Crime in Sports - #391 - Tantrums, Talent & Tears - Paul "Gazza" Gascoigne - Part 1

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

This week, we explore the life of of the most requested subjects we've ever had! In this part one, we follow as he becomes a huge football/soccer star, with worldwide acclaim, but could never stop his crazy antics, and strange behavior. Everything from putting an old man in a headlock, to fights in pubs, to releasing a god awful pop song that went to number 2 on the charts! He is wild!!Start playing soccer, with a tennis ball, nearly create international incident on live foreign television, and compliment your team president's daughter in an insulting way with Paul "Gazza" Gascoigne!!Check us out, every Tuesday!We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!! Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman Donate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail] Get all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.com Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!!  Contact us on... twitter.com/crimeinsports [e-mail] facebook.com/Crimeinsports instagram.com/smalltownmurderSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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A first listen is waiting for you when you start your free trial at audible.ca. Each week on the Mr. Ballin Podcast, now available wherever you get your podcasts, you'll hear strange, dark, and mysterious stories about inexplicable encounters, shocking disappearances, true crime cases, and everything in between. So go listen to Mr. Ballin Podcast, Strange, Dark, and Mysterious Stories on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Crime and Sports. Yay! Oh, yay indeed, Jimmy. Yay indeed.

My name is James Petrogallo. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman. Thank you, folks, so much for joining us today on an absolutely insane beginning of a wild journey today. Let's just say that. This is going to be a couple of parts, at least two, possibly three, and it's absolute insanity. It's a guy that people have been asking for since, I believe, we got our first message about him like our third week of the show, which was literally March 2015.

It was at 16, yeah. It was like March 2016 we started getting our fan. It's been constant. And and there's a reason why. Because this person is one of the craziest people who's ever existed that happens to also have sports talent. It's bonkers shit. We'll talk all about it. Before we get to that, head over to shut up and give me murder dot com. Merchandise is there. Also, tickets to live shows for Small Town Murder, all of 2024. Everything's available. There's 12 dates up there. They're going fast. Like Phoenix is sold out already. So it is. Yeah. Some of these shows are very close to selling out that are and Phoenix is in November. So that's what I mean. Get your tickets now. Do all of that. Shut up and give me murder dot com. You definitely, definitely want to listen to our other shows, which are Small Town Murder murder which we've been telling you about for seven of the eight years and then of course you want to listen to your stupid opinions if you haven't because i'm telling

you if you like this show you're gonna love that show just it's the i'm gonna go out on a limb it's the funniest goddamn show on the internet you're gonna you're gonna find i challenge you laughs per minute wise i challenge you to put it up against any stand-up special you might watch and it's fucking god damn incredible every single week check it out no no we're done tooting our own horns like fucking idiots yeah i feel like an asshole now for that but it was true it's true it's how proud of it we are so So do that. And you definitely want Patreon. Patreon.com slash Crime and Sports is where you get all the bonus material. And we have a ton of it.

Anybody $5 a month or above, you get this giant back catalog of a couple hundred episodes. And then you get new episodes every other week. One Crime and Sports, one Small Town Murder. And this week, we have some good shit for you. This week, what you're going to get for Crime and Sports we're going to talk about morgana the kissing bandit now you don't know who she is you've seen a high everybody's seen a highlight of her she is a blonde woman with size i don't know triple q tits like texas size titties i mean their whole torso are her boobs and she say would for some reason let her run on to sports fields in the middle of games and she'd go kiss players and nobody would get upset.

The players would smile. She'd laugh. And then she'd run off the field with her giant tits bouncing and everybody would cheer. And that was that. There was no security involved. Nobody cared. What the hell? How do you do that?

Let's we'll talk all about that uh and then for small town murder we're going to talk about the prisoner dating game everybody oh yes again another edition of the prisoner dating game you know you want to hear that jimmy's going to pick one of one of each actually we have set up four young ladies and four young men and the only thing they all have in common is they are terrible, violent felons. Will he pick the child molester? That's the joke here. They're all criminals. We'll see.

Patreon.com slash crime and sports. Great. And you'll get a shout out at the end of the show where Jimmy will mispronounce your name, even though we'd love to get it right. That said, let's do it here. It's been a long time in the making. And let's do this with paul gas coin uh we're gonna get into this now i gotta say first of all this is a soccer episode number one football episode so and a british episode as well so we absolutely just ask a goddamn thing that you find

our ignorance charming we try our best sorry about. And we will make fun of ourselves for shit we don't know. Put it that way. That's how we always do it with that. And this episode, it was started a year ago, this episode. Okay? The research for this. We were going to do it a year ago. Allison started the research.

She does our research for small town murder. And she started this research. And it was a lot. And I was like, whoa, this is a lot. And then I realized there was even more to get into and she started this research and it was a lot and i was like whoa this is a lot we gotta and then i realized there was even more to get into and all of this so i saved it kind of had some stuff put aside for it and then ian came on board and then he tackled this thing like crazy and broke it down into hundreds of pages and then on top of that i've read several books on the man uh including gaza his own book that he wrote about

himself and gaza in italy and uh all these nickname is gaza gaza guy g-a-z-z-a gaza i guess you'd say gaza um so this oh my god i've heard so much about this guy he is a fucking lunatic i'm talking if you're an american listener and you're like i don't care about soccer it does not matter because this guy is nuts even if we're talking about a soccer game at some point he'll do something crazy in it and it'll be entertaining trust us on this let's get into it paul john gas coin and it's g-a-s-c-o-i-g-E. Right. So I looked at it and I was like, oh, he's a Paisan. Gasconi. Okay.

What's up, Gasconi? But that's not it at all. We'll talk about the origins of it. His birthplace is Gateshead, England. Now, he will also, I don't know. See, this is the thing. We don't know British geography. This is the finder ignorance charming.

But I've heard this several times. He says he's a Geordie. Now, that's someone from a certain area that has a very specific accent. It's difficult to understand. It's a tough one. Because at one point he says when he's small, he goes to some coach, and the coach was a Geordie too, and he could understand him. And he was like, oh, fuck, thank God I could be understood.

But I saw him in Kitchen Nightmares once, the U.K. version there. Gordon went to some restaurant, and the guy was a Geordie. And I was like, wow, his accent is hard. Not like Welsh. Welsh is like another language. That's crazy. It's fascinating how easy they pick them out, too. I mean, it's similar here in America

where you can pick a fucking Minnesotan or Wisconsin accent. Texas from an Alabama. They sound different. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Louisiana from Florida, whatever. Boston from New York, same shit.

So the Naked Attraction, the show that I watch, they have six people and they roll their curtain up and then they let them talk and then the guy or person uh picking between the people picks based on the distance from which they live from him and he can tell by based on the fucking accent he's like oh i can't be with her she she lives way too far north yes and it's a lot and it's not that big of a country that's the thing too it's all kind of driving distance whereas right you'll hear that a lot yeah we watch that first dates show where they

have the cameras around the restaurant there there's a uk version that has like 87 seasons or something and yeah they're always saying that too like oh that accent we bristol boy oh boy okay well yeah that's too far because i live over there's like, what the hell is going on here? You live an hour away from each other. No, mate. I ain't going to work. Yeah, it's crazy. So he's from Gateshead, wherever that is. He's 5'10", not a big guy, but a great player.

That's the other thing we have to say is he's a lunatic, but he's almost like a Lawrence Taylor, where he's a lunatic, but he's also a fucking amazing player. He's great yeah there's no denying how good he is um which is you know makes him be able to keep fucking up because he's able to keep doing what he wants to afford it he can afford it and uh well I don't know if after a while if he can afford it so um let's see he's born May 27th, 1967 here. His father's name is John. His mother's name is Carol. They're an interesting lot, the two of them.

Okay. He had an older sister who was like a year older than him named Anna Maria. And he said he was born and then his brother Carl is a year younger than him. So they banged out like three kids in three years his parents right away and then seven years later they had lindsey who was seven years younger than paul so four kids total lindsey is a daughter so he's got there's two boys two girls two and two two and two and him and his brother him and his brother are like a year apart so you can imagine the fighting going on there yeah yeah at one point he tells a story about fighting with his brother like a year apart so you can imagine the fighting that went on there yeah yeah at one point he tells a story about fighting with his brother and it sounds like these aren't like

these aren't little wrestling matches on the living room floor these are like these are like bar room brawls like someone's head's gonna go through a jukebox at the end of it it's fucking nuts like two eight-year-olds yeah it's like the girl Scout fight in airplane all the time with these people. So he was named Paul John in tribute to, do you know who? The Beatles and his dad? Paul McCartney and John Lennon of the Beatles. How about it? It was 67. The Beatles were the biggest thing in the world, especially in the UK.

Oh, God. Liverpool? Forget it. Yeah, our people, someone from here is the biggest thing in the world is pretty cool in the world oh yeah jesus it was nuts his father is a hod carrier hod is that we'll talk about it we think i don't have a definition of this hod carrier i mean hod carry carry that hod let's go that's a job just to carry the hod? Put it on your back. Yeah.

See, if he was really good, he'd put some on his head too, but this guy's not good. We're going to have to cut him. Put some in your pockets. Now, also the last name. They don't, Paul says he doesn't know the origin of his last name. Some of his relatives say that they were French at some point and that's where it came from. Yeah, because there's a G in it? Yeah, but who the fuck knows, base.

It's one of those. He has no idea, honestly, what the origin is. Now, a hod carrier, a brick hod, is a three-sided box for carrying bricks or other building materials, often mortar. It bears a long handle and is carried over the shoulder. A hod is usually long enough to accept four bricks on their side. Is everybody seeing it? It's the thing that goes on the shoulder where you see, like, old-timey guys on construction sites going up with, like, two buckets on it.

He's a wheelbarrow for a job. Yeah, he's a vertical wheelbarrow. That's what he is. That's what those guys are. Because otherwise you use a wheelbarrow unless you're going up a fucking giant ladder or something, which is what these guys do scaffolding yeah they say however by arranging bricks in a chevron fashion the number of bricks that may be carried is only limited to the weight the laborer can bear and the unwieldiness of that load typically 10 to 12 bricks might be carried at once. Herringbone it, and if your thighs can do it. Yeah.

My Christ. That is wild. That's a tough day. This is hard work. Oh, my God. Hod carrying is a laboring occupation in the building industry. Typically, the hod carrier or hoddy will be employed by a bricklaying team in a supporting role for the bricklayers. Two bricklayers for each hod carrier is typical.

So he's carrying them the bricks. A hottie's duties might include wetting the mortar boards on the scaffolding prior to fetching bricks from the delivery pallet, using his hod and bringing them to two by two uh foot wide stacks upon the scaffold that then may be easily laid by the brick layer so he comes up and builds like a little brick pallet for him so they can use jesus this is a bastard horrible job he jangles a bunch of bricks together for these guys to get their job done how bad do you want to be a layer at this point like oh jesus somebody show me wow The carrier should plan the deliveries of bricks with deliveries of mortar also carried in the hod to ensure the brick layers can maintain a constant work rate. So you got to make sure they have everything.

At sites without pre-mixed mortar, the mortar will also be mixed by the hod carrier. So sometimes you have to mix it, too. Holy hell. So sometimes you have to mix shit, too. Holy hell. Bricks may be cut and assistance given to rake out the mortar joints if that coursing joint form is required or in repointing work. The baseline rate for a brick layer is to lay 1,000 bricks a day. If the hod carrier is serving a team of two, he must move 2,000 bricks, although it's not uncommon for experienced hod carriers to handle three guys. They take on three guys, Jimmy, all at once.

You can take all three. An Eiffel Tower with a guy waiting. Attaboy. Bricks all over the place here. Imagine doing that all day long and then coming home. And having four kids. Any sort of frustration. Jesus Christ.

Oh, boy. That's old school. The world record for moving 500 bricks by a hottie is 12 minutes yeah 12 minutes for moving 500 bricks it's a world record paul gus going everybody everybody work on that right i'm sure it's his dinner it was actually darren whitmore in 2011 that set that right oh he just broke the record jesus that's why i remember i got you that darren whitmore poster just that guy you're like it's a dude carrying bricks i'm like dude he's the best come on you have no idea this guy is fucking good frame it and hang it oh yeah so his mother works in a factory in a clothing factory and also does cleaning work and shit later on. Paul says his one set of grandparents is Irish,

so he knows he's part Irish. He's got that. He said his parents met at a dance, which is an old-school way of meeting, and they got married in 1966 when his sister was born. And when they had him, they lived in a one-room council house. That sounds broke.

They were broke as fuck. He's carrying bricks, and she's working in a ship factory. And England really took a long time. That's the other thing, too, that we have to get. Like, America had a totally different experience after World War II because we weren't bombed constantly. Right. We weren't shelled unmercifully. So it was very different.

So we came out in the 50s were like a prosperous thing. Everybody was buying cars and houses. They were depressed. England was a depression that went on for 30 years. I mean, it was a long, in the 60s, they were still digging out of World War II and trying to get the economy right. I think they might have. The Beatles and all those bands at least brought some, digging out of World War II and trying to get the economy right.

I think they might have. The Beatles and all those bands at least brought some, maybe, brought some stank back to that fucking island. So that's where they did. They moved around, I guess the family did, trying to find bigger houses until they finally got a two-bedroom

house. And in that house, he shared a room with his sister, Anna Maria. Okay. For a while, which makes no sense because he has a brother that's a close... Why would you... Why would you put him in there? Two oldest kids in there, two youngest kids in there, which the boys are the same age.

