Crime in Sports - #347 - Ukulele Versus Gun - "Lucky" Sam Crane

Episode Date: March 21, 2023

This week, we go back in time to look at the life of a major league baseball player. His career ended in the 1920s, so he switched his profession to drinking, and trying to get a younger woman to like him, regardless of the fact that he's married. Not surprisingly, this ends badly, when he tracks his young lady friend to a hotel, where a ukulele playing suitor serenades the object of Sam's affection. Gunshots, ukulele beatings, and a gauntlet of good samaritans make this wild scene even more interesting! A very wild ride!!Play baseball before The Dodgers were even The Dodgers, drink yourself into looking 30 years older than you are, and always answer any perceived slight with gunfire with "Lucky" Sam Crane!!Check us out, every Tuesday!We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!! Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman Donate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail] Get all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.com Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!!  Contact us on... twitter.com/crimeinsports [e-mail] facebook.com/Crimeinsports instagram.com/smalltownmurderSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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It's an all-new season. Judy Justice. Only on Freebie. Hello and welcome to Crime and Sports! Yay! Oh, yay indeed, Jimmy, yay indeed. I like the enthusiasm today. It is well-founded, Jimmy. Well-founded. Yay indeed and thank you. My name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman. Welcome in because we have some wild stuff for you today.

We're going old-timey today, which are always. Fantastic. To me, those are the best episodes. I mean, we went from. When laws were different. Well, we went from Johnny Manziel, who's as kind of new timey as you can be. He's a social media douchebag. And then we're going to go to somebody who's just a completely different thing here, which is the most fun.

Completely different thing here, which is the most fun. Before we get to that, though, very quickly, shutupandgivememurder.com is where you need to go to get tickets for everything. The rest of the year are on sale for Small Town Murder Live. All these cities, there's tons of them. You've got to get your tickets now because they're selling fast, like Minneapolis, San Diego. They're almost sold out. There's a few that are almost sold out. We have a couple that are sold out. Salt Lake City, Boston.

And that's in November, Boston. So get your tickets now, please. Thank you so much for doing that. And of course. The snow's going to dry up and then it's going to come back. And then we'll be there. Yeah, it's going to get warm and then cold again. The Red Sox will not win and then we'll be there again.

They'll have hope. It'll be dashed and then we'll be there. Right about in the middle of when you're watching the patriots not win next year since it's sold out we can say that because we're gonna do so who knows those celtics are great yeah maybe who knows uh we'll see so get your tickets to all that also Also 420 virtual live show April the 20th we're going to do a virtual live small town murder and it's just like a regular live show except you're in your living room we're doing the same thing the visuals and everything

like that. It's available for seven days after the 20th as well so you can buy it at any point and watch it and do whatever you want with it. Watch it a bunch of times and I'm going to get Jimmy so stoned and we're going to see if he can follow a story while he's really stoned. It's going to be very, very fun. I can't wait to do that.

Patreon.com slash Crime and Sports. You definitely want Patreon. Patreon.com slash Crime and Sports is where you get all of this stuff here. You want to be there. We have a whole back catalog. Anybody $5 a month or above, you get all the back bonus episodes. There's 150-something of them. of this stuff here um you want to be there we have a whole back catalog anybody five dollars a month or above you get all the back bonus episodes there's 150 something of them and then every other week you get two new episodes what is it this week we're gonna do first of all you think

your team sucks everybody out there with a shit team well they can't be as bad as the zero and 26 tampa bay buccaneers that started there. We'll find out the beginnings of that franchise and how it was just a disaster and how'd you pick creamsicle uniforms. It's a funny story, actually. And why do you have a man winking at me from your helmet? The whole thing. We'll talk all about it.

Was he flirty? We're playing football. A little flirty here. We'll talk all about that. Then for Small Town Murder, a very requested episode, Jody Arias. More flirty. Yeah, let's get all inside the mind of Jodi Arias. The mind, Jimmy.

The mind of Jodi Arias. Let's all get inside Jodi. But there's a lot of entry points there. She can let you in from any place, Jodi Arias. So we'll talk all about that and her horrible murder. And man, she's mean. She's really mean. That's a bad woman.

I've read. That is a bad, bad woman. Wow, is she nasty. Yeah, so we'll talk all about that. That is patreon.com slash crimeandsports. And you will definitely get a shout out at the end of the show where Jimmy's going to mispronounce your name. So that said, yeah, he wants to get it right. He really does.

That said, let's get to a name that we can't mispronounce. Our subject of the week here be very hard to mispronounce sam crane oh regular spelling of both so easy enough easy enough he is sam byram crane b-y-r-e-m byron's a fascinating yeah yeah byron wow yeah there used to be one with a u i've seen that yeah that It seems like more of a last name. That's a name that's gone away, the cuckoo bird, thank God. Yeah, the dodo bird. The cuckoo?

The cuckoo bird comes out every hour, Jimmy. He's good. Yeah. Flies over the nest. The dodo. Yeah. One of them, anyway. Yeah.

So, well, actually, it just flew over the nest. It could have been any bird that flew over it. Could have been any. Yeah. Anything could have flown. Could have been a 747 flew over the cuckoo's nest. It's really the nest we were more- Could have been a viplane.

We don't know. So, yeah, he's old-timey, though, as we'll talk about here. So the name Byram doesn't really exist now, but it did when he was born on September 13, 1894. Holy shit. Yeah, at that point, different names were in play. You could name your kid Hezekiah with a straight face and everyone would go, that's a very nice name. It was fine. That's not funny at all. Another one? You already have one. Wow. Hezekiah II. Okay, sure. So he's born in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania in 1894. It's so funny, too, when you read about all the old-timey athletes.

Like, they're all tiny people compared to the athletes now. You know what I mean? Like, this guy in his peak playing days was 5'11", 154. He's 150. He's still taller than Johnny Manziel. He's still taller than Johnny Manziel. But he's 154 pounds? Yeah, that's a little that's

like malnutrition what did he do what did he play baseball player oh baseball you figure back then he'd have to be either a boxer or a baseball player to be you know even being talked about now um so yeah he's a baseball player he's an infielder shortstop and third baseman um we'll talk about him here his nicknames are uh they go back and forth like the newspapers either red either he's just sam red crane or lucky everybody calls him lucky which when you read this story it really is not there's nothing lucky about this man really it's the the luck must be ran out fast. Like, yeah, like fucking. Do they call him red and he's got black hair?

They call him lefty and he's a righty. Want to see a picture of him? Here, roll over here and I'll show you this picture. Check this out. Oh, boy. Is that a missing tooth? Oh, yeah, right up front. Is that just a recessed one?

No, no, no. Right up front there. That's a smiler. That's not a good one. That's a bad lifestyle if you're missing a tooth. Dude, he's like 27 years old here. Holy shit. not a good one no and that's a bad lifestyle if you're missing dude he's like 27 years old here holy he looks like he looks like a 50 year old man who lived through the dust bowl like just got out the other side of the dust bowl at like 53 and he's like woof it's been a hard decade

all the ball players look like this back then what is that i think it's number one being out in the sun because it was all day games it's number one being out in the sun. It was all day games back then. So you were out in the sun for fucking, you know, the pregame warm-ups. So you were out in the sun for four goddamn hours every day. Not a lot of Noxzema on. No, no sunscreen.

Not only that, too, they drank every night like fish. They would drink, ride a train to the next town so you're sleeping like shit on a train, then get up and the game's at one o'clock in the afternoon the next day. And're sleeping like shit on a train then get up and the game's at one o'clock in the afternoon the next day so and you got to be like out on the field at 10 in the bright sun so you look like that when you're 27 if you do that for a while jesus christ so uh he's born in harrisburg like we said um the other thing too the the, the name Byram, there's several, uh, several different websites have his middle name listed as Byron with an N same spelling, but with an N at the end.

But in his world war two draft registration, it's Byron Byron with an M. So I think that's, that's the way it goes. And that's what the government tracks him with. And according to his census records to his, according to his census records, his mother's maiden name was Byram with an M. So that's what he's named after. So the baseball sites have it wrong that have that. Interesting. His parents are Thomas and Jenny, both from Pennsylvania.

They're married in 1891. They had four kids, but as happened back then, only two of them lived past infancy. Fascinating, right? It's 50-50 back then. There's no, you're not, there's no, you know, any small little disease. There's no inoculations. There's no anything to, you know. Even like in Deadwood, they're so concerned with this little girl that they're always like, oh, the poor thing.

The poor, yeah, there's nothing they can do for her. That's what it is. Yeah, what are you going to do? You can mash up some flower stuff and mix that and go, yeah, give her some drops of that. Either that or you could give her Dilaudid. You could give her heroin. Yeah, and cross your fingers. Hopefully that works.

Either heroin or mashed up flower leaves. One of the two. That's all we have for you. Walk it off. Or walk it off. So he grew up with his older sister, who's older than him by two years. Her name is Maggie. And his father was a railroad fireman at the turn of the century.

Is that right? Which seems like an exciting job back then because there was – Or horrifying. Well, yeah, obviously terrifying. But it seems like there was probably fires everywhere. there was- Or horrifying. Well, yeah, obviously terrifying. But it seems like there was probably fires everywhere. Everything was run by fire. All the time. Things were run by fire.

There's just constant fires, explosions. Everything's on fire. And you're just constantly maintaining the fire. And if you turn your back too long to have a cigarette, now the fire's out. To have more fire, then there's more fire. So, I mean, everything is fire-based back then. Right. It's wild. So so candles and shit so yeah um yeah he by 1910 though his father was a locomotive engineer oh that's right the big bill on his cap and the whole thing which uh the pinstripes the

white and blue which back then that was like the coolest job in the world for a kid this is pre pre-professional athletes really and stuff like that so they would there's no rock stars there's oh man that guy drives a train that's fucking awesome stand up by the tracks wait for him to go by and he leans out and waves yeah gives you the gives you one of those oh man he gave me the steam whistle holy shit damn it that's fucking cool that must have been real cool and he gets to to go. Back then, there's no mobility, so these people in small towns, they'd do anything.

They'd sign up for the, if there was a war, they were like, awesome, great, I get the fuck out of here. Take me wherever the shooting is. I don't care. So tired of this place. He's leaving Mobile.

He'll be in Atlanta tomorrow. Oh, man. Yeah, it's going to be a while. So he plays baseball growing up, up obviously and to become a professional baseball player not a lot is i don't have like his high school stats from fucking 1906 i really don't they didn't keep didn't keep good track of those no i don't think they published they weren't published much not only that sam crane shocker enough is not an uncommon name it's really not there's a few.

Is that right? A few Sam Cranes floating around in the world, which is a problem also. So when you're looking at anybody named Sam Crane from the last, say, 130 years or so, a few come up. A few once in a while will come up. They barely were able to keep track of how to spell his name, for Christ's sake. How are they going to keep track of his? They still have it wrong now. I think half the baseball reference websites have it as Byron, so it's weird.

So his first professional baseball team that he signs with is New Cumberland is the name of the team. I think it's in Pennsylvania. And then he moved to Greensboro after that in the South Carolina, North Carolina, in the South Atlantic League. And at one point he's playing ball in Raleigh, North Carolina, which is a hotbed for all sports down there. Beautiful place. Yeah, okay. I mean, yeah, there's a lot of trees yeah i mean it's not there's nice hills beyond that it's fine raleigh itself we were there it's fucking horrifying yeah yeah

it was like summerish right yeah it was hot it was warm and then where we where we stayed like there was forest all around the hotel and when we got there late at night it was just noise yeah yeah there was a lot fuck that we were in the woods i don't know what that noise we were in the woods we were like there's a lot of something out there not a lot of hotels in the woods really and when our gigs normally we're in a downtown area we're like whoa i don't know what the hell that's a fox screaming in the woods i know that because they scream i was scared to death if you don't have foxes where you live um yeah when they scream out in the woods at night it sounds like a woman being stabbed to death they literally go that's what you hear from the oh god stop stabbing me what like wow

holy shit they're loud dude they're so scared yeah yeah a lot of people that's all that's happening in the woods out there it's just forest of screaming and then when the screaming dies down then there's just this racket of i guess insects oh yeah horrific insects licking and clacking each other and signaling to other insects to fuck and everything else that's going on let's live here guys fuck signals there's there's insect fuck signals flying left and right this sounds great let's just settle down start a fire pitch the tents we're home raleigh though is also like a lot of like uh a lot of like not industrial parks but like corporate parks it's a lot of that shit too so it's kind of like uh a lot of like not industrial parks but like corporate parks it's a lot of that shit

too so it's kind of like uh big parking lots and woods is kind of like what what it's turned into and some malls nondescript buildings 7 000 churches and four big colleges that's that's the area welcome welcome enjoy get some here's your earplugs yeah dude down there because my dad lived in raleigh so like if you basically you got to be if you're like on a sunday and you want to go do anything you can't do it yeah anytime from like 11 to 2 o'clock in the afternoon because you're it's there's 8 000 dressed to the nines fucking people everywhere you go every ihop is packed with fucking church people it's they are out in force on a sunday afternoon and everything's packed so um anyway he ends up being seen while playing in raleigh does sam crane by connie mack who is the legendary well i guess

he's the owner i think of the a's back in the day. He's the guy that you'd see. There's old pictures of him wearing a suit in the dugout and like a straw, like a straw rich guy hat. Yeah. That's him in the dugout managing the team with a suit on. Is that the guy? Did he have a – no, never mind. Well, maybe.

