Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 225 - Mystery Town!
Episode Date: December 26, 2019It's time once again for Jesse and Crendor to take stock of their last year, go over their victories and regrets, commiserate about loves lost and found, and toast to the future! ... who are we kiddin...g, none of that happens, although a Florida woman hits a man with a tree! So it's almost the same thing! It's time for another Cox n' Crendor! Get 40% off a Calm Premium subscription at http://calm.com/cox To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, and get the plan shipped to your door for FREE, go to http://mintmobile.com/cox Check out Hawthorne at http://hawthorne.co and use promo code COX to get 10% off your first purchase
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And there's another one.
I don't know what's going on. This is crazy.
There's another one.
I don't know what's going on.
This is crazy.
And, of course, Hawthorne is going to help you smell amazing.
We'll talk about that as well.
Let's jump into this podcast.
Hello, everybody.
It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog.
Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning.
In the morning. Broadcasting live, hey. Hi, hello. Hello everybody, welcome back to the Like a Sonny House, I'm Cax, the Creadon of the Morning!
Uh, yeah, hey.
Hi, hello.
Hey, how's it going?
How are you this fine holiday week?
Uh, I don't know man, I'm here.
Huh?
Hey, I'm alive, I guess I'm making it.
I'm doing it man, I'm alive, I'm alive. I guess I'm making it. I'm doing it, man. I'm alive.
I'm functioning.
Yeah, you sound it.
All right.
Listen, all right.
I am the express today.
This is wearing me down.
I can tell.
You seem low-key.
Low-key?
Is that a word?
You seem low-key.
Yeah.
Man, I was hungry, and I was like, you know what?
I want to see Pan Express. Screw it.
Terrible decision.
Hadn't eaten it in like a year, year and a half or something.
Last time I ate it, it was a bad experience.
And I was like, you know, maybe I'm better.
Well, I am better, but it's still a bad experience.
Yeah.
I don't know why you thought that the last time you ate it, it was so bad.
And now you're just like, I'll give it a shot.
Well, I'm really hungry.
There's so many other places besides Panda Express.
I know.
But I was like, you know what?
I haven't.
I forgot what it tasted like.
And I forgot that feeling.
And it was like, you know how sometimes you're like, yeah, you know what?
This is a good idea.
And then as you're eating it, you're just like, you know, this might not be a good idea.
That is every McDonald's experience I've ever had.
Every single one.
But after you've eaten it, you're just like, what?
Oh, no.
Why did I do that?
It's just it's like instant regret instant um
and now i'm just in future regret uh but i feel for you i do yeah well it's at least last time i
ate it my body hadn't adjusted to like no gallbladder yet so my entire colon hurt this time i just have like some some light irritation
which is far better but is it gallbladder irritation no it's like uh it's just like
my entire digestive tract irritation oh so you got you got you got farts is what you're telling
everyone no it's just irritated like jesus why you eat this? It's like trying to process it.
It will become farts.
Don't worry.
Oh, yeah, probably.
Later tonight, you'll be like, do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do.
You'll make songs with your farts.
Yeah, probably.
Yeah, probably.
What did you eat?
I had a choice today between banh mi or burrito.
And I was like, banh mi sounds lighter.
I'll get that.
What's a banh mi?
It is a Vietnamese sandwich.
Oh.
And it's delicious.
Usually.
The one I got today was pretty garbo.
I was not happy.
There's one.
The thing is, is down in Torrance, where the office and stuff is, if you looking to get asian or mexican food that's the
place to do it up here where i live it's like stoners and uh you know if you want to get weird
food that's fusion things that's fine you can get all that but the bottom meal i got wasn't that
great i should have gone to to you know i should should have drove somewhere. But I was like, I'll just have it delivered. Meh.
Waste.
What a waste.
Oh, my God.
Speaking of driving.
Uh-huh.
The other day.
All right.
The other day, we go to Target.
All right.
And we're leaving Target.
And this person in front of us is behind another car.
So we're, like, the third in line.
They're second.
And there's one ahead of them.
So the light turns green for, like, a millisecond.
And it was literally, like, green. And they were like, honk like hog like they didn't even have a they didn't have a chance to react it's holiday season they were all stressed they were like i'm so angry at everyone
all right but here's the thing they had a bumper sticker on their car that said art fan
well art subjective you should be able to be a fan I mean, you know
Maybe they're a fan of
Speed painting
That's like
It's like putting a sticker on your car
It's like, movie fan
Love movies
Oh, I thought you were trying to say they couldn't be an art fan
And want you to drive faster
No
You were just saying
You're just upset that they have a bumper
sticker that says art fan oh i thought you're trying to make a point about like no i'm just
how can you be a fan of the arts and also be so angry really you're just like why would anyone
have that bumper if anything i understand them works they're probably like this is an uncalled
for experience i've waited 0.1 milliseconds for this light to turn green like Picasso's fourth
existential crisis, and it's
really not changing.
And then they honk. But...
You just want to know why they have that bumper sticker.
I want to know a lot of things.
