Crime in Sports - #31 - A Slight Death In The Family - The Nastiness of Sly Williams
Episode Date: August 30, 2016This week, we peek into the world of a man who had more than his fair share of what he called "personal problems". These problems overtook a once promising NBA career, and sent him to much le...ss glamorous places, such as Binghamton, NY, and prison. Find out why he would flee from a hospital with a gaping stab wound in his neck, or why he just couldn't seem to ever be anywhere that he was supposed to be, when he was supposed to be there. Or, most importantly, why couldn't he stop committing horribly repugnant, and violent crimes!! Skip out on practice, call a press conference, and do horrid things to those who are closest to you with Sylvester "Sly" Williams!! Check us out, every Tuesday. We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman New episodes every Tuesday!!Please subscribe, rate, and review!Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to podcasts!Head to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things Crime in Sports!For merchandise: crimeinsports.threadless.comCheck out James and Jimmie's other show: Small Town Murder Follow us on social media!Facebook: facebook.com/crimeinsportsInstagram: instagram.com/smalltownmurderTwitter: twitter.com/MurderSmall Contact the show: crimeinsports@gmail.comDonate on Patreon: patreon.com/crimeinsportsPayPal: paypal.me/crimeinsports See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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A first listen is waiting for you when you start your free trial at audible.ca. Queen of the courtroom is back. How did I know that? I have crystal ball in my head. New cases.
Leave her alone.
So, uh...
This is not a so.
This is a period.
Classic Judy.
It's streaming.
You can say anything.
It's an all-new season.
Judy Justice.
Only on Freebie. Hello, and welcome back to Crime and Sports.
Yay!
Yes, my name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host.
I'm Jimmy Wissman with No Echo.
No Echo, yes. Thank you for putting up with this late echo we had last week as we adjusted to the new Crime and Sports studios.
This week, everything should be fine and smooth.
The studio sounds great, but I sound like shit.
Because I've been sick as a dog for a week.
We're actually recording late, a day later than we usually do,
just because I couldn't really speak or hold breath yesterday.
Scared to laugh as though you may go into a coughing fit.
It was no good.
Yeah, it was really bad.
My throat was raw.
I did comedy over the weekend.
It was bad times for illness. But know, just was, oh God, bad times
for illness.
But we're back
and we are at,
I'm at almost
full strength.
Jimmy's at 100%.
Yeah.
But what we lack
in health
we're going to make up
for in
douchebaggery,
nudnickery,
and just pure
insanity
of what we do
here,
Jimmy.
Criminal athletes at their finest.
Fucking nudnickery. I dig that. That's a fun word.
It's a good word.
It describes this week's subject just beautifully.
It's perfect for him because his whole career and life, really,
because his career is a very small part of his life,
his whole career and life is just nudnickery from start to finish.
It's amazing and a lot of fun.
Fucking jerk off.
Speaking of nudnickery, we hope you enjoyed Wolfgang Schwartz last week,
a trip into the Austrian snow globe to watch a little man do twirls on ice.
I had fun because that's the first fucking figure skater that we did.
And we didn't go with the hacky one.
No.
We found deep.
No, we were like, that's...
We dug deep and found an asshole.
Yeah, and he's a much bigger asshole.
Tonya Harding never tried to traffic anyone or sell them into slavery, for fuck's sake.
That we know of yet.
That we know of, but she is my...
Give that white trashy bitch...
I don't think she can figure out...
I was going to say, I don't think she has the business
acumen to put that
plan together
I'm not looking
for her
when I'm looking
to put a
Bulgarian girl
into the
go-go dancing
circuit
not at all
I need to
import whores
to Italy
who do I
look to
Romanian whores
and I need to
find somebody
that knows
go-go dancing
circuit
plug into this
trailer park with a with a trailer park with a nerve hammer?
Exactly.
I can't think of the word.
Nerve hammer.
What are those things?
The doctor you're talking?
Yeah.
The physical?
What do they use?
They hit you in the knee?
What do they find with those?
In a cartoon in the 50s?
Yeah, when they're looking for your reflex hammer.
A reflex hammer.
There you go.
Good reflexes, Jimmy.
I thought of that.
Also, one more thing.
Please, please,
thank you for iTunes
reviews this week.
Please, please,
give us an iTunes review.
We beg of you.
Obviously, everybody does.
But, no,
it means a lot to us,
the iTunes reviews.
It really helps us
move up the charts.
If you like the show,
if you want to support the show,
that's the best way
you can do it.
It's so helpful.
Give us five stars.
Stay following instructions
like we always do
in our little joke.
The last person,
let me say real quick,
is a fucking
sweetheart person.
Thank you for that.
And to defend my cackle,
you son of a bitch.
I owe you a beer.
Defending Jimmy's cackle.
I love it.
Because I will defend
Jimmy's cackle
until the end.
I owe that man a beer though.
That's awesome.
It's contagious
and I love it,
god damn it.
I love it a lot.
That's from me smoking
for 15 years and then
it comes out yeah well we have quite the character this week for you that we were getting we were in
we were in uh UK we were in Austria we're heading back to the nice American ghetto this week to give
you a nice warm and fuzzy tale of this guy is the best way to put it if you're a crime and sports enthusiast
if you're not if you're a first-time listener welcome aboard thank you thank you for listening
and we're gonna have a blast so buckle up and uh sit back and wait for this but you would want to
listen to these episodes also later on because they're they're relatable this guy would be if
i had to make like a if i'm making a cocktail, he would be two parts Marvin Barnes, two parts
Eddie Johnson, one part Keith Wright, and just a dash of Tommy Morrison.
And then shake.
Just a dusting of Tommy, like cinnamon on top of a coffee drink.
Just a dusting of it.
That's who we're dealing with here, guys.
His name is Sylvester Sly Williams.
All right.
And he's always Sly.
Nobody ever calls him Sylvester.
He's Sly.
He is born January 26, 1958.
He's a New Haven, Connecticut boy.
Oh.
So he grows up in the projects at New Haven.
Yeah.
He has a very similar Marvin Barnes upbringing, basically.
Yeah.
Well, especially the college thing.
Both the University of Rhode Island and Providence College were both trying to recruit him.
So we'll get into that.
It's a very similar story.
I'm shocked that Connecticut's got much ghetto.
Yeah, New Haven's weird because I think that's where Yale is.
And it's also a shithole.
So it's really odd.
It's where the college kids desecrate Connecticut.
Yeah, it's like USC and Watts, I think. It's one of those things. It's where the college kids desecrate Connecticut. Yeah. It's like USC and Watts,
I think.
It's one of those things.
It's just a shit neighborhood.
Yeah.
It's let's send,
yeah,
people send,
the elites of the country.
Let's send the wholesome white kids there.
The elites of the country
send their children
to the worst neighborhood
to be educated
in the highest way possible.
It's America in a nutshell.
I actually,
I like,
you know what?
That's good experience
for those fucking kids.
Fuck yeah. You got some lily white shit bag kid who's fucking silver spoon at the boarding school. it's America in a nutshell I actually I like you know what that's good experience for those fucking kids fuck yeah
you got some
lily white shit bag kid
who's fucking
silver spoon
with a boarding school
his whole life
no
let's put him in New Haven
tell him to go get a pizza
at midnight
and see what happens to him
that's what he needs
one mugging
some guy with a fucking
nickname kicks his ass
exactly
some guy named Sly
comes along
and fucks him up
I like it
he grows up
his childhood
is just described horribly.
It's why I say he's a lot of Keith Wright,
a little touch of Tommy Morrison,
a little Willie Mays Akins, but not country.
It's one of these things.
He grows up...
But not country.
There is varying reports of the amount of children
in his family, first of all.
Brothers and sisters.
That's bizarre.
The reports go from 12 to 16
grew up in his house.
If you've got 12
you may as well have 16.
It's all even
to have heard 12
I've heard 14
I've heard 16.
12 is the most common one.
Alright.
It's the most common one
but honestly.
Maybe there was four kids
that just didn't
weren't blood
but like ran in the house.
I'm sure there was a kid
sleeping behind a toilet
nobody noticed
or some shit.
There's that many kids
who are just like,
who are you?
Who the fuck noticed?
You're one of mine, I guess.
Is that, yeah,
I think that's why.
He's going to feel bad
if I ask him.
I can't ask him if he's mine.
So we'll just say he's mine.
He'll feel bad.
Make room for him
on the end of the cut.
There we go.
So yeah, this,
fatherless,
his father left at six.
You know, no surprise
with that many kids
in this situation.
He's probably got 12 more somewhere else.
Probably.
And you know what?
It's probably better that he left at six.
Because as we've shown before with this situation,
a lot of these guys, their fathers,
it's really a 50-50.
It's like, do I want him to leave and not be in my life at all
and have me grow up like this?
Or is he going to stick around and beat the shit out of me
and everybody else in the family?
If he leaves, maybe I've got a crapshoot
of being better, but if he sticks around,
I'm fucking doomed either way.
I'm fucked. I'm fucked.
Old Sly must have seen
some, or young Sly I should say, must have
seen some interesting
role model things that he picked up on
from his father, as we'll see later on.
Fantastic.
He's in a four-room apartment in the hill section of New haven i don't know what that is but it's apparently shitty uh family
survived on welfare with that many kids i mean jesus christ do you make a good living you couldn't
support 14 kids no you would be fucking on welfare to barely take care of the two and the wife that
yeah that's what i mean and you do all right so So it's, I can imagine they're on welfare. I don't know how you wouldn't be.
So yeah, he's in the projects.
Sometimes I see families with like eight or
anywhere more than four.
And I just go, I'm paying for that.
There's no possible way. Someone is.
I mean, especially if you,
and I hate to be like somebody that just judges
somebody by their appearance, but if you look
scruffy, your kids look scruffy, I'm probably
financing your life
in one way or another.
Yeah.
Why have that many goddamn kids?
I don't get it.
I hate when I see, like,
the people, like,
the little brood of, like,
seven white trash kids
running around,
and you're just like,
really?
Why'd you do that?
Why that many?
Why that many?
You didn't...
I learned after two.
You'd think they just
wouldn't want to be pregnant
for ten minutes.
Yeah.
Just like the couple
like, hey guys, let's take a break. Me and you are going to
take a break and not, let's just not
incubate a child for
just a couple of months. With seven kids, you're
pregnant for, what is that, 63
months of your life. That's five
years straight that you're pregnant. Granted
it's probably not all in a row. I would hope not.
But five years of your life you threw
away having to fucking take prenatals every day.
So Sly's father, like I said, leaves at age six.
Basically, he says that he was the father of the family since he was six years old.
And he says he solved all the problems.
So you can imagine the psychology that's going on here.
He solved the problem.
Like he fixed the toilet when it broke.
I think he did, yeah. He got the one kid out from behind it and he was like, I got to fix this shit. Get going on here. He solved the problem. Like, he fixed the toilet when it broke. Go fuck yourself, Slav.
Yeah, he got the one kid out from behind
it and he was like, I gotta fix this shit. Get out of here.
He put on a pair of goggles and
Get out of here and learn how to plunge, motherfucker.
Take a hike.
Which side's the hot? There's only one water
for the toilet. Maybe he was
the toilet child. He just
wandered into the house and just slept behind the toilet.
I solved all the problems. That was just the toilet because that's all he knew about because he just stayed in the bathroom. Once in wandered into the house and just slept behind the toilet. I solved all the problems.
That was just the toilet because that's all he knew about because he just stayed in the bathroom.
Once in a while, the sink packed him, too.
All the problems.
That cracks me up.
He played baseball a lot.
He was a pitcher, apparently a pretty good pitcher, because he's a big kid.
He grows up to be 6'7".
So, I mean, he's a big dude.
He's a forward.
And, you know, he's a big guy.
He was solving problems.
He was solving problems.
But he played baseball a lot and pitched.
But then he found basketball at 13. And he's a big kid. He took to it. And that was solving problems. He was solving problems. But he played baseball a lot and pitched, but then he found basketball at 13.
And he's a big kid.
He took to it.
And that was the one.
He was a little disappointed, I guess, in high school because he made the varsity team when he was a freshman.
And, like, none of his friends made the team.
Well, no.
They're not 6'7".
That's the thing.
So he was, like, kind of upset.
And so he would, like, try to play pickup games with them on the side while, you know, doing practices and shit like that.
Just trying to fit in.
It was hard.
He goes to Lee High School in New Haven, averages 31 points and 22 rebounds per game his senior
year.
Wowza.
So he kills it.
Yeah.
Leads the team to a state championship.
He's a two-time, you know, all-state whatever the fuck.
You know, he's just, he's a dominant.
He's one of the top, I believe, he's in the list of top ten all-time players
out of the state of Connecticut.
As you would expect for a kid that big.
He's a beast.
And he's a great player, too.
He really is.
Just like Marvin Barnes, disastrous as he may be,
he has a certain something on the court.
And like Eddie Johnson, also, for that matter.
He's got a certain something on the court that pulls him through.
He's recruited by Dave Gavitt to PC, Providence College.
Dave Gavitt could have been his silver-haired, middle-aged white man,
but Sly decides something else here because he's recruited by both colleges.
Really?
Providence College and University of Rhode Island.
He was recruited all over the place, but he wanted to go to one of these two schools.
Because they're close by.
They're close by, and at the time they had a rivalry. He's got a lot of families
to look out for. Yeah. Think about it. Marvin Barnes was just at Providence College too,
so they kind of had a cool thing going on there. He committed to Providence College.
