Crime in Sports - #122 - Watching It Burn To The Ground - The Ineptness of Andre Rison
Episode Date: July 3, 2018This week, we climb a mountain of arrogance & stupid behavior, with a man who thought incredibly highly of himself, maybe because he made millions of dollars, and dated a pop star. Of cou...rse, he blew every penny, and that pop star burned his mansion to the ground. That's just par for this guy's course, as he makes every wrong decision possible, and comes out worse, in the end!Tell everyone how great you are, make sure to keep your fire insurance up to date, and spend every dime you make with Andre Rison!!Check us out, every Tuesday. We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!!Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie WhismanDonate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: crimeinsports@gmail.comGet all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.comGo to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!!Contact us on...twitter.com/crimeinsportscrimeinsports@gmail.comfacebook.com/Crimeinsportsinstagram.com/smalltownmurder  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey Prime members, you can listen to Crime and Sports early and ad-free on Amazon Music.
Download the app today. Discover all the best in audiobooks, podcasts, and originals featuring authentic Canadian voices and celebrity talent like Brendan Fraser and Luke Kirby's latest sci-fi adventure, The Downloaded.
A first listen is waiting for you when you start your free trial at audible.ca. Queen of the courtroom is back. How did I know that? I have crystal ball in my head. New cases.
Leave her alone.
So, uh...
This is not a so.
This is a period.
Classic Judy.
It's streaming.
You can say anything.
It's an all-new season.
Judy Justice.
Only on Freebie. Hello and welcome to Crime and Sports.
Yay!
Yay indeed, Jimmy. Yay indeed.
My name is James Petrigallo.
I'm here with my co-host.
I am Jimmy Wissman.
Thank you folks so much for joining us on another crazy, action-packed, wild, death-defying edition of Crime and Sports.
Thank you.
It's a crazy one today again.
Somebody that a lot of you guys have heard of again.
So we've been doing a lot of those lately.
I like those.
We kind of had a big bag of them stored up.
Might as well pull them out now, because eventually there's not going to be any left.
Right.
One day it all stops.
One day it all stops, folks.
Like this earth.
One day the sun will eat this thing.
Maybe sooner than later.
We don't know.
At this point, we do the show because people give us Patreon money and like us, and we
feel bad taking the show away.
Otherwise, it literally does nothing for us.
We enjoy it.
We love it.
But that's not worth 40 hours a week of work.
It's literally because people like it, and we feel like they'd be sad if we stopped doing
it, and we don't want to be tweeted at.
That's literally what it is.
Otherwise, I don't know.
We're trying our best here.
Your Twitter notifications jammed with please don't stop isn't enough?
That's the thing.
So it doesn't matter because every damn episode we do,
we're going to throw ourselves into it 190,000% like our subjects do into their crime.
Got to thank everyone for their iTunes reviews.
Thank you.
Thank you guys for that this week.
They really do make a difference.
They drive us up the charts, and we've said it before and said it again.
So please give us an iTunes review.
Give us five stars if you haven't yet.
Just tell us you're following instructions, following directions.
If you want to be more than that, if you want to be a hero to us, if you want to be more
than friends, we'll say, you can do that.
You can be a producer, and that is so easy to do.
And we have a long list of these fine people at the end of the show.
Is that the equivalent of sliding in our DMs?
I feel like it is.
Yeah, I feel like it really is.
You can become one of those people by going to patreon.com slash crimeinsports or heading
over to PayPal and using our email address, crimeinsports at gmail.com.
There you go.
And you can also do it there.
And, God, every cent is appreciated, like we said, because that's the money we make off this show.
It really is.
There's nothing else.
It's just you guys.
So thank you guys for that.
And we do have an absolutely bonkers episode for you.
Oh, great.
It's another one of these.
Last week we did it eat her
asshole and it was
That sounded like you said
eat her asshole. Last week
we did eat her asshole and
it's a new segment of the show that we do.
We bring a lady in here.
Jesus Christ. We did
idiot or asshole, our normal
game of what is this guy and last
week it was just buried in the red of the asshole section, which sounds terrible.
Just in the red.
I did that just for you, Jimmy.
So, I love that we're getting gross three minutes into the show.
So many asshole jokes already.
We haven't even fucking started yet.
And we're already right there.
I like it a lot.
Already burying it in our asshole or whatever we're doing.
I didn't give a gender.
I didn't say whose asshole.
We're doing anything.
Okay.
Sorry.
Oh, Jesus.
So this week we have – it's a different kind of thing.
He's a little of each.
He's a little column A. He's a little column B.
Mostly just an idiot that is self-destructive, but that has ripple effects
from other people.
But usually not outright, just overtly attacking anybody mainly or anything like that.
He's not a guy who's constantly like, he choked his wife again.
Like, he's not that guy.
This is just a guy whose shit decisions affect other people.
Yeah, and he does have a couple of streaks of violence.
There's a little gunplay, public gunplay, so that's fun.
It's a wild episode.
Let's get right to it with Andre Previn Risen.
Oh, yes.
His middle name is Previn.
What?
Yes, exactly.
How is that not common knowledge?
Well, because would you tell everyone your middle name was Previn?
Well, isn't it on the back of your fucking NFL card?
I don't think so.
Or does he delete that on purpose?
It just says Andre Rison back.
No one cares about their fucking middle names.
So Andre Rison.
Andre Previn.
If you don't know Andre Rison, he was huge in the 90s.
Everybody knew who Andre Rison was in the 90s.
Him and Dion were the fucking faces of the Falcons.
That's what I mean.
He was a huge deal and very brash and very outspoken.
You may have seen him most recently on the ESPN documentary Broke about athletes who pissed all their money away.
That's a little foreshadowing for the rest of the episode of the type of guy we're talking about here.
Fantastic. Let's find out how someone pisses away a bunch of money, gets arrested a whole bunch of times,
and has violent encounters with a major recording pop star.
Really?
Let's find out.
He has a penchant for violent women.
We'll find out all about it here.
Andre Previn is his middle name, like I said.
Risen.
Not a junior, luckily for him, because there's no Previn Sr.
He's born March 18, 1967, in Flint, Michigan.
He's a Flint guy, comes from a tough area.
Loaded with lead.
He's loaded down with lead, so that might account for some of his decision-making later on.
We're not sure.
His mother gave him the name Andre Previn Risen after the pianist and composer Andre Previn.
That's what – didn't expect that, did you?
What?
Didn't expect that one, did you, Jimmy?
Yes.
How did she –
Andre George Previn, who was born Andreas Ludwig Prewin, is a German-American pianist, conductor, and composer.
He's just this old, kind of
puffy German guy. White guy. He's the winner
of four Academy Awards. Wow.
For his film work and ten Grammys.
My Christ. Yes, his Academy
Awards include Best Music
for Scoring of a Musical in 1958
and 1959. Look at this.
For Gigi and Porgy and Bess.
I've never heard of those fucking movies, but I don't know.
Is he broke, too?
I don't know.
50s musical.
Or did he manage his money?
We'll find out.
Don't worry.
What do you think?
This is the last time you're going to hear from Andre Previn for the rest of the episode.
Also, best score adaptation or treatment for two, 1963 and 1964, including My Fair Lady.
That man was born Andre Ludwig?
Yes.
Ludwig Prewin, but they changed it to Previn because it was the W's that be anyway.
And he ended up pursuing fucking classical music also.
That's incredible.
And they gave him Ludwig as the middle name.
And so My Fair Lady, that film that he did the score adaptation for that.
Good for him.
So, I mean, famous guy.
Now, his mother, Merdice, or Merdici?
Merdice?
I'm going to go with Merdice. Probably. That's Merdice. M-E-R-D-I-C-E. It ain, Merdice, or Merdiche? Merdice? I'm going to go with Merdice.
Probably.
That's Merdice.
M-E-R-D-I-C-E.
It ain't Merdiche.
Merdice?
Merdice.
It might be Merdice.
We're going with Merdice for now.
Merdice had Andre when she was-
Murder and dice mixed together.
Murder and dice.
That's amazing.
This is weird.
She was 20 years old, single parent, in Flint, Michigan, who was a secretary at the time,
lived with her mother and father in Flint, Michigan.
So a 20-year-old kind of undereducated as far as, you know, didn't go to a four-year school.
Whatever.
It's not really.
I don't have a – I didn't even graduate fucking high school.
So believe me, not sniping.
No, I'm for sure undereducated.
Not highly educated, who lives in Flint, Michigan, works as a secretary, lives with her parents,
fucking names her son after German fucking classical composing pianists.
That's rare.
Amazing.
I bet he's the only guy in the neighborhood named after a German classical pianist, probably.
He's probably the only person in Flint named after a fucking classical pianist.
Especially a German one.
So his mother, when he was born, they were poor.
They didn't have a lot.
She lived with her parents.
He said that, quote, I didn't have any material things growing up.
Quote, I used to spend my time ripping, running, and having fun.
Oh, boy.
So he had a lot of time to run around the streets and just be a general nudnik, basically.
This is nudnikery running abound in this episode.
That's this.
And it started day one.
Did you see a nudnikery?
Yes.
Oh, day one from the absolute beginning.
But he also, at the same time, completely immersed himself in sports, too.
Okay.
He's athletic as shit, this guy.
As you remember, if you watched him play, he's insanely fast.
One of the best ever.
He's really athletic.
So, I mean, for such a good athlete, that helped him stay off the street a little bit,
too, because he was doing things.
So fun to watch, though.
God damn it.
Oh, he was entertaining as hell.
He was one of these guys that, yeah, he's kind of a dickhead, but entertaining as shit
to watch on the field.
He was like a dirty Chris Carter. You know what I mean? Yeah, I guess you could say that. Yeah, kind of like to watch on the field. He was like a dirty Chris Carter.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I guess you could say that.
Yeah, kind of like a dirty Chris Carter.
A shit-talking Chris Carter.
Yeah, a ghetto shit-talking Chris Carter.
A Keyshawn Johnson who was good.
Keyshawn Johnson.
A little shorter, too.
The worst fucking player to be made a commentator later on because of his skills.
He was terrible.
Sorry, Keyshawn sucked the dick.
He was awful. He was an awful receiver. And he's a bad commentator, too. And a bad commentator. He was terrible. Sorry, Keyshawn sucked the dick. He was awful.
He was an awful receiver.
And he's a bad commentator, too.
And a bad commentator.
He's terrible at everything he does.
Sorry, Keyshawn.
Keyshawn, you can't talk either, bro.
New show to pitch.
New show to pitch, ESPN.
You get Skip Bayless and Keyshawn together that way because Skip Bayless' only talent
is arguing with black people, obviously.
So they're going to disagree with each other and they're going to argue if they kill each other.
Who gives a shit?
Shoulder shrug.
If not.
Oh, well, you're not losing anything.
If not, I mean, maybe the studio floods one day, like all the way to the ceiling.
And I don't know how it works, but maybe we can have some gases come through that somehow we can eliminate both of these two idiots if we get them in the same room, I feel like.
We should trick them.
Deport them.
Yeah, we should trick them into believing that they matter and make them do crazy.
Don't release the shows.
It's like mixing.
Have them record them just in a room with a studio and cameras and people going three, two, one, pointing at them and shit.
And then have not just, there's no film in the fucking camera.
There's just nothing.
It's not connected to anything.
Nobody pressed record.
Nope.
Nope.
You just turn on a red light somewhere.
No memory card in there.
Nothing.
It's just like, no, no guys.
There's just, just someone has a little red light bulb sticking.
No, on air guys.
Keep it going.
Or just mix sports and jackass together and make Keyshawn do horrible things like tickle
his taint or something with his tongue.
I'd like to watch Keyshawn do horrible things to Skip Bayless.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
I think that would be good.
I'd enjoy that shit.
That would be great.
Play gay chicken or some shit together.
That'd be awesome.
Yes.
While they call a fucking Cowboys game.
That would be amazing.
I'd watch that. Skip just cheerleading for fucking Cowboys game. That would be amazing. I'd watch that.
Skip just cheerleading for the Cowboys.
Andre into sports.
He's totally into sports.
He said from the beginning he knew that's what he was doing.
That was his purpose.
That was his cause on the earth.
He said that he always told his mother, quote, the Lord put me on earth to go pro.
I don't think the Lord.
I don't know that he does that.
If the Lord was an existing figure, I don't know that he would, if they are, I don't know.
I don't know that the Lord would be that aware of a newly formed league.
Because for him, that's a pretty new league that would be.
That's like 100 years old.
That's nothing.
You wouldn't even have heard of that shit yet.
That would have been like if you're like 50 and there was like a meme, you wouldn't know about it until like five years later.
What were the sports back in Jerusalem back then?
Not much.
That would be what you'd be going pro at.
I mean, they had basketball.
I know that.
That's how Easter got started.
Is that right?
Yeah.
You didn't know that?
No.
Yeah, it's true.
It's true.
Jesus, this is a fact actually, Jimmy.
Jesus went real heavy on the NCAA tournament.
You know what I mean?
He did.
It's the Nazareth Collegiate Athletic Association.
He went real hard on that shit.
Real hard.
And as you know who controls all that, the Romans.
They went and they fucking roughed him up a little bit.
You know what I mean?
And they put him in a cave for a couple of days.
His bracket busted?
Is that what you're telling me?
That'll fucking teach him.
You know what I mean? They weren't trying to kill him. They put him in a cave to keep couple of days. His bracket busted? Is that what you're telling me? That'll fucking teach him. You know what I mean?
They weren't trying to kill him.
They put him in a cave to keep him a lesson, teach him a lesson.
They came back and got him three days.
That's how it worked.
And that's how the church got started.
Jesus went out to try to get money to pay off his gambling debts.
That's what happened.
And that was the church.
And they're still trying today.
Follow me, people.
Here's a plate.
I owe Vinny a lot of fucking money.
Vinny the Roman.
Seriously, guys. Just give it up. Fucking pay Vinny a lot of fucking money. Vinny the Roman. Seriously, guys.
Just give it up.
Fucking pay up, because Duke didn't cover in the third.
I mean, I thought they were going all the way.
They keep making me drag a cross around, threatening to hammer me to it.
What are you going to do?
Chasing me all around.
Ain't you seen Casino?
They're going to do it.
Jesus.
Oh, man.
That's so great.
I love them. I'm having so much fun. Nazareth is what put it over. That's so great. I love that.
I'm having so much fun right now.
Nazareth is what put it over.
That's the thing.
That's the one that did it.
He would tell her that the Lord put him on earth to go pro.
He would tell her that when she was hurting for money.
Like she would try to buy a house and her application for the mortgage would get turned down and shit like that.
a house and her application for the mortgage would get turned down and shit like that.
He told her that she couldn't afford to buy him new clothes and that he would switch clothes with his best friend, which is weird.
What a friend.
Yeah, his friend would help him out and give him clothes and shit, which was cool.
He said that when he was a kid, people made fun of him and shit and tried to,, he said that people ostracized him because he was more athletically gifted than them, which I've never seen that as a matter of fact.
Have you in school?
I never saw like –
I never picked on the best one.
Fucking kids all good at sports and shit.
Like that never happened.
No.
That guy was actually pretty popular.
That guy got blown a lot.
The other kids, the guys wanted to play with him, hang out with him, fucking play sports with him.
Matter of fact, the best guy at my school went to the NBA.
He's now the coach of the high school team.
And he's got fucking pictures on Instagram that are going viral because he's jacked still.
He's probably still getting blown by strange women.
And he's got the worst tattoos ever.
He's a horrible looking individual but he gets
blown constantly how would you what taunt would you give at someone for their athletic skills
how do you make fun of someone because they're fast i've never heard of that before getting
blown by all those women all those chicks liking you yeah it makes no sense you fag
banging all these chicks like a total queer. Only queers do that.
I'll tell you that right now.
Growing up in the early 70s, late 70s, early 80s, everybody, oh, man.
I think Andre is just trying to paint a picture of something that didn't happen.
That's exactly what I'm saying.
The only thing they got to make fun of you for is that stupid fucking little name.
Yeah, nobody knew about it.
No, he's not telling anybody.
He said that growing up poor made him very tough in Flint, which that would do that.
Yeah.
He said that his mom taught him to be his own man.
He learned never to give up.
Who else's man would he be?
I have no idea.
That's another one of those just, I'm saying words that mean something.
Words, words, words that mean things that I think sounds good.
Yeah.
She taught me to be my own man and to grow up and to eat dinner
at night. Like, okay.
What does that mean? I don't know what that means.
Be your own man. He said,
quote, my arrogance and cockiness have always been
a cover-up for the disappointments in my life.
I talked big to hide my insecurities.
When I was growing up, people were always
jealous of me. I used to think, what are they
jealous of? They're the ones with clothes,
a nice house, a mother, a father, a car.
What are you jealous
of? I'm poor as fuck.
That's great. What are you jealous of me for? You got all
those clothes and shit. All those clothes.
You're the one with the clothes and the nice house
and a mother and father.
That's awesome.
Wow. Well, you have a father.
Someone impregnated your mother.
Not your dad.
He said, quote, I realized at a young age if I didn't stick up for myself, then I'd
fall through the cracks with everybody else.
I wouldn't get noticed.
I had to talk myself up to believe I could achieve something in life.
Somebody had to believe in me.
Somebody had to say it out loud.
He's basically saying the same thing that everybody fucking has to do. You're no
different, son. Nobody believed in me. You're not special.
Yeah. No one picks
people up and then takes them to their
goal and destination like on a
cloud. That's not what happens. Everybody
has to believe in me. I gotta believe in me too, asshole.
Yeah.
What a dipshit thing to say.
And you had measurable ways of
defining yourself.
My 40 time is this.
Therefore, I can do that.
Like, try doing comedy, asshole.
I think that's fucking someone had to believe in me.
Good God.
That's exactly what it is, though.
At some point in your life, you've got to go, this is what I'm going to do, and I've got to believe in myself to do it.
Yeah, and most people are picking the wrong thing, and then they fail at it in their lifestyle. Or you
stick with that for the rest of your life and you shine
shoes until you're fucking 65. Either that or
you end up in a cubicle because you gave up
or maybe you wanted to be in a cubicle. Or maybe you're
really fucking good at being in a cubicle. Or maybe you're a business person.
Whatever your thing is, but I mean most people
that have something that they believe in themselves
for, they really try hard and they
believe in themselves until they give up
and wait tables for the rest of their lives. And that's the way
it works. But him, if you have a measurable
if you have measurable things. An incredible amount
of talent. Yeah, then you don't.
Insanely talented at running,
catching a ball, and
evading people from tackling you.
More than that. Let's talk about it too because he
first started playing football. He went to Flint
Northwestern High School. First
Northwestern, they always call it. He ends up coaching there a little bit later on. He's a playing football. He went to Flint Northwestern High School. First store of Northwestern, they always call it.
He ends up coaching there a little bit later on.
He's a football player there.
He's also the point guard on the basketball team, which went – they won state titles in both his junior and senior year of the basketball team.
And went 55-1 over those two years.
Wow.
And he was the point guard for that team.
I'll bet he was the biggest point guard they've ever had, too.
He's only 5'11", 6 feet tall.
Is he really?
I thought he was like 6'6", 1".
No, he's 6 foot tall, maybe.
He says he's 6 foot, and he's a receiver, so he's probably 5'10", 3 quarters, and says he's 6 foot.
But either way.
That's a point guard in the NBA, though.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, point guard in high school.
That's great.
He's probably 5'10".
And he's very athletic and muscular and that sort of thing.
He's a two-time All-State selection in basketball as well.
And he had 636 career assists in high school, which is still the school record.
So he wasn't even the one scoring the points.
He was getting other people.
Dishing like crazy.
He was getting other people.
Yeah.
Dishing like crazy.
Unbelievable.
Now, the other people on the team, all the seniors from both the championship teams accepted basketball, full basketball scholarships to major colleges except for Andre Rison.
How about that?
Who ended up going football.
One guy was Jeff Greyer who played for the Milwaukee Bucks and Glenn Rice also played on this team with him.
Yeah, Glenn Rice, the NBA player who's rumored to have fucked Sarah Palin,
as a matter of fact.
Fingers crossed.
Yeah, who knows.
I hope that happened.
You didn't expect a Sarah Palin tie-in to Andre Rison, did you?
Somehow it comes around.
Never know what you're going to get on Crime and Sports.
Crime and Sports, you never know what you're going to get.
It's like a box of poison chocolate.
Yes. You never fucking know.
It's like a giant dick in Sarah Palin. You never know. You never fucking know. It's like a giant dick
in Sarah Palin.
That's right.
You never know.
You never know.
It could happen.
Giant 6'8 cock.
Anyway.
So,
Andre Risen also
played on the football team.
God, I want that to have happened.
I know.
I think it did.
It had to, right?
She didn't really deny it.
It's just one of the...
She was just like,
oh, Glenn.
Yeah, they went to college together.
So it was like,
yeah, why not?
And they both played basketball.
Why wouldn't they be fucking... They would be in the gym together.
Great. Good for you. Yeah.
I don't understand why anybody would deny it. It's like, well, that happened a long
time ago when we were in college. I know exactly
why they would deny it. Yeah, well... Because her
fucking vase would not be thrilled
about that.
Neither would his, so...
I think it goes both ways there.
They're just going to ignore that one. It's like, hmm, no, that didn't happen. That didn't happen. No comment. No comment. So I think it goes both ways there. They're just going to ignore that one.
It's like, no, that didn't happen.
That didn't happen.
No comment.
No comment.
Andre here also played eight positions on the football team altogether.
Tailback, quarterback, wide receiver, tight end, safety, cornerback, punter, and place kicker.
Just him.
He's multiple.
It was literally just replicas of Andre Rison. Quarterback, punter, and place kicker. Just him. He's multiple, yeah.
It was literally just replicas of Andre Rison.
There's all number 80s out there across the board.
It was like you could do like in Madden.
You could just make the same guy across the board.
That would be the same thing.
He was just playing everything.
That's how athletic he is.
They can just say, go play that position, and he'll go play it.
And those are skill positions in there, too.
Quarterback and wide receiver, those are skill positions.
He became an all-state punter as a junior.
Is that right?
He can kick, too? All-state.
All-state.
All-state.
Not just that he can kick it far.
He can kick it where he needs it to be.
Yeah, all-state level.
That's unbelievable.
And also, as a senior, his main thing was defensive back.
He wasn't even a receiver.
Really?
He played a little receiver, but his main position was defensive back, so much so that he was an All-America.
Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
Yeah, defensive backs often switch later on because that's where you get paid as receiver.
Nowadays, you get paid a corner, huge.
But back then, you didn't.
That was still a defensive position.
You made nothing.
Who's the highest paid DB?
Probably Keekly?