Put them together. What are we doing? It doesn't make sense. Well, I guess the oldest certainly gets a room, right? Plus, no, the oldest is sharing one with paul that's it but i'm saying she gets the she gets the room first and we only got two boys so one of them go in there with her i guess but i guess she certainly gets the room that's well he shared a room with her i maybe the boys would beat the shit out of each other all night too maybe probably cut off the way to separate. This might be a way to like just keep their sanity here.

Paul said he would, as he put it, quote, amuse himself. This is from his book here by tearing pieces of plaster off the wall and throwing it at his sister as she tried to fall asleep. That was how he amused himself when he was like six, five, six years old. Pull apart the house and hit my sister with pieces of it. Break the house and throw chunks of hard stone-like objects at her as she tries to sleep. Haha, isn't that fun? Yeah. This kid's right away, you can tell he's a dick.

So he got his first football at age seven, his first soccer ball at age seven. And he said immediately knew he was better at it than the other boys. It was one of those things like. Wow, just howling out of the gate. Hit the ground running. Well, before that, he would fuck around. This is from his book. Quote, I started off with a tennis ball.

I took it everywhere. This is as a soccer ball he'd use it. Yeah, he's kicking a tennis ball. Yeah, so that's like when guys hit um i think it was edgar martinez the uh mariners hitter that used to hit he'd have golf balls pitched to him from a pitching machine wow so he tried to hit the golf balls and that was baseballs he said yeah they look like beach balls after that he's a little easier which makes sense i mean you pick up two bats in the batting circle for a fucking reason.

You know, so it seems light. So he said, then when I was seven, my dad came back from working as a hod carrier in Germany and brought me a football. I kicked that thing for hours and hours. I was obsessed. It seemed to stick to my feet. I was eight and playing against 12-year-olds and seemed to be beating them for fun. Fascinating. He's just good that's soccer seems to be one of those sports where some people are just really good at it

naturally it's a weird thing you know i wish i was so good at sports right you wouldn't have known you might be incredible at soccer but you would have never known it because you were playing a game you're trying to play basketball at fucking five seven and a half that's not gonna work i do when i do play uh with children because my kids uh dude i fucking smoke them with soccer i dunk all over my kids on that little type suit. I am so good at them. Oh, fuck around. So good at soccer playing against children. That's awesome. That's awesome. They're all very impressed.

I'm pretty good at basketball, too, against kids. I block their shots. I'm like, take that. Talk shit in their faces. Shitloads of rebounds. The children will not come in my house. Stay out of my paint, buddy. I love Jimmy fucking dribbling a soccer

ball in circles around children is a great fucking visual i will say i've got a great side step too to where i can clip the ball behind my back leg and then i take another step and get the ball back it's they are mesmerized when I can do it. These are American children who did not grow up playing soccer, by the way. They're like, what? They're like, what's that about? What are you doing? If you took out a hacky sack, it would blow their minds.

All right, Megum, it's impressive. So he's got some problems, though. In soccer, he's got no problems. On the field is where he has no problems. Well, he'll make problems for himself. You can create them. Oh, he does create them. But he discusses how one day he was playing soccer, and he said he was playing late at night. Not late at night, 2 in the morning, but it got dark out, and then he was walking home he's seven years old walking home by himself in the dark in the dark and he said he

this is early 70s and yeah you know england somewhere i don't know if that's probably it seems safe kids used to hitchhike in america at that age in the 70s yeah but a lot of people disappeared that way well they did but you know what a lot of people disappear anyway so shit loads that way though i mean so many disappear the percentage of people who actually are are disappeared by strangers is very it's minuscule it really is we hear about it because you're like holy shit how'd that happen but because it's everybody's worst fucking nightmare so when it does happen holy shit you're way more likely to be killed by someone who's sleeping in your house. Right next to you.

That's who's going to kill you if we're going on math here. You know their name. Oh, you absolutely know their name. And you'll probably know why they're doing it, too. That's the other thing. You know why this is happening. You shake meals with them and you're very aware. So he's walking home and he said he started looking up at the stars.

Yeah. And he started thinking about how big the stars are and how big the world is and how big the sky is and what's going to happen if this happens and started having all these twisted thoughts of well how long am i going to live he said that's the first time he started thinking about dying and how long am i going to live because other stars and things die and it's a whole cyclical thing do you remember that realization when you had it yeah yes but i it's it's different my family's morbid my i had a great grandmother that died when i was like three and we all had to go to the funeral or four and it was very i knew about death italians are morbid death is right there i was a world time but like

my own mortality it occurred to me while i was laying in bed, those same thoughts, thinking about space. And then I was like, yeah, and then I got down to me dying. And I was like, oh, my God, it's going to happen. Oh, yeah, yeah. It fucked me up for a little bit. Yeah, yeah. I think every kid has that realization. Got real uncomfortable in bed.

Yeah. I think I had that pretty early, I think. And I was like, oh like oh man that's like yeah like restless leg syndrome feeling in your whole fucking body well no i started i started thinking all the time about like what if i go to sleep and i die so i go to sleep and then i die in my sleep so i just go to sleep and then i don't i never wake up like so every night do i have to think like you know oh shit this could this could be my last minute here. This could be the one.

Yeah. Maybe that's why I can't sleep. This could be the sleep. Maybe that's why I can't sleep. I remember having those thoughts from like five years old. So maybe I just train myself of like, well, yeah, don't sleep and you're fine. That's like my favorite thought, I think. Well, that's a good one.

If that's how it goes, that's fucking great. Yeah.'s gonna happen in traffic though you know that's where for me it's gonna be so painful whatever happens yeah i'm gonna yell be yelling at something that doesn't matter and my head will explode you're gonna hurt it yeah be yelling at a fucking at a uh reality show that we're watching or something i'm like and your whole body will just go cold you'll go i think i'm internally bleeding. Yeah. Jesus Christ, Cody. That's what you get when you want to have four wives, you dumb ramen haired asshole.

And my head's going to blow up. I can't feel my fingers. Yep, that's what's going to happen. Everything's cold. I can see it. I'm freezing. I can smell it. So he starts having a fear of death. And from then on, too, he said he starts having this like just kind of an OCD thing a little bit.

Like he said, if he starts getting like, let's say, his eye, you know, you have a little muscle spasm in your eye. Yeah. So let's say my eye twitches. Well, I'll start to freak out about it, spin out and think, what if that never stops? And then it'll get worse. And it was his brain. That's all he's thinking about. And it'll take over his whole day. Pauly's sick. He'll lose his, and his brain, that's all he's thinking about, and it'll take over his whole day.

Paulie's sick. He'll lose his fucking mind. Yeah, that's what I mean. He's got like an OCD thing going on that no one ever helps him with, and then he replaces. He just treats that with alcohol. Really? Massive amounts of alcohol to chill all that out is what he says. At seven he started this not drinking

but thinking that way yeah the thoughts and that's the thing you have those thoughts for a few years and then you have booze for the first time and the first time you have it and then none of those thoughts happen all night you go i found the cure that's it fixed it i fixed all fixed all fixed mate there we are all right he's fucking ready to go yeah that's right all right all right you're all right i'm all right all right all right isn't it so he says that his father also later on will get ill and we'll talk about that which provoked twitching and anxiety things like physical manifest manifestations of anxiety in Paul. Ticks, yeah.

Ticks, shit like that. He said he received psychiatric help for the first time when suffering from a severe depression at the age of 13. So this is all usually shit that maybe starts when you're 13. He started it early, and he's on a path here. You're supposed to talk to the therapist in your 30s, and they go, you should have come to see me when you're 13 he started it early and he's on a path here so you're supposed to talk to the therapist in your 30s and they go you should have come to see me when you were 13 or when you're 17 and you fucked up a bunch yeah and your parents are like listen i don't we don't know what else to do with him you know what i mean we gotta it is weird though that they recognize that he's so

bad that at 13 he needs to go talk to a professional that's fascinating i don't know if school noticed it or what but he's got like a severe depression while he's playing amazing soccer that's the other thing too so it's just soccer okay not soccer bad that's it so um he says at age eight he was on an older kids team yeah and um the kids were you know 12 years old and he was eight and he was beating the shit out of him he won his first trophy at 10 awesome he said it was a cool trophy and he loved the feeling and that's when he decided he wanted to be a professional soccer player that's his age yeah and more importantly though he decided that's how i'm going to make millions of dollars is doing that he goes otherwise millions of pounds otherwise this is you know what the fuck else am i going to do i'm a mess so he's

already aware in the 70s there that that shit pays very very well oh yeah i mean all those guys lived a totally different lifestyle than a hod layer or hod carrier when he's dealing with a hod carrier and then you're looking at these guys and i'm'm sure you could see them on TV, and they got fancy cars and shit like that. They've always been, you know, fucking flash, you know, the celebrities of sports over there. He loved Pele growing up, which I think every kid who enjoyed soccer in the 70s loved Pele. Mr. Jordan, yeah. Yeah, that was, remember, even in the 80s, we all knew who Pele was, and I didn't even like soccer.

In America. Yeah. I've never seen a soccer match we all knew who Pele was, and I didn't even like soccer. In America. Yeah. I've never seen a soccer match. I knew who that motherfucker was. Knew who he was, though. Yeah, that's one of the... Because there was... Wasn't there even like an Atari game?

Didn't he have a Pele's Atari soccer or some shit back in the day? I don't know. I know he had a video game. I don't know which... I didn't have it, but I remember seeing it in the little catalog when I was four. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

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kids so much fun though it was good yeah it was fun if you don't know when crystal pepsi was discontinued what was in al capone's vault or which famous meteorologist is lenny kravitz's second cousin then you haven't spent enough time on wikipedia but that's okay i am here for you I'm D'Arcy Carden, and I'm inviting you to listen to my new podcast, WikiHole, from Smartless Media. Discover the craziest rabbit holes on Wikipedia with me and my funny friends as we bring the cyber frontier directly to your tympanic membrane. And if you listen to my podcast, you'll learn that that's the science-y term for eardrum. We embark on a hyperlink rollercoaster as we start out on a Wikipedia page and go from link to link to link to link, careening through trivia, oddities, and unexpected connections until we collectively shout, how the hell did we get here? Follow

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I didn't do anything. You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face. I see he's not intimidated by anything. I can fix that. New cases. She wanted to fight me. Leave her alone.

OK, so, um. This is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her? Yes, your honor. You married his cousin His brother. That's not him. Yes, ma'am. I would make a beeline for the door The Emmy award-winning series returns. How did I know that I have crystal ball in my head? It's an all-new season It's streaming you can say anything Judy justice only on freebie

so on the bad side his dad is out of work a lot too like for a while here he will go uh his dad will go to germany for a year to try to get work There's not a lot of work going on. No, there's not a lot of building happening. Not even in the rebuilding of the shelled shit? Not even. I don't know if his dad's just kind of – his dad might be a fuck-up that kind of – There's that too. Maybe he'll hire him anymore. We don't know.

But his parents would have violent fights apparently. I can't imagine he's got a great attitude at work either then. That's what I mean, if he's beaten his wife. This was especially when he was out of work. So he's not even making that money and he'd be fighting there. Now, Paul here wasn't good with authority, let's say. No, not big into authority here. He has a tough relationship with his mom.

Very, as he put it combustible yeah i've never described a relationship with anybody as combustible they would get in giant arguments and that would include you know at the end she'd be hitting him and it would be like all sorts of crazies but big arguments not just like her telling him to do something he didn't do it so you know she whacked him one it's more like they got in a giant like they were a married couple like it was strange explosive yeah i don't know if that started maybe when dad was away for a year so it's like well you're the oldest boy and uh you know let's argue there's some arguing to be done i'm not sure, if dad's not around and she is the authority and he has a problem with authority.

He's got a big problem with it. It's not good. Yeah. He said that all sorts of just violence in the house. The siblings beat the shit out of each other. The parents fought. The parents fought the kids. Everybody was fighting each other.

So that's where he comes from here. He said that one time he was fighting with Carl. This is when they were like, yeah, they were they were like you know eight and nine or some shit he's fighting with carl he got thrown into the tv and broke it he broke the tv by being thrown into he got thrown he said like over it as i mean it was just like an old west bar fight what the fuck these are fucking nine-year-olds throwing each other over a TV. And he grabbed onto it and, like, took it down with him and broke it. So he said he ran away for a couple days to fucking get. To keep from getting beat.

He said he got up and ran right out the door. Like, uh-oh, I'm going to get my ass kicked. Disappeared for a couple days because, quote, he knew he'd get a good bullocking on that one. So that makes sense. Bullocking. You're going to kick his. So that makes sense. Bullocking. You're going to kick his fucking balls in, apparently. Fuck yeah. So his dad, like I said, went away for a year to Germany to find work.

And he said never really sent any money home either. So it's not like he was away sending home fat paychecks or anything. He was just gone for a year. Yeah. Yeah. At least he came back with a football. But besides that, not really doing anything. It took me a year to get this. It took for a year. Yeah. Yeah. At least he came back with a football. But besides that, not really doing anything. It took me a year to get this.

It took me a year. His mom worked three jobs in the absence of dad. Holy. And I'm not talking three part-time jobs. She works this one on Tuesday and that one on Thursday. She would do a cleaning job in the morning, work that all day. Yeah. Then she would do a factory job in the afternoon for

like three hours part-time then come home get the kids sorted with dinner and all that kind of shit then go back and do cleaning work until 11 o'clock or midnight she takes 10 minute naps here and there that was her day yeah that's what she had to do uh So that's a lot, you know what I mean, to deal with. And have four kids at the same time. I can't imagine that. Some guy in Germany fucking not doing anything. When his dad came back from Germany, his health started failing. He started having seizures and all sorts of weird problems, neurological problems.

