Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 274 - Cox n' Crendor n' Cosmo

Episode Date: February 1, 2021

This week the boys find themselves looking back in time and discover one of their earliest podcasts involved reading a Cosmo magazine. So they're doing it again. Also David Lynch, AMSR, and America Netherlands. Yep, it's another Cox n' Crendor alright! Go to http://meundies.com/crendor to get 15% off your first order and free shipping! Go to http://kittypooclub.com and enter promo code cox to get 20% off your first order when you set up auto-ship!

Today's episode is brought to you by MeUndies. MeUndies are the undies I have on a me. They are looking good and my undies game is pretty tight. As in visually not constricting. Yeah. Also today we're brought to you by Kitty Poo Club. If you're a cat person, me, and you are probably Grendor. Yes. Then this is the product for you. We'll talk about that later as well. Now let's jump into this podcast. Hello, everybody.

It's time for Ghost on Grendor. This is Grendor in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4 hour recording studios! Recording! Wake your ass up! It's Ducks! Grendel! Good morning!

Good morning! Hello everybody, welcome to another exciting episode of Ducks! Grendel! Good morning! I got myself a guy's granddad with money. Wait, what? I wanted to throw you off a bit. You did. You did throw.

I was like, did he leave? What happened to him? I didn't leave. I've been here the whole time. Well, okay. Thanks for making it super awkward. No problem. I mean, only for making it super awkward. No problem. I mean, only you made it awkward. What do you mean?

You're the one who was quiet. Yeah, but I'm fine in silence. I'm not. Are you telling me we should just do a whole podcast in silence and you'd be okay with that? Yeah. I don't think the listeners would be. I think some of them would. Really?

If we just stop talking right now? Huh. Well, you can't go, huh. You can't ruin the bit by going, huh. Why not? It's not like an actual word. I thought for sure I would be the one to break first. I didn't expect it to be you.

So easily broken by silence. I thought it was more like background noise. What does that mean? You know, like it's not like completely silent. Just like you're still like, you know, like. Oh, like, completely silent. Just, like, there's still, like, you know, like. Oh, well, I wouldn't. No, that's even weirder. That's, like, more awkward.

It's just like we stopped talking and we're just, like, on another phone call. Like, oh, hey, what's up? Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. No, okay, cool. Yeah. Uh-huh.

Like, that's, I think it's even weirder. I think it's even more strange. Really? That's even weirder. I think that's even more strange. Really? That's probably ASMR of that. I hate that. I hate that idea. Of just like ASMR of snooping on someone else's phone call. That's a terrible idea.

No, but it's not like you're snooping on them. It's like they're recording it and willingly uploading it for you to listen to. Right, but the implication of the ASMR is it's ASMR. The name of that ASMR would be ASMR, you listening in on my phone call. Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah, that's what it would be. What's the difference between that and then just sitting in public and hearing people do stuff?

That's what I'm saying. There's no difference what what you're doing is just a it's it's like when someone's like asmr your girlfriend wakes up next to you it's like hey there good morning like that kind of stuff right no different i mean it's still like wait what it's still a little weird yeah i don't think it's weird though. Well. Of course you don't. I'm an ASMR fanatic. I know. I don't know.

They're all like, they're all just like a little bit sexual. Well, yeah. They're all just like a little bit. And so I have to wonder what like ASMR listening into my phone call would be about. I'm not judging at all. I think you are judging. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not judging.

If anyone is a pervert here, it's me. But I'm just saying that ASMR is a little sexual. And anyone who says otherwise is denying the fact that it's a little sexual. No, I don't deny that. I think they're definitely denying it. No's a little sexual no i don't deny that i think they're definitely no no no i don't deny that i'm just saying sometimes there's asmr of like pure background noise like nothing like it's just you know at a coffee shop and you just hear like yeah but i don't think that's asmr i don't think it? I think you have a different definition of it. I think that's white noise. Like the background of a train or a coffee shop or a street in a city.

I think that's like white noise stuff. That's ASMR. You know what? I'm not going to look it up. You're about to make me go on the internet and look up like the tree of ASMR. What is the genus and species of ASMRmr look this stuff up not happening not happening okay not gonna waste my time or yours with this inquiry it's unnecessary i am so asmr means a ton i don't know autonomous sensory meridian response so essentially it's just sounds that create a like nervous system reaction of like giving you tingles or just a feel-good sensation or a relaxing sensation so if

you get that feeling from keyboard typing which i do all right love me some keyboard typing okay or nail tapping that's a good one i will say this the one that i love is the one where someone uh like going through a collection of cards does that make any sense or like these are my yes full collection of yugioh cards and i'm like all right i'm in they're like this one is blue eyes white dragon tap tap tap tap i don't know why i don't know why that's the one for me i'm like i don't get anything out of it i'm just like oh look at those oh that's a beautiful that's a beautiful charizard i've never seen that artwork before like it's so weird i feel like we talk about asmr at least once every month and a half well you know what because it's weird and i can't stop thinking

about it it's weird it's very weird it's not weird i don't think yeah i think you make it weird by thinking it's so weird even though it's not weird. I'm just saying every time – I'm going to let you know my rabbit hole of ASMR. Every time this is what happens. Every time. It will be like late at night and I'm like, you know what? I want something a little bit different than like someone reading me a book or like a calm story or some music or a podcast. Like, you know, what's happening on YouTube?

And I'll eventually hit the ASMR world and be like, okay, well, I know the ASMR people that I like. And so what will end up happening is I'll go to the one that I always go to, which is this girl who just opens a pack of Pokemon cards. That's it. It's like her at home opening Pokemon cards. And it's, I don't know, maybe 20 minutes long. It's just like, oh, I love this.

