Crime in Sports - #392 - Drinking Away The Pain - Paul "Gazza" Gascoigne - Part 2

Episode Date: January 23, 2024

This week, we dive back into the craziness of a very famous man, with even more famous problems. We pick back up with him, making a spectacle of himself in Italy. He also ends up as front page news, when his wife goes public, after appearing to have been beaten to a pulp. He seeks therapy, and tries to quit drinking... but that doesn't turn out well! Part 3, next week!!Be louder than people in Italy, have hotel owners say that you didn't beat your wife up, and try to drink yourself to death because your friend drank himself to death with "Gazza" Paul Gascoigne!!Check us out, every Tuesday!We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!! Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman Donate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail] Get all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.com Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!!  Contact us on... twitter.com/crimeinsports [e-mail] facebook.com/Crimeinsports instagram.com/smalltownmurderSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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My name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman. Thank you for joining us today on part two. Oh, this is Gascoigne 2. Gascoigne 2 over here, and it's probably going to be a three-parter because he's insane. He just keeps going and going. And I was reading his book, too, and his explanations of things are just so great. They're so glib.

At some point, you've got to defend it, right? Yeah, they're just so glib. No, that's the thing. Half the time, he doesn't defend it. He's like, oh, I was knackered. Okay. I was knackered. That's all. I guess, fuck it. That's the thing. Half the time he doesn't defend it. He's like, oh, I was knackered. Okay. I was knackered.

That's all. I guess, fuck it. That's what the explanation of what happened. It's hilarious. He's just so, he explains a rape accusation. What? There's a rape accusation that goes to court that we'll get into very soon here. Okay. And his explanation of it in the book is maybe two paragraphs long.

It's the whole explanation. From start to finish? Here's what happened. Here's the resolution. Moving on. It was like, wow. You really glossed over that a lot. We could have used a detail or two in there.

Very, very interesting. But yeah, we can't wait to get to that. Before we do, though, head over to ShutUpAndGiveMeMurder.com. What's there? Tons of stuff. Number one, there's merch, all kinds of merch, T-shirts and things like that. In addition to tickets to the 2024 Small Town Murder Tour. Get them right now.

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It's a small theater. We get great ones. We do nice theaters that have 1,500 seats. I sat in the back row at Dallas. We do that. It's one of the biggest we've ever done. Beautiful view. Unbelievable.

We do it all the time. We always try to go to the back, go to the upper deck. We want to see, can you see the screen? Can you see us? Yeah, we want to see. Are these people going to be sitting here going, I don't know why the hell I came today? Never once has it been like that. We do that because if it is, we won't go back to that venue. That's what I was going to say.

It is, and we won't do it again. We won't do it again. Well, that was a few years ago. We've said, nope, that doesn't work. Those are places that we don't do anymore. So now we've really narrowed it down to some good, good places here. You certainly want Patreon. Patreon.com slash Crime in Sports is where you get all the bonus material. We're talking hundreds of bonus episodes to binge on.

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and then flex over your over your prone corpse, brother. Yeah. Jerk off on you when I'm done. But no, she's this woman with like size triple fucking W tits. They're gigantic. And she, blonde lady in the 70s and 80s, she'd run out from the stands in major sporting events. Like it'd be the World Series. She would run herself out there with her tits bouncing. Just bouncing, not holding them.

Kiss the pitcher on the mound. He would smile. She would smile, and she'd trot off. And nobody would say shit. It was, like, totally fine. She did it for 20 years. It's the craziest thing ever. We'll talk about it. Who the hell is she?

Who the hell is that? Then for small-town murder. Oh, my God, it's back. The prisoner dating game is back again all violent felon edition jimmy is going to pick uh one bachelor and one bachelorette out of a vast array and uh all he has to choose from is their actual prison dating profiles and then he'll have no idea what they've done and that's the fun part we'll find out to find out if he picks the kid toucher so oh perfect let's do that patreon.com slash crime and sports and you get a shout out at the end of the show yes and also definitely listen to small town murder and your stupid

opinions as well as man is it goddamn funny so that said paul gas coin let's do this again. All right. Where did we leave off? We left off last week with him talking about his general, I've got an illness, I realize that now, that whole thing. Last thing we said was, was life good beforehand? No, it wasn't. Getting depressed is no fun. Getting drunk all the time to escape feeling depressed, now that I did like. That was the last. all the time to escape feeling depressed now that i did like that was the last and then he talked about fucking obviously his whole um waking up and feeling ashamed and all that sort of thing yeah because there's consequences to that type of treatment he said not remembering

what happened feeling ashamed and filthy and guilty so overall was life good no it fucking wasn't so that brings us to june 7th 1993 he's still in italy and his whole italian thing here is he said he loved being in italy he loved rome yeah because he played in rome he said he liked the fans he liked the atmosphere he liked yeah the food there he liked everything there yeah it's beautiful having major problems with his girlfriend while he's here oh that yeah he has a girlfriend and he met this girl at a wine bar and he'll end up marrying her later on but really yeah he meets this girl at a wine bar and um you know they end up getting together she was married at the time and had two kids oh so yeah that's who he ends up hooking up with and then he

says you know he's going to be like a father to these kids but then he talks about what a terrible person he is around these kids like at one point he says he was just really tired so one night he put him out in the garage they're children he made them stay in the garage because he couldn't take care of them all night and he was tired so i'm like you know from the flintstone yeah this is a bad dad i never thought of that did you in all the times when your kids were little and they were being a pain in the ass you ever think put them in the garage for the night put them in their kennels like put it with the car put it with the car or like a gaseous dog that has a you know like a digestive issue or something and the temperature's okay or whatever people put in their garages and the air conditioner filter

because it won't fit in the trash can yeah and that's the second fridge with just beer in it put it put it next to so he talks about shit like that and and he talks about how hard it is for when players are playing abroad. And this I can understand over there because players, a lot of times in soccer, they go to other countries to play. And then think about it. You go to another country, and then you bring your wife with you. You bring your spouse of whatever sort with you. Yeah, if you're a woman playing whatever so you bring that person and then you have to go off and you practice all day and you have games and then you go to work they're sitting in a place where they don't know any

people they don't have any family they don't know the language that's the other thing it's one thing if you know if you're if you're from fucking chicago and you guys had to go play in Atlanta or something, you can still walk around and speak English. Sure. It's still the same. If you're over there, you're just like, I don't know anything. I don't know shit. I can't drive here. And from Chicago, you can go as far away as Sacramento and still be okay.

And still be okay. You still get it. All the way to Portland, Maine. Still people are going to hear you. Everything's fine. You said it's very hard. So she ends up going back to England at some point in the Italian. Yeah.

And the whole Italian excursion here. So he's got some, some problems. His coach, I guess there's a, a lot of, of talk cause he's in Italy. Is he going to be, is gas going to be is gascoigne going to be on the 94 world cup team that's a big for england you know are they going to go over there and look at him and see if he's okay because he's been injured a lot as we talked about he broke his kneecap and then he had a another problem he'll also break his leg here coming up too great so in italy he's there for three years he plays like not even two whole seasons,

though, because there's so much injury. And Italy didn't really go great for him in terms of soccer on the field. So the coach here for England's manager, I guess, said, quote, I'm getting heartily sick and tired of being the only person being consistently grilled about Paul Gascoigne. If anyone has supported Paul Gascoigne over the last six months, it's me. I've been out there. I went to see him after the San Marino game. I've supported him when situations were going on. Situations.

Oh, yeah. He's got a lot of situations. That could mean anything. He wrapped up controversy with a good word situations is just what what situation you could he could talk for another 10 minutes and people go let's talk about what situations you're talking about exactly let's go back to that i don't want to discuss that oj situation situation situation it's a situation of a of a murder scene that we found a nearly nearly headless woman, that situation.

Yeah. I cannot in any shape or form be accused of not supporting him through the good and not so good times. Whatever interpretation and headlines are put on that, it looks sometimes as if I'm the opposite. He said, it isn't something I'm just saying now. Who was it who said in November, now the problems start? It was me who said, please, God, don't let anything happen to him. We have a very talented boy, and we've seen him in the past. He's like 25 at this point, too.

It's so weird that they keep calling him a boy. Yeah, he's a talented boy. Like, he's got rape charges. What are you talking about? Yeah, that's what it is. Because, you know, I can look at a football player now, like, when they take their helmet off sometimes, I'm like, oh, my God, that's a child. They look so young.

With a helmet on, they look aggressive and tough. Yeah. They look like everybody I watched growing up. Look at this guy. Yeah. Oh, my God. Like, CeeDee Lamb, they take his helmet off. I'm like, oh, my God, that poor young fellow.

Because now you're the age where you and people you know could have kids that age. So you're like, oh, Jesus. They're only 17. Some of them are 20 years younger than me. Yeah. Oh, my God, that poor young man. Yeah. Look at, oh, geez.

That's going to hurt him later on. Look at his little innocent face. When you're 42, boy, you're going to feel that knee. I tell you what, you're going to be limping one day and go whoo that one game yeah against the ram i turned fast getting my mail and and it hurts oh yeah yeah i've never been hit by a 400 pound lineman we had like a foot of snow and shoveling it last week i was for three days i was like wow how does every muscle hurt with that heavy foot deep snow that's a workout that should be a gym it i'll bet it i'll bet somebody does it in in some crossfit shit somewhere remember like nathan for you when he had the moving company thing where he was getting

people the moving workouts the best workout because you bend down, pick up boxes. Shoveling snow, like you literally, you have to bend down, shovel. It's your back. It's your arms. It's your fucking. It's everything. It's your whole fucking body. It's every muscle you. Trust me.

I know everyone that was sore and my ankles were sore. Anything that's on the ground and you have to move it somewhere else. Somewhere else. You put it on the ground elsewhere. That's a whole body. Yeah. I feel like that should be. People have the most heart attack shoveling snow so i feel like that would be the best workout yeah because everybody's got to do it whatever yeah no yeah whatever kills

the week i feel like is the best workout right that's the one that's really going to make you strong if you survive it i don't know i'm not a workout guy but it seems like the theory i would go on if i was there so um yeah he said a talented boy and we've seen in the past that sometime that sometimes happens to talented players but he's not employed by me i see him every once every six weeks or so i keep in contact but what else do people want me to do i guess he was being criticized. England's manager was being criticized for not keeping a close eye on Paul Gascoigne to make sure that he's healthy and available for England's World Cup team,

which, by the way, they don't even make the World Cup in 94. Hilarious. It doesn't even matter. Yeah, he's injured. Had he gone to Italy, flown, driven, whatever, wasted all that energy getting there? Take a look at him. To not even make it our own team? Like, who gives a shit?

Oh, there he is. The team didn't do shit. So anyway, yeah, this is fucking funny. This is from an advertisement in a paper here for Paul. Here he is here. Want to see a cartoon version of him? Okay. Big head.

Yeah. What is it? Okay. Paul, yeah. A big head, little ball. Yeah. Bouncing the ball. Yeah.

It looks like a NBA jam character. It absolutely does. It's 1993, so that's prime. Oh, yeah. Remember those T-shirts with the big heads of the sports guys? Everything. Always had it. Yeah.

It says, Paul Gascoigne, center midfield. The England team cannot afford to be without Paul Gascoigne. Can't afford it. Like Paul Gascoigne, all our new Fords are sure. This is a Ford dealership. This is a car dealership selling cars. Using him even though he's not even playing here anymore. Yeah.

All our new Fords are sure-footed, robust, powerful, reliable, and only moderately thirsty. Like Paul. Yeah. Immingham Ford and Imperial Ford head the premier league of local Ford dealers, so why not call us and see us? We promise we won't send you off crying because he cried the one game that we talked about there. And they compare their vehicle to its gas thirst to his alcohol thirst. To his alcohol thirst. Nice.

Well done. That is, I got to say, hats off, England. Hats off to you and your hilarious sense of humor about alcoholism you have you guys really take it in stride is what it is over there they're like i mean that's it it's here for it's here to be abused i mean i don't know what to tell you that's how they it's wild he runs over there 13 miles to the gallon of beer yeah and. And he's proud of it. Thumbs up, cartoon. That's me.

So, yeah, this Ford is offering, during September, they're offering 1,000 pound minimum on many used cars. So, there you go. September 8th, 1993. This is from the Evening Standard newspaper. And it said, quote, this is a great great start to an article it would be horrible being paul gas coin if paul gas coin had any true self-awareness but if paul gas coin had any true self-awareness he wouldn't be paul gas coin yeah that's wow that person a philosopher sat down for a long time and really thought about that and said, hmm, to be Paul Gascoigne. It's easy to figure him out.

It's easy. It is. Saddled with the talent of an angel, the soul of a child, and the IQ of a stoat. Well, now you got me Googling. The fuck is a stoat? I was opening my browser as I read stoat because I'm like, I don't know what the fuck a Stoat is. Well, it's dumb is what it is. S-T-O-A-T.

Stoat. Is that like a... Is it a rock? It feels like a frog or something. Oh, okay. No, it's an opportunistic predator that rapidly moves and checks. It looks like a prairie dog almost. But it's an opportunistic...

It's a scavenger, but it's a predator. Yeah, a male Stoat. Yeah yeah they don't seem very bright probably probably dumb yeah it seems like a really random animal to pick to compare them to yeah use one that we know nobody in america knows about a stoat i don't know a stoat is the people over there is a stoat like a common thing i guess it's like a weasel i guess okay commonly referred to. An English weasel. They must be like, oh, but they don't know what a goddamn, what are those things? We think of a weasel as clever, don't we?

