Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #477: Build UNSTOPPABLE Momentum With Heather!

Episode Date: November 6, 2024

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  Why you need to LET GO to grow.  What reimagining success really means. How to EMBRACE messy action. Resources: Join my 8-week Elevate Your Influence Bootcamp and use code Q1 Go to ConstantContact.com and start your FREE trial today. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/monahan Oracle is offering to halve your cloud bill if you switch to OCI See if you qualify at oracle.com/MONAHAN. Download the CFO’s Guide to AI and Machine Learning at NetSuite.com/MONAHAN. Call my digital clone at 201-897-2553!  Visit heathermonahan.com Reach out to me on Instagram & LinkedIn Sign up for my mailing list: heathermonahan.com/mailing-list/  Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes:  What do you do when things don’t go as planned? When doors close, it’s a sign to LET GO and REIMAGINE what's next. My Mastermind event took an unexpected turn, and instead of clinging to the past, I took the risk to pivot. The result? An EPIC success that surpassed anything I’d done before. It reminded me that the PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE isn’t always the one that ELEVATES us. When negativity shows up, choose GRACE over reaction. We all have times when we stumble, but the key is to learn, give yourself grace, and move forward. Keep shining; the world needs your light. If you’re feeling the call to go further, join my 8-week Elevate Your Influence Bootcamp and transform your life before the new year even begins. Use the code Q1 for major savings. Join us and take your career to the next level!

When I started podcasting, an online store was the furthest thing from my mind. Now I'm selling my group coaching on the regular and it is just so easy. All because I use Shopify. Come on this journey with me each week. When you join me, you're going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close up. Hi and welcome back.

I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. OK, so a lot has been going on. I have had the craziest week even for me. I feel like my life is crazy, but this week has really been next level. My partner from L.A. unexpectedly came into town, so I had to change up my schedule a bit. And I had my annual mastermind was coming in, so I had a big group of people that I had a training for, a dinner for. You know, I had a lot going on. I had commitments on multiple nights, right?

And you also try to have a personal life while you try. I don't know that I'm killing that area right now, but you try, right? And you also try to have a personal life, but you try, I don't know, don't know that I'm killing that area right now, but you try, right? So I did schedule two things during the week for my personal life, and it was just wild. I was not looking forward to the week, I'm gonna be honest with you, because it was a lot.

It was, and one of the funny things, and I think I mentioned this to you last week, the way I had been doing my mastermind in the past, the in-person event, things were not lining up and working out the way they had before. One of the vendors I worked with completely restructured the way she did things. It just didn't work for me anymore.

She wasn't willing to do it the way we had done it. So it was just clear, okay, this isn't gonna work. So I need to do something different. And of course, anytime you do something different, it could be epic and amazing. It could be hard. It could fail, right? You don't know. You have to try. And so I just, I knew this, that doesn't work for me anymore. So that I got clear on that. I'm like, okay, this, what she was suggesting to me was not going to work. So I said, okay, let's close that door. Thank you for the past and move on. Now, what could better look like now? And like, how can I reimagine that? And I reached out to a bunch of friends. And of course, my friends are incredible. And this

is why it's so important to show up for people because that's why they show up for you. So my friend showed up. I was so grateful. So many of them came and spoke at my training. So many of them, they all came to my dinner, flew in. I mean, it was just epic. One of my friends got me a venue, a really cool venue I had never been to before for us to hold the training during the day. It was just it was amazing how my crew came together to help support me because things had taken a big turn last minute.

So here's what I want you to know. The training went unbelievable. In fact, I think it was so much better than what I had done in the past. So it was one of those things. You're taking a gamble. It's a risk, but I have to say it paid off. Right. And so it was this incredible event. I saw such breakthroughs for people. Some of the issues I'd had in the past where we didn't have recordings done. And this time I hired a video team, like all the problems that I had had in the past, I was able to fix this time,

knowing and forecasting ahead of time. So sometimes it does make sense. I get it, I wanted to go back to the same way that I'd been doing it, right? Last year, I was just gonna go path of least resistance because you just think, okay, it's easiest turnkey. We know it works, let's keep it moving. There's too much going on right now.

