Crime in Sports - #334 - Better Than Hitler - Maxim "Mad Max" Novoselov

Episode Date: December 20, 2022

This week, we wade into seriously crazy waters with a Russian MMA fighter, who has killed multiple people, in brutal & extreme ways. Not only participating in death matches, but also in his business life. He trains with axes, hatchets, and bears, and even taught other prisoners how to do so, during one of his frequent stays. He is as much of a mystery as he is anything else, with his shadowy businesses, and crime underground past. One of the wildest people that we've ever covered! Fight in death matches, at the edge of a quarry, lock people in a room & burn them alive, then brutalize your sparring partner with an axe with Maxim "Mad Mad" Novoselov!!Check us out, every Tuesday! We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!!  Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman  Donate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail]  Get all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.com  Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!!  Contact us on... twitter.com/crimeinsports [e-mail] facebook.com/Crimeinsports instagram.com/smalltownmurderSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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A first listen is waiting for you when you start your free trial at audible.ca. Each week on the Mr. Ballin Podcast, now available wherever you get your podcasts, you'll hear strange, dark, and mysterious stories about inexplicable encounters, shocking disappearances, true crime cases, and everything in between. So go listen to Mr. Ballin Podcast, strange, dark, and mysterious stories on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Crime and Sports. Yay! Yay, indeed, Jimmy. Yay, indeed.

My name is James Petrogallo. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman. Thank you, folks, so much for joining us on another wild, crazy episode of Crime and Sports. And this is crazy, especially because we're going back to our Dotsik roots here. This is another, if you don't know, we're talking about Vyacheslav Dotsik, who was an early episode we did within, this was right after our first year. And he's an MMA, a Russian MMA fighter who was absolutely an insane person. Just the shit that he did. We have another one of those today.

Oh, he still is. And he comes up in this story too. We have another. Oh, great. We have a crazier russian mma fighter really an actual murderer so that's good yeah we have an actual murderer he's out of his time it's coming oh he'll kill somebody don't get me wrong but as of right now you know he still doesn't have any bodies officially zero given to him uh but we have a special announcement before we start the show. First off, little house cleaning, and then we have an amazing announcement

that we hope you're going to love. Head over to ShutUpAndGiveMeMurder.com right now. Get your tickets to all the live shows coming up for Small Town Murder for 2023. First up, we are February 10th in Cleveland, February 11th in St. Louis, and those tickets are going fast. So get your asses in there and get those if you want to come to those shows.

Patreon.com slash Crime and Sports, of course, is where you get all the bonus stuff. There's so much. Anybody $5 a month or above, you're going to get access to everything. There's like over 150 episodes of bonus back catalog that binge on. And then you get two new ones every other week. One crime and sports. One small town murder. And that's not going to stop.

And this week, which you're going to get. Well, this week we're going to get these Patreons are going to come out on Christmas Eve. And I have my son here. There's a lot of family stuff going on. So we're going to do one Patreon, this particular one. That's a Christmas present for you. And your Christmas present to us is to do one and not two so we can spend time with our families. Easy peasy.

It's easy peasy. But it's going to be a really funny one. It's very personal. It is going to be Jimmy and myself will talk about the worst comedy gigs we've ever been a part of we're going to do that this is our history get some stand up stuff that we'll talk about and we've been asked about this type of thing so many times

that we need to just do a whole episode on it we'll make it a long one too it won't be short it'll be a nice long one check that out and then you get new stuff every other week like we said so that is patreon.com slash Crime and Sports. Now, big announcement here. Everybody, we have been, we announced a while back.

Was it maybe a month and a half ago that we were ending Crime and Sports at the end of 2022. And that would mean this would be our second to last episode yeah second to last episode and then we we've gotten bombarded in a good way in a good way not in a bad way we've gotten a lot of messages and a lot of people are just upset about it and they're so cool about it people are so fucking nice about it because none of them are like hey fuck you guys they're all like they're all like you know i understand what this show means to me but i'm just sad and people are just sad i'm like oh my god we're hurting people by do not doing like it's weird i never thought when we started this show i'll be very honest we started this show seven years ago february so we didn't know if anybody would ever care.

And even if we yeah, even if we had some listeners, we didn't think that it would matter to the point where they would actually pick up their phone and message somebody to say that they're sad, which that hurt me. I was like, I don't want them to be sad. They've been our listeners for so long. So it wasn't easy. We on the business end wasn't easy to figure out how to do but we have somehow somehow made it so we are go we're we're keeping crime and sports going as we're telling you we're not ending it um we can't we can't do it we can't do it uh to you and to us and we love it and we know that you guys love it so we're keeping crime and sports it's going to be a little bit different that was the only way we could make it so it'll work uh you know business-wise because we there's contracts

and things like that and we do have things yeah we do have another show starting also and this was supposed to replace so we said but you know this is what we want to do and uh you know wonder he was nice enough to let us do it so we're going to keep doing we could do it but you know to actually be on board with it so it's going to be done a different way. It's going to be a little bit different. I mean, it's still crime and sports. It's still us, but we're no more. Once in a while, you might get like the three-hour show or whatever like that, but it's not going

to be like that every week. We can't. We couldn't do that anymore. There's just not enough people to do that anymore. There just isn't. So it's going to be kind of a shrunken down but powered up version of it because there's a lot of stories where there's like a somebody did like one or two things that are fucking insane but we know we can't fill the rest of it with three hours

there's not enough backstory and fill in to make a three-hour show you need the childhood you need everything and it's really hard to do it's hard to find somebody and document their entire 50-year existence and they've been in the public eye. It's impossible, man, to do that. It's like a research thesis every week. We can't fucking do it anymore. And not only that, it was just – They don't exist. They don't exist.

But we have all these crazy stories that are shorter and some might be an hour, some might be an hour and a half. Some we don't know, you know, whatever it comes out to be. But it's going to be crime and sports and it's going to be it's going to we're going to pack as much punch into that as we can and try to kind of do as little sports as we can. Try to back off some of the stats and shit like that and just kind of make it, you know, give you everything we can make it as streamlined as humanly possible and and give you all the good stuff and really punch hard. And so we're going to show you this week what we're talking about this week. We're going to give you our sample of this is what the show will be, which you're going to go. It's crime and sports is just a little shorter.

Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what it is. So we're going to walk down the frozen food aisles at costco and have a little sample of crime and sports that's it have a that's on a little toothpick don't eat the toothpick don't eat it's sharp new and improved it's the new and improved crime and sports uh so we'll be doing this we will be doing lawrence taylor next week and that'll be a full you know ring the bells and all that uh you know regular crime and sports it'll be the last one of those and then we'll start again but crime and sports is staying and uh the fact that we're doing that all we ask of you is that listen

to every goddamn episode if you don't never heard of a guy don't skip an episode stuff like that because that's what makes it hard for us to convince people that this show is is worth doing so yeah we'll hold up our end of the bargain and give you a kick-ass, funny fucking show. And you guys just try to do that for us. And we will continue. That said, let's get into it. And then support our new show when it comes out. Yes, and we'll be announcing that

at the beginning of the new year. Because then it'll be a month because it's going to come out in February because we realized that Crime and Sports came out in mid-February and Small Town came out in mid-February and Small Town Murder debuted in mid-February. So we're kind of partial to starting shows in mid-February. Pretty good month.

That's what we're going to do. Yeah. So there we go. That said, let's get into this, Jimmy. Let's go. We have a crazy-ass episode, no matter the length. Maxim Novoselov. Why do they all have to maxim yeah maxim dot six first name

via cheslov see that there's another off yeah the ovs are big over the lobs and the anything with ovs pov and love very big over there molotov it's all on that shit cocktails and everything yeah this guy is russian born in russia and this man if you could if you could personify a country oh yeah remember we said back in the dot sick episode we said if you if 4chan was a country it would be it would be uh russia this guy is if you turned russia and somehow like a wizard yeah did a thing and there was a big cloud with sparks and shit and then poof it came out a person it would be maxim novice i love without a doubt he is russia as a human uh he's born may 15th 1973 okay and he's still mma fighting so that

tells you a lot about him right there oh yeah? Oh yeah. Good lord. Brain damage isn't really the problem with this guy or if it was it happened at a young age because he's always been a fucking maniac. A 50 year old man fighting hand to hand combat is a It seems ridiculous. It seems dangerous to himself

more than anybody else. When you see the guy though you go you know what do whatever you got to do. He's a fucking, he's a beast of a human being. He's six foot tall, 250 pounds, and just looks like, he looks like a bear, like a shaved bear. He's such a fucking beast, this guy.

Now, a lot of this, a lot of stuff that I couldn't find anywhere else came from a couple of Russian articles because he's Russian, so that's where he's covered most of all, especially his background and some of his criminal shit here. The Russian article was written by Vasily Trunov. I couldn't tell what the

publication was. I don't even fucking know. It's all in Russian. This Google Translate helped a lot here. We're going to have a lot of fun with the translations also because they really sound funny. Maxim's nickname, Mad Max, is what everybody calls him, of course. I feel like they should be a tournament of him and Vernon Maxwell and put all the other Mad Maxes in and fight to the death. Anytime Max is in the name, Mad is certain. It's like 97%, right?

Yeah, even the chick on Stranger Things was Mad Max on her video game thing. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's either that or Maxie Pad. That's all you got. That's pretty much all you're getting, yeah. You want to be Mad Max or Maxie Pad? Which one? And she's a redhead, so that's a given.

Yeah, look at you, ultra-absorbent, huh? Hey, she's for heavyhead so that's uh that's a given yeah look at you ultra absorbent huh hey she's for heavy flow days right what's happening heavy flow if a girl's name is extra security the girl's name is flowed is that what you call her heavy heavy flow light flow yeah yeah Do all that kind of shit. Now, here is the intro from the article. This will give you an overview of our fella here, okay? Quote, 123 kilograms of meat, bald head, scarred face, steel look. Maxim Novoselov is a professional fighter without rules and a versatile

warrior he throws knives fights with axes and knows how to shoot from any weapon from a Makarov pistol to an RPG why because he's a fucking psycho dude he was in like the Russian army too he did all sorts

of crazy shit training people how to hand toto-hand combat with axes and hatchets and shit he's a fucking psychopath he's a psycho because his other shit what he does outside of mma is not like he doesn't work at target and stock shops and shit no he's a fucking psychopath whatever you work at gold's gym no cleaning up the barbells whatever dark shadowy russian underground you're picturing. He this guy's the guy sitting at the table going, bring him to me. And then they come and he rips the guy's head off his shoulders like that's that's him.