Yeah. Groundhogs, I guess, but they know what that is. Yeah. Yeah, a weasel is clever, but it's also a fucking asshole. You know what I mean? He's an asshole, yeah. The IQ of a stoat. Okay.

That's really a ringing endorsement. Yeah. The soul of a child, the IQ of a stoat. Okay. That's really a ringing endorsement. Yeah. The soul of a child, the IQ of a stoat. I doubt he's any more able than the rest of us to tell whether he can save himself or destroy himself, but the reckoning does grow ever closer. Just a little opinion piece in there. It's coming for him. Yeah. He does not, reading his book, it sounds like like number one, like he spoke into a tape recorder.

Oh, he spoke into a voice recorder and then somebody just typed out whatever he said. And he just sent tapes to somebody. Yeah. He just said, like, here's my files just sent off digital because it came out like 2010. So he just sent off like here's an MP3 of me fucking saying stuff. I talked to my iPhone for the last couple hours. Yeah. That's why he can get through a rape charge in a paragraph because no one's there going, hold on, we need to expand on that. People are going to want to know a little more.

Slow down. And more. His explanation was just, oy, this is what happened, right? And like, you know, crazy. Anyway, that got resolved. That's what you called the cops, didn't it? Yeah, it's called the cops, isn't it? Oh, so he was told he went on vacation, by the way, in between seasons here.

For the 93-94 season, he comes back super fat. Hell yeah. Super fat. He went on vacation. They went to, I think fat he went on vacation they went to i think paris and then they went to florida him and the wife and kids here and he said in florida he ate nothing but trash he ate yeah nothing but hot dogs and ice cream well they were going to like disneyland they were doing disney world they were doing all the kids touristy shit which is just you can pile garbage into your body the pretzels and fucking churros and cotton candy everything everything that's

what he was eating he said and he's got a real he likes junk food he said all the time like in england too he likes burgers and and chips and he's that kind of guy so he has to constantly worry about his weight like if he just goes about his own business and you know his own devices he will be fat as fuck and not be able to play like he has to like have managers tell him if you don't lose this much weight you can't play and then he'll lose the weight because he wants to play but that other if it wasn't for that the guy would weigh 300 pounds over there i may need you to uh approach that with me because I might have gout right now. Oh, God, Jimmy.

You can't have gout. I went to the doctor yesterday because of this. Jimmy, that is a fat king's disease. You can't have that. I know. You pudgy little prince. What the hell is going on over there? I don't know.

I woke up in the morning and couldn't walk. I come here and you're limping around. You got gout now? I don't know. I can't catch that, can I? No. I hope not. It morning and couldn't walk. I come here and you're limping around. You got gout now? I don't know. I can't catch that, can I? No. I hope not. It's from eating organ meats.

What are you eating, Jimmy? Kidneys? Livers? What's going on over there? Yesterday, not even that much. What's happening? Is it a giant turkey leg? Is that the problem?

What's going on? It might be all the salted cured meats that I ingest. Oh, that could be it. Yeah, if I skip a meal, I'll just be like, I'll just eat a few rolls of this and just jam some fucking produce on my throat. Yeah, that's a problem. I've had to really relax on that. I woke up and I couldn't. Blood pressure.

Too much salt. My blood pressure is great. My toe doesn't work. That's amazing. That's the grossest name of a disease by the way i can't believe that's a thing for just it sounds like your asshole's rotting out not just messed up it's rotting out of your body gout sounds like i've got hours to live mere hours before the last two threads of your asshole fall out and your

intestines leak from your body you're diagnosed with gout and then sent home with hospice because we don't want you dying here they tell your family to keep you keep you comfortable try to keep him extra blanket keep him warm yeah keep him nice and comfortable turn the heat on the tv show with him that he loves don't worry he won't he won't watch much of it he won't last long so i'm waiting on labs we'll find out if it is james you're gonna have to treat me like this fucking coach treats gas going i'm not i'm clearly not okay to take care of myself every time i I go back there, you come out here, we'll do a weigh-in. We're on the road. That'll be nice.

A monthly weigh-in we'll do on the road. We'll just... Oh, Jimmy, you're getting too fat for that jersey. You told me to order you a large. I can't do that anymore. That was the best. That jersey, you're like, oh, no. Oh, shit. I won't order an extra large i won't i refuse

five eight guy wearing an extra large shirt god damn it that's so demoralizing you're like large jersey is my limit of how fat i can be if i can't fit into this i'm not wearing a jersey that's how i know yeah the bummer is that like the the size of it is on the stomach, that giant label that tells everybody, I'm fat as shit. Yeah, look at this. This jersey's too big for a man my size, I realize, but I have to wear this. Oh, it sucks so much. Oh, man. So hopefully we don't get to the point where, I don't know if Gascoigne has gout also or if he's just fat.

But he's told that he can't play unless he loses about 25 pounds, basically. He's got about two stone worth of fat to burn off of him. Is that what a stone is? Yeah, stones. I think we looked it up. It's like 14 pounds or something, 13-something pounds. It's somewhere in there. So it's kind of think we looked it up. It's like 14 pounds or something, 13-something pounds. It's somewhere in there. So it's kind of like we have a foot.

It seems like a random unit of measurement. It does, yeah. 12 inches. 12 inches. It's so dumb. Shouldn't it be 10? Yeah, it's not even like a kilogram thing. No.

It doesn't match up to that. So he does that. He goes on an extreme diet, which consists of him, quote, housing himself in bin liners and running. Trash bags. Trash bags. He's plastic, so he sweats to get the weight off. Okay, yeah. So he's a bit of a mess over there here, though.

Like I said, he's fat, then he plays, then he's injured, then he's fat again, then he's depressed. When he's injured, he's depressed. Yeah. That's the other thing. And he says that he's awful to his girlfriend at that point, too. Sure. He said, I don't know how she put up with me when I was injured because I was a bigger dick when I was injured because then I was depressed and pissed off, too, and everything else here. So they get a new coach.

His Italian team, Lazio, here gets a new coach in 1994, Zdenik Zeman. Both his names start with Z. ZZ. Double Z. That is fucking awesome. That's pretty cool. He should have been a rock star of some kind. Well, they already got a band of it.

Well, it would have been like, you guys are posers. The real ZZ. He's got to grow a really long beard. My beard is down. Either that or just completely bald. No facial hair, no head hair. No eyebrows. Alopecia, done.

Just the whole, his whole body. Just shaved clean. So I guess he lost his whistle at one point, the coach during a, uh, during a practice. Couldn't find his whistle. Damn it. Where'd I put that whistle? Where is it?

Um, he ended up seeing it on a goose that liked to hang around their practice field. He was wearing it around his neck because gas coin put the whistle on the goose and was like there y'all go on now catch the goose and you can have your fucking whistle yep and he did that so um he did break his leg in 1994 he's unable to play for 15 months didn't so he was out for 15 months so this guy who when he's hurt for two weeks he's a nightmare 15 months of recovery. Oh, my. And he had surgery and he had all.

Oh, it was a bad break. Yeah, he had all sorts of shit going on here. It's at this point where teams, the Rangers team in England is wanting to talk to him. They're flying out to visit him. And they do here. The manager, Walter Smith, said, quote, he said, what are you doing here? I said, I'm here to see you.

He said, what is it you're wanting? I said, I'm here to see if you'll come play for Rangers. He said, aye, all right. Oh, all right, yeah. All right, well, shit, I probably could have just called you, right? I didn't have to come all the way to Rome for this, did I? That seemed very easy. You don't like it here, do you? I thought I'd really need to pitch you in person and, like, you know,

the timbre of my voice would count, like Don Draper would say. I need to sound like your father. But, yeah, no, he just said, oh, all right. Done. Let's go. So he signed with the Rangers here, or with Rangers, for a club record fee of $4.3 million pounds. That's the fee to get him from Italy, which was about what Italy paid for him.

So in the end, they kind of washed it there on him. But he's going to make 15,000 pounds a week here. Fantastic. And he's doing great. And he says that right away he bought himself as he called it a flash bmw he bought his dad a jaguar with a signing bonus sure he buys shit for his family all the time he's very generous this guy like he'll he'll get money and he the first thing he did when he first got money was buy his dad a car his sister a car, this one a house. Yeah, he buys his family.

Very protective of his family, yeah. So he ends up signing with them in his fifth game, the fifth league game, I'm sorry, is when he came in, and he scored a goal after running almost the full length of the pitch to get on the end of a pass and a breakaway, and it was a big deal here. So they were very excited to see him after that. He, I guess, he gets in trouble here for fucking with a referee. This doesn't seem like a big deal, but I guess it's a big deal in soccer. This guy had a yellow card that dropped to the ground,

so I guess Paul picked it up and acted like he was giving the referee a yellow card that dropped to the ground so i guess paul picked it up and like acted like he was giving the referee a yellow card and then hit it up a goose's ass and then said where is it and he goes it's like a goose has it it's around his neck and he put it up his ass so uh i guess he was pretending like you're getting it so then the referee actually gave him a yellow card for doing that oh god i don't think you're allowed to pick on the referee. Yeah, I don't think. In the NFL, you can't pick up a flag and then hide it from him. You can't be like, here, I'm flagging you.

Throw it at the ref's feet. You're holding. Start fucking just doing the signals. False start. Yeah, you're holding. No, that's illegal contact on you, stupid. Personal foul. This asshole.

He scored 19 goals in 42 appearances and was named both the PFA Scotland Players Player of the Year, PFA Scotland Players Player of the Year, and the SFWA Footballer of the Year as well. Oh. So, man, he's loving life there. The wait is over. So far, you're not losing.

The only thing you're losing is my patience. Quickly, I see that. Bing! The queen of the courtroom is back. I didn't do anything. You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face. I see he's not intimidated by anything. I can fix that.

New cases. She wanted to fight me. Leave her alone. Okay, so, um... This is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor.

You married his cousin. His brother. That's not him. Yes, ma'am. I would make a beeline for the door. The Emmy Award-winning series returns. How did I know that? I have a crystal ball in my head.

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or on Apple Podcasts. He ends up, England was hosting the whatever Euro tournament in 1996, and so they didn't have to go through the qualification process because the team who's hosting kind of has to be in the tournament or else no one's going to show up. Yeah. It's kind of one of those things here. Showing up to a tournament and you're and the

home team's not even in it no that would be bad that would be pretty bad for attendance wise no one's gonna just go see belgium and somebody else play so the all-star game in fucking uh la and lebron's not playing that's yeah it's going to be hard. So May 31st, 1996. It's all sorts of in the paper here. There's a Gascoigne's fun in the dentist's chair is what it says. Apparently, they're in Hong Kong and numerous England players are photographed on a night out. And Gascoigne and several others are having drinks poured into their mouth while sitting in a dentist chair that's the bar's theme you sit in a dentist chair prone and they pour just pour shit into your face that's fun which yeah that sounds good i think it's like a hot girl yeah

there's guys it has to be pouring a dude doing it lay down open your mouth no i don't leather apron that just comes hold on hold on let me my hair net fell off let me put it back on again it's the law creepy mustache no yeah um so i guess there was a problem on a flight here i'll read right from this newspaper article quote the mid-air rampage on a flight carrying the england soccer squad was the continuation of a boisterous party that began several hours earlier at a top hong kong bar it was revealed last night clark martin manager of the jump club said the footballer spent more than four hours in his bar and stayed until 2.30 a.m. Wow. During what was the start of the celebrations for Paul Gascoigne's 29th birthday, the players ripped off each other's shirts for autographs

and drank Flaming Lamborghinis, a popular drink at the club, which Mr. Martin says is a mixture. We want to guess what's in that? A Flaming Lamborghini? Is there whiskey in it? Nope. Oh, is it an Italian liqueur? There's two different.

This is mixing. This is bad. This is like a, they should call this drink a mixed marriage because it's mixing Irish and Italian liquors that are going to fight it out in your stomach, much like an Italian and Irish family mixed together. Lamborghini, because it's

going to go in you and come out of you at record pace rocket speeds well it's so fast sambuca galliano which you would expect those are two italians and baileys oh yeah i'm throwing that up that sounds i'm not keeping that down horrifying and then you light it because that's what you do for sambuca because it gives it the sweet taste after you light it. That's sweet, though, mixed with that Bailey's. That's too much sugar. I'm throwing that up. And then Galliano, too, is also the same type of thing.

That's going to, yeah. This is the kind of hedonism that causes gout. This is the kind of just pure gluttonous. It's the loose lifestyle that will fucking destroy this is the gluttony that causes gout right here this is what happens causes your toe joints to lock up with alcoholic crystals oh that's amazing so they said at one stage gas coin lay back in an old dentist chair while tequila was poured from a bottle straight into his mouth by a barman so it is by a bartender so there's a man

i thought that i figured like the attraction would be like there's a chick with big tits who hangs over your face with her tits and pours it in there and you're like i don't care there's tits in my face is there any other wayly there is, and it's not pleasant. Wow, that wouldn't go over in America very well, I don't think. I don't think a man pouring, unless it's like. This isn't good. No, unless it's like your favorite rock star like pouring his tequila off the stage into your face.

I could see that. That's what's different about the English though. Drunk is drunk, and that's where they're trying to get to. Doesn't matter how we get there. Listen, I don't care who pours it into my face. Pour it into my face is what I'm saying, which I admire. I admire. Mr. Martin said that the players were boisterous but good fun.

