Crime in Sports - #393 - Trout Tricks & Condoms For Kids - Paul "Gazza" Gascoigne - Part 3

Episode Date: January 30, 2024

This week, we check back in with Gazza, as his life falls apart. He starts this episode out, saying that he is sober, and on the clean track, but ends up in multiple rehab stints, and being put in a mental health facility, for his own good. He continues to punch the wrong people, and get caught drunk driving. We also get to hear his second terrible song, and hear many stories of his wild behavior!!Have your clean & sober life, on the right track, drink until you can't remember why you got arrested, then bring some trout to work with Paul "Gazza" Gascoigne!!Check us out, every Tuesday!We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!! Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman Donate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail] Get all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.com Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!!  Contact us on... twitter.com/crimeinsports [e-mail] facebook.com/Crimeinsports instagram.com/smalltownmurderSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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It's streaming. You can say anything. It's an all-new season. Judy Justice. Only on Freebie. Hello everybody and welcome back to Crime and Sports! Yay! Oh, yay indeed, Jimmy. Yay indeed. My name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host.

I'm Jimmy Lissman. Thank you for joining us. We have part three today of Gaza, and we might, this might not do it. I'm going to be honest with you. We might not get through all of Gaza today. We might have to go to an unprecedented part four. We've had two three-parters, Mike Tyson and Sonny Liston who were famous. He's like the English version of Mike Tyson.

That's what he is, basically. He's a mess and he keeps going. And today we have more like, we have more another song that he did to talk about. Oh, for heaven's sake. Paul. Fishing at weird times. There's so much, so many arrests.

It's just a lot to talk about. We'll get into all that. Before we do, though, you certainly want to head over to shut up and give me murder dot com. Oh, yeah. Merchandise coming out of your ass over there. Anything you could possibly want is there. Not only that, tickets to small town murder live shows the entire 2024 right roster roster roster of shows i don't know we'll call it a roster of shows

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This week, what we're going to talk about here for Crime in Sports, we're going to talk about strangest injuries in history oh weird shit how'd that happen type stuff where you're like that was weird and strange odd injuries trust me it's very fun some weird wrestling ones that are really okay woof sid vicious jumping off the top rope and snapping his leg in half is probably the oh no sickest thing i've ever seen okay then for small town murder which of course you'll have access to as well. We're going to talk about some old timey murders. Dip back into the newspaper archives and get into some really weird. Nothing hits like those early 1900s murders. I'll tell you what. It's very strange stuff.

Lots of grossness. And they're very frank in the paper about what happened. It's really disgusting. We'll talk all about that. Patreon dot com slash crime and sports and you'll get a shout out at the end of the regular show as well always and do all that by the way here's a little show note um apple if you listen on apple podcasts they did an update recently that apparently just screwed up their whole podcast thing so we've been told to make sure go in if you had it so it like automatically downloads yeah it doesn't anymore unless you go in and set it to again

yeah this update did all that so it screwed up everybody's stuff everybody's numbers are all screwed up everything's all messed up now so if you want the show to download automatically like it always had make sure to go in there and hit always download, and it'll do it. So do that. Here we go. Part three. Let's get into this. We will start out here in 2004. Let me see what he did.

How many games did he play for Boston United? Five games for them. He played four games in China. He played from 2001 to 2005. He looks like he played in 15 games. So that's not great. We're basically the same soccer player. Yeah, we've played the same amount of games there.

So that's not good. So part three here will start October 24th, 2001. He tells a TV audience, does Paul, that he wants to be called G8 now g8 just call that's is going to be his name and like his whole trademark and brand just like an airport gate just gate yeah and it also says

gate so it works out perfect he well it's his initial and his number on the english team oh so that's what he wants to be gas coin eight okay yeah so he's fucking ocho cinco that's i guess and he all well that would be two eights there but he says also no that's 85 or 85 yeah what i said 88 no um he said that also he said he liked it because it quote sounds a bit like great. No, it doesn't. I don't. He wants to change his name. He said this will be a signal that his troubled days are over.

It's going to be like B.C. and A.D. And he's like, I'm going to be born anew and with a new name and a new identity and this name will carry on a much greater... G8. Much greater legacy into the future. He announced his preferred new name during an appearance on Sky One's Tim Lovejoy and the All-Stars show. He says, I quite fancy G8.

Watch this space because it stands for great as well. And all the guys on the show immediately were like yeah awesome and then they started chanting it for him that's how popular he is there he goes on a talk show nobody said nobody had the point counterpoint to tell this is stupid no i hate to say this and i never would say this but they need one asshole there who goes mate what are you talking about g8 no no no that's going no idea that's a bad idea but he says that over there it's a different story though we'll talk later because i'm going to play a video of a guy telling a story about him just to i I'll tell the story separately, but just to see if anybody can understand this guy who's not Scottish because this show is allegedly in English and I watched it and somebody tweeted,

you got to talk about this story. And I watched the entire video and responded to him. I didn't understand one fucking word that man said. I have no idea what he talked about. Allegedly it's in English. I can't tell one fucking word that man said. I have no idea what he's talking about. Allegedly, it's in English. I can't tell. Tremendous.

Maybe it's just me here. But when he tells this story, all the people on the show are just like dying and clapping. And they're like, tell more Gaza stories. They love him so much over there. What the hell? He can do no wrong no matter how much he fucks up. He says he gave up drinking in 2002. That's what he's saying on the show when he says he's G8 now.

He says he's now really enjoying life. He said, quote, it's a lot better than it was two years ago when I was drinking. Okay. That's what this name change is about to acknowledge that I have moved on. Yeah. To better times here. Nothing's as fun when you're sober. No, he said it is. He said he's really enjoying it.

I'm saying nothing else is as fun as this when I'm sober. That's what he's saying? It's a lot better than it was. Has he been on a boat recently? Two years ago, yeah. He says he's having more fun not drinking than drinking okay all right sure buddy yeah okay um so they asked him about what about all this media attention you've received over the years it's been a lot of negative shit being said about you sure and he said quote i

think they are always going to have a go at us at the end of the day i've done nothing wrong to them i just want to be the guy that enjoyed his football and entertained the fans okay and i'm Okay. And I'm sure they gave him another standing ovation, all the hosts of the show. Well done, G8. Someone gave him a hand job just to make sure he felt okay at that point in time. So 2004 also, the reason why he's on these talk shows, not just because they love him, it's because he's promoting something. He is promoting his autobiography,

which is Gaza, My Story. He wrote it. He wrote it with Hunter Davies. I don't think Gaza had a lot of pens in his hand. He maybe said some words and Hunter put the pen to paper. Picture him on the laptop, just really pecking away at it, going, hold on, I got to finish this chapter and just let go.

I don't see it happening. No. So but it's not like a, you know, like a literary prose in this book. It's it's it's. So I went here. Right. And this bloody fuck said, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It sounds like it's just transcribed from a tape recording.

OK, so that's what it is here. It's a fun book though i mean yeah he says a lot of dumb shit in it a lot of uh here's what i did i think there's a lot of sentences and phrases and terms that have been changed for the protection of others it's it's a lot of just i was i was knackered and i did this like i was shit faced and i was pissed and i did this and he was just all right i was drunk and i Like I was shit-faced and I was pissed and I did this. And he was just, you know. I was drunk and I don't remember most of that. And then he'll be like, this is what folks have told me I've done.

Yeah. This is what I've gathered. Yeah. Post-event time. Since then. So 2005, January 3rd, 2005, he is in the hospital with pneumonia at this point. Oh, no. Yeah. He's seriously ill. It's in the newspaper with pneumonia at this point oh no yeah he's got a seriously ill it's in

the newspaper big article yeah i mean it's a huge article here the giant headline in the hospital ill with pneumonia they said he collapsed at his home jesus that's some serious pneumonia um his doctor said quote paul began feeling very unwell two or three days ago. It's definitely pneumonia and it's bloody bad. Oh, no. A doctor said it's bloody bad. I don't want a description of my illness to have the word bloody in it. Bloody. It's bloody bad.

