Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 431 - Cox n' Crendor LIVE once again

Episode Date: July 22, 2024

The boys are back and this time LIVE!!! Enjoy our live show which is basically the same as a normal show expect people laugh at our faces insted of to themselves. Go to http://meundies.com/crendor to get 20% off your first order and free shipping.

Today's very special episode is brought to you by MeUndies. MeUndies are the undies that I have on me. And hopefully you. Let's jump into this podcast. Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. This is Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4 hour recording studio.

Recording. Live, live, live, live, live. In 4-Hour Recording Studios. Recording. Wake your ass up. It's the next Crendor in the morning. Hello, everybody. Welcome to Cox and Crendor Live.

As usual, apologies to all of you in the corners at the top. When this happens, you will just hear a voice. Who's that person? Who was that? As per usual, I want to ask before we start. How many of you actually... We're not going to play Free Bird. No, no. We're not going to play Freebird. No, no. We're not going to do any of that.

How would we play you, Freebird? No, it says give us moon phase. No, give us Freebird. The other side, I was more likely to do Freebird. Yeah. I just want to say, for those of you in the three front rows, you look gorgeous. To everyone else, you are surprising silhouettes

that I cannot distinguish. It's like, you just get blinded. Yeah, you are shadow people in like some sort of fever dream I'm having. Like I've woke, yeah, I see what you did. You did like a scary shadow person thing. Terrifying. I don't like that.

Anyway, before I was interrupted by Freebird. But are you ever really interrupted by Freebird? Yeah. Anyway, how many of you know what the hell this show is? All right. I didn't want to cheer. I wanted a show of hands. I should have been specific. I should have been specific. It was. It was. Oh, no, you can keep them up. All right. And how many of you, did you say yes, teacher? You dirty as shit. Okay. All right, baby. And how many of you were dragged along with a person who knows what the hell we are? And how many of you are confused why you're here to begin with? There's always some hands.

Yeah, that's true. I don't even know who I am. It's probably for the best, I'll be honest. If you have no idea who we are, your expectations are very low, and that is where we shine. Dude, I don't even know how many of these we've done. Here at Lincoln Hall? We did one at the other place last time, and then this time, or they? No, it's been more than three.

Five? I think it's five. Is it five? If we just say five, everyone's going to believe it, dude. It's five, yeah. Seems like an impressive number. But thank you. Thank you for coming. And hopefully this will be somewhat entertaining and not a complete mess.

And if it is a mess, that's the guy you blame. It's true. I will make it a mess. No, I'm counting on it. Yeah. So, hey, bud. Nice to see you here. Glad you showed up. Oh, hey, you're like talking over there I'm doing crowd work. I'm playing to the audience. Okay. I got you What do you want me to turn to you the entire time and just ignore them? No, it's a little bit like do the A and then you look back We've done like six of these.

I have been the same every time. I have never not done this. This is it. The last time we did this, I had a concussion. That was a terrible time. It's true. He had neck pain. I felt like the athletes where they get knocked out and they can't go back in.

It was like I had to perform. I wasn't supposed to be performing that. I had a doctor to shoot you up with something and set you back in the game. I think it's still affecting me. Yeah. Well, it's probably true. Yeah.

Yeah. You seem very affected anyway. How are you doing, bud? I'm doing all right. I'm not hurt. I'm here. That's half the battle. How's the neck? Dude, neck's pretty solid. I was... okay.

I was for the last week getting like TMJ. Okay, you ever have TMJ? Show of hands for TMJ suffers. What? Yeah. Why are you cheering? My existence is pain! Woo! of hands for TMJ Suffers. What? Yeah. Why are you cheering? My existence is pain! Woo! What the hell? So it's like, you get the jaw, you got your

jaw muscles, right? You got your one down here. I think it's the masseter. Right? Yeah, the masseter muscle. No one knows what you're talking about. And then you got the other one up here. So I've been just doing, like, neck. You do, like, the chin tucks. And then you do, like, some jaw exercises.

That's been helping. What is a jaw? Hold on, hold on. Demonstrate a jaw exercise for us, please. Well, you do chin tucks. That's one of them. You tell me. Show me.

Show us. So the chin tuck, all right. You do this, and you kind of pull your chin back like that, and you have to, like, do this. And it looks dumb until you're, like, experiencing. It looks dumb, dude. Until you're experiencing debilitating neck and TMJ pain, in which case it's not dumb.

It's helping you. How does it help? Because it strengthens. Okay. When you sit. When you're like 75, is it going to prevent you from having like a saggy neck or something? I hope so. So that's the whole point. So when you grow up playing World of Warcraft, you sit like this.

And then because you're sitting like this the whole time, the back of your head is like dying. So you have to counterbalance it by doing this and strengthening. And then that one time I like strained my neck at the gym and I was bad and I was just. Do you want to explain to everyone who wasn't here last time exactly how you hurt yourself? Which time? Last time. The last show where you could barely move. Oh, the concussion.

Yeah. All right. How did that happen? So in the kitchen. Was it working out that happen? So, in the kitchen. Was it working out? No. It was in the kitchen. Was it hanging out with people? I'm trying to tell the story. So, we're in the kitchen. Just trying to make you look better.

And, you know, they got the tiny little ants to get in your kitchen, right? So, they were just crawling around, and I was just like, God. And they were just like, use cinnamon. So, I put cinnamon. They didn't give a shit. So, then, I tried dish soap and whatever, and then they were then they're like try like fucking i don't know like anthrax or some shit and i'm like that doesn't seem right so i was just like every time they show up i'll just like get rid of them so i was cleaning them and one day i was like in a hurry i was like whatever and i

cleaned them and i didn't realize I was under the kitchen countertop and I came up very fast and just went, don't. The least cool way to get a concussion. Technically, ants beat you. If this was like a Pixar film,

you'd be the weird guy trying to kill the happy ants and then they got you at the end. They did get me and so that was uh just it was bad not a great time do not like concussions but the worst part wasn't even a concussion it was it when you get a concussion i learned you get whiplash because you hit your head so hard that your neck kind of and my neck's already bad so it was like double bad so it was just like i got the last live show when i was up here being like hey what's up i'd like numbness and tingling going down to my pinky

fingers and then if you go online they're just like yeah that's bad but then i went to the doctor they're like no you're good i was like okay yeah it was like you take Advil and like, yeah. They're like, all right, keep doing that. I'm glad you're better. I'm better. They were right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Cool. Yeah. So. I don't even know what the moral, what was I supposed to be talking about? I don't know, man. I just thought it'd be interesting to hear about your life once in a while. That's true. Okay. What about your life?