So Gascoigne was joined by Steve McManaman. McManaman? McManaman. McManaman. Wow. He's got two different mans in his name. McManaman. McManaman? McManaman. McManaman. Wow. He's got two different mans in his name. McManaman. Teddy Sheringham, Darren Anderton, Steve Howry, and Les Ferdinand.

Witnesses said the England players began drinking cocktails, and at one point, Gascoigne was buying champagne at 140 pounds a bottle. Holy. England coach Terry Venable's assistant, Brian Robson, tried to round up the players to return to the Grand Hyatt Hotel to beat the 2.30 p.m. curfew as the party went on. It's p.m. because they have a flight. Witnesses said that as Gaza got more and more drunk,

he started ripping off his teammates' shirts. Ripping off other dudes' clothes. In public. How drunk would you have to be? He's a problem. He's the guy, when he starts getting drunk, he's like, oh, I'm going to tear something apart. He's like, just fucking, ah. He needs to fuck some shit up when he's drunk.

I'm going to kill him, ah. Who does he think he is, fucking? Vince McMahon, get your shirt off. What are you doing what are you doing man would love this guy it's like oh if he was only bigger oh my god six foot three this guy would i'd i would rule the world with him he's crazy um so reports allege that five000 pounds worth of damage to the Cathay Pacific jet was caused during another party for Gascoigne. Wow. So he's a problem here. Certainly, yeah.

It also says a village woman's institute passed a motion calling for brothels to be legalized, a Paris priest said yesterday. This is for a – it's on the page, too. So I figured you'd want to know about this. Oh, they're trying to get it legalized. Yeah. The ladies of Distington and the Kekal Cumbria Kekal. I guess that's another pussy exercise. I'm not sure.

Agreed. The oldest profession should be sponsored by the state. agreed the oldest profession should be sponsored by the state. Canon David Tizard revealed a panel of mostly elderly women voted unanimously to allow prostitutes freedom from pimps and prosecution. Fantastic. Some little English old ladies are very concerned with the prostitutes making a good, sound, safe living. That's nice. They should have a 401k and everything. We should really get them a retirement, which, I mean, why not?

What the hell? Doing God's work there. Right. I mean, I'd be more concerned with that area keeping up with the work than a bricklayer's knuckles. You know what I mean? Yeah. It feels like they'd wear down faster than a bricklayer. I mean, they have definitely a shorter career than a bricklayer.

Absolutely. People lay bricks for 30, 40 years don't think yeah iceberg slim said it was much less than that for late oh yeah you have a you have an in and out you watch like the hookers at the point documentary on yeah like hbo and stuff you go that girl is you are past how long you should be out here yeah just because it's a rough life out there you're like you don't look like you're you're handling it well you know i mean you're also addicted to crack and that's a problem there is that yeah yeah and that's probably what got her into this in the first place yeah the one girl bragging about how she has no teeth and that allows her to suck dick better was really

i've never been more sad for a human being than i have for this more sad and happy for at the same time i was just like wow it makes her happy she's like i'm just the best dick sucker out here on the entire in the entire sleazy area of the bronx where all the hookers hang out she really is a she she found the she found the cheat code james she did she absolutely did So she had a clientele from that. So he in this tournament, it was a one one draw with Switzerland in which Gascoigne was he didn't even play very much. He he was a sub. So he came in later. He scored in England's second game of the tournament against Scotland. he, I guess, received the ball from Darren Anderton outside the Scotland penalty area. He flicked the ball over to Colin Hendry with his left foot and changed direction, and Hendry was, I guess, he ended up missing it, and then Gascoigne

kept it in for a goal. So, yes. The goal was followed by the dentist chair celebration. That'll do it. Referring to the incident that happened on the way here. Gascoigne lay on the ground as if he were sitting in a dentist chair and teammates sprayed water from bottles into his open mouth. Hilarious. So they have some fun with that.

A little celebration for the goal. Very nice. That is fucking amazing. So then they beat the Netherlands here 4-1. Then at a 0-0 draw with Spain, which sounds exciting.

That's a great day. That's terrific there. Come on, kids. Let's go see this. Before winning 4-2 on penalties, which they should have just had that. Everybody's all tired. They're like, we're just going to do this and decide the game? Like a hockey shootout? That's the dumbest thing ever.

That's the dumbest thing. Imagine you got your head smashed in that game and they just decided at the end real quick. Why did I bother? What am I doing? My kick, you kick. My kick, you kick. We win. Bye.

We win. Bye. That's it. So I guess Gascoigne missed the chance to win the game an extra time when he came inches away from scoring a goal here. What a tease. So England loses to Germany. And this isn't a Germany game. And they end up losing to Germany.

And they were very upset about it. He did say everybody said Gascoigne played wonderfully and played so well, and everybody was impressed by him. This was like his coming out party on the national stage, not just in league play here. So June of 1996, he marries his longtime girlfriend, who he's been with for like five years. She has two kids.

Kids are still in the garage. As they say, the kids have been in the garage, out of the garage. He marries her in Hatfield, Hertfordshire. This is Cheryl Fales he marries. Hertfordshire. Hertfordshire. This is six years they've been together. They have a son as well.

That's the funny part, too. They're having all these problems in Italy, and she gets pregnant. Yeah. And he said in his book, he's like, oh, and she gets pregnant. Yeah. And he said in his book, he's like, oh, I got real mad at her. He goes, that wasn't the response that you're supposed to give as a good boyfriend. I should have given her a hug, but instead I just went on and on about how this isn't good for us right now. And with all the fighting and breaking up, there's no reason to bring a baby into this mess, which is smart. That's the right answer, yeah.

But he said basically through her fault through her entire pregnancy yeah that's all that that's all he kept doing it like when they kept saying that he'd be like well you're pregnant you shouldn't bring a baby and she's like well i'm seven months pregnant we're past that at this point. I am huge. You shouldn't have done that. I'm walking like a fat man with a gout right now. I got problems. What are you talking about? Westman's more mobile than I am, and you helped do this. Yeah, you did this to me.

So, yeah, they have a son named Reagan, and they also, he adopts her two children from their first marriage really absolutely so uh one is mason and the other is bianca bianca turned into a model and television personality and was on she was on love island the reality show so mason bianca and reagan what are they a fucking basic bitch in 2014 how did did they? Yeah. They really got those names fast. They really did. Reagan, Bianca. That's in the 90s, too. They were really ahead of the curve on douchey names.

Must have had some barn doors in their house. Yeah. Ahead of the douche name curve. Hardcore barn doors and everything in 96, baby. The jeweled jeans and shit. Oh, all over the place. So that's his little family that comes and goes. There's times when they don't even live together.

They're just like, he just buys her a separate house because he knows he's annoying at one point. I'm really sorry. I'll go. Yeah. She just like lives there sometimes when she can't stand him. It's a place to get away from him. I'm feeling annoying. I'm going to go to the other house tonight.

No, no. It's for her. Oh, it's her house. It's an escape pod for her yeah it's her when i when you're annoyed with me you can be there kind of house because he knows that's amazing yeah that is fucking awesome uh one point he met a reporter on a plane who talked some shit about him in an article a few months earlier uh-oh which gas coins like frank sinatra like if you talk if you talk shit about him in an article a few months earlier uh-oh which gas coins like frank sinatra like if you talk if you talk shit about him in the paper and he runs into you he's not gonna act like he didn't read it he'll be like you know boy what the fuck you know why are you talking shit about me

oh i saw your article so i'll read the quote from the book this is the gaza in italy book quote gas coin punched the man in the genitals with enough force that the reporter threatened to involve the police. Oh Jesus. That's a good dick punch. Yeah, it is. I would,

I would say any punch to the genitals is as good as a punch to the face, right? For assault. Both are in the head for Christ's sake. Not great. Uh, later on gas coin describes being out shopping with Cheryl when a photographer became particularly intrusive when taking pictures of the pair. Having told the photographer that he would hit him if he was still there when he came out of the shop, he said, we're going inside.

If we come out and you're still here, I'm going to hit you. When he found the man in exactly the same place, Gascoigne punched him in the face. Well, at least he didn't punch him in the dick this time. That's nice of him. He's a man of his word. That's the thing. This time the police were called and Gascoigne was forced to give a statement. Unsurprisingly, the story made headlines in the press, obviously, here.

And so here's another story. July 3rd, 1996. Gaza and Cheryl head for paradise in the sun. Where's that? Let's see. Newlywed soccer star Paul Gascoigne yesterday set off for a sun-soaked honeymoon believed to be in the paradise islands of Hawaii. Is that right? That's a fucking long trip from England, boy.

Christ, which way would you go? Oof. It's on the other side of the planet both ways, right? Yeah, you'd have to go, I think, New York, L.A. New York, L.A. New York, L.A. And that's still 888. Jesus, fuck, that's all day. That's like an 18-hour flight.

That's a long way. So they say that the newly, he's 29, she's 30, were spotted at Heathrow at about 10.30 a.m. boarding a Virgin Airlines flight for San Francisco. The Californian is thought to be just a stopover for the couple on the way to Hawaii. He went straight from Heathrow to San Fran? How long is that? They have those kind of flights. It's got to be 12 hours, right?

Yeah, something like that, probably 12 hours in that ballpark. And then it's going to take you another six or seven to get to Hawaii. Yeah, it's got to be five from San Fran. It's four from la right i've never been to hawaii i have no idea i haven't either it looks way the fuck out there though it looks far i've seen it on a map when you look at a globe you're like wow why did we have those those are way out there i think new york is closer to phoenix than uh hawaii would be so i would yeah i would never try that no absolutely not so they say paul

and cheryl married on monday in a lavish 100 000 pound ceremony in an exclusive country house hotel so he spent some fucking that is a lot drop some coin on this thing just the day before gas coin told newspapers of his wish to get out of Britain to escape media attention. Everything he does is in the media. Every time you punch a guy in the genitals, it's going to come up, and that's really... You guys seem to chatter about it. It's a little too much for me. It is not known whether Cheryl's children from her previous marriage, nine-year-old Bianca Jade and Mason, age six,

and the couple's five-month-old son, Reagan, are with them on their honeymoon. I don't know if they're garages. They're three children. He adopted the children. He adopted them garages. They're three children. He adopted the children. He adopted them, yeah. They're their three children. They're three children. I don't know if they have garages in Hawaii. Right.

Everything's outdoors. We're not sure. Gaza has just two weeks before he's due to report back to his team, Glasgow Rangers, for the preseason training. So October, that's July, I think. Yes, July 96. Things couldn't be better. Right. I mean, it's July, I think. Yes, July 96. Things couldn't be better. Right.

I mean, it's a storybook, really. It's beautiful. I mean, these adopted kids are in paradise. October 1996 beats the shit out of his girlfriend, or his wife now. Wife now, Cheryl. Cheryl, yes. Beats the shit out of Cheryl, apparently. Why?

October 17th, 1996. This is from the Evening Standard here and it says sent off then allegations over cheryl that's the that's the headline here red carded sent out of the game well let's see paul gas coin was at the center of fresh controversy after being sent off playing for rangers he awoke to allegations that he had attacked his wife. Oh, he had a real bad day. You don't awaken to allegations. You awaken to snow falling outside or some news in the outside world happening that you have no control over. You don't awaken to someone said I attacked them. You either attack them.

Yeah. You awaken to news footage of somebody else's bad life. That's what it is. Cheryl Gascoigne was today pictured with her face battered and her arm and hand in a sling amid claims he beat her during a drunken rage at a luxury hotel. My God. Perfect. where the attack was alleged to have taken place, the 335-pound-a-night Glen Eagles Hotel in Perthshire, denied hearing of any disturbance involving the player and cast doubt on the report.

Well, I didn't hear him kicking her ass, so I was outside the door with a glass up to it the whole time, and I didn't hear it. I doubt she's in a sling, you guys. That's, wow. Yeah, he's like, listen, exaggerations. There's i doubt she's in a sling you guys that's wow that is yeah she's like listen exaggerations there's no way that's true what the hell does he know so the duty manager at glen eagles bruce ritchie confirmed gas coin spent the night monday and tuesday night at the fabulous

hotel or famous hotel and golf complex with his wife 31 and her two children and Reagan. They refuse to say their three children. They will not say it. Adopt them all you want. Adopt any kid you want. Still not yours. We will never acknowledge it. No, they're this guy's kids and then somebody else. Holy shit.

The hotel manager said, I have no information of anything happening between them and I know nothing about any incident or what is being said about Mr. Gascoigne assaulting his wife. I am not aware of it and have I think I would have been told. That's the best hotel he's ever stayed in. Wow. They're so nice. They know what happened. They'll cover up your domestic violence that's a really full service hotel i gotta say good lord never mind yeah we got massages and spas but you beat the shit out of your wife we're the ones with the tight lips holy crap the family was just relaxing and having fun like everyone else and they seem to really enjoy glen eagles he's turning it into a commercial now for him come stay what a dickhead fucking wow as far as i know it was their first time here they got on well with the staff and other guests he's quite a recognizable person as you can imagine it says the daily mirror today

claims that cheryl the mother of the gaskeons eight month old son suffered four dislocated fingers on her left hand a black eye and bruising to her face neck and arms doctors at glasgow's private ross hospital where she had been was reported to have been taken refused to give any details on whether she had been a patient well yeah it's privacy there today cheryl refused to discuss how she sustained her injuries and uh this was last night he had gotten red card after being kicked out so he gets a red card she gets a black eye and people are trying to possibly connect the two that's weird i would say so so october 18th 1996 this is like the next day here it says quote hideaway gas coin has heart to heart with cheryl okay here

we go wayward soccer star Paul Gascoigne was last night in hiding with the wife he is alleged to have battered black and blue in a hotel room. Yes, they're understood to be discussing their future together, allowing the furor over the alleged attack in a hotel room to subside here.