Really? Is he bleeding in there? They said we feared he had a collapsed lung, but that has now been ruled out. They're testing for other problems though it's serious it's a possibility that he's got this is not this is uh uh his representative said it's a possibility that he's got 101 things wrong with him okay that's very specific here um so he's not officially retired at this point by the way no. No? Still, no. His former Rangers teammate, I guess, was a coach at this point or a general manager for Rangers, who he used to play for there, Graham Roberts. He tried to sign him as a player coach in 2005 at Clyde, some other team.

So in mid-2005, he spends two months as a player coach at the recently founded Portuguese team. Brand new one. Brand new. He's going to go be a player coach, Algarve United, but then return to England after a contract that they were going to give him never happened. So he went there to play. The contract didn't work out, so he came home. So he was appointed manager of Conference North Club Kettering Town. Oh.

That's not their – Kettering Town is the name of the team. They're in the Conference North in 2005 and also planned to put in enough money to own one-third of the club as well. Oh, that's great. So he's going to be an owner now. The previous manager, Kevin Wilson, was appointed director of football, and another guy was appointed as the club's assistant manager. And bookmakers put odds on Gascoigne being dismissed before Christmas. It was late October.

And there's literally odds you can bet on whether he'll be fired before Christmas. Very funny. But he said he was in it for the long haul, damn it. Now, the good thing was this got a lot of sponsors on board, just the thought of him coming there. Just by him being there. The rumor of him, the whiff of him coming there. So they got a bunch of new sponsors.

He ended up lasting 39 days. December 5th, he was shit-canned. So if you betted the under on Christmas, if you bet the under, you won on that one. Not bad. Not bad. The owner here blamed Paul's alcohol problems. This is when he said he was clean for a couple of years and how happy he is, saying that he drank almost every day that he worked. Very sober.

Nice. So what's he doing when he's not working? Maybe that's what he considers sober. Yeah. He just drinks at work. He's a blackout. Yeah. Well, I just drink at work.

It was when I was home and I got drunk, I had problems. I know what I'm doing. Yeah. Now, Gascoigne later claimed that the owner had interfered incessantly and the owner wanted to be the manager even though he doesn't know anything about football. So that's the problem. It wasn't me. It was him.

It's never him. It's never Paul. That's the problem here. He was never paid. He never got a contract. So he went there, and they were talking about trying to work his contract out, but they fired him rather than giving him a contract. What the fuck could he possibly have done?

He had to be a pain in the ass right he was there for six weeks and they never paid him at all that's not bad because it's pretty good free was six free weeks and he wasn't they also didn't let him invest the money he wanted to in the club as he planned to so they just used him to get sponsors and get some attention for six weeks and then shit canned him which is fair because i'm sure he was drunk and, you know, a mess. Yeah, and the other part is, like, no professional athlete in America has gotten that treatment. No, they don't get any of this kind of treatment. No.

No, he gets treated like Tom Brady, like that level of respect that everybody seems to have for Tom Brady. But then they treat him like an asshole and not pay him that's him that's not that's a team owner though yeah okay yeah well he's dealing with little teams if tom brady was like i'm gonna go play for some league you've never heard of in oklahoma somewhere he might not get paid either you know what i mean yeah that's true the money might not be there that's the thing but he put himself in a position where he didn't need to do that when he was drunk and done with the game. So, whereas Gaza has fucked himself pretty good here. And he still does. But this is a guy, too.

He can always make money, this guy. Yeah. Anytime he wants. He's so beloved. He could probably run some fucking clinic and make more money doing that than whatever these teams were going to pay him. That autograph signings. Yeah. I mean, he's a big fucking draw.

So. It's crazy. These events, you have him corporate speeches. He comes and does and gets everybody. I can't believe nobody on that show told him G8 was a bad idea. They all said great idea. Man, they chanted it for Christ's sake. Wow.

That's how sycophantic they were i mean with ocho cinco nobody said boo to him either nobody told him that's a dumb idea he literally everyone legally changed it made fun of it yeah but nobody told me it was a bad idea i mean they laughed in his face i was everyone laughed at him yeah he was actually being you know fun anyway. That was crazy, but I don't know. He was always a fun player. I don't think he was ever a drunk asshole anymore. No, not at all. Did he ever beat his wife up or something?

I don't think he did. I don't think so. No. I think Chad has always been a good dude. I think he just kind of shut the fuck up, and when he wasn't talking all sorts of shit, he just shut up and played a lot. Yeah. I don't know. He always seemed interesting to me. I loved that guy. Yeah, he just shut up and played a lot. Yeah. I don't know.

He always seemed interesting to me. I loved that guy. Yeah, he always seemed like he was a tough little guy, too. Tough player. So, now let's talk about some fun stuff about Gaza here. Some other fun, just some fun stories that I saved for now. This is just like a smattering. First of all, would you like to see one of his album covers?

One of? Yeah. It bothers me a lot. This is Gaza and Friends. Oh, my God. Look at him. Let's Have a Party is the name of it. He looks drunk.

I'm sure he is. He's not currently playing, so you know he took a big swig of something and then took this big... Look at that smile. That is a drunk man's smile. He just sat there. Yeah, he's shit hammered. Let's Have a Party.

Now, that was the 1990 album. Is this all his music or is this like, now that's what I call. It's Gaza and Friends. So he only has a couple of songs on there. That's where Fog on the Tyne came from and all that. But would you like to hear his other song? Oh, God. There's Fog on the Tyneine which we played for you in part

one which is i'm still in my head by the way it's been weeks it's just so fucking catchy but this is his other song which it's worse if i could be so blunt here it's it's absolutely a worse uh a worse song here it is let me rewind it because it was just terrible to listen because you've been watching and enjoying well i had to you know i had to test it out make sure it was someone in the comments said i have an urge to drive down to london and play this full blast from a car stereo excellent okay so let's let's find out this is called jordy boys okay that's where he's from. Yeah, yeah, he's a Geordie Boy, so here we go. Oh, my.

Come on. They're showing soccer highlights. That's a great thing. Yeah. He's drinking fucking pints double-fisted hold on the gaza hop guys a rap oh the guy's a rap that's what The guy's a rap. That's what he said. The first one was just like kind of speaking like. Yeah.

It was almost like an Irish drinking shanty, like the first one. Yeah. Yeah, it was just like a fun little. It was almost like a group drinking song. Whereas this is a fucking rap song. Like this is. He's rapping. Like it's bad. This is bad rap. Does he threaten anybody? Is like it's bad this is bad threaten anybody is there any like uh uh i'm a bad man kind of kind of lyrics he threatened to double fist lager someone's

getting punched probably to see him doing the double like drinking from both things he mimicked it yeah he is a fucking mess let's keep it going here we're gonna have a feeling we have to rewind a little bit at some point. Get up off of that thing. We are the Geordie Boys. We are the Geordie Boys. Geordie Boys. Geordie Boys. Okay.

I can see how this could be catchy. I guess. I mean, if you're from that area, right? If you've never heard music, probably. Yeah, maybe. I could see a song called Townie Boys or something being famous in Boston.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, he thinks it's cool to be a Jordanian. Look at him dance. He's got his head going. He did a spin. Oh, there goes the shirt. Oh, the thinks it's cool to be a Geordie. Look at him dance. Yeah. His fucking, he's got his head going. He did a spin. Oh, there goes the shirt. Oh, the shirt's off. Yeah.

Fuck. Every time he says Geordie Boys, he takes his shirt off and flexes his abs. Get off of that thing. Look at him dance. He only has the one verse. The rest is just him dancing. This is very Mark Wahlberg. He definitely wanted to feel the vibration Feel it, feel it

He was like, ah, Marky Mark beat me to it He's like, alright, so we work out with like Just like cinder blocks and stuff or what No, oh Marky Mark, motherfucker Alright Who's he got singing the get up off that thing? Who is she?

