Crime in Sports - #24 - Murder Gets You Less Time - The Tragicness of Keith Wright
Episode Date: July 12, 2016This week, we look at a former NFL player, who went from selling crack at age 9... to an even worse result. He beat the odds of his horrific upbringing, only to run through about every crime ...possible, during his Jekyll and Hyde life. His inexplicaple stupidity, mixed with his complete disregard for the law make him as bad a guy as we've ever covered.Stick around to hear what finally earned him the most hilariously long prison sentence in the history of Crime In SportsBlow all of your opportunities, rob everyone in sight, then buy your mother a crack rock with Keith Wright!!Check us out, every Tuesday. We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman New episodes every Tuesday!!Please subscribe, rate, and review!Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to podcasts!Head to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things Crime in Sports!For merchandise: crimeinsports.threadless.comCheck out James and Jimmie's other show: Small Town Murder Follow us on social media!Facebook: facebook.com/crimeinsportsInstagram: instagram.com/smalltownmurderTwitter: twitter.com/MurderSmall Contact the show: crimeinsports@gmail.comDonate on Patreon: patreon.com/crimeinsportsPayPal: paypal.me/crimeinsports See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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A first listen is waiting for you when you start your free trial at audible.ca. Queen of the courtroom is back. How did I know that? I have crystal ball in my head. New cases.
Leave her alone.
So, uh...
This is not a so.
This is a period.
Classic Judy.
It's streaming.
You can say anything.
It's an all-new season.
Judy Justice.
Only on Freebie. Hello and welcome back to Crime and Sports.
Yay!
Yay!
We are here again with you.
Thank you so much for joining us.
Thank you guys for new iTunes reviews.
I got to thank Jay Wedbetter on Twitter there, our buddy.
He had the best iTunes review of all time.
My name is James Petrigal, by the way, here at the co-host.
I am Jimmy Wissman.
Sorry, had to jump into that.
I was so excited about it because you get like, you know, people, listeners, they give you iTunes reviews.
And any iTunes reviews are just awesome. For you guys to take the time to do it's amazing but wed better
like broke this shit down like he was a prosecutor yeah and was prosecuting the case of why you
should listen to this podcast which was just amazing so thanks a lot he essentially just said
if you're reading this review if you read reviews to get an idea of what to listen to here's the
reasons that i listen yeah
and it's gorgeous we broke it down and we have a busby update for later on we'll get so but uh yeah
please itunes please please get on there give us a review it takes 30 seconds and you got to sign
into your account and do all that just enter your password how long is it was it 12 characters right
get it over with you're already done by now you're done by now you could have given us five stars
following instructions.
As we put it, always following directions, whatever you want to put.
And have a good time with that.
Yeah.
But this week, Jimmy, oh my goodness.
Last week's was so goddamn fun.
Tommy Morrison was crazy.
I really loved doing that one.
That was more than we could have expected it to be.
The story just keeps unfolding and unfolding and unfolding.
And it's stuff that I had no idea about.
No.
When we do these every week and we dig as deep as you do, we dig as deep as you do.
When you dig as deep as you do and you get these things out, it's like, how are these not more mainstream?
How are these not covered every goddamn day?
The media should be well thank christ
they don't because if they did we wouldn't be that's true we wouldn't there'd be no need for
us but there would have been no need for us so we would just it would have been fine those fuckers
could be taking whoever's listening to us it's true i'm telling you those that's a story tommy
morrison's famous guy was in a movie was heavyweight champ and then he got hiv and so like he was in
the news for all these big moments right there was all of this stuff happening he's beating kids moms and biting this lady and that picture of
him at the end oh that was that mug shot that was horrific wasn't it it doesn't it looks like every
dude that stands on a highway off ramp begging for cash it looks like you put like uh one of those
uh like the air pumps that you do like an air mattress and you put it on reverse and you just sucked out anything he had sucked all the heavyweight material heavyweight
sucked him into a fucking middleweight he was fighting bernard hopkins by the last picture
forget about it just a soggy just a sad mess and at the same time just bragging about how healthy
he was the entire time and then me i'm a picture of health and his mullet falls out that's just
fucking that's gorgeous.
There's nothing, there's nothing sadder than a redneck that loses his mullet.
That's truly like a Samson moment right there.
You know what I mean?
That's their power.
That's their power.
Oh, no, not my mullet.
Not my mullet.
He lost all his 40 chugging.
Next thing you know, the transmission's going to go on the El Camino and forget about it.
On the El Camino, on the house.
That is true this was a this was a fully mobile home-laden episode no doubt that for people in other countries that will give that's america what we just no doubt that was like middle america yeah
we have tonight is not middle america this is like kind of unique to sort of unique to america but it's it's a crazy story this is one
a lot of times last couple weeks we did like marvin barnes we did tommy morrison and both
of these guys are very famous marvin barnes a famous guy who's on that 30 for 30 on espn so
he's been put into the spotlight tommy morrison obviously is in a rocky movies heavyweight champ
says we all knew who he was. Yeah. These are very famous guys
that we kind of have an idea
of their general story
and then you listen
and we go,
oh wow,
I didn't know that,
that, that,
and that happened too.
This one is one where I'm like,
I never even heard of this guy.
I don't know who the hell he is
and the story's insane.
These are my favorites.
This is what I like too
because it's not,
it's not about like this,
the fame thing.
It's about this,
like actually a crazy, just unfolding of a shit life.
That had athletic prowess.
That made it to the upper echelon and the pinnacle of the sport he played,
and it all came crashing down.
At some point, somebody made his life into a nice big shitburger patty.
Boy, let me tell you something.
And then toss that thing on the fucking 50-gallon drum that's salt and half grill.
Yeah, that's exactly right.
Just so sad.
Like a Tijuana taco.
The shopping cart with a homemade propane setup.
I love that.
That's ingenuity, though.
That's a great grill, yeah.
That's ingenuity, though.
That's amazing. That's ingenuity, though. That's a great grill, yeah. That's ingenuity, though. That's amazing.
That's homeless desperation at its finest.
If you ever go to Mexico, if you see anybody with a shopping cart that they've made into
some sort of cooking device, apparatus, buy whatever they have.
Because it's going to be delicious.
If they have any kind of meats they're going to make, it's a dog, they'll still make it
delicious.
It might have some chrome fucking coating chips on it from the fucking melting off. I think it's going's a dog. We'll still make it delicious. It might have some chrome fucking coating chips
on it from the fucking melting off.
I think it's going to be good. I'm sure it reverse
smelts that fucking cart
in some way or another.
If you haven't seen what we're talking about, Google
grocery cart
barbecue grill. It's fucking
crazy what homeless people will do.
Homeless? These aren't even
homeless people. These are just people that are
entrepreneurs on the street.
These are culinary
entrepreneurs. Putting
square marks on a burger or whatever the
fuck they're grilling.
It's crazy.
But tonight, let's get into this guy here.
Alright. Keith Wright is our
subject. I love it. That's a good, solid name.
It is a good, solid name and he shares this name with a few others that we'll get into a little bit later.
Maybe his father?
Actually, I don't believe so, but we don't know because his father, never around.
Weird.
His father, I mean, gone before he was born.
We're back to that full fucking...
Gone before he was born.
They either stick around and beat the shit out of him, or they just disappear.
Either way, you're going to be a criminal. What's worse, do you think? Would you rather disappear or be beat the shit out of them or they just disappear either way you're gonna be a criminal what's worse do you think would you rather disappear it doesn't matter
it still ends up behind bars it still ends up bad it really does it really does well i mean there's
the yeah the tommy morrison these are the two ends of the spectrum yeah disappear before you're born
stick around to torment you and your type it's stick around to beat the fuck out of the whole
family of your brothers your your mom at least
it taught him how to fight it that's because without that i mean he may have been a football
player yeah no rocky without you know what that's a great point because his dad stuck around beat
the shit out of him taught him how to fight he went into boxing had he not had his dad he may
have gone down this road because he was gonna go go play football. That's true. He was going to go play for Emporia State.
That's correct.
If I remember correctly.
So Keith Wright, he's born June 8th, 1980.
He's a younger guy.
He's so close to my age.
Yeah, he's right around here.
Right around.
He's born in Santa Clara, California.
Beautiful place.
Growing up, holy shit, did this guy have a childhood.
Really?
This is like straight out of the wire again.
Fantastic.
He is like, you remember Wallace,
the kid they killed that raised,
he had like eight brothers and sisters
that he would throw out juice boxes every morning to them
and they lived in a boarded up building.
Some dilapidated shit.
Yeah, boarded up.
It was an abandoned house that had the,
you know, if animal trapped,
call this number sign on it and shit.
Like, that's this guy's upbringing, basically.
I never saw The Wire.
Okay, well, this...
I saw a couple episodes, but I never got real...
I should absolutely...
It's tremendous.
It's the best.
It's Baltimore, right?
I have it on DVD.
It's great.
I'll give it to you.
All right.
Yeah, it's Baltimore.
It's on HBO Go.
Yeah.
So if you want, it's amazing.
Listen, I don't have an HBO Go password.
If anybody wants to tweet me, let us do that.
We'll get it.
Somebody DM Jimmy there.
Sliding my DMs. I don't know what that term is i know it's flirting whatever father completely gone okay he grows up uh with his mom no no dad in southern california that's not so bad
it's okay they moved to palo alto california at age six he grows up in and out of the sacramento
area what what place is in Palo Alto?
That's like... Is it UCLA? No, I think that's Stanford. Stanford. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're
right. You're right. Up in that direction. So he moves there when he's six. They end up in Sacramento
at some point here. That sucks. It's in Sacramento. It's real inner city shithole too. It's really bad.
Mother complete crackhead. Surprise, surprise. Sacramento's a shithole.
It's a shithole.
It sounds beautiful, and it's the capital of California.
It's the capital.
Absolutely.
But it's not fucking California.
It's not great.
No.
It's more like meth-cooking central California than it is like northern San Francisco wine country.
It may as well be fucking Fresno.
It's no good.
It's something like that. It may as well be fucking Fresno. It's no good. It's something like that.
It's basically fucking Reno by the sea.
Come to Sacramento.
Reno by the sea.
Tourism board of Sacramento is going to love us.
Hashtag Sacramento tourism.
It's no fucking, it's no LA.
It's no Santa Clarita. That's what it isn't. It's not fucking Phoenix. It's no fucking, it's no LA. It's no Santa Clarita.
That's what it isn't.
It's not fucking Phoenix.
No.
It's a dump.
Yeah,
so anyway,
so his mother's a crackhead.
It's Phoenix with a beach.
It's Phoenix.
That's what it is.
Do they even have a beach
or is it a little more,
I guess it's kind of by the beach.
It's inland,
I guess.
Reno,
by the sea.
Right,
okay,
so go on.
Reno on the Pacific.
I gotta call,
I'm gonna call Reno
tomorrow morning.
It's Reno with seagulls that eat diapers.
That's what it is.
Diapers and crack rocks that are left behind by Keith Wright's mother, apparently.
I love it.
By age seven, she would have him going to the corner to buy her crack.