No, he's a linebacker.
He's a linebacker.
That's right.
DBs make a lot of money.
You've got a shutdown cover corner, they make bank. Corner, though. That's what I mean. That's a linebacker. DBs make a lot of money. You've got a shut-down cover
corner, they make bank. Corner, though?
That's what I mean. That's what he was playing.
He was playing safety and corner.
I'm assuming he
probably played corner as fast as he is.
He's got to be the fastest guy on the field.
I can't imagine they'd go stand there and wait
for people. They'd say, run with that fucking guy,
I would think.
Dion and Champ Bailey probably started the whole fucking windfall for defensive backs?
Yeah, there were some guys before that, but Deion kind of broke the bank.
We'll talk about that, too, later on a little bit here.
He says, though, there were hard times back home.
He said, quote, those were hard times back home.
There you go.
But they were good times.
Good.
Quote, I have a brother and a sister, but really the way we grew up, I had a million of each.
What?
I had to read that line when I wrote that down about 14 times.
I have a brother and a sister, but really the way we grew up, I had a million.
You had a million brothers and sisters?
That's a lot.
That sounds like a lot.
I don't think there's that many people in Flint, Michigan.
Two million?
Is there two million people in Flint?
That's a lot.
And Andre Risen. two million and one.
He said, quote, I lived in
about 15 different relatives' houses.
Yikes. That's a big family.
Wherever I laid my head to sleep, that's
where home was, and that was fine. I haven't
seen my father in years and have no idea
where he is. My mother and I are close.
At age 16, even before
then, I was a leader at home. The family
looked to me. I've always taken that responsibility.
So he's always been kind of that guy in the house, no idea where his dad is.
We've heard this story before from Crime and Sports.
It sounds like 120 deep.
I think it's – we've heard this a couple of times, just a couple.
Now, Merdise said that she persuaded Andre to concentrate more on football in college.
I think she looked at him and said, look, dude, you're 5'11".
And you're playing every fucking position on the field.
You know what I mean?
Encouraged him to play wide receiver instead of defensive back also.
She says, quote, basketball was Andre's first love, but he needed to look at the odds of where he could have had the best career.
He's not tall enough for the NBA, and he wouldn't have been happy playing defensive back.
Andre likes the glory.
He needs to hear the crowd cheer, rah, rah, rah.
He thrives on touching the ball.
Has anyone ever heard of Spud Webb?
What the fuck is she talking about?
Well, but you have to be a different kind.
It's true, though.
Insanely talented, that's all you've got to be.
You've got to be.
To be a 5'11 point guard in the NBA, you have to be insanely talented.
Errol Boynkin's, Muggsy Boat was 5'3".
So rare, though.
Yeah, but I'm just saying, it's possible.
It's possible, but even John Stockton was 6'2".
That's a good point.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's just not.
The NBA gym, they made him so tight.
Kevin Johnson, remember little Kevin Johnson?
He's 6'1".
He's 6'3".
Is he that big?
6'1".
He's 6'3", Kevin Johnson. He's a big fucking man. Like, he's a big guy. Or was he 6'1 Kevin Johnson? He's 6'3". Is he that big? Fuck 6'1". He's 6'3", Kevin Johnson.
He's a big fucking man.
Like, he's a big guy.
Or was he 6'1"?
I thought he was 6'1".
No, I'm sorry.
Nash is 6'4".
Johnson was 6'1".
There you go.
Steve Nash, does he look 6'4"?
No, he doesn't.
Do you?
No.
That's what I mean.
That's a tiny guy in the NBA.
So you have to be a different kind of guy.
I don't know.
You probably have to have a 45-inch vertical jump to play point guard if you're 5'11".
That's the other thing. Can he dunk even?
Who knows?
If he's got a lot of basketball talent, maybe he could have.
It's possible.
I mean, but for NBA, this is smart.
But in basketball, with the last name of Rison, he could have been marketed like a motherfucker.
Well, he was marketed in football, too.
He made the most of that, or Chris Berman did, anyway.
So his mother advised him against playing defensive back in college.
Andre says, quote, she told me, Andre, you know how much you love that limelight.
You play where you can make something happen and where people can see you.
Where mama can get a house.
Mama's, all her credit applications have been turned down, Andre.
I need you to get out there.
There's only so many denies you can hear.
So he ends up going to Michigan State, the local school there.
Spartans.
Spartans goes to Michigan State to play wide receiver.
They told him that he's more than welcome to play wide receiver there and not defensive back.
And the person recruiting him to the school, because they'll send out their alumni to recruit you, was Magic Johnson.
Oh, Jesus.
So if Magic Johnson comes to your house and says, hey, man, let me show you the school,
you're going to that fucking school, especially if you're from Flint and Magic Johnson is
basically a god in that area.
He's basically your Jesus.
He is.
He's from there.
He took them to the whole national church.
It's ridiculous.
This is Magic Johnson pre-AIDS, too.
Oh, this is showtime.
This is 1985 Magic Johnson. He pulled his dick out of a woman
to go talk to Andre.
You heard.
Knock, knock. Like a vacuum that
was stuck on something.
That's what he heard outside his door.
Knock, knock. That must be
Magic Johnson. But this is 85.
This is in the middle of Showtime Lakers, Magic Johnson, one of the biggest, honestly,
probably the top three biggest sports stars in the country at that point, Magic Johnson.
So him knocking on your door, I'd go to fucking Michigan State, too, at that point.
So he takes a football scholarship to Michigan State.
They also promised him that they were okay with him playing basketball as well.
Wow.
They said, we'll make that work.
As a freshman, he was a reserve on the football team, obviously, and the basketball team.
Then he ends up, for some reason...
How many times did Magic Johnson, while telling him he can play two sports at Michigan State,
how many times did he say the phrase, you're going to get so much pussy?
You have no idea.
Did you hear that noise when I knocked on your door, son?
It's going to be, you're going to get AIDS, boy.
You're going to be.
I'm telling you.
You are going to be the mayor of Michigan.
No shit.
Oh, God.
So after the freshman year of basketball, basketball, by the way, that year under, they
went 23-8.
Went deep in the tournament, too.
They were No. 5 seed in the Midwest.
They beat Washington in the first round.
They beat No. 4 Georgetown in the second round, which was a big deal.
That was after Ewing left, but still.
And then finally lost in the semifinal to No. 1 overall, Kansas, that year.
So they went deep.
He only played in six games.
Two and a half minutes a game, didn't really do anything.
So the finals had a lead eight?
Is that what that is?
I think that is Sweet 16.
Okay.
Yeah, two rounds before the Sweet 16.
Got you.
All right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So yeah, Sweet 16, they lost in the Sweet 16.
So I mean, you know, he didn't do anything much as a freshman because he's a freshman.
So that happens here.
He also played other sports too.
He's playing basketball.
Like we said, he also was on the track team for some reason.
They said just join the track team.
Well, he is fast.
Out of nowhere.
That's after he quit basketball after his freshman year.
Got it.
He joins the track team, plays second in the long jump with a 24-and-a-half-foot jump.
Unbelievable.
So at the Big Ten Indoor Championships.
He said his grandfather was a, or his grandmother was a big influence in his life.
At this point, all of her lessons came to him.
He said, my grandmother rose rise and she was full of wisdom.
Her word was gold over me, my mother, everyone.
I thought you were going to say he's going to call his grandmother full of shit.
No, no.
My grandmother rose rise and his grandmother full of shit. No, no. My grandmother rose, rises.
She was full of shit.
I see her sitting there with her blue hair and her rocking chair, just knitting and just
telling fibs, just lying to the kids.
And we're all like, man, Grandma Rose is full of shit.
And we'd go outside to play sports.
She used to tell us all these stories about how she was whipped as a child because she
was a slave.
Jesus.
Okay, well, that's terrible.
And it never happened.
Grandma, that's awful.
She's actually from Michigan.
She grew up there.
And well after slavery, that ended.
She moved here after I was born from Canada.
What happened?
Yeah, she's Canadian.
She's a French woman.
He said, when she died, I put my Rose Bowl championship ring in her casket.
My grandfather, Arnett, he put the dog in me, the fight in me.
He never backed down.
He always taught me to be secure about your domain.
As a child, I felt so secure at his feet.
He said his grandfather had 12 or 13 kids but would cut his own grass,
which I don't know why he would do that with 12 or 13 kids.
I'd send them all out there with scissors just to keep them busy.
Also, why is he making you sleep at his feet?
I don't understand that. Secure at his feet, not sleeping.
He said, quote,
he didn't want a lot of people doing things for
him and I'm the same way. I call him from
the locker room before every game. He always
says, now if you're going and they get
after you, don't get hurt. Get down like Franco
Harris used to do. He says that every time.
Apparently, just take a dive if
someone's coming after you. Don't you get hurt.
So anyway, 1985 on the football team, Michigan State, Lorenzo White that year, the running
back, had over 2,000 yards that year.
Is that right?
Just killing it.
Andre played in 12 games, 19 receptions, 280 yards, averaged 14.7 per reception with two
touchdowns and also had two receiving touchdowns,
two return touchdowns.
Oh, he was the kicker turner, too.
Yeah, so not fucking bad.
I mean, the guy, for a freshman?
A freshman ran back two?
That's terrific.
Team goes 7-5 that year, the football team, which is not great for Michigan State.
That's a disappointment.
1986 season, the football team goes 6-5.
Andre plays in 11 games, has 54 receptions.
That's way different.
And this team was not a throwing team.
That was like the thing.
Like Andre.
Well, you've got a running back that has 2,000 yards.
And the quarterbacks were kind of shit, too.
And all these articles were like, they have this great racehorse that they just don't have a track
to let him run on, basically. They have this great
receiver, but they don't throw the ball.
So that was a big deal with
Andre Rison all through college.
Don't look at his numbers.
All the NFL guys are like, don't look at his numbers.
They have nothing to do with shit. Watch him play.
So he ended up
having 966 yards, which
almost 1,000 yards is great,
17.9 yards per reception, which is terrific,
and five receiving touchdowns too.
So that's a fucking hell of a year as a sophomore.
That's great.
He fell only five yards short.
He set a school record.
Fifty-four catches was a school record as a sophomore, by the way.
And later on he would average 24.6 yards per catch in another season,
which is just shy of the record there, too.
Oh, God damn it.
He's got a ton of records.
I know, wouldn't I be so mad?
I'd be losing my mind.
God damn it.
Call two more plays, coach.
Fuck.
Come on, help me.
I'm helping you.
1987, the team, Michigan State, goes 9-2-1.
They go to the Rose Bowl.
All the way to the Rose Bowl when that was still a big deal, which I guess it is now, too.
Versus USC.
So Michigan State, USC, Rose Bowl.
Big deal.
That's a big deal.
Michigan State wins the game 20-7.
Wow.
Stomped them.
That's when he gets his—or 20-17, I'm sorry.
That's when he gets his Rose Bowl championship.
The one he gave to Rose. There you championship. The one he gave to Rose.
There you go.
The one he gave to Grandma Rose, who was full of shit.
Gave her dead body.
Full of shit.
You buried that, you idiot.
Well, no, what he did is he gave it to some people who tend to, whatever they do with the coffins after you leave the funeral home.
What do you think, they leave the fucking jewelry in there?
No.
Fuck no.
He gave it to some dickbag that has it on his mantle now that can't sell it because if he does.
It's been melted down long ago.
Either that or he has to wait until Andre Rison dies to sell that.
If you owned a cemetery, you should have a gold smelting thing in the back, too, just to melt everything down.
What's that back there?
Your crematorium?
Yeah, kind of.
Kind of.
You're running a thieving organization, you cocksuckers.
I know what you're fucking doing.
Don't put anything in my coffin when I die.
Never.
Don't.
Keep it.
Nothing.
They're going to steal it.
Don't give me a coffin.
Waste my fucking money on a coffin?
I don't really care about that.
Waste anybody's money.
I don't give a fuck what you do with me.
Use that money to pay off your car or something.
I don't care what you do with it.
No shit.
Go on a Disney cruise.
Shit.
So, 87 that year, the Rose Bowl year. He had played in 12 games, had 34 catches for 785
yards, 23.1 yards per catch, which is enormous.
That's huge.
Nobody has that.
That's the whole field in four catches.
That's batshit.
That's crazy.
Four plays.
Done deal.
Another five touchdowns also that year receiving.
Not too bad.
That year, too, his junior year, he's like, you know what?
I think I'll rejoin the basketball team.
That's how great of an athlete this guy is.
How do you go win the Rose Bowl and then be like, I can add some other shit into my day?
I think I'm also going to join the basketball team.
Plus, who takes a year off from basketball and then can just join a Division I top-level
program and just be like, yeah, I'm good now.
I'm going to play.
I can do that.
It's the weirdest shit in the world, man.
Bo Jackson can.
That's about it.
Yeah, basketball, the team goes 10-18.
Jesus, that's terrible.
They go 10-18.
He plays in 18 games, two games started, 14.1 minutes per game,.4 field goals.
So not great there.
They were in a triangle.
He can't figure that shit out.
Yeah, that's the problem.
1.3 points per game,
so that's not wonderful. It's over, Andre.
Yeah, 1.3 points a game
makes you go, yeah, maybe you should quit.
Yeah. If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, what was in Al Capone's vault, or which famous meteorologist is Lenny Kravitz's second cousin, then you haven't spent enough time on Wikipedia.
But that's okay. I am here for you.
I'm Darcy Carden, and I'm inviting you to listen to my new podcast, WikiHole, from SmartLess Media.
Discover the craziest rabbit holes on Wikipedia with me and my funny friends as we bring the cyber frontier
directly to your tympanic membrane. And if you listen to my podcast, you'd learn that that's
the sciency term for eardrum. We embark on a hyperlink roller coaster as we start out on a
Wikipedia page and go from link to link to link to link, careening through trivia, oddities,
and unexpected connections until we collectively shout,
How the hell did we get here?
Follow WikiHole on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
You can listen to WikiHole ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app
or on Apple Podcasts.
Taylor Swift is soaring high.
Her every move captured in the news cycle and devoured by her devoted fans.
She's broken billboard records and made Grammys history, not to mention becoming a billionaire in
the process. But along the way, Taylor has had to wage war, first by taking on a very powerful,
very famous manager, Scooter Braun, and then by going up against the biggest live events company,
Ticketmaster. Hi, I'm David Brown, the host of Wondery's show, Business Wars.
We go deep into some of the biggest corporate rivalries of all time.
And in our latest season, Taylor Swift will shake up not only the music business,
but Hollywood and the NFL.
Follow Business Wars wherever you get your podcasts.
You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app.
And now, back to the show.
So the world is this guy's oyster.
He's winning the Rose Bowl.
He's rejoining the basketball team on a whim.
Like, this is crazy.
To contribute nothing, mind you.
To contribute nothing.
Just to ride the bench, hang out.
It's fun.
I don't know.
You get to travel.
Extra poon. What you also get to do is you get to meet ladies. Yes contribute. Just to ride the bench, hang out. It's fun. I don't know. You get to travel. Extra poon.
What you also get to do is you get to meet ladies.
Yes.
You get to meet ladies.
You get to meet a lady named Tanya, is who he meets in college.
Pretty quick.
They're awfully hot and heavy very, very fast.
It's around this same time, after he's won the Rose Bowl, he'll rejoin the team where
he is arrested for drunk driving at a certain point.
Oh, no.
Details are sketchy.
I don't have the actual – he was a college junior in Michigan somewhere.
Where they can wash it away because he just won the Rose Bowl.
That's exactly right right there.
So September 30th, 1988, though, he is sentenced to six months of probation and fined $415 for that drunk driving charge.
So they actually get him.
That's a steep one.
That's a steep one for a first time.
They're trying to make a point at that moment in time.
He is 21.
He turned 21 already.
He must have hit something.
He must have done something stupid.
Also, he's quick with that.
He's quick on the field, and he's quick with the ladies because this Tanya Harden that he met,
field and he's quick with the ladies because this Tanya Harden that he met, not Tanya Harding,
this Tanya Harden that he met, they have a son excessively quickly.
So junior year in college, he's a Rose Bowl champion and a basketball player and now he's a dad too.
They have a son.
Oh, by the way, Andre Jr.
A fucking course it was.
Sorry, I had to hide that one.
Right away.
I had to hide that one and then hit you with the left foot.
Fucking Jr.
Honestly, how many times is it going to happen?
It's clearly a narcissism thing.
It really is.
I mean, you can't help what your parents name you.
That's fine.
But it's clearly a narcissistic thing when all of these guys name their kid fucking Junior.
I am amazing.
Amazing.
See?
I made another one.
Look at that.
It's going to be just as good, but not quite as good, if you know what I mean.
Good Christ.
Because I'm the best.
Right.
So, Jesus Christ.
So, yeah.
This is all the best of me.
Here it is.
Here he is.
So, he's got a Junior now.
Damn it.
He said that he had to grow up pretty quick.
He eloped with this Tanya Harden, who he had met the last year of high school and then got her knocked up.
So, yeah, there gets her pregnant.
When the mother heard the news, she was pissed.
Merdiz?
Merdiz.
She was not happy?
Well, no, because then they eloped after that and he got married.
And he initially denied that they got married. What did he do? He happy? Well, no, because then they eloped after that and he got married.
And he initially denied that they got married.
He told his mom, no, we didn't get married.
He said, quote, she said, quote, I didn't want him to get married.
He was too young.
I would say so.
Yeah.
Andre Jr. was actually born while the week of the Rose Bowl, while they were out practicing for the Rose Bowl.
Jesus.
So that tells you right there.
Wow. Andre waited almost a month before he took the baby to his mother. What? practicing for the Rose Bowl. So that tells you right there. He, wow.
Andre waited almost a month before he took the baby to his mother to introduce the baby to his mother.
Yeah.
She said, quote, later that night, Andre phoned.
That kid's name is Previn.
Previn.
Andre Previn Rison Jr.
He's like, why is my middle name Previn?
It's a German guy.
Never mind.
Let me tell you about this guy, Ludwig.
Ever seen My Fair Lady?
No?
Fuck.
All right.
Well.
That's your namesake, kiddo.
It'll be harder to explain then.
She said, later that night, Andre phoned and said, quote, I just had to be a man about
it.
I said, I want you to be a man.
I raised you to be strong.
So that's that.
Your man.
Your own man. Your own man. and another man that you're now raising. Now, he says this
was weird because he's living a double life in school. He's top tier athlete. You know,
he's got to have a party guy, all this shit. But he's also got a man like a wife and kid
at home, which is not normal for this this time period. And he said, quote, few people
at Michigan State ever knew I was married.
For two years, I'd go to school, practice, and then drive home to Flint to be with my wife and son.
I was physically and mentally tired.
When I didn't get home as much to see them my senior year, my family life went into turmoil.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's how it works.
Because you're in college trying to be like a cool professional athlete.
Not really the nine to five, honey, I'm home.
Right.
Put your hat on the fucking hat rack and say, what's for dinner?
That's not the life you're living.
You're taking your ring off to go to your job.
That's crazy.
This is fucked up.
That's so weird.
People take their ring off to go to their mistress.
He's taking his off to go to the fucking football field to go to practice.
Yeah, put it in his pocket quick.
So 1988 on the field, though, he earns
All-American honors here. Catches
39 passes for 961
yards, but that's the year he averages
24.6 per
reception, which is almost the record.
That's nuts. That's so many.
That's so much yardage. I'd just be begging. Just call
two fly patterns for me and put
it over. Yeah, eight touchdowns
that year, too.
Not bad at all.
Very good, actually. He's an All-American.
Again, he was an All-American his junior year also. He also,
the team goes 6-5-1,
which sounds like shit,
but it's good enough to go to the Gator Bowl,
which, from the Rose Bowl to the Gator
Bowl is quite the drop. That's not terrific.
You have to go play in Florida.
Not great. So, the Gator Bowl is quite the drop. That's not terrific. You have to go play in Florida. Not great.
So the Gator Bowl, they played Georgia.
During this, though, they only averaged Michigan State
throwing the ball 13 times a game in 1988.
13 games?
So that's what I mean.
Oh, what a boring fucking game.
Awful.
And for him to have even that many catches is amazing
because they never threw the fucking ball.
That's calling every play to him. He caught 39
passes. They only threw the ball 13 times
a game as a team. Wow. So they only threw
the ball like 150 times all
year and he caught 39 of those
passes that were thrown. Right.
It's nuts. So that's
why they look at him
like, okay, don't look at his stats. Don't look
at his catches.
Sweet Christ, how did they have any fans that year?
That would be the worst fucking game to watch.
That's the Chargers when they had Tomlinson.
What a boring fucking game.
I think those 80s Oklahoma teams that were just all running, running. There's a lot of college teams that do that shit.
Especially back in the day.
They'd run the option.
Yeah.
Ugh.
The most boring thing in the world.
Let's run the option. guys run is it going to
be him or him oh he passed it to him and now they're trying to so fuck it's the same fucking
play every time stop running it i don't care if it works it's boring the most annoying play in the
nfl is the draw and like like the yeah that like stutter before the handoff i can't loathe it
enough because every time it's a yard, maybe two.
From time to time, they get like a fucking 80 yards.
It'll break.
Most of the time, they're stopped immediately upon touching the ball.
Why do you even call that fucking play?
It's so ridiculous.
So, yeah, he ended up, this Gator Bowl, he had 252 yards, three touchdowns, and nine catches in that game.
Wow.
They actually opened up the offense for some reason in that game.
And nine catches, 252, and three touchdowns.
That's what you do when you have that many games that have that few passes.
You fucking start throwing.
Imagine if they did that all year.
He would have been saying.
Oh, Jesus.
Number one draft pick.
That 252 yards was a school record until Plaxico Burris broke it later on.
How about that?
Another dipshit.
Not too bad.
They do lose the game 34-27.
Another dipshit, but not one that's worthy of an episode.
He shot himself in the leg.
Just a dummy.
It's not really a crime.
How crazy is that, though, that that shit ruined his fucking career?
Oh, God, yeah.
That's amazing.
That's wild.
Yeah, when you shoot yourself in public, it tends to fuck things up for you. In New York
City, where guns are fucking... Highly
illegal. Not smart.
Not a smart move on his part. In a strip
club wearing sweatpants. Not to mention
oh, what's really important to receivers?
Legs to run fast. The most important part
of your body. When you shoot yourself in the fucking leg.
You idiot.
God damn it. That was so annoying. As a Giants
fan, I'm like, what?
And the guy that caught the most important pass in so long.
I'm like, who shot Plaxico Burris?
Plaxico Burris. What?
Himself?
What the fuck?
Was he depressed?
Not on purpose?
It was an accident?
What the fuck is going on?
He was grabbing for his dick in a strip club or something.