He he was from, I guess, Treg, Treg, Orny, Trek, Trek, a horny Treg, Tregorny, Trek, Trek, a horny, Tregorny. Oh my God. T a Trek, Trek, uh, H G O R N Y. So he's, that's where he's from. I suppose. Uh, it's called a closed paramilitary town. That's where he's from. What? Yeah.

Yeah. There's a lot of like, it's yeah. There's some weird, there's some weird shit going on in Russia. There's a lot of like it's yeah. There's some weird. Why do they have that? There's some weird shit going on in Russia. That's why. So you'd like it. You'd liken it to like a Fort Bragg or something like that. No.

No, no, no. Fort Bragg is an actual military installation. This is this is like growing up in a militia town in Idaho. Oh, it's not even sponsored. No. Sponsor paramilitary. Oh, my God. This is like a bunch of crazy assassins and hired

out, like what's the word I'm looking for? Contract hitmen? Yes, but Contractors. I guess it would be the best way to put it, but he's one of those, like a paid mercenary. There's the word.

Mercenaries. These are like mercenary people from like an 80s movie. People Chuck Norris would have to shoot with a rocket launcher. You know what I mean? Like shit like that. So very fucking strange. This article also says that the local boys at the time he grew up, 70s and 80s, because Russia also was going down fucking hill in the 80s. Things weren't great.

They had three options to be a boxer, a wrestler, or a hooligan. There were no other, nothing else to do there, basically. All of those are people who assault others. Deadwood is what he just described. He just described Deadwood. He says you could, you tried to be like guy. They had all these unsanctioned fights is what they would do, like these unsanctioned crazy fights. And you would try to be like the toughest guy in your area. It's so strange, man.

This is like it sounds like a giant prison camp is what this place sounds like. So here is a quote from Max himself. sounds like so um here is a quote from max himself at least once a month our cosmodrome gang fought wall to wall with someone um he said they were all could be simple reasons uh some guy one of their friends got pushed at a disco um or you know something any kind of any kind of argument could cause a giant gang brawl, basically, he said. He said guys would break each other's ribs, knock each other's teeth out, but everyone left on their own feet. So fistfights is what he said. A little worse for wear.

Yeah, that's all. Just fistfights. No, nothing more than chains and knives. We're going like a 1959 rumble is what they're having over there so teeth and ribs you know but that's okay you can walk away you're still just because just because you can stand doesn't mean that you're not very injured make you man jimmy that's problem you're not man i don't want to lose teeth over this you You break rib. Next time you breathe, every time you think, I should fight better next time. That's all it is.

Every time you breathe, you go, I'm a bad fighter. I need to train harder. Oh, I got to be better. That's a reminder. That's what it's like, yeah. You walk away, nothing broken. Hey, next time you come in, hey, I good fighter, I good fighter. You get killed.

See, that's how it works. I don't know what accent that is, by the way. Every time you smile, you're reminded that you got suckered. Oh, protect face more. More protect face. Less put arm down. See? Remind. Missing an incisor.

Maybe I won't drop the left next time. Real world reminder to keep hand up and defend self at all time. See? It's good. So he got through school, I guess. In his school, there was military applied stuff. Of course there was.

It's like a part. Yeah. There was like combat courses you could take in high school also i'm not even shitting you which is like shop class but shop class except with you know artillery that's what they were working out um by 18 he was a dangerous man essentially i would say so yeah he's trained that way's been fighting, he shoots with any weapon accurately because he's been trained, you know, kind of like ROTC style, I guess.

With live rounds. He can, very, very happy and proud that he can disassemble a machine gun in 11 seconds. Which, we have not had a whole lot of crime and sports subjects in 333 prior episodes that had any

they didn't know what their time was in disassembling a machine gun so sub 15 that's not bad that's we've never given out that stat before disassembling machine gun time that's the first he had uh he averaged 12.6 points four rebounds the three assists he had a block and a half a game oh and he could disassemble a machine gun in 12.8 seconds. That's pretty impressive, too. We've never had it. Under 11 seconds is crazy. Yeah.

So he ended up going into the Army. And this is when Afghanistan was going on, if you remember. It died out kind of in the late 80s and all that kind of shit. You know, when Russia was bankrupt. Yeah, ass deep in that. And then after that, there's other problems. There's been Chechnyan things. There's a lot going on in Russia.

If you want to fight and shoot things, Russia was a good place to be for you. So he said, quote, we were trained for war in elite companies by experienced men who went through Vietnam and Afghanistan. There was no lawlessness in the military units. There are no grandfathers, spirits and scoops in battle. I don't know what that means, but he apparently that means something. Apparently your boyfriend who harbors a grudge. I guess your friend who's a guy. Bad translation there.

boyfriend who harbors a grudge i guess your friend who's a guy bad translation there in russia the military is more of a broke back mountain type situation it's like the national guard but you you know you gotta you gotta get good at licking your hand and making it happen tail gunner means something special it's very different it's a very very different position put it that way it is a position over there but it's very different. It's a very, very different position. Put it that way. It is a position over there, but it's a different position. Oh, it is. Totally different one. So he says, where is it? Oh, your boyfriend harbors a grudge, can push you into a mine, and you will return home legless and disabled.

Nobody wants this. No shit. Yeah, that seems. this you know shit yeah that seems so if you're with one of your buddies and they are upset with you for something they can shove you into a landmine which is a yeah terrible way to frag somebody we yeah we used to shoulder check people into the wall uh walking down the hall the locker pow yeah makes a cool noise you know he likes yeah yeah yeah something like that not a landmine and then you go dick how do you like that with no legs now mother took you left didn't it it'll teach you to steal my french fries and i go to the bathroom i shove you into a mine holy shit he

said in karabakh i worked for several months as a military instructor already outside the Soviet army. I do not want to name the side too painful a topic. Who knows? You got to be a I have no idea about. I'm not that much of a student of Russian geopolitical fucking matters. So I'm not sure what was going on what side he's talking about he said some youth some youths who have not been fired uh who have not who had not been fired upon came and died what so nobody nobody shot them but they they came and died

boom oh god uh drained fell to the floor drained of all energy what the hell do that i don't know what the animal that does that yeah yeah yeah bees i think they'll yeah fucking drop yeah yeah they lived they lived to breed too painful it was okay wow and new ones were brought in their place war is war so many years have passed and the end of the conflict has not been put. They still shoot and die. Is that a Russian thing that they just throw bodies at shit? Yeah, absolutely. Hundreds and thousands of bodies.

They just throw them. World War II was the only way they kept the fucking Nazis at bay was to absolutely shovel bodies on the fire. I mean, they were just fucking overwhelming. If you just throw 40,000 people and march them toward that way, it's going to take a while for the Nazis to kill all those people, which will hold them up. So basically, it's a delay tactic. Just kill all these guys. That's what they did.

You look at the numbers. As many Russians, I believe believe died in that war as all the rest of the everybody put together is that so i want to say it's 50 million people that died and it was 25 million from the rest of the world and 25 million from russia they just that's shoveled it's i guess better than being fucking under hitler i mean you're under stalin so that's not much better but it's a difference right so that's not much better but it's a difference right yeah it's you know slightly but it's still that's that that's the the devil you know is better than yeah the devil with a hitler mustache i suppose right that's how the

saying goes i think that's exactly devil you know is better than hitler i think is how the saying goes i thought so i think my grandfather used to say that one. Well, the devil you know is better than Hitler. And I'd be like, oh, okay. That might be just as truthful. I mean, it is true. Whatever you got is probably better than Hitler, you know. Oh, my God. Better than Hitler is going to be the name of this episode.

That's a fine line there to draw. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's hard not to be better than Hitler. It really is. You really got to work. And especially when you really look into World War II, you're like, wow, what a dick. And especially when you really look into World War II, you're like, wow, what a dick. Not only just the horrible things that we know of atrocities and Holocaust and all that sort of thing, but he was a douchebag also. And then when it's all found out and all the facts come to light, the cowardice.

Oh, yeah. Absolute cowardice. Well, he was just a crackhead. The last four years of the war, he was just a crackhead. But why pull all that shit if you're not gonna own it? You know what I mean? Like, at that point... Oh, Jimmy. Come on, man. Because he's a fucking narcissistic maniac. That's why. He's a narcissistic

psychopath. That's why. You can't see that. And he kept himself so fucking insulated that he didn't hear bad things. He thought... And even when he heard slightly bad things, he was... His doctor would give him fucking... Give him opiates and inject him and then he'd think everything was great and he'd go out there and tell everybody that they were going to win the war and they were like is he fucking what is wrong with this guy what is he high he's high that's what's wrong with reed blitzed uh it's

a book about it's they they got a hold of finally it took forever to get a hold of it but they got a hold of hitler's doctor's journals so it has everything that he gave hitler all the drugs and what dosages what day his whole diaries with his journals holy shit dude he was giving him speed balls by the end of it he was just flying in 44 he was getting coke meth uh peric or a coke meth uh opiate fucking mixtures coke meth morphine basically mixture together that he was getting those injections multiple times a day a day a day he's just a fucking crackhead it's all he was was a crackhead and like unbelievable he'd call the doctor in the middle of the night with like bullshit excuses he was like because he's itching because he's exactly he was a total crackhead he was just your standard brand crackhead yeah

his blood itches and he's throwing up come over yeah so there you go he was but even as even even everybody that was around him were the cowardice they fucking absolutely running the own it you fucking bitch how dare you no not a lot of them did man not a lot of them did like a man read the nazi and the psychiatrist you got to see exactly how they all reacted when they got caught the ones who didn't kill themselves they they were all in the same place and this guy went to like venezuela or some shit no they were all in uh in in uh um in europe still it was still in europe yeah i think it was there was a bunch that went down to like argentina oh they ran away though they escaped no these were people that were caught, I'm talking about.

So they had all the ones that were tried at the Nuremberg trials. This psychiatrist oversaw them at the prison. Yeah. And then after that, they caught a bunch down in South America somewhere. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They fled all over the world. Even them. Yeah.

The fucking, after they're caught and they're in court, just the cowardice. It's crazy. What's his name? Absolute pussies. I think it was Hess, maybe. That was the one that was out in the fucking... He just went up in the mountains and pretended to be a portrait painter under a different name. Like still in Germany, though?

Another one was a farmer in fucking Argentina and went by a different name. Oh, yeah. How dare you? Yeah, pussies. How fucking dare you? Think about what they did. different name. Oh, yeah. How dare you? Yeah, pussies. How fucking dare you? Think about what they did. What they did. And yeah, that doesn't surprise me.

They're a bunch of pussies. World conflict. World conflict. Stand up and own it, man. Nope. Nope. No. Wow.