Was he with the Jackie Robinson stuff?inson stuff no no no connie mack was this is 1914 connie mack is finding him so yeah that was 30 years later yeah i think connie mack was at least either dead or too fat to go find anybody by then i'm not sure because the guy that was involved with jackie robinson was very well dressed straw hat guy, too. Talking Branch Rickey? Is that him? Yeah. The Dodgers guy? He's Mr. Rickey. Yeah, Branch Rickey. Yeah, Branch Rickey.

Yeah. So, yeah, he kind of created the minor league system of how it works now. Well, the farm team system. Got it. How to do that. That was kind of his whole, kind of his creation. Not creation, but his idea to make it like it is now. Yeah.

So, he's purchased here. Sam Crane is purchased by the Philadelphia Athletics. Is that where they started? The A's went from Philly to Kansas City to Oakland. So they've had a couple of different stopovers in time here. So this is at the end of 1914. So in the 1914 season, he gets in two games. And this is the Philadelphia A's, I believe, win the championship this year.

Yes, they do. And he contributed. Well, two games. Two games, six at-bats. He had two walks and three strikeouts. Atta boy. So, I mean, he's no hits, but he's taken a lot of pitches, we'll say. So that's his 1914 season.

1915, he doesn't play a whole lot more. This is crazy. Look at this. The A's go from 1914, 99, 53, and 6. The 6 are games called due to darkness back then and wouldn't get made up if they weren't like didn't have a game the next day against him or something so 99 53 and 6 and won the whole thing you know we're champions okay 1915 they're 43 109 and 2 oh my what happened that is a disgrace that's a fucking did everybody quit that's probably they sold off their players also 1915 is when the

federal league came 1914 1915 there was another league that came up at this point and this is just i could have some facts wrong because i'm going off of memory but this is where another league arrival league sprung up and hired a lot of the players a lot of the good players away so they have like one or two seasons with that league before it folded and then they came back to the majors so they might have come in and bought the a's good players somebody might have done that there might have been who knows what happened so or even just two two pitchers and that'll ruin everything yeah back then your big star i mean you could fuck everything up because pitchers pitched every third day back then. So 19-15, though, this is crazy.

He only is in eight games, our guy here, Sam Crane. Eight games, 23 at-bats. He hits 0-87. Fantastic. 0-87, which is not too good. Is that even – you can call yourself a baseball player doing that? He has two doubles. I mean, seems like he's maybe a defensive replacement, maybe a pinch runner type of guy.

I don't know what the point of having him is, why they had to have him so badly, but I'm not sure. 1916, though, he really stretches his legs and gets in two games. So in three seasons, he's been in 12 games. I've almost played as much as that. That's incredible. but he can go out every day after the game and go yeah i'm a pro ball player he never plays that's amazing he had four at bats this year four four he hit 250 so i mean that's nice he had a hit he had one hit yeah good for him uh this year the a's are even worse than they were the year before.

They are 36-117-1. I guess at that point you don't even want to tell people you're a ball player. Not for this team. No. You're like, who do you play for? Ah, there's a Sandlot team I play for. Yeah, we're pretty good. We're in second place. I'm going to try out next year.

Not great. So by 1916 or so here, yeah, after the 1916 season, I guess the A's say, why do we have this guy? Because you don't play him. He doesn't do anything. So they trade him to the Washington Senators. Okay. Okay. For Turner Barber.

Listen, he got traded for three guys and money. They really sold the shit out of him yeah i don't know if he's like a thoroughbred that there's been they've been holding back you know what i mean not letting him really bust out and there's i don't know what the deal is why they think he's gonna be so good but he's like i don't let him play because i don't want to hurt him or nothing i want to damage guys and money and money how bad were these three guys turner barber jack bentley and alva williams they must have been terrible just fucking awful and cash wow and cash which was worth you know it's cash back then that's it's worth that's a lot yeah so it's it's worth it's a mountain cash

so uh 1917 he plays for the washington senators they They are 74-79-4. So mediocre. Very mediocre. Their attendance, though, they're dead last in the league here. Eight of eight in attendance. 89,682 people for the season. On the season. We're talking, what was it, 154 games back then?

Half at home. That's like home like 8 000 people 77 games eight is that 800 people per game 77 games they they had fucking 89 682 people a game they average like 1300 people a game 1200 people a game barely over a thousand each game that is and griffith stadiums are pretty decent sized park too like this is, this is ridiculous. You go to a Senators game to get some time alone. They wonder why the Senators in fucking Washington kept losing teams and getting them back because nobody goes there. I don't know what it is. They don't go there. That's amazing.

Yeah, 89, that is wild. That's the most incredible statistic I've ever heard in my life. So that year, though, he plays in 32 games now we're talking has 95 at bats uh he hits 179 a robust 179 he had two doubles 17 hits six runs no steals four rbi he's not a very good not very good they're using him though yeah they're using him for something but i don't i don't know what uh here i mean who who gives a shit only 1300 people are seeing this i mean nobody's watching anyway so then three years go by where he's not in the majors i don't know if it's because he hit fucking you know 087 250 and 179 in his last three years or if there's something

else i don't know if the war has something to do with this i don't know if he's he's averaging like 112 yeah oh that's the other thing i forgot world war one was happening so you had another league pop-up and world war one which were both you know guys went and fought in world war one i mean christy matthewson who was one of the top three pitchers in the league completely destroyed himself by from mustard gas or they he got gassed and he couldn't pitch anymore and he ended up dying young it's fucking guys went to actual war back then yeah yeah these guys weren't like stars you know even in world war ii a lot of the ball players that went kind of were on a different detail they were on the ball play in detail and they were doing

that they weren't all like ted williams up there running fucking flying missions and shit yeah so back in the in world war one though you just went in the army you were in the army there was no you know they give you a gun and shave your head yeah they didn't give a shit that you played for the washington senators who cares that's not gonna help so no matter what happens here uh he doesn't play again till 1920 um and i see that he was playing for Indianapolis of the American Association, some minor league team here. They traded him.

They trade Sam Crane to the Cincinnati Reds. Oh. Yeah, to complete an earlier deal. He's a player to be named later. This guy, this guy, and a player to be named later, he's the guy who got thrown in later. Take this one. Got it. On January, that was february

13th um okay yeah hank schreiber was the guy that they got in return i think it's funny that minor league teams are trading with major league teams the major league team isn't just buying the contract like they do now they're trading right right imagine that shit give you some things yeah that's so weird so this year for cincinnati 1920 he plays in 54 games uh 155 plate appearances and uh he hits you ready for this a whopping 215 jimmy he's a heavy hey 215 now he is a middle infielder so back then they did not expect offense from a middle infielder really but 215 is pushing it i gotta say his on base percentage is 261 you got to do better than that or that's just yeah that's his on bay his slugging 243 he's he's getting it wow that is he's trying fuck i feel like that's just not good so he uh he has 31 hits, four doubles, no triples, no homers, five steals, but he's caught stealing four times.

So just not doing— Slow, too. Yeah. Standing in shit on top of everything. Yeah. So 1920, the Reds go 82-71-1. They finish third in the National League. And I have a salary, actually, for the first time.

Fantastic. In 1920, for the Cincinnati Reds, at age 25, which is when that picture was taken, by the way, where he looks 60, he was 25 in that picture. He made $2,700. Wow. Which is the 2023 equivalent of $40,387.95. I was just about to say that's a lot more than I expect him to be making. Yeah, but also less too at the same time. Guys just

didn't make a lot of money back then. So 1921 he comes back to the Reds and this year he actually, this is the most he plays in his career to this point. He's a platoon guy. He's platooning at shortstop with another guy. He plays in 73 games, so they play him half the games.

He has 215 at-bats. He hits 233. 233, 50 hits, 10 doubles, no homers, two triples, 16 RBI, two steals and caught stealing five times. Let's just say don't steal. Why are you running, man? Don't steal you have five of seven you're caught why would you even go he has seven steals and nine caught stealing in his whole career so far so stop doing it stop fucking doing it you're not good at this yeah uh the reds picked their reds kept him in 21 because their main shortstop had threatened to retire in spring training.

So, yeah, the Oakland Tribune commented. This is amazing. Quote, Sam Crane playing every day has found himself is batting elegantly and is the most sensational shortstop anyone could wish to see. So that is sweet word. That is amazing. Well, back then you didn't have to hit very well like i said if you were a slick fielding shortstop i mean right up until the 80s you didn't even in the into the 90s fucking you could do omar viskell couldn't hit for shit when he first started playing he turned into a good majority right but the vast majority of them

are the the leadoff hitter anyway the nine guy or the eight guy before cal ripken no one expected your short stop to hit more than three home runs a year honestly that's just what it was your short stop was a little tiny guy who was fast and played great defense and that was it and this one's slow you can't even see him for fuck's sake from what i understand though he's uh an incredible uh uh fielder and that's what i keep reading about him is he's a great fielder. Everybody says he's really slick at shortstop. And that counts as a lot for a lot back then. The 21 reds here,

uh, 1921 reds. He, uh, they go 70 and 83. There's six to the national league. That's not very good here. Um,

that was, Oh yeah. Those are the stats. I just read off the 21, uh, where he hit two 33. They, the team was doing that.

He made $3,800 that year. That's a big raise. Oh, yeah, equivalent to $63,510.95 now. Doing great. And this is also the days of, except for the biggest, biggest stars, your Babe Roots and things like that, guys had off-season jobs, period. Right. I mean, that went right up until the 70s you know is that right al k line's a hall of famer he moved he delivered appliances for sears every off-season in his career can you imagine he played for 25 years and he played for the tigers be an all-star accumulate hall of fame numbers and fucking when he was done he'd be like where

do you ma'am where would you like this where would you like this avocado frigidaire would you like it in this corner okay excellent you imagine jesus jose altuve popping up at your door to deliver your samsung just fucking aaron judge with a. Hey, where do you want this? Like, huh? You didn't buy the hoses, so I can't hook it up. Say Otani, but you wouldn't know what he was there for. Why are you here? I don't understand. Who are you?

I don't understand you. I don't know. Oh. Click. Close it. I don't know. Click. Close it. I don't know what he was saying. Police, I have a trespasser. I don't know.

He's saying something. Oh, he's got a, I ordered that. Never mind. Sorry. He's in a big, a Best Buy box truck. I don't understand. He's yelling in gibberish. I don't know what he's talking about.

And he's got a bat. It's scary. He seems awfully animated gibberish. I don't know what he's talking about. And he's got a bat. It's scary. He seems awfully animated, though, I'll tell you that much. Not lacking what I'm saying. So 1922, his contract is purchased by the Brooklyn Robins, who, if you don't know, the Dodgers were officially called the Robins until 1931. Is that right? Yeah, the Dodgers were a nickname because they were the trolley Dodgers all around Brooklyn. What's with the Robins?

That was their original. Yeah, well, there was the Orioles, the Robins. Yeah, that was a common thing. Okay, yeah. That was a thing. I guess that makes sense with the Orioles because that's not really a threatening-ass bird. I mean, a Robin is really not threatening. No, not at all.

Were the sparrows taken? I'm sure they were. I think they were probably. Honestly, I think they probably were. If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, what was in Al Capone's vault, or which famous meteorologist is Lenny Kravitz's second cousin, then you haven't spent enough time on Wikipedia.

But that's okay. I am here for you. I'm Darcy Carden, and I'm inviting you to listen to my new podcast, WikiHole, from SmartList Media. Discover the craziest rabbit holes on Wikipedia with me and my funny friends as we bring the cyber frontier directly to your tympanic membrane. And if you listen to my podcast, you'd learn that that's the science-y term for eardrum. We embark on a hyperlink roller coaster as we start out on a Wikipedia page and go from link to link to link to link, careening through trivia, oddities, and unexpected connections until we collectively shout, how the hell did we get here?

Follow WikiHole on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to WikiHole ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Taylor Swift is soaring high. Her every move captured in the news cycle and devoured by her devoted fans. She's broken billboard records and made Grammys history, not to mention becoming a billionaire in the process. Grammy's history, not to mention becoming a billionaire in the process. But along the way, Taylor has had to wage war, first by taking on a very powerful, very famous manager, Scooter Braun, and then by going up against the biggest live events company, Ticketmaster. Hi, I'm David Brown,

the host of Wondery's show, Business Wars. We go deep into some of the biggest corporate rivalries of all time. And in our latest season, Taylor Swift will shake up not only the music business, but Hollywood and the NFL. Follow Business Wars wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So he ends up going there to Brooklyn. Now from this, I found, this is pretty fucking cool, by the way. I found a baseball card that was made of him this year. Of, from this, I found, this is pretty fucking cool, by the way, I found a baseball card that was made of him this year. Of him?

Yeah, of him. It is from the American Caramel Baseball Card Series. So, the American Caramel or Carmel, whatever the fuck you want to say, the American Caramel Company made baseball cards. That's what they did back then. There was gum companies that made baseball cards. Sure, yeah. tobacco.