God, I hate this team.
That's what we do.
All Giants fans hate the Giants.
That's the thing.
We hate them.
We really do.
And they were a year removed from being champion.
Oh, still hated them.
Ridiculous.
April 23rd, 1989 is the NFL Draft.
This is a big deal.
It's at the New York Marriott Marquis Hotel in New York City, New York.
It's on ESPN, obviously.
First selection overall.
By the way, some weird shit.
They always show the most selections in the draft and who had the least amount of draft picks.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Bears had 20 picks in this draft.
Holy shit.
Which is obscene.
And the Eagles only had four.
What?
Which is crazy.
How many did they trade away?
They traded shit away.
Jesus.
A lot of trades here.
Four Hall of Famers in this draft.
All in the top five of the picks.
All four of them are in the top five?
Yeah, no sleepers here.
In 1989?
1989.
Number one overall pick, Troy Aikman.
Really?
Yeah, who's going to be a Hall of Famer out of UCLA.
Then Tony Mandrich, who is known as one of the biggest busts in the history of the NFL.
Offensive lineman who turned out to be on just oodles of steroids and wasn't as strong as everyone
thought he was.
And who did they pass on?
Just a mediocre.
Let's find out who the Green Bay Packers passed on to get Tony Mandrich.
This has nothing to do with our guy, but it's super interesting.
So Mandrich also played at Michigan State, too.
It's Verizon's teammate.
Is that right?
Number three overall, Barry Sanders.
Holy shit.
Our top five, top three running back in the history of the league.
And the Packers passed on him to let him run all over them two times a season.
A decade and a half, or at least a decade.
He's in the Hall of Fame.
Number four, if you wanted some defense, how about Derek Thomas?
Holy shit.
The Hall of Fame linebacker for the Chiefs.
You could have had him.
Also dead. Also dead. Number five, if you didn't want anybody to pass on you, how about Derek Thomas? Holy shit. The Hall of Fame linebacker for the Chiefs. You could have had him. Also dead.
Also dead.
Number five, if you didn't want anybody to pass on you, how about Deion Sanders?
Maybe you grab him like the Falcons did with number five.
Another Hall of Famer.
So, yeah.
And possibly the most fascinating person to watch on TV.
He's a trip, man.
He's an idiot, but he's so fun to watch.
He really is.
This team, also Broderick Thomas, who's a Tampa Bay linebacker.
Tim Worley, I remember him, Pittsburgh running back.
So the rest of the Donnell Wolford, the rest of the first round kind of rounds out in a kind of a horror show.
In a fizzle.
Eric Metcalf, who was pretty good for a while.
He wasn't too bad.
Finally, at number 22, and that's the thing.
Back then, scouting wasn't the same as it is now.
Now they would know who cares about that he had this many receptions.
It doesn't matter.
Did you see his running?
Did you see the combine, the 40 time?
We have all this film on him.
He would go high.
Everybody had him rated as a top 10 talent, and he goes all the way at number 22.
Ouch.
And it's just a matter of needs because if you look at a lot of teams pick based on needs
and only one wide receiver had been picked before him in the draft.
So nobody needed wide receivers.
Hart Lee Dykes.
What?
Exactly.
Who?
Hart Lee Dykes had a terrible NFL career.
The first name is not Hart Lee.
It's Hart Lee Dykes.
Dykes.
Not Davis.
Way worse. Dykes. Not Davis. Dykes.
So awful.
And he went where?
He went number 16 overall.
He plays 26
games, I believe, in the NFL.
That is his career. He loves the daisy.
But I mean, the receivers weren't
going a lot, you know, very fast
here. And then number 22, Indianapolis, the Colts, select Andre Rison, finally.
So he is picked there.
Steve Atwater goes two picks before him, by the way.
Oh, really?
So, yeah, there you go.
Best DBs ever.
God damn it.
Great free safety he was.
So after that, you had some guys, Steve Wisniewski, guys like that.
Pretty uneventful draft.
A couple guys who broke their neck in the same draft, Dennis Bird and Mike Utley, which I found.
What?
I don't know why.
How do you get this?
Once I find Andre Rison's number 22, I should stop reading, right?
That's the end of it.
No.
No.
I read the whole fucking draft.
Two guys in the same draft broke their fucking neck.
Number 42 overall, the Jets picked Dennis Bird, who then broke his neck in 92, I think.
And then the number 59th pick overall is Mike Utley, who again broke his fucking neck.
Super weird, right?
That's a bananas fact.
I found that super odd, too.
I was like, that's the strangest fact.
So Andre went to the Colts.
Did he play there?
Oh, absolutely. Did he play there? Oh, absolutely.
Did he really?
By the way, in 1989, his rookie year, we'll go across the league and just kind of give you a state of the NFL union here.
The 49ers win the Super Bowl that year.
If you remember, they blow Denver out horribly.
Is that what happened?
I think it was like 55-10 or something.
Motherfuckers.
It was bad.
MVP of the league is Joe Montana.
Rookie of the year is Barry Sanders this year.
You betcha.
Defensive rookie of the year is Derek Thomas.
Holy fuck, how bad do the Packers feel?
Two guys they could have had, the two rookies of the year.
Stars.
Fuck and fuck.
Great.
The defensive player of the year was Keith Millard from the Vikings.
I remember him nose tackle for the Vikings.
Passing leader, Don Makowski, the magic man on the Packers.
Is that right?
With his mullet.
Rushing leader, Nigerian Nightmare, Christian Akoya, 1,480 yards.
Steve, that ought to flatten that motherfucker.
Oh, yeah.
And receiving leader, Jerry Rice.
You bet.
So that's the kind of the snapshot of where we are in football.
It's a nice season.
It's a fun season to watch.
Knowing what you know now, going back to watch that would be insane.
Just watching great players left and right.
The Colts that year, with Andre joining the team, they go 8-8.
They're second in the AFC East.
They don't make the playoffs.
They were second with 8-8?
Second with 8-8.
What a depressing fucking NFC East.
The AFC East was weak back then.
That's NFG. That was a weak division back East. The AFC East was weak back then. That's NFC.
That was a weak division back then.
The Jets sucked. They still are.
The Dolphins were shit after the mid-'80s being good.
Yeah.
Now you've got the Patriots in there now.
But they've got fucking Dolphins, Colts, Jets.
Yeah.
It is Colts, right?
Dolphins, Colts, Jets?
No.
Colts are not in the South.
Oh, no.
That's Colts and Patriots.
Yeah.
It's Patriots, Dolphins, Bills, and Jets.
That's it. There's the AFC East now. Back then it was a different deal, obviously. That's Colts and Patriots. Yeah. It's Patriots, Dolphins, Bills, and Jets. That's it.
There's the AFC East now.
Back then it was a different deal, obviously.
That's a shit division.
It's a shit division.
That's a division I don't want to watch.
Right.
So this, I don't want to watch the 89 Colts either at 8-8.
This was the Jack Trudeau was their quarterback.
But this was right after they got Eric Dickerson from the Rams.
So they got some excitement to them there.
Dickerson was amazing.
He's a great player, but a running back does not make your team.
No, absolutely.
You need a little more, especially when Jack Trudeau is your quarterback.
They know where you're going.
Yeah, his rookie year, Rison plays in all 16 games.
He starts 13 of them, has 52 receptions, which is a productive rookie year right there.
T.Y. Hilton. Yeah, not bad
at all. 820 rookie
receiving yards and
15.8 yards per reception
with four touchdowns. He's a success.
That's a great season.
Never mind a great rookie season. For a rookie
that's tremendous. The team
loses the final game of the year
to the Saints 41-6. Ouch. That's brutal. Sent home like that. That's tremendous. The team loses the final game of the year to the Saints, 41-6.
Ouch.
That's brutal.
Sent home like that.
That's the end of the year.
That's how shit of a team it was to the Saints.
They just gave up.
They were 8-7 that day, fixing to try to go 9-7.
Yeah.
And they ended up, no.
Once it started to go bad, they were like, fuck it, we're 8-8.
On the bus.
They're coming to put the pool in at my house in about 20 minutes, so I'm going to get wrapped up here with this football season.
Now, Andre makes the NFL all-rookie team, which is fantastic.
He makes, money-wise, this includes an $890,000 signing bonus because he's a first-rounder.
He makes $1,175,000
that year.
Holy shit. And they make a
huge deal out of this. There's a huge article
because that is more than he should have
made where he got drafted because it's all
slotted. If the 19th guy
makes this, the 20th guy makes a little less,
21st guy, he made more than the guy
in front of him because the way they negotiated it was, I
don't care where you drafted me, you know I'm a top 10 talent and you know you need
me.
So they paid him top 10 talent money.
So they paid him what, and basically the article talked to the owner, Jim Irsay, who's a lunatic.
Yeah.
Straight up lunatic.
His deal was the last six years, we can't get a rookie, we can't get a first rounder in a camp.
And then John Elway was a Colts first round draft pick.
And look what happened there.
Great career with the Broncos.
They're not good at signing first round draft picks.
So they literally said this year we're not fucking around.
We're going to go in there.
We're going to give him the money he wants.
And we're going to just get this guy in and see if that changes the way we do business here.
Which is odd that an owner would do that.
But that's what they do.
I mean, he does weird shit.
So that makes sense that that would be something he does.
That's true.
And a lot of the other owners were pissed off at him.
Sure.
Why the fuck would you give him that money?
And then now I have to do this.
And now other people are going to want to do that.
Exactly.
And they're like, fuck you.
We needed a receiver.
Right.
I don't give a fuck about your business model.
This is mine.
That's what they said.
They were like, sorry, but we need a receiver, literally. And Rison's a top business model this is mine that's what they said they were like sorry but we need a receiver literally and ryzen's a top 10 talent
what he did for us fuck you and the other thing is is they didn't expect him to fall to them
that was they were like holy shit ryzen's available we'll take him so at that point
it's like fuck we got a guy we expected to go at 12 right at 22 right so we gotta pay him 12 money
that's the thing so they end up doing that. He says- He made over $2 million his first season.
No, over $1 million.
That's $1,175,000.
Okay, that's with the signing bonus.
That includes the signing bonus.
Now, he had never dealt with money before.
Oh, yeah.
And his money issues are-
And you get over $1 million in over 16 weeks.
Yeah, well-
That's not over the full year.
No, $890,000 is a check.
Oh, that's right now.
That's a signing bonus. Oh, shit. There90 is a check. Oh, that's right now. That's a signing bonus. Oh, shit.
There you go, sir. Oh, that's a problem.
So, he didn't know anything about money
as that's the rest of the episode
is him fucking up with money and doing stupid
things and being wanted by the police
for his stupid things. Amazing. And also
gunplay. Yeah. But he says, quote,
this is amazing, we got, even though
it's short, we got to do it in their own words because it's
so incredible. In their own words, quote, the first time I got my check and I saw there was a big chunk taken out of it, I went to the team office.
And that's when I found out about the taxes and everything.
That was the day you found out about taxes?
Didn't I?
He was like, why the fuck's this big chunk of money taken out of my check?
He was like, you guys are fucking shorting me.
He stormed in the office like, what the fuck, man?
It's supposed to be $8.90, not $4.20.
What the fuck is this? Who's this FICA motherfucker?
I'll kick him in the dick. Where's his
office? I will fuck him up.
What's Fed? I've been Fed.
I don't need Fed withholding.
I'll feed myself. I don't need
to pay nobody to feed me. Fuck this guy.
No, that's what he did, though. That's hysterical.
You have to pay taxes because
we live in America.
That's how it works. You have to pay taxes because we live in America. Right.
That's how it works.
You like those roads you got here on, you dipshit?
And he was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, oh, that's how schools are.
That's how that happens.
Okay, now I get it.
Wow.
Oh, that's amazing.
Now, I told you about that terrible New Orleans game at the last part of the season to tell you what happens like two days later yeah so they get blown out uh he has to be feeling pretty good about
himself though at his performance in his rookie year but still you get blown out uh December 26th
1989 he is charged with reckless driving two days later this is 5 30 in the morning oh boy uh near
Fort Wayne Indiana that he is driving his brand new 1989 Mercedes.
Is he driving back to Flint, Michigan?
I don't know.
They don't say where he was.
Oh, he's in Indiana.
He's in Indiana.
Okay, place where the Colts.
Never mind.
Yeah, yeah.
Fort Wayne, Indiana.
Got it.
Driving around.
Brand new Mercedes.
5.30 in the morning.
Speed limit is 55.
He's going.
He is clock doing 128 which is a slightly more than
55 5 30 in the morning on a tuesday going 128 miles an hour that's so much more than 58 where
are you going so fast sir more than double right 55 miles an hour that's terrible uh he's actually
arrested because it's reckless driving it It's not just a speeding ticket.
That's aggressively flouting the law.
That's just like fucking.
Who cares?
You are going up to the police chief and blowing a bong hit in his face.
You're asking to get fucked with.
That's lobbing a hooker's head in the police chief's lap.
He can't even let you get away with it because you're on the cults. He's like, dude, they're fucking everyone's talking about the whole.
You grow in 128 miles an hour.
That doesn't happen in Indiana very often.
When you got to 90.
Outside of the 500.
You don't get much of that behavior.
We're headed to the tracks there.
When you got to 90, what were you thinking?
Yeah.
How did you think 38 more is fine?
Well, he actually has an excuse about it.
He has an explanation.
First of all, he's taken to the Allen County lockup where he posted a $500 bond and was released before 7 a.m.
So the whole thing took less than two hours.
That's not bad.
This is amazing.
The police spokesman said, quote, he told the officer he thought he was driving between 95 and 100 because he said, that's what it feels like when you're driving 55 in a regular car.
So he's like, my Mercedes is so fucking nice.
I didn't realize I was driving 130 because it feels like I'm driving 50.
When I'm driving 90 in this, it feels like 55.
So I thought I was driving 90 when I really I was driving 130, which feels like 90 still
in this car.
If you know math, which is still faster than 55, which is a speed limit.
So either way, here's my wrist cuff me.
I'm a fucking moron.
A hundred and thirty miles an hour feels every mile of it.
When you get once you get over it, like when we went to Texas, we did a buck ten, a buck
twenty a couple of times.
I would have felt it.
It felt it.
And those cars, that thing's not high.
It's when you're that low to the ground doing that speed, you feel every fucking mile.
Every mile you hear.
That's what's going on.
So he's being a dipshit now, and he's just, you know, he's feeling,
he's sowing his wild oats at this point.
He feels like, oh, shit.
Y'all ever had $980,000 just given to you?
It's the feeling.
The feeling.
It makes you feel like you're only going 55 miles an hour.
It's super weird.
You'll see what I mean. It's like you're only going 55 miles an hour. It's super weird. You'll see what I mean.
It's like you're floating.
So 1990 comes around.
The draft is April 22, 1990 that year.
April 20, 1990, two days before the draft, the Atlanta Falcons, who were 3-13 the year before, they trade the first overall pick.
They had the first overall pick. They had the first overall pick. They trade the first overall pick and the fourth round pick that they have to the Indianapolis
Colts who want that first pick.
And in return, the Falcons get Chris Hinton, who was the guy that the Broncos gave to the
Colts for John Elway.
Oh, is that right?
That is the guy, yeah.
Interesting.
He got switched for them.
Very interesting there. So
it's for him and Andre
Rison. So they trade Rison
to the Falcons here and a couple of
draft picks too later on. He's gonna feel like
shit. Yeah, that's... He's just
bounced everywhere. The deal,
they did all of this so
the Colts could draft Jeff George,
who is a huge
draft bust and amazing arm.
Had that one great year with the Raiders where they were like 3-13, but he threw for 35 touchdowns and had like six picks.
He was a great year, but it doesn't fucking matter.
So they ended up signing George, the Colts did, and then the deal goes through.
George gets a six-year, $15 million contract, including a $3.5 million signing bonus.
It's a good check there. Yeah, the Colts, a a $3.5 million signing bonus. Ouch.
It's a good check there.
Yeah, the Colts, a lot of the fans were pissed off at the deal.
Well, yeah.
They were like, what the fuck?
We like both those guys.
We finally got somebody that we, and a receiver that is good.
Yeah, I mean, if George was good, it would have been worth it, but he's not.
He's not John Elway.
They were like, we're going to do it different this time.
We don't want to let the next, that's literally what they said.
We don't want to let the next John Elway get away like we did last time.
It's like, well, you don't.
You're up Jeff George.
Far from John Elway.
Well, good for you guys because you're not doing it.
Yeah.
Shit.
Ursae, the bat shit owner, said, quote, obviously we feel this trade will prove to be very significant for this organization.
Yeah, it was significant.
It destroyed them for like eight years.
It decimated everything.
It destroyed them until Peyton manning in 98 literally it destroyed the organization because they traded away their future
for a bust who wasn't even on the team three years later they were garbage for so long after that
yeah they were a one win team a three win team jim harbaugh playing quarterback it was a fucking mess
uh yeah yeah so whole thing's a kind of a mess but he goes to atlanta which is kind of a better
situation at the time even though they weren't that great.
It's just a better environment.
And nobody wants to be around the Irses in Indy.
They're just assholes.
So 1990 goes to the Falcons.
This is the Chris Miller-Deon, Chris Miller playing quarterback, Deon on the team.
The team goes 5-11, but they're coached by Jerry Glanville.
So what do you expect?
That crazy nutcase.
5-11, but they're coached by Jerry Glanville, so what do you expect? That crazy
nutcase. He's like a crazy
cowboy caricature that they
let be in charge of a multi-billion dollar
organization. Bizarre looking man, too.
He's such an idiot. He's funny,
but he's a fucking idiot.
So that year, Andre
plays in all 16 games,
starts 15 of them, 82
receptions, which is great.
Back then, 82 was like off the charts.
I remember when Sterling Sharp got 100, it was like, oh, my God, that's incredible.
And now that's nothing, 100, because with all the dink and dunk passing.
That's all they do now.
Yeah, 1,208 yards, 14.7 yards per reception, 10 touchdowns.
So that's pretty fucking good.
It's great.
So great.
He makes the Pro Bowl that year in his second year, and he's first-team All-Pro.
Second year, and he's already the No. 1.
He's No. 1 first-team All-Pro.
It's like him and Jerry Rice are the NFC All-Pro receivers.
Is that right?
Yeah, that's what that tells you.
That's the level he put himself in that quickly.
He makes $312,500 that year.
That ain't Jerry Rice money.
That is not Jerry Rice money. That is not Jerry Rice money.
That's no signing bonus here.
They also, he divorces Tanya during this year as well.
They have two kids total together, both boys.
Total, he's going to have four boys.
So, yeah.
They actually all turn out pretty decent people, it seems like.
So, December 17th, 1990.
This is amazing.
This is after he's gone to Atlanta.
He's feeling like hot shit.
There's an article about him that he and his friend, a guy named Ray Stingray Potter from Lansing, Michigan.
What are they doing?
What do you think they're doing, Jimmy?
They're smoking crack.
They are collaborating on an album, which is worse than smoking crack.
I would rather have an athlete smoke crack than make an album.
I mean, a guy named Stingray, I should have guessed music.
Music.
But if they're smoking crack, they might just have a problem that can be solved.
Right.
If they are making an album, they have a narcissistic bug that's never going to go away.
And they're pumping their own money into something.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, boy.
Collaborating on an album they plan to release in January under the name Embrace.
This never came out, by the way.
Really?
This was a month later it was supposed to come out.
Nothing ever happened for this album.
The name Embrace was their group, apparently.
Apparently, Ryzen set up a studio in his condo bedroom.
Oh, no.
Which is interesting.
Can you imagine being that guy's neighbor?
Oh, fuck.
Having to listen to this guy fucking rap.
At least in his fucking apartment.
The way this article describes it, quote, three computerized keyboards, which sit on
cardboard boxes covered with beach towels, serve as their, quote, orchestra.
Yeah.
Rison and Potter have written lyrics for 10 ballads and 15 up-tempo songs, taped layers of melodic lines on a four-track recorder,
and stacked their voices, beginning with tenor leads
and filling in baritone, alto, and soprano backups.
And have paid numerous fines to the apartment complex for noise pollution.
Well, the next line isn't the best part of it at all.
They said all that.
Then they said the next line is, quote, neither reads
or writes music.
So there's that. Killing it.
Killing it. But Stingray has
a rich, full voice developed
through years of gospel singing.
Rison's voice, on the other hand,
sounds strained and flat,
which is great. He says, quote,
a few months ago, this is what the other guy, Stingray, says about him.
Quote, a few months ago, he sounded like James Brown, shrieking and screaming into the microphone.
What Andre has for him is a passion for music.
He's not Luther Vandross, but who is?
His own partner's like, he can't sing, really, but he likes it.
He has fun out there.
And he's famous and pays for all his shit. You know how that works. He can't sing, but he likes it he has fun out there so and he's like famous and pays for all his show
you know how that works so he can't sing but you know he bought so much yet but he bought these
microphones that they work really well they're amazing uh yeah he envisions though ryzen said
he envisions music videos concert tours gold albums and shelves full of grammys full he said
quote you just wait.
When we go into the studio, I'll blow everybody away.
I'm determined to make it.
I'll be a star someday.
MC Hammer, you can't touch me.
Is that what he said?
He said that in 1990.
In 1990, he said that.
He said that at the height of man's fame.
At the height of MC Hammer.
Before the Addams Family
remix, he's banging
on him before he's got too legit
to quit out. When normal people were wearing
parachute pants because
of that man. He's banging on him already.
He's like, fuck him.
Ironic part of this whole
thing, or coincidental I should say.
They might be roommates right now.
Well, they're both sharing a room at the poorhouse.
1991, the beginning of the next year,
he appears in the MC Hammer Too Legit to Quit video.
Holy shit, he was in it?
After he talked shit to MC Hammer.
Which is fucking amazing.
He was in that video.
He was in that video.
That's amazing.
He just likes to run his mouth.
And everyone says it.
Chris Hinton here says, quote, Andre's mouth goes 120 miles per hour.
In the huddle, it's a wonder any quarterback can get a word in edgewise.
Andre says, I want the ball.
Throw it to me.
I can score.
Then after the snap, I've got to hurry downfield to protect him from the opponents he talks to.
Was his mouth powering his Mercedes that night?
Apparently, yeah.
That's why I thought he was going 95.
I was talking, officer.
You don't understand.
It shoots up when I talk.
It's energy.
I was saying, fuck MC Hammer, and it just sped.
But this guy, these offensive linemen have to go block, do the play.
Then they have to run downfield to protect Andre Rison because everyone wants to beat
the shit out of him because he's been talking shit the whole way down the field.
That's every play.
That's how it's described.
Jesus Christ.
Now, Andre, come on.
He's got a different one.
