Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 152 - Dealing Drugs, Except it's Fajitas

Episode Date: April 24, 2018

This week the boys discover they have some interesting thoughts on butter, and it strangely relates to Taco Bell. Jesse is excited to flee the country and Crendor want's nothing to do with the world. ...Meanwhile, a man steals a million dollars worth of Fajitas and sells them on the streets?! All this and more, inside this brand new Cox n' Crendor! Thanks to MeUndies for sponsoring this episode. Get 20% off your first pair at http://meundies.com/crendor Thanks to Shari's Berries for sponsoring this episode. Visit http://berries.com and use promo code: crendor.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Today's episode is brought to you by MeUndies, MeUndies! They're what you want to put all over your body. Put them, if they had me, track suits. I would wear those. You'd wear anything they'd make. Oh man, they've, the fact that they have sweats that you can buy is now the next thing on my list. I am down with MeUndies.
Starting point is 00:00:23 They are, they feel so good. It's not right that they feel so good. As a sweatpant connoisseur, I want to try them too. It's aggravating how good they feel because sometimes I'm not going to lie, like right now you couldn't even tell.
Starting point is 00:00:37 If you were me, you couldn't tell there was anything between you and your pants because it's like you're wearing a cloud. It's great. I can never tell it's between you and your pants because they it's like you're wearing a cloud. It's great I can never tell it's between you and your pants Who knows Yep, yep, yep, and also today we're sponsored by sherry's berries berries sherry's
Starting point is 00:00:59 berries Oh my god, just fun to say Do you want a great gift? Yes. That you can give to your mother. Oh, not you. No. The one that you're going to give to your mother on Mother's Day.
Starting point is 00:01:13 That's coming up very soon. I'm sure we both want great gifts. Yeah. It's hard to shop for mom because, you know, she already has the greatest gift of all you. I'm going to get a letter from my mom like, no, you're an idiot. Love, mom. But I'd love some Sherry's berries. It's true.
Starting point is 00:01:34 Chocolate covered goodness. White chocolate, dark chocolate, regular chocolate, chocolate chips, chopped nuts. Oh, man. I'm just thinking like, oh, I want some berries. I want some Sherry's berries. Oh, I want Sherry's berries. Sherry's berries. So we'll talk about that later as well.
Starting point is 00:01:51 Anyway, let's jump into the show. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-hour recording studios. Recording.
Starting point is 00:02:11 Wake your ass up. It's Cox and Crandall in the morning. Hello everybody. Welcome to Cox and Crandall in the morning. Hello sir. That was the most enthusiastic I think I've heard you in five years me that's because I'm about to leave the country for a month I'm real happy I'm doing great I'm gonna go to Poland and then Amsterdam and then make like a
Starting point is 00:02:38 trek through a little bit of like the countryside find my way over to london drop off to uh uh ireland a little bit oh my god you guys have no clue i'm ready along the whole what's the countryside entail you just like skipped over country like the countryside well i haven't decided there's so i have a start i have sort of chapter one two and three. And then I have chapters 19 through 24 done. But it's those middle chapters where I'm like, I don't really know what's going to happen. Yeah. That's where the crazy stuff is. Yeah, that's where there's the potential for me to be in one of those taken situations.
Starting point is 00:03:18 So I leave that open. I don't know what's going to happen. I'm going to leave that one open. Or you'd be in one of those movies with Morgan Freeman and Robert De Niro. You're getting older and then you just wind up in the fields of Luxembourg. You're absolutely right. This is just like those movies where it's me and a bunch of old men. You're going to wake up on a farm with a milkmaid and being like,
Starting point is 00:03:38 time to milk the cow. And you're like, how the shit did I get here? You're wrong. I'd be like, moo. I get the joke. Yeah. I understand the joke. Hey.
Starting point is 00:03:55 Man, yeah, I'm excited to get out of here. I'm excited to, I've got a lot of work still in the next 24 hours, less than 24 hours to get done. But I'm ready. I'm ready to go. And so I'm all jacked up on goofballs. I'm excited. Jacked up on goofballs.
Starting point is 00:04:14 Jacked up on goofballs. That's right. I don't think I've ever heard that said ever. Now you have. Now you have. Jacked up on goofballs. Jacked up on goofballs. How do you even get jack checked up off a goofball well first you have to eat it oh no you smoke goofballs okay goofballs are either swallowed or smoked you don't you don't inject you inject goofballs that'll kill you straight to the vein goofballs will kill you all right makes sense
Starting point is 00:04:42 i mean can we can we start a drug empire that only sells goofballs and kill you. Alright. Makes sense. I mean... Can we start a drug empire that only sells goofballs? And when people ask what goofballs are, we're just like, man, if you don't know, you don't need to know, man. You don't deserve to know.
Starting point is 00:04:57 The goofball kings. We'll have a compound somewhere. We'll see my goofballs. Okay. We've raided them.. We'll be like, you're going to see my goofballs. Okay. Yeah, it'll be great. We've raided them. They've got a dozen crates of goofballs.
Starting point is 00:05:11 This is like the mother load. Then we're going to jail. I'm trying to imagine what goofballs actually are. I think maybe something like a little stickier version of a koosh ball. What's a koosh ball? Remember the ko version of a koosh ball. What's a koosh ball? Remember the koosh balls? Koosh ball?
Starting point is 00:05:31 I don't know what that is. It just sounds like I am talking about strands of weed now. You gotta have that koosh ball, man. It's a koosh ball. We took the koosh balls. We modified it with the goofs to make goof balls, man. Oh, a Koosh ball. Oh one of those. When I thought.
Starting point is 00:05:49 Okay. I was thinking more of like a like a gobstopper. You know. No. I guess it could be like a gobstopper which is closer to a goof. But then we want a goober. Like we selling goobers too. We got your goofballs.
Starting point is 00:06:03 We got your goobers. We got your gob goobers. We got your goofballs. We got your goobers. We got your gob-goobers. We got your gob-balls. We got your gob-balls. Gob-balls sounds like a sex toy. Oh, my God. Can I just say? Yeah?
Starting point is 00:06:15 This is like, so these gobstoppers got this little guy on it, right? And let me just link you this, because this guy, this little gobstopper guy. Is this a gobstopper mascot guy He looks like he's had a few Goofballs He does he's kind of like Hey what How long have I been chewing on this thing man And am I chewing
Starting point is 00:06:39 On myself man I'm telling you That could be our mascot Our drug mascot He basically is one Dan animation Away from being one of us Yeah All that thing is missing is a little poof of like red hair
Starting point is 00:06:55 And it's basically me If you look at it it's just a high version of me It is Can we just have an animation where now Every time I get high in animation I just turn into a gum stopper? I'm eating myself, man. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:12 That's something. How did we even get to... I don't know. I don't know. Oh, you know, I got the goofballs. Because I'm jacked up on goofballs. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:24 I'm excited to get out of here. This is going to be great. Wait, so you're on for like a full month then? An entire month? Until the end of May 20th, yeah. Wow, that is a full month. I can't stop working because I'm a crazy person. Oh, I know you'll never do it, which is why I have to do it for the both of us.
Starting point is 00:07:45 I have to go live life for the both of us. But no, I'm bringing sound equipment and my microphone that I'm using right now and all that stuff. So hopefully no one will even notice I'm gone when we do the podcast and stuff. That's just one of those things where I feel like it's, I don't know, I don't get traveling. I get traveling for like a few days, but I never have been like, wow, I want to stay here. I want to keep traveling. I always just want to come back. Well, of course everyone wants to come back, but I love the, the world experience and going places and seeing things.