He commits there. It's interesting too, because he hangs out with a guy and lives at his,
with a Providence College junior named Dominic Coletta in the summer of 1976.
Lives there, and he's going to go to school there afterwards,
and this is after he committed.
And Coletta said, quote,
he left with one week to go in August to get his stuff in order.
The last words out of his mouth were that he would see me in a week,
and never showed back up again. He's in a week and never showed back up again.
He's just gone.
He never showed back up again.
He learned that from his father.
He learned that from his father.
See you guys in a week.
See you later, guys.
I've got to go out and get something
and it never comes back.
So Providence College,
apparently at this point,
did not require a binding
national letter of intent.
Like the kids could just say
they were going there
and sign an internal letter of intent but didn't have to do the big deal that they do now. The
Providence didn't require it. So guess what? He didn't go there. He also, University of Rhode
Island was actively recruiting him at the time too, because there was no national letter of
intent signed. So they said, why not? So he ends up going to URI he shows up there much to the surprise
of Providence College
yeah
and yeah
so that becomes
he really ignites
their rivalry
at that point
because all the fans
are like hey
fuck this guy
this guy's a dickhole
yeah what a dick
he was coming here
and now he's gone
to our fucking rival
that's like
signing
telling the Broncos
you're going to sign
with them
and then going
and signing a contract
with the Raiders
it's exactly what it is.
I could not pray for your plane to go down more.
That's what it is.
He was supposed to be, and I guess at Providence College they had been building this team,
and a lot of their main players, their seniors, graduated in 78.
So he was going to be the final piece of the puzzle where they thought they could really make a run.
And he didn't go there, so it just kind of fell apart after that providence college became not a national powerhouse that's awesome
yeah it was he's recruited by jack craft the university of rhode island who is his first
silver hair middle-aged white man not his most active silver hair middle-aged white man but he's
his his first here um he played college he's great but he starts his first here. He played college. He's great,
but he starts with his bullshit immediately.
Missing team,
you know,
missing classes,
meals,
trainings,
just everything he could miss.
He'd just miss shit.
Stuff with the team.
And this stuff happens through his whole career.
He just can't show up for shit.
He just doesn't show up for shit.
He's like Marvin Barnes.
Like, where's Marvin?
I don't know.
He's just gone.
He just takes off. And we'll see it repeatedly through his like Marvin Barnes. Like, where's Marvin? I don't know. He's just gone. He just takes off.
And we'll see it repeatedly through his life, too.
Like, he just takes off.
He's really learned a lesson from his dad.
Fantastic.
He suspended his junior year.
And he's, like, the best player on the team.
You've got to really fuck up to get suspended in the 70s.
Because even he said, you know, they knew I wasn't there for academics. I was there for athletics, period.
They fucking knew that.
And they didn't, you know, it didn't matter.
Basically, I could do things.
But they had to suspend him at one point here.
Old Jack Kraft dyes his hair away from silver for five seconds.
Just long enough to sign a dismissal paper.
Just long enough.
Just for a suspension.
Great things are happening for him.
There's fluff pieces abound. Just fluff a suspension. Great things are happening for him. There's fluff pieces abound.
Just fluff pieces everywhere.
There's a fluff piece January 22, 1979 called With Sly Even Rams Can Fly.
You goddamn journalists.
Oh, you bastards.
Jackasses.
Stop it.
God, that's terrible journalism.
I hate it so much.
Good lord.
It's not even a pun.
It's just bullshit rhyming.
He's like, I'll make it rhyme.
Fuck it.
Who does that?
Make it rhyme and I'll talk about a beast that cannot get in the air.
No.
Oh, it's...
God, how many of these have we done?
All these stories.
How many stupid newspaper titles are there?
You son of a bitches should be ashamed of yourself.
Journalists, if you're out there and you're listening, any of you, tell you what?
Tell your friends.
If you see a hacky... Do it like a comedian tell you what tell your friends if you see a hacky
do it like a comedian
release each other
if someone's doing
a hacky title like this
blast them on Twitter
yeah tweet that shit out
and be like
nice title jackass
you hack son of a bitch
let's get it on here
real clever fuckface
yeah journalism wars
I want it
let's do it guys
come on
I'd love to see the post
and the times go to war over
that'd be great
cause the post has
great titles usually.
Well, that's their whole thing with these ridiculous...
But that's fucking bullshit.
Yeah, they're like a turn of the century...
The Post would light your building on fire for that shit.
Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely, definitely.
They're insane over there.
Rumors in this article is all about the rumors
that are circulating that Sly may go pro early.
This is his junior year,
and they have the hardship draft,
if we remember,
or the hardship exemption
to come out early,
if we remember from Tom Payne,
who was one of the first.
Yeah, the hardship thing.
And I would say having, you know,
kids sleeping behind the toilet
in your four-bedroom,
four-room house,
that's a hardship, I would say.
So they're going to,
he doesn't deny the rumors.
If you're six and a problem solver
for your family, you're the problem a problem solver for your family.
Yeah, you're the problem solver.
You got a hardship.
That's all he needed to put.
They were like, let's get a little of your history.
He was like, well, I've been the problem solver since age six.
They were like, okay, hardship it is.
Click.
No problem.
No problem.
You were plunging the toilet in 2006.
So he doesn't deny the rumors,
but he also says that his mother wants him to play for the Olympic team.
So he's not sure he's going to go pro.
Because at that point, you couldn't be on the Olympic team if you were a pro.
Oh, is that right?
We didn't start that until 92.
Oh, no kidding.
That was the first time we did the Dream Team.
Before that, we'd send over college kids.
Was that for like...
And that's why we wouldn't win all the time.
Was that the opportunity to get injured?
Is that what they did that for?
No, it was an amateur thing.
But other countries were using their pros, which still weren't as good as
our pros. No offense, rest of the world,
but we have the tallest, highest jumping black guys
there are. You're not beating us in fucking basketball.
Sorry. Sorry. That's not racist
at all. Not just even highest. That's a fact.
Furthest. Michael Jordan was jumping from
the free throw line. Yeah, look at our
92 Dream Team. It's, you know,
everybody on there besides Christian Leitner is one of the top 50 players in the history of the league. They're all going to be in the Hall throw line. Yeah, look at our 92 dream team. It's, you know, everybody on there besides Christian Laettner
is one of the top 50 players in the history of the league.
They're all going to be in the Hall of Fame.
They're all amazing.
And it's incredible.
So, yeah, you're not beating us once the pros.
But he was thinking about it.
I don't think we played basketball in the 80 Olympics.
Didn't we boycott that part of it?
I don't remember.
I hate the Olympics.
I was seven in 88.
Yeah, you know what?
We talked about the olympics last week
dick olympics the olympics tired of the olympics i'm sick and goddamn tired of him so you know he
doesn't know if he's going to play but his mom wants him on the olympic team though she wants
him there bad so in in their own words here let's get into uh he wanted he had a premonition that
he was going to play for the knicks someday that was? The New York Knicks here. It's in their own words.
Sly, I almost called him Marvin Barnes.
Sly Williams here.
He's sound.
By the way, we have so many in their own words.
I can't wait.
He's a talky fuck.
He's a talker.
And he thinks he's talking his way out of things all the time.
He has conversations with himself.
Really?
Do you think I did this?
Yes.
Do I think this?
No.
Shit like that.
Or you're just like, oh, this guy's a piece of work.
What a fucking goldmine.
I had to choose. I was throwing out quotes where I'm like, oh, I'm really attached to that one,
but I can't use it just for time. I'm going to be here all night.
So on the possibility of the New York Knicks, in their own words,
quote, I had it in my mind that one day I would play for the New York Knicks.
I knew that they earned a lot of money and that they would allow me to take care of my family.
I was determined to follow the right path and meet the right people so I could attain that goal.
So he sounds like he's...
He's driven at this point.
He's driven.
Yeah, I want to take care of my family.
I want to put food on the table.
I'm the problem solver, goddammit.
I've got ideas of how to fix all this shit.
Get a couple more bedrooms in a place where kids can fit.
Get people out from behind the toilet.
Absolutely.
So May 16, 1979, he actually files for the hardship exemption with the NBA
and becomes eligible for the 79 draft.
So it's after his junior year.
So he is drafted 21st overall by the New York Knicks.
How about that?
So yeah, he's a first-rounder.
And in that draft,
that was a draft
Magic Johnson
was number one overall
in that draft.
Third round,
you could have got
Bill Lambert,
a long time
Detroit Christian.
That's a pretty solid draft.
Yeah, third round.
Third round?
Yeah, 65th overall
by Cleveland.
They don't even have
three rounds now.
They have two,
and that's it.
Who else?
They had four back then.
I think Cliff Robinson
was in that draft.
That's a good one.
Yeah, it wasn't a... The Trailblazers drafted him, or did he go somewhere else first? I think Cliff Robinson was in that year. That's a good one. Yeah, it wasn't a...
The Trailblazers drafted him, or did he go somewhere else first?
I think Portland drafted him.
I think it was Cliff Robinson.
No, it wasn't Cliff Robinson.
I'm thinking of somebody else.
Cliff Robinson was later.
Okay.
Regardless, he's drafted in 1979 by the Knicks, 21st overall.
Rookie season, nothing special.
He doesn't play a lot, 9.8 minutes per game.
He's a rookie, and he's a junior too.
Back then that was a big deal.
He didn't even finish college, this guy.
He's a year short of being a senior.
They'd sit him down.
Now it's like, well, he's 17 and a half.
Let's put him out there against the best in the world.
Let's have him post up on LeBron.
Fuck it, why not?
LeBron was 18 playing against these people.
Absolutely.
Unbelievable. Can you imagine? Heron was 18 playing against these people. Absolutely. Unbelievable.
Can you imagine?
He looked like a freight train out there.
Yeah, but still, he's still an 18-year-old kid.
Yeah, that's true.
And he's going against Michael Jordan.
He's going against Kobe.
He's going against David Robinson.
The best ones.
LeBron had a better rookie year than Sly.
Sly averaged 4.7 points a game, 2.1 rebounds.
Just a non-factor.
Four points in nine minutes is pretty good, though.
Yeah, but he's just a non-factor.
He just doesn't play a lot.
He doesn't matter.
No.
80-81, he picks it up a little that season.
13.2 points per game, 6.2 rebounds, 29.5 minutes a game.
That is like a sixth man.
Yeah.
Oh, seventh.
Yeah, that's like 30 minutes a game. Is it? Really? That's the 29.5 minutes a game. That is like a sixth man. Yeah. Oh, seventh. Yeah, that's like 30 minutes a game.
Is it? Really?
That's the 29.5 minutes a game.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I didn't hear that.
That's a pretty good clip.
That's a good jump.
So, I mean, he's like, he's a cog now at this point.
The Knicks suck at this point.
They're terrible.
There's actually articles later on about where FBI informants,
there's tons of FBI reports from informants telling the FBI at the time that
the Knicks were basically take and die for drug dealers.
Yeah, they had huge drug debts, a lot of these guys.
No shit.
So, yeah, so they would trade, you know, tips.
They wouldn't throw games, but they would trade tips of, yeah, we might not win tonight
type of thing.
We might not win by three.
This guy's got a sore ankle and nobody knows about it.
They might cover.
To drug dealers, basically, to get out of debt.
Brilliant. And so, there's a big article on it. They might cover. To drug dealers, basically, to get out of debt. Brilliant.
Yeah, there's a big article on this.
They don't ever name names in this.
It's a confidential thing, but that's what it came out of anyway.
It's a book about that time period.
It's a smart move.
If you're into coke.
If you're into coke.
And this, another thing, too, here.
Right now, 1982 here, January 29, 1982 is when some craziness begins.
And I'm going to say something up front.
He continually, continually denies while he's playing
because everything he does is you look at that and go,
oh, yeah, he's on drugs or alcohol.
Obviously, that's a problem.
But he comes out constantly.
He's like, I'm not on drugs, okay?
I just have problems. I just have personal problems. I have family problems. He comes out constantly. He's like, I'm not on drugs, okay? I just have problems.
I just have personal problems.
I have family problems.
I got personal problems.
I would like to be the first to say,
you're full of shit.
He's doing that before being accused of being on drugs?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Just because there's like rumors
because a lot of other people are on drugs.
This is the time of Eddie Johnson.
It's not me.
Go back and listen to Eddie Johnson.
This is the time of Eddie Johnson.
This is the time of a lot of guys coming out you know getting found to be on drugs getting arrested
for shit and people are acting crazy at this point he's coming out saying i'm not on drugs and i'd
like to say of everything we've covered of everybody we've looked at of patterns of behavior
you're on fucking drugs and who he goes to hang out with next season also. You're on cocaine.
No, never mind just drug.
You're doing cocaine.
I guarantee it at this point.
I don't care.
You want to sue me?
Sue me.
You were doing cocaine.
I know you were, god damn it.
Fuck that.
So January 22, 1982,
the Knicks suspend Sly indefinitely.
Really?
Indefinite suspension. Was he the first one to ever get that suspension?
He gets three of them
this year.
That's just
they don't know how long.
Basically,
they don't even know
like if you do one thing
they're like
we'll suspend him
for two games or whatever.
He's doing so much
noodnickery
that they're just like
I don't know
we just got to shut him down
for a minute.