There was no tops at the time, so there's no kind of standardized there's just a bunch of different cards and they made a card and he was card number e120 issued in the 1922 set which was 240 cards put out that year and it could this set is kind of cool if you're a baseball card person two colors it came in the photos there was sepia for the american league players and green blue to represent the national league players okay so they differentiated the look of them that way um so yeah that's on there sam crane shortstop brooklyn nationals because he's from the national league and uh in 1922 when he's for the Dodgers here, when he's traded, the Reds get Pete Kilduff and Ernie Kruger and $7,500 in cash. Is that right?

For him. For Sam Crane. He's great. He's got to be. He's a hell of a defensive player, which is a big thing that everybody wants. $7,500 is like two years of his salary too so i mean so much money like so hold on a minute i'm worth two players and twice when i get paid every year it seems like i should be getting paid more maybe i'd be compensated a little yeah and then

people go i fucking baseball players with their with their union yeah that's why there's a reason why that because these are the fuck overs they've gotten for so long you trade me for twice what i make fuck you this sucks give that money and then only pay me half of that for this season that's crazy so uh the dodgers plan to have their um regular shortstop ivy olsen they're gonna make him move over to second base so crane could have the shortstop yeah he's going to come in and move over um but it didn't work and uh crane didn't play very well and he lost his job to a guy named andy high after only three games which three games seemed like he do he had to be did he make like 14 errors in three games because yeah three games is not gonna lay down or not show up right in

baseball that's not enough of a sample size for anything in three games i mean that's ridiculous so um apparently on april 22nd he positioned himself improperly twice trying to prevent double steals from taking place so that forget it was on the bench on the bench with you mister yeah you fucking you're in improper position penalties for that right no it's just that he was in the wrong positioning and the coach didn't like it manager said well i don't like him not being in the right position so he makes his final major league appearance on april 23rd that's it not only they sit him down he's done they ruined his career yeah they went from we need this guy so bad we'll pay twice what he gets paid and give you two other guys to three days later we don't want him at all throw him in the garbage and no

one else should take him either and i suggest none of you use yeah none of you he's seriously a high pot garbage just a pile of it he stands in the wrong place to protect for double can you believe that double steel what a piece of shit you know how many double steals are gonna happen now fuck's sake i mean i get that it was more aggressive back then but double steals are still not that big of a part of the game like they're just not yeah they never were i mean they happened more back then but they're still not a huge part so it doesn't change i'd be worried more about can he get to that ball in the hole than how is he on the where's he positioned himself on the double steals that seems fixable balls had to they had to be raining past

him right they had to i would this seems like one of those things where a manager would get mad that yeah you're in because he probably was in the wrong position was told what to do and then did it wrong again fucking my game plan you're fucking my game plan jesus can i get those two guys back so this year he only played in three games he had eight at bats he hit 250 he had a double so good for him him. Tied his record for Craig Zane. He's killing it, man. That's his highest. Yeah, tied it back in 1916. The Robins finished 76-78 that year.

76-78-1. They were sixth in the National League. They did have – here's the difference. Okay, last in the National League is 89,000 people for a whole season, the Senators' attendance. Their attendance here, the Dodgers, and this is middling, this is fifth out of eight teams, is 498,865. Holy. So that's how far off the Senators are from anywhere near an actual baseball team at that point.

That's why they're not around. That's why they have been different teams repeatedly a lot so um that year though he did get paid uh he made forty eight hundred dollars for three games with the robins is that right absolutely they still paid him uh which is worth eighty five thousand four hundred seventy seven dollars nowadays so that's the best three game salary in history. That's terrific. Yeah, I'll play three games and embarrass myself for that kind of money. Sign me the fuck up. I'll do it for $4,800.

Never mind $8,500. I'll do it as a joke. Let's do it. Let's go. What team's tanking? So now that he has earned some money and he's a major league player, sort of, and he was the most sought after. I'm going to say Grace at this point for him.

That's a high point. He's's never gonna play in the majors again so he was standing atop the mountain ready to take a tumble here i feel like so and he got his he got his career payday so it's yeah head off to go buy some acres with that kind of money you get 4 800 in your clutches you go buy yourself that farm you've been dreaming of. Settle down with a little lady. They're only three grand. They as well. I mean, the goddamn depression's coming up. Save it. Save it.

Yeah, you're about to be on top of the hill, son. Oh, boy. So from 23 to 27, he's going to play in the Pacific Coast League, which still exists. The PCL still exists. Really? Yeah, it's a minor league now. But back then, it was a minor league, but it was a very good minor league. The PCL was like there was the majors, and then that was like right there.

I mean, they had great teams. That's where Joe DiMaggio was found by the Yankees and things like that with San Francisco. There was a lot of great players playing in the Pacific Coast League. So he ended up on May 4th of 1923, he gets sent to Seattle of the Pacific Coast League. So he ended up on May 4th going to of 1923, he gets sent to Seattle of the Pacific Coast League for cash. They pay for him. I believe that's the Rainiers if I'm not mistaken.

So I don't know what it was back then. It might have been something different. So he had 482 at bats that year. He hit 266. Great! So that's good. That's your league yeah he hit 250 that's 253 and 269 he and two different years he played so average to that so uh the club wins the pennant in 1924 the pcl pennant so yeah that's awesome though he 1925 he he starts out with an injured ankle and only appears in about 14 games in 1925 through June 11th, and he's hitting 176.

So he's hobbling around. He's not doing well. On June 11th, though, oh, man, he has quite the day. This is, you want to see a guy have a meltdown like this just to go whoa this is incredible look at it happen in wow that day he in the second inning of the game he commits three errors in the second inning oh no three errors alone yeah by just three hours blew three balls and portland scores the team they're against, scores seven runs and on only two hits. He's so pissed off that in the middle of the inning while this is going on, he just fucking quits and leaves and never plays baseball again.

He gets so fucking mad that he just says, God damn it. And he walks off the field and they're like, what the fuck? He walked directly into the clubhouse, grabbed all of his shit out of his locker got in his car and went to harrisburg back home done he literally drove home done didn't even leave like no thoughts about he cleaned out all his shit and was like baseball's over fuck this place and just wet in his car think about the meltdown in He drove in the 20s. Three? Fucking, that is wild. That would take so long in that car. Oh, God, so long. To get from Seattle to Pennsylvania. Bumpy dirt roads and shit.

So this guy, that is incredible, though. Just second inning of a game on his third error. Unbelievable. You know he just screamed, God damn it! Echoed for miles, and then that was it. He just angrily marched off the field, stomping. How long did it take before they went, oh, he's not coming back out there. Franklin, get out there, dude.

No, you're shortstop now. Go, go, go. Jesus Christ. How long did it take them? Go play. We need you. Do you think it took him a couple of minutes? Do you think they all stood there going, is he taking a leak?

What's going on? Is he getting water? What's happening right now? Yeah. Is his glove? Somebody followed him and saw it, right? And they're like, oh, no, he certainly, he picked up car keys. Does he have a hole in his glove, literally?

He's getting it fixed? What's happening? Yeah, he got his keys. I don't know. I see him out there yelling taxi. I feel like that's not good. He wound up his car. I don't know. I see him out there yelling taxi. I feel like that's not good. He wound up his car. I don't know, guys.

I think it's over. I think he's done. He cranked up his car, and I don't know what that means, but I heard like a big fucking horn going on. Some auger shit, and he's leaving. He's certainly going. I don't know what's happening. Yeah, one of those, and it's cranked, guys. I don't know. It's done. I think it's done. Once it's cranked. It's cranked, guys. I don't know.

It's done. I think it's done. Once it's cranked, it's cranked. You can't stop it then. You can't uncrank a car is the old saying from back then, I think, right? So he takes off and he's gone. On July 24th, he does sign with his local club around Harrisburg. He's done with the pressure of the big time here. This is

in the New York Pennsylvania League though we don't know if he played any official games for the club. There's no stats there. In 1926 in February, Seattle, who still has his contract, they still own him, they sell him, or sell his contract

to Buffalo of the International League. And he plays. He's like, fuck it, I guess. Yeah. That team was half decent. He played in 110 games and hit 276. He's got it back. So, yeah, he's got it back.

Also, I don't know what the International League's skill level is. I don't know how good of a league this is. But either way, he's over 30 now, too. So, back then, that was kind of done for a baseball player. Sure. So the San Antonio Light, a newspaper, said, quote, Not bad.

But he is transferred to Redding that year. I guess they trade him or do something. And there he plays in 113 games in 27 and hits 196. He lost it again. Yeah, he lost it again. I don't know if he's like, this behavior seems like he's like a hardcore alcoholic and then sometimes he cleans up for a minute he has like a year where he's got it under control and then other years he doesn't that's what it seems like it's very uh inconsistent it's ugly yeah it seems like he's got to be doing

something to cause this level of inconsistency his personal life's got to be fast well you know what let's find out about a good timing there's perfect timing let's talk about his marriage here um while he was playing with seattle he met and married uh thelma v patterson or peterson i'm sorry thelma v peterson who's a minnesotan um she's a few years younger than him worked at as a stenographer for an insurance company in seattle they've got stenographers apparently they do they got it all there at the insurance company in seattle write it all down yeah um so by the way in 1928 this has to do with his personal life he was offered a a spot on the roster of buffalo yeah and he turned it down he didn't want to play anymore with them he turned it he turned it down. He didn't want to play anymore with them.

He turned it down, though, not because he didn't want to play baseball, because his dick was really hard for some young chick he was chasing around who wasn't his wife, obviously. Oh. So he wanted to go chase his broad around, and he didn't want to fucking play baseball. Didn't want to have to go to Buffalo. Didn't want to have to go to Buffalo.

And the woman who he was chasing around is a woman named della lighter uh della and l-y-t-e-r is lighter um and so let's talk about her and there's another guy we'll talk about here john d oran o-r-e-n who's he okay well he's another guy involved in this whole thing. We'll talk about this. All right. Oh. So, Crane meets Della Leiter in 1927 when she's 25. Obviously, he's a little bit older, a few years older. She is described as a pretty divorcee.

Okay. Now, Della, as we'll talk here she was she was married and had a child at 14 oh no she was raped and married in other words yeah she had a an old guy molested her and then married her all right and made her raise her rape baby that's jeez at 14 14 i'm sorry that's you're not. Fuck off. Terrible. Yeah.

That is disgusting. They wouldn't even put those girls on teen mom back in the day. That's just sad. 60. At least you can drive her baby somewhere. But 14. Jesus Christ. That kid has fucking that kid has care bears in a room.

This is crazy. Yeah. 14. A girl that's pregnant at 14. You're guaranteed guaranteed the guy that did that is a terrible person or a 14 year old probably not best case scenario it's a 14 year old that's the best case scenario his dad is in ninth grade that's best case scenario and probably 98 percent are not are not that's the worst part exactly so um yeah so della is who he

wants to chase around she um like i said a pretty divorcee they started seeing each other in 1928 and that's when his wife thelma filed for a divorce because duh obviously yeah she found out so crane sets up a little apartment little love nest for him and his lady here, him and Della. And he mortgaged his mother's house to do this, by the way. Oh, he borrowed against mom's crib. I'm not going to play baseball because then I have to be in Buffalo and not in Harrisburg with this chick. And I'm going to mortgage my mother's house so we can you know have ourselves a little love nest so he is thinking with his dick exclusively at this point for sure for sure

his dad had died in 1917 so leaving the mother all the house and all that kind of shit so everybody said that sam was just going crazy for della lighter just oh i'm sure losing it not they said he didn't think of anything else. Didn't talk about anything else. He's got to get home to her boy. That's all there is to it. This is good news. Only seven years of this and the kids gone anyway.

Yeah. That's going to be all not your problem anymore. Almost done. Sam, this is a guy who knows he is hitting above his fucking weight class here. This is a guy who knows yeah he's swinging out of control right yeah he's like this i am i'm hitting cleanup and i shouldn't be i should be hitting eighth no no way this is sustainable i'm gonna get it while i can this here's cleanup

pussy is what we got here i get that eight at that eighth ninth hitter tail is what i should be going after and i'm getting clean up. I'm getting Babe Ruth pussy here. This is crazy. That's what he's thinking. Bottom of the lineup gash is no good. I don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want the pitcher's about to hit.

No, thank you. Nope, I'm hitting right before the pitcher. No, not me. Pitcher pink's no good. Yep. This is three-spot trim right here three spot sticky let's go let's do it batting lineup pussy is so much it's great well i mean it's true too let's be honest here it really

is you're not getting fucking middle of the lineup fucking trim. You're just not. Middle lineup squish for you? No. Yeah. You should be getting seven hole hole at best. At 180 average? Get out of here.

You don't deserve this. Get the fuck out of here. Nope. Sorry. Sorry. That is bottom of the order my friend not gonna happen so but he is into this uh she enamored she's a little less enamored with him oh you know because she has options probably she's pretty and stuff like that there's probably

a little bit of thrill that she's banging a baseball player. There's probably something there. I guess, but we looked at him. Yeah, there's not much to be proud of. Once he's done being in uniform, that's not a real attractive man. Yeah, that's a man just missing a tooth. I could see him out there playing shortstop in the bright sun with the uniform. That might be cool. You might go, yeah, there's something neat about the way the sun glints off his bat.