So, they turn,
alright, the car turns, and they go past
them. Alright, it gets better. Then,
we go to turn lane,
alright, so I'm not not turning but they're turning
so i'm like right next to him now but i can't even i didn't even look over i was like i kind of saw
him and then uh i was like whatever but the green arrow comes up and they don't turn so if they're
honking at somebody to turn after a millisecond it's been like four seconds and they haven't turned at a green arrow and the car behind
them was like and then they were just like they like spun their tires and like shot off sounds
like a holiday shopping traffic to me yeah that was like damn it was like instant karma
that well that's i told you that one time that guy crashed because he cut me off.
Instant karma.
That's real. That's real. That dude
cut me off and then looked in his rearview
mirror like,
and then slammed into the car in front of him.
That happened like a few months ago.
I think we talked about that on this show.
That happened.
I forgot about that. I forget about a lot of things.
You and me both uh so yeah that was
fun uh just yeah a lot of holidays hitting people walking around we're walking around the mall
they're taking all the people are taking santa pictures lines like 10 years long and they're
just like hey kid look at mickey mouse jingle's like, bleh. Did you see that one store?
Somewhere in the UK, a London fancy store is charging $2,500 to see Santa.
You have to spend $2,500 in the store to see Santa.
Why?
And they sold out.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
So what I'm saying is we shouldn't be asking why.
We should be asking how.
How can we get in on this?
If I dress up like Santa and you're my elf and we charge $2,500 and sit outside like a store, do you think we could make money?
No doubt.
If people pay for that, they'll definitely pay for this.
I'm just saying.
What if he's outside?
I was like, ho, ho, ho.
Come sit on my lap.
I'm like, hey, you. come see Santa yeah you hey kid hey kid come over
here come see Santa be like sit on my lap kid yeah I'll be great
no no more arrest us we'll be fine we'll dress you up we'll dress you up in like a sleeveless elf outfit
And you can just flex on some kids
Like a bouncer elf
Hey kids you wanna come over here
You wanna get your swole on
Meet Santa
Also where is this happening at
Are we just like at a street corner
Yeah we're like in the parking lot
Outside of Walmart
Right we're like in the parking lot outside of Walmart.
Right?
We're outside the Walmart, and it's like,
if you spent $2,500 in Walmart, you get to sit on my lap for free.
All right.
I mean, yeah.
Right?
Yeah, but are we like sponsored by Walmart then?
I feel like this could only be good for their PR.
Yeah. That's true.
And then if we do it in Florida, we'll get a headline that's like, Florida man dressed as
Santa asked people to sit on
his lap outside Walmart.
The thing is like,
I don't know, I could be like a
bouncer elf, but I could still get like, you know,
if there's like some giant mountain man
he can like crush me. The thing is like, it's like weight class. You should be a bouncer. No, you're just trying to get people there. You's like some giant mountain man you like crush me the thing is like it's like
I'm not saying you should be a bouncer. No you're just trying to get people there. You're like come on friend
Don't you want to say Santa I need to learn like some form of martial arts
What wait whoa?
Whoa?
What are we talking about now you what?
Well, I was just thinking me as a bouncer and being like get out of here, but that's
What?
Well, I was just thinking of me as a bouncer and being like, get out of here.
Why do you want to be a bouncer?
Like an elf bouncer.
So be like, go see Santa.
And they'd be like, hey, I want to see Santa.
But I'm like, nah, he's busy.
Why?
Whoa, whoa, wait, why?
I don't know.
I was just saying it as a suggestion.
I don't care if I am or not. Is it because I said you'd have sleeveless shirt?
What if you had sleeves?
Yeah, then it's less bouncer-esque.
Then what would you be?
Then I'd just be an elf.
Wait, so no sleeves bouncer with sleeves, just an elf.
Yeah.
I mean, it checks out.
The logic is flawless.
You're right.
Because if you've got sleeves on, everyone's just like, oh, look, an elf guy.
But if you've got sleeveless things and people see you're like toned and like working out people
like damn that guy's gonna you know like if i try to see santa and i'm not in you know the next in
line he's gonna tackle me but i don't want you to tackle them that's why we hire like uh
something we're gonna get to you. Damn.
I've never seen you so concerned for my well-being.
At the same time, I'd probably be like, ah, whatever.
Because I'd probably just be like, if some guy was like, oh, I'm getting to that Jesse,
I'd be like, all right, fine, whatever.
Yeah.
Is this the first time you've ever said that you would protect me from anything?
I'm honored.
Oh, okay.
All right. So it so nothing to do with us
You were doing it for Santa
Is what you were doing
It's more so that and then I realized I'm probably too lazy
To even do that I'd probably be like whatever man
That's what I'm saying you took a lot of
I don't know
I said no sleeves and you were like
And then I'll become a ninja
I'm like what
Wait why
Well my mind went down a path where I was like oh oh, yeah, that's like where they have weight classes and like boxing and wrestling and stuff.
Elf?
You're in the elf class?
No, weight classes and like wrestling.
That's what I'm saying.
I don't know what it has to do with elves, though.
I'm an elf.
I'm an elf weight.
I'm saying it was bouncers.
All right.
I'm an elf weight.
I'm saying with bouncers.
All right.
But if I learned some form of martial arts, then some giant guy would be like,
I'm getting through, but I can flip them over.
But why?
I'm so confused about what you think is going to happen.
Are you saying that when I become Santa,
the only people that I want to sit on my lap are like six-foot-tall,
300-pound dudes?
