Crime in Sports - #233 - Hungry For Life - The Ravenousness of Albert Haynesworth

Episode Date: November 10, 2020

This week, we head down a path of disaster, with man who gleefully refused to learn lessons, but that didn't stop him from getting a $100 million contract. He was mean to teammates, dirty on ...the field, and an absolute menace, off the field. Constantly in court for arrests, getting sued, being sued, and getting hit with paternity suits. This never stops, and he's still getting arrested, as of just a couple of moths ago! It's a non stop screw up party!! Have all the talent in the world, care about nobody but yourself, and make sure to put your credit card down the server's shirt with Albert Haynesworth!! Check us out, every Tuesday! We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!! Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman Donate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: crimeinsports@gmail.com Get all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.com Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!! Contact us on... twitter.com/crimeinsportscrimeinsports@gmail.comfacebook.com/Crimeinsportsinstagram.com/smalltownmurder  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:54 strange, dark, and mysterious stories on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Crime and Sports. Yay! Yay indeed, Jimmy. Yay indeed. My name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman. Thank you folks so much for joining us.
Starting point is 00:01:30 We are pumped today. Extra pumped, actually. Because this is an extra pumped up individual. For some reason, whenever it's a fat guy, it's always a joy. I don't know why. There's a certain joy in making... I don't know what it is about guys. It's a guy thing. Ladies, you're listening. Maybe you don't know why there's a certain joy in making I don't know what it is about guys it's a guy thing the ladies you're listening maybe you don't understand it because you guys are ladies try
Starting point is 00:01:50 to be like sensitive to each other with weight but guys your best friend if you haven't seen him in like three years he moved away or something he came back and he gained 30 pounds before you say hello to him you'll go oh you fat fuck look at you holy shit you're a fat fuck and i'll go i know jesus christ all i've been doing is fucking it's i don't know what it is because it's bought and paid for yeah you take this from me i don't know what it is about men have joy and breaking other men's balls over being fat i don't know we're not the same with women at all we don't want to do the same thing with women but a guy it's just look at you, you fat son of a bitch. I'm so proud of you, you fat fuck.
Starting point is 00:02:26 You fucking fat tub of pudding. Look at you. Beautiful. So we're going to have fun today. But first, quickly, quickly, just want to do some house cleaning here, top of the show. Thank you, folks,
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Starting point is 00:02:56 bonus oh the bonuses this week jimmy oh they're so exciting this week week we have, I found the coolest stuff here. While looking for sports criminals, I found so many instances of people being arrested and saying that they're athletes. And weirdly, even stranger, athletes getting arrested and saying they're other athletes. Not just saying I'm not that guy. It's fucking fascinating. And the stories they have there's a guy who gets arrested he's six foot three he gets arrested and says he's bill russell now if you don't know who bill russell is bill russell is the you know world famous boston celtic center more rings than anybody in the nba about six foot ten yeah and they knew that
Starting point is 00:03:41 and he had an explanation for why he was seven inches shorter that you just have got it's it's worth the entire patreon just to hear this fucking story it's crazy so that's going to be this week just impersonators and then uh small town murders patreon will be the we're going to talk about the chris watts documentary talk about that asshole i think that's what it is you'll find it the chris watts one you know we're talking about there the guy in colorado that piece of garbage yeah so we're going to talk about that and make fun of that asshole because he's a that guy's a dick so it's shocking it's shocking it really is that's what i'm saying so listen to that stuff well you can get everything and everything else there for one low low monthly price there patreon.com slash crime and sports will get you
Starting point is 00:04:27 everything there so everybody over the five dollar level right that's right patreon.com slash crime and sports will get you bonus stuff it's only five bucks so pony up if you can't get enough james loves christmas that's a christmas song right i think so it's a classical tune i don't fucking know so there you go oh it's not no that's not christmas at all it's not christmas but it's it feels christ either way there or something yeah so now you got that to get stuck in your head i guess sorry about that sorry to do that to you guys so somebody's symphony thank you for that and then also if you want to just get your name mispronounced by jimmy which any donation in any way will get you get you a producer credit sure and a horrible mispronunciation at the end of the show so you can
Starting point is 00:05:23 do that over at paypal as well using our address, crimeinsports at gmail.com. Yes. Let's get into this, Jimmy. Great. Because we have a lot of man to discuss. So thick. A ton of man here. We're going to talk about Albert Hainsworth.
Starting point is 00:05:37 Oh! Hey, everybody. He is a big fat fuck. He's a big guy. He's a jerk off. Yeah. Oh, boy. He's even been in the news recently we almost did this
Starting point is 00:05:46 about six months ago and i'm so happy we didn't because more has happened since then so it's an ongoing wow is he a disastrous mess and if you remember him because he played recently in the last 10 years he was still playing titans patriots redskins most famously because he had one of the worst contracts in the history of football. They gave him this giant contract, and he was like, cool, so I'm going to eat for the next couple of years, and you can just pay me, basically. I can sure afford it. It's wild. So this is one of the stories of just sloth.
Starting point is 00:06:20 Yeah. And he's the warning that they say, like, oh, you give these guys a hundred million dollars and they do this. Basically, you know, these football players, one of the filthiest players ever to. Oh, dirty as fuck. So talk about a dirty player. All I know about him is that he's fat lineman and he's filthy and he never really gets it. That's the thing.
Starting point is 00:06:40 That's what makes him a wonderful crime and sports subject, because he'll never really get it or understand what's going on, as we'll find out in this episode let's get into it with albert george hainsworth the third he's a junior's junior junior's junior everybody he's not just a third because like an uncle was named and he's no no no no it's a lie this is a line as we'll find out later on also again. This is the third. And a true junior's junior is Albert Hainsworth. That is such a successful name.
Starting point is 00:07:13 Albert Hainsworth the third? It sounds great. There's a British man that's a lawyer named that. I was going to say, it sounds like you are the head of a law firm. Hainsworth, Hainsworth, and Johnson. You know what I mean? I feel like it's you, your dad, and his whole business partner. Until I have a son and make him get in here, too, and we're going to fire Johnson.
Starting point is 00:07:30 That Johnson's Hainsworth, Hainsworth, and Hainsworth, and then it's over. So he's the third. Yeah. That just tells you a lot. You would hear the story and go, man, I'm surprised he's not a third. Like, that's how crazy. He's born June 17th, 1981. What? You think of him as older really because even when he was in his 20s he looked like a 45 year old man i'm the same age as albert
Starting point is 00:07:53 hainsworth the third the third yes you are sir that is fucking unreal you and the third are the same age isn't that crazy i cannot get over that it's he's had quite the life really you're gonna you're gonna really feel like you've done nothing once you hear this story because you're gonna be like jesus christ i could have i've been doing nothing well i've been living my life he's been doing all of this he's been doing a lot he's been doing a crime and sports episode worth of shit unbelievable so he's from hearts, South Carolina, which is a small town. When he grew up there, there was about 4,000 people there. So it's a little tiny town, and they really embraced the small townness there. I looked it up here.
Starting point is 00:08:33 The motto of the town is, quote, a small town with a big heart. So that gives you an idea there. Now there's about 7,000 people there. So it's still a very tiny town. He went to Hartsville High School, and he played football, obviously, because he's enormous. And he also ran track and did shot put. Wow. A lot of the linemen do shot put.
Starting point is 00:08:54 Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, it keeps them in, just to do track and field, they have to do the exercises to stay in shape in the offseason. And they're huge, so I would assume. You put a lot of effort into that thing yeah if you have big legs and you know you can probably get it off if you're a giant person so um now there's going to be several times in this episode where we're going to interject a what a thing that albert did later on in his life a couple years ago he put out an article called quote a letter to my younger self oh boy where he is talking to his younger self when did he do this 2015 or so i don't know in his 30s oh in his 30s
Starting point is 00:09:34 yeah a letter to my younger self okay it's an article and so every once in a while when it's relevant we're going to break in to with the relevant part of the letter to his younger self and what he says older to his younger self while crazy shit is happening it's just perfectly reflective so let's do this here the first right here to start out with letter to my younger self he starts out quote dear 14 year old albert yeah which is great right there 14-year-old Albert, which is great right there. Quote, I know your knees hurt so bad right now that you can't sit in the car for more than 20 minutes a time, but don't freak out about it. It's just growing pains.
Starting point is 00:10:15 Okay. Who is he? What? Like, he really thinks his younger self is going to hear it. Like, I'm going to put it on that timeline and get my flux capacitor ready and yeah you know he puts it on paper and then he sits back uh waiting for that teenage angst to just go away that's all um what did you think was going to happen drinking two gallons of whole milk a week oh god good lord uh two two gallons so albert hainesworth growing up either never shit or shit constantly. He either had a constant stream of diarrhea or shit, what, quarterly? How did you play football with a stomachache every day?
Starting point is 00:10:54 I don't know. He said, you start high school this fall and you're just going to keep getting bigger. You're going to grow five inches over the summer. And when you show up for track practice on the first day of school, all your buddies are going to look at you like, dude, you got tall. You're going to grow to 6'6", an inch taller than your hero, Reggie White. And like him, you're going to be an athletic monster. During a playoff game your junior season, you're going to run down the field on punt coverage and stick out your arm to wrap tackle the returner. And you're going to clothesline him with so much force that he wraps around your arm and does a backflip.
Starting point is 00:11:30 What? Jesus Christ. Well, he's huge. Yeah. The person he was tackling probably was 140 pounds. He's 300 pounds in high school. He's a fucking monster. He's 6'6".
Starting point is 00:11:43 I love that he gives the excuse of what he was trying to do. Yeah, yeah. You're going to try to rap tackle him, but instead you're going to nearly kill the man. You're going to almost decapitate him. You're going to nearly kill a child. You're going to decapitate a sophomore. How do you feel about that? How do you feel about sophomore decapitation?
Starting point is 00:12:00 They're running a six-foot kid down on fucking punt coverage? Yeah, he's gigantic holy you're not blocking him how are you gonna block him yeah coming down the field he's just running people over and tackling oh my god in high school it's not fair when you have guys it's fair to them i mean they're 16 what else where are they go so they're gonna play it's fair to that coach he's jacked about it yeah if you have these people who are adult size humans that we talk about all the time that are these huge giant people and you put them in with a bunch of children and you let them fucking tackle them.
Starting point is 00:12:32 It's crazy. I love seeing it sometimes. Oh, it's high school coverage of like somebody that's in the NFL now and you see him playing. You're like, obviously they're going to play. Look at him. You could see a man from a helicopter. You could watch. Not even from like birds. You could be a mile up in the sky and you go look at that he's that one kid jesus christ he's running all over everybody you'd see it what is that the undercover cop in
Starting point is 00:12:56 the high school that's what i mean they let the narc play he started three years at notre dame back in his early fucking 20s 20 years ago yeah our narc was a very prematurely gray running back i think our narc did do some sport i'd have to look it up i think he did though we had a narc that was he was a fucking 30 something year old man uh he busted like 12 kids from our school for selling joints james that's like five dollar joints that's but they ruined their lives so they were like 25 he 21 jump streeted them for fucking jesus christ that seems a little in english class they had to we had to do an essay about like what would our lives be if we could choose and he just wrote that he wanted to be an undercover cop that's beautiful very very we had no idea there's deep cover there with the beard
Starting point is 00:13:46 it's deep he goes out in the parking lot and fucking if i could do anything else i would probably bust high school kids for selling five dollar joints he goes out in the parking lot and puts like journey on and everyone's like what's up with this guy yeah weird guy seems older we had this guy in school who everybody thought was a narc yeah for like two years people treated this motherfucker like shit i mean they were like yeah fuck you narc he looked older yeah and it turns out he was not a narc he was this girl i hung out with's brother and it turned out when i met her and i he was there and i was like oh my god what the fuck and it was her younger brother he was a kid man he was a child he just looked older unbelievable and had a gate about him that made him for some reason look like a narc he's just a nice kid who
Starting point is 00:14:34 everybody thought was a narc and he was like i don't know why everybody says i'm he wasn't a narc at all i smoked weed with him and everything he's a nice kid he was just fucking everybody thought he was a narc just look like a man hilarious though for i mean people were i was mean to everyone was no one would talk to him if he walked anywhere near people would like stop walking yeah turn away from him this fucking kid is fine the hot girl in our high school had a crush on the narc and then at the end of the year near the end of the year when they busted like seven to twelve kids didn't show up for like the last couple of weeks of high school and we're like what the fuck happened to him and then it came out that that's beautiful 6 a.m that's hilarious ruin i saw two of the kids afterwards like two years later
Starting point is 00:15:18 their lives were fucked dude they had to go to like charter high schools because the high schools wouldn't allow them weeds a fucking felony in maricopa county up until last week so yeah now that's good though the new law will expunge their records fingers it doesn't expand it expunges marijuana that's why the law is really that's why it's good to have a ballot initiative one because the legislature would have never put that in there that's one of those so um yeah doesn't give two of the kids and i know they're fucking eight years of no no no this kid that we thought was a narc, when I walked in his room, and first of all, she said it was her little brother that gave it away. And then I saw her over his bed, he had a little Kim poster, the one where she's like
Starting point is 00:15:58 squatting down with her crotch out. And I'm like, I don't think he's, I don't think that's an undercover police officer. Oh, it's the one with the car in the back? Is that a car? I don't remember. It's the one where she's squatting. Just her pussies. Straight ahead of you.
Starting point is 00:16:11 Dead center, bullseye pussies. I think that was the album cover. Yeah, it was. It was the poster of the album cover. Everybody had that fucking poster in the 90s, and so did he. And I was like, oh, no. I've made a huge mistake. He's a normal kid.
Starting point is 00:16:23 Yeah, I remember telling everybody, that kid's not a narc. And people were like, I smoked weed with him. And they were like, oh no. Under a Lil' Kim poster. Under a Lil' Kim poster. Under the shade of Lil' Kim.
Starting point is 00:16:38 Underneath the shade of Lil' Kim's pussy, we smoked a fat blunt. And I feel that he's okay. Likely not a narc. Likely not a narc. Likely not a narc. So, yeah. Anyhow. So Albert.
Starting point is 00:16:53 So Albert says, does a backflip, the crowd is going to react like it's pro wrestling. Don't worry, the kid will be okay. I hope so. This is going to be your first experience of playing with so much adrenaline that you're straddling the edge. It will feel like an insane kind of control. you need to learn how to rein this in more on that later that's his that's his high you know message to high school albert there so he needs to learn how to rein it in by the way don't worry he'll survive yeah rein it in he'll you know he will
Starting point is 00:17:21 lose the use of his legs but he's gonna going to be okay. Reign it in. Spoiler alert, he never reigns it in, as you might imagine. In high school, apparently, he had, oh, as a junior, he had 150 tackles, 56 tackles for a loss. James, they play like 16 games. Yeah, 56 tackles for a loss is like what, you know, guys, an NFL career, they have 56 tackles for a fucking loss like what you know guys an nfl career they have 56 tackles for a fucking loss that's a huge thing so basically they'd snap the ball he would just push over the guy in front of him and tackle whoever had the ball that was the way it was uh six sacks and six fumble recoveries that's as a junior wow and then as a senior he had uh 110 tackles 51 quarterback pressures that's a lot the guy's just throwing
Starting point is 00:18:07 it away no get him away from me so he's a beast basically you know he's a giant person he's um on the field i mean you'd see that kind of physical physical aggression as a college coach and people are drooling i'm sure so uh okay, back to the letter to my younger self again here. Quote, in the state championship game, you're going to rack up 15 tackles as a defensive tackle. Colleges will start recruiting you hard after that. And things are going to start happening very fast. Remember that you're just a kid from a town of 4,000 in Hartsville, South Carolina. Because when you get to the university
Starting point is 00:18:45 of tennessee you're going to feel like a very small fish in a very big pond this feeling won't last but it's going to feel that way for a while you're going to have some very lonely moments so that's some some foreshadowing here don't forget where you came from don't forget where you came from don't think you're hot shit and uh spoiler alert he does not heed his own no his own self i've only had that voice in his head back then maybe it would have helped but uh but now his voice is just as dumb he does just as stupid shit now it's not like it's not like he had like turned a corner when he wrote that so i don't know what just i don't know what the plane of in a moment of understanding he went on for a minute to where he was like i get i get it now and then he went out
Starting point is 00:19:31 and did something stupid again because he's a fucking moron yeah where do you see the dumb shit this guy does anyway he's got a bunch of problems anger issues they say on and off the field in high school this that makes sense yeah he's got a lot of anger issues a lot he's a type of guy that will like rage out for a second and then um afterwards he's like i don't know why i did that like he's that kind of guy why is he so mad i don't know why he's so mad but he's got like this this thing they said he had a problem with attitude a little problem with his work ethic because he's so talented which is a as common a problem as you're going to get for a kid who's physically dominant over everybody without trying it's like well why would i work hard when i don't i can just i have 51 quarterback pressures this year i don't need to be i don't
Starting point is 00:20:15 need to work hard find another person yes in this city yeah it's as big and talented as me that's i just pushed that guy over and go and that's how it works four thousand i'm the one yeah but it's weird that he's at least he's big and mean guys a lot of times that size aren't mean yeah like they talk about hunger they don't have it because we've talked about like dwight howard and guys like that oh he's so docile that people fuck with and they say that they're docile but what they don't understand is if you weren't if you weren't a large child yeah they teach you because i was a big kid they teach you everybody tells you to take it easy on everybody when you were a kid. Don't do that. Don't do that.
Starting point is 00:20:51 Don't take it easy. You'll hurt them. When you play with kids, you know to take it easy. Otherwise, they don't want to play with you anymore. Shit like that. And if you're that much bigger, I can't imagine what the – it's a different world. it's a different world so their whole childhood they're trained to not go all out not do that because you want to hold back a little bit because they're so much you're so much bigger than everybody which you know it's hard it's a hard habit to break when you're 18 and you got a
Starting point is 00:21:16 college coach telling you no fuck that everybody's your size you got to play hard they're like well shit i don't know everybody's been telling me not everyone's been telling me to relax yeah he doesn't have that maybe that's why dwight howard knees are pieces of shit that's probably what it is he was too soft on them they always talk about like there's an old defensive lineman named leroy selman i think he's in the hall of fame uh he is a tampa bay he was like the first star in tampa ever okay and his brother was also on the team a guy named dewey selman who was a linebacker yeah and dewey was way smaller than leroy leroy was the star number one overall draft pick i mean he's a star you can tell by the names
Starting point is 00:21:50 but his yeah but his brother was smaller but his brother was a bad motherfucker apparently his brother like yeah i was reading this book and they said like basically when leroy knocked you down he'd help you up again when dewey knocked you down he'd step on you on the way off and tell you to go fuck yourself that was the thing they said if he had half of his brother's meanness he would have been the greatest player in the history of the world yeah so they always say like uh guy reggie white amazing hall i mean greatest player in the world of a man sweetheart of a man on the field he wasn't exactly but he still was he wasn't mean they always said like in the 80s like if he had half of lawrence taylor's fuck his lawrence was a mean motherfucker on the field if he had half of
Starting point is 00:22:31 that like he would have there would have been no stopping him he would have been the greatest player to ever play the game hands down he just was a little more instead he was god blessing you as he was picking exactly sack yeah yeah he'd tell you son don't do that whereas lt'd be like all right motherfucker and on the next play yeah do it again bitch break your fucking legs look up the lt highlights they're so much fun to watch this look like the one he's just he would grab people by their jerseys and just fling them in another direction that's a 230 pound man he just threw with one hand that's not normal you're the same size as him how does that work with physics that's not normal closest the nfl's got to it today is khalil mack that guy yeah fucking beast but he's still nothing in comparison to that watch lt just watch the highlights it's just every the play would start and he would just
Starting point is 00:23:20 fuck everything up the whole thing would fall apart in two seconds right and it was like oh my god and i love the i love the highlight of him screaming too he's always yelling and shit you better hope i don't get back in there motherfucker i'm gonna whoop your motherfucking ass from the sideline you better motherfucking hope that shit i'll fucking kill all you motherfuckers he's screaming like nobody else is doing that no you know that's why everybody else on his team are staying on the sideline just watching the play yeah and he's chasing him down the sideline exactly jesus christ man so um yeah he's uh he's gonna go to albert's gonna go to tennessee he said that his coach his high school coach said quote albert was from a good family his mother tried to do right by him he had somewhat of a temper he would get
Starting point is 00:24:05 aggressive and angry but we were always able to control him so she made him sound like they were he's the frankenstein's monster you know and if he sees fire he's gonna get a little upset but you can reign him in yeah just that's what happens when he's animated by lightning that's and then he sings putting on the ritz, and that's how it works. You know how it works. So, yeah, following his senior season of high school, he is named Super Prep and Rival Net All-American and was also rated fourth best defensive lineman and the 14th ranked overall player in the nation. Whoa. So that's pretty good.