They were said by aides to have met an undisclosed location after Cheryl had been whisked away from Glen Eagles by friends of the player. His friends came and got her. You know you have fucking done some dumb shit. You've made a mistake. When your friends are coming to intervene on the other party's half. They're like, listen, he's a fuck up.

They weren't even here and they're still showing up. They weren't here when it happened they're coming to get me away from you if you know you know people if you know that crazy son of a bitch that does crazy shit and you show up and his girlfriend has black eyes and their arms in a sling you know what happened you know what i mean you're like you guys get in a car accident no okay then we're taking someone out of this room j Jesus, how bad is it? Did he roll it? Wow, it must have been taken. Oh, I rolled her.

He doesn't have a scratch on him. What's up with that? Weird, yeah. So last night, the rangers said they did not intend to become involved in allegations over his private life, but would offer him help if asked. Now that's silver. Not our problem at all. That is the ultimate silver- haired move right there they didn't they sidestepped the whole shit they didn't even make a judgment they go well we don't intend

to get involved in that anyway i haven't even heard of it moving on if he asks for help we'll help him but i mean otherwise it's none of our business what our players do in their private time uh whoa but the trouble prone idol does face disciplinary action by his club after he was sent off during the game. So he can get in trouble for getting a red card, but not... Well, talk about the red card, not her red face. Yeah. Not for beating

the ever-loving shit out of his wife. Wow. And mother of his kids there. So that's pretty amazing. A friend of the star who arrived at the Gascoigne's new country home in Kilbarchan near Glasgow said last night, told waiting reporters

that the couple were together. A quote, but they are not coming back here tonight. We're not trying to mess you about. It's just for the sake of the other neighbors. He refused to say if the couple had gone to England or where they met up it was alleged that he uh that gas coin left cheryl with dislocated fingers and a black eye following a 15

minute attack my goodness 15 minutes 15 minutes here so they said that um apparently according to reports here he was launched into a drunken rage after drinking whiskey and cocktails during a meal in one of the hotel's restaurants as cheryl's two children and the couple's eight month old baby son reagan you gotcha slept in another room close by whiskey and cocktails isn't yeah what no well no whiskey's a base okay yeah but in eng in England. So he is drinking just whiskey and a mojito. Yeah. Here, you have a water. You know what I mean?

There, it's a whiskey that you have as your constant, and then you just drink whatever on the side. But the whiskey is just to keep your base level up. You don't want your blood alcohol level to dip. You don't want it to dip below about 0.14, because once you get down there, you can start making some decent decisions and start sobering up a little bit. You're almost ready to drive.

How do his toes work? Rangers Vice Chairman Donald Finley said, quote, none of us here are going to get involved in somebody's private life. You don't understand. That private life is going to ruin your fucking ball club none of our business if paul gas coin or anybody else connected with the club asks for help or advice we'll give it we're not going to interfere it's entirely a private matter talk about separating yourself from shit here um they also refused to say whether he would uh he would they would fine him for getting thrown out of a game too so he describes his relationship here okay in his book he talks about how he was a

what he called a quote difficult housemate which sounds like an understatement of the year here difficult housemate um so he said that he he was uncomfortable and when he was injured and when he was feeling depressed he would take it out on cheryl and the children really yeah he said that he leaned too firmly on cheryl and they would often argue and eventually he paid for her to buy a house in hertfordshire with the kids away from him in Cheryl's place here. So she left, and he started living with Jimmy Five Bellies Gardener. Didn't we talk about him before? I think we brought up Five Bellies earlier.

Five Bellies is a childhood friend of his. He's known him since one was seven paul was fucking four or some shit gotta know why is he a fat guy he's a fat guy yes yeah he said he weighs him by like 10 stone he said which is a lot of weight yeah so yeah they met very uh they met young five bellies and uh two bellies is isn't enough he needs five like five you know i mean how big it how fucking fat is this guy well he was he used to be two and then he got fatter every year that's what probably happened just looks like he got two bellies and they were like jesus you're growing a third there chief what are you four holy fuck you don't want to get to six yeah no so uh he would hang out with

him and this guy and another guy and they they'd just go out and get in trouble. Okay. Basically. The book says this. They say the stories seem pretty amusing, but after a while, it's kind of immature. They're all 30-year-old men. The most famous is the mince pie story. What did they do?

Where Paul Gascoigne added feces. So they said in his autobiography he just says shit, but later on he confirms that it was cat shit, not people shit. Okay, all right. Which I don't know if that's better or worse, but that shit's awful. I think it's worse. I think it's awful. Yeah, I think it's worse. They said he would add shit is awful he says it's it's awful cat shit is

really bad cat shit is the worst shit it's so bad cats what they do inside their bodies is very concentrated and when it comes out it's terrible it's a terrible awful you're like god damn dog shit's downright pleasant compared to cat shit and i like cats i'm not a bad at all and there's hair in it it's crazy horrifying it's horrifying it's like it's like an owl shitting it's like there's like skeletons of things in there you're like what did you eat they ate like a mouse and a bird that's in there mixed with like fucking pieces of toys and fucking very little food they don't eat much the phrase catch it is awful it's awful it says so much with the four words. It's so bad. So he would put cat shit in mince pies and put them in the fridge.

And then do what? Put them in the fridge so people would eat them. Just do that? Does guests come over? Yeah. He's like a wrestler at this point. That's what wrestlers do to each other. And that's what he does with the Sarah Lee?

Like that's his Sarah Lee, in case we got company. Well, he would put them in there for later. This was like a long game. Yeah. Then later on, him and his buddies would get drunk, and he would talk. He'd go, I got pies earlier. Got some mincemeat, eh? I got some mince pies.

Throw it in the microwave and eat it if you're hungry. No, no, I picked them up, but you're more than welcome to eat them. So then he'd sit there and laugh. Because they picked a finch out of their teeth. What is that? Yeah. So that is pretty disgusting here. Gascoigne once placed a cat that used to hang around the garden of his villa here on Jimmy's naked body and let it scratch his chest while he was sleeping.

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Follow Business Wars wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Another time, Gascoigne drove into Jimmy with his car, knocking him over and causing injuries that sent him to the hospital. Five Belly is his punching bag. He thinks that's how he fucks around, by hitting him to the hospital. Five belly is his punching bag. He thinks that's how he fucks around, by hitting him with his car. I've been around a lot of assholes that pull a lot of dumb pranks and shit. No one was ever like, I'm going to run that guy over. That'll be hilarious.

How fucking big is he that he didn't think it would hurt him? Oh, my God. One of his best tricks, though, is he would like to fly. This is when he played for Lazio here. He would fly five bellies out to Rome. Five bellies, like, you know, I want to come out there. So, sure, I'll fly you out so you can come to some games and see me. But he would send him on awful connections.

That was his trick that he played on him. So, yeah, you can come to Rome, but you have to stop over in Cambodia. We're just going to add an extra 12 hours to your trip that should take three hours. And perhaps Pol Pot will get you. Have fun. The Khmer Rouge. Enjoy. Enjoy.

To send him to Cambodia? That's what he'd do. like that he likes to fuck around um but they said above all he was the fact that he's a functioning alcoholic is what causes all this because he's always drunk when he's doing dumb shit like this if your friend flew you to cambodia first wouldn't you just be like fuck you i'll buy my own flight i'd be like i guess i'm not going to rome yeah because i'm not going through cambodia no you can take a train to rome you know what i'm fucking flying to cambodia that's correct i could drive to rome this is insane so the 17th the 16th is when the beating charges came out yeah and by the 21st it's like the

biggest thing in the world october 21st 1996 this is the daily telegraph gas coins private life becomes a public shame is the headlines so it went from just oh something happened we don't know what to public shame in four days good yeah so um they said that um an hour before the kickoff of this game that just happened here, he'd been standing in a corridor like a contrite schoolboy wearing only a pair of sandals and a pair of shorts. A case of the emperor's clothes, if ever there was one. But he needed not have worried. Rangers had evidently felt no compunction about picking him, and the supporters were ready to wash away his sins with their adoring chants of there's only one paul gas coin yes so four days after he beats the shit out of his wife allegedly

right the they're chanting his name there they don't care that imagine if that's wild imagine like ray rice did his thing and never played again. And they just honored him somehow recently. But imagine if that week, like with the video footage still constantly playing on everything. They were chanting, no one's better than Ray Rice. That would be wild. Yeah. Wow. So they said he's had an awful week. This is the way the paper puts it.

Gascoigne had an awful week, but not half as awful as his wife. This is the way the paper puts it. teeth as journalists left the press box ranger supporters shouted you mud flinging bastards it was uh it was all our faults not his i guess they were mad at the press for reporting yeah uh wow once our what happens when people see what this is a cult that's why it's a when you're this into anything and it's it's a football with a guy when you're this into anything, and it's a football with a guy, when you're this into anything, when you're mad at the person for telling you the shitty thing the person you love did. Yeah, that's fucked up. That you should think is shitty, you're in a cult. That's the way you tell you're in a cult. Try to ruin my favorite thing I love.

Yeah, that's how you know. Ray's was just a girlfriend too, wasn't it? I think that makes it worse. Rice, I thought it was his wife. Was it his wife? I thought it was his wife. It was at least someone who lived with him, which is just as good. It was a, you know, it wasn't like he wasn't on a date or anything.

He was. Yeah, but my point is just like you can just whatever would make you mad enough to punch that woman. You just break up and tell her then don't come back. Yeah, you could just do that. Or yeah, you could punch a wall probably. Or just don't do that. I think it's worse to hit somebody that you have zero financial anything with. You know what I mean?

That's a strange delineation between. I'm not sure. I'm trying to weigh the difference. You're saying at least if you put a ring on it, then it's some sort of. Yeah, like you're one person now in the eyes of like yeah financial and law and all that but then they have a harder time getting away so that's probably worse maybe so yeah if you're beating them and then they're like fuck now i gotta do paperwork i can't just go live with my mother now i gotta fucking can't just go stay with my mother for a week and figure out my life i gotta

fucking you know get a lawyer over this. Like, why would you hit somebody that you don't even have to be around? I don't understand why you hit somebody at all. You don't have to be around anybody. Yeah, that's a good point, too. Yeah, you never have to be around people. Yeah. So they go on.

One free kick and it was all right. Some fans stood around in the cold autumn night arguing that Gascoigne had been dropped or suspended or that had that had he been dropped or suspended, Rangers would have lost. It was a 2-2 draw and they were right. Many were more upset about his sending off against Ajax than what happened to his wife and her children while asleep while her children were asleep in the next room at the hotel. while her children were asleep in the next room at the hotel. Through the fanzine, Follow Follow, or though the fanzine Follow Follow, did argue that Gaza should have been thrown out of the club that day. It was a rare dissenting voice among Rangers supporters. The small contingent of Aberdeen fans among the throng of 50,076 came prepared. To the tune of Three Lions, the song that had serenaded Gaza through his Euro 96.

They sang, he beats his wife. He beats his wife. Gas coin beats his wife. So, and waved red cards. Yeah. So there was some people that were not happy with it,

with him meeting his wife. Yeah. Um, some felt a man's private life was his own affair. Okay. Interesting. Some suspected she probably had it coming. The dislocated fingers and wells and blood

are bruises on her face. Some argued that Cheryl is not exactly the sweet, innocent girl next door, which presumably introduces a new set of rules about whether you throw a woman around a room. People are making apologies for Gascoigne, not just on the terraces. Rangers were once a club proud of their strict discipline, their so-called family values. But they are now stuck with a stale team with only a handful of real luminaries.

Oh, man. And a nasty habit of getting walloped in Europe. OK, so. real luminaries oh man and a nasty habit of getting walloped in europe okay so so she's from the street sometimes so it's okay to punch her is what they yeah yeah you're fine apparently you can go ahead and knock her out she's okay is what there's that's what some of the fans are saying he's such a good guy for adopting both of her kids she should be a little more grateful that's what it is every once in a while he's going to knock you up. Jesus. They said, wow, this is Donald Finley, the vice chairman and a QC. I don't know what the hell that is.

I don't know. This is the Rangers have gotten themselves into over Gascoigne. It was the comment made by Donald Finley, their vice chairman, and a QC last weekend. Quote, let he who has never had a bust up with his wife cast the first stone. What? We all do it? He just said everybody's knocked their wife around once in a while.

Act like you've never punched your wife. How dare you? Wow. I don't even know what to say about that. What if I just cast all the stones that is guess what i've never done yeah not once not fucking once he said we are not going to interfere it's an entirely private matter holy shit that is um i don't even know what to say about that guy just admitted to something horrific and has no idea.

Yeah. He literally said, yeah, I beat the shit out of my wife a bunch. As if my wife's not bleeding right now. You notice you don't see her for like a month at a time sometimes? What the fuck are you talking about? Oh, my God. What a goddamn disaster. Stop hitting your wife, man.