He doesn't say, I'm a pain in the ass that everybody has to, you know,
go fucking protect.
He says, in their own words, quote, ask my friends.
They'll tell you I'm a comedian.
I don't throw my achievements in anybody's face.
The comments I make are always funny. When I'm doing my job, I'm
doing what gets Andre over.
And I can't think of what somebody else
thinks about me. I have to worry about
what's up under my helmet. A wide receiver
is supposed to be skinny, not very strong,
fluid, and timid. I'm totally the opposite.
Nobody can intimidate me.
I will use my name in the third person
twice in one fucking quote.
Yeah, exactly.
And use a wrestling term, too.
It was over.
Like, what the fuck, man?
He has lost his fucking mind.
He's only been in the league two years.
You see what's going to happen to this guy?
He's barely a star yet.
He's just been in an MC Hammer video.
It's not even his video.
So that season, the Falcons go 10-6
under Coach Glanville there, which isn't bad.
They actually go to the playoffs.
They win a wild card game.
Really?
27-20 versus the Saints.
Yeah.
This was the time when the Saints had never won a playoff game.
The Aints.
The Aints, yeah.
Even when they were good there with Bobby Hebert, Dalton Hilliard.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Pat Swilling was a great linebacker.
Yes.
They had Jackson, the linebacker.
They had a stacked team.
Was Michael Haynes a wide receiver there, too?
Yes.
I don't know about that time he was or not, but he was, yeah, definitely.
And then they end up losing to the Redskins that year, 24-7 in the divisional playoffs.
That was the year the Redskins went to blow out the Bills in the Super Bowl.
They were a juggernaut.
So can't hold that against them.
He makes the Pro Bowl again in 91.
He plays in 16
games, starts 15, 81
receptions. He had 82 the year before,
so consistent as shit.
976 yards, 12 yards per
reception, and 12 touchdowns.
That's great. Makes the Pro Bowl,
makes 500 grand. Up in the ante.
That'll buy some beach towels to put on
those cardboard boxes in your recording studio. Put up foam up in your studio and respect your neighbors you
dick please lots of it double layer that shit it's at this point where he meets another lady
okay uh this lady uh will be having lots of contact with him forever most most of the time
through lawyers and the courts but uh we'll find out this is is Raycoa Handley. He meets R-A-Y-C-O-A.
Raycoa.
Raycoa.
Raycoa Handley.
Raycoa Handley.
Raycoa Handley.
What a shit name.
They're going to have two more kids.
Oh my God.
Also, of course, four boys total.
So yeah, he's got to do that.
Oh boy.
92 Falcons go 6-10.
Jerry Glanville again.
Fire this fucking guy.
They ended up firing him eventually, but Jesus.
92 makes the Pro Bowl again.
Not too bad.
He plays in 15 games, starts 13 of them.
93 receptions this year.
Fuck.
This was when he started to climb the ladder and pluck balls out of the air that he had no business getting.
Yeah, he was doing shit like that.
He was just so fast, drinking – he was a deep threat like crazy.
1,119 yards, which is great.
12 yards per reception and 11 touchdowns.
That's a fantastic year.
Like I said, good for the Pro Bowl and good for $875,000 as well.
Not bad.
Now, okay, this is what's interesting here.
Now, he met the Raycoa, and he's having kids with her and kind of whatever, sort of with her,
but mainly just impregnating her twice, not really with her.
But he also meets another lady at this point.
He meets a famous lady.
He meets Lisa Left Eye from TLC.
Is it Lopez?
Lisa Lopez.
Lopes, Lopez, Lopez.
I think it's Lopez.
That's what I always thought too, but you never know.
So he meets Left Eye there from TLC.
Yeah, it is L-O-P-E-S, right?
Yeah.
It's not the traditional spelling.
Exactly.
That's why it's a little scary.
So he meets her in March of 93.
They become friends.
Jesus, not more than friends, which is interesting. Yeah. So he meets her in March of 93. Yeah. They become friends. Yeah.
Jesus, not more than friends, which is interesting.
Yeah.
He says, quote, it didn't matter to me that she was a celebrity.
It was just her that I loved. Yeah.
Yeah.
He's like blinded by the celebrity shit.
Someone needs to tell him like, hey, you're kind of famous too.
Right.
You don't have to be famous making an album.
No.
You're famous for playing football.
Who cares?
Nobody needs a fucking hit song
to be... Not from you. No. Catch balls.
Yeah, right. Exactly. Leave your
fucking music shit in
your back pocket, in your condo.
Keep it in there and don't say shit about it.
It's fine. Just in that
room, block it off.
Don't let your neighbors hear it. We know what you do.
Double up the foam.
Yeah.
So this is March of 93.
They meet and start dating pretty heavily, pretty seriously right away, as people who have crazy relationships tend to do.
Sure.
They get very deep very fast.
Yeah.
And that's what happened here.
The wait is over.
So far, you're not losing.
The only thing you're losing is my patience.
Quickly, I see that.
Bing!
The queen of the courtroom is back.
I didn't do anything.
You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face.
I see he's not intimidated by anything.
I can fix that.
New cases.
She wanted to fight me.
Leave her alone.
Okay, so...
This is not a so. This is a period.
Classic Judy.
Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor.
You married his cousin.
His brother. That's not him.
Yes, ma'am. I would make a beeline for the door.
The Emmy Award winning series returns.
How did I know that?
I have crystal ball in my head.
It's an all new season.
It's streaming.
You can say anything.
Judy Justice.
Only on Freebie.
And now back to the show.
So that was March.
They just meet.
So you'd figure this was going to be a honeymoon period here.
At some point.
These two celebrities are going to have a good time and hang out for a while.
Until September 3rd, 1993.
That period seems to be up.
3rd, 1993.
That period seems to be up.
As a rise in here, Andre is arrested on a Thursday night on charges that he beat her and fired a gun into the air after two men tried to stop her from beating her.
Stop him from beating her.
In public, mind you.
So he beat the shit out of her.
Two guys tried to stop it, so he fired warning shots.
Yeah.
Apparently they left an Atlanta nightclub together, the two of these, and they got in an
argument and it was at that point
where he was assaulting
her from what everybody saw
and then he was also
by the way, Lopez
was also charged here
with obstruction for allegedly attacking the
police officer who then came to arrest him
in true white trash fashion.
White trash as fuck.
The cops come to then break up your fight and you then turn on the cops.
He seems like one of those scrubs that she talked about she didn't want.
I believe that's the exact person she was going for here.
Andre said, quote, all I was doing was defending myself.
It's a matter of a situation where we thought I might be hindered or harmed, where I thought I might be
hindered or harmed and I protected myself.
Well, you can't do that against
a woman in a parking lot. I'm sorry.
You can't do that. Police
said that she
then, Lopez, went inside a Kroger
grocery store and then
once that happened, he followed her in and
began striking her with his fist.
So he started punching her in a Kroger, which is a weird place to assault anyone.
Then Lopez, I guess, ran outside.
And while she ran outside, while she goes outside, Rison goes the other way to go to his car to get a gun.
You imagine being a shopper.
They're right at the entrance of the grocery store every
one of them is the produce session right punch punch punch you're pulling fucking mac and cheese
off the shelf you're like is that andre rising beating the shit out of left eye not only that
every time they're doing it the fucking automatic doors are opening and closing
which is another thing that's very distracting i feel like it's punch open punch close
i'm sorry that's terrible but yeah he feel like it's punch open, punch close. I'm sorry.
That's terrible.
But yeah, no one should be punching anybody.
But the other shoppers are, that's crazy.
So then she runs outside.
But by the way, we're saying all this because we know what her revenge is.
Jimmy and I do.
If you don't know, trust me, she gets revenge.
So let's just say that.
Not that it makes it right, but she gets plenty of revenge.
And at this point, too, she was one of the most famous pop stars.
Oh, she was huge.
It was them and SWV, man.
They were a big power couple.
Fucking bananas.
It was them and it was David Justice and Halle Berry were another big couple.
I'm thinking about, I'm just thinking about pop groups.
I was thinking about like these famous couples.
Like it was, you know.
Bobby Brown and these two.
Bobby Brown and Whitney, Halle Berry and David Justice and like these two.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I forgot about those two.
They were the big, yeah.
So anyway, after all, Jesus Christ, she runs outside.
It's not funny.
She runs outside away from him because he's beating her.
He runs to his car to get a gun for some reason.
I don't know why you would need a gun.
So then a woman offers a ride to Left Eye, which sounds, you know, reasonable.
Can I help you?
Do you need a ride?
Let's go chase waterfalls.
So Rison then threatens this woman with the gun and fired some shots into a wall outside the store to let this lady know that he meant fucking business.
Holy shit.
Yeah.
He says that he was carrying his gun only for protection, but he ran to the car to get it to get protection from who?
Your girlfriend?
What the fuck is wrong with you?
She weighs 110 pounds.
I don't think you need protection from her.
She's the smallest of the group.
She's tiny.
She's so little.
And you're a professional athlete.
She had a condom in one of the videos over her eye, and it covered her whole head.
Yeah, she's a small person.
Because she's so little.
He also said, quote, a man of my stature and the stature of the women I date, we're both stars.
So he's like, I got to carry a gun because we're both stars.
Now, he ends up being freed on $16,500 bond because he beat the shit out of a woman and fired shots off in a public place.
A grocery store.
And threatened another woman with a gun.
I mean, this isn't a nightclub at 2 in the morning.
No, this is a fucking...
Where it's like everybody there, like we always say, the second you go into a nightclub past midnight,
you're automatically 49% responsible for getting beat up.
We always say that.
Exactly.
For whatever happens to you, no matter how little, it's your fault.
This is a grocery store in the middle of the day.
The last place you expect to see Andre Rison shooting a 9mm at the grocery store.
There's old ladies and kids and shit there, and he's bucking shots off in the parking lot.
Going, don't be giving my woman a ride.
Wow.
So, yeah, he's a fucking mess at that point.
So, as if he didn't have enough going on in his life now with all this football, he's got MC Hammer videos,
he's got famous girlfriends that he's firing shots off at in Kroger parking lots.
As if that's not enough.
And on September 6th, 1993, I don't know if this was a distraction or what, because that was September 3rd.
September 6th, he announces that he's considering playing basketball in Europe.
What?
Where the fuck did that come from?
You're the number one receiver.
You can't leave.
You're a pro bowler every single year.
He says, quote, I know I could take those guys.
There's a lot of stiffs being imported over there, and they're coming back here with all that money.
Damn, it's like stealing.
Showtime in Europe?
Yeah, I could see it now.
I'd be taking people to the hoop in about 10 different languages.
Oh, boy.
This is where his brain, he's lost it.
Yeah.
Now with the album and with it, he's lost his fucking mind in one narcissistic pit.
Remember what happened when you took a one-year break from basketball?
Yeah.
Now you're taking like a four-year break and you're going to go back?
Four.
He hasn't played since 87.
87 is the last time he played.
This is ridiculous.
And that was against college players.
And he had 1.2 points per game.
These, no.
Don't say you're going to do that.
Just stick to what the fuck you're doing.
Stop being an asshole.
But this is what I mean.
He's so narcissistic.
He's like, oh, shit, I'll go over there.
And he referred to himself in – he's referred to his own nickname that he gave himself in the third person.
And what is it?
Showtime.
Like the Lakers.
I didn't realize he called himself that.
Well, that was the beginning of his career.
And then we'll go on to later on.
And then obviously everyone – he can call himself whatever he wants because Chris Berman on primetime from day one called him Andre Bad Moon Risen.
So everyone on earth that knows who he is says, oh, Bad Moon Risen.
Everyone knows that.
So then he tried later on, fast forward a little bit here, when he goes to Kansas City in the late 90s,
he renames himself Spider-Man.
Did he really?
They say, why is your name?
And when he'd score a touchdown, he'd act like he was shooting webs out of his hand.
Andre, that's trademarked, bro.
And people would say, why are you calling yourself Spider-Man?
And he'd say, well, Spider-Man has a really positive image, and I'd like to project that more.
And it's like, well, Spider-Man solves crimes.
Right.
He, like, fucking goes into the city and, like, takes down villains.
You're doing shit.
Spider-Man wraps dudes like you in webs until the police get there.
Yeah, while they're beating their girlfriend at a grocery store.
Oh, no, that guy's about to fire a gunshot in a broad daylight at a grocery store.
I better hit him with the web.
So he called himself Showtime.
Meanwhile, there was already the Lakers were Showtime.
There's been a ton of Showtimes.
He said he's going to bring Showtime to Europe.
Oh, Jesus.
No, that's the Lakers.
You're going to bring Deion Sanders with you?
Didn't he go by Showtime for a while, too?
No, he was Primetime.
Primetime, that's right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1993.
I just remember Neon.
Yeah, Neon, Deion, Primetime.
October 27th, 1993, an Atlanta municipal judge dismissed assault and weapons charges against
Rison based on the Lopez incident because she wouldn't cooperate with the whole thing, obviously, because she attacked a police officer.
She was freed on $1,200 bond that day, by the way.
Prosecutors said the case might be reopened and it might be investigated further.
He was also that day charged with an aggravated assault, discharging a firearm, simple battering, and carrying a pistol without a license.
He didn't even have a license.
Fuck no.
And he could get one.
Yeah.
You're a goddamn, you have enough money, you can go get a license.
That's what it is.
Guys like this carrying an unlicensed firearm, it's like, why are you doing that?
In Georgia, too.
You can have guns there.
You can get them.
It's probably pretty easy.
It's the South.
I can't imagine it's hard to get them.
It's an afternoon filling out a paperwork.
That's probably it.
Absurd.
The team that year goes 6-10, the Falcons.
Not that it matters to him. He's got
a lot of other shit going on, but still,
this is 93. He makes the Pro Bowl
again this year. Of course.
I'm going to play basketball, idiot.
Starts all 16 games.
Has 86 receptions.
So, I mean, this is consistent.
82-81, 93-86.
I can't even think of the No. 2
receiver while he was there.
That's great.
For Atlanta, yeah.
That's how important he was to that team.
He was.
He was it.
If you played Super Tecmo Bowl, you know that he was the team.
He was the guy you're passing to.
1,242 yards receiving this year and 15 touchdowns, which is huge.
That's great.
That's monstrous.
He led the league in receiving touchdowns.
He led the league.
Yeah.
14.4 yards per reception.
Makes the Pro Bowl and makes a good chunk of money.
Yeah.
This year, he makes $2,109,000.
Oh, boy.
So now we're talking.
Yeah.
He really starts to piss his money away, too.
Let's get a few quotes from later on.
That's the thing, too.
What are they doing at Kroger?
They don't even shop there. No.
There's no way he shops i feel like
they pulled over because they were fighting in the parking lot and she said get let me out of the
fucking car and she got out of the car and she went in the grocery store because she's like i'll
go in here where it's public and he'll leave me the fuck alone he won't punch me over the bananas
not so fast i'll punch you right in front of the oatmeal that quakerats guy does not fucking deter me one bit. He doesn't slow me down.
And yeah.
He fucking amps me up, matter of fact.
So he said about this, this is later on,
this is a quote from that Broke documentary that ESPN put out,
which is the most entertaining shit you're going to watch.
It's an hour and a half of formerly very wealthy athletes
telling you what they did to piss all their money away.
And then at the end, you're like, the guy's like, I'm on Social Security insurance.
The other guy's like, I got disability.
And you're just like, Jesus Christ, this is fucking horrible.
One time I had three houses that I got and five cars and a million dollars in the bank,
and now I live with my uncle and collect Social Security.
The whole basement's mine, though.
And you're like, oh, my God, this is terrible.
It's like Toe Nash.
Oh, it is.
Minus all the horrible crimes.
Yeah, and plus success at some point.
He says, quote, I guarantee you I spend a million dollars on jewelry.
Chains, crosses, you name it.
How much is that one?
It doesn't matter.
Just get it.
Whoa.
So that's how he was rolling.
That's stupid.
That's what I mean. Stupid fuck not he wasn't like i tried to start like a restaurant chain and it failed and i tried
to do like business shit that was stupid tried to make more money with my money buying chains
and crosses and cars and he said later on like if he knew somebody like around from around that he
knew that was like good at music i'll just throw him money and get a studio.
Just here, go buy all the equipment you need.
Just do your thing.
He was just like shit like that.
Dumb.
Yeah, dumb.
Stupid as fuck tried to start a record label later, which is never a good idea for an athlete to do.
That's not your business.
No.
Sorry.
You catch football.
Stick with that.
Do you see any record executives fucking running a fade route to the back corner of the end zone?
Probably not.
That's the fucking difference.
That's the time you saw Barry Gordy running the fucking 40.
Ever.
Not happening.
No.
So stay out of their business.
Jesus.
Who's that head Michael whatever the fuck, the guy that fucking robbed Michael Jackson for all the money?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did you ever see that guy play football?
Fuck no.
He's fat as shit and he's loving his life yeah so uh june 8th 1994 here's where shit gets
crazy okay ryzen goes out clubbing with some buddies oh boy uh he gets home after 5 a.m uh
this is uh he's greeted by a pissed off lisa left eye lopez yeah he's not happy that he's home at
5 a.m no where are you then, motherfucker?
Yeah, she says that she's upset, or he says that she's upset that he bought himself a bunch of new sneakers and didn't get her any.
She's not even mad, apparently, that he's home at 5 a.m.
She's like, why the fuck are you buying all those sneakers and I got nothing?
So that's an odd thing.
At 5 a.m., that's the last argument you expect when you come home.
Lisa, you've got enough money to buy your own shit.
You have platinum albums.
Why are you relying on this idiot?
He claims, though, through this whole thing, he claims he was, quote, very sober, which makes me think he's not sober at all.
That's like O.J. Simpson saying I'm 100% absolutely positively not guilty.
Just say you're not guilty.
Don't say you're very sober.
There's either sober or not sober.
One of the two.
Very sober means I had a few drinks.
Right.
So he says, quote, I knew she'd been drinking some, but I didn't know what was upsetting her.
I started taking blows to the face.
Finally, I grabbed her and asked her what was wrong, but she kept coming at me.
Okay.
Finally, I grabbed her and asked her what was wrong, but she kept coming at me.
Okay.
He claims that left eye, that he slapped her now in an effort to calm her down.
Okay.
Not in a violent way.
You know, he's a good guy, obviously. It's not in like a punch in the grocery store type of way.
This is in like we've talked about, like someone's hysterical in a movie, and then you slap them and they go, thanks, I needed that.
That's what he's claiming he did.
She was attacking him for no reason, so he said he slapped her in an effort to calm her
down.
That's all it was.
That sounds so much like the Deacon Jones.
When you hit a man or a woman, it's like that.
I just pictured the line from Airplane fixing that unruly passenger.
People got brass knuckles and a baseball bat.
Working about to work them over.
Can't wait to get her out of the stairs.
If you're, if they're, okay.
If there's a situation where anyone, I'm going to say especially a woman, but just anyone,
if they're mad at you and the situation is escalating, I'm going to go ahead and say
a slap to the face is the last thing that's going to calm it down.
It's like pissing on an anthill.
I feel like you're just...
What is that, a fire?
I better put that out.
What's this liquid?
Lighter fluid?
It's liquid.
It should work.
Just to calm it down.
I heard pour water on it.
This will do it.
This will do.
It's still liquid.
It's clear.
Fuck it.
No problem.
So he said that didn't work, obviously.
So he said then the argument moved inside the house.
This was like in the driveway.
She confronted him like, hey, motherfucker.
He wasn't even in the door yet.
I've been inside.
I saw your sneakers.
They did the shit like she was like Henry Hill's mother-in-law there, like we talked about a couple weeks ago.
What kind of people stay out all night long?
And he was just like, what the fuck?
But rather than just turning around, get back in the car, he went
inside and slapped his mother-in-law across the face
to calm her down. Shut up, you old Jew broad.
Pow.
What the fuck, man? That ought to calm you down.
That ought to calm you down. What?
What's the problem?
Fucking assholes.
What, now I'm the asshole?
That's what you figure is going to
come from this. He's going to hit her, and then everybody's going to go, well, that wasn't the right thing to do.
No.
What are you talking about?
I was calming her down.
Did my part.
So the argument moves inside the house.
It's at this point where it's alleged that Rison picks her up, physically picks her up, and body slams her onto the bed.
And then sat on her.
So he slammed her on the bed and then sat on her. So he slammed her on the bed
and then sat on her
like a child would do,
like a fat older brother would do
to a younger brother
to say you're not going to go
get an ice cream sandwich
while the ice cream man's bells
and fucking music
went by the house.
He'd get softer and softer.
No, play me up.
That's what he's doing
except in a horrible,
abusive, domestic violence way,
not in a charming child
sibling rivalry way
forcing your little brother to run to get it
yeah so he slammed her onto the bed
sat on her and what he called
an effort to control her
no
leave the house if you want to control her
because she's not going to be controlled
and quite frankly
you don't have to control her if don't get to get wild let her get wild that's her fucking business you don't
get to control her you call the police they'll if she breaks the law yeah they will control her so
what he does that doesn't doesn't calm her down okay she's still mad so what he does is he says
fuck it and he leaves which is what he should do at this point he should leave and if she's being
super violent if she was attacking him and he couldn't stop her he should have called the
fucking cops but also if she doesn't live there um maybe you get her out too yes but i don't think
she's leaving i think she's gonna fight the whole time this is gonna either end with him leaving or
police coming into the house one of the two words is not gonna end with her going okay i guess i'll
go that shit ain't going down so what does, as anybody reasonable would do at this point, obviously there's a lot of options here.
You can call the cops.
You can fucking leave.
You can gather your shit and go.
I don't know what you do here because I'm not a woman who's going to figure it out, have a glass of wine.
She has a different approach to it.
She has a different approach to it.
She gets a pair of his sneakers, the cause of the strife here, and takes them to the bathtub and sets them on fire.
Okay.
Okay.
So the plan – okay, I know how this goes.
Yes.
The source of the argument was the Air Force Ones.
So in order to – I will burn these fucking Air Force Ones in the bathtub.
She got on the phone with a friend.
That was her solution.
That motherfucker gone, I'm going to phone a friend.
I feel like it was one of those, oh, how dare he leave now after I.
So it's like I was pissed at him, and now he left, so I'm going to get him back.
She called T-Boz, and T-Boz was like, listen, girl, here's what you do.
Yes.
You got some kerosene?
A pair of sneakers on fire in the bathtub.
Now, Andre Bryson's brother is there also in the house while this is going on. And Andre Bryson's brother said that he saw her standing over this Whirlpool bathtub,
watching the flames grow higher and higher and shouting, quote, I don't care anymore.
Oh, my God.
That's a bad sign.
Yeah.