How are you doing? Boy, do I have a story. So, uh, every time I come to Chicago, every time, leaving LAX is, uh, a treat. Just swell. This time is no different. I, i uh got to the airport everything was fine life was good although i will say on the way there the cab driver that i had was going no more than

25 miles an hour the entire time and i was like i'm gonna miss this flight dude and then we got to the airport there was a van in front of us and the taxicab driver was yelling i was like doesn't know how to drive i was like brother i don't think you do either but whatever so get to the airport gonna get on the plane and i'm like okay i got i don't want to hold it don't want to go to the bathroom now how the hell with it i'm going to bathroom now run to the bathroom and this is how i knew this is the sign of impending doom on this flight. So I get into the bathroom and I had to drop the kids off at the pool. Take the Browns to the Super Bowl. A guy comes in right next to me.

Sits down. Levels the largest shit I've ever heard in my entire life just it smelled it sounded like it smelled and then i you know handle my business i get up i go to wash my hands ask him washing my hands I hear the guy who was next to me flush the toilet. The time between him standing, his like grunt, to flush to exit, I'm gonna say five seconds. I have so many questions about what went on in there. I'm gonna let y'all know, I don't think any wiping went on. If you could explain to me the situation,

and let's see if it was like smooth, like I'm sitting down wiping situations, which that's fine. But I don't know that occurred. And so this guy went like five seconds in and out, walked over and then walked out. I did not see him wash one hand. He just walked out.

And I was like, him wash one hand. He just walked out. And I was like, that's so gross. I feel bad for who is ever on the flight with him. So I get on my flight and the guy sitting in front of me is the guy from the stall. I said to myself, cool, so cool, the coolest. Well, at least this is a short flight. It's only four hours.

Hopefully the air will be on and if he is nasty, I won't smell it too bad. And I didn't. Actually, I didn't. And I felt like, okay, you know what? Safe flight. This is going to be good. I'm just going to go to bed.

It was an overnight flight. I'll just sleep, it'll be fine. We were on the tarmac for two and a half hours. It was, the flight was supposed to leave at 10. We left at 12.14. At some point, I don't know when this was, at some point, hours before we actually left, the captain comes on and says something along the lines of,

well, we are trying to input the flight into the flight guide up here on the deck. The automated system is not working. So give us a few minutes, and we'll get it worked out. What airlines is this? American Airlines. And so, I must stress,

I don't know what that means, but I feel like it's something you should just know how to do. Or maybe just, I guess, like, I don't know. Do they need it to be automated? I don't know the rules. I don't know what pilots are like these days. They're probably just used to it.

It's clearly for the autopilot. Oh, I'm aware. And I was like, okay, it's night, so maybe they definitely need it because it's night. Whatever. Fine. So he put in the autopilot. We eventually took off and the guy sitting next to me the entire flight wanted to read a book so i'm i tried to sleep but his light

was on so i couldn't sleep and i was like whatever i'm fine fine and at a certain point i look at my phone and it's now 6 a.m in chicago and 4 a.m. back in LA and I haven't slept at all. I'm like, fine, we're almost going to land. It's going to be great. The plane starts to descend for landing. The captain comes on and he says, we're approaching OAR now. So upright positions and all that shit. and all that shit. Not word for word. It would have made a lot more sense to flight if that was the case. And I open up the window and I look out.

And what I see below me is certainly an airport. But it looks nothing like a major regional airport. It looks like a small, maybe two-runway airport. We start to descend, and I'm like, something's not right. This doesn't seem right. This can't be right. And at the last minute, the plane pulls up so rapidly that I literally go, whoa!

No one else said anything, and a quiet plane where half the people are asleep. so rapidly that I literally go, whoa. No one else said anything in a quiet plane where half the people are asleep. I'm like, whoa. And we continue traveling for another 25 minutes. I think he inputted the wrong airport. I was like, what the, what are you? I looked at everyone, everyone on the plane is asleep, except for the guy next to me who's still reading his book.

Unfazed. And I was like, what the hell just happened? The man said we were landing and then we flew for another 25 minutes. And then came on and he's like, we're getting prepared to land. I'm like, what the sh... And I was like, oh cool.

Another great trip to Chicago. Every time something happens, and this is just another example. You made it alive. I mean, you know, this could be my hell. I'm not sure. It could be, yeah. Yeah.

Constantly on stage performing with you for eternity. That is, it really is hell. That's hell, yeah. I need some me time, buddy. I do, too. How was your, what about after? Did you get the Uber back? What do you mean?

Like, after you landed. I got a cab, and I'm pretty sure he ripped me off. Because he was like, he said something. I'm going to let you know, I have no idea what he said. He said something to me, something to me, surcharge. And I was like, oh yeah? And he was like, boop, boop, boop. And the number started at $4.

And then at some point during the trip, he pressed a button and it jumped to $5. And then he pressed another button and it jumped to $6. And I was like, well, surely it can't go any higher. And he kept increasing the price. I have no idea why or for what reason at the end. It was still like $25, so it wasn't a lot. But I was like, I feel like you're ripping me off, but I can't tell otherwise. That sounds about right.

Dude, I don't know. I have no answers for you. It sounds like he's manually putting it in. That's terrible. The man had 16 screens in his car. He had one screen he was pressing. He has one screen in the back for me. He had three screens and a laptop.

Well, did you see what was on him? No. I'm not going to snoop on the man's. I wouldn three screens and a laptop. Well, did you see what was on him? No! I'm not going to snoop on the man's... I wouldn't do that to you. Yeah, but he said he's ripping you off. He might as well check. It felt like he was ripping me off. I don't know that he did. He could be an upstanding citizen doing his job, taxing idiots

around Chicago. I don't know. But there's 16 screens. You've got to see a couple. I did. One had a bunch of numbers that was going up. But there's 16 screens. You gotta see a couple. And I did. One had a bunch of numbers that was going up. And that's the one I focused on. Except on the back there was a they were playing Jeopardy on the screen in the back.

