Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #488: Your WORTH, Your RULES: How to Set Boundaries & ATTRACT the Right Person with Niko Emanuilidis, Founder of The Daddy Academy
Episode Date: January 14, 2025In This Episode You Will Learn About: Protect your ENERGY by prioritizing what feels RIGHT for you. Choose relationships that UPLIFT and INSPIRE you. ALIGN your actions with your values and the c...onnections you want to create. Lean into your BEST qualities and let your authenticity SHINE. Trust that the right person will bring out your BEST SELF effortlessly. Resources: Subscribe and listen to The Daddy Academy starting this February Join The Daddy Academy TikTok: @thedaddyacademy LinkedIn: @niko-emanuilidis Instagram: @​​nikoeman Get 10% off your first Mitopure order at timeline.com/CONFIDENCE. Download the CFO’s Guide to AI and Machine Learning at NetSuite.com/MONAHAN Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/monahan Cancel unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster at RocketMoney.com/CONFIDENCE. Call my digital clone at 201-897-2553! Visit heathermonahan.com Reach out to me on Instagram & LinkedIn Sign up for my mailing list: heathermonahan.com/mailing-list/ Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com If you haven't yet, get my first book, Confidence Creator Show Notes: What if the secret to finding genuine love isn’t about doing more but doing less—and doing it with INTENTION? My conversation with Niko Emanuilidis reminded me that setting boundaries and knowing your WORTH aren’t just nice-to-haves; they’re essential for building something REAL. It’s not about playing games—it’s about creating the freedom for AUTHENTIC love to grow. SLOW DOWN. Protect your energy. The right person will see your VALUE and put in the effort to meet you there. Niko’s advice? Prioritize high-interest connections and release the lukewarm ones. This is your chance to EMBRACE your POWER, lean into your authenticity, and attract the love you DESERVE. Are you ready to make the SHIFT? If You Liked This Episode, You Might Also Like These Episodes: #427: How To Bounce Back When Things Don’t Go As Planned with Heather! #425: The Secret To Leaving When You Aren't Valued with Heather! #421: GO For It: Shattering Limits in Life & Business with Heather!
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Discussion (0)
Love takes time. Seeing him every other day and talking all day long can't make
that process happen faster. It takes time for that to happen.
And a man who's after quick and casual doesn't want to put in that time.
Men who are seriously dating are willing to put in that time.
Cause the most valuable thing we have is time.
The guy who's meant for you, who wants to be with you,
won't mind going slower because he sees the big picture.
He sees your value right when he met you. He needs this is a girlfriend material like
I want to push this towards there and he will be willing to put in that work to get there.
I'm on this journey with me each week when you join me. You're going to chase down our
goals overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close
up. Hi and welcome back. I'm so
excited. You're back with me this week. Okay, this is
interesting episode, by the way, not my choice. So I'm out at
dinner the other night with a bunch of girlfriends. And one of
my girlfriends, of course, we're always talking about the podcast.
And one of my girlfriends says, Oh, my gosh, we have to interview
this guy. And the internet is a huge place, as we all know.
And I said, I don't know who this guy is.
So I start following this guy.
Well, he's here today and you're gonna see why.
I'm super excited for this episode.
Okay, today we've got Nico Emanouledes,
better known as the Daddy Academy.
How did I not know about this?
Has quickly become a trusted voice
in the world of dating and relationships.
We all know I need that in my life. Over the past year, he's connected with thousands of people on
social media discussing the chaotic and often confusing landscape of modern romance. I am here
for that. With a mission to simplify the dating world, Nico is dedicated to empowering individuals
to take control of their love lives through humor, love that, candid insights, and down-to-earth
approach. He's created a space where people can laugh about the ups and downs of romance while learning
practical tips and strategies to succeed. He is so direct and pretty funny. Nico's unique perspective
has garnered attention from major media outlets, including New York Post feature story appearances
on popular podcasts like this one right here, Girls Gotta Eat. Now with his upcoming podcast
set to launch in February 2025, get ready for it ladies. He's bringing even more of his expertise
to a wider audience ready to dive deeper into the world of dating and relationships. Nico,
thank you so much for being here today.
Of course. What an intro.
For anyone who doesn't have the video on this, you got to go watch it because Nico's cracking me up.
He's like, do I sound good? He sounds amazing. And he's holding a mic like he's getting up to
give a stand-up comedy like he's Kevin Hart. I'm ready to break into song whenever you need,
you know, I'm ready. Do you sing? I do. I'm in a busy. That's why I have the handheld mic. I'm
in a band. I've been a musician my whole life. So yeah, that's why I got the handheld. Oh my gosh.
All right. Yeah. So let's do this. As I mentioned,
that was all true story. What I just shared, I had never heard of you,
which now I follow you obviously on social media. I love your content.
It's so direct, super engaging. I just love how you like,
you knock it right to people. I love how direct you are.
Can you give us some backstory? Like how did you come to be this person in the
dating world? It sounds such like a bizarre thing to me.
Yeah, no, it's a great question.
So I think it sort of parallels with my own journey as a man.
So let's rewind 15 years or so, getting into college.
And I was always a charismatic person.
I was class clown in high school.
So I was always-
Yes, you're not supposed to say that you're charismatic
about yourself.
No, but these are my skillsets. So like I was, I was not supposed to say that you're charismatic.
These are my skill sets, but like, but the point is I wasn't good with women. Like I really wasn't. I was always asking my friends for advice and because I was like,
why am I not getting this? There's something I'm not getting. So at that time I'm talking,
I don't know, maybe 2011 or so, something like that. I started watching content creators at that time
in the dating space and learning like,
what am I doing wrong here?
Like there is a skill to this.
There's a skill to being attractive
and tapping into your inner confidence and being attractive.
And just through my own, like I said, self-help journey,
becoming a man, discovering myself, like really growing,
I started to realize like, oh wow,
like I'm pretty good at this.
And a lot of people just kind of naturally always
gravitated to me for advice throughout the years.
And I've always wanted a platform where I was helping
people, coaching people, inspiring people.
And it just kind of took me a while to really launch it.
And about a year and a half ago or so,
maybe like two years ago at this point,
I launched the page, The Daddy Academy,
which was just like an inside joke,
the name of the page between me and my friends.
