Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 326 - HANK THE TANK

Episode Date: February 21, 2022

It's time for an all new Cox n' Crendor! ALL OTHER NEWS IS UNIMPORTANT - THERE IS ONLY HANK THE TANK. Go to http://joinhoney.com/cox to get Honey for free! Go to http://hawthorne.co and use promo code... cox to get 10% off your first purchase!

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Today's episode is brought to you by Honey. Honey is here to save you some money when you shop online. Also, today we're brought to you by Hawthorne. Looking, smelling, feeling your best, that's what Hawthorne's all about. We'll talk about that later, and let's jump into this podcast. Hello, everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning.
Starting point is 00:00:42 Broadcasting live, live, live, live, greetings. Whoa. I don't like that. Ah, greetings. Ah, greetings. Who is that character? You know, the one time I said greetings, but now I added ah, greetings, you know. Here's the thing.
Starting point is 00:01:01 Greetings by itself, creepy. Ah, greetings, not as creepy well i mean i'm drinking this wine uh it is hold on let me tell you what wine it is before people start asking all right right right i mean you have to say that uh yeah it is the is there is there like any other podcast where it opens up it's like oh i got this I got this cool thing. Wait, what was it? Hold on. I'm still holding. Cabin Cabernet? No. It's a Cabernet.
Starting point is 00:01:29 Cabernet is a sucky name for a Cabernet. That sounds like a generic name they give like a cartoon. That's what I'm saying. It's me, Cabin Cabernet. I'm drunk and a homeowner. That is very accurate for 2022 uh let's see god what's oh cross barn that's what it is i got it close enough cabin cabernet crossbar it is cross barn cabernet honestly very solid big fan big fan cross barn cabernet. Honestly, very solid. Big fan. Big fan.
Starting point is 00:02:05 Cross Barn Cabernet. If you ever see it in the store and you're feeling fancy, pick it up. You're trying to get a sponsorship? What's going on here? I would take one. I'm just saying. It's a good wine. However, their Pinot Noir sucks ass.
Starting point is 00:02:15 Don't get it. Understood. I mean, why would you? Yeah. How's it going? Good. Man, my apartment complex is, uh... I feel like it's always something going on at your apartment complex.
Starting point is 00:02:32 Yeah, well, in my life in general, I have moments of just, like, nothing, nothing, nothing, and then 80 things happen at once. And this is, unfortunately, that time where a lot of it's happening in my apartment complex. So like first things first, the people that live next to me, uh, our sweethearts, I'm sure.
Starting point is 00:02:52 But every time I see them, it's like when I'm in my messiest, grossest moods, like what I'm just like, like it's like who I am and I'm taking trash out Before I go to bed and I look like A mess I probably had an Edible I'm just like not at all Where I should be
Starting point is 00:03:12 I'm like walking Over to the garbage chute And for some reason they're always like And it's the same dude it's an older man And he's walking his dog And he always sees me he's like there he is How's it going? He's the guy, if you remember the podcast, I don't know, whenever it was a while ago, where he was like, hey, what do you do for a living?
Starting point is 00:03:34 I was like, oh, I work at a studio doing stuff. He's like, oh, yeah. What do you do? And I'm like, do you know Paul Blart Mall Cop? What do you do? And I'm like, do you know Paul Blart Mall Cop? So he invited me over to his house to eat one time. And I was like, I'm really busy. And ever since then, whenever he sees me, he's like, oh, there's that guy there.
Starting point is 00:03:57 And I'm like, oh, God. So I think he just thinks that I'm convinced he thinks that I made everything up, which, by the way, I did. But I think he thinks that I'm just like a crazy person. Oh, yeah. Whenever I see him, I'm always like, yeah, man, that's cool. All right, well, I'm going to go sleep now. And so tonight, as I'm coming home The elevator opens and there I am
Starting point is 00:04:27 I have A stain down the front of my shirt From when I went out to go eat And I stained my shirt like an idiot I have three boxes That I got Which by the way, remind me to talk about that I went and got
Starting point is 00:04:43 Some boxes that I had in the mail room And I was holding them on my shoulder so I looked like some idiot with three boxes on my shoulder with a stain down the front. My glasses were kind of down the front of my nose and my hair was all a mess because I'd been rubbing
Starting point is 00:04:57 my head as I was walking or waiting for the elevator to open. And it's him and his dog and like four other people. And he's like, hey, there he open. And it's him and his dog and, like, four other people. And he's like, hey, there he is. And I was like, no. No. This man must think I am the biggest mess who ever lived.
Starting point is 00:05:18 Every time I see him, I feel like, oh, no. This old man is just pandering. He's like, there's my man i'm like there's the guy right there there he is and i know for the fact that i i know when that elevator closed he was like that poor kid every time i see him he's just falling apart and it sucks because this is la and everyone like looks their best all the time but not me well you're not truly from LA you've just been molded
Starting point is 00:05:50 by it yeah molded is rough I don't know if that's true you're just like you know you showed up and now you've just lived there and you just kind of become you're not like the actual LA people they're born like the Uruk-hai in Lord of the Rings from mud mud bubbles You know, the actual L.A. people, they're born like the Uruk-hai in Lord of the Rings.
Starting point is 00:06:08 The mud bubbles. It's like Tom Hanks. Just like... Yes. Rise, my champions. Now I shall be an actor. We dine on man flesh tonight. Meat's back on the menu, boys. You know, I've gone out.
Starting point is 00:06:24 I've seen some things things I know what's up And then speaking of The mail room There's this family they're in the next building So the mail room for My building and the one next door is in the same place And there's this family That's in the building
Starting point is 00:06:40 Next door that they Must get 50 packages a week. I don't know what the hell they order, but it's all from Amazon and they just keep ordering stuff. And rather than collect the boxes and then take them to their apartment, they open all the boxes there and then leave them. What? And they just leave them around like 20 empty boxes just on the floor in the way every time.
Starting point is 00:07:07 And it's infuriating. And so finally, I was like, I'm going to report these people, F these people. So I go, I look to see what their address is because clearly that's a dead giveaway. They've ripped off every single address sticker. What the shit? They know how bad they are. Like what they're doing sucks so badly. They've ripped off all their address stickers so that no one can tell whose apartment it actually is.
Starting point is 00:07:35 But I've watched them do it before. So I know it's this family. And they even have like their little kid doing it. And I'm just like, no, I hate this. Oh, I hate this. Oh, I hate this. And so. Wait, so they go through the effort of ripping off the stickers on the boxes, but they could just, like, take the boxes. And it seems like supreme laziness because all they have to do is take the boxes to your apartment.
Starting point is 00:08:02 But they get so many, I feel like they can't carry them all. is take the boxes to your apartment, but they get so many, I feel like they can't carry them all. So they've decided, rather than make multiple trips, to just open everything that's in the boxes and then take the smaller boxes piled together and go,
Starting point is 00:08:15 which seems not that different, but whatever. And then they take the time to rip off the stickers every time and then they just leave them on the floor. So that just added... So now I'm trying to dodge all those things while carrying my boxes i almost trip i'm like stressed out from dealing with that scenario and and so i get in the elevator i'm like rubbing my head like
Starting point is 00:08:35 oh my god the door opens like hey there he is i was like son of a bitch so that's been that's been the last 25 minutes of my night. And it's just like I can't. I can't in this apartment anymore. I'm so like it rained. So remember how I used to have my old apartment and it rained and like there was a leak? Oh, yeah. I remember. The mold formed and stuff.
