Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 398 - Cox n' Crendor Live (AGAIN?!)

Episode Date: September 4, 2023

On the cusp of 400 episodes, the boys return to Chicago once again for a live show. And it goes exactly how you'd expect it would. Go to http://factormeals.com/cox50 and use code cox50 to get 50% off. Go to http://meundies.com/cox to get 25% off your first order and free standard shipping.

Today's episode is brought to you by Factor. Factor is gonna get you eaten real good. Also today, we're brought to you by me undies. Me undies are the undies that I have on me and that I had on stage while we did this live show. Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. This is Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, hello. Two or three beer?

Two or four beer? There's a lot of white pieces of paper. Are we being served tonight? What's happening? What's going on? Oh, are those posters? Amazing posters that are for sale right now? Right back there? Along with blankets that are hopefully sold out now? Right back there, along with blankets

that are hopefully sold out, wink. Wait, hold on. How can I buy one of those blankets? Literally stand up and walk around the corner. All right. No, not right now. All right, well, welcome to my one-man show. Called Regrets. I've got a lot of them, folks. What is... Do you have sunglasses? Help me tonight. I'm going to need all your help. This is about to be rough. This is about to be...

I had to get my sunglasses. Shit's bright. For those of you who aren't aware, our dear friend, Crendor, here, bumped his head, and he's been talking about it for the last four weeks, and now he has his sunglasses on because he's afraid brightness will hurt him.

He's right. I am right. He's right? Shut up. Yeah. No one asked you. Oh, I'm in the front row. I have a privilege.

No, you don't. Are you a doctor? There you go. He's had concussions. He's practically concussions. He's practically a doctor. Plural! It clearly hasn't helped.

Oh, whoa, whoa, you both have sun, you're like sunglass brothers. Dude, look at that. Damn. Question, do we look better with shades on? Yes. Yes. Yeah.

You can't. Jesse, you're back again. Thank you, Mom. Yeah, but he would be cooler with sunglasses. I would be cooler with... Everyone would be. If we all wore sunglasses tonight, this would be a cooler show. Yeah.

25% cooler. Okay, well, hello, everybody. Welcome to Cox and Crandor Live. Okay, well, hello everybody! Welcome to Cox and Crandor Live. Shout out to the one guy who was like, I'm starting this cheer and you saved us. That could have been awkward, my man. That could have been real weird. Like, welcome! Cricket, cricket. There's something I like to do before we start every show. I just want to see who's in the audience tonight.

How many of you have been to one of these before? And how many of you, oh boy, how many of you this is your first time? Wow, that's crazy. I'm so sorry. Okay. Hold on, hold on. What's crazy. I'm so sorry. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. What's that sign say?

I am your son, Jesse. For Cox and Krendor from Moon Phase Guy. AKA does Krendor... Oh, no. What is this? What is this? Do what you want with it if you want. What do you mean? Is this like anthrax or something?

Do what you want with it. Okay, cool. All right, hold on. I'll be back. What the hell is happening tonight? Okay, so back to our little opening bit. How many of you who are new were brought here by someone else?

Lovely. Oh, great, great, great. Keep those hands up. Keep those hands up. How many of you who have your hand up have absolutely no clue what this is? All right. I respect it. I respect it. you who have your hand up have absolutely no clue what this is. Alright. I respect it. I respect it. Again, my apologies.

It's going to be a rough hour and a half. I'm so sorry. You're going to be like, what? You're going to look at the person who brought you, question them a little bit. My apologies. Yeah, especially you front row guy. Good luck. I'm going to harass you all night. Sometimes I question why I'm even here.

You've left twice, so yeah, I get it. That's true. I got to alternate. It's weird. When you put the sunglasses on, it's still bright, but it's a little it's all different. In what way? In what way, dear friend? It becomes more, well, like half the audience just.

Like at first you can kind of see them. Now I can't see anything but like the front row. But it's kind of like when you're, you know at night when people got really bright headlights, like the crazy headlights, like where they're seeing into the next dimension. It's like that, but you can kind of withstand it. How do you think people drive at night? Terribly.

Was that you? Probably. What are you... I didn't even do anything. You know what? Fine. Fine. It's happening tonight. This is the show from now on. What? You're still there.

God damn it. Well, that doesn't help. Besides, I wanted this half to see me too. Well, I hope so. Mostly because I think I see one dude's dad, and I'm going to try my hardest to get you tonight. I'm going to make you laugh, so help me God. I'm getting you. I'm getting you.

It's happening. You and me, mister. It's going down. You and me, mister. It's going down, you and me. I'm gonna get a chuckle, a chortle, like a fa, something. How would you describe this show thing? How would I describe this show?

You know what? Great question. I ask instead, can anyone in the audience describe this show to the people who are new? No, no, no, no, no. That's Seinfeld. What is this show about? All right, so I heard three words. You know what? I like car talk, so that's fine.

Except we give you no advice on how to repair cars. Hold on. I heard two dudes, what? Two dudes being guys, that's good. I also heard chaotic, and then I also heard erotic. All true. That is something

I cannot live up to tonight, I'm so sorry. But yeah, I guess that's a way, how would you describe it? Really, it was just like, we were playing video games 10 years ago. And then we were just like, it's just fun talking. What if we just made a podcast? That was before everybody had a podcast. So we were kind of like.

We're the first. Yeah, we were really the first. We're really the first. First podcasters ever. Ever. The first people to sit in front of a microphone and talk to each other in the history of the medium. In fact, this would be episode 399.

This is. This is. If the recording goes well, it might be the last episode. In which case, congratulations. You got to see it. Yeah.

Yeah. And if not, congratulations, you got to see it. Yeah. Yeah, and if not, hey, to everyone listening at home, you missed out on a good time, hopefully. And everyone here was doing great. And they were all really attracted to me. But not in, like like a friendly way, but in a very sexual way. I heard some of them stop cheering.

I heard it. I don't blame. I heard it. I heard it. I didn't like it. The guys cheered louder that last one. Are you kidding me? Y'all out of your mind.

You're crazy that last one. Are you kidding me? Y'all out of your mind. You're crazy tonight. Anyway. Thank you again for coming. Thank you for braving the... I came from LA and I landed at 105 degrees. I don't know what's going on. Yeah, it was crazy. But how many of you live in Chicago?

Whoa, wait a minute. How many of you live in the Midwest? Where the hell did the rest of you come from? I'm going to say you paid too much for this experience. Way too much. I would never. I would have been like, nah, I'm going to say you paid too much for this experience. Way too much.

I would never. I would have been like, nah, I'm all right. I can listen to these guys for free. If you waited a few days, you could have heard the whole thing. How many people are from outside America? Whoa, hold on. Yes? Outside America?