The Japanese were totally different than the way the Germans handled it. Yeah, you're right. Not the German people. I'm talking about the leadership, obviously. Yeah, the leaders. Yeah, yeah. So either way, that doesn't matter here. Somehow we got off on there.

Devil You Know is better than Hitler. Let's just put it that way. That's awesome. Put a cherry on it. It's really good. That's a shirt. It's got to be a shirt, right? The conversations. That will start to be a shirt, right? The conversations

and that will start. Yeah, what the fuck? I mean, they're saying something's better than Hitler, I guess. No picture of Hitler on there. You can't have that. Maybe with like a Ghostbusters thing through it. No Hitler. The devil you know is better than dot dot dot

with just the jowls of Hitler with with the staff just a mustache up there no nobody wants hitler on their shirt in any way shape or form i feel like you can't put hitler on a shirt just this just that mustache well everyone knows the mustache people just hoping it's charlie chaplin let's really hope he's a big silence film fan because this is the devil you know is better than chaplin people are like i don't understand that reference but cool man walk funny yeah i guess he was kind of goofy whatever he did fuck that on that young girl so yeah yeah all of them a lot of them. Yeah, he was into that.

But back then, that was like acceptable societal behavior, which is strange. So bizarre. They were like, she bleeds monthly. What's the problem? That's how they would handle it back then. I think one of them didn't. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah, he was a pervert.

Pretty sure it was 13 or 14. Way too young. He was a pervert, yeah. Big time pervert. Pretty sure it was 13 or 14. Way too old. He was a pervert, yeah. Big time pervert. Charlie. So, Novoselov, after he did these military training and returned from an unnamed war that he doesn't want to talk about because it's too painful. Who knows what he's doing. Or shameful.

Well, he began to participate in underground street fights. Oh, boy. Yeah. Like hardcore, like blood sport type fights we're getting into. He hasn't had enough of killing. No, he needs. Yeah. He's got a bloodlust, this guy.

He just does. And a hands-on style. That's even crazy. Yeah. They would gather apparently on deserted beaches or in sand quarries that to have these fights they just go out to the middle of nowhere where nobody was and just have these fights there'd be groups they'd all put up you know all these different groups would have fighters that they would put up and then the point was they'd all bet on that guy and then you try to

make money so these are bare-fisted by the way way. This is no UFC gloves or anything. This is just crazy Russian guys standing atop a quarry beating the shit out of each other while other people bet on it. There's no medical staff. There's no anything like that. They would knock. There's a lot of knockouts with bare-fisted fights, or they'd choke people out. Yeah, it was fucking crazy. i don't know what that means um uh the organizers would make money on bet there's something about uh the object of desire was the eight i don't know what that means i don't know

i don't get that uh the organizers made money on bets and there would be obviously they would charge money then for people to come watch. It was a total fucking Kumite situation. So people didn't even know who they were fighting. You wouldn't know your opponent until you stepped into the circle to fight them. That's crazy. So you can't train for them. He said, usually, Max said, usually it's a guy about the same size as you.

They kind of match up by size. Yeah. If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, what was in Al Capone's vault, or which famous meteorologist is Lenny Kravitz's second cousin, then you haven't spent enough time on Wikipedia. But that's okay. I am here for you.

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or on Apple Podcasts. Taylor Swift is soaring high. Her every move captured in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Taylor Swift is soaring high. Her every move captured in the news cycle and devoured by her devoted fans. She's broken billboard records and made Grammys history, not to mention becoming a billionaire in the process. But along the way, Taylor has had to wage war, first by taking on a very powerful, very famous manager, Scooter Braun, and then by going up against the biggest live events company, Ticketmaster. Hi, I'm David Brown, the host of

Wondery Show Business Wars. We go deep into some of the biggest corporate rivalries of all time, and in our latest season, Taylor Swift will shake up not only the music business, but Hollywood and the NFL. Follow Business Wars wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. He said the big difference, 40 kilograms, meant that, you know, if somebody had 40 kilos on somebody, that's over 80 pounds. That's a lot. That's a lot. They said that somebody who was really good could actually

kill people you know here um he said quote four times i saw how the guys got into the throat or temple and they died four times i watched people die in the in this fighting he said the bodies were thrown there in the quarry they just left them they just toss them in the quarry it doesn't matter over there yeah they don't care it's not even oh my god he said that if the fighter had his friends then they would resolve the issue with the police maybe and they would say to the police though that some unknown hooligans beat their friend to death and um that's that they wouldn't say like we were in this fight and all that kind of shit they go i go, I don't know, our friend got jumped, and now he's dead. Here he is, and just dump him on the doorstep of the police.

Why are his fists taped, and why is he wearing a— Don't worry about that. Right. Why do his shorts say on it? It's Halloween, right? No, it's not. Fuck, this is Russia? Okay, never mind.

He doesn't get cold. That's the thing. He's a get cold, that's the thing. He doesn't like shirts. His hands, if he's wearing shorts that say tap out across the crotch. He's very much afraid that if he doesn't tape his hands up, that his fingers will fall off. It's a weird thing. He's just got this phobia that he has. He's going to therapy for it, but I don't know.

I don't get it. He really got prepared for this jumping. This is wild. This is crazy. Why does he have a casino's advertisement on his shorts? Why is that? What is betmgm.com? I don't know.

Yeah, what's going on here? Hey, I'm starting to get suspicious. I'm starting to get suspicious, man. I'm starting to get suspicious. I'm starting to get suspicious, man. So the 90s in Russia, too. Got to set the scene of 90s Russia. It is a every man for himself fucking death race at that point. After the Soviet Union collapsed, Russia just spun into everybody was making money off of – they had no regulation.

So there's just financial scheme after financial scheme because they didn't have any of the shit set up for that or any of that shit. Crime was rampant. Crime bosses, people – they were basically warlords that would run shit because they hadn't – yeah, because they didn't have a society. Think about societal collapse and what would fucking unfold that's terrible yeah it's yeah it comes to power at that point and and uh guns and money and bribery and shit like that your will imposing your will it's not good it's a civilization broke down completely over there for i mean they they would get mcdonald's and now you could buy levi's but also you could be fucking robbed very easily on the way home and nobody would do anything about it so it was they will take your levi's and mcdonald's exactly that looks delicious give me

those levi's now um he on the other hand you could basically be a civil servant your options at that time from what he said were be a civil servant, work for the government, or rob people. Those were your options because everything else was a crapshoot and everything else was crime. Every business was crime, basically. So he said, well, crime obviously seemed like the easy way out and easy money. Later on, he'll say this, and this describes all of his shit here and his fighting is out of the ring everything quote you know what let's give him an in their own words

this is this is all of it Jesus Christ in their own words quote I'm not Bruce Lee and I don't throw turntables I don't know what that means we'll get back to it

he's the hottest DJ out here I don't know what that means. We'll get back to it. Bruce Lee's a DJ? Apparently. He's the hottest DJ out here. Bruce Lee scratching and cutting and blending tonight, baby. Holy shit. Bruce Lee on the ones and twos, the hottest club in Moscow. Come on. My rule is catch and break.

It's scarier and horror works better for people. Uh, it's scarier and horror works better for people. I know that from stories on the street in the nineties, I lived in St. Petersburg when he was still a bandit. There was a barrel in the glove compartment, a barrel in the glove compartment, an AK-47 in the trunk, a fee for the work done in the wallet. I'm sitting next to the station. There are gypsies right there. Let's guess.

Okay. Well, guessing they pulled out the wallet. They run to the station. There are gypsies right there, let's guess. Okay. While guessing, they pulled out the wallet. They run to their camp. I follow them. I had to communicate from a position of strength with their men. The gypsies thought I was a passenger until one of them got a gunshot in the leg. The blood is gushing. The man is yelling, exuding vibes of fear, and everyone around is terrified.

I got my money back and made a notch in my head. I still use the intimidation technique, but only in the ring. So, that's later on. So he was robbed, he chased him down, and shot somebody and got his shit back. He said, wrong fucking guy, asshole. And, uh,

first of all, if you saw this guy, the last guy you would rob is this guy. Because he doesn't look like he needs a gun. He looks like he would grab you if you pulled a gun out and twist the barrel into a pretzel knot like in a fucking Bugs Bunny cartoon. That's what it looks like. Does he look like Zangief? Kind of, yeah. The guy is a monster.

He looks like a monster. He's fighting a bear and you're like, which one is which? I swear to God in this picture. If the bear was shaved down, you would not be able to tell who was who. So that's one of the things that happened. And then there was a showdown and a big incident that happened here.

It's going to land him in prison for quite a long time. He said that they met in the evening, or they, yeah, they met in the evening on the outskirts among the abandoned factory shops. Who met? Him and some people. I don't know. It's a Russian translation, so this is the best I got.

We don't know who they are. He said, they decided who would control the privatized warehouses. Diplomacy didn't work. Sorry, that's an off-air conversation we were discussing. That's so funny. Well, there's a third way that you can use it. There's another way to use it, yeah. Perfect, okay.

That's hilarious. When the boiling point in the negotiations was reached, one of Novoselov's opponents reached for a sports bag with a machine gun. So, imagine a where, think about a movie with two rival gangs of thugs coming in with their, you know, fucking thigh-length leather

jackets on, and they're negotiating in a big warehouse, and things get tense, and somebody reaches into a sports bag to pull out a machine gun. So, we've all seen this movie. Because conversations just broke down. It's broke. This is the usual suspect scene. You know, someone's going to flick a cigarette and it's all going to go off here.

So Max dropped him to the ground with a sweep, with a leg sweep, drew his weapon then, and fired several bullets into his head. In his head. So he just pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop and ended that guy real quickly. You think that's it? Then he shot the other bandits. Oh, Jesus. It says here, quote, on reflexes as taught in the army.

And only then he asked himself the question why. He just reflexively killed everybody. That's what he does. shit that happened god fuck again god damn it i ruined christmas last year the whole family's dead i usually i killed grandma so fast everyone didn't even know what to do lightning speed again reflexes him standing He's got all these downed bodies. Not again! No! I thought there was a gun in there. No more. It's just a sandwich.

He's got like an Italian combo in there, wrapped in saran wrap. Got like a thermos of alphabet soup. He's like, oh, shit. You guys are done talking? All right, well, I'm just going to sit here and drink this. Drink this soup. Yeah, it's still soup. It's a good thermos.

It kept it warm. I'm not going to fucking let it go to waste. So, four people were injured and two died out of this group. Jesus. So, he murdered two people in the middle of a crime deal. Six people caught bullets. Yeah. And he said, quote, I opened fire first.