Oh, look at him. He's so cute. Like that. It's very sweet and innocent and wonderful. And then I will watch the entire thing every time. I don't know why. I learn nothing new. It's the the entire thing every time i don't know why i learned nothing new it's the exact same video every time and then because i'm clearly not tired and i'm like well i just sat through 20 minutes of that i will click whatever it recommends and every time afterwards

it recommends something different and that's where the rabbit hole begins. Usually it takes me to one, which is, oh, another person reviewing something else, right? Just some other thing like, um, like, uh, I'm looking at he man or I'm looking at the dragon balls, he thinks, and I'll be like, oh, interesting. And then someone like, this is Goku. I like go. And I'm like, all right. And I'll start watching it and then I'll, you know, I'll start scrolling through the videos as it's in the background and I'll see what else is on there I don't see something that says

You know like um I'm repairing you and you're a robot. I'm like, all right I got to see what this is and I'll click it and then it's like a girl like up in your face like oh I'm gonna fix you now. I'm like oh and you know what ends up happening every time almost every time they're like you're you're certainly put together very well right they start like you know it's like all right we get a little sexual and then from there it always devolves rapidly in the in the in the suggestive videos of that are like we go on a date together. I'm like, oh, my God, what is this?

So I click that, and it's like a green screen date with this girl. And you're like, oh, boy, here we go. And then, of course, start scrolling through. Because I'm not paying attention to anything that's happening now. I'm like, what is going on? So I start scrolling through suggested videos. And it always ends to one that's like lip smacking. And then it's just like like what is happening

so then you're like alright well I'm on this video now and then you keep scrolling through and then it's like girlfriend wakes up next to you slurping lollipop and you're like what is going on it just gets worse and worse and worse and then it's like

eating bananas and you're like what i can't it is it is a gateway it is a gateway to like some dirty stuff and i'm letting you know i've seen things on youtube that i thought were banned on youtube and i am like whoa so i'm just saying it happens every time and i'm like well that is certainly enough of that. I should have been to bed three hours ago. Every time. And it always starts because I just will be like, I haven't watched that girl do that Pokemon video in a while. And for some reason, that's the one.

It's such an old video. She's probably in her 40s and is like married with three kids and living her best life. But this video, I just have a lot of videos that I keep going back to over and over again over the years. And I realize that they've been my go-to videos for a decade, if not longer. I remember watching this video when I was still teaching. a decade, if not longer. I remember watching this video when I was still teaching and as I'm talking about it, I just, it's blowing my mind that it was that long ago, 2010, 2011. And I can't, I'm, I just, it just makes me feel old because I know that she's off living a life somewhere, but the YouTube version of her is still the exact same.

And it's weird because it doesn't really... In my mind, if I saw that person, would I recognize them? I don't know. I don't know. I'm currently blowing my own mind right now with time. So, there you go. I started my YouTube channel officially 12 years ago. So now I look back and I'm like, oh my God, 12 years.

That was 12 years ago. But at the same time, I'm kind of like, it almost feels longer. Time is weird, right? Because I agree with you. I had a thought the other day about people that I've met since I started doing YouTube. And how it feels like I've known them my entire life yet it clearly isn't the case

and before I met them I had a whole other life and before that life I had a whole other life like I had high school friends that I think I talked to two still and that was and that still seems like

another reality like a different time time is screwy time will mess with you not a fan not a fan of it okay there's some things where I'm like oh didn't that happen like I don't know last year and it's like that was four years ago and I'm like what then there's other things where you're like oh yeah I think that was probably a while ago. And it's like, oh, that was like four months ago. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I guess it was. So little happened last year that I think things that happened in 2019 happened last year just to fill in the gaps of how boring 2020 was. Like personally boring.

Universally, it was a shit show. But for me, so little happened that it's like, I think most of the things I remember happened in 2019. Well, we had, it was literally about a year ago we went to Disneyland. That feels like it was three years ago at this point. What was that, January 2020? It was like the 20-something. We went to Disneyland. Damn. Damn. Damn.

So I think, man, I'm like, wow. And then Animal Crossing came out in March, and I played Animal Crossing for like three weeks straight. And that was like all I did. And thinking back to that, that feels like longer as well. But that wasn't even a year ago at this point. So I don't know. Time, dude.

Time, dude. so I don't know time dude time dude it is it is weird that time can both seem very like it flies by but also is like super slow it's bizarre oh yeah alright I know what I want to talk

about so okay talk to me we uh we've been watching uh all the extended versions of the hobbit and lord of the rings uh-huh where is this going uh-huh so every night we pretty much just watch like i don't know hour and a half and i'll see wherever that takes us and then we did that you don't commit to an entire movie i love that that's part of this. We watch it an hour and a half.

They're long enough where it's like, all right, let's continue it tomorrow. Then you watch another hour and a half. That's so funny to me. That's so funny. I thought you were about to say we watch a movie at night. I was like, yeah, all right. That kind of makes sense. No, no, no. We make it through an hour and a half.

We're like, all right, that's enough. An hour and a half is pretty much a normal movie true but i can extend that you're not like i get it i get it but the fact that you're not like man i'm so into this i can't wait to like watch watch more of it just like yeah we'll watch tomorrow. That's the level of I don't know. I want to say like moderation. You know what? I can't have too much rings and lords tonight. You gotta finish streaming.