Is that what you're telling me?
Well, maybe his kid does, and he's like, come with me, Timmy, and he starts, like, plowing through.
Cool, I guess.
I mean, I'm just happy that anyone wants to.
I'm thrilled that you think people are going to fight for this opportunity.
What if they're not paying?
Oh, yeah, no, you got to fight them then.
Yeah, they got to pay.
I'll clap and be like, Krendall, dispose of them.
And then you'll pull out like Jingle Bell nunchucks and go to town.
Every punch is just like.
Time is money, Fred.
There'll be a guy dressed up as Rudolph who has like a baseball bat.
Be like, get him, Rudy.
Then I'll start hitting dudes.
Oh, yeah, I'll have a whole team every time the bat hits it glows merry christmas i get the hell out yeah this sounds great
walmart would be thrilled to have us no doubt i don't even know how he got here uh i do not know
either anyway i was uh I was watching old family videos
Because my mom was like
We haven't watched videos of you as a little kid
And I was like okay
And then it was me getting Christmas gifts
And I got so many board games
I got so many board games
I got like Donut Disaster
Let me ask you a question
Hold on
Do you have any brothers or sisters?
No
Right?
No
So who would you play those games with?
I just play with like my parents or like my grandparents or like whoever else is there.
I always think getting board games for a single child is the dumbest idea.
My parents got me board games too.
I would just sit around and just play with the pieces.
Oh yeah, I'd do that too.
I had no one to play with most of the time and I'd be like, okay.
And I'd play, there was one that was like a fantasy board game. So it had little fighter pieces and I would like make little stories with most of the time and I'd be like okay and I'd play there was one that was like a fantasy board game so it had little
fighter pieces and I would like
make little stories with them on the game board
because I didn't know what to play with
yeah do you remember mousetrap
yes yeah I had mousetrap
I don't think I ever
played that game for
real I think I just played around with the thing
and I was like the marble and I would like put the marble
in the thing and knock it down and then I'd just like whoa. There's a cat on the board watch out
And then I just you know less like me with do you remember the grape escape? Do you remember that? Oh my god?
Yeah, I forgot about the grape escape that was literally just mashing clay
And I do that for I've come up with fun ways to mash the clay and I'd be like no
You'll never get me ah that's what I would do. That's what I
did because I had no one to play with.
Because when I hung out with my friends, they were like, I got
this new Nintendo. Do you want to see? I was like,
cool. And we never played board games.
So I'd go home and I'd play
my board games and be like, oh.
It's like I got
Nintendo. It's like, I got the grape escape.
Dude, I had the grape escape too I don't think I ever played that one correctly either
No
Remember the one where
The volcano would erupt
And like lava or a boulder
Would come down and destroy all the pieces
There were so many games like that
Never played it the right way
Even Crossfire Never played it the right way.
Even Crossfire.
Crossfire never played it right once.
Oh, yeah.
Loop and Louie.
Yes.
I love that one.
I also am a huge fan of Mr. Bucket.
Oh, Mr. Bucket. Mr. Bucket.
Buckets are fun.
Put my balls in your mouth. He's going fun Put my balls in your mouth
He's gonna put his balls in your mouth
Yeah he put
Put your balls in his mouth that's what it was
Um
Yeah Mr. Bucket's kinda weird
He's Bucket of fun
Gator golf
Yeah
Gator golf
Gator golf is great Oh my god Gator golf Gator golf Gator golf is great
Gator golf had the golf clubs
That I would use to play
Pretend like baseball with
I would use them as baseball bats
That's insane why
Because I would make my own sports leagues in my head
I love
I talked about this before
I know I just love it that's a thing you did
Listen as an only child yeah I
do that shit yeah you always had to make up your own stuff it's busy you would go crazy
you're like if you have brothers or sisters you like play with them you're like with this you're
just like all right yeah I'm the I'll be the I'll be Sammy Sosa, and then I'm going to hit a home run.
I did it.
You just do your own shit.
Yeah.
If you're with friends or you have a brother or sister, you can play like,
I hit the home run.
If you're by yourself, whether you hit that home run or not,
you hit that home run.
You're just like, the crowd goes wild.
You whiff.
It doesn't matter.
You run around your backyard, fake bases.
Like, yeah, I did it.
The ball's just on the ground still.
Ah.
Doesn't matter.
No one can judge you.
What was the, what was that one game with the, there's like a dog and cats.
And like the dog would just like be like, and you like wind them up.
And he tried to knock the cats off the fence.
Oh my God. What is the name of that game? Yeah. You remember that? I'm looking this up. dog would just like be like and you like wind them up and he tried to knock the cats off oh my god
what is the name of that game yeah you remember that i'm looking this up board games uh dream
phone oh my god i remember seeing that and i was like that's a girl okay do you remember pretty
pretty princess yeah i never played that never saw it don't know what it's about, but looking at it, I can't figure it out.
So it's a board game, but it came with princess accessories?
I remember that because I remember seeing the commercial for it,
and they'd be like, pretty, pretty princess.
And she'd be like, wow, I'm a pretty princess.
That's all I remember.
I like how you did teen girl squad for it.
I'm pretty princess.
