Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 276 - Valentimes

Episode Date: February 15, 2021

It's that spicy time of the year, where love is in the air. And that's brought out all the capsaicin loving shrews! Meanwhile Crendor can't find the perfect pillow, Jesse should have hired movers, and a man makes a guitar out of his uncles bones! All this and SO much more on a brand new Cox n' Crendor! Go to http://hawthorne.co and use promo code COX to get 10% off your first purchase! Go to http://feals.com/cox and get an extra 50% off your first order with free shipping when you become a member!

Today's episode is brought to you by Feels. If you've got stress or anxiety or chronic pain or you've been moving for the last three days. Yeah, if you're Crendor and I, Feels Premium CBD is for you. Also today we're brought to you by Hawthorne. Hawthorne, if you want to smell good in 2021 or, you know, whenever they let us outside again. We'll talk about that later now let's jump into this podcast hello everybody it's time Gags and Gretna in the morning. It was a fun jingle. I liked it.

Thank you. Yeah, sometimes it's the improv. Sometimes you're just like a hey. Sometimes you're like a eh. Sometimes you just got to do a little eh with a dance. I was appreciative. Yeah, I liked everything about it. It got to the point very quickly.

Thank you. Yeah. Oh, my God. It is Valentine's Day. It is. Thank you. Yeah. Oh, my God. It's Valentine's Day. Look at that. It is. In fact, I was going to say, have we ever done a podcast on Valentine's Day? I feel like we've done this for almost eight or nine years or whatever.

So, like, probably at some point. We have to have. Right? We have to have at some point. We've gone around the days. Yeah, every major holiday. I figure we've gotten that covered at some point that's uh usually last couple years valentine's day we would do the like smart thing where like we don't actually go out on valentine's day but we'd go out like the day after valentine's day has that changed today today? Is tonight a big day for you?

It's not a big day. It's kind of like chilling. Are you going out? Oh, you're going to make steak. Yeah, we're going to make steak. Now, I want to grill that steak, but the grill is covered in snow. So I'm going to have to shovel out the grill. And I don't even

care you like once you get that grill that's gonna be outside making steak in the snow that's love that's love right there it may be zero degrees but that's fine i don't even mind it like the thing is like people like oh you grow in the summer like why not grow in the winter you know i mean it's like several reasons? You know? I mean, it's, you know, you're making fire. I can think of, like, several reasons, but yeah, all right. I mean, you're comfortable. Well, what's one of them? It's cold. It's snowy.

But you're making a fire. It's not. What? Because the grill is a fire, and you're heating stuff over it, so it's going to be hot around it. I mean, look, in theory, you're right. But people aren't going to do it for the same reason that you just said, where it's like, I got to dig out my grill. Well, if you're not committed to digging out the grill, then maybe you shouldn't. Yeah, maybe you don't deserve that steak.

Exactly. So we got like steak, asparagus. Comrade, one of my Twitch viewers, gave me 50 bucks to get a wine. Damn. Yeah, so I got a wine. What wine did you get? I got... Was it the criminal's wine that we were supposed to buy,

but you didn't buy and I bought, and I'm still waiting for you to buy it? No. Well, I played them buying it that one time, and I didn't see it at the store. So I'm going to have to check again, but a different store. Okay. It's called Cross Barn.

I'll allow it. Cross Barn 2017 Cabernet. It's got like a foggy house barn on it. A foggy house barn. Yeah. It's got a 4.3. That's like pretty solid for like a $40 wine. That's not bad.

That's not bad. Is that out of five? Yeah. All right. That's much better than what I thought. There's some more expensive ones than that that aren't even quality. Like the only one that's higher than that is the 4.4 I talked about with the deer on it from like a few weeks ago or whenever we talked about it.

I love that you have this app that makes you a wine connoisseur. I love that that's there for you. This app makes me so smart. This is like the Yelp of wine. This app makes me so smart. This app makes me so smart. I'm telling you. What are you doing for Valentine's Day?

Me? Shit. Well, I realized today this might be the best Valentine's I've ever had, at least in recent memories. I was just thinking this morning while I was moving stuff. By the way, for everyone like moving stuff, I spent the last three days moving out of one apartment into another apartment all by myself because of COVID stuff. And I'm a mess. I'm just like my whole body is a mess. Everything about me hurts.

An old Asian man yesterday I think was making fun of me. I don't know what was going on. He was like, he saw me and he was just like, you know, as at our age and we get older, the bones aren't what they used to be. And I look at him and I'm like, how old do I look right now? Trying to love this dresser. I can't even imagine what I look like. I know for a fact I must have been a sweaty mess because I have from about 9 a.m to about 8 p.m every day I'm just like covered in sweat and gross I am uh I am a gross mess and not like

like you know sexy sweat but like fat guy sweat where I'm just like dripping oh yeah it's like it's awful and so I've been doing all that And I finally am at the point where I Am now starting to unpack stuff In the new place but I'm just like oh my god There's so much stuff and in order to do this podcast I had to do my computer first And so I've totally screwed myself

Because I haven't put up a sound panel In this room So I have to undo all of it To put the sound panel stuff up So I'm like cool cool cool So yeah just a lot of work You sound alright for what it's worth Thank you yeah um the room is not

That big so it isn't like A huge echo chamber which is Which is pretty good But hopefully I'll have some sound foam Stuff up that'll make it sound even better But um yeah so I've just been doing that and just in pain. I've been driving around the city. Here's the crazy thing.

I've been driving around the city. I think I've spent more time outside, be it like wheeling stuff or lifting, all sorts of different crap. I've spent more time outside going to places like Home Depot and stuff in the last three days than I have in the last three months. I think I've been out doing stuff maybe, I don't know, at least from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. But even after that, I'm like, I got to go to Home Depot. Shit. So I drive over to Home Depot at night.

