Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 194- Did I Do Thaaaaat?
Episode Date: April 30, 2019The boys are back and this time they've brought with them the tale of Jesse's trip to San Francisco! Crendor talks to a man in a sauna, Ozy and Newport Richie are back, as well as way too many people ...offering us weed. All this and more nonsense on this episode Cox n' Crendor! Robinhood is giving listeners a free stock at http://crendor.robinhood.com Get 25% off a Calm Premium subscription at http://calm.com/cox
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Hello, everybody. it's time for constant
trend dog in the morning
Wake your ass up, it's Cocks and Crandor in the morning!
Hello everybody, it's time for an exciting episode of Cocks and Crandor in the morning!
Hey everybody, it's time for another exciting episode of Cocks and Crandor in the morning.
That's what I said.
Yes, I repeated it. Oh, in case someone missed it the first time
Well, you said it at the start of every episode
Sometimes I feel like people might just
Oh, we can start over? No, we can start, you can do it, you can do it
Hello everyone, welcome to another exciting episode of Cogsgrindor in the morning
That's why I do it
Well, I'm Cogsgrindor in the morning. That's why I do it.
It's Kax Grindor in the morning.
The Kran Kax Show.
Yeah, hello.
Hi.
How are you this fine day?
Doing all right.
It's not snowing.
It was yesterday, so that wasn't fun.
What?
But that was the 27th of April.
Yeah, I think it's the latest they said we've gotten snow.
Or like that much snow.
We've gotten like, you know, little bits of snow, but not like two inches, three inches of snow.
But it legit like melted today.
It's all gone.
Because now it's like 50 something degrees outside.
That's like my face.
My face legit melted.
I went to San Francisco for one day this week.
One day?
Yeah, I flew up in the morning and then flew back the next morning.
And I was literally there and had like a great meal.
Did a whole thing.
But spent most of the day walking around.
And I forgot, no matter how much sunscreen I put on, I still burn.
And so I got back to the hotel and I looked like I'd eaten a bunch of chicken wings.
I was so red.
I was so red.
And whenever I burn, you know how some people when they burn, it takes like a few days and their skin starts peeling, right?
That just sounds like a medieval, like, you know how some people burn?
We put them at the stake.
You know, like, fire, hellfire, this burning desire inside of me.
Yeah, so I, unlike most people, it takes a few days and their skin starts to peel or they put a lot of lotion or whatever.
Yeah.
It doesn't – I am like a snake.
There is like a thick layer of skin that just in hours, literally in hours, just is like, bye, Jesse.
I'm like, what?
Oh, I have no time to heal.
Yeah.
My Irish blood is like, man, you really effed up your skin.
Let's get rid of that.
I'm like, man, you really effed up your skin. Let's get rid of that. I'm like, thank you.
It's my one kind of X-Men superpower.
Where if I burn, my skin, like, recovers very quickly.
Which I guess is good.
Maybe that means that deep down inside I'm supposed to, like, tan.
Right?
Maybe.
Maybe I'm supposed to have a tanning power.
And so my.
Exfoliate.
Well, I do.
Look, I exfoliate a lot.
Oh, my God.
I bought this soapap for my bathroom
That is like oh it has like
Dragon glass in it or something
I don't know it's great
It's great it protects my skin
And from white walkers it's very nice
Oh god
Oh
This weekend's too emotional
Um yeah
So I'm very I'm very excited About the fact that my skin looks really weird now.
My face, I have a lot of lotion on the top of my forehead because it looks like it's just awful.
Oh, I'm such a mess.
I need to be out in the sun more, I think, instead of playing games.
Probably.
I think we all need more sun.
Like vitamin D, right?
That's the one.
Everyone's like, I need vitamin D.
I'll give you vitamin D.
You probably won't, though.
No, no, no.
This weekend.
Yeah.
I was in the sauna. There's some guy in there he's like 58 years
old you might say how do you know he's 58 well he told me uh right of course he's like yeah
it's all those things you're just like sitting there just being like hey it's nice in here it's
hot and he's just like yeah yeah you know yeah it's like nobody else is in there you're just like uh i think he uh i guess
he just wants to talk so i'm like uh yeah he's like yeah i can't believe it's gonna snow
and luckily i'm going to seattle first thing i'm doing i get there buying weed I was like right on man oh my god never mind I I just remembered a
story that I need to tell you I don't know why I forgot this but please continue yours my brain
just exploded all right please go on uh so then this guy just proceeded to like rant about living
here and he's like I get I don't want to here in Chicago, but I got family here. I got friends here. You can't just get up and move. I want to go to Florida, Arizona.
I'll go to Seattle. I'll get baked all the time. I was like, yeah. And he's like, luckily,
they're going to make it legal here soon anyway, so I can give a shit. I got one of those vape
pens. You don't smell up the house and shit. i ask you a question besides the age of 58 physically describe this man to me because the voice you're giving him
prime meatball so i need to know he looked what he looks like he could have been a former meatball
but his skin was kind of sagging which showed like i think he lost a lot of weight uh he had a tattoo
around his like bicep one of those like uh thorn crowns he had that wrapped
around his bicep and he's like yeah yeah i got a lot of friends alcoholics and shit but like weed
that shit you know you know that's it's way better man way better you know i still get wasted every
once in a while but like come on you know and i said probably like 10 words uh i was just like yep
right i just wanted someone to listen to what he had to say that's so sweet of you i didn't mind And I said probably like 10 words. I was just like, yep. Right on.
You just wanted someone to listen to what he had to say.
That's so sweet of you.
I didn't mind because I knew I could bring it up on this podcast.
So it was story material.
I'm like, hey, keep talking.
He's just like, yeah, you know.
Hernia.
Got a hernia down here.
And I'm like, yeah, I got my gallbladder out.
He's like, yeah, I do that laparoscopic shit now shit now man they just cut like two or three little holes to go in like man like i got it from lifting but
you know uh like it's not too bad it's just i don't know oh my heart breaks because he has the
saggy skin of like a dude who lifted and got huge muscles and then stopped yeah well i mean he's at
the gym now again.
So, I mean, he didn't stop technically.
Still there.
Yeah.
He's just like old weightlifter.