I go, I just send funny videos to my friends,
just kind of trying to inspire them
to hit the gym and stuff like that.
I'm like, come on Daddy Academy, let's get going.
So I started posting videos and it was for the first
like six months or so,
slow as it typically is on social media. And then one day,
cause I was only talking towards men. I was like, my,
my focus was I want to help men like me who were a little lost and trying to
find themselves and get that inner confidence.
And I was trying to coach men,
but as you might know on the internet when it comes to men dating advice,
you typically see just a lot of toxic masculinity. And I was talking about very positive self-help kind of stuff. So it wasn't really
hitting and someone mentioned to me like, why don't you make a video talking about men
but for women? And I'm like, that's a pretty good idea. I have a younger sister, I've helped
her and her friends count for years with dating advice. And I'm like, okay, yeah, that makes
sense because essentially giving advice to women
from where I'm at and through my experience
is just flipping the cap around
and giving sort of the opposite sort of perspective.
So I made a video of what it means to have daddy energy,
as my page is called, and it went viral overnight,
got like 30,000 followers in a day.
And I just kind of kept answering the questions,
and it's all women women women
I'm like, well, you know, there's there's a need in this space that I just kind of naturally stepped into and
Who am I to fight it if women want the man dating coach and they want me to be a woman's dating coach for the most
But I still coach with some men but primarily it's women so I'm like I'm gonna keep rolling with rolling with it. And I love it, and it's been great, it's been amazing.
And that's sort of a year later,
and that's kind of where we are today.
So interesting business lesson
that you just highlighted for everybody,
and this is applicable to any business.
You stepped into one frame or mindset
of what this business potentially could be for you,
who you were gonna serve and what you were gonna do.
However, you weren't getting the results
that you had hoped for or wanted. Someone suggests trying a pivot. You try not
knowing what can happen. I mean, obviously, nothing could have happened, right? But then
when you see the results, it's just like those breadcrumbs showing you this is the path you're
meant to be on. And organically or naturally, you're able to pivot the business. So that
kudos to you for having so many people are risk adverse and don't wanna,
well, I can't stray from my original plan,
that's not my business.
How are you able to say like, okay, wait a minute,
I can be open-minded to this?
That's great.
I love that you're talking about it
from a business perspective as well.
I think when it comes to that,
it's always about following the passion.
And if you're not tapping into that like inner soul purpose
of the passion and why you wanna do something, it's gonna feel like you're trying tapping into that inner soul purpose of the passion and why you want
to do something, it's going to feel like you're trying to fit a square peg into a round hole
and it's not going to fit and you're not going to wake up with that inspiration every morning
to do it.
And I saw the need.
I saw the people that needed my help and I see the reaction of people who I have helped.
And I love that.
And whether I'm helping men or women, I equally found that same gratification in it. So I made the pivot and it went great and inspired
me even more to realize, oh wow, like there was this need here that I could
really step in and be a really important voice in this space and I'm gonna do it.
And I think it's because I never set out to be a woman's coach, which is why it has
worked so well. Cause I didn't like try to be like, Oh yeah, I'm going to try to give
women all this man dating advice. It just naturally happened, which I think sometimes
if you just follow your purpose and like I keep saying, like your passion and what you're
drawn to and wanting to do for others, like there's always like, okay, we all want to
make money or we all want to do for others. Like there's always like, okay, we all want to make money.
We all want to do this and that.
But ultimately our purpose here is to serve other people.
And through doing that, that's how you get true happiness.
As I'm sure you know, you probably talk about this a lot.
And I just started doing that and it's true.
You know, it's just the success follows and it's been great.
Okay. So tell me a little bit about your perspective on this
because I know a lot of people listening have these thoughts. You're thinking about getting into this dating, coaching, social media thing.
Someone's going to say to you, wait a minute, you're way too late to the game. Like, no,
that area is there's too many people doing that. I'm sure people said that to you. How
are you able to manage that negativity or people telling you that you're not able to
create a business out of something that you feel like you want to do?
Hmm. That's a really good question as well. You're great with these questions. I love it. Niko, we've been doing this for a few years.
You know, I think I think first things first you need to look at your natural
God-given skill set right like I was telling you earlier. I always knew I was a great communicator
Charismatic, I'm good at inspiring and helping people like, I always knew I was a great communicator, charismatic, I'm
good at inspiring and helping people.
Like I just always knew that about myself.
And I always knew that I have really good morals and really good intentions.
So that was something that I've always known about myself, my ability to communicate effectively
and help people.
I also, years in the past, I was a basketball coach.
So I was always used to, like, and girls basketball funny enough. So I was always talking and inspiring groups of people. So I always knew
deep down that this is something that's meant for me, which is why like it's sort of just
very naturally translated to a topic that I was really passionate about. And I think,
you know, there's so many people out there on the internet, you might think that,
oh my God, there's so many different people
doing the same thing as me, how could I stand out?
You stand out by being you.
If you try to be somebody else,
you're gonna be just like somebody else.
You have to do it your way, like Sinatra said,
I got the mic, I might as well just sing it.
You gotta do it your way and be authentic to who you are.
Know your skill sets, know what you're passionate about
and if you follow that and you implement the hard work
as far as you know, you gotta post every single day.
You wanna start a business, you wanna be famous,
you gotta post every single day
and you know there's gonna be days you don't wanna do it,
you gotta do it anyway because you know why?
It's not gonna happen if you don't do it.
No one's gonna come pick you up and say,
oh my God, you're the next, I'm gonna give
you a million dollars or you're the next famous superstar. It's like no, you have to
put in the work even on days when you don't want to and there's, trust me, there
are days where I'm like maybe I'm not feeling a hundred percent, I'm a little
down or whatnot and I'm like you know what? I gotta, I gotta still, I still gotta
do what I gotta do today. It's all about you know you gotta take care of
yourself as well if you're feeling burned out,
you gotta put that energy back into yourself
because you can't help people
if you're not feeling 100%.
But more or less, it's just like anything.
It's not gonna happen unless you put the effort in
to make it happen.
And the world's huge, there's a lot of people out there,
so there's space for everyone
to be successful and make money.
So true, yeah, I'm with you on that one.