Starting point is 00:24:40 That's according to ESPN's Top 100. Wow. So pretty good. And the National Recruiting Advisor rated him the best defensive tackle in the country. That's pretty good. That's according to ESPN's top 100. Wow. So pretty good. And the National Recruiting Advisor rated him the best defensive tackle in the country. That's awesome. So that's pretty cool. You're going to have a pretty good future. Before college.
Starting point is 00:24:54 Before college. This is high school. Yeah. He hasn't made a dime yet. And everybody in high school has to be going, you know, we knew he was good, but Jesus. Jesus, great. Better than everybody? Now it makes sense why we all get tossed about.
Starting point is 00:25:06 Now it makes sense why those games are so boring. And lopsided as fuck. Super lopsided. He just runs over people. He's also USA Today High School All-American. It seems to be going, goes without saying. Right. He, the Tennessee Volunteers, they recruit him, 1999.
Starting point is 00:25:22 That was after Peyton Manning. That is crazy. Right after that. Yeah yeah he comes into that program so that year they had um they were go quickly through football because there's not a lot of time for sports here he this team though had uh t martin was the quarterback who ended up playing he's played for the steelers for a long time backup quarterback uh jamal lewis was the running back who i think has the single season record for rushing yards in a season at this point in time. Ravens.
Starting point is 00:25:49 Jamal Lewis was always on the Ravens. Wait, what? You're thinking of Jamal Anderson. There you go. Jamal Lewis, huge guy. Because I'm still picturing him being old. That's the year I graduated high school. Jamal Anderson was playing at this.
Starting point is 00:26:05 That's right. He was in the Super Bowl right now. Well, this guy was in college. So, yeah, Travis Henry also on this team future running back and and very, very highly indebted child support payer. He has like 14 kids and he owes all of them. He's a famous story because he got in trouble because he wasn't paying child support because he owed like he owed like eighty thousand dollars a month in child support all over the place and then he wasn't playing anymore and it's like you can't pay but he didn't like go to court and adjust it it was a mess why is there shame in just tugging man i don't know what it
Starting point is 00:26:38 is he's got a lot of he's planting a lot of seeds out there crazy That's crazy. That's it. So, 99, Tennessee goes 9-3 this year. And during this, they end up losing the Fiesta Bowl to Nebraska, 31-21. And there is a letter to my younger self about this time period. Let it sell. Letter to my younger self. During your freshman year, Coach Fulmer will introduce you to a psychologist who will become one of your best friends. He'll listen to your problems when you're struggling. You'll go tubing and water skiing on his boat
Starting point is 00:27:08 and hang out with him all throughout college. He will come to your house and meet your mom. I know this sounds crazy, Albert, but do not trust this man. What? As soon as you decide to declare for the NFL draft, he will say, You know, I do some investing on the side.
Starting point is 00:27:23 I've been helping other guys out for years. You should let me handle your money. Oh, that's called grooming oh no groom this kid did that happen to him oh yeah oh yeah he's he's got lawsuits and everything else later his money does not go far so 2000 volunteer that's that's some foreshadowing heartbreaking man no that sucks It really does suck. What a scumbag. So 2000 team goes eight and four. They go to the Cotton Bowl and lose to Kansas State. That sounds depressing.
Starting point is 00:27:53 He gets in a fight with a teammate here, Will Offenhusel. Gets in a fight with him. Leaves the practice field as they wanted him to to cool off. And you're supposed to go relax he returns though you not with an olive branch not i was wrong i'm going to apologize he returned with a pole looking to beat this other player with a pole yeah it's a metal olive branch i'm gonna whack in the fucking temple with it how's that sound he came to beat him up with it came to beat him up with it? Came to beat him up with it on the practice field, swinging a pole around until finally he's stopped by the head coach
Starting point is 00:28:31 who stops him and suspends him for half a game for trying to murder a teammate on the field, which seems light. Yeah. I would say that he should probably get at least a whole game. What the hell was that fight about? You can't do that. He'll fight with teammates throughout his career as well he's got he's really a polarizing guy because you have some guys that love him heart and soul of the team he's this and
Starting point is 00:28:57 he's that and on the same team there's guys like he's the worst human being i've ever met he doesn't give two fucks about the team he can suck my dick same locker room it's probably two different guys that recognize that intensity as beneficial to the team versus detrimental to the team yes no interpretation of it no no no it's a different his teammates that don't like him all say he's a fucking lazy shit really that doesn't give two fucks about anybody but himself that's what they say the guys that like him like him so it's a i don't know tell you both sides you can decide i don't know so it's wild i never met the guy 2001 volunteers they go 11 and 2 and beat and go all the way to the citrus bowl they finished fourth in the ap poll which is pretty good they beat michigan 45 17 in the citrus bowl and that's a pretty good
Starting point is 00:29:41 team too uh he is second team all sec that year awesome which is good there's a lot of good players in the sec and his college stats all together uh he had uh what is this i think this is for his senior season 66 tackles five sacks 31 quarterback pressures 20 tackles for a loss and nine pass deflections. That's pretty good. Yeah. He's also got big, long arms. He's 6'6". He's enormous. 6'6", over 300 pounds. Wow.
Starting point is 00:30:09 For the pro day at Tennessee that they do all your stats for the draft. So their team finished third overall. Fourth. Third overall in the polls after the bowl game, though, right? Because they won the bowl game? Fourth overall after the bowl game. Oh. They were fourth overall.
Starting point is 00:30:22 Oh, okay. At 11-2. Got it. So, yeah, for the draft, he didn't do the combine. fourth overall after the bowl game yeah they were fourth overall oh okay at 11 and 2 got it so um he yeah for the draft he didn't do the combine he did he did a pro a pro day really a lot of guys will do that that's a newer thing but this was he was one of the first guys to do that that wasn't a real common thing back then you went to them they didn't come to you right but he said fuck that you come to me and uh he's 6'6 weighs in at 317 pounds. Sweet Jesus. He runs a 4'8", 240, though.
Starting point is 00:30:47 That's pretty good. That's fucking lightning for a guy that size. Right. For that much weight? If I had a 6'6", 317-pound man running after me that ran a 4'8", 240, I would shit my fucking pants. They're going to get you, James. That is frightening. That's frightening.
Starting point is 00:31:03 Yeah. That's like, this is what i mean when we talk about like um other sports and i'll fuck around i like i like fucking around with people like on social media and shit like uh once in a while people will be like oh rugby players are so much better athletes and i'm like dude come on yes they're they're better they have better cardio probably but that that's a different thing for longer for longer For longer. But if you put an NFL player like Albert Hainsworth on a rugby field, there would be not a lot of them left with him by the end of the first period or whatever the fuck segments of time you break it into.
Starting point is 00:31:36 There would just be a lot of blood around. Very little scrum hanging around. He'd be throwing people. You're too small. There's not the same level of 482-663-17 put those numbers in your brain that's fucking frightening that's why people are afraid of like bears because they're big and fast this is what this is this is they do he's a bear person right he's a giant man and uh 39 inch vertical jump 39 inch for jimmy that's insane holy think about how to nba players from standing still
Starting point is 00:32:08 standing still nba players jump three and a half feet that are skinny and he's fucking 317 pounds and he can get he could dunk a 12 foot rim probably probably that's what i mean he's got long ass arms yeah huge vertical jump imagine trying to escape from this person who's coming after you this is scary as fuck uh nine foot seven inch broad jump and he does the bench press which i think is 225 do they do or 250 i don't know they test you out but he does it whatever it is it's 39 reps he does he's a fucking monster yeah goddamn monster and he's in shape oh yeah he's he's scary man so taylor swift is so high, her every move captured in the news cycle and devoured by her devoted fans. She's broken billboard records and made Grammys history, not to mention becoming a billionaire in the process. But along the way, Taylor has had to wage war, first by taking on a very powerful, very famous manager, Scooter Braun,
Starting point is 00:33:03 and then by going up against the biggest live events company, Ticketmaster. Hi, I'm David Brown, the host of Wondery Show Business Wars. We go deep into some of the biggest corporate rivalries of all time. And in our latest season, Taylor Swift will shake up not only the music business, but Hollywood and the NFL. Follow Business Wars wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued,
Starting point is 00:33:32 what was in Al Capone's vault, or which famous meteorologist is Lenny Kravitz's second cousin, then you haven't spent enough time on Wikipedia. But that's okay. I am here for you. I'm Darcy Carden, and I'm inviting you to listen to my new podcast, WikiHole, from SmartList Media. Discover the craziest rabbit holes on Wikipedia with me and
Starting point is 00:33:51 my funny friends as we bring the cyber frontier directly to your tympanic membrane. And if you listen to my podcast, you'd learn that that's the science-y term for eardrum. We embark on a hyperlink rollercoaster as we start out on a Wikipedia page and go from link to link to link to link, careening through trivia, oddities, and unexpected connections until we collectively shout, how the hell did we get here? Follow WikiHole on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to WikiHole ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. wow who got the living shit kicked out of him for like three seasons and it was over bastard they ruined him they had no offensive line every play he was running for his life yeah if he didn't get to sack he got hit he was getting going down poor bastard number two overall julius peppers
Starting point is 00:34:56 really who was still playing what last year i think two years ago that guy god he's so good playing forever joey harrington number three overall one of detroit's famous wasted picks quarterback from oregon who was terrible oh he did he was awful he'd oh i just mixed uh joey porter and and uh the the defensive lavar harrington that's why i mixed together right there harrington and harrington that's hilarious uh quentin jammer's in here some tackles roy williams a defensive back in this whole thing. Levi Jones, I see. Dante Stallworth.
Starting point is 00:35:29 Oh. Jeremy Shockey, number 14 overall. Number 15 overall to Tennessee. Albert Ainsworth. 15th. 15th overall, baby. That's a lineman. That's amazing.
Starting point is 00:35:39 Yeah. So you could have had him or later on in the round, Ed Reed was picked. He turned out to be a hall of famer so that wouldn't have been a bad pick pretty solid yeah philip buchanan the really good cornerback for the raiders for many years there there's a lot of really javon walker a decent wide receiver for the uh and it went back for him james yeah yeah it really did jeremy stevens in this draft oh no so we've talked about this one so yeah a lot of people clinton poured a second round has even got a lot of good players in it tank williams who i'm sure will have his own episode at some point here oh tank williams he got arrested a hundred times uh undrafted in that draft james
Starting point is 00:36:14 harrison great linebacker that's who i was thinking of and bart scott also is a great player for years and years both undrafted in this draft so bad bad defensive scouting in this draft we'll say um also right around this time uh he has a son albert does a son is born no ashari what he goes with ashari of all all of that he has all the reason in the world to be proud of himself and he no ashari i'm gonna buck these trends i mean yeah we don't know if that's who knows a family name of his yeah of the woman he's with i'm a mess enough for all of us i can do that nobody else needs to be all for now so 2002 in tennessee they talk about the coaches had tennessee's coaches before the draft had been warned oh basically his coaches at tennessee were like great player great this and that he's got some yeah there's some hiccups sure a great car um you know when you get it in third
Starting point is 00:37:10 it's a little you know the gas sticks a little it's one of those type of things like you want to watch out for that yeah they said that they were they there were lines he tried not to cross but often would basically they called him headstrong and confrontational and they did say that he had a poor attitude so he wasn't real into like doing what he's told that sort of thing which i mean you know that's kind of it's a pain in the ass but he's amazing at it that's the thing so now the coach that was warned about him said that he also thinks about albert that he's quote maybe the smartest football player i've ever been around. Brilliant. When he talks, he's not fucking dumb at all.
Starting point is 00:37:48 He's really smart. He's just an asshole. That's the problem. Is that Fisher? No, this was one of the position coaches. Got it. So he makes a $3,700,010 hundred thousand and ten dollar signing bonus why the 10 is in there but fuck me all up so this team was steve mcnair's team obviously back then eddie
Starting point is 00:38:13 george the running back this is like that classic the classic fun team yeah old they were in the super bowl the year before losing to the ram so that's a kind of a team everybody knows neil o'donnell was the backup quarterback with his fucking horse face. Really? He was there. Yeah, weird, right? Derek Mason, Frank Wycheck. This is that old team.
Starting point is 00:38:32 Now, for this, we need a letter. A letter to your younger self. Tell him how to handle the NFL. Tell him how to handle it. Albert, tell your younger self what the fuck to do. He says, quote, remember when you were eight years old watching an NFL game with your mom and you turned to her and you said, that's what I'm going to do someday. Well, it's going to be a lot more complicated than just a simple game.
Starting point is 00:38:55 He's really making it sound like it's the weirdest. It's written so strangely. I get that he's trying to be like you know i have reflection yeah but it's just so strange uh when you get drafted by the tennessee titans in the first round of the 2002 draft you're going to come into camp thinking you got this which i'm sure every rookie does sure you only benched as much as some of the safeties at the combine but you can run you have that short burst playing power you're going to be a better athlete than 85% of the offensive linemen you're up against. You're going to run over guys in practice.
Starting point is 00:39:29 But for some reason, when Sunday comes around, they're going to do just enough to stop you because they have the brains. Year by year, you're going to figure this out and start picking up little tricks. So he tries to, and it's exactly what we said, he tries to use his given ability in the NFL like he did in college and like he did in high school where he's just a better athlete than them
Starting point is 00:39:52 and you're going to run over him. That shit doesn't work in the NFL. The NFL, those guys are most of the time just as good an athlete as you, and if they're not, they've been playing for five years and they know every little fucking trick to fuck you up and thwart you.
Starting point is 00:40:06 That's what they do. Another thing is they're the same size as you. Same size. You can't just impose your will. They're crafty. They're not scared of you. They're actually looking at you like you're a fucking big, giant, fat roast beef sandwich that they can eat for lunch because you're a rookie. You're about to feel how your high school teammates felt about you.
Starting point is 00:40:24 You don't know the tricks that they know. They're going to jack you with that little forearm under the chin when you first get off the line. Shit like that. Oh, what the fuck was that? They don't do that in college. They do in the NFL, motherfucker. Get used to it. One of those things.
Starting point is 00:40:36 So 2002 Titans are 11-5. They beat the Steelers 34-31 in the playoffs and then lose to the Raiders in the championship game 41-24 and the Bucs stomped the Raiders in that Super Bowl hard. Albert starts three games but plays in all 16 he has one sack and 30 tackles so doesn't play
Starting point is 00:40:58 that much he's a rookie and they put him in kind of sparingly besides his bonus his base salary that year $628,333 not bad not bad at all 2003 training camp he gets in a fight with a teammate in camp it's uh justin hartwig he's an offensive lineman a center he kicks him in the chest with his cleats on while he's standing while he's down i think so i think he gave him like a kick in the chest in practice in practice in training camp uh not that's not okay you can never step on people in football it's a big thing like everybody's vulnerable on the ground right and you have cleats on so
Starting point is 00:41:35 you that's a that's one of those things where you cross the line motherfucker and so you can't do that anybody's stomping on people gets the ire of everybody and don't consume nobody likes him today everybody is on the ground at some point that's why yeah you're never no one is in that never in that position so it's not okay he uh so this sparks off a big brawl and all this sort of shit he's fine by jeff fisher the coach he says a little bit later albert does yeah it was at the beginning of training camp oh i'm sorry'm sorry. This is Hartwig talking. Hartwig, the guy who was kicked. He says, yeah, it was at the beginning of training camp, my second year. I was blocking him during a pass rush drill, and he was bull rushing me.
Starting point is 00:42:13 And when he let up, I dropped to my knees, and he reared back and kicked me in the chest. So he wasn't even laying down. No, no, no. He was on his knees. Holy shit. Yeah. He said, so basically what i did was uh grab his foot when he kicked me because i was going to dump him on his back because if you're kicked uh if you're
Starting point is 00:42:31 kicked it's really uh it's really on after that but when i tried to pick a pick his foot up one of the other offensive linemen came in and cleared him out so then there was a brawl after that got so then the lines were brawling he grabbed his leg and somebody else drilled him. Exactly. It was one of those. He came off and pulled him away. So then the next day he gets in more fights with people. He gets in a fight with teammate Matt Martin and then gets in a big giant verbal blow up with Jeff Fisher.
Starting point is 00:42:58 It's your second year, dude. Right. Like, get on the team first. Establish yourself. Calm down. Yeah. They end up deactivating him for the season finale later on because of another fight with Jeff Fisher. And then they put him in for a playoff game, though.
Starting point is 00:43:11 The one they won against the Ravens. Because they need him. Because they need him. Exactly. They're like, well, I mean, it's not that bad. So 2003, they're 12 and four of the Titans. They were really good through this period. They win in the wild card round uh they beat the ravens 20 to 17 and then lose to the patriots 14 uh 17 14 so that's going
Starting point is 00:43:31 to happen but albert here plays in 12 games starts 11 has a little better two and a half sacks 32 tackles still not that this is our first round draft pick dominant thing going on yet for him. He does, though, make $425,416 plus a $1.8 million option bonus, whatever that is, for a total of $2,225,416 this year. Not bad. That's all right. Oh, Jesus. You can do all right with that in Tennessee, I think. Probably.
Starting point is 00:44:03 Probably do just fine with that. They're in Nashville, right? Yeah, yeah, Jesus. Do all right with that in Tennessee, I think. Probably. Probably do just fine with that. They're in Nashville, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this also prompts a letter to my younger self. Oh, boy. Letter to my younger self, Jimmy. You've heard the horror stories about guys buying a fleet of Rolls Royces and gold chains and going broke. You're not an idiot.
Starting point is 00:44:22 You know you should invest your money. And this guy is showing you a business card that says Morgan Stanley and a multi-million dollar portfolio. I know he seems trustworthy. I know he seems smart. But if you let your friend handle your finances, he's going to take millions from you.
Starting point is 00:44:37 He's going to take millions from you. You can't. Are you paying attention now? He says that's... People are such dicks, man. Isn't that attention now? He says that's. You can't. People are such dicks, man. Isn't that fucked up? I hate him.