While there's an uncontrolled in-home fire and someone screaming, I don't care anymore.
This is the start of a bad day.
This is about to go wrong.
Then she was like, OK, I got that going.
I have time, though.
This is burning.
I got to do a multitask. Let me grab this vacuum cleaner pipe and go outside and bash in a couple of his windshields.
Whoa, she's got a Shoe-ba-cue going on.
On two of his very expensive cars.
She's going to leave an uncontrolled burn burning.
Gone.
That's fine.
While she goes and beats the shit out of this car.
I got to go back up the car now first.
So that's the fire.
It'll tend to itself up there.
It's doing fine.
She's got like a bonus round of fucking Street Fighter going on now.
Just running down, do that, go back up.
So before long, this is all happening, the whole mansion goes up in flames.
This is a 15,000 square foot house.
Oh, my God.
15,000 square foot house that's meticulously furnished as well, because this guy is very narcissistic like that.
Everything's perfect.
She burnt this fucking thing to the ground.
To try to get rid of some raw flavors.
And I'm talking about, if you've ever seen this shit, it is to the ground.
There's like five toothpicks remaining of this entire mansion.
That's amazing.
It's insane.
So the whole thing is burning.
They say, though, that there might have been more than one pair of sneakers after that.
You think so?
She might have done all of that because I guess it was just so much fire.
Did she just take the vacuum cleaner pipe and then throw the vacuum in, too?
Yeah, no.
She's just burning everything?
So then Andre Rison had no fucking idea.
That his house was on fire?
That his house was on fire at all.
He spent the morning at a teammate of his, Jason Phillips.
He went over to his house, completely unaware of what the fuck happened.
So then around 9 a.m., Jason's wife, Jason Phillips' wife, Jeanette, drove him home.
He said, quote, there were all these fire trucks.
I couldn't believe it.
I just sat down and cried.
I guess fucking so.
It's all gone.
He comes home to the biggest house fire you can possibly imagine.
And it was on ESPN.
It was goddamn insane.
It was a huge 15,000 square feet of fire.
It was crazy.
I bet he had cash in there, too. Oh, I'm sure. You know It was crazy. I bet he had cash in there, too.
Oh, I'm sure.
You know he had cash.
You know he had cash somewhere.
He said by the time he got home, there wasn't much of the way of inside of the house left.
The whole inside and the rest of it was burning.
The next day, Lopez turns herself in to Atlanta police.
She was charged with felony arson.
I remember that mugshot.
Released on $75,000 bail.
Five days later, she went into rehab.
Says she had a pretty bad alcohol problem, which I'm going to go ahead and agree with her.
I think that's an alcohol problem.
I think that's what killed her, matter of fact.
It wasn't necessarily her behind the wheel.
No.
But they were passing a bottle.
No, it was a joint.
Was it a joint or a bottle?
I don't remember.
I'm not sure.
They're passing an illegal controlled substance around the vehicle and that's why it flipped.
Yeah, there's a problem there. We'll get to that.
Now, he denies he
ever abused her. Really? He said,
I never touched her, even though he said I slapped her to
try to calm her down. He said,
quote, it hurts me because I'm not like that.
We did everything together. Shopped,
cooked, laughed, cried, went to nightclubs,
parks, functions. Thought? It hurts
me. Burned shit, fired gunshots. It hurts me. Burned shit.
Fired gunshots.
It hurts me.
We didn't burn my house to the ground together.
Had a fist fight in aisle six.
We did everything together.
No idea.
So that night, he rode his motorcycle, because that's what he had left, because the other ones were burned, to the Falcons training camp, which was about 40 miles north of Atlanta.
He says he thought briefly about swerving into an expressway median while he was on this trip.
He said, it was like I'd gone the full limit.
So, I mean, he was fucking distraught.
He's lost his girl, and now his house is burned to the fucking ground with all his shit in it.
This is awesome.
This is insane.
burned to the fucking ground with all his shit in it.
This is awesome.
This is insane.
She says Lopez in court insists that she wasn't trying to burn the house down.
Just shoes.
I just wanted to set a pair of shoes on fire.
And they said, yeah, a pair of sneakers and a whirlpool won't burn a mansion down.
You did a little more than that. And also we have a witness that said you said, I don't care anymore as the flames started
to engulf the room.
It's not great.
Your parting phrase to go beat the fuck out of his Mercedes was, I don't care.
I don't care anymore.
So the judge says, I do care, actually, as a matter of fact, and sentences her to live
at a halfway house.
Is that right?
That's it.
Halfway house, five years probation, and a $10,000 fine.
That seems like a lot.
The house was worth a million and a half dollars.
She gets a $10,000 fine.
That ain't nothing.
That's nothing.
She got nothing, basically.
No.
Not a damn thing.
Five years probation sucks, though.
That sucks.
But the strange thing is, afterwards, they're still together.
Yeah.
He does not break up with her, and she doesn't break up with him.
No. Wow.
June 27, 1994,
this is like a few weeks later,
there's an interview with him, and he said
the reporter said he still seems
to be in a bit of shock about the whole thing.
He says the only way he could
imagine finding any peace would be going
out to the 50-yard line, lying down, and
waiting for the night.
He says, then when it gets real quiet, I think I'd be able to hear her voice.
I still love her, you know.
He's giving these weird, like, strange, like, fucking cryptic love shout-outs to her.
She burned down a million-dollar house, bro. Yeah, like, wow.
She is terrible.
And he also denies ever abusing her in any way, which is fucking amazing.
He said, I've cried a lot, but I can't say that I've shed one tear for the house.
I can replace the house, but I can't replace the life I had or a certain girl.
No.
How do you?
Wow.
I've got so many questions.
I have a lot of questions.
That's ridiculous.
How do you say you can replace that house?
Not many times, bro. Not many times over. That shit is a million dollars. I have a lot of questions. That's ridiculous. How do you say you can replace that house? Not many times, bro.
Not many times over.
That shit is a million dollars.
I know you probably had insurance, but still, that's all your shit, too.
Right.
He said all he saved out of it was a handful of footballs that he had, like game balls.
Like, an armful of footballs is all he got out of his house.
That's it.
Yeah, an armful.
Still smell like fucking bacon.
Dude, it's crazy.
Those things, anything that's been in a house fire, it smells forever.
It's done.
You have to burn the house down to get rid of it.
The house is over.
So 1994, after all this is going on, he's having a lot of problems.
Why wouldn't you make him a youth spokesperson at that point?
Obviously, that's what you do.
I mean, he has a lot of things to tell him to avoid.
To avoid, yeah.
And also the kids look up to him.
a lot of things to tell him to avoid.
To avoid, yeah, and also the kids look up to him.
He goes to Martin Luther King Junior Middle School in downtown
Atlanta. 917
children go there. They all live
in the five housing projects that surround
the school. It's not a good area.
It's, you know,
there are some tough kids going
through some tough times, but
Rison comes there to talk to
these people. He was selected by Champ Sports, the large chain that was the sponsor of the program,
to award $10,000 in new athletic equipment to the Atlanta Middle School that produces the most positive billboard message for youth.
And then Andre Risen is going there to present this to them.
That's nice.
The winning slogans are believe, achieve, and succeed.
And I am, I can, I will.
And that's what they got.
That's the winners?
Those are the winners.
It's middle school.
What do you want?
Now, Risen says, quote, I have children to raise.
And when I see you, I see them.
I didn't come to preach.
I came to talk to you and for you to talk to me.
The youth of our society are going through a storm right now.
Look around you.
A lot of people sitting next to you, you won't see in a few years.
I see all the designer clothes some of you are wearing.
I didn't have that growing up. But I had a grandmother and a grandfather who taught me three things.
Respect your elders, love one another, and try to be a better person every day.
There is time to play and time to work.
I just don't show up on the field.
I do my homework, and you have to do yours.
So cliche.
So cliche.
He just showed up with a book of cliches.
What can I read that will approach you guys and meet you where you need to be?
I think I will try to relate to you now.
So later on, though, like a week later, the word is that when he's a free agent,
there's a lot of NFL general managers that don't want any part of him.
Somebody interrupted that speech when he goes, I look at y'all and some of y'all won't be here tomorrow.
What's that?
Oh, don't tell them they're going to die.
OK.
OK, yeah, that's not a good thing.
Clichés.
Ready, y'all?
Y'all ever see a house fire?
Why did we make him Southern?
He's from Flint, Michigan.
We made him Southern.
Oh, don't tell them that they're going to die?
Yeah.
So he says, though, they said general managers don't want him.
Apparently there's a big lot of them in the league.
Like, I wouldn't touch that guy with a 10-foot pole.
He laughs about it.
He says, quote, I've really got those people fooled.
They think I'm
Rambo. I got people
here shook up. Some people, some reporters
walk up to me and they're scared.
It's like I'm a modern-day underground
activist. What the fuck are you talking about?
He says, there's so
much I see going on here that I don't say a word
about, but sometimes I'm just going to comment
about what's wrong and what's right. I've
spent the last six years and even before that in college trying to prove myself as
a player.
It's been a struggle, hard work.
I've done it.
Now I've got to spend the next few years proving myself as a person, proving my character.
There will always be something out there for me to justify, but I will win at this too.
Okay.
So what does that say?
I'm good now.
It's fine.
Fine.
Now, he is good on the field.
Before this season starts, he has caught more passes in his first five years of his NFL career than any other receiver.
Is that right?
Ever.
More than Jerry Rice.
More than Sterling Sharp.
He had 50 more catches than Jerry Rice in his first five years.
Is this still today?
I don't know about now.
It might be.
But that's that.
It might be. It might be.
By this time, the quarterback
that he was traded for there in the draft,
Jeff George, is now on the Falcons.
So that's how long that lasted.
He says, quote, right now, he's the best receiver
in the NFL. He has the hands, the moves,
the determination. He also
has a child support suit, a
paternity suit,
and he's been several violations of gun laws and everything else.
And he's also in the middle of a new build of his house.
That's the other problem.
He says, quote, sure, I have problems, obviously, but I'll be damned if I'm the only guy that has a child.
I have problems.
The problems are solved.
I'm not the only person to have problems.
Stop talking about me with fucking problems is what he said.
How dare you?
I have a lot of problems. My problems ain't your problems. Leave my about me with fucking problems is what he said. How dare you? Ain't a lot of problems. My problems
ain't your problems. Leave my problems out of this.
Jeff George says, quote, he's not the bad
guy everybody thinks he is. I've gotten to be
good friends with him and I just don't see that he's
a bad person. Yeah, he's your number one receiver.
You don't give a fuck what he does. By the way,
Jeff George is known as one of the biggest assholes
to ever be in the NFL. He literally is.
The most hated people by
everyone he's ever played with around. That's awesome. He he's a piece of shit so that tells you a lot so 1994 falcons again october 94 uh deon
sanders and andre ryzen were fined 7500 each because they slapped and punched each other
while they were being covered because he plays deon moved to san francisco yeah they're playing
against each other and they had a slap fight. I remember this. They basically
just boxed each other's ears with helmets
on. They left their
hats on? Yeah, it was just pat, pat, pat.
It was the stupidest thing you ever wanted to see.
My favorite fight is with
Andre Johnson and that little
fucking rat shit
fuck from Tennessee.
Johnson ripped his helmet. Finnegan.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cortland Finnegan. Johnson ripped his helmet. Finnegan. Yeah, yeah. Cortland Finnegan.
There you go.
Andre ripped his helmet off so that he could punch him.
That's the move.
That makes sense.
You take the helmet off and you drill the guy in the fucking mouth.
Or you grab him by the face mask and pull him to the ground and then punch him in the
kidneys.
One of the two.
This was literally two grown men slapping each other on the side of helmets and face
masks.
So dumb.
No one was getting hurt.
No.
But they're still both fined $7,500 by the NFL for this.
Because that looks bad to the kids.
It looked terrible to the kids.
Don't do that in front of kids.
Kids should know how to fight like fucking real people who know how to fight.
Men, women, fuck somebody.
Fucking get Mandy Malone in there to show them a thing or two because this is terrible.
Fight like adults, you pussies.
If Andre Rison jumped up and gave him like a spinning kick to the head Maloon style, I would have
fucking loved that fight.
That would have been great.
That would have been awesome.
Pow!
I'd be like, holy shit.
Where did that come from?
That's amazing.
Team goes 7-9 that year.
New coach, June Jones, who also doesn't really do too much for them.
also doesn't really do too much for them uh he is uh he suspended the november 20th game against denver uh because uh he was late to team meetings 19 times okay which is not okay but of those 19
times 16 times occurred during training camp which was the time that his house was burnt down okay so
they gave him a little bit of a pass because he's having a little longer he had a little bit of an
issue extended stays a few miles down the road.
Yeah.
They said he was never late to his offensive team meetings, but to the overall team meetings
and the special teams gatherings.
He said he was not part of special teams.
Why the fuck should I be there?
So they sat him out.
They were like, well, we told you to be here.
That's why.
He said publicly he didn't care what happened, but then he also said that he watched the game at home and he was pissed off that the announcers were talking shit at him.
He said, quote, it was take a shot at Andre Rison day.
It's been take a shot at Andre Rison year.
Burn my house down, why don't you, cocksuckers.
So not thrilled.
Sometimes I do wish that I could sit next to the player that they are just bashing
horrendously while he's pissed yeah yeah and just watch him stew that's funny especially
ones that are injured sitting at home oh yeah yeah so suspended 1994 uh he does the first year
he doesn't make the pro bowl since his rookie year. 15 games, 14 started.
81 receptions, 1,088 yards, 13.4 yards per catch, 8 touchdowns.
That's still a real good productive year, so that's not bad.
He makes $797,589.
That's nice.
So even not focused, he can still do it. March 25, 1995, he signs with the Browns.
Oh, my God.
He went there?
Yeah.
Five-year deal with the Browns, he signs with the Browns. Oh, my God. He went there? Yeah. Five-year deal with the Browns, he signs.
Five-year, $17 million contract with the Browns.
That's a good one.
Which, at that time, was the most lucrative contract for a wide receiver in history.
Exactly.
More than Jerry Rice.
Really?
More than everybody.
He was the highest-paid receiver.
At $17 million?
$17 million.
Over five years.
That's the difference of football then and now.
Wow.
Yeah.
Crazy, right?
Of course, they didn't have the DirecTV package to sell and all that shit either.
So by now, obviously, and this is clear, by now he has a 40-person entourage.
Jesus.
40 people he comes into places with.
He drags 40 people around with him?
40-person entourage.
Oh, my God.
Now he's got big money in the bank.
He really thinks he's hot shit.
He's dating a pop star. Yeah He really thinks he's hot shit. He's dating a pop star. He thinks
he's hot shit. He says that
Muhammad Ali and his bravado
style are his biggest inspiration.
And he still says
he believes he could play ball on the pro level.
And he says he's
starting his own recording label.
Of course. Not for nothing.
We don't have Andre
Risen money. No.
But any time that we do a live show and we go to some bar afterwards, we got 40 people there.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
But we didn't bring them to the live show.
They were our friends that we brought to hang out at the live.
That's what he's doing.
We have to earn our entourage.
They're not an entourage at that point.
They're just people that we're friends with that like us, that like our show, and we talked to for a while.
And then had some drinks with. They're not an entourage that's my i'll go our separate
way at the end of the night that's my version of a two million dollar entourage just some friends
that we've made uh we have an in their own word about how he likes himself uh he says in their
own words quote i like what i've become i'm not finished with what i will be i'm going to have a
new cd come out soon and i'm going to be. I'm going to have a new CD come out soon,
and I'm going to tell all. It's going to have
my truest feelings, starting with my family
because my family affects me in the most emotional
way, more than anything else could.
I'm not afraid to be vocal, and I'm not afraid to be
right. And I know I'm not always right,
but I'm always for real.
CD title coming out?
Nine Lives, he says. Get out of here.
This CD never comes out. This is the second announced CD that never comes out, ever.
The other one was Essence?
Yeah, Embrace.
Embrace.
Never came out.
That was the group name was Embrace.
This is Nine Lives is the title of his CD, but never fucking comes out.
Andre Padman Arisen.
Yeah, that's that there.
And now back to the show.
Wow.
He spent so much money at strip clubs and shit, too.
Here's another quote.
Well, he's in Cleveland.
Yeah.
Quote, we were going to new levels.
We were making it snow.
You start by throwing $100 bills instead of fives.
Start.
Start.
Holy shit. He was saying in this interview, he's like, yeah, they have people make it100 bills instead of fives. Start. Start. Holy shit.
He was saying in this interview, he's like, yeah, they have people make it rain.
We made it snow.
That's hundreds.
I was like, that's.
That's too much.
That's insanity.
That's stupid.
That's just stupid.
That's just throwing money in the garbage.
Cleveland 95.
They go five and 11.
No offense, strippers.
Yeah, sorry, strippers.
That's not your fault.
We're making fun of him, not you.
You're smart for taking his hundreds of dollars.'re brilliant for taking it uh so cleveland 95 they go 5 and 11
because they're cleveland that's what they do uh that's coach bill belichick there no shit oh yeah
that is the belichick brown his first season as i don't think so because then he went back then he
went on to be like the co-coach of the jetsets with Bill Parcells while Parcells was kind of suspended.
Was he co or was he like –
He was co for a minute and then he ended up – they said that they were going to give him the job.
But Parcells was going to be like his boss and sort of part coach.
And that's the start of all the Parcells hating him.
And then he just left and then he went to New England and the rest is history.
us this history uh so that year though 95 ryzen has plays in 16 games starts 14 has uh one has 47 receptions for 701 yards and uh 14.9 yards for carrying three touchdowns okay so a lot less
production but he makes five million five hundred seventy eight thousand dollars in cleveland wow
which buys you most of cleveland That's his first year in Cleveland?
That's his first because that's the signing bonus for the contract is included in that.
Got it.
Okay.
Now, after the season, the Browns are moving to Baltimore.
That's their last year in Cleveland.
Okay.
The Cleveland Browns that are there now are our new Cleveland Browns.
This Cleveland Browns is the Baltimore Ravens.
Art Modell, right?
Yes, exactly.
In the middle of the night.
Packed them all up.
Don't say shit, you guys.
Let's go out.
And this is what the Earthsays did with Baltimore, too. They snuck out in the middle of the night. Packed them all up. Don't say shit, you guys. Let's go out. And this is what the Earth Days did with Baltimore, too.
They snuck out in the middle of the night, and then these guys snuck back in.
So he was mad at the fans who were pissed off that they would be relocating,
so the fans were booing Cleveland, which I don't blame them.
You guys are fucking leaving.
He was pissed off about this.
Rison said after they lost to the Packers, Rison had been being booed throughout the game.
After the game, he said, quote, we didn't make the fucking move.
So for all the booers, fuck you too.
I'll be glad when we get to Baltimore if that's the case.
We don't have any home field advantage.
I've never been booed at home.
Baltimore's our home.
Baltimore, here we come.
Oh, boy.
So he said, fuck you too to all the booers. He's not happy. Baltimore, here we come. Oh, boy. So he said, fuck you, too, to all the booers.
He's not happy.
Fuck Cleveland.
I do now remember him in a Browns uniform after that quote.
I remember him saying that.
He leaves driving to Baltimore with his middle finger out the window of his smashed windshield Mercedes going 128 miles an hour with a trunk full of sneakers.
And that's all he's got.
This move's going to be easy for me.
Yeah.
I got one car and a trailer for my motorcycle.
That's it, and five footballs.
Right.
So July 9th, 1996, though, Baltimore says they can't afford him with this move and all
this shit, too.
We can't afford you with your signing bones.
Can't afford him.
Sorry, they cut him.
So he's released by Baltimore.
Oh, shit.
He's released.
He's still going to get signed. A week later, July
16th, he signs with Jacksonville.
Remember that? My Christ, I don't.
I didn't remember that at all.
July 27th, 96, he's just
started with Jacksonville, and he says
he wants his jersey, his number 80
jersey with Jacksonville. He says
there's Willie Jackson as a second-year receiver
who currently wears it, and
Rison says, quote, eventually I'm going to get it,
even if Willie and I have to go tussle in the room after curfew.
I offered him some money.
We're still negotiating.
That is my favorite thing about the NFL.
Guys want their numbers.
I love that, too.
There is a kicker, the kicker for the Giants.
I forget his name.
God damn it.
He doesn't play for them now.
Maybe it was Feely. I think it was Feely.
Numbers are important, man.
He paid, or he got
because he picks a number that
people like. I think it was 80
or 11, I mean, something like that.
That's Phil Simms. That's retired on the Giants.
You can't have that. That's Eli.
Ah, fuck. It's a number.
17. It's 17 because I think
Plaxico Burris bought it from him
i was he wearing 17 or 11 14 or some shit like that it doesn't matter doesn't matter point is
he he would sell these numbers that was the number that's it and he fucking the guy got
feely had so much 10 burris is 10 is he is he 10 i think he's 10 any no you're right eli's 10 i'm
an idiot why did i say 10 like that's not it's a team number either think he's 10. Eli's 10, isn't he? No, you're right. Eli's 10. I'm an idiot. Why did I say 10?
It's a team number.
Either way, he sells a fucking number.
He sells a number.
He had a fucking outdoor barbecue set, like an outdoor kitchen built at his house.
He had a fucking paid vacation.
These people pay like 50 grand just to get the jersey off of somebody else's back.
And it's weird because it's like that's how it is in football.
I don't give a fuck.
But like in baseball, it's a lot different it's like a respect thing in baseball
too like rod beck my friend he went to the red socks when he showed up at the red socks jason
varitek was wearing 47 which is rod's chosen number he wore it on the giants and cubs before
that varitek walked up to him because this is what catchers do because they want their pitchers
to be comfortable and they don't give a fuck. He said, hey, this is yours, man.
47's all you, buddy.
Welcome to the team.
He said, dude, I don't need it, man.
That's your number, brother.
It's all you.
That's nice.
Didn't have to ask for it.
First thing he said was, hey, man, you got my number.
It's all yours, brother.
I'll change numbers.
I'll figure it out.
That's how they are in baseball.
It's fucking really nice.
But in football, they're like, how much money you got?
Yeah.
Well, he said he offered him money.
They're negotiating.
And Rison has a number 80 tattoo on his left arm.
So he really wants to get that.
You don't want to wear number 81 with that shit.
No, and he does end up being 84 for the most part for the rest of his career, which is pretty funny.
That's awesome.
So that year with Jacksonville, he has some problems or some issues with Jacksonville.
He ends up leaving Jacksonville. He only plays 10 games for them, which is
kind of typical for that.
34 receptions, 458 yards,
two touchdowns. He went from Cleveland
to Jacksonville. Yeah,
that's bad. And then from there,
if those two cities weren't bad enough, he then
signs with the Packers on November 19th.