Oh, get out of here. Okay, how about non-Canadian? I drove 20 minutes. get out of here. Okay, how about non-Canadian? I drove 20 minutes. Get out of here. The Philippines? Hold on, but do you live in the States? Yeah. Yeah, even French guy who's here, he lives here.

Yeah. Yeah. French Guy's here. Raise your hand, Frenchie. Where you at, my dude? There he is. Hey! I love that man.

I love it. Hold on, question. French Guy has been to every show. Is that a beautiful lady sitting next to you? My man. Every time, it's a different one. It's not even joking. It is.

You okay? You fine? Did you just whisper they're joking, right? Did you just say that? Because we were. We were totally... Ma'am, we were totally joking. What an upstanding, beautiful, young man that is.

And totally not my dog. For everyone else, thanks for making the trip. We'll try to make this night fun. Thank you. And if it's not, tough shit. You already paid for it, baby.

All right, well, that's it for the show. See you. Oh, my goodness. Well, it's nice to be back in Chicago. It's nice to see this goober again. Yep. It's nice to hang out.

I will say that... Hold on. I need to get my phone. I will say, coming up here, while I was at the airport, I knew I was coming to Chicago because you know how they do announcements with like, passenger call for Cox, your seat upgrade is available or whatever, right? The names they called for my flight to Chicago were the most Chicago names I've ever heard in my life. So I wrote them down. The first name they called, Gregoriotti.

I was like, That is Chicago as shit The next name Duboninowski Oh yeah That doesn't even sound real Sounds like a drunk like Duboninowski And then Zygorguski was the last one

Oh yeah that's Chicago And I was like oh my goodness my goodness, that is great. So I boarded my Chicago flight, and it was me and I guess a bunch of people coming home from L.A., all very unimpressed. I don't know if it's a Chicago thing to be unimpressed with L.A., but they were like, just happy to be going home. Which, admittedly, living in LA. That is me every time I visited LA. Yeah, yeah. Admittedly, it's not great.

And so they were just like, just happy to be on the plane. The flight attendants were happy to get out of there. Everyone was trying to leave. It was lovely. Then we landed and people were like, should have stayed in LA. Not my fault.

It's so hot. It was like too many degrees outside. It hasn't been 100 in like forever. It's all that bread they're making for the like beef sandwiches and shit. Yeah. How do you like yours? Do you like it dip? Or do you like extra dip?

I don't know that I like it wet. Like it needs to be manageable. Well, calm down, ma'am. I'm talking about sandwiches, not later tonight. I know that Toast is in the audience, and I know she's frowning at that right now. Yeah. I know she's like, mm-mm know she's frowning at that right now. Yeah. I know she's like, mm-mm.

I'm frowning at that right now. Put my sunglass. No, I like it damp. Yep. But mostly peppery. Like, F me up with spiciness. Like hot pepper, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like hot. Like, I can't look atiness. Like hot pepper, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like hot, like... I can't look at you when you have those shades on. It's weird. But like hot peppers. Like hot, spicy peppers. Yeah, the jardiniere. The giordano? No, that's the deep dish.

What is the deep dish? Giordano's. But it's like the subpar deep dish? Giordano's. But it's like the subpar deep dish. Well, here we are. There's only two deep dish. You got Pequod. You got Lou's. That's it.

You got two. What is Scotty's? Scotty's is like some guy's kitchen. I like going to Scottie's. She's my friend. She makes a good deep dish. She's better than everyone else. Wait, so what's the difference between them?

What, the ones I mentioned? Sure, I don't know. Well, those are the good ones. And then Giordano, the crust is just, I don't like the crust. What is that? Does it just like cooked the edge? I love when my pizza's burnt.

Well, they burn the cheese at Pequod. I love when my cheese is burnt. Well, you got to taste it. Thank God all the other out-of-towners are like, I don't know what the hell he's talking about. They don't know what they're talking about. Meanwhile, everyone in Chicago is like, No, bro.

You got to have the edge burnt. If it's not a little bit too charred and doesn't scratch the roof of your mouth going down, what are you even eating? Yeah. It's flavor? Yeah, all right, sure. I'll buy in.

Are you filming this illegally? Ma' in. Are you filming this illegally? Ma'am, are you filming this illegally? Are you going to put this on the internet? Please do, actually. That would help a bunch. That would help a lot, yeah. Yeah. I caught you.

I caught you over there. You just... Deuces, hater. You were like, bye, idiot. This crowd is aggressive. All right, well, fine. At least I know what we're working with. All right, good, good, good.

Anyway, so now that we've talked about pizza, that's fun. We had an all right time hanging out, being stupid, right? Yeah, it was alright. It was okay. We did not go to Ikea. No, I'm so sorry. You went to Ikea the other time. Yeah, we've been to Ikea before.

I don't think it's changed. It's still a maze. I still hate it. And they still have meatballs. What is the difference? Were you also the guy who was like, and the char on the pizza's great. Yes.

I like my pizza charred and my meatballs from furniture stores. All right, cool, cool. Everyone has their own thing. But no, instead we went to an art museum. The Art Institute. Yes. Yeah. Everyone has their own thing. But no, instead we went to an art museum. The Art Institute. Yes.

And our objective was to see as many sassy baby Jesuses as possible. There's a lot. And there's a lot of sassy baby Jesuses. Because then you realize that like 15th, 16th, 13th century artists always painted babies as like little tiny people. Their expressions are so sassy. They have such hot goss. They're just like, let me tell you some shit. Like, whoa, all right.

All the cherubs or whatever they're called. Oh yeah, we discovered a weird trend in art, especially medieval art, where cherubs are busy staring at exactly one boob. Next time you're at the museum, go look. Every time, we looked this up. Yeah. Because we were like, why does all the art have exactly one boob out? We're like, what's that about?

Apparently, it's supposed to be like a sign of your prosperity. Mostly to be like, hey, someone else nursed my kids. And so my boobs are flawless. Is what it's supposed to be. And showing one is cool, two, gross. And so all the art has all these cherubs flying around in them. And if you look, almost all the cherubs are like putting on their air brakes when they see a boob. And they're like, every single time.

I'm telling you, go there. Take some time. Go to the museum. Go to the institute. Yeah. It's called art, sir. It's a refined hobby for the elite. I don't know why.

I don't know what the point is. Yeah. But I guess I relate to those cherubs is what I'm saying. Like, yeah, yeah, no, I get it. If I was on my delivery to bring, I guess, arrows to the Cupid, right? I don't know. So that was fun. Saw the, it was like the Japanese art.