Starting point is 00:08:19 Mostly to see. Well, first off, the first thing I'm doing, I'm going to Poland. And I'm, I'm the reason why this is all starting is because I'm going to Poland At the beginning of the trip And I'm going back to Poland at the end of the trip For two events that I've been invited to So the first one is a Gwent tournament That I'm hosting
Starting point is 00:08:37 And it's in a salt mine Which is incredible So I'm going to be in a salt mine It's the perfect kind of joke. And then I was like, well, if I have to go back to Poland and less than like two weeks later, what's the point of headed home and then flying back? It's insane. So I'm just going to stay over in Europe and do like a whole thing of it. And so that's kind of the plan. And I want to go different places. I want to to amsterdam because first off i'm going to see uh friends and be stupid and i am going to try i believe it's happening to get a tour of the
Starting point is 00:09:11 gorilla studios and um that's going to be awesome because that's you know i can go to the aloy mecca and be stupid right and uh i am gonna see if i can get something signed by all the devs, and then I'll just leave it in my office and never remove it ever again. Right. Also, I found out, besides the fact that I had a conversation with a friend the other day about things to do in Amsterdam. I was like, what can we do? I'm going to be there for, I think, two and a half days.
Starting point is 00:09:43 I'm like, what can I do when I'm there? Because I want to sightsee. I want to look around. I want to see the canals. But I also want to go places and do stuff and see what's crazy about it. And the first conversation we had was, well, they're like, we can walk through the red light district. And I was like, what's in the red light district besides prostitutes? Because as much as I want to experience that whole thing.
Starting point is 00:10:07 That's all it is. I mean, I get it. Yeah. As much as I want to experience all of that, I don't know that I personally am ready for a prostitute. I feel like I heard a story from a friend who said that when he was in some country, it might have been Amsterdam, he told me the story of what he's like, well, I got to try it. And it was the most awkward story I've ever heard. I was like, that's not right for me.
Starting point is 00:10:31 I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that. And so it's not that I wouldn't because I'm, like, worried about super herpes. It's more that I'm like, I just don't want to have an awkward experience with another human being. I just, you know what, I don't want to, like, impede on you, ma'am. Well, it's just like a, I think it's just more for, like, you're walking through. It's like everybody's in windows, and you're just like, this is so weird. And that's what I want to see.
Starting point is 00:10:59 I want to see, like, the weird part of it. It's just like when I go to Japan. I want to see the weird stuff. Yeah, exactly. And so I want to go there, and I want to check this out, and like, see the area, but then I found out that three blocks from my hotel is something and maybe, I don't know,
Starting point is 00:11:11 wherever it is, it's very close to my hotel, in like, one of the different directions, is the Museum of Prostitution, and I was like, oh my God, I want to go. I want to know what is in this museum. What could it possibly have? I guess, let's see, museum. What could it possibly have? I guess. Let's see.
Starting point is 00:11:26 Amsterdam. What could it possibly have? Museum of Prostitution. There we go. I'm very excited. Looks like there's a bathtub. Oh, my God. There's a wall that says, what kind of things do men leave behind after a visit to a prostitute?
Starting point is 00:11:44 Oh, my. Don't spoil this for me i want to know i'm gonna take so many photos of that place you have no clue i'm ready and then you know even better the museum of prostitution has prostitutes and windows above the museum wow that's incredible that genuinely is incredible i very much want to go see that But I also want to go look at the More like beautiful scenery places And the buildings and you know the usual touristy shit Just to see it
Starting point is 00:12:14 Because I've never been and the only other time I was there was when I landed at the airport and left So it'll be an experience And then After that I'm gonna Go to I got a Place in london that was like pretty pretty awesome and cheap but it has really fast internet i did research i did like research dude i spent a lot of time contacting airbnb people and messaging people and like
Starting point is 00:12:40 kissing every ass that i could and just being everywhere. Like, okay, so. Just for that internet. Oh, yeah, because I've stayed at Airbnbs where they say we have good internet and then it literally is like a little tiny box that has the same speed as like your phone. Not happening. You're a great hitter that I surf by email all the time. Right? And I think that's what they expect most people to want.
Starting point is 00:13:04 And so I was like, mm-mm. So I did a lot of research on that and was like, look, I'm going to be staying at this place for two weeks. I need you to hook me up with good internet. So finally I found one place and it's awesome.
Starting point is 00:13:20 And so that's going to be sort of my hub. And then from there, because I've got plenty of time, I'm going to go and maybe take the channel. Is that what that thing's called? Over to France and like check like there's places I want to go and want to see and just like spend one or two days just like bumming around being stupid. And because the Airbnb is so cheap, God bless Airbnb.
Starting point is 00:13:40 Sometimes I say that now, but I could get there and it could be the worst. It could be terrible. You could. These are ultra hit now, but I could get there and it could be the worst. Yeah, it could be terrible. Airbnbs are ultra hit and miss every time. You get there and there's like an old man living in the basement and he's like, it's true. It could happen here. It could very much happen.
Starting point is 00:13:57 But I think the point is that I'll hopefully be out and about a lot, but I'm bringing my audio equipment and then because we have a lot. But I'm bringing my audio equipment. And then, because we have a very, very awesome friend who works at HyperX, they're going to hook me up with a little tiny baby computer. So I'll be able to do stuff.
Starting point is 00:14:14 So he's going to bring it there. Everything will be sweet and A-OK. So it's like I won't even be gone. Well, except you will be gone. I will be gone. I'm just excited to get away. i'm excited to get out of here and uh be in a different place for a while and and chill and not have to like stress too badly about things it's nice on the flip side yeah boy okay yeah see like poland for example uh-huh i wouldn't my thing is I don't mind traveling if it's not that far
Starting point is 00:14:46 you know what I mean that's my consider that far what do you consider that far by the way anything over like past from where I am to LA I don't even I don't even believe that I don't even believe that I think about two hours on a plane is the max you can do. No, I've done the LA trip so much that I'm used to it. But if it was like the same distance to like somewhere I didn't want to go, then I'd probably be like, yeah, but like LA, I'm like, all right, I've done this a lot. How far is LA to Chicago? Four hours?
Starting point is 00:15:21 It's like three and a half. Three and a half. Yeah, I was pretty close. Okay. Yeah, it's about three and a half three and a half yeah I was pretty close okay yeah it's about three and a half and that when that plane is done I've watched my like movie or two and I'm like all right I'm good you know and I have the comfort level of like I've been here a billion times but oh so you have like a comfort issue like you're you'd be if you were someplace else you'd be
Starting point is 00:15:40 freaking out I am yeah I am very much into the comfort and control of situations well that's my thing i like control and i tell you the first time i went to poland i was freaked out like it i was like oh no i don't speak polish and i'm terrified and then I met like a bunch of fans who all spoke English and it got like really easy and I was like oh okay and I had fun same thing with England and when I was in Germany and all these places that I've been in the
Starting point is 00:16:16 past where it's like you just sort of get after you travel enough you sort of get over the idea of being overwhelmed by it. And you're just like, F it. Let's go nuts. Let's see what there is to see and go have fun.
Starting point is 00:16:31 And sure, sometimes you're going to meet a person who's like, I don't understand. But most of the time, people will be like, they'll point directions. They'll tell you what's up. Or you just self-rely on the fact that you're going to get lost and just enjoy being lost. And I'm okay with that. I'm fine with that. I'm not. I'm not going to enjoy being lost.