So now he's going to rural Wisconsin.
Enjoy that.
That's November 19th he signed with. Enjoy that. So that's November 19th.
He signed with the Packers.
So that's in the middle of a year.
He's released by the Jaguars and then the next week signed by the Packers.
I don't remember either of that.
I remember the Packers only because he scored the first touchdown of the Super Bowl that year.
Okay.
He had a touchdown reception, like a 50-yard touchdown reception.
It was the first points of that year's Super Bowl when the Packers beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl that year.
That's the only reason I remember it was from that Super Bowl footage.
Did he stay there more than one year?
Nope.
That's it.
He was there.
He played five regular season games for the Packers and still does a lot of Packer things.
Now, that's the 19th of November.
November 26th, the NFL Jams album comes out.
Oh, jeez. This is musicians and rappers and such with NFL players doing songs together.
This is fucking terrible.
One, let's just do the track list, shall we?
These are always fun.
We shall.
Richie Rich with Esera Tuaolo, which I think is an offensive lineman.
Ray Buchanan and Scott Galbraith with AZ, the rapper AZ,
with Ray Buchanan, the prostitute,
getting busted for prostitutes before the Super Bowl, Atlanta Falcon.
Ricky Waters and Method Man.
What?
Ricky Waters, the running back there.
That's awesome.
For the Eagles and Niners for a long time.
I want to hear that.
Channel Live and Corey Harris.
No idea. Spark and Madism, I guess. I want to hear that. Channel Live and Corey Harris. No idea.
Sparking Madism, I guess.
I don't fucking know.
Ghostface Killer and Andre Rison.
I give up.
I fucking give up.
How did they get the Wu-Tang Clan in on this?
They got Method Man and fucking Ghostface Killer.
If I see fucking Dan Marino and Raekwon, I'm going to lose my fucking mind.
This isn't happening.
What do we have here?
This is fucking great.
Master Killer and Lawrence Phillips together.
Richard Dent and Inspector Deck.
Yeah, that's the one right there.
Fucking incredible.
Don L. Jones and Robert Brooks.
By the way, Fast Life is the name of the Ghostface Killer Andre Risen track.
Incredible.
Fife Dog and Rodney Hampton.
Oh, that's awesome.
The old New York Giants running back.
Good for him.
Selly Sell and William Floyd.
Oh, I'm sure that was gangster.
Havoc from Mobb Deep and Tyrone Wheatley.
What the fuck?
The Far Side and Raheem Rocket Ishmael.
That's the worst track on the album.
Oh, my God.
That is amazing right there.
That is amazing.
Yeah, Rocket Ishmael and The Far Side. That's fucking awesome.
So Green Bay wins the Super Bowl.
Who paired that shit?
That's what I'm saying.
Who the fuck paired that shit?
I mean, Tyrone Wheatley played for the Giants in Havocs of New York Rapport.
I thought maybe that's a part.
I don't know.
But how do you...
Regionally, if you pair it up.
How do you talk professional, like serious rappers into that shit?
How do you do that?
I have no clue.
And how did this not tank every single one of those fucks careers?
That was 96, man.
Wu-Tang was riding high.
They didn't give a fuck.
They were like, screw it.
I just don't understand how anybody would be like, I cannot wait for the Chambers.
I cannot wait.
So the Packers win the Super Bowl.
Rison gets a ring.
They beat the Patriots.
He makes two million bucks that year.
That's not bad.
April of 97, he's arrested and charged with disorderly conduct in Lawrenceville, Georgia, after refusing
to get out of his car.
Why is he in Georgia?
That's where he has houses down there and shit.
Why are you going back home?
He refuses to get out of his car after a traffic stop, and he's released after paying a fine.
Fuck out of Georgia.
You don't even work there.
Nope.
And now he works even farther.
Well, not farther than Green Bay, but June 19th, 97, he signs with the Kansas City Chiefs.
Now, about money, he has a quote here.
He says, quote, when you have cash, you create debt.
You spend until you've got nothing left.
I should have saved a lot more money.
I should have saved a lot more money.
Yeah, when you have cash, you don't create debt.
You only do that when you spend more cash than you have.
Say that quote again.
Do that quote all over again.
That's how cash.
It's so good.
When you have cash, you create debt.
Yeah.
You spend until you've got nothing left.
Yeah.
I should have saved a lot more money.
I should have saved a lot more money.
It's the last part?
It's the last one.
Where he goes, I should have saved a lot more money.
That's where it really.
Oh.
I should have saved a lot more money.
I should have saved a lot more money.
I should have saved a lot more money. It's set in right there. When have saved a lot more money. I should have saved a lot more money. I should have saved a lot more money.
It's set in right there.
When you have cash, you create debt.
If you're an idiot.
Yes, if you spend more, you can if you want on purpose as a business thing.
The thing is, when you have cash, no, you don't create debt because you pay for that with your cash.
You dumb fuck.
He told he would buy multiple cars within a season to compete with teammates.
See, that's the thing.
They compete with each other.
That's what you did wrong.
It's so much ego of I need them to see this and I need them to see that.
And he would spend, like we said, nightclubs.
He's making it snow.
Douchebag.
You're not spending $10,000 at a nightclub.
That's what happens.
Now let's find out what he does here.
Well, let's do it in their own words about this.
In their own words, quote,
now all of a sudden you've got this bank account you control.
You can go to it, pull out anytime,
put in anytime, but
at the time we were only pulling out.
He says, I guarantee I spend
a million dollars on jewelry. We were
draped in jewelry. How much is this car?
It doesn't matter. Just get it. I'd be
lying on the bed knocked out after getting back from the club with. I'd be lying on the bed, knocked out after getting
back from the club with $10,000
lying on the floor. I've got another
$5,000 in my pocket. You might find
another $7,500 in the pocket of my coat.
What a dummy. So he's just pulling mass
amounts of cash out, just pulling $20,000
in cash out just to have on him so he could
flash it. I wish I had that problem
because I would be that asshole that
would make that money and then go right to a financial guy and be like, what stocks can I buy?
Yeah.
Right fucking now.
Well, I don't trust stocks, so I wouldn't say that.
Whatever I'm investing it in.
How can I not have this?
Right.
How can this not go away?
I don't want to hold this.
No.
I can't keep this.
I don't mind keeping it.
I'm just not going to spend it.
I want the money to make money rather than me have to go
bash the money to make money because i know what happens the money goes out and makes money and
then it gets fucking money aids and then it comes back all dead that's what happens ask everybody
who had any money invested in i don't know 2007 or 8 that's true how much did that work out for
them fuck they'd have been better off fucking throwing it at strippers at least they would
have fun but everybody knew that shit was gonna explode you know what i mean they didn't at the
time right now it's about to pop does everybody are people paranoid and freaking out and squirreling
their money away no they're going they're making it fucking snow it's the same thing
buying jewelry though you know what i mean but people are when things are going good they can
never be anything but good when things are going bad they can never be anything but good. When things are going bad,
they can never be anything but bad. We're all stupid.
We are stupid. And we don't
realize that shit is cyclical. We just think,
oh, all those are all done now. We'll just keep
going through this. We figured that out. That's good.
Fuck.
Now, the Chiefs this year, Kansas
City, they do great. Marty Schottenheimer
is the coach. He's 13-3 this
year. That furious motherfucker. That furious
goddamn bastard. He's pissed about that 13-3.
Oh, he's a son of bitches. Well, he should be
pissed because they had the bye week
and everything, and then they lose to the Broncos
14-10 at home in the divisional
round. Not thrilled at all
there. Andre on the field returns
to form a little bit. He makes the Pro Bowl
again this year for the first time since
93. He has
72 receptions for 1,092
yards, 15.2 per
reception, and 7 touchdowns. That's
back to Andre Rison's standards. The Chiefs
can calm down about that loss, though, because Denver
went on and won. Yeah, exactly.
Relax. It's fine. He lost to the champions.
Yeah, he did that year. They beat the Packers.
So he makes the Pro Bowl.
Makes the Pro Bowl that year. Falcons. What did I say? Yeah, Pack beat the Packers. So he makes the Pro Bowl that year.
Falcons.
What did I say?
Yeah, Packers and then the Falcons.
Yeah, Packers and Falcons.
I had them backwards that year.
And I'm like, no, no, Packers went two years in a row.
They had to earn the first one, then the second one was a gimme.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The second one was depressing for Atlanta.
Definitely.
He makes $900,000 this year.
The Chiefs are so happy with him.
On June 5th, 1998 1998 they sign a four-year
extension with him how about that they're thrilled with him after coming back it's at this time uh
where jason whitlock you know he is jay whitlock the uh part of the interruption guy he's a smart
dude jay whitlock he's that's who i want to see you know what you want to sit skip balis in a
fucking room with a guy sit him down with jay whitlock and let jay whitlock fucking run circles
around i'm sure he's filled in from time to time.
Probably.
Like, where's a black guy?
Right.
Skip needs a black guy to argue with.
No, he won't do.
He only argues with black people.
You don't understand.
That's his only thing that he'll do.
Right.
Argue with black people and drive James insane.
So Andre threatens to kill Jay Whitlock at one point.
So Jay Whitlock, by the way, is a big motherfucker.
He's a big guy. He used to play offensive line in college football.
He's a big guy. He's not some little squirrely reporter
that you can push around. He threatens to kill him.
Yeah, Jay Whitlock said, he's given
an interview later on, and he says,
quote, but the only guy who has come close to threatening
me with death was Andre Rison.
He did it in a subtle way. It was around
1997 or 1998 after Andre
had turned from Bad Moon to Spider-Man
and then he says, yeah, when Andre played for the Chiefs
he called himself Spider-Man. I'd never
written anything all that bad about Rison
but Chiefs public relations
director Bob Moore had convinced Rison
that I hated him and wrote all
kinds of terrible things about him in the paper.
Rison wasn't much for
reading the newspaper himself.
He relied on the word of mouth.
While me and Rison are backstage at a Derek Thomas golf tournament party, Rison walks up to me and whispers,
quote, you know, I ain't going to be in the league forever.
And when I get out, me and you are going to settle this the way they settle things in the streets.
Oh, my God.
That's what he tells him.
You don't tell a fucking reporter that.
That's insanity.
And whispered it.
He didn't yell it. He whispered it. He said, we're going to settle this shit fucking reporter that. That's insanity. And whispered it. He didn't yell it.
Right.
He whispered it.
He said, we're going to settle this shit like we did.
That's fucking frightening from a guy who fires gunshots into a Kroger grocery store wall.
That's like shit that people say in Gen Pop when we get out together.
I know we can't do it because the gods are right there.
The motherfucking screws is looking.
The second we get out in that motherfucking yard, I'm going to cut you from dick to throat, motherfucker.
That's what he said.
I don't want to do it in here.
He gave him some jail shit.
He's just going to extend my sentence.
That's right.
But we get out together.
Oh, baby.
Boy, it's on.
So he appears in two episodes of Arliss that year as well.
Really?
HBO television show.
That was a good show.
Robert Wall.
It was kind of funny.
1998, he's with KC again.
October 98, E! Music Presents NFL Jams album comes out.
A new one.
Oh, baby.
These are crazy.
Next with Curtis Conway does a track, Latasha Scott and Ray Buchanan, 8 Ball and Andre Risen.
What?
He got 8 Ball from MJG?
No, 8 Ball and Andre Risen do a track together.
He broke them apart from MJG to put Andre Rison next to him?
Do What a Player Do.
That's the name of the song.
Also, Destiny's Child and William Floyd.
What the fuck is that?
Why not put him with them?
What is happening?
What is going on?
It's got TLC.
Why not?
Also, that's not enough.
He's on a second track on this fucking album.
He got a second one.
He's the only player with a second track.
And that second... Oh, God. Some of these, by the way, you're going to laugh your ass off.
But second track, him and Foxy Brown doing a track called, quote, Burning Down the House.
Amazing.
What?
Fucking amazing.
Yes.
Burning Down the House.
Wink, wink. Get the fuck out the house. Wink, wink.
Get the fuck out of here.
I swear to God.
Out of the...
Dude, I'm here with you.
Who did that and why?
I am here with you, man.
That is fucking great.
Oh, my God.
Some other tracks.
Boys to Men and Garrison Hurst.
What?
Makes no fucking sense.
They wrote that song, did not tell him what the title was.
No.
I see stars right now.
Holy shit, that's amazing.
That's hilarious.
Oh my God.
That's so good.
The Quad City DJs with a bunch of guys I've never heard of.
Now here's the track you're going to laugh at.
DJ Hurricane, who is like Beastie Boys DJ. Gotcha. Hurricane, Got Clout, one of the DJs with a bunch of guys I've never heard of. Now, here's the track you're going to laugh at. DJ Hurricane, who is like Beastie Boys DJ.
Gotcha.
Hurricane, Got Clout, one of the DJs.
Okay.
That's okay.
Okay.
DJ Hurricane with Danny Connell and Kerry Collins.
Yes.
Get the fuck out of here.
That's exactly who it is.
Fuck you.
Why is Kerry Collins on the album at all?
You goofy looking fuck.
At least Kerry Collins was decent.
Danny Connell's the worst goddamn
quarterback I ever fucking saw. When he played for
the Giants, he'd make me wish for
Kent Graham to come into the game.
Fuck you.
That's fucking incredible. Oh my god.
Also, Faith Evans and Jeff
Blake.
Where's Jeff Blake? What is he doing?
The quarterback for the Bengals there.
GZA.
Genius from Wu-Tang again, another one.
Gizza with Esra Tuolo again.
Okay.
And Xscape, I remember that. Yeah.
Xscape with Michael Strahan.
Really?
Okay.
I guess that makes sense.
He's really good with the ladies.
And finally, Johnny Gill and Corey Harris, the defensive back.
I have no fucking idea.
How does he got Johnny Gill on this shitill i don't know what is going on i've never heard an album with the jizza
and johnny gill in the same fucking album first of all no this is so good wow uh fuck i was around
the time too it's a little after that jizz's solo album came out 96 i'm gonna i'm gonna google all
of that i can't wait oh yeah there's stuff. There's videos. There's audio tracks.
Oh, they're terrible. I listen to a lot of them.
They're awful. You think I was doing while I was doing this?
Well, might as well put that track on.
So the Chiefs go 7-9
that year with Schottenheimer at the
helm. That is 98.
And Rison, by the way,
since he wanted his number
80 so bad, he did
get his number 80 in Cleveland, but did get his number 80 in Cleveland,
but not anywhere else.
In Jacksonville, he wore 81.
Green Bay, 84.
Kansas City, 89.
Okay.
So he still hasn't gotten his fucking 80 yet.
Yeah, not getting it back.
By the way, is that Young?
Is Young the quarterback of the Chiefs then?
Chiefs in 94, 98?
98.
Oh, God, that was probably the Elvis Gerbeck.
Yeesh.
Oh, that's depressing. Steve Bono was there, God, that was probably the Elvis Gerbeck. Yeesh. Oh, that's depressing.
Steve Bono was there, too, at that time.
I think that was the Elvis Gerbeck era.
That's the shitty era.
That's the shit, yeah.
That's really bad Chiefs football.
They were good the year before, and then the next year, obviously, 7-9.
That year, he plays in 14 games.
He has 40 catches, 542 yards, 13.6 per reception, and five touchdowns.
So production's dipped a little bit.
Pay hasn't dipped that much, $2,450,000 for that year.
Not too shabby.
He's doing great.
1999 comes around.
October 30, 1999, Rison is one of six people arrested early Saturday morning
for fighting outside a Kansas City nightclub called Have a Nice Day Cafe.
Oh, boy.
Yes.
He's out there.
It's a perfect place to be fighting.
That's perfect.
Have a nice day, punch.
Right.
Several security guards detained people before police made the arrests.
It was just a big melee, apparently.
They didn't.
The cops had no real.
Just a bunch of people fighting outside of a nightclub.
The Kansas City team president, Kansas City Chiefs team president Carl Peterson said,
quote, the Kansas City Chiefs consider such behavior to constitute conduct unbecoming of
a player and not keeping with team policies. This was the day after the Chiefs spokesman,
Bob Moore, said he had no information about the incident and it would be a personal matter involving an individual and not the team and that team
policy is not to comment.
Next day, the other guy comes out and said, unbecoming of a player.
Fuck him.
Now, the worst part of that is just earlier that night, the chief's reserve tight end,
Lonnie Johnson, at 8 p.m. that night was arrested for propositioning a policewoman who was posing as a prostitute.
And also assaulting her.
How's that?
Is that unbecoming also?
I think that's also unbecoming.
He was arrested just after 8.
Undercover officers were operating a prostitution sting.
He stopped his car near an officer posed as a lady of the evening.
And she approached him and started talking to him.
It's at that point that apparently Johnson reached over and grabbed the officer so he
was arrested for assault as well.
Yeah.
So he's like, let me grab your tit.
And then they said, how about we arrest you, you fucking idiot.
Roll your hands out here.
Let me put these bracelets on it.
Let me slap that on you.
Both players released on bail.
That year, nine and seven, the Chiefs are. So again, that's after Schottenheimer left. Both players released on bail. That year, 9-7 the Chiefs are.
So, again, that's after Schottenheimer left.
Gunther Cunningham, that drip is fucking coaching there.
1999, he, again, not the greatest year.
Again, only 21 receptions this year.
He played in 15 games, too.
No excuses.
218 yards, 10.4 yards per reception, zero touchdowns.
None.
None.
And he made $2,450,000.
He made $2 million for scoring the exact same amount of touchdowns as I scored last year.
Yeah, same thing.
Unbelievable.
And that year and every year of your life.
Exactly.
January 2000 at the Grammy Awards, Left Eye is there.
Of course she is.
And she says, quote, you know, me and Andre just have a bond that no one will understand.
Sometimes even I don't.
Yeah, no shit.
He hits you, shoots at you, you burn his house down, then you get together the next day.
The fuck is happening?
Wow.
We have a bond that nobody will understand.
What a fucking mess.
Sometimes I don't understand it.
Sometimes?
Even me.
Sometimes I don't even understand it.
You know those times when you can understand it?
When you do understand it, call me and let me know what makes you burn a fucking house down.
One time in particular, I was really a little, just my comprehension was a little off,
was I was watching a 15,000 square foot mansion burn to the fucking ground.
And I said, I don't understand this.
I really could use some understanding.
I get why no one understands this now.
So that was January.
February 17th, 2000, Andre's arrested.
He's arrested at his home in Leawood in Georgia there.
He is taken on a charge of felony theft to the Johnson County Jail.
That's not good.
He's released after posting a $2,000 bond.
Charges were filed here.
They allege that Risen rented electronic equipment from Guitar World in Overland Park in the
previous September and never paid for it.
He allegedly took a recorder and cassettes that have yet to be returned.
The equipment's worth more than $500, making the offense a felony.
Oh, no.
If convicted, he could face six to 18 years in jail.
18 years over some cassettes and a recorder.
Fucking Guitar Center.
Yeah.
Wow.
The owner of Guitar World, Fred Nielsen, told the newspaper that a company did not demand
a credit card because Rison's a celebrity and they knew who he was.
They were like, oh, he's good for it.
Rison denies the charge.
He says, quote, it was somebody else. They elected elected not to return it so they had to come up with me
that's what he said somebody else rented it brought it back and they just said well we need
to get our money back let's blame andre he'll pay us that's that's his excuse for the whole thing
they've seen me on tv so they picked me out of thin air yes fucking unreal man so uh the chief's
director of player personnel or player development development, Lamont Winston, said,
quote, I'm sure it'll get resolved.
The people at Guitar World will be satisfied.
I'm sorry it's had to come to this.
That's a silver-haired statement right there.
People, we'll smooth it over with Guitar World.
Don't worry.
Don't worry, guys.
We're on the case.
We'll get it figured out.
Fuck, it's at the same time that a mortgage foreclosure lawsuit on ryzen's home in leawood was filed january 28th uh the lawsuit alleges ryzen owes owes uh
448 thousand 45 dollars and 17 cents of the 456 thousand dollar loan he took out in september he
paid eight grand he's paid eight grand from september to January. Sounds like he's out of money. Sounds like he's not doing well on money.
He's running low.
Yeah.
Also, October 30th, he is arrested on disturbing the peace charge following a fight.
For that, the charges are later dropped on that, but it still happened there.
So he's just going through a mess of a time.
So, yeah, that's as silver as you get, though.
I'm sure the people of Guitar World would be satisfied. His life is
spinning out of control right now. Oh, it's a
fucking mess, man. So March 22,
2000, he settles the dispute
with Guitar World, and
he's seeking an agreement that would dismiss
the theft charge against him.
His attorney says that he would apply
for a diversion agreement, which dismisses
the charge against him if restitution is paid.
He's given the store clerk a $1,053 check.
For that, he pleads no contest.
In the end, they do not dismiss the charge.
What kind of recorder was this thing?
Very expensive.
$1,053 for a few cassettes?
And it was only valued at $500, too, which I don't know if that's the rental charge up to that point.
He pleads no contest because they don't drop the charge and he gets one year of probation.
They didn't drop the charge and he paid it?
No, fuck you.
He paid it.
My fuck.
And they gave him a year of probation.
Jesus.
August 7th, 2000, he is cited for obstructing a police officer by giving false information.
He identified himself to a police officer as Brock Middlebrook, which he does not look like a Brock Middlebrook.
No.
Officer Brock Middlebrook.
They're like, really, Andre Rison?
You know the guy who that lady burned his fucking mansion down?
I know who you are.
He's fined $219.50 for this little thing.
And 50 cents.
And 50 cents.
They got to put that in.
August 14, 2000, a week later, he is cut by Kansas City in training camp.
So August 20, 2000, he signs a one-year deal with, remember?
No.
The Raiders.
Really?
The Raiders.
He went to the Raiders?
One-year deal with the Raiders.
August 24, four days later, by the way, after he signed.
In Oakland.
He is charged with passing bad checks totaling $158,000 to a single Georgia jewelry store while he was with the Chiefs.
He's writing checks to jewelry stores?
Bad checks.
Yeah, this was right after he signed with the Raiders.
The incidents took place between June 1998 and December 1998 while he was with the Chiefs.
He could face five years in prison for this.
I love how he faces less time for $158,000 worth of bad checks than he faced for a $500 tape recorder from fucking Guitar World.
What is happening?
What the hell is that?
$150,000 of bad checks.
That's insane.
Five years.
$158,000.
The prosecutors haven't been able to arrest him yet.
They hope that he'll surrender when he comes to Kansas next month.
And for the trial on the theft charges, the other theft charges, there was no immediate plans to arrest him in California because they didn't want to extradite him.