Seven years old.
She's already fucked that kid up.
Oh, he's fucked, basically.
He's completely ruined.
He's ruined.
Listen, I have ruined my child in a different way,
where he picked up my phone one day
and was just scrolling through pictures.
A friend of mine, okay, I'll get it real quickly.
A friend of mine was sick
and was telling me that he was going to start
coffee injections into his buttocks.
And I, being a comic, I thought I was going to be funny and send him a picture of somebody
else jamming food in their ass and tell him that the coffee is a gateway drug.
And I found this chick with a corncob in her ass.
Oh, my God.
And I took the picture and I sent it to him, whatever.
But I didn't delete it from my phone.
And my kid is scrolling through my pictures and goes, Daddy, what's this?
So my kid essentially is whatever this guy is and goes, Daddy, what's this?
So my kid essentially is whatever this guy is.
Okay, I know your kid
swings.
Wherever we get to.
I fucked my kid up too.
But I never centered
my crack rocks at seven.
Let's just hope he makes
the Olympics before
he kills a series of women.
Before he kills a series
of college students.
That way we can do
an episode on him.
Let's just hope that happens.
I can't wait.
I'll push him into athletics.
Well, this kid is ruined.
At age nine, he's going down to buy a crack.
$20 worth of crack for his mom.
Unbelievable.
His mom had a nice little score, I guess.
She's going to get a little $20 deal.
That's terrible.
This kid knows what $20 worth of crack looks like.
Yeah.
That's too bad.
He's arguing with the people.
Like, ah, motherfucker.
That ain't right.
That ain't right.
Pull that scale out again, bitch.
I know what an eight ball looks like.
That's a 10.
Give me two of those for 20.
What the fuck you doing, man?
Matter of fact, give me two for three.
Give me three for two.
Because you just tried to fuck me.
You just tried to fuck me.
I want three for two anyway.
Don't short me, motherfucker.
Can you imagine the foul mouth this kid needs to have at that age?
And later on, too, it's funny, too.
We'll get into a coach that talks about that,
where he actually asks the coach not to cuss or some shit.
Really?
Don't curse. Why?
Because it reminds me of my childhood when I was buying Coke for my mom.
He's going down to buy a $20 crack rock, and he gets robbed.
Of course he does.
He gets robbed.
This is on Meadowview Drive in Sacramento.
So if anybody in Sacramento, shout out.
Picture little Keith Wright
getting his $20 crack money robbed on that street. So you can drive right down that street.
You probably already know the street. It's probably the most popular crack street in the town.
It's got to be. It's probably Fremont Street.
We have an in their own words on this robbery here. He says in their own words,
quote, that's when I really lost my childhood. I have come a long way.
A very long way.
I don't think anybody on this team has been through
what I've been through as a child.
No, I don't think they have.
Probably not.
He said that in 2005.
That's a gold quote.
He said that in 2005 in a fluff piece of epic proportions.
Unbelievable.
And it's terrible, too, because it's another one.
Fucking journalists.
Okay, guys.
Journalists.
Yeah.
When you title a fucking article, stop it with the wordplay.
Just stop right goddamn now.
It's not clever.
It's the same idea everyone else had.
If you have that idea, then don't use that idea.
Use your 10th idea that's not good because that's an idea that's original.
Right.
That's the writing tool that you use for comedy.
Yes.
You toss out your first three or four ideas
and then go with your next one.
When you get weird.
Right.
When you're like, that's strange.
That's when it's funny.
This is called Life Headed in the Right Direction.
W-R-I-G-H-T.
You bet your fucking ass.
You pun fucking throwing bastards
you pun bastard
this is from the
East Valley Tribune
in 2005
when he signed
with the Cardinals
East Valley Tribune
from Mesa, Arizona
Mesa, yeah
bastard
so this fucking piece
later on
that son of a bitch
that wrote that
lives in the same town
as I live in
that's embarrassing
yeah and this was
this was going on
just a few short years ago
well 11 but
this was from 2005.
We're still back when he was a kid here.
We're in the 80s in Sacramento at this point.
We're in 87.
We're about 90 right now.
At this point, he figures out how not to get robbed.
He starts getting streetwise because he's like,
all right, I'm sure his mom beat the shit out of him.
An angry crackhead, and you go back to her.
You walk in that door.
She expects crack at that point,
and you're just shrugging your shoulders
with your pockets turned inside out.
She's going to whoop your fucking ass.
A crackhead going through withdrawal.
And your kid comes in,
Sorry, Ma.
Sorry!
Cocaine!
A toothless crackhead.
Eddie Johnson pops out of the bedroom.
Did he bring the cocaine?
No.
It was a fucking disaster. Because I'm sure he was roaming bring the coke? No. Fucking disaster.
I'm sure he was roaming around somewhere at that point.
Positively. So at 10
he decides, you know what?
I didn't want to get robbed. In this game
I see my mom's in the...
I'm going to start selling crack.
That's a good idea. At 10, you want to get
into the crack selling game. So this guy is a
tenured... This is a fucking Spike Lee movie at this point.
Then mom gets to do it for free. Yeah, or at least he can make a little money off mom
because i'm thinking yeah it's another thing he's like i'm going down there i'm buying her crack i'm
not getting shit out of this may as well just be like crack honey i need some crack yeah i'll go
in the back room i've got some back there for you yeah that'll be twenty dollars please i'm sure he
was charging her this is fantastic so yeah kid, he's selling crack at 10.
At this point, like I said, this is a Spike Lee movie.
John Turturro's questioning him dressed as a police detective.
It's very fucking bad.
He gets to the point now where he's like a 10, 11-year-old kid.
He's living in the fucking inner city.
He's living in very impoverished circumstances.
And the role model that he has to look up to
is a complete drug addict. Is a crack addict.
That is completely abandoning
her parental duties.
I assume by now his role models
are whoever he's found. Yeah.
Whoever robbed him lately. Whoever's the best crack dealer.
Now that guy.
Whoever robbed him most recently, he's like,
that guy knows how to rob motherfuckers.
That's what I'm going to learn how to do.
You're right.
I've got to get on this, man.
I've got to get on it.
So he starts at this point in school now.
He is gambling on dice in school.
Oh, my God.
He's like 11 years old.
This is like fifth grade.
He's gambling about $300, $400 a day on dice in school.
He's a hard drug selling
gambling
and bookie essentially too.
With a knot in his pocket.
Unbelievable.
And I'm thinking too, it's like 1990-1991
he's got the newest Jordans probably.
Rocking a white socks hat.
With the new Chronic CD and his fucking Walkman.
I'm picturing a gold
Nike medallion or something like that.
With a fucking marijuana leaf
somewhere. Yeah, yeah. At 11.
I'm sure he did too.
So all of this wonderful behavior
at this point. He also too.
He's also robbing convenience stores.
Doing shit like that.
Robbing places. Robbing people.
He's a fucking 11, 12 years old.
With a crackly voice. He's a little 11, 12 years old. With a crackly voice.
He's a little hellion.
Hey, give me all your money.
Hey, all your money.
Probably not, though, because he's humongous by the time.
Really?
He's fully grown.
He's 6'2", about 290, 300 pounds.
Jesus Christ.
So he's probably fucking 6 foot tall.
Yeah.
Too fucking 40 at this point.
At 13.
At 13.
Go, give me your money.
Yeah.
He's a big guy, I'm sure.
So by the age of 12, he ends up getting arrested for some of his behaviors, drug dealing, robbery, all of these things.
That was how old I was when I stole that fucking...
When you stole the Tough Man game?
When I stole Tough Man for Sega.
Jesus Christ.
But he should have sold crack.
Right.
Because at least he had $400 a day to gamble.
Was he rocking like a big high-top fade or some shit?
We don't have any.
We have no photographic evidence, but I'm sure he had a nice high fade.
With that little line on the right side.
Oh, yeah, I see.
Yeah, I think he'd go with it.
Basically, in your mind, he goes to a kid and plays.
He sees House Party 2 and says, essentially, I need to look like that.
Rocking some cross colors or some shit.
You could do that.
That'd be good for him, I think.
It's a good look for a young man in 1992.
Yeah, but you do stand out when you're robbing a liquor store with cross colors on.
That's true, with giant orange fucking pants on.
And a big cross across the chest with green and yellow and shit.
A big bright yellow Carl Canai shirt.
You like Carl Canai?
That's hilarious.
And some big,
giant,
tongued
British nightshakers.
Christ almighty.
What the hell
is wrong with that?
And the early 90s
are coming back now.
You can't get a pair
of shorts that don't
look like you're
from 1991.
Around this time,
it's ridiculous.
When we were kids,
when our parents
were our ages,
the 70s started
to creep back in.
It's because the people that
control the money right now, that's
what their childhood was, and they're going to
start bringing that shit in. And that's the people in charge of shit.
That's the people in charge of making things.
People in their mid-30s have a little bit of
expendable dough. Assholes.
I don't want to dress like I did when I was 13.
I don't want to dress like that. I don't want to remember
13. I was an asshole. I was a jerk-off back then. I don't want to see it. I don't want to dress like that. I don't want to remember 13. I was an asshole. I was a jerk off back then. I don't want to see it. I don't want to hear about it.
I love New York terms. Christ almighty. So anyway, at this point, he's busted dealing drugs,
robbing convenience stores, being just a menace to society, being a general Spike Lee character.
Yeah, he was. He was arrested for Spike Leary,
which is an interesting charge only in
certain cities. He spends
two years in juvie at this point. Goes to a
juvenile corrections facility
in California. It's a Sacramento
basically reform home, but like an in-house
you know, nasty little
juvie deal. He's there for two
years. I mean, that's a good stint at
that age. That's a bid at that age.
12 to 14.
You're talking about a seventh of your life.
He probably wasn't even jerking off
when he was in it. By the time he came out,
he was ready to... Fully blown loads.
That's a big change.
He came out a different kind of cat.
He came out needing to shave and shave.
Yeah, needing to shave and bust one out
before he fucking hits the world for his day.
He found armpit hair in prison.
That's crazy.
That's what I mean.
Imagine the shenanigans he learned in there
from the other young, upstanding young gentleman.
No doubt.
So he gets out after two years.
Okay, so he's two years.
You figure 12 to 14, he's in there.
He's going to have to get out,
try to be clean up a little bit.
You don't want to go back there.
Not Keith Wright.
He immediately, immediately,
less than a month,
he's arrested for transporting drugs
across state lines.
Wow.
So, I mean, less than a month,
he's even stepping everything up.
He's trafficking now.
He's trafficking.
That's what he learned from being in jail.
He went in there and they were like,
man, you can't just be slinging on the corner
you gotta fucking
take it to another state
you ever seen glow
yeah
you gotta take
this is Reno
by the sea motherfucker
you take it from here
to there
you go to Portland
you go to Wyoming
take it away from the sea
god damn it
you start a fucking
what do they call
the fucking Mexican
mafia thing
cartel
cartel let's start a cartel how do I miss a six Mexican mafia thing? The cartel. Cartel.
Let's start a cartel.