Old weightlifters are like, I feel for them because they did have a prime.
Like they did at one point have a prime.
That is true.
And then it just, you know, age.
Age got them and now they're like, yeah, those muscles are now, you know,
hanging down low.
Yeah. So, he just had his little rant and I was like, hey, good talking are now, you know, hanging down low. Yeah, so he just had his little rant.
And I was like, hey, good talking to you, man.
He was like, yeah, you too.
And then, yeah, we went our ways.
But I got my story.
I mean, that was a good one.
Yeah.
What's your story?
Okay, you're probably going to say to yourself, Jesse, how did you forget this story?
Because it's amazing.
Yes.
It was the story I was trying to think of before we started this podcast so i was like i remember there's
something i want to tell you okay while we're in uh san francisco we went out to dinner we did this
whole thing we get a lift back to the hotel. The guy who picks us up.
I am going to say 60-year-old bald guy with a handlebar mustache.
And as soon as we get in the car, he says, and let me see if I can remember this correctly.
He says, Country, Disney, Showtunes, or Monty Python.
And we were like, what?
He's like, well, what do you want to hear? Country, Disney, Showtunes, or Monty Python. And we were like, what? He's like, well, what do you want to hear?
Country, Disney, show tunes, or Monty Python.
And we look at each other and we're like, it doesn't matter to us.
Any of those sounds great.
And at the point in time, I was just like, oh, my God, here we go.
This is a story for God's incredible.
And instead of putting his finger on the radio, he goes, oh, thank God. Usually people are
like, I need that hip hop.
Well, this is not what this service
is about. This is about
driving and a show.
And he
proceeds
to sing
the entire
ride.
Oh, no.
He sang show tunes.
He sang country.
He sang Disney.
He sang A Whole New World to us.
He did Monty Python.
He literally, we kept asking him to do more, and he kept doing it.
And to the point where he kept interjecting with things like uh yeah you know i tried out to
be on the voice and they said i was too old for the demographic they were looking for but my voice
was great so you know and i he just kept going on and on and then every time he'd sing i tried to
have him switch up i'd be like okay country and he just keeps singing the song he was at and after
he's like i do one at a time sir sir. And I was like, whoa, okay.
And so the entire car ride was him just being like, I'm trying to, let me see if I can give you an imitation of how he sang.
Because he was like, a whole new world.
Like that.
He had this weird nasally bit at the end of everything he sang.
And so it was incredible The entire ride
To the point where it felt
It was a 13 minute ride
It felt like 13 hours
It was so awkward
And he kept saying that how
He liked that we were there with him
And giving him the chance to sing because most people don't.
Most people get really annoyed when he tries to sing, and it's like they don't know how to have fun.
He's like, one time I was in the car, and there were a bunch of the gays in the back.
And when I said show tunes, they said, sure.
And I tried to sing, and they were like, don't quit your day job.
He's basically like, everyone's a critic.
He had these one guys, he said
these guys
from Israel were in his cab
and they didn't like any of the
song choices that he had so that
he, or at his lift,
they're in his lift, sorry. I don't want to give a bad name to
cabbies.
And so
they said to him
we don't like your music.
Can you put on something else?
And he started putting on music like, we don't like any of this.
Do you have anything from Israel?
And the guy was like, why would I have anything from Israel?
That's racist.
And I was like, what?
What?
What?
It was incredible.
He's like, you know, whenever I get the gays in the cab i think they're gonna have fun but
they never like my singing and i was like oh boy oh boy so you knew so you knew you're right
oh yeah we just kept looking over each other like oh my god who is this guy and he would just sing
and then he would pick songs like when you say okay, okay, sing Monty Python. Right. He wouldn't pick a Monty Python song that you think you would know.
Right?
There was no, like, always look on the bright side of life or whatever.
None of that.
It was literally just, like, a random song that he liked that no one knew the lyrics to.
When he sang a Disney, we're like, okay, do another Disney song.
He's like, you only know a whole new world. He's like, you only know a whole new world.
I was like, you only know a whole new world out of all the Disney songs?
That's it?
He's like, but I know a lot of country.
And we're like, okay.
And then the country songs he sang were not like, I'm going to take my horse to the...
No, it's literally just like, I miss my girl.
My girl.
It was the longest ride I've ever been in.
Ever.
Yeah, that sounds awful.
Here's the thing.
He wasn't a bad singer, but he wasn't a great singer.
It would be like if I said to people, hey, get in my car.
I'm going to take you for a ride, but only sing to them.
Right?
I know I don't suck, but I also know I would never want to listen to me.
I never want to sit there for hours listening to me.
And that's what it felt like.
It was like, yeah, okay, this is cute, but now we're pandering to him. And I just feel bad because we're just telling him to sing more only so that we can hear whatever the hell is going to come out of his mouth next.
So he can make fun of it on a podcast.
It was crazy how I forgot that story.
Oh, my God.
And he kept, we got to the hotel.
He passed it.
And he was like in the middle of a song.
He was like, oh, crap.
I passed the hotel.
Hold on.
And he started going down one way street.
So it took another six minutes.
I know it's six minutes because I looked at the clock.
It took another six minutes to get back.
Just enough time for two more songs.
And because it was Lyft and not
a cab, we already
like it was already paid for, right? Yeah.
So there was no additional charges
so we were just trapped in there with him.
He just wanted to sing and he finally
found some people who wanted to listen.
Yeah, he found people
that actually cared.
And, you know, we weren't racist or the gays, so it was fine, I guess.
I don't know.
Finally.
It's just the fact that, like, you would only, you would offer all those options and then only know, like, one song.
Like, how about Disney?
Like, got a whole new world.
It's like, all right, what else?
Well, that's it.
That's what I'm saying.
I was like, I started singing to him.
I was like, you don't know like,
Well, the barber had them 40 thieves.
And the guy was like, nope, don't know that one.
I was like, it's from the same movie.
It's literally before the whole new world in the movie.
I can't believe he didn't make it on The Voice.
Unbelievable.
Yeah, I don't know.
But it was incredible.
Oh, and this is what triggered me remembering this story.
As we get out, I get out the car, turn back and say, hey, thanks.
That was a lot of fun.