Yeah. I mean, I'm just like constantly on the move the last few days. And I will say during the day, it feels good. I'm Just like constantly on the move the last few days And I will say During the day it feels good I'm like yeah let's do this I lay down at night And I'll just like Suddenly all the pain will hit me I'll be like Oh no in the morning

I try to roll out of bed I'm like Then I'll just like Turn on the hottest shower I can Yeah And then I have to go up the stairs In the morning and I'm just like And then I get to the top shower I can. I'm just like, ah! Yeah, and then I have to go up the stairs in the morning, and I'm just like, ah! And then I get to the top, I'm like, all right, body, let's do this.

And then I just, you know, and then the rest of the day, I, like, work out the kinks, and I'm good. But, man, the last few days have been rough. Yeah, I did see your tweet, where you said, you said, I've been moving all day. I am a sore boy.

Maybe I should be less fat and old. That's, you know what? I've never felt more that in my life. Now, this gave me an idea. All right? Yeah. We need to make a series. Once things like calm down,

everything gets more back to normal. All right? Okay. I'm going to be like the Rocky trainer guy, like the towel around my neck. And I'm going to be like the Rocky trainer guy. Like the towel around my neck. And I'm going to train you like Rocky. Take you to the gym.

And I'll put you through a workout routine. See how you do. Am I going to have to move to Chicago for a month to film this? At least three. At least as three-month commitment. Alright. I'll let

everyone know I'll be gone for three months. Guys, I'm gonna go train like Rocky. I'll have to take a two-week trip to Philadelphia so you can run up and down the stairs. I guess I have to do that, yeah. Nothing, yeah, I mean why not? Why not? That's how I want to spend my summer

is just in the shit Just having you yell at me every day Sounds like a lot of fun You're doing it wrong Terrible form I can't wait Simply cannot wait Anyway, Valentine's Day

The reason why I was saying all that Cannot wait. I, uh, yeah, I, anyway, Valentine's day. Yeah. Um, no, I was, the reason why I was saying all that is because, um, I realized this morning that I don't know the last four or five Valentine's days. I have been in a relationship that ended right before Valentine's Day, which is crazy. I was like, that's so weird. Is something wrong with me? And I literally went to the internet to look it up, and I was like, why do I keep getting in breakups before Valentine's Day? And apparently it is very common to the point where I was like, oh, there ain't nothing wrong with me I guess the reason why is If you're in a relationship that is going to end

Either Christmas or Valentine's Are the two biggest breakups Because that like forced time together Slash I love you When really you're like I think this is over Right? And so your body sort of forces you

To like reject the relationship Before you have to go to that big commitment. And so, yeah, I've definitely dumped and been dumped right before Valentine's Day several times in the last few years. And I was like, oh, no. So this year, all this moving and stuff, I was like, shit, this must be the best Valentine's Day I've had in a while. stuff i was like shit this must be the best valentine's day i've had in a while i was like i think my plan tonight eat some pizza watch the martian because nothing says covid valentine's like watching a movie about a man stuck on mars with no human interaction yeah and uh yeah i was like i think that's my plan tonight i think that's when i once i'm done

with all this stuff i'm gonna sit down and do that very excited so think that's my plan tonight. I think once I'm done with all this stuff, I'm going to sit down and do that. Very excited. So, yeah, that's my Valentine. Yeah, I mean, Valentine's usually breaks down into a few categories. There's the people who are like, I don't even care about Valentine's Day. I think it's dumb and I don't care. And then they're secretly like, but I'd like somebody to be with. And then there's like the

people who are genuinely just like i don't give a shit then there's the people who are just like it's valentine's day this is the biggest day of the year they like go all out and do all this shit and then there's just like you know people are just like yeah let's just you know hang out together and like eat a steak and watch a movie i yeah I've seen Two things so far That made me be like oh boy Valentine's Day The first one is I saw a video of a guy

Oh I guess The girlfriend posted it It was like a TikTok or some nonsense Where she says that her boyfriend Of six months Kicked her out of the house and was like, hey, leave the house for a few hours. She came back, and the house is covered in rose petals

and has all of these balloons and a giant heart that says, like, the best six months of my life, and he's in the kitchen cooking for her and shit. And I looked at that, and I was like, that man is hiding something. I was like, that guy is hiding some shit. That's the guy who's going to some shady hotel. He's like, I banged my seven prostitutes. I just can't.

I can see going all out for someone, but never to that extent. My version of all out is not like, I cover our house in rose petals that we'll then have to clean up later. That sounds shitty. What if I just got you roses instead and we put it in a vase and it was fine?

It's a lot. It's so extreme. I feel like it's like the person who's just too nice all the time. There's something weird going on there. Or the other person might just be extremely high maintenance to the point where it's like, this is getting a little crazy. The person who does that, who goes that

far, gets that extreme, boy, I hope it lasts because a breakup with that person seems like a lot. That's the person who's like slashing your tires. I loved you Felicia I rose peddled

The rose pedal Yeah I don't know I mean bless I wish I could be that creative And go that far with it But I was like nah I'm good So I saw that I saw that and was like oof that is

A lot Then I saw the other I saw that and was like, oof, that is a lot. Then I saw the other side, which is all the single people who on Twitter right now are posting. They're like, I've never looked better. Spending my holiday alone but living it up. So, of course, I had to take a photo and be like, I want in on this too. Internet, give me love too. Yeah. be like i went in on this too internet give me love too yeah so i posted a photo of me in my car with my mask on smoldering for the camera i was like here you go you're welcome internet and everyone was like damn thank god for the internet coming through they were like oh so hot i was like

yeah good job internet if you're not in a relationship, I think the next best thing is just to have like a day for yourself. You know? It's like a self-love day. Look, I understand and I get it. I just think it's silly that people are then like, I'm fine without having anyone. What do you think, internet? Am I beautiful? I don't need anybody, right?