So he was in the hospital for eight months. Eight months? Eight months. Could it be harder on mom now now dad's in the hospital for eight months you gotta deal with that too and there's a medical bill that comes along with that i mean not in england alone the jesus not in england there isn't oh oh yeah great point in england that won't completely destroy the future of your family if you're in the hospital ruin you yeah if you are in the hospital here for like three weeks you go take you just pull roll me into the parking lot i can't do this i'd rather i'd rather die yeah yeah but you're gonna die well i can't be in here any longer either way i can't pay for this anyway yeah i'm gonna eat cat food for the rest of my

life or i'm gonna fucking die here so there's really no difference. You know, I will spend every dime I've saved, but there, that doesn't happen. So that's helpful. So he said his dad, they knew that he was better. He finally got out when they were giving him, like, cognitive tests and, like, you know, kind of just little mental tests. And they gave him a test showing him pictures of different animals doing things. Sure. And they, one, they asked him what was happening.

And his dad said, it's an elephant fucking another elephant. And they said, all right, he's back to normal. That was his back to normal. That's exactly what it is. That's what he's like. They said that's his baseline. So they're like, all right, you're good. You're back.

If he said something nice, they'd have kept him. Obviously, we don't know what his whole diagnosis is and what put him in there. But I can't imagine the job site safety of OSHA is fantastic in 1970s Germany. Who knows? That he's taking a brick to the head. What chemicals are in which powder shit from the mortaries and handling. We have no idea. From the mortar from the mortaries and no idea. The mortar mixtures.

I had no idea. Paul said all the kids. But when he got out of the hospital, too, he was too sick to work and he never worked again. Wow. So that didn't help any. He said all the kids recognize elephant porn. He knows what elephants are fucking each other. He knows that elephants about to come.

That he knows. So he said all the kids had to bathe together at the same time what which is to save water to say i don't know same time at the same time two boys two girls that's that's creepy stuff um then afterwards the kids would get out and mom would do the laundry in the bathwater. That's not. That four dirty kids are in. That's dirty clothes. That's just a big soup is what that is.

Just a gross, disgusting. That's a bisque. That's by that point. It's thick. Certainly. More of a bisque, really. Yeah. Some viscosity to it for sure.

Yeah. Yeah. Some chunks here and there. This is the time that paul he started making like weird noises and twitching he would make like weird little like under his breath noises all the time and he would have a lot of twitches not even like throat clears like weird stuff he would do like um yeah almost tourette's a bit. That sort of thing. Twitches, too, in the same way.

He was hyperactive as fuck. He was depressed. He had all sorts of stuff going on. That's when he went to a psychiatrist at that point. He says he got obsessed with stealing for a while. Yeah, yeah. Really into stealing. He said he didn't even need the stuff just for the excitement of it.

He goes he just loved it. Literally, he said it wasn't even stuff he would want want he just wanted to steal something because it was exciting why don't you steal some water so we can take our own back go steal us a bunch of buckets of water would you how about that he says he did it for years in his book which is written i think in 2011 he says he just stole some clothes a few months earlier just for the rush of it. Okay. In 2011. Oh. He then said, though, in the book, and I think he just said this to be out of any sort of legal whatever,

but he said, I took them back a while later. Why would you take them back? I took them back and what, put them back on a hanger? What the fuck is wrong with you? I stole them for the rush. I wore them for two weeks. I put them back on hangers for the rush. For wrong with you? I stole him for the rush. I wore him for two weeks. I put him back on hangers for the rush. For the rush.

Then I got in there. It was exciting. He went to Breckenbeds Junior High School and then Heathfield Senior High School, and that was in Gateshead. He was noticed by football scouts very early. He says 12 years old. He was doing his first kind of deal here. He said that he went to Ipswich, was the first team that took him in to take a look at him. And he said when he went there, though, that's when he said the coach was a Geordie so he could understand him.

And that was great. But he didn't do very well and just didn't really fit in. And he was young and the kids were older and it just didn't work out. So, um, he went to two other trials at Middlesbrough, uh, Middlesbrough and South Hampton,

which didn't work out either here. And then finally though, in 1980, when he's 13, his team that he liked to his favorite team, Newcastle United signed to a school boy contract. Hell yeah. Which are, you know, that to a schoolboy contract. Hell yeah. As we know.

That's fascinating. Wow. But you can just rent a child. That is so fascinating. Take a child and take him on the road. Sports and showbiz are the only things you can do that with. There's nothing else. If it's like shit where the kid can make a lot of money someday,

they're like, look, I know this isn't normal and bad for them, but we're going to do it anyway. Rich is it anyway rich is rich of millions in the future yeah rich is rich we're doing this like yeah child actors and yeah shit like that the only people yeah you can do that with strand epstein did it with a pilot and we know how that turned out yeah no shit that turned out gross very very gross horrific so they uh they sign him up he got in trouble all the time i guess his buddy he had a friend that he hung out with all the time named jimmy five bellies gardener sounds like a good dude five bellies yeah i bet it's a real thin guy thin guy thin guy the guy that runs a lot of marathons.

Hey, five bellies. So they got in some kind of trouble where they had a car and they hit somebody with it at some point. Yeah. Newcastle chairman described Paul as, quote, George Best without brains. George Best is another player. Oh, okay. I thought it was the Lost Beetle for a second, but it's not. Yeah, there you go.

George Best without brains, he called him, which is pretty fucking funny. He was good on the football field, though, and that's all that really mattered to anybody. He's one of these kids that it was just like, anything, huge broom out. Huge broom, giant rug, just sweeping. No problems whatsoever. He has gotten crowded in his house also. There's a lot of bad shit going on. The younger brother of one of his friends, when he's 10 years old, he witnesses this kid getting killed.

That's not good. The younger brother of one of his friends when he's 10. How old is the boy very young apparently um his name was uh steve spraggon and i guess this was in a traffic accident like it got hit by a car which is horrible that's when his father started getting seizures he started getting weird obsessions and twitches and all that kind of shit here um now paul at that point also developed an addiction to gaming machines oh yeah remember in in in betweeners when neil was really obsessed with the fruity or they are fun well they are fun yeah that's the problem but

when it takes money to operate them they're not as fun anymore yeah yeah they're fun and like Theft Auto when you go into the casino and play a bunch of blackjack and you have $20 million in your thing. That's fun. In real life, that's money. You're like, holy shit. Yeah, yeah. That's terrifying. That's a lot of fucking money. You can't deal with that shit.

So he would spend all his money on them. Yeah. And that's why he would shoplift to be able to get money to do that also he'd steal things that he could sell he would steal to feed his addiction to video gambling to gambling so yeah that's that's where he's at this is you know he's 13 years old at this that's a very adult addiction i would say yeah it's if you put like painkillers in there, he's a regular old fucking 50-year-old at this point. So a friend of his also died. Another friend of his died when he was very younger.

Very younger. Very much younger like this. And this is while he was working for Paul's uncle on a building site. This guy died. So, yeah, not good. One guy here, Brian Tinian, he said met paul for the first time at age 14 when this guy signed with the dunstan juniors and which was another team that paul played for and this guy explained that paul would be really good but at 15 he wasn't even the best player on the team at that point there was other players that were better nobody expected him to be the big hot shot you know whatever the fuck but he

saw football as his way of doing it i'm gonna make millions he said he wanted to support his family he said at this point he thought i'm more capable of earning more money than all these people combined so i'm gonna take care of my brother and my sisters and all that kind of shit um he said he loved it too it was the only place where he felt good he said quote i didn't have twitches or worry about death when i was playing football no time to yeah yeah it's all reactions your brain can't right now yeah your mind is clear when you're doing shit like that you know it's all about the task in front of you i'm probably not gonna die in the next hour and a half so this game is all i've got for the next whatever well you're not even thinking about it you're thinking about juking this guy and am i gonna pass gonna go up here there's no time

there's so much going on out there there's no time to think about anything else if you're thinking about gee what about the you know what's the meaning of life some guy's gonna blow by you and score you can't do that gotta be on top of shit that is awesome that at eight he's already having that what is the meaning of this what is the meaning of this all how is it i've come to arrive here is what he says before he's even done essentially yeah how is it i've come to arrive here so uh he was signed as an apprentice at newcastle on his 16th birthday okay which makes me think me feel, it looks like he builds soccer balls. That's what I feel like an apprentice does. I see him screwing cleats into shoes.

He's an apprentice. He was usually overweight, they said, while on the youth side, because he had to be, I guess, a certain weight. I don't know. I'm not sure. The manager of Newcastle, Jack Charlton, described Paul as, quote, a bit chubby. So he's a bit chubby and didn't look like a footballer.

Didn't have the body. They said all he ate was Mars bars and all sorts of junk food. So just candy and shit. Probably stole it. But they said that it didn't matter really because he could play pretty well and maybe the extra weight would give him some strength so they were like eat up fat boy and and as a kid it's fat you know it you you go out you go up you go out you go yeah that's the i was a fat little supposed to do some of us some of us don't go up we just go out

i was a pudgy little bastard i remember that so and they said it didn't slow him down on the field so fuck it that was it um he said that the coach did warn him about his junk food diet and at one point gave him two weeks to lose the weight and paul did he trained really hard and wrapped himself in plastic bags to lose weight oh he sweated out yeah terribly and terrible and terrible and dangerous, by the way. You shouldn't do that. You will lose weight. That's the thing, though. You will lose weight.

You might die, but you will lose weight. So he was the captain of the youth team, apparently, and they led them to the FA Youth Cup in the 84-85 season. He scored twice in a 4-1 victory over Watford, which we've heard of them a lot on this show. Yeah, they're terrific. A bunch of guys have played there. So, yeah, that's what happened there.

He also said that during all this, he ended up, before he became an apprentice, I guess, that's the youth, and then from 84 to 88, they said he made his first team debut with Newcastle as a substitute for George Riley in a 1-0 win over Queens Park Rangers. And the coach

said that Paul's first team appearances under him were too brief to suggest if he was good or not. They were like, he comes up a little bit. It's like a guy coming up from the minors in baseball in September. He gets 40 at bats. Who the hell knows if that's not a little bit. It's like a guy coming up from the minors in baseball in September. He gets 40 at-bats. Who the hell knows if that's not a sample size.

We don't know if those two goals are going to transfer elsewhere. He did fine. He did all right. So at 18, he signed a two-year, 120-pound-per-week contract with Newcastle. That's not shit. It's a 480 a month yeah that's that's yep and the club has a further two-year option clause on him too after that so um yeah they noticed though the coach noticed that he had a what he described as a generous personality which he'd get paid if they were going out he drinks on me just money gone he just would lose

it all and have it gone so he they arranged for about half of his money to be paid into a bank account that would be basically like a little escrow for him and at the end of his first contract he'll be paid that in a lump sum yeah like several comedians that hurt degenerate gamblers yes that we know of and then they immediately lose all of that yeah they go gamble back because they're like oh well i can gamble some of this is a lot of money and then you know obviously they can't stop because it's all gone to get to the next town and then they facebook message their old comedian friends and ask for fucking money i got a story for you we know people like that an off the air story you okay you know what because i have i have one too so we'll uh we'll

after the show we're going to discuss that and it's not like we're trying to hide anything from you if we discuss this you would have no idea who we were talking about and you would it would not be entertaining trust me you know who they hit up but i can't wait to tell james it's oh i know i'm i'm thank you for reminding me because i had one too so i can't wait to hear yours it's so bad it's so bad oh no it's probably worse than mine i think i think you got me so you got me here so uh 1985 86 willie mcfall mcfall mc f a u l mcfall mcfall he took over as the manager and named Paul in the starting lineup from the opening game

of the campaign I guess that's the season he took the place of Chris Waddle who wasn't walking too well so they had to take him out whole five bellies they sold him to Tottenham the hot spur there yeah that summer and i guess paul scored his first goal at home uh to oxford united and a three

nothing victory and then he got eight more goals that year so wow he did pretty good apparently i think that's good he's young yeah sounds good 86 87 he scored five goals in 24 games okay and he's still with newcastle here uh he was called up to the england under 21 team in the summer of 87 and scored with a free kick in his debut in a two nothing win over morocco wow yeah so um he went on i'm gonna i don't know this is again we're real precarious on what this shit means so yeah i mean my soccer knowledge goes uh right not very far so not very far at all yeah soccer i i'm trying to think of what i really know about soccer and it's as far as i know there's pele and i know you're not supposed to touch the ball with your hands. I know that's bad.

There's Maradona. There's Maradona. He did that, and that was a problem, and people still talk about that. And then you got the handsome guy that has an ugly Hall of Fame bust. Oh, yeah, there's that guy. And I know that they make insane amounts of money, the big soccer players. What about the guy that fucked a Spice Girl? guy that guy too yes yeah with the with the english girl movie that's right yeah okay yeah okay yeah and then you know what i take it back today kiss i take it back we know soccer

take it back we understand soccer okay i played i said it before. I played indoor soccer, and I played in my 20s, and I watched a lot of soccer around then, so I recognize what teams were good and such, but there are so many fucking guys. I don't know how they can keep up with this. There's so many people. I don't know. They need a smaller field.

