Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 273 - Jesse's Wild Dream Life

Episode Date: January 25, 2021

The boys are back again with an all new episode and this time Jesse's got a weird dream on his mind that might be the strangest thing we've ever talked about. Crendor on the other hand has a fat squirrel outside his window. All this and the best Amazon reviewer ever on this exciting episode of Cox n' Crendor! Go to http://calm.com/cox to get 40% off a Calm Premium subscription! Visit http://ritual.com/COX to start your Ritual today!

Today's episode is brought to you by Ritual. Ritual has got the multivitamin for you. Also today we're brought to you by Calm. Calm is going to help you get your sleep. That doesn't rhyme at all. Let's jump into this podcast. Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-hour recording studio. Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of the at Greddor in the morning. Everybody's at Greddor in the morning. I mean, you know, could have used a little more energy, but like, alright.

I mean, honestly, that's most people in the morning. Everybody's at Greddor in the morning. That's why we're supposed to get them. We're supposed to be like, yo, welcome! We're waking them up. Yeah, but here's the thing is like most of the time if i wake up i'm like what do i want to listen to you know something calming like the call map you know not like or like you know just whatever like you watch the birds outside and squirrels you don't

want to like all right what's outside it's like time out time out right. You go to your window and watch the squirrels and stuff outside in the morning? Yeah. All right. Let me rephrase this. You go outside and watch the squirrels and stuff at 2 in the afternoon? Well, I don't go outside. I watch them from the window. Right.

But it's not morning for you. Let's be clear. You've slept through morning. Morning ceases to exist when you are awake. Well, let's talk about what is morning. Morning is the time, let's say, between sunrise and noon. All right. Well, when I wake up.

Yeah. I'll eat my oatmeal. I'll look outside. Often there's a squirrel that'll run by I think he's just He always looks for the nuts he's buried I think he's hitting the point where like We've gone through winter

And then he's like wait do I still got nuts But he's like a fat squirrel like he's been eating nuts That's a fat squirrel But like winter's not over. So I don't know what he's doing. I was about to say, that guy, he's in trouble if he's looking for nuts. He's like, I ran out. Oh, no.

Oh, no. We got at least a month and a half, two months before anything's going to stop. Yeah, no, that squirrel's in trouble. Yeah, but I mean, he's still pretty good. He's still got enough hibernation in him. Just good he's still got enough uh hibernation in him just chill out dude got tons of hibernation good uh yeah in fact there was one squirrel one time it was just snowing it was like a blizzard i look outside he's just chilling in a tree well where else is he gonna go i mean i don't know i'm like what's gonna do getting doors like

ah man i gotta get inside the house. He's going to take off his little squirrel coat and his little squirrel mittens. He's like, oh, mother, it's terrible out there today. What were you doing out there, squirrely? Because apparently mom calls the squirrel squirrely. Or maybe we just aren't seeing it through nature's eyes. Maybe that was a squirrel who saw snow and was freaking out. Maybe that squirrel was like, what the hell is this?

Right? Because, you know, I don't imagine a squirrel's got a long-term memory. Right? I don't know that he's like, oh, no. Right? I don't know. Yeah. I mean, yeah.

He's probably tripping balls. That squirrel ate one of his old moldy acorns. It was covered in some sort of fungus. He's seen colors. The sky's falling, and he's like, oh! Yeah. I'm just saying, maybe we're giving this squirrel too much of the Disney treatment. In reality, he was losing his mind.

I was going to ask you about something unrelated to squirrels and waking up at all. Yes, go on. How do we even get here? Oh, yeah, just the morning thing. That's what I was going to... Okay, so when you wake up in the morning, you want something calm like that. You don't want loud stuff. Maybe after you've already woken up a bit i i but the whole point is

to get you awake right the like that wakes you up that's the thing that wakes you that's true it's kind of like an alarm but at the same time everyone hates alarms so maybe we should have like a perpetually but wouldn't they want to wake up to us rather than an alarm? I think that's the whole point. Or we're like, actually, no one listens to us when they wake up. They listen to us when they're at work trying to kill an hour. That's what I'm saying. Or on the way to work when they're just like, all right, I'm already awake.

And they're like trying to drink their coffee. All right, look, you may be right in theory. But that squirrel was tripping balls, dude. Think about it. Think about it. That's true. He was. If you were a squirrel and you saw the sky falling, you would be like, oh!

I know. I know. Even if I wasn't a squirrel and I saw the sky falling. Yeah. Either way. Like every baby who's ever seen snow for the first time, you lose your mind. You're like, ah! Yeah. I get it. It baby who's ever seen snow for the first time, you lose your mind. You're like, ah! Yeah, I get it.

It's great. Snow's awesome. Speaking of waking up, I wanted to ask you about your schedule again. Because I saw you were streaming when I was like stopping streaming. You were streaming like 3 a.m. or something. Yeah, I don't know. I'm back to normal. One night I just couldn't get to sleep.