It's like the crazy. Oh yeah. We saw all the demons. We realized that every demon I kinda like. I was like, yeah, that guy, I kinda get him. I kinda get what he's about. My favorite one is when you first walk in, like right I was like, yeah, that guy, kinda get him. I kinda get what he's about. My favorite one is when you first walk in, like right on the right, there's this thing called Something's 100 Demons.

And it's 100 demons, this guy was gonna sit down and create 100 of the greatest Japanese demons you've ever seen. And he got to five and quit. That's my favorite piece of art trivia. I'm like, that's amazing. That dude was everyone. He's like, all right, I'm going to do all 100.

I'm good. I'm not going to do better than this one. Yeah, it was great. And then we found one scroll that was all these demons that look like everyone on Krendor's Blood Bowl team. Yeah. They're having a parade. Yeah.

It was like a little parade of little impish demons. But they all look like little lizard men. I was like, this is great. I love this. Yeah. I loved it. I kept thinking while we were talking, because we were discussing what we were seeing. It was an art exhibit.

As you would with art. Right. So we were talking amongst ourselves, but not in any way that a probably real art appreciator would. Yeah. We were like, damn, look at this guy. What do you think he does with that sword? You think that guy pokes this other demon in the ass with that sword? What's he doing with that?

But then you also had the actual art people. They were just standing there like, hmm. They were just saying nothing. And then you heard us being like, that guy's cool as shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or there would be the people there. There's a couple. You could tell one was really into art and one was not into art at all.

Yes, I've discovered there are only three groups of people at art galleries. One, families or people dragged along by someone who's really into art. Two, a couple where either, and it's most likely the like, I don't know, I'd say like the artsy lady drags along their significant other

who is dressed in like t-shirts and jeans. And then the last one, the lone art guy who's just hoping he's gonna meet the lone art girl. Fall in love. And he dresses like a guy who's never gonna meet anyone ever, ever. And he just sits there like, hmm. Hmm.

How long am I going to have to stay here looking at this until someone comes up and asks me what I think? And it's cute. I don't know about that. We didn't do that. We were like, hey, look at that guy. Damn, Jesus is ripped over to that one.

We were like, oh, man. They have a whole section that's like stone statues of, oh, God. It wasn't Vishnu. Who was it? Aloy? I wish. No, but it wasn't Shiva either. It was Ganesh.

It wasn't Ganesh. It wasn't Ganesh. There was a Ganesh. It was someone else, and they were like, it was the one where we walked by and we're like, damn, that statue has an ass. Oh, yeah. There's a statue that's like sitting down, but her butt cheeks are kind of hanging over the stand.

We were like, who crafted that? Was it weird when he crafted that? Did all the other artisans in the village be like, what is that man doing? He's just chiseling away. I have to make it perfect. It just seems weird to me. I appreciate it, though.

It's the one I noticed. That guy was like In several hundred years This is gonna be the talk Of the exhibit Then they had the Like the medieval armor And stuff But they used to

The knights They never had like a cup You know So like they were all decked out But then they just get Stabbed in the dick Yeah So it was just

The entire time That's the conversation We were having We were like Yo if I had a sword I just like Aim down Yeah Cause like outside of, that's the conversation we were having. We're like, yo, if I had a sword, I'd just aim down. Yeah, because outside of that, that's scary as shit. It's like you're 1,400 and some giant's coming in all decked out in armor and a sword,

but you're just like, boom, you know? Right? Yeah. Yeah, and then Toast was like, well, they ride horses, and that's so they, you know, and I was like, all right, but if I knock you off my horse or off your horse, I'm stabbing you in the dick. Number one.

That's my plan. Number one plan. And then we're done. What? The honor? That's why I'm a black knight, dude. I roll up, stab you in the dick and roll out.

Yeah. Give me a little dick twist. That's it. They would fear me throughout the land. They would develop metal cups just for me. That's why my last name is Cox. Yeah, you would have been like Jack the Ripper.

Yeah, my people started that way. Yeah, you're like Jack the Ripper. But of like medieval dong. Yeah. They tell their kids stories of me in the night. You better wear your metal cup or else Jesse the Ripper will get you. Jesse the Cox will come for you. And that'll be it.

Hold on, what's going on with you two? Are you two standing over there? Just standing? Wow. Are you two standing over there? Just standing? Wow. Are you? Unbelievable. Hold on, hold on. I gotta find you a seat.

I don't want you to stand. There's two chairs right there. There's two chairs right here. There's two chairs right there. Come on, come sit down. I don't want you standing for this entire thing. You're gonna hate me by the end of this. Yeah, imagine standing through all this.

Yeah. You would hate us. That would suck. Yeah. Hey, thank you for, thank you. Thank you for making seats for them. That's beautiful. Thank you.

If there's anyone else we missed back there who's standing, I guess, some shit. I don't know. You should have stood in the light. At a certain point, I can no longer see you. So all of you about halfway could be flipping me off right now. It would be deserved. All right, now I see it.

Never mind. Your fleshy white skin in the dark. Like a ghost that flips me off. I don't like it. All right, anyway. I think the weirdest part of the art museum is contemporary art. Because it doesn't make sense. Yeah, it mostly seems like something someone convinced a friend to hang.

Yeah. It's literally just objects. It was like a chair. Yeah, we did get to one point where it was literally like an Ikea catalog. There was a chair. It was like shit at a garage sale. Yeah. This is like $8 million.

But that also started in the sort of 1800s area where it was just chairs my grandmother had. Right. You just went to Ikea. Then you got to build it. It was like we were there, but we paid for the experience. So that was cute. Yeah. What else do we experience?

At the art museum? You want to think an art museum is cool, but did anything fun happen? It's more just like, you know, you're just experiencing the past, man. Well, before I went, I did meet them at a Starbucks across the street. And that was fun. The Starbucks across the street was good. Because that place... What's my Starbucks drink?

I'm very basic. It's just a vanilla latte, grande, simple. I'm not like... That's not simple. It's very simple. I'm not like, give me a half-calf mocha frappe whipped with a double twirl and a twist and one drop of a tear of an elephant that was caught in Uganda, and then also pour that in a venti cup

and fill it with ice, but that ice is also chipped, and I want one of the workers to chip that ice and then throw it in the microwave. Like, I don't make that order. I don't do that. Yeah, but I'm just like... Oh, and I want caramel on the side. I get dark roast. Yeah, okay, you get like... Oh, and I want caramel on the side. I get dark roast. Yeah, okay. You get coffee.

No, you shouldn't even go to Starbucks. You should just make it yourself. It's a coffee place. That's like the most pure form of coffee. I guarantee you it's not. I promise you it's not the most pure form. Well, there's gonna be like some art guy that's like,

pure coffee is what I ingest. Probably at the art museum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the art museum. So while I was there, I was waiting, and I'm convinced this Starbucks must be the most chaotic Starbucks in the world. I don't understand it.