We'll regroup
and we'll come back to it.
I don't know.
Indefinite for now. It's like that. i can't deal with this right now he just annoyed his
coaches in the front office so long that they just pulled that whole like old you know what
your mother you said just get out of my face go i'll find out there i'll find you when i want you
go away exactly i can't we can't deal with him right now a nick spokesperson at the spokesperson
at this point said sly was suspended for, quote,
failure to report to several practices a game against Seattle on January 25th,
a team plane to Boston, and several appointments with team doctor Norman Scott and our trainer.
Several.
So just everything, basically.
He missed a game.
Yeah.
This is just a practice.
He didn't show up for a game against Seattle. That's a big deal. Yeah. This is just a practice. He didn't show up for a game against Seattle.
That's a big deal.
Yeah.
It's not a practice.
He didn't come in to do his stretching.
There's only 82 of them, man.
You're missing one of them.
Just with no reason.
That's the thing.
He doesn't show up.
So he ends up being reinstated after about two weeks.
They bring him back.
After promising he can make it now.
He promises everything's better.
And it was fine for a little bit until tuesday march 16th 1982 which is you know two months not
even a month and a half later where he's suspended from the knicks indefinitely again this is the
second suspension of the season obviously suspended for missing practice missing a doctor's appointment
and quote general insubordination they might might as well have just said, fuckery.
Fuckery.
He's an idiot.
We can't deal with him.
So much.
We sent him to his room and we're not.
He's also fined $1,180, which I think is a funny.
That's a weird number.
He's only making about $120,000 at this point a year.
Who's the commissioner at that point?
I have no idea.
That's fascinating.
Because they go, there's not, they don't have.
82?
David Stern comes in in 84.
And that's when it becomes, you know, a different league after that.
Gotcha.
But at this point, it's the NBA is still a while less at this point.
It's just, it's a mess.
So Thursday, March 18th, which is two days later, 1982, he's reinstated again.
After a meeting between, and now we get into this man jimmy the silverest hair the most middle-aged man we could
possibly have yeah ever there's we've never had we can't have one who's more of a silver-haired
middle-aged white man than him it's his name is joe his last name is m-o-n-i-z i'm calling him
monies monies i'm calling him monies because what does, he's a scumbag, this guy.
Everything he says is like, well, you know, he's just Mr. Spin.
And he's not only his agent, he's also his attorney.
Really?
That's what, yeah.
Moniz is his attorney?
His attorney and his agent.
That's awesome.
So he's basically just like, I am taking control of this guy.
And I have no control over this guy.
I guess there's a meeting
between Monies
and Nick Management
and they said
after the meeting
Sly is going to play
the next game on Saturday.
Alright.
So it was two days later.
March 30th, 1982
which is 12 days later
Sly fails to show up
for a game
against the Indiana Pacers.
Another game?
Another game.
This is less than
two weeks later
after they had a big
you know
come to Jesus moment
and they all sat down
and said okay
awesome
let's get our shit together
two weeks later
Larry O'Brien
was the commissioner
Larry O'Brien
there you go
and Larry O'Brien
was only commissioner
until 84
David Stern
and I feel like
this fuck may have
run him out
between him and
Eddie Johnson
I can't do it anymore
and Marvin Barnes
are like we can't do it anymore so Sly fails to show up for the game against the Pacers they put him out of the league. I can't do it anymore. And Marvin Barnes, they're like, we can't do it anymore.
So Sly fails to show up for the game against the Pacers.
They suspend him now just for the remainder of the season.
They're like, just go home.
We can't deal with you anymore.
Get out of my sights.
It's like a month left.
I'm out of here.
He started 26 games for the Knicks in 81-82.
So he was a force there.
And on the whole thing, on signing with the Knicks and the whole thing here,
he's got an explanation for it here, he's got an explanation
for it here, you know.
He's got an explanation.
Well, he's got several
explanations we're going
to hear about.
What the fuck could he possibly...
Here's an in their own words
here on signing with the Knicks
and just the whole lifestyle
change of the first
three years here.
He says in their own words,
quote,
It was all happening so fast.
Here I'd never had a job before
and now I was making over $100,000.
I had no self-discipline and
had stopped growing emotionally. I had
thrown my education out of the window and
had gotten used to thinking that as long as I
played basketball, all my problems would go away.
Everybody knew I had this attitude.
Why I acted like I did, I just
can't explain.
I don't know what he just said.
He just talked in so many circles that's
the thing and he he's the type of idiot that does not use contractions in his words he won't say
i won't do that he said i will not do that to the but he thinks that makes him sound smarter
and he's a fucking moron and he does it all the time later on he says something like at this time
i did this at this time like it's like no that doesn't make you smarter, to use my words.
All he said in that whole thing is, I'm from the hood, and I don't know any better.
I don't know any better.
I don't know.
I can't explain shit.
I act like an idiot.
Sorry.
That's what he said without saying sorry.
I'm a dum-dum.
Yeah, so three days later here, after they suspended indefinitely and everything,
April 3rd, 82,
he has a press conference.
He's suspended for the rest of the season.
Go home and shut the fuck up
and come back next year with a better jump shot
and a better attitude.
That's what it is.
It's go home, work on basketball,
and prove to us,
stop talking, motherfucker.
We've heard enough talking.
Stop saying stupid...
And he...
This is the time at first, because there's... The way he's acting, everyone's like, oh, well, he must be on drugs.
He's acting like everyone else is when they're on drugs.
He has a press conference intended to explain his odd behavior.
It's him and Joe Moniz.
And the whole thing is, hi, let me explain why I'm such a jackass and what's been going on with me lately.
And he and Moniz would not,
they wouldn't reveal what these personal problems were,
but he would just say that the odd behavior,
I assure you people, no one's on drugs,
it's not alcohol, it's personal,
kept calling them personal family problems.
Moniz said that they wouldn't reveal it,
but that he was seeking counseling
for these, quote, family problems.
And due to these problems, he shouldn't have been suspended he's got family problems i so what if he misses
a game now and then you can't count on him to be in the lineup he's got a family issue so it's okay
you know like like he works at the fucking piggly wiggly or something what are you doing here joe
money's here quote in a very silver statement here, very silver from this press conference, says, quote,
I'm very close to him and I couldn't see his problems.
He had to shake me and tell me.
I know his problems don't justify missing games and breaking the rules,
but the suspension doesn't address the issue.
The suspension connotes that something bad, something wrong,
and this is not a punitive situation. I think he still has a bright future in basketball. Jesus, something wrong. And this is not a punitive situation.
I think he still has a bright future in basketball.
Jesus, monies.
Monies.
I love when they...
He is earning his money.
He's earning his money.
And he does it, too.
And all these interviews, it's like at one point they stop asking sly shit.
And they start asking him, like, well, what are you still fucking dealing with anymore?
He has just made an ass out of you repeatedly.
Monies calls.
fucking deal with him anymore.
He has just made an ass out of you
repeatedly.
Money's calls,
at this point,
this is where he really
takes it to the next level
of white and silver-haired
middle-aged whiteness here.
Money's calls
Sly's problems,
he says they're,
a job-related disability.
Because he makes money
and doesn't know
what to do with it,
so it causes him
family problems,
so that's a job-related disability,
which makes no fucking sense whatsoever.
I'm trying to put that together.
I have no idea.
Did he just say...
Your hair just turned silver trying to figure it out.
Did he just say,
mo' money, mo' problems?
Is that what he's trying to say?
I think that's kind of what he said.
Joe Moniz is the first man to bring that to the forefront.
That's good. He's ahead of his his time he's very ahead of his time joe monies is a visionary yeah he's a visionary no money no problems that's what he said he much says and then he also insists
that quote sly williams is not a head case no he definitely is he's absolute... He's just a lunatic. That doesn't...
That doesn't...
We've gotten into nothing yet, too.
It doesn't justify anything.
This is just silliness so far.
That behavior is...
It's disgusting.
You don't do that.
You can't not show up.
No.
You just can't not show up.
Try that at your fucking job, people.
Just call your boss and say,
family...
Don't even...
He wasn't even calling in.
Don't show up.
They just wouldn't show up.
And then have a guy named Monty call your boss and say, he's got a family
problem. There's only 12 fucking guys, too. This isn't like he's on. There's 12 guys.
They kind of need those guys, you know? Like, one of the guys doesn't show up, they're like,
okay, well, we've got to reboot our whole thought process here. You're leaving him with
11 to run full court basketball. Against Dr. J, for fuck's sake. Yeah, this is the early
80s. There's some heavy hitters in here.
Moses Malone's running around.
So this is 81-82.
He averages 13.9 points a game, 3.8 rebounds, and 25.4 minutes a game.
So it's not a bad season, actually.
That's the thing.
On the court, there's a lot of articles of, like, you know, they win a game because he
has a great game, and him and Cartwright Him and Cartwright combine to shut these guys down.
So, I mean, he's really not bad on the court.
Really?
Bill Cartwright played for the Knicks?
Yeah.
He was around forever.
How did I not know that?
When he was on the Bulls, he was about 67 years old.
16 years into his season?
He looked like Tree Rollins out there.
His knees were all fucked.
Yeah, he was a hundred.
I feel like he was icing his knees during the game.
Oh, he was.
He was. I think those he was icing his knees during the game. Oh, he was. He was.
I think those weren't just knee pads.
Those were ice bags during the game.
He was sitting there like the middle-aged black guy,
Billy Dee Williams mustache and shit,
trying to sit back and go... That's a good point.
He had gray hair when he was playing.
Get me some cognac.
I'm going to relax for a minute,
ice down my limbs,
and then I'll get back in there
and guard Patrick Ewing.
Ice me for the third quarter.
Yeah, ice me down. And I'll get back on Ewing for the fourth quarter. Ice me for the third quarter. Yeah, ice me down.
And I'll get back on Ewing for the fourth quarter.
At least he would show up to the trainer to get, you know,
iced down, unlike this idiot.
So Sly is the team trainer.
This is a funny thing here.
During a little anecdote from his Knicks tenure,
he misses a practice, just doesn't show up.
So team trainer Mike Saunders calls his home,
and he says that a voice that was Sly's voice He misses a practice, just doesn't show up. So team trainer Mike Saunders calls his home,
and he says that a voice that was Sly's voice sounded just like him.
He's a trainer.
He knows what his voice sounds like.
He sees him every day.
Oh, this is great.
Again, there's only 12 guys on the fucking team.
He knows what they sound like.
He said a voice that sounded like Sly answered and claimed to be Sly's brother.
And the voice just said, when he said who it was, said Sly answered and claimed to be Sly's brother. And the voice just said,
when he said who it was,
said, Sly wasn't home,
and quote,
Sly has some personal problems.
There's been a slight death in the family.
And hung up the phone.
And so this trainer's there.
He's got to go back and tell the coach.
Oh, yeah, that's the best.
There's been a slight death in the family. Is that like a
cousin? Sly
has kind of died.
He's got personal problems. I love that he keeps saying
he's got personal problems, slight
death in the family. And you know that phone call with
yo, this Sly, hey, it's Mike Saunders,
your trainer. I mean, this is
Sly's brother. Yeah, no, this is his brother.
And he's got 16 brothers, so I mean
they're like, maybe it's him. I don don't know the guy behind the toilet might have answered what the hell has been a slight
uh and he was gonna say there's been a slight problem and he goes there's been a slight a death
in the family slight that's it there's a death in the family he's just not quick on his feet
because he's on drugs i'm telling you he's on goddamn drugs I'm telling you, he's on goddamn drugs. I don't care what he says.
He's in the middle
of a giant line or something.
This is drug behavior.
And Mike calls.
Yes, this is drug or,
and I guess,
you know, whatever,
and I'm not going to rule out
both like Eddie Johnson,
but this is either drugs
or mental illness.
That's what this is.
This is like, you know,
bipolar shit like Eddie Johnson
where he was on lithium
and then he was cool
for a little while
until he started mixing it
with cocaine
and then got crazy again.
I hope there was a sane person in the room
when he took that phone call
and when they hung up the phone,
goes, did you just say there was a slight death?
I don't think that sounded good.
You know, if you do some shit like that,
you turn to someone and go,
how did that sound?
Was that okay?
Did they buy it?
No, they didn't buy it at all.
What are you talking about?
No, you said there's a slight death in the family.
Do you know what slight means? Have you heard expressions in the way humans speak? I've never heard it at all. What are you talking about? No, you said there's a slight death in the family. Do you know what slight means?
Have you heard expressions in the way humans speak?
I've never heard those words put together.
I pray to God he was teased for years about that.
The next time anyone in my family dies,
and if I have to cancel something,
I will absolutely, 1,000% say there's been a slight death in the family.
Just a slight death, I'm sorry.
Just to hear the reaction.
My wife's grandmother died last week.
And I wish that we would have done this guy last week,
because I would have posted that shit on every form of social media.
That's fucking amazing.
There's been a slight death.
A slight death in the family.
That's the greatest goddamn thing.
It sounds very British.
It does.
Apologies, a slight death in the family.
Sorry I can't make it this week.
I'm sorry.
So sorry.
We're very polite.
The family's under the weather.
There's been a slight death.
A slight death in the family.
Apologies.
No, no.
Don't trouble yourself.
It was a slight, slight.
Slight death.
Slight death.
Oh, I love it.
The next year, we go on on and he's sort of better.
And they re-sign him.
And they sign him to a one-year contract at this point.