How do I miss a six-letter word?
Let's start a cartel.
That's what he's doing.
A 14-year-old cartel.
The right cartel.
Jesus, what a mess.
So he's given options at this point.
The judge gives him an option.
Not nice when you're 14, you get options, okay?
Yeah.
He can go back to juvie, where he came from,
where he was for two years, which is probably horrible.
Yeah.
Or he cannot be in the custody of the California Youth Authority,
and he can instead go to a place called the Arizona Boys Ranch.
Oh, boy.
Which is north of Tucson, Arizona.
It's a very, very well-known place in Arizona.
This is a well-known place.
They did national stories about it.
It's very big.
Look this up.
This was a huge, huge huge scandal he may have
wanted to just go the fuck back to juvie after we know now what we know well it's really odd how he
reacts to this bill let's talk about the arizona boys ranch for a second where he's sent now this
was a place basically if you've ever watched an episode of maury not a paternity test episode a
bad teenager episode where the kid comes out and they're like, man, fuck my mama.
I don't give a shit.
What the fuck she think?
I'm going to sell crack and I'm going to fuck all the guys I want because I don't care.
I don't care if I get AIDS.
I want a baby.
I'm 12 and I want a baby.
I don't use protection.
I'm 12 and I want a baby.
Your trailer trash little piece of garbage.
The mother's just sitting there going, I just tried to make her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and she
punches me in the
face I don't
understand it I
even cut the crust
off she throws it in
my face so that you
know those and then
they bring out the
guy who's like in
military fatigues and
he's like I'm gonna
stick your head up
your own ass and I'm
gonna make you fart
out a twinkie and
say some crazy shit
and then he drags
him off to some
detention facility for
two weeks where he like makes him off to some detention facility for two weeks
where he like
makes him do crazy calisthenics
and yells at him
in a military-esque environment.
With no gun.
This is that
but for four years.
Holy shit.
This is that
but worse.
So he could go to juvie
for two more years.
Well I think it was
the sentences were the same
but he could either do it here
or you could do it there.
Now here this is actually considered school too okay that's the difference you can this is
actually when you get done with this you have your diploma you get credited yeah you're going
to school too this isn't like a juvenile detention center which then you're kind of shit so so you're
gonna go to a place where instead of the kids picking on you in high school you're gonna go
to a place where the adults pick on the adults are gonna be absolutely horrific to you and they are they've lived life lessons
they know how to get to your fucking right to your core absolutely that place is horrible it's
and and the students here the students or prisoners whatever the fuck you want to call
them at this point they're woken up at 4 a.m the wards of the state 4 a.m wards of the state were woken up at 4 a.m
for two hours of intense physical exercise yeah training as they called it which is basically
military he's a soldier yeah he's a soldier uh they learned 16 but they also learned how to lay
tile and do electrical work hey they got they're getting trades apprenticeships in this fucking
getting trades so they're like we're going to teach you how to be a soldier and mexican those are the two things
you need to learn how to be right now you're gonna be able to be on one of those fucking shows where
they flip houses no fucking problem man and this guy's a huge guy he could have been a character
on one of those shows he chose the wrong path we'll get into his path in a minute here but uh
so he still hasn't even played sports yet.
This is how fucked up his childhood is.
We're about 20-something minutes into this episode.
He has not fucking stepped on a field.
Hasn't touched a fucking ball.
We can't even get there.
The only thing round he's touched is a fucking crack rock.
That's it.
And he's touched a lot of those.
This was a very military yes sir, no sir type of thing.
And at first he didn't
like it obviously because he's kind of from you know a crack selling environment it's a little
looser in the crack selling world uh but then he at the after a while he said it's the best thing
that ever happened to me he said uh sometimes they would make you move a pile of sand for 10 feet for
no reason and he said that that built pride in him oh my god that sounds horrible but
yeah somehow he took pride in that move sand 10 feet move that sand from there to there for no
reason okay it's in the way over there people are tripping over it put it over here put it over here
now while he's in his senior year here hold on i've never even thought about that as a punishment
i'm gonna go get about 500 pounds a punishment. I'm going to go get
about 500 pounds of sand
and I'm going to
fucking make my kid do that.
That's brilliant.
That's like an old school
military prison trick.
That is brilliant.
I saw that in some
Robert Redford movie
where they made him
move a pile of rocks
from on it.
Oh yeah,
the last castle.
It's like to break
your spirit
and you know
to just fuck with you.
And to make you sore
when you wake up.
Because as you're doing it
you're going
but why?
I just don't understand. If somebody makes you even if somebody made you suck their dick at least you know why you're doing
it you know what the intended result is here you're like there's nothing we're not there's
nothing here either it's all desert we're in oracle arizona it's tucson what are we doing here
so when he's a senior he goes, we'll get into where he goes,
but in 1998, this Arizona boy's ranch, a 16-year-old boy died.
Yes, he did.
And it turned out that they were using exercise as punishment in the heat
while he was complaining he was sick,
and the nurse said he was faking and to make him do it, and he died.
If you've never been to Arizona, today it was 110 degrees here.
And that is the norm.
This week, all week long, it's going to be 110.
When did that kid die?
I think he died in June or May.
Okay, June is the hottest month in Arizona.
In 1990, June 26th, we had 122 degrees here.
It happens.
It gets hot as fuck.
Yeah.
Try going outside tomorrow.
The day you're listening to this, go outside tomorrow.
It's summertime right now.
Go outside tomorrow and do 100 jumping jacks
and see if when you're done, you don't want to fucking die.
No matter where you live.
Yeah.
And then picture doing that in 110 degrees or better.
And if you are actually ill, which it turns out this kid was.
Oh, Jesus. he had the flu.
He died.
He had the flu and he's doing jumping jacks
and moving sand.
And after this whole thing,
they did a huge investigation.
They actually indicted
a few of the workers,
like five of these workers from there
on manslaughter charges.
And then they ended up
dropping the charges on them
for some reason
because they did a big investigation.
Dropping them entirely?
Yeah, on these people.
They closed a bunch
of the facilities
because it was a bunch
of these camps.
They closed a bunch of them
and they also had
like 17 of the employees
from around
were put on
like abuse registries
for like abusing kids
and shit.
So it was seriously
a fucked up thing
and they still have them too
by the way.
Look it up.
I saw you can still
send your fucking kid there. Yeah, it's horrible. I'm not sending my boy ever have them, too, by the way. Look it up. I saw you can still send your fucking kid there.
Yeah, it's horrible.
I'm not sending my boy ever.
I don't care what he does.
You shouldn't.
Well, maybe when he starts serially murdering young college students.
Or selling crack rocks.
You never know.
Maybe he's trying to get him back on the straight and narrow.
After that picture, Jimmy, it's going to be your fault.
So send him to a good school, all right?
So Wright is so big, he's a huge guy, that they decide that he needs to play football.
They send him.
He has no interest in football, by the way.
The School for Boys did this?
Yeah.
He doesn't like the game at all.
He has no interest in football.
He doesn't want to play football.
They send him anyway to the Canyon State Academy in Queen Creek, which is outside of Phoenix.
It's like an hour outside of Phoenix.
They thought he'd be able to play football, so they sent him there to play football.
Talk about silver-haired, middle-aged white man just sending 16-year-old giant kids from the ghetto.
Go play for that mother silver-haired, middle-aged white man.
This is the original blindside.
It's fucking ridiculous, man.
No, at least they were doing nice shit for the blindside.
They're sending him to another prison camp.
They were buying... It's a prison. They took him shopping for new rugby shirts, at least they were doing nice shit for the blind side. They're sending him to another prison camp. The academy.
It's a prison.
They took him shopping for new rugby shirts, at least.
He didn't want to play football.
So the coaches and the staff, because he was sent there to play football,
and it's like, well, if you're going to be here, you're going to play football.
As a punishment, they made him sleep on a very, very thin mat on a concrete floor
until he changed his mind.
So after two weeks, they tortured this poor fucking kid
into changing his mind and playing football.
I mean, that's like, you don't want to till the field?
Okay, fine.
This is like a total slave tactic.
It's fucking ridiculous.
That's Chinese water torture.
As much of a, as we'll get into this,
but as much of a complete and utter piece of shit this guy is,
like, this pisses me off that they would do that.
You know,
you're going to play football for me.
He's a giant man
that they're making lay
on a very thin mat
on a concrete floor
where you feel every fucking pebble
Yeah.
through that goddamn mat.
And your sleep
is so important.
And he's 290 pounds.
290 pound man sleeping
on a thin mat.
There's physical activity to do here.
Yeah.
So when he started playing football, once he finally
gave in, he never played football before
and all the other kids, they were older, you know, this is
14, 15 year olds, 16 year olds.
And now you've got a pissed off man
that sleeps a prime and he's gonna
fuck you up. Well he was like embarrassed
at first. I got an in their own words here from him.
In their own words, quote
I was lost. You'd think it's
so simple to put on shoulder pads or
to slide pads into your pants but i didn't know how to do any of it all the kids were laughing at
me so he's like just this big kid going i don't know how pads work which i can understand he never
played before he's like i don't know how the hell these are which do they back these are shoulder
pads right you know which way they go on you know what i mean like out there in podcast world picture the shoulder pads thigh pads are thicker than my bed absolutely now here we get into the
silver-haired middle-aged white man of the week we didn't get one last we didn't well tommy morrison
kind of they were all just once he started turning bad everybody just didn't like him yeah
he's an asshole turn their backs on him anyway it was weird the individual sports they do that because they'll just move on to the next guy and
a team sport that's i don't know what it is it's like we need to but we have canyon state athletic
director and he was also a line coach defensive line coach with uh keith here jay reichenberger
he's our silver-haired middle-aged white man of the week he's as German as they come he said quote about Keith
he had the most natural pass rush I ever saw in a kid
but the biggest thing was he was a respectful kid
I'm not saying Keith wouldn't get a little
obstinate at times but he did things when we asked
Keith will tell you this place saved him
but we didn't change him
he changed himself
that is a hardcore single silver haired middle aged white man
that sounds very very
third reich it's ridiculous and he's also he keeps going here That is a hardcore single, silver-haired, middle-aged white man. That sounds very, very Third Reich.
It's ridiculous.
And he's also, I mean, he keeps going here.
He says that this was in 2005.
This came from the fluff piece here.
He said that he keeps in contact with him up until 2005 here.
Reichenberger said, if I use a curse word, Wright will say,
Coach, you really shouldn't say that.
So total Eddie Haskell at this
point. Reminds me of my childhood, coach. Let's try
not to do that. Let's try not to cuss.
Hey, you know, there was this large, large
man that used to tell me to move that motherfucking
sand. Yeah.
Could you just say, hit this tackling
dummy? Do you need any crack at all?
Shit, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It just comes out sometimes.
I forget.
I just... I want to sell crack.
I don't know why.
It's just...
It's so much easier than moving sand.
I have to.
I just want to sell crack.
So he actually graduates from this school in 1998.
He has a high school diploma.
He puts in four years.
Four years.
I mean, this is...
That's a rough high school.