Starting point is 00:16:54 I know. That's what's so sad. Enjoy being lost, dude. Get lost in the world. You know who got lost? Amelia Earnhardt. She's dead. Earnhardt?
Starting point is 00:17:06 Amelia Earnhardt? Amelia Earnhardt. She's dead. Amelia Earnhardt? Amelia Earnhardt. And she's dead. Never heard of her. She must have been for real lost. She's dead. I know. You should have told that to her. Enjoy getting lost. It's fun. Look at how it turned out.
Starting point is 00:17:21 That's all I'm saying. You're so right. You're so right. What a fool I've been. I wouldn't even go to Poland. And I'm part's all I'm saying. You're so right. You're so right. What a fool I've been. I wouldn't even go to Poland. And I'm part Polish. I'm like a fourth Polish. Oh, it's fascinating. Poland is fascinating. The last time I was there,
Starting point is 00:17:35 God, two years ago now? All I remember is myself and Dodger and two of our friends that we got to come and film us because they were like, you can bring two people to film this thing for The Witcher we were doing. The event was awesome
Starting point is 00:17:52 because we went out to the middle of nowhere and lived like we were in The Witcher times, if that was a real time. And it was great. And it was such a fun event. But we had a few days of just bumming around in Poland. And one of the things we did is we got a cab.
Starting point is 00:18:10 By the way, Guy spoke no English. It was great. We got in a cab, drove to a Polish super mall. It was awesome. It was such a cool mall. We walked around. A Polish super mall? Yes.
Starting point is 00:18:21 It was like a mall. But, you know, like the mega malls in the States, it was like that. Ah. And so we drove there and walked around and it was the most grossly American thing I've ever seen. It was so perfectly American. Then we ended up going to a restaurant because earlier in the week we had walked around and we saw a restaurant that was like a Polish sort of all the different Polish foods you can imagine. So we went in and we just ordered a bunch of stuff. We got pierogi and we got this thing that was like a pea soup with sausage in it. And we got like just a bunch of stuff.
Starting point is 00:19:03 It was great. All of it was delicious. We saw that place in the. And we got like, there's a bunch of stuff. It was great. All of it was delicious. We saw that place in the mall. We're like, huh? I thought that was a one-off, but I guess it's sort of a chain question mark. So we went to that place again for dinner.
Starting point is 00:19:13 Cause it was, it was amazing. We meet up with the CD project guys and they're like, yeah, no, that's like the taco bell of Poland. We were like, no wonder we love it so much.
Starting point is 00:19:24 Dude. Here's the thing with taco bell, right? This is another one of Poland. We were like, no wonder we love it so much. Dude, here's the thing with Taco Bell, right? This is another one of those. Every time you bring up Taco Bell and you're like, I like Taco Bell. Everyone's like, did you know that's not real Mexican food? It's like, no shit. No shit, I know that. But you know what?
Starting point is 00:19:40 Sometimes I like it more than real Mexican food. And I've eaten real Mexican food plenty of times. what sometimes i like it more than real mexican food i've eaten real mexican food plenty of times i don't i would love for someone to do to do like a real presentation about why taco bell isn't real mexican and not include the fact that the shells are made out of doritos or that the cheese isn't actually cheese or that the meat is like ground up pellets. Like I just someone someone ignore all that. And it's just like, here's the real reason why it isn't. Sometimes you want some highly saturated fatty sauce with fake cheese, rat meat and a Dorito shell.
Starting point is 00:20:20 It tastes great. And a Mountain Dew Baja Blast. It's not it's not good. It's just sometimes you need it. It's just you never truly understand how much you need a Taco Bell in your life until it's 2 a.m. on a Sunday, and for some reason you just really want to kill yourself with awful food. And you're just like oh man you know what'd
Starting point is 00:20:45 be great getting a fritos stuffed burrito it's just it's another one of those things it's like the weather it's the same as the weather like well in my weather blah blah it's the same like well did you know it's like i did know that as long as that person who's gonna be, did you know? It's like, I did know that. As long as that person who's got to be like, did you know that that's not a thing? It's not a real Mexican food. I think people just want to feel like they're... They want the high ground. Is it like a special thing? They want to feel special?
Starting point is 00:21:17 Like, did you know that I know more than you? It's got to be that. I don't know what it could be. It has to be, right? It's the same as the weather. It's like, did you know I survive in worse conditions than you making me a superior person it's gotta be something involving superiority but i want to have like the counterpoint to that like yes but i chose not to live in that terrible place so perhaps i'm the superior one? I chose to eat Taco Bell, so I am superior.
Starting point is 00:21:48 My body can handle that terrible, terrible food. Listen, I ate it. Perhaps I am superior? I ate Taco Bell without a gallbladder, and I was fine. But I can eat actual Mexican food, and it'll give me stomach issues. Explain that, science. Well, I feel like one is Taco Bell is more of a slurry you put in your mouth. So I don't feel like you don't do a lot of digesting.
Starting point is 00:22:09 Whereas real Mexican contains beans and rice and meat and like actual products, vegetables, things that are real. He hates those. Yeah, yeah. Your body wants a nice meat paste wrapped in a tortilla with a little bit of cheese added. Yeah, yeah. Your body wants a nice meat paste wrapped in a tortilla
Starting point is 00:22:25 with a little bit of cheese added. Yeah, I get it. Give me the meat paste. Give him the meat paste. Give me the meat paste. Hashtag give me the meat paste. If they sold Taco Bell meat out of a tube, I wouldn't complain.
Starting point is 00:22:42 I'd be like, yeah, I expect that. Here's the thing. They sell all these types of things at the store where they're like, you can buy Taco Bell shells at the store. And it's like, I'm not going to buy it at the store. If I want Taco Bell, I'll just go with Taco Bell. I don't want to make Taco Bell at home. I do want to inquire to the world, who still makes tacos at home? And not like you are of Hispanic origin or descent or you live in Mexico. Where it's like part of your family.
Starting point is 00:23:09 Yeah, not like where your family literally makes tortillas. I'm talking about like goes out, buys the ground beef, buys that little awful packet, mixes water with the packet, and then puts it in the Ortega crappy taco shells. By the way, Ortega sponsor us. Not so crappy.
Starting point is 00:23:29 Put them in those taco shells. And then like, does that, who still does that? Yeah, I don't. Cause I really am curious. There's gotta be some like wholesome family in Utah.
Starting point is 00:23:41 It obviously happens because I think this is one of those things where as we as a society move away from that sort of 1950s boxed food mentality and things start to become fresher and more wholesome just like that I'm also curious about mac and cheese because
Starting point is 00:24:00 I can't figure out for the life of me when there's so many amazing macaroni and cheese options let alone just cooking it yourself and making it amazing, how people are still buying Kraft Mac and Cheese. And I get that some people are like, Kraft Mac and Cheese is basically the same thing as Taco Bell, right? I just want
Starting point is 00:24:16 something awful. I get it, but at the same time, I still don't. I still don't. And I guess I can say the same thing about you and me. I get Taco Bell's function, but at the same time, I still don't. I still am a little confused by why we put ourselves through that when you can literally get anything better.
Starting point is 00:24:37 Well, can I just mention, we're not even sponsored by Blue Apron, this podcast, but I'm very excited to eat my buffalo chicken meatballs that I'm getting from them. I hope that they're good. And I'm going to make it, and I'm going to say this is a spicy meatball, and it's going to all be wrapped up. How dare you? And it's going to be great.