Wow. That is insane um he um wow i don't even know i don't even know what to say so he said that he had been he had a couple years ago he had admitted that he had been beating and knocking cheryl around for a What? He said that because in 94, he did that, he said, too. So this is something that's happened and, you know, something that could happen again, basically. I don't know. So by October 25th, 1996, in the newspaper here, big headline with a picture of her getting in a car, and it says, Cheryl leaves her home. She's gone. It says Cheryl is seen leaving her

home in rush close Stan Steed Abbots on Tuesday with her arms still bandaged. Jesus. They've been the subject of national speculation since she was photographed by tabloid newspapers with bruises on her face and her arm in a sling.

So they are but they do say by the next month, by November, charges unlikely. Police confirmed it's unlikely Cheryl Gascoigne, who arrived back at her Stansted Abbott's home recently with a bruised face and dislocated fingers, will press charges against her soccer star husband. So I don't know if over there the victim has to press charges like over here for minor things you have to press charges to it yeah but if there's like assault if there's violence then it doesn't matter what you say the state can press charges right i mean if you don't cooperate then they're not gonna have much of

a case but they can at least make an arrest you know what i mean whereas here they don't cooperate then they're not going to have much of a case but they can at least make an arrest you know what i mean whereas here they don't apparently do that so they say that um the mother of eight months old on of the eight month old son reagan is thought to have been attacked by the england player at the glen eagles hotel but she issued a statement through her uh through her lawyer which read mrs gas coin has communicated with us through her lawyer, which read, Mrs. Gascoigne has communicated with us through her solicitors that there are no issues she wishes to discuss verbally or in writing with the police. So I don't want to talk about it. A spokeswoman for Women's Aid, which has a refuge around there, said women can react differently, but it basically gets the message across to other women that,

okay, she can afford solicitors and can afford to get help and advice, but refugees do exist for all women in need. Certainly, refuges can stand a woman wanting to do that when they are subject to pressure from the media because of their professional relationship. So they're saying that she's got a lot of pressure to just drop this whole fucking thing which she does that's crazy she does i mean there's a lot of people that fucking hate her because she got beat up by him yeah like why can't you just here's a picture of her by the way with her bruised up with her fucking sling good lord she's got a sling forget the sling she's got

braces on her broken fingers yeah she looks like she got the shit beaten out of her in the face she put her hands up and he punched her in the hands too and he hit her so hard that's all she tried he grabbed her hand and twisted yeah yeah who knows here so uh that's pretty wild here i don't even know uh well um that's a lot of beating to just go i don't know we all we're all brushing it under the fucking carpet is for anybody to be mad at her too like how dare you yeah how dare you get beat up you brought up this thing that's distracting our guy that we want to do well so 96 97 the rangers won the league title again wow not bad and uh gas coin claimed hat tricks in two games shit and ended the year with 17 goals in 34 games which is one every other game that's damn good incredible

so they uh became increasingly concerned over gas coinsiance on alcohol, though the team did over the course of the year. They were like, this guy, he drinks a lot. He really gets after it, yeah. He really gets after it here. So in 97-98, an Italian player named Gennaro Gattuso joined the Rangers. He was welcomed by Gascoigne, who shit in his sock as a prank. By Gascoigne, who shit in his sock is a prank. That's his prank.

All of his pranks involve poop, which is... Yeah, what the fuck, man? Why so much shit? Let's keep shit out of this. Welcome, mate. Get your socks on. Oh, my God. how could you how do you okay i mean how do you even get it in there i very carefully yeah you gotta stretch it out over your asshole and really let it drop i'm picturing he shit into it not shit and then stuffed it in there because that would be right it's got to be like a you've got to open it up yeah otherwise it's going to just mash right into your asshole

you know it's not going to work there's a little bit of pressure behind the song you know you got to really have a a real open receptacle ready for it like a like a like a christmas stocking yeah it's got to be a stocking level of opening you got to pull it open. So, but then also he's shitting his socks, but then he also bought him all of his club suits. I don't know if that's his uniforms you have to pay for yourself or suits you have to wear on the road. I'm not sure. But he bought them

all and told him that the team paid for them. But actually Gascoigne paid for them. Why would he do that? He's very generous. That's the thing. He's very generous that's the thing he's very generous but he'll also shit on you hit you with his car and slap you around and he doesn't want the credit for being nice just a menace it's very weird he's a very strange fucking enigma of a guy here that's why i think he's so like well known and well publicized because he's insane so in january 98 he was into controversy

again when he mimed playing a flute while warming up as a substitute during a match here the symbolic the symbolic of the flute playing of the orange order marchers i think he was making fun of some local thing basically like you and they got mad at him for that. He made the same gesture as a goal celebration shortly after joining the club. At that time, he said he was ignorant of his meaning, and his actions pissed off the Celtic fans, or Celtic fans maybe there, who had been taunting him. And he was fined 20,000 pounds by the Rangers after the incident,

and also received a death threat from an IRA member. Oh. So he pissed off the Irish up there. It's got to be something sexual, right? No, no, no. I assume it's like some memorial for some dead people the English killed that they're still upset about.

And he was up there playing a flute and they were like, oh, hey yeah i don't think that'll reminding us that'll piss people off good here it's like making a uh like a plane thing in in america if you're yeah yeah yeah you're doing one of those yeah yeah like running down the field like with your hands out? At Giant Stadium. So that year he was in 28 games. He only scored three goals that year. So he had 19 and 42 his first year there, 17 and 34 games last year, and now three and 28 this year. So less games, less goals altogether. So in 97 here, he leaves Scotland, leaves the Rangers here to join Middlesbrough for 3.45 million pounds in March of 1998.

And his former England teammate, Brian Robson, was the manager. So he wanted to go there. His first match was the 1998 Football League Cup final, which they lost to Chelsea at Wembley, and he came on as a substitute, and that's how that worked. So they're expecting good things from him. Sure. March 28, 1998, and they said that this might not be a good fit for him because they said he would – a bunch of people said that he would basically find a bunch of people here, a lot of people he knows here, a lot of like-minded people, and they said that his boy, Gaza's boys are here,

slag women and drink beer. That was his, that's their, that's their motto. That's their chant? Gaza's boys are here, slag women, drink beer. Yeah, that sounds like their chant at the at the stadium yeah it sounds like you can add uh fucking put your wife's arm in a sling to the end yeah it doesn't rhyme but it's it's accurate hit her in the face with a thing put her arm in a sling yeah it's about paul calhoun's gonna come you're gonna clean your ship pipes and smack your wife you know what i mean that's that's how it works here so they talked about uh middlesborough uh

he's joining them in time for a wembley cup final we'll have a special renaissance uh resonance for those who witnessed the last time gaza turned up on a similar occasion that was seven years ago when he literally ran amok can you literally run amok it uh in quick time he had flattened gary parker of nottingham forest with a tackle so over the top it took the player on the chest and moments later as if intent on a quick exit committed a tackle of such reckless execution it looked like a suicide note he left the field on a stretcher after 17 minutes of play that's the time he fucked his leg all up in that one. So they said in that time, any chance Paul Gascoigne might have had of claiming to be the most gifted British player since George Best disappeared.

What had been a possibility became wishful thinking as his career withered in a miasma of mindless behavior. Wow. Wow, they are fucking laying him out. Even as he lay in hospital contemplating the events that led him there, he had but one thought in his mind. I quote from Gascoigne's authorized autobiography written by one of his advisors, Mel Stein. Quote, he turned to pen and paper for the first time since he'd left school and, and sought silence in the unlikely therapeutic form of poetry.

Oh, and he wrote this great. Then do me all a favor. Get me fit again. Let's all go off to Italy. Get pissed on some champagne, which doesn't rhyme, but it's also not a poem yeah that's just a

thought yeah shit doesn't have to rhyme to be a poem but you if you write it in like bars like that that doesn't mean it's a poem either and so what he wants to like get fixed up and be hot and go have champagne or does he just mean like rehab this and let's go celebrate let's go play again and then we'll we'll drink champagne to celebrate i believe is what he's saying here so um not a very good poet we can add that to the list of things he's not great at yeah did he try to duplicate uh drink champagne when we thursday i think so yeah he was like no shit he already used that fuck it fuck on the tines. All mine. All mine.

Then he started singing that again. By the way, let me tell everybody something. That fucking song has been in my head for a week. I hope everyone else is in there, too, because every once in a while, I just fuck on the tines. I'm like, you son of a bitch. It doesn't make any sense what sense does that make i don't know fog on the river is all his yeah i it doesn't mean it's it's smoke it's not really fog he lit a fire he means he likes it

i think it's like a local pride song i don't know i think it's a song of local pride is what it is well i hate it but i have no idea i hate it's a song of local pride is what it is well i hate it but i have no idea i hate it too because it's fucking catchy too which is annoying it's dumb and catchy which those are the two worst things you can have um so i saw the sign for christ's sake yeah well don't talk shit about ace of base it's's just so catchy. How dare you talk shit about Swedish dance pop music from the mid-90s, Jimmy. It's so catchy. I will not hear it be besmirched in any way. All that I want is another baby, Jimmy.

I will not listen to you. Listen, I love Roxette, too. So, Gascoigne, they talk about not he claimed that he didn't understand the flute the flute gesture and didn't get it um i guess there it's something between the protestants and catholics apparently which who've been fighting in ireland for i don't know since since they fucking were since they were fighting with rocks, probably, they've been fucking fighting with each other. Probably two weeks after Jesus' crucifixion. Right when they split.

Now, some people say that he was set up by a teammate who told him that the Ranger supporters would be appreciative of the gesture. But he said he just didn't know what it was, and he said, I'm just naive. But then he did it three years later and so that was a problem here so he couldn't plead ignorance and all that sort of shit so that's why he uh ends up leaving there he goes to middlesborough and uh he they keep talking about how he's in the twilight of his career basically he's coming home to die almost it sounds like he's 32 he's coming home to just you know live out the rest of his career basically he's coming home to die almost it sounds like he's 32 he's coming home to just you know live out the rest of his career and just be comfortable in a in a you know in a familiar setting basically that's all he's doing here so they try to go 1998 is world cup year

again and qualification went down to the last group game against Italy at the Stadio Olimpico. And Gascoigne put in a disciplined and mature performance, according to this article, to help England get a 0-0 draw. That was enough to take them to the tournament. They just needed to draw to get in. Disciplined zero score game. Absolutely. zero score game absolutely boy so following that british tabloid newspapers published pictures of gas coin eating kebabs at a just at a late night spot with his dj friend hell yeah and this was a week before uh the final squad for the world cup was to be chosen and the coach did not like that

and so he did not get picked for the squad because he didn't like him eating kebabs late night. Really? And there's other things, too, here. Yeah, that can't be the... That's the straw that broke the camel. It's not all of the camel. No, I guess they said it was just not...

I don't know. I think they're kind of taking it like he's past his prime type of deal. Yeah, and not taking it seriously anymore. Yeah, and they said he has to be 100% and I had to give him the opportunity to get further toward that. Oh, so he said, I waited till the last second, the coach said, to see if he was at 100% physically

and up to his peak game and he's not quite there, so I'm not going to do it essentially here. So after hearing this, he freaked out. Gascoigne wrecked a hotel room in a rage before being restrained. He had to be restrained. This is the guy who Glenn Hoddle, he's the coach. He went and destroyed the coach's hotel room after the coach said he's leaving him off.

Not my hotel room. Your hotel room is the one I'm going to beat up. Yours. He's going to go fuck it up. He had to be restrained, and he was pissed off. He'll never play for England again. Wow. Yeah.

All these newspapers said, they said, quote, if Gaza can hold it together for a month, everybody said, then he could do it. But he just never got the chance to. He said that he fell off the wagon two days before being dropped from the squad. He said, yeah, you know, they got pissed off because I was smoking and drinking and eating kebabs in the middle of the night. Yeah. You know, which sounds like a fun time, to be honest with you. Not bad. Not bad.

So he said, quote, yes, I was drunk. I get I got drunk quite quickly. I had not drank for nine days. So his tolerance went to zero in nine days. So he got drunk real easy. room and give him the news gas coin burst into tears and a cursing furniture kicking tantrum eventually requiring two england players to restrain him and remove him from the room so um yeah hodl said that he was cutting gas coin quote totally on his fitness levels and the form he's been in uh during the last three matches it's 1998 and you have to be an athlete i watched germany and brazil and they have excellent players but also athletes. Unfortunately, Paul did not come into that category in the last few days. Too drunk to be an athlete here. He, in 1998, 1999, he started having blackout drunks now.

Really? He started having blackout drunks now. Really? Yeah, I guess one of his friends died after him and his friends went out for a night of drinking. One of the guys in that group? Yeah, died. So he blamed himself for it, so he would drink to blackout after that. That'll fix it. I'm going to drink till I blackout so everything's better now.

after that that'll fix it i'm gonna drink till i black out so everything's better now if you black out like you are that's so far that's that's beyond drunk it's well into yeah that's a dangerous level of drunk and certainly yeah i've never gotten there ever i've never blacked out ever and i put so much inside my body you know i mean like i have a gout probably this is i've done a lot of i'm destroying myself james i will i'm hurting myself and i've never been no booze makes me tired so yeah i'm the type where you know if i have three drinks i'm going to sleep that's it i'm going to be like i'm pretty comfy here and lay down i'm never going to be to the point of blacking out because i'll be sleeping before i can put that much booze on my body. Plus, I've been smoking a bunch of weed, too.