I just kept waking up And then finally woke up at I don't know 4 in the morning It was like F it I'm awake I'm going to get stuff done When did you go to sleep? Oh at like 11pm Maybe 10pm And so I just kept waking up

It was my normal sleep schedule But just for some reason that night I was so restless And I don't know why i just couldn't get to sleep and so i uh woke up and was like all right i'll try to get back to sleep and then just sat in i guess laid in bed for hours and finally was like f it and just got up and started working and i got a bunch of stuff done but then I don't know 3 p.m. Hit and I was like I gotta Fight a bad. I can't do this

So I fell asleep and then I woke up at 11 p.m. I was like oh So yeah, I was like eff it. I guess I'll stream cuz nothing else is happening in the world So I so I started streaming stuff, and then i went to bed at i don't know maybe i went back to bed like five i wasn't i was barely awake at all that day and then i woke up normally and everything was fine but like i just really destroyed my sleep schedule for that one day huh i don't know that's uh that's the most thing you can't you just can't do that like i remember i tried to do a reset day once which i've now given up reset days uh because it's like i'll just stay up the whole night and then go to bed and i don't know it just it always seems to fail me so i'm like whatever but i remember the one

time i did a reset day and we were streaming we hit like 10 a.m and i was like hey you know what i'm gonna stop streaming we're like okay and then we like, okay, so we'll just stay up till like, I don't know, what's a normal time? Like I wanted to go to bed like 10 p.m. I'm like, all right. And then the sun starts going down because it was like around this time in winter. And so maybe even earlier, it was like December of like five years ago. And I was like, all right, I'm just going to like lay down, you know, just like just gonna like lay down you know just like

just lay down and you know when you lay down it's over you're done yeah so it was like 5pm and I remember just waking up and it was like 2am and I was like ah geez ah geez here we go

yeah I sympathize with that that is the vibe that I had. I knew I screwed up. I felt that I screwed up. I saw the next day and a half ahead of me like, oh, no, I know what's going to happen. And still, I could not get back to sleep. Laying in bed at 4 a.m. was like, I get up now. I'm screwing my entire next two days.

But I couldn't. It was either that or just lay in bed and not go like it was that kind of thing where you're laying in bed and no position was comfortable yeah so aware and awake and i tried sleeping on my stomach like my hand on my like my head resting on my hand but then like the pressure of my hand on my head was uncomfortable so i was like uh so i slept on my side and i was like that was uncomfortable so my back and i was like that was uncomfortable and i kept turning and shifting and i at one point was like laying where my body was like making a figure four with

my legs and i everything i was i hope i was spread out across the bed i covers on covers off there was no comfortable position i was fully awake it wasn't even like i'm kind of asleep sometimes if you can't sleep do you ever get the you can't sleep anxiety where you're like trying to sleep you get so anxious you can't sleep because your anxiety i don't know i as we discussed i don't think i have massive anxiety about things because what'll happen to me is uh well sometimes it's weird like sometimes i can go to bed i'm like asleep in like five minutes or like 10 minutes or whatever other times you lay there and it's like maybe it takes a little longer like 30 40 minutes you're like all right maybe it's

just caffeine i had too late or something but sometimes i think you just lay there for like two three hours and you're just like well all right but then i start getting anxiety about sleep so i'm like oh god i can't sleep what if i can't sleep i don't think i can sleep then your heart rate starts going up then you're really not tired and you're just like but i'm supposed to sleep come on body go to sleep come on by you like start getting mad at yourself because you can't sleep you're like god this is so stupid just go to sleep and then before you know it, you're just like, ah. And then that's the worst. I hate that. Yeah, to everyone out there who has that, my sympathies. I do not.

I don't have, like, what if I don't get to sleep? I'm like, all right, well, let's see what we can do. You just roll with it. You're just like, well, if I sleep two hours, I'll be tired tomorrow. I mean, honestly, that's what it was like at 4 a.m. I was like, oh, come on, body. I know. Look, I know you're awake, but I know I need to sleep, and I'm going to close my eyes.

I'm going to lay here until we pass out, and we need this sleep, and it just didn't happen. And I wasn't like, oh, no. It was just like, oh, my God. All right. Great. It was just like, all right, this is what it's going to be. This is a tale of two cities.

Oh, I forgot. Earlier this week, I had a dream. And it is a reoccurring dream. And it is one that I think you need to hear because I want to know what you think. Because it's crazy. Truly crazy. This is a dream that I've had numerous times throughout my life. I'm going to say a hundred, maybe more.

And when I'm in the moment, I remember it. That I've had it. Like, I remember that I've had it before. I know the tropes of the dream. I have experienced it enough that even in this last version of the dream, I recognized that something was different. And, when I woke up this time, I remembered to immediately

write it all down. So, I'm going off the notes that I wrote, so bear with me if I have to pause and be like, wait, hold on. So, this dream that I have is set in an amusement park. Uh, you know, like a Six Flags or a Disney or something.

Apparently, it is known in this dream world that there is a ride, a horror thrill ride at this amusement park that is known to be like the most immersive, the scariest, most mind blowing experience ever that you, the paying customer go to. And it's sort of like a one on one horror experience where it's you alone and everything's catered towards you. It's kind of like those, have you ever seen ads for those live play things where you go to a house or you go to like a hotel and you are the only non-cast member there or maybe there's like three other people with you but everyone else is part of a cast and you have to solve a mystery or something have you seen those i don't think so basically you go there and they act out like a play and you as the observer can like walk between rooms but essentially I guess for the cast

they just go about their business of their character and then at the end the play ends and like maybe you pick who the killer was or whatever right and so you can explore the house and do it it's very similar to that so what ends up happening is I Jesse go to this amusement park

knowing what's going to happen I know I'm going to go to this weird horror ride. I know that I'm going to be scared, right? So it's not a nightmare per se. I don't know exactly what to call this, but I know what I'm getting into every time I do. And so I will go there and start to enter the amusement park, even though I don't know what the signage is.