On October 21st, 82, the beginning of the 82-83 season.
One-year contract with a promise for a long-term contract
if he shows that he could not be an asshole.
Literally, that's the deal.
Seems reasonable. He shows that he's not going to asshole. All right. Literally, that's the deal. Seems reasonable.
He shows that he's not going to be a loon and mispractice and shit,
and he just shows up.
We're going to sign him for a long-term deal.
Yeah.
No more slight debts.
No more it's your brother.
None of this shit.
When you play Seattle, you've got to show up.
Okay?
Thank you.
So at this point, this is when some fluff comes out,
because they're really trying to fluff it up.
They've got to get asses in seats.
Now to Hubie Brown.
Remember Coach Hubie Brown?
Yeah, fuck yeah.
Big Nan, as we called him there.
Big Nan, the old coach of the Hawks and a ton of other teams that went on to be a commentator here.
Who said about, what's his name?
Eddie Johnson. Eddie Johnson.
Eddie Johnson.
He said about him,
Eddie Johnson has to choose
between his extracurriculars
or his performance.
While Eddie Johnson was passed out
on the dais in front of an audience.
Getting an award or some shit.
Getting an award for being an Auburn star.
Amazing.
Okay, go on.
Well, there's an article
from Sport of the Times
called, quote, The Mature Sly Williams. Oh. They're trying to say, like, he's turned the corner. star amazing well there's an article uh from sport of the times called quote the mature sly williams
oh they're trying to say like he's turned the corner and it's his obviously his agent trying
to put some spin on this to get that money's paid for this look there's articles saying how mature
he is give him his contract at this they have a oh god a quote from hubie brown who's fresh off
of getting fired from atlanta where he's dealt with Eddie Johnson
for a long time.
Eddie Johnson is a, if you haven't heard that episode, go back and check it out.
He's a lunatic.
He's a lunatic, and he's horrible, horrible.
Worse than a murderer is the title of the episode, because he really is.
He's a scumbag.
He's arrested over a hundred times, Eddie Johnson, and finally, the thing he was arrested for at the end is,
I'm not even going to get into it now because it's gross and horrible.
But check that episode out if you want.
I think it's episode 7, 8, 9, somewhere in there.
Somewhere in there.
So anyway, Coach UB Brown here,
the silverest haired man on the face of the earth,
says of him at this point, of Sly Williams,
quote, he accepted a hard and difficult critique.
I think he has responded.
He's a delight to coach.
Fine.
That's it.
No problem.
I love it.
Just fluff piece.
Agent Joe Money's
in this piece.
Making his silver money
fucking work for him here.
Says, quote,
he had to sort out his life.
Because he was a good athlete,
he got away with missing
classes at Rhode Island,
but he had to learn
that there's more important
things in life than basketball.
Rather than point the finger at anybody else,
he had to learn to look at himself.
Oh.
But putting it all behind him.
That's nice.
Now he's taking responsibility.
That's well-worded.
That is exactly what the Knicks want to hear
in order to offer up a long-term contract.
That's where he's going here.
At this point, too, they mentioned in the article,
most people thought he was a drug addict or he had an alcohol problem.
Hey, personal problem. I want to reiterate again or he had an alcohol problem. And hey,
personal problem. I want to reiterate again,
he's got personal problems.
That's true.
I mean,
the voice on the phone here,
that's his quote.
Like,
just tell him
personal problems
all the time.
I got,
this will be my new thing.
If I ever have a bad set
and I go up,
I'll be like,
I got personal problems.
I just,
whatever.
When I close,
that's what I'm going to say.
Thanks guys,
I'm Jimmy Wisman.
I got personal problems. It was hard for me tonight. I got personal problems. I just, whatever. When I close, that's what I'm going to say. Thanks guys, I'm Jimmy Wissman. I got personal problems.
It was hard for me tonight.
I got personal problems.
So, I'm not going to show up
to close the show.
I'm not going to show up
when my spot comes up
and then I'm just going to be like,
Call the club.
Hey, sorry,
I got personal problems.
They'll understand.
No problem.
This is Jimmy's brother.
He's got,
there's been a slight,
slight death.
Slight death in the family
and I got personal problems.
So, his personal problems, he starts to expand on a little bit here.
His girlfriend Donna, at this point,
files a paternity suit over their two-year-old daughter Nakia.
And he also says that the financial support of his mother,
six younger brothers and sisters,
and six nieces and nephews is a big strain on him.
Yeah.
He's describing these are his personal problems, which they sound like personal problems,
and they sound much worse if you do cocaine also.
They're really worse than these personal problems a lot.
That's what I feel like.
Well, you're a problem solver since six, man.
Problem solver.
Yeah.
Stop those problems.
Mr. Problem Solver, where are you now?
Where's that plunger now, big guy?
You know, your life toilet is fucking overflowing.
Plunge the shit out of this thing.
Yeah, let's plunge your life toilet, pal.
Let's get going here.
Snake it out.
So we have an In Their Own Words on 1983 here.
This is classic.
Classic, classic.
Here we go.
In Their Own Words.
Dumb as shit sly williams
quote i find that there are many personal problems from which i have which i will not discuss at this
time that are causing me great anxiety and are stressful for me at this time so much that i am
no longer happy with my professional work over the next several, I will focus all my strength on resolving these problems.
Holy shit.
So my whole life's
been a disaster,
but I think I can figure,
I think I can clean it up
in the next several weeks.
Give me a few weeks.
Give me a few weeks.
I'm sure I can fix it.
Let me kick it around.
I gotta kick around
a couple ideas
and see what I have.
I think I can solve it.
I got an idea or two.
That's the one
where he said,
this time,
over and over again, which I find, yeah, you can't or two. That's the one where he said, this time, over and over again.
Twice.
Which I find, yeah, you can't do that.
That's just ridiculous.
At some point, you've got to make a point.
You know what I mean?
Oh, he never has a point.
No, obviously not.
He never has a point.
There's never a point.
But that's so much rambling horse shit.
And that's the other part of journalists, that when you hear something like that,
how about a follow-up question, man? Because that shit
didn't make any fucking sense. They were probably
just like, wow, he sounds like an idiot. This is gold.
Because nowadays... Wait till we print
this shit. Back then they didn't have classes.
They didn't get into a league and have a class
on media. Now the first thing they do, the
Rookie Symposium, is number one thing
they sit you down and tell you
before the aides and before bringing
the prostitutes in to tell you they have aides and they're hot and they're going to give you AIDS and everything.
All these weird shit.
Before that, they sit you down and they go, when the media asks you a question, this is your answer.
Doesn't matter if they say, you had a great win this week.
How'd you do it?
Or you just got suspended for injecting heroin in your cock.
What do you feel about it?
You have the same response.
Always the team. I don't know. It's the team. God, we're about it? You have the same response. Always the team.
I don't know.
It's the team.
God, we're just trying to make it.
Give credit to the other team.
Hopefully we can have a better week next week.
Blah, blah, blah.
That's it.
The other team was really good this week.
They really played their hearts out.
Back then it was, I got problems.
I got problems.
Talking circles.
Problems, problems.
At this time, problems.
Their agent's standing next to him going,
yeah, you're doing a good job.
Joe Money.
Keep it up, Sly.
He's good.
He's doing the expand a little.
He's pulling his fingers apart.
Stretch.
Stretch for me.
What he's doing.
Come on.
Keep it going.
They like you.
You're very personable, Sly.
They're into it.
So the 82-83 season, 20.4 minutes per game.
He averages 11.9 points a game, 4.3 rebounds. So he's
still somewhat of a commodity
on the floor anyway.
He's making, in 1983,
he's making $190,000
plus a $50,000 bonus.
So it's good money in 83.
Not for 35 people.
Not for half the city
of New Haven, but for
him only,
and maybe his girlfriend and his daughter, Nakia, there.
He can live okay.
It's fine.
Joe Money says that the Knicks promised to sign him to a multi-year deal,
but they were dragging, and he was pissed off about the dragging.
He's not happy about that.
Knicks said they would sign him.
Again, they reiterated, when we feel he's reformed,
we're not going to just sign this idiot out of the blue here.
And we feel he's reformed.
Yeah.
We're not going to just sign this idiot out of the blue here.
June 29th, 1983, the Knicks show just how committed to Sly Williams they are by trading him to the Atlanta Hawks.
I love it.
For a complete schlub nobody named Rudy Macklin.
Yes.
And this would be Rudy Macklin's third and last NBA season.
Ouch. He averaged 6.4 points a game in his career and was so wonderful that he was
waved by the Knicks on December 20th
83. And they'd rather have that than his
personal problems. That's why they're like, you take your problems
and go. We'll take a guy and we're going to cut two months
of the season because it's better than you.
We're going to bring a guy to New York, make his dreams come
true and be in the biggest market. We're going to
send you to Hotlanta. Fuck out of here.
He goes to Atlanta. Guess who's
in Atlanta at this point?
We have a combination of
Eddie Johnson and Sly Williams. All on the
same team. You are going to
tell me that he went down to
Atlanta and is hanging out with Eddie Johnson
and he's not doing cocaine? And he's clean.
Your ass.
Get the fuck out of here.
Wasn't Eddie Johnson doing lines on the bench?
Everywhere. He's insane. He's falling asleep on the bench? On the bench. Everywhere.
He's insane.
He's falling asleep on the bench.
He's a lunatic.
He's getting dragged off the practice court by police officers dragging him to mental institutions.
That happened in Eddie Johnson episode. Poor Henry Brown's got to coach both of these fucks.
Yeah.
He was probably so happy.
He was probably laughing, like, sending him down there to my old team.
Have fun with him and Eddie Johnson, you cockscksuckers thanks for firing me i'm much happier
now so this poor bastard he has a he's a mess all through the season yeah he is besieged by injuries
all season and most of the injuries are quote intestinal illness of some vagueness. Now this intestinal illness has been attributed to many things,
including some intestinal parasite, severe hemorrhoids, which he actually ends up having
a surgery for. So that's a possibility. And also, quote, aggressive. I can't even read it
aggressively nasty
anal warts
that was the quote in the article
aggressively nasty
anal warts
apparently
an anal warts
I would have never in my life thought to put those
four words together.
Some journalist did.
To wish on somebody.
That should have been
the title of the article
instead of
Sly Can Fly.
Oh, but it'll be
the title of our
fucking podcast.
Yes.
Yeah, no shit.
Aggressively Nasty Anal Wars.
Jesus God.
I can't title it that.
We're going to scare
everybody away.
It'll be like
Aggressively Nasty Anal Wars.
That is awesome.
I think the guys
have turned a corner
and I don't know if I want to listen to this anymore. I think maybe I'm going to switch over nasty anal wars. That is awesome. I think the guys have turned a corner.
I don't know if I want to listen to this anymore.
I think maybe I'm going to switch over to something else.
They told us they were going to branch out.
Yeah, I'm just, no, I'm good.
That's horrible.
Let's just listen to the last podcast.
So this is the problem with him in 83, 84.
He's with, and I picture like at this point in time too,
like he showed up there.
It must have been like such a good feeling
for him to
he must have felt
at home
like a resurrection
like a rebirth
I hear like
you know
Edda James
at last is playing
while he gets there
piles of cocaine
and just
running free
through a field
so happy
looks like an allergy
commercial
dandelions in the air. Yeah.
83-84 he plays for the Hawks.
8.1 points a game. 3.8 rebounds.
19.8 minutes.
Only played in 13 games due to his horrible
intestine and asshole issues.
I mean
it's not great at that point.
Aggressively nasty
anal warts will put you on the bench.
You can't even sit on the bench. That's brutal.
That's the thing. Maybe that's why he wasn't showing up.
He had horrible ass problems.
I don't want to shower
with the guys. You better wear your shower
shoes after him in there too. Jesus.
He's got problems. 84-85
is a better season.
I guess he's 25.5 minutes
a game. I guess his intestines are a little
better now. 12.3 points a game, 4.9 rebounds.
But he's back to his dumb shit ways where he gets in an in-game run-in with Coach Mike Fratello.
You might remember from the 90s, Cleveland Cavaliers.
Ugly little fucker.
Ugly little fucker with the most boring offense in the history of sports.
It's basically hold the ball the entire time, shoot it at the last second,
go back down,
come back, repeat.
Pass it around to Elo.
Yeah.
Mark Price,
you dribble around
for a while,
try to get fouled
because you're a 95%
free throw shooter.
Maybe dump it
into Brad Doherty.
Let's not get crazy.
Let's not get carried away.
We're going to win
this puppy 58-54.
Hands in the middle.
Let's do this.
Kick it off the glass.
Let's go.
That's what it is, man.
Let's have a... 58-54. It's like middle. Let's do this. Kick it off the glass. Let's go. That's what it is, man. Let's have a...
58-54.
It's like a woman's college game score.
WNBA score.
And they would make the playoffs and be like, oh, Jesus, I don't want to watch it.
This is going to be brutal.
Yeah, so he's briefly suspended from the Hawks at this point.
This is March of 85 this occurs.
And then the Hawks just say, hey, just stay home for the rest of the season.
We don't really need you. We're good. I think they sucked at the time too and they were like well it's not i think the coach was just like i don't want to deal with this we'll play with three we don't
care we don't need you uh yeah so a decent year like we said numbers wise but then it ends like
that of course this now we get to uh the-summer area of 85.
This is after he's suspended.