But I have to say, I'm so glad that we blew that up and did it a completely different way. It was so much better. So for whatever you're working on this week or this month or through the end of this year, yes, we still have time left in 2024. I'm going to challenge you to say, is there a different way we could do this? Is there a better way? There probably is. And we've got to ask ourselves those questions

first. We've got to realize that the path of least resistance isn't always the right path. And I'm so grateful the way that everything turned out. So another reminder, when one door closes, a better one gets opened. And I was reminded of this last night when a friend of mine explained that a huge deal he had was falling apart. And he's like, I just can't believe this is happening. And I explained the same thing to him. We don't know why right now. However, I do know this and I have total faith in this. That's falling apart for a reason. It's to your benefit that it's falling apart and a better one's going to open something better is going to come because of this. So you've got to let that door close so another one can open.

And it's about letting it go. And for a long time, when I was younger, I would hang on, hang on for dear life. No, don't let go. And that's how I know now I've learned by doing it the wrong way, that when you hang onto the old door and don't let go, that new one can't open for you, right? When you hang on to that old person, opportunity, partnership job, that new one's not going to show up for you. You've got to let go. And I've learned to do that and I'm getting so much better at it.

I'm so proud of me. But this was just another great example of that. That vendor would not work with me the way that we had been doing was setting up a situation that I just felt like was not mutually beneficial. I was clear. I'm like, wow, this is no longer for me. Shake hands, part friends. Okay, I closed the door. I didn't hold on to it. I didn't beg her to do it a

different way. I just moved on. And as soon as I pivoted and went that other way, so many doors opened up. So many of my friends showed up. This new venue appeared, right? Like all of these amazing things happen. You've got to close the door on the one that's not meant for you. And so that was my message last night to, um, my friend was, okay, I understand it feels like it sucks right now because you thought this was a done deal. You thought this was an answer to your problem. We don't know yet, but letting that door close, something so much better is going to show up for you and you just got to move

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taking the soft gels. I really encourage you to try might appear. Timeline's offering you 10% off on your first order of might appear. Now go to timeline.com slash confidence timeline.com slash confidence. If that sound isn't creating confidence for you and your business, I know what you're missing. You're missing Shopify and I set up my own Shopify page. It is so simple that I could do it myself. You can absolutely do it and start converting potential customers into paying customers, creating confidence for all of us,

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on my heart. Now I will tell you last night, oh this was an interesting one. So there's plenty of things that I do that I say, you know, oh, wow, like the younger version of me would have never been able to handle things so classy, so gracefully. I'm so proud of me. And I still feel that way most of the time. But every once in a while, your girl gets triggered, right? Like, I'm just going to keep it real. I have my moments where I'm not impressed with me. Well, yesterday was one of them. So here's what happened. I actually went to the symphony in Miami yesterday, which was great as a part of a group of people that I know that are amazing people here in Miami

and running in similar circles. A friend of mine came in from out of town for this. It was kind of like a big deal, right? So I was super excited to go. And of course I'm a try hard. So I tried really hard to get ready and look great and wear such a cute dress. Well, whenever you do that, certain people aren't gonna like it, right? Like, you know, the haters are gonna show up. I've learned that in my life, right?

The more I shine my light, the more people you're gonna help, the more hate and shade you're gonna get thrown at you too. So I didn't even really think about it, but going in, I guess I should have thought about it. You know, there's a chance somebody's not gonna like your outfit or somebody's not gonna like how you look, whatever, you know, that's on them, not on me. I don't really lose sleep over that. So that I am proud of me that that doesn't really bother me much. But the irony is I was sitting with a friend

of mine and on the other side of me were two women I did not know. And they were throwing dagger looks at me, the entire event to the point where it was awkward. It was very awkward. I will tell you when your girl is being obnoxious, loud and rowdy. I was not right there. I was completely quiet. I was doing my best just to whisper and it was bizarre, but it didn't trigger me. So I turned that into a moment. You know, wow, I'm really proud of myself. I'm not getting upset. I'm not unraveling.

I'm not trying to shrink back. I'm gonna sit here and be me. Obviously they're not loving me. Okay, not everyone's gonna love me, right? And not everyone's gonna love you. And it's about just embracing that's okay, but I'm still me. I'm perfectly flawed me and I'm fine sitting in it.