It's just too much. There's that, too. It's just too vast. You zoom out, and you're like, oh, my God. They're just little ants. It's just too much. It's too much. There's that, too. It's just too vast. You zoom out, and you're like, oh, my God. They're just little ants. It's just too vast. Yeah. He kicks it, and it's like, wee.

It takes a while to get over to him because it's like 40 yards. So far. Yeah. So he kicks it. Then he kicks it back and forth. Another guy stands 10 yards off him waiting to see what he's going to do. And I'm like, I can't do this. Soccer highlights are the most exciting thing in the world.

Yes. Hell, yeah. If you break a soccer game down into 25 seconds, what is it, nine, ten hours long? Those games are pretty long. You break that down into 30 seconds, holy shit, it's exciting. Wow. He hit the ball in his fucking head. That's amazing.

And when you watch a run down the pitch, when they kick the ball, when it's zoomed out, it starts really fast, and then it hits the ground and it slows down. Yeah. And it looks like, I don't know, it doesn't look as impressive as then when they zoom in and you see how fucking hard. Yeah. Yeah. But you see how hard they kicked that fucking thing? Oh, it's a fucking kick and a half, dude. Yeah, they kicked the shit out of that ball.

And they don't even look like they tried hard. No, they're just fucking, it's impressive. And the endurance you need for it and everything. Yeah, the running is insane. It's a lot of running. I think that's why as a kid I was never into it, because I was like, this is a lot of running. I was going to run around for fucking four hours. Yeah, I was a fat kid, exactly.

I like baseball. Yeah, stick me over there. Maybe I can just tr drop down the field. And basketball. It's not too far to run. So and basketball too is fine. But then what are you going to do? So running.

There's a lot of running. Too much running. He went on to win 12 caps for the under 21s under Dave Sexton. I think that means he played in 12 games. Did we say? And we figured out the cap thing at one point. But that was like years ago, so I don't remember. I haven't thought about it since then. The team was semi-finalists at the UEFA Under-21 Euros and finalists at the Toulon tournament,

beaten on both occasions by France in 1988 which must have pissed them off good there's one thing we know there's one thing we know about the English they fucking hate France that's it they hate the French they do

so in 87 88 season here in 88 the BBC program Football Focus here, there, they had Newcastle's all-time top scorer Jackie Milburn said that Paul was, quote, the best player in the world at that point. Wow. Yeah, that's big shit here.

In a 0-0 draw in one game here at Plow Lane in February 1988. Vinny Jones, our old friend. Our old friend. Old Vinny Jones here. Yep, that guy here. Crime and sports alum. Go back and listen to the episode. Said that, I guess, this is the one where Jones grabbed him by the balls.

So this is Paul. Okay. Grabbed by the balls. Paul is the guy screaming in pain as he's grabbed by the balls so this is paul okay grabbed by the ball so paul is the guy was screaming in pain as he's grabbed by the balls from vinnie vinnie you need to go back and listen to that episode too i didn't realize that was paul that was i know we didn't know who the fuck the hell do we know we don't know we're like got a handful of paul yeah it was more concentrating on the injury aspect of it than who the hell it was.

And the photo. Yeah. And so Paul is named as the PFA Young Player of the Year and listed on the PFA Team of the Year in the 1987-88 season. Jesus Christ, I don't know what any of this means. So at that point, there was instability with the Newcastle team and management and shit like that so paul said that he was going to sign with manchester united hell yeah is a game which is a you know a team we've heard of so i guess he ended up not signing for them and signed for tottenham the hotspur yeah. And for a British, for a record fee of 2.2 million pounds. Oh, that's a big deal.

So, yes. And the owner of Manchester will later say that the reason why Paul ended up signing was that the other team just on spec bought a house for his family. Because his family was still very broke. So they spec bought a house for his family because his family was still very very broke so they just bought a nice house and like we bought your family a house and here's this money and paul just was like oh i guess i gotta sign here um paul said in his autobiography that after he was given 100 000 pounds signing fee he spent 70 000 buying a property for his mother and father so we don't know which is So we don't know which is true.

We don't know which is true. Either way, it doesn't matter. It's fine. Either way, he got them a house. He got them a house. That's not bad. He was first called up to the full England squad. I guess that's your real national team.

For a game against Denmark in 1988 and came on as a late substitute. So 88 to 92 is when he's with Tottenham there, and he is goddamn good. I mean, he's worth the money, it seems like. Sure. Looks like he had six goals in 32 appearances. I think that's good, right? Oh, yeah.

Seven goals? Yeah, because one's there, one's there. Okay, so seven total goals in 37 appearances. That seems pretty good. Sure does. I guess. It's more than I could score, so I'm there, one's there. Okay, so seven total goals and 37 appearances. That seems pretty good. Sure does. I guess. It's more than I could score, so I'm going to give him credit. Is it one in every six games about?

Less than? I guess, but this is so low scoring. I mean, how many more goals do people want from anybody here? So 1989-90, they were in third place, was I guess coming up for them so apparently that's good also he keeps playing on the national team they play Albania and Czechoslovakia and beat them

both in 1990 and 1989 so anyway he's on the he kept his first team place is what they said for most matches in the run to the 1990 FIFA World Cup. All right, this we know something about here. He also played four games for the England B team and got his place on the World Cup squad in a 4-2 win against Czechoslovakia when he scored a goal.

And I guess he was involved in the other three as well. So he goes on to play in the World Cup in Italy. He never played in a real, this is the real fucking deal. The whole world is watching this shit. This is huge, yeah. This is big. He played in all three of the group games

and England won, I guess they won in group F and he provided the assist for a guy's game-winning goal against Egypt. Great. Yeah. The first knockout game against Belgium, he had another assist, and then I guess after that in the game against Cameroon here, I guess they beat them too.

I don't understand any of this. Listen to this. Okay. It's very impressive to me because uh there's so many few goals so few goals scored if you're a part of one that that's pretty fucking impressive and if you're involved in a lot right it must be because you're good because you're no one else is involved in a lot so yeah and if you're getting the assist it's because you were cut off because you're that good they know that you'll you can score. They understand.

So here I'm going to read this. In extra time, he made a successful through-ball pass from which Gary Lineker won and subsequently scored a penalty, which proved to be the winning goal. Okay. Referring to the 1990 World Cup, Brian Robson later commented that Paul was, quote, the best player he ever played with. And in 1990, he said he was challenging Maradona as the best player in the world at that time. Incredible. So that's how good he is. Yeah, this is what I mean.

This guy is like, we don't understand over here because we're like, who the fuck is that? But over there, this guy is massive all over the world. And the through ball means he kicked the assist to the guy and he got fouled i guess on the penalty on those on the on the pass so he got a penalty kick is there an add one in soccer no no but if you get the through ball being being penalized on a through ball i guess means that it was such a great assist opportunity that the guy chasing him had no chance but to get the yellow card and i guess that's what he did interference yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay yeah i love interfere and make him have a penalty kick i love how you qualified that though with like an i think i understand like i don't want to say for sure. I assume. I assume. Based on my experience. Based on my understanding.

Yeah. Which could be complete shit. By the way, we don't know what we're talking about. Ignorance is charming. That's why I like how you threw that in there real casual. Like, listen, none of this might, this might mean nothing what we're talking about right now. Okay. But yeah, we could have just led you down a worthless hole of nonsense.

Yeah, exactly. Which maybe we did. We do that a lot. Taylor Swift is soaring high. Her every move captured in the news cycle and devoured by her devoted fans. She's broken billboard records and made Grammys history, not to mention becoming a billionaire in the process. But along the way, Taylor has had to wage war,

first by taking on a very powerful, very famous manager, Scooter Braun, and then by going up against the biggest live events company, Ticketmaster. Hi, I'm David Brown, the host of Wondery's show Business Wars. We go deep into some of the biggest corporate rivalries of all time. And in our latest season, Taylor Swift will shake up not only the music business, but Hollywood and the NFL. Follow Business Wars wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So his England teammate Peter Beardsley describing him said, quote,

teammate Peter Beardsley described said describing him said quote his enthusiasm was so infectious and the whole squad took so much from him during Italia 90 uh Gascoigne was a true footballer of the streets defiant crafty and intrepid that is the uh what he says he could cook up ideas you didn't expect so he was like a street baller like a like a guy who's a good streetballer in basketball i think it's the same thing yes i mean he did like a he dribbled through the guy's legs his opponent's legs and then got it on the other side yeah did some of that shit one like off his forehead left him standing there like an idiot and they went around him and shit some harlem globetrotters of soccer watch out and one shit bitch so also at this time the tales of his drinking started to become legendary here really and um not only that but jesus christ his drinking he's always nude he's nude a lot what in england male nudity is

considered hilarious i don't that's part of their whole comedic history it really is male nudity and dudes in a dress is immediately funny if a guy's in a dress and he lifts it up and his balls are hanging out funniest fucking thing an english person's ever seen back in the day i don't know about now but back in the day that's that was hot shit it's pretty fucking funny oh it's always funny yeah an ugly man in a dress is ridiculous john cleese in 1975 in a dress is fucking funny it just is because look at him he's a hideous tall man in a dress funny ridiculous hideous man yes terrible that's fun show me a bit that johnny knoxville and his friends did where a dick comes out and i'm always grossed out yeah in the english it was like just like real like look at me bollocks as we as we skip by like it was just a it's a different thing

it would seem more light and airy you know every time i see a johnny knoxville bit with a dick i'm like oh come on no i don't see that i don't want to see that it's's heavy in America. In England, it's light. It's like a meringue. It's been whipped into a frothy lightness. Rowan Atkins shows a nest of pubes with a little robin's egg of a dickhead on top of it. And I'm like, that's hilarious. Then he puts a dress on and it's even funnier. So they said everything with that. This is a part of his book he talks about in Italy in 1990 when he was the youngest player in the squad at 23. Okay. He's the youngest guy on the English national squad here. There was a ban on England players. This is imposed by their own coach, I assume, drinking alcohol at their training camp before the tournament.

A bunch of English soccer players are going to drink. So sure. Paul was the guy to find his way around this. And he did. He'll find the booze. Yep. He describes in his book ordering a cappuccino. He'd get a cappuccino and then separately get a large mug of Bailey's.

Okay. Like put in a big mug, like a big coffee mug. mug of baileys okay like put in a big mug like a big coffee mug then he would scrape the foam off the cappuccino onto the top of the baileys so it looked like he was drinking a cappuccino just straight bailey he would steal the fucking foam just so bailey's got a heart on it man yeah so there we go and he just fucking drink it. That's amazing. That's an alcoholic. Yeah. That's an alcoholic. They put Abraham Lincoln in me cappuccino.

That's it. And then this is a line from his book. As soon as he did that, he said, quote, I took a few sips and began to feel better almost immediately. That's not good. It's called booze, man. That's alcoholism. But for him, it was like, oh, there it is. Now I feel better. He was using it like medicine which isn't sure that's not great so he uh when he came

back from italy for some reason he did this and it was a big deal here's this i'll show you this picture here he is i'll scroll see he's got his own gaza hat on there and a big pair of fake tits. Oh, boy. He's got like a- With a fat belly, too. With a fat, yeah, like a plastic, like a plate that you put on yourself. Yep. That would typically go under clothes. Yeah. And then the clothes would accentuate it

and make you look like a gal or a fat dude with tits. You look like a pregnant lady, is I think what it is. That looks like a pregnant belly. Oh, okay, yeah. And it says Gaza over the belly button. And he just, he got off the plane. Gaza. Yeah just he got off the plane gaza yeah he got off the plane like this is in 1990 there

is no thug life tattoo it doesn't even know not yet it's not even tupac's wearing a fucking back to africa dashiki and one of those fucking hats and a goddamn he's wearing whatever his cellmate tells him to wear at this point no no no this is this is when he was in fucking oh was he still in new york digital underground or whatever this is uh yeah this is when he's doing fucking the humpty dance and shit right and and uh big uh what's a movie that they were in with oh nothing but trouble trouble, yeah. He's doing dances in front of Dan Aykroyd in a prosthetic dick nose. Perfect. So here's an incident that happened.

July 4th, 1990, which means nothing over there. Nothing at all. England played West Germany in a World Cup semifinal match here. Now, Paul, having already received a yellow card during England's 1-0 victory over Belgium in the second round, I guess got called on a foul on Thomas Berthold, which meant that he would be suspended for the final if England won the match. I guess he got two, and I guess there's a limit you could get in the tournament. It carries over from game to game.

Imagine if that happened in fouls. Hey, you got four fouls in the first quarter. You'd be like, dude, what the fuck? You're going to start the next game with game. Imagine if that happened in fouls. Hey, you got four fouls in the first quarter. You'd be like, dude, what the fuck? You're going to start the next game with four. Yeah. So television cameras caught him crying after he got the yellow card. Oh. And, yeah, so the Germans ended up winning it in the end anyway,

so it didn't matter. But here is a thing they made here um famous oh his pup this is a puppet of his okay this is a puppet i guess he that's him spitting image i guess was a show and they made a thing of him and i guess the one over the yeah that's it's him and it has projectile tears that come out of it oh okay that's the one over the. Yeah, that's it's him. And it has projectile tears that come out of it. Oh, OK. That's the national tears. The National Football Museum that's displayed at which it looks shoots tears, shoots tears out of its eyes.