Starting point is 00:08:59 And I was like, this is insane. So I left that apartment. My new apartment, it rained. And in one corner of my apartment, I started to see like water trickling down from the ceiling. It was like, what? So then I call the apartment complex. I'm like, hey, I guess there's a leak in the roof. And they were like, well, that shouldn't be.
Starting point is 00:09:20 I'm like, yeah, no shit. So they bring a guy over. The guy's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll get on that. And he left a letter saying, like, here's what we're going to do. And this is the steps we're going to take. See you in a week. We'll be back in a week.
Starting point is 00:09:33 I'm like, okay, well, it's not going to rain in that time. So I don't have to worry. It's LA. And then it's been two and a half weeks. No one showed up. And this damn line of like this one line of water now, it dried and made like a little brown line going down one of the walls. And I'm just like, I'm not touching it. I'm not touching it.
Starting point is 00:09:54 I want them to know it's there. I'm not touching it. It's going to, oh my God. Oh, Crandor. Man. I can't win. I can't win. I can't win.
Starting point is 00:10:01 Man I can't win I can't win I can't win I thought like I thought you got like a decent apartment place too That they would You know Oh no I mean like
Starting point is 00:10:11 It's It's Like everything they needed And like when I first moved in here I was like this counter sucks They're like We'll put a new counter And they did
Starting point is 00:10:20 Like they get it done It's just The hassle of life I just want to live in a world where I'm a child again. And I don't have to concern myself with adult problems because they suck. They suck. I've got my own adult problems called physical therapy. I've been going to physical therapy usually like two times a week.
Starting point is 00:10:43 Turns out my neck is very bad um what does that mean whoa whoa whoa what does that mean your neck is very bad like naughty bad what's going on with your neck you can't just say it's very bad well okay so i was like my neck is extremely naughty with like i show a lot of skin neck skin that is like i started going physical, I started going physical therapy because I was getting, like, neck pain. So I was like, all right, we'll see what they say. So they were like, all right, we're going to test you out, see how you do with all these, like, physical therapy tests. They're like, look up, look down, look this way, that way. And they're like, wow, you can look really far up.
Starting point is 00:11:20 And I was like, oh, is that good? And they're like, I mean, kind of, but not really. And I was like, oh, is that good? And they're like, I mean, kind of, but not really. And I was like, why? And they're like, because if you can look really far back, it means that your head is outward, kind of like forward because of bad posture. And that when your head's forward, it allows it to go back farther. So they're like, you actually. Wait, whoa, what? Wait, what?
Starting point is 00:11:46 so they're like you actually wait whoa what wait what yeah so like if you pull your neck back to like proper posture and you try to look up like all the way you can't go like all the way back but if you kind of push your head forward and try to look up it's easier try i'm i i mean i am i just don't wait so what were you doing So the whole point is that My posture is like more curved And it's not Proper posture Probably from years of sitting at a computer improperly Years ago
Starting point is 00:12:16 One of my when I was in Taking theater classes We would do stretches and one of My teachers was like It was an hour long class and we spent 20 minutes stretching. Like that was the thing that we did. And she would never, she was like, never extend your, your head all the way back. She's like, you're going to stretch your head, look down at the ground and roll it to the right and roll it to the left, but never do a full 360 roll.
Starting point is 00:12:45 So I've never, I rarely ever, I don't know if that's true. I don't even know if that's true. I have heard that it's actually bad to like do a 360, like rotate your neck all the way around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I just listened to her and I have ever since. I'm sure someone listening right now will be able to tell us actual truth, but I was just like, I don't ever go full all the way back.
Starting point is 00:13:08 I never have. I can. Like, as I do it, I know I can go back further, but I just am not gonna. Well, okay, that was just one of the tests, and they were like, all right, so it's not great. The other ones, they're just like, oh, my oh my god you're what would it be my shoulder blades so like the just like where you if you like pull both your arms back and you like put your shoulder blades together those are really weak and apparently that's also because of bad posture so I've done a lot of
Starting point is 00:13:43 shoulder blade exercises and I've done a lot of shoulder blade exercises and I've done a lot of chin tucks, pec stretches, trapezius muscle stretches, mainly just all those to strengthen those, and then core stuff.
Starting point is 00:14:01 That's, you know, I show up, they're like, oh my god, your neck's tight, and then we do all that. like oh my god your neck's tight and then we do all that oh my god your neck's tight but unlike a chiropractor they don't go like in fact i was like oh this is great i was it's like the car i was like i remember one time i saw a chiropractor and he told me stretches but then they crack you and they're like oh yeah i would not recommend that that That's not good. It's very similar to when, at least it sounds similar,
Starting point is 00:14:30 to when I, anytime anyone has ever tried to give me a massage, they're always like, you're so tense. And I'm like, yes, all the time. You don't understand. I am constantly tense at all moments. They're like, your shoulders, you're so tense. I'm constantly tense at all moments. They're like, your shoulders. You're so tense. I'm like, yes, you are correct.
Starting point is 00:14:49 And I know you think you're giving me a great massage, but you are hurting me. They're like, let me get in there and get them like, please, please stop. Oh, no. The last time she was like breaking up a muscle knot. You ever have muscle knots get broken up no maybe i have muscle knots i don't know my whole body is a knot of muscles oh it probably does it feels so good because like it's all like tightened up and they like push on it and it's really like it's like aggravated i need sometimes you can even feel it going down your arm and then
Starting point is 00:15:23 they just push on it and it loosens up and it's like, and then it just kind of lets loose. And you're like, oh, man, that feels good. It's a whole thing. Muscle not. Never. I've never had that. Oh, my God. You're missing out.
Starting point is 00:15:38 But it could be because, again, I'm all tense. That's true. All of me is tense at all times. It's like my dad. He's like a permanent just tense. T's true. All of me is tense at all times. That's like my dad. He has like a permanent just tense. Tenseness to him. He's like, I can't bend. Well, see, I can bend.
Starting point is 00:15:55 Bending is not the problem. I just am like when people try to like massage my back. Like, oh, you're so tense back here. You should loosen up. I'm like, I can't. I can't do it. Yeah, you probably just got to start doing some exercises or stretches or something. Probably stretches.
Starting point is 00:16:17 You are genuinely correct. Yeah. It's also interesting the different physical therapy people it's like i've gotten a few uh and the one is like this like girl in her 30s and she's been like pretty good she's probably my favorite then there was this girl and i think her 20s and she was like better at like the exercises and i was like all right she gave me good exercise to do and then the one was this dude who was also in his 30s but he's like super jacked he's like all right i'm gonna work out your back and i was like oh it's like like power massaging my back and i was just like
Starting point is 00:16:54 and then he was like well next time like we can actually you can show me what you do at the gym and i can check your like posture and everything and i'd be like that I was like that is that's much better than me getting massaged I will gladly go do that I was like all right let's go to the gym it's fine with me uh they'll probably be like oh no wonder your neck sore you're doing your lat pull downs with your neck in a 34 degree axis it's gonna be something like that i would think i mean i guess you don't have a spotter or anything do you so no i've gotten a few uh trainer sessions so that's how i learned how to do most of my exercises but some some of them i just kind of did from watching stuff on the internet so i'm like i don't know if i'm doing it properly or not so it's good to just have somebody look at you and be like, yeah, that's wrong.