I'm pretty princess. I'm Pretty Princess.
The ugly one.
Let's see.
Yeah, I remember seeing commercials for this shit.
Oh, wait, there is a commercial.
1995.
All right, hold on.
Let's see this shit.
Pretty, pretty princess.
Oh, my God, yeah.
Oh, my God. that's my necklace crendor do you want to do a show where we just play old war games that are definitely not designed for us because i just found a whole
collection that i clearly as a young boy i never got to play any of these but oh yeah now that i
see there's a game called girl talk a game of truth or dare there's
a game called dream phone and a game called the sleepover party game I feel like we should play
all of these oh yeah dream phone I remember is another one I I saw commercials but I don't think
I was like I remember being like that's girl game, but you know probably is oh man
This game looks so funny girl talk a game of truth or dare
What are the questions?
This is like we're getting into a part of society. I just don't know wait. What's it called again girl? Girl talk?
There's also girl talk dateline
That sounds like Dateline NBC.
Like, you know why you're here, Jesse.
So you're playing a game meant for 10-year-old girls.
I just wanted to play a game called Girl Talk.
And you decided to come over to this house in order to do that.
She was the only person who played with me.
It's for Girl Talk.
That sounds like a Seinfeld episode.
It does.
George really wants to play the game Girl Talk.
And he ends up playing with a little girl.
And then he gets caught on Daylight NBC.
He's like, we're playing Girl Talk.
I thought you had a seat over here.
That's so funny. That's exactly what that that is that's like an updated 2020 version
oh man wait what the shit okay so there's this game i found it's another board game called don't
wake daddy and it's like this guy that's sleeping in a bed and if you wake him up he's like boing
and he like springs out of bed so it's like i was like this if you wake him up, he's like boing and he springs out of the bed.
So, I was like
this game's probably shit too, but it's got
a bunch of good reviews on it. They're just like
I bought this for my 6 year old for her birthday.
She's seen kids playing it on YouTube.
She plays it with her 10 year old, 12 year old, 13 year old
siblings. They think it's fun.
I remember getting this game and I remember having the cards
and being like, I don't know what I'm doing. I remember the
cards were just all over the place because I didn't know what I was doing.
I don't. I never had this game.
It looks so weird. Yeah.
So you just have to sneak past dad and eventually he'll
pop up and be like, oh, I see you.
There's a Sweet
Valley High game.
Sweet Valley High.
Wow. Sweet Valley High.
Can you find your... What?
Whoa. Whoa. This is insane. What? Sweet Valley High. Can you find your... What? Whoa. Whoa.
This is insane.
What?
Sweet Valley High, the game.
Here's the premise.
Can you find your boyfriend in time for the big date?
Wait, what?
Wait, is he missing?
What is...
He's gone.
What happened?
We have a date this Friday is... He's gone. What happened?
We have a date this Friday and my boyfriend's missing.
There's bigger problems here.
Where is he?
Is that what it's saying?
It's either that or it's saying,
find yourself a boyfriend before you go on a date with your boyfriend?
I can't figure out what this is trying to say.
Yeah, I don't know.
Can you find, there is no exclamations. Can you find your boyfriend in time for the big date?
I think this is a mystery game.
I think your boyfriend has vanished and you're like, where'd he go?
This is, wait, what the...
It's an Urkel game!
Do the Urkel! Oh my god!
Why are we not...
Oh, what is the Urkel game? Hold on...
Do the Urkel!
That is the thing! Do the Urkel.
Do the Urkel. Yeah, we
definitely need to get a bunch of these games playing.
Definitely need Mousetrap.
Shhh, this is so dumb.
This is so dumb.
There's a lot of crazy fun when you
get to meet TV's favorite nerd, Steve
Urkel. The challenge is to collect
bow tie cards. To win them,
roll a special die to keep them
do what Steve does. Hike
up your pants and laugh and snort
or say one of his favorite expressions
but watch out any
opponent opponent may suddenly make you do the urkel and that could lose you some cards the
first player to collect eight cards wins what is this game it sounds pretty dumb it sounds real
dumb some things are left uh left in the past Yeah. Maybe this is one of those.
Maybe we've gone too far.
We've dug too deep and too greedily.
We've dug too deep now.
Way too deep.
Steve Urkel.
Yeah, Steve Urkel is the Balrog of board games.
He really is.
The only way to defeat Steve Urkel is with a white wizard.
That's all we have.
Look at this one.
It's Party Mania Fabulous Interactive VCR Game.
Who is that?
Who is in that?
I'm totally psyched. The whole class is going to the party.
Live action interactive video included.
I wish we had a VCR for that.
I wish they still made VCRs or we knew someone who had one
because that would be an amazing game to play.
My parents have a VCR.
It's like a hybrid DVD VCR.
Can we go play it at your parents' house
with your parents? Probably.
Do you guys want to play
Party Mania? My dad would probably
be like, sure, as long as you bring Jack Daniels.
Yeah, because that's the party and the
mania. I get it.
Yeah.
Candyland sucked. There's so many games, but they all sucked. There. I can't.
Candyland sucked.
There's so many games, but they all sucked.
Candyland actually was a pretty shitty game.
Yeah.
Like Snakes and Ladders.
That's a shitty game.