Starting point is 00:44:49 I hate that so much. And they see the guys like him from a mile away. Absolutely. And they prey on him. 4,000 people is a tiny girl. That's crazy. Fucking prey on him. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:57 I bet he probably is out here all alone. Probably needs a father figure. The buildings are impressive, right? Pretty good, right? They don't have these where you're from, huh? Nope. So 2004, he skips the team's off-season workouts, including a voluntary workout program, which is fine, and also a mini camp he skips in May. So team isn't real thrilled with him for that shit.
Starting point is 00:45:16 It looks shitty. It looks shitty, exactly. So 2004, the Titans are 5-11. Oh, no. That turned around real fast. They were 12- 4 the year before holy shit i don't know but that's a fucking disaster it really is holy fuck albert only plays in 10 games he starts all 10 he has one sack and 37 tackles so that is just not that's
Starting point is 00:45:39 abysmal as this isn't great yeah um it's they're not he's not exactly what they're looking for out of their first round draft pick defensive tackle here 500 000 bucks though he makes that's what he's that's what he's looking for yeah tell you that much uh now keith bullock his teammate here he loves him bullock loves albert hainsworth he says he always has happy things to say he says about this that he remembers the time when albertaped over a lineman, quote, like fucking Frogger. Or the time he said that he pushed Larry Allen, who's a Hall of Fame guard on the Cowboys, as if he was pushing a stroller. He says, quote, it was like watching the Hulk when the Hulk smashes. That's what he's saying.
Starting point is 00:46:21 He's got the goddamn ability so you know he does too he said that he would he get himself into a rage before the game yeah a lot of guys try to calm down before games because they know it's a long thing like you know they'll they'll like almost take a nap before a game some guys like bang their head against concrete walls yeah i don't know that i could be some guys throw up on purpose it's a really weird yeah jordan said if he didn't throw up before a game it wasn't an important game yeah well some guys have football games it's like part of the routine yeah jim kelly used to do that do this do that throw up go out there and play it's a weird thing like it was always as known for it it's a strange thing he's not bulimic no he just throw up before the game
Starting point is 00:47:02 it was a thing that he had to do to get his clear stomach out. Good for him. Otherwise, he'd get all jumbly. Good for him to be able to control that. Yeah, good for you. Good for you, Jim. Well, I don't know. You know what? He never got chunky, so maybe that's just how he controlled his weight.
Starting point is 00:47:15 I'm not sure. That's terrible. So he used to watch violent movies before the game, and then he wanted something where everybody was dead at the end that was his main goal here and the coaches knew not to talk to him before games because he was getting into a weird state his murderous rage yeah he says that he thought he remembers it feeling like addiction like it was an addictive power surging through his body he said as the national anthem played he said he
Starting point is 00:47:45 wanted to know he wanted to know that the man across from him who had family in the stands who was a hero to his children acknowledged albert was better and stronger that's what he said he he wanted to embarrass this man in front of his children that was his goal of the day hopefully at the end of the day this man's children will respect him less that's what he wants that's what he's looking for i want this man to go home and tell his kids that guy i played against much better much better he's more of a man honey you want to fuck him right right kids you wish he was your dad i know unbelievable he says quote i got off on that power. The high. That's what serial killers do. Like rapists and shit.
Starting point is 00:48:27 That's a weird. He just channeled it to football. It's not about making me feel good. It's about making you feel bad. I mean, it's not even a matter. That's what he's doing. That's what he's about. Is that sociopathic behavior?
Starting point is 00:48:38 It's a lot of different things. It feels like it, right? Yeah. He said it took me to dark places and desensitized me. That's exactly what it is well think about if he didn't have football though because he never murders anybody or anything so the fact that maybe this is the best thing for him at least everyone everyone on the field signed up for this right for his fucking madness whereas kicks his teammates in the chest
Starting point is 00:48:57 yeah well at least he's not doing that like it could be worse he could be working at walgreens and kicking a stock boy in the chest. That would be worse. A fellow stalker. He would. He would. That's what I mean. So he said he liked the most violent parts of the game. He said that he felt he was there. He was paid to inflict maximum pain.
Starting point is 00:49:18 And that was that. He said the more pain he inflicted, the more money teams would want to give him. That's what he said. And Bullock said his teammates said, quote, he was a fucking savage that was that he said albert hainsworth said quote like if an if an opponent wanted we'd meet in the parking lot afterwards he said yeah i'll kick your ass too later that's that's who you want on the team though yeah he wanted to hate you though that was his whole thing he uh bullock said in our sport at the highest level you just have to go to that place which i mean maybe you do to play it's to play defensive tackle i don't know what it's like in the trenches of the line psychotic words though
Starting point is 00:49:55 it's crazy yeah this is why you look at football and we grew up and we've loved football our whole lives and you look at it you go how is this allowed right how are we all allowed to do this yeah like you know yeah when you look at it really it's boxing too and i'm not saying like oh people are just look at it if you were an alien yeah and you're plunked down and you were like dissected on its face wow yeah whoa what the hell is this all about is this punishment for something no no these men dream to do this but and we all paid to get in here we paid to watch it and there's also money back there at the books we picked the winner yeah oh by the way everybody has a fantasy team also and they all
Starting point is 00:50:30 have these people in their avatar computer selves also they pretend they own this yeah they own these people strange so 2005 titans 4 and 12 uh albert play starts 14 games this year, has three sacks, 52 tackles. Getting better. That's getting better. He makes $600,000 that year. And so what does Albert do in the offseason? What's a guy like Albert who's all motor on the field and all wanting to murder people on the field,
Starting point is 00:50:58 what does he do to unwind a guy like that? He says his first few years total out out of football he ends up later on doubling down on these activities but he starts figuring out that he likes to hang out in florida he likes to go out on the boat smoke cigars and go fishing yeah he likes to do yep he uh takes his kids to school shit like that that's what he's gonna do small town living that kind of thing yeah yeah he likes yeah like if you're the richest guy in the small town you're going to get a nice boat and hang out on the pond to be the successful guy in a small town yeah i get it uh he also would go uh rock crawling or gator hunting sometimes as well i like this lifestyle yeah it's fine he also has a
Starting point is 00:51:38 daughter around this time uh alani is her name and uh the uh hartwig leaves the team that justin hartwig after this year she kicking the chest guy left the team and uh he says quote i never talked to him he's just the kind of guy i stay away from i realize there are things that happen on the field but there are boundaries that get crossed he just kind of loses his mind sometimes that's just him there have been several incidents with him on the field over the course of the four years i was there it's pretty par for the course for him to lose control of his temper and his emotions and do something like that he said in practice he saw a lot of things he said quote there is stuff where he will hit somebody after the play when they aren't looking i got into it with him just about every year yeah so that's just that's his thing that's his thing
Starting point is 00:52:23 so i mean i don't know if it's the offensive players hate him the defensive players like him maybe because they have to fuck with him in practice yeah whereas the defensive players don't care that might be it because i haven't heard a defensive guy talk shit about him but all the offensive players hate his guts so that's a they are different units and they don't hang out together very often so i don't know but either way he's still he's making money he's doing things grace oh boy this is grace here no when he just kicked a guy in the chest and all that from here on it gets really crazy now it's a ski slope of slalom insanity now great so uh may of
Starting point is 00:52:58 2006 this has been in the off season uh he surrenders to authorities on a Friday to face charges of reckless endangerment after a motorist complained that he tried to run them off the highway with his truck. Oh, boy. And this is not the only incident he's going to have in a car. Oh, Albert. He's got a lot of car problems, a lot of out-of-car problems. But in the car, he really shouldn't have a car. No? No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:53:23 A lot of out-of-car problems, but in the car, he really shouldn't have a car. No? No, no, no. As a society, we should all chip in and just get him an unlimited Uber card, because it will save us all a lot of heartbreak. We'll put it that way. Or we keep him in a car, a very small one, because he's in a fucking truck. That's possible. That's scary.
Starting point is 00:53:38 Well, later on, he's got a small car, which is hilarious. You'll hear what he drives later on. I can't wait. This whole story is fucking insane. They said that they issued a warrant for his arrest. You know the guy who, this is amazing, the man who he ran off the road? What?
Starting point is 00:53:53 You know his name? Oh, no. James Bond. Oh. Jimmy? Right out of a fucking news. James J. Bond. And his Aston Martin.
Starting point is 00:54:04 That's right. He ran off the road uh it was sad too his his foreign female companion was injured it was very well she was blowing him at the time so that's why his drink spilled his drink spilled on her head it's bad he uh he's released on a thousand dollars bond james bond you know james bond thousand dollar james bond he uh they told james bond told the police this is funny james bond calling the cops to tell on somebody about road rage imagine in a james bond movie they just stop in the middle of it and he pulls over and he's like i never thought of doing this before hello police there's men trying to kill me isn't this oh hello 911 born james bond they're
Starting point is 00:54:48 following me and you know how it is it's just you've seen the movie when they you know the whole there's little mini missiles and things coming toward me you know could use some assistance you could use some assistance so i'm out here all on my own you never can you imagine what was that i don't even know where that was it was a scottish man who was out there on his own i'm out here on my own. You never. Can you imagine? What was that? I don't even know where that was. It was a Scottish man who was out there on his own. I'm out here on my own. It was more Irish. Sorry. Sorry, whole fucking island over there.
Starting point is 00:55:15 Unbelievable. Sorry, multiple islands. The whole United Kingdom. So he apparently was driving a 2006, Hainsworth was, 2006 Ford F650. James, that's so much truck. That's basically a semi. He's basically driving a semi. An F350 is a one-ton pickup truck.
Starting point is 00:55:34 This is probably that. I know exactly what it is. It's a fucking diesel. It has more than four wheels. We'll put it that way. It has six. Any truck with more than four wheels is probably too much truck so big truck for the highway for non-work things that might be the one with uh two uh two
Starting point is 00:55:51 axles in the back james that's what i mean it's one of those six it's a lot of i mean 650 it's a fucking huge that's a lot of truck too much truck apparently a 250 000 truck he was speeding of course of course and attempted to pass a Mustang driven by James Bond's mother-in-law. James Bond is tooling down the highway with his mother-in-law when he has a traffic incident and must call the police.
Starting point is 00:56:16 James Bond has gone downhill, everybody. I get that you can't have him be as suave and as sophisticated as before, but getting run off the road while his mother-in-law is driving, I think is a little too far for the James Bond series. It's pretty awesome. James Bond's mother-in-law also drives a sports car.
Starting point is 00:56:32 She does, a Mustang. Everybody in the family. They drove them off the left shoulder of the I-40, which is the big interstate that goes all the way across the country, about 45 miles east of Nashville. He's cutting people off in the fast lane. In the fast lane. Passing them on the right.
Starting point is 00:56:49 Yeah, pissed off. Wow. He drives like he plays. That's the thing. He drives way too aggressive. In an F-650. That's what I mean. That's an imposing vehicle coming at you.
Starting point is 00:56:59 The police report said the Affians feared for their lives and felt their lives were in danger, as well as other drivers around them. And they probably were. And they didn't even know it was Albert Hainsworth. Then they would have known their lives were in danger. So no officer was present at the scene. They just gave the license plate number and all that.
Starting point is 00:57:16 And other motorists, I guess, saw it as well. Now, June 2006, a judge ends up dismissing the reckless endangerment charge. 2006, a judge ends up dismissing the reckless endangerment charge, dismissed the charge after the prosecutors declined to press charges because it was not in the jurisdiction they thought it was. They made a mistake when they wrote it out and put it in another place. So it's in the wrong jurisdiction. So they end up having to throw it out. So they said, quote, both officials conducted a thorough investigation. Oh, this is Albert's attorney. Okay, he's got an attorney. This isn't the one.
Starting point is 00:57:48 But wait till you hear his agent the whole time. He's the silverest of the silver-haired middle-aged white men. This is his first attorney. He says both officials conducted a thorough investigation with Albert's complete cooperation. And while we are pleased, we're not surprised by their conclusion. Yeah, I'm sure nothing happened. were not surprised by their conclusion yeah i'm sure it would nothing happen so uh he also says this incident at least on our client's part never rose to the level of crime and albert at this time will choose not to react in kind he's going to be a nice guy about this whole thing so the other
Starting point is 00:58:17 county even bother no they don't even bother with it because by then it's yeah it's been investigated by them it's probably botched we can't do anything who cares yeah there fuck it so 2006 this is kind of when he comes into his own and also when everybody in the country knows who he is yeah 2006 plays for the titans they go eight and eight that year uh mediocre now october 1st 2006 cowboys guard uh is it andre garod is that how you say garade i can't remember how you say the name garod either it's Gouraud. Gouraud. Either way. G-E-R-R-O-D-E. G-U-R-O-D-E. Yeah, I think it's Gouraud.
Starting point is 00:58:49 Gouraud. Yeah. Anyway. Gouraud. He's the Cowboys offensive lineman, apparently, and he's tangling with Albert all day. says that at one point uh i guess this garotti or road he said albert said he clipped him from behind and behind his knees and then the guy got up and said i'm trying to put your ass out so albert says he remembers a coach yelling from the sidelines quote you better kill that motherfucker he says quote and then it was just like a switch i can't remember this is how he how he says it
Starting point is 00:59:26 all right now what happened was if you didn't know it's known as the stomping incident it was during a touchdown i think or something like it was on the goal line yeah it was away from the play yeah i know uh basically he took this man's fucking helmet off of him and stomped on his face with his cleats. Wait, what? Real fucking hard. You never saw this? This I may be confusing the Dominick and Sue one. Oh, no, this is worse.
Starting point is 00:59:53 Sue, he pulled the man's helmet off first. Yeah, that's crazy. And then this is like attempted murder, for Christ's sake. I thought the stomping was on his nuts. No, no, no. This is on his face, right down down his face narrowly missing his right eye holy shit albert severe wound opened up a huge gash he needed 30 stitches to close his face up uh yeah not good this is my one of the dirtiest plays in the history of football right this ranks
Starting point is 01:00:19 up there with the charles martin hitting jim mcmahon you ever see that highlight jim mcmahon throws the ball he's standing there for like five seconds, and Charles Martin just comes up and fucking throws him into the ground shoulder first. Really? I mean, it's just assault. It's not even a football play. The play is over.
Starting point is 01:00:34 I mean, he's way, but he just, it's late by 10 seconds. He just plants him on his shoulder, breaks his, broke his collarbone or something. Fuck. That was like the cheapest play in the history of football known as and this takes it way to another level i don't why don't i remember it being on a fucking face
Starting point is 01:00:51 he pushed off his helmet and fucking lifted his foot up and i mean hard he tried to hurt this motherfucker it wasn't a little bit so uh he gets there's a 15 yard penalty on the play for that so uh halbert albert said quote all he could think was oh shit i lost it after that that was his big thing there he's oh damn i lost it he said he went into the titans locker room and he said that he looked up and just saw him because he got thrown out saw himself on an endless two tv replay loop because they showed it yeah for two years they showed this over and over and over again. Whenever they'd mention him on SportsCenter, that was the highlight in the background
Starting point is 01:01:27 was him stomping on a man's face. And it was a Cowboys game, so it was probably Joe Buck being appalled. You know it was on national television, I'm sure. So that's the other thing. Yeah, he said it was a blur. It was a big mistake and something that I wish I could do anything to take back.
Starting point is 01:01:43 Yeah, known as the stomping incident there. He's ejected, obviously. Now, the other participant, Garod or Garotti, I can't remember and I wish I could, he says that the injury first felt like a scratch. He said he knew he'd been stomped on, but he thought it was just a scratch because your adrenaline's going.
Starting point is 01:01:59 You're in the middle of a fucking football play. You don't feel things as much. He said, though, even though he could feel blood gushing into his eye and he couldn't see because of blood he thought it was just a scratch like on the forehead in wrestling they make a little tiny cut with a with a razor blade and it bleeds like when your blood's pumping like that man and if you're sweating too it really makes it worse that's why the guys look like they're stuck pigs when they have a tiny little pinhole in their fucking head so um he said that uh what happened next his
Starting point is 01:02:25 instinct was to attack albert hainsworth but when he tried to stand up he could feel a weight pushing him back down later he looked on the replay to see who was who was keeping him down and no one was there his interpretation interpretation which he believes to this day this was god at work oh motherfucker quote giving him the strength of calm or it's blood loss or it's yeah one of the two you don't have the vitamin d to move b whatever it is your brain needs more blood to operate that you don't have because it's rushing from your face maybe i'm not sure what it is but oh god the strength of calm chris collinsworth said at the time who we both despise yeah he was announcing the game it was on nbc it was him and buck then probably he said that haynesworth should be taken away in cuffs
Starting point is 01:03:16 yeah for that which i mean it was he's fucking clearly assault for once in his life yeah we are going to do that one of these days by the way for a bonus episode players who have gotten in legal trouble for things that happen on a field oh what interesting as fuck yeah there's a ton of times that people have literally gotten arrested for shit they did on a sports field so we'll talk about that i know this happened in hockey with the sticks and shit a lot yeah there's other sports too yeah so uh fisher i guess jeff fisher told bill parcells after the game as parcells was i think, coaching in Dallas at the time. Must have been. Possibly.
Starting point is 01:03:48 Yes, he was. He said that the Titans would punish Hainsworth themselves if they felt the NFL's punishment was not serious enough. And on the same day, later on, Albert will have a press conference, of course. Fisher told a national radio show that the game might have been as last as a Titan Haynes words. Right. So, um,
Starting point is 01:04:07 they had the option of either deactivating him for the remaining seven games of the season. They could release him. If they released him though, it would hit their cat pretty hard salary cap. So that hurts. So they ended up, the NFL was given,
Starting point is 01:04:20 it gave him a five game suspension, which to this day still is the longest suspension in the history of the league for an on-field incident really longest in the history of the lead you've got to stomp a man's face narrowly missing their eye after pulling their helmet off to do a criminal act and you still will not lose half the season five games before that the longest was charles martin spiking jim mcmahon into the ground unbelievable that was uh yeah so now it's uh dragging a woman out of an elevator unconscious that's off the field yeah oh plenty of that because guys are suspended for years for drugs
Starting point is 01:04:54 before that so that's not it this is for on the field incidents longest ever for an on the field incident is it still that way yes still to this day never never one's ever been suspended more than five games for an on-field incident here. So he needed 30 stitches, like we said. Jeff Fisher sent an apology to the league, to the press, to the Cowboys, to everybody in the world. Albert Hainsworth had to tell afterwards, he said, quote, what I did out there was disgusting.
Starting point is 01:05:20 It doesn't matter what the league does to me. The way I feel right now, you just can't describe it um yeah so i guess he said the cowboys guy here got stomped on he reached out to hainsworth the next day really he says quote man what did i do to you yeah is with his recollection and he says hainsworth said quote you didn't do anything that was it that's all he said it was just just some shit i needed to do. What? I've got to play you again someday. That's what I mean. That's, fuck.
Starting point is 01:05:51 I did nothing. So, of course, they asked the Justin Hartwig guy about it because he's had this instinct. Remember when you got kicked? Remember the cleats? You know about the wrath of Albert's cleats. Right. So he says, quote, obviously it was a real shocking deal it was unimaginable for a football player to do that to another football player but knowing albert and what
Starting point is 01:06:09 he's done in the past it didn't surprise me at all he says quote he he's a guy that isn't very good in control of his emotions when he's getting beat he tends to lose control of his emotions and he gets irrational and doesn't think straight and people around the league went batshit like michael strahan in his book yeah he has like a whole chapter about how disgusting and sickening this was and how albert hainsworth has no respect from him and it's you know he broke the code of players you don't fucking do that and all this shit which i mean yeah you don't rip a man's helmet off so you can stomp him with your cleat yeah that's fucking crazy that's crazy yeah that's a crazy thing to do uh kishan johnson went off on this shit because he was an announcer by then i think he said quote i don't think he should be playing football i wouldn't want him on my team i'm not
Starting point is 01:06:54 into giving guys who do something like that an opportunity that's just me but i don't own a football team and i'm not a head coach if i did he wouldn't be on my team and he says if somebody did that on this team when i was here i'd tell the owner jerry richardson the same thing i don't want him on my team i'm not going to play with a dude that's doing that on my team a lot of people felt that way which makes sense uh during the suspension he was he talked to people here and hung out with some people uh people deserved thought he deserved a second chance one of his teammates said, quote, he just made a mistake.