Starting point is 00:17:46 What happened to your plan of, I'm going to get a trainer to teach me things, and then I'm going to not train with them anymore, and then I'm going to get another trainer? Well, that's what I did. What happened to that plan? I did that like three times. That's essentially like 75% of it. I feel like you need to do more than three.
Starting point is 00:17:59 Well, it's like 75% of my workout regimen is that. And then 25% is just stuff I saw online that I was like, that looks good. But I don't know if I'm doing it right. Right. There's your problem. But I might be doing it right. You might be hurting your neck. It's possible. That one time,
Starting point is 00:18:18 oh my god, like before the Cox and Crandor live show, that was when I super messed up my neck. That's when I was doing the bench doing uh you're gonna hurt yourself i have hurt myself there you go that was because i asked them about that i was like i hurt my neck bench pressing you think it's because my neck is weak and they're like probably i was like all right you gotta have one of them necks that... Like a Cardassian neck. That's true. Or just like a The Rock neck.
Starting point is 00:18:49 Yeah, like one of those necks that has muscles on muscles on muscles. Yeah, it's just like there isn't even a neck. That's right. Here's the problem. You have too much neck. I think I do, yeah. You have too much neck and I have not enough neck. With our powers combined. Yeah, if we could somehow combine saying ourselves together.
Starting point is 00:19:10 We could do a dance and combine. I imagine that guy would be some kind of meatball man. Without a doubt. Hey there, it's me, Meatball Man. Meatball Man. I feel like his neck would still be nothing greatest oh yeah yeah it would be not visible but also very weak like massaging ground beef when you push into his neck oh so squishy but firm yeah I just kind of want to take a bite of this. Is that wrong?
Starting point is 00:19:47 Hey, at least cook it to a nice medium. Stick me in a nice gravy. You know what I'm saying? I don't care. Red or brown. Oh, my God. I was going to bring up. So, like, you have that guy who, what's the guy? You know, you told him you're paul blart mall cop or whatever
Starting point is 00:20:05 i tell that here's the thing i tell it to everyone every single person who asks me what i do if i don't want to have a conversation with them i'm like uh work at sony yeah paul bart mall cop that was me we're making a new one new one's coming out soon they're just like ah all right and they just walk away every time well there's a guy at the grocery store that I told did YouTube. Or I told him I did YouTube like years ago. And he doesn't work there anymore. But I remember every time I'd go, he'd be like, hey, it's the gamer guy. And he would just say that every time.
Starting point is 00:20:40 I'm like, oh, gee, there we go. He's like, hey, gamer guy, you play Halo? And I'm like, nah, I played a little bit. And he's like, you should play Halo. I like Halo. I'm like, yeah, gee, there we go. He's like, hey, gamer guy, you play Halo? And I'm like, nah, I played a little bit. And he's like, you should play Halo. I like Halo. I'm like, yeah. Hey, gamer guy, you play the Halo. Yeah, play the Halo.
Starting point is 00:20:54 I had a guy at my grocery store who did that. He was great. I love that. He's like, hey, Guild Grumps. Because that one episode of Game Grumps I was in. And he always said that. And then the one lady at the coffee place who is super excited to see me every time I go get coffee. It's a good reason to go get coffee.
Starting point is 00:21:13 I'm feeling down. She's like, Jesse! Hi! I'm like, hey, what's up? That's the thing. Now he's been gone for a while. I kind of miss him. I kind of miss the gamer guy comments. And he would always just tell me what he's playing usually just halo or
Starting point is 00:21:29 something else you know you know what you don't know what you got till it's gone that guy was there he was your he was the one little bit of your life that that like made you feel like you were important yeah now it's gone i just have neck pain Speaking of pain in the necks Yes The other night, I went out with some friends Okay They were all complaining about their relationships Just every single one of them
Starting point is 00:21:58 Was like, ah Anyway For some reason, they felt that I needed to suffer Like them So they made me create Anyway For some reason they felt that I needed to suffer like them So they made me create a Hinge profile Hinge is apparently a dating app That I think is probably exclusively designed for like people 30 plus Because the whole point I guess
Starting point is 00:22:21 Is you're supposed to find like your true love on it Not just like bone down like on Tinder So I was like Alright well do I have to use this And they're like no no no But you must always keep it on your phone So that we can look And I was like okay sure
Starting point is 00:22:37 For the goof I'll do this And they were like alright so we're going to create this profile So at dinner as we're all drinking We're like making a profile For me and i'm like i want to pick the photos and like okay pick your photos and so i picked like me as may and me with a goofy face and me at like a photo someone took of me very drunk like one of the photos was that photo of you and me from like 2011. I picked all the worst photos and they were like, all right, we have veto power over this. You're allowed one.
Starting point is 00:23:15 And I was like, all right, I choose the May photo because I don't know. People are going to see that. I don't know how they're going to react. I was like, I want that photo. And they picked other photos. They're all equally silly, but, you know, none of them are good. Like none of them are like headshot quality photos. They're all equally silly but you know none of them are good like none of them are like headshot quality photos they're all awful photos i was like we can agree on this all right and then they're like answer these questions truthfully it's like okay like what is a green
Starting point is 00:23:36 flag for you i was like oh green flag um if we're out to dinner and you don't pull your phone out once that's a green flag. I was like, that's what I'm going to say. And they're like, say that. I was like, okay. So it's so funny because on the audio, you can hear in the background the bar. And I'm just like, you know what a problem is? When people pull out their phones at dinner.
Starting point is 00:23:58 And here I am on my phone. Anyway, I answer all these things. And then I set it live live and I go to bed. I wake up the next day. I have four matches, four people. And the way it works is you have to like a person's photo or whatever comment they made, something like that. And when you send that like out, then that person has to respond to you, right? And you can send them a rose, which I don't even know how you get those.
Starting point is 00:24:34 Probably money. Yeah, you can send them a rose that puts your name at the top of the list. Oh, that's definitely money then. Yeah, for sure. So I got four messages. I have not looked at anyone's profile, have not liked anything, have not done anything. And I looked at these, you know, the four. I will even go there right now just to give you an example of how this works because it is so ridiculous.
Starting point is 00:25:03 The photos that I have have this is the best the photos that i have are one is of me doing gentleman's gaming club in a smoking jacket one is of me high out of my mind in amsterdam one is me as may one is dodger and i from the uh like, shoot we did years ago. One is me playing Guitar Hero looking like the biggest idiot ever. And then one is one normal photo that they found. Yeah. But, anyway, so, the, like, when someone likes you, it'll pop up and then you can respond to them or ignore them. So, the first, like, the first first day I got four and all of them were suspicious. One of them was this woman who was 44 years old. So already I'm like, mommy.
Starting point is 00:25:54 All right. Yep. And I responded, heard nothing back. I was like, okay. So then the next one was this girl who messaged me. I responded, nothing back. The next one who is 35, she messaged me like, your parents, she, I attached my, because I didn't want to put work into it. I attached my Instagram to it. So most of the photos are just filtered from Instagram. And so it also posts videos.