Oh yeah, that's a classic car taxi move. And so that distracted me for a while, which is probably his plan. Yeah. I was looking at Jeopardy and he was like, $6. I don't know. I don't know. Nothing happened there.

Well, that's good. And then I went to what I consider to be the weirdest hotel I've ever stayed at. Why? It's in the middle of nowhere. It's not even in the middle of nowhere. I'm not going to dox myself on this. Okay, yeah. But it's in the middle of nowhere, and they have like a fake waterfall above the hotel.

All right. It's like if this is the hotel, this microphone, there's like a slide of water. And it just comes out the top of the hotel. I don't know what to say. I didn't design it. And today when I was waiting for you to get me, there was a couple and they were walking their baby on the stroller and the woman was like, oh, waterfall, that's so interesting.

Behind me was an old couple. And the old man goes, that's not interesting, that's stupid as shit. And his wife goes Harold they're enjoying the waterfall he's like water is not interesting

I kind of agree yeah but it was a cool waterfall no it looks like a sewage like a drainage pipe it's not a yeah but is it like a cool drainage pipe you've driven past it like five times. I thought it was pretty all right.

But would you call it interesting? Yeah. It made me stop and notice it. That's interesting. Well, he did not want to. He was... Like, I imagine you will be in 20 years. Probably.

Maybe. Maybe in 20 years I'll be like, this sucks. I gotta up my parking meter. Hold on. Hi. This is a mid-show stopping moment while Krendor does his parking meter. Yeah.

Alright, I'm reparked. Great. Yeah. That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool, man. That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Unless they ticketed me

within like seven minutes, which they might have. They definitely did. There was a guy out there waiting. There probably is, yeah. That's not good. So this time

you had a plan for me. Would you like to tell everyone what the plan was? I didn't really have a plan. It was more just I had to do stuff and I made them go along. So, no, not Ikea. The first thing we did, the first thing, he picks me up and he's like, yo, we got to go to Meijer. Meijer's great i haven't been to a this is how long ago i was at a meyer uh i watched the final fantasy 7 trailer in the game section of a meyer just put that in just think about when that was

that was 1997 i remember leaving like walking away from my parents, getting lost, and staying in there and being like, wow, a PlayStation. I didn't have one of those. It was awesome looking. So yeah, that's how long ago I've been since I was there. And this man said to me, he said, we need to get something.

What did we need to get? So I saw a TikTok. And it was cat toys. And it was mice with occupation cat toys. They had them. And so...

I just want to say for the record, be on the lookout. I recorded all this. I'm making a video. I Already put it on tick-tock. Oh cool. Yeah beat me to it. Well, I was just gonna go all the way back It is and So, uh, we found them which by the way cat toys compared to dog toys, yo, cat toys suck. No, no. They suck. Dog toys are like, this is Gringo the elf.

Rip him apart, dog. Cat toys, like, this is a mouse. It looks like someone knitted this in their spare time. Sucks. Well, that's because cats don't even care about them half the time. That is true. When you got that toy home, cat just looked at it and then laid on it. Yeah.

We had a bet as to which cat toy they would pick. By the way, what were the cat toys again? So the mice with occupations were, one of them was, oh, God, what was it? Abraham Lincoln. Yep. That's a job. Abraham Lincoln. It was like magician Abraham Lincoln. No, it was Abraham Lincoln. Yep. That's a job. It was like magician Abraham

Lincoln. No, it was Abraham Lincoln. Yeah. What were the other ones? One was like French. Yep. French. That's a job. I thought it was like a I thought it was like a pastry chef, but I think it was actually an artist. But I didn't see it until after

and then it's on the side of the mouse. Yes, so when we got it, he said, oh, look. It's a chef, Abraham Lincoln, and French. Three fine jobs. I'm sorry, occupations. Occupations, yeah. You know. By the way, I just want to let you guys know I'm aware now that several of you

when I'm looking around are currently on the internet looking up mice with occupations and I see you doing it. They only had two left. They only had two left and I got one. Yeah. I just want to stress that I see it happening and shame on you.

We are providing such an entertaining show. Not shameless publicity for mice with occupations. Yeah. I feel like we can't, since we said one of them was Abraham Lincoln and the other was French. Maybe not. Maybe. We can find out. Yeah, we can find out.

Yeah. You're helping break into a new market. What market is that? The French? Hold on, hold on. Where are you at? All right. As our resident Frenchman for every show.

Yep. Is that something you're interested in? There we go. That French guy. Sure? For people who don't know, that French guy has We gotta, we gotta. Sure? For people who don't know, that French guy has been to 80% of our shows.

Maybe even 100. I'm gonna say 100, maybe. It might be 100. It might be 100. And he has... All 12 shows, right? All 12 shows. All 12 shows. And he has had a different girl with him.

For, I wanna say, 75% of them. It's so cool to see you here. You've always been here by yourself before, and that is so sweet that you finally brought someone. What a nice guy you are. It's about time you showed up with someone. Wink. I've got two this time.

Now that's a mouse with occupations. That might be the best joke you've ever said. Hey, thank you. That was incredible. That was such a good one. That was a great one-liner. That's what I do. So yeah, we went to Meijer.

We did. And yeah, he had fun. He enjoyed it. It's really just like a clean Walmart. It's like a bigger, cleaner Walmart. And then we had another... we had one more stop, so I took him to Mitsuwa. Yeah. So, I just want to stress that most of the Mitsuwas are in California.

There's one, like, right down the street from me. It's great. I will say, every time I feel like the whitest man alive in there, every time. Except for this one. Let me stress. This was the weebiest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. Oh my god. I think there was like one Asian dude there who was like I got no answers for you.

Everyone. Everyone had like an anime shirt on. It was amazing. I was like this is awesome. It was great people watching. Extreme people watching. It was perfect. That's because there's only like one in New Jersey.

There's like one here. There's one in, like, Texas. And there's, like, ten in California. I swear to God, the music playing in the background was not, like, J-pop or K-pop or J-rock or crock. I don't know.

I swear to you it was that shoes. Oh, my God, shoes. It was that song. I was like like this is incredible i've stepped into a different reality it was awesome i love i was like i could come here all the time and just be like sit and watch dude it was amazing i've never seen anything so silly in my entire life. Yeah, and then they, apparently they opened a one-piece card game shop. There's a one-piece card game experience inside.