Starting point is 01:07:27 It's nothing somebody should hold over his head or sit here and not let him play the game anymore. He made a mistake most young guys make. No young guy ever made that mistake on the field. It's one thing to get in a fight, but you don't rip a man's helmet off and stomp his face. That's crazy.
Starting point is 01:07:42 And be 300 and something pounds. It's crazy. And pushing that weight into a man's head off and stomp his face that's crazy and be 300 and something pounds it's crazy pushing that weight into a man's head yeah he could have fractured his skull and killed him let me get him up and smack him in the helmet if you want to get in a fight with the guy i don't punch the man punch the guy do whatever you gotta do stomp on him that's crazy shit so um yeah he says he comes uh he comes back out on this team i I think it'll be a good thing. It'll be a big lift for us, too. Then he says, this is Keith Bullock again, he says, shoot, we've been missing him around here in the locker room,
Starting point is 01:08:16 missing him on the football field, missed the leadership aspect that he brings. What fucking leadership can this guy bring? Wow, that's weird. I don't know. But, again, different defense, so who knows. And I'm sure he's ready to come back. He's definitely one of us, and I can't wait until he comes back. So some guys love him. Some guys wouldn't want him on their team.
Starting point is 01:08:30 It's a weird defense-offense thing here. So he ends up facing five-game suspension, and then Jeff Fisher says, we believe that Albert is prepared to put this incident behind him, move forward, and play this game with the respect and integrity with which it was designed to be played i don't know about that if you've ever seen old football there's no integrity there it was guys were murdering each other and if he had any stomping a man's fucking face yeah throws all of it away it's fucking crazy they also they uh he started counseling right afterwards.
Starting point is 01:09:08 The team made him start counseling for anger management. And they said that he's going to have to keep with anger management to be on the team still. He said, I'm glad the suspension time is over with and I'm allowed to come back to work and participate. So Albert says all of that. Now he needs a, you know a he's got to reset his his thing here yeah and for that i think we should give him the floor and let him do an in their own words what do you say here in their own why not fuck it in their own words quote now albert hainsworth is known for something despicable. This is him speaking, not just for being a good football player or the face of the NFL,
Starting point is 01:09:48 like Chad Johnson or Terrell Owens for that matter. It's, it's known for this incident, uh, for this incident. So I know I lost a lot of respect. My goal is to get back, work as hard as I can and just bust my butt on the field and try to earn back
Starting point is 01:10:02 that respect from everybody. Yeah. Yeah. So, there you go. That's what he's trying to do. After you stomped a man's face. You stomped a man's face. He did start 10 games that year and have two sacks. So, there's that. The wait is over.
Starting point is 01:10:19 So far, you're not losing. The only thing you're losing is my patience. Quickly, I see that. Bing! The queen of the courtroom is back. I didn't do anything You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face. I see he's not intimidated by anything I can fix that new cases. She wanted to fight me leave her a Lo, okay, so, um.
Starting point is 01:10:45 This is not a so, this is a period. Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin. His brother. That's not him. Yes, ma'am.
Starting point is 01:10:56 I would make a beeline for the door. The Emmy Award winning series returns. How did I know that? I have a crystal ball in my head. It's an all new season. It's streaming. You can say anything. Judy Justice.
Starting point is 01:11:11 Only on Freebie. He does make $646,251 that year. But that is minus about $190,000 he lost in salary from his suspension. That's a lot of fucking money. He lost a house for that stomp. That's a house worth of stomp. In 2007? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:34 That's rough, man. That's what like three houses cost in 2007. Right after it dropped, you could have bought half a neighborhood for $190,000 in 2008. Now, later on, he said that he knew he'd spend the rest of his life trying to live down the stomping moment, obviously. Yeah. He said, though, it actually, later on, in retrospect, he said it benefited him. He's happy he did it. Oh?
Starting point is 01:11:58 Oh, yeah. That's what I mean about him. He doesn't have any. He says, because when he got back on the field, people were afraid of him now. Fuck yeah. They said now they were afraid of him, and he said he saw a different you know different attitude from guys against him he says the incident elevated his play to another level and everything like that and he says that uh you know he he shouldn't have done it it was a terrible thing
Starting point is 01:12:18 to do but it also helped and also he's got a little reflection on this in a letter to my younger self. Let's do this here. What could be possible? Go on. Let's find out. One day you're going to fuck somebody's face up. One day you're going to do the dumbest thing in the history of the NFL. He says, quote, in 2006, everything is going to change for better or worse.
Starting point is 01:12:41 By now, you will fully understand that to survive in an nfl game you have to work yourself up into a kind of insanity this is what it takes before games your coaches will essentially pimp you out they're going to use humiliation and fear as a means to make you play as hard as humanly possible one of them will literally show you a scene from the movie deliverance during a midweek meeting in order to demonstrate just how badly the opponent is going to own you. What? I mean... That's a bit...
Starting point is 01:13:10 Even if it's 55-0, there is no ass rape at the 40-yard line. That's a bit far. And Johnson heads down the sideline. Oh, he's breaking away. He's breaking away. That's a touchdown. Oh, my goodness. This game is well out of reach.
Starting point is 01:13:23 51-3. Oh, what's going on at the 40? At the 40? Oh, my God. I see. Holy shit. Reynolds. He is ass raping.
Starting point is 01:13:32 He's ass raping Cleveland's tight end, everybody. He's got him bent over. He's struggling for his freedom, and he is just pounding away on him. Just giving him. I heard yee-haw a minute ago ago and he is waving his arm around as if it's a lasso. I don't understand. That doesn't ever happen on the field, does it?
Starting point is 01:13:52 Dallas's sideline has got out banjos. That's when you know you're in trouble and the raping's about to start. Someone's around the 40, too. Bad neighborhood around that 40. I don't get it. I don't understand why you would want to show that to you this is what they may do to you they may it could happen
Starting point is 01:14:09 it could happen so practice your squealing so uh he said you will love this in a way okay right it will make you go absolutely nuts the nfl culture will brainwash you into a certain mentality my opponent is trying to take food out of my mouth and i want to embarrass him in front of his family it disgusts me to be on the same field as him i don't think everybody thinks like that in football he says you will approach the games as a war i don't mean that as a cliche there will be many times when you feel like your opponent is trying to steal your entire life. In October 2006, you'll be playing against the Dallas Cowboys, rushing against the guard like you have thousands of times before
Starting point is 01:14:49 when you get your knee clipped from behind. You'll get up furious and see that it's the center who hit you. This is an unspoken rule among linemen. You don't do that. But maybe it was an accident. You say, what the hell was that? You ain't man enough to block me straight up? He'll say, nah, I'm trying to put your ass out.
Starting point is 01:15:07 This will be one of the most significant moments of your life. You will go to the sideline and your vision will be red. Not as red as his because his eyes are covered in blood. You can't see through. Jesus, that's a really... A sheet of blood. Fuck, man. You will be madder than you've ever been in your entire life.
Starting point is 01:15:24 A switch will get flipped. You will be madder than you've ever been in your entire life. A switch will get flipped. You will not be able to control the monster, and you'll step way over the line for the first time. He also kicked a man in the chest on the field. I know this will seem impossible to you, but you will stomp on Andre's head, cutting him above his eye and causing him to get 30 stitches. At that moment, you will never be looked at the same way again.
Starting point is 01:15:44 And the complicated thing is this is going to help you on the football field even as the media and the league is vilifying you the irony is this mistake will put you on the radar of everybody in the nfl guys will think you're crazy when you return from suspension and you play against the eagles an offensive lineman's helmet will come off at the end of the play and he will just look at you scared shitless like quote hey albert you okay just relax guys will be terrified of you they'll shy away from your side of the field and that's where things are going to get really murky on one hand people expect you to flip a switch and be a killer when you're on the field and on the other hand they expect you to be able to instantly switch it off when it's over should you embrace the bad guy is
Starting point is 01:16:29 that who you want to be even if that means a success in the short term i still don't know if i have the answer for you albert you're talking to yourself i don't know that i'm done with this yeah wow what i do know is that i believe you'll make back-to-back Pro Bowls in 2007 and 2008, and you'll start to believe that you're unstoppable, that you can do anything. That's when you're going to do something really dumb. If nothing else, listen to me. If nothing else, listen to me on this, Albert. Do not leave the Tennessee Titans. Your defensive coordinator, Jim Schwartz, is a mastermind. No matter how much I tell you this, you'll probably never realize it until your career is over. But it's true. You're like a system quarterback. You thrive in a specific scheme, in a very specific scheme.
Starting point is 01:17:15 So, yeah, he's saying I need to be in a very specific defensive deal or else I'm not as effective. And they're using him too because they drafted him. So when you draft a guy in the first round, you figure out how to make him work the best you'll do that schwartz is a genius yeah he is and then he was 2007 comes along he has another son oh my albert the fourth what let that be the fourth albert he did it anyway he did it anyway. Albert IV, not even his first son, which blows my fucking mind. That's pretty shocking. Albert IV.
Starting point is 01:17:49 After he's like, he's done. A junior's junior's junior. Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot. After he's humbled himself. Yeah. He was too proud to have one earlier.
Starting point is 01:17:58 Yep. He's a junior fucking squared, man. He had to make himself feel better by naming a human being after himself now he's feeling himself yeah so now he's like you know what he's albert the fourth motherfucker so here he is everybody watch out for albert the fourth did that that he's only 13 now so we can leave him alone but at some point that brown's uh lineman that drilled the quarterback with his own helmet uh last year oh yes hit him swung and hit him with it yeah that didn't get five games i don't think it did no he got in three huh did it yeah i think it may have been or maybe that that article was from last year so maybe maybe it was since then
Starting point is 01:18:35 since then who knows who knows so uh he was out of the league i mean they were they wanted him gone forever yeah i knew that wasn't gonna that was gonna stick yeah that wasn't gonna fucking happen but yeah i the stomp on the face is worse. It really is. He took the guy's helmet off and tried to fucking. I mean, that's what he did, too. I've seen guys swing helmets at each other before. That I've seen.
Starting point is 01:18:54 But he took the quarterback's helmet off with the intent of hitting him. He tried to take his head off with the helmet, but he still didn't then try to stomp on his face. There's just something different about that. It is. The helmet's a blunt object. What's on stomp on his face like there's just something different about that it's just the helmet's a blunt object what's on his feet are fucking that's sharp right that's what i mean that's the difference stab him in the face with shoes that's the difference that's unbelievable stabbing you with shoes that's great so uh albert the fourth is born ring the bells everybody during this season light the smoke light the smoke on september 9th 2007 the season opener against the jaguars albert is called for unnecessary roughness when he slams maurice
Starting point is 01:19:31 jones drew to the ground after a tackle and he's fined five thousand dollars and afterwards when asked if he would be gentler during a play he commented quote i'm not going to be any gentler or whatever maybe i'll just hold them up or maybe i'll just help them up after maybe that'll change my vibe that'll soften the flag that'll make people think that i'm a nice guy so 2007 with the titans they go 10 and 6 they lose in the wild card round to the chargers and uh this year he's plays and he starts 12 games in 13, has six sacks, getting better, 40 tackles, including 32 solo. Not bad. He's an All-Pro this year.
Starting point is 01:20:11 All the sporting news and the Pro Football Weekly Associated Press, his first team defensive tackle All-Pro here, goes to the Pro Bowl, which is wild for him. He says, quote, it's an awesome feeling. It's kind of a load off my back because i didn't want last year's suspension to to define my career it was a difficult time in my life but i was determined to keep working hard to get to this point and earn the respect of my teammates coaches and fans okay so what does that say yeah i'm good good yeah now super it's all good it's good.
Starting point is 01:20:51 So, Hainsworth did not sign with Tennessee due to the deadline of signing a franchise tag player. There was some mess here. He does make $5,553,334 that year, though. Now, March 2008, his wife files for divorce. Oh, no. Yes. So much for all that money. This is a problem here. This is going to keep coming up to this day.
Starting point is 01:21:09 So he says that he thinks everything will be fine. He tells the press that, quote, we get along great, so we'll see. Guess what? Yeah. You don't get along that great. She asked for alimony and custody of their two children, plus custody of his oldest son. What? Who she's been taking care of while he's on the...
Starting point is 01:21:29 He lives with them. Not even her kid. No, but he lives with them and he's never there. So I'll take him too. It's like her mom, so I'll take him also. I was like, wow, she's asking for her kids and a fucking extra kid. That might be pushing it. Like everything else around, but I'm like, I don't know if you can take a kid that's not yours. Yeah. And everything else around but i'm like i don't know
Starting point is 01:21:45 if you can take a kid that's not yours yeah and just say like i'll take care of him better fuck daddy's mind she's probably right she probably will take care of him better but i don't know if that's where's his mom you know that's what i'm saying where's this fucking lady sup with that we'll see what happens is a bad phrase to say it never works out no it's what you tell your kids when you don't want to get them something i don't know we'll see that means we're not going to lego land that's what that means means you're not getting that nerf gun if your kid is in the car right now that's what that means kids if your parent says we'll see that means fuck no hear that sorry sorry to get the child's attention and then
Starting point is 01:22:26 drop the f-bomb but i'm sorry they need to know the harsh lessons that's your mom about to stomp on your face with a cleat real talk motherfucker that is your mom not taking you to toys r us not happening and then spiking the ball and dancing on your tears you're not going to the bouncy thing either not happening and then dallas's sideline starts playing banjo 40 yard line watch out that's your childhood getting raped that's it so fucking mess i can't count how many times my mom go we'll see then never happen we all do it i'm still waiting to see james we all do it yes i still want certain transformers i'm 39 1986 jimmy we'll see huh we'll see about the wwf steel cage for the ring will we huh well guess what still don't have We'll see. My mom would say that at the time that I asked for something.
Starting point is 01:23:28 Also, when I was back, and she'd be like, when we get home, we'll see. We'll see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to see what happens. That's a guarantee. That's going to happen. Well, the other one's not going to happen. We'll see is a really good lesson for children to learn that the same words have different meanings and context. is context we'll see means no and you'll see means you're gonna see but it's usually
Starting point is 01:23:49 we'll see is also yeah i don't know so it's at this point where he needs to fix his image a little bit here he needs to so he starts talking about all of his charity work that he's started doing since he stomped on a man's face yeah he's uh hosted the dining for dimes celebrity dinner auction which benefits the march of dimes he spent time with at-risk youth in middle tennessee as part of a ymca community action project and supported one of his teammates charities uh which and is a spokesman for this charity called souls souls like shoes like those that soul for souls like people an international charity that gives shoes to needy people maybe he shouldn't be around any charity involving i was just gonna say did they get him on that as like a ha ha right like yeah
Starting point is 01:24:39 that's what i mean why would they do that i i don't know. It's either perfect or the worst. Tonya Harding doing Louisville Slugger commercials or something. Just a nod to what we all think of you anyway. I don't know. Maybe. I'm not sure. Did they make Ray Rice go speak to battered wives? Yeah. Did they make him do that?
Starting point is 01:24:58 Kurt Angle here for OxyContin. Feeling sore, depressed? I don't know. Litany of things. Have to talk to Vince McMahon on a weekly basis? Tell you what you need. OxyContin. OJ here for Ginsu Knives.
Starting point is 01:25:13 That's perfect. Yeah, you wouldn't have that. Why would you do that? Maybe you would. So 2008. Or Isotoner gloves. Either one. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:25:19 One or the other. Bumping Dan Marino out of that slot. So 2008, he gets pulled pulled over this is important for later he gets pulled over he agrees to 30 days probation because he gets busted driving 103 miles an hour oh no and a 70 mile an hour zone so it's only 33 over but when you break 100 they tend to frown on that for some reason sure it was in national triple digits uh this was in nashville yeah uh which i there's so much traffic around there i don't know how the hell you can get up to 103 but he figured it out somehow it's probably at four in the morning i'm sure so
Starting point is 01:25:52 um yeah he said though he'll be ready on time for training camp he's ready to go he comes into training camp shaved completely bald i remember this bad haircut haircut gone wrong yeah and you can see he needs hair because he's got a he's a fat guy and you could see like fat dimples on his head right so he needs it's no good it's not good uh everyone tells him he looks like shack yeah because he's a giant guy with a bald head and um sounds racist as fuck yeah what's up shack hey black bald guy big giant black bald guy what's up that's the other thing the difference is it's shaq's shaq's bald and he looks good with it you know what i mean it looks like he should be bald
Starting point is 01:26:31 yeah he looked weird when he was younger with hair yeah hainsworth is so fat that's not he just has cellulite on his head yeah he he does he looks like he has fat deposits on his skull which is a strange place for fat deposits it's bizarre so he's in shape though this summer he comes in like ripped he's not fat this summer he's really in shape the best shape he's ever been in his life yeah uh he says quote i'm starting to see some abs down there oh boy it's kind of funny i've never discovered those before i was always that keg but now i'll have that six-pack hopefully uh he was doing his uh souls for souls charity at that point he said that uh he there's no threat of a holdout and everything like that he's going
Starting point is 01:27:11 to be fine everything's good he said quote i don't want to miss any time hopefully all this stuff works out i always said i wanted to be a titan and nothing has changed they designated him as their franchise player but then he didn't sign in time to get the franchise player and they didn't sign him to a long term contract. So he's playing under a one year seven point two five million dollar deal that that can't be extended. They have to renegotiate at the end of it. So there's that. Anyway, he also attached to this our performance incentives that would give the Titans a choice of retaining him or allowing him to become a free agent. He says, I consider myself a Tennessean.
Starting point is 01:27:49 I've been here since 1999, almost going on 10 years. So I can't really imagine myself in anything other than the Titans blue. I'm going to be there this season no matter what. Hopefully we can work on something or we can work something out or I am here seven or eight more years. something or we can work something out or i am here seven or eight more years so yeah he said that in a perfect world he would have you know everything would have been worked out ahead of time and he would have been great coach jeff fisher says people don't understand the nature of the situation it's a situation where we wish he was here but is not and we can't dwell on it because he wanted to get in but he wasn't in the training camp and so uh keith bullock said quote
Starting point is 01:28:24 if you're they asked him about it and he says he doesn't care if you're distracted by someone else's contract situation you're not really focusing on what you're doing as a player makes sense 2008 titans are 13 and 3 yeah damn good yeah um 13 and 3 that year they lose in the first round of the playoffs though to baltimore 13 to 10 it's a good team good team and they couldn't they couldn't score in the first round of the playoffs to Baltimore, 13-10. It's a good team. Good team, and they couldn't score in the playoffs. Every one of these playoff years, they get beat. They always have 10 points. You know, for a long time, that's what they really did.