I don't need anybody, right? Right? Right, guys? Right? Right, guys? Right? Right, everyone who follows me? Right? Right? I mean, yeah, most of the time it's just, I remember being, I remember when I first

started the internet and I made a truth rage video, because that's back like 12 years ago. I made a truth rage. I was like, Valentine's Day is just a corporate holiday created by Hallmark, which is actually true. But, make money off shit. But, like, you know, it still doesn't mean it's, like, a bad thing. Like, you'd be like, hey, you know what? You know, you don't got to go all out. That's just a day where you can, like, take it and appreciate whoever you're with.

That's what it is, really, is it's supposed to be about the appreciation of, you know, those who you love in your life. But you know, when you are bad at it, the rest of the year, buying a diamond really makes up for it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So I know I never say I love you, but here's a diamond baby. Yeah. It's a, you know, it shouldn't be the only day. Sure. Obviously.

But it's like, I guess it's one of those things where like when you're single, you feel like, yeah, this day sucks. And when you're in a relationship, you're like, hey, this day's pretty cool. Well, unless you're in a bad relationship, in which case you're like, this day sucks. Yeah, I don't. I drove around today because I need to get gas And pick up some supplies and things And I saw a lot of Valentine's Days

Where I was like, ooh, no I was There was a couple Fighting with another couple Outside of an IHOP, I thought that was very cute I was like, I don't know why they're fighting But I imagine it's over a table They're trying to get those pancakes

I saw another couple that was kind of like Weirdly making out On a street corner waiting to cross the crosswalk And she like Kissed him And then they started like I don't know talking about something And then he punched her in the chest But not like a hard punch

But like a playful punch And then she did like a really over dramatic like Oh you got me And then he did like a hard punch, but like a playful punch. And then she did like a really overdramatic like, oh, you got me. And then he did like a laugh. And then she like slapped him on the chest. And they were like, I couldn't look away. So I was like, these two. I was like, it's cute, but it's a little weird. They were really dramatic about it but it was playful

But the kind of like playful dramatics that you Would imagine are sort of like background Actors in a movie You know what I mean where they're like pantomiming Real emotions It was so crazy I was just watching them like what the hell I thought that was very cute

There's like some weird There's like some weird thing where it's like some people are just like normal, you know, if they're like, you know, doing like a holding hands or something in public. There's like some people are like full on just like making out in the middle of the street. It's like with the shit.

It's like people on Twitter too. People on Twitter. Some people like, hey, you know, we're having fun here. We're a couple. It's just them. And then there's some people like, here's us on the bed making out, Twitter. Like, what the shit? I saw someone today be like, I've been dating this girl for nine months. It was two streamers. And he posted, like, four photos of them.

And it was, like, one was his shirt's off and she's, like, in the background. And, like, one is they're laying in bed together And she's like flipping off the thing And one is the two of them like face painting each other And I was like Oh boy You're doing an awful lot of sharing I give it seven months You've been together nine months

And I love her and I was like that's awesome I'm so happy that they're happy together But like it's a very young 20 something thing to show off like every moment i was like oh boy that is a lot like i would be like do we really need to send these do we have to put these photos out there you know me i never i will i would rather the internet be like this virgin than me ever be like Yes I am dating I never put that stuff out there

I am like no thank you Oh yeah Very very seldomly You know Once a year like hey we're engaged Hey we're married Everyone's like what the shit Yeah

But like I will have no problem being like Hey I'm in a relationship and we talked about it on this podcast Right But I'm not gonna just be like Hey everybody here's the 15 photos we took together And every time

It's like well Jesse what happened when you broke up Like oh Jesus Christ I don't wanna have to Like I just Christ. I don't want to have to. Like, I just lived it. I don't want to have to live it with you, internet. Like, I go through far too many relationships for me to keep doing this with you. What if we just don't talk about it and I move on? Another one, cocks.

Another one. Another failure. I know the internet would be like, the internet wouldn't be like, damn, Jesse's going through all these ladies. The internet would be like, another failure. That's your mom. I know exactly. Holy shit. Can I just say... Another one, Jesse?

We want grandchildren already. Come on. Literally, I don't even remember what it was about. I think I said something about like cyberpunk right i was like hey i feel bad for the devs of cyberpunk and this dude responded like oh so you side with these misogynists like i was like wait what wait what's happening i just have friends that and they like came at me and he's like, well, I guess this explains why your ex left you and how you treat Dodger.

Do they know you were physically abusive or whatever the fuck he said? I was like, what? This is why I don't share stuff with people. I was like, wait, did you just say I beat my friend and my ex? My ex from five years ago, ago ex are you kidding me i was like that's so messed up like i can't believe someone that's the kind of stuff i worry about i'm like oh this is why i don't say like share shit like i'm over i can't do that internet is crazy as shit. Don't. Just don't. Yeah.

Now, what I will say, completely unrelated to what we're talking about. Now, what I will say, completely unrelated. Yeah, go on. Nice transitions. Very good. Now, what I will say,

completely unrelated. Here's one that's a little more related I was going to up all right so just the guys like how's it going all right i went to walgreens real quick i was buying something go to walgreens uh it was a whole i made a buy a hole puncher all right don't ask why it's got a punch holes uh and the the dude you know what i have to ask why why do you have why do you need a hole puncher uh don't ask why so no i'm asking i'm gonna stop the story why do you need a hole puncher uh punch holes and paper oh no why do you need why do you need a hole punch holes and paper it's all you're getting what kind of paper uh just the paper which made of trees why are you making it so weird i think it makes more fun if i make it weird

why are you making it so creepy like cred door is punching holes for his alien like someone's gonna make some crazy theory i hope that we get crazy theories sent to us because I don't know what is happening right now. I'll let it slide, but that is the weirdest statement. Yeah, yeah, don't ask why, but I had to buy a hole puncher. That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. What do you mean, don't ask why you have to buy a hole puncher? Everyone assumes you're punching holes in paper. That's the assumption.