That was an iconic moment, obviously. Yeah. Huge. Everybody was watching. It was fucking World Cup shit. As much as getting your dick grabbed by. Yeah. Yeah. So here is a newspaper article here thanks to that unique combination of tantrums talent and tears that's

a good title tantrums talent and tears yeah wow tantrum talent and tears that's that's the one right there i gotta write that down tantrum talent tears yeah that's that's it there um so that it says not to mention the dignified use of a huge pair of plastic breasts mr paul gas coin should by rights be crowned the bbc tv sports personality of the year okay that was from the newspaper so they were they were calling for it here's's the Daily Telegraph, July 6, 1990. Giant headline, Gascoigne has come of age. It's ready. While he cries?

While he cries, yeah. They showed a picture of him there as well. There's a newspaper picture of him crying. The most vivid image of a Turin evening will always be the pictures of young England footballers sobbing publicly as his team were denied their chance of history Paul was Paul Gascoigne was distraught on Wednesday night he was inconsolable by all around him his dream had been rudely shattered it was the most cruel lesson in an education process that is promising to develop Gascoigne into one of the world's greatest players just to give you an overview of where they were with him at this point,

Gascoigne had dominated a World Cup at the tender age of 23 and had established himself as the leading young player in Italy. But whatever happened in the penalty shootout, fate had already decided Gascoigne was not going to play in the World Cup final. When in the 100th minute of a fascinating evening, the Brazilian referee José Ramiz Wright produced the yellow card, Gascoigne's World Cup only had 20 minutes to run. Uh-oh. It was near the end of the game.

A year ago, when Gascoigne's immaturity was a frustration to both the England manager and the country in general, the realization that he was suspended would have been too much for the player. country in general, the realization that he was suspended would have been too much for the player. Television pictures caught the anguish and pain that Gascoigne was suffering. Momentarily, he seemed to come apart at the seams. A sign the new Gascoigne was that after a moment of self-pity, he rallied himself to the team. He has never been subjected to that experience before or anything of that importance, and he did well to recover and keep his composure, is what his coach said. That's nice, but I guess it was a big deal, though, the crying and everything like that. They said, this is England's manager,

Gascoigne had six consecutive good games for England, and he was probably the best young player at this tournament. I think he has a terrific future. All he has to do is split the jovial from the serious and then be the boy that has it all. Be the boy. Be the boy. Be the boy.

Feel the boy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Be the boy. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Be the boy. Be the boy. Be the boy. Yeah. He said Yeah. Be the boy. Be the boy.

Yeah. He said all he has to do is that. They said that he's upset, but he's getting over it, and he's showing good maturity. That's basically what they're saying. One coach said, I've worked with a lot of top-class players, but Gascoigne could live with any of them. He could be on the threshold of something quite unique in the English game. All right. So they called it during the 1990 World Cup, Gazamania.

Yeah, because he's gotten paid now, and they're rooting on him. He's a hometown. And all of that shit, too, all of the actual, you know, whatever, the FIFA, or not the FIFA, but the leagues that they play and all the league play, that seems to pale in comparison in importance to this World Cup shit. This is like. Yeah, the World Cup is a big deal, man. This is the whole world and it's for countries bragging rights and it's really a big deal here. So during this whole thing in 1990, the World's going on gazamania is going on he

makes a song jimmy and everyone else out there he reached a song he made a song that reached number two in the uk top 40 number two you gotta stop. He earned a gold record for this. You guys shouldn't have allowed that. What is the song? It is called Fog on the Tyne. Would you like to hear it? Fog on the Tyne. Fog on the Tyne. Like smoke on the water?

Fog on the Tyne. Soccer ball in the net what the fuck i say we should listen to fog on the time everyone let's see what we got here he goes okay How? Come on. Come on. He's dancing and singing along like wearing soccer. Number two. Number two Number two England get your shit together

It's number two alright Jesus you guys Tell it like it is Tell it like it is You're a piece of shit You're bad at this Oh there he's got the pump dance Oh my god One fist up he's doing like P the pump dance. He's doing the one fist up.

He's doing fist pumps to the air. He's really giving it his all, man. Number two. He's representing. He called himself a Geordie there. Yeah, let's dance on a Friday night. Representing. He called himself a Geordie there. This time is now. This time is right. Let's dance on a Friday night. Yeah, let's dance on a Friday night.

Oh, I got to pause it. We're not even halfway done with it yet. Hold on. Fog on the tine. Fog on the tine is hot. This is shit on the lawn is what this is. This is not good. I'm going to play that going down the road with my windows down. It's like Old Town Scottsdale somewhere.

No, no, no. Put your kids in the car and then just put it on without saying anything. And then roll down the windows. The hell are we listening to? Yeah, and lock them. Don't you worry. Roll them down and lock them and then drive your son to school. Pick him up with that song.

Really be bopping your head. Go, come on, son. Hop in. Get in. It's your favorite song. Really be bopping your head. Go, come on, son. Hop in. Get in. It's your favorite song. You told me to have this playing when I picked you up and it's playing.

So what's the fucking problem? Why are you being a dick? This is your playlist. All right. Back to Fog on the Tine. Oh. Oh, my God. Come on.

So mine, oh, my. Fog on the Tine's over. Yeah. Oh, my God. I want to hear him rap more. What year is this? 1990. Oh, my God. Number two. Holy shit. Yeah.

Oh, see him with the Above the guy playing guitar The steel guitar Yeah like he's doing Look at the guy looking Look at him Oh nice Shuffling around Everybody do their thing

Yeah get down When he hears those Geordie shakes Geordie sing Come around and get on down You know you're gonna storm Yeah, get down And hear the word all over town And yes, that's Geordie, oh Geordie shakes All the time, he's all mine, all mine There's not a lot of lyrics. There's a lot of...

And very little talent in dancing. They're doing the same thing over... He's just doing fist pumping. Yeah. It's a standstill running man. It's weird. Yeah. He's dancing like someone puppy yeah it's a standstill running man it's weird yeah he's dancing like someone that weighs 600 pounds with dance oh we got a fucking sax shit fucking oh yeah no this is a this is a whole party though they got a real

he looks like he's having a fucking ball making it this is the sax slash guitar solo which is oh there he goes air saxon he's on the ground he's just laid on the floor writhing air playing air sax to the crab walking on his back wow what the fuck are you doing like michael j fox playing the guitar at the end of the sea enchantmentman. That's exactly. Except with no guitar. No guitar. We did it with no guitar.

Wow, man. Fucking the times, oh my. Oh, and they clap, too. I like the clap. Yeah. Oh, he's going to rap us out. Oh, yeah. Look at him dancing.

Get down, Paul. I cannot recommend enough that you just look up Gaza Fog on the time. Because it is fucking amazing. You have to see the big, dumb smile on his face to really appreciate it. This is a millionaire that doesn't have to do this. Wow. No, no, no. He doesn't.

He's a soccer player. Here is somebody, a comment, by the way, on this. It says, lyrically, his best work for me. Lyrically. Come on, everybody. Gather around. We're all going to get down down that's the great lyrics here saw him do this at gateshead arms as part of a lengthy conceptual work and thought it had serious promise hope still hoping he'll return to music holy another one a highly underrated

vocalist what it's my core belief that his vocal talents are far in excess of his talents with a football which is one of the best in the world why does he have so many youtube accounts that he can write these comments his vast potential remains highly untapped to this day oh shit incredibly sincere and touching lyrics we have here particularly the bit about sausage rolls as for the dancing well it's comparable with that of michael jackson's amazing talent from gaza i hope they're getting there particularly the line about sausage roll the sausage rolls i'm so glad he mentioned our cuisine who Who's not going to like sausage rolls? He apparently really likes them. And yeah, this is amazing.

The fucking comments. He has other songs, too, but that's the big one. Number two, for Christ's sake. Shocking. Number two. What is this, a mix of Five Nights at Freddy's? Oh, my God. How does that work? Did somebody remix it?

No, that was just in somebody's mix. Oh, got it. They got a bunch of that's on their playlist yeah is that oh boy yeah this is amazing okay so we'll get off of there holy paul how could you fog on the tine is all mine all mine that's a bad song the fog on the tine is mine it's all all mine. I own the fog. I don't know what that means. It's all mine, all mine. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck he's talking about, but everybody gather around and let's get down. Smoke on the water's better. I don't know, man.

That's pretty. Such a great riff. There's nothing great about what he just did. There's no sex solo in that, though. Yeah, they don't mention sausage rolls. No sausage rolls. Not a word about sausage rolls. No way to play a writhing air sax on the floor.

No. I mean, it's got its qualities, don't get me wrong, but I really think that Fog on the Tyne is the superior song here. Fog on the Tyne. Wow, that is awesome. He also established Paul Gas gas coin promotions and hired a number of people i know he's got a big staff so he could handle the requests for endorsements and it went number two ironically right and he took it serious no people fucking loved it they fucking liked it this wasn'tq Fu where we were all laughing.

You know what I mean? When he rhymed something about stinky underarms. Remember that? No, no, no. Yeah, this wasn't the Super Bowl shuffle. These people liked this fucking song. They thought it was fun. Wow.

Wow. The whole time he's just pumping his arms. Yeah, there's no dance big smile on his face and he got everybody to do it because that shit is easy yeah like he looked at the bushwhackers he was doing the bushwhackers yeah he's doing that and the whole time he's wearing just a soccer warm-up outfit this is no other clothes. In case you don't know who I am. That's like Shaq rapping in an Orlando Magic jersey. No shit. Yeah.

So he signed an exclusive deal with The Sun, the newspaper. Yeah. But also the newspaper would print shit about him at the same time. Okay. He promoted two video games, Gaza's Superstar Soccer and Gaza 2. He is Shaq. Oh, yeah oh yeah no he's so big over there he's got a number two shack if the record sold which it didn't shack diesel didn't so well no that's the thing he never had a number two single that's big number two is how high did how high did

his best song get do you think think? Not on the charts. Nobody fucking listens to that. Shaq? I bet it was. No fucking way. On the regular pop charts, your ass. On the billboard? No fucking way in the world. No way it got above 50 ever.

Nobody listened to that. We were the audience for that. Teenagers that love basketball, and i wouldn't have bought that at all ever james i got to number four they got to number one on what chart on what chart not the billboard chart though oh you don't want billboard no i want the no no i mean on the regular billboard pop charts is this the i know i got skills uh oh okay uh r&b number 20 there you go r&b number 20 yeah that's not the pop charts that specific genre that's pop charts are everybody 33 35 and 20 yeah there you go that's that's about right number two

deuce with a bullet this fucking guy he had one uh that got to number five but it's because it had the rizza uh method man and rakim in it jesus and rockin that one that wasn't rock him it was oh it was prince rakim okay yeah that was that's from uh grave diggers that's he um he fucking wow shack that song i remember was on mixtapes all the time it was like back in the 90s to be like a guy with a briefcase at the mall and you'd open it up and have a bunch of cassettes in it and you could fucking buy mixtapes of good fucking mixtapes though yeah of local djs and guys in the city i know i got skills got to 33 james that's crazy that's disturbing that's disturbing because it's fucking terrible that That shows you the power of celebrity.

Yeah. Well, it was on MTV all the time. And still, think about that, and still nobody bought it. Yeah. Well, it had that sick, it had that sick, like, at the very beginning where it sounded like it was going to be a good song, and then it's a bosom in the eye track, and then it went bad. Because he'd get good production, so the beat would be all right, and then he'd be like,

I don't know about that. You're like, what the fuck are you talking about? No one can understand you. As soon as he said, bust him in the eye with the drums, I was like, oh, no, no, no, no. No, pick a non-verbal occupation, please. Like dunking basketball. You're great at that. It just went so bad shack we do this because we can't dunk as well as shack that's the thing better voices though that's the other thing there's just something about monotone rapping or monotone anything you

can't do that that's awful and in the deepest voice ever deep monotone voice no one can understand what the fuck you're talking about. In a time that everybody had 10s and 12s in our trunks, you are fucking up my roof when you talk. And everybody else had a real sharp vocal shit to them. And then he was like, listen here, you got it up and down. And in waves. That was the best part about Wu-Tang. Yeah, inflection.

Yes. Method Man throwing some sort of curveball into his punchline. It was amazing. It was incredible. And he had a good voice, whereas... Yeah. It was incredible. Shaq, no.

No. So... Bust him in the eyes. Oh, God, I remember that was so bad. That was so fucking bad. So I guess the coach quit the English national team after the tournament, and the successor, Graham Taylor, dropped Paul in favor of a 32-year-old for the Euro 92 qualifier against the Republic of Ireland.

He said it was for tactical reasons. This guy had some skill that Paul, I don't know, whatever. So then he was back again in the starting lineup when they played Cameroon. And yeah, so he goes on to play in that, that tournament for them for the 90, 91 season here in September on on September 26, 1990,

he scored four goals in a 5-0 victory against Hartlepool United. Wow. Wow, four fucking goals. He was named BBC Sports Personality of the Year in 1990, which, I mean, if your song's number two, you're going to be, yeah. Personality, though. He said, when he accepted the award, I mean, if your song's number two, you're going to be, yeah. Personality, though. He said when he accepted the award, he said, quote, I haven't won anything in the game yet, but the World Cup did help to put England on the map. It helped to put England on the map.

I guess just in soccer. Wait. No. They've been on the map a while, man. They've been on the map in soccer, and then they owned half the fucking map at one point. They were a- They essentially drew the map. Yeah.

They were a colonial powerhouse for a long fucking time. So he was also named as the club's player of the year as well. Okay. He was named as the PFA team of the year, or named on the PFA team of the year. I guess it's like an all-pro team. Sure, sure. In 1990-91 season, when Tottenham reached the FA Cup Final with victories over Blackpool, Oxford United, Portsmouth,

Knotts County, and North London, and against Arsenal. Hell yeah. Yeah, he scored the opening goal of a 3-1 victory over Arsenal at Wembley with a free kick. That's one of six goals he scored in the competition. Wow. So, yes, he's doing great. Problem is the old Spurs here were in a giant debt.