And the guy goes, yo, you want some pot?
I was like, what?
He's like, hey, thanks. That was a lot of fun. And the guy goes, yo, you want some pot? I was like, what? He's like, yeah, yeah, I own a medical dispensary.
You want some pot?
And I was like, no, man, I'm good.
He's like, okay.
That's actually the least surprising thing I think he said.
As we're leaving, as we're getting out,
he just looks at me dead in the face like,
yo, man, you want some pot? Like, I can't.
I just.
What a city.
San Francisco, what a city.
What a city.
Oh, my.
Earlier in the day, we were walking around and we went to one of the piers, which is like a big market.
And I think you would have loved that place.
It was all different food stalls and
stuff and all of it was very like you know san franciscan hordy hordy hordy hordy hordy
it was very upscale food and a lot of it was great but we were walking past this one um
like booth this vendor booth and there was a girl who looked like she came out of the 1920s.
Like she just, the way she was dressed,
it looked like how your grandmother in winter
would probably dress, right?
Like it was just very bizarre.
The harsh weathers are rolling in.
Yes, exactly like that.
But she looked very cute.
And so as I walked by, I did like, you know,
a very nice smile and nod like,
ooh, I'm kind of attracted to you.
Right.
And the look she gave me was a look I've – I like to think I've been shot down by quite a few women in my day.
I've never seen this.
This look was just like, oh, Taurus.
Whatever look it was, It was almost an eye roll
Almost
And I was like whoa
So on the way back I had to point around
I was like yeah that's the girl who broke my heart
Right there
I've never seen that look before
It was so funny
I was like whoa okay cool
So that's what I did
That's quite a day
And that all happened in one day.
And you flew in and out.
You know, it's crazy when the flights weren't the craziest part.
No, the flights were great.
It was an 8.30 a.m. flight, and I went to bed.
And then it was an 11 flight, and I went to bed.
It was great.
It was an hour flight.
And I just slept.
It was fantastic.
That's my superpower.
My superpower is quickly shedding skin and falling asleep on planes.
Wow.
I'm like, I am an X-Man.
I'm great.
That is a superpower.
Because I can't fall asleep on planes.
I can't fall asleep anywhere but my bed or a a hotel bed or like even then i like struggle
is that an anxiety thing you think it probably is yeah because i've had that a long time i often
think about people who can't sleep on planes and what they must be thinking right like because
is it the thought that you're not in control of the flight or that you're up in the sky or that you're in a big tube hurtling through the atmosphere?
I can't figure out what the reasoning is.
But for me, I think once you teach in the inner city, I feel like you wake up every day like, well, today's the day I could die.
You no longer care?
Yeah.
And I just like, I guess I just, there are are moments in my life flying is one of them where
i'm like if i die today on this plane i die today on this plane could you fall asleep like before
you taught in the inner city though like if you were like i don't i don't remember i think like
maybe i don't remember i i never flew that much before right i mostly drove places and so i don't remember. I never flew that much before, right? I mostly drove places.
And so I don't quite remember.
But I do know that there were certain points while teaching where students literally threatened me with violence.
Where I was just like, man, I don't even have the strength to deal with you today.
Like, do it and get it over with or go sit your ass back.
Like, there was a literal moment where I, like, pulled off my – a guy was, like, threatening to, like, bash me with a bottle.
And I took my glasses off and was like, just get it over with so I can get back to teaching because I got shit to do.
I was like, stop – yeah, I think there's – and also I think it equates to the idea of when you see –
like, when you grow up in a very, I'm gonna say affluent white neighborhood,
and then you go to the inner city,
you see people that are like really struggling,
and you understand like,
oh, my problems weren't nearly as bad, right?
I think there's like layers to me as a person now
where I'm just like, yeah, I'm good.
I've lived a pretty great life, so I'm okay.
I'm doing all right i would say my anxiety stems just from like
uh i just get generalized anxiety it's like if i'm trying to fall asleep for example and then
you're like uh i don't know in a hotel or something and you haven't slept that much already my brain
will just loop over and over like you gotta sleep you gotta fall asleep if you don't sleep you're
gonna feel awful tomorrow and then you have to sleep during the day you can't sleep
during the day because you gotta go do stuff and i'm like well i gotta sleep but i can't sleep
because i'm thinking about sleep so it just like loops over and over and it's like oh you're gonna
are you even gonna ever sleep again you're gonna die because you're not gonna sleep and i'm just
like oh god oh god and it just like loops over and over that's why i need z-quil when i uh go
i was about to say you you should probably take drugs.
Drugs are probably the answer for you.
That's the secret.
When I go places now, I buy Z-Quil, bam, out.
I'm a liar, actually.
I do have anxiety, but only with sharks.
For some reason, if I'm in a pool, I've said this before,
I will think of a million ways in which a shark could get me.
In a pool.
In a pool. You put me in a pool in a pool
you put me in the ocean it is all i hear is bonon bonon so i mean i get it i get anxiety and stuff
but also both it and i are crazy because of it well i heard a lot of that stems from like
ancestry like sometimes your ancestry is like maybe like you had a great great great great
great ancestor like fought sharks or like did shark stuff or died to a shark.
You don't know.
And it's just in your genes.
But I loved, when I was young, I loved sharks.
So what happened in my life where I was like,
ain't getting eaten by one of them motherfuckers?
I don't know.
That is weird.
Maybe it's a video game thing.
Maybe you play a game and it triggered it.
You just forgot.
Well, I don't like being attacked in games.
I don't like when things attack me.
When I'm having a fun day, walking around, and then something assaults me.
Not a fan.
Not a fan of that.
Oh my god, I've been going back and playing a bunch of these old games.
Like, I played Yoshi's Story.
Remember that one?
Great game, by the way great game that was
a great game it was actually a really fast game and i forgot because it's like you can beat it
but then you got to go play through the other levels of the game uh because you can all you
got to do is collect fruit but that's not like the most ideal way so i was like wow i forgot all
about this game and people were like you gotta play uh yoshi's island instead and i was like
is that the one with baby mario screaming and
they're like yeah and i was like oh i'm not playing that because that's the one where the
yoshis are like and then they do like
well apparently yoshi story is like the easy version of yoshi's island essentially that's
like what one of the reasons they made it but like yoshi's island i remember playing that as a kid
and just being terrible at it.