Starting point is 00:24:55 I feel like it also depends where you are in the country, or the world for that matter. Like the South, I feel like in the South, they cook a lot of home-cooked meals, like home cooking. But a lot of it, there's like, the South they cook a lot of like home-cooked meals, like home cooking. But a lot of it, there's like put a stick of butter in there. So like it's home-cooked, but it's like just as fatty as something like Taco Bell. That does sound delicious.
Starting point is 00:25:15 I don't know what you're talking about, but I imagine whatever you make, if someone says put a stick of butter in there, it instantly becomes better. Instantly. I mean, you go to County county fair, they deep fry butter. That's true, and that seems gross, but people seem to love it. Well, it's butter. I mean, you're going to love it when you're eating it for the first two seconds, and then you're going to hate yourself as your body tries to process it. I don't, I think, I don't know what I think.
Starting point is 00:25:46 I can't figure out why anyone would just eat butter. But if I like put a good butter on bread, like sometimes you have a butter that's just delicious. Yeah. And I get that. Well, you're comparing two completely separate things. One's,
Starting point is 00:26:02 Hey, I like to add butter as a condiment to a thing to help it taste better and one is i'm gonna eat an entire thing of butter because i want to i get that but i also am reminded of the time my mom said bread is just a vehicle for butter and i feel like most people feel that way right they don't want to just eat butter, but they like to spread it on something and then eat the bread with the butter. I get that, but I just... Butter is butter, right? Right.
Starting point is 00:26:32 Peanut butter is butter that is made of peanuts. People eat just normal peanut butter with a spoon all the time. Yeah, but peanut butter isn't dairy, right? You're right, but people drink glasses of milk. Look, I'm not arguing that it makes sense. It's like how almond milk isn't milk. It's just bizarre, but people do it. And I guess I would like to know, someone just tweeted us, if you just love butter.
Starting point is 00:26:58 And why? I think my dad's like that. He like butters everything. Well, I understand buttering everything because it adds a layer of flavor to other food. I get that. But just butter itself. If you're just like, give me a big old stick of butter and you love it. Why though?
Starting point is 00:27:15 I'll stick with my Taco Bell fake Mexican food. You know what isn't fake? What? Sherry's berries. Sherry's berries. Sherry's berries. Sherry's berries. I like that response every time I say Sherry's berries. Sherry's berries. Sherry's berries.
Starting point is 00:27:35 Mother's Day is coming up. And you know, moms, they do a lot. They do a lot. They put in a lot of mom hours in order to make sure you grow up right. You try to eat that butter? She's like, don't eat that butter you idiot it's true uh so i feel like one of the things we should we should talk about is how you can get an awesome gift for your mom or grandmom or sister or sister-in-law or godmother or grammy or granny or whoever. Meemaw, Mamo, Meemaw.
Starting point is 00:28:17 Yeah, all those crazy ones. Yes, exactly. Or maybe your wife who is a mother or your girlfriend who is a mother or maybe someone who's a mother that you're just really into. Maybe they're a cat mom. Yeah, who knows? That's right. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:28:33 Whoever the mother is in your life, wouldn't it be great if you got her something she actually loved? Sherry's Berries. Berries. Let me tell you, I've given some bad gifts to my mom in the past, but I've made up for it. I significantly made up for it. Because when I was younger, boy, how do you shop for parents? It's tough.
Starting point is 00:28:53 How do you, like, shop for them? And then as you get older, you're just like, you're such a hurry. You're like, get them a card. Cards are dumb. Cards are dumb. Cards are dumb. Cards are dumb. All they do is throw them away after they're done with them.
Starting point is 00:29:05 Let's be real. They're like, oh, I kept it in a secret drawer. No, you didn't. Cards are dumb. All they do is throw them away after they're done with them. Let's be real. They're like, oh, I kept it in a secret drawer. No, you didn't. You threw that away. Yeah, and if they do, it's just in a box, and they're just adding to it, and they never look at it again anyway. Yeah. The one thing they can use and will look at quite often,
Starting point is 00:29:20 fresh, juicy strawberries dipped in milk, dark, and white chocolatey goodness topped with rich chocolate chips, chopped nuts, and signature swizzles. Rich chocolate chips, chopped nuts, and signature swizzles. That sounds delicious. You can make mom so happy. And they've got more than just berries. Amazing new treats with mom in mind like Mother's Day cake pops, cheesecake bites, and artisanal chocolate truffles. Sherry's cake pops, Sherry's cheesecake bites, and Sherry's chocolate truffles.
Starting point is 00:29:59 Sherry's going crazy out here. I don't know what Sherry's doing. I don't know how she has this much time to make all these berries and stuff. But she's doing it for you and for me because I'm going to be honest with you. I'm not going to. Mom, I love you. You're great, but I'm buying these for me. You can come over if you want some, but these are for me.
Starting point is 00:30:17 And they're going to arrive in Sherry's signature gift box with a beautiful ribbon so you don't got to wrap it. Yeah, that's perfect. That's a gift to yourself. I'm terrible at wrapping things. But right now, you can send
Starting point is 00:30:31 Sherry's berries starting at $19.99 plus shipping and handling or you can double the amount of berries. One for you, one for her for just $10 more. I'm just saying. That's a lot of berries. Go get them berries. Load up on them berries. Oh my god. I'm just saying That's a lot of berries Go get them berries Load up on them berries
Starting point is 00:30:45 Load up on them Oh my god I'm just thinking about them Mouth watering Because I Double the berries For ten dollars More
Starting point is 00:30:53 That's a good deal That's a good deal That's a good deal Customer satisfaction Get your money back If you are not satisfied You can choose the delivery date You can get it delivered
Starting point is 00:31:03 On Mother's Day If you want it's an incredible unique gift that everyone will love because it's delicious and delicious things are something all of us love Mother's Day
Starting point is 00:31:16 May 13th alright so go to berries.com alright that's B-E-R-R-I-E-S.com. Berries.com. I made that up. Then click on the mic. Click on the mic in the upper right corner and enter the code Crendor. That's me.
Starting point is 00:31:35 That's berries.com. Code Crendor. B-E-R-R-I-E-S.com. I didn't even sing it right the second time. Code Crendor. Just go ahead and put it in the code. It's my code. Sherry's Berries.
Starting point is 00:31:48 Sherry's Berries. Okay. Is there anything else happening in your sweet life right now? That's worth talking about. I mean, my life is very not exciting the way I like it.
Starting point is 00:32:06 And I'm mainly just working on my digestion, you know? It's been about two months. It's been exactly two months, actually, since I got my surgery thing. And so you kind of slowly work your way back into things. I went a little too hard on the fatty foods. I was feeling great for, like, the first month. I was feeling great for the first month. I was like, this is easy. I made the mistake
Starting point is 00:32:29 of I went to Red Robin. There you go. Bottomless fries will get you every time. I'd already started feeling a little queasy because I had a day where I ate a little too much fat and my stomach was like... What did you eat that day? That day that was too much fat. What was that day about? What happened to you?
Starting point is 00:32:45 I had like a hamburger. I had some Costco muffins. I had some other stuff. And I was just I had that feeling. It's not nausea, but it's kind of queasy. Like my stomach was like, oh, boy, I haven't had this in a while. So I was like, all right. All right.
Starting point is 00:33:00 And then I felt a little better. And I was like, you know what? Go like Red Robin. So Red Robin the day before Easter. And I had a burger. I had fries. They're like, you want more fries? I'm like, yeah, I'll have more fries.