Starting point is 01:28:53 They were great in the regular season, and then just terrible. Offensive die. Terrible shit. White uniforms. It's rough. It was white unis, man. They're not successful over history they're not scary no the dolphins are one of the few white helmeted teams to ever win anything and
Starting point is 01:29:10 they haven't won it since the goddamn fucking 70s so there you go white helmets just not good for a team your team shouldn't have white helmets no it just looks soft did well for a bit yeah and the chargers did well for a bit and today it's just not scary three helmet colors you should have probably and that's it black like a navy blue you know i guess like a dark green is okay it's fine yeah yeah you want that like like that bears midnight blue yeah that's cool or like the old timey giants midnight blue that was like practically black not the one they have now the sparkly blue fucking jesus christ it's magic people like to make a dress that looks just like that it's so fucking soft is that is that them aiming for a female audience no it's just every team it's all it's the nfl aiming for a female audience rather than making
Starting point is 01:29:54 it tough and rugged they want to make it like pretty so yeah a woman would like it nice oh yeah they finally they finally thought hey we're only marketing to half the fucking population maybe you know we could yeah duh yeah so yeah they started trying to get women into it at least the last 15 years or so they've had a lot of yeah kind of pushing toward that it was really denver's market kind of when they when they changed their their uniform made it softer i mean it has the nice solid points on the on the orange coming around but it's still a pretty soft looking uniform yeah i mean yeah it's it's a it's an attractive uniform for like eye appealing their other uniform was ugly as shit i loved it i loved
Starting point is 01:30:35 it yeah it looks really cool i like the brown and yellow i like that dude those old unis those 80s broncos with the blue helmet with the d fuck God, those are the best with those fucking orange jerseys. Those are great. And now it's just soft. Well, they look distinctive. You could see a silhouette of it, and you're like, oh, that's the Broncos. Whereas now, they all look like that. It's just not the same.
Starting point is 01:30:55 But they didn't win a Super Bowl until they changed it, so that's something. Very true. Very, very true. So December 13, 2008. This is obviously during this season. It's not even close to over yet um he gets in an accident oh uh he is driving his black ferrari like a fucking maniac he's got in 599 gtb the ferrari yeah he's fucking paid and he's flaunting it so good for him driving it's
Starting point is 01:31:21 a black ferrari which that's awesome he is driving it he apparently runs a man off the road here uh problem is doesn't run him just off the road he ends up running into a concrete median on the interstate the man did the other man yeah he ran this guy into a concrete median uh basically as a as another driver on the road somebody in that car swerves their car at you. I got nothing to lose, motherfucker. You see what I'm driving? You're driving a 200,000. Right. He's driving this guy.
Starting point is 01:31:50 This is in 2008. He's driving a 1999 Mercury Grand Marquis. I'd have blasted that Ferrari. Yeah, that's what I mean. I'd have blasted. Run into me, motherfucker. That's a cop car. That's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 01:31:59 They're pretty tough. And it probably was. It was probably an auction cop car or something. But instead, the accident occurs. This man, I feel so bad for this man. Corey Edmondson is his name. He was headed home from the overnight shift as a janitor at a department store. Oh, my.
Starting point is 01:32:16 And his 99 Mercury Grand Marquis and a fucking somebody in a Ferrari who's got a way different life runs him off the ride. I feel so bad for this fucking guy. Hit the concrete divider at the tip of it? Yeah, smashed it. We'll find out what happened to him here. It's rough. This, by the way, came four days after Hainsworth signed a memoranda of understanding in another traffic prosecution that he says in it, quote, I drove on the interstate at over 100 miles an hour. This is what he does. Apparently, witnesses said it was on Interstate
Starting point is 01:32:51 65, this accident here. His 2008 black Ferrari was the vehicle was, quote, changing lanes. And about the second time he went to pass and move over, the gray vehicle was in his way. The gray vehicle then quickly went into the lane to the right to get away from the black car but could not get over the gray car lost control at that point and went into the concrete wall sweet fuck yeah this is fucking brutal um this cory edmondson is the young man this happened to he needed a hip replacement surgery afterwards he's a young guy too 25 years old he did a hip replacement he is just fucked he like years later he can't stand for more than two minutes at a time
Starting point is 01:33:31 he gets around in a wheelchair his life is fucked basically completely completely fucked and all he's trying to do is drive home from his overnight janitor job jesus christ that's i mean someone needs a job and they're willing to yeah fucking do that like dude i mean in nashville though you try to fucking i mean that's a person that you know fuck man you're 25 years old you're working overnight as a janitor at an apartment store like people would turn the worst you know crime and shit that motherfucker's like no i'm gonna do this and this guy i just feel bad for this guy i'm shocked you didn't try to put him in the wall you know what i mean yeah try to put that fucking ferrari over yeah right fuck you dude so that's what happens when you're that young and scared yeah he didn't and
Starting point is 01:34:12 it's a goddamn ferrari going in the lanes and you're distracted by it too and it's morning and maybe he was tired it's crazy so uh the they do file edmondson files a 7.5 million dollar lawsuit against him for it and uh his lawsuit says quote in short hainsworth was intentionally and selfishly driving like a maniac and has wreaked havoc on the life of a 25 year old man and his family that's not not not really deniable yeah the uh hainsworth though uh he's you his his attitude on it is pretty wild here we'll talk about here it's fucking wild yeah it's it's interesting here so the lawsuit uh says he was speeding and like we said all that shit the previous speeding ticket that he received was on the same stretch of highway so they're saying that you were probably driving 100 again, you fucking asshole, and you're driving a Ferrari now. So, you know, that happens.
Starting point is 01:35:07 Wow. So the Titans flew from Nashville later on the day to play his game, so he went and played his fucking game, did all of that. Edmondson had just left his job at an area mall when the crash occurred. In a short amount of time, his medical bills had already reached $230,000 and were expected to reach over $1 million. He can't walk, needs a walker and a cane and a wheelchair to move
Starting point is 01:35:30 around and can only leave his house for physical therapy, basically. And yeah, Edmondson has not heard anything from Hainsworth and he says, quote, I'm not sure if it's a level of apathy or if he's just focused on other things or if he doesn't
Starting point is 01:35:45 care or if he thinks maybe i'll just go away that's what he said so jesus christ that's poor kid i can't go anywhere yeah i'm stuck here i'm not going anywhere because i can't so 2008 for albert he makes the pro bowl he's a you know all pro 14 games started eight and a half sacks 51 tackles he needs to nearly murder someone to have good football times they need to give him like like if it like sacrifice no no if he played in like china yeah they would give him like dissident prisoners to murder before the game so he would play better you know what i mean they'd be like here here's three of them tear them apart fuck man he is he makes seven million two hundred fifty250,003 that year.
Starting point is 01:36:26 For one season. The off season, he's a free agent looking for a team. He says, I want to be the top, not among the top. That's how the market goes. He's talking about money, by the way. Right. They put you at the top as the top free agent, so you've got to demand top dollar. It's not me.
Starting point is 01:36:42 I'm not making up these numbers. It's not me. I'm not making up these numbers. It's not me. I don't demand what Albert gets paid. Hey, he says, it's you guys that come up with the numbers. So I go by that, too. It's all arbitrary to me. It's kind of the market. Holy shit.
Starting point is 01:37:00 He says, hopefully the Titans step up. If they don't, I'm looking. So he wants to do that he ends up signing with the washington redskins famously shows up all fat yeah and uh he signs a seven year 100 million dollar contract wow this is a he's had two pretty good years. One real good year. One decent year. Three mediocre years and almost killed a guy twice. In the last two years, he's made $12 million. That's what I mean.
Starting point is 01:37:33 He's demanding big cash, and he got it. He got it. $5 million signing bonus, too. This includes right away that he gets this year. He says that he was offered more money by Tampa. He says the deal was expected to pay him 32 million dollars in the first year including 41 million guaranteed and the contract could have reached 115 million if all the incentives were met he's getting brad pitt money
Starting point is 01:37:57 james that's what i mean this guy has a number one box office fucking movie. This is a lot of fucking money. So he reported that they offered him $120 million a year deal, $120 million deal. He said he took, quote, a discount to play with the Redskins because of their large fan base and media outlet, something they didn't have in Tennessee and that they don't really have in Tampa, he said either. So in April 2009, the Titans asked the NFL to file tampering charges against the Redskins, claiming that they contacted him before the free agent period began, which I think happens all the time. Probably does. So, yeah, he said, quote,
Starting point is 01:38:38 no, I could have made more money with Tampa Bay if I had really wanted to. He said, they offered me a whole lot more, and even with their tax situation and even with the tax situation it could have been 20 more there's no state income tax in florida so um yeah holy that's awesome yeah there's no well i mean you have to live in florida so that's the point of it with that kind of cash you could pay me everyone else and i'm still not living down there i don't give a fuck if you made 40 million dollars in a year in florida stay for a year and then get the fuck out james that's what i'm saying that kind of money you can leave i would happily pay millions of dollars to not
Starting point is 01:39:15 spend any time in florida i talk about half the money i don't 20 million dollars nope why would i live there 20 $20 million. That's why. Name one positive thing about Florida besides that. That's it. That's all that it's worth. Not enough. It's worth it.
Starting point is 01:39:31 What's your fucking life worth? I'll play for you, Tampa. Never. I'll play for you and I'll live somewhere else. You can fly me in on Sundays. I'm not living in Tampa. You could do that. I would not live.
Starting point is 01:39:41 No. Sorry, South. Fly in. I'm not living down there it's fucking humid fly in and get out james it's humid it's gross and i can't take y'all every five fucking seconds i know a lot of people say it as well i'm not saying i don't like you or i'm just saying i can't live amongst you all the time i can't do it it's just that's so genius that's a good reason to how does that good enough how does that team suck so... That's how shitty Florida is.
Starting point is 01:40:06 That's how bad Florida is. Even for millions... That's why your team sucks. People pay millions of dollars to not have to live in Florida. People pay millions of dollars to suck in Buffalo. Yeah, at least it's not Florida.
Starting point is 01:40:21 Think about that. That's unbelievable. If you're like the miami heat you're trying to sign a player and the lakers sign him away from you you just lost a play he paid literally yeah he's gonna pay 17 million dollars to not live there yeah that's how fucking terrible where you live is it's fucking disgusting that puts it really into perspective i hope people are listening to that real close it does people will suck shit through a straw in new york yes as playing for the jets in new jersey not even in new york to not live in florida that's how fucking awful where you live is i don't know how you live there i don't care you can tweet at me all you want yeah defend florida in public enjoy motherfucker sorry i will just retweet that shit and go well isn't this hilarious suck a dick that
Starting point is 01:41:12 is unbelievable yes it's that bad there that's how bad it is well i mean i could have made 20 million dollars more but it's florida you know so i said no i don't want to be there you know they have roosters running around the street in Tampa, so not comfortable with that shit. I'd rather be in Washington, D.C., where they have rats the size of house cats. We saw them. I'll deal with that. I would.
Starting point is 01:41:37 Better than Florida. Sorry. Streets run at a diagonal for no fucking reason. Yep. Better than Florida. Better than Florida. Better than Florida. Still somehow makes more sense than Florida. Somehow.
Starting point is 01:41:52 How does that happen? What is it down there? It's weird because when we go down there and we do shows, we meet all of our listeners and they're all really normal. Normal people. Awesome. Great people. Thousand normal people in the crowd.
Starting point is 01:42:04 We're like, this is great. Everybody's great. then we go outside and we go what the fuck happened where are those people why aren't those people out here how did everybody disappear and these people replace them from inside come outside with me because i don't know where the fuck everyone else is balance this shit out dude i'm telling you that's what it's like though it's like where how are you people all from here you're so like only people who like us in Florida are the only normal people in Florida. They all like us, we feel like. Well, then there is an older lady who carries a gun fucking everywhere. She's great.
Starting point is 01:42:37 She's great. We love that lady. But there's the Florida part of her. Yeah, absolutely. That's true. She's amazing. She's a great lady, man i fucking love that every time we go to florida she's like an older lady and she's like i'm sitting right in the front
Starting point is 01:42:51 row packing heat ain't nobody gonna come near you boys that's what she said to us the one time because we were hugs be careful yeah yeah and she said anybody gets mad at you they're gonna have to get past me first she's been to like a multiple shows and we're like we love you you're the greatest 357 we have a goddamn our own like elderly woman secret service agent in the front row right we have an elderly tackleberry's mom yeah so if you see us in florida don't come near that stage an old lady will shoot you don't rush the stage because james hates your state nothing to do with us she likes us more than she likes your state. She will buck shots on your ass. And I don't doubt her for a second.
Starting point is 01:43:29 Not at all. She'll be acquitted, too. I'll bet it's straight. Yeah. Straight shooting. She can do it. So he says about Washington, you look at Washington, they've got a lot of pieces together. They're right there.
Starting point is 01:43:39 They're in a huge market, one of the largest markets in the world. You've just got a large, huge media outlet, and it can be life beyond football. Going to Tampa, I mean, great city, he says. Looking at it from an off-season standpoint, I love the water. I love to be out in the sun. It's just awesome, but it would have been like another Nashville.
Starting point is 01:43:59 Tampa doesn't have that big market, and they don't have that huge fan base like the Washington Redskins do, so I think it was a choice to look at it that way yeah he says there was a lot of teams that wanted me said the giants made him a big offer thank fuck he didn't take it um but it was less than the redskins and the broncos also the falcons and broncos made offers as well so it's close dodged a bullet on that one he says that he loves loves Washington and he's happy to get out of Nashville. He says, quote, I'm doing quite well.
Starting point is 01:44:29 I think it's a good fit for me. It's almost like I was getting too big for Nashville. Oh, boy. This is the attitude he's got now. I was just too big of a fish for that pond. I hate it. He says, it's like you're in kindergarten or first grade in the same elementary school and you're this young kid at six years old, and you do something like misbehaving.
Starting point is 01:44:48 You get to the fourth or fifth grade, and you grow out of that, and you still have those same teachers that view you the same. That makes sense. Yeah, because people don't forget when you stomped a man's fucking face. Yeah, and they're not going to forget in Washington either. It's like 300 miles that way. It's really not that far. I forgot, but nobody else forgot.
Starting point is 01:45:04 Yeah, no one else is forgetting. He says says that's kind of how i felt in nashville no matter what i did they always wanted to refer to me the same way as when i came into the league at 20 years old in dc i have a clean slate i can go out have fun play the game and try to build this legacy i'm working on oh boy he's got a legacy now he says the the Titans dragged their feet in negotiations, and he wasn't with that shit. He says they wanted to get something out of it, the Titans did. They wanted to get a draft pick. Now they feel like they lost me, so they feel like they want to get a draft pick. That's why they're trying to get the tampering charge on there.
Starting point is 01:45:39 He says that the Redskins called at 12.15 a.m. when the free agency came through. The Giants called right after that. Actually, Tampa was the first team to call. Then Atlanta called, and the Denver Broncos called right after that. He said that by 2 a.m. the Redskins had made a formal offer to him. So, yeah, two hours into free agency. They had it all worked out. So he goes to the Redskins.
Starting point is 01:46:00 This is the Jason Campbell quarterback to Redskins. Clinton Portis. Taylor's there too, right? Or is he gone by quarterbacked Redskins. Clinton Portis. Taylor's there too, right? Or is he gone by then? I think he's gone by then. No, I think he is there. Is he? I think so, yeah.
Starting point is 01:46:13 So this team here, we'll talk about them in a second. But March 2009, this is while he signs. This is all offseason. So you want to give a guy $100 million and then have all of this shit happen right he goes to court for that accident he has two misdemeanor traffic charges for that crash uh with that there and uh reckless driving and having an expired registration so cars not even legal to be on the fucking road how do you have a ferrari that's not legally registered oh my god how do you have a ferrari not legally registered? Oh, my God. How do you have a Ferrari? That blows my fucking mind.
Starting point is 01:46:52 The registration in Nashville has to be, I don't know, a pick from a show you were at. What the fuck? I had a goddamn, a few years ago, I was very broke and I had a goddamn 2008 Volkswagen Jetta. I made sure it had fucking registration at least. You know, the minimum amount. They won't have a reason for them to pull you over. For fuck's sake, yeah. What the, he's just driving around with a fucking ferrari that's unbelievable having money like that where you just drive around you're like i don't know if they fucking give me a
Starting point is 01:47:11 big ticket who cares like i'm no 250 grand and then more every year to register no oh yeah i'm not doing that no no uh cory edmondson like said, got a hip replacement and all that sort of shit. So Hainsworth is indicted on the traffic charges. Edmondson's attorney said, I'm not surprised at all by the incident. This accident could have, or by the indictment, this accident could have very easily killed Corey. Yeah, he's on a fucking highway. So May 2009 is the formal lawsuit here. $7.5 million is against him, what they're trying to get.
Starting point is 01:47:48 And yeah, Hainsworth said that, or Edmondson's attorney said, it's very sad for his family, but not surprising given Hainsworth's track record. Like Mrs. Hainsworth and the kids, Corey also can't pay his bills because of Mr. Hainsworth. Because there was an ongoing court battle. That's a stinger. that's a low blow because all this shit was going on at the same time yeah because at the same time his wife is filing all sorts of shit this very time she files a a uh a paper against him to get temporary support and also wants a restraining order against him. So, yeah, this is Stephanie Hainsworth.
Starting point is 01:48:26 They get along real well. So we'll see. We'll see is right. Albert, she said he recently stopped threatening to pay temporary child support that she received only one payment during June, July and August and September. The motion alleges that he told their daughter's preschool that he would not be paying her monthly tuition and refused to pay an approximately $4,000 veterinarian's bill
Starting point is 01:48:50 for the family dog. A charge that he authorized initially because they called him to make sure that it was an authorized thing they could do because he was going to pay for it. She said Stephanie, his wife, said that she was worried that he'd be enraged by this motion because he flies off the handle and stomps giant men's faces.
Starting point is 01:49:08 So she asked to be able to testify about the need for a restraining order to keep him from texting, calling or coming around her for any reason. Her motion says she wants Painsworth to pay up the debts that include her credit card and jointly owned property in which foreclosure notices have been received. Oh, no. Yeah, she did he just let that shit go you can't stop doing that shit yeah you can't do that especially when you just signed a hundred million dollar contract right no one feels bad for you no pay your fucking bills asshole you got a hundred million dollars of your kids yeah make sure they have a fucking house uh she asked for at least six thousand dollars cash per month for support for
Starting point is 01:49:43 herself and three children and that hainsworth be ordered to keep their debts current until the divorce case is finalized. Seems real reasonable. You can't pay six grand a month? Six grand a month. I don't understand. Yeah, six grand a month and the debts. So six grand a month and the bills. Yeah, if you're buying-
Starting point is 01:50:00 $100 million. Willy nilly Ferraris and Lamborghinis and- Pay for your kids. I don't know. He's paying for hips, James. That's what I mean. He's got to pay for strangers' hips. Now, what this all means is a letter to my younger self.
Starting point is 01:50:13 Hell yeah. Hey, Albert. Hey, Albert. Letter to my younger self. Dear Coach Pagone. That's a real old school reference there. Let's see here. Old school for our show
Starting point is 01:50:26 when you hit free agency the washington redskins are going to going to offer you 100 million dollars everyone will talk about this they won't talk about the fact that the most that most of that money is not guaranteed or that the tampa bay buccaneers offered you 135 million the 100 million will become a huge burden take less and stay in tennessee where you belong so take more and go to florida no 135 that's not real though that's it was 115 and then there was if all incentives were hit and everything was perfect over a seven-year contract then he would have got an extra 20 million but that's not possible. None of those things ever happen.