And then I was like, well, if I'm bad as a kid,
I'm going to be worse at it now.
Because I was actually like all right with games when I was a kid.
Probably got worse over time.
So I was like, ah.
It's like a parenting simulator, Yoshi's Island,
where you have to like watch that little asshole kid
and he's like floating around in bubbles.
And you're like, come on now.
Mm-hmm.
I don't know.
And then I remembered Looney
Toons Basketball for the Super
Nintendo. Shout out to
Looney Toons Basketball. I'm going to play that on
stream at some point because it deserves it.
Crendor. Yeah.
Mega Man Soccer.
Oh yeah, that's right. Mega Man Soccer.
Mega Man Soccer is one of the greatest
games ever. I remember renting it
from Blockbuster like 5,000 times,
and I never actually owned it, and it broke my heart.
I actually owned it.
Man, you could make it like super teams of like Cutsmen and Gutsmen and Slutsmen.
Yeah.
All the different men.
I got it at like one of those places just like would sell games.
It was like an off-brand game stop.
It was like some small shop in a mall or something. They were just like,
there's a sale on this Mega Man soccer.
And I was like, whoa. So I got it.
When I was like eight or something,
I was like, dude, this is amazing. I love Mega
Man. I love soccer. Right?
Right? That's exactly
my exact thoughts. It's like, I love Mega Man
and I love soccer. It's not
like the greatest game in the world, but it's
fun. It's super fun. Yeah, in the world, but it's fun. Like, it's super fun.
Yeah, it really is.
Yeah, we should...
I don't know if we could ever, like, fight each other in that.
I don't...
We'd have to hook our Game Boys up together in order to make it happen, I think.
I don't know.
I don't know how that's possible.
I don't know how it's possible either.
You'd have to...
You'd have to want...
You know what?
I think maybe we could do it if we were together in, say, August.
That's true.
I still have my old Super Nintendo.
If we were, like, in August at an event, let's say, in the middle of August in Chicago, I think we could do it.
I think so, yeah.
I think it'd be possible.
Yeah.
It'd be crazy if in a few weeks we announced something.
That'd be wild.
That'd be absolutely insane. That'd be wild. That'd be absolutely insane.
That'd be so crazy.
Yeah.
Oh my god.
And I was playing Mario Golf,
like the original
N64 one.
And that was
a lot harder than I thought it would be.
But I unlocked Yoshi, so I made it like a Yoshi night.
So that was fun.
That was the thing.
That's what I realized.
I had a big rant while playing that game of like,
I didn't have to pay for the Yoshi DLC.
Sure, sure.
I didn't have to unlock.
I had to earn that character.
I had to play against Yoshi.
And he was like, you're not going to get to play as me until you beat me and that was my my goal at that point i had to beat yoshi and i beat
him i unlocked him i felt good you know but nowadays they'd be like oh yeah yoshi you can
unlock him or you could buy the yoshi dlc which includes a yoshi themed egg and a yoshi pack of
various yoshi colors you can also be like no I earned it all
right now he's mine forever I don't know I had a big like that's kind of like me but with like
dirty games right like I so I'm gonna tell you so I went on itch.io uh in order to find games for
scary game squad because I was like you know there's a lot of great horror games that are out
there that are not like on Steam or whatever.
They're created by indie developers.
And I was like, I'm going to go in here and see what there is.
And so as I was scrolling through stuff, I found a game.
I don't remember the name of it.
But it was a game about being a detective.
In sort of like a noir setting.
And the graphics looked amazing.
And I was like, wow like look at the
characters they're like really well rendered this is so cool so i clicked on it and it was like oh
it's one of those free you know pay what you want but i was like i'm just gonna grab this um and
the game was started out like you're a detective and you have to solve this murder and this dude
like it's this huge thing but the more i keep playing the more i'm like something
about this game feels off like something about the crime solving something about the characters
oh wait a minute they're all prostitutes wait hold on what what and so then as time goes on
the game i was like something's not right here the plot line of this okay now this girl's asking
me out on a date did i just get put into a secret dating sim?
What's going on?
Something's happening.
Maybe 20 minutes in, full-fledged porno.
I was like, how does this always happen to me?
I was like, this is not what I wanted.
But now I'm in.
It's what I got.
It's what I got, and I'm in.
And I'm going to play it to the end.
Here's the thing.
There's murder and an assassination attempt.
And there's all sorts of crazy stuff happening.
There's a drug cartel and a slavery ring.
What the shit?
I know.
And then in between all of that, you have to romance 80 characters.
And I was like, I don't want to do this.
And the game is like, who do you really love? love it's like you don't love any of them just like are you sure
because she's waiting for you back at your place it's like i don't care i have a crime to solve
literally politicians are dead people are dying in the streets i don't have time and this girl's
like you've taken a real good care of me i wonder if i can take care of you i'm like no i have work
to do there are things that need to get done the game just wants you to go with the prostitute and
you keep rejecting the game it was a hard rejection of the game i was like i don't want to play by
your rules i'm trying needless to say i got a really good ending i saw i i took the governor down
i uh like oh yeah i there was an evil like um crazy bad lady who was like a sexy villain who
had a sniper rifle was like killing people i took her down it gave you the choice whether you wanted
to kill her or not and i was like no and then i put her in jail and she was like i'll get my revenge
it was great her revenge was probably sending one of those girls at you she had chlamydia
she's gonna get you probably probably it was most of it was like options in dialogue
moments where it was just like do you flirt with her i'm like nope it's like she she asks you out
what do you do i'm like i go back to work. I've got shit to do.
We are literally in the middle of a crime spree.
People are dying.
I don't have time for this.
Like, you're very nice, but I don't.
Weren't you supposed to make, like, a dating sim game?
That's my dream.
That's my dream, but I don't want it to.
You know what?
I hate dating sim games.
Like, as a person who, for some reason reason plays them with a frequency that is gross, I hate them.
I don't like just sitting there and being like, read, read, read, read, read, choice.
Read, read, read, read, read, choice.
I don't like that.
I think that sucks.
So I would like to do something else.