He's got two months left in the season.
Sly's brother, Chris, but not the one from the phone, I wouldn't imagine.
A real brother, Chris, was home with his infant son and decided to take out a shotgun and shoot his infant son.
Wow.
And then turn the gun on himself and blow his own head off too
so that's some shit that's not a slight death that's personal problems and an aggressively
nasty death that's two big deaths that's a family big one so this was the brother that he was closest
to in age and experience too i think he was a ball player too and they were very they were this was
his closest brother apparently from by all reports who they were very... This was his closest brother, apparently. Yeah.
By all reports.
Who the hell knows?
But this is his closest brother, Chris.
And that, I can imagine, that's a personal problem.
That'll fuck you up, man.
You don't show up for a practice.
They call you and you go, yeah, my brother just shot his son and then killed himself.
He just blasted my two-month-old nephew.
They go, why don't you take a couple weeks off?
Why don't you go deal with that?
Get your family back together.
Because that's horrible.
That's personal problems.
At this point, I feel bad for him, you know?
There's been a slight death.
We've heard this one before.
No, no, really.
There's been two of them.
Read the paper.
It's gross.
There's two of them.
There's two.
It's bad.
So I can understand now him having some issues mentally.
But he doesn't, you know, he doesn't come out, he doesn't talk about this. It's, this is just one of these things that just adds to the stew
of Sly Williams. We're stirring it, we're stirring in the stew. September 24th, 1985, it's four games,
four days before the start of Hawk's training camp that year. They put Sly on waivers. They're done
with him at this point. So he must have been a mess too. I mean. I can't even imagine.
I mean add that to his already apparently daunting list of personal problems.
Right.
You've got some shit going on.
That's a problem you can't solve.
Now luckily for him three days later the Celtics sign him.
On September 27th.
They're going to take a chance.
Yeah they're going to take a chance on him.
It doesn't cost them a thing.
They have to pay him a league minimum which is like 70 grand.
Wow.
But his salary of 450
grand is covered by the hawks because they picked him up on waves they're like we get the guy for
free basically who cares let's take a shot and he's gonna get he used to be a $70,000 bonus yeah
he was talented let's give him a look see so they sign him here uh red auerbach now he's the
legendary play for him yes he's still king of the Celtics at this point.
Red Auerbach is the best basketball coach in history, basically.
He's basketball's Lombardi.
Especially at finding talent and finding the guys that can work consistently.
Before Phil Jackson, it was Red Auerbach.
And he didn't have Michael Jordan to work with.
I mean, he had Phil Russell, which is pretty damn good, and Larry Bird.
But that's still not Michael Jordan. I'm sorry. Anyway, moving on. You can have Michael Jordan to work with. I mean, Bill Russell, which is pretty damn good, and Larry Bird, but that's still not Michael Jordan.
Right.
I'm sorry.
Anyway, moving on.
You can have a Jordan Russell.
Bird's still a clumsy white guy, no matter how you slice him.
Exactly.
He just knew how to use him perfectly.
He was very good at shooting.
Still a clumsy fucking white guy.
So Auerbach takes Sly into his office with him and the entire coaching staff, sits him down, starts doing this weird, starts pulling watches out of his desk drawer.
He has these watches.
They're like cheap watches.
And he tells Sly, quote,
you see this one?
It's worth $40.
I use them and when they break, I throw them away.
And he throws it in the garbage
and he takes out another watch.
See this one?
Same thing.
And he throws it away.
And then he pulls out a Rolex
and he says, this one is for real
and this is the one that's going to be around forever
now which one are you
because if you're the kind
I throw away
I'll find out real soon
so he does like
he has like a
red is in him
yeah
oh my god
red's got
that's a
he's like a basketball mobster
that's a presentation
right there
he's a gangster as fuck
that's a presentation
he just gave him
where he's like
hmm I think I don't want
to be thrown in the garbage
he literally said I'll be thrown in the garbage.
He literally said,
I'll throw you in the garbage.
I'd rather not be a Casio.
Yeah,
or you can be,
I picture Sly sitting there going,
I'm a Rolex.
You know,
he's like,
no way,
I'm a Rolex,
I can do it.
Which,
talent wise maybe,
but hmm.
So the Celtics signed him
and they told him
it was for the future.
They didn't tell,
they thought it was
for the future.
They didn't tell him
that apparently
or he claims they didn't say that right they were like we don't need you
right now but we were we want you in the future okay at this point so sly is upset because he
doesn't fucking play for the celtics at all they never play him wow he sits on his ass does nothing
he he plays he's finally released on december 3rd they don't even have him very long wow and that's
how soon he's a Casio.
Yeah, he's released by the Celtics after missing eight consecutive games
and not keeping...
Because he had hemorrhoid surgery.
Yeah.
So he misses eight games,
and then he doesn't keep contact with the team over that period,
which eight games, that's like a couple of weeks in the NBA.
That's quite a bit of time.
They're calling him.
He's not calling him back.
He doesn't even have a pretend brother answering anymore. Because they would have been like,
I thought you shot yourself in the face.
I already used that slight death thing.
Yeah, shit.
Slight death.
Can't use that one.
Don't answer the phone.
Just don't answer it.
So they have no interest in him.
His whole tenure there, he played 54 minutes.
The whole time?
The whole time.
54 minutes over six games.
He only played in six games.
He scored a total of 17 points, 15 rebounds, and 15 fouls.
Wow.
So he's just out there hacking folks.
Worthless.
He just didn't have it.
He was out there.
It's the only way he could play defense, probably, anymore.
Because he was, who knows?
I don't know if his ass was hurting from his aggressively nasty warts and hemorrhoids and every other.
He's got problems, this guy problems that's a great band name it is aggressively
aggressive aggressively nasty anal warts that is a that's a really good thing it's not bad
the aina that's what it's called the band so on the celtics experience and the fact that they
he didn't really he thought he was going to play in their own words sly williams says quote
it was never put to me that it was going to be down the road i was going to play. In their own words, Sly Williams says, quote,
It was never put to me that it was going to be down the road.
I was going to be a free agent at the end of the season.
If I'm sitting on the bench, where am I going to go?
How much money am I going to make?
Your options are limited.
If they had told me I wasn't going to play,
I would not have gone there.
He still made $70,000 not to play, man.
He made $450,000. Yeah, $450,000 to put fucking 17 points in.
And 15 fouls.
Right.
And yeah, I mean, not for nothing, but what made you think they were going to play you?
I don't know.
They're telling you it's for the future.
Plus, not for nothing, you know who wins the NBA championship that year?
Boston Celtics?
The fucking Celtics win that year.
That is one of, when they do like the top five teams
of all time
always on the team
that's always
number three-ish
it's like you know
the Bulls
and then you get
whatever
and then they're
always like three
fours
the 85-86 Celtics
you could have
got a ring
if you just
would have shown up
shut up
and he was such
a jackass apparently
when he left the Celtics
Danny Ainge
and Kevin McHale
as we know
Ainge is an executive and Kevin McHale, as we know,
Ainge is an executive and Kevin McHale is an executive, general manager. They're big wigs. They know their shit, these guys. They know something about basketball. They know
a little something. They put a piece of tape on the spot where William sat on the bench
in practice and it read Sly's spot on it. And it was a message to the teammates, basically,
that if you act like Sly, you'll be gone too. Oh, that's awesome. That's and it was a message to the teammates basically that if you act like Sly
you'll be gone too
oh that's awesome
that's what it was
yeah
no one sat there
for the rest of the season
that is great
how great is that
no one sits there
for the rest of the season
what a tribute
because it was like
we don't want anything
to happen to that
also too
if you sit there
you might get
aggressively
yeah
who knows about
the anal
who knows about
the anal situation
you don't want your ass
on a bench
that his ass has been on
yeah
aggressive
what is it
aggressively nasty
anal warts
you don't want to sit there
and I don't know
if those jump
yeah
I don't know
I don't want any part of that
sly spot
Doc Rivers called him
quote the craziest player
he ever met
Doc Rivers called him that
Doc Rivers called him
and Doc Rivers
played on a team
yeah
Doc Rivers played on a team where a guy came off the bench in street clothes and cold cocked Kevin Johnson.
Doesn't matter.
Craziest player I've ever met.
This guy's crazy.
Greg Anthony is nothing compared to this guy.
Greg Anthony.
That's a little fucker's name.
That's right.
Little weasel.
I remember that.
That was like 93, 94.
Yeah.
So now he's released.
His marriage to Don is falling apart.
He has to marry that girl
that filed his paternity suit
he goes
it's probably cheaper to marry her
than to have a paternity suit
so the marriage is falling apart
the daughter Nakia
and they have him
and Donna's also
have her
Donna's also pregnant
at this point again
as their marriage is breaking up
this pregnancy will turn into
a son named Sly Junior
bad sign oh no we'll be covering
him so yeah sure he he blamed the pressure of being the breadwinner and having to take care
of so many people for the demise of his marriage which i i'm on board with that i can honestly
sort of that that's a viable uh excuse but kind of yeah i feel like there's more. I feel like there's got to be more. That's beautiful. I feel
like there's more. Here's an in their own words here on this whole situation. In their own words
on the money, on this whole deal, quote, I tried to help everyone. When they had a problem, they
would bring it to me because they think that the best way it can be solved is with money. And it
always was. I need this. I need that. But what happens when I want something
or when I need to talk to someone?
I didn't know.
What the fuck?
I got personal problems.
Mo' money, mo' problems, babe.
Aggressive.
Do you understand what's going on in my pants?
God damn it.
I got anal warts.
I got all these people needing money.
I got a kid behind the toilet.
I've been a problem solver since I'm six.
Since I'm six. So he needs to make money. He's man, I got a kid behind the toilet. I'm a six, I've been a problem solver since I'm six. Since I'm six,
so he needs to make money.
He's got to solve problems here.
So he goes to play in Spain
in 1986.
Uh-oh.
And that only lasts
for two months.
They shit can him
out of there.
When crazy Americans
go to play in Europe,
they look at them
and they're like,
oh, that's the best player
in our whole league.
And then they go,
oh, but he's insane.
We can't have him
in the foreign country. He's 6'7", dunking and dragging they go, oh, but he's insane. We can't have him in the foreign country.
He's 6'7", dunking and dragging his anal warts
all over people's heads.
We can't have this.
Two months later, he's shit-canned back to America.
People got aggressively nasty forehead warts.
So November 1987, he's hanging out.
He's been hanging out.
He's back from Spain.
He's got nothing to do.
He signs with the Albany Patroons of the Continental Basketball Association.
They sound intimidating.
Anyone, as we've found.
If you shoot a guy in the face, they'll take you.
If it doesn't matter, they'll just take you if you're washed up NBA.
He fails to show up with the team, even.
Crazy.
Signs with them, never actually shows up, which is great.
There's an article on November 13th of 87 saying that the team was, quote, burned by Sly Williams and another ex-NBA player
named Mitchell Wiggins. Neither of them showed up for camp. So they signed these guys to
this shit league and they're basically like, I hope half of them show up. They might not
come. Game day, the day before the start of the season, they're looking at their roster
going, I think we're going to win.
Yeah.
If these fuckers just show up, we're going to be all right.
They show up, I think we're going to do it.
I think it's going to work.
I think we're getting a ring this year.
We can do it.
Let's get everyone to show up.
We signed them, right?
Okay, so we're paying them good.
Well, at step one.
Day two, they've got four guys.
We've got to forfeit.
But we have three guards and a center out there. I don't think that's a team. We got a forfeit. But we have three guards and a center
out there. I don't think that's a team.
We can't even start.
We don't even have a starting lineup. We got nothing.
We got a huge issue here. Unbelievable.
This leads us to after the Patroons
incident, he ends up going
back to New Haven, which
is never good. No. It's
always bad. Whenever these guys have an
NBA career or have any kind of career and they do this,
then they go back home after things have fallen apart
and the anal warts have just covered everything.
Bad news happens.
You're dealing with old friends
and just the nickery to the surface.
That's it.
No doubt.
So we have an in their own words here
on trying to get a job
and just the whole back to being a normal person in New Haven at this point in 1988.
Quote,
Everybody still saw me as Sly Williams, the great basketball player,
not this lost man who was destroying himself slowly but surely.
Most employers told me that since I'd made half a million dollars a year,
they didn't feel I'd be satisfied making $6 an hour.
And they heard I'm crazy, and they read a lot of articles about me being a lunatic.
What they mean is our health insurance plan doesn't cover aggressively nasty anal warts.
Exactly. We're sorry. We're going to have to let you go.
Our $6 an hour ain't going to cover your creams and salves.
No.
Oh, God. Jesus.
So he's 1989 to, like, 1990. He's in the. No. Oh, God. Jesus. So he's 1989 to like 1990.
Right.
He's in the woods at this point, man.
He is not living in the woods.
He's in the rain.
But, you know, figuratively, he's in the woods.
But he may as well be.
He's in the shit right there.
He's in the weeds.
Spends years.
This is when he's just in and out of, like, he keeps getting arrested for little things.
And he starts drug habits.
Starts really being a big deal now, which he had had the whole time so he didn't start it afterwards he started it when he had money and it was fun and then it led to this he didn't lose
all his money then be like i think i'll buy expensive drugs now that's not what happened
you know you get aggressively nasty anal warts it's from fucking with chicks that do nasty drugs
and then having sex with them i'm, who knows what he's doing.