I don't know why communication was so hard. I couldn't explain it to you. But I will say that it was great, and I wrote down a bunch of stuff. Okay, first off... I feel bad for these workers. All right, so a family of six, first off, is in front of me in line.

Very sweet. You know, I love families. Do you? Big fan. Big fan of little rugrats running around. So they were trying to order. And the littlest child who was there the entire time was like, I want a kitten cake pop. I said K-pop.

Call me Blackpink. Anyway. So mom's like, okay, I'll get you a kitten cake pop, but I got to get the other orders first. She's going through the orders. She's doing this stuff, and then she goes, can I have a kitten cake pop? And the guy there goes, do we have any kitten cake pops? And it's very clearly they have kitten cake pops.

They have the thing. And the other guy's like, actually, it's not a kitten. It's an owl. And the guy goes, uh, we don't have kitten cake pops. We have an owl. And the girl loses her mind. She's like, I want a kitten. And the mom's like, can we have one wink kitten cake pop?

And the girl goes, no, it's an owl. Meanwhile, a line is forming behind us. And I'm just like, I just want my drink. She's like, it's an owl, mom. So the guy's like, well, it's the's the exact same on the inside it's the exact same and i thought we were about to get like a valuable life lesson for this kid like it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside whether you're an owl or a kitten on the inside you're cake but no no she she looks she looks at the owl, frowns and goes, I'll have cookies and cream.

She gave up because it wasn't a kitten? What was she going to do? She was going to eat it? I don't understand. I couldn't figure it out. But I was like, all right, kids, this is why I will never have any. And I moved on with my life. Then the next person was the guy after me.

So while I'm waiting, sitting there, just taking my time, and this guy walks up. He's like, yeah, can I get a hot latte? No flavor, I'm all right. And so the woman goes, okay, yeah, latte. Do you want that warm? And the guy goes, huh? She goes, do you want it warm?

The guy goes, what? She goes, do you want it warm? The guy goes, what? She goes, do you want it hot? And he looks at her. And she goes, did you want it hot? And he's like, yeah, yeah, I said, sorry, hot, hot, hot latte. She goes, okay, one hot latte coming up. What do you think he got? hot, hot latte.

She goes, okay, one hot latte, coming up. What do you think he got? One iced latte. They had a real-ass conversation and none of them comprehended what the other person said. But then, again, communication in this place I think was terrible. I don't know

why. Because the best one of the night. So I'm sitting there, and I'm waiting for them to arrive. And this woman comes in off the street. First off, gorgeous. Second off, she goes up to the counter and is like, Hey, can I use the bathroom really quick? Guy's like, yeah, yeah. Number's 54321. And I laugh because I'm sitting right next to it, and I go, Yeah, that's a really secure bathroom.

And then the woman, she laughs, and then goes back to the bathroom. And I watch her. She's fiddling with it. She can't get it to open. So she comes back up. She goes, I'm sorry, do you have to press pound or star or something to get in? And the woman behind the counter is like, nope, nope, it's just 5, 4, 3, two, one. She looks at her and goes, oh, five, four, three, two, one. What?

Again, I don't think, I don't know if it's the acoustics in this building. I don't know what's going on in that Starbucks, but nobody understood anybody. It was crazy. Yeah, and then this guy was like, hey, understood anybody. It was crazy. Yeah, and then this guy was like, hey, we're going to go get dinner. I'm going to take you to see the bean. Don't woo that.

The bean's behind a fence. They put the bean behind a fence. There's like security everywhere. Even the bean's under construction. Yeah. You know what? Now that I realize it, I think it might just be all of Chicago has a communication issue.

Because when we were at the Bean, there was a woman who definitely was like Russian trophy bride, and her husband, and they were like, we'd like to get through to go get some photos. The guy's like, it opens at six. She's like, okay, but can we get through? He's like, it's 5.30, it opens at six.

She's like, okay, but can we get through? And then they walked away all pissy. They're like, I can't believe you won't let us through. It said six! I can't, you know, I don't know what's going on. But I feel like one time is enough. I still said that there should, you know how there's like mandatory military service? There should be mandatory retail service.

Yes. At least one month. That's all you need. One month. One month is enough to break anyone. Yeah. Dude, I worked at Circuit City back in the day for like two weeks and that was it.

That was the worst. I keep forgetting that your retail experience wasn't like, I was there for three and a half years. It was two weeks and you gave up? No, it was liquidating. It was going out of business. Dick's Sporting Goods I gave up.

Oh, all right. Well. Yeah. Yeah. Circuit City sucked. This first day, I was the greeter guy. So you just stay in there. Everybody walks in.

You go, hey, what's up? Hey, how's it going? And then they leave, and you go, have a good day. And that was all you did. And I was like, all right. It was easy. And then one guy came in, and he's like, my laptop is broken. And I was like, oh, I think you can go to the it was like their geek squad it's like fire dog and i was

like you go over there well that explains a lot about why it shut down listen whatever i didn't care you guys gotta go see fire dog that sucks that's his fault he bought it there so it's like all right you gotta go there so he goes there apparently since they were liquidating they were shut down. So he was just like, well, how do I get this fixed? They're like, sorry, sir, you just can't. And so he was like storming out, and I was like, have a nice day, and he was like, fuck you.

And I was like, you too. So that was my first day. And on the second day, this old lady came in. She was like, do you have Kung Fu Panda? Because that was like a new movie then. And I was like, no, we're going out of business, so we don't get any new movies. And she was like, I bet Best Buy across the street has Kung Fu Panda. And I was like, I bet they do.

They're not going out of business. And then she was like, well, I'm going to take my business there. And I'm like, I don't care. I'll probably go there next week too. It just blew my mind. It was like there's no rational thought. I think the sassiest I ever got was the one lady. She wanted the iPhone.

And back then she was like, what's the difference between the 18 gig or the 32 gig and the 16 gig? And I was like, well, it's like 16 gigs. And she was like, ha ha, very funny. and I was like well it's like 16 gigs and she was like haha very funny and I was like that's the difference I don't know what she wanted and I was like I can't do this I need to make videos on YouTube that was okay my favorite was then if anyone were if's from here, you got Mariano's, right? I worked at Mariano's for one day. And I remember that's when I got my YouTube contract with Machinima,

which they tried to screw me over, but I got out of it. And so I was like, all right, well, I'm going to quit the grocery store, go work there. And I was leaving. They're like, you're quitting already? It's like day one. I'm like, I'm going to quit the grocery store, go work there. And I was leaving. They're like, you're quitting already? It's like day one. I'm like, I'm going to work on the internet. And the security guy was like, that's the future.