The fact that you're like, don't ask why? All right, well, I'm going to actually tell you why. Now I'm afraid you're going holes in paper. That's the assumption. The fact that you're like, don't ask why. All right, well, I'm going to actually tell you why. Now I'm afraid you're going to be like, well,

we couldn't figure out how to dispose of the body, so we figured we'd use a hole puncher. Like, that's the kind of stuff I'm worried about. Tune in next week and I'll tell you why.

Look at that. Now people tune in next week and I'll probably forget to say why. Good work. Yeah, yeah, we will definitely forget.

So anyway, checking out at Walgreens and the guy's like hey how's it going and I'm like it's going alright how about you and he's like do you really want to know and I was like I take it that means it's not going very well

and he's like yeah and I was like oh god okay what do i do i'm like yeah you get to go home soon he goes hour 47 minutes and i was like hey you're counting it down he's like you know i am and i was like well good luck i just left i don't know what that guy's going through, but I did not want to, I did not want to find out. I think anyone who's worked retail has lived that moment.

Oh yeah. I had a feeling. Oh my God. I don't know if it was just, he wanted to get out of there. That's why I was just like, you know, maybe a little bit of,

you know, like, Hey, you get to go home soon. I'll like cheer him up a bit. Like, yeah, maybe I do get to go home soon.

I don't know, but he was, he was up a bit. Like, yeah, maybe I do get to go home soon. I don't know. But he was definitely worn down. But here's the other thing I was going to talk about. What? That was not even related to a hole puncher. More importantly, it wasn't even the thing you really wanted to talk about. It was what I was buying at Walgreens. The hole puncher.

Wait, why did you go to Walgreens for a hole puncher? I don't know. I figured they'd have one, and they did. Holy shit. There's so much that doesn't make sense. I don't know where you can get it. I figured they'd have a hole puncher. They did.

So I guess I made the right choice, then. I guess. Oh, boy. So, I've been trying to figure out, this is what's even more unrelated. Alright, my neck has been like, ugh, like from sleeping. Alright, so I got like this pillow, okay, for like heartburn. So like it kind of, you know those like, they're like slanted pillows, so they're like on a, they're like tilted a bit so they prop you up. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah so wait

how do you sleep on your back then i take it either my side or my back interesting usually i start on my side but when i wake up i might be on my back so i uh i'm like all right so i do that and it helps my heartburn in fact it kind of helps me like breathe better even because you're not like how would you how would you describe your heartburn uh oh my god i've had heartburn for years yeah like how would you describe that i mean it's heartburn you get like burns your chest uh i've got like gird so like you know you'll burp up your acid sometimes. Not like every day, but like if you eat certain things. Like if I eat Chipotle, I'm probably going to get at least one GERD burp where you're like, or if you eat too fast. Yeah, if I eat pizza, like, I don't know, two or three hours before bed.

Yeah, that stuff happens all the time. Oh, yeah. Eating before bed, that'll do it. But it's only pizza. Everything else is totally fine. Pizza's very, like, you got the tomato sauce. You got, like, tomato sauce. I literally 19-year-old girl my pizza now.

I will take napkins and dab the shit out of the top of it. Yeah, that's what I do. Welcome to the club. I'm like, mm-mm, I don't need that excess grease. Oh, yeah, that's me. You're talking to the club. I'm like, I don't need that excess grease. Oh, yeah, that's me. You're talking to like gastro-crendor. I go to a gastro like every year. Yeah.

So like I usually, if it gets really bad, I start up the olameprazole a couple weeks. You know, usually I take it like it's like one dose and then it calms it down and then you're good. And then you just watch your diet. And then occasionally sometimes you're like, what if I eat a little crazy? And then, you know, youms it down, and then you're good. And then you just watch your diet, and then occasionally sometimes you're like, what if I eat a little crazy? And then, you know, you do it too long, and then it comes back, and then you're like, ah, then you got to do the omeprazole again. I feel like my iron stomach has doomed me.

I think if I was like, you know, I had a heartburn. It was like sick every time I ate. I'd be like, what if I ate less? But I'm like, you know what? I'm feeling like a steak today it's not good so now I you know I try to eat out less try to find like all the foods that are bad they'll trigger it and be like not today and uh and then if it does get bad I do that and that usually helps so then uh oh my god years ago it was really bad like when we went to England, it was like, I think the second time

I went to Coxconn in England, we had the beans and toast and the British thing, which is like the tomato-based bean sauce. That was roasting me. That was so bad. I remember like that whole trip, my stomach was so bad. I was like, I've got like, I think I'm dying.

And I remember that's, I think the week after we got back, I had an endoscopy, which is where they put the tube down your throat into your stomach. And I was like, I almost got some crazy shit ulcers or I don't know what. And they were like, you have mild gastritis. And I was like, mild? I don't know what the full block is. That's like when I had mono.

And they were like, you have a mild case of mono. And I was like, dying. I was like, I was like mild Oh man I got mono in college Which was wild Like my freshman year of college Which I think says a lot about what I was up to my freshman year of college But like

Oh my god Yeah the doctor said I had a mild case And I felt like my neck was going to explode Off my body Like my whole face was swollen like i could barely breathe i was like it was terrible like an extreme sore throat just razor blades yes oh yeah it was so bad and then you're just like i was just falling asleep constantly like ah looks like it's 3 p.m time to sleep looks like it's 3 p.m., time to sleep. Looks like it's 8 p.m., time to sleep.