I think it was necessary we would wow we would not have parted in peace not at all if i didn't shoot they would shoot me okay i mean well yeah that's why you don't put yourself in situations where you're having a warehouse negotiation showdown with another gang because someone could get shot stupid yeah that's the main reason why so he goes to court he was tried in samara and the prosecutor's office demanded the death sentence oh okay but russia was trying to get into the council of europe and uh so they were trying to reduce the number of executions they did because russia besides us russia is the well we're this we're second place in an imprisonment in the world in terms of rates of incarceration we're second place only to russia who shovels people into the fucking prisons like crazy over there

yeah um so uh they ended up uh the humane court which I guess, where you go after regular court to see if you deserve humanity. They reduced the execution. They replaced the execution. I guess you can't reduce an execution. We're going to almost kill you. We're only going to shock you. We're only mostly dead.

Yeah, it's not quite the voltage that you would need. We're going to put you on that table that Prince Humperdinck had where you will be mostly dead. Mostly dead. But they replaced it with you, sir, may fuck off 14 years in prison. Seven years of body. That's not bad. That's not bad at all. He said, quote, in prison, I saw enough of former suicide bombers because that's all the Chechen rebels and shit like that.

There's a lot of suicide bombings going on. He said that one guy got into his head before that before death. You must definitely eat a chocolate bar. OK, this is his theory. Chocolate before death. He said that sweets produce hormones of joy and therefore it won't be so scary to die if you've just eaten a chocolate bar because all of your shit in your brain will be going off. All your sensors will be happy. So you won't be sad as you're murdered.

That's how sad Russia is. You got to think before somebody murders me, what should I do to be happy as I go out? Because it's going to happen. Someone's going to shoot me. So before that happens, what should I do? Somebody tell me a whatchamacallit. Wow. That's fucking bleak.

Who's got a Kit Kat? I'm about to croak. It's the weirdest fucking thing ever. Wow. I've never. So they said that an executioner named terminator came for the suicide bombers holy shit nicknamed terminate he's the a fucking executioner yeah how does he do it is what you're getting at yeah probably with a giant axe i'm gonna say just a big axe and not necessarily your head coming off either just a big gallagher sledge-o-matic.

Put him on there. He's got the hat and the suspenders. Hi, everybody. I'm going to say a bunch of shit that isn't funny for 45 minutes, then splatter a watermelon on you, you dumb fucks that paid $40 for this. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And now the richest man in the world. And then he.

Sorry. The witnesses all have fucking ponchos on. That's what they all do. And they cheer. People are going, what are they cheering for? They just smashed something. Who cares? And they're like, yeah.

He told three bad jokes and then did that. He's a fucking genius genius and by the way we know gallagher just died and he's one of the guys i'm gonna say no there's a lot of people who like oh when i was a kid my parents watched i loved watching him as a kid he was one of the people who nobody in comedy has one fucking nice thing to say about not one not any comedian he treats people like shit he's an asshole to people he was a fucking misogynist he's a fucking racist he was a fucking asshole nobody liked him my favorite thing no no go ahead no please my favorite story that i read on twitter afterwards was that he would approach comics afterwards and give them pointers of how to make how to make them better but they were like

just bad advice yeah i already told one guy he would give people jokes terrible like uncle jokes like bad office jokes he told one guy you should you should take a basketball up there for no reason at all what why just have it under your arm and tell your job dribble it on your punch line i think i think i think gallagher just liked fucking with people yeah he's a nobody likes him though in the business i've heard from a guy that we both know who has been in this business a long fucking time and uh ran clubs and everything else and yeah can find something nice to say about every comic even ones that we know that they've had to run around and get drugs for and shit yeah has just said what a piece of shit gallagher was and he's

like what a fucking disrespectful asshole what a piece of shit and i've never heard him say a bad word about anybody except for gallagher i think i that's what i think i think i truly believe that gallagher just was like i don't have a career anymore i'm and people sold it i sold his career to his brother yeah yeah his brother was doing it yeah his brother was doing his act i think he was just done so he just he just started fucking with people. I think that's what he did. Douchebag. What a fucking tool. This is fucking amazing, though.

So the Terminator came for the... Just to not care at all, just to be willing to give that, give away your everything and just let people know you as a fucking piece of shit. As an asshole who's a dickhead to other comics yeah what a terrible that's the plan maybe that's the fucking business model of this is make enough money to where you don't have to work anymore and then just be a piece of shit but you don't have to be you don't have to be i can't be afraid of terminator anymore because now i'm picturing with fucking striped shirt and suspenders and a stupid Kangol hat on. Now I'm picturing that and his pants too short.

Hi, guys. And the Kangol hat is just to cover up this horrible hair. Looking like a fucking kid toucher. If you saw that guy in the park, would you let your kid go anywhere near him? No. Fuck no. Hell no. Stay away from that man.

Giant pants, tiny, tiny shirt, and rainbow suspenders? No. Go away. Go away. Stupid smile. No. So that's Terminator. He's Gallagher.

Comes in with his big sledgehammer. I want that so bad. He was described by Max as a tall, scary man. So if Max says you're tall and scary, you're scary. He said he looked down at the prisoners and dryly threw to someone. I don't know what that means. Oh, he'd say, let's go. He'd just say, let's go when it was time for you to die.

There was no like, what's your last meal? Let's bring your mom in. He just comes in and he goes, let's go. And you have to go and he's going to kill you now. Put head on thing. So hold on, I have to do something first. So the other day

I'm in grocery store, right? Lady in front of me, pull out checkbook. I'm like, why you pay with check? Why not go to bank first? Now we all have to wait for her bad planning.

Right? Right? Okay, I smash. Now you cheer. Yeah! I got them back. I got the audience back. A wave of blood and brain matter. Ah! If your punchline is smashing a watermelon, it's pretty easy.

So he said that the people he knew understood that it was a one-way path, that you were going and not coming back. He said, every day my friend trembled as he listened to footsteps in the hallway. This is the coffee. The chocolate bar guy did that. And then one day the cell door opens and on the threshold of the Terminator, gloomy looks at him and is silent. I guess that's his friend. The boy turned pale,

ran to the bed to look for a chocolate bar, but fainted from horror. He went to slam. He's like Danny DeVito and fucking he's like frank and always sunny slamming down a can of cat food before he passes out real quick oh my god this is a fucking horrible yeah that's that that is what that's what you imagine the worst place on earth is like. It's just that. This guy's just laying on his back with a Mr. Goodbar on his chest, fucking unable to eat it, passed out. And he said the Terminator just walked over and dropped a piece of paper on him that said they replaced the execution with a 15-year prison term. So he didn't even die.

You're not dying. You don't even need that crackle. He woke up and he's like, what? And Max is eating a crackle just going, how's it going? We got good news. I saw you at a special dark, but I don't eat that shit. That's gross. I want the crackle.

I took the good bars, too, because I like peanuts. Good news, bad news. I'm eating your chocolate. That's the bad news sorry about that the good news is you don't even need one anymore you're good yeah i i could need it soon so he said they said in prison he continued to participate in underground battles because they had big prison fight clubs They would pay them with prison cryptocurrency. They had their own prison. Wow.

Yeah. Crypto is always a Russian thing. That's, you know, because they had to figure out ways to sell fucking arms to people and not have it be traceable and shit. So that's. We need something that doesn't exist. That's what that does. Hey, let's. Jesus Christ. People in this country are like, yeah, I want it to be untraceable when i go buy a dirt

bike i don't want uncle sam to be crawling up my ass i was like no no no that's not no we do that so people can't sell nuclear missiles to somebody who lives in a cave that's what we're trying to avoid here and never mind fuck it you know what sell whatever to whoever i don't care anymore don't care i don't need uncle sam what are you using some shit you made on ms paint fine i don't care that's money now that's money now great cool great nice now your chimp rides a dirt bike yeah you like that so he said they played him. They paid them with that. But actually, cryptocurrency in prison meant meant just like like contraband. Contraband.

That's all. That was what they called cryptocurrency, because that that that means not real. So that's, you know, value placed on these. And that's exactly well. Tracksuit shit. You can't get in prison. Track suits. Oh, fur boots.

Got to have fur boots, Jimmy. You're not. You ain't shit unless you got fur boots on in prison. Yeah. Who is this? Fascinating. Fucking Isaac Hayes in the mid 70s. Who are they?

Who's in this prison? And rabbit hats. Got to have rabbit hats. I imagine it's cold. Warm, though. Yeah. Yeah. Not a lot of money, though. prison and rabbit hats gotta have rabbit hats i imagine it's cold warm though yeah yeah um not a lot of money though they said that for the opportunity to get things from the outside

they would you know they'd beat each other to death over there the conditions were horrible in this fucking prison uh fights were organized in the evening they would have you know shadowy little nooks of the prison and industrial workshops they'd have in there. So like Tango and Cash, like a picture, like a workshop with sparks going and two sweaty shirtless Russian men fucking fighting each other and people cheering and a pair of furry boots as the reward. What a scene, man. That's a fascinating outfit. That sounds like Westbrook at a fucking news conference.

Yeah. No shit. It is. It's Cam Newton at a fucking, yeah. Cam Newton a fucking news conference. Yeah. No shit. It is. It's Cam Newton at a fucking, yeah. Cam Newton at the post game. Yeah. Fur boots, a track suit, and a rabbit hat. He just started dressing like Craig Sager, and I was like, what's happening?

What are you wearing now? So he said, quote, in the zone, the rates are higher. The prisoners do not see the price of money. Okay. He said previously food and clothing were the currency, but now virtual rubles are in use. So now they do use cryptocurrency, which can be transferred to a phone or web money number, which is another thing they have in prison is like these electronic accounts because they have that in some prisons in America, too, where they can can basically give each other cards for things and it's as good as cash uh he said there was a lot of wealthy people in prison because you know they were trying to get bribes from these people that's what it was that's how it did back then and also wealthy people because they were crime lords right and

society collapsed they had all sorts of pyramid schemes and financial schemes and all that shit they looked at whatever we did in the 80s and they were like, do that now. It's OK. They did all that shit. They said that there was a lot for financial crimes, he said, but there was a lot of also, you know, hard ass people in there. So the first couple of years behind bars, he said he resolved any issues he had with anybody through a position of strength i beat the shit out of anybody who i had a problem with he says he never realized the value of life and the prospect of getting out on parole he never really thought about it so

for cruelty beating people unmercifully the court sent him to the prison regime a couple of times, which is a zone within a zone that's popularly called the covered area. And it says there's 15 of them in Russia. This is like a super max for the worst of the worst they'd send them to. And I guess there's 15 of these. And they said the most dangerous and notorious recidivists get sent here. This is your worst people, the worst of the worst here.