That's the other thing. So I'm sure that helps the process of tiredness. Drunk and high certainly gets me to nappy nap. Well, yeah, that night we came home after the virtual live show. We had three martinis each to celebrate the virtual live. Sleepy time. And we were like, yeah, okay, you go back and do that. i'll see you in 20 minutes i'm gonna take a shower i'll be right out both of us were out cold for the remainder woke up to coffee yeah woke up what's going on

here oh man so august 26 1998 they're talking about cheryl and they're going to get a divorce now. Yeah. Divorce ends Gascoigne's turbulent marriage. Yeah. Turbulence is a good word. I mean, it should. That's the obvious headline that should happen. Yeah. They said that they were granted, Cheryl was granted a quickie divorce on the grounds of her husband's unreasonable behavior, which is probably fair. She claimed in the affidavit that the marriage had affected her health. She's expected to seek at least half of his estimated 16 million pound fortune and is likely she will have custody of their son as well. The divorce is the latest trauma for Gascoigne, whose life has been on a downward spiral.

His footballing and personal future are looking increasingly uncertain. He lost his World Cup place in June as a result of his drinking and poor levels of fitness, and he was substituted during Sunday's Premiership game between Middlesbrough and Aston Villa. Commentators said he looked pace and was operating at the tempo of a testimonial match. So he's going at half speed here. Yeah. An inquest was told last week

that one of Gascogne's friends died of, quote, acute alcoholic intoxication. He drank himself to death. He had alcohol poisoning. That is not your fault. That's his fault. No, but that's the environment that they've created he feels like he's the leader to keep up yeah he's the leader of the pack here

so can't blame people my fault for your bullshit at all so but he's he's you know blaming himself for it though and um yeah he said it was one of his best friends him and um you know with uh it was he was with gas coin and five bellies was there of course best friends, him and, you know, he was with Gascoigne and Five Bellies was there, of course, as well. I blame Five Bellies. That's what I mean. What about Five Bellies? Where is he at? Is there poop involved?

Maybe that was part of the poisoning. They eat shit. So in a statement here, Cheryl told the judge that the problems which led to her to seek a divorce were continuing. She said, I consider that Paul's behavior has affected my health. I reserve the right to give further details should this become necessary in due course. 785 days they were married, and it stated that the judge held that the respondent had behaved in such a way that the petitioner cannot reasonably be expected to live with the respondent. So he's a fuck-up up and you're getting a divorce.

So there we go. Divorced and done. And now he's so the marriage doesn't want him. Right. The national team doesn't want him. Right. The local team doesn't want him. The hotel room doesn't want him.

Yeah. That's that here. Also, his wife has been enjoying new successes. She announced a new career as a talk show host. And also went back to modeling as well. She's still young and hot. She's 33, but she's doing well. She recently flew at her own expense to take part in a charity fashion event at Dunn's Castle in the Scottish borders.

Yesterday, there was no sign of Mrs. Gascoigne at her home. She was believed to be on holiday in Spain. She's doing just fine. She's going to take half the money. She's going to get child support. And she's going to get a brand new career making more money. Yeah, because everyone knows her. And this fuck is a mess still.

It was all going up for him him and now it's all they're crossing paths here gas coin enters therapy in october 1998 god when he's admitted into priory hospital after a drinking session where he drank 32 shots of whiskey jeez you can't do that which left him which left him at rock bottom, he said. That's rock bottom. Lucky to be alive, man. Yeah. He was trying to join his friend there.

My God. And his manager, Brian Robson, signed him into the clinic while he was unconscious. Yeah. Imagine, just imagine an NFL head coach literally bringing a player to a rehab and signing him in while he's unconscious. Imagine that. Just picture that in your brain. Shots. That's 32 ounces of hard liquor.

Picture Mike Holmgren just dragging Patrick Mahomes in and fucking. Or Andy Reid. Why did I say Mike Holmgren? Mustache. They look the same. Yeah. Fat guy. You you know i'm talking about yeah i knew andy reed and said mike holmgren knowing it's not mike holmgren so fucking andy reed dragging my homes they're just leaving him signed in and a thing going he's just too drunk i can't do it rather than doing that with his son which was what he should have

done and he would have saved somebody's fucking life never yeah he doesn't do that see in america we mind our own business this guy no so um wow um he was released at his own insistence two weeks into the suggested minimum stay of 28 days so he was went from unconscious Not just I'm fine here. He, wow, he's basically, he's got problems here. As one coach said, I love that boy. He was a genius and an artist, but he made me tear my hair out. The pity we saw, the beauty that he was capable of only so rarely, he destroyed that beauty. Yeah, that's the thing about very talented people. They oftentimes are very tortured souls and oftentimes that talent means more to you than it does to them to them yeah that's the

other thing for them people don't get yeah they don't give a shit about it so october 18th 1998 they said this is from the observer so there's an article here talking about another player who is an alcoholic and has all these problems here. This is Mueller. That's his name? Yeah. I guess Mueller, Brian Mueller maybe. Is that possible? Is that a name here?

Is that a guy? Is that a guy? I don't think I got his first name here. But Mueller, he says that Gascoigne helped get him into rehab. Oh, that's nice. Around this time. Yeah. He said that he found the best clinic and got me in.

I was there for four weeks. They dried me out. This guy had actually worked for, apparently. Okay. And he said, and I wanted to stop drinking. That's something Paul must learn. You've got to want to be cured and you've got to discipline yourself. It's not easy, but I had the help of my wife and hospital. So he said that, that I guess coin though has no

one at this point. Yeah. His wife left, his kids are gone. Nobody gives a shit. Yeah. They said he, they don't think he has like big reserves of self-discipline that's going to help him do this here. They, one Mueller here, said, maybe Paul's friends in the game could ensure there's a job in football waiting for him when he gets out of the clinic, and maybe he and his ex-wife could get together again. Well, I mean, that's a lot of maybes. But it's a good point.

There's got to be a reason to. He has no reason to at this point. Why try if at the end of this his life is still fucked? I would say the wife ship has sailed at this point. Why try if at the end of this, his life is still fucked? I would say the wife ship has sailed at this point. That's dumb. That's probably off. But maybe a football job. That could be something if he's sober.

He said that avoid the temptation of having just a small one. At first, I refused to attend any parties or celebrations we had for winning anything. I just stayed at home. The wife warned me that if I ever started drinking again, she would throw me out. Okay. So they said, but Gascoigne doesn't have that, basically. Right. Who knows here.

So October 22nd, 98 here, they're talking about how he just figured out that he's an alcoholic at this point. Paul here. So he said he's an alcoholic here, you know, and that's the way it is. A friend of his said alcoholism is an illness of denial. Everyone around you knows it. It's only you that thinks you don't have a problem. You always think someone else is worse than you, so that means you must be fine.

Yeah, comparing and that makes sense. The problem for Gazza is that he's a binge drinker. He could leave it alone for weeks and he'd turn around and say, look, I haven't had a drink for three or four weeks, so I can't have a problem. Then he'd go out and totally lose it. Yikes. That's what he does, too.

He'll quit for a while, then he'll go out and have 32 shots and then you know he can't do that so they said um you know a lot you can even this one guy talks about how he drank for almost 40 years and for 30 of those years he didn't have any problem with it it was a casual thing but then it became fucking seven nights a week there at the end it's tough yeah so not usually the middle part it's usually the end part yeah this guy says i didn't even know what an alcoholic was to me it was a down and out one on the street or something like that i held down a steady job washed and shaved and dressed every day but it was all yeah but i was also drinking as soon as i opened my eyes in the morning there you go now you get it. I'd have one for the shakes before I got up.

What? Wow. At 3 a.m. I get up and have a drink and go back to sleep. Wow. And pretty soon it was taking me a bottle of vodka just so I could function. Fuck. But I wasn't an alcoholic, thank you very much. It wasn't until my first visit to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting that I realized I was.

So he says a lot of his story kind of mirrors Gascoigne's story. And he says, if you come from a drinking culture, then excessive drinking isn't frowned upon. I came from a background where eight or ten pints and a few scotches was an evening's drinking, and that was okay. My God, man. Yeah, it's like fucking Pennsylvania or something, or Wisconsin or western New York, somewhere in those cold places. In that farming community where, yeah, blue collar. That's how you deal with the pain of the goddamn day. Relatives in Scranton that I had, I mean, they all had in their house kegs that they worked.

I mean, it was just normal to drink scotch with breakfast and just have a beer in your hand the entire time you're awake. That was just how you operated and lived. My uncle would fall asleep on a creepy crawler underneath his fucking muscle car. It's not falling asleep. It's just passing out. It's just succumbing to the booze. That's all it is. It's just meltingumbing to the booze. That's all it is. It's kind of just melting away from life.

He says, the more I drank, the less able I was to cope with life. They said the less I cope, the more I wanted to drink so that I could run away from life. I'd start drinking at six o'clock in the morning. Yeah. Yeah. So he believes that Gascoigne has taken the most important step on the long road to recovery by admitting his problem, accepting that alcoholism is something that a lot of people have, and you've got to fucking deal with it, basically. So that's what he's got to do.

So is he going to do that? Let's find out. October 27, 1998, all cleaned up. Oh, boy. He's good now, Jimmy jimmy everybody out there uh it says gas coin swallows life of sobriety is the newspaper headline not bad he emerged from 16 days of soul searching yesterday and play pledged to quit boozing and save his football career little more than a fortnight after entering a drying out clinic, which was still less time than he's supposed

to be in there. He trained with... Half the time. He came out halfway out and was like, I'm good now. And everyone said, oh, wow, good for you. Back on the pitch. He trained with his Middlesbrough colleagues and then, looking lean and fit, insisted he would never again touch a drop of alcohol.

Sure. What do you think, everybody? How do you think this story's going to end? And that's the end. Everything was great from there. Thanks a lot for listening, everybody. Never mind three parts. So he said he was unwilling to reveal the details of treatment he received during the past two weeks.

He said the last year has been torment and she's gone through a divorce and his close friend dying and everything. He said it wasn't just drinking. It was everything. He said it wasn't just drinking. It was everything. He said it was depression and stress. When I got back from the Ireland trip, the papers were full of me, and I kept thinking, why?

I just thought it was in my best interest to get away, not just from the club and training but to the hospital where I could sort everything out. Trying to sort out how to deal with outside life, really. Oof. Yeah, he said that he organized a couple of five-a-side football matches while at the hospital to retain his fitness. What is that?

He got some pickup soccer games together at the hospital between the patients, five-on-fives. Okay. So he said it hasn't been that difficult i've had the support from everybody okay yeah he said he wouldn't blame his friends at all he said none of that shit this is all my fault i fucked up yeah and they said was it hard to ask for help and he said not really he said had thought they asked him had the hospital asked him to admit he was an alcoholic and he said i'm not going into that okay they said but will you stop drinking and he said if you say so yeah yeah i will do yeah as a kind of a joke i guess a little pissy so a lot of questions they kept asking him they they kept asking him so you're not going to drink again? Yeah, that's what I said. So it was just a back and forth there.

He said he's a changed man, though. Yeah. Changed man. It's all good now. He said it's up to me to get back on the park and keep off the drink and cope with things outside of football. Yeah, it's true. I take responsibility for it, and he's ready to rock and roll. So he, of course course does return to drinking

clearly but yeah so february 4th 1999 he agrees to a 1 million plus pound divorce settlement with his wife which better than he could have gotten here 1 million plus she'll pick up a 700,000-pound lump sum and then receive 120,000 pounds a year to support herself and their children. So she would keep the couple's $300,000 home, a 45,000-pound Jaguar, a 40,000-pound Range Rover, and all of her expensive jewelry. And 100,000 pounds a month? 120,000 a year, so 10,000 pounds a month 120 000 a year so 10 000 pounds a month yeah that's wow he's winning he's coming out pretty good a very rich man yeah he's not doing too bad here so um yeah they're talking about how it's nice that it's finally over and the settlement and everything's fine now may 9th 1999 this is when he really starts to kind of not do so well anymore uh they're calling

him just an echo of his former self at this point in soccer here which makes sense because he's 10 years on and he's been beating the shit out of his body in a horrible way um he's often been on the unlikely to play list and pulled out of a comeback match in the reserves last week. He said that his legs are just not doing well. They said that the training ground, the trainers are perplexed at his inability to shake off even the simplest leg strain. Oh, you don't understand. My big toes hurt. Yeah, I have gout.

I've been living a disgustingly gluttonous life. Yeah. Yeah. I've been living like a medieval king. That's the problem. Lots of pork pies and booze. I'm in a lot of trouble. There could be cat shit in there.

We don't know. We don't know. We don't know. So they said that when Gascoigne picks up an injury, it often responds to treatment by getting worse instead of getting better. Yeah. Which is his body is turning against him. That's age. Yeah.

Yeah. They said that they're talking about that maybe he is drinking again, too, and that's not helping. Yeah. They said he's been turning up at practice and all that sort of shit, and they say he'll go to treatment and do all that, but his legs are still swollen all the time. Jesus. They don't know what to do with him, basically. They said tons of minor injuries that get worse over time, just these little nagging injuries. He's 31, but he has the body of a 50-year-old.

Yeah. That's what it is, which makes sense because he's- He drinks like a bastard. He's beaten himself so bad here. They keep talking about his dead legs. He's got dead legs all the time. That's what the problem is. Makes his every paragraph.

In a sport where you've got to run. Yeah, they said this is all well-documented stuff now, but Gascoigne's history, like his dead leg, keeps recurring. It's just dead. Now they say time runs out on every footballer. It scarcely needs any encouragement. And some suppose Gascoigne, who virtually walked into Hoddle's room whistling a happy tune last year, is just as blithely unaware of how close he is to becoming just another burned-out star. Yeah?

