Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - Overcome WHATEVER Is Thrown Your Way, With Heather! Episode 300
Episode Date: March 1, 2023In This Episode You Will Learn About: Tips for managing and handling any kind of stressful situation that’s thrown your way!   The KEY to responding to our triggers instead of reacting to th...em Letting go of our expectations and control so we can ENJOY the moment Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Use promo code CONFIDENCE for 15% off sitewide at https://justthrivehealth.com/discount/Confidence Show Notes: I haven’t been this stressed in A WHILE! It’s time to go back to the basics, and check in with our daily routines and make sure we’re meeting all of our needs. Things can change REALLY quickly! Remember to give yourself grace to adjust. It’s time to start speaking up for ourselves and begin prioritizing our needs above all else!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Hi, and welcome back.
I'm so glad you're back here with me this week.
Okay, so today, something that is major,
top of mind for me is the idea that things
can change so fast, right? Really, really fast. And sometimes that's good, sometimes that's
not so good. So let me give you a couple of examples of what's been happening lately. So
I have gotten to a place in my life
where I feel like I'm doing a lot better,
handling stress, managing stress.
I know my triggers, right?
I know how to spend my time, how to take care of myself,
so that I don't react to triggers instead I respond.
That's 90, nine percent of the time.
I still have my moments, my friends.
Okay, so here's my low moment.
The other day, well, it's interesting,
and this is something to be mindful of too.
I remember when I was younger,
I would always say this to my shrink.
Why does it seem like my personal life
falls apart at the same time my work life falls apart, right?
That's when stuff gets really hard
is when it's all the things happening at one time,
and she would always laugh and say, yeah,
you're fine managing it when you go through a hard bit at work, when your personal life's okay,
your health is well, you're sleeping well, you're like, okay, I can take this on. But when it seems
like everything in your world is hitting the fan at the same time, it's a lot harder. However,
sometimes that's life, right? Who knows what the reason is, what lesson you're going to learn.
We don't know that yet. You can't connect the dots looking forward. We have to wait to connect them looking back.
And we eventually will be able to do that.
However, I want to have some compassion and empathy for you
in those moments when it feels like kind of everything is going south
because it does feel really overwhelming.
And I had a little overwhelming day in the past week
that I want to share with you
that I really was not at my finest.
Definitely was triggered AF like I have not been
in a really long time.
Like I haven't been this stressed in,
oh my gosh, a while, a long, long while.
I don't even remember exactly when,
but it's been a while.
My son noticed it. I definitely noticed it.
I was crying, right?
I'm not, if I watch a sad movie, I cry.
For sure, if I watch a sad commercial, sometimes I cry.
But I'm not someone who just sits around crying
about my life, that's not how I roll on a standard day,
I'm definitely more the person that is like,
okay, bring it on.
Let's go giddy up everybody.
We got a challenge.
Let's find the solution.
I was not operating like that this week.
And there can always be a lot of reasons for that, right?
So your health, super important.
Are you doing the things?
Are you working out?
Are you meditating?
Are you getting a massage?
Getting acupuncture, spending time with the people you love?
Are you spending time in nature?
Like, whatever your things are, I don't know.
That's up to you to figure out.
But I mean, I know what my things are, and if I'm maybe not spending as much time doing
those things and then challenges come up, it's going to be 10 times harder to deal with
them.
So that takes me back to, I need to go back to basics, go back
to, am I drinking enough water? Am I sleeping? What time am I going to bed? Where is my routine
at right now? What am I eating? What am I putting in my body? How am I moving my body
during the day? What thoughts are in my mind? Thoughts aren't always true. I need to manage
that. What should I be reading? What content should I be asking? Who am I spending time with?
All of these things impact you in major ways.
However, so if you're doing a decent job of that, right?
That's always something you can lean into and tighten up on during these tough times and I highly suggest it.
That's what I'm doing for myself.
Although I have three bad nights of sleep back-to-back and obviously I'm not at my best when that happens and
of course that's when something hit the fan for me.