We gotta calm down, watch something, and then get ready for bed. And then you gotta go to bed at a decent time. Right? How dare you be like, you gotta go to bed at a decent time and it's like 5am. I'll let you know, it used to be like 5.30am. Now it's like 4am.

We've dialed it back. You're doing better. You know what? You're doing better. We can wake up before noon now. Oh my god. And then, except today, I woke up at like 1.

So I slept a while. Uh, but where's it going? Oh yeah. So we finished all of it and honestly, the Hobbit extended editions. I actually, I actually enjoyed them. You know, they're like not as good as Lord of the Rings, but they're still like cozy movies and they still, uh, I don't know. They're not like the Star Wars prequels or something.

They're not like, ugh. Like, they're still pretty good. And then Lord of the Rings Extended Editions. You're like, oh, that's crazy. Then we watched the behind the scenes. And I never watched the behind the scenes before. And they're actually pretty great. So you learned how they made the Hobbits look short?

Yeah, they show how they make them look short. They show how, like, they do all the sets and stuff. I didn't know how much stuff they actually did for sets and everything back then. They used CGI, but not as much as they use today. They did a lot of actual making stuff and crafting things. Back then. Back then? That was like 20 years ago. Back then, 1954.

Listen, we're talking modern technology. 20 years may as well be 100 years. I mean, you're right. Back then. Back then. We're just talking about time. 20 years. Think of you 20 years ago.

I mean, this movie wasn't 20 years ago. Yeah. Lord of the Rings was 20, maybe 15. No. I thought it was 2009, 2008, 2009. No. When was Lord of the Rings? 2001.

Bullshit. December 19th, 2001. Lord of the Rings. Fellowship of the Ring. It was 2001. Holy crap. Yeah. Wow. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. You know what? I do remember I was dating a girl at the time. God, why is my life punctuated by like the story always starts. I was dating a girl at the time and we went every time. Notice it's not like I was dating my girl at the time, and we went every time. Notice it's not like, I was dating my wife at the time. It's never that. It's never like, yeah, I met this wonderful girl and everything worked out.

It's always like, yeah, I was with this girl that we're no longer together for reasons. No, I, yeah, I remember going to the movie theater with this girl who won a seat at the time. And 2001 Jesse, I never read Lord of the Rings, never thought about Lord of the Rings. And she was like, you'll love it. Trust me. I was like, all right. So we went to the movie theater. And when it was over, I was so upset that the movie ended without an ending.

I was like, wait a minute. It's not even over. What do you mean? She's like, there'll be another movie. And I'm like, well, how long do I have to wait? I was really upset i was so invested that i was like what what do you mean a whole year she's like it's just a year by the way we were broken up before the next movie came out classic yeah uh i do remember that yeah yeah yeah

oh my god yeah that was i wasn't even in high school yet back then That was a while ago Yeah that was My second year of college First year of college Second year of college I think Yeah that was Those were good times

That was an interesting College was an interesting period. Man, I totally forgot that – 2001? You know what? You're right. You're right. It was a long time ago. You're right.

That was a long time ago. Here I was. In fact, The Hobbit came out in 2012. So you thought it was closer to The Hobbit. I can't even – yeah, I thought it was more close to hobbit can't even yeah i thought it was more close to the hobbit well yeah that was uh oh my god i went i said i i went to go look up what songs did i like in 2001 and uh songs from 2001 this is i can't believe these are... Sum 41 Fat Lip was from 2001. System of a Down Chop Suey, 2001.

Weezer Hash Pipe, 2001. And that I consider an old Weezer song. Blink-182, anything from Blink-182 I consider old. And that's 2001. Gorillaz Clint Eastwood, 2001. Hooba Stank's 2001. Gorillas, Clint Eastwood, 2001. Hoobastank, 2001. Aerosmith was still making 2001.

Oh, my God. That was really jaded. Incubus, 2001. Now, I do remember Incubus because this one girl in one of my classes would not stop listening to Incubus. Oh, my God. Get out of town. The Lady Marmalade, Christina Aguilera, Little Kim song town. The Lady Marmalade Christina Aguilera Little Kim song was 2001. Lady Marmalade. Jimmy E. World, Shakira.

Shakira, whatever, wherever was 2001. No. No. No. All of these, I can't. This is blowing my mind. A lot of these, you know, wow, what? I thought, here's the problem.

Most of these songs I thought were either in the 90s or a little bit later. I'm not saying because 2000, 2001, 2003 were kind of like shitty years, but they were. Really nothing of value occurred, I guess, except for Lord of the Rings. Clearly I was wrong. Creed, 2001. Get out of town. I'm deleting this. I'm deleting this playlist off my phone.

Get out of here. Oh, my God. Jessica Simpson started her career. Oh, wait. She had the newlywed Nick and Jessica's 2003. I remember that show. I remember that show, too. That's where she was like, tuna, that's like chicken of the sea or whatever.

I thought buffalo wings came from buffaloes. I remember that. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's crazy. Time. I can't. Yeah my God. That's crazy. Time. I can't.

Yeah, man. This is why I don't look. This is why I never look back. This is why I never look back. Never look back. Never look. This is why I don't look back at all. And what's weird is that video games fit better than everything else.

Right? Like when you think about video games, you're like, maybe that's why everything feels off to me. Because when you think back to video games, today was the 24 year anniversary of Final Fantasy 7. Oh wow. And when you look back at 24 years of Final Fantasy 7, you think to yourself yeah, that looks like a 24 year old

game. And then if I base that on Final Fantasies, like Final Fantasy 10 like yeah all right you know what that looks like an older game that there was like kind of and then you like everything if you base everything off of games time seems to have a more standard deviation because you can see it grow that things look better over time everything else kind of looks the same look Lord of the Rings is just as beautiful looking today as it was then, so you have no sort of baseline of what time it actually was that it was made.