That's a huge pain in the ass.
They're like, he'll be here eventually.
They said this warrant covers Kansas and Missouri.
Normally, you open a warrant nationwide
but if he's arrested in california the taxpayers of missouri would have to pay to transport him
back here got it which makes sense trying to save money yeah the checks were all written to the same
jewelry store uh the store said the store owner said he bought jewelry from him on six different
occasions six occasions and these charges cover four of these occasions. And every check was bad. All bad checks.
He pleads guilty eventually and receives two years of probation and pays restitution.
So that's his punishment there.
So he's in Oakland in 2000.
He says, quote, this is amazing, quote,
I always liked the Raiders.
Whenever we played Nintendo, I was the Raiders.
I always wanted to be the quarterback.
What's his name?
Harmonica.
No, it's LaMonica, but he wanted to be Harmonica.
Harmonica.
I wanted to be that quarterback.
What's his name?
Harmonica.
Yeah, that's his name.
Harmonica, you fucking moron.
So he always liked the Raiders.
What a dipshit.
Jesus Christ.
I'm just shrugging my shoulders at this point.
He is a dipshit.
He's a dipshit. He always likes the people that win. That's what he likes. He's one ofhit. I'm just shrugging my shoulders at this point. He is a dipshit. He's a dipshit.
He always likes the people that win.
That's what he likes.
Yeah, that's what he likes.
He's one of those dickheads.
Yeah.
Why do you like the Raiders?
You've never lived in California.
When you grew up, they were good.
Because they won.
In the late 70s, when you were 10 and 11, they were really good.
What a fucking jerk.
They were like badasses.
Right.
So that year, the Raiders go 12 and 4 under coach John Gruden.
This is like when the Raiders were good.
This was the year before they went to the Super Bowl and got blown out by the Barrett Robbins.
Again, Barrett Robbins is on this team.
He's on this team. You bet.
That's another one here.
They go all the way to the playoffs.
They win 27-0 versus the Dolphins in the opening round.
And then they lose in the conference championship 16-3 to the Ravens,
who end up going on to crush the Giants in the Super Bowl.
That defense was just ridiculous.
You're not getting anything past them.
That year, though, Andre, he finally gets to wear number 80 again.
Holy shit.
Plays in all 16 games, doesn't start at all.
He has 41 catches for 606 yards and six touchdowns.
Yards per catch, 14.8.
So that's not bad.
Not great, though.
He makes 500 grand for that.
So going – and at the end of the season –
500 grand minus taxes, minus 100.
Minus restitution and agent fees and everything else.
He got like 12 grand.
Yeah.
He's like, fuck.
And then he went out and bought jewelry with it.
12 grand.
Yeah.
He's like, fuck.
And then he went out and bought jewelry with it.
Now, the end of the season, he gets busted for, after the season's over, for violating the league's substance abuse policy.
It's apparently a repeat violation because they don't suspend you until like the third
offense.
Is it weed?
He's suspended.
We don't know what this is.
He's suspended four games of the, the first four games of the 2001 season he's going to be suspended for.
How about steroids?
Possibly, yeah.
At this point in his career, it's got to be something that's helping him heal.
That would not surprise me.
But it doesn't matter because no one signs him anyway.
Really?
This is it?
He's fucking done.
Done.
Career totals, 186 games.
He has 743 receptions, 10,205 yards, and 84 touchdowns.
Wow.
13.7 per reception.
That's a really good career.
Yeah.
Really good career.
That's a really good career to be ended on a positive drug test.
On a positive drug test.
That's horrible.
And his career totals, money-wise, $19,172,089.
And that's just from the NFL.
$20 million NFL.
He also had an NFL record that still stands for the only guy to score a touchdown with seven different teams.
Holy shit.
Never happened before.
So that's pretty fucking amazing.
It's awesome.
He was everywhere.
2001, he appears on Lisa Left Eye's album, Supernova.
She had a single solo album. He appears on the track R's album, Supernova. She had a single solo album.
He appears on the track Rags to Riches with her.
Rags to Riches, back to Rags.
Back to Rags again.
Rags to Riches.
Oh, shit, my house is burnt down.
I guess it's Rags again.
Rags to Riches to Rags.
That's awesome.
So June 19, 2001, Lisa Left Eye Lopez and Andre Reisner are still together.
As a matter of fact, he is on
WHTA FM radio
and Andre announces that
he and Lisa will be
wed on July 5th,
2001 in the hot
houses of the city's botanical garden in
Atlanta. He's doing it. He's
very excited. He said as for the honeymoon,
he said that they are going to go on a
quote, hot tour and speak in schools across America.
What's with all this hot stuff?
Hot tour to speak in schools across America.
By the way, that date comes and goes and they never get married.
They never get married.
So we don't know what the fuck happened.
He's just sitting around standing there in a new fucking house going, OK, well, I spent all that money on jewelry.
I have no fucking furniture because it's all burned.
What the fuck do I do with myself in my empty house?
Just sitting there.
And he's distraught until he hears a knock at the door.
And he opens, and it's Dexter Manley, interior decorator from New York City.
And he says.
How is it you've come to arrive here?
Seriously, I hear you used to, like, it was tastefully decorated.
Now you have no furniture, like nothing.
I'm sitting on a beanbag.
You're a grown man.
I have a beanbag chair.
And how many sneakers?
Oh, not as many as you used to have.
Okay.
But I have to tell you, I just have to tell you, sir, you're white trash.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
This is as white trash as it gets.
You get money, you just spend it like willy-nilly.
Like just on Pabst Blue Ribbon
like it doesn't matter. Like a trailer trash person.
What about your future? You are with a woman
and you fight in public. You don't punch people
in a grocery store. Have some class.
What is wrong with you? Oh my god.
Then she burns your house to the ground.
That's white trash. That's what it is.
This is the definition of it right now.
Oh, poof. And then he's gone. in a poof of glitter and purple boas.
He's out of there.
And Andre's super confused.
And now he is really homophobic and paranoid because he's like, how did that motherfucker get in my house?
And it has to be explained to him that Dexter, we don't know what his preferences are.
That's not important.
Dexter's a person and that's what matters most.
So.
Jesus Christ.
August 2001, there's a judge here. Now he's starting to get in trouble for child support
payments. August 2001, he's jailed for six days in this time period because he has $3,500 a month
child support payments to Ray Coahandley, that he's not paying.
2001, like I said, August, he does six days.
And then he had an arrest warrant issued for him in December 2001 and also January 2002
for repeatedly being behind on his child support.
April 25th, 2002, in Honduras, Lisa Left Eye Lopez is there driving a rented Mitsubishi Montero.
What year is this?
2002.
Oh, boy.
Apparently, she swerves to avoid a truck.
It's not clear exactly what happened.
But she went to the right to avoid an oncoming car, and the vehicle rolled several times and hit two trees, throwing her and three other people out of the windows and landing in a ditch.
Lopez was dead of neck injuries and severe head trauma.
Was she driving?
Before she was the one driving, and she was the only person killed in the crash.
Everybody else survived except for her.
She had a broken neck and head damage at 30 years old.
Head damage.
Head damage.
That's not right.
Head trauma.
I mean, Andre's got the head damage. He's got the head damage. At 30 years old. Head damage. Head damage. That's not right. Head trauma. I mean, Andre's got the head damage.
He's got the head damage.
At 30 years old.
That is so depressing.
A cameraman was in the front seat videotaping at the time,
so the last seconds leading up to the swerve are recorded on video.
That's out there.
It is fucked up.
It's disturbing, man.
Yeah, her sister was also there, Raindrop Lopez.
It was in the vehicle, and she survived the collision, so at least two siblings didn't sister was also there. Raindrop Lopez was in the vehicle and she survived the collision.
So at least two siblings didn't have to die there.
2003, there's rumors that he might sign with Tampa because Gruden is his old coach, but nothing ever comes of it.
May 2004, Michigan Attorney General Mike Cox, he also is interested in signing him.
He's signing him to an arrest warrant.
As a matter of fact, a different one, though.
He's saying that he failed to pay $94,891 in child support payments to his ex-wife, Tanya, and he was a habitual offender.
$94,891.
So $95,000.
June 18, 2001, Flint District Judge Ramona Roberts cancels the warrant because there was a warrant out there for failing to pay child support.
It was a violation of probation.
June 28, 2004, they issue another arrest warrant for him.
He owes now $184,787 in two different states for overdue child support payments to two different women.
It doubled.
Yeah, I would say here.
They're owed to both women.
The case involves the 16-year-old son and other two sons, too.
They're all about the same age because he was fucking everybody at the same time.
Not about the same age.
The one is a lot younger.
The oldest one and the youngest one are like 10 years apart in age.
is a lot younger.
Got it.
The oldest one and the youngest one
are like 10 years apart
in age.
He also,
he owes
Raycoa,
Raycoa,
fuck Hanley,
$85,085
in child support
and interest.
I think that's her
middle name.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Because everybody does it.
Fuck.
Ray,
fuck,
Hanley.
Damn it.
He also owes her
attorney about $7,600
in fees and interest.
Oh, shit.
The judge's order says, quote, the defendant shall be immediately incarcerated and held until he purges his contempt by paying all amounts due.
So as of June 10th, he still owed his ex-wife $92,112.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck, man?
This is a goddamn mess.
He made $20 million and never paid child support.
Never.
What a fucking jerk.
He was making it snow, Jimmy.
What a fucking turd.
His attorney says that his client is aware of his obligations but may dispute the amount.
He said that Rison is trying to become a businessman.
He said that Rison probably won't be able to make the payments
until he establishes his business venture.
He did not say what the business venture is,
but he said he hasn't ruled out playing football also
and has been talking with a couple teams.
That's not a business venture.
He said, quote,
It's one thing to play NFL football
then be thrown into the business world.
It's a new challenge for him.
It's not as easy as running down a field and catching a pass.
Is that easy?
I don't think that's easy. That's not easy, man.
Now, her attorney, Handley's attorney, says that Rison's hiding money and making it difficult
to inventory his assets. That's probably true.
He says, quote, we think he's moved the money out of his name and we think he'll pay us if
he's put in jail. That's what he's saying. Which, yeah, you'll pay to get out of jail any time.
Now, this lawyer says that Ray Coya is, quote, the nicest, sweetest lady who's been struggling and hasn't been able to rely on regular support from him.
Now, his lawyer, Rison's lawyer, says that his financial problems prevent him from paying child support.
He says, quote, money doesn't last forever.
I don't care what you're doing.
Well, it does if you don't piss it away on things.
That's the thing. If you don't just throw
handfuls of it at strippers at night.
Maybe you should
have put that stuff in your kid's bank account.
Hey, there you go. Handfuls of it.
Throw it in the crib. Handfuls into the
fucking savings account. And collect it and put it in a
savings account. July 2004,
he signs with the Toronto Argonauts of the
Canadian Football League as they'll take any of our old garbage
as we know. We just
tossed him over the border in a
burlap sack and they put him out on the field.
So yeah, he does that.
This is after he's told to
pay over $100,000 in child support,
obviously. He's
working in Canada. The lawyers say working
in Canada shouldn't prevent him from fulfilling his
child support obligations.
They say this should be good.
His ex, Ray Coy, his lawyer said, quote, everyone wants him to do well.
Then everyone wants his money.
They said, we all want him to succeed, and then we want to take whatever he's earned by succeeding that.
He said he was pleased that Risen is working, and he doesn't want him to go to jail.
The lawyer said, quote, better employed in another country than unemployed here.
We don't want to ruin his career.
Putting him in jail doesn't help in the long run.
They're like, just fucking pay us.
Just pay us.
I don't want to ruin his career either, but he has to have money to ruin it.
That's the thing.
We like his money.
He made the money already.
He should have been paying it.
It's fucking ridiculous.
Now, this whole thing, there's going back and forth.
His business manager tells the newspaper that the Georgia judge just wants Risen to be employed,
which is not written anywhere in her order, but that's what they're saying anyway.
He also says that Risen will resolve his problems by Saturday.
That Saturday, he said, quote, the situation will be resolved.
It's not a criminal matter.
It's a civil matter in a small court in Georgia.
But because it's Andre Risen, people just like to jump up and run with it.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, because you owe $100,000 in child support.
That's what it is.
Yeah.
Yeah, your name's attached to it.
It's nothing if some fucking mechanic owes $80,000.
Nobody knows who he is.
That's not going to be on the news.
Andre Risen owes $100,000. We know who he is, and we know he has the money and had he is. That's not going to be on the news. Andre Rison owes $100,000.
We know who he is and we know he has the money and had the money.
That's the difference.
That's what it is.
He at least had it at one point.
Yeah.
He calls the newspaper while he's with Toronto there and instead of discussing any of this,
he says others are handling the child support payment situation.
That's not his concern, but it is his concern that he is, quote, the best receiver to ever play the game
is what he's now calling himself.
He also says that he has a great relationship
with his children. Meanwhile,
Handley claims that he hasn't seen
or even talked to his children in over
two and a half years at this point.
He is so full of shit. He's a great dad.
Grandma Rose instilled
some shit in him. Oh, yeah.
Now, Greg Moans is toronto's personal
player personnel director their silver-haired middle-aged white man he said the team did a
thorough background check before offering him a contract well clearly not that thorough uh he said
quote we did our due diligence and we're satisfied with the answers we got andre wants to prove he
can still play and wants an opportunity to get back in the NFL. He wants to win the NFL's Comeback Player of the Year award.
That's his motivation.
So basically he said, we did a background check,
and we decided he probably won't kill anyone while he's here,
and we need players that are faster than Canadians.
So we're hiring him.
We need somebody to have the Comeback Player of the Year award.
So in Toronto 2004, he has six games.
He plays in 14 receptions, 174 yards, and one touchdown.
He's injured, and the season's over for him.
That's it.
That's it.
August 9, 2004, a judge orders the arrest of Andre Risen for failing to pay $107,000 in child support.
She said the judge said that he should be jailed for 20 days and asked other jurisdictions to assist in arresting
him. His attorney didn't comment, which obviously, so now there's another goddamn arrest warrant out
for him. December 9th, 2004, he's jailed again for failure to pay child support. He's jailed
and he's sentenced to pay $127,000. And he's also sentenced to an additional 20 days in jail for violating a court order to pay $3,500 a month in child support for his 16 and 18-year-old sons.
What a fucking mess.
He ends up doing 30 days in jail for this.
He got 30 days.
He spends Christmas of 2004 in the pokey.
That's brutal.
That's not great.
When you should have been giving your kids great Christmases all this time, we're going to give you a bad one.
Bad one.
January 2005, he's given the option of paying $10,000 to get out of jail.
After spending a month in jail, he says absolutely he'll do that.
He says he hasn't been able to pay the $3,500 a month child support since August of 2002, which is a long time.
That's why he owes $107,000.
The judge said he could leave jail if he made a $10,000 payment.
He also stipulated, the judge said, that if he's receiving a signing bonus from his new team,
half of that would go to Hanley, which is fair, I guess.
He also, her lawyer, Hanley's lawyer, said attorneys were working on reducing the monthly payments to $1,000 a month from $3,500,
but added that Rison has made no effort to pay anything at all.
So who knows?
The lawyer said, quote, it behooves him to borrow the money to pay it because we're not going away.
Like, just give us our fucking money.
Okay.
So 2005, his son, Andre Jr., is being recruited by colleges to play wide receiver.
Andre Jr., yeah, his coach in high school says, quote,
Andre Jr. is just an outstanding human being.
He's always trying to make himself better, and his concentration and attention to detail are incredible.
He does everything to perfection, and he's very level-headed.
So he also says that, quote, Mr. Rison is very supportive of his son. He has
even helped me out with my wide receivers and
defensive backs. You can tell he's been around
some of the brightest minds in the game.
Andre is also very tight with his mother. She is
his heart. So, yeah, because she's the one he
knows. Also tight with his money. Yeah.
That's the other thing. 2005
season, he tries again with Toronto.
He's 38 years old, and he signs with the
Toronto Argonauts again.
The last year he came into camp he was like
215 pounds which was very heavy
for him. He came
into camp 230 and played at 215.
This year he comes into camp
at 187. So that's better.
He said quote this is the best shape I've been in
in my whole life outside of college. I know
I'm better than a lot of people that are playing in the National
Football League,
giving the opportunity to say to them now, it would be lights out. But right now, I'm happy where I'm at, the defending champs of the Canadian Football League.
I'll continue to do it and try to get better.
So after all of that, he says he's learned the CFL spacing and adjustments.
He can run his routes with tricks with him.
He feels comfortable.
He knows the offense.
It's going to be his year.
He plays in one game, has one catch for four yards, and that's it.
Oh, no.
They cut him.
One catch for four yards.
No touchdowns and been cut.
Done.
That's the play where they go hut, and then he runs out two yards, and then comes back
to the line of scrimmage, catches the ball, and dives forward.
That's it.
That's the play.
That's the one.
A little side flare out.
2007, he is forced to declare bankruptcy because of overdue child support.
I'm surprised it took that long.
So, I mean, his creditors, his kids, his wife, his fucking Toronto Argonauts.
I feel bad for all these people, Jimmy, but not nearly as bad as I feel for only his son,
because that's the only Andre Rison I could find in the world, is his son.
That's it.
And I found another guy who I don't know if it's him, but I think it's probably him on
our profile.
So I'm like, fuck, there's no other Andre Rison.
Andre Rison Jr.
So Andre Rison Jr., hats off to you for being saddled with that fucking name.
Everybody else, fuck yourselves. So, December 30th, 2008, Rison Sr. is arrested for public drunkenness at a San Antonio hotel.
How can he afford booze?
Un-fucking-believable.
He's detained after police responded to a call about a public disturbance at 2 a.m. at the Crown Plaza Riverwalk.
You can't cut up at the Crown Plaza.
They don't allow that. They don't allow that shit. He pays a fine and was at the Crown Plaza Riverwalk. You can't cut up at the Crown Plaza. They don't allow that shit.
He pays a fine and was released the next morning.
He goes on the next couple of years.
He serves as an assistant football coach at Flint's Beecher High School, and he's the
head coach at Northwestern, where he went to school for a couple of years.
Not now, but then.
So also, 2009, he starts making crazy quotes uh he starts
being even crazier yeah uh let's just get to the quote because it's easier he says quote best
receiver to ever play the game i can't show my highlights because i don't own nfl films with all
my coaches in college and high school and junior college they all told me i could be the best but
they must have lied because that title was already given to Jerry Rice. Just because you have stats doesn't mean you're the best.
Can't nobody tell me that Andre Reid isn't better than Jerry Rice.
I'm seeing cornerbacks on the 75th anniversary team that I used to demolish,
but I'm coming out with my own Hall of Game.
Hall of Game.
Not Hall of Fame.
They won't let him in the Hall of Fame.
So I'm starting my own Hall of Fame called the Hall of Game. And Hall of Fame. They won't let him in the Hall of Fame. So I'm starting my own Hall of Fame.
Call it the Hall of Game.
And it's just me.
Motherfuckers that could play but aren't respected enough.
And it's me.
It's just me.
It's me.
And anybody else I feel is cool after a while.
Because stats don't mean anything, Jim.
No, shit, nothing.
You see.
Longevity stats.
You see what you've done doesn't matter.
No, it's just what you say.
Is your name Andre Rison?
You ain't the best.
It's what you say, not how you play, Jimmy.
Come on.
So, by the way.
No, motherfucker.
By the way, it's at this time in 2010 that Andre Previn, the composer, wins a Lifetime Achievement Grammy Award.
So that's the type of lives you're converting.
You didn't think I was not going to bring that back, did you?
Come on, baby.
Complete polar opposite.
Going in different ways.
Different to when they were born, they were going different directions,
and they're sure as fuck going in different directions now.
This trajectory really went off the rails.
Wow.
September 21, 2011, Risen must appear in a federal district court in Phoenix because he has been indicted by the U.S. attorney for failure to pay child support in Arizona, where one of his exes lives now.
The penalties are a prison term of up to two years and a big fine.
It is a huge amount here that he owes again.
And that is under Joe Arpaio's rule?
No, this is federal.
Oh, federal.
This is federal.
Federal court, federal. He's such a fucking delinquent, this is federal. Oh, federal. This is federal court, federal.
He's such a fucking delinquent, the feds have taken it up.
Unbelievable.
Literally, the feds are interested in it now.
Ridiculous.
He said that it's fucking ridiculous.
Arpaio really pushed for deadbeat dad laws to be enforced here, though.
Well, he didn't push to arrest people who molested kids, though.
He didn't.
No, no.
How about we'll work on that first and rape victims and then work on the deadbeat dads
maybe second and like the pet shit, too.
And then we'll deal with that.
And then we'll deal with pet abuse, too, which was his big...
Don't give a fuck if you fuck kids, but don't touch that fucking dog.
And I know dog people, we all love dogs, and I like dogs better than people.
People say, if you would rather a dog be okay than a kid be fucked, or actually the other
way around, then you're a piece of shit.
I'm sorry.
That's true.
Sorry.
I will kill every dog in the world tonight if kids get molested.
Fucking tomorrow.
And I love dogs, and so do you.
I'm into that one.
So we're into that.
Anyway, May 2012, he is returning to Michigan State University as a student assistant coach
as he attempts to complete his degree after he resigns at Head Coach of High School. He as he attempts to complete his degree after
he resigns at Head Coach of High School.
He's now going to complete his degree?
He's going to complete his degree and also be a little bit of a coach.
That doesn't last long.
Eight years late.
Eight years late.
July 2012, he's ordered by an Arizona federal judge to pay roughly $323,000 after he pleads
guilty to two counts of failure to pay child support.
The judge ordered that he make payments of at least $1,000 a month while on five years
probation, which at that rate, he'll get it paid back when he's 245 years old.
$1,000 a month.
That's 300 months.
Yeah.
How does that math break down?
That's too old.
That's too much.
His kids are going to be 60.
His mother's going to be getting child support payments for them while his kids are
retired collecting AARP.
Kids are going to be getting Social Security and
dad's child support. That's stupid.
By August of 2013,
the next year, August 9th, he is named
as one of the country's most wanted
deadbeats by the U.S. Department
of Health and Human Services. Awesome.
Wow. U.S. Assistant of Health and Human Services. Awesome. Wow.
U.S. Assistant Attorney General Jennifer Levinson wrote a memorandum to a district judge.
That is amazing.
This is awesome.
There's so many.
Since the defendant was placed on probation on July 9, 2012, there has not been a single month in which he has fully complied with the terms.
In fact, he began violating the terms of his probation within the first week. Within the
first week, they said that
basically letting him get away with it,
there's no deterrence to anybody else.
He says he's living in Arizona giving private
coaching lessons. He's doing his best.