Right. It's a dream. I have no idea what the specifics are of this place. But what I do know is every time I am excited to go there, I wake up in a bed. And every time this dream has me in a bed with my air quotes wife. Now, I know she is an actress she is an actress who is there to pretend to be my wife uh for this horror experience right and i wake up in the bed with her and she is uh every time doing something different so this last time i thought it was even i jesse in this dream universe thought

it was weird where when i opened my eyes she was licking my forehead like a cat and it felt like her tongue was rough like a cat well yeah but she was licking my forehead and i looked up at her and she was like good morning sweetie and i was like what are you doing and every time it's a different wake up right it's nothing um like overtly sexual but it's always very strange like one time she was like playing with my fingers or one time she was uh like rubbing an ankle right nothing like and then we were doing it none of that right and again because it's like supposed to be a thing in an amusement park so it's just you know it's like oh good morning honey and what ends up happening is we have this conversation every time the exact same conversation

except i know it's a it's a script right and same conversation where she says, you know, so today's the big day. You're going to get your brand new car. I can't wait to see what it looks like. And at some point during this conversation, every single time, she's like, well, you need to get up and get ready for your big day. You try to move, but you can't. She's like, oh, I'm not done. I have to finish the operation. You can't.

And she's like, oh, oh, I'm not done. I have to finish the operation. And if you look above you, there's a mirror. And she is laying in the bed next to me, really. And every time she's operating on something different. This time she was operating on one of my eyeballs. And I saw it happening. But I also, again, recognized that this was was An amusement park so it couldn't have been real

So I was like looking at her And like do what you have to do honey Right playing along But there's been times where she's been operating on my arm Or she's been like in my gut Messing with stuff and this time She was operating on my eye And I was like okay honey do what you have to do

Right cause obviously It's not real what I'm seeing up above This time, she was operating on my eye. And I was like, okay, honey, do what you have to do. Right? Because obviously, it's not real. What I'm seeing up above on the mirror is probably some sort of weird optical illusion thing. And then I get up. And I go to the closet to get dressed. And my butler is in the closet every time. And he's like, ah, welcome sir. Can I interest you in

one of these two suits? And every time, it's a different suit. And every time, whatever the suit is, is based off of whatever car I'm going to go buy. And every time, the car is different. And this time, he was like, sir,

when you purchase your Mustang today, what would you like? Why I was thinking Mustangs? Why I would go? I don't know. I have no clue why this dream is the way it is. Couldn't explain any of it to you. But one suit was bright red and the other suit was red and black. And the black parts were little Mustang imprints.

And he's like, what suit would you like to wear, sir? And I was like, I'll just take bright red. I was like, I don't need the in Prince. He's like, excellent, sir. And then, as per usual with this dream, my wife from the kitchen says, honey, I'm making dinner. Come out into the living room.

It'll be ready in a minute. So, of course, I go out into the living room and the butler points out that there's something weird. He's like, oh, this is strange. I don't recall this ever being here. And I turn every time, and there's a giant bookcase. Like, massive. One of the biggest bookcases you can possibly imagine.

Wall-spanning, but, you know, like a Harry Potter style, goes up to infinitum, like, massive bookcase. goes up to infinitum, like, massive bookcase. And there is, like, a little safe or some sort of combo lock up a few levels in this bookcase. And he's like, what is that? And for some reason I always say, oh, I should check this out. And he said, well, don't get hurt and be careful. You wouldn't want the lady of the house finding out. I'm like, what does that mean?

He's like, she stores secret things in there. And so, of course, I go and investigate. I don't know why every time I do. So I start climbing this bookshelf like I'm in Uncharted, right? And I'm climbing up to the top of this bookshelf. I get to the top. The safe just opens. It isn't even locked.

It just opens. But there are three screws that I have to pull out. And then when I open the safe inside of it is a remote control and the remote control, I discover operates another, but every time it's a little bit different, but it always, for some reason, this is the weirdest detail I always remember, is there is a part of this bookshelf where there is a Widowmaker figure from Overwatch. And it opens, like, she opens up, and inside is something that I can never get to. Because what ends up happening is the remote, the batteries fall out. And for some reason, there are always only three batteries. And I have to scramble down to the floor to get the batteries.

And when I do, my wife, air quotes, walks back into the room. And she's like, breakfast is ready, honey. And the butler grabs the batteries and hides them behind his back. He's like, go, master, go. And I walk over to her. Right? So I guess the butler and I are in league in this scenario. I go over to her. And we So I guess the butler and I are in league in this scenario. I go over to her

and we start sitting down and eating breakfast and she's like, well, before you leave, you definitely should do your morning tasks. I'm like, well, what's that? She's like, oh, well, your game, of course. I'm like, what? She's like, yes. She turns on the TV and hands me a light gun, like one of those old Nintendo

light guns. And she's like, alright, well, I'll be at work. See you later, honey. She leaves. And on this giant TV screen are a bunch of like eight bit crappy monsters. And as I start shooting them, I am immediately teleported into, I'm going to say VR, but might be just reality. I have no clue.

And giant monsters are attacking me, and eventually, a big beast that looks like Quetzalcoatl, some winged serpent shows up, and I shoot it, and the next thing I know, I'm on my couch again, and my wife is crying on the floor, and she looks up at me and goes, you killed our God. You killed our God. And I'm like, what? What? And then she looks like she's about to hurt me. And the butler's like, run, master. And I run out the door.

And at that point, no matter what I've been doing in this dream, that gets me to that point. Usually this is the way the story plays out. The dream cuts. And now it's from the perspective of either an Asian dude or an Indian dude. And it's them talking about what they love about the amusement park and how they think this ride is super immersive and they love it. And they're like, it's a great ride. I have so much fun. And like shows them walking in the park and it's sort of like an infomercial for the park.