So in my personal life, I don't want to get into,
I need to protect people here, but in my personal,
I had an interesting situation, which was not ideal,
and left me feeling like really, really bummed out, right?
Like just not ideal situation. And I was just feeling like disappointed.
You know how you have those moments where you're like,
gosh, why is this happening to me right now?
Like this is not the way it's supposed to be.
I'm a nice person.
I'm a loving person.
I'm a kind person.
Like why aren't things kind of going my way right now?
Anyhow, I was having one of those moments
after an interesting situation
that I was not excited about. Part of the problem was that I will start here when I have
super high expectations going into a situation for whatever reason, right? It happens to all
of us. Sometimes you can feel really discouraged when things don't turn out the way that you
anticipated. So it's about tempering expectations, right? I know that, but I'd already entered
into it and I was at really high expectations
and I was very disappointed,
which left me feeling really discouraged.
And down, like, which happens?
That happens to everybody.
Simultaneously, I'm on no sleep
and then I get a legal notice that I'm being sued.
Right, so this all happens within 24 hours.
So it just kind of felt like,
oh, my personal life is nowhere near.
I was like feeling bad for myself.
I was discouraged, not feeling optimistic or excited
or coming from a really good place,
which typically I think I do,
but I had not been sleeping so I physically wasn't feeling great.
And then boom, I had a business nightmare thrown
or thrust upon me out of nowhere.
Here's the thing, things can change so incredibly fast.
And I wanna encourage you, no matter where you are,
whether it be on your personal journey,
your health journey, your romantic life,
your business life, whatever it may be,
maybe it's challenges with your children.
I don't know, we're all facing challenges
at one time or another.
But what is so interesting and what is difficult to grab
hold of in those moments?
Truly, there's a number of things that we can do to change,
to potentially manage the situation and change it.
But there's also things that can happen outside of us,
unbeknownst us, they can change a situation dramatically.
I mean, dramatically.
There's also things that we can do, like ask for help
or, you know, in tap different people in our lives
to see if they can help change the situation.
But bottom line, there is always something we can do.
But sometimes the answer is not in what we're gonna do,
but what might be happening in the universe around us.
Don't lose sight of that, right?
I want you to be hopeful
because you just
don't know what's possible. And I believe the more we live in that uncertainty of what
is possible, I don't know what's possible. But I turned over to my higher power to God,
to the universe, for whatever is for the greater good, and knowing that this will all come together
at some point in the future for me, but letting go of it, not trying to control it, and allowing for it can produce some great results.
Now, okay, first of all, I'll start here.
I've been sued a number of times in business.
Oh my gosh, so many times, I don't even know how many.
Which is somewhat part for the course, if you are leading a large company, which I did
for 14 years, we're sued all the time, And we have line items budgeted for this every month,
every quarter.
It's, we have a team of lawyers
that are full time on staff, right?
So you anticipate that that's going to happen.
Cut to, in the last five years,
I work for myself.
So I don't, I'm not doing business
at the scale of $200 million,
which I was before with thousands of employees,
right? It's much smaller scale.
So of course, larger revenues, larger teams, larger problems.
I don't anticipate those now that I have such a small company,
cut to anyone, can sue anyone for anything at any time.
Anyhow, I have this person who's soon
me based upon a deal that I did a few months ago.
And it's so interesting because there's no factual basis to the claim whatsoever.
However, when I saw the letter,
especially coming on the heels of not sleeping
that disappointment in my personal life
and just kind of feeling like,
bad, nothing is going my way, pour me,
I'm crying in my soup,
then opening up this legal certified letter
really sent me into,
let's just put it this way, a downward spiral.
And the funny thing was, my son saw me
and immediately knew something was wrong.
And he said, what's going on with something's wrong with you?
I don't have much of a poker face.
I have no choice but to be honest my entire life
because my face has never been informed
when I'm trying to not let someone know what's going on.
So I just had to tell him,
listen, I'm not having the best 24 hours right now.
However, I know it will pass.
I don't know exactly what's gonna change it,
but I know something will,
but I'm also being sued, which is a little intense.