What is Dream Phone?
Somebody said Dream Phone.
Dream Phone.
Dream Phone.
Yeah.
Guess who likes you in this talking telephone game? You figure out which of the guys likes you that you're calling in the game.
You call.
You figure it out.
And there's 18 guys.
18 guys seems like too many guys.
Here, see?
There's all the...
There you are.
You got...
Too many guys.
What the shit do they got?
Jason,
Paul, Carlos, Dave,
Mike. Mike looks
like he definitely played World of Warcraft.
Bruce,
Spencer. Spencer
has the haircut
or it looks like a soup cane.
It's like the top of his head.
John. John looks like he'd be
hip nowadays because the 90s his head. John. John looks like he'd be hip nowadays because like the
90s revitalized.
None of these guys look hip. No one in here.
They all look so
dated. Alan looks like
he's going to go crazy.
Can I tell you something?
I don't know
women all that well.
Lord knows I've tried.
I have spent
far too many years of my life.
I don't know women that well, but there's one thing I do know.
Poor Jason.
No girl's like,
I hope Jason calls me.
Oh yeah, no.
That's a no doubt.
You know what, also Alan.
Alan's the cute one
No Alan looks like he's just like I'm so happy to be here. Oh it's actually 24 guys. There's more
Yeah, that's what I'm saying Alan looks like he's gonna kill somebody in like a few years. He looks crazy
Phil is another Phil's another Bruce Bruce looks like 13
Bruce is like
How did you get this number?
I mean the kids in this game
Probably are 13
Who are
Leave me alone
My parents
Will get mad
George in the bottom right
He just looks like
He's trying really hard
Like
Maybe today my
Date will show up
he's already dressed up my favorite is is bob looks like a romulan bob does bob looks like
he's cosplaying as spock oh my god he does he's a vulcan look at his guy oh my god scott scott
looks like he's just a normal guy and then you find out he's in the armpits.
Where do you see Scott?
Oh yeah, Scott is definitely... Scott looks like a guy who definitely kills people.
Oh, Scott. That's what I'm saying. He's definitely on the fifth date. He's like, can I just lick your armpit?
None of them are attractive by today's standards
not at all none of them it's so bizarre to see like what a like really weird haircut can do to
a person you know what i stand corrected steve steve probably gets it steve maybe john uh wayne
maybe that's about it.
Dale's like the jock quarterback.
Jamal kind of looks like Jamie Foxx.
Oh yeah he kind of does.
These are very pixelated but I'm going to say that's
young Jamie Foxx.
It's possible. There's got to be people
playing this game on YouTube now right?
I hope not.
This is bad news.
They definitely probably have. In fact there's a picture of a
man that looks like he's 60 about to play this game that's weird if it's us hilarious if it's
a 60 year old man creepy now I got yeah it's up let's they make any other dream phones how
popular was dream phone cat dream phone. What do you call up cats?
Cat dream phone is that real thing? Yeah, it's not Amazon cat dream phone
All I'm finding our anthropomorphic sexy cats
Wait this is this not even called cat dream phone
It's called dream phone the secret admirer board game, but it just looks like an early 2000s version of the same game.
And it does in fact say Cat Dream Phone.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
There's no cats involved.
What if they did a Dream Phone for the movie Cats?
We need to go see that.
What are we doing?
We need to go see that movie so badly.
We do need to see that movie.
I have heard only the best things.
It sounds terrible.
The reviews for that movie are so funny.
I saw one review that was something like,
by the time I left the theater,
I wasn't even sure I wanted to look at real cats anymore.
It's got an 18% on Rotten Tomatoes
But a 60% audience score
Which I feel like is people just memeing
Every review I read was just another
Person being like I
Don't know what I saw
And I can't explain it to you
I don't know why but
Like Taylor Swift is the main cat
No she's not
So I don't know if you've ever seen Cats the Musical, right?
Mm-mm.
Let me tell you, it's early 80s travesty.
It has – the plot, I don't think it has a plot,
but from what I remember, the plot is literally just the cats are trying to get to cat heaven.
Okay.
I think they're either ritual suicide or they're chosen for the good place.
I don't know what.
They're like, go to heaven or something.
It's nonsense because the plot is nonsense.
But anyway, there's the main cat and there's a bunch of vignettes the cat goes through.
But I guess Taylor Swift is supposed to be one of the main cats from the musical.
Except for this, apparently they took out most of her songs,
and then she has one song at the...
I guess Taylor Swift's in the movie
for a total of six minutes.
Hmm.
So they just use her as like,
hey, Taylor Swift is in this movie.
Come see it.
I guess.
I don't know.
Dude, I don't know.
But Ian McKellen is Gus the Theater Cat.
Um, because you don't know anything about cats, Ian McKellen is Gus the Theater Cat.
Because you don't know anything about cats,
I just want to read the cast of characters to you.
Because you will be like, what the hell?
All right. So there is, of course, Asparagus, Gus, the Theater Cat.
All right.
is of course asparagus gus the theater cat all right bomba larina bustopher jones griddle bone grizzabella syllabub jenny any dots mcavity mr mistoffelees, Mungo Jerry, Rumpelteaser, Rum Tum Tugger, Skimbleshanks, and Victoria.