Some hook they probably bought it from Some fucking pre-programmed. Yeah. Let's listen to a rap again. This is back. There he goes. Yeah.

They take their music strong and loud. It's a little homoerotic, right? Keep on going to the Gaza rap. him loud it's a little homoerotic right and that's it so he raps for less than 30 seconds and then the rest is him dancing saying we are the geordie boys that is a thing he hmm that is a terrible the first one's much better. Now, let me see here. The first one...

Look, compared to this... Yeah, this is like a... It's like a group drinking song. Yeah. Like, we're all gonna get hammered and sing this shit. This song feels like what they would play at a fundraiser. Yeah. On like a telephone.

Let's get that kid a new kidney. Come on. He's not trying to rap here. Yeah. Oh, my God. Why is he doing this? He said Geordie four times. Yeah, that's all.

And then that's his major dance move is arms in the air, too. He's fist pumping in the air. That tells you it's a fucking party, man. You got your hands up, it's a party. And pumping it like, yeah, we're getting drunk. Yeah. Everybody's shit-faced up. I'm going to puke in the alley. Yay.

Yay. So that's impressive right there. So he's got his Geordie Boys song, which is worse than Fog on the Tine. It is somehow. By far, yeah. It's not even close. Especially because he's trying to rap rap. He's really trying to go fast.

Yeah. But he's like, it's real terrible rapping, like that old time, like, I'm rapping to the beat. Like, shit like that. I'm rhyming sad with mad. Right. I'm real sad because I'm not mad but i'm like shit like that you're like oh what are what is this i woke up today so the day's not bad this is 1981 bad rhymes this is bad yeah listen fred durst you suck i would rather listen to

this than anything fred durst has ever made at least there's fun yeah with this at least it's fun yeah exactly thanks for drinking and having a party i don't want to punch gaza in the throat so that works so uh anyway here are some other fun stories here i found just a lot of stories here's from a teammate ali Allie McCoyst. He was hung out, I guess, on Rangers is where they were teammates here. This is fucking hilarious. Okay. Allie is woken up in the

middle of the night by his terrified wife. Yeah. Shaking him. Hey, there's somebody in the house. There's somebody in the house, which awoken middle of the night to somebody in the house. Terrifying. So, this guy, Allie, he gets up and he picks up a golf club and he goes downstairs looking for what the fuck is this is and you're ready to fucking take a swipe at him oh boy and it's gaza standing in front of his open refrigerator

like a bear that wandered in just eating shit gaza was not staying at his house no he wasn't a guest it's the middle of the night he came over for food that's breaking and entering well no not technically as we'll talk about here he explains it here's mccoist talking about it he says quote i was in my bed at three or four o'clock in the morning and my wife said to me there's somebody somebody downstairs. So I listened and sure enough, I could hear somebody downstairs. He said, so I jumped up and I got a three iron. I could never hit a three iron at the best of times. So it's the wrong club I've picked up clearly.

Easier to hit a head than a ball. So he said, I go downstairs and I can hear noises coming from the kitchen. So you're faced with this prospect of a burglar or whatever it may be, an intruder in your house. So anyway, I actually kick the kitchen door open. And what I'm faced with is the back of Paul Gascoigne in my fridge. This is half past three in the morning and he doesn't even turn around. He kicked the door open like, ah, ready to beat a guy with a golf club. And this dude just kept, didn't even look.

Paul didn't even look. I'm in your fridge. Your leftovers are mine, all mine. Leftovers are all mine, all mine. Leftovers are all mine. You're asleep. Your food's mine, all mine. Oh, that's fucking hilarious. So he you know here he is he said i said paul what are you doing yeah he still doesn't turn around i'm being a jordy boy what do you think i'm doing

this is what we do as a jordy boys do and he tells me i'm making a sandwich yeah i said you what w-h-a you what it's half past three in the morning he said now remember he lives in the next village he's not his next door neighbor he got in a car to fucking come over here to eat his food yeah there's got to be something open he said i know but i woke up and i couldn't get back to sleep and I'm hungry and I didn't have any food in the fridge. So I Ubered a year. Ubered my ass. Probably drove 100 miles an hour there running over pets and old ladies and everything else in this path. He said, so my next question is clearly, how did you get in?

Yeah. This is not your house. He said, quote, I remember about three, four weeks ago you were on the phone to your missus and you told her you left the spare key in a wee bag under the oak tree. I remembered that and I just thought I'd come and use your key and make a sandwich. He woke up or couldn't go to sleep. He's like, I don't have any food. Where's food? Oh, that guy. That guy said he has a key in the front yard.

My teammate. I'm sure he has food. He's married and stuff. There's got to be food in his house. But there's goldfish. So he said, so I went back up the stairs and my missus said, what's going on? And I said, you're all right. It's just Paul making a sandwich.

And he said, I went back to sleep and that was that. You're all right. You're all right. It's just Paul. Don't worry about it. But, I mean, with him, he just Paul. Don't worry about it. But I mean, that's that with him. He wasn't even that blown away by it. He wasn't even like, oh, my God, isn't that?

He was just like, that's just Paul. That happens sometimes. Sometimes he breaks into your house and eats food like a fucking like a wandering, starving bear. That's unbelievable. Taylor Swift is soaring high. Her every move captured in the news cycle and devoured by her devoted fans. She's broken billboard records and made Grammys history, not to mention becoming a billionaire in the process. But along the way, Taylor has had to wage war, first by taking on a very powerful,

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So far, you're not losing. The only thing you're losing is my patience. Quickly, I see that. Bing! The queen of the courtroom is back. I didn't do anything. You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face. I see he's not intimidated by anything.

I can fix that. New cases. She wanted to fight me. Leave her alone. Okay, so, um... This is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her?

Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin. His brother. That's not him. Yes, ma'am. I would make a beeline for the door. The Emmy award-winning series returns. How did I know that? I have crystal ball in my head. It's an all-new season. It's streaming. You can say anything. Judy Justice, only on 3D. a very popular story about him where he's hanging out with his teammates.

A lot of these stories are like, it's three in the morning and here comes Paul doing something weird. That's always what it is. And this is one where he just, all of his teammates, they're in training. It's like a preseason or whatever.

And they're all inside and he just disappears in the middle of the night. And they're like, where the fuck is Paul? And he just comes back with two giant trout. We're like, where the fuck did you get those? He's like, I couldn't sleep, went fishing. We're like, what?

What the fuck is wrong with you? He's like shit-faced and waders with two giant trout. Apparently he's a good fisherman, too. Really? So here is this man. This is Allie McCoy, the same guy whose kitchen was rampaged through. He's a legend.

Here he is. First and foremost, what a football player. I mean, what a talented, talented football player. I actually think we might have got the best of him at Rangers because he was comfortable, he was happy, he could go and do his fishing and the you know, the whole bit.

Go and do his fishing. And the fans, everybody loved him. Everybody loved him. And how could you not, you know? And he's probably the one player that I ever played with that really could win a game himself. See what I mean? He's such a fuck-up.

What in the fuck is that language? I'd like to say this. Mike Myers did not go far enough in the stereotyping of Scottish. Like when he does a Scottish accent and you're like, Jesus, that's probably, you know, offensively. That's overboard. It's like, you know, Mickey Rooney in the 40s doing a Chinese accent. It's like, Jesus, calm down. Jesus, take it easy, Mike.

He didn't go far enough. The fuck did that guy just say mike myers had to dial it back some so we could understand what the fuck shrek was talking about that's what he had to do i could never do a podcast with that man because i can't have a conversation with him there'd be just like a 30 second pause and you'd be like i'm trying to put that together hold on i'm still thinking about it all right let's continue he said how could you not and i was like it took literally five six seconds after that for me to understand that that's what he just said it's hard i've listened to this interview like six times so i've gotten like a couple of the lines now just yeah you know take a game by the scruff of the neck and and win a game with your sheer ability and determination

you can take a game by the scruff of the neck and just win a game with sheer ability and determination. Trust me, this is not the first time I've listened to this. It's so many. Talent. Plus, he was some boy. I mean, that story, I'll never forget that story. He used to go fight. I mean, you know what he's like.