They said that they would get on in these fights in prison. They try to get a decent lineup of like serious wrestlers, boxers that were really good, actually former special forces guys that were great at hand to hand combat and all that kind of shit. He says, quote, The strength is above the law there. And there are even more fights than in a normal zone. Only at stake is not the currency, but the status and significance. I showed myself on the good side there. I was probably the strongest fighter. So they had these fights there, not even for shit, just for bragging rights of being the

best of the worst person, the toughest of the worst people there are. That's a TV show let's go amazon that's what i mean somebody put that hulu where are you netflix put it together put that shit on tv holy shit um a lot of the people didn't like him in prison because they said other prisoners said he was too brutal and dangerous and they didn't they were scared around him basically bad people thought he was too bad too too mean and uh so he was ended up being like kind of a marked man he had a lot of people pissed off at him because he would be fucking people up all the time so he was always worried about getting uh uh attacked from behind

he set up he set up booby traps in his cell so in case people tried to come get him while he slept fishing lines with alarm you know all that kind of shit. He said that he had a nice sharpened up toothbrush that he kept with him all the time to stab somebody, you know, one of that sort of thing. And he said that he took place in a riot there as well. He goes, OK, here's one here. I don't know what this means. If anybody knows what this means, I'd love to know. Muscovites were brought to the zone. Okay, this is when he's in the shoe basically here in the hardcore one.

Muscovites were brought to the zone who did not share their interests with Urals and Siberians. Okay, different sects of Russians is what we're talking about here. It all started with a one-on-one fight, and after a half hour, they fought 10-on-10. Imagine fighting for a straight half hour. One-on-one, and then everybody else jumped in because it's taking too long. Not everybody. Starts with one-on-one, then goes to 10-on-10 after that. 10 after that then when after 10 on 10 uh he says soon g u f s i n which is probably one of these prison units of the like the cops or something brought o m o um o m o n these are in capital

letters too so it means something yeah and internal troops into the territory to somehow calm down the prisoners so they had to because now it's a fucking riot yep he said about 400 people from both sides participated in the riot so it turned into a mass riot stones uh iron pieces from beds and stools were used yeah that's a fucking prison riot fucking riot um i saw a man who had a stool stuck in his head. In his head. Now he's brick from fucking- In his head. From Anchorman.

Yeah. Stool stuck. The man got caught on fire and I stabbed a man with a trident. In his head. A stool. Wow. You know how hard you have to hit someone with a stool to stick it in their head? Yeah, there's like a story of a tornado that threw a piece of straw through a wall.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's what this is. It's so fucking unbelievable. A stool through a head. A stool through your head. That's wild. He walked with him like that until he died.

A week later, stools with sharp edges were banned. Maybe they should have never had sharp edges in prison. What do you think? Maybe. Holy shit. The worst of the worst? you put anything sharp in there? What the fuck, man? 2003, he's released.

Okay? He's released from prison on parole. And he was trying to figure out what's going on. At this point, there's large organized crime groups sprouting up everywhere. Sure. Taking over everything here so again underground fights and quarries aren't around anymore now they actually have tournaments right the same guys that were in the quarries were were here yeah so they were that's

what they they were doing um he said in prison i watched the fights on the tnt channel and videotapes they had had TNT in Russian prison. How does that work? Turner Network Television? Turner Network Television, I assume, or it's some Russian thing. It's actually TNT. It blows up if you don't watch what they want you to watch. I don't know.

And videotapes. He said, I noticed that the technique had changed. A clear set of rules had appeared. Yeah, there's rules now. You can't murder a man and throw him in a quarry. You actually have to. A referee is a big addition to that. They stopped fighting at one point.

Yeah, they stopped fighting. A week after his release, he's fighting for money here, as we'll talk about, in St. Petersburg for some MMA tournament where he replaced an injured athlete here. April 10, 2004. Now, there's different sites that have different amounts of fights that he has, but some of them aren't really, like, sanctioned properly. So we're going to go with the Sherdog listings,

which gives him, like, 14 fights or some shit. I can't remember. So very quickly we'll go through these because I didn't see any of this shit. April 10, 2004 at M1 MFC Mix Fight. He fights Milko Vorn. Vorn. V-O-O-R-N. It's a second round decision.

It's only a two round fight. And he loses by decision. So he's 0-1. Yeah. That's 2004. August 20, 2005 is his next fully sanctioned fight. Yeah. This is in Russia as well.

Versus Everett Fayet. F-Y-E-E-T. Fayet. This is a TKO win for him in the first round for Max. One and one. August 29th, 2008. Three years later. What?

Yeah. August 20th, 2005. August 29th, 2008. Three year window. What's he doing for three years later. What? Yeah, August 20th, 2005, August 29th, 2008. Three-year window. What's he doing for three years? You got to let that wind simmer, James. Well, you know, he had a big dinner, so, you know, I'll let that settle. This is in Perm, Russia.

Perm. Very curly. He fights Carmelo Molina, and it's a TKO loss, so he's one and two. November 6th, 2008, so he's sticking with it now. He fights Telman Sherefov. This is a draw, so he's 1-2-1. He's one loss and draw in his last three fights. He's not good at this.

He's not doing great. Well, like you said, the technique had changed. He's trying to figure it out. There's rules and shit. Yeah, not to mention he's almost 40 also. So it's kind of a weird time to start MMA fighting professionally when you're 40, 37 years old in 2010. Because his next fight's in 2010. It's a year and a half later, May 6th.

This is at the World Academy of Sambo in Kostovo, Oh, custom Kostevo, Nitsi, Norvgorod. Oh, blast Russia. Wow. I had to read that all out. Cause it's a long name.

He fights Vlad. Of course, uh, a Balutov, a Bulat. It's probably a Bulat. Um, he,

this is a submission win with a north-south choke. That's what it's listed as. It's 2-2 for him. The wait is over. So far, you're not losing. The only thing you're losing is my patience. Quickly, I see that. The queen of the courtroom

is back. I didn't do anything. You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face. I see he's not intimidated by anything. I can fix that. New cases. She wanted to fight me. Leave her alone.

Okay, so... This is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin. His brother. Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin. His brother. That's not him. Yes, ma'am.

I would make a beeline for the door. The Emmy Award winning series returns. How did I know that? I have a crystal ball in my head. It's an all new season. It's streaming. You can say anything. Judy Justice.

Only on Freebie. So he talks about Japan here at this point. He's 2-2-1 now. He says, in Japan, I was given the nickname Mad Max for two reasons. Jesus. One, my name is Max. One, my name is Max. One, my name is Max. Two, they're not real good at English, so that's the first thing they came up with.

He said, firstly, I had a habit of strangling my opponent on the ground while simultaneously breaking his arms. Jesus Christ. What is it? How does he do that? That sounds horrifying. That's a giant hand. One hand, a man's neck. In Russia, we have three arms.

American soft people have no three arms. That's the only thing. He said that, yeah, he said, secondly, I did not allow myself to be thrown for money. Meaning he wouldn't throw fights for money. He wouldn't allow the fixes to begin. They paid $5,000 to $7,000 for fights, but sometimes the promoters disappeared with the money. Well, that's welcome to comedy and boxing and wrestling and any- Welcome to performance for pay.

Music. Welcome to performing, pal. He said, if this happened, I found them and beat out the fee. I bet you did. I bet you them and beat out the fee. I bet you did. I bet you beat out more than the fee. Unbelievable. The next morning I was returning to my homeland on the plane as not to thunder in jail. So he'd escape to not be arrested. So he said that now he said at one point he became or this article says that at one point he became the European champion, but I don't have the listing for that, and winner of the World Cup in combat Sambo.

What is it? I don't know. He said. Trust him at his word, I guess. Here's one of the dozen battles, he said, that happened in Turkmenistan that's especially memorable because every time you go to Turkmenistan, it's not memorable. He says, quote, weird show.

The organizers laid a carpet and instead of the corners of the ring, they put burning torches. That's weird. I would say, yeah. What? Instead of putting like corners up, they have like a burning torch as your,

as your ring post, I suppose. That is frightening. That feels like we're about to do some seance or something. It sounds like you're in Turkmenistan and something weird is going to go down here. You're about to be taken to a black site and asked questions about ISIS, I feel like. Or a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie is being taped after this. This whole thing is Kumite.

This whole thing is blood sport. We fought at dawn. Why fight at dawn? Why not a different time of day? How about sunset? It's a nice color. Everybody throwing those nice orangey purple things going on. Sunrise.

Who fights at dawn? Each fighter represented one or another competing clan. There were Babisai sitting around the carpet. I don't know what that is. B a B a I S. I don't know what that is. Sitting around the carpets, families,

50 people, each families watching blood sport. I remember that I won easily, but not that sparklingly. The dew kept the carpet damp and the fight expectant. Well, yeah, it's the morning

that's why you don't do shit at dawn it's due belly full of fucking pancakes right now jesus i was afraid to fall and acted confidently without making sudden movements in general it's more convenient for me to fight in a cage than in a ring apparently the prison past is taking its toll. I don't know what that means. So then he decides, what about showbiz? I'm kind of a crazy guy, right? What? What about showbiz? So he tried to produce pop groups.

This guy trying to put boy bands together. You, you, you, very handsome, sing and dance. Good, we put out the record. Let's go. Make it catchy. Let's go. Make it catchy. Let's go. It has no hook. What's the hook?

Huh? What's the hook? Make it about the dance. Like earworm. Yeah, like earworm. Make it the song, the name of a dance that the girls can do once they hear a song. Do that. That worked very good.

girls can do one stay here song do that that worked very good um he said that um uh where is this okay yeah um he said then he all he did was lose a bunch of money so then he got in pop yeah yeah he said i brought my project to the bride in a pretentious moscow hotel oh that's right. He's trying to do something else here. I don't know what he did, but he sold some sort of service to this wedding. Okay. So he said it's at a pretentious Moscow hotel where you're only allowed by invitation, which is pretty standard with weddings usually,

as far as I know, generally. Yeah. He said in the hall, everyone is sweet, glamorous, and realigned. I don't know what that means. He says, they look at me from under their brows and quickly look away. And I look like a typical bandit, healthy and bald, so thick and bald, with a thick gold chain, rings, and a gold watch. I had to sit on the sidelines at a separate table

so as not to embarrass anyone. Five minutes later, Ala Borissonova comes in, looks coldly at the local public, comes up to me and asks, are you free? I told her, sit down, of course. He considered her a pretentious FIFA,

F-I-F-A, and she is a clear and stern aunt. I don't know what the fuck this means. I don't know what any of this means but if you're Russian maybe you have any idea what that translate came from. So then he started being an instructor

in private military companies and special forces type situations. Started being an instructor. Training people. He says, quote, Europeans are soft and weak. That's his first line. The most Russian thing he could say. Europeans weak and soft.