The feds here,
this is great, in Flint, Michigan. This is a
prosecutor sentencing memo from Flint, Michigan.
This is awesome. The defendant
made millions of dollars as a former pro football player.
He also has a long history of failing to meet his obligations.
He has failed to pay child support, not only for his son, who's the subject of the instant
case, but for three of his other children.
A search of a public database shows a long history of tax liens and civil judgments followed
by a bankruptcy.
The defendant has demonstrated an utter lack of respect for court orders in the past
and has been arrested for failure to pay child support in contempt of court.
He has three misdemeanor convictions and one felony conviction for passing bad checks.
In sum, the defendant has demonstrated an inability to manage money
and follow through with his obligations, so much so that his actions have become criminal.
Rison appears to be an immature, selfish man who's in desperate need of supervision and real consequences.
That's like a bad report from a substitute teacher.
Your teacher guy, you guys are in fucking trouble.
Wow.
What a mess.
He's spending his lunch money on the vending machine, this motherfucker.
Totally, man.
September 5, 2003, he violates his probation again by failing to pay on that $332,000 again.
At the last minute, though, it's said that he makes a, quote, last-ditch effort and starts making payments in order to avoid incarceration.
But they said that the prosecutor said that shouldn't stop him from being sent to prison.
They said that there should be a serious consequence.
One of the nation's most wanted deadbeats.
Most wanted deadbeats.
Andre deadbeat rise.
And especially, too, they extended it so all he had to pay was $1,000 a month to the other lady.
And then it's fucking ridiculous, man.
Can you imagine going from that, though?
This is fucking incredible. Well, in a separate case, he's also got that thousand. Then he's got $2,358.86 a month in Jackson, Missouri that he's got to pay.
Good God.
So all together, it's about $3,500 a month.
Still, he says he's been having trouble finding work giving private coaching lessons.
Yeah, because private coaching lessons aren't a thing.
They are a little bit, but not enough to make that your thing.
To make $3,500 a month
in just child support,
then you've got to have a life.
Then you've got to pay your own rent.
Then everything else, too.
You really got...
You should have managed
your $20 million a little better, bud.
A little bit.
I should have saved more money.
I should have saved more money.
He said it twice.
Twice.
I should have saved more money.
The first time he said it
looking at the person, the second time he said it looking off into the distance on his own. I should have saved more money. The first time he said it looking at the person, the second time he said it looking off into the distance on his own.
I should have saved more money.
That shit was just for me, the second one.
Second time he looked right in the camera.
Yeah.
I should have saved more money.
So 2015, the Lansing State Journal has him ranked as the No. 5 Michigan State Spartan football player of all time.
Yeah.
So No. 5 all-time Michigan State player he is.
Do the other four pay their child support?
I believe they do, as a matter of fact, which is good for them.
April 8, 2016, the U.S. Attorney's Office files motions in Flint U.S. District Court
seeking to garnish Risen's NFL retirement and his earnings as an assistant coach at
Ann Arbor Skyline High School, which is what, $8,000 a year.
Federal prosecutors are trying to collect that $300,000 still.
The garnishment request was also made for money that he owes the State Department of Treasury also.
Court records show that he's paid roughly $12,000 of the ordered support as of April 6th.
What a dick.
$300,000.
$12,000. $12,000.
$12,000.
What an asshole.
Wow.
August 11th, 2016, he says he'll turn himself in in that Michigan case.
He says it's fine.
He says basically the warrant for him, he blew his probation by testing positive for
marijuana and failing to keep up with his support payments.
He says he uses marijuana candy, uses edibles to deal with his fucking injuries, which,
yeah.
Probably.
Probably.
It's either that or oxycodone, so let him have the fucking weed candy, assholes.
He says, quote, I hurt every day.
I'm just tired.
Here I am being looked at like a hardcore criminal.
I'm trying to do the right thing.
My mistake was made years ago.
I'm still under the microscope. It's very frustrating. Well, those people still haven't been paid yet. That's
why. Right. One thing he did say in that broke documentary that I kind of understood a little
bit is he's like, you know, people saying I shouldn't be spending this money. I shouldn't
have been spending that money. But they're not the ones that go out there with the fucked up knee
and the bum shoulder and my neck that I can't move to the right because I heard it that week
because somebody bought me. He goes, when I'm going through all that shit, I'm going to buy what the fuck I want to buy
and no one's going to tell me what to do.
It's like you still need to have money later on.
But I get his mentality at the time.
I understand that.
But that's still not thinking ahead.
The thing is, pay your bills and then outside of that, then use that money to make yourself
feel better.
That's what it is.
Make yourself feel better.
That's what it is.
You don't fucking have children and then pawn that financial burden on somebody fucking else.
It's true. Take care of your responsibilities and then go have fun.
Then have fun.
It's fine.
I love to drink.
If I don't have time to do it because I have shit to do.
Shit happens.
Guess who doesn't drink?
That's the thing.
Well, he found time for the strip club.
He's sure in the fuck to it.
Guess who doesn't drink?
That's the thing.
Well, he found time for the strip club.
He's sure in the fuck.
He said now medical marijuana is legal in Michigan, but it's illegal under the under the terms of his probation.
Yes.
That he can't do that.
He says Risen says he'll go to a doctor and discuss new pain management possibilities,
which are going to be pills.
They're going to give him.
So let's give him opioids instead.
He says, quote, self-medication is wrong, but I'm not a pill popper.
He's like, I don't like pills.
I like weed, which I get it.
So do I.
I don't like fucking pills either.
I like, so I get it.
I hate pills.
They're the worst.
They really are.
They make my face itch.
They're horrible.
Fucking horrible.
They're so bad.
So now he's going to court in 2013.
He has to pay at least $1,000 a month, like we said.
Big Pharma hates you and me.
Oh, they fucking hate us.
Yeah, they would have to hate us.
We're very much against them.
He made $9,000 a year as an assistant coach and collects $3, they fucking hate us. They would have to hate us. We're very much against them. He made $9,000
a year as an assistant coach and collects
$3,300 a month in disability
from the NFL. So not a lot
of money there and they want all that cash.
He says, quote, give me something
that's feasible. If any time I've
missed, it's because we had to pay bills.
Unfortunately, I missed a couple times and this is
a ramification for it. You missed for years
at a time, like 100 months.
A lot.
Wow.
What an under-fucking exaggeration.
Jesus.
So August 30, 2016, he avoids federal prison by pleading guilty to violating his probation in the child support case.
If he violates again, the prosecutor said they will request prison time. But here,
they're not giving him prison time. They're just keeping him on probation. He says,
quote, I apologize. I've been delinquent, is what he says in court. The U.S. attorney there said
that Risen was on thinner ice, and he would request time from behind bars if he violates again. Even thinner ice.
Yes, he is required now.
Wow.
U.S. Attorney's Office asked Parker, his lawyer, to sign an order that would allow the government to garnish $922 a month from his NFL pension, which the judge agreed to.
Rison is required to pay $78 a month to fulfill his monthly obligations.
What a—what?
I don't know what that is.
What a joke.
That's what they told him.
You have to pay $78 a month.
Is that how much money he's making?
I think that's based on his $9,000 amount.
I don't know.
Here's the thing, though.
How fast does every mechanic, cement driver, trucker, fucking just blue collar, low level guy that is behind
in his child's world.
How fast does he pony up the fucking money if this fuck face gets thrown in the clink
and this shit's on the five o'clock news?
They're getting that motherfucker.
I better pay my shit.
Well, yeah.
But then the lady who wants the money is like, well, if you put him in jail, he can't make
money to pay me my fucking money.
So that's the thing they were going on. We want him to go to jail to scare him, but then we want him to get out, be so scared that he goes and gets all the money is like, well, if you put him in jail, he can't make money to pay me my fucking money. That's a good point. So that's the thing they were going on.
We want him to go to jail to scare him, but then we want him to get out, be so scared
that he goes and gets all the money.
Right.
But you're not being paid now, so what's the fucking difference?
So Rison's attorney said, quote, there won't be a problem again, of course.
Yeah.
I'm good now.
Yeah.
I'm good.
He's good now, and quite frankly, so am I.
Yeah. October 21st, 2016, his son, Hunter Risen, he's accepting a full-ride athletic scholarship to Michigan State University.
Back where his dad went.
Dad's alma mater.
Dad's alma mater.
He says, quote, this is because he just was moving to Michigan for this.
He was living in Arizona, grew up in Chandler.
Oh, is that right?
He went to high school in Chandler.
He said, quote, back in Arizona, I was beginning to go down the wrong path.
It was just stupid stuff like being out past curfew, getting in trouble with school, and not doing my chores at home.
And a lot of meth.
There came a point in time where I needed to make a change.
So, yeah, he said, quote, about his dad.
He said his dad's all up his ass fucking trying to be on top of him.
He said, quote, his foot is all the way down.
There's no playing around.
It's now instilled in me.
He taught me how to be responsible and how to be a man overall.
Sometimes you've got to do things you don't want to do, and that's the greatest lesson that takes you all kinds of places.
Yeah, like pay child support, you dumb fuck.
I'll bet he stood out like a sore thumb in Chandler, the only fucking black kid there.
He's a total do as I say, not as I do, I would say, is his biggest thing here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He says that his son says, quote, he's a good father, and it killed him the most when people think he's not.
I know he's a good guy, and the world can be unfair sometimes.
Bad things happen to good people, but sometimes you have to take and keep moving because life keeps going.
Yeah.
Well, listen, I didn't live the life, and I'm sure that he's got a different perspective than I do.
But your dad's a piece of shit.
I'll be honest with you, bud.
He's kind of a douche.
He kind of sucks.
January 8, 2018, his son is now transferring.
He is switching schools.
He's out of there.
Going to Kansas State.
Andre says, quote, he appreciates everything the
opportunity to come to school and to go to a great university in michigan state but he wants to play
more they weren't giving him enough playing time may 7th 2018 andre is speaking to rookies at the
rookie symposium fucking perfect teaching them not to piss their money away uh he's he's talking
about he's uh saying he blew 20 million dollars. He says it's a drastic change for you guys to become rich overnight.
And he says that focusing on your closest family and friends is important, but it should end there.
He said, quote, remain loyal to the people that have helped you get to that point, no doubt.
But you don't owe anything to anybody, really, which is really the thing.
Don't give your friends a bunch of shit.
He says that rookies got to handle their business on and off the field, which means getting
in touch with the right representation and people that know how to handle that much money.
Fuck yes.
Finally.
Someone gives you millions of dollars.
You don't know what to do with it.
Stay away from it.
Stay away from being a...
You're not a money market manager.
No, and you're not.
And you don't know shit.
You play football.
You're a dopey ass lineman.
Yeah.
No shit.
June 27, 2018, he tweets a picture of himself at Summerfest in Wisconsin, which is like a big Wisconsin summer festival.
Why don't you buy that ticket, sir?
And he's wearing his number 84 Packers jersey, and a bunch of people are hanging out with
him.
So he's got a thing like always a Packer type shit.
He played five games there.
But it's the only place he got a ring.
Yes, that's the truth.
His current net worth on this site is listed at $50,000.
But?
But that seems high, and it's never reliable because this same exact site says I have $22 million.
It says you have $22 million?
Oh, it doubled.
I didn't tell you that.
I meant to tweet that out.
First it said I had $11 million.
Now they say I have $22 million somehow.
I have made nothing extra.
We're a terrible deal.
We make nowhere near $22 million.
The amount of money that you do have compared to $22 million.
It says he has $50 million.
That man has two nickels.
I was going to say, that man probably has 50 cents.
I think that's the, they just put it.
I have like, if I had like $220 and they had 22 million, I think that's where this is.
50,000, no, 50 cents is what it is.
It's the same fucking thing.
That is awesome.
It's 50,000.
It's in pesos.
That's what it is.
Yeah, it's in shoes.
It's in unburned sneakers. Can't get enough of Andre Rison? I sure the fuck can't. It's in pesos. It's in shoes. It's in unburned sneakers.
Can't get enough of Andre Rison?
I sure as fuck can't.
He's amazing.
You can get a 500-level Andre Rison shirt.
It's like a vintage Andre Rison on the Falcons.
The Michelin nest?
Yeah, like painted.
No, it's like a T-shirt.
It's like an old T-shirt looking thing.
It's a new vintage whatever.
It's painted on there.
$19.99 for that. The color is heather gray. Oh it. It's painted on there. $19.99 for that.
The color is heather gray.
Oh.
So that's the color there.
2017 National Treasures Andre Rison card.
It's a card of an old player with his signature on it.
I don't know if it's a real signature.
$19.99 plus $4 shipping or best offer.
You never know.
Also, sportsmemorabilia.com, an autographed Andre Rison's Falcons jersey, which is pretty
cool, $152.99, free shipping.
That's a good deal.
So rather than buy that, send it to his children because that's where it would go anyway.
I want a vial of the ashes of his house.
Yes.
That's what I want.
And his website, andrerison.com, doesn't come up anymore, so I don't know if that's down or what, if he took that down or whatever it is.
But everybody, that's Andre Risen.
Wow.
What a fucking disaster.
It's a mess and a half and another famous crazy down the tubes there.
Completely disturbing how fast it goes away when you have kids and don't pay it.
$20 million, you're pissing money away.
That's just the ultimate cautionary tale.
Yeah.
That guy.
That's the ultimate crime in sports.
Stupid.
Yeah.
Right there.
Made the money.
Pissed it away.
That might be worse than Ryan Leaf because Ryan Leaf didn't even pan out.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
He had.
He made it for years.
Yeah.
Ryan Leaf blew his initial money and thought maybe he'd be making money for years and then
wasn't making it.
This guy made it for years and just kept pissing it away like that was going to be forever.
But if you enjoyed that, please get on iTunes.
Give us five stars.
Tell us you're following instructions or following directions.
It doesn't matter if that's not enough for you.
And you want to be one of the greatest people in the world, like this fine list of amazing producers that we're about to talk about. out, you can do that by going to patreon.com slash crime in sports and making a donation
or going over to PayPal using our email address, crime in sports at gmail.com to do that.
Also, go to our website, shut up and give me murder.com where you can get the, you can
donate through there.
Actually, there's the links to all that.
Also links to our merchandise on there.
All sorts of stuff, t-shirts, bugs, things, bath mats, shower curtains, you name it.
We got it.
All the slogans, all the sayings.
Do that.
It's a lot, a lot, a lot of goddamn fun.
And we're excited about it, but not nearly as excited as we are to hear this list of producers because I love them.
Jimmy, hit us with that list.
This week's executive producers are Adam Thorpe, Chrissy Ann Costaldi, and Lonnie Hall.
Thank you all so, so much. Thank you, guys. Thank you, guys, so much. And thank you, Chrissy Ann Costaldi, and Lonnie Hall. Thank you all so, so much. Thank you guys.
Thank you so much, and thank you, Chrissy Ann Costaldi, for
always coming through for us. Thank you so much.
Every week. I say year. I say year. Yeah, it's week.
You're the best, Chrissy. Thank you. And she's recovering
from some surgery. I know, I know.
Sorry. Hope you feel better, Chrissy.
Katrina Bell, Aaron Allen, Stephanie Clark,
Rob Medersky, who brought his daughter.
Remember them? They're fantastic people.
That was so cool. Nice to meet you, dude.
Jesse Hartman.
Fucking no.
Ew.
Got a good one?
Rurid.
Rurid Gald.
Okay.
Yeah.
Rurida?
No.
That sounds like a place where a biblical battle was fought.
Ruridard.
In Ruridard.
Yes.
That was a biblical battle.
Rurid.
Rurid.
Nope.
Christy Busby. William McClellan. Billurid. Rier. Nope. Christy Busby.
William McClellan.
Bill, he's in Scotland.
Yes.
And he sent us $0, and that's what showed up.
That was awesome.
I think he sent us a penny the one day.
I don't know.
I was like, all right, thanks, dude.
That's an interesting way of sending a donation.
Zero.
Hey, whatever.
You were thinking about us, and that's what's important to us.
I appreciate it, Bill.
Thanks for the thought, brother.
Sarah Beth Olkins?
Yolkins.
Yeah.
Yolkins.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what I said the first time.
Ashley V-I-E-A-U-O-X, L-M-N-O-P.
It's V-O.
That's all that is.
It's just Ashley V-O.
It's so much easier than we made it out to be.
We should just fucking change it.
V-O.
V-O.
We want to pronounce it right.
Katie Heisel, Nikki Kisselheff.
Kisselheff.
Katie Heisel is the one that makes the maps over on Twitter.
She's fantastic.
Thank you, Katie.
Thanks, Katie.
Nikki Kisselheff.
I think that's right.
Margie Kunze.
She's fantastic.
Thanks, Margie.
She's been with us for so long. So long.
Supporting us.
She's the best.
Robert Burns.
Robert Burns has been, too.
Kyle Biggs.
Sarah Toasty.
Tost.
Tost. Tosty. I like Toasty. Tost, tost, tosty?
I like toasty.
I don't know.
That sounds both delicious and warm.
I'm fucking dumb.
Dan Chapman, Sarah Reichert, Joseph McGlynn,
Nikki Cofield, Jerome Cernuski,
Cernuski, CZ, fucking damn it.
Cernuski. Cernuski. I think so. Cernus whiskey's here thanks jerome uh chastity erwin uh sean
hartley craig riley kimberly thomas laura blakesley thank you laura jacqueline howard
uh emmy dumont uh stephen mace wanted to wish a happy birthday to Stephen Sr., who is his father, obviously. Hey, happy birthday, Steve Sr.
And Dave.
Thanks, guys.
Appreciate you.
Happy birthday.
Fucking, you're welcome, Stephen.
Allison Hilliard, Adriana Maggs, Shannon Stoica, Sarah Hogan, Craig McGeechan, Guy Rilou,
Rilou, Guy, your last name is fucked up, Guy.
Get together.
Steve Chanel in Philly. Thank you, Steve. You're a hell of a dude. We is fucked up, Guy. Get together. Steve Chanel in Philly.
Thank you, Steve.
You're a hell of a dude.
We always love you, bro.
Under the Sea Fabrics, Chloe Baldock, Larissa Pavlov, like the dog.
Or Pavlov, like his dog.
Like the man who had the dog.
The man who owned the dog.
Yes, yes.
Larissa Pavlov.
There you go.
Derek Hillenburg, Sam Lund, Heather Every, Brett Scott.
Brett Scott is the coolest name.
That is pretty cool. It sounds like tough, Brett Scott. Brett Scott is the coolest name. That is pretty cool.
It sounds like tough, yet cool.
It sounds like what the doc would yell at Marty.
Great Scott.
I hope people just would go, Brett Scott!
Brett Scott sounds like a handsome dude.
Yeah, he does.
How are you doing?
Brett Scott here.
I hope he looks terrible.
Yeah, I hope he's an awful looking man.
I hope you're in terrible shape.
He's very unfortunate.
Terrible shape, Brett.
We hope you are.
Jake Labier, sticking around.
Thank you.
Tyler Hawk.
Yes, Hawk.
Adelaide Copeland.
Amanda Windsor.
Terry Burgess.
Jess Landgren.
And she sent you a birthday gift.
Yes, thank you so much, Jess Landgren.
We appreciate it.
All the way from Australia.
Yeah, I ate all that chocolate very quickly, and I loved it, and I like the rugby hat.
It's cool shit.
Thank you so much, Jessica, for thinking about me.
I appreciate it.
Rochelle Ann, Zach Deficate?
No.
Fuck, did I say that?
You did say that out loud.
That's what came out.
It wasn't your fault.
It's Deficiani, I think.
Hey, that is way different than Deficate.
I write like an asshole is what I do.
Emma Cosson, yes.
Ashley Lavati, love a tie.
Love a tie.
Love a tie.
Julianna Chaudry, Ingrid Stokes, she sent money from North Korea.
Hey, North Korea bucks.
And she made a joke on PayPal about the North Korea bucks, and they held the funds and wouldn't let her send it.
Oh, my God.
Jesus Christ.
Isn't that awesome?
Katie Turner, Chance Cole, Nicole Adams, Brittany McDonald, Kensworth Slater, Brandy Dunkel,
Bryant Toole, Timothy Smith, Rana Absher, Michael Army.
That's easy.
Laura Kopp.
Thank you, Laura.
Thank you.
Eric Langennecker.
Yes.
Alicia, no. Alicia Ybarra Langennecker. Yes. Alicia.
No.
Alicia Ybarra.
Graphicstrategist.com.
I'm not sure what that is.
Hunker Downcast.
I don't know what that is.
That sounds like a podcast.
Might be.
Maybe.
Greg Dangerfield.
Laura Culpepper.
Kate Myers.
And Tyler Hales.
Thank you guys so much for everything you do for us.
Honestly.
It's fucking unbelievably appreciated and understated, I guess.
I don't know.
Under something.
Love you guys.
It can't be stated enough, so it has to be.
Thank you.
Thank you, folks, so much.
Thank you.
Honestly, we can't do it without you guys, especially on this show.
Yeah.
This show, if you guys didn't exist the way you guys do, I guarantee you this wouldn't
be a show anymore.
I fucking guarantee it.
If you didn't exist, this wouldn't exist.
Yes, exactly.
So thank you so much.
We really appreciate the hell out of it.
And what if one of these fine people wanted to tell you whether you existed or not?
Jimmy, how would they do that?
You could find me.
I exist at Wisdom Sucks.
He does.
W-H-I-S-M-A-N Sucks on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat.
And thank you guys so much for being around.
This has been a hell of a week.
It's been a lot of fun.
And you guys are fucking terrific.
What about you?
I am at Jimmy P is funny.
You can find me over there or just copy and paste my last name from the show description.
Don't be a hero because you won't know how to spell it.
Thank you guys so much.
And by the way, a couple weeks ago, thank you for all your birthday wishes and shit.
That was really, really awesome.
I really appreciate it.
You guys made me feel loved.
And thank you. Thank you so much for that. But all that shit out That was really, really awesome. I really appreciate it. You guys made me feel loved, and thank you, thank you so much for that.
But all that shit out of the way, Jimmy.
I guess there's only one more thing to say.
By the way, this is our last recording in this studio.
We made our own.
We made our own.
Because of you guys.
Because of you guys.
Thank you to Covered Media and KUPD and KSLX and the people who let us use their radio station for this.
You let us go to the next level of sounding really well.
So much so that we bought the same equipment for our own house.
And so next week we'll be back with Crime and Sports.
You won't know the difference.
It'll sound exactly the same.
But we'll be in a studio that you guys built for us.
So live from the Crime and Sports studios, we will see you next week.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye. Crime and Sports Studios, we will see you next week. Bye! Bye! Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery
Plus and Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at
wondery.com slash survey.