He was right. It was the future. That is my favorite part about our stupid job, is that everyone who we ever talk to, unless you're here with us, and maybe even some of you here, are just like, I don't know what you do. Even my parents don't know what I do still. My parents gave up. They no longer care.

They're like, as long as you can afford to live, we don't care what you do, which is worrying. Because I feel like they'd be okay with anything at that point. I've killed people, Mom. I'm like, all right, as long as you're getting paid to do it. They'd be all right with that. Yeah, right?

Agreed. I'm thankful for it. A little worrying. They'd probably help me bury bodies, but like, they complain the entire time. You should be doing this yourself. When are you giving us grain, kids?

It never ends. It never ends. It never ends. Seriously. Uncle Wormy is doing great. If I, one day I'll bring him and it'll just be a whole show of him. I'll be like, dad, microphone's yours, talk.

Here's the problem. He'd say some shit that would get us all canceled. And he wouldn't think about it. It wouldn't cross his mind. He would just be like, I heard a funny joke in 1974. And that'll be it. And we're done. You, me, everyone canceled.

Bottom Lounge going down. Everyone canceled. There's nothing we can do about it. Yeah, I learned that the hard way. We were filming a thing for the Final Fantasy XIV video we made with my parents. And there was like 30 executives, like a film crew. And it was literally just like, talk with your parents about the game, do this thing.

It was fine. My mom fully bought in. She didn't know shit, but she was bought in. She was like, wow, I love it. My dad would look directly at camera and say the craziest shit you've ever heard. It would just, the best part was, is one of the characters is just like a dude with long hair.

But the entire time he'd be like, I like her. Like, she's really like tough. Like, dad, again, that's just, that's just a guy with long hair. And he would just be like, wow, her weapon's really cool. Like, dad. Which character is Krendor?

In Final Fantasy, Krendor's like one of those Moogles. Krendor's like straight up a Moogle. Like an injured Moogle. Yeah, just like a Moogle who's like had a rough day. That's every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well that explains why you went to the internet. Because you couldn't do anything., well, that explains why you went to the internet. Because you couldn't do anything. I don't know what I'd do without the internet. I'd be dead. I don't think you'd be dead. I think you'd work at, like, the IT department for a hospital. Exactly.

I'd be dead. All right, sure. Sure. I'd probably still be a teacher. I don't know if you would. I wouldn't. I have a problem where when I commit to something, I stick with it far too long

to the point where I probably should have walked away a long time ago, and it's only because they laid us all off as teachers did I even not have a job to do this. Otherwise, I would have been like, I'm back, baby! Who's ready for day one of school? This is also the guy

where I said, what would you do if YouTube just stopped and you couldn't do it anymore? He's like, oh, I'd walk into the ocean. I'd let the tide take me and I'd die. Yeah, look. To all the teachers out there, to all the teachers, thank you.

You are having done your job. Wow, does it suck. And you get no appreciation whatsoever. So, hey. How many teachers are out there? Oh, professor doesn't count. That's like seven. Yeah, people want to like show up to class for that one. Eh, get out of here.

Unless you're like, I don't know, the hardest biology class. Are you chemistry? What are you? What? What are you? Hold on, what are you? Accounting? Unfortunately. Didn't you choose to What are you, hold on, what are you? Accounting? Unfortunately. Didn't you choose to go into that?

Actually, I wanted to be in earth sciences, but then I showed up for work one day and they said, you're in accounting. Earth sciences. I really like dirt. That's my favorite, I'm not gonna lie. In school they were like, yo, alright, so you can take this high level chemistry class,

or you can take earth sciences. I was like, what's earth sciences? And they were like, you know, study rocks and dirt. And I was like, I want that one. Oh yeah, I always did the easy one. Yeah. I remember they were like, you could take a language, and then I tried taking Spanish,

and I was like failing after three weeks. How is that possible? The first week is like, me amo, Jesse Cox. How is that possible? They were like, me amo, Jesse Cox? That's not your name. And then I was like, oh, geez, you're right. When you took Spanish, they make you pick a fake name?

Yeah. And I was like, what's the closest thing to Jesse? My teacher was like, Jesus? And I was like, all right. So I wrote Jesus pick a fake name. And I was like, what's the closest thing to Jesse? My teacher was like, Jesus? And I was like, alright, so I wrote Jesus for a long time. That's what it is! I was like, Jesus Cox? And JC still works.

They were like, you can do that, or you can take sports marketing. And I was like, well, I'll take sports marketing. So now I know how to market to sports. Wait, what school did you go to where they're like, alright, you can either learn a language or sports marketing. It was just high school. We had the choices of Spanish, French, German, and Latin.

And almost everyone took Spanish. A few of like the weirder kids took German. Every girl took French, except for the one guy who was smart and showed up in that class. That man figured it out. He cracked the code. We were like, man, French was suck, dude,

with all those girls in that class with you. And he was like, yeah, yeah, it's terrible. We were like, yeah, what an idiot. We're going to Spanish. Puedo ir a baño, baby. Me llamo Jesse Cox. And then there were like 12 kids who were full on Latin. And I don't know what happened to them,

but I imagine they... Yeah, they're all here. They showed up tonight. It's so nice to see you all again. It's been so long for this class reunion. Yeah, I don't know what happened to those kids. I imagine they run the Illuminati now. 100%.

Yeah. They're the heads of the world government, secretly controlling everything because they learn Latin. That's what happens. That's what happens. That's all I learned about. I have no idea. I couldn't speak any Latin at all.

Except for like something I saw in a movie once probably. Yep. Did you just yep me? I got nothing. Alright, no, no, no. The fact that you say you have nothing means it is the time of the show

where I give Crandor exactly five minutes to himself... Yeah! Dude, sick. To talk about whatever he wants to talk about... with no help from me whatsoever. And if you want to help him, you can, but you're on your own. This is where he goes to the bathroom.

Oh, no, I'm right here. Never mind. Oh, no. I'm right here. All right. Well, last time I did this, I just did Seinfeld, so I can't do that again. But I could.

The envelope. The envelope? Oh, the envelope from the moon? All right, screw it. I'll get the envelope. If I wasn't here, this would be an empty-ass stage. Are you kidding me?

The worst part is, he walked off stage, didn't, like, do a little hustle. I watched him stop, slowly walk. What? He's also rubbing his neck like, oh, this is so tough. This is the hardest thing I've ever done.

I rub my neck because I have neck pain. Which two shows ago, I couldn't even turn my neck because I like, it was terrible. The envelope, please. Oh, geez. You worked hard on this? We'll try not to let you down. Two weeks? This is two weeks?

I've never worked two weeks hard on anything. Oh, is this a bit? Are we doing like a thing? All right. We have times Crendor mentioned the moon phase out of 398 episodes. I mentioned it 134 times, which is 34%. Let's be real. You didn't mention it. The weather machine mentioned it.