Oh, man. he is to becoming just another burned out star yeah oh man they said he's started only two games since february and may have already made his last appearance of the season if he doesn't play today lack of match practice alone will make him doubtful for next week and although he is contracted to the club for next season almost anything could happen for uh to his underlying fitness during the summer no shit so they're like he's just a mess. So they don't know what to do with him. They said if Paul isn't doing on the pitch, people are less willing to put up with his behavior off of it.

He's a lovely, lovely lad, but he has become a peripheral player, and I think he knows it. That's an ex-teammate of his. Yeah. Which is true. He could fucking drink all he wants if he's scoring a bunch of goals, but you can't be an asshole if you're not doing any of that shit at all here. So they said despite his ongoing problems, spells, and rehab,

they said he started out well, and then his season has just kind of fallen apart since then, which makes sense here. 1999, November 28th. Cheryl, they said, is fronting an anti-domestic violence charity called Refuge. Yeah, she is. They talked about her. They said it seems like she's a strange choice, this article.

And I'm like, seems like she'd be the perfect choice for this. Why would it be so strange? She's in a sling with a blackened face. That is, well, here's the article. How can people be expected to take her seriously when she went ahead and married Paul Gascoigne even after he'd repeatedly beaten and humiliated her? You don't know what the cycle is?

You run a fucking refuge. Yeah. They said, and how can this divorced uh woman uh justify keeping her husband's name exploiting it even as she blackens it how can she campaign for refuge throughout the media it's called having a successful name that's what i mean you know that's what they know you as people need i want people to watch my fucking show i need them to know who i am yeah i'm the lady that soccer player beat up right that's who they know you as. I want people to watch my fucking show. I need them to know who I am. Yeah, I'm the lady that soccer player beat up.

That's who I am. Watch my talk show. He said, I believe her about the abuse, a friend says. I just wish they had chosen someone a bit more credible. That's a friend of hers. Unbelievable. Who, by the way, herself a victim of domestic violence. Fantastic, yeah. Blaming herself a victim of domestic violence. Fantastic. Yeah.

Blaming others. Very, very supportive. That is wild. They said it wasn't Cheryl Gascoigne's fault. As well as having a newsworthy husband, she was blonde and pretty and was thus routinely portrayed as some kind of gorgeous damaged Barbie doll with cuts and bruises in place of lifestyle accessories. What? That is an amazing paragraph. Instead of the Barbie vet, she comes with the Barbie black eye?

This is Alabama Trailer Park Barbie here. She comes with a poop bucket and removable black eye and an arm sling. And a sling. Jesus Christ. Cuts and bruises in place of lifestyle accessories nor was it down to her that some of the reporting and images at the time glorified her damsel in distress situation in a way that was quasi-pornographic sending out the dangerous message that domestic violence was somehow sexy. Weird. Fucking hot. It's hot, man.

Yeah. However, at last week's refuge campaign, as it gathered momentum, Paul Gascoigne's gagging order poured gasoline onto the fire. The black and white ribbon started appearing on the lapels of everyone from Sherry Blair to Glenda Jackson. Still, the uneasy feeling persisted. Cheryl Gascoigne had generated vast, sorely needed publicity for the Refuge campaign, but at what price? What? The television cameras clicked off and the newspaper reports became chip paper.

Could Refuge claim all seriousness that Cheryl Gascoigne had properly represented their client base of openly and quietly desperate ordinary women from all manner of backgrounds. I think her job is to get attention so people donate money there. Right. Period. It has nothing to do with the people. Yeah, she's not a counselor or anything like that. She's not fixing anything.

So, yeah, Martin Bashir put these prejudices to the test in his interview with Cheryl Gascoigne on the program, obviously mindful that many people in the country, uh, county would be skeptical, sorry, couldn't read that for a second. He kept asking Mrs. Uh, Ms. Gascoigne why she had gone ahead and married a man that she knew to be violent. Did you marry him for money? He said, finally. And even as Cheryl Gascoyne stammered and protested, I bridled at the tackiness and downright irrelevance of the question. It doesn't matter the reason. Isn't that what Martin Bashir is known for?

Being a dickhead? Being a complete asshole. Yeah. Even allowing that Bashir was probably playing devil's advocate, this line of inquiry seemed to imply that Cheryl Gascoyne had to prove that she wasn't a gold digger before she could hope for any sympathy. So they're just talking about this long. They go on to talk about these long, long fucking things about how all of these different people just kind of swept it under the rug and nobody cared about anything here it was a lot of mind your own business that's not my business they said only with domestic violence

and that other crime against women rape is it ever implied that the victim should be in the dock alongside the accused did she drive him to it why didn't she leave all of this despite the facts statistics show that women a week two women a week are being killed by their partners or ex-partners frequently in front of their children so yeah the domestic violence as we've gone over on this show is a fucking problem obviously so man everything is he's fucked after that they said his is on the field he's not the same guy anymore at all he's a mess here he's getting like uh suspended for elbowing people on the field doing all sorts of shit oh he's frustrated because he's frustrated can't compete anymore can't catch up to somebody you elbow them

that's what you do you foul a guy you beat draymond green and hold on to their leg because you don't have because they're better everybody does. You're not even enough of a fucking man to punch them in the face or elbow them. You backhand them with your forearm. God damn it. If I had a time machine, one of the things I'd love to do is take him to a game in 1992 and watch

Charles Oakley beat the living shit out of him and throw him into the third row. He wouldn't last a quarter in a game back then. They would murder him. Bill Lambert pummel him. I don't know if Bill Lambert could pummel him. I think Draymond would kick his ass. But Charles Oakley would fuck my man up.

I think Bill Lambert would give him the business. I don't know. I think Bill Lambert was a cheap shot guy a lot of the times. That was his thing. Charles Oakley was. Straightforward, though. He was a tough son. Charles Oakley is the guy that Suge Knight went the other way when he heard he was mad at him.

Remember that? Yeah. You ever hear? And that's all these Suge Knight stories we've ever heard. The only guy, him going, I don't want any part of that guy, is Charles Oakley. I'm nominating Oakley. When Oakley got rid of his hair, that was when it became serious. Do you know what I mean?

He was tough, but that flat top didn't make him look as menacing as him with close cropped hair or bald head. Either one of those. Or the little. Or the little dreddy. A little twist there. That one's real scary. When he was older. I'm going to fuck you up, Charles.

That's an earned respect guy. That and a peacoat? Like, don't fuck with that man. He was the scariest guy in the league, everybody said. You didn't fuck with Charles Oakley. Close cropped or bald Charles Oakley is the scariest Charles Oakley. Oh, bald Charles Oakley looks very scary. Very scary.

That's a bad man. Every shot looks like a mug shot because he looks angry and he's bald he just looks very angry smile no smiling when he's bald he's like i cut all my hair off and i'm pissed about it i could grow it just fine but look at it so he signs with everton after this um managed by another former rangers guy here and uh this was he joined on a free transfer in July of 2000. So he went to cost millions of dollars for the transfer, and now it's free. So he started the season well in 2001,

despite not playing all the time because he had leg problems. But he had a lot of little injuries and ongoing depression took him out of the whole thing by the middle of the season he was kind of just kind of out of it here so um by 2001 everton's chairman bill kenwright contacted gas coins therapist um who organized more treatment to help get control his drinking again he called the hospital and was like can you talk to your boy because he's fucked up again here's the problem though he's got less legs in the front row at a fucking cruise ship comedy fest yeah that's an inside joke everybody he does he's got no legs he can't run this is a getting the alcohol out of him doesn't matter he can't run down the field in his 30s and he's

beating his body up to the point where it doesn't matter anymore. It's a mess. So as part of the treatment, he is sent to the United States. Can't just take off. Where is he sent? We fix him? Where? Cottonwood, Arizona.

There's an AA clinic there? I was going to say, there is nothing there to get distracted. You're not going to take off and go like Taiwan on in town. There's nothing to do. There's not a strip club there. Nothing. That's what I mean. Nothing.

Diagnosed with bipolar disorder at that point, too. Oh, is there a health clinic there that can fix that? Apparently. I don't know if fix it, but diagnose it. He stayed at the clinic in 2003 after he suffered low points working in china and again in 2004 after he retired so this is the spot he keeps coming back to at the after his initial stint there at our in arizona he was fit enough to play for the 2001 and 2 season where he you know plays doesn't do amazingly but he plays here he then suffers a hernia which keeps him out for three months oh no he can't win with these fucking injuries so that's the problem then 2001 2002 i guess he

goes to burnley or they tried to get him at burnley which i didn't even know that was a team except for the inbetweeners movie burnley burnley when they're dry when they're on the bus from the airport to the shitty hotel. Right. And they're like, all right, let's just get some sleep. And they go to get some sleep, and like 10 guys in the back just sing, we love you, Burnley, we do. We love you, Burnley, we do. Oh, Burnley, we love you.

Oh, Burnley. For like 300 miles, they were just chanting that over and over again. Oh, my God. That's what he said. If someone asks if I'm a football fan, I'll say, yes, I like football, except Burnley. They can fuck off. So it was like, anybody but Burnley. So he made only his first division, his first six, made his only six first division appearances for Burnley.

And I guess they missed the playoffs that year. He was called, by the way. He was inducted into the National Football Museum here, and he was called the most naturally gifted English midfielder of his generation. And he threw it away. Fellow England midfielder Paul Ince said that Gascoigne was the best player I've ever played with. He had everything. He was amazing. And he just threw it all away.

2002 in the summer, he went on trial, not in a legal way, but for a soccer team, D.C. United. He's going for major MLS over here. uh he didn't sign the contract he didn't like it okay so um apparently he had another trial with another club and that didn't work out 2003 he goes to china china league one oh for gansu tianma he is both playing and coaching because he seems like a dependable a dependable sort to fucking coach. This guy'd be shit-faced and not filling out the lineup, I feel like. So he

scored in his first match in China and then in total scored two goals in four league games, but his mental state meant that he had to return to the U.S. again for treatment. If you're depressed and trying not to be an alcoholic and going somewhere like china where you don't know shit about shit right that's not gonna help with

the well i mean all of it it's very confusing well guess i'll go get a drink now i mean that's that's that uh he never returned to the club despite the club ordering him to come back oh he said i'm not coming back i'm staying in rehab no come here no they said no come here yeah china they were like fuck rehab get over here so he was offered an opportunity in 2003 to train with the wolverton wanderers however a month later they rejected the option on him on his contract so yeah um july 6 2004 cheryl gas coin has accused paul of refusing to admit the truth about his violent behavior she claims that he used his autobiography to depict himself as a sympathetic figure who regrets his past he kind of did okay they're coming up there's going to be um actually

through this i think it was back through here i don't know why we skipped it, but there was a he got, there was a rape accusation against him. And he said he told Cheryl about it and Cheryl supported him and believed him. While they were married? Yeah, while they were married and the accusation, like

I said, this was the one where it was like two paragraphs. Yeah. He said what happened was I, we went out with these girls. We went out to an Indian restaurant and met these girls. And two of them asked me to come back to their room with them. And I did. And one of them asked me to come in the bedroom. And I went in there.

And I didn't want to have sex with her because I didn't want to get her pregnant. And she said she had a condom. And she put it on me and everything. And then we had sex. And then she accused me of rape. But then the court didn't even go to trial because in the pretrial hearings, her friend said that she asked her to come in there with her and that her friend was telling her that she wanted to fuck him the whole night. So he said, so I didn't know there ended up being no trial. And Cheryl believed me, which was really great.

And he said that happened to me like nine times. And that was it. That's all he said. Then he moved on to another subject. I just told you, not even, I left out like a sentence or two, but that's pretty much everything he said on the entire. That's a wild story that anybody would be like, wow, I can't believe that ever happened. Oh, no, no. It happened nine times.

Nine times. That one time sounds like a crazy fucking experience. Nine times? Nine times sounds like a lot. She had the condom at nine times. Nine times. And he just right over it. Went on to the next thing, lost it and went on.

Wow. So that's the way he did it, though. He made everything in his book sound like, oh, well, you know, that's what happens. No big deal. Moving on. These are crazy things that just happen all the time. It sounds like he doesn't have any agency over what he does. Like the book is written, you know,

I did this and I did that, but it sounds like it's being written about another person. Like, there's no, like, can't believe I did that. It's always like, well, but what else are you going to do? He's writing it like he observed it, not was a part of it. Yeah. It's fucking weird.

So Cheryl says, I'm tired of hearing about what a great guy and father Paul is. The Paul we know is different from the Paul the public knows. He and I know he hasn't told the whole story. He's benefiting from a catalog of half-truths. Wow. She said he's playing down the violence and all of that. And it is, too.

In the book, he doesn't really talk about that shit hardly at all. Yeah. He just says, and then that happened nine more times. Nine more times, yeah. She says that the violence began shortly after they moved to rome in 92 she said quote the controlling crept up on me without me realizing then the violence started first the tantrums he would throw chairs and bottles across the room then in florida he decided well i, I think he did a when in Rome thing. When in Rome. When in Tampa, you know, you do this.

You give your girlfriend a Tampa black eye. They call it Tampa eye shadow. That's what that's called. When in Daytona. Yeah. When in Daytona. Tampa eye shadow is a black eye on a girlfriend, I feel like. It was a black eye on a girlfriend, I feel like.