I didn't even know they had a card game. Imagine if you go to a comic book shop and they have a Magic the Gathering section. Just that, but it's one piece in a Mitsuha. Yeah. It was something. Yeah. It's something. Yeah. I don't, yeah, I genuinely

didn't even know there was a One Piece card game. Well, hold on, hold on, hold on. The One Piece card game's great? What do you mean by this? Alright, sure, no, oh yeah, no, that's trash. But the One Piece card game... Hold on, we're talking about One Piece, not Magic, okay? What's trash. But the One Piece card game. Hold on. We're talking about One Piece. That's magic, okay? What's going on with the One Piece card game?

Do you want me to explain the entire game right now? I would love for you to, yes. Come on. Come on. Come on. Yeah. Come on, show off. Let's go.

Let's go. Hello. Okay. Oh, no, no, please. Yeah, I'll just... There you go. So I'll give you a quick rundown. I'm actually a game developer.

No, no, I don't know who this person is. Yeah, you do. You're the plant in the audience. Okay, so just basically, the One Piece card game, obviously One Piece is one of the best stories ever told, if you haven't watched it. I would disagree. You should start.

And yeah, so it's got a really nice... So first of all, you can't watched it i would disagree you should start and uh yeah so it's just got it's got a really nice so first of all you can't get mana fucked because you draw basically two mana every turn so it's like a nice curve to it it's called don don i did actually make fake cards that say dong though dong so we'll just go with So yeah, you put all your dong on your characters to make them stronger. Yeah, and then you've got like a life pool like the four or five life and there's a really good economy to how much attacks and cost is. But as you take damage your life comes into your hand. So there's like a nice rubber banding mechanic. After playing with Dong,

your life comes into your hand. Yes. Yes, correct. Yeah. This sounds like a great game. And then there's leader cards, so you get all your favorite characters and they all have special abilities. And then you get to make, I have like 12, 15 different decks with all different characters. And then nobody cares if you use proxies, so I just buy like sexy alternate art from

Etsy. You know, like I just got like a big titty Zoro card basically. Do you even know who Zoro is? You know what? I do. Okay. Okay. I've invested enough to know but not enough to watch all eight million episodes oh you should start you should start don't worry but anyway i really like it and i've never played a card game before and i was terrified because

i love one piece and it's good game yeah uh-oh uh-oh you pulled it out Uh oh Uh oh You pulled it out There you go Anyway I'm glad we learned about Dong It's better than I expected I'll be honest

You could have said anything and I would have believed you But you nailed it That was pretty good Plant in the audience Wink It's better than I expected, I'll be honest. You could have said anything and I would have believed you, but you nailed it. That was pretty good. Plant in the audience. Wink. Yeah, so we did do that. That was fun.

He was trying to look for a tea. Oh, yeah. I was looking for if they had the one matcha tea I wanted, but they didn't. Do you know this man is like you know how sometimes these people and they get like a packet of matcha and they pour it in a thing or they sometimes have like a weird bag no this is like the old school guy this man stirs and like what's how you're supposed to make it oh i'm aware but you do it like a professional adult.

I don't know why I expect any less from you. Yeah. But I do. Frequently. Maybe that's your problem. That is my problem. Yeah. So you were looking for your tea.

Yeah, and they didn't have it. But they had the tree stumps. If you've never had the chocolate tree stumps, I don't know what they're called. I just call them the tree stumps. They're literally just tree stump candy things with chocolate on. They're like the cookie cracker. Yeah. They're not matcha.

They're just straight up like cracker chocolate. What? They're not shrooms. They're tree stumps. Yeah, they're tree stumps. Totally different. They are tree stumps. Okay, as long as they're on the same page.

Yeah, so I got those. I looked around for something. I was like, I don't got what I want. What did you want? I don't know what it's called. You know those sandwiches that are like, they got fruit and cream and stuff in them? No, not a mac.

You know, but it looks like white bread, but it's not white bread. It's like milk bread. Yeah, it's got the fruit, but also the cream in it and i was hoping to get like a fresh one nah i didn't have none of that it's like all right well i don't want anything so that was it it's not that cool but i was like they don't have what i want let's talk about it on the show yeah yeah and that was that was that experience. And then he's like,

all right, I'm gonna take you to the wine place. Apparently you've been hyping this up on your streams and stuff frequently. Well, not really. You act like I bring it up every time. I brought it up a couple times. You brought it up several times?

Yeah. To people. And how do I know this? Because I wasn't there, but people told me you were doing it. Yeah. And? I brought you there. The hype for this was the way he described it to people.

I was thinking significant douchery. I was thinking we would go there. Because the way he described it, it was like, you know, 3 p.m. rich wife drunk. Right? Like that kind of vibe. And I was like, yes, this 3 p.m. rich wife drunk, right? Like that kind of vibe. And I was like, yes, this is where I'm going to thrive. And we showed up. It's like a chill spot.

I'm pretty sure it's just a house owned by like either an old French woman or an old one pretending to be French. Either way, I do not know. And then I'm going to say grandchildren? There were a lot of kids working there. I don't know. Kids. The child who sat us. Either that was the youngest 21-year-old I've ever seen

or that kid was 14. I was shocked. I was like, oh my goodness okay and then uh we sat down outside yeah and you got your your what do you call it sangria yeah they had a mango sangria boom done at a sparkling rosé boom done I had a honestly have yet you're another one that's true have? You had your another one. That's true. That's true. And then you had your dessert. Then I had my, what was that thing? My port. Oh, I love a nice port.

Yeah, it was great. But you took, so he took the umbrella out of the drink and then put it in his hair. True. And the owner of the place came over and she was like, I've been telling people to do that, that work here. And they were like, it's so dumb. And you're the first person to ever do it. Damn right. people to do that that work here and they were like it's so dumb and you're the first person to ever do it damn right and the best part was is from that point on everyone was like this guy's fun and so all the waiters would come over and just like talk to us the best part was is that

at one point i think she was setting down some food. I don't remember what it was, but this waitress that we had set down the food on top of my umbrella. And I went, oh. And she looked at me, she's like, would you like another one? And I think I tried to be like, no, it's fine. She came back with another one. And I put that brand new fresh one in my hair. Andop. And then I had two. So I look like a guy that had pigtails, which, you know, probably the best I can do, I'll be honest. Yeah. So, yeah, it was like a chill vibe. Yeah.