But a game, I can tell you not only when it was made, but most likely what console it was on based on how it looks. Yeah, Banjo-Kazooie was 98. That's about right. Yeah, you look at the graphics of banjo kazooie like that seems like that's a 1998 game yeah right it all it all checks out it all maybe that's why everything seems so weird because if you base everything off of games if your life is video games then i guess it's easier to deviate time because everything is sort of like visually how things looked. Yeah.

I mean, even thinking back, I remember playing like Battlefield 1942. That was, was that like 2004? Yeah, 42. That was one of the first Battlefields I actually remember playing. 2002. Well, there you go. Yeah, I remember playing that. I got it for Christmas.

And I was like, dude, this game's awesome. But here's the thing. That was just you recollecting. And you were only two years off. Yeah. Because you, in your mind, visually know what it looked like. And then you can base it off of the other battlefields that came out so it's like

you know in the timeline when that stuff was so it all you know checks off in your mind yeah I just googled Cox and Crandor Hobbit episode 18 Jesse and Crandor discussed the Hobbit robot

co-host and of, discerning look into the new Cosmo article about S&M. That sounds right. Yeah, that sounds like us. Nothing has changed. Let's see if Cosmo's changed, actually. Your Saturn sign has a lesson for you.

What is it? Saturn in Aries. Saturn in Taurus. What's yours? Taurus. Taurus? Let's see. Your self-worth and material wealth are closely linked to the sign of Taurus.

When Saturn is in Taurus, the way you see yourself might depend on the amount of wealth you bring in. Saturn wants you to know you are worth every penny and will provide challenges that empower you. Thanks, Saturn. Thanks, Saturn. Cool, I guess. Weird. Saturn wants

you to know you're worth every penny. What a weird-ass statement to be written down anywhere. Saturn's got, like, sunglasses on. He's like, yo, bro, you're fucking cool, man. Thanks, Saturn. No problem. I needed that today. Anyway, I gotta get back to space.

what a weird ass thing to me i can't believe someone wrote that saturn wants you to know what the shit is this all, here's another Cosmo thing. We know what your secret sex fantasy is, do you? How do they know and I don't? Wait, is this a quiz? Give me this quiz. Give me this quiz. Okay, let's see. Look, it's cool if every time you need to get yourself over the edge,

you return to the mental picture of being taken from behind while wearing a pair of Telfar boots. I'm sorry, what? Telfar boots. Look at this shit. All right. First up. I love getting you to read this. All right, yes.

First up. They only say that because they have a link that links you to go buy $769 boots that I guarantee you they get like 10% over some shit. Can I see these boots? Can you link me these boots? Yeah. I want to see what these... In my mind, they're like really high. What the... They don't even look good. They look like someone branded it with like one of those things they brand cows with. Except they brand the top of a boot.

You know what's really gross about this what is they linked you to a thing called logo boot and the description is an everyday boot for everyone inspired by our iconic unisex shopping bag now here's the thing this boot literally has a giant e on it so when it says an everyday boot for everyone, it literally means the E's. I hate this. I thought this was going to be like a sexy boot. And they're like, when your fantasy is being taken

while you're wearing these boots, which already is like a weird, like a very specific and odd fantasy. I'm wearing my logo boots. I just bought my everyday boot for everyone, and I want my man to take me. What? What a crazy...

Okay, yes. Anyway, continue, please. I'll try to pretend like I'm not the bottom once again in this situation. Parentheses. Don't lie. I won't lie. I'm not gonna lie parentheses again it's only natural to put your fave on repeat the shit's that mean you're listening to your ipod it's only natural to put your fave on repeat this is like a sex thing? Where it's like, I only call out my favorite boo. I don't know.

Like, are the kids like... Is this like, I have my man on speed dial, but also, I've got other men. They are also on my playlist. And I don't even... I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Is it talking about the boots? Like, your boots are on repeat?

You're wearing them over and over? Well, I mean, if you're having sex in these boots, eventually you're not going to be wearing them over and over. All right, all right. Given the kind of ground hoggy and hellscape of the past 10 months we've been in, wouldn't it be kind of nice to mix things up with something dot, dot, dot, even hotter? Yes, yes, it would. Who's writing this? I need

every woman listening to know, if this is how you coming at me with our sex life, I'm out. I'm gone. I have zero interest in whatever this is. But anyway, please continue. Alright, this is Jill Hamilton. But anyway, please continue. All right.

This is Jill Hamilton. All right. Let's check. So it's lucky that you have us. Okay, fine. Maybe not us per se, but rather sex researcher Justin Lem Miller and a group of other highly informed secret sources. This is all bullshit. Secret sources.

They were like, we gotta come up with an article to fill two pages. Yeah, get some secret sources in there. Go around the office, ask people. And a group of other who know how to use

your personality to divine said even hotter fantasy. So pick the description that fits you best prepare for an uncanny amount of detail and dot dot dot you know what to do from there i don't know i don't have a clue i don't know what this is or what this is about but let's go let's do this if there's something about a color-coded system that really does it for you. They spelled really R-L-Y, by the way. And is it just me or are those old school three ring binders super hot? What?