A great example of a dating sim I guess
it's not a dating sim a visual novel is
a fancy way of saying dating sim all
right it's like how people you could be
like a retail person at Best Buy and
they'd be like I'm a sales specialist
it's like no you're just a retail person
well I don't know how to call this
because it's not the the visual novel
the letter it's not the the visual novel the letter
it's not a dating sim per se but it's a horror game and you have like qte's in it and the choices
you make affect whether your characters live or die now that's cool and that's incredible and i
love that stuff so i think i have just like i have a very low tolerance of of games that are
you know kind of the uh mass effecty way of doing romance in games.
Where it's like, if you pick the right choices, you'll get to see a boobie.
I think that's really dumb and I hate doing stuff like that.
No boobie for you today.
Yeah, right?
I want a little more meat in my games.
I think a lot of those are just written really bad.
It's almost like fanfic stuff, right?
When I was playing them with Dodger, seeing Dodger play a lot, a lot of those are just written really bad. It's almost like fanfic stuff, right?
Like that, when I was playing them with Dodger,
like seeing Dodger play a lot, a lot of them are just like,
Koichi-san walks over to the thing.
They pick up a cup and look at it.
The cup is very promising in what it looks like, but what could that be?
It is white with green on it, looking like a Starbucks cup, but not from Starbucks.
It is different. Like, they just go into detail. just go into details like dude we don't need to know this
it doesn't matter it's like they're just
filling out shit from like a school paper
where they gotta fill the entire thing up with 500
words it's like that time that we
did that uh
sim where you go to Japan and it's
supposed to teach you about Japan
where you're just like we don't care
we don't care and We don't care.
And then you walk in on this girl naked in her room.
And you're like, wait, we're on a tour for Japan.
Why is this happening?
Why are we doing this?
I'm going to show you Japan.
She's like, oh, no, I do not have clothes.
I forgot them.
I was like, we were just going to go to Akihabara.
We weren't trying to get your clothes off.
We just wanted to see the sights. We just wanted to see the sights.
We just wanted to see the crazy shit.
Not this crazy shit.
Like dear god, that's like, I feel like that's just a lot of those games to boil down to.
Which is why we can change the genre.
I think we could, I think we could change the genre.
Now, there's gotta be a program that allows me to create my own dating sim, right?
Did you know that Monster Prom right now literally just added a mod feature?
Can I create my own dating sim in it?
You can not only create your own dating sim, you can create your own characters, your own storylines, your own scenes, whatever.
But is it based in the Monster Prom universe?
It's based in it in that you have the base mechanics of the game.
So you can set it as anything.
Like, you don't need to have monster.
You could have, like, humans.
But you'd have to draw your own humans.
But, yeah.
Okay.
I'll try it.
It's, like, there for you.
Okay.
You have to learn how to mod a game.
But, yeah, you could do it.
Dude, I know how to mod so many games.
You wouldn't even believe.
Are you going to make modding great again?
I hear your voice.
I will.
I used to make scenarios and custom games in RTS games.
I created a non-content RPG one-eighth of the way.
I do remember that.
Yeah, I do remember that.
I still got it. I think I was going to let you play it. It's remember that. It's still, I still got it.
I think I was going to let you play it.
It's very good.
It's got three levels.
Actually, it might be like two and a half.
Send it to me.
I need to play this.
I'll send it to you.
I want to play here.
I like how you probably still have it somewhere.
I do.
Just sitting there waiting to be released.
Honestly, I keep working on it if I want, but, but you know i've always really liked making stuff
like that but my problem is i like doing so many things that like i'm like i'm gonna try making
music and then i take like fl studio i get all this shit and i'm like wow this is difficult
okay i'm like i'm gonna try doing this and i'm like all right then i get into it and i'm like
nah this is bad and i'm like yeah it's bad but then i like hop back into it so at least like you know at least with videos i like
did that and streaming and stuff but all the other things i always just hop in and out of it but
they're like hobbies so it's like whatever garage band oh yeah garage band i i one time was on a bus
somewhere in europe no wi--Fi, no nothing.
So all I had was GarageBand.
And I was like, maybe I'll make the next great American song on GarageBand.
And I seem to recall that I made a song.
It isn't really.
I haven't heard this since.
So I don't know what this actually sounds like.
Oh, maybe I didn't heard this since so I don't know what this actually sounds like Oh maybe I didn't save it. Nevermind. I don't think I saved it. I seem to recall there was a song that was just like
It was like terrible. We tried to figure out how to use the guitar on
Yeah, it's like you realize like oh, yeah, I gotta know how to use the guitar on yeah it's like you realize like oh yeah i gotta know how to like
play music and like use these yeah i have to know notes and things and i have to know what
music like what instruments sound like what yeah it's uh a lot of things are just more challenging
once you try that's like people always say that to me with like youtube and streaming
they're like wow i tried doing it it's not as easy as it looks i'm like yeah all right what if what if i what if i and then we'll do we will add to this Some Not bass we will add a guitar
And we will add
Oh yeah alright and then record
Oh that's not shit
That is
That's worse than shit That's really bad it sounds like some kid just
picked up a guitar in the store and strummed it a few times with a metronome in the background
that's my entire aesthetic is is some kid strumming guitar with a metronome in the background
that's the new wave alternative my friend it'll probably be art in like 10 years
yeah someone's gonna find this podcast and be like my god he was a genius
i never thought of even doing this it's so avant-garde i never would have oh all right well i think i think we should do our do duty i think we should do our
duty uh well you know you probably listened to that music you probably thought to yourself
my god i am inspired and i am relieved that music this right here this song probably relaxed you
this song right here
probably relaxed you you probably heard that song and you were like my god i am relaxed well
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I haven't listened to it yet,
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And I imagine it's just the chillest ambient music
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Oh, yeah.
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I'll probably listen to that later when I'm trying to sleep.
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Alright, let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.. that's new chopper copter engine i installed uh i don't know how long it's gonna last because i don't know how to install chopper copter engines i watched a youtube video on it
and uh i don't know if i did it right but honestly it's probably all right uh so if you look at the
traffic looking pretty good you got the 408 50 602, and 705 all backed up.
You're going to have to watch it.
It is backed up really long, really fast.