Oh, no, thank you. That shit was, yeah. No, I don't wish that on anyone. Every time I just think about all of the weird-ass sicknesses I've had, even that one year where I had, look, I feel like that was some sort of COVID. I don't know what the hell I had. Do you remember that three-month period when I was sick? Oh, yeah, I do remember that. that was some sort of COVID I don't know what the hell I had do you remember that like three month period when I was sick oh yeah I do remember that I was like coughing every day I could barely breathe it was during the summer too I was yeah that's when uh we went to E3 and you went to the bathroom and I thought you died I almost did I went to the bathroom and

coughed like into the sink pieces of my body I think I was so messed up and I just like stuck it out at night. I would go to bed and be on. I think I got maybe three hours of sleep every night for eight weeks where I would just wake up just like, I could barely breathe. I don't, I mean, if that is even a fraction of what people with COVID are going through,

holy crap, I wish that on no one. That was awful. Oh, yeah. No, thank you. I am a weak boy when it comes to getting sick. Like, I can pain. Like, I can tolerate physical pain. That's not a big deal.

I'm one of those guys who's like, work through it. But anything internal, like sickness, like mouth, nose, throat, like that chest, that kind of sickness, I'm like, I'm sick. I'm such a baby. Yeah, it's Man Anyway pillow Pillow Oh yeah pillow So I had that to like help with GERD and stuff

And it does help cause like My heartburn was better my GERD was better Like everything was fine but now My neck started hurting cause I guess You know you're supposed to lay Kind of started hurting because i guess you know you're supposed to lay kind of flat with your neck supported but when you're like this and you're propped up your neck's kind of like to the side and tilted and so like i'm also moving around a lot and shit so like i'll slide down the pillow so i'm not actually up on it by the end of the

night i'm like kind of down my head's on the tilt so that's not good and so now i just keep getting neck pain and now i keep trying different pillows i'm like what if i my head's on the tilt so that's not good and so now I just keep getting neck pain And now I keep trying different pillows. I'm like what if I do two pillows, but that's like too much So if I do one pillow well Then I'm like too low and then I start getting the the heartburn or like I get like a Where you like can't breathe as well, and then I'm like alright, so then I try like my crazy pillow But then that's too much, and I'm like I just want to find a pillow. That's like the right size There's like what's almost like my pillow. I don't I just want to find a pillow. That's like the right size. There's like, what's the one was like my pillow.

I don't trust anything made by the, my pillow guy. All right. And then I've actually been at stores and tested them. And I was like, I see zero difference to half the other pillows that are here right now. Yeah. I,

I, yeah, I, I have huge issues with pillows, but I'll let you finish. But I, yeah, I have major pillow issues pillows, but I'll let you finish. But yeah, I have major pillow issues. Yeah, I'm just trying. I'm just trying to find a pillow that doesn't kill my neck that I'm also going to be, you know,

maybe elevated just enough to where you're like, all right, you know, you got that tiny bit of elevation, but not enough to where you're like, like your neck's snapping off. And so if anyone has suggestions, comments, comments in the comments section. I've gone through so many. So I have in my house right now so many pillows. I yeah, I have for the longest time just accepted that I'll never find the right pillow for me, even though I've tried. Right now I use two pillows. One is like a light pillow and one is sort of a firmer pillow, but not too firm.

And I just use two. And I like sink into one and then get caught up in the other. I'll take it. But yeah, memory foam, I I hate every time I use one It's too hard There's other ones that are sort of like I'm trying to think of Some sort of different material

But they all smell They smell like plastic And I don't want You put your face in that shit All night you're like Chemical smell And that's weird Yeah and I don't want you put your face in that shit So all night you're like Ah chemical smell And that's weird And then you know I've tried down pillows

Or you know sort of like feather pillows And those are too just like It might as well just be A flat piece of paper I'm putting my head on Yeah you just like sink into them too much Yeah and I've tried all sorts of different varieties I've ordered pillows online Like one pillow just to test it.

And they never are as good as people are like, this is the pillow. You got to get it. I'm like, this pillow sucks. So at this point, I have four pillows that I cycle through depending on where I am in my life at that moment. I'm looking at them right now. All four are on my bed, which is is by the way my my new setup this computer is in my room now so there you go so now I now I'm like every uh 21 year old streamer you have a computer in my bedroom very excited but you also live in you don't live in like the

mega mansion where you get your room your streamer room and then you live with like you know a house with like three ovens and a personal chef. I just can't get by. I don't know how to make it in these conditions. I would love a personal chef. Oh my god. I'd move in with a bunch of 20-somethings

and then I got a personal chef. I'd be like, look, you don't bother me, I don't bother you. Let's go eat some breakfast. Let's do this thing. People are like, Jesse got caught up in the drama this week with little Chibi17. She'll be on stream like, Jesse, what are you doing? Talking to the chef again. He's making crazy breakfast today. Yeah, I'll just be down there like, the chef and I are talking.

He's like, why are you talking to the chef? Don't talk to the help. Like, he's the only other person here my age. I hate these kids. Yeah, me too. So I'll have the crepes side of blueberries. Yeah, they'd be like, stop inviting your friends over. This is a streamer house.

What am I supposed to do? Not have friends? Little chibi 17? Oh, yeah. Then they'd all gang up on me. Like, you're so old and dumb. I'd be like, yeah, you know, that's fine. I don't care what you say.

I got a damn chef. His neck always hurts. It'll happen to you. Just wait. A chilling It'll happen to you. Just wait. A chilling vision of things to come. That's what happens, dude. It wasn't even that long ago. It was like seven years ago for me.

That's not even... I was just sitting around like, hey, I feel great. Nothing. And then one day, you're just like, ooh, my stomach hurts. Oh, I'm getting more heartburn than usual. Oh, my neck. And then you're just like, oh, my stomach hurts. Oh, I'm getting more heartburn than usual. Oh, my neck. And then you're just like, pillow. Yeah, then your biggest complaint is like, I can't find a damn pillow.