We got a charcuterie with a bunch of fancy meats and cheeses. Yep. That is a charcuterie. Yep. That's true. Yep. And the best was the pate that was on it, because Toast was like, nope.

Yeah. I don't know what that is. I was like, you gotta eat this. Normally I don't like them either, but that one was actually pretty good. I came up with the jam. There was a, like a, I felt like a chef. So it was like, whatever this weird paste of meat was,

followed by a blue cheese thing, followed by mustard. Let me tell you, I don't know what that flavor was, but it was like one after the other. It felt like I unlocked like a food TV, but at that table. I felt like some sort of celebrity chef. It's got like layers to it. Like when you bite, you first taste the one and then the other, and then the third comes in afterwards. Tell me I was wrong.

No, you're right. Because I tried it too. I was like, I don't believe this guy. And then I tried it, and I was like, actually... It was pretty impressive. It could have been the alcohol. It could have been. We were more drunk then, yeah. We did have a lot to drink.

But it was fine. That was great. Yeah. And then afterwards... Walk around the woods. Let's go for a walk in the woods. Yep. Got mosquito bit.

What could go... I told him the minute we started going in, I was like, yo, if we see a body, I hope it's a fresh body. I don't want to see like a creepy dead thing for like weeks there i want a fresh yeah i want a fresh body then we could be on the news like i just found it i just i was here and i saw this body and there it was yeah yeah and then we do a whole bit for the news. Yeah. He'd be like... I was walking around, you know, minding my business, and what do I find?

Looked like a head. So I go over there. It is! It was a head, all right! I couldn't believe it. I says, you see what I'm seeing? I saws it! That's what I'm saying.

I said, call the news. Call the news. I was like, are you sure that's a body? Go poke it. I ain't poking it. You better poke that. I said, I ain't poking shit. So I poked it.

That's how we got on the news. Yeah. Yeah. If there was a body. There was no body. Yeah, there wasn't. There were several bunny rabbits. Yep, a lot of rabbits.

Very cute. And he took me to a gazebo that, in your words, was my grandfather took me here? And he carved his name in it. Yeah, but it's like gone. It's gone. There's like 800 billion things carved in there. B plus J was there, and that was pretty cool. Yep, B plus J.

I don't know who those lovebirds are, but I hope for good things for them. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then we walked around some more. Got ice cream. We saw ice cream and we were like, we gotta go get ice cream. Yeah. And the best part of the...

There is the two girls? Yeah. Is that what you're referring to? Yes. Oh no, I was never done with the two girls. Oh yeah, okay. Except for the numerous bug bites we got, which I'm still feeling today. Oh yeah.

I itch all over. These two girls in front of us, I don't know, they might have been like 16, something like that. And they were sitting there thinking about ice cream, just talking it over. And one of their dads was just kind of there. Not really there, but you know, physically present. And one girl's like, dad, dad, dad, dad. She grabs his arm. Dad.

She pulls him and the man still zoned out. He's moving over, still zoned out. She's like, dad, dad. Finally looks at her and he's like, yo. I don't know what she wanted from him because I stopped paying attention to that point. Yeah, I actually don't remember either. I was like, why is she...

We were also recovering from alcohol at that point. Yes. And we were talking about... I had been a long time since they've had a root beer float and they had root beer floats. I was like, I want a root beer float, dude. Yeah. I want a float.

Yeah. And then they were in front of us and then the one girl was like, I think I'm going to get the cheesecake ice cream. And the other girl goes like, ew. She's like, why would you do that? And she's like, I don't know, I like cheesecake. And she's like,

I felt like a high school girl at that moment. I was like, oh my god. That's the meanest shit. She's like, ew, what are you, why? And her friend was just like, because cheesecake's good. She's like, oh my god, that's the meanest shit. She's like, ew, what are you, why? And her friend was just like, because cheesecake's good. She's like, meh. Like, whoa, that's the judgiest shit I've ever heard. I was like, let her get her cheesecake.

Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. And then while we were there, another great moment. So there was like either an outdoor bar or a festival or something happening across the street. And while we were waiting in line, there was a guy who I guess was with his girlfriend, wife, I don't know. He was waiting for her coffee. And she was outside, I guess, because she didn't want to be inside because it was like super hot in there. And he's sitting there and he's clearly drunk and the people behind the counter scooping ice cream i think like all

there was one guy who looked like a 35 year old teenager and then two girls who looked like they were like 12 right and one of the girls goes over and hands him his ice cream while he's waiting for the coffee and he looks and he goes here's the first time we've been here in a while i'm really drunk and it's like set in a way that's kind of creepy you know like a little i don't know this little girl needs to know this information like the biggest boss in the world she looks at him turns around walks away starts scooping more ice cream. This dude was like, huh. It was great.

I was like, this is, I'm so proud of her. This guy was clearly just the worst. She's like, no, not today, sweetheart. She might have dealt with him already at some point. Who knows? Yeah. And then his wife slash girlfriend comes back in and he's like, here's your coffee. And they leave.

I was like cool so romantic yeah what I think I've realized is we're judgy catty bitches yeah we're pretty judgy I'm starting to realize this about us we're like yeah we should have a gossip column we really should yeah I think that's all really that's how we bonded over the decade

that's what it really is people watched everywhere. Yeah, that's unfortunate. And there's always somebody in the comments, they're like, they always say they aren't being very judgmental, but I think they're being extremely judgmental. Oh, no, we clearly are. But yeah, we are.

Yeah. Or doing it in a polite way. I don't know. If polite is then taking it in front of a live audience and talking about it... I don't know if that's true, dude. Yeah, but we're not, like, naming them. We have. We know them by name. What do you mean, we know them by name?

The Green Pigs. No, first off, the Green Cheetah is not her real name, I don't think. Yeah. It was just a woman who we call the Green Cheetah. Wait, why did we call her the Green Cheetah, I don't think. Yeah. It was just a woman who we call the Green Cheetah. Wait, why did we call her the Green Cheetah? I don't know. No, because she was like an old lady who would go like, I like a bull, Neville.

I don't know how Cheetah came up. You have a baptized rogues gallery at this point. We really do. Yeah. Green Cheetah, Gray Storm, Newport Ritchie. Wasn't the Green Cheetah. Tito Watts, Florida Man. The Green Cheetah was in your parking garage, right? Yeah, she stuck gum in my car for no reason.