The team was in 10 million pounds of debt. So they were trying to figure out what to do here here and they called in a financial advisor to try to figure out how to plan to get out of debt and they said i know how you can get out of debt real quick sell paul gas going really yes there's a guy in italy that'd be happy to buy him sell him to there because they they give huge uh if a guy has a team has a guy under contract, they give gigantic chunks to the team. It's like Japanese teams when American guys sign baseball players. So it's a big thing. The deal in the end will end up being worth 8.5 million pounds to Tottenham.

That's almost done. You're almost there. That's what I mean. They said this is how you can kind of one swoop here be done, just get rid of this guy. So, yeah, that's what they're going to do, I guess. Problem is Paul hurts himself here a little bit. I guess he kneed some guy and then fucked his ligaments up in his knee. He said he had a broken kneecap at one point here.

Oh, he blasted the guy and hurt himself. Hurt his knee doing it. They took him out on a stretcher and everything like that. So that's not wonderful, obviously. That'll make him go down in value. But then when he came back from that, he suffered another knee injury in 91 when he was at a nightclub and had a problem. We'll talk about that. September 30th, 1991.

Yeah. He just came back from an injury, and the is scuffle keeps gaza on the sidelines oh he didn't like twist it dancing to his own no no no yeah he was like fucking the times oh my oh jesus christ that's a hard dance nobody do that no no no he was just uh getting in a fight here so uh soccer star paul gascoigne was recovering in hospital today after undergoing a fresh operation on his right knee following an incident in a nightclub. The surgeon who originally operated on his knee after his last injury said it would delay him a few months coming back. He said he has a fresh fracture of the knee cap which has been rewired. It's a new injury. It's annoying for him, but the outcome will be

fine in the long run. He'll be staying in for a few days. He was treated at the hospital. Yeah, police said at the nightclub in Newcastle he was punched in the face. Oh, boy. Apparently here. While a guest fell to the ground and he hurt his knee. I guess someone punched him in the face and somebody else fell down and took him down, too, and he smashed his knee. I guess someone punched him in the face. And somebody else fell down and took him down, too. And he smashed his knee.

Nobody knows. They said it was an unprovoked attack, it seemed like. Some guy just came and punched him in the face. Like, oh, that fucking fog on the tine sucks. That's the guy that wrote that fucking song. I can't get it out of my head. It's a fucking earworm. It's a guy who spent three bucks on it. That's what it was.

And he was like, you son of a bitch. I've got a single in my car that's it the coach said quote he played no part in this incident apart from getting hurt again thank goodness it was not serious so he said he was just standing around didn't do anything wow so they had a probe into this whole thing and when it ended here's an article on that police last night revealed they had called off their investigation into an alleged attack on soccer star paul gas coin in a nightclub over the weekend. They said the footballer had made no complaint to them. So he doesn't want to even press charges or do anything.

They said the detectives questioned the staff at Walker's nightclub in Newcastle upon Tyne. Fuck on the Tyne. But could not find anyone who witnessed the incident. Uh, they said he's recovering and had an operation. He's recovering. No witnesses. He doesn't want to press charges.

Fuck you going to do here. Um, so the problem is he's supposed to, he's supposed to go to Italy and he's injured now. So now there's a, he's supposed to be transferred over there, but they don't know because now he's hurt, and it's kind of a mess here. So December 7th, 1991, he's got a little bit of a problem here. He told police he had to go to court because he hit a guy.

And his excuse for it is that he's lonely and frustrated being a soccer superstar same sees i get the same feeling a lot it's difficult for us and especially too when my song only hit number two and we were really looking forward to i was aiming for that go to number one yeah we didn't quite make it there so that's tough he admitted assaulting a man outside a restaurant jesus christ in newcastle upon Tyne here, he said, quote, this is the, he said, is it because you're Paul Gascoigne and it always will be until I pack in playing football? I am, until I am nobody, there's always someone who's going to want to have a go at you.

Everything that happened that night was in the heat of the moment, not because I caused it, but because I am Paul Gascoigne. At some point, you get to a level of fame that, my friend, you don't get to go out anymore. I'm sorry. And if you go out, you've got to hire five security guards to stand around you and make it no fun for anybody. And then it's not fun anyway. Anyways, I'll stay at home. Right.

At some point, it's a private party. That's's part of fame you know what i mean it sucks but people want people people desire that yeah i mean that's fine for me because i'm not looking to go out anyway so it's all good but for this guy he wants to go out um but yeah i hope uh i hope we can get there someday that would be wonderful so my reason for not going out is because it's a real pain in the ass to everybody rather than just because I don't feel like it. It's a fucking nightmare. Yeah. He said, this is one of the reasons I want to leave the country and get away from all this. This is one of the reasons why I feel like packing football in because everybody wants to go against us.

I'm walking home with my sister. But no, it'sul gascoigne's fault nobody understands the way i feel nobody in the world understands the way i feel nobody don't get it is he a 13 year old girl now nobody knows how i feel runs in her room daddy yeah starts scribbling in her diary what the fuck is going on so the uh prosecuting attorney said he punched a man named john beach who's 34 a railway worker oh who stumbled like as he was drunk and stumbled into paul's sister lindsey the younger one seven years younger and knocked her over that'll do it

paul pushed him up against the wall and punched him you know what that's fair you knock my little sister over, I'm fucking punching you. Sorry. That's it. You're drunk and you're running into girls? You're getting punched for that. You're getting fucking punched. Yeah, especially the seven years younger.

If it's your older sister, you're like, yeah, I know. You go, kick his ass, babe. Or shit, yeah, she deserved it. But your younger sister, you're seven years younger, you're going to be protective as shit. There's also allegations that he attacked a waiter. Oh. And those were dropped when the guy said he didn't want to give evidence. He said that he wanted to spare Mr. Gascoigne and himself any unwarranted attention.

That's what the waiter said. Okay. And maybe it was embarrassing. Exactly. So he's conditionally discharged for this in order to pay forty dollars in costs, forty pounds in costs. But the thing is, acting on impulse is what's good for him. That's the problem. On the field, everybody says, whatever you feel, do it. And then off the field, they're like, hey, think about what you do before you do it. And he can't put mixed messages. do before you do it. And he can't put those... Mixed messages. Yep. Here's from the book about... This is from the Gaza in Italy book. It said,

Gaza was also at his best when acting on impulse and was thus told by his managers to do precisely that. Many of his battles later in life were indirect or an indirect result of being hardwired to act impulsively. It worked for him on the pitch, but not off of it. There's another uncomfortable theory

here that must be covered. Gascoigne's mental health issues made him a better footballer. It's one of those things. How many fucking NFL players, they're crazy and that's why they're good. Because they're fucking insane. That's the problem. I mean, if they weren't insane, they wouldn't throw their bodies at people like that and be so good. It's just one of those things.

their bodies at people like that and be so good it's just one of those things this is certainly the view of former tottenham and england teammate gary lineker uh and a few in the game that knew him better this is lineker part of his genius part of his magnificence is the fact that he was so vulnerable without that vulnerable side without that carefree side without all the things that come with gaza i don't think paul gas coin would have been the player he was it is a tragic trade-off sounds like it yeah that's really crazy so um then uh february 5th 1992 he's at walkers again oh and this he's allegedly punched unconscious at walkers at one point he met his he met his match yeah somebody over there fucking punched him unconscious so 92 to 95 he's gonna go play for lazio in italy

and he joined them for a fee of 5.5 million pounds he received a two point two million pounds signing on fee so signing bonus and signed a contract worth 22 000 pounds a week jesus christ in 1992 oh my god that's so much money that is a lot that's a lot of fucking money so uh he did play one last game in england at wembley and he uh said he bought dozens of tickets for his friends and all that kind of thing sure and he said quote And he said, quote, I was loving the hype, but people didn't realize it can get quite scary. There were people carrying cardboard cutouts, old women telling me what I should do, and three-year-olds looking at me saying, Mom, that's Gaza. I thought, whoa. I'm a bigger deal than I knew I was.

Yeah, children recognize me. They know my fucking nickname. Yeah. He said, though, within minutes of the start of the game, Gascoigne should have been sent off for a wild high challenge on Forrest Gary Parker, planting a boot in the Parker's midriff but only being penalized with a free kick. And Paul said, I wish I'd gotten sent off for the first tackle on Parker. I remember he'd clattered me in one game.

You don't want to get clattered. That sounds like you got hit in the balls, doesn't it? Clattered. Clackered. Clackered and clattered and all sorts of shit. But I waited two years to get him back. Oh. He was one of their playmakers, and what you try to do is injure his legs.

What? I've never heard of a sport where they're like you gotta you gotta go after the guy's legs see what you do is break the fucking guy's legs and all's well you make it so he can't you know get make a living for his family anymore that's what you're trying to do end his livelihood that's really what it's trying to do is put him in a wheelchair what about scoring goals nope inj. Injure his legs. If you're going to challenge him, make sure he can't kick a ball as well as he can if you hurt his feet or his legs. Jesus Christ, man.

But I nearly took his windpipe out. Yeah. That's bad, too. That's clattered? I guess he clattered him good on that one. Clattered his fucking bullocks on there. So July 8th, 1992, he gets a big welcome in italy here yeah this newspaper article says glazio fans smashed windows and flower pots at rome's main

airport when paul gas coin flew in to start his new career with the italian club about 600 fans cheered his arrival and he said that he expected a warm welcome, and he was. That's warm? Well, it's warm in Italy, though, because think about this. They said police said brawling fans had shattered windows in the arrivals hall, destroying several large flower pots, and kicked a press photographer. Sweet Christ. It's a bunch of Italian guys, 600 Italian guys crammed into one airport. Forget about it. There's going to be fights.

I'll tell you that right now. He said, I'm pleased the negotiations are over. I've been feeling I belong to Lazio for a long time and I can't wait to put the white and blue shirt on. September 23rd, 1992. They're talking about

when's he going to debut. He says, quote, this is Paul, I'm going to make Zoff, he's the coach, a nice cup of tea each day and buy him an apple. He's wondering when he's going to be able to play. He made his Series A debut on September 27, 1992 in a match against Greece, which was also televised in Britain. That's how big he is they televised the fucking game after the third place playoff at Italia 90

Gianni I'm sorry Agnelli head of the Fiat Corporation here and a key advisor I guess to the team having run the club himself the other team walked into the england dressing room and asked to speak to paul the story goes paul grabbed this man in a boisterous

headlock and slapped his head he's an old man he ran the team this other team between 1947 and 1954 so that's put him in a headlock in the 90s? Yes. He ran a team 40 years ago. So how fucking old is he? He's got to be in his 70s. At least 70s or 80s or something. They said, weren't anyone else we would assume exaggeration, but this was Gascoigne. So we can assume that Agnelli was not accustomed to such treatment and certainly by someone who he'd never met before. He never even met him get over

here you old so-and-so holy shit um they said this approach extended to his new teammates too he loved he was very boisterously welcoming he loved not welcoming but wanted to be he wanted to be there he went around italy was going out everywhere showing his his face. And, yeah, he said before his first day of training, he visited a bookshop in the city and bought 20 copies of a language guide for Italians learning English and placed a copy of the book on the designated benches of each of his teammates at the training ground. Italian for dummies. No, it was learn English, Italians. That's what it was. It was learn English. It was an English language book. Italians learning English, it was it was it was learn english italians that's oh it was learn english it was an english language book italians learning english it was called so it was learn my language it was

a joke is what he was doing yeah like you should all learn my language i won't learn italian um if their amused reaction was predictable so is the story that gas coin forgot his boots for the initial session so he turned up in a training session wearing plimsolls. What the fuck is that? One of those. What is a plimsoll? Looking that up right now. P-L-I-M-S-O-L-L-S.

Plimsolls. That is definitely a lookup. I've never heard of that. Okay. Plimsolls. What are you? Nope, that's not what it is. Plimsolls. What are you? Nope, that's not what it is. Just plim.

Nope. What's a plimsoll shoe? It's fucking Chuck's. Oh, well, that's what he was wearing. They're Chuck Taylors. Why are they calling them plimsolls? I don't know. What the hell is a plimsoll?

Yeah, it's like a slip-on shoe. The pictures are all Chuck Taylors. I keep seeing a slip-on shoe, like a house shoe. I'm seeing fucking lace-ups, though. They look like old vans or old chucks. I got the opposite. No laces. A plimsoll, this is Wikipedia, also spelled plimsoll or pump, also known as a gym shoe or sand shoe, is a light sport shoe with a canvas upper and flat rubber sole.

Plimsoles with elastic instead of laces. Oh, so they're like vans. Yeah, they're slip-on fucking shoes or like house shoes or something like that. Everything they're showing on the Gentle Manual shows fucking Chuck Taylors. It's them versus Wikipedia, I i guess who knows we can't know but it's the definition that you're it's just saying old canvas sneaker not cleats made for soccer basically right yeah canvas sneaker yeah so uh what yet most obvious in the anecdotes of his lazio teammates is the unanimous surprise not not at him, but at his extreme generosity, not at his fuckery.