Is this a question? I. What? All right. This is confusing enough. I'm going to link it to you. Wait, what? That's what it says

If there's something about A color coded system that really does it for you And is it just me Or are those old three ring binders really hot That is a weird First off it is just you Oh yeah Second that's really weird

To just be like you know what you know what turns me on notepads that's one of the top searches you know internet i'm really aroused by trapper keepers definitely looking up uh hot binders don't look up hot binders don't do that don't do that no yeah don't do that um your fantasy is all right so i take it they just mean you're organized right that's what it's got to mean your fantasy is a loft apartment meet up with that cute afternoon shift barista it's 4 37 p.m they're in a beanie parentheses Parentheses. The olive slouchy one. And they smell like vanilla as they slowly unhook your power

bra. The red one. Power bra. Wait, wait. Is this... I don't understand. Is this not a quiz, Grendor? I think you're picking which of those metaphorical questions you are and then this is your famous. Alright, well I'm not

I'm not going to be hooking up with a barista. It's just not happening. What about your power bra? The red one. My power bra does not come off for a barista. Let me tell you right now. I'm sorry. I'm in my 30s. My barista

days are behind me. But the red one? The red power, like I said, does not come off for a barista. All right. Thank you very much. Your curated seduction playlist is so good that afterward they ask you to send them the link. Yes, your life is a movie. What?

Why? No. That is not a movie. There's nothing cinematic about that. Like, damn, I can't believe we just hooked up. Do you want to, like, send me your playlist? There's nothing like that. If that's romantic, I clearly don't know what romance is.

I agree. Oh, damn. I'm so glad that you got me off. Can you send me a playlist? That sounds like you need a shitty novel or something. Very organized people tend to plan their fantasies down to every damn detail. You just like the world to seem orderly, even in your mind, theorizes Lem Miller. What?

Who is this? Who is Lem Miller? I don't know. They're just theorizing. They're theorizing Lem Miller. Okay. Yeah. Sure.

All right. Okay. This is the next one. If you are easily torqued by stress or find sex to be a little anxiety-inducing, your fantasy is you're straddling your lover, telling them to look but not touch. Villanelle from Killing Eve vibes abound. Killer outfit included. Time zooms out and spiritually you are vibrating three feet off the ground.

What? I think they're high off shrooms. You know what's crazy about this? You know what's crazy about this? The idea that there's definitely 100% women out there connecting to this just proves that men and women are different. You and I are listening to this like, what the shit are they talking about? It just proves men and women are wired differently. I hear this and I'm like, wait, what?

It sounds like I'm solving a code. You're levitating off the ground? And're like look don't touch i'm wearing my sexy outfit and i'm vibing with the universe like what let me know what app these words are it's like villanelle from killing eve and your killer outfit vibes are hitting as you hover off the ground like what it just sounds like they're high. I don't even think that sounds like they're high. I don't even know. Why? Great question.

Engaging in light BDSM and stepping into a character separate from yourself is the perfect escape. Your alter ego isn't concerned about whether you remembered to turn off your straightener or pay that bill. Just sex things. That was BDSM? What? Yeah, you know, when you're like, don't touch me. I'm vibing with the universe. BDSM, you know?

And that's an alter ego? So they're like role-playing? Yeah, they're role-playing a person who's not stressed out, right? I think that's what that was supposed to be. I guess... Yeah. Alright.

Alright, alright. So I'm not connecting any of these so far. No, not me either. Okay, here we go. If you're a big time people pleaser and usually the one to say sorry even when it's the other person's fault. Your fantasy is

in the midst of sex, you bring out a new magic toy that completely blows your partner's mind or you know their whatever. Afterward, they lie next to you speechless. Tears of gratitude on their end may or may not be involved. Tears of gratitude on their end?

Tears of gratitude? Tears of gratitude on their end. Tears of gratitude? Tears of gratitude. That's a lot of emotion. Yeah, I'm not... I don't know that I could handle tears of gratitude. Yeah, that's like... I mean, if anything, you're probably going to be having tears of gratitude when you're hovering

three feet off the ground. I don't know about that. Yeah, I don't know if tears is the way I want sex to end. Even if it was like, that was so good, I'd be like, are you okay? What happened there? That's like too good. That's not going to happen. Yeah, also, I mean, like, if you're crying after sex, like that was the best ever, that's

a lot of pressure on me now. Maybe if that's like, that's like Kama Sutra or whatever. That's like what those people are doing. They're like doing it for like five hours. Yeah, if you're like, that was the best ever. That's a lot of pressure on me now. Maybe that's like Kama Sutra or whatever. That's like what those people are doing. They're like doing it for like five hours. Yeah, if you're like having tantric. And they're like hitting a point like, I'm reaching the ultimate plane. I feel like, okay, I can understand that. If I never get to see you again, then cool, let's do that.

Right? If the last impression of me is I made you so happy you cried for joy, you had tears of joy after that sexual experience, great. But if I have to see you every damn day, I can't compete with that. You want me to make you cry every time? Can't do it. I don't have the pain. Sometimes can it not be about making you transcend reality or whatever the hell. Right?

Yeah. That's a lie. That's asking too much. That's a lot of... That's a lie. Why? Oh, yeah. Agreeable types tend to fantasize about things they think will make others happy.

The five flavored lubes sitting in your amazon cart say hi you might be into swinging not because you're poly by nature see page 72 re that but because sharing equals caring in your mind per lay miller's research now my the implication there is the lube having flavors means there's some oral shit going on. You know what I'm saying? Right. So here's my problem with this. The whole section, this little bit, is about you being the one who's like,

I want to make you happy. Oh, yeah. But the flavor is because you don't... It's only going to matter to her. Yeah, it's like literally, I'm doing this for you. I don't want to do this, so I'm going to mask how awful you taste with the flavor of lube. So you're not doing it. You're not really getting that lube for them.