He's an insomniac. He could never sleep. He loved his fishing. So we used to. He could never sleep. He's an insomniac, and he loved his fishing. Got it. He loved his fishing. So we used to... He could never sleep. He's an insomniac, and he loved his fishing. Got it. He loved his fishing.

He came into training every morning, call on Ty. We trained the iBooks. That was just something. The history of the club, 140 years. No idea. 140 years, I heard. And he used to be in every morning, bang on 9 o'clock. What?

Did he say bang on 9 o'clock. What? Did he say bang on 9 o'clock? I think he would bang somebody at 9 o'clock, I think, is how it would work. You get all your fucking done now, I think they tell you in training. Hold on. I'm going to go back because I didn't get that. Let's see. About 140 years we used to come in call on time. No?

He used to be in every morning, bang on 9 o'clock for training at 10. Something at 9 o'clock. He's not there. He's 10 o'clock. We're looking about. Where's Gascoigne? He showed up late one day, I'm guessing. They're supposed to be there at 9. One day it's quarter to 10.

Where's Gascoigne? No Paul. No Paul. Okay. The door gets kicked open and he comes in with a pair of waders on. Comes in the door with a pair of waders on. Yeah. I'm tight. Holding up two of the biggest trout you've ever seen in your life.

So we were just falling about laughing. Couldn't believe it. Hysterical. So he was injured, and I was injured. So the boys got in the minibus and they got away training. Huh? So that's really true, Alan. That's English.

Holy shit. I don't think that's what the king had in mind there. This is fucking true. That's why Scotland, they're like, we're not only going to go against you. We will not even, we'll barely speak that language that you want us to speak. That's how much we're going to fight this whole thing. He said trout. It sounded like an entirely different word.

It sounded like he said like fruit and tree mixed together. Yeah. You got a fruit. What the fuck are you talking about? Okay, so they were both injured, and i think he said something about a bus possibly a minibus of some kind let's let's see two of the biggest trout you've ever seen so we were just falling about laughing couldn't believe it hysterical so he was injured and i was injured so the boys got in a minibus and they were training and i in the minibus he said to me he says hey come on

he says I'll have a laugh with the fish I says what do you mean he says right who's been annoying you and I went I said you

let's have a laugh with the fish he said who's been annoying you he's going to plant he's going to fish no I says Gordon Dury

has been really annoying me he says right get in his pocket get his car keys so I went in to Dukey's car, his trousers, went out of his car. So he comes out with the two fish, Gascoigne. So we open up the boot. Now, this is unbelievable.

So one screw, the spare wheel, and I throw the fish in, and I go to throw the other fish in. And Gascoigne says, no, he says. I said, what do you mean? He says, watch. So he takes one of the fish out, screws the wheel back on. He finds a compartment in the back seat of this car that you wouldn't even know existed. And throws the other fish in there. You monster.

And he looks at me and says, when he finds the first fish, he'll think that's it. Okay. He finds the first fish, he'll think that's it. Okay. He finds the first fish, he'll think that's all of it. They said, who's been annoying you? He said, oh, this guy. He said, okay, go in his pants pocket and get his car keys. So they stole his keys while he was practicing. Threw one in the trunk.

This guy goes to throw the other one in the trunk. And Gascoigne says, no, no. Uh-uh, uh-uh. And finds a hidden compartment that you don't know is there. And then says when he finds the first fish, he'll think that's the only one. He thinks he found it. That is fucking diabolical. That is a monster.

That's a diabolical motherfucker. And that's hilarious. He's going to ruin this man's car. Oh, yeah. Oh, somebody I worked with, like in 2010, they did that to somebody. They put fish under a seat. Oh, dude. This was in Phoenix when it was 120 degrees outside.

They did it to me. On a weekend. It was a work truck, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was in your car. You drop that fucking thing off and go, number 12 is fucked up, and you get a new one. This was this guy's car. I had to retire it.

This was his only car. Oh, my God. And it was a terrible car. It a like an old saturn it was all he could afford he made like eight dollars an hour and his car was fucking destroyed and he ruined yeah it's ruined it was destroyed ruined so he can't get in it reeking of fish you will throw up his air conditioning didn't even work so he just had to smell this hot fish all the time. It was really... Oh, God. I felt terrible for him. They threw the truck out. They retired it.

I bet. Yeah. Give it to the new guy. I opened the door and threw up. That's the new guy's truck now. Here you go. Day one. Here you go, buddy.

Have a good day. That's your truck, fish. Ah, just kidding. And then you fucking take it back. You keep it for a joke every once in a while. Yikes. Let's let this guy finish and see what happens. Do you know what I mean?

It's a sensational criminal behavior. That's what we're dealing with. Well, I need to tell you, for the next three or four days, the jury's coming in and saying, I'm smelling my car. He says, I'm even stopping at the traffic lights. He says, there's people walking by me and then of course he finds the first fish

like Gascoigne said he would find the first fish and he thinks that's it but he says for the life of me I can't get rid of the smell and I swear to God we went out one day to go in the bush and you know these wee Christmas trees there fresheners

it was like Sherwood Forest it was the yellow ones orange ones blue ones purple ones. Every fragrance known to man, you know?

And I could take him about a month to get rid of the smell in the car when he found the second fish. But, I mean, that was gas coin.

The funny side of gas coin. That was gas coin. Ruining people's cars. Destroying property. He said he bought a Sherwood Forest of fucking, of pine trees and every color and everything else.

It'll never fix it. A great human being will obviously will document his problems, which you obviously hope he sorts himself out, which would be great. But what a lad. What a lad. What a lad. What a lad. So there you go. You'll never get that smell out of that car.

Oh, no, it's fucked. It's just dead body that's in there. That's so fucking funny. Yikes. Another funny story was he was on the road on the street, and in London he was walking by, and there was guys working on the street, a road crew working on the street,

and there's a guy with a big fucking pneumatic jackhammer breaking the street up, and he said, Oi, let me have a go he said i have a go with that and the guy was like holy shit it's gaza so he just handed him over the jackhammer and here's gaza not knowing we're just fucking jackhammering around with people cheering for him yeah cheering as he jackhammers the street poorly. Like, he can do anything he fucking wants. Nobody gave a fuck about the big guy that handled that thing just fine.

They only care that he can't do it. Yes. And they're happy about it. Wow. He would do fucking his one friend here, Tony Cunningham, on the team. His one friend here, Tony Cunningham on the team, he, I guess, booked him a number of tanning bed sessions. Yeah. Like made a bunch of appointments for him and gave him all his information and all that.

Yeah? Yeah. Well, Tony's black. Oh, my God. So not a lot of, not a huge portion of the tanning bed sales go to black people usually. So he just did that to fuck with him. Thought that was fun. He's destroying things.

He's a total asshole. That's what I mean. If I told you all the things he did and didn't say he was a great soccer player or any of that, you just go, wow, what a dick. He's got guys that are going to fucking kill somebody. He's like Sonny that can kick a ball. He's a mess. He's such a dick. He's such a fucking dick here.

Here's another story. Okay. All right. He says that, I guess, this is about a guy named Doug Ellis. Mm-hmm. Okay. Who is this? Is this him? Oh, guy named Doug Ellis. Okay. Who is this? Is this him? Oh, this is from Gaza.

Okay. So he heard Doug Ellis is going to do this. Doug Ellis is going to do that. Doug Ellis had installed the best pitch. Doug Ellis had flown to the moon. By lunchtime, we'd had a few drinks, and although we shouldn't have, and I decided it was time to take the piss. There was this big-ass yacht anchored about 300 yards off the beach. And when I saw it, I shouted, oh, look, Dougie and his boat.

I started to swim out to it. And a few of the lads followed, mainly because I said that would probably have loads of drink on board. As we got nearer, I was calling out, oh, Dougie, oh, Dougie, where are you? Just then a bloke peered over the side. Hello, Paul. Fuck me, it was Doug Ellis. So he was making fun of this guy. Yeah.