I need to have a meeting with a lawyer,
I need to call a few different people and ask for help,
and I need to get some advice and direction
and take some actions up.
Please give me some space right now.
I had to ask for what I needed and it was funny.
He said, okay, but I'm not sure where positive Pamela is.
Why don't you bring her back?
And that made me laugh because typically I'm the one lecturing everyone on.
All right, let's look at the positive opportunity here.
There's always another way to see it.
But this was a moment I needed someone to give me better counsel
because I wasn't processing things the way that I could or should
because I was in the journey.
People always say, like, you gotta enjoy the journey.
Guess what? Sometimes the journey sucks.
And I'm here to tell you that.
Sometimes the journey just sucks.
And I was in one of those moments.
I'm on no sleep. I'm dealing with some personal disappointment
and I get hit with a major business punch in the face,
unexpected and unfounded.
So not the greatest day.
It, just because you don't have a great day,
doesn't mean you don't have a great life, right?
And I am sitting here today, not everything has changed,
but I feel much better about my life
and about myself more importantly
in managing these hard moments and hard journeys because we really all have the potential to
do that. If we give ourselves some grace and remember the steps we need to take to change
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realtor who was a person that I was leaning on during this transaction and he had an amazing
attorney that actually deals with this and was brought into the loop immediately. We had a
conference call. You know, we all sat down and was brought into the loop immediately. We had a conference call.
We all sat down and went through all the documents, all the facts, and we all agreed.
There's no factual basis for this.
However, here's the reality.
Anyone can see you for anything whenever they want.
And oftentimes, that's a strategy larger companies use to bully other people or attempt to bully other people because if
you, of your knowledge base isn't in the law system or in other cases around, you know,
something similar, you might be intimidated.
You might be scared.
You might say, can we settle?
I don't want to have to deal with this.
And people are hoping for an anticipating that they can bully others into that luckily
because I've been sued so many times,
I know that there's, if I did not do something wrong,
if I operated with honesty and did everything I was supposed
to do, I'm gonna fight for that.
I'm not rolling over for anyone
because I also still believe in my heart of hearts
that people see a single woman and they want to try to bully them.
They think that it could be something that I might crumble
and I'm not only gonna stand up for myself but I'm gonna stand up for all women in those situations to bully them, they think that it could be something that I might crumble.
And I'm not only going to stand up for myself, but I'm going to stand up for all women in
those situations and say, oh no, my friend, you have tapped the wrong woman because I am
not rolling over for you when you are the one and the wrong, not me.
So luckily, I had great people in my circle that I was able to tap.
And this is why it's so important to do business with ethical people that you trust, that you rely on, that you have a good relationship with, and those are the people
that I'm working with. So I'm grateful, grateful for that. If you ever have one of those red flag
moments, do not do business with these people, like something's wrong, listen to your gut, listen
to your intuition, trust yourself, do business with people that you trust like and know and respect and have
a good feeling around.
I even look back at when I was in corporate America and that woman that hated me.
I had a horrible feeling around her all the time, forever.
That's how I always felt around her.
I should have trusted my intuition and said, if I feel like this next to a key employee
that's supposed to be my peer, maybe I want to start looking at different opportunities
in the world.
This might not be the table I should be sitting at forever.
If I'm not feeling comfortable being myself
and feeling like the people here support me.
So stop in your life right now, ask yourself that question.
And if you are doing business with or sitting at a table
of people who don't have your back
and don't support you, get up and find another table.
There are plenty of other tables out there
speaking from mad experience on this one.
Okay, so all this is going on. I'm in a tizzy, spiraling out of control. I had lost positive
pamela. I had become Debbie Downer. And this was like a 24 hour window. But one of the things
that I did, I ended up, I never do this. I canceled two meetings that I had because I literally
did not feel well physically. That's how upset I had worked myself into this whole tizzy.
And so I canceled two meetings and I decided to go for a run outside.
I live in the most beautiful place in Miami, right?
And we have palm trees and ocean all around us.
And for me, there's nothing that's going to make me feel better than to be out in fresh air,
exercising in such a beautiful place.