You can't even randomly generate these names.
No.
These are just crazy.
This is drugs.
Drugs made this.
Bustopher Jones.
Bustopher Jones.
Bustopher Jones.
Yeah.
Tumble Brutus is another one.
Tumble Brutus.
Why is one called Jenny Any Dots?
You know what?
Great question.
Great question.
Rumpel Teaser. So Naomi Morgan is Rumpel Teaser,
but the only other thing she's done was in 2009,
she was herself as a contestant on Move Like Michael Jackson.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
So it took her 10 years after being on that show as a semifinalist
to get this star role in the hit movie Cats.
My favorite is apparently Judi Den star role in the movie Cats. My favorite is apparently Judy
Dench is in this movie
and apparently at certain points
like they didn't even bother to
digitize her entirely.
So there's a part of her, there's one part where she
just has like one human hand
and a wedding ring in one scene.
Oh man. I'm looking at the reviews someone said even pita would euthanize
these cats someone said this is what the people in bird box saw someone said worst movie I've ever seen Sorry to pile on But in my 55 years
I have never walked out of a movie until now
Finally a whole new generation can discover
The Cats musical is two hours of human-feline hybrids
Without genitals having no touch sex
And begging for death via song
Yeah I didn't see this movie.
That is on our list of things to do.
We somehow went from board games featuring boys to cats to Cats the Musical.
That's the path we went down today is where we went to.
That's what happens when you're only a few days away from Christmas.
It's the spirit
of the season.
It's what it is.
And in the spirit of the season,
let's do commercialism.
As you're probably out there right now
spending time with family,
probably just thinking of
all the things you have to do.
We're only a few days away from
the end of the year as well. Just so much stuff you have to get done. You're probably stressing
and you're probably not getting the sleep you need. Let's face it. It's that time of year,
but sleep is the most important part. Every time around the holidays, it seems like you just can't
get enough, but it doesn't matter.
You should, and we can help you.
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entire thing that is bob ross oh mama mia so if you just want to fall asleep to bob ross you can
do that too but they also have lavar burton nick offerman from artists like sam smith guided
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meditate to help you fall asleep right now if you go to Calm.com slash Cox, you get limited time, 40% off your premium
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Try it right now.
Get the sleep you need.
It's so good.
It will help you.
Trust me.
I use it all the time
calm.com slash cox so if you're one of those people who has a big wireless plan and you're
getting ripped off and yes you definitely are getting ripped off and it's almost 2020 what
are you doing you have to ask yourself what are you paying for between expensive retail stores
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Also today, we're brought to you by Hawthorne.
Hawthorne is the smell good cologne experience for you gents.
I think both Crandor and I have gone through their very easy to do quiz they have when you first go to the website.
There's a little test on there and you take it and you answer all the different questions.
And it helps you discover the scent for you.
My scents, I have like a work scent and a play scent.
I have lotion.
I got some hair and body wash.
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I smell good.
And smelling good is important. Trust me.
Especially as con season
starts up. Oh yeah. It's coming.
You better be smelling good.
I used to smell bad. Now I smell
good. Thank God.
Did you smell bad? I don't know. I feel like I used
to smell bad.
Not like recently. I mean like back
when I was like 19.
I feel like I smelled bad. I didn't care. It's like whatever. I mean like back when I was like 19. Sure.
I feel like I smelled bad because I didn't care.
It's like whatever.
I'm a gamer, man.
I'm a hardcore video gaming gamer.
I love gaming.
But now, now I'm like adult.
Now I'm growing up.
Now I'm like, yeah, I got to smell good.
Yeah, that's the thing is being grown up means smelling good.
If you're out there like, why don't people ever want to get close to me?
That's because you stank, fool.
Now is the time to smell good. out there like why don't people ever want to get close to me that's because you stank fool now's
the time to smell good you go on there you take the quiz and it asks you some questions it asks
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Oh.
Yeah. She's like, wow, you smell so good.
Now, before, he'd always be like, I'm a gamer.
I don't need to smell nice.
And now he does.
Yeah.
Now I smell more than nice.
I spell.
Now I spell.
Yeah.
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All right, Quinto, let's go to Drop to Drop.
This is Scott with Quinto.
How's it dropping out there?
Well, it's finally hit that time.
The traffic's getting crazy.
People are going everywhere.
People are traveling up and down and sideways.
And they're trying to get Christmas shopping done.
And they're trying to get to their family and friends.
And they're freaking out.
They're honking their horns.
They're beep-beeping all the way.
And, you know, this is the time where you appreciate everybody.
But you appreciate getting that big-screen TV a little more that you're going to run over that family of four.
Just so you can get that deal.
And your mad monster truck you've been gearing up for, I don't know.
I don't really know about cars, so I don't really know many car words.
Horsepower.
I don't know where I'm going with this.
It's busy out there.
So stay safe.
I'm in the sky.
Back to you.
Thanks, Grendel.
Now let's go over to the Weather Desk.
Weather time. Let's kick the sky. Back to you. Thanks. Credit no knowledge. Go to credit of the weather desk. Weather time.
Let's kick it over to WAPI.
Okay.
WAPI.
Activated.
O-A-T.
Oats.
Oatsville, Indiana.
Oatsville?