Starting point is 00:33:15 I had a milkshake. And then they brought me more fries on top of the more fries. So I was just taken from both fries. Because they were like, we thought we already got you the fries so we brought these to someone else but they didn't want them so i'll just give them to you or something i was like whatever and then uh the next day was easter and so woke up went to my parents house and we had like typical easter dinner and i think my body was still trying to process the Red Robin at that point so then I loaded up with like
Starting point is 00:33:47 probably the buttery mashed potatoes and ham and like all that type of stuff we had Polish sausage I also had a lot of wine and we had coffee then we had dessert and then I got home and I think my body was just like I can't
Starting point is 00:34:04 do it I can't do it. This is I can't do it. And so it hit that point where I got to do it. Do it for the fun. I started getting kind of queasy. And so I'm like, maybe I'll eat something. So I ate a wait, wait, wait, wait. Time out.
Starting point is 00:34:18 Time out. Your response to getting queasy from eating things was maybe I should eat something. And I was like, maybe my stomach's like empty. I don't know what I was thinking. What? You just got done saying all the things you ate. I don't know. So I ate some graham crackers.
Starting point is 00:34:35 And then I just felt really bad. I got nauseous. Like nauseous. Like I'm going to throw up nauseous. And then I started the runs hit i was like oh boy the runs are coming and then uh that lasted about four hours i just fell asleep woke up and then like ever since then my stomach was like and so it's kind of queasy i'd like be like get some like pain but now i'm getting back to now i'm good again but i don't i don't
Starting point is 00:35:06 think i'm gonna be eating a lot of fatty food all at once anytime soon again so i'm uh working on that um it's very fun somebody was like it took my digestive system like eight months to a year to get used to stuff and i was like all, alright. Okay. I mean, it makes sense. You remove an organ. It makes total sense. It's just fascinating that you... I can't eat Red Robin and then a fatty meal after that anymore.
Starting point is 00:35:36 It's almost like you have to live a little healthier. It's crazy. Man, I gotta live healthy. I'm trying to think. There was something I wanted to tell you, and I can't remember what it was. I'm trying to think if it was a movie that I had seen. I seem to recall. Oh, you know what it was?
Starting point is 00:35:52 The other day, I was watching. I need to do this. This is my goal. I'm hoping it'll be on the plane. I was flipping through channels. First off, I'm going to end this story really quickly so I can get to an even better one. So I'm flipping through channels
Starting point is 00:36:08 and I saw the second Maze Runner movie was on and I realized I had not seen the third one yet. I need to make it my goal. We need to talk about it. We said we're going to talk about it. We haven't talked about it. It's my fault. It's my fault.
Starting point is 00:36:18 I'm the one to blame. It is your fault. Everyone shame him. You should shame me. Shame. No, no. Shame. me Shame Alright let me get naked So The other thing
Starting point is 00:36:31 Last night The new episode of Westworld was on I was very excited That was a great episode I'm ready for the mystery Won't even talk about it So I had it
Starting point is 00:36:47 recorded and so when i got in i turned on the tv and there was like i guess it was still on hbo and what was playing on hbo when i turned on the tv was uh like one of those soft core HBO porns And it was like Two people in a hot tub And this woman is obviously She's grinding on what is definitely This man's belly button It's not even
Starting point is 00:37:16 It resembles no Oh no but this one was like Like that And they're like in a hot tub And she's just like grinding on this dude. But literally her hips are at his like nipples. It is not even close. It's not even like there's no illusion. It's one of those things made for like 80 year old people are like, oh boy.
Starting point is 00:37:39 I don't even know where the genitals are, but I don't know where mine are either. That's why I hike my pants up that high. And so it was ridiculous. I was like, oh, boy. So I turned on Westworld. And about halfway through, for some reason, the volume of Westworld was very, very low. So I turned up the volume. And about halfway through the episode, it got hot, it got like hot in the, in the
Starting point is 00:38:05 apartment. And so I opened up a window and, uh, the episode ended. And as with all recorded TV shows, it sort of boots you back when it's over. Yeah. Cause, cause what happened is it ended and there was a, like on the next week. Oh yeah. Right. But every time, just like with Game of Thrones or whatever, for some reason my recording
Starting point is 00:38:25 always cuts off halfway through the next time on. And so it cut off halfway through, booted me back to the HBO channel about an hour later, and it was still that porn movie except now instead of the scene in the hot tub,
Starting point is 00:38:41 it was on a kitchen counter and it was blasted up about 50% of the volume with my windows open. It all was like with someone in the back going, and it was, I looked around, I was like, oh shit, like slam the window shut. It was like,
Starting point is 00:39:01 oh no. So I'd like to imagine anyone down below who's probably, like, standing outside or waiting for an Uber or whatever, looked up and saw a frantic man slamming the door, like, the window shut. As in the background, it's like, oh. Like, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh. And they were like, damn, I wish I was that man. I just want to point out that, you know, I still watched the scene because I was curious what was going on. But the transition after that ended was they were having sex on the kitchen table.
Starting point is 00:39:34 And then it cut to them sitting there at the kitchen table eating breakfast going, you know she's crazy, right? And I was like, what is happening? you know she's crazy, right? And I was like, what is happening? Well, those are like the types of softcore HBO things that people watch to make fun of because they're so bad. I went to go to the information to see what the hell it was about, and basically it's supposed to be, I don't remember the name of it, but I think the premise was that a woman at a job falls in love with her boss
Starting point is 00:40:04 because, of course, they sleep together because that's the plot of all these things. And then she wants revenge, so she gets revenge by sleeping with everyone in his family? Question mark? I don't know what happened. I'm not really sure what happened. But, yeah, it was weird.
Starting point is 00:40:20 And then the entire time, all I could think of was like, you just had sex in that counter, and now you're eating breakfast? Nope. Nope. Nope. That would not fly. That would not fly with me. I'd be like, give me the sanitary wipes.
Starting point is 00:40:31 We got to clean this shit down. I just searched HBO late night. And then there's an article saying, wow, the late night section of HBO now is pretty much just porn. Right. Well, that's what they mean. Late night equals porn. That's their way of putting it in a fancy sense. But not like porn porn.
Starting point is 00:40:50 Not like it's porn. We will have not been desensitized by the world. I'm going to look this stuff up. People that didn't grow up on the internet. I need to find this. It's the equivalent of Fifty Shades of Grey
Starting point is 00:41:06 for men. Pretty much. For like old men. Pretty sure this movie was not a sci-fi. It wasn't Sex and the City. It wasn't Ouija, Origin of Evil. Um. Ouija, Origin of Evil. Oh, was it Illicit
Starting point is 00:41:22 Desire? That's right. An office worker becomes obsessed with her boss to the point of murder. Starring Brent Harvey, August Ames, and Mia Lee. Directed by Dean McKendrick. And written by A.J. Lawrence. Yep, that's exactly what it was. 122 minutes, adult content, adult language, nudity, strong sexual content. I'm going to say not very strong.
Starting point is 00:41:42 Not very strong. A little awkward. A little awkward. If someone goes out and finds that, verify for me. I'm just letting you know now. content strong i'm gonna say not very strong not very a little awkward a little awkward if someone goes out and finds that verify for me i'm just letting you know now also it's streaming on hbo now on hbo go but go look at that there's a scene the hot tub is the least sexy scene in a hot tub ever like literally it's like they're they're wrestling there's there's there's no implied sex at all they are wrestling in that water there's's like, I'm going to get you. It is.