All right, so don't you think, to your point of like those days that,
you know, you and I do different things, but it's similar in that we're helping
people. There's days where if you're not feeling it and you wake up and you're
like, I don't want to go on camera or I don't want to have to create content
right now. The minute you actually just make it about the person and go to help
somebody, you're like, and then you get that note back. And then all
of a sudden, you're like flying higher. So this is when I feel
like you know, you're in the right business that to me that
is like the greatest gift the best way I can ever take myself
out of funk is stop making it about me and like make it about
helping one person doesn't even matter who it is, it's like, go
target one person that I could potentially help. And then when
you do you feel like so alive.
Exactly. Because I mean, we all have our egos, we all have our goals. And once you start making
about me, me, me, you kind of just start to overthink. I'm reading all these different
books about thinking the power of now overthinking all these different things. I'm like, you have to
present moment. Just like you said, you're helping one person. If you're talking to the camera,
you're helping that one person. If you're on to the camera, you're helping that one person. If you're on a coaching call, you're helping that one person.
And taking that emphasis off of me, me, me,
put it on them, what could I do for this one person?
How can I spread positivity, love, good energy?
And when you focus on that, yeah, once you get started,
the hardest part is literally,
let's say you have to film a video,
is the getting up, putting the camera up, and starting it.
Because once you get rolling, if this, like you said, it's what you're meant to
be doing, it just starts to flow naturally.
And then you get into the state where you're like, Oh, okay.
Like I'm kind of in it now.
And then it just flows, but I agree with you.
You're totally right.
Okay.
So let's talk a little bit about, cause I find this so interesting and
your content is so interesting.
I think your content's really, really good.
I was surprised. As I said, I was sitting there at dinner and content is so interesting. I think your content is really, really good. I was surprised.
As I said, I was sitting there at dinner
and all of these women that I'm with all know about you.
And then randomly I'm getting my hair done today
and my hairdresser knows.
And I'm like, oh my God.
I love it.
Well, now I know Niko, but it was just so interesting.
Like, wow, you know, the internet's so big
that you could miss somebody.
Okay, so I have all these people in my life
that are big fans of yours.
I'm so curious to understand what have you learned about women or like, what
are the common issues that you see that are happening with women through the
work that you're doing?
See, that's, it's so funny because every person's situation is so nuanced and
different and yet it's really all the same at the same time.
I think one of the biggest problems
that I talk about a lot,
because we don't care about someone we went on a date with
and it was like, okay, that's not who we care about.
We care about making it work with the one person
that we meet and there's the spark, right?
Because when you meet somebody and you feel that spark,
what tends to happen is you wanna see this person,
you wanna see this person, you want to see this person, you want to talk to this person and I think where a
lot of people sort of mess up is they go too hot and heavy too quick. I make a lot
of videos about this. A fast-paced relationship from what I mean like
you're texting all day long, you're talking on the phone, you're seeing him
Wednesday, Saturday, Tuesday, It's just off the bat.
It's the intensity is all the way at the top.
That pace only benefits men because a man can get so much out of a relationship.
If that's the speed in two weeks to a month, then a woman can because odds are you're building
that super strong connection.
You're going to be more likely to be intimate you might get intimate and he's
playing house essentially he's playing girlfriend for the month he'll take you
on a trip maybe I'll take you here take you there because men love spending
their money doing cool things with beautiful women why wouldn't they that's
the that's the point of making money and do it men want to spend it on beautiful
women so they'll push the pace I would say like he gets the hooks in
and then after a month after he's kind of gotten bored he's like alright well
kind of on to the next one now and that happens a lot and a lot of people will
say to me well Nico like no if I feel like it's meant for me like why do I
have to play games it's not playing games it's moving a little bit slower
and protecting yourself the right man for games, it's moving a little bit slower
and protecting yourself.
The right man for you won't mind moving a little bit slower
because I always say healthy masculine men are okay
with delayed gratification, right?
Men who want something out of you want it now,
want it now, fast, fast, fast.
So if a man is willing to pursue you,
one date, obviously like one date per
week for the first month, and then after that point, you can pick it up to twice a week,
and then the communication, it should always be a positive upwards trajectory. When people
jump into, we're talking all day long, phone calls, phone calls, you can't keep the engine
running at 90% all the time. It's going gonna go down. And once it starts to go down,
that's when you're gonna get anxious
and you're gonna start spiraling.
And then you start wondering, what is he doing?
Does he like me anymore?
And then maybe he pulls back even more.
Oh my God, oh my God.
Then he comes back, oh yeah, he loves me again.
And it just creates this nightmare spiraling scenario
when really if you just kinda kept him his arms distance
because this is a stranger, you don't know this person yet.
Keep them at arms distance and slowly over time because you can't expedite love.
Love takes time. So until enough time has gone by,
you want to know the answer to that anyway.
Seeing him every other day and talking all day long can't make that process happen faster. It takes time for that to happen.
And a man who's after quick and casual doesn't want to put in that time. Men who are seriously dating are willing
to put in that time because the most valuable thing we have is time. So a guy
who's after casual wants to maximize everything he can get out of you out of
the shortest period of time possible and the guy who's meant for you who wants to
be with you won't mind going slower because he sees the big picture.
He sees your value right when he met you.
This is a girlfriend material.
Like I want to push this towards there and he will be willing to put in that work to get there.
So I think that is a long answer.
But that is my biggest thing.
One of the biggest problems I see in dating is this.
Oh my God, we have a connection.
I have to act on it.
We have to see you every day.
Talk all day long.
Talk that slow it down, slow it down because honestly it's more
attractive if you're a little bit harder to get, a little bit aloof, a little bit,
a little mysterious. You're not super, super available. It's more attractive
anyway. So and you've learned if you like somebody, like I said, through that space
apart. Do you miss the person? Alright, so that's great, that's a good sign. But if
you're seeing them every other day, you don't know if you could even
miss somebody. So slowing down that pace and controlling that anxious sort of
looping thoughts and you know behaviors in yourself is probably one of the
bigger problems that I see when people meet somebody who they're crazy about.
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I ask you to try to find your passion.
Okay, super helpful that you just explained all of that
because I had not heard that before.
And you know what's interesting,
I feel like I'm the antithesis of most women.