Hank the Tank. Hank the Tank? No, he's not a rogue. Hank the Tank is like our Superman. He shows up to save the day when we need him most. Guy hero, also a hero. A true hero. We have too many.

There's too many. You can just keep shouting at us. But is that all she did? She stuck gum on your car? Yes. I would see her every day. She'd go, I'd be like, I don't know what you're saying, ma'am.

And then one day I watched her walk up to my car, stick gum on the bumper, and walk away. I don't know how to help. I have no answers. I don't know that woman's name. She's like... That's not a language I've ever heard. She had to live there.

Did she? I guess not. It is L.A. I only ever saw her in the parking garage, dude. That could be the ghost that lives there for all I know. That's true, yeah. I don't know anything about that woman. I never saw her go to a room.

I only saw her in the parking garage walking around. For like years. She could have been lost down there. Her family was looking. Yeah, but did she just stop one day? Yes, sadly. Never saw her again. It's probably dark.

I don't know what happened to the green cheetah. She might have been a ghost. She went up to the afterlife. When I cleaned off the... I'm just spitting everywhere. When I cleaned off the gum, that was her unfinished business. I thought you were going to say it dissolved into nothing. You're like, oh shit, it really was a ghost.

Wait, she was the gum in this situation? No, you went to get the gum and it just evaporated. She was like a poltergeist, but the gum was her? No. She was trying to get out of the garage. She was the gum in this situation? No, like you went to get the gum and it just like evaporated. She was like a poltergeist, but the gum was her? No. She was like, she was trying to get out of the garage. She put the gum in my car. So I drive her out of the garage. And she thought that was her way out. She was like, oh, this is how I escape.

No, that's cool too. My thought was she was like a ghost and she was putting ghost gum on the car, right? And then you went to get it and and it was just evaporating into nothing. It's now real. No, it was gum. That shit stained the bumper of my car. Oh.

All right. That sucked. That wasn't cool at all. That was bad. That was an old asshole is what that was, but whatever. Yeah. Yeah. So we got them.

That's pretty cool. Yep. Yeah. A lot of great characters. What? It's the mark of the green cheetah bubble gum that's the lamest thing a ghost could do that's like the shittiest form of ectoplasm i just imagine ghostbusters but he's like oh i've been slimed it's just gum i mean that would be pretty annoying he just got gum stuck in his hair

It's slime and it's just gum. I mean, that would be pretty annoying. He's just got gum stuck in his hair. Bill Murray with gum in his hair. And he's like, aw, guys. 60 minutes of that movie is them trying to put peanut butter in there. Come on, Ray. Come on, Winston.

Let's do this. The rest of the movie. I mean, I'd watch it. I know you would. We watch terrible films. Yeah, we do. But they're like... Nick Cage isn't even as bad as some of these films. Question.

Can I just say? I learned this today, by the way. That Long Legs movie I keep seeing advertised? Nick Cage is in that movie. I had no clue. Now I kind of want to in that movie I had no clue Now I kind of want to see that movie I don't know about that I don't know about that

That's still We'd have to pay for that Yeah whenever it's free Yeah we'll wait till it's free Yeah We like to dabble in films Like Remo Williams The Adventure Begins

That was a good one. That was a great movie. No, it wasn't. I don't think you understand. This movie featured one of the worst men in masks I've ever seen in my entire life. Oh, yeah. Now, they could have just hired a guy

to be like the Kung Fu Master. No, they paid a man to dress up in a mask to just pretend to be a Kung Fu Master. They put him in old, not just old man makeup, old Asian man makeup. I've never seen anything like that in my entire life. I was like, this is the racist shit. I've never seen anything like this. And then the guy who is like not Kevinvin bacon in uh tremors was the hero and that was a thing and the whole movie hinges on the fact that captain janeway

works for the government and she somehow is into remo williams and him, but she's like, I have questions, I need to know answers. He says that his fake ninja powers, we looked this up, it's not a real, whatever skill it is, it's not real. Yeah. We wanted to know! And apparently, if you pinch someone on the wrist just right, you can give them such pleasure as they pass out. And they did that to Star Trek's Captain Janeway.

Who, by the way, still looks exactly the same. Even though this is ten years before, she looks the exact same. So that was bizarre. And at the end, he rubs his hands on a stick so fast, it ignites, setting a man on fire. Yeah. That was a good moment. And then, as they escape on a boat, their master is on the pier,

and then he does like a cool run across the water moment, and everyone's like, wow, we shouldn't shoot him at all. And the best part is the movie ends with like, see you in the next movie. There was no movie. This movie sucks so bad. And we looked it up. It came out the exact same year as Back to the Future.

But it's got like 100 books. Yes, we looked that up too. There are 150 books associated with this. They were trying to make the next great Bond character. These books lasted up until 28. They're still making them. Yep. We looked up who he's fought.

Remo Williams has not only battled cyborgs and spacemen. He battled literally the god Shiva. Yep. Dracula. Yep. Oh, man. I'm trying to... Rasputin?

Yep. This is pretty awesome. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, who hasn't fought Rasputin? Rasputin fights everyone. That guy's a dick. It was incredible. I learned so much because of that movie

that honestly, I didn't know before. And that's, I think, why we do it. Yeah. To learn things. It's all about learning. It's all about learning. We're very big on education here. Yeah.

Some say that's what this show's about. We're educating, all right. The most educating. You used to be a teacher. Maybe you just love educating Oh yeah I'm a big fan That's why I left Yeah

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Right now, it's looking like an audience. I see them. And then you look up. It's pretty dark up there. I can't see anybody. And then this look up. It's pretty dark up there. I can't see anybody. And then this traffic report is terrible.

Thanks, Grandar. Oh, wait, no, you're still going? Yeah, I'm still going. Yeah, I see someone's holding up a graph. It's some sort of pie graph. I really don't want to know what it is. It's just, it's a graph. It's not worth looking into more detail.

I see a Gengar. There's a Gengar out there as well. I think it's a Gengar purse. That's a graph. It's not worth looking into more detail. I see a Gengar. There's a Gengar out there as well. I think it's a Gengar purse. That's pretty neat. Back to you. Thanks, Crandor. Let's go to Crandor at the weather. Crandor, how's that weather out there? Oh, I think Woppy's backstage.