I bet it's this guy's boat. It's actually him. It's actually his fucking boat. About eight of us clambered on board, including Gary Lineker's missus. We must have got through about 30 bottles of champagne and all his food. It was brilliant. Jesus. At one point, I leapt on Mrs. Lineker for a laugh,

and we both tumbled over the side into the ocean. He can just go cause problems on a man's boat. He tackled his friend's wife over the fucking side of a yacht. And we all have a big laugh. And everybody goes, oh, that's Goss. Look at him hey get some trout while you're down there what the fuck are you talking about there's a man that's annoying me grab a fish while you're in there if you tackle my wife over the side of a

boat we're fucking fighting there's no doubt about that shit but he said uh fortunately she she saw the funny side but i am not sure gary did i bet not no he said by the time we had to leave i was smashed we were swimming back and i was about 100 yards from shore when i began to get tired i decided to do that that the best thing to do was to take a deep breath dive to the seabed give myself a moment to relax, then push back, then push up and swim back as fast as I could. How fucking deep is it? It doesn't matter.

Who the fuck would think when you're swimming, I'll take a deep breath and just sit on the bottom for a while with no air. And that'll give me the energy to then swim this burst. This last hundred yards. Get on your back and float for a fucking minute. A hundred yards it's a long way to swim how far out was the boat too because it's further than a hundred yards it's a yacht so it was anchored out oh my god it's deep enough to anchor i guess um wow so this is he keeps going

here um i decided the best thing that that's crazy yeah i know not the smartest decision i've made but i was pissed as i was coming back up I must have got turned around because after resurfacing and swimming hard, I looked up expecting to see the shore, but discovered I was heading out in the wrong direction. Now I've got to go back to the bottom and get done and rest again. What a fucking idiot. I've got to look for more trout. He said, wow, wrong direction. I was beginning to struggle and I panicked a bit.

It was quite frightening. I started to wave my arms in the air. And luckily enough, a little dinghy with an outboard motor turned up. It was Gary Lineker and another bloke. Get in, get in, you daft bastard, he said. When I looked up, it was Nigel Kennedy, the violinist. Okay. Okay.

All of a sudden, he's just got all these famous people just right now yeah all these famous baguettes hanging out in a place where famous people hang out but that's probably a b that is fucking amazing that's how ridiculous this man is in general so my point is that he can do anything yeah and. And everybody just goes, oh, he's having a piss. Like, he's fun. Not only do people save him and not give a shit. They don't kill him. Just famous English people

just turn up and help him. Like, they all know him. You're not going to believe this, James. I was going to run to San Diego one day and I got really tired. And then Lars from Metallica just picked me up yeah he just pulled up we argued about fucking uh napster for about an hour and a half and then he dropped me off

ridiculous he's a weird little dutch man so that's who this guy is though is what i mean no matter what so how do you fix yourself when there couldn't be less consequences for all of your fuckery yeah like over here guys keep fucking up and there's always consequences no one's always ever like oh he's a great guy he tackled my wife and he you know broke in my house no one thinks that's great they'd call the cops here so there you'd have a problem for sure yeah there he can't no matter what he does they're like that's that's paul he's a crazy bastard ain't he he he wasn't invited over he wasn't given a key he overheard a conversation months ago and then remembered it and broke into my house with that key it's not even like he was telling paul he leaves a key out for his wife that guy had no

idea paul heard that conversation he's cataloged that shit a few weeks wow and was like you know what he has a key i bet he's got lunch meat that's gonna be useful information to me one day you know who's got cold cuts alley that's who it is going to his house yeah he's always got cold cuts so uh another one is from paul Stewart, who is a former teammate of his on the Spurs here. And he said, Stewart said, quote, every day he'd be up to something, causing havoc with his jokes. I got on well with Steve Sedgley, who later joined us from Coventry City, who we both knew from England and youth and under 21 set up. He was nicknamed Long Neck for obvious reasons. Apparently he's got a long neck.

Short neck? Yeah, he's very, he's neckless. Four foot ten. He said, one day whilst Venners was taking training, all the players were on the pitch in a circle around the halfway line. Gaza was late. As always, the boss was asking me where he was, like I was his minder. Just as I was about to make an excuse, Gaza turned up with someone alongside him carrying a brown

sack. Now, we talked about the ostrich thing, so this is part of that. Oh, that was the goose we talked about. We didn't talk about this. Okay. He said that the sack was moving as if something was in it. And just as Venners was about to rollick Gaza for being late, the bag was opened and an ostrich ran out wearing a Spurs shirt. He put a shirt on it. He somehow put a jersey on an ostrich, which is not easy, I assume. How big is this ostrich? It can't be full grown because he had it in a bag.

A full grown ostrich is like his size. He'd have to come out arm in arm with the fucking thing. Like, hey, I brought my buddy with me. You could sit on an ostrich's back and they're still taller than you. They're fucking big. They're big goddamn ostrich. Even like the bodies are high. The body would be up to Paul's chest.

So he said there was a number seven and sedgely written on the back because that guy's got his long neck. And they got an ostrich. Oh, okay. It's a funny joke. The lads just fell about laughing. The ostrich was running around our training ground in a white Spurs shirt with the whole team watching. Everyone, the kids, the training staff, the apprentices, stood open-mouthed or in hysterics. Venable's face was a picture.

The bird went running off in a panic and had some job getting it back. I'm not too sure what the animal rights people would say if they knew that Gaza had a bird from the local zoo dressed in a Spurs shirt loose on training ground. He claimed that he had, quote, borrowed it from the Broxbourne Zoo. We were never able to verify if that was true. He stole an ostrich. Because the giraffe cage was blocked.

I was going to say, he wanted something more than that. But more than likely, he probably just got a zoo guy to fucking give it to him. Or gave him 100 pounds or something. Think about it. He's Gaza. They're not going to fuck. What are they going to do? Tell you what,

you give me the name of three people you hate and I'll put fish in their car. Just give me an ostrich. And tickets too. Tickets and fish cars. That's what I'm offering you right now. How about that? So he also said, quote,

Off the pitch, Paul was a strange combination. Shy, but a real practical joker. One of the brightest young talents in the game, but so insecure as a person. Generous, funny, apparently happy-go-lucky, but riven by strange habits, doubts, medical conditions,

quirks of character. He said, in the early days, if we went out and did something to eat together, went out for something to eat together, he would finish off his main meal, then he'd order three desserts and make himself ill. I never understood. It was hard for something to eat together he would finish off his main meal then he'd order three desserts and make himself ill i never understood it was hard for me to know uh it was hard for me

to know even what to say at that point why would he do that that's what he did he would go he gorges himself no matter what it is drugs drink yeah food remember he likes sweets so much he'll gain 20 fucking pounds in yeah no time he's just he just binges everything he binges everything he binges life paul binges life that's what i mean one trout in the car is not enough too yeah it has to be paul gas coin life binger yeah it's not enough to tackle gary over the side of the boat you gotta do his life that's funnier yeah that's crazier he said i had not seen anything like that before. It became an everyday aspect of life with Paul Gascoigne.

At home, Gaz's behavior was just as bizarre. He was showing the first signs of his obsessive compulsive disorder. This is a problem now, too. He said, if we were driving to a game together, which we often did as we were sharing a house, he would tap the rear view mirror all the time because it had to be exact precise for him. He had to do things his own way on other occasions, no matter how important the match was, he would want to return home.

It could be Manchester United, but he would want to, he would make me turn back to check if he had locked the door or if the remote for the TV was in alignment. He didn't leave the remote straight. Yeah. So he makes this guy turn around to go home so he can make sure he's straight in the remote. Not, I left the oven on.

Hold on, the remote's not straight. The remote's not. Not the iron is on and we're going to burn the house down. The remote might not be straight. Like, I like it. You're not even there, man. Yeah. So when he's late sometimes, that's why. Wow. He's doing shit like it. You're not even there, man. Yeah. So when he's late sometimes, that's why.