Like I'm super busy. And for whatever own issues that I have in my
life, I feel like the other way, like I pull away if somebody
starts messaging me a lot, I'm like, what the they have not
nothing going on their life. Like, that's very unattractive.
Right. Right. I'm like, Oh, my gosh, like, the first blonde
hair blue eyed girl you met in your life, like, get over it. So
I pull away from people, which is not nice either, because I
hear like, that's cold cold and like, you know,
you're too busy for everybody.
So it's a weird thing.
You've got to hear this from people like,
because it gets in your head of like, what's actually real?
What am I actually, maybe I'm avoiding something
by being busy with like, so you have to figure out
your own self-awareness and like your own issues, right?
And then you go back to the dating world and you're like,
and everyone else has their own issues
and their own BS going on.
And there's all this advice coming at you.
So you're saying, okay, I want to show up
as that real version of me.
I don't want to play games anymore.
Like I just want to be myself.
However, to your point,
there are games being played on the other end.
So like, how do you find that happy medium?
Yeah, so when I use the word game,
like playing games and then there's game. Game is the understanding of attraction. Women have game, men have
game. Do you understand how to be the most attractive version of yourself? Do
you know what the other, the opposite sex finds attractive? So that's first and
foremost. Playing games is using that knowledge to manipulate.
We don't want somebody who's playing games.
We want everyone to understand game and understand just,
you know, human psychology to a baseline level.
I'm not a doctor, but like there's an understanding of this.
And just like I was saying before,
it's the being a little mysterious,
not being super easy to contact all the time.
And this it's not playing games.
It's understanding like the proper space and flow of how to slowly build a relationship.
This is on both the man and the woman.
So it's kind of hard to be like this is all on the woman because if a guy is not doing it,
not showing up in that way, it's not going to work.
But when I talk about how a healthy masculine man sort of
goes about the courting stages, exactly to your point
where you're like, I pull away if a guy's doing too much,
which you should, because that is needy energy,
needy behavior.
And since you're extremely securing yourself,
that repels you.
They talk about nice guys.
Nice guys typically give that sort of needy energy,
which is not attractive.
It's not attractive at all.
But the reason why people, I'm going down a tangent here,
but the reason why people find like quote unquote,
like fuck boys attractive is because it's the opposite end
of the spectrum where they give you no attention. So're saying to yourself this guy must be so busy and so cool and
this might be subconscious or conscious this guy must be so busy and so cool I
want to be a part of his life I want to I want to crack the code that's
attractive that is never going to change that is never going to change. That is never going to change. So as a man, how do you manufacture
that attraction while also being a good guy? Right? So when I talk to guys, it's not being
too needy. We're not blowing women up. It's the same advice I give to men and women, but
it's just sort of flipped. It's the one date per week. You're about your purpose. You're
about your life. You're about the goals. the goals, you're working on your business, whatever you have going on, and
you prioritize the woman who you're serious about appropriately for where
you are in the relationship. One date per week and then you build from there. Where
on the flip side, it's important that women look at it that same exact way
because it's just a healthier pace to go about it. So it's funny
that my man advice and women advice, although it's different as far as the attraction, like how to
kind of go about things, but the messaging as far as how to build a healthy relationship, but what
that feels like is the same. Tell us about the game part about the, I guess, having game, like
the attraction part.
I'm so curious because I've never heard someone
jump into that.
I would like to hear how you-
From a man's perspective or a woman's perspective?
Well, give us both.
So for a man, it's all dependent on the attraction level
and the chemistry level, right?
So let's say you and I went out, right?
And it's like attraction, chemistry is at a 10 right I knowing
that the only way I could mess that up is if I came at you super needy right if
you already really liked me thought I was attractive liked my vibe liked my
energy the way I would mess that up with you is being too nice too eager all that
kind of stuff that gives you the ick immediately.
For a man understanding game, it's why is that
fuckboy attractive?
Because he's kind of aloof, because he,
all those things are bad, because it's too much,
but if you just reel that in, like 40%,
and you kind of get that 60% level,
where it's like, no, I'm gonna be about my business,
I go to the gym, but I am gonna be a good guy.
I'm gonna communicate, I'm gonna set the dates once per week. There's going to be consistent communication,
not constant communication. She's always going to know when I'm going to reach out to her.
She knows when the date is and that's a direct, it's just like that boom, direct guy that's
got his shit together. That is attractive. That is extremely attractive and that's what
I noticed when I talked to all these women. Most guys aren't moving like this.
It's either side of the spectrum, right?
And it depends on your inner work
and sort of like what you gravitate towards.
Some people gravitate towards love bombers.
Some people gravitate towards guys
who don't really show them any attention.
And it's being able to acknowledge that
and being like, okay, that is my pattern.
My patterns, I go this way.
So to fix it, I gotta reel that back more
to the other side, right?
I need a little bit more of a healthy balance.
The healthiest people are the people
who sit more in the middle, right?
You have both sides to your, you've seen both sides,
you know how both types of energies feel, right?
And you kind of bring yourself back to center.
And I think that's a really important part of it
is knowing what your past pattern is.
And I think as far as knowing game for women,
it's sort of what I was saying earlier,
it's not giving girlfriend access too quickly.
You want to remain a little mysterious,
a little hard to get the prize mentality.
Men love accomplishing and achieving things that are hard. I mean, at least real men do.
They want to accomplish the things that are hard.
So if getting you is super easy and he knows within the first few messages with
you that like this girl is, this woman's obsessed with me,
he'll still like you because you're attractive and he wants to pursue it.
He'll still like you because you're attractive and he wants to pursue it, but you kind of ruin a little bit
of the potential magic, where if you're just a little bit
harder to get, I'm not talking about playing games,
just like I said, just controlling the communication
and how often you're giving this man access
to come see you and whatnot, you can create a magnet effect
where men are just drawn to that.
And a way to do that is kind of what you were talking about. You're busy, you're
about your passions and your purpose and stuff like that. And I think that's a
really helpful way to stay preoccupied so you're not like hyper focused on you
know men and whatnot. So there's like a there's a balance to it. But keeping that
prize mentality but really believing it,
but also part of believing is playing a little bit of fake until you make it.
So it's like, we can talk about that a little bit,
but it's this balance of both and like that mentality is attractive and
naturally will have guys wanting to quote unquote, like win.