Starting point is 01:51:07 So that's the absolute max out. It's a very Master P-designed contract. Exactly. It's like when a guy gets arrested and they're like, he's arrested, he's on five charges. He could do 145 years of sentence consecutively on the maximum of every positive. He's going to do six months.
Starting point is 01:51:23 What are you talking about? And he hits the lucky Powerball moment. Yeah, you never never know he could hit the multiplier and then it's in then it's all bets are off and you're fucked yeah what else could happen here so take less money and stay in tennessee where you belong he says oh boy so 2009 the season hasn't even fucking started yet by the way his season here they go four and and 12. Yeesh. Yeah. The Redskins were shit. They were shit. Ever since Dan Snyder took over, he's been trying to figure out how to fucking make them good.
Starting point is 01:51:51 What's the formula? With money. And it ain't working. It's called get better players. Yeah, get better players. So he starts 12 games. He only plays 12 games, this guy. He's not playing much more than that.
Starting point is 01:52:00 Four sacks, 37 tackles. Makes six million bucks, bucks though in addition to his giant uh whatever now april 2010 he buys a new boat oh no it is a 48 foot long i have a picture for you jimmy marine technology inc catamaran named terminator hell yeah and it replaces his previous skull themed boat hellraiser i want to see that all right i don't have that but that's my god that's cool it's a sick fucking insane speed boat fork cigarette boat it is unbelievable you could smuggle yeah anything that's what that is yeah it's a cocaine boat right it's an outrun the coast guard fucking cocaine boat it's got
Starting point is 01:52:47 it's an outrun the coast guard fucking cocaine boat it's got two 502s in it thing does 100 miles an hour on the water it's insane you could die like that in that thing like a good gust of wind i'll throw that thing over fucking dead and what is it called the terminator terminator yeah he he says quote honestly it's a great great boat boat. I'm sure it is. No shit. Yeah. I need bigger props and it will be all right. We were running 155 miles an hour on the rev limiters all day with 38 inch props. If we had 40 inch props, we estimated it would run 163, 164 miles an hour. Holy shit. I love the way it rides. I love the way it handles.
Starting point is 01:53:23 It's lighter than hellraiser which is his other boat it was a 44 foot the other one that's so much boat james it's it's just too much boat 48 feet 48 feet going 160 miles an hour it's a badass i'm actually going to keep this one for a few years um yeah that boat comes with a tribal bicep tattoo it's such a douche boat yeah and a and a and a fucking lifetime supply of mike's hard lemonade like what the fuck is going on subscription to fhm magazine oh god and maxim maxim comes in the bathroom absolutely so there's no bathroom on here oh but it has a little uh little toilet on the bottom there um he says uh on past boats i've gotten award i've gotten awards i had last year a red boat it was called hellraiser it had flames
Starting point is 01:54:14 all over it it had skulls and burning skulls it was pretty wicked everyone was like it's crazy it's crazy in july of last year i sold that boat and started a new project, a 48-foot MTI. When you see the pictures, it's pretty intense. It's pretty crazy. Everyone is like, oh, my God, that's your boat? How the hell is he going to get any crazier? It's like you just one-upped yourself. I guess that just means I'm in a league of my own.
Starting point is 01:54:38 This boat comes with a friendship from Mickey Roar. Yeah. He comes with it. He delivers it to your house. You open the door and there's a honking outside and he's like, hey, Albert, how you doing?
Starting point is 01:54:50 Come here and put my chihuahua. Come here and put... What'd you say to me? I'll fucking fight you, Albert. Don't think just because you're big and 30 years younger than me and much tougher that you can kick my fucking ass.
Starting point is 01:54:59 I'm Mickey fucking Roark. I'll kick your goddamn ass, Albert. Look at my face. I got nothing to lose. Albert. I got nothing to lose. This, I got nothing to lose. This is all, I don't even know if this is real or plastic or what I got in my face anymore. That's how fucking little I care about my flesh.
Starting point is 01:55:14 I care about my face. You could be, you could look. See that? I'm punching myself right in the cheek, Albert. I don't give a fuck. You can't hurt me. So, can I go for a ride on your boat? What did he say?
Starting point is 01:55:27 He's like, hey, man, I'm not going out right now. Maybe a little while or some shit. He's like, oh, wait. I'll sit in the boat. I got nothing to do. They don't got expendables for until next year. Luckily, it comes with a Maxim, so i'll just go out there and read it while you're in there and i'll be i'll be reading the maxim they don't read the hometown hotties it's
Starting point is 01:55:51 it's they get the last six months last six issues are in there so you take your time all right okay very good but remember you know what i mean i saw expendables recently that man's face is terrifying it is so fucking frightening between him and salone i'm like who is lumpier and weirder and right whose face doesn't belong more who had a stroke more recently neither of them had strokes yet they're drooling oh yeah yeah so may 2010 sylvia menna a stripper from new york claims in a 10 million million lawsuit that Hainsworth impregnated her four months ago and left her with no financial assistance. What? Her lawyer says that he promised to take care of her but left her after a brief relationship. Okay.
Starting point is 01:56:37 So, June 22, 2010, sued again, this time by a bank. this time by a bank. Clayton Bank and Trust has sued him, claiming, it's in Knox County, Tennessee, alleging that he's failed to make payments on a loan in the amount of $2.38 million. According to the suit here, he entered a commercial loan agreement for the original principal of $2,381,688.58 in 2009,
Starting point is 01:57:02 and then they entered into an extension agreement with the date of 2010 in february and he failed to make any payments in accordance with the agreement uh they're seeking just more than 2.4 million dollars in that suit and he uh he declined on that now if it could get any worse july 2010 he shows up fat as fuck yeah out of shape yeah and fails his conditioning test stress eating this is the yeah this is the basic test that everybody does when they get there just to make sure that you're not like technically disabled you know what i mean i don't mean anything against a disabled person i mean they're just making sure that you're literally conscious yeah your heart's pumping okay
Starting point is 01:57:42 your motor skills you can move and yeah you haven't like horrible things haven't happened to you in the off season that's all it is and he fails to complete the second part of this test wow and it goes on for fucking days do you remember how many days it kept going albert hainsworth failed to failed again today it was like three days of is he ever gonna pass this test it's like step up step down step up albert step up step up i ain't doing it man i got a boat to do i got a boat to ride i got boat problems now micky rourke's calling wait one minute albert i'm on your boat this thing's beautiful i know you didn't invite me but i'm here anyway he uh he passed the first part of the conditioning test but failed to complete the two-part process
Starting point is 01:58:26 and did not pass he did so well in the first phase that a team source said he killed it but then apparently needed a laboratory break midway through the second part and was unable to complete the test after returning and starting from the beginning unbelievable and then it happened again and again and again so he's So he can't participate until he actually passes it. So Hainsworth skipped all but one day of the offseason program, must work with the training staff until he's able to complete it. 2010 Washington, they sucked. They were 6-10, as usual.
Starting point is 01:58:58 Last four games of the season, he's suspended without pay by the Redskins. So he has the first and second longest? Yeah. Well, this is for conduct detrimental to the club. This comes after a back and forth between him and he hated Mike Shanahan. They didn't get along at all. And they said that he repeatedly refused to cooperate with our coaching staff in a variety of ways over an extended period of time he said that uh he shanahan also said that he consistently indicated to defensive coaches that albert said he wouldn't play in certain
Starting point is 01:59:31 defensive packages and refused to follow coaches instructions in practice and during games now uh yeah he says that uh albert got mad at shanahan albert says this that he says you're paying me all this money to just clog up the middle. His role in the defense was clog up the middle. That's it. Grab the center, be 300 pounds, clog up the middle, make the running back go around you, clog up the running game. This isn't enough of a star role for him.
Starting point is 01:59:58 He says, why would you pay me $100 million to be a fucking, just a roadblock? Why wouldn't you scheme so i make tackles and shit like they did in tennessee but 100 million dollars to make a all running backs go around the outside is a money well i'll sit in the upper deck for 100 million dollars i don't even give a fuck what scheme i don't even have to have a helmet for 100 million as long as i say as long as it's not in florida as long as there's not a dolphin or a fucking ear on that fucking helmet or a jaguar. Right. I'm thrilled with it.
Starting point is 02:00:28 So whatever scheme you guys want. It's the way it is. Stay out of Florida scheme. That's my favorite. This is a blue 42. Stay out of Florida 86. Unbelievable. Florida 86 so unbelievable he the coach says Albert says the coach said Albert if you had more than one sack this season if you have more than one sack this season I'll be pissed
Starting point is 02:00:53 basically then you're not just clogging the the middle and that's what he says Shanahan says he calls Shanahan a conniving little liar and he says if I was older I'd punch him in the face that's what he says and then he says laughing maybe i'll get one of my uncles to kick his ass so he definitely fucking hates him um at one point on the redskins he's a couple of weird things at one point he just fell on the ground in the middle of a play that was like a famous highlight on sports center he was just there and he was on the ground okay nobody touched him he wasn't even walking he was just standing there you can't like blow out an achilles standing still like i get vinnie
Starting point is 02:01:28 testiverde took like two steps and blew it out but he was standing there and then he was on the ground and then another time he knocked the wind out of himself for some minor injury and asked to be carted off the field so they did and then he returned a short time later once you're carded you're out you gotta leave the stadium you can't come back after that that should be a rule jesus christ so uh yeah so after all that they cart me off right back guys feeling much better now that's it there so uh I could get into the, it was all about nickel defense, the certain technical football packages. There's much more interesting shit to talk about here.
Starting point is 02:02:10 But either way, his agent, the silverest man in the world here, he says, Albert's agent says, quote, the accusations made by Coach Shanahan and Bruce Allen, the GM, are vague and without merit. Since training camp began, today's notice was the first that Albert has received informing him that his conduct was not consistent with the terms of his contract, as Coach Shanahan claims. Bruce confirmed to me today that there have been no other letters or formal notices of any kind sent to Albert during the regular season, suggesting that he was engaged in conduct detrimental to the team. So they're looking to save money, is what they're doing there.
Starting point is 02:02:44 2010 in Washington. Only plays in eight games. Starts zero. Has two and a half sacks and 16 total tackles. For $100 million. Oh, by the way, at the end of the year he gets an option bonus. Just like that's how they spread out the salary to make the
Starting point is 02:03:00 capital easier. Base salary $2,752,941 and an option bonus of a lump sum of 21 million dollars 21 million dollars for 10 games for two and a half sacks in 10 games holy shit wow so the redskins tight end chris cooley he has some words about albert good time he fucking hates i believe it he said no question the haynes worth haynes worth contract was the worst he said because he was trying in all capital letters to get released by the team his goal was to come here make a large signing bonus then get released and not have to do any of the work he didn't care about the back end of the contract he didn't care about making all that money his idea was you paid
Starting point is 02:03:45 me for what i did in the past and my goal is to be released as soon as possible and basically take 33 million from you for absolutely nothing yeah he actually got 41 million from the redskins and chris cooley's top 10 uh he's a good guy in the league at this time yeah that's that's strong words he said his goal was to from the get go was to take that money. He also indicated to many players on the team that his new goal was to get released as soon as possible. Sign another maybe 10, 12 million dollar contract. That's verbatim. Go somewhere, play for a year, probably get released and keep that money, too.
Starting point is 02:04:21 I mean, if I was a player on his on the on this team currently i would not discuss this on the air but being a player but being the player he was and the guy that he was around here this was open knowledge among many of the players in the locker room that his goal was basically to take money he says and it's really unfortunate when that happens i guess his excuse for it was well all the league the league steal from all you guys. The leagues won't pay for your salaries. They won't give you your money. So I'm going to get what's right from them. He's football Omar.
Starting point is 02:04:51 Yeah. It's what he is. He's going around. It's all in the game, baby. That's it. He said, I don't know if that was explained to Mike, but it was obvious to a coach. He said, but that's obvious to a coach. That's obvious when you're around a player
Starting point is 02:05:06 and they're not trying to play for your team. It doesn't matter what you got in exchange for Hainsworth. They would have released him. They would have released him. They wouldn't have gotten anything for him. It wasn't about getting a pick out of him. It was about a terrible decision to bring in an awful human being into an organization that he's not going to participate in.
Starting point is 02:05:23 You should know that. You should be aware of that so ouch ouch yeah uh letter to my younger self dear albert don't be a piece of shit don't be a dickhole he says uh quote oh when you get on that first call with dan snyder and the organization in washington it'll be all good we want you to play just like you did in tennessee albert we're going to let you loose and destroy the Giants, Cowboys and Eagles. That's your job, Albert. Then your first OTA and you're going to be introduced to a different brand of football. I can already see you rolling your damn eyes. How can football be different? I'm a defensive
Starting point is 02:05:58 lineman. Well, football in Washington versus football in Tennessee was like the difference between a general physician and a cardiologist. Both doctors, one is just a little more sophisticated. Okay. So, okay. Now, February 11, 2011, he's in court here, and that is because he got in a fight on the road. Oh, no. Let's see here. A 38-year-old man here says that he was in a car.
Starting point is 02:06:22 In a car on the road? Oh, boy. No, no. He gets out of the car. We'll find out. It's road rage. Yeah. Driver said that he was in a car. No, no, he gets out of the car. We'll find out. It's road rage. Yeah. Driver said that he was assaulted by Albert Hainsworth.
Starting point is 02:06:29 He said it was a large pickup truck was tailgating him. This was Hainsworth. He said that this was a guy named Joel Velasquez. He says he made a nonverbal hand gesture. And otherwise he gave him the finger or he fucking waved. And what the fuck is your problem? It was a finger. It's probably the finger or he fucking waved. And what the fuck is your problem? It's the finger. It's probably the finger.
Starting point is 02:06:45 Let's be realistic. So he said once they got to the they kept tailgating him, Albert did. And then they got to a stoplight and Albert got out of his pickup and went over to the car and fuck and said, quote, you're not so tough now before repeatedly punching Velasquez in the face. Holy shit. Giant man. Yeah yeah that's fucking frightening go through the red light bro like i you know if that guy's coming for you go through the red light if you get pulled over be like good i needed you this fucking guy's gonna kill me have you seen him he is yeah he then got back in his pickup and drove away while this guy took himself
Starting point is 02:07:21 to the hospital for being walloped in the face uh Now, Hainsworth's agent, Chad Silverhaired Middle-Aged Speck here, he says Mr. Velasquez confirms an incident occurred with Mr. Hainsworth, and once the police have conducted their investigation on the matter, it'll go forward as appropriate. He's like, I'm not, I don't believe it. Now, later on, he says Chad Speck called the man, said that the other man is seeking money and fame and that Albert's innocent. He said this man, who actually provoked the situation himself, recognized Albert and is now simply trying to turn it into his 15 minutes of fame and get, we can only assume, some money.
Starting point is 02:08:00 Albert did not assault this man and looks forward to his day in court to refute these ridiculous allegations. Who wants to be the man who got punched by Albert? I don't think you want that. I don't want. What kind of fucking logic is that? I can't imagine. Nobody wants that. Nobody's looking for that.
Starting point is 02:08:17 He's scary and giant. There's always a stigma that comes with taking money from people. Yeah. Yeah. You'd rather just not get punched in the face by a giant man yeah me personally now later that month okay like two weeks later he's accused of fondling a restaurant server's breast at the w hotel oh no according to the fact statement here uh let's see is february 13th he sat with a private party of 15 to 20 people in a cordoned off lounge section on the rooftop terrace of the w hotel
Starting point is 02:08:45 nice swanky real nice around 2 a.m as the server cleared dishes from nearby tables hainsworth pulled out a credit card and indicated he was ready to pay the check the server was wearing a dress that did not have pockets and had both her hands full of plates told him that she would put the dishes down and come get his card but instead he insisted that she take his card right now didn't want to wait for her to put a plate down that's a lot you know god forbid when she when she looked down at her full hands he slid the card down the front of her chest and inserted it between her bra and skin and then moved his hand toward her left breast eventually touching his her nipples her nipple one nipple so
Starting point is 02:09:25 his hands are huge unbelievable he that's so gross you never can do that never don't ever touch a server don't touch any women who aren't inviting you to touch them but don't do that no that's especially the grossest it's worse because it's like a such a douche move it's a douche gross put it in there and then like swoop the finger over the nipple on purpose to try to be like slick about it that's gross so misdemeanor sexual abuse charge there uh he's been a charge with that a thousand dollars uh he can stay six months in jail and a thousand1,000 fine. So, I mean, he's had a rough fucking run. Can you
Starting point is 02:10:08 imagine? I mean, he brought it upon himself. Oh, yeah. He's made a rough run, not had a rough run, I should say. He's got boats and all this shit and people are suing him and strippers are telling him he's $10 million they want from him. He's knocking people up. He's knocking people
Starting point is 02:10:24 out. He's doing a lot of up. He's knocking people out. He's doing a lot of shit. Fucking him up and out. Up and out. So at some point he needs to just relax, you know, because it's off season. He's got to relax. And, you know, he's thinking, I'm just going to spend some time at home. Because every time he goes out, something happens.
Starting point is 02:10:42 Every time he goes out, there's a lawsuit against him. So he's like, you know what? I'm just going to stay home. You know what? You know what I'll do? Maybe I'll'll redecorate maybe i'll redesign the house and he calls somebody up and they come on right over and knock on the door and who is it but dexter manly interior designer from new york city and he says how is it that you've come to arrive here like seriously i'm like okay let's let's let's just rewind just for one second okay number one you're first of all i mean you're impregnating strippers like right i get it but it's just it's cliche it's just that's what i mean it's cliche you're getting boats with skulls on them you sir are white trash i'm sorry you're white trash if i've ever heard of what you're kicking people in the chest and like pulling your little hats off and stomping a man with your little pointy shoes how dare you think you're above tampa that's
Starting point is 02:11:41 ridiculous you sir are you you know what you're beneath your tall That's ridiculous. You, sir, are, you know what? You're beneath, you're Tallahassee trash is what you are. You are Tallahassee panhandle trash. I'm sorry. Maybe someday you can work your way up to Jacksonville, but it's really, I don't know. That's where you are. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 02:11:58 You're just, you're trash. You're trash. And I've had enough and I'm not touching this place. And poof. And a poof of glitter and feather boa, he's gone. And Albert was real confused. He went and got a pole to try to hit the guy. And he was like, where the fuck did he go?
Starting point is 02:12:10 He was very confused. For an olive branch. His first response was just, you know, stomp him or hit him with a pole or, you know, hit him with something. My car wasn't handy to hit him with. I couldn't do anything there. So March 31st, 2011. This guy, if I'm him, I'm real careful on the road. He gets pulled over of course unlawful speed going over 70 miles an hour and gets in trouble for that it was like a criminal
Starting point is 02:12:31 civil but an actual like arrestable offense divorce settlement comes in they decided that both children would go to private school and he has to pay for all that pay all the bills and you know be a responsible person who signed a hundred million dollar contract right july 29 2011 the redskins trade him we've had enough that's enough yeah they traded to the one team who might give him a chance and that is the patriots who are always willing to pick up somebody who's a fucking mess they love that and we have a letter to my younger self here about this yeah he says people are going to be all over your fear, you for your contract, and you're going to really feel frustrated.
Starting point is 02:13:09 You're going to do some dumb things, but what people aren't going to see is Mike Shanahan calling you into his office saying, Albert, we just want you to eat up space. All we want you to do is grab the center and let the run by linebackers run free. You're going to look at this famous NFL head coach and disbelief and say,
Starting point is 02:13:24 you want to pay me a hundred million dollars to grab the center. And he's going to say with a straight face, Albert, if you have more than one sack this season, I'm going to be pissed. The last thing you'll say before walking out of his office is, can't you just pay someone like $300,000 a year to do that? It's to take up space.