Some of those times. Some of those times. Then we have which moon phase is mentioned. Waxing Gibbous was 20%. Waxing Cbous was 20 percent waxing crescent was 20 percent waning gibbous was 24 percent first quarter five percent waning crescent 16 percent new moon six percent what that's a new moon get. Get out of here, Twilight fan. Last quarter, 3%. Full moon, 6%.

Do you think you just like saying the word gibbous a lot? Gibbous is a good word. That is almost half of what you said. It's kind of like giblets, like the turkey, you know? What the shit is this? This? You can't give us this. This is a full-on spreadsheet. This is

every weather location we've done. Every single... Seriously, someone needs to put this in like some AI chat bot. Figure out what the hell we've actually been doing for the last... I timestamped it all too. It's true. He timestamped it. Do you It's true. He time stamped it.

Do you just want to do this podcast? All right. I'm not going to do that. But would you do it for free? Why do you think I comment every week? It's true. Nice. It's got... Thank you.

And then the last page just says, no, my day is ruined since they skipped the moon phase. Every time they skip, I get really disappointed. You better not forget! I haven't forgotten. In fact, I can prove it. I haven't forgotten since episode 327. Wait, no, 360.

I even got the last live show from 2021. How? How did you do that? You're going to hear from our lawyers. I'm going to need someone to carry this man out. He's trouble. What a troublemaker. Thank you.

Thank you so much. Okay, good to know, good to know. We didn't talk about family feud. Oh, no. So, if you're wondering, man, what do these two crazy guys do when they get together? Probably wild. Don't do that.

Don't put those sunglasses on. I was about to say probably wild orgies, and I looked at this man and was embarrassed to say it. Yeah. Like, no, no. Like, nah, no. Anyway, so if you're wondering, what did these guys do last night

until far too late? It's like two hours. We watched Family Feud. Yeah. And the best moment of the night. There are a few best moments. Yeah, of course, Steve Harvey.

But there was this one woman in this lovely... Well, God, there were a lot of moments. There was one family that might have been the stupidest family I've ever seen in my entire life. Yeah, they were pretty dumb. They were just like, name a farm animal. And he's like, hyena? No, no. They were just like, name a farm animal. And he's like, hyena? No, no, no, it wasn't name a farm animal. It was name a noise a farm animal makes.

And the man goes, hyena? What the hell? And they're like, how many pairs of underwear does a man buy in a year and he was like 40 and then his brother who was the next guy goes 60 what is happening to the underwear in that family that's like that's like four pairs underwear a week everyone that they soil in them things that family is dirty final score 69 i was like they're probably happy with that they showed up in like multi-colored tuxes i was like they're probably

thrilled about that uh there was oh my god there was one family where uh the entire family he knew all their names except for one woman and And so every time he'd be like, all right, Trey, my man, it's up to you. What's it going to be? Go to the next person. He's like, all right, Denise, let's hear it. And then he'd go, all right, you. Admittedly, I think we all forgot her name

because it was like Krixania or something. It was something. Yeah, it was like Krixania or something. But it something. Yeah, it was like Krixania or something. But it wasn't how it looked like. It was clearly not Krixania. Yeah. It was like Kendra. But like it was spelled Krixania.

Yeah, it was weird. And so he couldn't remember what it was. So finally at the end when it's like that final feud thing, it was her and this brother Trey. And so he's like, Trey, my man. By the way, Trey wanted to be a voice actor. Shout out to Trey. He was great. He was great. I brother Trey. And so he's like, Trey, my man! By the way, Trey wanted to be a voice actor. Shout out to Trey. He was great.

He was great. I love Trey. Yeah, he literally walks up between them. He's like, yeah, there we go. Here's Trey. And then here's her. It was rough. And the thing is, between commercial breaks,

he clearly didn't learn her name. Because when she comes up, he's like, all right, your brother Trey got 193. You only need seven to win. Are you ready, ma'am? And she looks at him

and goes, I am, sir. You know, it's about that time where we have to... Oh, the sponsors? That's a good point. We need the sponsors. Do I have...

I got MeUndies on. We're good. That's true. We're good. Shout out to MeUndies. Yes, indeed, live show Jesse. Let's talk MeUndies. Have you ever used your underwear to be a mood setter?

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Classic hues offer the ideal comfy vibe. Crandor and I wear ours all the time. As you can hear on the live show, I even flash the audience a little bit of hot bun. And that's that confidence, baby. Me undies gives me that confidence. I think that day I had on some sort of red number. I looked good. It looked good. Everyone agrees. Don't question it. Because MeUndies comfort isn't just an option. It's a

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Effortless, wholesome meals that aren't just like, you know, trash. Plus, you're looking around 550 calories or less per serving. And then, if you're like me and you like the snacks, over 45 add-ons could be included, like apple cinnamon pancakes, or bacon cheddar egg bites, or maybe a potato bacon and egg skillet for breakfast, if that's your thing. They got juices, wellness shots, smoothies, all sorts of things. Right now, head to factormeals.com slash cox50. That's cox50, C-O-X.

And use code COX50 to get 50% off. That's code cox50 at factormeals.com slash cox50 to get that 50% off. Let's go back to the live show. Promo code cox. No, no. dot com slash Cox 50 to get that 50% off. Let's go back to the live show. Promo code Cox. Dude, MeUndies pays us, but they also send us free underwear. We get so much. We are those guys who get 60 a year. Yeah.

It is insane. Yeah, those guys were right about us, actually. That's true. That's the best sponsorship. No, but... What? Are you soysing them? Is that what you said? Yeah. You come to my show and accuse me in front of my friend

of pooping my pants regularly? How dare you know so much about me? All right. No, no, it's the time of the show where we have to go to Chopped Chicago. This is the guy with Crandor. Crandor, how's that traffic out there? Oh, boy.

Traffic out there is great. Right now, I'm flying over a stage, and this is how I normally do this but it's weird when it's in front of 250 people and I Can see him do that Man honestly is pretty alright today the traffic wasn't too bad I didn't take the 90 though the 90s like a construct you got like the seasons are like spring summer construction Fall winter right now. We're in construction. It's bad all over so you gotta watch out so back to you. Thanks, Grendor

Now it's his time. Let's go to Krandor for the weather. All right, hold on. They want Woppy. He's back here. Oh, he's backstage. Yeah, Woppy's backstage. He's so big we can't bring him out. He's so big.

Yeah, it's like we had to wheel him out, but we forgot the wheels. Yeah, he's like all the way. Wow, this microphone cord really goes far yeah this is oh wow here he is come on what be activated currently in chicago Illinois, 69 degrees. Yeah! Nice.