Starting point is 00:26:26 And so she saw the video of my parents and I playing Final Fantasy XIV. She's like, your parents seem pretty cool. And I responded with this thing about, you know, I was like, yeah, my parents are pretty cool. Nothing. Heard nothing back. Then this other woman, 41, living her
Starting point is 00:26:42 best life. I think I tweeted about this. I was like, she seems so put together. She's like a CEO, like runs a business. And I was like, this has to be a bot. These all have to be bots. This can't be real. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:55 This can't be real at all. So, you know, I ignore it. I'm like, I'm not going to respond to her. She seems like this can't be real. So then I go about my life. And every day since then, there's been at least one person who's been like, you look pretty cool. I'd like to talk to you. And 90% of them, I'm like, this is a bot.
Starting point is 00:27:18 This is a bot. So I just like delete it. And the ones that I do reach out to, they don't respond. And I'm like, these all have to be bots. I'm telling you, I can't figure out what is going on but either because i'm not i'm not i'm not approaching anyone like i am not hitting anyone up it exists literally so i can show my friends like look at this or in case the real one does show up, and I'm like, I've fallen in love. But I'm not, like, approaching anyone.
Starting point is 00:27:50 And I'm getting hit up every single day, and I feel like it's not real. I feel like the whole thing is fake. I'm doing nothing to earn any of this. And everyone talking to me, I like i don't know you this seems fake you know like this seems this all seems fake i can't tell what's happening and i can't tell if i've stumbled upon like a scheme you know what i mean like it just none of it seems real and i don't know what's i don't know if they saw my photos and the app was like, filter him out to only the bots. I feel like at least 80% of them are bots.
Starting point is 00:28:31 I do think there's probably 20% that aren't. Come on. I just went to active right now. Okay. This woman, Kalei, her caught in the act photo. Her caught in the act photo So you're allowed to put like Little Text blurbs
Starting point is 00:28:48 But they are they're prompts Right so you have so the idea is like That you use the prompt and then you find A photo to fit the prompt or you write something To fit the prompt and Hers for caught in the act is just her In front of a bathroom Mirror taking a selfie
Starting point is 00:29:03 My love language is food another photo is her just like it's her leg crendor like that's hold on hold on hold on sharing camera crendor okay i'm gonna look here this isn't even joe it's her leg It's her fucking leg What the shit That's what I'm saying dude I think I've stumbled I think I've stumbled on something here And I don't know I don't know what's going on That is
Starting point is 00:29:34 Man I'm so glad I'm married I don't know what It is the weirdest thing I've ever It's just a leg It's just a leg It's just a leg It's not like there's nothing Was there anything Was there
Starting point is 00:29:51 The prompt was caption this photo Wait what Wait so she put a leg And she said caption this photo And then There's another There's another photo of her at an LA Dodgers game with a dude, clearly a dude, and it says B-side of my camera roll. I don't know what that means.
Starting point is 00:30:17 What? How old is she? Is it your boyfriend? She is 37. Okay. Again. Again. This is... It Okay. Again. Again. This is...
Starting point is 00:30:27 It all feels fake. It all feels like this is all fake. It feels very fake, yeah. I feel like I am the only real person on this entire app. I feel like that's what most dating app thinks. Right? It's so weird. It's so weird. It's so weird.
Starting point is 00:30:46 I'm going to tell you about an app I've been using. Yes? Pokemon Go. You probably have a better chance of finding a date on Pokemon Go than I do on Inch. Probably. I mean, if you were playing Pokemon Go, you'd probably go to a raid or something.
Starting point is 00:31:05 Yeah, I'd probably meet a person in real life that was real and not a bot. That'd be amazing. You played Pokemon Go 2 and boom, there you go. This thing even recommended a person to me the other day. And they were like, you should really reach out to them. I was like, no, I'm all right. They reached out to me, which means they saw the recommendation. And I was like, okay, this might be something.
Starting point is 00:31:28 Sent a message. Nothing. It's been four days. I'm like, you know what? I'm over it. This thing sucks. You're just looking for one message. I'm just looking for one person to reply to me once.
Starting point is 00:31:43 It's crazy because they're the ones messaging me first. Yeah. And then I reply, and I know that if I messaged someone and I got a reply back, I would be the happiest person in the world. Yeah. But it seems like
Starting point is 00:31:59 it must be that they... Either they're bots, or they send out 80 messages and they're like Yeah I'm gonna hope that a like Sexier dude hits me up instead of you Like either way That's dumb That's so dumb
Starting point is 00:32:15 Um I honestly don't know I don't get it That shit's wacky wild to me It was a leg a leg it was a way not even like not even like a sexy like it's a thigh thing not even like not even like a good lighting leg it's like in the shadows yes it was just a weird shadow leg it's just like a leg and you're just like that's just a leg and then you go to the the mail room there's just a picture of the leg there like we've been
Starting point is 00:32:54 watching you Jesse I would expect it at this point I'd be like you know what alright it's all at least that makes sense at You know, I'd be like, at least it all checks out. Well, see, here's my problem. So I reinstalled Pokemon Go. All right. Why? Why? Because I have some friends that are playing it, and they're like, dude, it's changed so much. And I'm like, all right, I'll reinstall Pokemon Go.
Starting point is 00:33:16 I'll see how it's going. Here's the problem. I reinstall it. My eggs aren't working, and my walking shit doesn't track. And I'm like, why isn't it doing this? They're like, oh, you gotta just go online. There's stuff to fix that. I go online, I try everything. Doesn't fix it.
Starting point is 00:33:32 And then I find this one Reddit thread and they're just like, oh, if you're a new player, a returning player after years and you try to do it, you just gotta wait. What? What do you mean? Yeah, they're like, you just gotta wait. After a week, yeah they're like you just gotta wait it after a week my eggs and walking thing just started working and i was like what like there has to be something
Starting point is 00:33:53 else so i like send them a message neantech or whatever i'm like hey my eggs aren't working and they're like oh yeah this is a known issue and i was was like, can you fix it? And they're like, no, try reinstalling it. Yeah, so like, I tweet about it. Literally the day that I tweet about it, I open my Pokemon Go
Starting point is 00:34:13 and my like, rare candy shit starts popping up and it's like, your egg is hatching. And I was like, you gotta be shitting me. They were right.
Starting point is 00:34:20 You just wait a week. That seems like, seems like a problem they should have addressed if everyone knew about it right yeah there's a thing the threads I was reading are from like a year and a half ago they still it's been around they're just like hey you know what it'll fix itself eventually yeah they got their money so I mean I you know I've been having fun just playing Pokemon go again. It's something to do.
Starting point is 00:34:49 Although it's been like 15 degrees outside, so usually I just walk at the gym. But it is going to start getting into the 40s now. That's my walking weather. Do you get credit for walking at the gym? Yeah. Yeah, you can attach it to like your health app, so it tracks steps. Ah, that checks out. Yeah, so I do that.
Starting point is 00:35:07 And it can also, it's like, you want to track, like, exercise too? And I was like, sure, whatever. Give me egg hatching exercise. So I was doing that. Such a weird statement. Give me egg hatching exercise. Yeah, I mean, that's like one of my favorite parts about Pokemon Go is it's just something to do
Starting point is 00:35:24 while I'm, like, exercising or walking or whatever it might be. It's like a little bonus thing. And I'm like, neat. They've added so much stuff to that game. I'm like, oh, my God. You're about to make me pick it up again. It's literally been six, five. I don't know how long.
Starting point is 00:35:40 Years and years. Yeah, my oldest Pokemon from 2016. Because I remember I played Pokemon Go in, like, England for Coxconn. Damn. So it was a while ago. It was so long. Yeah. So, yeah, it's pretty fun.