Like, that's...
That's shit high school.
Yeah.
Hard labor with a bunch of fucking other hardened shitheads.
I was fucked with all through high school, right up until, well, very similar.
I sold weed a lot.
Yeah.
I think that's past the statute of limitations.
I would assume.
I sold weed to kids, and when people found out that I had weed,
that's when I started becoming popular and usable and friendly.
That's when people liked me.
But until then, my sophomore and junior year of high school,
people kicked the shit out of me constantly.
I luckily got a two- or three-year reprieve from all of that.
This man went four years of getting his ass kicked every fucking day,
and he was three times the size of me
luckily for him he was 290 pounds like you said he was three times your size you didn't have that
luxury of being able to tackle a man away from you so he graduates in 98 which is amazing good
for him right he's got something going on he actually goes to arizona western college
i don't even know where the fuck that is. It's in Yuma.
But it sounds...
Oh, God.
Yeah.
Imagine spending your time in Yuma.
But even from Tucson, that's a step down.
He's like on the...
And Tucson sucks.
He's on a shit tour of the worst cities in America.
And this place, too.
Arizona Western College sounds like one of those colleges that's made up for a comedy movie.
Yeah.
Where Scott Bakula plays quarterback for a team.
Like, I go to Arizona Western.
It's not a real college.
What are you talking about?
It's like whatever was in fucking Necessary Roughness.
Exactly.
That's what I think it was like.
Texas West or some horseshit.
I think it had like Tech in it too.
Texas Tech Western or some shit.
They had to make up some combination
that didn't exist of Texas colleges.
Texas A&M Tech or some shit.
Yeah, some horse shit.
So he goes there.
Now, he goes with five of the ranch boys, too.
Five of the guys from the school, from the reform, whatever the fuck you want to call it.
He talked five dudes into going with him.
They all go there.
No, they must have recruited there.
That's what they did.
Because who the hell else is going to go to a college in Yuma to play football?
And if you're the fucking athletic director there,
that's a brilliant move.
Yeah. Because you're getting hardened criminals.
These kids are tough.
That are straight up killers.
They're tough.
These kids, no one's getting,
they're not pushing these kids around.
You're going to put them on your fucking offensive line.
So, as a freshman,
they go on a team trip to Mexico.
Yeah.
It's a bus ride.
All six of the boys' ranch kids get in a big brawl with each other.
Oh, that's dangerous.
They get in a big, just each other.
Yeah.
Like, they just start fighting amongst themselves, which is hilarious.
So, it's a big fracas.
They all get in trouble, whatever.
Anyway, after his freshman year at Arizona Western, he has a dispute with the head coach.
Doesn't like the head coach.
They have to get into some shit.
Real quick, going back to the brawl,
like, what sets that off?
You know what I mean?
Who the fuck knows?
These people have been together a long time.
And I imagine old habits die hard.
I imagine they've been, like,
filing down toothbrushes and shit
on the bus, on the ride in.
I don't know how many shankings
happened on that bus.
You eat that cornbread
and that shit going on. Yeah, there's a trail of bodies down the fucking,ankings happened on that bus you can eat that cornbread and that shit going on
there's a trail of
bodies down the
I can't even imagine
down the Chihuahua
I wish I would have
watched that
that would actually be
surveillance footage
from a six man
throwing beds
six man football team
bus fight
that would have been
amazing
holy crap
I wish I would have
seen it
that sounds like a
really good idea
for a wrestling match
we're going to put
six guys inside of a
picture of Vince
McMahon coming out we're going to put six guys inside of a picture of Vince McMahon coming out.
We're going to put six guys in a bus.
It's going to be amazing.
This is essentially the plot.
It's playing out the way every fucking football movie ever plays out.
Oh, God, yeah.
This is the program.
This is every 90s college overdramatic.
There's always infighting.
Absolutely.
There's always a brawl at a bar.
Somebody laid in the middle of the road Will cars stream by him
Or some shit like whatever crap movie that's from
They go and fucking punch the opposing
Fucking badass on the other team
They're stealing mascots
Yeah
So he mercifully
Gets himself out of Yuma
After his freshman year
And transfers to Sacramento City College
For his sophomore year.
So he's going home.
Doesn't sound like a big college.
Probably a bad idea, yeah.
But he actually does really well here.
He has 14 sacks that year and is an All-American.
Wow.
Not like a first team, but he's one of the All-Americans.
So, I mean, he made a name for himself there.
Such a good name for himself that he started being recruited by major universities to transfer there.
So, I mean, we're picking up.
He's gone from juvenile hall to a shitty ranch to a shitty college to a less shitty college
to now to a real college.
It's easy to stand out in those places, I imagine, if you've got some kind of talent.
And he had some kind of talent.
I mean, he was on the way up.
While he was touring colleges, he stopped at university of arizona in tucson
all right made a stop there where him and a group of the recruits were accused and arrested of
stealing a bunch of shit from the u of a campus because you know they bring a bunch of recruits
in at the same time to show them around apparently they went on some kind of robbery binge books
they got who knows what they were stealing i mean so they got pencils get them right
of course claim that it was all of the other recruits but he had nothing to do with it this
that always comes up where he's like hey it wasn't me it was everybody else but i was just i was i
was telling them not to but then they did it anyway he claimed it was the other recruits
and went to trial actually didn't plead or anything he went to fucking trial and was found
guilty and received probation.
So they were going to give him like a community service type thing,
but he was already committed
to the University of Missouri
by this point.
He went to Mizzou.
Yes, he ended up at Missouri,
so they had to give him probation here.
It was a pretty short probation,
luckily for him.
Kid can't catch a break,
but at least it's short.
At least it's short.
He's trying here.
Nothing in his life goes well, though.
It really doesn't.
He's a series of like up a hill, fall off the cliff, up a hill, fall off a cliff.
This happens to him.
And it's, I mean, he started with a crackhead mother and no father.
So, I mean, at this point, he's in college.
He's beat the odds.
Yeah.
I mean, where he started, the odds of him ending up at the University of Missouri on on a scholarship that's incredible our fucking nil sure didn't happen to me slim to none yeah
so he's doing great uh his junior year he's in missouri he has 68 tackles which is fantastic
yeah they move him to the at this point he was a defensive end uh-huh in uh in high school and
in early college like when he played at sacramento it's 12 games in college, right? It depends on what team
you are.
It was 12, 13,
now they're scheduling
a little bit more.
And Mizzou is
Midwestern or is that SEC?
No, I think it's,
aren't they SEC, Mizzou?
They might be SEC.
Yeah, isn't that where
Michael Sam went?
Didn't he go to Missouri?
Yes.
Yeah, and that was SEC
because I can't say
who's SEC.
So SEC,
that's a big fucking conference.
If I'm wrong,
I'm not a huge
college football fan.
I like old college football.
I know that shit.
He has 68 there.
Also, he has 68. Things are looking up.
Junior season and also he's arrested.
Again, junior season.
Obviously because he's got to get arrested.
He's arrested for using a stolen credit card at a gas station.
Oh my god.
Now he claims it's his roommate's card which seems like that'd be a very easy thing to clear up.
Yeah.
Like that would not take long to clear up.
Like, oh no, no, no.
I gave it to him and said he could borrow it.
Totally cool.
Over.
Done and over with.
But don't think that happened because he ends up pleading guilty to a misdemeanor charge.
Oh God.
And he gets a...
So he totally stole it.
He totally stole it.
Gets a suspended sentence out of this.
Thank God that probation wasn't too long.
No doubt.
Because then he'd be going back to Arizona in another work camp.
Locked up in another boy's room.
They are SEC.
They are SEC.
That's what I thought.
Okay, so he marries his girlfriend, Lori, in 2001.
So, I mean, hey, things are going okay here.
He's still in college, though.
He's still in college, but, I mean, he's got a girlfriend and he's in college.
He's married.
He's trying to build a stable life here. He's trying to build
some course. Trying to settle himself down and keep out
of fucking jail. Think about his life.
I think maybe he's like, I'm going to try to
set myself some sort of stability.
I just have to not get arrested for a while
here. When I grew up, I saw
my mother not have a husband
and I would like to
have a stable life. I'm in college.
Nobody in my family, I'm assuming, has gotten there.
I should get myself into a marriage that's stable
and have a fucking stable life.
I'd like my kids to not have to purchase crack for their life.
That's what I'd like to do.
That would be the ideal of what we're going for here.
That would be something to celebrate.
So 2002, he has 92 tackles and six sacks.
That's incredible.
That's great.
That's a really, really good season. Six sacks? Six sacks has 92 tackles and six sacks. That's incredible. That's great. That's a really, really good season.
Six sacks?
Six sacks and defensive tackles.
I mean, that's mainly a run-stopping position anyway.
Most guys don't get that in the NFL in the season.
No, six sacks, 92 tackles is a great year at defensive tackle in college
because it's a shorter season, too.
Insane.
He's projected to be a third or fourth round pick in the 2003 NFL draft.
That's huge.
I saw his scouting report.
He had a 4.8840-yard dash, which is fucking great for a guy who's 300 feet. pick in the 2003 NFL draft. That's huge. I saw his scouting report.
He had a 4.88 40-yard dash, which is fucking great for a guy who's 300 pounds.
For 300 pounds. That's a quick guy.
That's really fast.
I don't know that I could run that.
No, you couldn't run that.
I guarantee you you couldn't run that.
That's amazing.
You would probably, your heart would explode at 38 yards.
I can't believe his didn't.
No.
From buying crack rocks to third or fourth round projected pick.
That's incredible.
That's great.
He's got a wife.
Things are looking up.
That's insane.
He's rated 15th out of 41 defensive tackles at NFLDraftScout.com.
This is a guy that's been playing football for six years.
Yeah, he hasn't been playing until his junior year of high school.
Yes, I mean, that's not bad at all.
He graduates Missouri, gets two degrees.
I mean, he's now graduated from college.
I am blown away right now.
No father, crackhead mother.
Right there, your chances of graduating from a university are about...
Minimal crimes.
Yeah.
I mean, apart from drugs.
Well, he was selling drugs and robbing convenience stores.
Apart from that shit. Stealing credit cards. Once he went into prison. Robbing shit on the campus. All right. He was selling drugs and robbing convenience stores. Apart from that shit.
Stealing credit cards.
Once he went into prison.
Robbing shit on the campus.
All right.
He's done some crimes.
He's done some stuff.
But he's trying to clean it up.
I get the other stuff.
I get it.
In college, minimal crimes.
Minimal crimes.
Where he came from, I get it.
It's amazing, though, when you're going on a recruiting trip to maybe go to a college,
you decide, well, I think I'll steal some shit from here.
That's insane to me.
That will be had.
That is mine.
Unfortunately for him, he does not get selected in the third or fourth round of the draft.
He goes in the sixth round of the 2003 draft.
Still great.
He's still got a chance.
You're still on the roster at that point.
You get signed to a deal.
It's the very end of the sixth round.
He gets drafted by the Houston Texans, who at that year were an expansion team.
That was their first year.
So this is their extra expansion pick.
All right.