I'm just gonna sit here and be fine with it. And so it was just a good test for me and for my ego and humility to say, okay, not everyone's gonna like me. Not everyone's gonna appreciate me, but I'm still gonna show up and just be me and let them do them. So again, in a world where there's so much hate

and so much shade that people are throwing for nothing, like I actually felt bad for these ladies. We were sitting at this beautiful symphony. I mean, it was incredible. so much hate and so much shade that people are throwing for nothing. Like I actually felt bad for these ladies. We were sitting at this beautiful symphony. I mean, it was incredible. It was such a great performance and they were more fixated on, you know, throwing daggers at somebody they didn't know. Really weird. So be in the moment, be grateful for what's around you. Focus on the things that you want to put your energy towards.

And my friend said to me a couple of times, Oh, they're looking again. I'm like, that's okay. You know what? That's okay. I don't need to focus on the things that you want to put your energy towards. And my friend said to me a couple of times, oh, they're looking again. I'm like, that's okay, you know what, that's okay. I don't need to focus on that. I'm just going to focus. I didn't understand it at first and I was a little curious at first, but once I realized that this has nothing to do with me,

because they don't like my outfit or whatever, my hair, I don't know, I'm just going to focus on the symphony and my friend that I was with. So, and that made it much better. So focus on the things that you want to put your energy towards, not towards the negativity. Don't allow yourself to be consumed with that, especially with what's going on in the world

politically right now. There's so many opposing thoughts and arguments and people are so triggered right now. It's wild, right? So as you see people get triggered, just remember, we respond with all the class and grace within us. And we pause when we need a moment, and we walk away when we need a break. But we don't react because when we react to what somebody else says or does, we're allowing them to control us.

And that is not how we roll. Not anymore. Okay, so that is my mantra. You know that. And I truly do live by that. And I've been so proud of myself so many times managing that correctly. However, your girl is flawed, right? I am flawed. I am not. There is zero chance I'm perfect. There's zero chance I'm nailing something all the time. So actually, last night after the symphony, I was triggered by something in a conversation. And it really surprised me because I haven't, I unraveled a little bit, had no poker face, like wasn't able to just stay calm, pause.

I really reacted. Something that was said to me, it shocked me. Remind me of a couple of things. One, you never know what's going on in somebody else's life. I was shocked by this, but why is it on me to judge that person? Right? Ultimately, that's what it comes down to. We're somewhat judging people when we react like that to them. We're casting our opinion or, you know, upset or because basically

that's what it was. I was so shocked by what somebody was telling me that I was basically saying like, this is not good. I can't believe you did this pretty harsh, right? I'm not going to get into this person's personal details, but if you heard what it was, yeah, I think you would probably respond the same way, right? But again, looking back in hindsight and wanting to grow from situations that we have, I could have handled it better.

I didn't need to throw up negativity all over the situation the way I did. I will say this, I did it really quickly. And then as I saw, it was hurting his feelings, the way that I was reacting. So me getting triggered was triggering him, which is interesting to see how that all can happen. And when you walk away and try to get self aware, whether you journal or you reflect on it the next day, like we're doing right now. It's like a gross moment for me, right? I can see, wow, I didn't need to unravel to the extent that I did, I still think it was a big deal and I've got to just be me and say that's crazy. But I didn't need to beat this person up about it. And then now looking back, seeing that that was hard for him, you know, you kind of have empathy and feel bad for people.

Listen, you never know what somebody else is dealing with. Never know it. This is somebody that I've known for months and I had no idea what was happening behind this person's life. Like you just, you don't know and you can't assume. So I guess that for me, sometimes I meet people that are super smart, super successful, interesting, cool. I've hung out with them at situations. I just think like, that's it. Like they've got it all going on. It's amazing. And then when we hang out again, I just I anticipate everything is

going to be, you know, rainbows and lollipops. And it just isn't always the way. Right. So especially right now, let's have some empathy for other people, because the world is crazy dark right now. The world is full of negativity. The world's full of media hitting everybody over the head with some insane messages. And I just, I would rather us put our best foot forward, trying to be the light that

amplifies and brings more good and heals more hearts and leads with kindness than another one of these reactionary people that's allowing others to trigger them, control them and downward spiral. However, as I just said, your girl did that last night. But I will say the one thing, okay, let's find the silver lining here. I did it, I started seeing, I probably went down that rabbit hole

for a couple of minutes, probably I'll say like three or four minutes, maybe five. And then I pulled myself back out and I stopped. So getting better, right, Doesn't happen all the time. But when we allow others to trigger us, we're allowing them to control us. And that is in our rear view. That is why the windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror, right? Like let's focus on where we're going. We're getting better. Let's appreciate the woods. Let's feel proud of ourselves and who we are, for laws and all, and give ourselves grace, right?