Today, 610 a.m. sunrise, 733 p.m. sunset. Wind, 19 miles per hour. Humidity, 77. Dew point, 61. Pressure, 30.03 inches. UV index, zero. Mosquito index, moderate. Hold on.

You okay back there? No. I cannot find moon phase. We need all... Moon phase. Moon phase. Moon phase. Moon phase. Moon phase. Moon phase. Moon face, moon face, moon face, moon face, moon face, moon face.

Your chance do nothing for my typing search abilities. Why is he typing? It's a robot. I type on the inside. I don't like that at all. Moon face tonight. Yes! Waxing gibbous. Why is it always gibbous?

Floating. 10 day. Sunday. 70. 2% chance. Rain. 75. Monday.

80. Tuesday. 70. Wednesday. chance. Rain. 75. Monday. 80. Tuesday. 70. Wednesday. 74. Thursday. 84. Friday.

Saturday. 85. Sunday. 85. Did that robot hiccup? What just happened there? Well, that's it. Yeah, he shut down. Yeah, he shut down.

That's crazy. That's a shame. That's crazy. Yeah, that guy. He's not great. We should really get him repaired. Save it for the questions. You can't just shout things at me.

Yeah, they're not going to judge me and be like, hmm, not worth it. Yeah. My Virgo's inserious and it's not true. I don't like him. You alright? No. I'm never alright. Damn. Did you hit your head back there?

Thank God, no. Well, good, because it's time for sports. Oh, God, no. Well, good, because it's time for sports. Oh, God, sports. Go, Pack, go. Go, Pack, go, dude. Jordan Love. Third straight New York Jets in 20 years Hall of Fame quarterback.

Let's see. We got some crazy sports. Yo, go Cubs. Playoff run. Okay. I hear the three White Sox fans. There we go. Let's see.

We got the Orioles in first. I like the Orioles. Minnesota in first. Seattle in first. Atlanta in first. The Brewers in first. Well, it's not fun if everyone's in first Atlanta in first The Brewers in first Well it's not fun if everyone's in first But the Cubs are four games out They got a series in the area

And then the Dodgers are in first Cause it's you know Yeah Well now okay And it's the final preseason games. I don't even know if the Bears are playing, are they? They played today. Oh, they played the Bills, and they lost.

Yeah. Hold on, hold on. What's happened in the world of pickleball? Yeah, but they had like... Do we have pickleball updates? Do we have any pickleball? Let's go on to the pro pickleball league. I'm here for it.

The PPA. All right, the PPA. Yeah. Professional pickleball currently. Major drama between professional pickleball tours picks back up. Yes. What's this drama? Over the weekend, while the leading professional pickleball tour was sweating away,

holding a major event in Kansas City's heat, and while its erstwhile tour competitor, the Association of Pickleball Players, the APP, was visiting Philadelphia for its latest stop, the other major player in the professional realm of sport was making some serious moves. What are their names? Hold on. Do we think these people have names? Not according to this.

Late Thursday night on August 24th, Major League Pickleball, the MLP, announced that it has become signing the sport's top players to multi-year guaranteed contracts. Damn. These guaranteed contracts will guarantee massive paydays, six figures annually, cover travel and lodging, provide health care.

That's better than I get. Create an off-season for the exhausted players and exclusively tie the players to MLP going forward. It was a massive shot across the bow of primarily the PPA, but also the APP, which also still claims a few perimeter... Don't even name anybody. They don't have, like, LeBron James or anything? There's no LeBron of the PPA.

There might be. So sorry. However, the MLP, probably. Dude, this article's, like, way too long. Look up... Just Google who is the best pickleball player. 2023. Pickleball.

So much PPA. Jesse, what's your favorite kind of pickle? Ball. All right, currently the best pickleball players are Anna Leigh Waters, Simone. Hey, Leigh! Everyone loves A. Leigh Waters, Simone Ailey! Everyone loves Ailey. I thought somebody knew her. Simone Jardim,

Catherine Parenteau, Salome David Z, Sam Query, Andre Descu, Daniel De La Rosa, Jack Sock. These all sound like names made up in like a 1994 Capcom game.

Barry Waddell. And Hurricane Tyra Black. Damn. Damn. I wonder if she changed her name to Hurricane. Yeah, I wonder if they all have like great names. They call me the Hurricane. Because when I blow through, all the pickleballs are destroyed.

I have no idea what that means. I don't know. Is that it? Are those the names? Apparently, Ben Johns is the best pickleball player in the world at 20 years old. At Ben Johns? Ben Johns in Maples, Florida. Something about a guy named Ben Johns

from Maple, Florida. It makes sense. Two first names from Florida. That's true. Best pickleball player. It all checks out to me. Yeah, alright. Well, that's good to know. Are you still looking? There's two comments on this article. Okay.

Hit me. One says I hate this sport. I am going to pee on all pickleball courts. The other one says, it's from Frank. And Frank says, let's have a Frank to Frank talk on how I can become a better pickleballer.

Give me some tips. That's it. Do you think that's his thing like in real life? Where he's like, hey sport, Give me some tips. That's it. Do you think that's his thing, like, in real life? Where he's like, hey, sport, let's have a Frank to Frank talk. That man has no friends. Why doesn't he go on there and be like, let me be Frank. That's much better.

Yeah, that's like a show. He can make his own show on ESPN with that. He could do a better podcast than us. Yeah, probably. Let me be frank. My pickleball understanding is very slim. I'd listen. I would too. That guy gets to the point. He's very frank.

That's sports. Alright! Crendor, what is our fact of the day? Oh god. Well prepared, eh? Don't worry, we'll wait. Okay, good. So, how y'all doing?

Okay, Mom, calm down. So rowdy. Have I watched the what? The Great Wall? Have I not told this story? Okay. Oh, no, he definitely hasn't. Nope.

Come on, I knew that answer. All right, we got one. There is gold in your body. Yeah! I'm rich! There's gold in there! Yep. We all have a little gold in us.

The human body contains 0.2 milligrams of gold, which is mostly in her blood. So in a way, we're all carrying around a tiny bit of treasure. Which is worthless with inflation. No, uh, The Great Wall. Lovely film.

And by which I mean it's not good. Imagine, I think it's Matt Damon, but in China, defending the Great Wall from known invaders, lizard things. What's the one we watched with Nick Cage? Oh, that was the one where Nick Cage and Hayden Christensen were in China

being hunted by, because they were crusaders. Oh, yeah. And Nick Cage wanted to have a snake in every scene so he'd rub himself

with a snake. Now that's a movie. The Great Wall, not good. But, when we saw The Great Wall, we saw it at this theater,

it was like, I don't know, late at night. And it's a longer movie than it should be. It's not good. The action's kind of fun, but it's goofy. However, 45 minutes into this film, there might have been 12 people, myself and the group I was with included. An old man comes walking in the front.