That's cool. Not a lot of smiling, there's something neat about the way the sun glints off his bat. That's cool. Not a lot of smiling and exposing teeth going on in the infield. No, exactly. Not a lot of that either. Exposing your missing smilers. So she's not as into it. Shit started to fall apart because Della started seeing an old boyfriend of hers. Oh, yeah.

A 28-year-old man named John D. Oren. This started in July 29. So I don't know if the market crash had anything to do with that. They were like, get a little lonely when there's no money and food in the house. The market done crashed. I can't take it. So she ended her

relationship with Sam. I'm done. I'm going back to this guy he was apoplectic i mean he really set his whole he stopped playing ball he got a divorce he mortgaged his mother's house he did all this stuff in his mind that he's like setting up this beautiful wonderful life and she's like i don't know my old boyfriend's dick is pretty good. I'm going to go there. He's cooler. He offered. Yeah. So he starts drinking extremely heavily. Just, I mean, he is pounding the booze. And his divorce becomes final in July also. So she leaves.

He's drinking. The divorce papers come. Oh, you're officially divorced. Oh, God. And if you don't pay your rent, we're going to take your mom's house. Yeah. You're going to be kicked out of here, and we're going to take mom's crib, too. Did I mention you're a 220 lifetime hitter?

Because that's true also. That's not great. What was his final average? He's made more errors. Those three and those two innings are nothing compared to these errors. He's a 208 lifetime major league hitter, by the way. 208. That is not terrific.

That's not going to get you in the Hall of Fame. No, that's not going to get you that three-spot fucking trim. It's not happening. Yeah. His Della here, this is described from a newspaper, Della, 26 years old, blonde and pretty, was married 12 years ago to howard davies that tells you a lot from whom she became and there's no other mention of like how weird

that is and how gross it is and how can you believe obviously yeah just by me she's married when she was 14 because it's west virginia and we don't say 14 we just say 26 married 12 years ago and let the let the reader do the math. And West Virginia, you just earned that stick, too, because this week they just blocked a law that would bar child marriage there. Unbelievable. Yeah. One of the representatives said, that's part of life in West Virginia, quote unquote. How could you say that out loud, sir?

Because you're in West fucking Virginia. So don't be upset when we make fun of you when you elect people who... You make that guy. I don't know what party. I'm not even getting into all that shit. That's not a matter of that. Whoever fucking blocked it's an asshole. We know that.

That's crazy. Also, arrest him. Yeah. I don't know what he's done, but clearly something. He's either doing something or planning something because he's he's i don't know what he's done but clearly something he's either doing something or planning something because he's fucking awfully concerned that we're allowed to marry children yeah so jesus christ yeah so um they uh she's the mother of a 12 year old son howard jr even named it a junior oh perfect um perfect and the kid lives with her and um his her ex-husband married again and

all of that um here's a picture of her from the newspaper but it's hard because it's black and white but there you go but it's not bad i mean i'm sure she's face she looks sweet yeah she doesn't look like uh like some of those old or anything yeah some of them some of the older women look like him look like the female version of him, just haggard. And you're like, oh, look at her. It's been a tough life, huh, Grams? And she's like, I'm 23. And you're like, holy fuck.

I've had six kids die already. Been through a lot. Her face looks like it could be on a penny or some sort of currency. It's not bad. Yeah, and then this guy, too. Here, sorry to keep making you come back. This is or in here oh boy he looks like he's more handsome he's more handsome than than sam why do they all give such a

scary look it's a scowl back then they don't want to let you know they're doing they're doing too well boy do i hate this the depression's coming up you don depression's coming up. You don't want to act too happy. People think that maybe you've got some money and then they'll take it from you. You're the one that did this. Why aren't you jumping off a building, pal? You don't even look sad. So this whole thing, by the way, from this, we found that uh he runs brick and clay products jd oran and company back then oh that is longevity yeah he runs a brick company that's

he's making good money that's gonna last a long time so she's making a wise decision making a product that everything's being built out of right now because of those goddamn pesky fires. Yeah, everything's on fire. Or you could have a mediocre, son-fucking-scarred, alcoholic ex-baseball player. That's what you could have. Who's mortgaging mom's house. With mom's house fucking mortgaging. So, Crane, though, Sam sees this as like

he's got to win his girl back. Oh, challenge. That's what he sees this as, a challenge. And he's got to win his girl back oh that's what he sees this as a challenge and um he's depressed about it but he sees this as a rivalry between him and orin oh okay we're gonna have a you know this is a rivalry this has nothing to do with just she doesn't like me anymore so he uh i guess they had what they had been together i guess, after she got divorced, she got with Oren, and then they had broken up. And then she got with Sam Crane, and then her and Oren got back together. That's how it worked.

I mean, that happens. So now Della's father told her not to go out with Crane. Don't go out with him. She said, why? And he said, quote, that he heard unfavorable things about red. That's the nickname he was going by here. So she said, oh, that's ridiculous. I am absolutely going to go out with him.

She did fight with him a lot because he would drive her car around while she was at work at the state highway department. car around while she was at work at the state highway department and um yeah he was actually arrested and charged with driving her car without consent once they broke up because he still kept driving her car that's exactly what that is his auto theft she did withdraw the charge against him though i know she felt bad because he was drunk and everything else so uh they della and orin when they start hooking back up again orin tells uh tells della that crane had threatened to kill him oh yeah and so you know what the fuck man um your ex-boyfriend's threatening to kill me by the way just to his face yeah i don't know back then no he's just texting him it was on instagram it was like pretty letter yeah it was just an instagram post it was kind of like you know it felt like he was sub tweeting me

that's what i thought that's what it was that's what it was um it's about me it was like deep on a subreddit really is what it was and he was like hoping that somebody would see it and like bring him in on the conversation it was very deep dude girls are doing that today too with like snapchat and shit they're like children are they they snapchat about each other like without saying the name on the slide it is the most childish annoying shit and children are doing life and it yeah it gets in your life and it drives you bananas i wish they were doing this though i want the i want these two grown men doing it think about a guy who owns a brick company yeah and this fucking sun-dried tomato of a baseball player sitting there all shit face going well yeah i'll tell you what won't crumble like your teeth yeah some of these they're going back and forth on the whole thing

like oh well at least i've done something with myself i played for i'm a robin and he's like well i have teeth and he goes back i made so many bricks today and not a single error on these bricks well they would actually have to be not not referring to that person so it'd have to be real kind of we'd have to make it so they wouldn't know it was him yeah just like not know it's him just like real real shitty thinking about how can i be super shit this meme will say what i want to say and then here's something somebody else said yeah that i can apply to my life that's perfectly this fits exactly what i want here's a stolen song lyric that someone put on a meme so this is someone saying something about something that someone already said something about and i'm gonna steal both of those things and make it this is my personality now good and

this person didn't even write it another person did yeah and made it famous before this one covered it and i still want that person to represent my life. I want that. I want that. I like it much better back then when you could just drink and stew in your room. Just drink and pace around the, however big of a living room you have. Give yourself fucking cirrhosis and blame somebody else for it. Because there's nothing you could do.

I'm pissing blood, you bitch. You did this. Goddamn bitch. I haven't eaten solid food in a month. That's because of you. Yeah. And she's not even there. What do you think happens to loose food on the way out?

It's even looser. That's your fault fault she's not even there this isn't a letter that he's writing so he's gonna mail to her at a plaster wall oh man so there's a letter that oran shows fucking della from crane where crane says he's going to shoot them both oh so he's like you know orin's like maybe this is you know concerning we should do that yeah but um they said they were going to uh they were going to tear up the letter and just forget about it but they said let's go rather than the police they went to a local attorney to ask him about the threat what do you think about this yeah i would say what's the attorney going to do about it? The attorney, with amazing legal advice here, I hope, I mean, obviously Harvard Law here

had something to do with this, Yale, Princeton, something, told them, quote, not to worry about it. I wouldn't worry about it. That's a man that's clearly been super threatened. He's like, this is shit. That's nothing. Shoot you both. Look at this.

Come back when there's detail. Tell me what sexually he's going to do to your heads afterwards. Then when he starts putting that in, that's when he's getting serious. That's when fantasies are forming. You came through the door that has the knife stabbed in it. It has my child's pinky in it. Come on. Do you have one of those?

Do you have that? No? Okay. He stabbed my child's pinky on my door. Not to worry about it. That's great legal advice. Don't worry about that. I wouldn't worry about it.

That's good. I'm not very scared. Yeah, that's fine. Now, they had been in a fight, by the way, a year ago, Orrin and Crane. They got in a physical fight over Della. Just a fist fight. Had some fisticuffs and, you know, I think maybe one hit the other with a brick and that was that. Brick versus

baseball bat. Let's see what wins. Whatever happened in that, he did not win the girl. No, but there was no nobody was injured. There was no nothing. It was just a couple of guys having a fist fight over a woman. That's all. Then Crane

ended up becoming the manager of a hotel and cafe all right now um then it ended up closing after three months the hotel and he was out of a job again so he said through this time he's writing threatening letters his girl's gone he's fucking getting you know losing his hotel job he's really having a lot of problems. It's not going great. I would say not. So Oren ends up asking Della to come stay a while at his parents' home. Okay, there. In New Cumberland, which is the first team that Sam signed with. The wait is over.

So far you're not losing. The only thing you're losing is my patience. Quickly, I see that. Ding! The queen of the courtroom is back. I didn't do anything. You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face. I see he's not intimidated by anything.

I can fix that. New cases. She wanted to fight me. Leave her. Leave her alone. OK, so, um. Not this is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy.

Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin. His brother. That's not him. Yes, ma'am. I would make a beeline for the door. The Emmy Award winning series returns.

How did I know that? I have a crystal ball in my head. It's an all new season. It's streaming. You can say anything. Judy Justice. Only on Freebie. So his mother's sister-in-law had died.

Oh. Mother's siblings. That's your aunt? Mother's brothers, yeah. Wait, yeah, that's your aunt, right? I guess by marriage. Great aunt, yeah. Yeah. Great aunt.

Mother's sister-in-law, I guess. I don't fucking know. Yeah. That's your aunt. It's your aunt. She died, and I guess his mother was upset, and for some reason he thought that Della's presence would help mom cope with the death of her sister-in-law. I don't know. Here's my girlfriend to hang out.

Here's she. She's pretty, right? Yeah. She's a girl. I don't know what you're going through. Everything back then was very dark and dingy. And I think if you put a pretty girl in the room, it just makes everyone feel better. I feel like back then.

Yeah, that's true. But they also like to match you up with your genitals and i mean like this this person matches yours they'll make you better you two make potato salad together and talk about it i'm gonna go in here and drink that's kind of how potatoes we're gonna drink whiskey so um she had her own apartment at the time though though, there. Now, Oren, like we said, he's got the brick company and all that kind of shit. His parents, he's also got a brother. He's got a parent.

He's got a whole family. He's got the whole deal. So August 3rd, 1929 comes around. Sam gets drunk, which means it's any day of the week, really, at this point in time. This is right in the thick of the fucking baseball season things are going yeah think about where you should be what should be happening it's and you're guzzling booze guzzling booze and uh doing in it when i drink i like to be i like to just keep a loose gun in my pocket too because preferable you know you never know because when you're know you never know because

when you're drinking you don't know what you're going to want to do listen you don't know if you're going to want a sandwich or some pizza rolls later on and just like the say you baby you're going to want to shoot something who knows so you keep it in your pocket just in case you may want to shoot uh skeet shoot those pizza rolls you don't you don't know it that's what i mean and you could be an intruder i'll bet yeah it's gonna try to roll you in your drunken state you never know when you're drinking random shit happens and you just want to have fun yeah sometimes a gun needs to be around well and then this is one of those times for sam he's decided to just carry a gun loosely in his pocket um he's planning on possibly shooting himself he's not positive here he's like maybe i'll shoot today. If I can get enough booze in me, I'll shoot myself.

I think it's one of those. So, okay, here we go. Let's talk about this. This is fucking wild. He will end up the next day surrendering to police because of something that he does here in a hotel room on a Saturday night. So, Jesus Christ, this is wild. He's shit-faced. Yeah.

He walks into, he finds Della and Oren and just walks into their hotel room. Oh. Figures out where they are, bursts into their room. People said he, quote, seemed in a daze when he walked into the room. Oh. Figures out where they are, bursts into the room. People said he, quote, seemed in a daze when he walked into the room. Okay? That's hammered. Hammered. Dazed and hammered.

And he walks in. There's Della. And there's, you know, there is Orin. And they're sitting there. What time of day is this? This is not late at night or anything like that. I think this is like evening time. So he, as they're sitting there going,

what do you want? He pulls out a 38 caliber revolver out of his pocket. All right. And turns to Della. As you have to set the scene. Okay. He walks in Dallas sitting on the bed. What are you doing here?

He pulls out the gun while this is going on. Oren is sitting in a chair playing the ukulele okay so this is what i'm saying okay so he's like strong pring-a-ding-a-ding fucking tiny bubbles or whatever the fuck i don't know what don ho sings i don't know what any of them sing. The only one I know of the ukulele is a Hawaiian tune. Yeah. He's fucking... I don't know, something. That's what he's doing. Sing a Merry Christmas to you.