Starting point is 00:35:53 They've added a bunch. You just go around. I'm like, hey, a thing to catch. And then I catch it, and I'm like, neat. Making me think about downloading it again. Just do it. See if your eggs are working. See if your eggs are working. See if your eggs are working.
Starting point is 00:36:05 Oh my god. I'll let everyone know. I'll keep everyone informed next week. Okay, yeah. Next week, inform everybody. You better have installed it. Oh, I will. Oh, I will. Or I will be upset and I'll say oh my god, you didn't install it?
Starting point is 00:36:21 Come on! And then I'll forget. For the longest time I didn't install any new apps. Not because I didn't install it come on and then i'll forget for the longest time i didn't install any new apps not because i didn't want apps but because i straight up forgot what my apple password was and i was too lazy to reset it i was like yeah i feel that i have so many passwords too because like ever since like years ago when i got hacked i like like i have like 40 different passwords i have different passwords for like i have like 40 different passwords i have different passwords for everything i have different emails for everything so i have to like
Starting point is 00:36:49 remember them all and i have them like in the i have them all in like one of those password remembering or like account remembering things but i don't even need to use it because i just remember it all and i just have like slightly different variations of emails and passwords and everything but then i get to of emails and passwords and everything. But then I get to some certain things, and I'm like, wait, what did I do for this? And then I end up having to reset the password anyway, and I'm like, whatever. Moral of the story is take your boxes out of the mailroom. Yeah, that's the moral.
Starting point is 00:37:19 The moral of the story is get your damn boxes out of the mailroom. You know what else you should get? Oh, that wasn't great. You know what else you should get. Oh, that wasn't great. You know what else you should get? Honey, the easy way to save when you're shopping on your phone or computer. How do you feel about online shopping? How often do you do it? If you're like me, you are doing it with a frequency that is far too high.
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Starting point is 00:38:52 Also today, we're brought to you by Hawthorne. If you're listening, if you've been watching me for years, you're probably thinking, how does Jesse look so good all the time? Well, you should also be wondering, how does he smell so good all the time too? The answer is Hawthorne. Hawthorne's grooming products are the answer to that question on why I look, feel, and smell so good. Hawthorne is a premium men's grooming brand that makes it quick and easy to be confidently
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Starting point is 00:40:56 I mean there's never not traffic Like March 2020 There was no traffic That's true that's when like the pollution went down In the world. That was pretty much about it. I mean, now there's even more traffic. This is annoying. I don't even know how that happened.
Starting point is 00:41:13 Yeah, it's wild. I guess from cabin fever, people are so caught up in being caught up inside now they're like, I want to get out. I want to post my leg pictures. I want to play Pokemon Go. I want to, you know, leave my boxes in the mail room. I want to post my leg pictures i want to play pokemon go i want to you know uh leave my boxes in the mail room i want to do all these things so they've been doing that and they're
Starting point is 00:41:32 also driving their cars riding their planes and going insane so back to you insane's in the membranes okay let's go to weather weather all right i'm gonna let you choose okay there's three this is a this is a first i've never let you choose the town before this is big this is big for me yeah so we've got jukka svari sweden mainly to hear krendor pronounce the name smile Smiley face. Alright, well you did, so that one's done. And they say the Swedish Ice Hotel is located at Jukaskar and is a hotel made entirely out
Starting point is 00:42:14 of ice, furniture, beds, and all. Is that the place where James Bond killed the North Korean dude? I have no idea. Then we have Frankenmuth, Michigan. Home of the world's largest christmas store and the rock band greta van fleet oh boy oh boy and somewhere there's someone who's like and then we have webster massachusetts home of the longest named lake lake char gaga gaga man Lake Chargaga-gaga-man-chugga-gaga-bachunga-bunga-gunga-mugga-mog.
Starting point is 00:42:48 It both sounds made up and racist for some reason. It sounds both those things. Here's the thing. I want to go to Sweden so I can Google this ice hotel and look it up. I can tell from your voice you wanted to go to that ice hotel. I want to go to that isotope. What is the name of this place? It is...
Starting point is 00:43:09 I'll link it. There it is. Thank God. Whoa. Jukasvari? That's what I said. Jukasvari. Jukasvari.
Starting point is 00:43:21 Where is this in Sweden? This has got to be in the... Oh, my God. Dude. the... I'm looking at Norway. Norway's kinda like Darkshore. It kinda is! You know what? It kinda is! Yeah, I never noticed that. They probably took inspiration. Anyway, uh, currently in Jukkasvari, Norrbotten, Sweden. Uh, currently in Jukkaski Skarby, Norrbotten, Sweden. It's 12 degrees Fahrenheit.
Starting point is 00:43:47 That's pretty cold. It's pretty much the same temperature here. I was just outside not that long ago, and it was very cold. Especially the wind. Dude, oh my god, is it windy there? The wind is what gets you. I always say it. Four miles an hour.
Starting point is 00:44:00 Alright, eh, it's not too bad. Um, feels like five degrees. You got your humidity at at 85 you got your pressure at 29.26 inches your visibility at 10 miles your wind four miles an hour 2.8 uv index zero of 10 in a moon phase of waning gibbous uh checking the 10 day well we got 17 degrees sund, 7 degrees Sunday night with a 40% chance of snow. Then Monday, you got 15 degrees. Tuesday, 9 degrees, hitting those single digits. Wednesday, 11 degrees and cloudy. Thursday, you got 21 with some snow showers. Friday, you got 23 with more snow showers.
Starting point is 00:44:40 Saturday, 19 degrees. Sunday, snow showers again. So cold and snowy in Yarkoskirvidjurban. I need you to go Google Jukasvari. I think that's Jukasjarvi. Isotel. Isotel. The photos are wild.
Starting point is 00:45:03 Some of these, there's one photo. The second row, hopefully you'll have the exact same thing. Second row, second picture, is a bed but behind the bed are like ice people watching you sleep. Oh, I do see that. That is terrifying.
Starting point is 00:45:21 What the heck? Those ice people, that's scary as hell. Then if you scroll down a bit people, that's scary as hell And if you scroll down a bit more, there's like one that looks like Tron I want to stay in the Tron room Oh yeah That place looks amazing There's a guy sitting on an ice
Starting point is 00:45:35 Dude, I'd sit on that ice That ice Yo, I would There's actually in Vegas If I can ever convince you to go to Vegas one day. I'd probably go to Vegas because my friend Nick lives in Vegas. I want to visit him. That's a visit I would show up for.
Starting point is 00:45:52 They have. Man, where is it at? It's in between two of the hotels. I don't know which one, but there's an ice bar. And I've always wanted to go in that because I've been in an ice bar before. And it was kind of shit. But I like the idea of like drinking vodka from an ice glass sitting on ice wearing like a fur. Like, welcome to my home.
Starting point is 00:46:17 This is my ice vodka. This is my beer. You know what I mean? And then everyone looks at you like, the shit's wrong with that guy. There's one of these where there's like ice jellyfish in the background. There's one photo. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:46:33 There's a photo of... Crendor. Open image, new tab. I'm just going to send you this link. I don't know how to describe this. This is the scariest thing I've ever seen. Imagine this was in your bedroom. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:46:47 She's got ice boobs. There's two women, two naked ice-boobed women, but they also look like aliens. They do, yeah. They have the alien-like face. It's terrifying. It's a terrifying room. It's terrifying. It's a terrifying room.