So he's like an extra pick.
That's beautiful.
He's number 214 overall, but whatever.
He's in the league, man.
213 men got into the NFL that year.
Hey, you're in the league.
Who was number one that year?
That was Carson Palmer.
Carson Palmer.
Carson Palmer from USC to the Cincinnati Bengals.
Four picks ahead of him was David Tyree, who's the Giants' receiver.
Oh, the fucking helmet catcher.
Who caught the ball on his head, which is kind of funny, in the sixth round.
Nothing of note after him.
Only kicker Josh Brown went in the seventh, who's a half-decent kicker.
He's decent.
Played for the Giants.
Is he still with the Giants?
I don't even know where Josh Brown is anymore.
He kicked around.
Another guy that went to the Giants. Two guys at the Giants. Is he still with the Giants? I don't even know where Josh Brown is anymore. He kicked around. Another guy that went to the Giants.
Two guys at the Giants that late in the draft.
Yeah, that's...
I only know how to pick them late, I guess.
Even though Tyree, that was his only playing note in the entire...
I think he's out of the NFL already.
He never played another down after that catch.
That was his last...
That's it.
But I mean, hey, way to go out, right?
That's the best fucking way to go out.
Go out on top right there.
Go out with the fucking ring.
So he signs with Houston a three-year $925,000 contract.
This is for 03-04-05.
925.
He's making $300,000 and about $7,000 a year.
Pretty much.
I don't make that.
The only thing, it's a $42,500 bonus, but in the NFL this is not guaranteed money.
That's the other thing, too.
You've got to go through it.
You've got to be on the team yeah to get paid so uh now uh he uses his bonus money puts it down and buys a house in sacramento for his family so he's trying to make a nice little
in sacramento playing for houston well he's from sacramento he wants to maybe he's got it you know
his mom needs him to go down to the corner and get crack for her. She's very old by now
and she's feeble
and she can't buy
her own crack anymore.
Picture her mom
with one of those
old lady carts
like they have
with just,
you know,
I'm going to get
my crack, dear.
Going to get my crack
and tinfoil
and my fucking
I need to go get
my Brillo pad.
My Brillo pad.
I'll see you later.
So,
at this point too,
as we go,
his rookie season
does not go great,
as we'll get into here.
Kind of expected that.
July 30th.
Now, this is training camp in July.
We have not started the official season, haven't played games yet.
July 30th, he is injured, twists his knee,
and this lingers through training camp.
He pulls his hamstring three days later.
Oh, God.
Doesn't play in a scrimmage.
The knee keeps him out for a couple of preseason games and practices.
Who would have thought this guy wouldn't be conditioned?
I mean, he's been in the summer heat in Arizona.
He should be in great condition.
This man is tested.
So, on August 31st of that year, he is waived by the Texans.
He's already shit-canned.
Next day, they signived by the Texans. He's already shit-canned.
Next day, they sign him to the practice squad.
Now, practice squad, if you're not a football fan,
that is basically their minor league team, pretty much.
They have, I think it's like 10 guys they get to keep.
You want to keep this guy so other teams don't sign him because you think maybe you'll be able to use him in the future.
But right now, you don't have room for him on your active roster,
so he's a practice squad guy.
Was Carr the quarterback then?
I think so.
Yeah, I think he was.
So he essentially is the guy that, like, if Carr is injured,
they're using him to scrimmage and play against for the backup quarterback
so the backup quarterback is ready to play.
Yeah, they're playing against the practice squad and throwing him.
They're red-shirting.
There's no hard hits, but he's getting close to them
and pushing them down and stuff and knocking them around.
So September 2nd, he's waived from the practice squad too,
which is so odd.
They just decide that the next day.
August to September, goodbye.
No, I don't think so.
See you later.
So he's drafted.
Everything's great.
He's buying a house.
I have no job. A month later. So he's drafted. Everything's great. He's buying a house. I have no job.
A month fucking later, he's out.
November 10th of 2003, he signs with the Colts practice squad.
Oh, that's nice.
So the practice squad, they're probably making $60,000 a year or something like that, which
is not great, but he's got a job.
Yeah.
It's better than selling crack.
Yeah.
We'll say that.
No doubt.
Better than robbing a convenience store.
He ends up getting released there.
He's signed by the Bucs in 2004.
2004, his son is born.
Oh, happy moment.
Happy moment.
Very happy.
He's bouncing around from practice squad to practice squad.
But a happy moment there.
The Bucs, he sticks around in the Bucs for a year.
He's released in summer of July 27, 2005.
He's released from the Bucs.
He was actually on the Bucs active roster
and he was on the Colts active roster too.
He wasn't just on practice squads there. That's great.
Has zero NFL stats.
He does not have a tackle.
He does not have a fumble
recovery. Nobody on that defensive
line got injured. Like he never
existed. Wow. He was on teams
on the roster standing there. His
helmet shiny.
Got a scratch on it.
Pristine chin strap.
I don't even remember what his number was.
I wonder if he had the same number at every team.
Or they were just like, no.
Probably not.
Who knows?
He's a defensive tackle.
They probably still gave him like, you're like 18.
I know it's against the rules, but we don't want to give you your right number.
You're a loser.
So at this point, he's a father.
And Reichenbacher
the silver our silver-haired middle-aged white man just says that keith is the most amazing father
he's first to jump in and feed that baby or change him he said quote he's changed every year since
i've met him but especially now that he's a father it's so important to him what he saw growing up
he didn't want to repeat that in his adulthood oh well, well, good for him. Good for him. He's just, he's a solid guy
there. Just a great father. The picture I'm saying, though,
with the German accent.
That would be amazing, by the way. His hair
flipping around and he's raising a fist
and a fucking goofy salute
every time. He's changed every year! Every year!
He's going crazy.
My God. So he's signed
in 2005 by the Arizona Cardinals on August 5th.
And this is where we get the fluff piece.
Coming back to Arizona.
That was like, hey, he's going to make the Cardinals.
This is great.
He does not make the Cardinals.
In the article, he says he wants to get a good NFL contract so he can buy some land and build a group home.
That's his goal.
He wants to build a group home. He's his goal. He wants to build a
group home. He wants to counsel troubled kids. I want to beat the shit out of kids because I
get the shit beat out of me. I am going to teach them exactly how you make every last penny out
of crack. Yeah. Let me see. If you have, you get yourself this much cocaine, I'm going to show you
how to really stretch it. Teach him how to work a triple beam. Most crack for your dollar. That's
what he's looking for here. Learn that from Master P.
That's it. You gotta get it, man.
So his quote about this,
in their own words, is, quote,
I've seen what crack does to families.
I've seen the effects of it. People will sell the food
from their house or the clothes off their back.
They'll sell their bodies for a rock.
So he said, he's trying, he's like,
hey, I gotta, I'm gonna help the kids, man.
But he's very aware of what can happen.
Oh, he knows.
He knows.
And thank God he wasn't really, really into crack.
Yeah, no doubt.
Because he would have done even worse things than he fucking did,
which is hard to actually imagine.
Hard to top, yeah.
So Reichenberger here, he's just so proud of Keith at this point,
bouncing from team to team.
It doesn't matter.
He says, Keith's biggest accomplishment is not playing football he's survived he's not selling crack on
the street corner that is the silver harris yeah fucking statement ever that's just such a white
older man like hey he should be selling crack on the street corner with the rest of those monkeys
running around he should be lucky to be unemployed like you can hear
the racist and like the racism in his voice like he did what he said isn't racist but you know and
you can just tell like i know what you meant motherfucker like that's it's coming through
like archie bunker would you know what i mean like alionel you're one of the good ones you
could be uh selling crack out of the good one you know that's how he would say it. It's a complete fucking Archie Bunker moment.
What a dick.
But it's like,
are you really just gonna say
he should be lucky to be unemployed?
That's what you just said.
He's just hoping his son is
big and stupid and gets in trouble
so he can come play football for him at the fucking
juvenile facility.
And I can say fucking veiled racist shit about him, too.
Yeah, so this article, you know, I mean, all systems go for the Cardinals.
He's going to be a Cardinal until August 29, 2005,
about three weeks later when he gets released by the Cardinals.
Yeah, not great.
He remains unemployed until January 14, 2006.
So you've got about four months, three months of him unemployed.
Or he signs a two-year, and this is called a future contract with Tampa Bay.
This is where NFL Europe comes in because this is like their minor league system, the NFL, with NFL Europe.
He's a two-year future contract, base salaries of $310,000 for 2006, $385,000 for 2007.
So if he can make teams and play...
That's a payday.
That's more money he's ever made in his fucking life than he could use it.
So, good lord.
He's got a kid for...
He's got kids.
He's going to have lawyers.
He's got a lot of problems.
He needs to buy some Pampers.
Absolutely.
And put some in the bank for this kid.
No doubt.
When you're not around anymore.
So, Tampa Bay, they assign him to the Hamburg Sea Devils of NFL Europe.
Sounds great.
Yeah, Hamburg, Germany.
So you're going to Germany to play for a team called the Sea Devils.
He can use Reichenbacher.
Yeah, Reichenbacher's got some connections.
Reichenberger, whatever it was.
Reichenberger's going to be...
Who gives a shit?
Reichenberger.
He's used to the German accent, so that's a good place for him.
It's perfect.
Reichenberger, who I believe was, what, the Ministry of Propaganda, I believe.
Third Reich.
Once, yeah, so, Raoul Reichenberger there.
God, I love that guy.
He's such a jackass.
What a horrible man.
So, September 2nd, 2006, the Bucs release him.
So, he didn't last long there in that little contract, about nine months.
I assume he played for NFL Europe because that was a spring league, summer league.
And then when they brought him to training camp, the second two, that's like last wave of cuts.
So he almost made the team.
It was down to the last four guys, and they're like, we can keep this guy or this guy.
Yeah, we're cutting right.
Fuck him.
Get rid of old Crack Rock.
Yeah, get rid of old Crack Rock there.
Yeah, but come on.
He's my crack cook-off. Yeah, but come on, he's my
crack cook-off.
When I'm in
Sacramento, where
else am I going
to get Crack
Coach?
Oh, don't
worry, he'll be
there.
Don't worry, he's
on the corner.
He'll be on the
street corner.
Just ask
Reichenberger where
to find him.
Go find that $40,000
house he bought.
God, they've
fallen apart and
shit.
Yeah.
Probably look like
the Clopex house
from the Burbs.
Yeah, it's the
house he grew up
in.
It probably is.
He bought it to have memories of that,
or he has, like, bodies buried under the fucking basement.
So October 18, 2006, he signs with the Detroit Lions practice squad.
Wow.
Yay, right?
That's a good deal.
He is running practice squads.
December 12, 2006, released by the Lions practice squad.
That's right.
Not great.
They should just call him Practice Squad, right?
Practice Squad Keith over here.
Yeah, no doubt.
It's either Practice Squad or Crack Rock, either one,
whichever you want your nickname to be.