Starting point is 00:42:05 No. All I know is I remember Gmart and Kate were visiting. We were going through HBO and we were like, oh, look, it's these like shitty HBO like porn things. And so we put it on just to see it. And it was this is an Amazonian woman. And she was like, I've traveled back in time to fight for the Amazons. And we were like, this shit is happening.
Starting point is 00:42:27 And then they just have those terrible, terrible scenes. And then her friend got lost. And then G-Mark kept being like, can we stop watching this now? And I was like, no, we have to see how it ends. It ended just how I thought it would. It was like the Amazonian woman banged everyone, and then she went home. Sometimes you got to just really, truly appreciate terrible, terrible stuff. It's true.
Starting point is 00:42:54 That's one of my favorite things in life is to just appreciate the terrible things. That's why we like Nick Cage. Did you hear this nonsense? People are saying Nick Cage is going to retire from acting. That's what I heard. Oh, my God. I'm not okay with this. That's not going to happen. It's not going to be forever. I guarantee
Starting point is 00:43:10 it. We need to start a fund to make a movie that Nick Cage can star in. There is no way he's going to retire. I don't believe it. When Mom and Dad becomes a success, we need to watch that movie too. Yeah, we got to watch that too. I have so many things I need to do in my life.
Starting point is 00:43:26 Here's the thing. Maybe I can find it overseas because, you know, it's probably overseas somewhere. It has to be. Here's the thing. He's not gonna retire. He's gonna pull like a Brett Favre, and he's gonna come back like twice. Well, he wants to direct, which I feel like... I'd watch a movie directed by Nick Cage, too.
Starting point is 00:43:42 I would, too. I'm not gonna lie. Directed by Nick Cage. It's I would, too. I'm not going to lie. Directed by Nick Cage. It's just like a kid crying for 30 minutes. You're like, whoa. That's it. Keep it going. I'd love it.
Starting point is 00:43:56 And then he's going to get back. He's going to get that acting itch again after directing for a while. He's going to come back. And I think after that, it's going to be like his blue period. He's going to come back, and he's going to be even better. So I'm fine with it. I truly believe that Nick Cage will get behind the camera and realize that the people he's directing are terrible
Starting point is 00:44:16 and be like, I could do better, and then he'll just be all the characters in his own movie directed by him. And I'd be okay with that. I'd be all right with that. I'd be alright with that. That'd be amazing. That would be amazing. You know what else is amazing, dear friend? Me undies.
Starting point is 00:44:33 Now that's a transition. I love me undies. I love me undies too. Me undies are the best. I wear them every day. I have way too many. I enjoy them immensely and will continue to buy them
Starting point is 00:44:47 as new ones come out. I just got an avocado one. It's avocado. I got more boring ones and I love them. Yeah. No, I have avocado. They're pink but they have little avocados on them and I love them a lot. So much. MeUndies is the
Starting point is 00:45:04 best underwear. Period. Thaties is the best underwear. Period. That's just the way it is. Lensing micromodal is the key. What does that mean? I don't even know. We don't know and we don't care. It's sustainably sourced fabric, natural soft fibers
Starting point is 00:45:19 that starts with beechwood trees. I don't know how that happens. Freely farmed from the beechwood trees of Mitalmortal, the coasts of Mitalmortal. Mitalmortal? Sure, yes, it's possible. Just like what you said, it's probably part of an elaborate dream that we're all a part of. Because it's insane that they feel this way. I don't even know it's a dream after Westworld, dude.
Starting point is 00:45:44 What is time, man? What is real? Me undies are real. They are. They have adventurous prints. They have fun, simple designs. They have Crandor versions of stuff. They got me. Limited edition patterns. Brand new ones every
Starting point is 00:45:59 few weeks on a rolling basis. Once they sell out, they are gone. Unless you get the Crandor ones, in which case they're never going to sell out of brown. I'll always have them. Gray. Thank you very much. Yep, that's true. 100% satisfaction guaranteed.
Starting point is 00:46:16 Me undies guarantees you're going to love their underwear. Trust us or your money back. This is a no-brainer. It's a no-brainer. We have gotten so many messages from people that are like, went out, bought those MeUndies, and they're really, really good. And it's true. And these are
Starting point is 00:46:31 real people, not actors. Yeah, no, these are people who tweeted us. This isn't one of those things like, yes, I bought MeUndies and I put them on my body and now I love them. From Twitter handle Crandor. Yeah, yeah. I was trying to think of a good one for me, and now I love them. From at Twitter handle Crandor. Yeah. I was trying to think of a good one for me, but
Starting point is 00:46:49 all of them seem defensive. I love my me underwear very much. Yep. Jassy Cox. So I mean all you gotta do, right? No brainer. Get 20% off a pair if you use code Crandor at MeUndies.com. So that's MeUndies.com slash Crandor. You get 20% off pair if you use code crendor at meundies.com so that's meundies.com
Starting point is 00:47:05 slash crendor you get 20 off your first pair you get free shipping and 100 satisfaction guarantee which is going to be guaranteed because they're amazing so you just go to meundies.com slash crendor meundies.com slash crendor meundies.com slash crendor that's meundies.com slash crendor remember these are the underwear that someone Literally stole three times for me In order to get them Remember that The postal service There was an employee who stole
Starting point is 00:47:33 Three packages of this From me Because they come in like MeUndie branded packaging And dude stole it three times It's like, oh shit I gotta get these I know, that's how good they are he should He should have just went to me on these like I'm slash Crandor
Starting point is 00:47:53 It's true. That's true and also have them shipped to my office because that's where I get them now. I Don't trust that guy Don't trust Alright well, let's go to chapter I don't trust that guy. He keeps stealing my underwear. Don't trust him. All right. Well, let's go to chapter 7. I'm never going to. I can't say it. Chapter 7, the sky, the cretin door, cretin door.
Starting point is 00:48:12 How's that traffic out there? I want to know how many episodes in a row you've messed that up because I think we're going on at least seven. It's a problem. It is a problem. Looking down there. Hey, it's getting warmer everywhere. Some more people are going out, and they're walking places, so traffic's actually a little light because you've got to get that exercise in,
Starting point is 00:48:31 get those steps in, you know? Some people are starting to travel like you. You know, who knows what's going on in the wide old world of the West. I don't know what I'm saying anymore, so back to you. Thanks, Crandor. Now let's go over to Cendor at the sports desk. Wait, weather desk. Weather.
Starting point is 00:48:52 Hey, everybody, it's weather time. I'm almost out of here. I don't got time for this shit. So this is like a Friday for you. Yeah, this is our Friday episode, absolutely. So, oh, yeah, weather. Hey, everybody, it's the weather. Last time we did weather, everyone was like, it's not Friday episode. Absolutely. So, oh, yeah, weather. Hey, everybody, it's the weather. Last time we did weather, everyone was like, it's not Tay-Tay, it's Ty-Ty or something.
Starting point is 00:49:12 Like, sorry. Sorry, I don't know things. All right. Sorry, I don't know facts. It's spelled T-A-Y, T-A-Y. Okay, that's Tay-Tay. T-A-Y, that is Tay-Tay. That's Tay-Tay. Yeah, take that up with. Okay, that's Tay-Tay. That is Tay-Tay. That's Tay-Tay.
Starting point is 00:49:26 Yeah, take that up with Taylor Swift. That's Tay-Tay. Yeah. That's not on us. Is Taylor Swift? It's T-H-A-I. You think Taylor Swift's ever gone to Tay-Tay? I believe they probably changed their name for her. That's true.