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should not have done that that was tough I hit him right between the eyes and that was that had to be hard to handle. At the same time, I give myself some grace and say, well, you know, I'm perfectly flawed human and I'm getting better, but we're gonna give ourselves some grace today and forgive ourselves. So I hope that you give yourself some grace,

say I hope you forgive yourself. Okay, one of the things that I learned in training my team this weekend was no matter who you are, everybody struggles with confidence. And I know we talk about this all of the time, but it just really is so surprising to me. Some of these people underestimate themselves

and people discredit themselves. Wow, it's shocking to me. So for whatever you've got going on this week, whatever big thing you're stepping into, remember there's a fine line between fear and excitement. Lean into being excited, visualize everything, the outcome going amazing, visualize it feeling and being positive. We don't know how it's all going to turn out, but let's get excited. That's going to be something incredible. And I will tell you, I was stressing out about this

training and hoping it would go well. It went so much better than I ever could have planned. And people were so open and vulnerable and sharing how they really felt. And I was really grateful at the end of it. When I heard my attendees were coming up to me and letting me know, Hey, here's what I learned. And you know, here's this and that. And this is what I took away. One of the things that we did differently this time,

I gave everybody index cards. Everyone got up to speak and do a speech and we gave feedback and helping everyone, you know, get to the next level as a speaker. But one of the cool things is, is I reminded everyone at the beginning, no one's gonna remember what you said. Sadly, they don't,

but everyone's gonna remember how you made them feel. So take a minute after someone speaks, take an index card and write down how they made you feel in that moment. And then they're gonna be able to take those index cards home and realize I'm having an impact on people, I'm making them feel this way, and that's a really special thing,

and I should feel proud of it and excited about it. So that was some of the feedback that people really liked being able to take those index cards home. So it just goes to show again, writing a little note, taking the minute to acknowledge somebody else and say how you made them feel or how grateful you are for them. Those little things, those little moments are so incredibly important. That was one of the biggest things that they loved, right? Also they love the fact that done will always be

better than perfect and just stepping up and doing it made them feel so proud after. Not so much about how the actual performance went, how the speech went, but about how they felt about themselves for doing went, how the speech went, but about how they felt about themselves for doing it, for stepping into fear, for taking messy action. So I'm challenging you today, lead with kindness, lead with your heart, dial up your light because the world needs it, regardless of the haters that are at the symphony or wherever else, that's on them. Let's just be the best version of us.

Lead with kindness, lead with empathy, dial back on the triggers and allowing people to trigger us, give ourselves grace when we do do it like I did yesterday and start celebrating our wins because you deserve my friend to be celebrated. Okay. If you have not signed up for my November, December bootcamp, you need to right now I'm putting it in the show notes below. Community is everything. That's the biggest thing I'm noticing. When you get like-minded people together, miracles truly can happen. And I witness it. I'm a part of it. I'm here celebrating it.

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Do it now. Join me. We're meeting weekly. The amount of resources that you're going to get in this program. It's unbelievable. I partnered now. Join me. We're meeting weekly. The amount of resources that you're going to get in this program. It's unbelievable. I partnered with Melanie Borden. She is a LinkedIn expert. She is going to be bringing personal branding and all of her expertise forward for you. I of course am going to be bringing all my confidence building my sales and sales leadership expertise and experience, how to pitch yourself, how to negotiate, how to take yourself to that next level and how to build your confidence in any situation. So if you need a little confidence boost, if you need to get yourself out of your comfort zone, if you need to go for more, this is

the tribe for you. Pull the trigger while we have seats left. The link is in the show notes below. I promise you will not regret it. Okay, until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will be. I decided to change that dynamic. I couldn't be more excited for what you're gonna hear. Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen. No one succeeds alone.

You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it. I'm on this journey with me.