I'm guessing that that's how this happened.
I bet he was gross.
He's fucking with hookers and...
Oh, probably.
...letting them put things back there.
He said at this point he completely...
Letting them put things back there.
I just pictured a chair, just things.
Probably.
Remote control.
Something that a hooker with aggressively nasty anal warts sat on.
A doily.
Probably.
Stuffed back.
He says he completely
isolates himself from the world at this point
except his girlfriend who is not
Donna anymore. They're divorced. He's got a girlfriend
named Shirley Massey who we'll get
back with her in a minute. Oh boy.
As you can probably understand
some crime coming up here guys.
She's involved and he's
and his kids. He's got got sly junior and nakia who
i don't know if he has custody but he seems to have them a lot at least i think he has custody
at least soon here and he says of course he turned to drugs and suicidal suicide attempts
and suicidal thoughts and he's just a disaster this is like willie mays akins in mexico yeah
just a disaster on On November of 1990,
he is arrested
for an incident
with his girlfriend.
Uh-huh.
And this is an assault,
obviously,
that incident.
The assaults are,
the details of this one
are really, really sketchy.
It didn't really come out.
He sat on her face
with his aggressively nasty
ant warts.
I think he was trying
to give her
aggressively nasty
forehead warts or something.
Aggressively nasty nose warts
or something.
Nose warts.
Take that.
So he's arrested here.
It's a Shirley Massey girl, the same girl.
And on December 31st, New Year's Eve here, December 31st, 1990, he pleads guilty to first
degree unlawful restraint, which flushes out the, because they had an unlawful restraint.
They had an assault charge.
They had a few different, A little cornucopia charge.
Held her down.
A little smorgasbord they had going on.
He says his drug problem is out of control, and this is what caused it.
He faces up to two and a half years in prison for this guilty plea.
Now, I'm going to assume that the fact that he pled guilty, they had a deal worked out for time.
Because on February 15, 1991, he's sentenced to 90 days in jail and a stay in
a drug rehab.
That's nice.
They look at him and they're like, okay, drugs are his main problem.
Right.
He's always been a fuck up.
Right.
Never really had too many major legal issues.
He probably needs a drug.
Right.
To batten down the hatches on his danger to society, let's get him into a treatment program.
Let's get him because he's been on drugs ever since he met Eddie Johnson, I'm sure.
So it's a mess. Everything. So he's quiet for a treatment program. Let's get him because he's been on drugs ever since he met Eddie Johnson, I'm sure. So it's a mess.
Everything,
so he's quiet
for a little while.
Well, a little while.
It's like 1990
and he's in jail
for a while.
He comes out.
He's still with Shirley Massey.
He is now
December 2nd, 1991.
This is when it starts
to unravel.
This is like
the bottom is falling out fast.
And this isn't even,
this isn't even the worst
of what happened.
Fantastic.
So he's arrested and taken to the hospital
because he needs to be treated for a stab wound to his neck
that he suffered in a fight with Shirley Massey.
That a girl.
Yeah, where I guess he attacked her with a knife.
There was some sort of issue.
In the end, he ended up with a pretty good knife wound, too.
It wasn't like a scratch.
She jumped and hit him.
I'm thinking he did it like, you want me to do this don't just have myself like that's because he's
crazy i think and also too if you're on coke that's a really cokie thing to do i'll stab myself i don't
care yeah so uh december 2nd 1991 still stemming from this incident here he faces uh one count of
third degree assault and two counts of probation violation for
beating the shit out of her last time and doing 90 days in the can. So December 2nd night,
they take him to the hospital to get his neck treated and he's got to go to get processed to
jail. He skips that part and escapes from the hospital with a massive neck wound and aggressively
nasty anal orbs. He's running down the street.
The trails of blood from different organs.
There's something.
Find this guy.
He decides to run away.
He pulls his dad, basically.
Like, I'm out of here.
William Sr., goodbye.
I'll be back in a minute, guys.
I'm going to go get some ice cream.
So he figures that it's easier to escape from the hospital and from jail.
Not great.
So now he's a fugitive.
Yeah.
So this whole first week of December, there's articles. Where's Sly Williams?, where Sly Williams, Sly Williams missing. We need to find Sly Williams.
He might be bleeding to death. He's facing charges. It's hilarious. The cops are looking for him.
Finally, December 8th, 1991, he's recaptured here. He's found hiding in a New Haven home in a back
bedroom that he didn't know the owners, the owners didn't know. What? He just snuck in a New Haven home in a back bedroom that he didn't know the owners.
The owners didn't know him.
He just snuck in a house and hid in the bedroom. And just hid in there.
Just hid with his neck wound.
Wow.
He had a bad neck wound still.
They recapture him.
They take him to the hospital.
Now imagine this.
I imagine he's sitting like in the dark.
I imagine him like sitting, you know, like a fetal position in the dark,
just like looking around, wondering
what's going on. The cops are, he doesn't even know where he is. He's bleeding from the neck.
His ass is a disaster. He's got a cocaine problem. You know what I mean? There's just all this
issues. And when they burst through the door, you know, the cops burst through the bedroom door to
get him. It would have been much better if it was a Mexican pimp with his guns blazing, pouring him a drink and asking him, how is it you have come to arrive here? Mr. Williams,
I must ask you, how is it you have come to arrive here? Because that's what was going on at this point.
It was a bloody neck.
Just a mess.
A disaster of a human being.
Pulling pressure on it.
While the Knicks are probably playing on TV in the front room.
Oh, yeah.
They were getting better at this point.
It's good.
There's an article now from March 15, 1992.
So he's in jail.
They put him away.
They're like, let's keep him for a minute.
Yeah.
He's in jail. He lives in a five-inmate, let's keep him for a minute. Yeah. He's in jail.
He lives in a five-inmate dormitory in the Connecticut Correctional Center in New Haven.
Says he's trying to counsel the other inmates because he's the oldest of the guys in his room.
So he's trying to counsel them not to use drugs.
He is in a wheelchair temporarily from a complication from surgery because of the knife wound.
So he's, imagine this.
He's in a wheelchair in a dorm now
in a prison thing
trying to help
the other inmates
so he says
and he said
the other inmates
would look at him
and be like
look what you had
look where you are now
who are you to tell me shit?
He said they didn't
want to hear from him
anyway.
They essentially
just harnessed
their inner Mexican pimp.
Exactly.
That's awesome.
How have you come
to arrive here,
you fucking idiots?
Who are you?
God.
So he says,
this is an article he talks about
how he ran out of money
two years after retirement from the NBA.
And I'm going to say
probably less than that.
I think he's lying.
I feel like it was a few months.
I feel like when he went to Spain,
he's like,
I got to get paid now.
Can I get cash up front, y'all?
So he says he ran out of money
there, and he also claims
that financial advisors stole untold
amounts from him in the 80s, too. Because who knows?
He was probably just like... Financial advisors, drug dealers,
whatever. Same thing. Same difference.
Who knows? Doctors with new kind of
creams to make everything feel better.
We got this
experimental salve.
Let's give it a shot,
shall we?
In this article, too,
they mention that
Shirley Massey,
his girlfriend,
who, you know,
the knife wound
that he beat the shit
out of and everything else,
she is caring for
his two children
from the previous marriage.
Oh, what?
Sly Jr. and Nakia
live with her.
She's taking care of them
while he's in jail now
trying to figure this out. What a saint she is. Yeah, she's a good girl, this one. She's ride care of them while he's in jail now trying to figure this out.
What a saint she is.
Yeah, she's a good girl,
this one.
She's ride or die as they play.
Yeah, no doubt.
There is only visitors
of the kids and her.
Wow.
No one else talks to them.
Here's a great
in their own words.
This is from this article
and it's him just,
I just want to be a better man.
It's one of these,
come on.
I'm good now.
Believe me, I'm good now.
Okay, here it is.
Quote, all I'm asking for is a chance to do something positive with my life.
I want to give something back by preventing someone from making some of the mistakes that I did.
I want to prove to myself that there is indeed life after basketball.
I'm good now.
I'm good.
Cocaine?
Just don't go giving people those aggressively
aggressively nasty
anal warts. Don't go giving those
back. My warts are better.
My asshole's feeling much nicer now.
I want to give something back. How about these
warts? So he's sentenced
and he gets a three and a half
year prison sentence. So they
tell him fuck off here for three and a half years
but it's also
suspended so he ends up because he does like he ends up doing like i want to say like seven eight
months and they know that's good enough suspended sentence probation and they kick him to the curb
here which is i don't know i don't know how so far it's it's just it's thinking it's probably
drugs yeah it's like he needs drug dumb behavior it's right the nickery it's his whole career it's everything so they are mid 90s early 90s 93 94 he gets he ends up getting uh severance
from the nba ends up collecting a severance i don't know how he pulls this off but he claims
some injury horse shit and collects some severance good for him he needs a couple of bucks in his
butthole yeah yeah he's got issues no tell. He's got personal problems.
There's a slight death in his
butthole. A slight death in the butthole.
He moves to Charlotte now
where two of his brothers live.
And two of his brothers live there
and he stays in Charlotte for five years
working for a furniture company
and he's also doing like auto mechanic
work at night. That's so depressing.
Depressing. So depressing.
That's not great.
You played for the Knicks.
Yeah.
You were signed by the Celtics.
And you live in Charlotte.
And you're doing furniture moving and car.
Oh, what a.
Terrible, right?
You're cleaning carburetors on a Saturday.
And he's saying, I never had any.
He's upbeat about it.
He's never had any trouble moving up at jobs.
He's like, I'm getting jobs.
He's like, I'm good at it.
He said on his job applications, he never mentions that he played in the NBA. Oh, up at jobs. He's like, and getting jobs. He's like, I'm good at it. Said he, on his job applications,
he never mentions
that he played in the NBA.
Oh, look at him.
He says,
quote,
in their own words,
I wanted to go somewhere
where nobody knew me
and I wouldn't be hassled.
I was very,
very happy there.
I probably should have
never left.
And this is what,
94?
This is,
yeah,
94, 95.
94,
it's because the internet
was coming around and you could start Googling shit. Yeah. You could start dogpiling things. Yeah, I, 94, 95. 94, it's because the internet was coming around
and you could start Googling shit.
Yeah.
You could start dogpiling things.
Yeah, he's like, I don't want to know anything about this.
I am not that man.
So he says he probably should have stayed there.
Instead, he moves to a farm in northern Pennsylvania
to live with his son.
The Amish?
No.
To live with his son and the mother of his son here.
And I don't believe this is Shirley Massey.
This is another woman, I believe, here.
To live with these two.
Shirley, to live with the son, the new son.
Right.
In this kid here.
97, Williams, he separates from this girlfriend.
She moves to Elmira, New York. He moves to Elmira, New York
which
or he moves to
Elmira, New York
I'm sorry
which is close enough
it's kind of near the border
of Pennsylvania
it's close enough
to where you can go see
his son all the time
and all that
everything's fine
Southwestern New York
1998
he moves to Binghamton
because she moved
to Binghamton
so he moves also
to be close to his son
he works at a place
called
this is depressing shit.
He lives in Binghamton, which is a dump if you've ever been there.
I'm from New York.
Western New York is that particular area.
It's horrible.
I don't care if you're from there.
Move.
It's a shit hole.
Is it like the plains of New York?
It's just terrible.
Like the flat, shitty area?
There's just nothing there.
It's Western New York.
We call it West Virginia, New York out in that direction.
It's just whatever.
New York is so lopsided. Everybody just
moved to the coast and were like,
fuck that side of the state. This is just college towns.
These are towns where if you took
the college out, there'd be no town.
That's how it works.
He is making $20,000 a year at his job
where he works the graveyard
shift in the fabrication
department at American Pipe and Plastics Inc.
Oh, God.
He's operating machinery that bends and shapes pipe.
Oh, he's B-Rabbit from 8 Mile.
That's what he's doing.
That is horrible.
Yeah, except there's no battle to prepare for.
There's no battle to prepare for.
There's just mom's spaghetti all over your sweater.
Wait a second.
I take that back.
There is a battle to prepare for.
A battle, unfortunately, for his girlfriend is with her. Wait a second. I take that back. There is a battle to prepare for.
A battle, unfortunately,
for his girlfriend is with her.
Oh, God.
Because in September of 2001...
He can't stop hitting women.
Terrorism be damned here.
Hilarious.
He holds his longtime
girlfriend hostage
in a closet for 24 hours,
threatening her with a knife
and periodically raping her.
Wow.
Yeah, so he keeps her
locked up in the closet, threatens her, rapes her, there's sodomy involved.
She's the terrorist.
It's a disaster.
Good God.
He's turned into Eddie Johnson at this point.
He's turned into a lunatic.
Unbelievable.
He's arrested for this, clearly.
They let him out, though.
He gets bailed out.
What?
He somehow can make bail when working at the plastic company.
I don't understand how that works.
20 grand a year, he can make bail when working at the plastic company. I don't understand how that works. 20 grand a year he can afford bail.
You figure at this point
he'll stay away from this girl
and try to keep everything calm.
And, you know, it's his ex-girlfriend.
Let's be cool about it.
No, January 11, 2002,
Sly breaks into her house.
She moved to Endicott now.
She moved just to get away
from the memory of being held in a closet
and being raped repeatedly.
I can't sleep at night
and look at that closet in the morning.
Again, holds her against her will for this.