Starting point is 00:47:10 What sucks is that also, if you look at the room, there is only one set of pillows on that bed. That is a bed for one person. Which means you go into that room and you may never come out. Those ice aliens are going to eat your ass. Wait. That's terrifying. Okay, but is it cold in the ice hotel? Yeah. You gotta like wear a jacket to sleep.
Starting point is 00:47:30 Yes. If you look at the photos of people staying there, everyone's bundled up. Yeah. Huh. Okay, two weeks ago, Carl Hedtjarn gave it a three out of five. He said, the ice rooms and the surroundings are the thing. Great fun and all. Overall impression of regular room sauna and shower standards. He said, to stay in, but do consider renting a cabin outside the hotel for a longer stay and a more genuine experience of this magical land. I mean, it seems like this is the only thing to do there. Yeah. It doesn't seem like there's a whole lot going on. You are looking at, oh my God, if you scroll out far enough, looking at it, you are in the north, north, north, north, north of Sweden.
Starting point is 00:48:42 You are very high up, and it appears like there is nothing going on in this town. There are five roads, and everything else looks like, I mean, a road could have been there. You know what I mean? Like, there's streets. There are streets. That's good. That is for sure. There are streets. That's good. That is for sure. There are streets.
Starting point is 00:49:06 And I guess what's interesting is that all the photos of it are during the summer. So the Ice Hotel just looks like a building. It doesn't look like it's covered in ice like in my imagination or the photos we've seen so far. Yeah. The thing is, like I said, the sauna is good. Like, I can go to the sauna here. I don't care. I guess the Swedish sauna might be better. I doubt it. thing is i said the sauna is good like i can go to the sauna here i don't care place the sweetest
Starting point is 00:49:25 sauna might be but i doubt it it's probably it can't be that crazy by the way i love okay so this is a little crazy okay but one of my favorite things to do is like go in the sauna right you know like hot in there you're like cooked up like and then hot in there cooked up yeah i walk outside into the like 10 degrees outside or like once it gets in the single digits a little like that but if it's like 20 30 degrees you walk out there oh my god it's fantastic it's practically like you're wearing it's like summer outside i walk out in like short sleeves there's people like bundled up but i got like the sauna heat and like actually just working out and i'm like yes feels great and i'll just like stay in there and then after like a few minutes i'll be like all right now i'm good but i love going from that like super hot hot to like super cold i don't have the
Starting point is 00:50:14 exact experience but i do have the reverse i like being super cold and then getting super hot the best when you're like freezing and you get under the covers and you're like, oh! I imagine that's the same thing, but not. I'm trying to see what there is to do in this town. There is an ice hotel restaurant. Did the ice hotel exist before the town? I have so many questions. All I know is there's a place called
Starting point is 00:50:40 Old Homestead Restaurant and I have clicked on it and I'm trying to find photos of the food here's the thing it looks like a log cabin it looks like it has room enough for like 30 people but the food doesn't look too bad it looks very like uh you know foodie yeah although it does appear to be all over the place. What? Never mind.
Starting point is 00:51:07 I take it all back. I take, never mind. I take everything back. There is an old homestyle restaurant. There is a photo of pizza. Crandor, I've never seen pizza like this in my life. I just, I don't know why you get pizza there. I was scrolling through looking at all this food like, yeah, that looks great.
Starting point is 00:51:23 And then I got to pizza and now i'm like that's just slices of american cheese that is slices of american cheese that is dang i think i can make a better pizza i mean yes yes i think you could yeah that's that is like that That is like drunk Jesse makes a pizza. Put some mushroom on there. You got to put an artichoke. Meanwhile, there's fondue, which is exactly the thing that I would eat there. They have like meat and burgers. They have a steak.
Starting point is 00:52:00 They have like meatballs. They have what appears to be some sort of German Looking dish They got all sorts of like Stuff and then a pizza That looks like it was made by a drunk Jesse who didn't have the ingredients To make pizza Everything else on here looks
Starting point is 00:52:18 Great they even have little gnomes Outside Oh yeah I see that They have a beer called shit creek ale of course they do now sports sports uh okay well we got a lot of sports stuff happening uh the olympics are gonna be wrapping up today uh so i don't know if you watched any Olympics, did you? I watched, this is I'll show you where my head's been I watched the figure skating stuff
Starting point is 00:52:50 the one girl who was supposed to be the best got fourth, and the one girl who got first her teammate who got second didn't think the first place person deserved to have first, so she lost her mind, and then I did a better routine.
Starting point is 00:53:05 And the girl who was first, no one on her team cheered her on. So she felt terrible. She's like, I don't want to be here anymore. Dude. Well, that one cheated with the heart medicine or whatever. Yeah, well, that was the fourth place girl. Girl placed fourth. Which, by the way, they were like, oh, she drank some of her grandfather's heart medicine water.
Starting point is 00:53:25 Like, oh, yeah. It's like Barry Bonds. Like, I just stumbled across these syringes. I thought I didn't check. I didn't mean for this to happen. Yeah, I was watching some of that. That was wild. There was a version without the commentary track, and it just had subtitles.
Starting point is 00:53:40 And, dude, holy crap. The one, the, like, redheaded second place girl goes off. She like, I don't know exactly what she says to the girl who lost, but she's like yelling at her. The girl who got fourth, she's yelling at her. And then she's pissed off that she didn't get first. And then meanwhile, the third place person is just like embarrassed to even be there. And the first The first place girl doesn't want to show her face
Starting point is 00:54:08 And the second place girl doesn't even want to accept her Medal I was like what the Shit is happening Yeah that shit was wild Dude Russia out of control Their sports teams are Too much Um I did
Starting point is 00:54:24 However see Curling I saw a lot of curling big fan there's the dude who looks like alex fasciani love that guy love the curling was so good yeah yeah uh and then i watched the the gold medal thing with great britain and sweden that was pretty wild. Speaking of Sweden, big curling people, you know? Yeah. Also watched, oh, my God, this might have been my favorite thing. So it's like cross country or whatever it is, you know, where they do the skis and they got to shoot. Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about.
Starting point is 00:55:00 Yeah, but it's like, yeah, you ski and then you stop to, like, shoot targets. So I was watching that because I was like, whatever. I was just building Warhammer miniatures. Is that the biathlon or was there a different? I think so. I think, yeah, biathlon or whatever it's called. And so the commentator, he reminded me of Tony Romo from the NFL, if anybody knows. And he's just like, oh, it's like Gina Saradova.
Starting point is 00:55:22 She's like going down and here comes these people. And they like do a podcast together. And I'm like, oh, this guy knows Gina Saradova. She's like going down and here comes these people and they like do a podcast together. And I'm like, oh, this guy knows a lot about it. And he keeps like talking up this one woman. And then he's like, all right, there he goes first. She's going to win and second. And he's like, wait, how did she get into third? And they're like, oh, and Monica Spaghetti comes in third.