Oatsville, Indiana.
They don't grow oats.
Wait a second. Thisatsville, Indiana. They don't grow oats. Wait a second.
This says Petersburg, Indiana.
Wait, what's Oatsville?
Where are the oats?
Even Woppy wants to know where the oats are.
Oatsville, Indiana.
Petersburg, Indiana.
Yo, did they change Oatsville to Petersburg?
When would they have done this?
Hold on.
We need to research.
We need to research right here, right now.
Oatesville.
Oatesville, Indiana.
There isn't Oatesville.
It has the Gentle Shepherd Church of God.
Okay.
It's in Washington Township, Indiana.
And it is.
Is it by Petersburg?
There is nothing there.
Wow.
Okay.
It looks like, I think it's really close to Petersburg.
So I feel like it's just a section of Petersburg.
You know you're in the country when the only markers for miles are
the Gentle Shepherd Church, the Atkinson Church, the Olive Branch for miles are the Gentle Shepherd Church,
the Atkinson Church, the Olive Branch Church, the Mount Pleasant Church.
There's Mount Tabor Church.
I don't see anything else but churches.
Oatsville, Indiana, 35 degrees Fahrenheit.
Feels like 35 degrees.
High, 35.
Low, 30.
UV index, zero. Tonight, 30 degrees tonight 30 degrees clear skies low near 30 degrees
fahrenheit winds light and variable humidity 88 monday 57 degrees fahrenheit monday night 29
degrees fahrenheit tuesday 58 degrees fahrenheit Tuesday night, 38 degrees Fahrenheit.
Sunrise, 8.03 a.m.
Sunset, 5.31 p.m.
Well, I'm going to go on a limb and say, out of all the places we've ever said in this,
that might be the one place we don't have any listeners.
I think you're right.
I think no one lives there.
I can't figure this out.
I don't know if they even have internet in Oatesville.
That's what I'm saying.
I can't figure out.
I'm looking at where this is in the map.
There's just nothing there.
If you know somebody from Oatesville, tell us.
Oatesville is an unincorporated community in Gibson and Pike counties in the United States of Indiana.
What?
Huh.
A post office was established at Oatesville in 1876 and remained in operation until it was discontinued in 1903.
Can we just?
All right.
That is literally the only information on Wikipedia about Oatesville.
That's it.
It had a post office and no longer has a post office.
That's it.
Nobody went there.
That is it.
Oatesville, what a description.
Oatesville is a populated place located in Township of Washington.
What kind of crazy robot gibberish is that?
Oatesville is a populated place. What kind of crazy robot gibberish is that? I don't know.
Oatsville is a populated place.
I looked up images.
It doesn't even have pictures.
It just says Arthur, Indiana.
Otwell, Indiana.
Things to do in Oatsville, Indiana.
Facebook.
I clicked what is there to do in Oatsville, and it said, sorry, we can't find anything meeting this criteria.
Man, I'm still confused as to if it's a real place or not
I can't find anything
but yeah even when you click on Oatsville stuff
it just takes you to like
places that aren't
wait Oatsville Pike County Indiana
yeah Atkinson Chapel
Cemetery
just dead people live in Oatsville that's it? It's just churches
and cemeteries. What? What is
this place? Man, I'm glad I didn't have to live
in Oatesville. No, wow.
Oatesville, Indiana facts for kids.
Oh my god. Oatesville, Indiana facts for kids. Oh, my God.
Oatsville, Indiana facts for kids.
Here we go.
The number one fact you should know about Oatsville, Indiana.
A post office was established in Oatsville in 1867 and remained open until 1903.
You hear that, kids?
Wow.
There's one factoid about Oatsville, and it's that they once they once a hundred some years ago had a post office.
The crazy thing is there's a t-shirt
they sell that says Oatesville
and it has a little star on where
Oatesville is located on the map but who's selling
it? Who's selling it?
Ghosts?
Is the church selling it?
I don't know.
They gotta raise money to
bury more people.
That's the weather.
Wow, I'm
blown away. Alright,
and sports.
Sports.
I'm at the sports desk.
Well, it's been a busy week in NFL football as we close out the season.
Only one week remaining aside from Monday Night Football,
which is Packers-Vikings.
Go Packers.
Try to get that bye week.
So from the looks of it right now, if the Packers win on Monday night,
they will take the second seed. 49ers get
the first seed. Then the Vikings would
play at New Orleans. Seattle would play
at Philadelphia in the first round. Then Baltimore
New England would get the buys. And then
Tennessee would play at Kansas City.
And Buffalo would play at Houston
because the Steelers
lost to the New York Jets today.
That happened.
That did happen. So if the Titans win next week,
they are automatically in the playoffs
and the Steelers are eliminated.
If the Steelers lose next week,
they are also automatically eliminated
and they play the Baltimore Ravens,
who are 13-2 currently.
It'll be fine.
This is the time the Steelers win,
but also that the Titans win.
Don't worry.
I know what's going to happen.
Steelers are going to play the best game they've ever played.
I know what's going to happen.
They're going to play literally the best game in the history of football.
People are going to talk about this game for years to come,
and then the Titans are going to win, and it won't matter.
Oh, yeah.
Convinced this is going to happen.
Yeah, there's no doubt.