So Bill Bradley, who is not Bill Bradley, the senator,
and the ex-New York Knick, Bill Bradley,
the director, he's the director of some sports website,
and they were asking him about Keith Wright after he had some incidents later on some incidents later on what they say and he said this guy's bounced around he's seen a lot of
nfl that's what life is for a lot of nfl players you're trying to stick with one team or catch on
with another if you can't and that's what it is like you see the nfl players and you see your
peyton mannings and you see your these guys getting giant andrew lux and these guys luck
that motherfucker these guys are getting giant contracts,
and they're getting all this attention.
They're on a million commercials.
But for that, there's 53 guys on the team,
49 of which you don't fucking recognize.
Didn't they up it to like 72 or some shit like that now?
That's your active roster is 53.
So you have your practice squad guys beyond that.
They're technically on your team, but they're not active.
So your 53-man active roster.
Yeah, so it's...
There's still
a shitload of guys
that are going to
bounce everywhere.
There's like 49 guys
where you don't know
who they are.
Right.
Well, you've got
your Larry Fitzgerald
that stays in place
for the fucking
whole career.
Yeah, and you have
a lot of your
solid offensive linemen
that you've never heard of
that will play
for the same team
for 10, 12 years
will bounce around
but get good contracts. And then you have a bunch of journeymen that fill it in
that special teamers guys who just you know practice squad to practice squad keith wright
is the norm in the nfl wow this is what most of the players are like that most of the players
aren't the other way so anything this is how that most of the time and it went up and you think you
want to be in the nfl college football, and then this.
Then you get to the rookie symposium.
Whatever the word is.
Symposium.
Symposium, that's it.
We'll mix a few more words.
You go to the rookie symposium, and then they tell you about this shit,
and you're like, this isn't what I signed up for.
What the hell is this about?
I'm going to go use these two degrees that I got.
That's the other thing.
Why the fuck isn't he using those?
Well, he's trying.
He's still living, trying. Yeah, still he using those? Well, he's trying. He's still, he's living,
trying to play out that.
Still in his prime.
Yeah, he's still 20,
what is he,
26 years old at this point?
25 years old.
So he's 26
after the Lions released him.
So he's still thinking,
I'm going to try.
Now, that's it
for football though for him.
He's done with football.
At some point
between 2006 and 2010,
he's arrested
for a felony of some kind. Now have i oh my god i can't tell
you how much i tried to find this yeah and how exactly deep i went for this i cannot find out
what the hell it was i can't unless i want to like pay money to the state of california for
so it was in california it's probably it's definitely in California because I know this because his DNA was taken.
This is the only reason I know this, and it's going to come up later, the fact that his DNA was taken and it's on record.
It's kept on file at the Department of Justice's National DNA Database. a criminal case that involves somebody that is not wanting to be outed as a victim,
they oftentimes bury those and you have to pay for those.
I don't know what...
It's just not public record.
Some felony that required him to give DNA to the Department of Justice's database.
All right.
So that's what we're going with here.
It was a bad fucking felony.
So something happened, but he didn't go to prison. No i don't know what if it got dropped i don't know what
happened but something happened i would love to know but really there's just not a whole lot on
this guy fucking reporters were not on top of their game with this bastard so that's fine that's
up till 2010 2011 we're in sac. Shit starts to get a little dicier
on the Sacramento area.
July 21st, 2011, there's a home invasion.
Uh-oh.
And this is in the Natomas.
I don't know how you say that.
Natomas?
It's N-A-T-O-M-A-S.
Natomas?
Natomas?
Natomas, we'll say.
All right.
Natomas area, okay?
Intruder broke in,
threatened the people with a gun
stole their property
stole their money
basic home invasion
yeah yeah
type shit
a giant man I imagine
yeah this happens
the description is
of a very large black man
that uh
you know
was screaming
screaming fuck the bucks
fuck Detroit
he had a Detroit hat
a bucks shirt
Arizona Cardinals sweatpants, and Houston Texan fucking cleats.
And his shoulder pads were on backwards.
He didn't know how to put them on.
And he had crack rocks dangling out of his pocket.
So that was the description of the guy, or at least the big and black part.
So a couple weeks go by
uh our little time goes by here august 8th 2011 there's another home invasion in the anatomous
area same thing he has a revolver the same deal the revolvers big guy suspect at this time this
is a couple from uh qatar the country in the middle east right right? Or Qatar. I think it's Qatar. Qatar, whatever.
So he steals Qatari currency from them.
Okay?
Now, this is not a normal thing in Sacramento.
There's not a lot of Qatari currency.
It's not normal anywhere in America.
No, not at all.
So they steal that from them,
and that's going to come back a little bit later.
Now, August 20th...
As he goes to the fucking exchange place to get American shit you are ahead of your game jimmy because the way this breaks
down but they don't find anything yet now august 21st 2011 this is 13 days later there's another
home invasion 2 a.m officers sacramento police respond to the homecoming apartments at 4800 Kokomo Drive in Sacramento.
Somebody's getting desperate.
Yes.
Calls for a home invasion.
Suspect is said to have entered through an unlocked door.
And this one is bad.
There's a sexual assault.
Oh, no.
He holds her at gunpoint, sexually assaults her.
There's forces her to perform oral sex with a gun to her head.
Oh no.
Yeah, whole deal.
Robs her,
steals her money.
That's gotta be the worst way to give a blowjob.
Jesus Christ.
Robs her, steals her money,
then takes her,
makes her drive
to the fucking ATM
to different banks
and tries to make her
withdraw money.
Yes.
After he just aimed
a gun at her head
and forced her to
suck his dick.
And also had sex with her I believe too. And now he's kidnapped her on top of that the only worst way to give a
blowjob is soaked in gasoline while the fucking guy with the boner is holding a lighter no like
there's no other way lord a fucking gun pressed against your head oh shit with a cock in your
mouth or that sounds horrific or if it's mel hall and he's just taking
over your parents bedroom that's the other way it would be really bad yeah or with a dish towel
over your head or a dish towel over your head and a seven foot two tom pain pinning you down in your
back seat of your car so this fuck this guy at this point now uh this this is a serious deal
here yeah and by the way the the second ATM withdrawal was unsuccessful for $300.
So at least he's not even robbing, he's not even picking good targets.
Right.
He's like, I don't have any more.
Yeah, I don't have any more.
He's like, what?
What the fuck?
So after the sexual assault.
You broke bitch.
You broke ass bitch, god damn it.
So he leaves some DNA behind.
A lot.
In the house, apparently, which is.
It's probably dripping everywhere.
It's going to come in helpful if only it's somebody with the DNA in the house, apparently, which is probably dripping everywhere. If only it's somebody
with the DNA in the registry.
Luckily it is, and luckily
we find out this idiot,
fucking Keith Wright, as dumb as he is,
becomes a suspect
after he tries to exchange
the Qatari money,
which is a reali, I believe
it's called,
and he tries to go to just a run of the mill exchange
place
fucking checks for cash or whatever
it is yeah he just runs into whatever you can get
an exchange he's with a woman
also the woman gives an address
her real address
like a fucking idiot give a fake
give an address of a motel
something don't give a PO box
that somebody else's.
Real address.
Now, and the authorities, when they hear Qatari money was stolen, they put a thing out to all the people.
And all the exchange places going, hey, if you get any giant black guys coming in with Qatari currency, give us a fucking little ring a ding if you would.
Because probably going to be wanting to talk to that guy.
We'd like to ask him a question or a couple of questions here my question is too if you've a foreign currency
exchange sounds super shady like if you can't count on them to be a little shady who the
fuck can you count on here's the other thing too if if somebody's got foreign currency throw that
shit away yeah what are you doing that's what i. He didn't even know if a pile of that
is equal to $3.
That's the risk
he took to get caught.
He's like,
I don't even know
what the fuck this shit is.
There's some guy
with a turban on it.
I don't know.
I'm going to take it in.
If I get Canadian cash
change back
and change accidentally
from somebody
that doesn't know
the difference,
I'm just out a quarter
and I just flick that shit out.
You're trying to pass it off
at the grocery store.
I'm going to fuck somebody else's day off? Yeah. No. Who gives a shit? Get that shit out. You're trying to pass it off at the grocery store. I'm going to fuck
somebody else's day up?
Yeah.
No.
Just who gives a shit?
Get rid of it.
You're trying to slip it
by a soda machine
at that point.
Your day's ruined.
You can't buy shit with it.
Oh, God, Jesus.
That's the address
the girl lives at.
The authorities are like,
well, let's check
that address out.
And what do they find
on August 29, 2011?
A giant black man?
They find a giant guy named Keithith right there it's at the
corner of san juan road and duckhorn drive in sacramento if you guys want to go see where
they took old keith right down anybody from there uh he is arrested for this uh the dna is they're
working on that this year put in a real rush to see if that matches once they get him and i would
have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those meddling kids.
Oh, yeah, they pulled off a mask.
And that goddamn Qatari money.
He was masquerading as an 82-year-old white man.
And they pulled the mask off him, and he was a 300-pound, 28-year-old black guy.
It was the weirdest thing.
An 80-year-old spirit.
He's like, I don't know what you kids are talking about.
And then they pulled the mask off.
He's like, I wouldn't want to weigh with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids.
And the goddamn lions and the fucking bucks. God damn it. And they pulled the mask off. He's like, I wouldn't want to weigh with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids. And the goddamn lions
and the fucking bucks.
God damn it.
And the fucking Texans.
All those bastards cutting me.
Give me my Cardinal underwear.
So he's arrested here.
There's no bail.
No.
Clearly.
So now.
I would fucking hope not.
No bail.
He knows he's taken.
He knows he has DNA on file.
And he knows they have DNA.
And he knows about the Qatari currency.
He's in deep shit at this point.
What about his wife and kid?
Think about his wife and kid.
He's got, like, what's his kid, six years old, seven years old at this point?
Thinking of dad as, like, this superhero, and he wants to build group homes.
And the girl, too, when she married him, seemed like a great guy.
He's thought, you know, he's kicking around. Rags to riches shit. Rags to, too, when she married him seemed like a great guy. He's kicking around.
Rags to riches shit.
Rags to riches.
She's sticking with him.
It's all right if you don't make the NFL.
We'll take care of kids and getting a group home and all that.
You get blowjobs at gunpoint?
These people, yeah.
This poor woman
got to give a fucking gunpoint blowjob,
for Christ's sake,
which is the worst thing I can think of.
She's giving gunpoint blowjobs.
There's poor immigrants
who come to this country to make a better start they're having giant guys run into their house
with crack rocks falling out of their pockets lift their useless fucking money off of them
lion's hats falling in their living room and now i mean i feel bad for all these people
i feel really really bad for these people but not nearly as bad as I feel for some of these people.
Like Keith Wright, the purchasing manager at Summit Systems, a telecommunications firm in the greater Atlantic area.
Keith Wright is a U.K. true crime author.
All right.
A book called Addressed to Kill.
He's got a million books.
I just thought that was the first one to put up.
He should read up on this fellow that we know named Keith Wright.
Keith Wright. Yeah, just write about
him exclusively. Do some investigation.
Find out what happened between 2006
and 2010, please, because I'd really like
to know. Google yourself, motherfucker.