I was going to say that.
It wouldn't even make sense.
But I would suggest just going back and listening to some of our old podcasts
as you're backed up out there or just, you know,
jamming out to some sick tunes on the garage band uh radio wave station
that would actually be kind of crazy if garage band had a radio station that played all of the
people's shitty music they made in garage band you'd be like wow why am i listening to this
which is you know that's probably why they don't have it uh back to you thanks krendor speaking of which what if i make drum noises oh
that's gonna take it to the next level yeah all right and then we'll add this and this and this
oh yeah and maracas and no we'll do that percussion two and go oh god, God. Oh, oh,
oh, yes.
It's too fast.
All right, we got to take it down.
We got to take everything down.
That sounds like the most
like old person
working out at the gym.
Oh, oh,
oh, yes. Oh, oh, oh, yes. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Yes.
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Yes. There we go.
Alright. Now work those quads.
Oh, alright. Here we go, here we go, here we go. And...
Ah!
That's not fast enough. We need to go faster.
Gotta go faster.
Crash the Party. Done.
What the hell?
That's too much.
That sounds like a Blink-182 song.
Oh, mixtape.
No, that sucks. What about Paper Hearts? out paper hearts still very bad it's still bad but it's getting there yeah you know we need some
oh you know what we need we know we're missing what i'm such a fool i'm such a fool oh krendor
what what are you missing? World instruments.
Oh, there it is.
Here we go.
All right.
Yes.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
This is going gonna be terrible.
It sounds like people tuning up
before an orchestra performance.
Oh boy, well, that sucks.
Anyway, I guess that's traffic.
Remind me never to bring that thing out again.
Let's go to the weather desk.
How's that weather?
It's the weather.
What's up?
What's up?
Welcome to the weather desk, people.
We're telling me I've been putting in too many numbers for the zip code.
You have.
You definitely have. I don't know why. I think I putting in too many numbers for the zip code. You have. You definitely have.
I don't know why.
I think I just got caught up in the whole number thing.
I was like...
Yeah, you were just trying to, you know, make it feel good for the viewers, listeners.
So, you know what?
We're going to take our time.
We're going to go 4, 4, 6, 3, 2.
There we go.
Hartville, Ohio. All go. Hartville, Ohio.
All right.
Hartville, Ohio.
52 degrees.
Feels like 49 degrees.
Pretty much what it is here.
Tonight, 36 degrees.
A few passing clouds with a low of 36.
Winds northeast at a time of 15 miles an hour.
You know what I realized?
Normally when you watch the news weather,
they always do the clickbait type thing.
They're like, well, you're going to have to stay tuned
to see what the future forecast will be.
And sure, that worked in 1998.
But I can just be like, oh, let's go look at my phone.
Oh, I see it.
Okay.
So, I mean, you don't
even have to listen to me do this weather, but this
is just, you know, goof weather.
Wait, where is this? Yeah, this is bullshit. What we're doing,
this is dumb. I don't even tell the weather
correctly half the time.
You didn't say what's ever on the page.
Hey, got him.
Monday, PM rain, cloudy with
occasional rain in the afternoon, high
64 degrees with winds southeast
10 15 miles an hour chance of rain yeah 90 you're gonna have a quarter of an inch of rainfall watch
out get the rain boots out uh for people that actually still wear rain boots do people wear
rain boots still actually i've seen some people wear rain boots but it's like a style. You mean galoshes? Do people wear galoshes? Mmm.
Galosh sounds like a funny word though.
Galosh. Alright. Oshkosh galosh.
Galosh. Oh yeah.
Galosh. Those things. I think my dad used to have those. Galosh.
I think I've seen some
people wearing that but it's like
Why is this mind
blowing to you? I donblowing to you i don't know
i don't know why it's uh i guess it's like this i can see people in florida or something wearing
it where it rains a lot but like for just casual rain like they're like oh bust out the galoshes
i don't know just seems like overkill like just walk around in the rain. Monday.
53 degrees at night.
Lots of thunder possible.
Watch out.
Get the galoshes.
Where is Hart?
Get the galoshes.
Hartville's by Canton.
That's where baseball Hall of Fame is, I think.
Or football.
It's one of those.
And then Youngstown.
Damn. A good old Youngstown wait
There's Cleveland wait Clea's by the water what yes, I never knew that you definitely did I did not I
Didn't know is on
Lake with listen you like lived in Ohio so you obviously know that that stuff you live
Literally on the same set of lakes.
No, I don't.
Well, there's like the Great Lakes are like five different lakes.
Yeah, and all the Great Lakes people know all the Great Lakes people.
It's a thing, Crandor.
It's not.
I only bond with Lake Michigan people.
The other lakes are loser lakes.
No, Great Lakes people.
I'm Googling it right now.
Great Lakes people?
Yes.
That's definitely not a thing. Great Lakes people. People in the Great Lakes people. I'm Googling it right now. Great Lakes people? Yes. That's definitely not a thing.
Great Lakes people.
People in the Great Lakes.
Great Lakes coastal resilience planning.
Great Lakes people.
Five great facts about the Great Lakes.
All right, you're right.
None of this is actually real.
Yeah, like...
I tried.
Like, they're Great Lakes, but ours is greater.
Lake Michigan's the best lake.
Lake Erie?
What about Lake Erie? It's not even as lake. Lake Erie? What about Lake Erie?
It's not even as big.
Lake Erie?
It's like a little wimpy lake over there filled with pollution.
Yeah, well, that's why you know that Cleveland's on it.
Like, you know, I don't know.
You probably don't even know where some of these other places are.
What?
What do you mean?
Like, you probably didn't know.
Let's see.
What do we got here?
Like, do you know where Green Bay is?
In Wisconsin? Yeah. Yeah. see. What do we got here? Like, do you know where Green Bay is? In Wisconsin?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, boy.
Where at?
It's on Lake Superior.
Am I right?
Superior?
I'm pretty sure you're wrong.
I don't know.
All right.
So no one cares about the Great Lakes, really.
So who gives a shit about the Great Lakes?
All right.
They aren't so great.
Yeah, it's not like Michigan.
Lake Superior is like Minnesota in Canada.