I've never. Yeah, you're right. I never had the problem where I was like, it could be the crappiest pillow in the world and I'd be fine. Yeah. And now I'm just like, I got to find a good pillow. If I don't get a good pillow, if i don't if i don't get a good pillow i'll wake up the next day and my whole body will hurt and i'll have to go through a few hours of pain each morning and no hot shower is gonna cure that is that it yeah oh yeah like i

don't even i don't care if it's 200 i don't care if it's like 15 just like i want it to be good and work. That's all I want. Just not wake up and be like, ugh. Ugh, God, please. Yeah. Yes, I sympathize. Yeah, no, I feel that. I feel that in my soul. Oh, my God. Yeah, that is, yeah, getting old is a lot of pain, but here we go, this is the best segue.

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And if you don't like the products, they'll even retailer them for you based on your feedback. So do what I did. Take the Hawthorne quiz today. Get started on your personalized self-care routine by going to hawthorne.co and using promo code Cox to get 10% off your first purchase. That's H-A-W-T-H-O-R-N-E.co. Promo code COX. Hawthorne.co. Promo code COX. All right, Crandor, let's go talk to our second guest, Crandor. How's that traffic over there? Oh, boy. Traffic is pretty bad.

It's snowing all over. It's cold all over. You got ice all over. It's not good. Probably best to just stay in unless you really got to go somewhere. Or you're somewhere where it's like, I don't know, 60 degrees. Not that bad. But I'd say most of the country right now. Maybe even the world. Except for the parts of the world where it's not.

Are pretty cold and snowy and icy. So, yeah. That's all I got. Oh, okay. It was a very generalized traffic report. Almost a weather report, if you will. Speaking of which, let's go to weather. Weather.

Well, sometimes the weather can and very often does, you know, push into the traffic segment because weather can impact the traffic. Well-known factoid right there you might have not known. Did you just say well-known factoid you might not have known? I did. Well-known factoid you might not have known. That's like what they do on the actual news. They're like, there's a little bit of it.

We need to do like a segment called like well-known factoids you might not have known oh on here all right like the earth revolves around the sun this has been a well-known factoid you might not have known oh there's 175 random facts. So interesting. You'll say OMG. All right, let's just pick one. All right. Only two mammals like spicy feud. Feud? Food. Spicy feuds are not very good. Humans and the tree shrew.

The tree shrew? Yes. What does a tree shrew look like? Glad you asked. I'm... That little bastard definitely, he's like, I don't eat spicy food, dude. He definitely does. I like that he kind of has human ears. Yeah.

Like, it's a little weird. He kind of has human ears. Oh, my God. The wood frog can hold its pee for up to eight months damn that's a strong bladder i know wow of all the things of all the things a body is capable of doing why that why is it you know what i'm gonna need this for seven more months what about it's so weird. But that's your well-known factoid.

I guess that's not even a well-known factoid. That's just a factoid of the day. I'm blown away that, yeah, I mean, I get why so few species like spicy food. Because it's purposely, it tastes that way because it's to get you to not eat it. Yeah, exactly. spicy food because it's purposely it tastes that way because it's to get you to not eat it yeah exactly but i i get humans are like if it we we we smart ape we eat anyway but like this shrew i'm looking at him i don't know what his deal is like why is he into the spicy food why is he like loves the burn loves the pain yeah i guess so i mean there is something it releases uh isn't spicy food like releasing endorphins and stuff yeah i mean once you eat it like you know because your body thinks it's under attack yeah like it starts pumping your blood faster and you feel like you know you

have a little high off of it yeah um i guess that's maybe what the shrew is after. The shrew is a fiend. Look at his eyes. I love the spiciest food you could give me, but then my stomach doesn't. That's the problem. Oh, I love spicy food, too. I'm all about it. It's so good. Oh, yeah.

It is good. That's good stuff. I guess we're still on the weather. Suggestion based on today's rather historical city, Great Zimbabwe. Ooh, Great Zimbabwe from, I mean, obviously a real place, but also civilization. Pfft. Great Zimbabwe. I mean, sure, real thing, but also from Civ VI. Oh, yeah. Great Zimbabwe, Zimbabwe. All right, here we are. It is 67 degrees Fahrenheit in Great Zimbabwe.

It is 70% chance of precipitation, 94% humidity, but it's going to be thunderstorming tonight, it seems, and pretty much every day. Tuesday, 67 with rain. Wednesday, 63 with rain. Thursday, 73 with rain. Friday, 77 rain. Saturday, 76 with rain. Sunday, 80 with rain. Wednesday, 63 with rain. Thursday, 73 with rain. Friday, 77 rain. Saturday, 76 with rain. Sunday,

80 with rain. And Monday, 75 with rain. Damn. And pretty, you know, average to decent winds. You got about 9 mile an hour average winds going on there. So, it's a lot of rain in Great Zimbabwe.

You know what? I mean, it's right in the middle of Southern Africa I guess kind of the middle, more of the What? Right-ish But You know, it's like the right middle What I'm curious about Hold on, I gotta look this up

Because I imagine it's a historical Park, right? Is there a city? I don't know, when I look at images, it's a historical park, right? Is there a city? I don't know. When I look at images, it's got some cool images. Oh, yeah. There's like a straight up... Oh, that's so interesting.

You know what it reminds me of? This is so funny. It reminds me of when I went to both Chichen Itza and Machu Picchu in South America. Well, Mexico. I guess Mexico is Central America, but like in Mexico and Peru. When I went there, the way they have it set up is really interesting. So imagine my dad and I hike up this damn mountain. We do all this stuff.