Oh, shit. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He's backstage. Woppy's way too big to bring out. He's like an old computer. So, you know, don't worry. He's here though. We brought him Hold on wait. He's somewhere in here There's a lot of equipment back there Yeah, they put a bunch of boxes and shit on him Damn. Yeah. Oh wait. Oh

No, that's not it. Oh, no. Here he is. Bobby activated. This is the stupidest bit. Weather. Chicago. Chicago.

79 degrees. degrees partly cloudy conditions from 9 p.m 10 p.m thunderstorms 8 a.m sunday 74 degrees low 95 degrees high fahrenheit warning hydrate Monday 96 hydrate Tuesday 85 45% chance rain Wednesday 80 partly cloudy Thursday Sun wind 7 miles Partly cloudy. Thursday. Sun. Wind. Seven miles per hour. Thirteen gusts. Moon phase. What does that mean? First quarter.

Illumination 51%. Next moon set, 12.09 a.m. Next full moon, eight days. Waxing gibbous. 30.02 pressure in HG. HG. H-G. That doesn't mean anything. Nah, he's not what he used to be. He's busted.

Hold on, hold on. Do you have the Weather Channel back there? No. Hold on. Let's say maybe you do. Oh, wait. Hold on. Maybe.

Oh, no. It's out here. Wow. Yeah, you got to do it. Weather bit, go. Weather bit, go. Weather bit. Weather bit, go.

Oh, weather on the... I thought it was weather on the eights. Never mind, never mind. You know what? It's too late. Or local on the... It's local on the eights. It's too late. It's too late.

Failed miserably. Failed miserably. Yeah, Nick, you know what, we'll try it. We'll work it out. We'll workshop it. Thank you. We'll try it. It'll be a bit... Stay cold.

That was the best one. Stay cold. Stay cold sucks. What does that mean? I thought you said stay home. Stay cold. I thought you said stay home. Stay cold is what you said.

Stay cold. Stay cold. Sure. Would said stay home. Stay cold is what you said. Stay cold. Stay cold. Sure. Just stay cold is a weird thing to say. Stay indoors, stay safe, stay cool. Stay cold is like basically freeze your ass off. I don't know. All right.

That's cool and all, but what is our fact of the day? That we need to do sports. Unbelievable. Sports. Sports. All right. Look at this man, totally prepared. Is it Olympics time?

Are we there yet? Not yet. End of the month. I'm ready. I need my go-to-bed TV. I love listening to the Olympics while I go to sleep. Let's see. We do have UFC fight night, women's flyweight, Namajunas versus Cortez. All right.

You know what? I mean, sure, if you can pronounce all that. We got... There's really just baseball happening. How do you feel about baseball? I mean, I like baseball. It's alright. It's alright. Is anything happening in the world of pickleball? I don't know. I got one arm right now.

What about... You can put your drink down, dude. No, I can't do that. Let's see. Anything exciting? Okay, here we go. Washington beat Milwaukee. St. Louis beat the Cubs earlier.

They're playing right now as well. I don't know the score. ESPN's garbage. And then, yep. Cool. So far, so good. Yep. You got the Orioles in first.

You got the Cleveland Guardians in first. You got Seattle in first. Philadelphia. Milwaukee. Milwaukee. And the Dodgers. Milwaukee. And the Dodgers. Yep.

Your boos grant me power. I'm going to... What now? Did you see the Hololive collaboration that the Dodgers did last week? No. They literally freed three of their biggest VTubers. Oh, no. I saw that shit those who aren't aware they had two vtubers that a dodge game and it was as funny as you would imagine I wish I was there the

crowd watching would have been incredible this VT or pops on the screen starts singing take me out to the ball, 90% of that crowd would have been like, what the hell is this bullshit? Oh, I would have loved it. It would have been amazing. It really would have, yeah. That would have been hilarious. Yeah. I would have sat there, Dodger Dog in hand, cold beer, smile on my face.

Just like, look at this. They don't know what's happening. It's funny. It would have been great. All's funny. I'm doing great. All right, what are you doing now? Trying to find the fact. Find the fact. Yeah.

Does anyone have a fact for us? Lacrosse sponsorship? We offered them money, and they said, we'll get back to you. I really want to sponsor a Canadian lacrosse team. I want our faces on their jerseys. But I want to do it like a Pep Boys logo. That is going to be funny.

Some people think we're kind of like an auto parts store, maybe. Right? It's in Ottawa. They don't know who the hell we are. It'd be great. I really want this. please contact us again. We want your merch. Yeah, oh my God. I told them, I was like, if we are on your jerseys, send us your jerseys.

I will proudly wear that. But you do need to get a working credit card machine. It's not, look, it's not my fault. Don't give me a hard time. It kinda is. You know what you can't be on their side and my side at the same time That's not how this works if you want to be with them sit with them mean I could

Now never mind nah never mind all right here we go okay an ostriches eye is bigger than its brain please tell me more this could be why the birds often run around in circles when trying to escape predators That's not good. That's pretty... I did not know that fact. Yep. Now I do. Oh, we got another?

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. Why would it need to? That's probably why. It doesn't have to. Dude. That's... You know what? It doesn't have to. Dude. That's, you know what? It doesn't have to is the hardest answer I've ever heard. That's because it doesn't have to.

And, oh, another? This one's crazy. It would take 19 minutes to fall to the center of the earth. Hey, thanks. That's pretty good. I don't know. Maybe distance and velocity, I would imagine.

You know, like one of those science guys. It was like, you can only fall so fast. You know what I mean? You would still fall the same rate. You would, dude. You would. You would, dude. You would. You would, bro. Science.

Science figured that shit out. I don't have to. I just got to say it to you over and over again and you will believe me. Yeah. I was around science teachers. The only science teacher I knew beat the shit out of me

in chess every day after school. I thought he was going to say he just beat the shit out of you. Every day he would just assault me. After school, cocks. He'd come into the classroom and be like, you and me. The best part is he was the sweetest

man. He was so, Mr. Piemonte was great. He was so sweet. The kids hated him because he was like sweetest man. Mr. Piemonte was great. He was so sweet. The kids hated him because he was like, I just want to teach them science. Shut up, old man. He was lovely. They hated him.

And I played chess with him every day after school. And every day he'd be like, you're doing so well today. But not better than me. Boop. Like he was ruthless. Now let's go outside so I can kick your ass. By the flagpole, 315 Cox. And I would show up for some reason.