So they said that he dragged her along a hotel corridor by her hair after he accused her of fancying five bellies. You want to fuck my fat friend. So fat I'd say he has five bellies. Because she picked up his, and I don't know what this is, and let's try to figure it out. He accused her of this because she had picked up Five Belly's bum bag. What's a bum bag? What's an ass bag? Is that like a fanny pack?

Fanny pack. I bet you anything it's a fanny pack. A bum bag. Fanny's a bum. Same thing. Yeah. Oh. She picked it up. Well, a fanny is a pussy there.

Well, but we call it a fanny pack because it's on your ass and a fanny is an ass here. So they can't call it a fanny pack there because that would be an ass. So they got to call it a bum bag. Yeah. I guess that's true. Do we call it that because it goes on the back? I thought it went on the front, which would be your fanny. I think it goes.

I don't know where the fuck a fanny pack is supposed to go right in the fucking track around your waist yeah around your stupid waist when you're 75 years old and shit falls out of your pockets i have no idea so she says that the glenn eagles attack the one where she was all beaten up and bruised and had the newspaper pictures that wasn't even close to being the worst one she got. Really? She said, quote, Just before his sister's wedding in the early 90s, Paul gave me a beating that went on for hours.

She said he only stopped because he felt my blood on his hand. He left me in a heap. She said she was physically unable to go to the wedding. Whose wedding? The sister's wedding. Yeah? that's why they were there throughout his book here he says that hitting his wife was his biggest regret and he said it only happened once or twice before glenn eagles and she says no she says quote it has always been like that uh abuse one day then he can't live without me the next. He never physically assaulted me after Glen Eagles because I never put myself in that situation.

He has threatened me, and he has been mean and nasty. I'm still scared of him. She does, though. She said that he actually has, he does take responsibility for his kids and stuff like that, but she says his abusive behavior reemerged and she hasn't had any contact with him since September. She said, I never stopped Paul from seeing any of the children, but I just can't drift. But he just can't drift in and out of their lives.

So 2004 or five, he signed by Boston United as a player coach by League Two side, Boston United, and upon signing, spoke of his coaching aspirations, saying, quote, I can become a great coach and a great manager. After being at the club for 11 days, he left, partly as a result of the club refusing to let him participate in the reality television show. I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here.

Yeah. Didn't want to. Yeah, they wouldn't let him do that. So he left and took off and he's gone now. So he's a celebrity. Get me out of here. And we will talk about this in part three because there is a lot of arrests and a lot of police activity coming in part three. Do you remember that show?

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here. All you had to say was, I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here. And you get to be off the show. And there was people who were questionable celebrities on that one.

Iffies. They're like, listen, you should have a job by now we haven't seen you do anything in show business in 10 years i used to kind of be a celebrity a while ago get me out of here that's what they should be i was on road rules get me out of here is what it should be called that's what it mostly was yeah so there you go that is part two of paul gas coin part three coming up full of insanity because now now he's got nothing to stay in shape for. Now he's desperate. So it's a lot of craziness that comes about in the next 15 years, all the way up until about a month ago.

So shit is crazy for that. So if you like that story, tell the world about it. Tell everybody about it. Get on whatever app you're listening on and give us five stars. Tell your friends. Share the show. I can't tell you're listening on and give us five stars. Tell your friends. Share the show. I can't tell you how much that helps. It really does.

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No. There you go. Those are the 12. Enjoy them. Thank you for doing that. Shut up and give me murder.com. Patreon.com slash crimeandsports is where you get all of the bonus material. dot com slash crime and sports is where you get all of the bonus material.

And there's a shitload of a couple hundred episodes of a back catalog in there that you get immediately upon signing up. Anybody five dollars a month or above, you get that and new episodes every other week. One crime and sports, one small town murder. You get it all of it. This week is no exception. What you're going to get this week for Small Town Murder, we're going to talk about Morgana the Kissing Bandit, who was a giant-breasted woman who was allowed to just run out onto sports fields in major games and just kiss players.

She could have stabbed anybody at any point. She could have shanked Nolan Ryan in the throat, and it would have taken a while to get there because everyone just were like, oh, here she is. Oh, what is she doing? Why would she do? Oh, the Humanity Live TV. Oh, God.

She's repeatedly, repeatedly stabbing him. Oh, she's now taking a swipe at the third base coach. This is getting ugly, folks. Oh, thankfully the batter came up and walloped her with his bat in the back of the head. She's now on the ground. She's twitching, folks. I don't think he possibly broke her skull. Let's go ahead and see how Nolan Ryan's doing with his throat injury.

So, uh, we're going to talk about that for small town murder. Prisoner dating game. Oh yeah. Everybody for bachelors for bachelorettes. They only have one thing in common or really two, two things in common.

One is that Jimmy's going to pick them from the group. And two is that they are all in prison for a violent felony. He's going to pick one of each based solely on their pitch that they give in their prisoner dating profile. And then he's going to find out later on, A, what they look like, and B, what the fuck they did to get in there, which is way more important than what they look like. So that'll be a lot of fun. Check that out. Patreon.com slash crime and sports and you'll get a shout out at the end oh yeah which is guess when right fucking now jimmy hit me with the names

of the most fantastic people who keep this show going and are just our fucking favorites hit me with them right now this week's executive producer is a bobby brit finessa thompson helena krimsky jordan bennett happy birthday. Happy birthday. Holy shit. Jordan Bennett. Rue's granddaughter, Brandi McClanahan, Raven Delgado, Libby Lynn Stout. Thank you all so much for what you do. You make the show happen. You're terrific.

Other producers this week are Shauna Moose, Peyton Meadows, Emily Miller. She cleared her debt, James. Remember that show? Janice Hill, Rebecca Sorensen, Jessica Bampton, and S.J. Surridge. Oh, okay. There's more. There's a lot more.

God damn it. Caleb Lustig, Ashley McKenzie, H. Carver, Coach Wyatt, Barbara Jordan, Thomas Booth, T.D. Cyrillic? Cyrillic. I think so. Khalid Duck., Cyrulic. Cyrulic. I think so. Khalida.

Yeah. Just Cyra. It's a Y. See how that happens. No, not Cyra. Rejected Sierra Mist. Cyrulic. Cyrulic. No.

That's what you feed the horses. That's how you get the Sierra Mist into your horse. It's with a lick. Kaleida. John Collimer. Kayla K. Lee. How? Katie Faulkner.

Jenna Harthy. Ignacio. Ignacio. Joaquin. Frank Piesco. Brittany Kiel. Courtney Poos, I think. It might be plus.

Might be plus. Which is better? I don't know. Courtney Poos is like a beginning of a sentence. Courtney Poos in the middle of the street. Like you could say that. Is it Poos or Puss? Or if it's Courtney Puss, it's more like, that's almost like a nickname.

Courtney Puss. Nice to see you. Michael with no last name. Anna Bacall. Bacall, I think. Alicia Graves. Scott Miller. Jaden. Jaden Patterson, Nicole Matelski, Don Russell, Nicole Jamison, Jemison, Alessandra, Alessandra Stolino, Stolino, Jill Arbuckle, Rudy Muncy, Amanda Guillen, Renee with no last name, Kelsey Calvert, Carter Garcia, Kelly Jo, Carol Passman,

Daryl Turner, Sarah with no last name, Erin McMillan, Julia Schwarthoff. Schwart-off. Schwart-off. Well done. That's a mouthful. Dawn Wendell, Catherine Peters, Anxious Dumpling, Ashley with no last name, Tatiana Morton, Katie and Jacob Gilmore, Jordan Falkowski, Vanessa Canales, Margarita Dixon, Daniel Stockland.

Oh, boy. Take, no. Take the scenic route. That's a good idea. That's good advice. Kylie Anthony, Sarah Forshee, Cody Schmidt, Stephanie Ramirez, Joanne with no last name, Amanda Walango, Abigail McCowan, Kelly Tape, Dara Horning, Alyssa Smolenski, Holly Stevenson, London Ann Matt, Titchus, Titchus McGoo. Whoa.

Titsius, Titsius or Titchus? Titsius McGoo? I don't know what that means. Jizz spunk, I think that is. It's Titchus. I'm a big fan of the tits. I don't know about the goo. Brandon Waugh, Mindy with no last name. I think that is. Oh, I'm a big fan of the tits. I don't know about the goo.

Brandon Waugh. Mindy with no last name. Caitlin Loudermilk. Jennifer McKean. Nope, it's just Kean. Jennifer Kean. Merit Versteeg. Versteeg?

Julian Deep. Maybe Depp. Depey. Namia. Namia? Naomi. Namia? Namia?

It's Naomi. It's Namia. That's Naomi. It's Namia. That's too many vowels in one name. Oh, I lost my mind. Whipple. Nicola Keenan. Jeffrey Liu. Stephanie Horrigan.

And again. Bradley. And again, and again. And again, and again. Bradley's Davenport. Michael Humphrey. Mikkel, maybe? Allie with no last name.

Natalia with no last name. Natalia with no last name. Susan Chong, Daniel Mitchell, Jacob Strand, Matt Mills, Jessica Copeland. The Fonzanoon. What is a Fonzanoon? Is that a thing? A Fonzanoon? I don't know what a Fonzanoon is. I don't know.

Is that like a fontanelle? Maybe. There's only one.'s why all right sandra sandor boom uh sarah mao my uh ellie with no last name casey guy maggie novak bridget daniels eddie davis paul pam and paul van shy van she winter schmidt mira pam and paul they're a couple of good folks uh mira gardenary garden year garden Paul Van Schy, Van Schy, Winter Schmidt, Mira. Pam and Paul. They're a couple of good folks. Mira Gardineri, Gardineer, Gardinoi, Gardinerer. Gardinoi. That's it.

It's a French Gardiner. Jennifer Greer, Jessica DeChamps, DeChamps, DeChamps. Kate Ackerman, Karen Walsh, Christina Gomez, Derek Marble, Michelle Magnotti. Emily with no last name. Cody with no last name. Ryan R., Zoe BB, Evan Seeger, Jessica, Jessica Martinez. That's a real name. Taylor with no last name.

Rachel Moishe, Sam Hupel, Crystal Kinzer. I'm Jessica. Say Jessica to Jessica. She runs for office say jessica to jessica and that that nosica is a real bitch she's a you don't want to get with nosica sam cupol crystal kinser uh megan henry alexandra layman regina tor tor mima tor me she's from Ravina, James. As if there's two Regina Tormimas. Tormima? All right.

Stacey. I can't even say the first one. Stacia. Stacia. Stacia Hiller. Shannon Goodwin. Casey Ostrander. Kay Sellers. Titus.

Christy Miller. Alexis Harris. Jack Washington. Tanya Serpiglia, Sarah Piglia. What a tough one. Young Blaze 13, Cheyenne with no last name, Muggins McGee, Cindy, what is that, Morante, Diane, Diane Wells, Mitchell, Craig Monica with no last name, Andrew Nauta, Mad Smoker, Sue Frosh, Taylor Johnson, Aspen Johnson, probably friends or family. Holly with no last name, orrew now uh mad smoker sue frosh taylor johnson aspen johnson probably friends or family holly would know last name or is it holy francisco ramos uh cat cat breton sounds like a relief picture amber jean young jared gibson emily smith nat would know last name emily would know

last name amy would know last name hillary d lambo 6au, 6'15". Terry Lee. Ivan Lopez. Amanda Burton. Jordan Mason. Rachel would know last name. Emma Stevens. Gary Trujillo. Kong Pao. Jordan Pettyjohn.

Pettyjohn. All right. Got it. It's one name. Brother Paxton. Got it. Fine. Vanessa.

Fine. Vanessa Smith. Kayla Davis. Jammie Wasserman. Yen Vanessa Smith. Kayla Davis. Jammy Wassaman. Yenny with no last name. Toby Selby. Alyssa Banker. John Kotz.

Melissa with no last name. Donald with no last name. Isabel Rocco. Chelsea Ireland. Connie with no last name. Callie B. Melissa Phillips. Rice.

Maybe Reese. Bevan. Brandon Weber. Andrew Van Alstine, Daniel Morgan, Ashley Elmore, Benjamin Sobel, Jamie Summers, Sarah Lilly, Tripod Gigi, Rowan Becker, Ashley Bucciarelli, Ashley Page, Hannah G, Don Engler, Jamie Pierce, Catherine Adams, Karina Cunningham, Melissa Nelson, Frank, Frank, Tassie Ello.

All right, Frank. Erica with no last name. Daniel. Fucking name. Daniel Hare? Harry, maybe? Charlie with no last name. Corinne Stevenson, Stafford Winchester, Lori Somerville, Shall with no last name.

Deli J. Smith, Tam Dog, Jordan Zirkel, Josh Cobb, Tyler Mallory, Fred Park, Aaron Booknut, Sydney Davis, Stephanie Acton, Ashley Ferguson, Paulina Manley-Sims, Kelly Parsons, Caleb Stith, Andrea with no last name, Matt Parker, Cowboy with no last name, Brady Engelman, Kelly with no last name, Viviana Civelli, Bandage Monkey, gross, Monica Pius, good for you, Monica, you're pious. All right, Monica Pius. You pious bitch. She's pious as fuck. She's wonderful. Brian Morrison, Stallion Nugget, Dina with no last name, and all of our patrons.

You guys are wonderful. Thank you. Thank you so much, everybody. You wonderful, wonderful, fabulous, magnificent bastards. I cannot thank you enough for all that you do for us. If you want to follow us on social media, head over to shutupandgivememurder.com. You'll find it on there. There's links to everything.

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