Okay. But this is interesting to me because I, especially over the last decade,
I swear I've heard this so much like, Oh, be more feminine, be kinder, be sweeter. Like that is what people say to me because I, especially over the last decade, I swear, I've heard this so much, like, oh, be more feminine,
be kinder, be sweeter.
That is what people say to me.
And I'm like, but when something's inauthentic to you,
like a guy to your point is like sending too many messages
or like being his way, like not being considered
or whatever, I'm like, oh, pounds in, bye,
not interested.
And my friends are like, no, no, no, no, no.
Say like, I'd appreciate if you would do it this way
or like whatever. So there's this tug and push back and forth between oh maybe I do that because
people say you do that to like protect yourself because you don't really want it you know you're
afraid to get into the situation so how do you break that down how do you handle that?
Yeah I think when I talk about masculine and feminine energies and polarities I mean it's
totally true but we all have both within us like I have masculine and feminine energies and polarities. I mean, it's totally true, but we all have both within us.
Like I have masculine and feminine energy,
you have masculine and feminine energy,
and with the right person, it will balance out correctly.
And you need a polarity for there to be a healthy attraction,
a healthy relationship.
So either way, like either the guy's really masculine
and you're feminine, or you're really masculine and he's more in his family. There needs to
be some sort of polarity there for it to work, but with the right man for you, I'm
sure you've experienced this with you'll go on like 20 dates and there'll be one
guy who you're just like, I feel like I'm the most feminine version of myself. I
don't have to think about anything. I just I feel just so
Calm and relaxed and natural with this guy and it's an amazing feeling
So I mean in today's society, I think we lack a lot of true
Masculine men and we have a lot of toxic masculine men So it is a little bit harder to come by in that sense today
And especially if you are like a really successful woman,
you are gonna find less of that because naturally,
or a guy who's not super successful
and say you're more successful than him,
he's gonna naturally feel the competition there.
And because he doesn't make as much money as you,
or isn't as popular as you, or whatever the case may be,
triggers him and leads him to either trying to take you down
or you'll just get more of like this closed off feminine energy
kind of from him rather than like just owning,
okay, yeah, you're successful.
Okay, well, I'm daddy.
It doesn't matter.
You know what I mean?
So, but that's a, it's part of a man's journey.
Like that's sort of that self journey
where I talk about where for guys,
you gotta be about your purpose.
You gotta make your money.
You gotta be on that life's path
because that's where you get your true inner confidence
as a man from being about fitness
and just being that best version of yourself
that you could be so that when you're around women,
you're stepping into the most masculine version of yourself.
And the masculine isn't a bad word. F the masculine isn't a bad word, feminine isn't a bad word, right? But it just
depends on the context and what how you actually feel, what you want to be, the
type of partner that you want. You know, we all sort of gravitate towards
different types of partners and the sort of relationship dynamic and nothing is
wrong. but I would
say if you're feeling like you're stepping into you're always more
feeling quote-unquote more masculine you got to determine is it because I'm not
finding the right person or am I coming into these relationships or these first
dates or whatever the case may be too much in my logical mind and not sitting
back and just really focusing on like the feeling I'm getting with this person be too much in my logical mind and not sitting back
and just really focusing on like the feeling
I'm getting with this person.
And it might not change, it might not change.
But if you're going in looking for like,
does he check off this box, does he check off that box?
Like, what is he doing, what is this?
You're not gonna, that's logical thinking.
Where femininity is more just like flowing
and sitting back and feeling, feeling.
So there's two parts of it.
Like the right person for you will have you stepping more
into where you're supposed to be.
But then there's also that inner work of making sure
that you are showing up as the best version of yourself
and stepping into the version of yourself,
like polarity wise that you want to be as well.
Someone said to me, a man said to me,
you need to step more into your feminine.
And I was sharing it with one of my really close guy friends.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, listen to this conversation.
What's your take on it?
Because I am super curious, right?
Like I'm a very open-minded person.
I'm like, I want to hear.
Because if that's something I should be doing,
I want to try to do that.
And my friend said to me, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
The right guy will put you in your feminine energy. So Heather, you don't have to try. You'll just immediately
be there. And he said, I know I've seen it happen with you before. He's like, so wrong
guy. And so I thought that kind of that land pretty true to me. What do you think about
that?
I think that's true. But I also think, I mean, just from talking to you right now, you are perhaps a little
bit of a harder person to put in that energy, right?
Like it's going to take, there's a small percentage of guys who could make you feel that way.
And that's just what it is.
I mean, you know, it is what it is.
And you're a very successful person and you know, you have your own things going on and you're loving the life you live,
you need a guy who's at that level to make you feel that way or just has that inner confidence about himself
that none of these things matter and it's just boom just like laser connection chemistry and it's almost like
primal is kind of a weird word, but like sort of where
none of the external factors matter.
It's just the energy you're getting from this person is just like electric and you automatically
sit into that polarity difference.
So it's one of two things.
The other needs to be on your level or he just needs to be a guy who just instinctually
is just naturally in that sort of masculine energy and it puts you bright into your feminine very easily.
It's so true and you know I look back on past relationships
to some of the things that you're saying and when you're
with somebody because of course you can still fall for
different people who maybe don't have those traits that
totally totally but in the end that issue will arise and
become clear when I look back insecurity would end up
bubbling up
in those relationships in the man,
even though there was like this great connection and love,
and you know, he fell in love.
But I would see over time, oh my gosh,
he's not becoming a stronger version of himself.
I'm actually seeing that he was not as strong
as I thought he was.
And it wasn't for anything like nothing back that point.
There was no cheating, lying, nothing like that.
It was just, I saw over time,
wow, this is really starting to reveal he is not secure in himself or in this question.
Question for you, how long into the relationship did you start seeing that?
Probably, you know, within the first two months.
Yeah. Okay. So I usually say this why I also talk about waiting a little bit longer, slower pace, because a man can't hide who he is forever.
It's gonna come out.
So if you get super locked into this relationship with this guy after just a few weeks or a month,
you're gonna develop an empathy and this connection to a person who might not be right for you.