Yeah, he gives away everything. I guess it was a tradition for people to present the squad's younger members with presents. People would do that. They'd do that. Oh, that's the opposite of here. Yeah. Alessandro Nesta, one guy, says he recalls being given five pairs of shoes and a fishing kit while Gascoigne gave Marco Devaio an expensive camera. They said he wasn't a materialistic person, but he understood that others took pride in their possessions.

And so he would like to give people shit to make them happy. That's beautiful. In America, in American football, the rookie has to buy everything for the teammates. Right. And the veterans will give the rookie a fishing kit and tell him, go get your car out of the lake. Yeah, exactly. Or go catch us dinner. Don't come back until you have it.

Don't come back until you have a swordfish for dinner. In that pond over there. You're in Ohio. Pond in the fucking middle of Illinoisinois he said no this is a friend of his no one could ever dislike paul he was so generous uh if you ever said gaza what a beautiful watch where did you buy it he would take it off and give it to you wow just the way he was the guys get 22 grand a week yeah that's good crazy That's a lot of watches every week. Yeah. I don't know what a good watch costs, but probably, you know, I don't know.

Probably get a couple of them. So they said he returned in time, fitness-wise, to be able to play in time for the opening qualifying game against Norway in October 1992. He played in a 1-1 draw and responded to the Norwegian television crew's response to our request for an interview to say a few words to Norway. Oh. Said, hey, would you like to say a few words to Norway? This is going back there. I got a message.

And his words were, this is very nice, his words were, yeah, sure, fuck off, Norway, and then he left. My man. That's fucking great. Fog on the tine. Sure would. Oh, man. Fuck off, Norway. my man that's fucking great fog on the time sure would oh man fuck off norway his message was broadcast on norwegian television because it was live and he was forced to apologize for the remark yeah and then there's an apology paul has apologized to the norwegians over a televised

remark that could have sparked off a diplomatic row uh preparing for an england comeback against norway he was intercepted by a norwegian television crew after a training session Could have sparked off a diplomatic row. Preparing for an England comeback against Norway. He was intercepted by a Norwegian television crew after a training session. And that's when he said it here. Now, he said he didn't realize the cameras were rolling. Okay, yeah. That's why he said that. He was like joking around like, yeah, fuck off, Norway.

And they were like, oh my God, that's live television. That could have been Archduke Ferdinand, you son of a bitch. He thought they were asking him, and then they were going to be like, okay, and now stand there, and we'll point the camera at you, and we'll do an interview. But instead, they just had the camera on at that point, and he was lying. Yeah. He said, obviously, it was a mistake, and I can only offer my sincere apologies. I'm very sorry about it. Okay. So October 13, 1992, there's a big article here in the paper.

This is the star, which is sort of the paper. Yeah. And it says, shut it, Gazbag. Yeah, they pay him. Okay. Shut it. Shut it. Shut it.

Foul-mouthed Paul Gascoigne was last night warned, you'd better be a better player if you keep your gob shut okay keep it shut Norway's Swiss based star Jan Jacobson or Jan Jacobson I'm sure Jacob yeah yeah there you go

sparked off a potential Wembley war by lashing out fiercely at Gaza he said he gave the fuck off. And this guy said, stop trying to provoke opponents with jokes and obscenities on the pitch. Don't talk shit, is what he's saying. Stop trying to act like the big man of world soccer.

Well, I mean, people are treating him that way. Forget about trying to wind up the Norwegians. Take a nasty swipe at the Geordie. He said, Gaza's problem is that he doesn't know when to shut up. Gaza is a great player. I've seen him play many times when I'm looking forward to facing him at Wembley. Wow.

He said like him, I'm a bit crazy, but I do it like in the right way. I like to joke and have fun on and off the pitch, but I don't try to provoke other players. That's what he does. He's always joking and talking. He likes to think he's the bigger star.

Gazza may have been number one in England with the Spurs, but in Italy there's lots of big stars, some bigger than him. He has a temperament problem. If I go past a player and he fouls me, I don't get up and have a go at him. Gazza does. Yeah, if you try to fuck with him, he'll do that. That's what happens. I don't know.

Be like Vinny and grab his nuts. Seems like he calmed right the fuck down. I bet he left Vinny alone anyway. I bet he was a puppy dog the rest of that match. Yeah, hey, that's all right. So the following month, though, he scores two goals and a 4-0 victory over Turkey. But England doesn't qualify.

I guess qualification ended badly for England as they ended in third place behind Norway in the Netherlands and missed out on a place in the 1994 FIFA World Cup. October 20th, 1992. Okay. Here's an article from the Evening Standard. Gas coin. He's in your town, so hide your socks and ties and lock up your shoes. That's the

He's stealing suits? No, no, no. He's fucking around. Okay. The article says that the players of Tottenham are reluctant to leave their clothes hanging unsecured and unguarded from the pegs in their dressing room wall tonight. It's entirely understandable.

Gazi, you see, is back at White Hart Lane. Paul Gas Coin will be playing for Lazio, wall tonight it's entirely understandable gaza you see is back at white hart lane paul gas gas coin will be playing for lazio the club he joined last summer for 5.5 million pounds blah blah blah blah uh one on more than one occasion the players would troop in after a training to find the towels had preceded them into the showers they'd fuck with people yeah throw their towels in the shower. More personal items like underpants and ties had either disappeared or been cut in half. One leg apiece on the underwear.

What a hooligan. Yeah, he's a fuck around. There's no doubting that Gascoigne has made an impact at Tottenham. His antics were evident from early days following his move from Newcastle to London. It took him a couple weeks to be precise, is what some guy said here. From day one, he was a bubbly, lively character. Yeah, so he's all happy. One guy said, we went to Sweden on a preseason tour.

At our hotel, there was a health club facility with a sauna and a whirlpool bath. A few of us went up to go in the whirlpool. sauna and a whirlpool bath. A few of us went up to go in the whirlpool. The problem was that Gascoigne had been there before them and filled the bath with both shampoo and bubble bath. So they said they reached this. They got there and the bubbles filled the room. They reached the ceiling.

So you open the door and bubbles came out like a wall of them. Hilarious. He said that was how it went. He said when it came to ability, though, Paul was was special you could see that from the first training session he always looked to cut above the rest and his determination and overcoming that terrible injury has been remarkable he said but he is a fuck around here um obviously and there's a so many of these fucking pranks it's it's wild how many pranks he has it's fucks with people a lot, huh? He fucks with people constantly.

It's just his constant fucking thing. I like it. Yeah, he got all sorts of fucking issues here. I'll talk about a ton of them. He said that everything he did has always been in excess, one of his friends said, in abundance. During the close season, he may put on weight, but when he goes to slim down,

he goes on this water and honey diet and sticks rigidly to it. He just cannot do things by halves. He's either doing something or he's not doing something. One guy, there was a helper at the training ground, said that he was conned by Paul into loading gear onto the top of a minibus. Gaza then promptly slammed it into first gear to leave the man clinging for dear life on the roof as he sped away. Okay.

That's nice. It's on the roof for me. Gotcha. Oh my God. Hang on, fucker. Hang on, bitch.

Yeah, you got that. He's fucking rolling behind you with a head injury. They said he loves fishing though and takes that very seriously. He said when he fishes, he said he won't even talk he's just focused he's he's when he's fucking ocd and he's got a little adhd i think going on and probably so yeah they said though it's okay they said that uh they do have to replace the fire extinguishers more often because he always fucks around with them and uses them and it's opening fire extinguishers?

Yeah, he's shooting them around and doing shit. Yeah, that's kind of how he fucks around. One time here he was dining at one of the Rome's most exclusive restaurants. And he was struggling to make the waiter understand what he wanted to order. He didn't speak any Italian.

And he was trying to fucking get his point across. They said that he instead got up, ran over, and jumped into the giant lobster tank, grabbed a lobster, pulled it out, got out of the tank, walked it over, and put it in the waiter's chest and said, fucking that. Cook me that.

You couldn't just point at it? You had to go get it? Jesus Christ. This particular one, which is fucking crazy. It sat there dripping with water and waited for the lobster. Yeah, now he's got to sit there. With an itchy ass. Smelling like lobster water.

With an itchy ass fucking on his chair going, God damn, it's itchy. So they said there's so many of these. One time after his future partner Cheryl returned to England, he was protected by two bodyguards. They'd stay around him so people wouldn't knock him out in a club for no reason. They said they became his close friends but also his guardians, and they were always involved in his bullshit. One night they burst into his apartment after hearing him screaming in there. They heard screaming, so they burst in.

They couldn't find him. They see the balcony door is open. There's like a curtain blowing. You know the classic deal. They run over there to the balcony. And there's just a pair of shoes on the balcony. Like where feet would be. Like in front of the thing.

Like someone fucking jumped off the balcony. Or was thrown off and their shoes were there. So they thought he jumped off. They fucking were looking down. Yeah they were looking down yeah they looking down for him and shit like that so then he popped out from behind them he had been hiding in the bathroom to scare them that's what he did that is uh that's funny one of the bodyguards pulled out a gun and pointed it in his face and told him not to do that anymore in a jokey way yeah

in a jokey what a party it's so much fun it's What a party. It's Italy. This is so much fun. It's Italy. That's a joke in Italy. It's fun. He also remembers one time here, Paul does, that Gianni and Augusto, those are his two bodyguards, they had responsibility for guarding a bank vault in Rome in the city center. They got a job guarding this vault. He talked them into letting him come into the vault and sit on the piles of

money just let me come in and sit on it they were like all right fine he said i won't fuck with the money i promise so he gets in there as soon as he sits down he just starts throwing wads of cash into the air and letting it rain on him and they're like oh my god stop please he makes 22 grand a week he could just do this at home he He's having fun with this, though. He wants to Scrooge McDuck it, though. Yeah, he wants to be like, yay. So there was another occasion where Paul had not shown up for a training session. As the team pulled up into the training ground, he was seen lying by the side of the road with a motorcycle on top of him covered in blood. Oh, no.

Yeah, so the team slammed on the break several teammates fucking ran out oh my god fucking paul's dead and when they got to him he burst out laughing and stood up and pointed to a bunch of kisses all ketchup ha ha ha he just sprayed ketchup there's nothing funny about that nothing funny at all yeah they said j Christ, what the fuck, man? Sick fuck. This one teammate, I love his first name. Holy shit. Pier Luigi Casaraggi is his name. Pier Luigi. P-I-E, Pier Luigi.

Yeah, P-I-E-R-L-U-I-G-I. Wow. Pier Luigi. So they were like, what the fuck? UIGI. Wow. Pierluigi. So, they were like, what the fuck? But that guy said he was a man with the heart and the eyes of a child. Okay. What does that mean?

He means it as a bit of an insult. Oh, he looks at the world. Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of, you know, he's kind of a big kid. He's an immature fuck. Yeah. He said, one guy said, we were on the team bus once, and he sat down behind Zoff. That's the coach. As soon as the bus went into a dark tunnel, he stripped off all of his clothes and just sat there waiting for Zoff to turn around and see him naked once they popped out. He just sat there with a British dick.

Yeah. Yeah. That's funny. Just pops out sometimes. That is fucking funny, yeah. Yeah, that's funny there. British cock just pops out sometimes. That is fucking funny, man. Zoff, the coach, tells a story about bursting into laughter after Gascoigne entered the team dining room completely naked after being told to come to dinner right now by the manager. He's like, well, all right, I'll come now. So he came.

He said, quote, we'd all just finished eating. The team's gathered together, and there are other hotel guests in the dining room. This isn't like in their team facility. Dude, you can't do that. Suddenly, the door opens, and Gaza, totally naked, walks through the room like it's the most natural thing in the world.

He comes up to me and says, Here I am, boss. Manzini told me to come straight away, just as I was. And Zav said, I couldn't think of anything to say to him, so I simply burst out laughing. In Europe, nudity is not as offensive.

There's nudity on regular television. It's just not as offensive there. Yeah, they do the news that way. As long as his dick's not hard, it's not a, you know, if his dick was hard, then it's like, hey, what the fuck? But if you got a soft dick, it's humor. Yeah. Also, the way we treat nudity is like it's aggressive.

They call it a willy, for Christ's sake. There's nothing not funny about that. No, that's funny as shit. There was another time where the general manager, Manzini, came to watch him in recovery training at Tottenham, and a youth team player was sent to get Manzini a tea. Yeah. So Paul got his fucking BB gun, his air rifle, and as the kid came back with the tea, he shot the teapot from the tray and broke it.

You could have killed somebody. You could have put this guy's eye out. He's a young player. That is fucking wild. Unbelievable. Another time here, this was in the team president said he kind of crossed the line. He was driving through Rome near Stadio Olimpico with a bunch of people surrounding his car. Oh, my God, it's Gaza.

It's Gaza. So he tried to get himself out of the crowd. He ran over somebody's leg, leaving tire marks across it and everything. He just was like, well, I'm driving now and hit the gas and ran over some fan's leg, leaving tire marks across it and everything. He just was like, well, I'm driving now, and hit the gas and ran over some fan's leg. Holy shit. Which you can't do that. No. He gave the man, he stopped and gave the man a shirt.

There you go. Sorry about your leg, mate. Sorry you're going to limp for a while. It wasn't even that it was probably like a just a mcdonald's shirt he had or something just some something with some some giveaway that he got from a ball game one time he was some sponsorship yeah uh the fan though ended up giving interviews for the press and um you know gave them that pissed off the team that the guy they found out he ran over a guy's legs.