You're getting it for you. Shit, dude. Am I crazy? I don't think you're crazy. I think you're right. But I guess you're willing to buy the lube for them. So it means that you are willing. So they're like, God, they taste so bad, but I'm going to lube them up so that I can do it.

Maybe just take a shower. Yeah, I guess that... It's just... Yeah, okay. I mean... Yeah, all right. Whatever. All right.

Next. All right, next. Next. If you're sociable and super outgoing, hello! And your greatest phobia is forgetting to respond to a single text. You're the Ina Garten of orgy hosting. What? And all your guests are vying for your attention,

which you're able to give everyone equally. You've got special favors picked out to use on each of them because you're thoughtful like that. A party platter, if you will. Wow. All right, stop stop all right stop the people hosting orgies are not reading cosmo never it's never happened there's never been someone who's like oh i'm the

what was the person's name eva garter eva don't know. Eva Garter. I don't know. Of orgies, and I need Cosmo to tell me what to do. No, no, no. This is... This is... Cosmo is like if you're really boring and you need help fantasizing about sexual things. Oh, yeah. Maybe I could be in an orgy. Yeah, like if you're doing orgies already, you're definitely not reading this.

You're probably like, you know. Yeah, you don't need Cosmo. Trust me, you don't need Cosmo. Well, here's why. Extroverts like to obviously engage with the world, says LaMiller. Studies show they're into sensation-seeking behaviors and also novelty and excitement. So thinking about something you've probs never done, enter orgy, is super appealing. I mean, you can be like an extrovert and out there and enjoy, you know, climbing a mountain, but you don't want to do an orgy.

No one ever thinks about the logistics of an orgy. Where would you host it? Who would you invite? What would the rules be? Would there be food or not food? Is it weird to have food in an orgy should you have something at least how many drinks do you need what happens if you can you know your friends like tim and jill and then they're like these people are weird this invite us to an orgy

and they never talk to you again yeah like how do you know who your orgy friends are right it's a lot of questions no No one's asking. Ben and Samantha. And Samantha, she doesn't want to be in a relationship. She wants to be hovering three feet off the ground. What if you ask Ben and Samantha? Ben wants to go. Samantha doesn't want to. Now you've ruined their marriage. It's on you.

It's your problem now. They're asking Karen, his housewife, who just got a Cosmo to host an orgy. She's like, Philip, do you think it'd be fun to invite all the friends? Of course, Phil's going to say yes because he's going to be like, oh, my God. All right? So, I mean, come on. You're just causing problems.

Maybe Phil's too busy reading about Cosmo and he wants to, I don't know, he's looking for flavored lube. You know? Phil's like, what's this flavor lube I keep seeing about? Yeah. I don't know. Should we get some, Phil? Uh, sure, Karen. Can you put it on your feet?

See? Now that I expect to actually be in Cosmo. I expect that to be in Cosmo. Like, why to be in Cosmo. Yeah. Like, why doesn't Cosmo give real, like, look, some people like when you lick their feet. You know, some people think it's weird, but some people are into it. And you have to ask your partner if that's, like, why isn't Cosmo like, look. And then Karen's going to be like, God, this Cosmo article about these feet. Those people are so weird.

And then he's going to be like, ha ha, yeah. And then he, like, slides his flavored feet lube back into the drawer oh oh all right honey okay yeah uh all right we're on the final one look all i'm saying is all i'm saying is if you want to see what's what's really going on with people in america uh go look up the the charts that show like what people watch on Pornhub you'll see we're all really messed up like really messed up and there's no doubt in my mind that whatever this is

levitating three feet off the ground whatever the hell that's supposed to be is not what any of your readers are actually doing in real life yeah I'd agree with that one. Well, here it is. The last one you can relate to.

If you're on constant red alert in relationships or situationships, especially situationships, looking for hidden signs that they're not that into you. What the? All right. I hate this. Situationship. S the... Alright. I hate this. Situationship. Situationships. A romantic relationship that's

undefined or uncommitted. And maybe based on convenience or short term circumstances. So this is just like One night stands. Friends with benefits. Or yeah, friends with benefits thing. Okay. It's some place between a committed relationship and something that's more of a friendship.

This is... What a dumb... What a... A situation-ship? Situation-ship. All right. Your fantasy is... You are tied up and waiting, completely on edge.

Think Fifty Shades, as in, you've written a trilogy's worth of instructions that your highly enthusiastic partner has memorized for you. That's not happening. They know exactly how to play you and make you beg before they touch you again. They're just as desperate to feel you, but they're able, only just barely, to hold back. Imagine somebody comes up to you with a novel and they're like, this is how you please me. I mean, that's the thing though, right?

If anything, that's a red alert in a relationship. I'm still upset about this whole situationship thing. I hate that term. I hate it because it literally is just a relationship, but one person doesn't want to be committed to it. And so you've just both agreed not to be committed, even though definitely one person wishes it was a relationship. I hate it.

I hate it. Like this says a relationship that has no label on it like a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship that just sounds like a relationship it's so dumb it's so dumb yeah I have a lot of uh I don't understand either it's it just seems like people hooking up and they're like we we know we hook up multiple times. Like, okay, cool. I mean, that's why there's so many movies on there, right? Like there's all those like rom-com films where they're like, yo, we're just friends with benefits.