And only time will tell that. So then a few months go by, like you said, because you are probably really really good at that you were able to see this guy's not who he said he was where other people
if they were super locked into that relationship they'll get to that point and they'll go
he's acting a little weird but that must be because I'm not doing something I need to
help fix it like that people pleaser mentality right I mean why is he pulling away why is
he acting weird I have to fix it right So the slower speed and observing over time,
you're allowing your emotions the chance to kind of like go at the same
pace as your logical mind instead of letting emotions go and then having the
logical kind of keep up.
So this plays exactly into my point of a man can't hide who he is forever.
You'll see this around.
I would say the sort of the times we start to see who the person really is by
three months, because I say by three months,
you should be boyfriend and girlfriend. So like by three months.
And then I would say between six and eight months is when you get your real true
dose of like, okay, I have a really pretty good understanding of who this person
is now. And then by like a year, year and a half,
you know the person.
And then obviously from there, you kind of just get closer.
But by three months, you should know enough
about the person where you're like,
okay, I'm ready to be in this relationship.
Okay, so you just made me think of something
super interesting.
And it just hit me right between the eyes.
When you said three months till you're in a boyfriend,
girlfriend situation, interesting,
and I can't wait to hear your opinion on this.
What factor does age play into that?
Because immediately I have one girlfriend
who's in her early thirties.
She will not, if somebody hasn't made her the girlfriend
within three weeks or four weeks, I forget,
they're fired, they're gone and she's onto the next one.
Then there's someone like me, I'm like, what?
You know, who said that?, how much of an issue is
your actual age in determining and those things being a problem or not?
So I would actually see it as the opposite. I think the older you are, I would be okay with
the title happening sooner. 30 years old, not boyfriend, a girlfriend by three weeks.
30 years old, not boyfriend or girlfriend by three weeks, that's not good. I would say that's not good.
But I do always say this, by that month mark, so let's say somewhere between three
to five dates, right, you both should feel like you'll know with the right person,
like this is probably a relationship, like we're heading towards there.
So you're going to feel like really secure and you should feel really secure with the right person that you know we're still early, we're
still getting to know each other but this feels like probably my person or
someone I will most likely be in a relationship with and you won't be
wondering. So if your friend kept bouncing really early that's because
there were some inconsistencies of something that wasn't she wasn't feeling
confident in the way things were going.
And she maybe just has a tendency
to bounce a little bit early.
I mean, I don't know the scenarios, but.
No, I think for women, and this is just my girlfriends,
but for the women that I know in their early thirties,
it's about they want a baby.
So the pressure to have a baby is real.
I hear it every single day, but like I said,
you can't expedite the process of love.
You can't, there's no way to make it move faster. If but like I said, you can't expedite the process of love. You can't.
There's no way to make it move faster.
If there's a connection, great.
It's still gonna take X amount of time
for that connection to turn into a serious relationship.
You can't expedite it.
So-
No, you're absolutely right.
You have to give it the time.
All right, so I wanna ask your opinion on this.
What about breakups and what advice do you give people
to overcome breakups faster?
Cause I know myself, I know others that when you go down the rabbit hole of heartbreak,
it's hard to bounce back quickly. So that's a really good question. I mean, I think you need to,
first things first, get to a place in your life where you would say more or less, I would be just
as happy single or in a relationship.
And that might sound like a little harsh
and a little like kind of weird,
but if you're not able to say that,
and obviously after a breakup, you're gonna be upset.
Okay, so that month after a breakup,
literally cry every single day, all day long.
Cry as much as you need to cry,
attack the feelings head on and get it all out.
Get it all out because after that you should be
So happy about the possibilities moving forward. It's a new era of your life
I don't know if you like Tony Robbins, but I love Tony Robbins your life is the life you focus on
So if you're focused on the negative, oh my god, we broke up. This is wrong. I'm not gonna find somebody else
You're just gonna stay miserable, right?
Focusing on the positive and this new chapter that you might be entering into, that's gonna be super empowering and you know I talk all
about just like just empowering yourself and finding that inner confidence and
self-esteem but breakups are hard. They're always gonna be hard, they're never easy
but I would say even if you are in a relationship now and maybe you think
it's like getting a little rocky or whatnot, start to try to find like the essence of who you were prior to that because realistically, you shouldn't
have really lost anything.
But the right person, you're never going to lose who you are to be in a relationship with
somebody.
If you feel like you are not the same person that you were, that's a big red flag in my
opinion.
You should be a better version of that self, right?
So you just need to get to a place where you could say that I would be just as happy and believe it.
And like I said, sometimes it's a fake until you make it. I'm going to be just
as happy, single, as it was in a relationship. I don't need somebody else
to make me happy. I don't need somebody else. Happiness comes from within. You're
in control of that, really. So how your outlook on life and what you're looking at.
Are we going to grieve a loss of somebody?
Of course, like, you know, it goes without saying,
you're of course gonna be upset
that this person you've been in a relationship
for a few years breaks up with you,
but after that initial grief pass,
it's time to move forward because looking back,
what's that gonna do, you know?
Unless you're constructively looking back and being like,
okay, how could I do things different?
Tell us if somebody's in a relationship
and they're wondering if they should break up,
what is the advice that you have,
how does someone know when it is the time
to leave a relationship?
Another very good question.
I would say if you're thinking about it all the time,
if you're constantly thinking about what if, what if,
what if, and waking up just baseline level unhappy,
I would always say reflect back and say,
when was I the happiest I've ever been?
If your answer is two years before I started dating
so and so, it's like, okay, well,
you have a connection with a person,
you have an attraction there's a
chemistry like there was and of course there is but now it's more of like a like a parasitic
relationship and a coping relationship not a thriving one that's growing so if that phrase
what i just said resonates with you i'd really think hard are you coping together or are you growing together?
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I asked you to try to find your passion.
Ooh, that's powerful.
I like that.
Well said.
Okay, so I need to get, I promised my ladies
I would ask some questions that they wanted me to ask.
I got a fire away here.
I mean, I'm here.
I'm repping for a lot of people right now.
Okay, so he always talks about what women are experiencing
in dating.
What are the men saying about dating?
So a lot of guys struggle in dating, what are the men saying about dating? So a lot of guys struggle in dating. OK, that percentage of men
who every woman seems like, oh, my God, fuck those guys.
They're horrible.
We're talking about like 10 percent of men.
Realistically, it's that top 10 percent of men, they say, gets 90 percent
of the women like they say.