And Miami's incredible.
And I'm always grateful for that.
So I know if I'm in trouble mentally, get myself moving physically, and I can change
the dynamic quickly, add to that hip-hop music and forget it.
It's lights out, game over, Mon-Han is back.
So I went for a run, an hour later I was feeling so much
better. I was much more calm and then I decided, you know, I'm a lot more calm but I know
I need to sleep and I know if I get acupuncture, that's one way to help my body calm down.
So I called me to an acupuncture appointment, went to acupuncture and I know, listen, this
was like I completely changed my day. But I knew I'm not helping anybody, I'm not serving myself, my child, my podcast, my company, my business, my clients, or anyone else for that matter, if I'm going to be in a downward spiral and, you know, in a complete tizzy feeling bad for myself, feeling discouraged and upset. Instead, if I can get to a place of peace,
maybe not joy, but at least peace, knowing that ultimately the world is good, the universe has
my back. I have an amazing child, I have an amazing life. I am so blessed and lucky. If I can get back
to that base level mentality, things are going to end up working out for me. They always do, they always have, and they always will, and that's the same for you, right?
But we just have to get out of that negative mindset.
So anyways, I did the things that should pull me out of it.
It worked. I got home. My son was here and we had dinner and I said,
why don't we watch a movie and go to bed early tonight?
Because mom really needs some sleep.
We watched the cutest movie and I was just in such better spirits.
And again, my life hadn't changed.
Right, everything wasn't resolved by a long shot.
However, I just felt so much more hopeful
and at the same time proud of myself that, okay,
I wasn't able to fix everything.
If there's plenty of problems still right in my face,
the journey's sucking right now,
but I feel so much better and more hopeful about my outcome. The best is yet to come. I know that, I know that's my truth. I know it's a truth for you too, if you embrace it. And I just decided to
allow for it. I don't know what's going to happen outside of me. I don't know if this person that's
trying to sue me is going to realize what a knucklehead he is when he gets the letter back from my attorney
pointing out that hello, read the original documents,
are you kidding me?
This is ridiculous.
Maybe he's just gonna throw his hands up and run away.
But you know what, I know that I do that next right thing.
I know I turn it over.
I know I keep showing up as the best version of myself
and get back to that place of peace.
Maybe not positive
Pamela today, but definitely from a place of peace and hope. And things are gonna end up working
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where the journey has sucked, right? So I'll give you an example that I look to and I want you to
pick some out of your life, your career so that when things do hit the fan for you, they hit the fan
for everybody once in a while. You have something to look back on and say, oh yeah, this part of my
journey sucked, but now that I look back and connect the dots,
it led me to blah, blah, blah,
which changed my life.
It made it incredible and allowed me
to find my passion of my purpose.
That's getting fired for me.
That part of my journey sucked.
Oh my gosh, 9 million times worse than this situation
I'm dealing with right now.
This is so isolated and this too shall pass.
And I know that.
But when I got fired, I remember thinking 18 month non-compete,
what am I gonna do for 18 months?
Oh my gosh, I was freaking out.
And it was just, I couldn't figure out
how this was working to my benefit or how it ever would.
And it so did.
It led me to my purpose, my passion,
doing the work that I love that I'm excited to do every day,
getting messages from you and reviews and, you know,
it's so exciting.
So, and definitely, I would have never guessed that
if somebody had told me that.
And I'm sure people probably did tell me that
back in the beginning, like, you're gonna find
what you're meant to do.
Actually, no people told me that.
I didn't believe it, because that was big, Debbie Downer.
But give yourself some grace and one of the ways
to do that is to look back on other times in your life where you thought it was bleak and over and had no idea how you were going to figure it all out.
But you eventually did right and that goes back to faith and having that faith and knowing that something good will come out of this.
There will be a lesson, a learning, a teaching, and opportunity, if you just start showing up, putting yourself
first, taking care of yourself, trusting that things will improve, controlling and managing
the things that you can and letting go of the things that you can, and also being hopeful
that maybe something outside of you will work towards your favor and turn this challenge
into a gift, which is what I'm always hoping for.