And then halfway through the interview they pause whichever one it is they pause and they're like wait a minute is this still part of the ride and then you hear a laugh in the background and it cuts and now there's a whole other layer to this where it's me trying to escape the fact that the whole amusement park is actually the ride Yeah. So what ends up happening this time in the dream is that as I killed Quetzalcoatl, my wife was on the ground in front of me bawling her eyes out. She's like,

you killed our god! I couldn't focus because the actress playing my wife had such a nice butt that I kept looking at her butt. And I was laughing it, I was like laughing. And I was like, lady, look, I, I can't, I'm sorry. I can't, I'm like, immersion's broken. I can't, cause I guess she was wearing yoga pants and it looks so good.

That was like, I can't not like, I have to stop. I can't. And it was so distracting i woke up from the dream this time and i woke up and started laughing like i can't believe not only did i have that dream again but that i recognized it was ridiculous by the fact that my wife this time like had a great ass and this is a dream like sequence or set of events that I've had numerous times, and none of it makes sense to me. None of it. This is shit that I think a real dream psychologist needs to look at. Because I'm sure it means something, and I don't know why I keep having it.

I've had it multiple times. And like I said, maybe a hundred times. It goes deeper and gets weirder and weirder. But recently I've been able to break out of it sooner. I just don't know what, like there's, there's parts later on where I'm, I'm running from these things that are chasing me, but I also know that it's not, I know it's an amusement park, so I'm not in fear. It's like when you go to the uh you know zombie walk or the

haunted mansion or whatever and you know that the guy in the the costume isn't really gonna get you but the jump scare is kind of scary it's that kind of vibe where i'm not running from like the monster because i think it's gonna end me i'm just like laughing at them as they're like, ah, right? It's so weird. And I can't explain it. And this is a call to anyone. I don't know what any of it means. Not a bit of it. I felt like I just got a movie synopsis.

It feels like a movie. It feels like it could be a movie synopsis. It feels like a movie. It feels like it could be a movie of some sort. And even when I'm in it, I'm like, wow, this is really well done. That is crazy. I feel like you have very in-depth, story-driven dreams. You have continuations of dreams and stuff my dreams are just like little snippets of some minor like short stories that make no sense it's it's like how our brains just work differently i don't know why i guess i mean i the thing is

i'll have very i'll have maybe 99 of my dreams are very fuzzy. Even when I'm in the dream, it doesn't seem like a lot's going on. It's very weird. And then I'll wake up and it'll instantly be gone. But every once in a while I'll have a dream that is part of the MCU. It is a cinematic universe. There is connectors to other dreams. It is wild. And I don't know, I can't explain to you why i think in my

life me light gunning cats a quaddle suddenly relates to you have killed our god i don't know what that means i don't like the word is so clear i'm not like she's sobbing, Crandor, sobbing. And she's like on the ground, like crying her eyes out. And again, great, but, but it's weird. It's so weird. Even, even in the moment, I think it's weird when it's happening. I'm like, this is so weird. And that's what I like about it. I guess that's why I like going to this, this experience because it's so strange, but I just don't know what it means.

I don't know why I'm getting a remote from a, from a bookshelf that only has three batteries and needs to open up something inside of a widow maker statue. I don't know why I wake up and they're, you know, my, my wife is next to me slowly, like operating on me all the time.

I don't know. It's clearly must mean something related to my life, right? It has to, My wife is next to me slowly like operating on me all the time. I don't know. It clearly must mean something related to my life, right? It has to. I don't know what my brain is thinking. It doesn't make sense to me. I don't know what your brain is thinking either. I'm not going to lie.

It's so weird i want to say that you have a thing about just gods maybe you're just afraid of gods or you just like learning about different gods and by doing that you killed a metaphorical god and you just love a great ass i mean obviously even dream Dream Jesse loves a great ass. Even Dream Jesse is like, nice. You know, I just want to put out like in the moment, I was so distracted. Apparently I'd killed God and was like, hold up. That's a nice ass.

Like, look, look, I know I've murdered your God but like, damn, that's a good ass. Yeah, that's where I was in this dream. And it woke me up and knocked me out of it. Huh. I was so distracted. Yeah, it got me. I had a few dreams, but I didn't write any of them down.

And then they're just kind of generic, you know, typical dreams of me. It's like, oh, spider's gotten a war or something i'm like all right spiders gotten a war it wasn't an actual spider war but it was something related to that um in fact what was it i think it was like a spider was attacking and i was like fighting it off or something it was something like that but your dream see that's the problem is your dream, see that's the problem, your dream is like easy. You don't like spiders, I take it. I don't mind. Damn it! That doesn't happen! Alright, whatever. My dreams are just like, sometimes they make sense, sometimes it just feels like my brain's just like hard drive, you know, like defragmenting or something.

And then other times it's just like a blend of stuff I've been thinking about mixed with that, which makes it really weird. Like we've had the, we went where I just read through my dream journal. Sure. Yeah. In fact, I think it's time I'll just bring up a couple. Oh boy. Yeah. So like, here's what I write down.

These are from September of 2016. All right. Ghost in bedrooms. Amazon Coffee. Friend is there. I think you actually read that one before? I have read these. That's so weird.

Yeah. I also wrote down Mr. Burns. Snow White. Testing us about his new shoes. There was. All right. Yeah. On the moon taking pictures.

Phone fills up. That's the saddest one of all. That's the saddest dream. That's actually very. That's like a sad dream. That's like a. It was pretty sad, actually. You're like, oh, man.

Here's a fun one. Trip to Korea. Fishing off dock. Guy almost drives off. War against British. Mega storm. 72-hour flight. Lady got sick.