Jesus. Keith Wright, New York City
Assemblyman from the 70th District,
which is Harlem. He was challenging for
Charles Rangel's seat a little while ago
and lost in a race. Because people Googled
him and were like, this motherfucker gets
gunpoint blowjobs.
He's raping people.
Shit.
Fuck him and his
gunpoint blowjobs.
I'm not electing him to shit.
Actually, that's the guy
you send to Washington.
Yeah, no doubt.
You want to get shit done?
You send the guy
who makes gunpoint
blowjobs happen.
He's going to get shit done.
Oh, yes, Senator?
Yeah.
You don't want to vote
for my bill?
Hey, Hillary,
you want to talk about
your fucking emails?
Come here for a minute.
Good telling you, man.
She should have the gun, actually.
She'd be the one with the gun, I think.
Yeah.
Making people suck her dick.
Yeah, exactly.
Or Keith Wright, M.D.,
who went to the University of Kansas Medical School
and has a family practice in Manhattan, Kansas.
Oh, my God.
Poor guy.
Keith Wright, Allen Sport International Management
in Inc. in Los Angeles.
He's an entertainment,
I think he's a fucking agent
from Howard University there.
Yeah, he should know better.
He should know, like, presence.
He's Googling,
I'm sure he's Googling himself
every five minutes.
He's going,
change your name, fuckface.
Why does it take me eight pages
to find myself?
I'm behind UK true crime authors
and murdering or raping football players.
Keith Wright, managing director of global transaction services with Merrill Lynch in London, England.
There are so many.
Keith Wright, a dead Australian Baptist preacher who was super famous, ended up going to prison for raping an underage girl.
I even feel bad for him.
That man's living up to his name.
Even he's like, come on.
My memory.
living up to his neck. Even he's like, come on.
My memory.
Keith Wright, the poor sophomore running back defensive end
on the Dublin High School junior varsity football team in Dublin, Texas.
Change your name, sir.
Even worse, Keith Wright, a senior defensive tackle
and offensive tackle at Helena High School in Helena, Alabama.
Holy shit.
He's 6'2", 330 pounds.
You got the same
name in stats, brother.
Get rid of it.
Except he runs a 6'3",
40-yard dash.
Keith, man, you got to get your dash time up.
You're not going to make the NFL.
I watched a couple of his plays, and he's a tough son of a bitch.
Good for you, Keith. He's a big kid,
and he plays hard. You know what, Keith Wright?
I'm not going to rip you, buddy, because you're trying real hard.
You stick with it.
Please don't sell crack or make people give you fucking gunpoint blowjobs.
They beg of you.
A four-year bid in an Arizona boys' ranch might do you some good,
and you might make the NFL.
Yeah, I think you can cut 20 pounds that way.
Get down to old Keith Wright.
At least just start moving sand, sir.
Most of all, I feel bad for Keith Wright, the NFL wide receiver.
No way.
That played for the Cleveland Browns from 78 to 80.
Because that poor bastard, if you Google Keith Wright NFL, he has stats.
He was a kick returner.
So he's the first guy that comes up.
So you're thinking, if you just think, just think oh Keith Wright and you see what he did
you're going to think
it's this guy
more than likely
because I started
writing about
his childhood
my first hour and a half
how'd this guy
go so wrong
everything looks so nice
no no
he actually ended up
having problems
going to jail also
but he came back
and had like a real
redemptive thing
maybe we'll talk about him
and he was a coach
and everything
he didn't do that much but I mean I just saw that he was in jail and it was a story but it was like a fluff piece
on him out of jail i'm like i'm like first fluff piece here we go i'm gonna look at that later
then i'm like looking and i did research for about two hours and i'm like this is not the
same fucking guy because at one point they're like he's's returning kicks. And I'm like, he's 290 pounds. How's he returning kickoffs?
What the hell's going on?
Some desperation play.
Some fucking refrigerator Perry shit.
I differentiated between the two.
And I was like, oh shit, I got to start over.
This is the wrong guy completely.
I had like some of each of them in there.
It was difficult, man.
I'm telling you.
So this is great.
August 31st is two days after he's arrested he's going right to the press yeah
he's i'm an innocent man he goes to cbs 13 in sacramento and he says that he could not have
possibly committed the 821 the august 21st sexual assault robbery ATM run there. Gunpoint blowjob affair.
Because he has an alibi.
He couldn't have possibly done it.
He was at a family reunion in Madera,
which is 150 miles away.
Right.
He says he has hotel receipts,
pictures from the reunion,
and a hotel surveillance video
that proves that there's no way he could have made it
back in time to do the robbery you shoot jizz a hundred miles sir is that how it works i think so
what he's trying to do is skewer the timeline yeah right and say well i was there at seven and it
takes four hours even though it actually takes three right he's trying to pull that shit but i
mean he's making a serious case for himself so what he really did was go to a goddamn
family reunion and get so goddamn bonered up that he had to go rob and get fucking blow jobs
first of all where what family is this yeah where were they when he was a kid selling yeah crack on
the corner where nobody said let's help this poor fucking kid out all he had was his mother he had
no i hope his father's family hasn't come around now.
Why are you reuniting with that family? They're assholes.
They're complete pieces of shit. They abandoned you.
They abandoned you. This one taught you how to cut rocks. What the hell's going on?
What a dick.
So Sergeant Andrew
Pettit here of Sacramento
after he was said, you know,
Keith Wright told his side of the story
to the press. He said, quote, Mr. Wright will have his opportunity to give his defense in court.
We feel confident that Mr. Wright is the correct suspect
because we have scientific evidence that says that.
Because there's these swimmers all over this chick's face
that match the same ones in his dick.
And her comforter and her carpet.
And pretty much all over the house.
Oh, there's some in the front seat of her car.
It's everywhere.
Jesus.
So, from the same article here from the 31st where he was just, you know, CBS 13 going at him.
He's got his friends, too.
His friend Derek Franklin here, who writes, quote, neighbor and friend.
Which says to me, he's a guy whose garage he goes over to sit and drink beer, basically.
He's the guy they sit in the fucking garage and bitch about their wives together when
they get drunk at like 11 o'clock on a weeknight.
Absolutely.
I feel like that's this guy, Derek Franklin.
He said...
Derek Franklin sounds like a guy that probably played some stickball or some street football
with a friend.
He played some high school football.
And, you know, he's like, oh, this guy played in the league.
This motherfucker played for so many teams.
He played in the league, man. That's what he's saying oh this guy played in there he played for so many teams he played in
the league yeah and that's what he's saying he went all over the place he says that right is a
devoted family man who always spends time with his wife and son called the charges just completely
false said quote i don't believe it he's just not that type of person i mean they are just
flabbergasted never forced me to give him a blowjob at gunpoint. Hey, every time I give him a blowjob,
it's voluntary.
Let me tell you right now.
He ain't never robbed me.
When I borrow his money,
I don't have to get it
out of the ATM.
I'm blowing for a great
practice squad story.
At this point,
they execute a search warrant
of Wright's home
and find property
from all three robberies.
Wow.
All three victims robbed.
So he just saved this shit.
Why don't you pawn the shit, you idiot?
Get rid of this shit. He's trying to get rid of the currency
but not their stuff. He keeps their stuff.
Then he's linked with
DNA when those results come back.
DNA matches up to him in there
so he is fucked.
Basically at this point. There's no other way around it.
No doubt. We got science. We got all
their shit here. Some guy said you tried to give him qatari money it's it's a mess so the jury convicts
right on the three home invasions which have a 19 total charges wow this is october 22nd 2001
here are his convictions deep shit four counts of forced oral copulation three counts of first degree burglary
four counts of first degree robbery five counts of kidnapping three counts false imprisonment
holy shit that's a long list stiff yeah that's a stiff docket of charges there that is 19
and none of those charges are like you know driving without your seat no they didn't throw
in any extras.
These are all heavy charges.
These are fucking bad.
And these are in California?
Yeah, convicted, too.
He's convicted.
Where'd he go?
Did he go to Pelican Bay?
I don't know, because he got transferred around a little bit.
So I don't know where he is now,
because nobody does any follow-up shit on him
because nobody cares about this guy.
Because he's lost.
He's literally lost to time.
I love it.
This is the only comprehensive anything.
I love it.
There's a story, like I said, you'll get a story from 2005 that talks about his childhood for a minute.
And you'll get a story from the robbery time that just talks about the robbery.
There's nothing that puts this all together.
No one cares, basically.
You guys are the only people that give a shit about this fucking guy.
And us.
We're the idiots that are telling you about it.
So he is sentenced. Sentencing for november 16th 2011 all right
sentencing judge michael savage not the radio guy an actual judge michael savage
one of the best sentencing fucking i feel like these guys practice this oh they do they write
them out and then they do them in the mirror and they're like, I can't wait to deliver that one one day.
This is their signature.
Yeah.
This is like a judge's
signature, man.
This is how you can
really throw your stink
on something.
Yeah.
This is like when a doctor
is in med school
and they're like,
how am I going to get
this prescription signature down?
I've got to get it perfect.
Yeah, this is their brand.
And this is their shit.
This is like when
Walt Disney was drawing
Mickey Mouse. Yeah. He was like, I want the ears to be like this. This is how they do it. This is, yeah, this is their brand. And this is their shit. This is like when Walt Disney was drawing Mickey Mouse.
Yeah.
He was like, I want the ears to be like this.
This is how they do it.
This is their voice.
This is Kanye's Yeezy shoe.
It's like a comic's voice, basically.
No doubt.
A judge after a while when they're really, they have to practice insulting people the
first couple of years.
They're like, man, I ripped him, but I think I didn't rip him just right.
Like four or five years in, they're like, I think I'm finding my voice at this.
I think I'm getting this.
This is Larry the Cable Guy's getter done.
Exactly.
He's there.
This is a great one here because this sums it up beautifully.
He could say this to basically anybody we've covered so far.
This is just a generic statement that covers crime and sports.
I'm so excited to hear this.
We should make this like our cover photo and everything we have.
Michael Savage, quote,
should make this like our cover photo on everything we have michael savage quote i have the distinct impression that your ability to sack quarterbacks worked much like a get out of jail free card that
may have given you the wrong impression about whether or not you are required to follow the
rules of this society i love him you sir may fuck off and may he ever fuck off. He may fuck off for the longest sentence in crime and sports history.
No doubt.
He's the longest in prison guy that we've ever covered.
How much is it?
He is sentenced to 114 years to life.
Holy shit.
Plus 120 years and eight months.
Just to make sure.
For a total of 234 years and 8 months to life.
Holy shit.
So just in case you're still alive after 234 years and 8 months,
not so fast, asshole.
There's a little more.
We have some leeway still not to parole you,
you complete and utter piece of shit.
Go find some sand to move.
We got a big pile
right there so oh on top of that restitution to the victims and he has to reimburse the county
for the court of the prosecutor the cost of the prosecuting his 19 felonies which he's in jail for
243 years how many piles of rocks could you move he's got time to work out money yeah i know i
don't know what is qatari currency worth in rock-moving money?