That's the only song he knows. He just sings it over and over again, even though it's August. It's a right way to say Merry Christmas to you. He's going off on it. He was working on a solo at the time. I'm waiting to say Merry Christmas to you. Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink. He's going off on it. He was working on a solo at the time. Yeah. Now, as he turns to, Jesus Christ, he turns to Della while Oren's playing the piano and shoots her.

Right there. Shoots Della, who slides down onto the floor. Okay? Now, Orin springs into action. The only weapon at his disposal is a ukulele. So, he runs up and starts smashing Sam over the head with this ukulele. You only got two or three swings in you with that little thing. It's going to burst after that. Yeah.

It's coming apart. I've seen plenty of guitars used as weapons. If you ever watched wrestling, that happens all the time. I've never heard of a ukulele. Usually people that play the ukulele are a milder class than the guitar. Guitar players can be wild. They can be like Slash kicking whiskey bottles out of the way. They could be crazy, smashing shit.

Ukulele players just smile. That's it. They're happy. Generally a small person. It's a smile. Just a calm guy. Ukulele's a calm instrument. It's a calm person's instrument.

You can't really rock with that. No, that's what I mean. I'm sure you can. Someone's going to send us a video of someone playing someone playing fucking master of puppets on it we don't care i got news for you it's not raw it's not good i don't want to hear it yes he figured out the chords terrific we don't care it doesn't matter it sounds close but it's not it you could also play it on a flute on a a fucking recorder, on an oboe, I'm sure. I don't care about those either. Still not rock. If it was rock slash would have used it.

That's what I mean. Imagine him sitting there doing the Sweet Child of Mine solo on a ukulele. I don't think it's going to work. I don't think it's going to work. I think the producer of that album is going to tell him, put that shit away. Hey, Slash? Yeah. Slash?

Yeah, no, guys, take five. Slash? There's no Slash. You stay here. Hey, buddy. It's just not working, man. I don't know what it is, bro. I'm not feeling the ukulele right now there's a fender right next to you

pick that up give that one a try give the electric guitar a whirl we're going to give that one since that's been what we've been playing in rock for the last 60 years or so go ahead and give that a try and take the ukulele and throw it out the fucking window please

give that back to your children yeah give that back to your children or whatever some random fat man in a hawaiian shirt something i don't know or a hawaiian guy sitting in his living room smoking weed give it back give it back to him because he's the one who should be right now there's a there's a one ukulele short on those islands and you're gonna need you to feel rage and that comes from that fucking fender pick it up so he starts fucking beating yeah uh sam over the head with the ukulele which is not a really a that sturdy of a weapon i think if there's a paper rock rock, scissors, ukulele loses to pistol. Most. Yeah, it loses to pistol. So it's ukulele, pistol, sling blade, we'll call it.

Yeah. Anything. And ukulele never wins is the point of that. Never. It always loses. So Crane ends up shooting Orin, too. Shoots him twice. Pow, pow. That's self-defense right there.

Yeah, we're talking. They're sitting. What a calm day in a hotel room. Right? I'm just playing the ukulele while you kick back. Ba-ding, ba-ding, ba-ding. You're so happy. Boom, here comes your ex-boyfriend.

Yeah. Strum, strum. Shoot, shoot. Pow, yeah. Bash, bash. Whack, whack. Shoot, shoot. Run, run. Oh, bash. Whack, whack. Shoot, shoot. Run, run.

Oh, boy. That's quite the scene. It's ugly. In all the small town murders and all the crime, we've never had a weirder scene, I don't think, than this. Ukulele as a defense mechanism is certainly a choice. It's different. It's different. So the gunshots draw a big crowd out on the street

and in the hotel lobby so crane fights his way through that this is in philadelphia and um he he does all of that um there was people sitting at a table um uh and they heard what was going on they carried the wounded people here oran and, to a car that took them to the hospital. And at 4.15 in the morning, Oren is pronounced dead of a bullet wound to the abdomen. Now, Della is hanging on. We'll get to her, whether she survives or not. Crane, by the way, head gushing blood from being bashed in the face with a ukulele which is hilarious those sting yeah it probably hurts because the guitar's got a wider it's wider so

when you would hit it when it would hit it would you know have some wind resistance too that would slow it back a bit well it's bigger so there's more force obviously because it's more mass but the it's a wider bottom so when it hits you it would give more the ukulele is a small thing so it's gonna be it's hard yeah it's gonna whack you like getting hit with a fucking and if you hit it like an axe rather than open you know oh yeah you want to hit yeah you gotta go that way you don't fucking do it open and break it yeah you gotta use the corner of that thing on the guy's head that'll hurt that that smarts so So he takes off in his car. Okay. And this is an unfortunate quote from the newspaper here.

Crane, his head bleeding from the blow from the ukulele, beat off Leonard Brea. Really? Who, according to, yeah, he beat him off. The bloody face. What a it's a bleeding from the blow from the blow from the ukulele beat off leonard bria so right in the paper it's the fortitude he took it he did he was like well uh all right i guess so i mean he can focus even with the blood fine if you're gonna i don't want to ruin your getaway. So according to witnesses, Leonard had entered from the bar room with a club and other men grappled with him as well. So people started trying to grab him and attack him.

And he was beating them off left and right, which gets them to stop punching you usually. Yeah. I mean, I'm a pretty calm guy if I'm getting beat off. That's what I mean, I'm a pretty calm guy if I'm getting beat off. That's what I mean. And if someone starts beating you up and you start beating them off, I feel like they'll stop for a second at least to ask what you're doing. It gives you a second to catch your breath. It's going to distract at least.

That is a hell of a move you just did there. You can try that on anything. I don't care if eight cops are taking you to the ground. If you start beating them off, they're probably going to go, What's going's going on here just gives you a breather for a second is all i'm saying it's an interesting they may say hey or they may say hey hey what's going hey hey oh hold on a minute here let's give him a second let's see where he's going with this he might have big plans we don't know so i love that they used to say that so much in the paper how long did it take you think how long did how long did that change in the common day lexicon that it became before somebody typed it and went that doesn't sound right. Okay, hold on. Yeah.

Beat back. Okay, that's better. Beat back. Beat off isn't great. No more beat off, guys. No more beat off. So he takes off, fights his way, beats off a bunch of dudes, fights. He's covered in blood and jizz now. He's got all sorts of stuff going on.

It's a sticky sitch. It's a very sticky situation it looks like he's got it just looks like he's got special sauce all over him now jizz and blood mixed together so he uh dashes away in his car that he left parked under the second street railroad pass of the pennsylvania railroad Yeah. Three hours later, while all available police in the city and nearby towns were searching for him. It was everybody. Everybody.

They knew who did it. He got away. Yeah. He was like, yeah, it's crazy. So while that's going on, he just walked into police headquarters and said, hey, I know you're looking for me. Yeah. And the acting police lieutenant Neumeier was at the desk.

And he says, quote, that he came in. Sam Crane came in and said, quote, I'm told I shot somebody. You're told that. That's how shit-faced he was. Wow. He's like, I'm told I'm shy. I shot somebody. I'll take your word for it.

But I don't remember it. Blackout drunk. Shit-faced hammered what the fuck fucking shoot your ex-girlfriend while ukuleles play drunk which is very drunk blackout drunk what so drunk a ukulele can't stop your rage can't be stopped but even the sound of it it's a calming sound it really is it makes you think of the ocean immediately. So to hear that and be like, you're really pissed. I see date palms and coconuts. For Christ's sake.

Don Ho was never attacked from what I understand in any of his shows. No one ever ran up on the stage and just in a rage beat him savagely. It never happened. He got through all of his shows real calm and cool. Every last one of them just people eating poi and enjoying themselves right i don't know so yeah uh they said that they thought he was very seriously injured they thought maybe he had been shot in the head because of how much he was bleeding that dude opened his head up with that ukulele he knew yeah it's a great weapon apparently

i'm gonna put one of those next to my bag. You should. Not great. Well, if the other person has a gun, though, it's not going to work. Yeah. So they place him under arrest. They take him to the hospital, stitch him up a little bit. Now, at the time, Oren was alive while this was going on. So he's charged with felonious assault with intent to kill. And then he died.

And then, obviously, now it's murder so he's placed in the county jail where two other alleged murderers were presently confined so oh they had a nice little triad of murder there that's nice there you go um he was way too intoxicated to be questioned the police said that night still he was they couldn't even get anything he didn't know what he was doing where he was He was slurring and everything. Yeah, so this is crazy. They said that when he walked in, because this happened in a private area of the bar room,

so when he walked in of the hotel, it was 11.15 on Saturday night. They said that most of the people in the bar knew him, so he didn't draw any attention when he walked in but he walked through the crowd without saying a word and then went up then went up the steps leading to the back room which was where della and orin were so he just walked in like on a mission everyone was like hey what's up sam and he was just fucking focused you know wow doing his thing here so um he started firing they said as soon as he entered the doorway of the room he fired five shots the first two hitting della one missing completely and the other two hitting oran right in there yeah which is pretty impressive

for that man who's black not bad for Not bad for him. Hammered. Yeah. He must be a good shot when he's sober. So according to a Miss Lynn Rudy who was there, her companion took the revolver away from Crane. And other witnesses said that he threw the weapon on the bar as he went out. So either way, this guy ended up with it, but there's some description. In one of them, he's heroic and wrestled it away from him and the other one crane came out put the gun down like michael corleone who just shot yeah the fucking police captain and drops it and walks away that gun that gun was on the bar top he picked it up and told his girl yeah i wrestled it from i wrestled it from the murderer's hands and she told told everybody. I blew the hero. Impressed, aren't you?

Yes, well, there's a new technique I'd like you to try. It involves your mouth. And, well, I'll explain it further. Come on over here. Here, let's go. Let's go. Come on. Show me how impressed you are.

Stick your tongue out with this in there. There you go. Now, mm-hmm. Nope, like an ice cream cone at first, yes, but then, okay, there you are. Okay, better. So. And I'm done. Okay, never mind. Now it looks like you had ice cream.

Oh, man. Now it looks like you've beat off several men. So, yeah, they said, I guess she kept, Della, della who's alive kept asking what's what's up with jack or and where's jack where's jack um they said that because she was so wounded they didn't want to tell her that he died because they didn't want her to fucking go into a tizzy and drop dead so um they uh they told her that he's okay and wasn't badly hurt he'll be okay he's fine um they told della's father that um uh blood transfusions would probably be made to save her life and that's what that would be needed so she ends up surviving wow she survives it but

jack oran's dead did she take both gut shots too? I think she got a – yeah, I think so. I think they were both gut shots, body shots. Yeah, just center mass, pow, pow. No organs luckily for her, I guess. So they formally charge him with murder. And I like this is from the newspaper here. A formal charge of murder was preferred. I was going to say prepared because that's normal.

preferred, I was going to say prepared because that's normal, but preferred against Samuel Red Crane, 34, erstwhile major and minor league baseball player here today in connection with the fatal wounding of John Owen, a brick salesman of this city, and the serious wounding of Miss Della Leiter, 26, also of this city. Jesus Christ. Okay. Oren died five hours after the shooting,

and Della was still in the hospital obviously here um which is interesting so they get to a trial and the trial is like a it's a spectacle man the trials oh it's a spectacle yeah because he's a he's a baseball player people know who he is so this becomes a real oj situation over a gal yeah yeah it's it's it's got all the things it's got all the all the trimming seedy little things that people want in a story like this sure so uh they said that based on multiple testimonies crane was staggering drunk when he entered that when he arrived at the hotel he said he staggered through the room he didn't even wasn't even walking straight i don't know how he could shoot that well, but they said throughout the morning. He also had stressed that the drunkenness they said the drunkenness, the absence of

premeditation and lack of threats means that he shouldn't get charged with like premeditated murder. That's crazy. That's what his lawyers are saying. They're trying to say that the discovery of his former girlfriend in the hotel came as a surprise to him. Oh, he just was like, oh, my God, it's these two. And then shot them, which all the witnesses said he opened the door and just started shooting. There was no like moment of realization.

Nobody else. Yeah. He didn't even look around the room with a gun in his pocket. Yeah. Right. So testimony given by Peteete lentz uh said uh that said that stuff and then he said that the um they said that uh they they thought although he said okay they said well the county detective both asked me questions and then answered them

that's what he said that's what crane said So he's saying that I didn't confess. They asked me questions and then they answered the questions for me. He's like, I was drunk. I didn't even know what's going on. He said he drank for hours at his apartment before he went there. Then they said that he got his gun from his steamer trunk and his friend who had saw him back as his, as apartment before he left said he took the gun out and the guy persuaded him to put it back. So he said, I thought he put it back and was done with it. Like, I thought I talked him out of it.

I don't remember. I didn't see him get the gun back out of the trunk. So at some point after I talked him out of going and doing this, he got the gun again and was doing it. So his friends said they didn't know he was armed at all until he heard that he was firing shots, which is very fucking interesting here. He told them that he wanted to go show the guys at the hotel an autographed picture that he had. That's why he was stopping there. So he lied to his friends about what he was doing. He said he had an autographed picture of Frankie Hayes, the prize fighter, and he wanted to stop by and show it to these guys.

Just showing it off. Showing it off. Yeah. So they said, quote quote this is one of his friends lentz we're trying to sober red up get him interested in something that's why we went so they were like yeah great yeah let's go take the that's better than shooting people let's go walk around get the blood oh yeah justin so his defense lawyer lawyer's name is Carl B. Stoner, which sounds like a made-up name. Carl B. Stoner, baby.