I mean, that could have happened to you. That sounds like when you travel. That was a more in-depth one, I think. I remember that one because I remember just being on the dock. It was like the sky was green, like crazy green. And then I remember just they're just like we're fighting the British and I'm like ah shit oh that reminds me of the the green water dream I had where I was like on a green on the I was like on a I think I mentioned this on this podcast before I was on like a door or something in the middle of the ocean and the water was green and like mermaids and shit were

around me trying to like pull me into the water I think that's what that dream was about i don't remember maybe i have issues with crender do i have issues with women is that what this is saying is that what this is saying i mean it would all add up i don't huh okay maybe you know what maybe maybe it's because i don't get good enough sleep. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe. So then your brain, when it actually gets that REM sleep, it like hard REMs. Right?

It's like, oh, my God. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe that's the problem. It finally was like, oh, thank God. Yeah.

How much sleep do you get? You know, three hours, five hours. It turns out you're just exhausted. Oh. So you're saying when I murder Quetzalcoatl, it's actually me murdering my sleep. Right. And sleep is your God.

Oh. Oh, shit. I just... I wanted to bring up something I wrote down that's completely unrelated to pretty much everything. Okay. So I have a shampoo that I like using, and it smells like Play-Doh. I hate this conversation already. Why?

Here's the thing. I don't actually know if it's what Play-doh smells like what does that mean well i haven't actually smelled play-doh since i was like six buy play-doh you got you got that youtube money buy play-doh i might have to and then report back yeah it's like play-doh anyway two dollars i don't even know i don't even know if they made play-doh anymore they definitely make play-doh for the kids for sure for kids and podcasters yes they make play-doh that's true for the youtubers to make weird kid videos of course yeah definitely make play-doh yeah there we go play-doh eight dollars and you get 10 play-dohs well what if you just want one play-Doh? Is there an a la carte Play-Doh? Is there just one?

Non-toxic. It's like kids eat Play-Doh. Yeah. Stupid kids. Someone said, is it gluten-free? Well. You're not going to be eating. Well, that's where we're at now.

Gluten-free. Shut up. Gluten-free. Shut up. Gluten-free Play-Doh. Like, what? This isn't part of your well-balanced diet. I hate it. I hate it. Oh, my God.

Super small. Do not buy waste of money. One star. Could not believe it when I opened the box. These things are extremely small. Should have read other reviews before purchasing not much a kid can do with a container this small but mix it up with the other ones this is

just marketing ploy by Plato I cannot believe I wasted money on this do not purchase this you will regret it maybe you'll be the first person to be like I was looking to just sniff it and these little these snifters worked this is what I would ideally like like little

containers this is probably perfect i could probably make a video out of it too or something yeah with eight you could make you can make a perfect video yeah oh my god you gotta do it you gotta talk about your play-doh shampoo what's it called what's your play-doh shampoo called uh the shampoo is called is it like dr gavalia's play-doh shampoo what's that one shampoo or uh one brand that starts with a it's like i you know i you know i you know avita avita oh wait avino avino i got there avino oat milk blend shampoo, it's the oats in it that smell. It probably is the oats. That explains everything.

But I love that smell. I guess. That's become my new favorite smell. You just want to smell like oats? It's like oats and Play-Doh. At first, I was like, this smells like clay. It's such a good thing you're married. Because if you were like, I need to go get a date,

I smell like oats and Play-Doh. I don't know who you're attracted. Like old toaster woman, I was like, this smells like clay. And then I was like, it smells like Play-Doh. And then I was like, smell it. She's like, I don't want to smell it. So I was like, all right. That checks out.

That checks out. it smells so good i'm like whenever i wash my hair i at least get like four inhales where i'm like like i get maybe three four inhales all right so now i need to find out if it does smell like play-doh i'm gonna buy this you should you should buy that you should report back let us know this is important if anyone else wants to check it out i highly recommend unless you don't like the smell of clay or play-doh or oats uh yeah i mean that's all of that's the whole package right there so if you don't like those things there's no reason to get this yeah and then uh yeah this actually ties into it i was writing about like the variance in reviews.

You know what I mean? Because like you look at some of these reviews, it's like, oh, one star. The thing's too small. Then you get five stars and someone's like, this is great. My three year old three year old grandson loves it. I purchased these because they were small cans. So like somebody wanted the small cans like Like, this is a five-star. And someone else is, like, one star.

So you see the actual review, and you're like, why is this such a mixed review? And then you realize it. There's so many things like that, and it's all, like, skewed. So, like, there has to be a better rating system, you know? I mean, that's why you do your investigation and read it, though. Right? I mean, yeah, but at the same time i mean you would you

would imagine that a four star review is a good product right a four out of five is still good and the people that skewed it to have one less than a five star because there was you know a problem with this or that but it's still a good product, right? And I think that's, for the most part, where your mind should be. So what made me think of this was, do you remember those breakfast bars? Like, I guess that's generic. Yeah, it was. I was like, go on. Yes.

The bars that were like, it's a Froot Lo but it's like in it's like it's got milk like as a oh yes yes yes yes yes yes those gross things yes yeah so i was like nostalgiating about those and i was like i wonder if they still sell them and apparently they do so i went on amazon and this one guy had possibly one of the best reviews ever. Not just for the breakfast bar, but for various things. Okay, so here's... I found it already. Here's the guy. Here's the guy.

Here's the guy. I'm going to link that in his reviews. Oh, this one's for the breakfast bars. He says, it's good. I like them all. It's good if I don't have much time to eat breakfast or others, so can eat and use this, so this is breakfast bars. He says it's good. I like them all. It's good if I don't have much time to eat breakfast or others so can eat and use this so this is breakfast bars. It's good. I like

it. Then he's got Oreo white fudge covered chocolate. I love it. It's good and I like chocolate fudge covered too. Both are good but both a little bit differ because this one if chocolate fudge covered too. Both are good, but both a little bit differ because this one, if white fudge, and other one is fudge. I like both and both are good, all caps. The worst part is, I'm seeing this, and even I can't believe I'm seeing it.