Starting point is 00:55:41 He's like, where's Gina Saradova? Where is she? And I'm like, wait, what's going on? And he's like, where is she? She's not in fourth. She's not in like, where's Gina Saradova? Where is she? And I'm like, wait, what's going on? And he's like, where is she? She's not in fourth. She's not in fifth. Where's Gina Saradova? That's not actually her name, but that's just going on in my head. And so she comes in like 10th
Starting point is 00:55:55 place and he's like, oh my god, what's going on? I'm like, this is getting crazy. If this guy's freaking out, he knows all about this sport. So then she like crosses the finish line. She's like out of it. Like she is tired and she just like passes out. And he's like, oh, and the practices, she said she didn't even remember her final lap
Starting point is 00:56:15 because she like blacked out. And I was like, what the shit? I was like, that doesn't sound good. No, not at all. So then she like came in like 10th or something And then afterwards she was just like I'm a failure or something And I was like oh my god
Starting point is 00:56:30 Dude the Olympics messes people up man They got like 15 year olds Losing their mind over some shit That like nobody cares about anymore Like the Olympics No one's watching It's the worst year And every Olympics is worse than the previous one.
Starting point is 00:56:46 The thing was, like, apparently Russia, like, super, like, messes up these girls, too, with, like, their bones can't develop. Like, there's this whole thing I watched with, like, they pretty much abuse them, essentially. They pretty much abuse them, essentially. Yeah, I would... Not only do I believe that, but I also think that part of the reason why those three girls, like, were going through it is because they're all teenagers
Starting point is 00:57:12 and the entire country is watching. And if you fail us, you fail Mother Russia. Like, you know they're going to go home. I'm like, you now live in Siberia. Like, that's not a joke. Yeah, we send you to Aizoto. Yeah, no way, man. That sucks.
Starting point is 00:57:29 Yeah. No, that sucks. So, but big curling thing. Yeah. Curling? Great stuff. No one in curling, when they're done, are they like, I failed my country. They're like, you want to get up here there?
Starting point is 00:57:44 All right, let's go get a brewski. Come on, pal. Yeah. Although, do you see the South Korean women that won second place or silver medal like last Olympics in South Korea? They apparently had like a bunch of abusive coaches. It's curling. You would think they'd be like, all right, just sweep a little better next time, okay? like all right just sweep a little better next time okay well you would think that but then you realize like even if you look at like like fifth grade soccer at your local park there's like some
Starting point is 00:58:12 parent that's like get the fucking scream at everybody it's like dude this is like fifth grade soccer calm down yeah that sucks like i guarantee everybody that's played like minor or not minorly but like little kid sports when you're a kid like you always have at least one parent you've seen freak out and like their kids just trying to play and have fun and the parents just going insane they have to get like banned from the park district sports some you know what for some people sports is their life that's why they you. That's why they do what they do. Everyone has to have something to believe in, I guess. I believe that, too.
Starting point is 00:58:53 You know how everybody always mentions the thing where they're like, Oh, these kids are getting participation trophies. What are they, babies? Here's the thing. I got participation trophies as a kid and never was i like oh boy i sure am glad i got a trophy like you got a trophy and you're like wait we didn't win and you just you're like we lost every game this sucks like never was i like oh boy i got a trophy i was like dude this sucks this trophy is dumb and i like never even cared about it yeah i've always thought
Starting point is 00:59:25 participation trophies are less for the kids and more for the adults. So they feel good about the fact that they put kids through them being yelled at
Starting point is 00:59:32 by other adults. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like you suck, but here's a trophy to let you know that actually I didn't mean that.
Starting point is 00:59:40 And what I meant was that you're a good kid. Like, nah, like people care about that. People i meant was that you're a good kid like nah like kids don't care about that people underestimate the amount that kids like actually know too like when i look back i had like five trophies from playing basketball and soccer and i had one that was good and i'm like oh that's the one that i was good at where we had like an actual winning season yes that was fun and like the other ones i'm like i don't give a shit about those. Like kids don't, they act like kids look at those like, oh boy, I'm glad I participated.
Starting point is 01:00:07 And then they grow up and act like they're entitled or something. It's one of those weird trope things where people are always like, if you get kids participation trophies, you're going to end up like snowflakes. That is 100% never happened. There's never been someone who got a participation trophy and then was like i'm special it's never happened yeah yeah you guess what messes kids up your shitty ass parenting yes being a terrible parent also your kid having terrible friends that that also does it too if your kid has terrible friends raised by terrible parents, your kid could turn out terrible.
Starting point is 01:00:47 Just letting you know. There's a 50-50 chance of that. Yeah, so guess what? It's not the trophy, all right? Anyway, the NBA All-Star Game happened. Well, the All-Star Game hasn't happened yet. It's going to happen today. But the festive, like the dunk contest and three-point contest,
Starting point is 01:01:06 those things happen. Dunk contest sucked ass. It was terrible. And like one of the dudes tried to put on a necklace with an NFT, and everyone was like, this is trash. What's really funny is I was watching I think it was MegaRan I was watching someone And they were tweeting out A video of the dunks
Starting point is 01:01:30 And everyone in the crowd was like Watching the dunks and they were just like Dunks It wasn't anything showboaty It wasn't anything crazy Where I usually expect that to happen It's just like that guy nailed it It's because they kept missing them
Starting point is 01:01:44 Like if you actually watched it One dude didn't make a dunk for like eight straight dunks then he just did a really basic dunk to like get credit and that's what it was everyone was like this sucks like we had like good gut dunk contest back with like michael jordan did it he had like all the old school dudes he had vince Carter. He had like Zach Levine and Aaron Gordon going at it. Then this year it's just like a bunch of randos that sucked and promoted their NFTs on their neck. There's a photo of Guy Fieri at the dunk contest. Oh yeah, I saw that. It's a cigar in his mouth.
Starting point is 01:02:18 And he has a cigar in his mouth. And everyone in the comments is like, are you allowed to smoke there? Like, no, it's an unlit cigar. Dude literally has got an unlit cigar in his mouth. The best part is, at least all you know, I've watched enough episodes of Diners, Drivers, and Dives. I recognize his kid. Oh, yeah. I'm like, oh, that's his kid in the shot.
Starting point is 01:02:37 Yeah. It's so weird to me. Yeah, that was, that sucked. So, you know whatever i'd rather just have the second half of the nba season start it's more fun uh and then the super bowl happened and the rams beat the bengals that did happen yes and i said it would yep it did but uh know, Bengals, at least they did stuff. So that's good. And that's sports. All right.
Starting point is 01:03:11 What is our weird fact of the day? Weird fact of the day. Let's go with hippos and horses are actually distant relatives. Totally believe that. I actually think when we were in that museum in Chicago That was on the tree Of like genuses and species and stuff Oh yeah That checks out I believe that I also think it's very like
Starting point is 01:03:33 You know it's like how you and I are Are the same Like you are a beautiful horse With neck problems And I'm a hungry hungry hippo Down here just like in the water like Don't come with this water I'll bite your dick off that is you and then people show any other legs notorious dick biter offer don't come in this water I'll use my chompers to bite that hippos. I'm not going in that
Starting point is 01:04:06 water. Yeah, I know. You gallop away and you're like, ow! That's why I don't let people ride me. My neck just flops around all hyper-mobile. Also, another fun fact, sloths can hold their breath for up to 40 minutes. Wait, what can?
Starting point is 01:04:24 Sloths. I thought you said moths. minutes. Wait, what can? Sloths. I thought you said moths. I was like, moths? Oh, no, sloths. Of all things, sloths. I think, of course they could. They're not doing anything. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 01:04:36 What are they doing? What are sloths doing? Nothing. Yeah, I don't know. And snails can regenerate their eyes. Dude, we need to get on that snail thing. I need some eye regeneration bad. Yeah, we need some eye regeneration.