We get to the top, and there it is, Machu Picchu. This mountain city and you know all these steps on but then right across from it on top of this mountain is like one of the nicest most ritziest hotels you will ever see and that is i'm looking at this right now great zimbabwe and it's like great zimbabwe and then it's like large collection of ruins and it's like zimbabwe museum and the explode and then across from it the great Zimbabwe. And then it's like Large Collection of Ruins. And it's like Zimbabwe Museum. And then across from it, the Great Zimbabwe Hotel. I need to see what this looks like.

What is the Great Zimbabwe Hotel? You know what? Looks very nice. This guy gave it a two out of five, but said it's a good place to rest when you are tired on the road. I mean, here's the thing. I couldn't actually confirm that the hotel my dad and I stayed at was any good. I just know

that after the places we stayed at and living in the middle of a jungle, getting to that hotel was the best damn thing I've ever experienced. That's the weather. All right. Crinor, let's go to sports.

Sports. We got sports, sports, sports, sports, sports, sports. Well, if you missed Super Bowl last week, Tom Brady won it. You know, I don't like Tom Brady as a fan of every team that ever played the Patriots. Yeah. Don't like Tom Brady. However. It's pretty impressive still.

Seeing him get booted from the Patriots, then come back and be like, I was better than all y'alls anyway. Kind of feels good. Yeah. Kind of like it has that sort of air of like, you got rid of him, but he was the winner. You're the losers. Right? I wouldn't mind it as much if he didn't beat the Packers to go to the Super Bowl. That was kind of like that.

All right. You know, did he have to do it this year? He could have just waited. Sometimes you take what you can get. I would have loved it if the Chiefs would have won. But you know what? You got to look for the positives in everything. Yeah.

And it was such a bad game that I have to be like, well, you know what? Brady is just very good. I dislike him, but he's just very good. Terrible game. Terrible Super Bowl, yeah. In fact, I think if they would have had the Packers-Buccaneers again, it would have been more fun. I think anything would have been more fun.

I watched, I think, a grand total of like six minutes. Yeah, that's about all that was really worth it. Yeah, I watched a little bit and then went to go do some stuff and watched a little bit and was like, this sucks. And then just turned it off and I think I just played video games. Yeah, I was like, yeah, I'll find something to do. Well, that's football. It's now over. An NBA news. 76ers up the top then you got the bucks the nets

the pacers the celtics the hornets the knicks the raptors the heat the hawks uh so some new teams up in there comparatively and then the bulls right behind that bulls are actually doing all right then the magic the calves and then the wizards and the pistons are bad uh in the western conference the jazz way up at the top doing better than the lakers who are a game behind them clippers sons trailblazers spurs then the nuggets warriors mavericks kings and then the grizzlies are kind of there pelicans also kind of there and then the rockets and the thunder and the timberves are very bad. In fact, it's mainly just the Timberwolves are just really, really bad.

And that's the NBA and the NHL. Still 12 million games to go. Yeah, they still got a long way to go. In the NHL, there's the Lightning atop the central division with a four-way tie with the panthers hurricanes blue jackets and the blackhawks in the east division you got the bruins at the top with the flyers second and in the west you got the blues at the top with the golden knights and then the avalanche the ducks and the coyotes and then in the North Division, which is just all the Canadian people. Coyotes.

Coyotes. You got the maple leafs up top there, eh? And then the Canadians and the Oilers. And wow, the Ottawa Senators are very bad. Are they as bad as the Red Wings? They're even worse. Oh, my God. Well, sorry, Ottawa.

That sucks for you. I feel like Ottawa hears that a lot. Sorry, Ottawa. Sorry, Ottawa. Sorry, Ottawa. Sorry, Ottawa. And that's sports. Okay. Crandor, what is our big news story of the day?

Big news story of the day? Big news story of the day. Of the day? You became like a vampire there. I don't know. Of the day. Of the day. Let's see. First, I was looking at Cosmo, because I was like, what did they have for Valentine's Day?

Nothing really good. There's nothing ever good on Cosmo. I was like, what do they have for Valentine's Day? Nothing really good. There's nothing ever good on Cosmo. I don't know why you're going there. That's why. I just want to see how bad it is. But these are just, like, bad. They're not even, like, funny bad.

They're just bad bad. So I'm not even going to give them the, not even going to do it. Then we got, there's nowhere to hide. Sligo Gardai arrested a man after following his footprints left in the snow. Wait, time out. Time out. What was this person's name? Sligo Gardai. Sligo?

Sligo Gardai? That's a hell of a name. That's a hell of a name. Sligo. Sligo The worst part is Yeah I'm looking at it Sligo Gardai I feel like it's Gardai right

Instead of Gardai That's all you're getting with me I can't say things Sligo sounds like the name of a Hasbro game Sligo's it's a Jack box game for sure oh yeah no doubt oh for sure it's Jack box go go the the Garda snow patrol received reports of a person entering unlocked vehicles in the balsa door boss there

area yesterday evening who was chased by locals but evaded capture in the Balsadar area yesterday evening who was chased by locals but evaded capture. In the early hours of the morning, Gardai received reports of a man again interfering with vehicles. The keen eye of the Gardai spotted footprints leading away from the scene. It does not say the keen eye of the Gardai. It does. And you know they did it. they wrote this masterpiece of an article

uh the keen eye of the guard i was ocean fm oh well all right this is a great story then uh so they followed them and found the man with the stolen equipment as well as the equipment being used he's arrested and taken to ballymote Garda Station where he is being questioned. Gardai are appealing to the public to never leave their vehicle to unlock. Wait, wait, whoa, whoa. Sligo Gardai is a... They're the Gardai of Sligo. What?

I don't think Sligo Gardai is a name. I think Gardai is like guards or police or something like that. Oh. Whoa. Now you make me look this up. They are the state police force of the Irish Republic. There you go. And Sligo is the town.