He sounds like Nikolai Volkov talking about. Sounds like a wrestler from the 80s. It's fucking hilarious. He says, But sorry, it's your job. Russians react more easily behind the shoulders of the special forces are the army and hand to hand combat sections. Rough men. They understand that the seminar can save them from the knife or help a civilian from a knife or help save a civilian from a knife for the sake of someone's life. You can endure pain. Yeah. It's not a – this isn't like a thing that you do like on your lunch break when you work in an office to go like, I'm going to go train with my trainer and I'll be back. No. You're coming back with edged weapon wounds. So be careful.

But that's how you – listen. You're not going to get tough unless I cut you. That's what it is. Well, wait till you hear later on what happens. Oh, my God. So he's training somebody and it's weird wait till you hear later on what happens. Oh, my God. He's training somebody, and it's weird that he has an accident with an ax. He ends up going back to jail,

goes back to the prison. The prosecutor's office accuses him of patronizing the drug business. So he's selling drugs, and he went back to jail. This time, you, sir, may fuck off three and a half years in jail again. He said, a complicated story.

The court proved that I knew about the drugs. The first time they let me go right out of the courtroom, but the prosecutor's office immediately filed an appeal to a higher court. The process was covered in the media so they could not lose face. It was a matter of honor to shut me down. So it's a guilty verdict against him and two other guys, a guy named Yuri and a guy named Ruslan.

Of course. They were found guilty of committing daring crimes. Wow. Wow. It's very vague. Daring. The Kurgan Regional Court announced the guilty verdict here and they were found guilty of doing this in the city of Kurgan from 2008 to 2009.

It was established in the fall of 2008. A group of people in a country house in the gardening partnership Gorgaz drank alcohol. During the feast, a quarrel broke out between them as a result of which Sarbachev, I think that's one of the guys he is arrested with. Yeah, that's Yuri Sarbachev. And Novoselov severely beat two men. That's not surprising. After which Novoselov set fire to the things lying around the victims and left the house and closed the door from the outside locking it leaving helpless people to die in a burning room oh my god beat men unconscious and lit the house on fire and

then locked it from the outside oh my god it should that's fucking insane who does that who does that that's what did they call that what was was the crime? Daring crimes. That's a daring crime. That's daring. All right. I would say. It said it also, it should be noted that before the commission of the crime, the criminals robbed an elderly man stealing a TV and food from his apartment. Come on, man.

Jesus Christ. A few months later, his two cohorts uh again embarked on a path of crime having come to visit a neighbor of one of them while drinking alcohol on the basis of personal hostility they beat the elderly owner inflicting state fatal stab wounds to his neck and then stole things from his house. Wow. Holy shit. Maxim. Stabbed a man in the neck. Oh, my God. Maxim was found guilty of committing these crimes under paragraph D, part two of Article 61, paragraph A, part two and of Article 105, part two and of Article 167 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation, which is robbery, murder of two persons and arson.

It's clearly not accepted by society. That is not accepted by society. He wrote it down. He is found guilty of these things. He beat them down and set shit on fire and locked it from the outside so they could burn to death. Do you know how crazy that is? That's the worst. That's fucked up.

They weren't even dead. They were alive. That's what they did to John Wilkes Booth. Yeah. And he deserved it. And he had to kill a president for us to do that to him. He fucking deserved it. Yeah, this is bullshit.

Yeah. He is sentenced to, you sir, may fuck off 19 years in prison. For boothing a guy. After two murders. He boothed twice. And then this is his second run around to 19 years you can get 19 i guess eight and a half what is it nine and a half that's all it's all it is so he's in there he's in prison and uh trying to figure out his next move what does he do what's he gonna do more showbiz? More boy bands?

Fighting isn't working? He has the most fascinating life of all time. Yeah, it's fucking crazy. So it gets even crazier because he's sitting there in prison and there's a shadow on the threshold again, as he says. And people think it's the Terminator, but it's not the Terminator. It's Vince McMahon!

And he says. How is it you've come to arrive here? Oh, my God, you beautiful bastard. Look at you. Oh, my God. You beautiful bastard. Look at you. Oh, God. Oh, my God. He sells drugs.

He beats people to death. Are you hearing this? Where's Bruce Prichard? He beats people to death. Hunter, he's beating people to death. Do you understand? Oh, my God. Look at you.

Tell you what. Do it for... Put these overalls on. Yeah, there you go. Put them on for me. Do it for daddy. I'd tell you to get that shirt off, but you haven't owned a shirt in five years. That's okay. It's negative eight degrees Celsius outside in your shirt.

Listen, I love it. I love it. Oh, God, look at you. I know what you're going to do. I'm going to talk to the people over here. Believe me. Me and the people in charge over here and in Russia, we have an understanding. We're the same type of folk, if you know what I mean.

So I'll get you out of here, buddy, and we're going to take you somewhere where they're going to appreciate you. Oh, are they going to appreciate you? Oh, God, he's going to fight Brock Lesnar. I'm going to come. Oh, my God. And poof, in a cloud of excitement and jizz,

Vince McMahon disappears, and Max is very excited for his new career. He can't wait. He said, though, he gets out. He says, I did my time and paid for my sins. In the zone, he worked in a gym where he taught young guys. He said, yesterday's drug addicts is the way he put it. He taught them sports.

So he said, my conscience is clear. Well, that's fair. He killed a couple people, burned them alive. He's killed four people. He taught some kids sports, though, Jimmy, that's fair. You killed a couple people, burned them alive. He's killed four people. You taught some kids sports, though, Jimmy. It's okay. He taught sports. What does this man have to do to earn your forgiveness?

This is unbelievable. What are you, made of fucking stone? He taught sports to some drug addicts. That's the same, right? He's killed four people. He's killed a lot of people, man. He has YouTube videos that are very very very popular he has he's kind of was kind of an internet sensation for a while because yeah he he would train people in prison and do training they let him there's pictures of

him training in prison there's fucking armed guards all around and shit. Training people with axes and hatchets. There's prisoners fighting each other with not fucking battle axes, man. Like an actual murderer. Like what came with He-Man. Like one of those. A battle axe. Like a He-Man accessory.

And hatchets. Like a big hatchet like they're going after each other murderers are doing this and the cops are just standing there looking like well what's worst that could happen they kill each other and that's the end of it unbelievable so there's all these videos of him training from prison that are they're out there look it up on the internet they're everywhere on youtube so um yeah he's in prison and he's you know there he is so he gets out jimmy when do you think first of all he's killed all these people they let him out in 2016 what is that five years he did like five years he taught sports to drug addicts though jimmy what are you talking about what's that what's the fucking problem here he locked two unconscious men in a building and lit it on fire five years

and locked it from the outside right he didn't say like maybe they'll stay unconscious and die he said that ought to kill them and walked away that's what he said. That'll burn them alive. Holy shit. So 2016, he's freed. Three and a half years he did. Un-fucking-believable. Jesus Christ. So then he starts doing some MMA. He did a tournament. Dick Reiner got nine years.

Yeah, yeah. Three and a half. Burned two people alive. While running a drug gang by the way so this is like you know organized yeah this is if you got a head of a drug gang who killed people with their hands and burned them alive and you got three and a half years ought to correct everything that ought to correct the problem holy balls so he uh got in an mma tournament and beat somebody and uh knocked him out cold actually um uh made a submission there so he was all excited he ends up on september 9th to fight against an american named jimmy

ambritz uh at the tractor Theater in Chelyabinsk. Sorry. So September 9, 2016, Jimmy Ambritz, he wins by TKO in the first round with a doctor stoppage. So they come in. I didn't know they had doctors in Russia. That's strange. He knocked the shit out of Jimmy. Yeah.

The ref didn't even stop it. so he's 3-2-1. April 22, 2017, some months go by. He fights at the Alliance Fighting Championships Battle of the Titans. He fights Evgeny Sibokov and knocks him out in 30 seconds with a head kick. Shit. Jesus. Brings him to 4-2-1. with a head kick shit jesus uh brings them to four two and one april 30th 2018 so a year later not april 30th 2017 at fight pro seri seri chev power expo battle for moscow yeah which sounds

like a call of duty game i believe it really does the seri of chev Power-esque Expo. Battle for Moscow. Call of Duty. Fucking Black Ops. Versus Igor Kuznetsov. Oh, Jesus. It's so easy to make up a Russian name. You can make up just an OV and a NETS and a NUNZ and some NUNZ shit going on. This is a knockout with punches in the first round.

A win for him. 5-2-1. He's on a streak, baby. He sure is. shit going on uh this is a knockout with punches in the first round a win for him five two and one he's on a streak baby he sure is may 4th 2018 he beats artem shukin at the professional combat sambo the day of victory in the great patriotic war that's the name of the card the great patriotic war professional combat sambo the day of victory in the Great Patriotic War. Fascinating. I don't know what that means, but he wins by a submission here. Guillotine choke at 53 seconds into the fight.

Give him credit. Very few people find their stride in a very physical thing in their late 40s. At 45 years old? Yeah, it's rare. Rare. Most guys buy a vet at this point in their lives instead. Something. A brand new one or like a fucking, yeah, they get a hairpiece or they marry their secretary or something.

I'm going to choke more people. You know, I keep going to jail for choking people. Maybe if there's a way I can, oh, legally, perfect. Next he fights at wolf fights that's the name of the card wolf fights which is september 8th 2018 so he's fighting at least in the same year yeah he did he beat a gray to the ground he beat alexander zakasov zakas zakasov uh beats him next up he's supposed to fight our guy via cheslov dot sick is next up on his for 2019 supposed to fight him nova so nova selov challenged him he said i heard you on crime and sports

i beat you good now you guys can they can compete over who had the crazier episode there you go who do you root for in this? Do you root for them both to simultaneously punch each other in the head and they explode? At least Novoselov isn't an open Nazi. So you know what? I'm going to go with the guy who's not hiling things, probably. Whoever's not hiling gets my fucking root. How's that?

Or beating prostitutes in the street. Yeah, exactly. That's what he was doing there yeah um dot sick obviously he uh these two obviously have had some some problems though but no maxim has some words about that he says quote dot sick has a similar path yeah i'm glad you recognize that cool i have crime and sports episode someday also, and I look forward to it. James and Jimmy, please, you know, go easy, guys, you know. Hey, so I burn a guy. I burn two guy. I burn, I burn, I burn.

So what? You know, come on. You don't know those guys. Very bad people. Why you make fun? You don't know. Not a Russian accent. I don't know what it is.

