ohio, most exciting.
Philly. Philly's up on Miami 3-1.
Normally I wouldn't like Philly, but I hate Miami as well.
And then the Pelicans swept the Portland Trailblazers 4-0 in that series.
Mamma mia.
And then, let's not forget about the crazy thing happening this week.
The NFL draft.
You are all about draft. You are all about draft.
You're all about draft day.
This is one of my favorite days.
I love the NFL draft.
It's my favorite draft to watch.
I'm going to be live streaming it with Sinvicta,
the first round at least.
We're just going to be watching the ESPN ticker thing
and talking and discussing football.
It's going to be great.
I've got my mock draft kind of set, ready to
go. I'm hoping the Packers
get a corner. Hoping to get Denzel
Ward. Hoping he falls.
They just need
secondary help, essentially.
I want to see what the Browns
do. I want to see the dumb trades
some team's going to do. Someone like the
Browns
or the Jets or the Giants or somebody's going to the Giants.
They're going to mess it up.
They're like trade away their pick for something stupid.
They're going to waste their pick on like a quarterback.
That's really bad when they could have taken a different one.
It's going to be great.
I'm ready.
So that's happening Thursday at I believe seven o'clock Central Time, 8 Eastern, 5 Pacific.
Okay, the draft is happening. That's big. That's a big day
for Buffalo Wild Wings.
It's very big for Buffalo Wild Wings.
That's a big day for Buffalo Wild Wings.
Buffalo Wild Wings
is like, I don't
know. It's one of those places
where I feel it's
I don't think it's that good but everybody likes
to go there because they just got sports on and they're like hey they have like 12 million tvs
and wings yeah the thing is like about it the wings it's like if you get like boneless wings
it's like eight thousand percent breading and then like a big piece of like why would you know boneless don't
get boneless wings you got some real wings or well i get or boneless on boneless day because
we'd go there and they'd be like it's boneless day it's like all right you get the boneless day
but otherwise i get the weight the the bone in because it's you know real meat really at buffalo
wild wings what i would get would be the uh chicken sandwich the grilled chicken sandwich
hot sauce, or
extra hot, whatever the hot, like
not the atomic, whatever the one under that was.
And then, those potato wedges.
Oh my god. Those things are so good.
Oh, the potato wedges are great. You know what you do?
You get potato wedges, and you get the
chipotle dry rub on them.
Oh my god. It's so good.
It's delicious.
I can do that at Buffalo Wild Wings.
But, like, nah, some of the stuff there is like, get our Buffalo Wild Wing nachos.
I'm like, why would I do that?
Buffalo Wild Wing nachos.
Nachos?
Why would I do that?
Yeah, that's, well, I mean, they're nachos.
I mean, yeah, but they're for wings.
That's true.
Well, you didn't get wings. You got a chicken sandwich.
You know what? Don't
tell me what I'm doing wrong.
And you gotta get the mango habanero. That's like the best
thing they got. The mango hab.
I'm literally on their website
right now looking up sauces.
Mango habanero is their best
one. They have a barbecue
honey bourbon mustard.
That's too many things in a sauce.
Crimson Crush?
What the hell is that?
Crimson Crush?
Crimson Crush?
Crimson Crush.
Citrus sauce that boasts a bold flavor.
Oh, it's sort of like a Thai sauce.
No, because they have something called Asian Zing.
What the hell?
I either get Mango Habanero.
Mango Habanero or Wild is what I usually get.
I usually get that or like Honey Barbecue.
Or Hot Barbecue or Caribbean Jerk.
Or Hot Barbecue.
Caribbean Jerk's good too.
Depends on what I'm feeling.
Yeah.
Blazin is what their atomic is.
Who would even go to Buffalo Wild Wings?
Blazin is like wishing death
on your best friend.
It's not okay.
Here's the thing.
I've tried Blazin.
Mango Habanero
I think is hotter.
Mango Habanero
is good
but Blazin
the problem with Blazin
is it isn't like
woo that's so hot
it's like
it hurts my stomach
to eat it.
Yeah.
I don't want that.
It's an unpleasant
sensation that I don't want.
I like Mango Habanero because it gets your sinuses going.
You know, you're like, whew, it's burning my mouth.
And it still tastes good.
And it's a nice all around.
I don't know.
They have like, you can buy things on their website.
One of them is salt and vinegar dry seasoning bottle.
Salt and vinegar dry seasoning?
This is another one of those things where it's like, I'm not going to buy Buffalo Wild Wings and then take it home for like, I got to put my sauce on my chicken I bought from the store.
But salt and vinegar dry, like what is the purpose of it?
I don't know.
What would you, chips?
I mean, I guess, why would you put salt and vinegar on food other than chips?
I don't know.
I don't really like salt and vinegar chips either.
So,
I mean,
you're asking the wrong person.
You know what?
I've come to love them.
I used to hate them,
but now I've come to appreciate them because I,
over the years,
I formed sort of like a Primanti brothers kind of style. When I eat my sandwiches where I always put the chips or the fries or whatever on the thing.
Oh, man, it's so good.
So I was doing like hot chips on sandwiches for a while, and that was pretty great.
But then I discovered that like that whole salt and vinegar flavor on a sandwich is like way good.
Oh, man, it's so good.
Huh.
So, yeah, I'm in that zone right now.