Wow. He's doing shit like that. He's got to drive halfway there, turn around, and go back and make sure his shit's all straight. He said he would go upstairs to the bathroom to see if the towels were straight. Wow. One day we were running really late for a game. I was driving to White Hart Lane on the A10, and he said he had forgotten something and insisted we go back, which meant driving the wrong way down a dual carriageway. Oh, my God.

He had a wallet flap where he kept his credit cards. He was holding this wallet up in the front seat, pretending it was a police warrant card while I was flooring it because we were so late. He's all now like official business. It's just his chase card. American Express, excuse me. Capital One, coming through, folks. Let's go. What's in your wallet?

Let's go. Move along here. That's insane. So that's the type of shit he would do. He also said another story here. He said, Gaz's eccentric behavior continued long after the Spurs days. He rang me up one Friday night after I had finished playing. My daughter Chloe was still at school.

It was around 2001. He said, I used to go out on a Friday with my mates, so I turned the phone off. He called about 8 o'clock at night. I did not phone back. Then at 8 a.m. when I turned the phone on again, I found I had been bombarded with calls from him and messages on the answer phone saying he was coming to blackpool to see me then there was a series of messages asking where do you live around around lunchtime the next day

he arrived and i said how did you find me he's he got someone to drive him up to blackpool from london and went into the tesco down the road, the grocery store. Yeah. He just went in and started shouting, does anyone know where Stewie lives? Somebody told him? In the grocery store. He said, unbelievably, there was a mate of mine in there who saw him and said, I know. It's North Park Drive, but I don't know the number.

It's because Gascoigne is screaming it. He's just screaming it at a grocery store, but everyone knows who he is. They're like, oh, it's Paul. So Gazza came to the top of the street looking in windows to see if he could see any photos of my kids on the mantelpiece. Nope, that's not, nope, Indian family, that's not them. Nope, these guys, Nope, there he is. Okay, I recognize those kids.

He got the street name and started looking in houses. In windows. Not even like cars or like look on the mailbox for a name. He's just looking in windows, which is amazing. One poor fellow found a slightly drunk Gaza looking through his window first thing in the morning, shouting, have you any idea where Stewie lives? Some guy in his robe going, Huh? Who's out there? When Gaza eventually turned up at my home, it was a lovely summer's day,

so we had a barbecue in the back garden. Okay. For a bit of fun, he started going through his phone and ringing up famous people. Just fucking with them. Eventually, he got through to Robbie Williams and made him sing his hit Millennium down the phone to Chloe and her school friend who could not quite believe it. Sing to these girls, would you? Sing to these kids, my friend's kids. Just sing to them.

It's her birthday, so here, sing it out. Wow, that is nuts. So here, sing it out. Wow. That is nuts. Chloe recalls Gaza encouraging her to cycle down the drive while he waited at the bottom to stop traffic in case someone came onto the road. He tried to take a photo. It didn't work, so he just threw away the camera.

Wow. He's just nuts. It's out of his mind. He's like a five-year-old. You know the movie Big with Tom Hanks? Yeah. Imagine it wasn't like a 12-year-old. Imagine know the movie Big with Tom Hanks? Imagine it wasn't like a 12-year-old. Imagine it's Charles Barkley. Yeah. No, no, but imagine

the kid wasn't 12. It wasn't Tom Hanks, a 12-year-old in Tom Hanks' body. It was a five-year-old in Tom Hanks' body. That's what you have here. Imagine it's a five-year-old that gets to be in Michael Jordan's body and just goes and does wild shit. Just crazy shit. And people just forgive it because be in Michael Jordan's body and just goes and does wild shit. Just crazy shit.

And people just forgive it because it's Michael Jordan. Yeah, what are you going to do? Even Jordan. Okay. Jordan, we made fun of him for gambling. Everybody said that his dad got killed because he was a gambler. He fucking had a Hitler mustache for a while. We all made fun of him for that.

This guy could have a Hitler mustache. They'd all crack up laughing. Look at this idiot. He probably doesn't even know who Hitler is. It's probably just he thought he came up with a new style. So he said he was full of fun, full of laughs,

a great fella just to be around when he was on form, but he was also completely unpredictable, hard to fathom, and a nervous wreck at times. When he was ringing random people on his phone, he could not get through

to TV presenter Dale Winton. Never heard of that guy guy so he left a load of abuse on his answering service because he didn't answer straight away i'm still not sure why he had the number for dale but that was gaza totally unpredictable and capable of doing anything at any time just calling random famous people just calling random famous people so there are just some stories to give you some more background because there's a lot of people like, I hope you have all these stories. And it's like, there's so much crime. I don't know how much time we have for stories. He's reckless. They're fucking hilarious and ridiculous.

And they kind of, it also lets you know when he keeps getting in trouble here. It's almost like, well, what is he, what do you expect? Yeah. Everything he's done ever, you guys are like, oh, it's Gaza. Don't worry about it. It's just a fish. Or, you know, hey, let it tackle your wife. It's just a turkey sandwich.

It's not a big deal. It's just that. Or so what? The zoo isn't that secure anyway. I mean, sometimes you can steal an ostrich. Yeah, he stole an ostrich. From the zoo. So here is December 6, 2005.

And there's a picture of Gaza looking like, who, me? And then a guy with a bloody face, as you can see here. I'll show you the picture. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. Yeah, Gaza doesn't look like he could knock a guy out anymore. He's like, me? No.

He's got Liberace jewelry on right now, too, which is pretty funny. What is he doing there? It's a lot of bracelet he's got on there. So this is from the evening standard and the headline is gaza is held for assault hours after sacking for drink for drinks incident so this is right after he got fired remember we said he got before all those stories he got let go without pay and uh now he's in trouble here the newspaper article goes on to say paul gascoigne was questioned by police today over an alleged assault

after spending the night behind bars. He was arrested hours after being sacked as Kettering Town Manager over what were claimed to be 37 alcohol-related incidents in five weeks. 37! That's every day! There's only 35...

Yeah, that's every day, I guess, with the month. There's only 35 days in... every day i guess with the month so to say there's only 35 days in 35 is five times seven is fucking 35 sometimes two five weeks yeah that's 35 plus two extras yeah that's insane every day the the former star admitted drinking a double brandy before a game at kettering adding quote so? Before it used to be four bottles of whiskey. It's only two drinks. It's only two. In one. What the fuck are you thinking?

After an emotional and highly publicized bust up with the owner of the club, he was held by police in Liverpool last night for allegedly lashing out at a photographer. Uh-huh. He was released on police bail tonight. He was in the city to speak at a fundraising dinner on behalf of a drug and alcohol rehabilitation charity.

Oh, my God. Four police fans were called following a fracas outside a restaurant. The incident happened when he was asked by a photographer, Steve Farrell, whether he could take his picture. When the cameraman tried to shake the star's hand gas coin is said to have hit him he said let me shake your hand he's pow there you go bitch they said you could take my picture not touch me wow paramedics treated the photographer for an injury to his right eye gas coin walked across the road to the hotel he had earlier dined and was arrested. That's fucking hilarious. Yeah, he was, wow. He said Gascoigne, this is the Kettering town chairman and owner,

he said that Gascoigne was under the influence of alcohol before, during, and after several first team games and training sessions. Just drunk all the time. This has been noticeable to the directors, players, coaching staff, and media. Wow. The one-time Newcastle and Lazio midfielder admitted drinking brandy before one game, but insisted he had been stitched up and then said he had intended to join the team for their game tonight despite the appointment of a new manager. Gascoigne said, I'm upset the manager. I upset the manager, so he sacked me. But I know I've got all the players and supporters behind me.