Like, I don't know if he's, like, intoxicated right in these. Chewy dips granola bars. I really love it dips. I really love it. And dips than other regularly chewy bars. I, yes, like them, but I eat most more and love most our Chewy Dips bar with chocolate-covered best, and I love it! Like, these are my favorite type of bad reviews. Like, if someone's going to review something, this is what I want to read.

Here we go. One star. Beware, buyers. It's not right game as show picture. Here we go. One star. Beware buyers. It's not right game as show picture. I will give it zero star. I ordered it because I want that game as shown in picture Uno Power Grab Game.

But, differ word item name. It's a Uno Prestige card game. I called Amazon and asked about it and they say, yes, look same other Uno Power Grab Game. I like to imagine it's just what Amazon said they're like hey I purchased this and they're like yes look same other uno power grab game okay okay I am order

this because cheap but when I received this game and it's not power grab game same as picture show that picture is fake wrong and not true this is a real do you think this is this a real person or is this oh i think it's a real person is this a bot are you sure they have pictures of the game i love that color but it's tight not like other north 15 men's belted ripstop 10 pocket size 42 it's perfect. But I don't have color gold. Oh, well. Four stars. Oh, well.

Oh, well. Like, oh, my God. This is... These are my favorite types of reviewers to find because it's like, you know they're genuine. But like... Do you? I think this guy's completely genuine. Like, when he says five stars for M&M's fudge brownie,

he says, it's good and I love it. It's delicious and I can't stop eating this. LOL, I do like fudgy brownie. So I believe if you love like fudgy brownie, then I believe you will love it. I really love it and it's really good. I think he thinks it's really good We're forming a picture of this guy

Alright, Crendor Alright, so we know Based on his purchases One, he loves granola snacks of all varieties Yes Two, he loves Play-Doh Yep Three, he loves Uno

And then I'm just going to add these two purchases. Purchases the exact same day. One is for a North 15 men's belted ripstop multi-cargo pants cotton short. I love this color lime green. And I got size 42. It fit me perfectly. I will buy that kind short again if they make and add more new colors. I like bright colors.

I will buy more shorts. Oh, boy. I will buy more shorts. I had to go to the – I will buy more shorts, our mint, seafoam, turquoise, and burgundy when they are available. And please add and make more colors too. I will buy if have gold and neon yellow, also orange too. Then at the same time on the same day, he bought a Joe's USA men's big and tall short sleeve moisture wicking silk touch polo shirt.

I love that color. I really like it. I love bright colors. So that's why I like this That's why I want this and I love it It's a bright neon green So this is a man And a neon green shirt

With neon lime green pants And he loves granola bars And play-doh I don't know how In my mind I cannot Picture this human being Well I don't even think he and Play-Doh. I don't know how in my mind I cannot picture this human being. Well, I don't even think he likes Play-Doh. I didn't find him from the Play-Doh. Oh, what did you find?

I found him from the cereal bar. Oh, you're right. I mean, all he has is multiples and Uno and Uno Domino's. Yeah. But here's 15 of these reviews are from one day. So he reviewed all these products on one day. Well, you know, he logged into the internet that day. And prior to that, he hadn't reviewed something since April of 2019.

Are you sure this isn't a bot? Are you sure this isn't a bot? I don't think this is a bot. A review bot. Come on. There's no way. You're right. January 5th. And then 10 years ago the last review. I just

Could be someone who is hacked like I don't it doesn't seem real. It just doesn't seem real He wrote the same way ten years ago I don't I feel like this is just who he is It's I feel like he's one of those people where you meet him in person and he's just like, hey, how's it going? And then this is just his writing style.

I still think this guy got taken over by a bot. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. He could be a bot. Like an actual robot. I love lime green. Bright colors are my favorite.

Internet reviews showing us everything about humanity. We learned a lot about ourselves today, I think. I think so, too. Yeah. Well, you know what else you can leave internet reviews on? The amazing companies that advertise on this show whoa yeah definitely try to leave your best review like that guy it great amazing cox crendor number one that should be all our reviews on all platforms yeah wherever you go

it doesn't matter what the product is always say say, In great and amazing, Cox Crandor number one. Everyone's going to feel like, this shit is the show. They'll have to look it up and research it. Oh, well. In relation to this episode, let's talk about Calm. Because they're going to help you get sleep.

The sleep you need. And can I tell you, that might have been my problem. I didn't turn on my Calm app. I just thought I could fall asleep. I didn't turn on Calm. I failed myself. I totally was just like – also, it's because I had like 1% of my battery. I forgot to plug it in.

I'm an idiot. Whatever. Anyway, many of you know that one of the most powerful ways you can improve your overall health is with sleep, right? It improves your happiness as well. It will seriously make your days better. And if you don't, it can change your daily routine just like it changed mine and make falling asleep even harder and just ruin everything. And look, I talked about it. I don't ever want to talk about it again.

Hopefully, tonight will be a well-deserved rest. And that's why we partner with Calm, the app designed to help you ease the stress of your life and make you sleep your best sleep. And when you relieve all this anxiety and improve your sleep, you feel better in every part of your day in your life. Calm has a whole library of programs designed for healthy sleeping, calm relaxation, all that stuff. Like soundscapes, guided meditations, over 100 sleep stories narrated by soothing voices like Stephen Fry and Laura Dern and Kelly Rowland and all sorts of people. Over 85 million people around the world use Calm to take care of their minds and get a better night's sleep. If you go to Calm.com slash Cox, C-A-L-M dot C-O-M slash Cox,

you'll get a limited time offer for 40% off of the Calm Premium subscription, which includes hundreds of hours of programming. It's amazing. I use it all the time when I'm not an idiot and forget. I just realized as I was doing this ad, I was like, I didn't even use it when I was trying to get to sleep. Oh, so dumb. It would have knocked my butt out.