Wow. They said that explained his presence in the hotel. He didn't go there to shoot anybody. He just went there to show off an autograph, and then things lead to things, obviously. So Crane, they said that he's in the same suit every day, by the way. No, the new one? I guess so, with a clean white shirt. Well, they said he appeared at the courtroom at 931. He's there late.

They said he appeared to have spent a sleepless night. Oh. So he got there a minute late. Looks like shit. Looks like shit. I think he just looks like shit, though. I don't think that's. Yeah, probably. I think he just looks terrible.

Looks like shit. I think he just looks like shit, though. I don't think that's. Yeah, probably. I think he just looks terrible. So the prosecutor tells the juries that Crane must pay a certain penalty. Must pay a certain penalty and said that second degree verdict maybe you guys can give at least here. So now Crane blames Della for all of this. Sure.

He blames Della. So the defense attorney says that he just wanted to be happily married and do fine. He said they lived together at the 4th Street address. And they said that he'd obviously he'd been drinking for a week before this happened. He ate, quote, practically nothing. The lawyer said he's just been drinking his food i'm gonna drink my dinner he's been doing one of those um a telephone call from della on the night of the murder they said happened she promised to return to him is what

the defense said they said that she promised to return after quote just one more night out i just need. Let me get all of the dick in and out of my system and I'll be back. Which I don't believe anyway. Even if that was a thing, that's not going to happen. That's ridiculous. Yeah. So now they also said that Crane had the gun because he was planning on killing himself, not killing anyone else. That's why he took the gun, in case he wanted to blow his brains out.

So don't think it was premeditated right there. He said that he didn't know of Della's presence in the hotel when he started going there. Yeah. By the way, the wound here, the wounds they describe uh perion tonta perion perionitis perionite uh parrot parrot tonight peritonitis jesus christ i don't know what the fuck um so um he's uh apparently that's what was wrong with her that's where he hit her in the periodontist i don't know right in the taint i believe that means i'm not sure so they said said that when Jack Oren arrived at the hotel, they said that he was feeling good. His friend said, we had four or five mugs of beer.

Oren was feeling good, and he was cutting up. So having a good time. At one time, his friend left, and a photographer friend said that he had taken some pictures after the shooting um so they also talked about that they talked about in the trial like the different pictures of the people around and the defense was trying to say this person could have told him this and very silly shit they were trying to pull this defense because there's really not a lot of defense here so they uh a witness described hearing shots and seeing della lighter crumble to the floor uh they said three shots were fired uh two at oran who had grabbed the ukulele and hit crane they said della said something to

miss evelyn lynn after she was hit but i didn't hear what she said. So he told Leonard here that Leonard Brea, the guy who he beat off, I guess that Leonard Brea was armed with a stick. Yeah, he was. Which Crane beat off. Yeah. Yeah. And, yeah, he went there and uh how do they not giggle in court when they say that that's what i mean it's fucking ridiculous so he's the guy he also hit crane a couple times

in the head okay so crane took some shots on the way out obviously so um they uh um i guess one lady uh or one guy named renee they said that the only thing that jack said as he was dying was hello renee when the guy walked up to him it's so nice he was in a nice mood recognized him nice mood um yeah yeah so um the also they showed a they're talking about the gun um took, got the murder weapon and his his friend saw who saw him took it out of this, take it out of the steamer trunk, said that looks like the the weapon that he took out of the steamer trunk. He looked like he'd been drinking. There was a wild look in his eyes when he came into the hotel. And while shooting was a trifle unsteady on his feet. He wasn't staggering.

He swayed from side to side. Meaning he's a professional drunk. Right. That's a good drunk right there. And amateur staggers, a pro drunk just knows how they need to put a little. Yeah. A little more to that. It's like how they build skyscrapers to have some give to them they know like oh i gotta give it a little give or else that shit's gonna snap and i'm gonna fall down it's why the willow lasts through a windstorm folks you gotta give with the climate

babe yep it goes along with it while the mighty elk may fall that's the difference so um uh yeah there's more people talking here they said it uh talking about how long they were at the hotel they're talking about did oran what did he drink and they said he drank just beer only 11 40 p.m was when they fixed the time of the shooting um yeah they're talking about the ukulele in court which is hilarious they said they weren't sure if the ukulele could be heard by crane in the bar room like maybe he was like you know annoying him with it no he heard the ukulele and followed that and knew where they were based on the ukulele so that would have been interesting like where's the son of a bitch playing a goddamn

ukulele i'll murder i will murder the asshole with the ukulele. Maybe that's this equivalent of someone sitting under a tree with an acoustic guitar in the 90s. It's like some dickhead with a ukulele. I will fucking shoot him. I swear to God. I will shoot him. If he sings fucking Breakfast at Tiffany's one more time, I'm going to stab him in the throat. That's what everybody played in the

90s on their acoustic guitar sure did that or stairway to heaven yeah but that was slower the other one had the strumming yeah you know it could just kind of upbeat kill you if you sing that fucking unbelievable the worst jesus christ by the way my cousin who was in a band one time i came to new york to visit and i went to see their band and they because i hate that song so much they learned they learned this song to play it because i hated it so much i was like that is awesome i want to show you something that is awesome to learn a song they all hated it too to learn a song that nobody liked just to fucking make me laugh.

Because I thought it was funny. That's because it's terrible. Yeah, that's pretty funny. I was like, that's awesome. So they questioned talking about the bullets. It's so funny. Back then you could really kind of question a medical examiner a lot and act like, well, you don't know what's really going on in there, do you? I mean, it's all it's all hocus pocus under the skin.

Right, Doc? Like they don't know any organs and blood and shit. Right. Yeah, that's ridiculous. So, yeah, they they had all the they one person said that he came out of the room quote with a gun smoking in his hand so a literal smoking gun that a bar room full of people saw 1920s ammo that still smokes after it's fired awesome uh here's right from a newspaper quote miss lynn a rather attractive blonde wore one of the new style hats of brown who fucking cares it's a murder trial

this hot chick wore a hat is what they're telling us in the newspaper her ensemble of correspond her ensemble was of corresponding blue oh my we have to describe her we need the color of the outfit of her hair hat and fucking and uh outfit, outfit here. She said that Della said, as she stumbled, quote, I'm done for thought she was dead. Um, so they said that Mr.

Rudy twisted the gun from Sam crane's hand. So other people saw that the dress worn by Della was introduced as evidence and identified by a witness. And, um, you know, they began the cross examination and there's a witness. And, you know, they began the cross-examination, and there's photographs and, you know, all this type of shit. They're trying to say the only defense is it came as a surprise to Crane. They can't say he didn't shoot him. So the defense is he didn't know they were there.

He was drunk, and he just had a jealous outburst. So that was that. They said Sam Crane's eyes were glassy when i saw him that night he looked like he'd been drinking someone said she didn't know how drunk he was uh they but she said i could tell he was drinking by the glazed look in his eyes yeah obviously um so um she goes on this. Another witness says crane staggered into the back room after stepping up to the bar. I was drawing three mugs of beer for crane and two other fellas before I drew the third, which was for red. I heard the shots and rushed back.

He ordered a beer and was like, I'm gonna go shoot these people. Then I'll come back for my beer. Um, yeah, maybe if the bartender gave him his beer first, he wouldn't have done that. He was already hammered. He doesn't need any more beer anyway. Yeah. He said, I saw Della and Jack about ready to fall over. When I hit Crane three or four times, he sort of sagged.

He sort of sagged because he got hit with a club and a ukulele. He said, I went out back for a policeman and when I came back, Crane was gone. So then someone said, I saw him in the Adams Hotel drunk every day for four or five days before the shooting. He was very drunk every time I saw him, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. He's just been getting shit hammered. Wow, that is fucking crazy. Every day. Every day. wow that is fucking crazy every day every day

a cop who was at the bar drinking said I was at a table by myself I was drinking a glass of beer and I heard screaming and shots tried to grab Crane and then he got out of the place I saw Oren smash the ukulele over Crane's head three shots were fired as I got outside

I like how everybody was running toward the gunshots too which is yeah that's very heroic very interesting yeah back then nobody had the fear of it they're like well i'm gonna die of the fucking something anyway like right you know when i get cholera and drop dead for anyway cirrhosis now half my kids are dead who cares so um the um they they said that they you know they took the gun from him um he kept telling people on the way out too that he just came for a glass of beer there's another thing that he said i just came for a glass of beer as he ran away with a smoking gun all i wanted was a beer i just wanted a beer all i wanted was a a Pepsi. Just one Pepsi. You wouldn't give it to me, so I had to kill two people.

Play that song with the ukulele. That's a sad song for that. Not going to happen. So this trial just goes on. It's basically 20 people saying how fucking drunk he was. 20 people saying how fucking drunk he was his friend said when he came they came over to get him that a lot of empty whiskey bottles were laying around in his apartment um they said that yeah i didn't know that he got the gun out of the trunk again i don't remember this i didn't do that i don't know what you're talking about so either they don't want to say that they knew he had the

gun because then they're they feel responsible or he just snuck in and got the fucking gun. I mean, that's very possible. By the way, it's all fucked. It's all fucked. Yeah, it's all fucked out here. So they asked Sam how many drinks he had. He doesn't know. His friend said Crane was so drunk he couldn't find the keyhole of his apartment door with his key.

That's drunk. That's like a comical level of drunkenness you can't get a key in a fucking lock that's wild they said what have you been doing red i asked him and he had nothing to say he had been hurt and we took him to the hospital that's after the shooting so they said he kept silent breaking in only with what are you trying to kid me big boy when accused of shooting them what are you trying to kid me big boy that's what he said that that was his response to did you shoot those people yeah you're full of shit it's a fascinating old-timey response yeah that is a really one what are you trying to do kid me big boy what are you

trying to do kid me big boy you gotta go after you do that it's the only fucking way um so uh they said that they talk about della obviously there's four women on the jury by the way is that right yeah four women on the jury which is interesting them opportunities very nice yeah i guess so for pennsylvania um they talk about uh the other. I like this is the members of the jury, by the way. There's a printer here. They give their address and everything. Walter Netsley, printer, 1912 North Street. Hate that so much.

They used to do that all the time. Morris Miller, Jr., a miner. Carrie Bonner, a housewife. J.E. Farnsler, a farmer, Max Katz, a retired man, Lester Hoy, a salesman, Frank D. Brantner, Lulu Powers. Yeah, Lulu. She's a floor lady, whatever that is. What? Is that old-timey for hooker?

That's what it sounds like. Right? Floor lady. Floor lady. Yeah, you know how that goes. Miss Anna Fritz, a housewife, a clerk named Layla Hambright, a merchant, a railroad man. Okay. That's it.

Railroad man. Railroad man. That's how they list them. A railroad man of 1325 A. Vernon Street. So originally there was 35 men and 23 women summoned and that's what they whittled it down to. From this trial okay, I have to write during this

shooting and the arrests and everything there is an article in this paper. Oh boy. I'm just going to read it to you. Quote Choose leaves at work only to find their poison ivy. That's the title of this. This idiot.

Oh, God. He chewed it, not chose it. No, no, no. Chewed. Oh, God. People back in the day, when their mouth was dry, there was no water. They just used to chew leaves. Oh, my God.

I've heard of people saying that's how they started chewing tobacco was someone told them in the summer when you're thirsty, you don't need to drink water all the time if you just chew tobacco. Is that right? Sparky Lyle, the relief pitcher for the Yankees who wrote Bronx Zoo, said that's how he started chewing tobacco was roofing with his dad when he was 15. He kept coming down in the summer to get water. And his dad said, quit coming down. You're wasting all this time and threw him a pack of Redman and said, fucking put that in your lip and you won't have to fucking you won't have to take drinks so much that is not how you keep water in your body that's very good parenting right there not only do you not get water in the heat but here have some chewing tobacco holy shit pull that

very nice out of your body while you're also sweating. And don't replenish it. Oh, my God. Hereafter, Addison Benjamin, 21, state highway employee, will be more careful of the kind of leaves he chews to keep his mouth moist while working on the road. Addison's face began to swell up while he was working yesterday on the road near here, and he was rushed to a local hospital. There it was discovered he'd been chewing poison ivy leaves his head arms sweet no they're fucking awful his head arms shoulders and and uh chest are badly swollen they said oh dear christ imagine what his mouth feels like yeah when you touch it it fucks you up and you put it inside you. So you put it inside, yeah.

Can you imagine that? Oh, Jesus. Your mouth, your throat. Right under that is a woman who likes her Senate job, it says above her. Oh, she's enjoying it. Likes her Senate job. She says chauffeuring a typewriter for a bunch of senators is flocks of fun. Flocks of it.