Okay, so one of those stories for me is when I graduated college, I went right into the
wine business, I became the number one seller within the first year and got promoted to
a brand manager for the state.
I was the youngest manager.
And everyone thought I had that promotion because I was a girl.
There's very few women in the company.
I mean, I think there was three out of a hundred guys. And so heavily male dominated industry. And so yeah, there's some benefit to being
a woman, right? Because you're the unicorn you stand out, but there's a lot of negative
that comes with it as well. Especially this is, you know, gosh, 20-something years ago. So
anyhow, I got promoted and then right after I got promoted, I changed the person I reported to.
It was now reporting to the president of the company who started sexually harassing me immediately.
My first boss was awesome. We're still friends. I loved him so much. He was incredible.
He created such bounders with me, taught me respect, how to be punctual. He's incredible.
Just an incredible human being.
And interesting enough, when his daughter was graduating
in school, and he wanted to help her find a job,
he called me, and she actually works
for my social media company now, which is so funny.
And she's doing an incredible job.
Good people, roll with good people.
But anyhow, so I made this pivot into this management position,
started reporting to a guy who was treating me horribly,
horrifically, literally, I couldn't sleep at night.
It was so bad.
Anyhow, I ended up quitting because back then,
nobody was saying, oh, I'm getting sexually harassed at work.
That just wasn't, you couldn't tell people that because they would tell you that if you told,
you're going to never get another job again.
And that was my fear.
I was operating out of fear and not out of faith.
So I quit the job, nowhere to go,
didn't know what I was gonna do.
I was living with my boyfriend at the time.
And I just knew, take action, take massive action quickly.
So he had an event going on like the next day.
I said, I'm going, I just wanna meet people.
I show up, I'm just chatting everyone up.
I meet a guy that owns a bunch of radio stations.
Chatham up, he says, you need to work for me.
I say, you can't afford me.
And he says, how much?
And I said 80 grand.
And he goes, done, start tomorrow.
And I left so much money on the table.
Little did I know the guy was worth millions.
But this is pre-Google, so cut me some slack.
Anyhow, it ends up that this horrible situation
that I was in in the wine business
led me to finding serendipitously the media business,
which I would have never found otherwise,
which I ended up becoming an equity partner.
He and I bought a company for 25 million, sold it for 55 million in under three years.
That put my name on the map as a revenue generator in corporate America.
That landed me the VP of sales position, then EVP, then Chief Revenue Officer,
then I was named most influential woman in radio.
I mean, a series of incredible events
over a 20 year career that then when I was fired,
I was able to start over and write all about those experiences
and how I made it from an account executive
to a Chief Revenue Officer
and how anyone else can find ways
to build confidence within themselves,
accelerate their career,
get to that next level and push forward for more.
So, yeah, looking back, all the dots connect.
Looking back, yeah, the journey sucked plenty of times.
I mean, there's plenty of times the journey was amazing, epic, and I, oh my gosh, I can't
tell you how much fun I've had in my life.
It's been really fun, but there's a lot of low moments, too.
But I use and leverage those low moments now to give me more resilience for today.
So yes, today I'm dealing, not as much today, but yesterday I was dealing with this Debbie
Downer.
Couldn't find positive Pamela, as my son said.
And I was living in this like negative head space because of this relationship situation
and then with this situation with the lawsuit. But I took action, I controlled the things I could, right?
I got my body moving, I went outside, I gave myself grace, I remembered other times in
my career where things seemed horrible, but they passed.
And they led to beautiful things and beautiful opportunity that I could have never foreseen
because you can't connect the dog, it's looking forward, you only connect them looking
back. So wherever you are in your challenge
or your journey right now,
no, there are things you can do today to improve them
for you and get you out of Debbie Downer
and get you back to Positive Pamela,
which will help immensely.
And maybe for today, just start with giving yourself grace
and peace and trying to find that peace
and get a good night's sleep and drink enough water
and do that next right thing.
Spend time with someone tonight you love with,
like cancel a meeting, whatever you have to do.