It would have knocked me out. It would have knocked my butt out. It would have knocked me out. It would have. Get the Calm app and experience transformation in the way you sleep. For listeners right now, you can go to calm.com. Get 40% off a Calm premium subscription. Once again, that's calm.com slash cox. Also today,

we're brought to you by Ritual. I've said it before, I'll say it again. Do we really know what's in our multivitamins? A lot of them are sugars, GMOs, and synthetic fillers, and artificial colorants, not to mention things like sheep's wool, and gelatin from

hooves and hides and all sorts of stuff. That's not what ritual is. Ritual is clean, vegan friendly, made from key nutrients and forms your body can actually use with no shady extras. The ritual that I'm using, essential for men, the vitamins literally tell you where you're getting everything from. Their omega threes are from microalgae and they will literally tell you where you're getting everything from. Their omega threes are from microalgae and they will literally tell you where it's from, like on the box. Like it's from,

it's from this place in Canada, right? The folates they have are from Italy, right? They'll say, oh, the vitamin a it's in a bioavailable form, uh, from Switzerland, right? There's, oh, the vegan certified D three from the UK, right? And it's all there. So you'd never have to worry about what you're putting in your body. Ritual is multivitamins reimagined, formulated from key ingredients,

like I said, with vitamin D3 to help fill all the gaps in there. Fresh tasting, delayed release time capsules are designed to dissolve later in less sensitive areas of the stomach so you can take them with or without food. And it's made traceable. I just gave you an example. You can see the visible supply chain of where all this stuff is coming from. Rituals designed with different life stages in mind, right? Women, men, teens, there are multivitamins developed for you at whatever

stage of life you're in. And it's delivered to your door every month with free shipping. Always. You can start, you can snooze it, you can cancel your subscription anytime. And if you don't love ritual within your first month, they will refund your first order. What you need to do is go to ritual.com slash cox and start your ritual today. You will get 10% off during your first three months if you go right now. Because honestly, you should know what's in your multivitamin. So go to ritual.com slash cox and start that ritual today. All right, Grendel, let's go to traffic. This is Grendel.

Oh, boy, there's traffic, and it's going everywhere. There's so much traffic, and I hate it. I hate traffic. Why do I do this? Why do I go up and look at the traffic? I hate traffic. Everybody, just stop. Just start walking instead.

I guess there could be walking traffic. I hate traffic. Everybody just stop. Just start walking instead. I guess there could be walking traffic. I hate traffic. Back to you. All right, Crandor. Thanks for that report. Let's go to weather. Weather. Welcome to the weather desk.

You know what? I haven't just done my own kind of wing it, you know? In a while. So I'm just going to wing this one. Why give the fans something they want? Let's not do that. It would be a fun place. It's like

Goob. Goob? Goober. Gooberville? Okay. There's a gooberville louisiana of course there is wait and that says lena louisiana is that just a nickname for people who live in lena over in gooberville it must be but it it's like common enough that weather.com is like, you must be looking for Gooberville. All right. Well, tell us about Gooberville.

In Gooberville, it's 66 degrees. You got a 15% chance of rain. Making me have to look up Gooberville. Look up Gooberville. 94% humidity. Eight mile an hour winds. You got a 64 degree dew point. You got a waxing gibbous moon.

You got nine miles of visibility. The 10 day of Gooberville. You got a waxing gibbous moon. You got nine miles of visibility. The 10 day of Gooberville. You got 72 with thunderstorms. 73 partly cloudy. 60 partly cloudy. 54 partly cloudy. Back up to 61. Mostly sunny.

69 with the PM showers. Then 70 with a partly cloudy. And then you got a 63, 65, 69, 66, 60, 62, 61 with on and off showers. Down in Louisiana. Well, I don't know anything about Louisiana Gooberville, but Gooberville is in Urban Dictionary as a nickname for downtown Great Barrington, Massachusetts. It's so-called because of its overpopulation of townies, goobers, and muck-mucks. And I'm going to look up goobers. It's got 13 thumbs down and 11 thumbs up,

so people don't even agree with it. But those might be goobers. Yeah, goober is a term of affection for a lovable, silly, lighthearted person. Always easy to poke fun at without actually meaning harm. Yeah, goober. But also, maybe it's just angry townies. Maybe it is angry townies. Townie.

They just wish they were goobers. Yeah. Adult townies are those old guys in college towns who hang around the bars wondering when the semester is going to end and all these damn college kids are going to go home. Nice. I love all the definitions that you scroll down from the top definition of Gooberville. Gooberville, the middle of nowhere. Basically Narnia. Yeah, yeah.

I can see Gooberville as Narnia. Welcome to Narnia. Looks more like Gooberville to me. That's the weather. All right. What's going on in sports? Well, sports, we've got our Super Bowl teams. Just like I predicted, it's never the teams I want.