Interesting.
I know.
I'm aware.
That's sports.
And what is our big new story of the day?
Fajita heist.
Texas man sentenced to 50 years for stealing 1.2 million dollars worth of food
what how how is this possible he pled guilty to stealing more than 1.2 million in fajitas
while acting as a public servant what why the specific theft why all right there's more to this that is such a like
leading title a texas man who pled guilty to stealing more than 1.2 million in fajitas
specifically fajitas gilberto escamilla 53 was employed at the daryl b hester juvenile
detention center in san benito tex, when it was discovered that he had been
placing orders for fajitas using county funds
and then selling them for his own profits
since December 2008.
What? Wait, what? Wait, what?
So he's, like, running some big scheme.
Like some sort of fajita scheme?
Yeah, fajita scheme.
Okay, so he's...
This is insane. He placed the orders for fajitas using? Yeah, fajita scheme. This is insane.
He placed the orders for fajitas
using the county funds, and then
he'd sell them. Got the fajitas.
Are we talking about
the whole
meat and
onions and peppers and all of that?
Here's my question.
Why would anyone buy bootleg
fajitas from this guy when you could literally go get meat and peppers and onions and make better fajitas than what the detention center at San Benito, Texas could provide?
Yeah, who's he selling these to?
Just like random people?
And he was doing this for almost 10 years.
Yeah, like 10.
He made over a million dollars.
He made over a million dollars.
With a maximum fine of $10,000 on top of the $1.2 million he was ordered to pay back at the cost of the fajitas?
That doesn't... Oh my god.
According to the Brownsville Herald, Escamilla's scheme unraveled late August after a delivery driver with Labatt Food Service phoned the detention center to give kitchen employees a heads up that an 800 pound delivery of fajitas
had arrived. How was he moving
these fajitas? I don't know. What was he
doing? Are you telling me they
were delivering 800 pounds
of fajitas to this place
and then he was somehow moving
800 pounds of food
out of the detention
center to somewhere
to sell it?
How? How?
How is this possible?
I thought the delivery had to be suspicious as minors at the detention center are not served fajitas.
However, the delivery driver insisted they had been delivering fajitas to the detention center's kitchen for the past
nine years.
After being fired and arrested,
Escamilla's house was searched by police who
found packages of the fajitas in
his refrigerator.
It was selfish. It started
small and got bigger and out of control, Escamilla
said during his testimony.
Got to the point where I couldn't control it
anymore. Are you
telling me that this guy started, you know, you know, you know what this was.
This guy started small, just taking fajitas because he could order them.
He was like, oh, it's fajitas.
I love fajitas.
And he was sitting at home making fajitas.
And then probably a friend came over and was like, oh, my God, fajitas.
These are delicious.
He's like, yeah, they come from my work. And he's like, oh, those are work fajitas? He's like, yeah, yeah, they're, you know, detention center fajitas. And then probably a friend came over and was like, oh my God, fajitas. These are delicious. He's like, yeah, they come from my work. And he's like, oh, those are work fajitas?
He's like, yeah, yeah. They're, you know, detention center fajitas. He's like, man,
you got to hook me up with them. There's some good fajitas. And he's like, sure, dude, I'll
hook you up. And he got extra fajitas. And then his friend told a friend and then now he has all
these people and they're like, yo, dude, I'll pay you like 20 bucks for fajitas. He's like,
wow. Okay, sure. And now next thing you know, he's the kingpin of fajitas,
but it's over his head now.
He got in too deep, and this is the problem with crimes.
People always do this.
They always get in too deep.
No one stays small.
No one stays small time.
They're all just like, oh, Dan, it's just like drugs.
This guy's just like a drug addict.
He's a drug addict, except he's a fajita addict.
And he's going to jail for a long time a long time yeah very long time uh because he stole more than
two hundred thousand dollars worth of goods texas law considers the crime to be first degree felony
and allows for sentencing up to 99 years 99 years man man. 99 years for fajita stealing.
You know what?
I'm going to say it.
He deserves it.
Yeah.
He deserves it.
Those poor inmates deserve those fajitas, and he took them.
He took them from them.
He took their fajitas.
He sold them for a higher price than they were even worth.
Took their fajitas.
He sold them for a higher price than they were even worth.
I'm still trying to get over the fact that someone out there paid, like, excess for fajitas.
Yeah.
Like, was he selling them to the inmates or something?
No, I don't think, because they found them in his house.
Maybe he was.
It doesn't make sense, though.
Inmates aren't going to have the kind of money for fajitas.
Fajita money, that's... You gotta be rich.
Who's buying them? You gotta be rich. I want to know who's buying these fajitas.
There's so much to this story. We don't know. Who bought these
fajitas? Who was the fajita
buyers? Was he selling to kids
on the streets? Did he have, like, kids
on the corner, like, yo, man, you want this fajitas?
I got
fajitas. I got steak. I got chicken.
You want carnitas? I got
that too, man.
I want to know. I want to know.
I have no clue how
this happened, but I need answers.
We need answers and we need them now.
It's my money and I need it now.
This is an NBC News story.
I demand
updates. I demand updates on this story. I demand updates.
I demand updates on this story.
I demand updates.
All right.
Well, that is it for us.
Thank you so much for listening or watching or whatever you're doing with us right now.
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