Oh, my God. That makes so much more sense. I'd rather it be someone named Sligo is the town. Oh my god. That makes so much more sense. But I'd rather it be someone named Sligo. Me too. Me too. There's some Irish people laughing at us. Well, let's laugh at them. What is Sligo famous for?

Sligo is a slice of heaven along Ireland's Wild Atlantic Way. Oh shit, it does look beautiful though Oh look at this Photo oh I hate it Oh it looks gorgeous Oh I'm so mad Oh I'm so mad I can't make fun of them

It looks so beautiful Son of a Stupid Ireland There's like some crazy mountain ranges there, too. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah, look at this. Look at this mountain range with the thingies.

Look at that. God, it's gorgeous. It's beautiful. I hate it. The cows, the castle, the mountains. Yeah, it looks like something out of a fantasy novel. It does. I can't believe that.

My favorite part is that it's this hill, like this massive cliff in the background, this hill with the cows and stuff, this castle, and then next to it like a three-car garage. Yeah, well, you know, I'm not gaudy about it. I only have three cars for my castle. There's also one other story I had to cover. Okay. Florida metal musician turns Uncle Skeleton into Skelecaster guitar. I've seen the photo of this.

It is wild. I've seen the photo of this It is wild Tampa musician Prince Midnight Made the ghoulish guitar To honor his uncle Phillip Phillip Midnight of course The biggest metalhead I have ever known In quotes

Leftover Fender Telecaster in the bones Was clearly Dearly departed also clearly departed is clearly departed yeah but he's in the bones the man who introduced him to the rock genre in the 90s philip died in a motorcycle accident in greece in 96 at the age of 28 and his skeleton was donated to a local college after 20 years he ended up in a cemetery my family had to pay rent on, like literally in a wooden box, Midnight told HuffPost. It's a big problem in Greece,

because the Orthodox religion doesn't want people cremated. So with the help of a local funeral home, Prince Midnight... Wait, they had to pay rent? Yeah, I guess they had to rent it? Oh, that's weird. That's crazy! Okay. So with the help of a local funeral home,

Prince Midnight had Uncle Phillip's bones sent from Greece. But the plot thickened when he declined to buy a cemetery plot. The bones were in pieces and after a few weeks

of showing them to his friends, Prince Midnight decided his Uncle Phillip was a metalhead we'd turn into a guitar. What the hell? After a few weeks

of showing them to his friends, Prince Midnight is wild. Hey, you guys want to see my uncle's bones? we'd turn into a guitar. What the hell? After a few weeks of showing them to his friends, Prince Midnight is wild. Hey, you guys want to see my uncle's bones? Friends familiar with making guitars from scratch warned him that a bone guitar wouldn't sound as good from one made from wood, but Prince Midnight was undeterred.

I didn't care, he said. Turning Uncle Philip's remains into a ghoulish guitar was a challenge. First, Prince Midnight had to weld a metal bar to the spine attached to the neck of the skeleton. said turning uncle philip's remains into a ghoulish guitar was a challenge first prince midnight had to weld a metal bar to the spine attached to the neck of the to the skeleton then he made sure the neck and bridge would be exactly parallel to the guitar strings so they would freely ring he also put a jack for the cord into uncle philip's hip bone although philip's skull was included in the remains he said it was undamaged and couldn't be added to the head of the guitar.

Oh, it was damaged. Oh, I was about to say, like... Yeah, it was damaged. It makes no sense that a metal head wouldn't have his skull involved. You know, whatever. Prince Midnight is forbidden by law from selling the skullicaster, but he's having fun stringing along Uncle Phillip. He still admits his project caused some awkward moments with his mom.

At first, she was sacrilegious and the work of the devil. You know how moms are, Prince Midnight said. Honey, don't turn your uncle into a guitar. But I asked her, Uncle Phillip was the biggest metalhead of anybody. Where would he rather be, in the ground or shredding? She said, shredding. You're right, honey. Phillip would have liked to be shredded.

That's the story. You know what? I say go for it. We put too many bodies in the ground What are we gonna do We're gonna run out of space Let's get creative You'd rather be shredding Yeah man

Look all I'm saying is Don't leave my ass in the dirt Do something fun with me I don't need it What the hell do I care Yeah Go nuts Yeah

Go nuts Take Go nuts. Take my bones. Do whatever you want with them. I'm not going to need those shits. Do whatever you want. There's another gravestone quote. Just on my tombstone. Take my bones.

Do whatever you want. I'm not going to need them shits. Like a shovel next to my tombstone. Hey, free use bones. Give them to your dog or whatever. I don't care. Well. All right.

Well, that's it for us. Thanks so much for listening or watching or however you enjoy this podcast. Crandor. Hit them with the socials. Social media. YouTube.com slash Cox and Crandor podcast. Listen to all these podcasts on YouTube. You can see all the backlog over there.

You can cut off the podcast part and go to YouTube.com slash Crandor. That's where all the animations are. You can go to. No, Cox and Crandor. Not just YouTube.com slash Crandor. There's no animations there. Crandor. Oh, I guess. You just like come over to YouTube.com slash Crendor. There's no animations there. Crendor. Oh, I guess.

You're just like, come over to youtube.com slash Crendor, wink, wink. You'll get all the animations, wink, wink. Go there too. I got all the animations. They're not as good as the youtube.com slash Crendor ones, but there's something. Also, we're on Spotify.

We're on iTunes. We're on SoundCloud. We're all over the place. Everywhere. Also, go to our YouTube channels. Go to mine. Go to Jesse Cox. You go to twitch.tv slash Crendor. You got to twitch.tv slash Jesse Cox.

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We'll see you all next time. And as always, ding, ding. To be continued.