Starting point is 00:49:41 Okay, well. Woppy. Woppy activated. Seven, four, five, two, four. No items to display. Switching. Seven, four, five, two, four. Zero. Eh.
Starting point is 00:49:57 Zero, eh? Oh. T. T? A. A? N. N? A. What? Otana. Kagoshima. Japan.
Starting point is 00:50:09 Oh, that's okay. Yeah. 74 degrees Fahrenheit. Feels like 74 degrees Fahrenheit. High, 76 degrees Fahrenheit. Low, 66 degrees Fahrenheit. UV index 1 of 10. Next 36 hours, 76 degrees Fahrenheit. UV index 1 of 10. Next 36 hours.
Starting point is 00:50:27 76 degrees Fahrenheit. 100% chance thunderstorms. Cloudy early. Then thunderstorms. Developing afternoon. High 76 Fahrenheit. Winds south-southwest at 15 to 25 miles per hour. Chance of rain 100%.
Starting point is 00:50:44 Thunderstorms could reach 40 miles per hour. Thunderstorms. Thanks, Wappy. All right, and now let's head over to sports. Sports. It's the sports desk. We've got crazy stuff going on. Go Pens.
Starting point is 00:51:02 Go Pens. Go Pens. We got hockey. We got the Pens have defeated the Pittsburgh, what do you call them, Pennsylvania, Philadelphia. The Pittsburgh Penguins have defeated the Philadelphia Flyers, is what you mean. The Peas beat the Peas.
Starting point is 00:51:19 The Peas beat the Peas. Also, the Vegas Golden Knights swept the LA Kings 4-0. You know what? I'm thrilled and shocked by that. But also, it's hilarious that the two places on planet Earth that have the least likelihood of ever having ice for hockey are playing each other in hockey. It's very true.
Starting point is 00:51:44 And what's even crazier is that Vegas, this is their first year. This was every team had to be like, hey, here's a couple guys we don't really care about. You can have them. And now they're like one of the best teams in hockey. You know what that is? Vegas. It's the power of Las Vegas. That's the power of Vegas.
Starting point is 00:52:02 That's the power of Vegas, baby. My friend Nick's in Vegas. He goes to every game now. He loves it. I can't wait to go back. Vegas is one of those places where when you go, it's like the best until you get overwhelmed by it. You're like, oh no.
Starting point is 00:52:16 I'll never leave. And then you have to pull yourself away or you'll end up broken a weekend. You're like, I don't love it here. No. Boston's up 3-1 on the Maple Leafs. So Toronto on life support.
Starting point is 00:52:33 Winnipeg beat Minnesota 4-1. And that series, Tampa Bay beat New Jersey 4-1. Boston's up 3... Oh wait, Boston's up 3-2 now. So it looks like they play today. So if Toronto can win this one, they can tie it up and go to Game 7. That'd be kind of crazy.
Starting point is 00:52:51 Love a good Game 7. Nashville won against Colorado. So Nashville moves on. And it looks like Washington is up 3-2 on the Blue Jackets in that series. But Washington always chokes in the playoffs. And then San Jose swept the Ducks. So, down go the Ducks. Yeah, Sharks take on the Ducks. The end. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:13 The Sharks take on the Golden Knights. Because they both swept their things. Oh, I meant the Sharks took on the Ducks. I'm sorry. Yeah, it's alright. And then, kick it over to the NBA. We've got some crazy stuff in the NBA. Houston is up 2-1 on Minnesota.
Starting point is 00:53:31 I kind of want Minnesota to win because they haven't made the playoffs in the NBA in like 15 years. So, it was their first time back in a long time. Then Utah is up on Oklahoma. OKC. Milwaukee tied it up with Boston in that series, 2-2. Go Milwaukee. I want them to beat Boston. I don't like Boston.
Starting point is 00:53:52 Golden State up 3-1 on the Spurs. Toronto, Washington tied it 2. Indiana, Cleveland tied it 2. The Battle of Indiana, Ohio, most exciting. Philly. Philly's up on Miami 3-1. Normally I wouldn't like Philly, but I hate Miami as well. And then the Pelicans swept the Portland Trailblazers 4-0 in that series. Mamma mia.
Starting point is 00:54:18 And then, let's not forget about the crazy thing happening this week. The NFL draft. You are all about draft. You are all about draft. You're all about draft day. This is one of my favorite days. I love the NFL draft. It's my favorite draft to watch. I'm going to be live streaming it with Sinvicta,
Starting point is 00:54:35 the first round at least. We're just going to be watching the ESPN ticker thing and talking and discussing football. It's going to be great. I've got my mock draft kind of set, ready to go. I'm hoping the Packers get a corner. Hoping to get Denzel Ward. Hoping he falls.
Starting point is 00:54:53 They just need secondary help, essentially. I want to see what the Browns do. I want to see the dumb trades some team's going to do. Someone like the Browns or the Jets or the Giants or somebody's going to the Giants. They're going to mess it up.
Starting point is 00:55:07 They're like trade away their pick for something stupid. They're going to waste their pick on like a quarterback. That's really bad when they could have taken a different one. It's going to be great. I'm ready. So that's happening Thursday at I believe seven o'clock Central Time, 8 Eastern, 5 Pacific. Okay, the draft is happening. That's big. That's a big day for Buffalo Wild Wings.
Starting point is 00:55:30 It's very big for Buffalo Wild Wings. That's a big day for Buffalo Wild Wings. Buffalo Wild Wings is like, I don't know. It's one of those places where I feel it's I don't think it's that good but everybody likes to go there because they just got sports on and they're like hey they have like 12 million tvs
Starting point is 00:55:53 and wings yeah the thing is like about it the wings it's like if you get like boneless wings it's like eight thousand percent breading and then like a big piece of like why would you know boneless don't get boneless wings you got some real wings or well i get or boneless on boneless day because we'd go there and they'd be like it's boneless day it's like all right you get the boneless day but otherwise i get the weight the the bone in because it's you know real meat really at buffalo wild wings what i would get would be the uh chicken sandwich the grilled chicken sandwich hot sauce, or extra hot, whatever the hot, like
Starting point is 00:56:27 not the atomic, whatever the one under that was. And then, those potato wedges. Oh my god. Those things are so good. Oh, the potato wedges are great. You know what you do? You get potato wedges, and you get the chipotle dry rub on them. Oh my god. It's so good. It's delicious.
Starting point is 00:56:42 I can do that at Buffalo Wild Wings. But, like, nah, some of the stuff there is like, get our Buffalo Wild Wing nachos. I'm like, why would I do that? Buffalo Wild Wing nachos. Nachos? Why would I do that? Yeah, that's, well, I mean, they're nachos. I mean, yeah, but they're for wings.
Starting point is 00:57:03 That's true. Well, you didn't get wings. You got a chicken sandwich. You know what? Don't tell me what I'm doing wrong. And you gotta get the mango habanero. That's like the best thing they got. The mango hab. I'm literally on their website right now looking up sauces.
Starting point is 00:57:18 Mango habanero is their best one. They have a barbecue honey bourbon mustard. That's too many things in a sauce. Crimson Crush? What the hell is that? Crimson Crush? Crimson Crush?
Starting point is 00:57:31 Crimson Crush. Citrus sauce that boasts a bold flavor. Oh, it's sort of like a Thai sauce. No, because they have something called Asian Zing. What the hell? I either get Mango Habanero. Mango Habanero or Wild is what I usually get. I usually get that or like Honey Barbecue.