Starting point is 02:13:39 You will lose your passion for football in Washington and it will be impossible to get back in retirement. You will discover your financial advisor has squandered most of the money you made with the Redskins, and he will be under investigation for financial fraud. Thankfully, you will have discovered a passion for restoring houses and buying property during your off-seasons. He's the property brother now? No. That was for a minute, not now. You'll even open up a Burger-fi restaurant in Knoxville.
Starting point is 02:14:06 I know you love burgers. Instead of being on the beach in the Bahamas like most people probably think you are, you will be hanging drywall in a condo in South Carolina. And you know what? That will make you extremely happy. You are just a kid from a town of 4,000, and you made it out like your hero, Reggie White. You did what you told your mama you were going to do. The same traits that got you to the NFL are the same traits that got you into trouble.
Starting point is 02:14:29 You have to live with that. I'm proud of what you've accomplished. Remember to enjoy it a little bit, Albert. So that's his letter to himself. I just, in my head, saw a Dave Chappelle bit of two black guys called Property Brothers. They just berate people for selling their homes. Albert knocks on the door. He's like, your house called Property Brothers. Yeah. They just like berate people. Yeah. They're selling their homes. Albert knocks on the door. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:14:48 He's like, your house is fucked up. I'm going to buy it from you. And they're like, we just remodeled it. And he said, I said it's fucked up and I'm going to buy it from you. And he's got like a pole. Get out, bitches. Get out. He's stomping people.
Starting point is 02:14:58 What? No, he's like, it's because we've been watching Chappelle's show. He's basically Charlie Murphy like Tyrese's is playing Tyrese on the Mad Real World. Just tugging on their couch. Yeah, stabbing the fucking guys. Shit like that. You know, it's a Chappelle's show bit. I want that so bad to happen.
Starting point is 02:15:15 Yeah. So he's playing for the Patriots now. He says he's just going to be a great chance to get back on the field and play some football and get the bag. It's all of his happy bullshit out. August 2011 is fondling court um court for fondling there's all sorts of back and forth in the run-up to this whole trial uh one accused one of offering money and influence to people and all this shit the victim is a student at howard university uh she didn't really want to testify because she's not like she's not that type of person she's just a waitress who was fucking making working her way through school you know
Starting point is 02:15:48 what i mean she's not one doesn't want a big deal out of this she's reluctant to testify but does eventually decide to cooperate um yeah a witness says though there's the they said that his lawyer said there's all sorts of chicanery going on a A witness in the case said that Albert Hainsworth claims he was offered $50,000. This witness says he was offered $50,000 to testify on behalf of the waitress accusing Albert. That's what Albert Hainsworth's attorney brings up. The government responded to that offer of money was entirely vague, and the witness assumed the man extending the offer was connected to the waitress but there's no evidence to back
Starting point is 02:16:29 up that claim or that it actually happened so they said no um this goes back and forth like crazy all this type of different shit another witness ramon davis works as a security guard um he says that uh uh he says he uh assumed the man he said uh what was this oh the picture it showed him a picture of the waitress and he said that hainsworth slid a credit card down the front of the server's dress and fondled her breast because he saw it which is uh you know yeah um now the the guard here says that he never witnessed this is another guard never witnessed hainsworth fondling or rubbing the woman's breast he told prosecutors that she seemed to be fine later but cried in the back room claiming hainsworth had molested her well yeah so uh in my opinion i do not think
Starting point is 02:17:14 that mr hainsworth did anything wrong because the accuser consented to the conduct and when she asked him to stop he stopped that's the story that is going around so he pleads obviously he's very innocent so he pleads no contest because yeah he's so fucking innocent so uh yeah pleads no contest offered a sentencing deal that called for him to perform 160 hours of community service and undergo counseling that's it that's it sex crime shit nope simple assault misdemeanor is what he pled to. And that was that. He they said that he has to stay away from her for 18 months and all that kind of shit. So you, sir, may fuck off and do nothing. Psychological assessments, some community service, thousand dollar fine and all that sort of shit.
Starting point is 02:18:00 If he gets arrested again in this time period for anything like this, then he could face 180 days in jail. So they do say he has to actually say that he did it, though. That was the one thing that he had to do in court. The U.S. attorney said the resolution requires Mr. Hainsworth to atone for his crimes while at the same time honoring the victim's wishes and allowing her to move on with her life. So he has a press conference and he says look he's telling all the patriots people yeah you've heard a lot of bad shit right i've been a busy guy i get it i've been in court i'm fondling i understand i like nipples he says everything is in the past yeah right now i'm just concentrating on being a great
Starting point is 02:18:41 player for this organization so his victim edmondson who broke his hips and all that shit he said yeah i saw that on tv it's really messed up i'm still here and not in the past oh poor cory yeah he says quote i guess there are bad apples uh in about everything he hasn't owned up to the wreck never accepted it was his fault he was one of my favorite players wow he says you know i played the same position all through high school he uh he played at glencliffe high school in nashville and uh they played in the 1999 state football championship so he really was looking out looked up to him he knew of him they played in the same you know at the same time uh yeah he uh said that
Starting point is 02:19:20 um in there they said that that they're trying to say, Hainsworth lawyer is trying to say that he was traveling the 70 mile an hour speed limit when he tried to pass and fishtailed possibly on black ice, bumping Edmondson's car, which then veered out of control. He said that he certainly feels bad that Mr. Edmondson was injured in the accident. Albert Hainsworth is a great guy. This is his lawyer. He's really a decent human being mr hainsworth would like to resolve this if any reasonable kind of accommodation can be reached and um yeah so uh they need like fucking
Starting point is 02:19:56 accommodations like ramps and shit is what they need for accommodations at this point so um yeah it's rough man he says the edmondson said one day he'd like to be able to go out and do normal stuff i hope to get well enough someday to take care of my parents the way they helped me jesus christ so november 8 2011 he's cut by the patriots like this is too much for us this is silly no i think he had one tackle for them total oh my and then uh november 9 2011 the bucks pick him up off waivers the tampa bay bucks really yeah because fuck it they wanted him earlier they'll give him a shot he could have sidestepped all these problems and just gone there in the first place on there in the first place he plays in seven games for them and doesn't really do much has a few tackles whatever so that's the
Starting point is 02:20:40 end of his football career uh he ends up with 30.5 career sacks. Big deal. Makes $1.5 million that year. Released by the Bucs. The Bucs save $7.2 million by releasing him because of a cat problem. Career money total, $57,356,288. That's a shitload of money. But he still blew it, man, because he could have made so much so much more so much more so uh let's see what is this december 20th 2012 he gets some more tickets
Starting point is 02:21:13 failure to wear a safety belt unlawful speed again stop speeding yeah stop buying ferraris stop driving 2013 suing his financial advisor uh he sued him he's eventually awarded 390 000 in an arbitration settlement boy wow march 15 2013 improper use of the hov lane i don't know it's two people i mean he's pretty fucking hey there's a lot of 300 something pounds man i'm using both seats come on man i'm huge. They're occupied. Yeah. So you could have 220-pound people driving, and that's two people, but I'm more weight than that? Come on, man. Let's see.
Starting point is 02:21:54 What else does he do there? Oh, yeah. Also, what is this? Oh, no insurance. He didn't have insurance. Jesus Christ, on the same trip there. Wow. Oh, and an expired tag for more than six months so it's not registered
Starting point is 02:22:05 no registration no insurance driving a car around oh my god i'll just drive it july 16 2013 he's speeding again uh more speeding there's municipal road speeding in broward county florida um july 31st 2013 red light camera violation he drives like shit shit. How does he have a license? I'm actually proud of my driving right now. Dude, he's the worst, the worst 2013. After all this,
Starting point is 02:22:31 he says, I'm thinking about making a comeback boy the fuck out of here. July, January 6, 2014. Another red light camera violation. Halloween, 2014.
Starting point is 02:22:42 He almost dies. What? He woke up in the middle of the night his head was pounding he said he ate an entire pack of extra strength strength pain relief powder powder fucking dragon maybe it works faster he couldn't see straight and lost his balance wandered around his house he called his ex-wife texted a cardiologist that he knew like that's how fucked up he was he's like i gotta call my ex-wife that's when you know something's wrong in your head finally when the sun came up he left for the emergency room and uh he couldn't even he could barely walk down the hallway one doctor said send him home he's
Starting point is 02:23:13 just got a migraine but his cardiologist said quote i know this guy he's a retired defensive tackle he can handle pain yeah it's not that he's not just being a because they think he's just being a pussy like they don't even feel normal pain these guys they have such a high level so they said let's test him out they uh uh they went about they did a battery of tests he forgot how to sign his own name oh no and struggled to spell certain words so they ended up finding out uh that he had uh he could handle extreme pain because he's had two brain aneurysms. That's what's caused this, too. This is post-two brain aneurysms?
Starting point is 02:23:51 Yeah, right now. That's why he's got a headache. His blood vessels are swelling and then leaking inside of his skull. And yeah, doctors said they put coils inside of his brain to stop the blood vessels from expanding, and then they ended up adding a stent when that failed he was in intensive care for 11 days confined to a hospital bed where he said damn i guess that's what death feels like um he says quote uh the doctor said if you'd come in a couple hours later you wouldn't be here right now so they said still
Starting point is 02:24:21 he shouldn't lift ever again lift more than 25 pounds over his head. And he still scrambles his words a little bit here and there. This was at the time. I mean, that sucks. He's done a lot of lousy shit for people. And, you know, so it's hard to feel real bad for him because he's been kind of a dick. But nobody wants that. He's in his 30s, for Christ's sake.
Starting point is 02:24:38 That's way too young for anything like that. But this should also sober him up and make him think about the life. That's what I mean. I mean, you almost feel bad for him him but not nearly as bad as i feel for alberta hainsworth from chagrin falls iowa his mom it's a 28 years old poor alberta hainsworth and also alberta hainsworth who's a 73 yearyear-old woman in South Carolina. That might be his grandma. No.
Starting point is 02:25:06 I don't think it is. No. So, Alberta Hainsworth and Alberta Hainsworth. I just had to use those. Unbelievable. January 2015, he's in boat court. Oh, boy. He has to plead guilty to reckless boating.
Starting point is 02:25:19 What? Any vehicle, he will find a way to get in trouble for driving it recklessly. Isn't boating reckless in the first place having a boat that drives 160 miles an hour is reckless right off the start you don't even have to get it off of the trailer they could just write you a ticket when it's still up on the trailer that's reckless sir you shouldn't own that spending the money was reckless yeah owning the boat alone reckless this is fort uh loudon lake i guess uh wildlife authorities alleged that he passed them while they were on patrol traveling an estimated 80 miles an hour yeah too fast it was
Starting point is 02:25:52 on cruise control yeah it also appeared to them that he almost hit a pontoon boat this is too much boat and an officer in a watercraft so he almost hit a cop too they caught up with him at the marina as he slowed down uh because they had to basically just kind of lean back and uh he ends up just i guess he could have had more guilty there was reckless boating there was all sorts of other shit but what he pled guilty to was just a slap on the wrist instead of a five-month loss of boating privileges so yeah there's that season yeah that's how it goes so june of 2015 uh what does a fat retired guy do jimmy open a burger joint yeah of course he's gonna do it knoxville tennessee opens a burger joint the burger fi chain do you remember when they were out uh yes yeah what is that it's a fucking did it have upscale five guys ask you know upscale fucking maybe they could buy burgers but they'll pay 11 for it instead of fucking two
Starting point is 02:26:52 right right yeah it won't even be better it'll just be like everything will be very white and clean looking so that'll be the amount of meat yeah this is mushrooms on it oh they don't want that this is knoxville here yeah um and it's uh he says i'm a big guy so i eat a lot and i'm just going to i'm not going to just jump on someplace because i know somebody but the food is unbelievable it's the best burger i think i've ever had he says he's opening to i wants to open a bunch of more locations and uh yeah they asked him well what about your legal problems and he said quote when you're successful a lot of people are going to come after you a lot of people call it haters if you've got haters that means you're doing something right or you're an asshole one of the two so um yeah by
Starting point is 02:27:36 the way um that's it's closer by 2017 it's closed so that didn't last very long. Oh, and it gets worse. He says, this is fucking amazing. Out of nowhere, quote, this is on Twitter. Just saying you MFers that he says MFers that believe everything you read in the media. This is coming from me, my verified page. And then he posts, let me get something straight. Everybody can understand. Triple exclamation point. All the sentences of triple exclamation points.
Starting point is 02:28:06 I love all women, all capitals. As long as you are a beautiful, all caps, real woman. Trust me, I'm trying to smash. Yeah. So to think that I'm going to alienate one sixth of the population, you are fucking wrong. My damn biggest problem is I love women. One day day one woman can be said can settled me down black white brown yellow but until then i'm like most guys in this
Starting point is 02:28:32 world i'm just a squirrel trying to get a nut okay so it comes out that he says somebody says he doesn't like black women that's that's what he that's the point of what he's trying to get at and he's saying i like all women i don't give a fuck matter of fact he's dating a woman uh a former tennessee basketball player nwnba player named britney jackson yeah want to see her yeah oh yeah yeah very very black james yeah no no she is blue-eyed blonde she's hot as fuck too she's pretty unbelievable she's pretty like you know just objectively she's a pretty girl she's six feet tall which is good for him they would have amazing children yeah just athletic fucking specimens you know so so because he's with her some people got upset exactly um so yeah she she's with her she had she played for the san jose spiders of the national women's basketball league
Starting point is 02:29:21 she played for a polish team i think she played for like whatever atlanta team is in the wnba i don't know so uh liberty uh maybe yeah either way new york never mind no that's new york yes new york either way uh britney went public accusing him of skipping out on child support for their young son okay he also has accusations he says quote not only has she called me unthinkable names she has been extremely violent he's at this point 350 pounds by the way yeah he says he's called the police on her more than 10 times during their two-year relationship he said quote i have witnesses and bruises but me for some reason still tried to protect her by not sending her to jail because i didn't want her want to ruin her so-called career and name. Oh, boy. So-called.
Starting point is 02:30:05 So-called. Jesus. He claims that she, in January, she kicked him in the groin twice after an argument at a friend's house. He said she'd been drinking wine. He refused medical attention, according to the police report, and never pressed any charges. pressing charges he also claims that uh she would call him the n-word all the time and said that uh she said she wanted me to feel hurt because i didn't show her affection i don't know maybe that i don't know he also said being a man i am a provider and protector and i have millions of faults that are not uh not flattering but no one deserves to be mentally
Starting point is 02:30:42 and physically abused now she does have a little arrest record. Brittany was arrested twice in a few week span in 2010. She and her younger sister both pleaded guilty to charges of simple assault, stemming from a fight with a woman on a Tennessee Wesleyan campus. Jesus Christ. She takes no shit. 21 days later, she was arrested on a DUI charge after she crashed into another vehicle at a stop in Cleveland, Tennessee, and then tried to run away from the scene she apologized in both accounts and took you know whatever took culpability
Starting point is 02:31:10 responsibility for it and whatever so i mean that's who knows what the hell she though puts out a series of tweets called quote the ugly truth about britney oh part one two and three here's my manifesto let Let's do this quote. Let me tell you the real truth about why I broke up with Brittany Jackson. I'm the person that had to deal with the ugliest of her soul for a very enduring two plus year relationship. If you call it that first and foremost, Aiden is the greatest thing to happen to me in those dreadful two plus years. That's their son. For one, Brittany Jackson has called me and all caps n word spelled out hard r on numerous
Starting point is 02:31:47 occasions uh because what she said she wanted me to feel hurt because i didn't show her affection in my opinion that's crossing the line not only was i supposed to be in a relationship with her but her own child is half black not only has she called me unthinkable names she has been extremely violent on more than 10 times in tennessee and florida i me called albert i me albert called the police to restrain her yes i have witnesses and bruises but for some reason still tried to protect her that was the so-called career name i also want everybody to know the truth about her charity weekend she does every year people the money you give for uh the money you give for for her alzheimer's event most of it goes right in her pocket that's why she wants the checks written to her foundation and not the
Starting point is 02:32:32 chattanooga alzheimer's foundation which i personally saw her make someone rewrite the check to her foundation now britney wants to try to talk trash about that's not true because i took the car i let her borrow to be able to meet me halfway so i can spend time with my son which she refused i don't know what the fuck that means being a truth about her charity weekend she does every year uh people the money that you go most of it goes right in your pocket sorry blah blah that was i messed that up and then he says that uh uh now britney wants to try and talk trash about that's not true because I took the car, all that. Being a man, I am a provider and a protector.
Starting point is 02:33:08 No one deserves to be mentally and physically abused. Also says, like I said, she beat him. One o'clock in the morning, they had come out. That was the groin kicking incident. The police came out for that. No charges were filed. Brittany denies it. She says it is critically important to our child that Albert
Starting point is 02:33:25 begins to focus on being a good and supportive child, our father. This is a very difficult time for me and our child. So yeah, this is shockingly enough finding out that I am the mother of Albert's seventh child. I do not feel I need to stoop to make public his true conduct. As for the domestic accusations, I cannot comment at this time due to current litigations, but the truth always surfaces. Accusations of me being racially biased are absurd. Come on, Albert. We've lived together for two years and we have a beautiful biracial baby that I love
Starting point is 02:33:57 more than anything in this world. And then her buddy, Shamika Holdsclaw, who was one of the greatest college female college basketball players of all time, played at the University of Tennessee with her. Both she played for Tennessee. She was there the same time he was. She says that she knows both of them and said called Hainsworth a cool dude and Jackson an amazing mom. He she said, being part of the Tennessee family, I love both of them. I've never been around them where I've seen any crazy moments involved in the relationship.
Starting point is 02:34:28 I just didn't like hearing the fact that people were calling Brittany a racist. That's the only thing I have to argue. So they played together. So, I mean, I don't know, whatever. So September 22nd, 2017, uh-oh, he fails to appear in Knox County Juvenile Court and is ordered to pay attorney fees and lost wages for Amanda Kriger, who is a woman who was the
Starting point is 02:34:49 mother of his 16-year-old boy. Yes. He failed to appear, and if he fails to appear on the next one, a warrant could be issued for his arrest. Hainsworth owes her a total of $1,680 in child support payments for the last
Starting point is 02:35:05 three months. So he's only paying a few hundred, a couple hundred bucks a month. How is that possible? I don't know. He's paying 500 bucks a month. Oh my God. That's not fair. According to her, he once failed to pay for an entire year.
Starting point is 02:35:16 She said, this is what he does. He has women in and out of court. His whole life is in and out of court, which I mean, yeah, we've just done the whole episode. I tried to forget about it, uh, to forget about him because he's just out of control uh three alleged mothers oh then three different alleged mothers uh declined to be quoted by name when contact by the news sentinel citing advice from their attorneys summer 2019 almost dead again uh he's in his apartment starts coughing violently at 2 a.m lost lost his breath, said he couldn't breathe. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:35:47 Grew dizzy and decided to drive himself to the hospital. He said, I definitely should have taken an ambulance. I would say he learned that his lungs filled with so much fluid that oxygen couldn't get in. His stomach was engorged by the same fluid. He was all bloated and fucked up. Yeah. COVID patient zero. uh no he's dialysis oh no kidneys are failing uh he undergoes dialysis three times a week at that point starting
Starting point is 02:36:12 at 6 15 a.m and um yeah he says it's all he's been doing is sitting around watching the binging episodes of the first 48 i feel yeah he says that he is just um he's you know needs a kidney he needs a kidney uh are there any that are big enough for him yeah the size doesn't matter because it adjusts and all that sort of thing but uh yeah he said this landed him in the hospital he uh took to social media to say he needed a kidney and uh over a thousand people commented and said that they would get tested really for it yeah. And he says, I guess I wasn't as hated as I thought. He even made friends with Andre Garrard or Geroad or whatever he is. They said that on a flight home from Hawaii, the Andre Geroad guy found himself seated next to Hainsworth's older brother.