What does he know about running a team anyway? I was just having a drink in memory of Georgie Best, who I loved. So he's saying, I'll just go play anyway because everybody likes me. So the owner has no say in this. I don't understand why he thinks he's always drunk. He's drunk playing. He can claim to be clean and sober and still drink but he can justify

why he's drunk. He's fucking indignant about it. Imagine a player in any major American sport drinking before a game and then being like fuck you. Yeah that's right I had a drink so what. You'd be like what are you talking about? At least it wasn't a bottle.

Yeah, you know, chill out, man. I usually do coke before the games. He said that Gascoigne earlier launched into a bid to buy the club, insisting that its players and staff were behind him. Lattic turned down his offer and urged Gascoigne to seek, quote, professional medical assistance. You're crazy. If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, what was in Al Capone's vault, or which famous meteorologist is Lenny Kravitz's

second cousin, then you haven't spent enough time on Wikipedia. But that's okay. I am here for you. I'm Darcy Carden, and I'm inviting you to listen to my new podcast, WikiHole, from SmartList Media. Discover the craziest rabbit holes on wikipedia with me and my funny friends as we bring the cyber frontier directly to your tympanic membrane and if you listen to my podcast you learn that that's the sciency term for eardrum we embark on a hyperlink roller coaster as we start out on a wikipedia page and go from link to link to link to link careening through trivia oddities and unexpected connections until we collectively shout how the hell did we get here follow wiki hole on the

wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts you can listen to wiki hole ad free by joining wondery plus in the wondery app or on apple podcasts during a rambling interview on Sky Sports News, Gascoigne dismissed Lattic's knowledge of the game, saying he told me he's been watching football for 20 years, five days a week, and knows how football should be played. I'm a genius and I know what goes on on the pitch. I won't walk away. I'll do it my way and I'll keep doing it my way.

I've had all the players on to me since 1 this morning, and they're all behind me. The staff are behind me, and Kettering Town are behind me. Wow. He said that he was going through a tough time over the past year, and he said he was. He's been doing counseling. He said, if the fans want me out, I'll leave. The owner said, I've tried to help Paul through this difficult period, but gave an undertaking to the board prior to my takeover that if Paul hit the bottle, I would remove him. I've had conversations with Paul, which he simply cannot remember because he was so drunk.

The pressures of football management have gotten the better of Paul. It has ended up with him going back to his old ways. Paul was my childhood idol and when sober is a wonderful person. his old ways. Paul was my childhood idol and when sober is a wonderful person. Last night was genuinely the most difficult decision I've had to make, but my head won the battle with my heart. My responsibility

is to Kettering Town and not to Paul Gascoigne. Right. The assault charges are later dropped, by the way. So 2006, he takes part in Soccer Aid 2006, which seems to be, from what I'm gathering, seems to be like a, remember Rock and Jock people? Yeah.

Games on MTV. It seems to be. They adjust the game for like fun. I think it's a soccer game with soccer stars and also like pop star celebrities because he played for an England team captained by Robbie Williams, who was a singer. So they don't do the same thing. Did they put a goal higher up? They probably make it bigger.

It's just worth bigger. It's huge. It was the whole back line. The whole back line is all goals. It was MTV that did Rockin' Jock, right? Yeah, they did the five-point shot, which was stupid. It was way up high.

And then if the ball went through all three, yeah, is that five? I think so. Is it six? I don't know. I got extra points. Whatever the fuck it was, it was so stupid. Thanks, Bill Bellamy. That was really fucking dumb. They ruined that so much.

It was funny enough just to go, the funniest thing about the basketball games is you'd watch them, and it was funny enough just to go, holy shit, I didn't know that guy was so tiny. Everybody there was so tiny, and all the ball looked like you'd watch them and it was funny enough just to go, holy shit, I didn't know that guy was so tiny. Everybody there was so tiny and all the ball looked like too big for them. And then there'd be like a basketball player who just looks like

a normal person and there's like a five foot seven new kid on the block trying to cross somebody over and you're like, come on, bro. It's not happening.

Yeah. Come on, Naughty by Nature. You guys are fucking like five foot three chill out uh tretch was pretty big wasn't he i don't think so i think he was also tiny i thought tretch was big and i know the other guy is super tiny yeah he's even tinier i think they're tiny and tinier rather than regular and big yeah so august 29 2006 here uh gas coin and ray clements visited botswana as part of the fa's international outreach work and found time to visit the sos children's village as well wow they went yeah they diplomacy they're gonna fix some shit in botswana he's famous i guess

that'll get attention on it, raise some money. The guests were shown around the village by family and family houses before taking part in a game of football, girls versus boys. Interesting. Gascoigne joined in with the village girls, who despite a spirited performance, were outplayed

by the boys. It was great to have a game. Some of the kids were excellent. They were so fast, quicker than leopards, and playing in their bare feet. They were unbelievable. Paul, that's all they've got. They took off very expensive shoes to play in bare feet. He's an idiot.

Wow, I couldn't even know speechless. That was wild. So they said that he's been supporting, he's been trying to be a supporter of this for years and everything. The footballers were impressed by both the village and the work done by the charity. He says, quote, it was heartwarming, really. Some of the stories we've heard about the children being abandoned or orphaned are quite sad. It was amazing to see them all happy and cheerful.

There didn't seem to be one sad face which was incredible it put a different perspective on things in my mind but you can see all the good work and what they are trying to achieve so they also the village has a marimba band that also performed for the guests as a thank you so i'm sure he was dancing and doing all sorts of crazy shit they're embarrassing himself let's have his own. Let's have the only white guy in the village dance poorly. That'll be fun. I bet there wasn't a sad face on anybody. They were laughing hysterically at him.

He just keeps putting his arms up and down in the air, like just two pistons constantly going here. They happen to have some music that means something to them here, Paul. Yeah. Then in 2006, he wrote another autobiography. Uh-oh. I don't understand why he needs another one. He's lived enough for another book over the last few years?

This is called Being Gaza, Tackling My Demons. Oh, so this is talking about the shit. He did a poor job of doing that, unfortunately, so maybe it was why that didn't go very well. This was with Hunter Davies and John McEwen, published in 2006. September 18th, 2006, here. This is from when he was

going to Botswana. It's before that. So he says, this article says, quote, Paul Gascoigne is terrified. In a Heathrow lounge, his entourage is trying in vain

to enforce an atmosphere of joviality. But Gascoigne is terrified. In a Heathrow lounge, his entourage is trying in vain to enforce an atmosphere of joviality, but Gascoigne is pale and tense. He hates flying, and he's about to spend 12 hours in the air. In front of him is a plate of uneaten food, which he has very neatly arranged, then rearranged, slices of cheese in a line. He talks quietly to his agent, then heads toward the duty-free shop. He returns later with 1,000 cigarettes. A thousand?

A thousand. That would be... That's five cartons? I was going to say 200 per carton, so yeah, five cartons there. We are, after all, going away for three days. So, you know. Three days, five cartons. Got to have five cartons of cigarettes.

Holy shit. Lighting the first, he concides that he's worried he may seem drunk. Or he confides that he's worried he may seem drunk. Or he confides that he was worried he may seem drunk. He doesn't. He seems petrified. 20 years ago, he explains, he was caught in turbulence on a flight from New Zealand to Fiji. He said the plane dropped 800 feet in a couple seconds and the food hit the ceiling. Good lord.

He said people say the time to worry is when the air stewardess is start crying. And every one of them was crying, i got really scared jesus christ it's only weeks since the police raids that allegedly foiled a plot to blow up transatlantic plane transatlantic planes and this isn't helping he said i'm more scared this time than i probably have been before but he said that he it was important to do the thing and blah blah blah so he. So he shows up there. You know, he's a mess here. He's still a mess, but he's showing up doing a nice thing for the people here. I guess HIV is a big deal here.

In Botswana, at the time, a third of the population had HIV. Jesus Christ. Yeah, a third. So it was a major fucking problem a lot that's a that's a lot yeah he says that um he had he said a doctor gave him a leaflet and it said if you get bit by a dog you can die really quickly he said but i got my jab so that was okay not from muhammad ali but i got my jabs so he's saying that he got got all sorts of shots to not die from a dog bite over there. So he said once he got done with the flight, they said he was much better, you know, chilling out.