There's some assault.
Basically, the charges from this are rape, sodomy, burglary,
and criminal contempt.
Wow.
So, not good here.
He's really fucking up.
He's really racking up the horrible charges.
Horrible, yeah.
He's turning into, like, now he's a monster.
Now it's not like he's got personal problems,
he's doing some drugs, or might be... Now it's like like he's got personal problems he's doing some drugs or might be it now it's like i don't care you're a goddamn monster
you asshole he's held without bail for a march court date from january so he's got a couple of
months in march of 2002 he's indicted of kidnapping rape sodomy and burglary in relation to the
january crime he'd already been arrested arrested and indicted for assault and rape
and threatening with a weapon and all sorts of shit
for the September thing here.
The prosecutors, what they're going to do for him
is they're going to consolidate this whole thing
into one trial of just complete,
this guy's an asshole, you know,
aggressively nasty trial.
The trial is set for August 19, 2002.
And like I said, this is for both incidents.
This is in Broome County Superior Court outside of Binghamton.
It's first-degree kidnapping, first-degree rape, first-degree sodomy for the September
incident, and then rape, burglary, sodomy, and criminal contempt for the January incident.
Holy shit.
So he's got a list of charges here.
Jury selection starts August 19th when the trial starts.
During jury selection, Sly makes a deal with the judge, announces a deal has been made.
He pleads guilty.
Listen, they give him one count of second degree kidnapping for all of that.
What?
One count of second degree. This judge is that. What? One count of second degree.
This judge is a silver haired middle aged white man.
What a sweetheart.
Jesus.
You just saved his life.
What a fucking asshole.
Yeah.
Someone needs to put this asshole away for a while.
Yeah.
He's like, one second degree, you're fine.
Faces up to five, or faces five years.
That's the minimum, I think, for this.
That's the deal.
He pleads guilty.
Now, when he pleads guilty, he's saying, too, he's saying, I'm pleading guilty to this one thing, and that's all I did.
Right.
He's trying to pretend like he thinks just because they dropped all the other charges, that means that shit didn't happen, basically.
And so we have the best in their own words ever trying to explain a crime.
Can't wait.
Makes no sense.
It's a complete conversation with himself.
Awesome.
But his defense lawyer,
I guess money's dropped him
there after his playing career,
so now he's got James Barber.
He says, quote,
he pleaded guilty
to what he said he had done.
He has consistently
denied the other charges.
So they're saying
he pled guilty to kidnapping.
He said he held her.
He just wanted to talk to her.
James Barber sounds like
some shitty lawyer
that just
advertises on midday tv he's not a public defender yeah that's not a good i have like 50 other cases
right i got to do i really have to do an interview about i imagine if these guys had to do interviews
about all of their cases they would never get anything done he's a jacobian myers yeah so
august 23rd 2002 he's sentenced to five years in prison when he comes back for sentencing. Uh-huh.
Well, you know, to be expected.
Yeah. I mean, duh, dipshit.
You knew you were getting that.
And so we have an In Their Own Words on this that is the best.
The best In Their Own Words ever on this 2002 crime.
In Their Own Words, Sly Williams.
Quote, did I commit a crime?
Yeah. Did I do what I was accused of? No. Did I deserve five years in prison? In their own words, Sly Williams, quote,
Any other questions?
Don't need to interview him.
He interviews himself.
The man interviews himself.
Bob Costas, I know what you want to ask.
I'm just going to answer it all for you right now.
You ready?
Asked and answered a dozen goddamn questions.
That's crazy.
It's like Kevin Nealon's question answer guide.
I was reading that.
Like, is this real? That's so good. I was reading that like is this real?
I had to find like
two sources wasn't even enough. I needed like
four because I'm like this is too good to be true.
It's the best quote I've ever heard in my life.
So now he's in prison.
His kids are God knows what.
They have no, they're a mess.
His girlfriend, Massy, Donna
Winfrey from way back is a lucky
one. She got rid of him in the late 80s.
Red Arbok's been let down.
This one, Red Arbok's spinning in his grave like a rotisserie chicken,
just spinning around, watches flying off in the garbage.
It's a disaster.
He's in prison now, and he's in prison.
He's doing time.
He's doing time.
All these women, his asshole.
He's got brothers and sisters that are getting no checks.
I feel bad for all these people.
And doctors not getting their SAV check.
All of these people I feel bad for, Jimmy.
I really do, but not nearly.
Not nearly as bad as I feel for Sly Williams,
the corporate general manager at Irwin Industries in Los Angeles,
or Sly Williams, an English teacher in London in the UK.
Shout out to you, homies over there.
Sly Williams, Clinical Social Worker at the Department of Veterans Affairs in San Jose, California.
Dr. Sly Williams.
Professor of Business at Elizabethtown College in Elizabethtown, Pennsylvania.
He's got an overall 3.2 rating on RateMyProfessors.com.
Shall we check out a couple of his reviews? Why don't we? This is from a poor rating that said,
quote, my class was required to buy five books and we only used two of them. He gives a lot of
busy work and likes to boast about himself a lot. He makes promises that he doesn't keep.
Not a good professor, but a good person. He kidnaps us and keeps us against our will.
He keeps us against our will and makes us make his toilet and says,
you're going to solve problems now, bitch.
Here's another one from an awful rating.
A rating of, quote, awful.
It's, quote, he's a terrible teacher.
Don't like, Jesus.
Don't think he actually looks at assignments.
Promises things he never follows through on.
He's a nice guy, but not a good teacher.
So we have a definite pattern with Dr. Sly Williamson.
Dr. Sly's a problem.
I actually had to make sure that wasn't him.
Really?
I really did.
That's awesome.
He could have got some jail thing and some jail degree and went in there.
Figured it out.
It sounds like him.
He's bullshitting his way through it.
Because the way they're like, he makes a lot of promises and he's funny and stuff. It sounds like he's just bullshitting his way through it. Because the way they're like, he makes a lot of promises and he's funny and stuff.
It sounds like he's just bullshitting his way through that.
But he doesn't show up sometimes.
He lectures us about anal warts sometimes.
I feel most bad of everyone
for poor Sylvester Williams,
the defensive tackle for the Denver Broncos.
Currently.
The current defensive tackle for the Broncos. That's hilarious. Yes, he plays for the Denver Broncos currently the current defensive tackle for the Broncos
that's hilarious yes he plays for the Broncos he'll be playing for them this year they did
not exercise this was just this spring they did not exercise the 6.757 million dollar contract
option for next season wow so he will be a free agent after next season unless the Broncos decide
to negotiate out something with him but he's's got a ring. If you look up
Sly Williams,
Sylvester Williams,
you get these two guys mainly.
And it's 50-50.
It's 50.
Because I read stuff about him
and I'm like,
he doesn't sound that bad.
And I'm like,
oh wait,
he's a different guy.
That's a football player.
Completely different guy.
That's fantastic.
So I'm reading about him
in college and I'm like,
oh,
sounds like he was a nice guy.
He didn't sound crazy.
I'm like,
North Carolina?
Our guy went to Rhode Island.
What the hell's going on?
Never mind.
So he stays in prison.
Just, I mean, think about him.
He's sitting there.
He's so miserable.
You piss your life away like that.
Chance after chance,
and you piss it away.
The steel bed underneath your swollen asshole.
Yeah, his ass is a mess, I'm sure.
It's a disaster.
So he's released after three and a half years in prison.
That was nice.
They mercifully let him trickle out back into the world.
He was a good inmate.
And he's just broken at this point.
Model inmate.
Model inmate.
His son, Sly Jr., actually made the Connecticut All-State basketball team in high school.
Oh, good for him.
In 2006.
So that wasn't bad.
Yeah, he's not,
Sly Jr.'s not
playing basketball anymore.
And he's not being
arrested actually,
so that's good.
He broke the junior curse.
On his career,
Sly has a quote
about his career here,
wrapping, you know,
kind of putting his whole,
in his mind,
his legacy
in a nutshell here.
He says,
quote,
my career was controversial
ever since I went to Rhode Island instead of Providence.
It has been a mess, but
I always had fun with it. I always liked the
publicity, the adversity. I thrived
on big games. If it wasn't a big game,
I was lost. I think Marvin
Barnes said almost the exact same quote.
I guess that Seattle game was not a big
game because they couldn't find him. He was lost.
Cleveland didn't show up. Practices, eh, were good. If it wasn't a big game, I was lost. I mean, I didn't show up. I mean, game because they couldn't find him. He was lost. Cleveland didn't show up. Practices.
If it wasn't a big game, I was lost.
I mean, I didn't show up. I mean, I couldn't find
the arena. I was really lost.
I couldn't even find the airport to get to the
city that had the arena in it.
That's awesome. So he's
out of prison. He apparently is doing well.
Looks like it anyway. On July
28, 2014,
two years ago, he participated in a Hoop It Up celebrity basketball game
at the Wilbur Cross High School in New Haven.
Other participants in this Hoop It Up game
were former NBA player Wes Matthews
and an old UConn player named Earl Kelly,
popular in the area type of thing.
And also Sly Junior,
who is 26 years old and working construction at this point in time.
At least he hasn't killed anybody.
At least he broke the curse of the Juniors and is not in prison.
So that's great.
Good for him.
He's a carpenter like Jesus.
Good for you.
The name of the team is the Sly Five.
Oh, clever.
And it's originally supposed to be Sly Junior and four of his buddies, their ex-players.
And three of the people drop out so it's Sly Jr.
one of his buddies
and then
Sly Sr.
who was going to be
the coach
instead now
throws his shorts
back on there
and hobbles his
destroyed asshole
out onto the court
with bad knees
and a lumpy butt
and a neck wound
to go out there
and play
and so I guess
they raise a bunch of money
and all that kind of thing
but ever good for you at that point.
2015, there's kind of a 28-minute,
looks terrible,
shitty documentary called
The Legend of Sly Williams.
You can get it on Amazon.com.
It's 28 minutes long.
It's looking mainly at the...
I looked at the footage.
It's like they try to do it well,
but it's not well done. 28 minutes long
it's almost the length of his career
it's almost the length, yeah what are you going to do make an hour
and a half thing on a guy. You can almost jam
every play ever made into that documentary
that's more than half the minutes he played
for the Celtics that one year
it literally is, it's more than half the minutes
it mainly looks at the University of Rhode
Island Providence College rivalry and how Sly
caused it and all that. That's the main
issue here. You can rent it for $1.99
for a day or
a month or whatever. You can buy it for $4.99
on Amazon.com if you really need it.
Why rent it? And there isn't even an
HD version available.
Only SD and there's no customer
reviews. I don't think it's very good.
I don't think anybody's buying it. I don't think anybody's watched it.
I don't think anybody's buying this pile of shit personally.
So that's what you get with Sly Williams.
He is now hanging out in New Haven.
Somebody buy that, rent it, whatever, and review it.
And mention his aggressively nasty awards.
He'd be like, wow, through that whole time,
who would have known that his anus was in such bad shape?
It's, wow, he really put it together.
Good job, Sly.
Good job, Sly.
Oh, no.
I mean, he's, oh, that's terrible.
And other than the basketball games,
he's kind of staying out of the public eye.
He seems like, from what he said, like in Charlotte,
because he seems to be a mess and
have all these problems the only time we heard of no problems was when he was in charlotte yeah
working at the furniture place and being an auto mechanic at night he said he had two jobs keeping
him busy and he even said that was my should have never left there and nobody hassled me i feel like
he thrived on the publicity like he said and all shit, but I feel like he actually thrived as a human being
in a quiet environment with nobody
bothering him, where he could just...
Cheat to himself and just work his own day.
Where he didn't have to solve anybody's problems.
He didn't have 14 brothers and sisters.
There wasn't a kid sleeping behind the toilet.
His aggressive anal warts were under control.
Under control. He had health insurance from one job.
Yeah, so I feel like
Sly had that.
That was his main issue.
He should have stayed in Charlotte.
I think he could have been better.
And another guy where you look at, because he didn't even fulfill.
Eddie Johnson was a good player, too.
He was a two-time All-Star, that sort of thing.
He never got to even there.
And even like Marvin Barnes had that spectacular ABA season where it's like a legendary.
He never had that. Nothing came together.
He just was always like, man, this guy's
got potential. He could do it if he just stops
being a jackass. Heaps of personal problems
off the court. Went from that to
he can't be in play anymore.
This is a sad
tale. This is an absolute crime
in sports tale. And he's out there living somewhere
lost. Starts out
with all his brothers and sisters in a shithole to all the opportunity in the world to actively pissing it away and just drilling it into the ground for the next 20 years until you have a lengthy prison sentence and you end up playing in charity basketball games.
That's the crime and sports experience.
And you're only playing in that charity game because people dropped out that are nobody.
What I just described, if there was a podcast theme park, that would be our ride.
You show up, it's filthy and gross.
There's kids everywhere.
Your mother's a prostitute.
You're like, what's going on here?
You're buying crack to get onto the ride.
You're like, hey, girls are fucking me.
College is pretty good.
This isn't bad.
You go to the pro, you're like, oh, this is great.
All this money.
Hey, look look piles of cocaine
famous people
wonderful
and then
watch out for that big dip
yeah
next thing you know
you're in Mexico
and there's pimps
pointing guns at you
and then they take you
to a prison cell
and then in the end
you're you know
at some charity event
trying to say
however your life
has turned around
I'm good now
that's the crime
and sports experience
oh Jesus you get off and that's the thing it just goes you're good now. That's the crime and sports experience. Jesus.