But then cut to today, I didn't cancel my meeting.
And it was a meeting that was pretty far away.
I live in Miami, the traffic is horrible
and to go north for meetings, I've just decided
from now on I'm taking the bright line.
It's a train that bypasses all traffic,
which is incredible to me because the traffic here
has become so bad, it stresses me out.
And I am the person that wants to do whatever I can to like not have to put additional
stress on myself.
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slash start. That's T-A-L-K-I-A-T-R-Y.com slash start. So it ends up being this
amazing day for me taking this train, which I actually now enjoy
taking so much.
And I got to have this business lunch with this woman who I had never met in real life
before.
We had so much in common.
We are so similar, we helped and complemented one another in ways I could have never imagined.
And it's never come to fruition like that over the computer.
We've done zooms, we talked on the phone, we've texts,
we've emailed, but it never helped as much as it did today
sitting together and having lunch for a couple of hours.
Literally, she gave me a million-dollar idea,
which she said was so glaringly obvious to her,
however, it never was to me.
And when she explained it to me immediately, I got it.
And I thought, oh, I'm so grateful for you.
So just don't undervalue the perspective somebody else.
It might be sometimes other people see that golden goose egg
that you have sitting in front of you that you don't see.
So open yourself up to meeting new people,
going for the meeting even though it's two hours away.
Like show up and put yourself out there, expand your network.
Does it always work out?
Nope, doesn't.
But you know what?
I can guarantee this.
It'll never work out if you don't show up sometimes.
So, lean in, take the chance, expand the network, go for more, you never know who you can
meet.
And I'm so grateful that our relationship just intensified in such a positive way.
And it was interesting.
Her, I always ask everyone,
how can I help you?
How can I support you?
Right?
I mean, we want to give as much as anyone,
or more than anyone's giving to us.
And when I asked her that, she said,
I don't mean would you ever walk me through
how you landed an agent and how you got a book deal.
And I said, yeah, that's so easy.
PSA wrote about that in my second book, Overcome Your Villains.
It's so interesting that sometimes people just don't know
what they don't know.
There's so much information out there in the world
that they just sometimes glaze over or miss it.
And so I was able to walk her through the exact steps.
I'm able to make connections for her.
I'm able to make introductions for her.
I'm able to share so much of what I did
so she can duplicate it very similar
in a way that she's doing for me.
So there are great people out there that you have not met yet.
There are people out there in the world that are going to love you that you don't even know
yet, and that is pretty exciting.
So I hope that if you are in one of these moments in time right now where you're in a negative
Debbie down her headspace that may be giving yourself some grace, controlling the things
that you can control, letting go of the things that you can't, looking back on your journey and other moments where the journey sucked.
And realizing that you got through that and you're going to get through this too, I hope that gives you some type of peace, hopefully a good night sleep.
So you can get right back up tomorrow and get after it again.
sleep so that we can get right back up tomorrow and get after it again. So if this episode helped you at all, if you'd like to develop, please share it with someone
you know and love or share it on social.
It helps so much.
And whenever you do, I will always repost, think, and support you anyway I can.
If you haven't left a review yet, please do.
And please, if you haven't gotten the audible version of confidence creator and overcome
your villains,
what are you waiting for?
Your girl narrates, you're gonna love it.
They're both so good.
Read the reviews, they're incredible.
I'm so flipping proud.
And I also know they will totally help you
in your journey.
Keep on journeying.
Whatever that looks like today,
even if the journey may suck,
know that this two-shell pass,
and the best is yet to come.
Until next week, keep creating your confidence,
you know I will be.
I'll let it light up over here.
I decided to change that dining room.
I can't do my job out.
I couldn't be more insane than the world.
What you're getting here is starting to learn it
and growing.
You can inevitably stop people happening.
You know what? 16 to learn. You don't stop and look around once in a while. This episode is brought to you by the YAP Media Podcast Network.
I'm Holla Taha, CEO of the award-winning Digital Media Empire YAP Media, and host of
YAP Young and Profiting Podcasts, a number
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