Close enough. Something over there. I don't know what it is. So close enough. Something over there. I don't fucking know. He said, uh, uh, he was also in prison, but he didn't break down. He says now via Cheslov arranges more raids on brothels,

nightmares of prostitutes and shoots it on video. So he's calling him a jerk off. Basically he says, but he is a gladiator and a gladiator mucks must take on challenges and fight. I think Nazi will agree when everything is in order with the law. He says, but he is a gladiator and a gladiator must take on challenges and fight. I think Dotsik will agree when everything is in order with the law, when he stops getting in trouble. Otherwise, what's the point? Life has taught us not to hide from a good fight.

So he goes over for a tournament in Asia called the Aslan Challenge. And it's for an organization called Fight Championship Aslan challenge and it's for a organization called Fight Championship Aslan and they explained that they were talking this is the guy who arranged it he said Aslan is a lion and we have a lion everywhere there is a lion on the belts all symbols with a lion that's why it's called Aslan

so now we know so they signed a two fight contract with Dotsik this organization organization, which is crazy. To put up with him twice? To project him being sane and ready to do things in six months. That's crazy. Two times in a row. Yeah.

It's supposed to take place at the Yattarni Sports Palace in Kaliningrad, and 7,000 people are going to come. 12 days before the fight they still had 1,400 tickets left, but they sold over 5,000 tickets. So you're going to get a walk-up. Day of, you're going to get a bunch there. By the way, the poster says

it's a 6+. So ages 6 and over. You can bring a 7-year-old to watch this. Come on, kids. A man might die tonight. Let's go. Well, if one of the guys loses, he might set us all on fire. Yeah, he might just lock the doors and blaze us up.

Throw a mob handle through the handles of the door. Who knows? He learned that in prison, kids. So they both take part in a true gym fights tournament on June 16th, which is just before the fight. It's like two weeks before it's supposed to happen. And Dotsik fought two opponents and Maxim fought three. Maxim finished without any injury, but Dotsik gets a broken jaw out of it. He gets his jaw broken.

Holy shit. Yep, so he won't be able to fight for at least two months and the whole fight falls apart. We never get to see these two crime and sports legends go against each other here. He said, this is the promoter said, I can't understand. He has the main fight of the evening on June 29th.

They were the main event, those two. He said, there's so many people who bought tickets here to watch this fight with Maxim. If it doesn't work, then we can cancel the contract. So they're going to shit can Dotsik. He said, lawyers are working now. I thought that in Moscow I would fight him. Oh, this is Maxim. But most likely I no longer need his services. Oh, no, this is the guy. OK, I repeat. He had the main fight of the evening, he says. And so he let down people who wanted to see him. I just have no words. They fought in some side tournament for money.

Somebody probably offered him 10 grand to go over there and put on a show for the day. Somebody broke his fucking jaw. Yeah. And it ruined the fight. That's right. So they're saying he's going to fight somebody else. Who knows? They have no idea who he's going to fight somebody else who knows um he has they have no idea who's who he's

going to fight um they said that uh quote an unnamed bulgarian will most likely come out against maxim an unnamed so many bulgarian references lately when i've never heard one ever um they said they want to bring us fights to moscow who cares uh So he didn't get to fight Dotsik. He really wanted to punch Dotsik. I feel bad. I kind of feel bad for him with that. I mean, he's a hard guy to feel bad for, but in this particular case, I kind of feel a little bad for him. But not nearly as bad as I feel for Maxim Novoselov, CPA.

CP's a fucking accountant. His picture, he's just a dorky guy with no, doesn't look like he'd fight you or hit you with an axe or anything. He went to the University of Texas. Oh, he's American. Well, I think he lives in Russia now. He is here. Oh, he lives in Russia now? Yeah, a finance and reporting manager in CPA, and that's what he's doing.

So there you go. Get out of my life. That's fucking hilarious. So instead, on June 29th, Max fights Alexander Alexic. Alexander Alexic. Wow, the first five letters of his first and last name are the same. That's a trip. That's a trip.

Up the eyes? No, A-L-E-K-S is how they both start. Alexander Oleksik. This is at Fight Championship Aslan as we discussed. TKO in the first round. One minute, ten seconds for Maxim here.

July 2019 he's got this fighter who is really, really fat. looks like he weighs about 400 pounds i don't know if he had a surgery or something he's trying to get into shape so maxim is working this guy trying to get him into shape and and in this of course you need to break out you know edged weapons to properly lose weight you can't lose weight without edged weapons jimmy clearly obviously that's the problem in this

country we put this is what we do weak americans we go on a diet and we expect weight to fall off edged weapons are the only way so he's doing this he was fighting with him um he ends up he ends up slicing his arm with an axe maxing the guy's. Maxim gashes this guy's arm open with a fucking axe, I guess. The incident occurred when the two were swinging axes in each other's directions. Well, that's when it generally happens. Which seemed harmless. When was two people swinging axes at each other ever seeming harmless? Ever.

How? In the history of mankind. How has that been? They seem perfectly harmless to throw blades at each other. This is this article. Until the Russian struck the shield of his training partner, the blade of the axe sliced through the shield and directly into the exposed skin of his right arm, instantly pouring with blood. It was one of those incredibly sharp shields. Yeah.

You had the shield on your forearm and went through it and got his forearm on the other side and incredibly sharp axe like it went through a fucking shield why is the axe so sharp what's what I mean have a blunt one well what fun is that there's no danger in the devil you know is better than Hitler Jimmy

you know put an edge on there what are you gonna do yeah so his next fight he's talking about, he said, quote, I don't want the world's top league. Because he's talking about fighting and they're talking about, hey, let's get you in with some big guy. Have a big famous fight because you're kind of internet famous. Let's make you like Kimbo Slice. And he says, quote, I don't want the world's top league. I fight for my pleasure.

I have enough money. Business is more than fighting. So he says, not even thinking about that shit. Don't care. I do this for the love of the game. I do this. I'm almost 50, and I like to get punched in the head for fun. That's what this guy said on a professional level by people half my age. Shocking. the head for fun that's what this guy said on a professional level by people half my age shocking

so he fights at the world total combat federation 5 against igor kuznetsov um tko with punches he wins that fight he fights andre dragomartesky dragomaretsky sorry um in uh mma series 22 fighting championship pancreation we've had those before pancreation that's what dotzek would fight Sorry. In MMA Series 22 Fighting Championship Pancration. We've had those before, Pancration. That's what Dotsik would fight in. All right. TKO with punches in a minute and 13. So these are all under two-minute knockouts,

so it seems like he just overwhelms you with punches until he finally beats you to the ground. You know, it's fascinating. Why would he not want to fight you? Does he know that? It's probably because he'll suffer the same fate as Kimbo. It'll be terrible. It'll be embarrassing for him.

Yeah. Why do it? And you have to train a different way for that. He likes being this guy. He likes being this guy. Different guy. The whole idea of Kimbo being the underdog, but like also the favorite underdog. Yeah.

It's a big deal. But he got the fuck kicked out of him. He fights in prison and he's from the special forces he'd have a crazy story he fights bears he wrestles bears jimmy there's things of him wrestling bears which it could be a show bear like in wrestling they used to do but when you add all the axes in i don't know maybe not maybe it's not does he give a bear the an axe imagine a bear with an axe what's more terrifying than that just duct tape it to his giant fucking yeah a bear shark several axes on his fucking paws well like a shark with a gun

would be the only scarier thing than a bear with an axe right how does he use it i don't know man but he's got an ak to his dorsal yeah let him go um next up, he fights Ivan Vysich here in Russia again, and he wins with a submission this time, an arm bar at a minute 17 in the first round. These fights are not going a long time, which is probably good for him because he's a lot older than all these guys. Next up, MMA Series 47. He's the main event fighting Adnan alsik not adnan sayed he's fighting adnan sayed freedom and he's using it he's using it all right uh he fights adnan alsik this is a knockout at 2 minutes and 19 seconds for maxim now that's january 29th 2022 march 2022 he is arrested again uh-oh and accused of rape this time now maxim he says i don't know what you're talking about i think something i think somebody

put something in my drink that night so i'm not sure what you're even talking about hold on hold on so they were trying to rate me actually was the thing. I was drugged. I just participated really hard. Is that what he said? Really hard, yeah. This, by the way, it's an 18-year-old young lady that he's accused of raping here. He said he didn't know how the girl ended up with him at a Moscow karaoke club. He says he expressed confidence that something had been added to his alcohol and that he felt unwell at the club and asked the driver to take him home. On the way, he's detained by law enforcement officers.

They pull him over and get him out. And this young lady was still in the car as well. And it is noted that he did not know. He says he didn't know about the presence of strangers in the car. And he says he didn't know about the presence of strangers in the car, and he says he didn't commit any illegal acts. Now, the young lady, Sofia Chekmareva, she called police while in the car with him and his friends. According to her, him and his companions offered to give her a ride, and then Max raped her as soon as they got in the car and got the door closed. So this was March 27th of this year.

He's put in jail. He appeals the door closed. So this was March 27th of this year. He's put in jail. He appeals the arrest here. He appealed his arrest. And they said the court received an appeal against the decision to choose a measure of restraint. So they ended up letting him. March 28th, it was reported the court granted the investigator's request for a measure of restraint in the form of detention against the fighter so he was i believe only going to be held for i think he was only held for two months on this charge and then they let him go and i don't know if there's a trial or if they just go you know that's that's how russian law works or what i'm not sure i mean

he got three and a half years for murder of two that's what i mean probably two months for rape i don't i don't know what the fuck is going on man so there you go that is maxim novicell of and uh what if cosby had pulled that shit that's what i mean they pulled him out of a car while the girl was still there i have been raped so many times you guys yeah you have no idea jesus christ like 38 times and i've just been i've just been going with it there's actually something in my drink as a matter of fact i think the girls put things in both our drinks yeah that would have been cosby's defense so there he is and like we said that's kind of the new format something like that see what i mean not a whole lot of sports and childhood blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But we hit the fucking high points and we hit them hard. And that's what we're going to give you. More condensed comedy show with highlights and all that kind of shit. I've had a great time today. I've had a wonderful time today. And if you as well had a wonderful time, god damn it. Renew your love for the show, by the way, by getting on whatever app you're listening on. Give us five stars.

It helps drive the show up the charts. It helps people notice it. Let's get crime and sports out there. Remember the crime and sports movement? God damn it, we're doing it again. We're starting it. It's a good damn time. We are.

This is like it's all new to us again, man. This is going to be so much fun. So get on there. Give us five stars. Say something nice about the show. it's not for our egos it just helps the show and we're gonna we're gonna boost this son of a bitch back to where it belongs son of a bitch bastards okay that said head over to shut up and give me murder.com right now get your tickets to the live shows 2023 full slate of them out there more shows are coming, but for right now especially get your tickets for February

10th, February 11th. That's Cleveland and St. Louis because those are going like real fast. Yeah, they're going to be if you wait till the last minute, they're not going to be there. So yeah, definitely be locked. It'll be on fire. Yeah, it'll be on fire. Max will be standing outside laughing with his arms crossed.