You get off and that's the thing.
It just goes, you're good now.
When you step off the ride, they go, you're good now.
You're good now.
On your way out, there's just piles of cocaine.
Piles of...
You want to walk around the rest of the park with a crime and sports cocaine pile around your nostrils.
And the ride leads you back in, but only to like into the middle of the ride and then
you have to do the end that's it yeah you can't you can't do this no again you go what's going
on what this isn't this is a two-bedroom apartment with why is there blood did i stab my girlfriend
let's go oh shit now you're getting cuffed oh okay now i see the experience no rewrites no
really the only good half of the second the first half of the ride once.
I know you want to do some shout-outs.
Let's do some shout-outs.
That's Sly Williams, guys.
It's a sordid day.
It's a sordid disaster.
It really is.
We want to do some shout-outs.
I feel bad for his asshole.
That's who I feel bad for.
I feel bad for his asshole, his girlfriends, his kids.
Sly Jr. has to be great.
I'm Sly Jr.
Thanks, Dick.
I've got to tell everybody about Senior.
It's terrible.
So we want to do
some shout-outs
to some listeners
that have been
really active with us
and just people we love.
Yeah, the people
on Twitter this week
that have been super helpful.
Tiny Epics.
I don't know what that is.
I don't either.
I guess they do movies
and stuff,
but they're fantastic people.
And that Python Cricket
in the UK.
It's a cricket store
for all your formal cricket needs, whatever it is that you need.
Cricket bat?
Yeah, they do custom cricket bats.
Interesting.
You can get your own there.
Guys, send us a cricket bat.
Oh, that'd be amazing.
Can you send us a crime and sports cricket bat?
Let's work this out.
Let's work out some sort of something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Figure something out.
We just told thousands of people about Python cricket.
Tell you what.
We have a lot of listeners in the UK.
If you send us a cricket bat, we will do a few episodes of weekly ads for you.
What do you say?
I love it.
Let's work something out.
Send us something to write to say about you on the air.
Anything you want.
I love it.
Well, and we'll make it funny because I don't know if cricket people are funny.
But either way, let's work something out.
I love a cricket bat.
We'll put it on the wall.
Scott Boris Ferguson.
That guy's on TV.
That guy's fantastic.
He's a sweet guy. We'll put it on the wall. Scott Boris Ferguson. That guy's on TV. That guy's fantastic. He's the best, man.
Thank you.
He helps us out.
Whenever he tweets us out,
we always get a few extra listeners from that.
I like it.
Donnie Munso, Mark Burns,
and that Rightly So podcast.
Yeah, thanks, guys.
The Rightly So podcast.
They've been really cool.
I heard you roll your shout out at the end.
Those guys are funny
because you listen to them
and it's like,
oh, these fucking...
I love them so much.
That accent they have over there
is so amazing. They're great. When there's vitriol in it and rage and anger. There's a fucking cunt here. I'm just like, oh, these fucking, I love them so much. That accent they have over there is so amazing.
They're great.
When there's vitriol in it and rage and anger.
This fucking cunt here.
I'm just like, I love these guys.
These guys are after our own heart, man.
Sophia Trill, though.
You got to change that name because I feel so dumb saying Trill, though.
Yeah, really?
Sophia Trill, though.
She's Sophia, but she's Trill, though.
I don't know.
My daughter watches Sophia the First
so it feels weird
whatever
Brian McGovern
that guy's nice
and Chris
Chris Burdett
or Burkett
Burkett
yeah Burkett
that guy's awesome
and we have our first
crime and sports couple
of Rachel and Rob
Dillinger
oh that's right
they are married
did you know that
that's tremendous
that is awesome
and they argue with each other about shit.
That's great.
Yeah, they had an argument over what a silver-haired, middle-aged white man is.
By the way, would you guys like a definition of a silver-haired, middle-aged white man?
I actually came up with one.
I'm going to start doing definitions for all of our terms here.
Silver-haired, middle-aged white man, or S-H-M-A-W-M as we like to call him is quote any person who assists or attempts to
assist or enable crimes and actions of an athlete at the expense of society while yielding personal
gain usually male between the ages of 45 and 65 with hair that falls somewhere in the gray spectrum
see also coach attorney lawyer general team owner, university athletic director.
So that's what a silver-haired, middle-aged white man is.
It's not a particular role.
It can be any role as long as you gain personally at the expense of society and at the pushing of your athlete.
That's what it is.
That's all it is.
And just brushing their nudnickery under the rug.
Just pushing and slamming, pushing their faces in it.
Guys, please also, I know it's a pain in the ass.
I know it takes 30 seconds.
Please, please rate and review on iTunes.
You have no idea what that does for us.
Just please.
It helps us a lot.
It drives us up the charts.
Like we said, do five stars.
Say you're following instructions.
We don't care.
Call us assholes.
Call us nice guys.
Whatever you want to do.
Just do that, please.
We charted in the UK the past three weeks.
Yeah, and we're really, that's awesome.
And we're beating people out there that crush us here.
Oh, yeah, that's pretty cool.
We beat a celebrity of Brian Callen.
We beat him one week.
That's awesome.
No, a bunch of people and networks, too.
I just see that.
BBC.
I see Panaple, and I see Podcast One,
podcasts that are under us.
And I'm like,
that's pretty neat.
That's awesome.
That's because of you guys.
Thank you guys.
Because that's the only way
we can push this.
Honestly, guys,
we don't have a network.
We don't have Podcast One behind us.
We don't have anything like that.
We're not journalists.
We're comics.
We're a couple of comics
that are trying to research
my fucking ass off.
Honestly,
this pile of goddamn cards in front of me,
you can see it.
We try so hard to get the information right,
and we want to have jokes,
and we want to just give you guys something cool
and entertaining to do.
And thank you guys so much for listening.
And thanks for spreading it,
because it wouldn't spread anywhere
if it wasn't for you guys.
It would be me and Jimmy
and some people that watch us do stand-up. Our family and friends.
Yeah, so thank you guys so much.
We love you to death, and UK especially.
Tell six friends.
Horrible, horrible
vitriolic way.
Call somebody a cunt
and tell them about us. Friend them and call them a cunt,
damn it. That's our thing.
You can also get on by following us on
social media at Crime and Sports on Twitter.
Crime and Sports at gmail.com.
Facebook.com slash Crime and Sports.
You can donate to us if you like on the Patreon page.
Patreon.com slash Crime and Sports.
You want to throw a few extra bucks at us.
We just opened up a new studio here that we're working with.
I love it.
We're just starting to gain expenses, so that would be awesome.
There's some rewards there if you feel like doing that. If
not, though, iTunes reviews are free
and they mean just as much to us.
I'd rather have sponsors' money than your money.
That's exactly it. That's my favorite thing.
We don't want your money. We want sponsors' money.
And by the way, there's an ad running
currently. I don't know when people might listen
to this later. It might change, but an ad
running from the National
Highway Safety... Highway Transportation Board. That's amazing. But an ad running from the National Highway Safety
Transportation Board.
That's amazing.
There's a federal government.
So if you live
in the U.S.,
look on your taxes
and look on your paycheck.
Look where they take taxes out.
A sliver of that.
A tiny fraction of a penny
is going in our pockets
for making fun of jerk-offs.
Buying us foam for our walls.
So thank you, guys.
Thank you.
Also, too,
UK people,
I'd like to tweet at us or whatever
what plays before yours there because i don't think they play our highway safety ads in the
uk so what plays before our it says on on the page that whatever we're curious their sponsors
uh if wherever you're at if you benefit from something their sponsors advertise that that's
what plays before yeah buzz be tweeted me the other day and said that there's no ads in Australia.
Really?
Yeah, nothing in Australia.
Very odd.
So apparently they don't have any advertisers
that reach Australia.
Jesus.
Which is strange to me.
Yeah, no shit.
Come on, Australia.
God damn it.
You've got to have something to advertise.
Start buying shit from the world, you guys.
Stop buying local.
That would be a fucking wallaby trap
or something you guys want to...
Yeah.
And once again,
Python Cricket. Let's get with that cricket bat. We want a crime sports cricket bat on the wall something. And once again, Python cricket.
Let's get with that cricket bat.
We want a crime and sports
cricket bat on the wall.
Absolutely.
You know, for here.
And also we can use it to,
I don't know.
We'll paddle somebody's ass.
If an angry athlete
ever tracks us down,
we can use it for protection.
We'll get,
we'll get,
we'll get aggressively nasty
anal warts all over it
when I smack,
when I spank,
when I spank the fuck
out of them.
Yeah, that's right.
I'm going to pop them up
and blow those bad boys up. So, you want to give them your social media, Jim. Yeah, that's right. I'm going to pop them up and blow those
bad boys up.
So you want to give
them your social media,
Jimmy?
Yeah, at Wisman Sucks,
W-H-I-S-M-A-N Sucks
on Twitter, Instagram,
and Face, or Twitter,
Instagram, and Snapchat.
Snapchat.
That shit is so fun.
Oh, Jesus.
I'm such a child.
It's so fun.
At Jimmy P is funny.
You can find me
on all the crap.
Look for me, whatever.
Friend me on, friend me, call me a cunt. I don't care. I love it. Whatever you got to do. I don't really care. It's so fun. At Jimmy P is funny. You can find me on all the crap. Look for me, whatever. Friend me on.
Friend me, call me a
cunt.
I don't care.
I love it.
Whatever you got to do.
I don't really care.
It's all good.
But guys, thank you so
much for listening this
week.
Tune in next week where
we have more insanity
coming.
We're going to, of
course, switch it up.
I like to switch it up
a little bit.
I like that.
We're going to be a
basketball player.
We're going to go.
It's fun that way.
We're looking at several
options next week.
I haven't decided. We haven't quite molded over yet.. We're looking at several options next week. I haven't decided.
We haven't quite mulled it over yet.
But we're looking at maybe a fighter, maybe a hockey player.
I love fighters.
I love doing fighters.
You don't know.
We could do fighters forever.
It could be just fighters.
They are so, so terrible.
Our show could be just NFL players and fighters.
And that we'd be done.
Yeah.
We'd be fine forever.
We don't even need any other sports involved.
They keep fucking up every week.
And they murder. They do violence. They have head injuries. So they're a fine forever. You don't even need any other sports involved. They keep fucking up every week. And they murder,
they do violence,
they have head injuries
so they're a real mess.
They don't even think straight.
Right.
And also guys,
stay tuned,
like we said,
for a little expansion
coming up.
I saw a few guys
were tweeting about that
and you were excited about it
which is really awesome for us.
Yeah, that feels good.
And so we're pumped
to do this
and we're going to get
into some more crime and some more areas. And that, again, is due this, and we're going to get into some more crime
and some more areas.
And that, again, is due to you guys.
You guys did that for us.
We didn't come up with that idea just because.
No, we came up with that idea
because you guys are awesome.
Yeah, these guys are helping us and spreading us,
and we'd like to give back,
and we'd like to do some different shit too,
a little variety,
and not scare everybody away with the sports thing
if they're not into sports.
I like making fun
of pedophiles
that directed movies.
I'm into that.
We could do that.
There's lots of scumbags.
There's scum
in every niche out there.
We're going to explore them.
I like talking about
pedophiles that diddled
boy bands and shit like that.
I'm into that.
Let's fucking make fun of them.
I want to hear about,
yeah, we got all of this.
Yeah, well,
one of the things
we're kind of thinking
about talking about,
we'll kind of let this part out,
is like a crime
and entertainment
a crime and showbiz
type thing
because I mean
it goes back
from like the 30s
to crazy
whatever
drugging and killing
some girl
that they raped
at a party
and then having it
swept under the rug
to currently
the crazy shit
people do
it's insane
there's so much there
that we'd like to get into
I only said that
just because one just died
yeah that jackass backstreet boy and O-Town to do. It's insane. There's so much there that we'd like to get into. I only said that just because one just died. Yeah.
That fucking scumbag.
That jackass
and Backstreet Boy
and some guy.
Yeah, and O-Town.
The fat Florida guy.
Yeah, the fat Florida guy.
Yeah, molesting cocksucker.
I forget his name
but I don't want to
dignify his name anyway.
He's a piece of shit.
Yeah, it's Lou.
I really wish,
I really hope when he
was in prison.
Perlman.
There you go.
I hate that I could
remember that.
At one point,
I really just hope
he was in a cell with Tom Payne.
He's one of those guys where you want,
here you go, Tom, here's a nice dish towel for you,
and then push the guy in the room.
I just want him to have shared a fork with Sly at some point.
I want him to have aggressively nasty anal warts.
I want him to share a butt plug with Sly,
and then room up with Tom Payne, and just a big fat ass share a butt plug with sly and then say and then room up with tom pain
and just a big rack of dish towels and tom pain's got him all over his cock all over baby oh that's
the first time i said cock today oh you did that's his first time you said cock you you
refrained from hymen i'm very proud of you you've done very well today jimmy hymen and pussy were
not said in this episode you You're being an adult.
I like it.
Good job.
You're growing up.
You're growing up.
You're a grown up kid.
You're doing it well.
All right, guys.
That's the episode for this week.
Thank you so much.
Join us next week.
Tell your friends, please.
iTunes reviews, all that shit.
Get on there.
Hey, Prime members.
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