That's like some quote, something like that.
So a lot of men struggle with their confidence.
They're not about their passion
and their purpose in their life.
They're not fit.
They don't really know the proper way
to be the most attractive version of themselves.
So they tend to kind of just like botch the process
by being too needy, too nice guy,
which instinctually for women is repulsive.
It's repulsive, right? There's being a kind man, too nice guy, which instinctually for women is repulsive. It's repulsive,
right? There's being a kind man, a kind gentleman, and there's being a nice guy,
people pleaser. So they tend to kind of veer that way. Their style isn't up to
point, they're not hitting the gym, and they're kind of lost. There's a lot of
like lost guys out there that are looking to try to like get women as a way to kind of build themselves up and that's why they start to gravitate towards toxic masculinity
So it's either fuck women. We hate women or it's what can I do to make a woman sleep with me?
So there's a lot of guys in that middle category that are just either really nice guys who have the potential
To be daddy energy men because they're they have the right mindset they just haven't learned game learned the understanding of attraction or there are
guys that go too far and they're just like those are borderline incels like
they're like they hate women and they start to go you know down a really dark
path so there's this I would say a majority of men are either stuck in
their nice guy era or maybe trying to come back from a reformed fuckboy era
those are good guys, or guys
who are like, screw this, I'm done getting played by women who are just gold diggers.
You hear that all the time, oh, women are gold diggers.
Like, dude, you make like 60 grand a year.
She's not a gold digger, you make no money.
So men do struggle in dating.
And I think there are a lot of men who, I'm rambling a little bit, but there are a lot
of men who, you know,
emotionally, we're talking about like emotional intelligence,
I think in the man space, like not a lot of guys talk about like what they're upset about and they bottle up feelings and
it kind of doesn't allow them to blossom into that best version of themselves or to even
feel what being in a healthy relationship is. So there's a lot of problems in the man space.
It could be a whole other conversation. A lot conversation, but it's a combination of men who are jaded
because some women mess them over
and now they're going towards the fuck boy area
or nice guys who are in their process of self discovery,
who are just learning how to be the most attractive version
of themselves and are just sort of in that phase
of kind of learning that through their self growth.
All right, work with more men to help us out. OK, I'm trying.
Online dating.
Should women wait for men to be the one to initiate?
And this is coming from a woman who I know she's recently single, has not gotten
into online dating. And I'm Nico, I'm telling you, so many of my friends are so
much trepidation about jumping in.
I say I would prefer if he messaged you first, but I wouldn't say it's like a rule.
When I talk about women making the first move, whether it's online, whether it's Instagram,
DMing somebody, whether it's a dating app or in person, just like tapping someone on
the shoulder and saying something, it's fine to make the first move.
But after that, I always say hands off the wheel.
So you make the move and then see what he does with it because men aren't stupid they
know like this woman's talking to me or she messaged me first she obviously
likes me or thinks I'm attractive and wants me to do something with it. If he
doesn't do something with it well I mean on dating app he wouldn't have a
girlfriend but I mean I guess these days he might but he either if it's in person
he either has a girlfriend or he's not interested. And on a dating app, if he doesn't roll with it, it could be Luke
Warm interested, but you want a man that if you message him first, takes the wheel
and like a few messages back and forth and he's like, I would love to
take you out. So you want a man that's like boom, boom, boom, let's get off the
app, let's get your phone number, what are you doing this weekend? High
interest. We want to deal with people who have high interest in us. So it's okay to make the first
move, but you want him to respond with high interest. And if his response is like, you
just chat with him for two weeks and nothing happens, it's kind of lukewarm. It's not,
it's probably not going to blossom into anything, but it's okay to make a first move every now
and again.
Okay. But so then with someone, if you're talking to them for two weeks and nothing's
happened, then when is it like, okay to just a first move every now and again. So then with someone, if you're talking to them for two weeks and nothing's happened, then when is it like okay
to just say, okay, bye?
Unless there's like a legitimate reason like, hey,
I'm about to leave the country for a week and a half,
I would love to take you out when I get back, then okay.
But if he's just chatting, chatting, chatting,
that's called keeping you on, you're on the hook.
He's waiting until his schedule opens up enough
to take you out. What is he prioritizing
instead? Could be other women, could be his business, could be friends. Doesn't matter. It's
not you. And if it's not you, and if he's not willing to, I need to take this woman out. Like
this is like, oh my God, this girl's gorgeous. I got to take her out. If he doesn't feel that
and isn't making that move quick, you're a roster option potentially.
Oh my gosh, never letting that happen for any of my people.
Okay, thank you for that one.
Okay, she said what rules quote unquote rules
apply to online dating
other than what you just shared with us?
Well, you wanna invest in people
who are high interest off the bat moving it.
That doesn't mean a guy who's like,
but we don't want spontaneous.
So we don't want a guy that messages you and say, what are you doing tonight?
That's too available, right? That's too available. That's being, oh, I'm eager.
Wow. I messaged this girl and she went out with me like the same night. Like,
she's, she's crazy about me already. You know, so it's those boundaries of,
no, he needs to book with me three, four days in advance. You know, it depends.
We could be a little flexible.
But don't be super spontaneous with it.
And prioritize the men who have the high interest in you.
I would say that's the biggest thing.
Because red flags on dating apps are very, very obvious.
We all know what that looks like.
Don't ignore the obvious red flags.
But just prioritize the people who have a high interest.
I like that.
Let's keep it simple.
I love the easy button.
Is your advice different for older or younger clients?
No, because men are the same at every age.
The only difference is how older men might communicate differently than younger men.
Like in the use of the phone is probably a little different.
So like other than that, the advice is basically
the same. Could an older man might have like you know maybe he's divorced, maybe
has some kids, so there's some other things that come in the way of his
availability. Yeah, but that's a case-by-case thing that we kind of look
at, but more or less it's the same. Like if he has free time and you're not being
prioritizing that free time, you're not a priority. All men are the same. Every age,
they're the same. There's different priorities in their life and things
that they have to do based on their age and their life situation and their businesses
and whatnot. But more or less like this, the advice I give is applicable to every age.