Starting point is 02:37:00 What are the fucking odds of that? Who explained that Albert knew he was wrong. And he said that this Andre guy said right there, he decided to let it go. Try to make friends with him. Your face looks like it was stopped. Yeah. What's that big scar above your eye? My brother did that once.
Starting point is 02:37:15 You know that? You know him? He played football too. So the Andre guy here says, I want Albert to be okay. I've forgiven him. He says a week after Albert's in the hospital, he's in dire need of a transplant. And he says he wants to thank everybody who prayed and supported for him and all this sort of shit. So July 25th, 2019, he's in court again.
Starting point is 02:37:36 Of course, his wife is accusing him of not paying tuition for his two children and all this shit. Yes. So apparently this has been going on forever hainsworth has to pay twenty thousand one hundred forty four dollars in tuition even though his legal team brought up his failing kidney health uh last school year he was ordered by the court to do the same thing after not paying on time so uh the judge says he has an obligation to be proactive he has an obligation to comply the court is concerned the only option uh i have is a band-aid option but the father has to satisfy the tuition that makes sense so his once it's over he says to
Starting point is 02:38:13 press the press quote albert says quote i have more kids than her stephanie lives in a seven hundred thousand dollar house and i live in a freaking apartment how is this fair so that's what he said yeah he has seven kids labor day 2019 he's in the icu again oh boy uh he says he took the wrong medication he tried to set up dialysis at home and fucked it up and um yeah he said as uh the the port in his stomach grew infected and then he had to get back in again. So, yeah, he says, I wouldn't say I cheated death, just brushed with it. His mother moved into him, moved into his Nashville apartment to take care of him. He drives, by the way, where is it? I'll find it.
Starting point is 02:38:55 He drives a Hyundai nowadays. Really? Hyundai Genesis is what he's driving around like a soccer mom. It's not even a soccer mom. It's the Hyundai sports car. Oh. Oh, one of those. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:39:08 That's not a Ferrari, brother. He went from a Ferrari to a Hyundai Genesis. How the fuck does he fit in that thing? I couldn't fit in that thing. I don't know, James. Seriously. I don't know how he does that. That's a two-seater car, right?
Starting point is 02:39:16 That's tiny. I don't think it has a back seat. I don't know. This is tiny. He says he's down 65 pounds, though, from his playing weight of 340. He dressed up for Halloween 2019 as himself. Blood on his ankles and shit. That's it.
Starting point is 02:39:30 Blood all over, just on the bottom of his cleats. He said people were like, you're that guy that kicked the dude in the head. And he said, yep, that was me. That's what he would tell people and just keep walking. January 20th, he's doing a sports illustrated article they're talking to him he's talking about he hangs out with keith bullock still he drives his white hyundai genesis toward a bar and fucking a bar called the tin roof in nashville yeah i know where that is do you yeah that's where he hangs out with keith bullock
Starting point is 02:40:01 apparently he uh yeah he says he wants to change his legacy. He wants to build, quote, a community center back in Hartsville or an orphanage. That's a, wow, okay. So he's living there. He lives in his apartment with his mom. I care about other people's kids, just not my own. Not my own, yeah. An orphanage?
Starting point is 02:40:20 What? He says that he you know, hangs out. He has kids ages 4 to to 18 he likes taking him to school and all that shit not gonna pay for it but i'll drive him there september 29 2020 he's arrested oh boy that's what i mean this just happened yeah two months ago not even he's arrested after threatening and yelling at his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend this is in cleveland tennessee 4 34 p.m he was yelling at his ex-girlfriend a woman told officers this is in cleveland tennessee 4 34 p.m he was yelling at his ex-girlfriend woman told officers this is britney yeah that he'd driven there from his home in franklin tennessee 160 miles away to
Starting point is 02:40:52 yell at her that's pretty wow genesis it's like two gallons again that's he's flying after making physical threats to physically harm her and her boyfriend then he showed up no physical assault actually happened he was told multiple times to stop yelling and cursing and finally the cops just arrested him because he wouldn't listen to them to stop yelling at her did he get a new kidney yet no no new kidney can't get enough of albert hainsworth i've had a plenty get yourself tested give him a kidney because he's looking for one who's that um or you can follow him on instagram or he he's HaynesworthIII. He's got his checkmark and everything here. 23,000 followers, though, not that much.
Starting point is 02:41:29 And his profile here, quote, I post what I want. No limit soldier. What? He's my generation. No limit soldier. He's running with the master patient. Proud dad to three future kings
Starting point is 02:41:46 ashari avery and aiden and one queen one queen to be eleni what about what about the other he has three other kids what the fuck that's four what about albert the fourth what about him yeah he can fuck himself he's gonna have your stupid name i'm albert hainsworth for the plan b pill shit it's very important and uh or you can rent him also you can go to athlete speakers.com rent him he travels from tennessee got a contact to get his fee really but uh he's also got a virtual fee i'll come to you for one kidney i'm sure he's on cameo too you know what i mean you know he's fuck man he seems like the type of guy who'd be on cameo blown away that a guy can have that many kids and not and and just forget three of them like at least was it crow marty as like nine kids and they asked him their names and he only knew a few of them and it took him a while to struggle he at least knew there was nine of them right
Starting point is 02:42:41 this motherfucker's like i'll just name off four kids i don't know there's some other people like wow so that's that that's albert hainsworth that is a big fat mess that's gonna end so bad oh it's still it's ongoing terribly sad in a in a nashville apartment that he is owes four or five months of rent on that his mom lives in right the whole thing it's very sad evicted so if you like that story, tell us about it. Tell the world about it by getting on Apple Podcasts and giving us five stars.
Starting point is 02:43:10 Also head over to shutupandgivememurder.com for everything crime and sports and small town murder related. I would also like you to listen to PSA Hate This Movie or else I'm going to kick your ass. No, I'm just kidding.
Starting point is 02:43:20 You can do whatever you want. So do all of that stuff. Also, follow us on social media we're at crime and sports on twitter and facebook at small town murder on uh instagram and uh if you want to be a producer have your name mispronounced and even better than that get access to all sorts of cool bonus materials where it's at you can do that very easily this week we are going to do these um impersonators basically mistaken identities on purpose that's what it is it's guys that either people who will claim they're athletes when they get arrested and they're clearly not or athletes that get
Starting point is 02:43:55 arrested claiming they're other athletes which is even more mind-boggling the bill russell one is my favorite yeah he's a six foot three guy who did play in the NFL who got arrested and claimed he was Bill Russell. Not even the NBA? Nope. Played in the NFL. Played for the Colts for like a year. Claims that he's Bill Russell when he gets arrested. They go, well, why are you seven inches shorter now than when
Starting point is 02:44:18 you played? And he has the greatest explanation. This man said this to police officers with a straight face it's bonkers you gotta hear it and then we're gonna be watching the chris dot watts documentary that asshole killed his family in colorado so gross for small town murders bonus and we'll talk about all of that stuff but you get access to everything all you have to do is go to patreon.com slash crime and sports and anybody over the five dollar level is going to get access to all that stuff
Starting point is 02:44:44 and if you just want to be a good person you want to have good karma and get your name mispronounced you can do that as well over at uh page paypal using our email crime and sports at gmail.com also a good way to get a hold of the show there with that said jimmy i need it yeah give me the it's been a crazy week i need to feel good give me the list of the greatest people in the goddamn world hit me with them now this week's executive producers are chris wooten christy coffee malevolent mayhem uh by dawn 2020 heidi elaine uh calvin maddox jesse rocks medea oh medium even uh and under the sea fabrics lady's birthday happy birthday i i don't have her name and it just said i don't know i knew it at one point in my life i don't know right now
Starting point is 02:45:30 also jordan bennett you guys thank you so much for everything you do we can't do it those are the best honestly this week's other producers are uh what did i do uh jl jl russell i think that no jagal i can't tell if it's an E or a G. You wrote it. I did this. Bushy, with no last name. Angela P. Jackson. Elena Tipton. Matthew, with no last name.
Starting point is 02:45:52 Alicia Salter. Nikki Trevartin. Leah Benson-Divine. Nicholas Wilson. Margaret Patchen. Jamie, with no last name. Lindsay, with no last name. Casey Kamechick.
Starting point is 02:46:02 What? You can't do K-M-I-E. That's not a word. C-I-K-E-M-E-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H-I- What? You can't do K-M-I-E. That's not a word. C-I-K-E-M-E-C-H-I-C-H-I-C-H. That's a tough one. Probably not. Zachary Turner. Troy Watt II.
Starting point is 02:46:11 Michael Casterline. Casterline. Sarah Martin. Erica what? Scoops. That's an easy one. That's not it. Erica what?
Starting point is 02:46:19 Yep. Alicia Hall. Susan Anderson. Olivia Budney. John Rayfield. Jennifer Rausch, Cameron Hughes, Sarah Smallwood, Jess Evans, Sarah B., Joe Backley, Andy Dixon, Michael Piccinetti, Tammy O'Brien, Kimberly Bick, what did I do?
Starting point is 02:46:39 Billups, Denise Anthony, Ryan Leach, Jay from L.A., Morgan Casey, Rachel Modaferri, Allison Ravey, Chris Cranky, Joe Frustrator, John Collier, Allison Ravey, I said that, Nick Gibbons, RJ with no last name, Keala Sweetland. Christy Albrecht. Albrecht. David Moore. Aaron Newton. Jeff Goggins. James Harris.
Starting point is 02:47:12 Bill Williams. Tim and Arnold. Kim Colbert. April Wilson. Randy Ginn or Gin. Chris Fleming. What did I do? Fuck.
Starting point is 02:47:20 Tudmus. That's not what that is. Gallagher. I'm sorry, man. Or ma'am. Either way. Tidmus. I don't what that is. Gallagher. I'm sorry, man. Or ma'am. Either way. Tidmus. I don't know what I did.
Starting point is 02:47:28 We're just sorry. Sarah Kennedy. P. Tuscadero. Allison Stanton. Anita M. Donald Lewis. Alexander Duran. Tiffany Williamson.
Starting point is 02:47:39 Adam Liptok. Tommy Pinamonte. Pinamonte. Flamin' Hot Cheeto. That's what that says. God damn it. Kim Riley, The Sheriff 187. That's not right.
Starting point is 02:47:52 That's right. Jesus. Elena Wanquo. Wanquo Q. God damn it. Ariel Mackey, Mackay. Macky? Macky.
Starting point is 02:48:03 Destiny Star Burgoni. Burgoyne. Ugh. Loc Locate, Destiny, don't know what the fuck your name is, but I'm gonna try. Locate, Draws, Jennifer Lynn, Kelly Kintop, Tegan Gruel, what did they do, Gerolowski, you're a little gyrulowski shit autumn dancer christy emerson joel pace uh dariana booker uh laura maylee eva doggen luke uh baldwin christy haynes chris watson kenny mincher jackie nope that's jack schuler mary uh wellborn wellborn yes uh jesse lawson chris uh baruso jeff book Lawson, Chris, uh, Beruso, Jeff Buchholz. I'm trying my best. Kayla, uh, Edgel, what? Edgel, the jerk. That's not
Starting point is 02:48:50 right. Uh, Heather Weaver, Alexa with no last name, Barbara Clayton, Cliff Gibson, uh, Sonia Hagerman, uh, Daniel Feliciano, Daniel, Whitney Weaver, uh, what did I do? Megan Wasson, Peg, uh, Pat, Mick, do? Megan Wasson. Peg. Pat.
Starting point is 02:49:05 Mick. What? 86? No. MC 86. I don't know what I did, James. I don't know. Mick 86.
Starting point is 02:49:12 Kerrigan Day. Sarah Lind. Michaela Lubbers. Lubbers. Yeah. Going on. Jennifer Flores. Lindy Rafique.
Starting point is 02:49:21 Amanda Looney. Dan Hollingsworth. Stephanie Taylor. Olivia Covert, Don K. Thrower, Don K. Thrower, Michelle with no last name. Don K. Thrower. Joshua Vieira,
Starting point is 02:49:33 Juan with no last name, Melinda Keller, Kellier, Keller I think, Katie Wynn, Victoria Vlach, Samantha Keegan, Luke M., Sarah Coder, Anthony Thomason. Mike Kennedy. Samantha Villa.
Starting point is 02:49:48 Russell Lindsay. Elizabeth Casimiro. Nicholas Milan. Melissa. Nope. Yes. McKimmy. Ah, damn it.
Starting point is 02:49:56 Bub. Boy, Bazinga. Jesus. Yeah. Aaron Smith. Katie Powers. Heather with no last name. James L.
Starting point is 02:50:03 The pretentious film critic. Phoenix James. Beth Oliver, Bill Clark, Larry Hutchison, Amanda Scrimpshire Miller, Philip Brown, Alyssa in Chains, Delcey Blakely, Jake Smith, Jessica Johnson, Wyatt Woody, Casey Locke, Roy Shaddle, Maxwell Sleight, Joseph Nino, Miranda Goodman, LQ Tech, Evan Hansen, Svartkaj... Nope. It's never going to happen. It's a T and a K and a J all together. It doesn't make sense. That's very sad. Kelly Mitchell, Michelle, sorry. Diego Matienzo, God enzo god damn it my peterson uh
Starting point is 02:50:48 matthew klein nick keifer hannah with no last name aaron alexander wade williamson kyle reiger janna luans samantha stafford missy bjork ashley bourbon no that's durbin is that a b darla percy erica garvey gary damn it rebecca falk uh mackenzie curves stephanie west Durbin? No, that's Durbin. Is that a B? Darla Percy. Erica Garvey. Gary. Damn it. Rebecca Falk. Mackenzie Kurz. Stephanie West. Cameron Hicks.
Starting point is 02:51:10 Jay. No name or last name. Just a J. Puckerbrush Enthusiast Artist. Sweet. That's pretty wild. Annabelle Gohl. C.S. Nutgrass.
Starting point is 02:51:21 That's a word. John Sovin, I think. Brian and Emily Asher. Mary Fig. Devin Chiaco. Terry Kledzig. That's a word. Bruce Hoop, Erica Worth, Sam Hartrop, Eric Partlow, Michael Birdsaw, Mac, Mac, is that Mac or Mark? That's Mark Doble. Hey. Dobley? No. Matthew Marcelino, Nicholas Thelming, Nikki Kisleff, fuck, Kisleff, Caitlin Decor, there's
Starting point is 02:52:01 no way I'm getting that right, Lisa hebert rebecca low rachel hensley uh mike barlow um amanda amanda bishop gareth lock like you were calling amanda here's that amanda can you read these names for me at the bottom of this notepad i get real bad at writing this far because my knuckles not even on the page so gareth lock is lucky that i got that legible natalie parson ally l kibbe or kirby it's either one amy lewis uh nicole kieffner kleffner or kieffner this is what i'm talking about brett uh better debtor not sure dan risso risto jenna gillette probably i hope uh it got real it gets illegible as fuck. It's dicey down there. It does. James Castle, Jessica Masseri, Silvia Rodriguez-Oliveris, Matt Howland, Casey Hoffman. This guy told me a story, James. I would never tell it.
Starting point is 02:52:58 It's fucking unbelievable. But I will tell you, Casey, that your stepfather's a piece of shit, and I hope you hang in there. Thomas Smith, Janice Hill. I think we get it Smith Janice Hill oh boy no you don't get it it's crazier than you can ever believe it's fucking sometimes a stepfather's involved it's gonna be bad he's a real monster and it's not for what you suspect Melissa uh DeMarc uh Ricky Spoonmore hang Hang in there, man. Nikki Batchelor. Mason Peters. Amanda Seafelt. Rebecca Rose. Linda Brela, I think. Mike Wise.
Starting point is 02:53:30 Kelly Valance. Joshua McNamee, I think. Happy birthday, Ellie White, by the way. Hey, happy birthday. David Deccant. Rachel Kaskaden. April Udy. Ashley Veal.
Starting point is 02:53:41 Melissa Atchison. Happy birthday to Jay. Nope, that's a Z. M-I-J. That's Zamij, right? Yeah. Maybe Zamij. I'm not sure.
Starting point is 02:53:50 Rabbi Shmulelovich, I think, is the name. I don't know. He listens also. Shalom. Leah and Madison Medlock's anniversary. And Alexis Studebaker's birthday. Happy birthday to one of the coolest cars. Happy birthday to your defunct car. Right. It was a great car, though. It's Mary Edsel's birthday happy birthday to one of the coolest cars happy birthday to your defunct
Starting point is 02:54:06 car right it was a great car though it's mary edsel's birthday as well i think so and uh and also hudson neil kosker it's his birthday also thank you guys so much mason peters melissa demarque amanda seafelt mike wise kelly valance i said that uh mo Molly Wooliver, Delia Betts, that's what it is. O.V. Films, Maggie Pappas, William Miller, Ziva Codper, Lisa Schult, Homer Nunez, Joe Bartoswiec, which wow tarza turza and kezada i think christina daniels joe nope that's jade vera uh james martyr katarina niazulka uh erwin lopez peyton meadows maria rasper respir uh tita titan t oh shit it's titanova i apologize there's tits in the name yeah it's never gonna get it's distracting it really is tits either in front of you or even spelled out we can't help it barras barras noire we're not strong men amanda knight uh alicia abba gary friedman leah barnhart wayne rose madeline clark and also uh valerie i think it's Valerie Arias or Arias.
Starting point is 02:55:25 I'm not sure. But also all of our patrons. You guys make life worth living. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, everybody. I swear I'd give all of you kidneys if I could. That's tremendous. Truly.
Starting point is 02:55:37 Thank you, guys. You have. You've given us kidneys and proverbial kidneys all day long. You guys are really amazing. Thank you for keeping us just afloat and going and thriving. I just cut a check to an emergency room that I otherwise wouldn't have been able to do. So thank you. That wasn't, yeah, it didn't break the whole thing.
Starting point is 02:55:56 It didn't ruin me, and it would have. Oh, thank you. Well, what if somebody wanted to ruin you, Jimmy? How could they get a hold of you? You can find me at Wisman Sucks, W-H-I-S-M-A-N Sucks. And I might change that to Albert Haynes. Haynesworth I-I-I-I. Four of them.
Starting point is 02:56:09 You want to be five. You be Albert Haynesworth five. I'm going to do it with four, and then I'm just going to pester him all day long. Dad, put me in your bio. What did I do, Dad? Albert Haynesworth V. Just going to be like, there's another one? Did my kid have a kid already?
Starting point is 02:56:22 He's 13. I'm going to whoop his ass. Where are they going to find you? God damn it. You can find me at Jimmy P is funny. Or just copy and paste our names. You know how to do that shit. So you can find people if you want.
Starting point is 02:56:31 You know that. So thank you so much for everything, everybody. Wild, big, fat episode. We had a great time. Hope you did, too. And hope you'll keep coming back live from the Crime and Sports studios. We will see you next week. Bye. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts.
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