Starting point is 01:04:49 I don't know. I'd still wear glasses because I like the look, but I don't know. It's facts of the day. All right, what's our big news story? Big news story of the day. So we've got one of two would you rather have 500 pound bear known as hank the tank breaks into another lake tahoe home another or we have a sister in naked drunk brawl at Disney World after one calls other a bad mom. That I feel like is sad.
Starting point is 01:05:29 I don't want to hear the sad story. That does feel sad. Let's hear about Hank the Tank. What's up, Hank the Tank? A 500-pound bear broke into a home in South Lake Tahoe on Friday, and this isn't the first time. The bear, known as Hank the Tank, has broken into dozens of homes in the area. Hell yeah he has.
Starting point is 01:05:49 It's become quite the problem for locals. Locals are contemplating whether or not to have the bear killed as they believe it may be the only option at this point. What? What? The bear is well known and now wanted by the California Department of Fish and Wildlife. A spokesperson said the bear has damaged dozens of homes and is responsible for more than 150 calls.
Starting point is 01:06:08 Well, yeah, you're building your house on his home. Yeah, I was about to say, the bear's not trapped in there with you. You're trapped in there with the bear. You made the mistake. Yeah. If you can't handle Hank the Tank, get out. They should have to leave offerings for Hank the Tank. They should have to leave offerings for Hank the Tank. They should.
Starting point is 01:06:25 In order to have our community survive, we must all leave offerings for Hank the Tank. See, this is the problem. These are the same people. Like, trophies are ruining our kids. No, it's you. Instead of, you're just trying to get rid of the problem. By just like, oh, just kill it. It's like, no, you're the problem.
Starting point is 01:06:43 Just kill it. That guy has been around longer than you, and he will be here. That is the forest spirit. How dare you? This is Hank the Tank. The Department of Fish and Wildlife has been trying to track Hank for more than six months. These are neighborhoods. There's a lot of people around, traffic, and cars.
Starting point is 01:07:02 So we have to do this in a way that is safe for both the public and the bear. This is a severely food-habituated bear. What that means is that this is a bear that has lost all fear of people, and it sees people and homes as a source of food. Hell yeah, he does. Get him, Hank. Hell yeah. The most recent break-in took place on Catalina Drive Friday morning. The bear had broken a small window and squeezed into the home. Dude, he's breaking a small window and squeezing in as like a 500-pound bear.
Starting point is 01:07:37 I love him. Where the homeowners had no idea how to get him out. Officers responded and banged on the outside of the house until Hank came out the back door. They then stayed in the area to ensure he continued on his way without damaging or entering other homes. I've been in the town 40 years, and I've been locking my doors recently, and I've never done that, said Tim Johnson, local resident.
Starting point is 01:07:59 Maybe you should lock your doors anyway, Tim. Yeah, this all seems like humans not realizing that they aren't the top of the food chain anymore. Yeah, Hank's the top. Hank is top. That's damn right. Killing it is a move the Bear League calls cruel and unnecessary. Yeah, I agree with the Bear League, and I don't even know who they are. We are pro-Bear League.
Starting point is 01:08:24 I'm going to look them up right now. We don't want anybody to get hurt. Nobody wants that, one person said. We don't want the bear to die either. The Bear League said it's still waiting to hear back from fish and wildlife about a possible sanctuary move. Meanwhile, a meeting on the issue is set for Wednesday night in Tahoe Keys. I love the Bear League is savebears.org and it looks
Starting point is 01:08:48 like it was made in Geo Cities. It is a little like there's an animated gif at the bottom of a bear in a trash can and he pokes his head out and he's like what's going on?
Starting point is 01:08:59 I see it. This is no doubt a Geo Cities website. The bear that's like in the middle. He's like, we are naturally afraid of you and are very easily scared off. We're also intelligent and quick learner from experience. I love this. Is there anything I can buy from them?
Starting point is 01:09:18 Also, that is Hank the Tank. Look at him. How can that guy squeeze through a small window that's like a mystery of nature no way the guy's power i've never felt such a kinship to a bear in my life. Hank the Tank and I got some days. That's exactly how I feel. Oh, Hank. Oh, Hank. He looks exactly like me some
Starting point is 01:09:52 days. Or I'm just sitting there like, bro. I just want a burger. You're just gonna open your dating app and it's Frank the Tank the Tank. I must call him Frank. Hank the Tank. And he's just like showing pictures of his leg. Absolutely.
Starting point is 01:10:07 I'll recognize that leg and be like, yes. I don't even, I'd be like, look, Hank, I don't know how a relationship between a man and a bear works. But we're going to make it. You and me, we're going to make it after all. And then like a montage plays. Just like me and you. And you and me. And then like a montage plays Just like me and you
Starting point is 01:10:23 And you and me They have to Shop Amazon to support us They have to have merch Right? They gotta Well that didn't work I clicked the Amazon link
Starting point is 01:10:37 And it took me just to normal Amazon That doesn't help anyone They have a bear magnet campaign Wait is this a magnet? I clicked it And it took me to another page that looked like it was made in geoscience oh yeah it did uh wildlife there's nothing on here i can buy i want to buy like i want a shirt that says bear league that's true a bear league shirt would be good. I want a Bear League shirt. And it has to have Hank the Tank in that photo of him just like... Yeah, click shop Amazon. You're right. It just takes you to Amazon.
Starting point is 01:11:15 It just takes you to Amazon. That's what I'm saying. Like support us by going to Amazon. Like, okay. I guess if you buy stuff on Amazon, it's like an affiliate program. I don't know. That doesn't help anyone. Yeah, I want to. Where's the tank shirts? Either way, that's the new story of the day.
Starting point is 01:11:37 Yes, it is. All right. That's it for us. Thank you so much for listening and watching. However, enjoy this podcast. Crandor, hit up the socials we've got socials we've got youtube.com slash Cox and Crandor
Starting point is 01:11:50 podcast all one word go check out all those podcasts all up on YouTube you can also find us on SoundCloud Spotify iTunes and other podcast places I don't know wherever you get podcasts also youtube.com slash Cox and Crandor if you want to see all the animations.
Starting point is 01:12:06 There's just a new one that went up about TikTok. Very good. Very fun. Very funny animation. Go see it. Also, very funny. Very funny.
Starting point is 01:12:22 Check out all our other stuff. We got youtube.com slash jessicox. youtube.com slash Crandor. Patreon.com out all our other stuff. We got YouTube.com slash Jesse Cox. YouTube.com slash Crendor. Patreon.com slash Jesse Cox. Patreon.com slash Crendor. Twitter, Jesse Cox. Twitter, Crendor. Facebook, Jesse Cox. Facebook, Crendor.
Starting point is 01:12:37 Instagram, Notorious Cox. Instagram, Crendor is taken. And YouTube, Warhammer, Crendor, if you like warhammer and uh the hank the tank there you go hank the tank i'm gonna we need to we might have to sell a hank the tank shirt oh yeah we have to we need we man i don't need someone out there to make a like a big honking chunk or hank the tank it's just hank the tank driving an actual tank you know those awful images of like trump riding a tank holding an american flag we need that but it's just hank the tank
Starting point is 01:13:15 i'd love it i'd buy one oh my god that'd be amazing that's everything Yeah that's it Alright we'll see you next time And as always Shake the rhino No one can hear you shake the rhino You can hear it
Starting point is 01:13:35 Okay To be continued We'll see you next time.

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