Wait, why does Wisconsin have Lake Michigan?
No, Lake Superior.
I was right.
No, it's not.
Oh, never mind.
Lake Superior is on the northern part of Wisconsin.
Close enough, man.
It touches.
It touches.
Lake Superior touches Wisconsin's top.
Lake Superior is, like, on the tip.
So, you know, just because Michigan's, like, around the shaft don't mean that Superior ain't involved.
Yeah, well, Lake Huron shares more of a bond with Lake Michigan than Lake Superior does.
Lake Huron is Canadian.
No one cares about that.
It's just Lake Superior.
No, no, no.
That's mostly on the American side.
Most of Lake Huron is Canadian.
Lake Superior is American.
Lake Ontario, definitely Canadian.
Lake Erie is half Canadian.
Lake Erie, that's American. Lake Erie is half Canadian. That's American.
Lake Erie is half Canadian.
Lake Michigan is the most American lake of the Great Lakes.
No, Lake Erie is named after an American place.
Lake Michigan sounds Canadian to me.
Lake Michigan has like vast majority of it in America.
All the other lakes share it with Canada.
Lake Superior is bigger.
Lake Superior is a bigger lake. Yeah, but it but it's a Canadian Lake still like that's right
by Wawa most of its in America like Michigan near Wisconsin and Michigan's
weird whatever the hell that thing is that's like not really part of Michigan
but kind of part of Michigan the UP yeah the Upper Peninsula you be that that
area that is definitely Wisconsin that Michigan stole.
That definitely should be part of Wisconsin.
That's all I'm saying.
That's all I'm saying is you knew Cleveland because you live there.
So you probably saw Cleveland on a thing when you look at Ohio thing.
I know all the Illinois places and some Wisconsin.
Even a little bit of Indiana because it's near where you live.
That's all I'm saying.
Sure.
Who cares about Cleveland
Sorry Cleveland
But Cleveland rocks
Yeah, true Kerry show yeah, we all remember we all remember the jury
We all remember the Drew Carey show I remember the Drew Carey show
Now he just does the places right
Yeah you know what
He looks great Drew Carey is looking the best he's ever looked
Now he really does look like Dilbert
Now he is Dilbert
Yeah he is Dilbert now
Before he was kind of like fat Dilbert
And now he's just Dilbert Dilbert
I feel like sitcoms
Like there were so many sitcoms
In the 90s.
Like why did they just blow up?
Because shows like Seinfeld, I would imagine.
Shows that were friends, things like that.
And so everyone was trying to find like a sitcom that fit what people would want to watch.
Because, you know, I guess not everyone's into Friends or Seinfeld.
So there were sitcoms for everyone.
And then at some point they became kind of like stale.
Yeah.
Because sitcom writing sucks and so then you end up with like two broke girls and they're like no no i don't have any
money for my high-rise new york manhattan apartment where we sell cupcakes what are we gonna do
i guess i'll just sleep with the owner
yeah so i watched home improvement tim allen that is quality that's quality show Yeah. So I watched Home Improvement.
Tim Allen.
That is quality.
That is a quality show.
That show sucked.
You sucked.
That show sucked.
It did not suck.
What was your favorite?
That show sucked.
What was your favorite?
That show was so bad.
It was great.
That show sucked.
You sucked.
I hated that show.
It is.
That show is the most that show is the most
bland
old white person show I've ever
seen in my life
it fits me perfectly
oh man even those little kids that were on that
show was like man these kids
suck Tim Allen
sucked the only person on that show that was any good was his partner.
You're just that douchey kid from Billy Madison where he's like, Donkey Kong sucks.
No way, Donkey Kong was great.
You suck.
It's a quality show.
What was your favorite sitcom then?
My, man, I don't know.
I don't remember what was on TV.
I know I hated things like Full House and all that crap.
I didn't really like those either.
Although, man, there was a part of me that loved Urkel.
I'm not even going to lie.
Urkel was great.
Family matters and quality.
I liked Urkel the more ridiculous they got with Family Matters, but he was like, he has a jetpack now.
It was hilarious.
Like, where'd you get that jetpack from?
He's like, did I do that?
He's like flying off.
He literally like crashes into their house.
He was like, sorry about your roof.
Did I do that?
They're just like, God damn it, Eric.
Dude, you're like 35 years old, Steve.
We just repaired the last shit you broke.
Now I've got to fix this.
Oh, I like Boy Meets World.
Boy Meets World was good.
Boy Meets World was, that was very, I think you had to be like age appropriate for that one.
If you were in your teens when that show came out it was like this is my show yeah yeah or i was like uh i was like slightly young
it was like like nine or ten so i was still like wow i'm gonna be that age soon like this is cool
uh and then oh yeah that's when i uh i was live streaming and then i saw girl meets world was
coming out and i was like guys it's gonna bring back the p, and I was like, guys, it's going to bring back Topanga.
And then I found her Twitter, and then people were tweeting at her, and they were like, hey, Krendor mentioned you.
And then she's like, I don't know who you are, but can you stop your fans from harassing me?
No way.
Yeah.
Topanga got mad at you?
Topanga got mad at me.
And I was like, dude, I just livestream.
I can't control this. I told him not me. And I was like, dude, I just live stream. I can't control this.
I told him not to.
And she was like, oh, okay.
That was like seven years ago.
Well, that show wasn't very good, so it's fine.
Yeah, it's fine.
Take that, Topanga.
Topanga, we were trying to help your ass out.
We were trying to help you.
I was trying to say, you're great.
And she's just like, meh.
Everybody loves Raymond. That's like the staple.
That was very funny, mostly because
of the grandparents. It had nothing to do with
anything. Raymond and his wife were the most
annoying characters on that show. Everyone else was great.
All the other characters were hilarious.
What's up, bro?
And then the old dad's just like,
eh, this shit's going on.
Oh yeah, The Nanny.
Oh, my God.
Fran Drescher.
That show was equal parts awful and equal parts like you had to watch.
You're just like, all right, I'm watching this.
And then, oh, my God, Third Rock from the Sun.
Third Rock from the Sun was low-key one of the best ones.
Yeah, that was a great one.
I loved that one.
Third Rock from the Sun was hilarious.