And then the Packers, if they win these next two games,
and then the Seahawks beat the 49ers,
then the Packers get the one seed,
and they get to play all their games in Lambeau Field,
and the bye week, and probably a Packers Super Bowl, honestly.
Probably not.
They're not looking great, but I have hope.
Probably not. But hey, you great, but I have hope.
But hey, you get in the playoffs, who knows what happens? Who knows what happens? The ball bounces,
you get some snow, you get some weather, you get some
spicy mamma mia's, and then Tom Brady
wins in the end anyway, so who cares?
I care.
That sucks.
Well, yeah. This has got to be
the year New England loses, right? They can't
win again.
They can't win again. They can't win again.
No.
Hey, I'm just happy.
After two years in a row of not being in the playoffs,
Packers are finally back in it.
Oh, my God.
That's what it's like to be a fan of, like, the Jets or something.
Man, that's boring.
So, playoffs coming up and then uh nba uh what's happening in the nba i saw the bucks
beat the lakers so it looks like the bucks are probably the best team in the nba right now
go bucks uh and then uh hockey what's going on in hockey let me do a quick hockey check here
uh conference league let's see the whole league
who's number one it's like washington st louis boston islanders colorado carolina pittsburgh
arizona are the top eight teams currently
so uh let's sports all right crend, what is our big news story of the day?
You're looking for a big news story of the day.
I got your big news story there right here.
Okay.
Florida man admitted after inserting battery up his anus to boost energy.
This can't be real.
This can't be real.
I want to know where he heard that this is the thing you could do.
Because I imagine drugs were involved
and someone was like, you know, man,
we're all just beings of energy.
He's like, you're right.
I'm going to charge my anus.
No, this isn't real. It just said
this is one of those websites where it said fake
news. All right, good. It's not
real. It's not real. It sounds real, though. That's the problem with right, good. It's not real. It's not real.
It sounds real, though.
That's the problem with Florida, man.
It could be real.
Yeah, that's the problem.
Oh, here we go.
Arizona.
Wait, this is another one.
This is the same website.
Arizona man arrested for storing stolen merchandise in his chin.
Like a seagull.
Yeah, like a seagull.
Like some sort of gull.
A pelican.
Let's see.
There's got to be like a real one here.
Hold on.
How about Florida woman?
Florida woman charged with using Christmas tree to attack boyfriend.
Merry hitness.
Ha ha.
Christmas tree to attack boyfriend.
Merry hitness.
A Florida mom repeatedly beat her boyfriend with an
artificial Christmas tree after
she flew into a rage because her bow
turned the volume on the television too
high while she was sleeping.
You know what? I get it.
Girl did not have calm.
If she had calm, she would be like,
baby, can you please turn that down?
She was like, I'll kill you.
I get it.
Crystal Graham, 38, was busted and charged with domestic battery in connection with last Thursday's attack at her Clearwater home.
Authorities who were called to the home around 6.53 a.m. forced her way inside and found Graham and her boyfriend in the midst of a brawl.
Graham was arrested, and after she was read her rights,
she admitted that the couple got into an argument
over the TV volume being too loud.
The woman told cops she, quote,
squared up to the victim and was screaming in his face.
That's when Graham says she took apart the faux tree
and threw sections at her boyfriend
with whom she has been in a relationship for eight years.
That is definitely an eight-year relationship thing.
You're not doing that on year one. There's no you're like i'll take this tree and i'll kill you
that's an eight-year relationship right there yeah one year they're just like i think we're
gonna get married one day yeah and then you're like still not married they're like i'll kill
you with this tree that's a lesson to all the guys out there if you're still dating after eight years you better
do something about that now she's ready she's like i'll kill him with that tree this year
it's like i turned up the volume because i wanted you to come down because i want you to marry me
and then she's like oh my god i'll kill you with this tree. But I will marry you.
The boyfriend had scratches and abrasions on his face, neck, and stomach at the time of the... Well, yeah, like even putting together a Christmas tree to get that.
At the time of the attack, Graham's children were present.
What, they got an eight and a two-year-old?
Oh, my God.
Well, that's, I mean...
Merry Christmas, kids.
Well, glad I'm not a member of that family.
Rockin' Baby Jesus.
Rockin' Baby Jesus.
From all of us in the podcast to all of you,
have a merry Rockin' Baby Jesus.
Rockin' Baby Jesus.
We failed. We should have made that song. You know what? We got a Jesus. Rockin' Baby Jesus. We failed.
We should have made that song.
You know what?
We got a day.
We can pull this off.
Yeah, we still got a day.
Rockin' Baby Jesus.
Yeah.
I'm more disappointed the audience didn't make it for us.
Where's the band of, like, 50-year-old guys who play rock at, like, a bar, a local bar?
Why aren't they doing it for us?
They've had a year.
They had a whole year. Ent local bar. Why aren't they doing it for us? They've had a year. They've had a whole year.
An entire year.
It didn't happen.
Oh, well.
That just goes to show you.
This podcast, like this year, nothing happened.
That's very true, yeah.
Oh, man.
All right.
Well, that's it for us.
Thank you so much for listening or watching
Or however you're enjoying this
We'll see you guys next time and as always
Uh
Throwing off
To be continued