Flocks of it. So there's that. flocks of it flocks of it so there's that now by the way she uh della was in the hospital for a while while this all started going on she dies of her wounds so it becomes a double murder a double murder yeah this is not good at all oh shit so on september 25th 1929 like a month and a half after the actual thing happened which is so soon he is found guilty of second degree murder one count of lighter yes um this sentence would originally carry a 10 to 20 year prison sentence yeah but we'll we'll talk about that yeah the jury found him guilty of second degree murder for della lighter and is still under indictment for the killing of john t orne i guess we haven't even haven't even settled i haven't gotten there yet um there they said in his instructions the uh

president judge william j hargist how do you be how are you president judge president judge oh preside i think they mean presiding presiding it's not it's spelled president which is not i think they mean presiding i guess maybe it is i don't know um told the jury to return a second degree verdict carrying 10 to 20 years imprisonment if they found Crane had been in a drunken stupor. So this is the drunken stupor thing. So they said yes. So on March 26, 1930, he's convicted of second-degree murder of Oren as well. Okay. And he's sentenced to, you, sir, may fuck off eight to 16 years in prison.

Okay. That's not a lot. By the way, both trials trials prosecutors asked for the death penalty and they got him 8 to 16 that's a huge win they asked for premeditated first degree death penalty and they all they said he's so everybody said he's so drunk and they can't say it was premeditated so that's how it worked both trials the jurors ended up saying saying that it was due to his level of intoxication why they let him go. So his final sentences the judge sets are 18 to 36 years in prison. Fuck off.

That's amazing. Yeah, not bad. So he's imprisoned at the Eastern State Penitentiary. He, by the way, from what we can find find is the first major leaguer convicted of murder is that right that we can find that maybe there was a guy who played for a week and got but like the guy who's actually a legit in the league for a few years major leaguer here traded for and yeah what he's worth for i mean yeah you like to be known for things and being the first in baseball is very nice but not that that's not the first thing you want to you want to go on and uh that's the only thing he's got you can you almost feel

bad for the guy for that yeah i mean almost i mean i do i feel bad for him but not nearly as bad as i feel for sam crane first of all this one sam newhall, second baseman, another baseball player who died in 1925. He's a fucking, he also played, by the way, for the Buffalo Bisons. He played for the Cincinnati Reds of the Outlaw Reds of the United Association. He played for, he was a manager player, and I believe he is in the Baseball uh the baseball hall of fame as well this poor bastard yes his career ended though when he was arrested after an affair with the wife of a fruit dealer and he stole 1500 from the fruit dealer and he that was the end murder him that's what i mean that was the end of his career in disgrace at that point that's all this guy had to do was rob him

yep that's it so um yeah he was uh they said that after there's an article about it he was barred from entering the polo grounds when he showed up for an august 16th game he learned that he was cut and then he tried to buy a ticket and they said you're not allowed to buy a ticket either you can't even come in they didn't even fucking they not only cut him they fucking banned him from the park because he did this you're not allowed to be here to buy a hot dog you son of a bitch they didn't even take him in to tell him he just found out at the gate uh also sam crane uh writer from the uk an actor and a writer who was on the crown and a couple other things sam crane Crane, owner and president at Sam Crane Electrical LLC in Florida. And finally, my favorite, because he cares about women so much, Samuel Crane, M.D., assistant professor of family medicine, school of medicine.

His expertise is in family medicine. His specialty focuses are fertility, women's midlife care, and women's health. Really giving a shit. and he's not currently accepting patients he's got his hands full so in prison he plays for the prison team why not there's a prison baseball team he plays shortstop and outfield for them he works as a clerk and drove the prison fire truck also really yes? Yes. I guess when you're not drinking constantly they can trust you to do shit. You're really bored too and that's what happened.

He was trying to be productive and shit. He keeps applying for pardons during this whole time and keeps getting turned down. Pardons? Wants a pardon. But I played baseball, damn it. Give me a pardon. The lack of remorse is insane don't worry connie

mack is gonna get silver here pretty quick oh so um local semi-pro and amateur clubs by the way would travel to prison on saturday afternoons to play the prison team until 1934 when a very large riot turns the whole now no one's allowed to do any of that shit anymore this is uh august 27th 1934 the newspaper says greaterford riots riots renewed officers shot an accident oh bedlam starts when restrictive uh when restive convicts are sent back to cells forty thousand dollars worth of damage let's see state troopers armed with machine guns continue to patrol the yards of the eastern state penitentiary today following a second uprising of prisoners the second outbreak at the model prison occurred last night this is their oz if anybody's ever seen oz and if you've never

seen oz oz is an hbo show number one it's very well done don't watch more than two episodes at once because you will be in a deep depression because it's you feel like you're in prison but yeah it's the point of oz it's a prison within a prison there's a regular prison it's all whatever and then oz is this experimental thing where the people have the freedoms of the outside world just inside they're allowed to leave their cells their doors are open they're allowed to have like they're allowed to interact more it's a it's a thing to see if that will help quell violence and recidivism and all that shit like that's see if we can really actually uh correct these people yes if you teach them to you know do life things while they're in there they have to do their own laundry they have to do all that you teach

them to do all that stuff maybe they'll be better prepared for it on the outside is the you know that's the theory here so this was about 500 convicts in the recreation yard were ordered to return to their cells two hours ahead of usual time bedlam started one group who had been

herded into a cell block shouted curses and banged their eating utensils on the steel bars. That's back when they'd feed you in the cell. So you had your shit in the cell. They said so. Two hundred other prisoners in a barbed wire stockade started to climb the fence. Sixty troopers and highway patrolmen on guard in the cell block rushed into the yard. Machine guns, submachine guns, and pistols were trained on the yelling men.

Oh, boy. Under threat that the state officers would shoot to kill the convicts submitted. Not a shot was fired and no tear gas was necessary. Warden, this is a great name, Herbert Hard-Boiled Smith. That's what they call him, Hard-Boiled. He immediately ordered 74 of the leaders of the disturbances Saturday and Sunday transferred to the Eastern Penitentiary in Philadelphia. So this is from, what, two days later. Quote, 1,273 locked in cells without supper after strike at Cherry Hill.

Clubs quiet unruly men. So they beat the shit out of them with clubs. Machine guns and tear gas guns in the hands of a large force of Pennsylvania State Police last night awaited the move of striking convicts at Graterford and Cherry Hill and new and old prisons of the Eastern Penitentiary. So this is like turning into like it's spreading throughout the system. Yeah. Everybody's gotten word that they can do it. Yeah. A strike of nearly all of the 1,273 prisoners at Cherry Hill yesterday,

in sympathy for leaders of the Saturday's riot at Greaterford, added to the potential danger of the situation. Prison officials, while concerned, expressed satisfaction at the precautions which had been taken. Quote, we're ready for anything, one official announced. Bring it on. Bring it on.

Guards wear helmets, it says. A machine gun nest was established atop a powerhouse at Graterford. Two picked gunners were stationed there, ready for instant action. State troopers patrolled the grounds and cell blocks with rifles. Guards wore football helmets and carried baseball bats. My God. Mixing up their metaphors there.

Not metaphors, but their real shit. Any prisoner who attempts to leave a cell without permission is to be shot, was the specific order given the troopers. Trouble has been brewing at the Cherry Hill Prison, Fairmont Avenue and 21st Street since the ringleaders of Greaterford were transferred there. On the stroke of 10 o'clock yesterday morning, 300 prisoners in the machine, tailor, loom, shoe and print shops dropped their work and sent up a shout of everybody's out.

Everybody out. So they all just went on strike at the same time. An equal number of prisoners in the yard and on maintenance work joined them. The remaining prisoners exercising in the yard walked back to their cells. So prison officials didn't hesitate. Warden Smith ordered everybody locked up.

No violence occurred, but a fight between strikers and non-strikers was narrowly averted. The prisoners were fighting each other. Like, hey, you pussies, get with us. Stop this. You're going to fuck our lives up and hey you stop yeah you stop being pussies yeah so they went back and forth some prisoners were presented uh prevented from destroying machinery by other strikers who through joining in the walkout looked forward to returning to work later some of the guys like don't destroy the machines this is what we do yeah so, it's kind of like an Oz thing.

So there's here's an article. What's the trouble? Another model prison gone haywire seems as if the better some people are treated, the more they expect. At any rate, that is the size of the recent Greaterford riots. riots the jail was constructed as a model prison and either such a consummation was not reached or quote the cure is making them worse than before maybe some strong arm methods might carry a plainer message after all the public did not put the inmates into jail for the fun of keeping them so they're sitting there going fucking well this is why you give people meanwhile there's riots and prisons where they're horrible to them or fucking, well, this is why you give people. Meanwhile, there's riots in prisons

where they're horrible to them. Basically, if you take a bunch of criminals and you put them all in one place, sometimes they'll do wild shit. Doesn't matter what you do, but generally, treating them a little bit better definitely makes less. Yeah, they'll do their time and get out.

Makes for less shit. Some people you just can't do anything with. They're just going to be dicks because that's what they do. Yeah. Some people, James, just like to watch the world burn. That's it.

Is it punishment or is it rehabilitation? Who knows? And, uh, yeah, it's weird. So depends on the criminal. Yeah.

Now there is, uh, something in this paper here though. Um, at the Columbia, this is, I, this is, in this paper here, though. At the Columbia, this is. This is, I guess, a movie, I suppose, what this is. The entire week, beginning tomorrow, quote, Chicago Sal, cabaret dancer, companion of crooks,

would become worthy an honest son of the soil. Can she reform? Is it her problem that of modern days answered in the gripping sensation? Environment. That's the name of this movie. And that's how they advertise it. Do you want to see that? I don't even know what the fuck they're talking about.

I don't know what it's about. And there's a cartoon called Flies also. Gross. Apparently she's a cabaret dancer who's going to go be a farmer. Can she pull it off? Or he. Yeah, so gross. Apparently, she's a cabaret dancer who's going to go be a farmer. Can she pull it off? Or he? Yeah, Chicago Sal. There's a drawing of a lady who's dressed like a flapper girl.

She's got like that. That's Sal? That's Sal, I think. And then there's a guy who's like holding up a young boy who looks like a downtrodden farmer. I'm not sure. Either way. We'll see to find out. Yeah. So in prison, Crane spent his time listening to baseball games on the radio.

Sure. Seems like it would be painful. He read the sporting news and discussed baseball with other inmates. He was just all about baseball. He performed clerical duties in the superintendent's office. Like I said, drove the prison fire truck and even kept a pet squirrel. Who is he? What a weird guy. Yeah. He's a strange man.

He's a model prisoner, though, yeah? He is a model prisoner. Driving around the fire truck with a squirrel on his shoulder is just a weird guy, right? And doing the warden's paperwork with the school on his lap yeah uh his mother would come see him all the time uh billy whitman who was a scout for the cubs and browns would come see him all the time and connie mack would come see him all the time is that right yes uh other baseball guys here too most of them you've probably never heard of because i haven't heard of most of these uh chief bender max bishop lena blackburn

uh joe boley jack coombs harry davis bill killifer bing miller jesus brick owens that's a great name brick owens uh a guy named brick brick you have to you've murdered a guy that does that herb pennock all sorts of guys so he started applying for parole every year beginning in 1934 which is when the riots happened in mind and he stopped playing baseball so he's bored okay yeah he was the favorite of the warden elmer leister uh who said quote he has learned his lesson and i honestly believe he could be a useful member of society again if given a chance. Are you out of your fucking mind? He's got the warden's backing.

And every year, Connie Mack would come before the parole board and plead for him. And Connie Mack in Philly is a fucking, I mean, he's an icon there. He was the owner of the baseball team. And the guy, he's Mr. Baseball there. Like, he's, they respect the fuck out of him. In 1935, he told the board, quote, I'm afraid that if something is not done soon for this boy, it will be too late. He's 40, by the way.

He's not a boy. If something's not done for this boy, it will be too late. He's on the verge of a mental breakdown. done for this boy it will be too late he's on the verge of a mental breakdown um he said that quote i think the i think the ends of justice have been met by crane's exceptionally good record he's good now guys so uh whitman and mac provided character letters for him at every parole hearing and pledged to look after him if he was granted a release too oh they told babysitting for you they told the parole board that i'll said, I'll give him a job, and Whitman said, I'll give him a place to live.

So he's nobody's problem if you let him out. So the next year, again, he said, gentlemen, please give this man his liberty before it is too late. He's at the point where he is losing hope. He's determined to make good. Give him that chance, please, before he is beyond redemption. So really doing that. 1940 comes along.

Connie Mack told a reporter who was headed there to the prison to give a message to Sam here or give a message to Crane. He said, quote, Tell Sam to keep a stiff upper lip. Sam should have his liberty. He's paid his debt to society. I've got a job for him at Scheib Park the moment they decide to release him to my custody. So, however, every year that would happen, but also the Leiter and Oren families would show up

and oppose his parole every year as well. They carried a little more weight. But by 1944, tide starts to turn a little bit. The warden said, quote, he's learned his lesson. He could be a useful member of society. He reiterates that. On September 5th, 1944, at 49 years old, Crane is finally granted parole. Is that right?

Yep. years old crane is finally granted parole is that right yep um he said the first thing he wants to do when he gets out or one of the first things is because they said what are you going to do now that you're out and he said i want to see a night game because that was a new thing i'm gonna learn the ukulele yeah i'm gonna learn that uke man that looked pretty hot shit he sounded good i'll tell you you get all the pussy so he wants to see a night game. He wants to see a night game, which I mean, if you're a lifelong ball player, that's like, holy shit, they play at night now. That's crazy. That had to be a really wild thing. There's lights and shit.