One thing that just hit me that I have to share with you and I want to find if you see
this or not, I am shocked by people half my age that ask me out that are super confident. However, people my own age, like a person who's not, who wouldn't naturally be
in their league. You kind of get more confidence, you know, like when you kind of almost when you
completely sell to stepping outside your comfort zone and you just own it, nothing to lose. Yeah.
You're like, exactly. There's nothing to lose with a guy your age. And you meet this guy, your age,
Exactly. There's nothing to lose with a guy your age and you meet this guy your age. He's intimidated and he's a little more shy because he's like,
wow, this is like exactly the type of person I'm looking for.
And he might not come forth with that same level of confidence where a younger guy with you,
it's like, there's nothing to lose here.
Like I'm just shooting for the stars. And if we hit, that's great.
That's so interesting. Okay.
Is online dating successful or does he see more success when people first meet in person? I think it's equal. I would say it's so interesting. Okay. Is online dating successful or does he see more success when
people first meet in person?
I think it's equal. I would say it's totally equal. Online dating is a tool to meet people.
You can meet people in person, you can meet people online. I mean, nowadays you can meet
anyone literally anywhere. I don't think it's any less successful. When you meet somebody
in person, I mean, you're getting that true initial read right
away.
So you'll be able to feel there's that camera.
It kind of saves you some time if you met the person in person.
And it's obviously more of like a romantic story than like we met on Bumble.
But like dating apps work still.
I mean, a lot of people talk badly about them, but dating apps are still successful.
You know, I think they're successful.
I am not a master of dating apps, but I've been on a dating app
and the experience has not been great, right?
So let me just, and for very short period of time.
Well, I would probably say this
to the really high quality guys, most likely,
like the really high quality guys,
most likely aren't on dating apps
where the high quality women sometimes are.
So like a lot of women might find like,
there are no guys,
like we're all like the guys I wanna see.
They're not on dating apps because everybody wants them.
So why would they go on a dating app
when they could just open their Instagram
and they got like 20 girls DMing them?
Oh my gosh, how crazy.
All right, so listen to this conundrum.
My whole life was like OG, regular, you go out somewhere,
people walk up to you, they ask you on a date.
If there's chemistry, you go out. If not, like peace out, they ask you on a date, if there's chemistry, you go out,
if not, like peace out, you know, friends, whatever.
That has been my whole life.
But now, you know, and I've had so many conversations
with women and men about this, like the place,
a lot of people goes dating apps, you have to try.
Oh my gosh, Nico, I am the nicest person.
I always have the best intent to be kind to people.
I have become a not nice person
because you'll like turn on a dating
app and there's so many people messaging you or whatever and then you just shut it off
and go like, Oh, yeah, it's overwhelming. It's overwhelming. So it turns people into
not nice people like the actual algorithm or platform or whatever it is, like the entity
turns nice people into not nice people. And I can see how it's such a turnoff like the
how you could just get down on dating.
And I think that happens to a lot of women.
Well, if you really think about it,
even if we want to talk about social media,
because the two things are sort of combined,
we aren't meant to see all these people, all these options.
We're meant to go out in real life and see people
and talk to people in person.
So like I said, it's a great tool, but with everything that's amazing,
there's always a downside to it.
The downside to it is that it creates a lot of anxiety,
creates a lot of depression. It creates a lot of like uncertainty and frustration.
So it's like I said, it's using the tool,
but just managing it in a way that works for you. Like, you know, if you really
don't like them and they cause you a lot of stress, turn it off. Like, delete it.
But, but, then you better be going out every single day with a big-ass smile on
your face, talking to every single person you walk by on the street, spreading love,
being that beacon of good energy and good vibes. Because if you're not and
you're just miserable, miserable, miserable,
no one's going to talk to you and now you don't have a dating app and now no one
wants to approach you because you look like a grumpy pants.
So if you want to turn off the dating apps, that's fine.
But then you got to completely change your attitude towards how you're entering
life and behaving and, and your energy levels and the, you know,
the frequency you're buzzing at. So like I said, use dating apps as a tool.
They're great, but if they're not for you,
then we have to look at different methods
to finding people, but I think some combination
of everything is the best way to go.
Okay, I love it.
All right, so tell us about this new podcast.
What are we getting hyped up for February?
Yeah, I'm so excited about it.
So it's called the Daddy Academy.
It is gonna be very similar to what I've been doing
on TikTok Live, if anyone has followed me there,
where people come on, ask questions.
The format is gonna be hilarious.
Like, the thing about me is I like having fun.
I like laughing a little bit because the dating space,
you know, it's tough.
You know, we all, you know, there's a lot of problems here,
so we gotta be able to laugh it off, have a smile,
have a little bit of fun. So we got to be able to laugh it off, have a smile, have a little bit of fun.
So it's going to be a fun format, people coming on.
Looks like a sexy professor's office.
So I'm so, so excited to show with people.
But yeah, it's going to be a lot of engagement
with my people in my community.
So you want to come on the show, shoot me a DM,
and it's going to be really special.
So it's exactly what I've always wanted to do.
So I'm really excited to be kicking it off.
So I'm so excited for you.
All right, so how can people work with you?
How can people get ahold of you?
How can people follow you?
Yes, so if you wanna follow me,
Instagram at Nico, N-I-K-O-E-M-A-N.
That's my Instagram.
TikTok, well, we'll see if it gets banned or not,
at The Daddy Academy. YouTube page at the daddy Academy. So
that's where the podcast is going to live probably on
Spotify as well. And you know, if you want to work with me,
hit the link in my bio on Instagram or tick tock and
there'll be a form you can fill out. And if you want to work
with me one on one, fill that out and we'll get back to you.
We can work together. And yes, that's basically it.
All right. Well, I will link everything in the show notes
guys, obviously follow Nico. His content is amazing,
entertaining, and you heard it from him first. He's charismatic
on top of it. Nico, thank you so much. This was a blast. It was
so nice meeting you. This is great. It was so great seeing
you. Thank you. Wishing you the best and we will be tuning in
for the show guys until next week, keep creating your confidence.
You know I will be.
I'm gonna make it my own again.
I decided to change that dynamic.
And do my best.
I couldn't be more excited for what you're gonna hear.
Start learning and growing.
Inevitably something will happen.
No one succeeds alone.
You don't stop and look around once in a while.
You can miss it.
I'm on this journey with me.