The general manager here, Cragnotti, he visited the club's training ground one day with a host of club officials. And Paul approached him and said, Oh my God. This is the general manager coming with a bunch of club officials. Here, we'll show off our big player. He walked up to him and said the very few words in Italian that he had learned for this particular situation, which means, quote, your daughter has big tits. Which might be the funniest fucking thing you could just pop up and say to somebody like that.

Like, so inappropriate. It's his boss. Not even your wife your mother your daughter has big tits all right what do you think of that i learned that just for you oh god that's fucking amazing and the club official started trying not to laugh but the cragnotti guy he was not okay the general manager yeah he was not okay. The general manager. He was super fucking pissed off. The team president, not even the general manager, even bigger.

He was super pissed and he was not happy at all with this whole thing because he was being laughed at too on top of it, which is fucking very fucking ridiculous here. This is when he's in Italy. On numerous occasions, he is said to have punched reporters.

Oh? Yes. There's also a time when he burps into a microphone that becomes a big deal as well. Really? Yeah. There's one time the Lazio team hosted another team at Stadio Olimpico in a game for which he was injured. Before the match began, Paul was sitting with an England teammate, David Platt, who played for that other team. Yeah. At the time, was was injured. Before the match began, Paul was sitting with an England teammate, David Platt, who played for that other team at the time was also injured.

So he was sitting in the seats reserved for the players and club officials. Players were not permitted by the club to talk to the press before the game, but a journalist attempted to see if a quote was true with Paul, tried to, like, you know, check it out. So the obvious, this is from the book, the obvious response for anyone else at least would have been to smile politely and ignore the question or offer a noncommittal noise to indicate that no comment would be given.

I'm not doing it, yeah. Yeah, just a can't answer or whatever. In his wisdom, Paul let out a burp that was broadcast live to the country on prime time television and replayed thousands of times over the subsequent days and weeks as it became a really big yeah in in in america we don't think that's a big deal but in england we're talking at the time politeness it was a it's a you didn't just burp in the show no that was crass and crude yeah and that was not considered okay over there here um in italy he's known as il matto the madman that's what they know him as over there which is pretty fucking funny um he broke his cheekbone

at one point in 93 and had to play the rest of the games with like a plastic Bill Lambert mask. Yeah. Fucking Phantom of the Opera. Imagine how uncomfortable it would be to play soccer in a fucking way. To run. So sweaty under there. Oh my God. It'd be fucking disgusting here.

Lazio ended the campaign in fifth place, which is actually considered a success for them. It meant qualification for European competition for the first time in 16 years. Are they being promoted? I guess they're in some tournament. They made this tournament or whatever. So, yeah. He said, well, you know what here, because we'll start wrapping this thing up. We will end it with Paul doing this.

You know what? Let's give it in their own words to shut this thing off. There we go. In their own words for Paul, Jesus Christ, he's nuts. In their own words, quote,

I've got an illness. I realize that now it's not alcoholism. Not really. That's more of a result than a cause. What I've been suffering from my whole life is a disease in my head. I'm still scared of dying. That's part of it. Was life good beforehand?

No, it wasn't. Getting depressed is no fun. Getting drunk all the time to escape feeling depressed. Now that I did like. What I didn't like was afterwards. I didn't like waking up in the morning not remembering what happened. Feeling ashamed and filthy and guilty. So overall, was life good? good no it fucking wasn't and thus ends part one of paul gascoigne fantastic and this is

like he hasn't even started getting arrested yet really it is a yeah and it's shit to die in it's a shit storm that goes up until last month and oh man i can't wait we have 30 years of crazy this is only 93 here but we this sets the table we know who we're dealing with now yeah a crazy person obviously um who is out of his fucking mind so there we go that's paul gas coin at least part one of him this will be a three-parter i assume great holy shit i'm excited to hear like i said this is just we've barely scratched the surface of how crazy he is. We've set the table. We've made the set.

Yeah, he'll start punching all sorts of people pretty soon. Floors are locked. Let's get after it. Absolutely. So if you enjoy – it's a big party. Fog on the top. It sure is. It's all mine, all mine.

So if you enjoyed that, I'll tell you what. Tell the world about it. Please do, you what. Tell the world about it. Please do, yeah. Please tell the world about it. Tell your friends. Post on social media. Do whatever you can to spread the show. It really does help a lot.

Do that. Follow us. And also, you definitely want to head to shutupandgivememurder.com. Get your tickets for live shows all over the place, by the way. Twelve cities this year for small-town murder, so get in there, check them all out. Tickets are going extremely fast. If you'd like to go to a show,

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You certainly want Patreon. I'll tell you that much. now so check all that out and do that you certainly want patreon i'll tell you that much patreon.com slash crime and sports anybody five dollars a month or above you get not only a shout out which is coming up in a minute here but you're going to get tons of shows a couple hundred back episodes to immediately binge on sure new shows every other week one crime and sports one small town murder and you get it all. This week is no different. What you're going to get for crime and sports, we're going to talk about Morgana the Kissing Bandit. Who is a woman, a blonde woman who was in like the 70s and 80s with the biggest boobs that God has ever produced.

God or science has ever produced. Incredible watermelons and she runs out and she'd wear little shorts and she'd run out on all football fields baseball fields tennis court shirt you can see her you can see the whole yeah and and she'd run so when she runs her tits are like bang yeah she's not holding her right in the face no they're punching her right in the face and they'd let her on the field no security would come out and she'd like kiss like kiss Nolan Ryan on the cheek in between pitches. And he'd smile and she'd smile. And she'd jog her big-titted ass off and nobody would say anything.

Who is this lady and what the fuck, basically. We'll talk about that. That's going to be a lot of fun. Then for Small Town Murder, it's back again. The Prisoner Dating Game. Hell yeah. All violent felon edition. That's right.

We're going to line up four young ladies and four young men here for Jimmy to choose from. And he's going to choose one of each. Only going to hear their pitch that they do on their little dating website there. No other information. Not going to know what they look like or, most importantly, what they did. And then once he picks, that's when he gets to find out what kind of a psychopath we have set him up with. And it's a lot of fun. And will he pick the kid diddler?

That's the whole question every time. You never know. That's patreon.com slash crimeandsports. And now it's time to get a shout-out. Jimmy, please hit me with the names of the most wonderful fucking people on this earth who keep this show going like crazy. Jimmy, hit me with them right now. This week's executive producer is Julie Cargill.

Thank you so much, Julie. Thank you. You're amazing, Julie. You're the only one, Julie. You executive producer. Julie, Julie, Julie. Son of a gun. Thank you, Julie. You're terrific. Other producers this week are Betty Swallows, Vijay, Vijay, Vijay, Jay. Nice of her.

Kandi Lamada. Lamada, Lamada, Kandi Lamada. There you go. Vijay, Jay, Kandi Lamada. Peytonata Lomata Kandi Lomata there you go AJ Kandi Lomata alright Peyton Meadows Jessica Bampton

Bampton Barn Bampton it is Bampton alright Scott Atanasio I believe he's up in Poughkeepsie or somewhere

is he he's familiar with the area I'll say that okay Liz Vasquez Ava Dodson William Locklear oh that's Heather's

kid. Stephanie Addis, Janice Hill, George Brian Melton, Eaton Schmeckma. Probably not. Crystal Sogstestad. We got it. Thank you so much, Crystal. You're terrific. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Natasha Gleason, Lacey Garcia, Josh Sevee, Sevee maybe, Stacey with no last name, Kira Lloyd, King Lizard, Martin with no last name, Kai Francis, Kentucky Francis, KY Francis, Chrissy Goodrich, Kate Edger, Edgar. We should get Edger together with KY. Those two will have a party together. Have a great time.

If you're edging that long, you need lubrication of some kind, right? For sure. Becky with no last name. Felicia Hernandez. Jenny Britt. Matt S. Christy. Ray Ward.

Michaela B. Ryan Newman. Sandy with no last name. Herschel Yeetbeat and Skeetbush. Mitchell Heal. Amber Udland. Udland. Udland.

Opus with no last name. Bita Leighton, David Moon, Alicia Spajoot, Spajoot, S-P-J-U-T, Spajoot? Spajoot. Spute. Spajiotes. Spajajokos. Easy to make jokes about. That's what it is, Alicia.

Will Stolz. Jessica Coffey. Heidi Weigel. Laraway. Karina Nook. Nicholas Hoyt. Carol. Carl.

Fakima. Fikima. Fakimima. Angie Reynolds. Noel Dietz. Samantha Collins. Kiki Noble. Natalie Boyd.

Susanna Grissom. Madeline S. Nash, Kayla Smith, Jazzy Love, Low, okay, Shayna Bath, Marie Helen Paradise, Patadisio, Eunice Sullivan, Julie Fox, Roberta Garcia, Emily with no last name, Krista Buschelman, Buschelman. Buschelman. Allison Hemrick. Becky O'Connell? O'Condal. Oh, that might be wrong also. Maddie Marie. Michelle with no last name.

Grumpy Zombie. Corey with no last name. Elizabeth Kolodizius. Kolodizich. Nick Gilligan. Call of Duty. Shara Brown. Tom Lindell.

Samaria. Symaria. Symaria. Morris. Rising Experience. Existence. Adam Wilfong. Wilfong is a fun name because Apple tries to make it wolfing every time.

Megan Fisher. Stephanie with no last name. David Mason. Alexander Reed. Ian Anderson. Zachary King. Jason Myers. Suck a fart Ian Anderson. Zachary King. Jason Myers.

Suck-a-fart bitch. Chris Kohler. Harold Burgess. Maria with no last name. Nicole Schmidt. George Hellinger. Shalita Washington. Jonathan Glenn.

Ashley Lavone. Shakira King. Phyllis Minchu. Katie DeWitt. Tina with no last name, Chrissy Conch. Oh, boy. Sonia Baker Fox, McKenna McKelvey, Trevor Goss, Brad G, Brian Lake, Devin Baum, Sean Hurra, Brenda Savinsky. Savinsky.

Hey. Michelle with no last name, Trent Harmon, Margot Gonzalez. Stephanie Reagan. Justin Schald. Juan Lopez. JoLynn Holbrook-Huette. Huty. Hu-oddy. Viola Brown. Maybe Voila Brown.

Heather with no last name. It's Brown. How about that? It's just Brown. That's my magic trick when I go in the bathroom. Voila. I've made brown and watch this now i make it voila disappear flush done voila yellow

oh man i'm a child dennis uh gomez cruz rebecca new joe riggs uh Christy with no last name. Mr. Adam Kennedy. Eugenia Shirley. Alex G. Christina Hill. C-S-H. C-S-C. I can't even read letters. C-S-C-H-I. 13 Pirates.

Sarah Campoli. A.J. Ducky. Roger H. Calla with no last name. M with no last name. Mark with no last name. Taylor with no last name. Steve and Becky Ott.

Odie maybe. Steven Gavin. last name. Mark with no last name. Taylor with no last name. Steve and Becky Ott. Odie, maybe. Steven Gavin. Steven Gavin. Melissa Bernhardt. Rudy Folds. Jason Curtis. Catherine Howard. Laura Reeves.

Mason Dreifout. Dreif... Oh, boy. That looks like Dreifart. Gabriel Montana. Roger Peek. Carrie Lynn. Claudia with no last name.

Courtney Lowe. Kayla Weller. Phoebe Mortallaro, Selena Huerta. Yeah, that's a poison for sure. Amy with no last name, Ryan Ellis, Jannie Bourne, Caitlin Young, Gretchen with no last name, Denise Linsky, Jennifer Smith, Caroline with no last name,

Mac Daddy, Kristen with no last name, Andrew Abel, Aaron Hayes, Carmen L, Lily with no last name, Cheryl with no last name, Chris Wilson, Austin Braley, Lynn would know last name. Andrew Abel, Aaron Hayes, Carmen L. Lily would know last name. Cheryl would know last name. Chris Wilson, Austin Braley. Lynn would know last name. Saman Amiri. Mikhail would know last name. Maybe Mikhail.

Maybe Michael. Maybe. Possibly Michael. Mikhail. Maybe Mikhail. Probably something else. Jennifer Denley, Lisa Barnes, Robin Bread, Troy Bellis. Jake Gordon, Kimberly

Merlot, Merlot, Kaylin Beddington, Beddingfield, Carolyn Hawley, Scott Henderson, Liz with no last name, Sarah Wright, Erin Persuti, Maggie Ziering, Kristen Haluch, Cheryl Cheryl, Cheryl Fazio, Olivia Peterson, Anne with no last name,

Tony with no last name, Zach Cross Street, Heather Mazzeria, Mazerati, Kaylee Tucker, Jessica Beachy, Music City Toys, Gabby Bucci, Pamela and Echenique. Echenique. Hey, boy, that sounds like fucking makeup. Benjamin Hirsch. Kyle Alexander. Bussanati. Bussanate 07. Ryan Hildebrand. Aussie 321.

Carmen Armstrong. Michelle Clancy. Lumi Wambagogo. That's fun. Wambagogo. That's a great name. That sounds like a lot of fun. Yeah.

Lumi Winnebago. Christy Andrews. Juanita Peaches. Tyson Armstrong. Paige. Why'd you do that? Why'd you lay? Why'd you do that?

Why'd you spell that? Summer Karsten. Cindy Cateria. Cateria. All right. Casey with no last name jessica viet viet vietnamese veda vates all right vada vata say say all right bella with no last name mark rubenike rube rubik rubike sandra rivera hey yo yo miss uh mrs papa tracy with no last name jamie diaz uh jeremy white lauren gag oh gargazola gazazola gorgonzola gorgonzola i'm just gonna name you whatever closest food you are

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