You know what I mean?
What is Qatari currency worth in rock-moving money?
He really should have started the Reno by the Sea ad campaign.
Absolutely.
He would have had a much better life.
That is so much time, though.
Just an amazing amount of time.
That's me, my children, and my wife all together will never live that long.
No.
Combining our years together.
No.
That is so much time.
That was like, I think that's like if George Washington got arrested, he'd be just getting out now.
Think about that.
If the British arrested George Washington for oral copulation. For musket point for oral copulation for musket point blow jobs
he'd be getting out now with his powdered wig and his hat this is confusing this world is a
little different it's a little different yeah exactly so when he gets out there'll be spaceships
whizzing by his head unbelievable he's and the whole time, too, he's yelling that this is on the trite
and get a fair trial
and that it's a, quote,
miscarriage of justice.
They have your DNA on this chick
and you have a bunch of shit
that you stole from these people.
The only miscarriage of justice
is that you didn't take your prowess
from college
and transfer that into the NFL
and have a fucking successful life.
The miscarriage of justice is that you fucking ruined something.
You've ruined something.
Not just that woman.
You ruined whoever she marries forever because she's never sucking that man's dick.
No.
Ever.
Unless it's at gunpoint because that's the fucked up psychology that people have.
Yeah, no doubt.
That's what she'll need now.
She needs that.
It's the only way she'll get off now.
I need it.
It's true.
And all the time,
if you look at psychology,
whenever kids get
anything done to them,
that's what they need later on.
Yeah.
That's why people
are fucked up.
That's the whole point.
The poor guy.
Whoever she marries,
I feel so bad for him.
I feel bad for
just about everybody
in this story.
But like I said,
the mistaken identity people
in this story.
That's so crazy. Because it's such a common name. There's such a common name there's so many and there's so many and i could have taken
i mean i had to cut it off just so we didn't go all night with fucking you know in the amazing
part is that there's so many of them chasing a football dream too oh yeah now current ones
chasing it and other guys who have been there and i think there was a cornerback named keith wright also what the fuck in the 2000s like at this around the same time that this keith wright
was kicking maybe like late 90s i'm almost positive of it so it's it's crazy man the whole
thing's nuts this guy is luckily in jail thank god which is good it's when he got when he's done
in the league in 2006 like i get he's probably depressed, and he's like, practice squad, practice squad.
Because when he got that deal with the Bucs there,
that two-year deal,
that had to be like a lifeline.
Shining moment.
It's finally.
Because he got the three-year deal and got cut,
and this is two years later.
So he had to be like,
fuck, I'm redeeming myself.
This is going to work.
I'm going to go to Germany.
Yeah.
Start over.
He has two degrees.
When he's done in the league,
how do you resort to criminal activity? the nfl you have access to people you have access to business people that
you should have been making connections you played on four professional football teams you know so
many connections but i'm talking just i mean you how do you not get a job in one of these companies
that sponsored the team that when they come in to meet everybody you said hello how do you not get a job in one of these companies that sponsored the team that when they come in to meet everybody, you said hello to them and all?
How do you not go, hey, man, do you need an extra guy to be like?
I've got two degrees.
I've got two degrees.
Right.
And I'm kind of, you know, people kind of know who I am a little bit.
I kind of know stuff about this sport.
Yeah.
Anything in Sacramento, I'm kind of a famous guy there.
Yeah.
Shit like that.
Instead, no.
He said, I'm going to be in Sacramento making women blow me for Qatari currency.
Those are separate incidents, but still, good God.
So luckily, he's in prison.
Keith Wright.
It's essentially over.
I guarantee you, you never heard of that guy.
You never knew what the hell that guy did.
I didn't know he existed.
No, I had no idea that guy existed.
And Jesus Christ, I'm not happy that he doesn't exist, to be honest with you.
There's another person that's very very very regretful that he survived
an abortion
oh god
imagine
his mother
that would have been
imagine if she just
fell down the stairs
at like three months pregnant
the whole world
saved a lot of trouble
not that I encourage
or want bad things
to happen to people
but she didn't need a kid
no
she's a crackhead
she clearly was
an unfit mother
I would say
she's sending her kid
to buy crack
at seven at seven holy shit we've all been mad at our parents yeah all of us all of us can look back
at something our parents did and be like yeah they were really fucking assholes yeah they really did
me wrong there i can honestly say they never made me buy crack ever i don't think they ever sent me
to buy anything not crack no my aunt when i was a little kid used to make me ever sent me to buy anything. Not crack. My aunt, when I was a little kid, used to make me go to buy cigarettes.
Really?
Yeah, she'd call them and be like, I'm sending my nephew to buy cigarettes.
That's awesome.
And she'd make me go buy cigarettes for her when I was eight years old.
That feels borderline illegal.
That's awesome.
It was very illegal.
Yeah, but I mean like.
They didn't care.
Nobody gave a shit back then.
But it was the 80s.
Nobody gave a fuck.
But it wasn't crack rocks.
No.
And I had no chance
of being like
you know
held up for my
cigarette money
for your 225
yeah for my
two and a quarter
back then or whatever
but this guy
sending him to get
crack rocks
what a mess man
unbelievable
but yeah
so that's Keith Wright
guys in a nutshell
that was a fun
wow
it's a mess man
I really liked it
I liked it too
I really did
it was one where
I feel like I feel like we earned that one
because we really had to fight for it.
We struggled with him.
It's not...
Well, it was a struggle to find all that stuff.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
It was so much to find.
There's just not a lot.
He wasn't covered.
And I don't know why.
Why wouldn't you cover that?
It's so interesting.
Good God, man.
What's wrong with these people?
There's so much going on
from day one to fucking today.
People with your goddamn journalism degrees, get your shit together.
Because we're not journalists.
We're comedians.
We're doing the best we can.
He's eating off a steel tray right now, and nobody fucking knows it.
Nobody, man.
It's crazy.
It's terrible.
So that's him.
We have to, before we wrap this up, we have to give a thank you to Mark Busby.
Yes.
He is the ambassador of the crime and sports movement Busby. Yes. He is the ambassador
of the crime and sports movement
Australia Chapel.
Yes.
Because this guy
sent us,
last night we had our show
with the Tempe Improv
that we've been plugging away.
Yeah.
Great show.
Awesome.
Thank you guys.
Anybody who came out,
we really appreciate it.
It's so fun.
We had such a good time.
But Mark Busby,
we get called in
by the club manager
of the Tempe Improv.
And me and Jimmy, Jimmy and I, we work there a lot.
So he says, hey, come here.
I've got to talk to you guys.
And he's got a folded up piece of paper.
I was terrified.
And he said, I got an email.
And we looked at each other like, what did we do last time we worked together?
Oh, shit.
Did we piss somebody off?
Did we tell someone to go fuck themselves?
Did you make somebody give you a gunpoint blowjob, Jimmy?
I swear to God.
I told you to stop that.
Did I call a patron a whore?
Because I've done that before.
Because that happens.
Yeah.
It's a comedy club.
So it turns out he was just informing us that some crazy Australian man that he didn't know
Threatened to beat him with a wallaby.
Threatened to beat him with a wallaby if we were not giving beers on him.
On him.
On Mr. Busby.
So that is awesome.
So Mr. Busby here, here mark busby wins the longest distance
to send someone a beer contest from another from the other side of the world he sent a beer from
tomorrow yeah all the way back in time he put it in a fucking time machine and sent that shit back
to the 10 p.m prom so that's dude that's just amazing. Huge. Jay Webber, thank you.
And also to our usual crew.
You guys are amazing.
Sean, all those guys,
we love you guys all.
You guys are the best.
All you guys, really.
Can't thank you guys
enough for your support.
Keep it going, man.
I'm serious.
Like we said,
we're not journalists.
We don't have a network.
Nope.
We are two guys
with nobody helping us.
And somehow we've gotten
a pretty damn good
lot of listeners here based on you people spreading it to each other and helping us and somehow we've gotten a pretty damn good lot of listeners here
based on you people
spreading it to each other
and helping us out.
Tell six friends.
Tell six.
Tell 60.
I don't give a shit.
Tell six and tell them
to tell six.
iTunes, guys.
Fucking iTunes.
The iTunes reviews.
You want to help us out?
The iTunes reviews
will tell you exactly
how it works.
It's not just how many
downloads,
how many listeners you have.
It is also reviews.
It's a big mash of shit of how many listeners you have. It is also reviews. It's a big
mash of shit of how they do their
algorithm. The algorithm is a fucking nightmare.
So to get us on the charts, to get us
in the top 150 in our category,
that type of thing, reviews
are what gets you there along with everything else.
So we really, really need the reviews. Get us on
there. Wouldn't you like to see us on there?
I'd love to see. It'd be so cool because we
work our asses off on it, guys. I'll shoot jizz a hundred miles. A hundred miles. A hundred
miles. Jimmy's from Madera all the way to Reno by the sea. A man from the UK tweeted
us about the show and said that he found us by digging through true crime and the ratings.
And he said he found us through an exhaustive search.
Yeah.
And he said he was thrilled he found us, but I'm not thrilled that it takes him that goddamn
long.
No.
So let's fucking rate.
Please, guys.
Let's make it our mission.
Let's make it our mission.
We're a little squadron here, the crime and sports movement.
Yeah.
And that's what we need.
That's what we need from you guys.
We moved up enormously on so many lists, and I can't thank you guys enough.
Yeah.
That feels tremendous. We will make you a deal. That what we're doing is appreciative. We'll up enormously on so many lists, and I can't thank you guys enough. That feels tremendous.
We will make you a deal.
What we're doing is appreciative.
We'll make you a deal.
Appreciate it.
Appreciate it.
We will always have an episode at 12.05 a.m. Pacific time every Tuesday morning.
It's a pretty solid deal.
We will always have one.
We will do as much research as humanly possible, and we'll try to make it as much fun as humanly
possible.
All we need is a 30 second iTunes review
from you
and you have
you have fucking bought
everything you need
to buy from us
and we're happy
we're happy people.
Happy as shit.
So thank you guys
so much for listening.
Next week
I have a wild one for you.
I can't wait.
It's going to be fun
because it's
it's a twisty story.
Yeah.
We're going to have some
From day one.
We're going to have some murder.
Yeah.
We're going to go back into the murder
next week.
Yes.
Yes.
There will be blood.
There will be blood.
I have to save the
murders a little bit.
We just bust out
with a long trail of
murder.
I can't just tell you
all about murder.
All about the murder.
And give you a dude
that sells crack rocks.
No.
So we're going to
bounce between crack
and disaster.
And we're trying to
give you a good
variety of different
sports different kinds
of people and different
kinds of people.
Yeah.
You don't get more different than Tommy Morrison and Keith Wright.
They're the opposite.
They're just the black and white of each other,
not even black and white in color of race.
Black and white and just fucking reverse negative of each other.
Ridiculous.
Hey, Frankie the Crime and Sports Dog is awake.
Very good.
But that's our show for this week, guys.
We love you so much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Listen in next week.
We will see you then.
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