Stupid Americans think they can do a show about me. Ha ha ha! And Vince McMahon's Vince McMahon's whacking it in the car watching him going ah, look at him.

He's amazing. So yeah, do all that. Follow us. Get your merchandise and everything. Head over to shutupandgivememurder.com

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Patreon.com slash Crime and Sports is where you get all the good bonus stuff. And God damn it, is there so much good stuff on there. $5 a month or above gets you. And that's never going to go up. We will not raise that shit. That's what bonus material is. No no 10 no none of that shit so that you get the whole back catalog to binge of bonus episodes that you've never heard like 150 episodes and then every other week you're going to get two new episodes of course this week is slightly different because the only other time

we didn't put out two new episodes is last christmas when my grandma died so last christmas my grandma died and i was sad and didn't want to do them last christmas grandma tore me apart and this christmas they're going to come out on christmas eve and the bonus episodes and like i'm gonna have my son here i haven't seen in a couple months and i don't we're just going to try to spend more time with our families just for that couple days and so we're going to do one episode this this patreon we promise the next time we'll do a couple of bangers two weeks after that we promise you it's still a great time to sign up and uh you can even give someone a subscription but uh you can do that that option is on there uh but anyway this week we're going to talk about

the hell gigs the worst comedy gigs we've ever encountered j uh but anyway this week we're going to talk about the hell gigs the worst comedy gigs we've ever encountered jimmy and myself so this is going to be a lot of us laughing at ourselves and terrible things that we've been through it's going to be awesome trust us and we'll make it a little extra long too for you guys so thank you so much for doing that patreon.com slash crime and sports and in to that, you get something very special. A shout out where Jimmy's going to fuck up your name. Jimmy, tell you what. Tell me the names of the people who would never beat us up, knock us out, called set things on fire, and then lock the door from the outside.

Who are they, Jimmy? Hit me with them now. This week's executive producers are Nilou Rafsanjani up there in San Francisco. We'll see her in San Diego. She didn't come down to the show. I missed her terribly. Shelby Whitman. She donated in Italian Grandma's Memory, James.

That was very nice. Oh, thank you so much. It's been a year. Brian Whitney. Centeno Kennels in Ontario, Canada. Jordan Bennett and Simon both up in Canada also. And Jordan's sister, Morgan. Hang in there, Morgan.

Everything's going to be okay. Everybody loves you. Of course. Other producers this week are Bobo Brazil, Peyton Meadows, Happy Hour, Checking In, and Albuquerque. Bobo. Bobo, the great champion. He's an old school wrestler.

60s, 70s. Gary Friedman said he's the same age as us. Really? Isn't that bizarre? And he just happens to have all these old people references. Well, he might like history shit i like or hang out with his grandparents or parents a lot that's why i know who they are because i'm a dork i like a great family is probably maybe a good family that's all it could

be half the hour in brazil no where we're at oh that's bobo an albacore was not a dolphin jimmy sir sarah surridge uh maurice wiggs thomas tonkin uh charles cartwright terence trent do you know who terence trent darby is yes he's that singer from the late 80s yes somebody donated in his name but that's terence trent darby yeah janice hill rosa martine Martinez's brother Angel. Happy birthday, Angel. Happy birthday. Abdul of the Butcher's forehead.

Wow. All these wrestlers. That's sweet. Larry Bird's porn stash. Robert Toski. Hannah Quinn and her pup, Kenyoki. Kaja Christine Solberg. Mijelva Jensen.

Jesus. Karma Chameleon? What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know. Elaine Carberry. Rowan Barnes. Emily Mann. Stephanie Allen.

Ova Fofa. Ova Fofa. That can't be right. Roush Fan. Nick Akers. Anne Meisenheimer. Sharon Racely. Carolyn Grillo.

Grillo! Kristen Jensen. Cass Nanners. Lindsay Williamson. Rhonda Cooey-Brisson. Pat O'Brien. That can't be right. Maybe it's Pat O'Brien. That can't be right. Maybe it's Pat O'Brien.

Hey, everybody. I hope it's him. Let's watch some college basketball, shall we? Did you ever hear his tapes? I'm Pat O'Brien. Yes, yes. His tapes are amazing. Yeah.

Courtney Valentino, Bo Coons, Jen Wong, Christina with no last name, Marcus Ferrier, Cheryl Lyman, Seth Morrissey, Anita Serdel, Naina, I think, with no last name, Sabrina Dunham, yeah, Durham, shit, Nicole Davenport, Amber Wright, Christoph S., Tammy Silver, Jeffrey Babcock, Jennifer Oh, Eloge? Elogue. Whitney Anzaludo. What? Anzal-dwa. Antoine Hirsch. Justin McIntyre. Aaron Evers. Casey Cassie.

Right. Sean Kelly. Julie Metzler. Danielle Barnes. Patrick Murphy. Kelly Anderson. Mapner Honky Rebby. Nope.

What was that? Mapner Honk Revea. Nope. That didn't sound anything like the first time I saw that. Frisanthan Nagan, I think. Coena Messing. Quentin Graham. Melissa Kelly.

Bailey Gaspar. Gasper. Dianelle Delgado. Travis Schlemme. Val with no last name. Brad Jessup. Dana with no last name. Nathaniel Posey. Joni no last name. Brad Jessup. Dana with no last name. Nathaniel Posey. Joni

Forneau. Joelle Marie. Kelly Scott. Matthew Kohler. Leah Korber. Brian Scherbowski. Ray with no last name. Kara Gregg. Amy Waters. Jarboa. Jarboa. Gooden. J.R. Erickson.

Joey. Nope, that's Joe. Huber. Ashley Goker. Brody Crawford, Michael Stout, Sherry Davis. She got her name back after her divorce. Congratulations. Hey, good for you. Suzanne Baxley and also Stephen Baxley, Sherry Bombard, Roberta Shearer, Kelsey Juleseth White, Afton Moss, Wes Crawford, Chris Griffin, McIler, McIler, Korth, Chad Vaughn, Times One Ender, X1 maybe, I don't know, Jamie Martin, Jason Enyart, Elizabeth Vasquez. That's not Liz Vasquez.

That's another one. Mariah Carter, Sean Elkins, James Diaz, Sway with no last name, probably also Antec. Riley Fortin. Jonah Garcia. Carolyn B. Samantha Brock. David Kohler. Felicity Malias. Haley with no last name.

Romaine Stevenson. Sneaky Serafin. Melissa Koplinger. G. Moyer. Aaron McAvoy. Michelle Mabry. Gail the Snail. Darlene Davis. Jesse Delamate. B.B. Varner, Sherry Angelkis, Monica Farrell, Catherine Spear, Cherie, Stephanie Wright, Amy Marsh, Barron, nope, that's Aaron, Hone, Eliza Butcher, God damn it, Jordan Tesner, Jennifer Oaks, Alex Thomas, Don Perotti, Jordan Collins, Elizabeth Kay, Shannon Rogers, Jamie Jenkins, Brad Barley, Natalie Grosso, Ron Burress, Katie Kaminyars. You just ran out of gas on that.

Oh, boy, oh, boy. Bibi Bergeraria. Should have been followed with an I don't know what I'm doing. One of those famous ones from back in the day. Teresa Crocker, Destalyn, Lynn, Lauren, Lauren Fiato, Martha Parker. famous ones from back in the day theresa crocker duster lynn uh lynn lauren lauren fiotto martha parker uh amanda dyke what all right this is not right amanda amanda dickamy dickamia oh you're you're got a bar somebody's fucking with me there's no way this is a real name amanda dick is there a man to dick me up everybody i'm looking for a man to dick me up ha ha you bastards when i get a hold of you i'm gonna rip your tongue out and

you better tweet us that's a definite mose tavern john hey mose tavern how can i amanda dick me that's what it is john John McGuire. Abby with no last name. Brittany Warapius. Rachel Fisher. Becky. Warpenis. Family name. Warpenis.

Becky Mockford. Amelie Elgren. The Carp with no last name. Chellius Thomas. That's probably not right either. Timothy Sawyer Garza. Sarah Dixon. Charlin. Charlin? Charlin Pepper. Timothy Sawyer Garza. Sarah Dixon. Charlin Pepper.

Timothy Snyder. Chris with no last name. What is it? Harlan Pepper. That might be. That's probably another Moe's Tavern. I'm just going to go Moe's Tavern when I see him. I think that's a best in show reference, Harlan Pepper.

Maybe. I donlan Pepper. Maybe. I don't know. Sorry. Go ahead. Timothy Snyder. Chris with no last name. Kevin Fest. Noah Perry.

Candy Brewer. Tanya Houston. Jenny Bebita. Samuel Redke, I think. Adrian Flores. Stacey Nicole Lawson. Sean Smith. Neely Mitchell.

Sarah Seward. Lauren Curtis. Carlos Calwood. Shayla Lolo, Amy Woodward, Paige Brush. Oh, boy. Mackenzie Sorensen, Katie Hofton, Josh Fisher, Josh Ryan. Nope, that's Josh Ray. Kenny Russell, Skanati Lee. That can't be real. Kennedy Kitchen, Megan Kirbon, Shelby Goyette, Giovanni Gnocchi, Jessica Snow, Charles Ashley, Vanessa Borgetts, Borquez, Kevin Owens, Tobias Gregory, Derek Kelly, Julianne Tufts, Sam Burris, and Daisy, and all of our patrons.

You guys are terrific. Thank you. Thank you so much, everybody, for all that you do for us and for everything. And I'm excited to be doing this, and I know we're both excited to be continuing with this and not throwing it away because we know. Thank you for being a part of it. And thank you for, honestly, letting us know that you gave a shit enough to where we feel like we have to do. Thank you for being a part of it. And thank you for honestly letting us know that you gave a shit enough to where we feel like we have to do. Thank you. Honestly, we do appreciate the fuck out of everything for the past seven years, what you've all done for us.

Thank you so much and what you continue to do. Best thing you can do for us ever is tell a friend. Tell all your friends. You can advertise. You can show people stuff. But until they're friends, someone they, tells them, this makes me laugh. I want to talk about this with you, so listen to it. That's what helps a lot.

So thank you for doing that. You want to follow us on social media. Real easy to do. There's links to everything on ShutUpAndGiveMeMurder.com. So keep coming back. And keep coming back week after week now live from the Crime and Sports Studios. We will see you next week. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Crime and Sports early and ad-free on Amazon Music.

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