It's the Buccaneers and the Chiefs. Boo. Boo. I said I wouldn't watch. I am not going to watch. Well, I'll probably watch, but I won't be happy about it. well i'll probably watch but i won't be happy about it yeah um so yeah it's uh you know that's the super bowl it is what it is it is what it is yeah moving on uh nba a lot of nba stuff happening the

happening. NHL, a lot of NHL stuff happening. The Buffalo Sabres won a game, so at least Buffalo did win something. That's nice. I guess. The three best hockey teams right now, Montreal, Toronto, and

Vegas. One of those is not like the other. I want more Vegas Vegas I need Can you imagine the COVID version of like In the light of the after times One team Battled through sickness and health One thing, one thing

I know that that's going to be A great playoff If that happens Oh yeah, no, it'll be fantastic And then Back back over basketball there's a 12 and 5 76ers the top 10 and 6 bucks and on the west you got the clippers 13 and 4 lakers 13 and 4 jazz 12 and 4 and those are the top baseball teams uh and there's rumors that the olympics for j Japan wouldn't be happening.

They'd get canceled. But now, apparently, they're going to try to vaccinate a bunch of the Olympians to get there or something. I don't know what's happening. So hopefully it happens. I heard that it wasn't going to, and then people started talking about, like, it's still happening. I was like, okay. Well, apparently Japan was like, we might have the, you know, it might be in doubt or something. But then Japan denies the categorically untrue rumors of the Olympics being in doubt.

And then apparently they're going to try to, like, vaccinate all the Olympians. Interesting. So that at least they could go or something. I hope it's good because I like watching the Olympics. I like having it on as background or occasionally checking in and being like, that's pretty neat.

I mean, I usually fall asleep to it. Yeah, exactly. It's great for sleeping. Yeah, the's great for sleeping. Yeah. The Olympics is good sleeping. And sports. Okay, Crandall, what's our big news story of the day?

Big news story of the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, There is a story of a man that lived undetected in Chicago airport for three months. I saw that story. I don't know how that happens. I thought maybe he was detected. He just stayed in a terminal. That's what I thought happened.

Let's see. now i'm curious there's that guy that lived in the baseball stadium or whatever yeah but he was on the disney lane yeah oh yeah the disney world guy he was undetected too this guy i thought was just he didn't want to leave the airport so he stayed in the airport the entire time that's what i thought the story was. What happened? A California man who was scared to go home because of COVID lived undetected in the airport for three months. He was undetected. That's so weird.

How is that possible? 33 was arrested on Saturday morning local time at O'Hare and charged with impersonation in a restricted area of the airport and theft of less than $500, Chicago Police Department confirmed to CNN. Singh appeared in bond court the following day

where they said he had arrived on a flight from L.A. on October 19th. He is then alleged to have lived undiscovered in the airport security zone until his January 16th arrest. Singh is reported to have been apprehended after being approached by two United Airlines employees who asked to see his ID. He said to have shown them an airport ID badge that belonged to an operations manager who had reported it missing in late October. Assistant State Attorney Kathleen Haggerty said in court that Singh claimed to have been scared to go home due to covid and that other passengers had provided him with food so he just like people just kept giving him food wow i guess cook county judge suzanne ortiz expressed surprise the unusual circumstances of the case so if i understand you correctly

ortiz says you're telling me that an unauthorized non-employee individual was allegedly living within a secure part of the o'hare airport terminal from october 19th to january 16th it was not detected i want to understand you correctly assistant public defender courtney smallwood told the court that singh is a resident of the los angeles suburb of Orange and does not have a criminal background. Singh's bail said to have been set at $1,000 with condition he does not reenter O'Hare and he is due back in court January 27th.

What the hell? How did he go under? Where did he sleep? Yeah, where did he sleep? Why? How? Is it like that movie with What's-His-Face where he goes into the... You know, with Tom Hanks?

Hell yeah. And he goes into the part that's under construction and he just lives in that part? Maybe. How would he not... I mean, I guess the staff is limited. If there's ever a time to live somewhere and not be detected, it would probably be now, right? That's so weird. How's that possible?

That does seem pretty impossible. I could see it happening for a couple weeks or something, but three months? I can't figure it out. That's impressive. Yeah, that's amazing. Most of the people that we've talked about have been one, two, one, two, three, four weeks, maybe a month. But three months? Yeah.

Mind-blowing. Mind-blowing. That is. And just like the other two, you know, I don't think they did anything bad. Like, they didn't hurt anyone or do anything. They were just going along. Yeah, it's just. If I had a hat on, I'd tip it for this dude.

Like, that's crazy. It's impressive. They should hire him for, like, security. I don't know how he, yeah, I need to know where he was at. Like, there's got to be an interview with this dude where he's just talking about living in where. Where did he live? I don't know. Yeah, like, I don't see any interviews with him or anything i

just they should yeah give me like a five minute interview of them being like how'd you do it where'd you live like i want to know it's crazy that is crazy so hopefully one day we will get that interview yeah wow i'm so impressed That's so wild that he did this. And having been to O'Hare, I can't imagine how he wouldn't be seen. I just can't figure it out. Or how he got into that area that was secure. Yeah. So I guess he stole the badge.

But even then, you've got to steal someone's badge that looks like you. Unless they don't care. It's like, I don't know care Maybe there's no photo on it It's just one of those bing bing badges That opens doors But even then you have to have the balls to be like I'm gonna steal that guy's badge I just

And then to do it I guess it's kind of malicious But he stole it just so he could hide out Not so he could rob anyone They said he stole less than $500 over three months. That man is a saint. If he's only taking $500 over three months.

It's just crazy. I don't know. So I'd like to see an interview with him. Maybe a Netflix series. We need something. Some explanation. There's so much in that story that I need more of. Alright, well,

hopefully we'll find something out this week with that story, but that is it for us. Thank you so much for listening and watching. I hope you're enjoying this podcast. Crandor, hit him with the socials. We've got socials. Woo, woo, woo, woo. Pew, pew, pew, pew.

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Thanks for watching, gang, or listening. We'll see you all next time, and as always, to be continued.