Yeah, that was good.
And Sabrina the Teenage Witch. best ones yeah that was a great one i love that one uh the reference song was hilarious yeah that was good and sabrina the teenage witch sabrina the teenage witch uh i only watched because my
cousin liked that show but i thought it was terrible i was like this show sucks maybe i was
younger than you so i enjoyed it more that's possible yeah oh yeah that 70s show i forgot
that was a show too that 70s show had like a few good seasons and then went off the rails.
But yeah.
Like every sitcom.
Yeah, pretty much.
Except Urkel.
When he got that jetpack, it was better.
But Urkel was like, he then became whatever the sexy version of Urkel was, better.
The more ridiculous that got, the better it was.
I like the King of Queens.
That was a good one.
That show is basically how I live my life Batman dates attractive woman
Hasn't let me down once this show is my guiding light
All right credit what's gone sports
Sports we just had the NFL draft some great stuff All right. Credo, what's going on, sports? Sports.
We just had the NFL draft.
Some great stuff.
Giants took a quarterback way too early.
The Cardinals took a quarterback and traded their quarterback they took last year.
A whole bunch of other stuff happened.
Sebastian Janikowski to retire after 19 seasons of kicking in the NFL.
That's a lot of kicking.
Also in hockey.
Hockey playoffs.
I've been watching that a bit.
Crazy stuff.
Pretty much all the top seeds lost.
And so now it's Carolinas up 2-0 on the Islanders.
Avalanche Sharks played later today.
The Sharks are up 1-0.
Columbus and Boston are tied at 1.
The Stars and the Blues are tied at 1.
And that's all the teams left.
In the NBA, over in basketball, you got the old Warriors, Rockets,
crazy series over there.
You got 76ers, Raptors.
You got the Celt, Raptors.
You got the Celtics and the Bucks, and you got the Nuggets and the Trailblazers.
That's a crazy one.
So, yeah, that's the NBA.
That's the hockey, and that's the football.
The Nuggets and the Trailblazers.
Sure.
Trailblazing Nuggets, man.
Trailblazing them Nuggets, man. Trailblazing the Nugs, man.
Damn.
Yeah, if the Blazers and the Nugs got together, that'd be a hell of a
hell of an event.
It is Portland and Denver, so I mean.
Yeah, so you know.
It's pretty much hipster weed, the series.
It's great.
Alright, Crandor, what is our big news story of the day big news story of the
day um wait did i have something here i feel like i had something that i like clicked off of it uh
not even to delay the weather i legit like they clicked off of it where'd it go uh no somebody tweeted is this it oh here it is man uses
grocery bag as mask during robbery but removes it to carry loot wait so you take it off his head to
fill it with stuff he robbed yeah perfect all right let's hear it if you're gonna rob a store
while wearing a shopping bag on your head as a disguise you might want to bring a second bag
to carry the stolen items wait question did he cut
out slots for his eyes and mouth in the bag uh that's a good question he wouldn't that then
wouldn't that then make the bag structurally unsound he did put stuff in it he did not do that
he just put a bag like a full bag over his head how'd he he see? Well, okay, here's the...
Let me show you this guy.
It's got a little video.
You can click and see the security footage.
Well, it just shows him the thumbnail.
It's got the bag on his head.
Wait, what?
This idiot.
Police in Australia.
Oh, it's Australia.
Of course.
Oh, I put the goodies in the bag.
Yeah, mate.
I'm not giving you that, Ristie.
Get in the bag, mate.
Police in Australia are searching for a man without a plan who allegedly robbed a gas station while attempting to disguise himself
by wearing a blue shopping bag on his head.
Queensland police said the man threatened the shop clerk with a knife while demanding
cash and cigarettes.
Authorities released the footage showing a man entering the store wearing the eco-friendly
bag over his head.
While holding the bag with one hand, the suspect is seen pulling a knife from his pants before
making his demands.
The store clerk pulls the cash drawer from the register and places it on the counter.
The bag-wearing man is then seen helping himself to the cash.
The store clerk then opens a second drawer, showing the suspect that it's empty.
The employee then grabs several packs of smokes while the alleged thief removes the bag from over his head,
loading it with cigarettes before leaving the store.
During the robbery, the man attempted to hide his identity by wearing the bag.
That's an addiction.
It's an addiction, dude. He attempted to hide his identity by wearing a blue shopping bag on his head before removing it to carry cigarettes.
No one was injured.
Authorities are asking for anyone who recognizes the man to call police.
That's, how do you, like, you wear the bag to cover your identity, but then you take the bag off.
Again.
Again.
I don't.
It doesn't even make sense.
It doesn't make sense.
This is my thoughts.
All right.
That's my thoughts on that entire story.
All right.
This is also a short one.
A Florida man blames blood sugar and diabetes on Walmart theft.
Again.
Addictions.
Addictions abound.
A Newport Richie man.
Newport Richie.
Oh, my God.
Newport Richie.
Newport Richie's back.
Newport Richie's back.
He's accused of stealing $5,000 worth of merchandise at Walmart.
Wait a minute.
If he stole like, I don't know, candy bars, like a crate of candy bars, I would get it.
But I don't understand why diabetes is to blame for $5,000 in theft.
Here's the thing.
He does not remember doing it.
Also.
Oh, Newport Ritchie.
He had committed three thefts at the Walmart in a week, but says due to his blood sugar diabetes, he does not always know what he's doing and does not remember stealing from Walmart.
This is a great defense.
This is a great defense.
I got diabetes.
I don't even know what I'm doing.
All right, then, sir.
You're good to go.
Classic Newport Richie, dude.
Classic Newport Richie.
That's all I got.
All right.
Well, Crendor, that's it for us.
Thank you, everyone, for listening or watching or however you're enjoying this fine podcast.
But before we go, Crendor, hit them with the socials.
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Just look us up on SoundCloud.
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Listen, just go find us somewhere.
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We're on Instagram, right?
I got instagram.com slash Crenndor was taken.
Someone took it, so that's my name.
And I think you're the notorious Cox on Instagram.
That's true.
Someone took it.
It was taken.
Yeah.
So we got those.
We got youtube.com slash Jesse
Cox, YouTube.com slash Crandor,
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