I'm not like old, he was in his 60s. I'm not like old 90 plus. And he comes in with three beers. Two, three beer. Two, three beer. Sits down in the front row. And the entire time is hooping and hollering like, yeah! Woo!

And when the credits roll at the end, we're all stunned. We sat through that movie, and this man stands up and is like, he's so pleased. And we were just like, who the hell is this guy? What is going on here? So like we usually do after the movie's

over we're standing outside and we're talking about what we just watched and there's big in a circle and the old man comes out and i'm not joking with you i swear to god it was a mask i am convinced it was matt damon i am convinced he saw this movie by himself drank three beers and loved every moment of it because when the guy came out he like when he walked in he was like barely moving carrying his three beers when he walked out he was like strutting his face in the light looked like one of those old man masks you buy at the Halloween store. This was not a real dude. I don't know if this was a goof.

I don't know if someone filmed it. But I swear to God it was Matt Damon. It had to have been. There's no other reason this person should exist or have been in that film 45 minutes. The man missed any of the plot. 45 minutes, the man missed any of the plot. The setup of why Matt Damon is in China, let alone defending the Great Wall against lizard men is beyond me, but the rest of that movie was just a fight.

And he loved every minute of it. I guess if we had come in 45 minutes late, we probably would have loved that movie too. But yeah, shout out to Matt Damon wherever he is. In fact, he's here with us tonight. Woo, Crandor has been Matt Damon wherever he is. In fact, he's here with us tonight. Woo! Crandor has been Matt Damon this entire time. That'd be the worst reveal.

The crowd would be like, where's Crandor? And I'd be like, wow, that was Matt Damon? The entire time from episode one, you've always been Matt Damon. That's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah, well. What is our big news story of the day? Big news story of the day.

Switch it up on people. Okay, we got a few, but I got to pick one. We have Arizona homeowner finds snake curled up in a room where... That's just Arizona. Okay, we're moving on from that one. We got T-Rex's race to photo finish at Washington State Track. But it's just people dressed up as T-Rex.

Yeah, it's not real T-Rexes. That's not real. Yeah. Yeah. We got flight delayed after bear escapes from crate and cargo hold. That's a good one. That's the winner. That's the one.

Hank the Tank. They thought they could control Hank the Tank. Hank, Hank, Hank, Hank. They thought they could control Hank. That almost is the plot of that one Nick Cage movie we watched. That kind of is, yeah, where he's like the safari guy. Yeah, where he's like, I gotta get this panther. Or whatever it is.

He's like, gotta get it back. And then it's taken over by terrorists? Yeah, I remember it. Yeah, it was crazy. And then the panther kills the terrorist in the end, I think. Yeah, I think you're right. And he's like, I was kind of like that panther the entire time.

We're brothers. Both cats out on the prowl. I think that's how that movie went. That's pretty much it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone died except the one guy who was bit by a snake and they said was going to die. That guy lived just fine.

Yeah. Yeah. Iraq's prime minister has ordered an investigation into how a bear escaped from its crate in the cargo hold of an Iraqi aircraft as it was due to depart from Dubai. It didn't even leave yet? Nope.

Leaving passengers disgruntled over the delay and causing a stir on social media. Iraqi Airways said it wasn't to blame for the bear's escape and that the aircraft's crew worked with authorities in the United Arab Emirates, which dispatched specialists to sedate the animal and remove it from the plane. Iraqi Airways said Saturday that procedures to transport the bear were carried out in accordance with law and with procedures and standards approved by the

IATA. Wait a minute. So there's like a whole like, if you're going to transport a bear by plane, here are the rules. How often do they transport bears by plane? Yeah, why are they doing that? Like for a zoo or something? The airline said the bear was being flown How often do they transport bears by plane? Yeah, why are they doing that? Why would they do that? The airline said the bear was being flown from Baghdad to Dubai,

but a person speaking on the video clip making the social media rounds suggested otherwise, saying the aircraft was an hour late for its trip to Baghdad and that the passengers were being asked to disembark until the issue was resolved. An Iraqi Airways official confirmed to the Associated Press on Sunday that the bear was in fact being transported to the Iraqi capital. The official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because he's not authorized to speak about the matters publicly, declined to name the animal's owner. Keeping predatory animals as pets in Iraq, especially in Baghdad, has become popular among the wealthy.

What the shit? The bear broke! popular among the wealthy. What the shit? Authorities have struggled to enforce legal provisions to protect wild animals. Baghdad's police have previously called on citizens to assist authorities in preventing such animals from being let loose on the city streets or ending up as exotic meals in restaurants

by reporting such cases. Who's eating bear? I mean, as like a show of dominance, of course I'd eat a bear. I do it in front of other bears, too, so they would know not to mess with me. This also just sounds like a setup. They're just like, citizens, let us know if you see anything. Some guy's like, they got a bear, and they're like, kill him. 100%.

I mean, yeah, I don't know. I don't know that I'd transport a bear, like maybe by train, or by boat, by car, like truck, bear truck. But by plane? I wouldn't transport like a cat by plane.

I don't know. That's too much. Better call the Bear League. Oh, well the Bear League knows a lot about taking care of bears. Although they let Hank the Tank down. That's true. Hank the Tank is taken to a sanctuary.

Yeah, okay. An upstate sanctuary with all the other bears. And they're all happy and having bear picnics. Daddy bear picnics upstate yeah okay you say that we all know they're doing investigations they're like where's the other Hanks he's like I'm saying nothing we know there's more Hanks than just you I'm not saying anything you cop waterboard. That's what's going on. Yeah, Hank the Tank is less a bear and more of a symbol now of freedom.

I'm going to call the bear on the California flag Hank from now on in honor of that hero. We encroached on his territory. I imagine when they're like, there actually were multiple Hanks. I imagine it was like Spartacus when they were like, which one of you is Hank the Tank? And they they're like, there actually were multiple Hanks I imagine it was like Spartacus

when they were like, which one of you is Hank the Tank? and they're all like, I am Hank the Tank no I am Hank the Tank yeah we really have like that's a good bit, That bit could last for a while That's good

Yeah Anyway Hell yes What is this? Oh my god Thank you so much Thank you very much It's me deadlifting

I got a butterfly Which is very cool Thank you It's me deadlifting. I got a butterfly, which is very cool. Thank you. But what if the space butterfly was like, also deadlifting? What if he was also like flexing and shit? Anyway, thank you so much for coming to the show tonight. It has been an absolute pleasure to waste your time. Thank you so much for coming to the show tonight it has been an absolute pleasure to waste your time thank you very much