And then they become more than that. There's one with like Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis, right? There's many of them. And they're like, and then we got together or didn't. But it's just weird that. And then it's like them breaking up, which means it was like a relationship. Yeah. I'm just saying it sounds to me like if you're in a situation,

you're in a relationship, and one of you is just not that into it. That's what it sounds like to me. I don't want to have to call everyone out on this, but it sounds like the two of you are in a relationship, but one of you is just like, I'm too busy to talk to you, really. And then what about multiple situationships? Can you have multiple situationships? Yeah, I bet you can. I bet, in fact, if you looked at the situationship tree, there's usually one person with multiple situationships.

And those people in the situationship with them are only in that one relationship. Oh, yeah, probably. Yeah, like if we had to really dig deep here, it's probably like one dude and his four girlfriends. And then he's like, no, no, no, no, no. But like, you know, I love you all equally, but I can't really be with Jews. I love you all equally, but I can't really be with Jews. And so, eight years later, Cosmopolitan still writing questionable articles that I don't understand. Still terrible. Still terrible.

Well, you know what's not terrible? What? You know what is lovely? Me undies! Whoa. That's right. Speaking of lovely, speaking of love in general. Well, MeUndies is here, as it always is, but now just in time for Valentine's. For you and your loved one can get matching undies or loungewear or socks.

Actually, you can get just about matching everything on the website. It is the perfect gift for your relationship, your situation ship, whatever you got going on. I'm not judging. You can get matching ones, right? Yeah. And you can, I don't know, you know, wear them together. If you know what I'm saying, all you got to do is go to me on these. And right now you can show yourself some love

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They're made with sustainable, breathable, softer-than-fabric, micro-modal, mega-future trees. I still don't get how it works. And if you want, you don't have to just go there to buy for this month. You can buy for every month. You get a membership, and it gives you and your boo a new pair of undies and socks every month. That's a fun gift. Members get discount prices on

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go to MeUndies.com slash Crendor. That's MeUndies.com slash Crendor. That's me.ndies.com slash Crendor. That's me. If you're working from home, that means you got more time for your morning coffee or an occasional afternoon nap. And, of course, the opportunity for your furry feline friend to walk across the keyboard in the middle of your Zoom call and type a bunch of keys. And then you're like, who's typing? And then it's just your cat uh

you love having your cat around uh but you know what you don't love is being around the litter box it smells all right is i don't even own a cat and i know that that's true now you got kitty poo club it's an all-in-one litter box solution designed to be convenient for you every month they deliver an affordable high quality recyclable litter box that's pre-filled with the litter of your choice let me tell you it gets annoying having to go out and buy big ass things of like 20 pound litter i mean you know now i'm buff door so i can easily carry them but still yeah go out there you gotta get and be like there we go and they gotta pour it in and that's all uh the boxes are leak

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up auto ship that's kiddiepooclub.com and don't forget to enter promo code cox at checkout all right crendall let's go to traffic out there's go to traffic. Let's go to traffic out there. Oh, boy. Traffic is a little wonky because it is snowing all over America except for probably Bayou because it's still hot. But everywhere else it is snowing. I mean, it was snowing here a little bit ago. Really?

Yeah, it's snowing. I mean, like up a little north of me, but yeah. Ah, I see. I mean, yeah, it's snowing everywhere. We got, like, a whole bunch of snow here, and now the East Coast getting a bunch of snow. There's some crazy stuff. And, yeah, there's cars slipping all over, so go slow out there if you gotta drive, you know. Buy one of those window scraper things.

Those are vital. You know, you gotta scrape off the ice i swear one day my entire car was covering ice i had to like scrape that thing down it was crazy uh back to you thanks cred door now let's go over to the weather desk how's that weather weather guess what it's snowing everywhere uh what yeah uh we got snow all over major, uh, winter storm driving east here. I think we got like 10 inches of snow or something. Uh, we got a decent amount and, uh, man, it is, it's piling up, but now's the fun part. Cause then they pile it all up in these big like clops and then, uh, you wait for spring

to hit. So it starts melting. It's pretty fun. And then, let's see. Do we got any weather requests? I guess I skipped last week. Maybe I'll... Who was last week? Yeah, you did skip.

You skipped it. You skipped it last week. Yeah, I'll go back and see. You skipped it last week. The number one I see here, weather request for America, a village in the Netherlands. I like it. Okay. America village.

Okay, America. America, Limburg, Netherlands. All right. America, Netherlands. Yeah. There it is. So, in America, it is 35 degrees. Occasional light rain.

You got your low of near 35 Fahrenheit. No Celsius for you. Winds at east of 5 to 10 miles an hour. Chance of rain, 80%. So it's probably be raining. Humidity, 91. Moonrise, 844. You got an UV index of 0 to 10.

Moon set, 958 AM. Monday, cloudy. 42 degrees Fahrenheit. Tuesday, 52 with rain. Wednesday, 51 rain. Thursday, 51 cloudy. Friday, 48 showers. Saturday, 42 showers.

Sunday, 36 with some snow. And then you're going to drop, stay in the 30s for a while. Mostly, partly cloudy. And then it's going gonna start warming up again yo can i just say 50s probably high 50s with rain is like my favorite weather that is a good weather i agree with you i i love that like uh summer rain vibe yeah because it's like it's not like too hot but it's not too cold and then the rain you just get like just enough and like the grass is getting green and everything's kind of like it's good stuff it it's what too cold. And then the rain, you just get like just enough. And like the grass is getting green and everything's kind of like, it's good stuff.

It's what I imagine that Toto song was like, right? It rains out Africa and you're just like in the nice kind of like warm rain. Instead of the freezing rain, you're like, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. What? I feel like 50s is more spring. I think you're thinking more like 70s. I mean, sure.