Wow. He said, quote, uppermost in my thoughts at this time is to thank everyone who has helped me in this struggle. I'd like to get some new clothes, see my mother in Harrisburg, and go fishing. Okay. Very simple things. I'd like to not wear a prison uniform say hi to my mom maybe drop a ball in the water i'm gonna not murder women i didn't hear him say that maybe not murder women and beat off some guys we'll see what happens in october he's offered a job working maintenance at shy park what connie? Connie Mack kept his, yeah, he's going to be an ex-ball player, going to come and work

maintenance. It's a $35 a week job. Jesus. And he turns it down, turns it down, because World War II is really cooking, and you can get, there's really good jobs out there to get in the war, you know, plants and

factories, so he gets a much better job out of that. So, he lasts a few more years. That's 1944. And then on November 12th, 1955, he dies of cancer after a long battle with cancer at Jefferson hospital in Philadelphia. And yep, he's at hillside cemetery in Philadelphia.

And one of his obituaries from the sporting news, it said that he's survived by a wife and two children. Beats the fuck out of me. I didn't know he had a wife, didn't know he had two children at any point. Holy. I don't know if the sporting news knew more than we found or what, but that's all we could find on him. And that. I don't want that to be true at all. No, right?

He got married, started pumping kids out? What the fuck? Right. That is Sam Crane, everybody. Quite the weird story, old-timey, strange murder. Love triangle. What a weird murder. He's just a bad man.

Such a strange murder. If the sound of ukulele sends you into a bloodthirsty, murderous rage, you need to figure your fucking life out. Calm down. I also kind of get it. At the same time, if you're playing the ukulele, shut the fuck up, too. You know what you're doing. Yeah. In any environment outside of a beach, I don't want to hear that shit at all.

You play that shit on a stage and sing comedy music, I'll beat you to death. I will beat you to death with that. Beat you to death. Absolutely. Who the fuck plays the ukulele that's not annoying? I'm trying to think of one person. I mean, nobody. Yeah, I can't think of anybody.

It's the most annoying instrument on the planet. I almost said Steve Martin, but that's a fucking banjo. But he plays the ukulele in The Jerk, which makes me think of that. That's the only time that it's not annoying. There's those girls that do it that are comedian girls that have, like, filthy songs. But they're girls. It's not a dipshit guy playing for a pussy. Yeah, it's some dickhead trying to get laid.

And singing funny songs with a ukulele is not being a comedian. No, it's not. That's being a hack and a terrible person. No matter what music you use. Yeah, that's ruining the craft is what that's called, destroying it, crushing it beneath your boot. So if you like that story tell the world about it get on whatever app you're listening on and give us five stars because it really does help drive the show up the charts it's a helpful thing for for your boys here so do that

uh also head over to shut up and give me murder.com get your tickets to live shows the whole slate of 2023 live shows for small town murder are now for sale, and you better get in there fast because Salt Lake City, Boston, those are sold out. Denver, San Diego, Minneapolis, and a few others are getting goddamn close, and they're months and months away. So people are buying tickets at an awesome level, and we appreciate that. So get in there if you want tickets. Thank you so much. Shit, if you listen to this when it comes out this week, we're going to in seattle the 23rd the 24th in seattle uh and then the 25th we're in portland for two shows there so come see us come see a live show yeah let's say you can't get out maybe

you're in australia or england or somewhere like that can't get to a live show well guess where west virginia i don't know you're trapped on a in a holler we have for you the virtual live show well guess where west virginia i don't know you're trapped on a in a holler we have for you the virtual live show 420 just like a regular live show except you're going to be in your living room we're going to be doing our thing with the pictures and everything like that and since it's 420 on april 20th i'm going to get jimmy very stoned yes very stoned and make him try to follow a murder story it's going to be hilarious. So get your tickets right now for that. That is shut up and give me murder dot com for all those things.

That show will be available for a week after we do it, too. So you can buy it, watch it and do whatever you want. Right. Watch it 20 times in that week if you feel like it. So do whatever you want. Do whatever the fuck you want. Also, one thing you should do, though, whether you want to or not, is follow us on social media please do at crime and sports on twitter and facebook at small town murder on instagram definitely do that and you also definitely want to sign up for patreon patreon.com slash crime and

sports is where you get all of the bonus materials we're talking yes jesus it's got to be almost 200 now it's got to be pushing 200 in bonus episodes. So many bonus episodes. You're going to get the whole back catalog immediately, and you're also going to get new episodes every other week. Two new episodes, to be exact. This week is no different. This week you're going to get, for crime and sports,

you're going to get, we'll talk about the worst team that's ever existed in any sport. The 0-26 Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who started their existence at 0-26 before winning a game. And it was ugly. Why is there a guy winking on the helmet? Why are you choosing that color? What the fuck is going on? And why was it such a disaster?

We'll go into all of it, and it's really fucking hilarious. And then for small-town murder, holy holy shit do we have a wild one here we have found we always look for a different angle on the story and we've found many many points of entry to jody arias that we're going to talk about lots of angles lots of ways it's a different positions to look at you can get inside her head from many different avenues is what we're getting at you can so we'll talk all about her and her craziness and her murder and that was a brutal thing that she did too and it's maybe the worst woman on the planet no there's always casey anthony she always exists sorry sorry jody killed this guy that's fine at least they're adults yeah she killed an adult yeah that kid was cute as fuck that casey anthony is a fucking the worst person who's ever lived

yeah so we'll talk about her at some point too because yeah she's a piece of shit well she tried to put that thing out saying that man which was just what the fuck lady spinning horse shit and if you look when you compare it what she said to actually, if you watch that, have the evidence next to you. Have the court documents next to you like I literally did. And they don't match up at all. She's full of shit is what it is. And she's a terrible murderer. But that's not what we're talking about this week.

We're talking about Jodi Arias. And we'll talk about that. Patreon.com slash crime and sports. And, of course, you get a shout out at the end of the show and that is for fuck's sake right now jimmy hit me with the name of the list with the list of people the name of the list with the list of the names of the people who would never ever ever ever shoot us for playing the ukulele poorly jimmy hit me with that list this week's executive producers are karen from al Adam Simon, Brian Whitney.

Happy birthday, Brian. Happy birthday. Sophie Sazanto, Santo probably, and her sister in Austria. Thank you so much. Thank you. Jordan Bennett in Canada. Of course. Florence Cullerton.

Stephanie Saliff. Happy birthday, Stephanie. Happy birthday. Robert David, Matt and Devin Jennings. Thank you so much, you guys, for everything you do. Other producers this week are Corporal Carl Kirshner, Carly Mann from Home Run Espresso, Liz Vasquez, Peyton Meadows, Anna Liu, I think, Cody Leversy in Detroit. We'll see you soon.

Aeros Whiskey and Tequila at Centeno Kennels in Canada. Catherine Collado, Andrew Youngberg had a cat. What is this? Had a cat named, oh, Andrew had a cat named Burgoo. I imagine that cat is dead, and I hope you didn't eat your cat. Oh, I hope not either. I hope they didn't turn it into Burgoo. His dad named it Burgoo.

That's wild. What a weird place we live in. Carrie Clemec, Nicole Clausen, Janice Hill, Mary Kip Soosley, congratulations on your divorce. Dan Dan's mom, Anita Penis, I hope she gets it. Good for you. Good luck. Mike Hawk, I hope you're proud of that one as well. Darcy Standifer, you'll never make The Six.

What is that? Oh, who said that in what movie? You'll never make The Six. I is that? Oh, who said that? In what movie? You'll never make The Six? I think that's Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, right? Oh, you'll never make it. Yeah, probably. Yeah, I think so.

Tatum with no last name. Keelan McCollin. Alex Patterson. Laura Varney. Maybe John. Jim's wife. Jim's daughter. Yeah.

Jim's wife or daughter. Laura. Amelia Boyd. Rachel. Rachel. Rachel Ugly. Banjo Bobby. Laura. Amelia Boyd. Rachel. Poor Jim. Rachel. Rachel Ugly. Banjo Bobby. Samantha with no last name.

Jen Lacombe. Adam Clark. Annie Skelton. Mike Lendy. Chris Furness. Holly Tragertha. Brendan Small. JD with no last name.

Taylor with no last name. Catherine Cook. Mama Lovejoy. JD Uwalt. That's what it is. Welts. Toa. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Tojoy. J.D. Ewalt. That's what it is. Welts. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Toiva. Nennen. Toivonen. Welts Toivonen. That's not right. Yeah. Ben Bauer. Cassie Ferreira.

Janet Lund. Isabella Moore. Michelle Trash. Oh, it's Thrash. Sorry about it, Michelle. Jesus Christ. Jack Welker. Nicholas Waldowski.

Michelle, you're trash. Megan McCausland, Sarah Murphy, Nicole Schlutz. Be careful with that one. Sincerely. Juan Reina, Reina, Reina, Reina, Reina, Reina, Reina gonna work here anymore? Mary Skaggs. Jordan Freeman. Rome Upton. Amanda Meyer.

Babelcher. Babelcher, 1999. Ashley Loveless. Aaron Winston. Marcy Ron. Chase. Chez. Spicer.

Chez Spicer. Spicer. Morgan O'Leary. Julie Ramsey. Pam. Oh, Karen Karensky. Yep. Sam Richardson.

Richards. Richardson? What the fuck is happening? That's not real. Jessica. Who says that? Jesus Christ. Jessica Rotondo. It's the classy way of saying Richardson.

Richardson. Richardson, party of four Richardson. Richardson, sir. Richardson, party of four. Oh, my God. Jessica Rotondo, Allison Davis, Reed Haim, Rosalind Reinhart, Nathan with no last name, Theodore Glossmeyer, Tim Rose, Heather with no last name, Winova, one, two, three, Genu, 223, Genu, Genu, Caretz, Geneu, Caretz, Cortez, Alexandra Keller, Joshua Baker, Jennifer Hayer, Lisa Harper, Tabby with no last name, Michael Sack, Jake with no last name, Amy with no last name, Amy, Allie, Allie, yeah, Sprague, Rachel Sauter, Joshua Cates, Alas, Alas, Ratcham, Jen Dahl Colson, Caitlin Bauer, Maria with no last name, Jariah with no last name, Samson, 72,

Dante Prince, Stina with no last name, Chad James, Siddhartha, Siddhartha, Saunders, Siddhartha, Saunders. I'm saying it the same way four times. I apologize. I haven't changed the thing with that richardson richardson richardson obviously megan wilson brian freeman smoky mcpot 30 matt uh giovanni gibolini is gibolino is it gibolino or gibolino gibolino what do you do what how do you say that what do you do there it could be anything honestly i'll go with the good though i'll go with the

just like it's probably not giovanni gibolini gibolino might be it's it's very nice i don't i just don't know it's very operatic but we don't know how to say it. I got to see it. Goat Sally, Dustin Howe, Kelly with no last name, Cleo the Crime Cat, Kimberly Kaiser, Mary Kate Smoulier, Mallory Ledford, Steve Hollins, J.R. DeGraw, maybe it's Junior, Danielle Hunter, Tammy J. Van Dyke, Rayon McVeigh, Rayon, Rain, it might be Rain, Dana Blake, Brandon Roth, Rayanne? Followed by Nylon McGee after him. And Silk Stevens.

Brandon Roth, Adam Caswell, Christina Dietz, Chris Eggleston, Adria, no last name, Sean Howard, Chris Motley, Melissa with no last name, Brittany McBriar, Heather with no last name, Carter Black, Leslie Savage, Savage maybe, Clarissa Phillips, Lori Wolfe, Justin Ballou, Kevin Feig, oh boy, Macy with no last name. June Hall. Jessica Pedigo. Pedigo. Jason. Jason, maybe. Asia D. I don't know.

It's a capital J-S-O-N-N. Is that Jason or is it Jason? That sounds like a tag, like somebody's fucking tag. It does. Asia. B. Amanda J. Dakota Martin.

April Sargent. Sargent. Sargent. Stephen Walters, Wilters, there's no A, it's an E. Wilters? Welters. Welters, hey! Like a welt.

You know, like E's make the S sound. You know how that goes? I'm trying to do it like Stewart. That was amazing. Woulters. Just Welter, I think, is probably easy. Just read the word, dummy. It's just like a...

You were saying, and I'm like, he can't mean this. And then I'm like, I think he does mean this. I better say it. Ah, Jaws with no last name. Pasqua de Genachatositasmo what is that name degia degia diagenton masso it's it's fucking a shentani okay here you go arian diaz uh jillian alston uh alston alston the other player timothy Towson Emmy with no last name Rebecca Hiltz, Jennifer Lamas

David Gerrard, Tony Villa Loretta B, Robert David Stephanie Martin Karsten Podiluk Podiluk Podiluk Luke Rudder Blue Nanagu

Nanagu? Joshua Rosado, Taylor Mufelder, W. Cox, Nexus Infusion, CJ McCann, Zanna Roth, Lena Mao, Arizona Mom Stacy, Laura would know last name, Mary Ballway, Heather Hawkins, Harringtonton michael klein matt stapleton maddie peleshi peleshi uh molly with no last name sherry lee katherine mahoney josh jordan and all of our patrons thank you so much thank you everybody so much for what you do for us every fucking month and week and year and thank you so much honestly for what you do we'd appreciate the hell out of it one of these days Jimmy you'll figure out how to pronounce Italian names but till then we shall suffer we'll suffer in style or any

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