Starting point is 00:57:52 Or Hot Barbecue or Caribbean Jerk. Or Hot Barbecue. Caribbean Jerk's good too. Depends on what I'm feeling. Yeah. Blazin is what their atomic is. Who would even go to Buffalo Wild Wings? Blazin is like wishing death
Starting point is 00:58:05 on your best friend. It's not okay. Here's the thing. I've tried Blazin. Mango Habanero I think is hotter. Mango Habanero is good
Starting point is 00:58:13 but Blazin the problem with Blazin is it isn't like woo that's so hot it's like it hurts my stomach to eat it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:21 I don't want that. It's an unpleasant sensation that I don't want. I like Mango Habanero because it gets your sinuses going. You know, you're like, whew, it's burning my mouth. And it still tastes good. And it's a nice all around. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:58:35 They have like, you can buy things on their website. One of them is salt and vinegar dry seasoning bottle. Salt and vinegar dry seasoning? This is another one of those things where it's like, I'm not going to buy Buffalo Wild Wings and then take it home for like, I got to put my sauce on my chicken I bought from the store. But salt and vinegar dry, like what is the purpose of it? I don't know. What would you, chips? I mean, I guess, why would you put salt and vinegar on food other than chips?
Starting point is 00:59:09 I don't know. I don't really like salt and vinegar chips either. So, I mean, you're asking the wrong person. You know what? I've come to love them. I used to hate them,
Starting point is 00:59:17 but now I've come to appreciate them because I, over the years, I formed sort of like a Primanti brothers kind of style. When I eat my sandwiches where I always put the chips or the fries or whatever on the thing. Oh, man, it's so good. So I was doing like hot chips on sandwiches for a while, and that was pretty great. But then I discovered that like that whole salt and vinegar flavor on a sandwich is like way good. Oh, man, it's so good. Huh.
Starting point is 00:59:47 So, yeah, I'm in that zone right now. Interesting. I know. I'm aware. That's sports. And what is our big new story of the day? Fajita heist. Texas man sentenced to 50 years for stealing 1.2 million dollars worth of food
Starting point is 01:00:08 what how how is this possible he pled guilty to stealing more than 1.2 million in fajitas while acting as a public servant what why the specific theft why all right there's more to this that is such a like leading title a texas man who pled guilty to stealing more than 1.2 million in fajitas specifically fajitas gilberto escamilla 53 was employed at the daryl b hester juvenile detention center in san benito tex, when it was discovered that he had been placing orders for fajitas using county funds and then selling them for his own profits since December 2008.
Starting point is 01:00:53 What? Wait, what? Wait, what? So he's, like, running some big scheme. Like some sort of fajita scheme? Yeah, fajita scheme. Okay, so he's... This is insane. He placed the orders for fajitas using? Yeah, fajita scheme. This is insane. He placed the orders for fajitas using the county funds, and then
Starting point is 01:01:10 he'd sell them. Got the fajitas. Are we talking about the whole meat and onions and peppers and all of that? Here's my question. Why would anyone buy bootleg fajitas from this guy when you could literally go get meat and peppers and onions and make better fajitas than what the detention center at San Benito, Texas could provide?
Starting point is 01:01:33 Yeah, who's he selling these to? Just like random people? And he was doing this for almost 10 years. Yeah, like 10. He made over a million dollars. He made over a million dollars. With a maximum fine of $10,000 on top of the $1.2 million he was ordered to pay back at the cost of the fajitas? That doesn't... Oh my god.
Starting point is 01:01:54 According to the Brownsville Herald, Escamilla's scheme unraveled late August after a delivery driver with Labatt Food Service phoned the detention center to give kitchen employees a heads up that an 800 pound delivery of fajitas had arrived. How was he moving these fajitas? I don't know. What was he doing? Are you telling me they were delivering 800 pounds of fajitas to this place and then he was somehow moving 800 pounds of food
Starting point is 01:02:19 out of the detention center to somewhere to sell it? How? How? How is this possible? I thought the delivery had to be suspicious as minors at the detention center are not served fajitas. However, the delivery driver insisted they had been delivering fajitas to the detention center's kitchen for the past nine years.
Starting point is 01:02:48 After being fired and arrested, Escamilla's house was searched by police who found packages of the fajitas in his refrigerator. It was selfish. It started small and got bigger and out of control, Escamilla said during his testimony. Got to the point where I couldn't control it
Starting point is 01:03:04 anymore. Are you telling me that this guy started, you know, you know, you know what this was. This guy started small, just taking fajitas because he could order them. He was like, oh, it's fajitas. I love fajitas. And he was sitting at home making fajitas. And then probably a friend came over and was like, oh, my God, fajitas. These are delicious.
Starting point is 01:03:23 He's like, yeah, they come from my work. And he's like, oh, those are work fajitas? He's like, yeah, yeah, they're, you know, detention center fajitas. And then probably a friend came over and was like, oh my God, fajitas. These are delicious. He's like, yeah, they come from my work. And he's like, oh, those are work fajitas? He's like, yeah, yeah. They're, you know, detention center fajitas. He's like, man, you got to hook me up with them. There's some good fajitas. And he's like, sure, dude, I'll hook you up. And he got extra fajitas. And then his friend told a friend and then now he has all these people and they're like, yo, dude, I'll pay you like 20 bucks for fajitas. He's like, wow. Okay, sure. And now next thing you know, he's the kingpin of fajitas, but it's over his head now. He got in too deep, and this is the problem with crimes.
Starting point is 01:03:52 People always do this. They always get in too deep. No one stays small. No one stays small time. They're all just like, oh, Dan, it's just like drugs. This guy's just like a drug addict. He's a drug addict, except he's a fajita addict. And he's going to jail for a long time a long time yeah very long time uh because he stole more than
Starting point is 01:04:11 two hundred thousand dollars worth of goods texas law considers the crime to be first degree felony and allows for sentencing up to 99 years 99 years man man. 99 years for fajita stealing. You know what? I'm going to say it. He deserves it. Yeah. He deserves it. Those poor inmates deserve those fajitas, and he took them.
Starting point is 01:04:38 He took them from them. He took their fajitas. He sold them for a higher price than they were even worth. Took their fajitas. He sold them for a higher price than they were even worth. I'm still trying to get over the fact that someone out there paid, like, excess for fajitas. Yeah. Like, was he selling them to the inmates or something?
Starting point is 01:05:00 No, I don't think, because they found them in his house. Maybe he was. It doesn't make sense, though. Inmates aren't going to have the kind of money for fajitas. Fajita money, that's... You gotta be rich. Who's buying them? You gotta be rich. I want to know who's buying these fajitas. There's so much to this story. We don't know. Who bought these fajitas? Who was the fajita
Starting point is 01:05:15 buyers? Was he selling to kids on the streets? Did he have, like, kids on the corner, like, yo, man, you want this fajitas? I got fajitas. I got steak. I got chicken. You want carnitas? I got that too, man. I want to know. I want to know.
Starting point is 01:05:32 I have no clue how this happened, but I need answers. We need answers and we need them now. It's my money and I need it now. This is an NBC News story. I demand updates. I demand updates on this story. I demand updates. I demand updates on this story.
Starting point is 01:05:47 I demand updates. All right. Well, that is it for us. Thank you so much for listening or watching or whatever you're doing with us right now. Don't let us know. It could be creepy. It could. But be sure to take time to go and give us a five-star rating on iTunes or let us know where you think this podcast should be put on next.
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