Yeah, you're right. You're right. I like a good spring rain. You like a summer rain. Yeah. It's all good. I like rain. I'm just a big rain fan.

Can I just say, I looked up information about America. Right. And America is next to, apparently, other villages in the Peel region include California, Siberia. And they're all found in the same era. So I guess people were like, we really like the places that aren't the Netherlands. So they started just naming things different places all right that is pretty cool yeah okay i mean look america does that all the time that's we literally have a new england yeah and soon enough they'll have a situation ship netherlands yeah i mean new york was New Amsterdam, so, you know,

it's all good. Don't worry about it. Alright, let's go to sports. Sports. So, at sports, it's gonna be a Super Bowl of Kansas City against the Tom Brady

Buccaneers. Boo. Just what I didn'ters. Yep. Boo. Yeah. Woo. Just what I didn't want. Oh, boy. And then other big sports news. Matt Stafford traded from the Lions to the Rams for Jared Goff and first-round picks.

Pretty big there. Also, we got some NBA news in the NBA standings. You've got the 76ers, 14-6. The Nets, 13-8, four in a row for them. Bucks, 11-8. Pacers, 11-8. Celtics, 10-8. Hawks, 10-9.

And you got a bunch of nine-win teams, 79. Then in the West, you got the Clippers, 16-5. The Jazz, 15-5. The Lakers, 15-6. The Nuggets, 12-8. And then the Grizzlies, Suns, Trailblazers, Warriors, and Spurs. Kicking it over to hockey. Those are hockey noises.

Right, those are pucks. Visually, those are the pucks going into the net like lasers. No, I get it. I see what's going on there. You've got the Washington Capitals and the Philadelphia Flyers at the top of the East. You've got the Toronto Maple Leafs at the top of the North. You've got the Colorado Rockies top of the West. And you've got the Florida Panthers and the Columbus Blue Jackets at the top of the Central.

So, some hockey stuff. And then... The top of the central central the japan olympics any update here uh let's see can vaccine save the games i guess they still don't know they're hoping uh yeah i didn't again they were cancel it, then they weren't canceling it, and then people said, like, no, we're definitely doing it, and I don't think anyone knows. Yeah. They said Osaka commits to Olympics but admits virus is big concern.

Olympics advertisers scale back amid Japanese coronavirus surge. The report, Japan Prime Minister says he's determined to hold Olympics. Alright, well, I hope to have it because I want to see a Japan Olympics. That's what I've been waiting for. It's Japan Olympics. All those great mascots, everything, you know,

I was waiting for it, yeah. So yeah, that's sports. Okay, Crandor, what's our big news story of the day? Big news story of the day. Somebody tweeted a thing about David Lynch. And I'm pretty sure it's real. Oh, let me just link you this.

David Lynch. You know what? Here's the thing. I have back-to-back links from you. The first one is for these weird boots, and the next one is this, and I feel like somehow they're both connected. I don't know why, but I feel like they're both connected, and all right, hit me.

All right. Here we go. David Lynch is recalling. Oh, wait. Stupid Twitter. Hold on. David Lynch is recalling a day in 1981 when he says he rescued five Woody Woodpecker toys that he saw hanging up as he drove past a petrol station.

I screeched on the brakes. I do a U-turn, go back, and I buy them, and I save their lives, he says seriously. I named them Chucko, Buster, Pete, Bob, and Dan, and they were my boys, and they were in my office. They were my dear friends. Hey, I can't believe you're reading this to me as I'm looking at a photo of him with Choco, Buster, Pete, Bob, and Dan. Yep, yep.

They were my dear friends for a while, but certain traits started coming out, and they became not so nice what does that mean looking straight ahead he says with a grim finality they are not in my life anymore what does that mean i don't know certain traits started coming out and they became not so nice? Yeah, I want to know what those traits were. Like, what happened? There is a horror movie. Are you kidding me?

He's like, I went and I got these Woody Woodpeckers. And five of them, Choco, Buster, Pete, Bob, and Dan, and certain traits started coming out. Like, that's crazy. Yeah, that is. If you read that off and was like, which director did that, it'd be like, oh, David Lynch.

Yeah, there's no other person. The stopping to get them alone, like, that's not... The way that story started, I was like, oh, yeah, Davidch he saw woody woodpecker stuff and he immediately went to go get him and then he named him oh that's i was gonna ask you why did he turn why do you like see them you turn and then have to go get them like what about them made it made him think he needed to save them. He said he saved their lives. Like, that's a whole story in itself. But then, you're telling me he named them, brought them to his work,

and then over the course of however many years, they slowly became monsters. Yeah, I don't... And then he had to remove them from his life. Just... I would watch a movie based on that. Just the Woody Woodpeckers and how they changed over time and how he just had to move on. Do you think it's a real thing that happened or do you think it's just him trying to set up a movie that is going to be made? It's hard to tell with him.

I mean, it could be him setting up something but it also could have actually happened maybe I don't know yeah alright well I mean I'm worried for David Lynch but that's where

the episode ends thank you so much for listening or watching or however you enjoy this podcast Crendor hit em with the socials. We've got socials. Go to youtube.com slash Cox Crendor podcast. See all the podcast and then cut off the

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Patreon.com slash Crandor. And YouTube.com slash Warhammer Crandor. YouTube.com slashicox, patreon.com slash crendor and warhammer crendor, urib.com slash goodnight crendor uh uh that's all I got alright well that's it thank you so much for all of this

nonsense we'll see you all next time and as always pew to be continued