By the end I started to like it. Yeah. What was your teaching day like? What was your plan? Did you have to wake up, make your teaching? Oh, no, teaching sucks. I would spend every waking moment, I wasn't teaching, planning for teaching.

And then I'd wake up every... So class started at 8. I had to be at school by 7. So I was up at 5.36 every day. And then I would drive into Columbus and I would teach. And it would be from 8 until 3 was class. And then I would stick around for two hours after class to grade stuff and do things. And I'd go home and I'd be like, time to reclaim hours of my life. And I'd like do anything but think about teaching,

stay up way too late, wake up the next day, go to class like, hey, everybody. So happy I did that. Yeah, it was so much fun, dude. You can relate. Sounds like a lot of fun. Oh, it's super fun. You can relate, huh?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, so cool. And then everyone's like, yeah, but dude You can relate, huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's so cool. And then everyone's like, yeah, but dude, you get your summers off though, bro. I'm like, I plan my entire next year during the summer. Like, try that. Try planning a full year of your life during summer. It sucks.

It's terrible. So that's what you did. And it was not fun. And then one summer I was like, I'm going to make videos on the internet. Yep. Somehow here the internet. Yep. Somehow here we are. Yep. Yeah.

So no, it's not cool. Teaching is, to every teacher out there, thank you. You should be paid way more. And it's upsetting to me that you're not. He gets paid to make TikToks for his class. I'm sorry, what are your TikToks about? School. You make school TikToks?

I do. Like what? Yeah, do you do like cool raps for the kids? I run with my students and stuff like that. I'm sorry, you what? Sorry, wrong word. Race my students. I run. Oh.

Oh, okay. And why do you do this? It's fun. It doesn't cost extra credit for them. Whoa, if they beat you in a race, they get, like... He has a standing challenge. If they can beat him in some sort of competition,

they get extra credit for the whole class. That's awesome. They never win? How old are these kids? Wait, 20? They're like old enough to drink almost. No, they've been drinking. That's why they lose.

I guess that's true. They are drinking. That's the fact of the day. Let's talk big news. Story of the day. This man definitely prepared. These news stories suck. You got no news?

There's no news. There's no funny news. There's always news. Yeah, I know. There's always news. Here, you want to read this? No, we don't want to read that. What is that? Freebird? No.

What is it? Come here. What is it? It's not anthrax like last time, you know? Yep, great. I was sick for so long. What is this? Take a look.

Is this an update? Oh, it's an update! For those of you who were at the last live show or heard the audio version, we got the single best thing we've ever gotten, which is a play-by-play of every single weather report we've ever done. With all, like, even down to, like,

how many times we said the moon phase for the weather report we have an update with graph it is genuinely impressive and for some reason uh continuing waxing gibbous and waxing crescent continue to be the big ones waning gibbous my my favorite, is also there. The least New Moon. Damn. Damn. That would actually make sense.

Actually, New Moon is tied with Waning Crescent. I feel like I say Waning Crescent a lot. Not enough, clearly. Not in the last year, at least. I typed in funny news, and some of these are not funny. Literally under funny news it's like his brother was found dead. Alright.

Found by two men in the woods. Oh, here we go. Some Boston subway trains have googly eyes. This is like three under the dead guy. I feel like this isn't going to be good. You're about to tell us that some dude put googly eyes on a train. I'm going to have to be here and be like, wow, that's so clever. Subway riders.

Subway riders in Boston are playing their own game of Where's Waldo, but instead of searching for a cartoon character with a red and white striped top, they're on the lookout for subway trains with googly eye decals attached to the front. The head of transit service said the whimsical decals are attached to a handful of trains and are meant to bring smiles to riders' faces. Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority general Manager and CEO Philip Eng said a small group of what he described as transit enthusiasts sure

approached the agency with the unusual request to install the eyes on the trains the group even dropped off a package of plastic googly eyes at the headquarters quote when I saw it, it made me laugh, Ang said. I thought we could do something like that to have fun.

The MBTA, which oversees the nation's oldest subway system, as well as a commuter rail, bus, and ferry service, has come under intense scrutiny in recent years for safety issues that have led... Whoa! Are you telling me there's a solution to safety issues

like stick googly eyes on it? I think so. That have led to federal reviews and orders to fix the issues. It has also been plagued by... Issue fixed, googly eyes! It has also been plagued by slow zones, the delayed delivery of new vehicles, understaffing,

and they say the slow zones are slowly being lifted. Instead of plastic googly eyes, which Eng feared would come loose and fly off, injuring riders, the agency has affixed them to just five trains, four on the MBTA's green line and one commuter rail. So only the green line's in danger, really? Yeah. Don't worry, we don't like anyone on the MBTA's green line in one commuter rail. So only the green line's in danger, really? Yeah. Don't worry, we don't like anyone on the green line. When we chatted about it,

it would be like finding Waldo, he said. Gave us all a chance to have a laugh and for the people who use our service to have some fun while everything breaks down. That's lovely. Wow. That was a good story. What a great news story.

I love that at the end it was just like, what a fun thing they've done. There's been a lot of problems lately. But this is just fun and silly enough for us not to care. It sucks. Hold on, is there anyone

from Boston here? Was that a yes? Why are you here, first off? So you missed out on the googly eyes? Alright, then I don't need to talk to you. Anyone else? Anyone else who has seen... Have you seen the googly eyes? Alright, cool. Anyone else? Anyone else who has seen, have you seen the googly eyes?

Alright, cool, anyone else? Someone's gotta seen the googly eyes. Train caught on fire? Googly eyes will fix it. Did it have googly eyes on it? Yeah, was it googly eyed? That'd be a funny fire. That'd be hilarious.

Think of the memes, the train's on fire, but his eyes are like, I don't know why I'm here. That'd be so funny. Yeah. Eight people died. It'd be great. Terrible. That's the big news story of the day.

Woo-hoo. Very cool. All right. We want to see Buff Door? Hit him with the flex. Hit him with the flex. Hit him with the flex. Alright!

We're going out on top, baby! Thank you so much! As I fall, that's it for us. Thanks so much for coming out, everybody. We love you. Going out on top. Thank you so much. As I fall, that's it for us. Thanks so much for coming out, everybody. We love you. We'll see you in a little bit outside. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.