He said the orphans offer us, they came up and they had music shit they were doing here. They had a big xylophone. And Paul said, it's better Fog on the Tyne. Oh, he admitted it. Which is nice. He said, and they don't even know who their parents are about the kids playing the song. It's better than Fog on the Tyne. I realize it's better than what I write.

What's your dad's name? All these bastards sure play great music, I'll tell you that much. I don't write music as well as you, but I know me parents. Yeah, I mean. So you're all HIV-ridden bastards, right? Okay. Who's your father?

Good song. All these children don't even know that. Wow. Nice music. Who hugs you at night? Nobody? Nobody. Good. What a dick.

Who hugs you? He doesn't even realize that that's a mean thing to say. That's what I mean. He's so just clueless. Off his own ass. They said as they go around, he's starting to do OCD shit more. They said he touches the blue door to one of the buildings three times. They said his anxiety stuff is coming out.

His OCD is coming out. He was diagnosed finally with obsessive compulsive disorder, and he's been on medication, but the repetitive habits always pop up anyway. It doesn't matter. He said, quote, I had to touch it. You cannot explain the feeling. It doesn't matter. He said, quote, I had to touch it. You cannot explain the feeling. It's just something you have. Tapping the doors is just something I had to do.

He says, but hopefully that's some good luck for them. The medication, he says, slows down the symptoms. So maybe him tapping on the door will bring them good luck. I don't know how that works. Yeah, maybe they'll find

their parents somewhere. And he said, I can come off the medication now if I want, but it's not going to stop me from, like, touching things nine times. And I mean I only touched them three times. Thank God it was not 27 times. It used to be five, then it was seven, then it was nine. Now he's got it down to three times. So that's his deal. They said he seems comfortable talking about all this, even though it's a lot here.

His problems were made public when he went to Cottonwood, as we remember there, for his rehab stint. And he said, though, he keeps going back up and then back down again. He's fine for a while. Then he drinks a bunch of booze and drugs and failure and you know how that goes. So he said that he struggled to keep off the booze, he has dry periods and then lapses and

he is drinking wine when he's in Botswana, they said. Yeah. He said that the second book is completely different, he says, than his first book. His first book is just stories from playing. Here's a bunch of crazy stories. Okay.

His second book is, like, different. He said it's about trying to help other people with illnesses. And he decided to produce it after receiving letters from readers of his first book saying how much it helped them with their own problems. He said it was scary to publish. At first, I didn't happy the book is out now. The response has been fantastic, and the book went to number one, which isn't bad either. I get loads of great feedback, quite a few letters, and quite touching. I can't find this book, by the way, like on Amazon or any of the main.

I'm sure it's like used places somewhere, but it's not like available to buy. There's no Kindle version of this fucking book. So he's saying it's so helpful, but it's not entertaining. It's not. Let me tell you about when I got pissed and stole a fucking stolen ostrich from a zoo. It's a textbook. And then made sure to tell some kids they don't have parents afterwards. Remind some orphans of their shitty lot in life.

That'll be fun. We'll do that. Nice song. What's your mom's name? What's your mom's name? He said he can cure the OCD in Philadelphia, he said. There's a place that will help him there. He said, but that would mean another long flight, and he doesn't want to do that.

Yeah. Which isn't really that long from England. From England, it's like five hours, right? It's not 12 hours. No, it's like six. He said, so I'll stick to the medication and just try to touch the door three times instead of nine. Okay. He said he threw himself into a game with the orphanages team despite the

fact that he had three broken ribs as well at the time they said it's a dusty field there's no grass or anything and the kids are playing barefoot and he said he was just amazed he called them quote quicker than leopards incredible he said he hasn't played football

in ages he suffered a neck injury in 2004 while practicing for Strictly Ice Dancing. What? A TV show? He hurt himself trying to get himself ready for a TV show, and his place was taken by David Seaman. And he, Jesus, and he, Gaza had his 32nd operation from that. Really? 32nd, yeah. So he's having a problem here.

He's been cut 32 times? Yeah, they keep doing it, man. My God. The children surrounded him, and they all even know about him down there, which is crazy, even though he was really famous before they were born, most of them. They still know who he is. even though he was really famous before they were born, most of them. They still know who he is.

And most of the orphanage's 226 children lost their parents to AIDS or others have just simply been abandoned. God damn it. He says, sometimes I think that I've got problems, but when you see kids like that, it puts your problems aside. You know, all that AIDS and no parents and stuff. If you heard him rap, he's terrible at words. He couldn't be worse at words. Sometimes I think my life is shit, right?

And then I go and see AIDS-ridden orphans. I'm like, oi, mate, you're worse off than me, aye? Where's your parents? How much AIDS you got? All right, then run off. And then he's your parents how much age you got all right then run off and then he's like where's his shoes hey you've got more aids than shoes mate right he taps him on the back all right then just get shoes and parents add them together you got more A's, isn't it? That's right. Okay. Jesus Christ, Paul.

He was sensitive. Fuck. He's drunk. What the hell does he know? He thinks he's being a magnanimous guy and shit. He's just shit-faced. Doesn't know any better. Wow.

The village is split into separate houses each painted bright colors each with a mother and an aunt who look after a dozen children oh my god that's tough heartbreaking that is heartbreaking uh between the houses are a shared vegetable patch a playground of course the football pitch as well as the orphanage the village has a nursery and a youth center on site. Well, that's good anyway. But, I mean, they don't have shoes or parents and they all evade, so that's not good. Jesus Christ. That's terrible. Derek James, the charity's national director, says the village's aim is to develop independent men and women.

He describes a girl who, as a baby, was rescued from a pit latrine. Oh, God. What? They just threw a baby in the latrine. They threw a baby in a shit pit. Don't need that anymore. I can't imagine.

No, that's... That's worse than the bad bin. That's the bad bin. Yeah, that is Olden Polonese's worst nightmare there. Now she's 11 and just won an academic scholarship to a private school in Botswana. And he thought it would be hilarious to make her a bunch of tanning bed appointments. That's what he did. Just kidding.

He didn't do that. The other guy. In the middle of this unexpected, in the middle of this, you got him. So he picks up all the kids and he talks to them and he gives them fucking candy and cans out football shirts and all that kind of thing. The kids are very happy. And he said, we came over here to cheer them up, but they're doing more to cheer me up. He said he's modest about his efforts. He knows that this is a nice thing to do, but, you know, this isn't the greatest.

He said, quote, I don't tell anyone any of them things, meaning all the charity he does. I've done a lot for people, sent people to Disney World and stuff like that. But it's my pleasure. I just did it. These are always the things I like doing. It's always nice to help someone because people always have helped me through my career. And it's always nice to give something back. Not good with words.

He really isn't. The worst. The worst. The worst here. So they said he's almost naive, as he's described in this article. They said currently he's trying to build a big house in Newcastle for homeless children to live in. They said a lot of kids end up in London living on the streets. I think we're getting help from Newcastle United as well,

so we're hoping to build a massive house for these kids. Then when it's up and running, I'll go and play table tennis with them, or five a side football and pool. What the fuck are you talking about? He's going to build a place?

He's going to build Neverland Ranch? Yeah, he's going to build a giant house for orphan kids, and he's going to go there so he can play ping pong with them. It'll give him a thrill, you see. What the fuck is he talking about? This is a weird guy, man. He's got a big fear of rabid dogs in Botswana. That's his biggest fear.

He's going to get bit by a rabid dog, because there's a lot of dogs in the streets. And I guess not after cats, though. He's not afraid of cats here. So he did go to the nature reserve and meet cheetahs. Oh. Yeah. So that's how it is. He goes to pet the cheetahs here.

Before dinner, there's a display of Botswanan dancing. Quote, and I'm going to quote this right from the paper because I don't think I'd put it this way. Be careful. A booty-shaking stomp around the fire. Okay. That feels wrong, right? It does. Okay.

When the country's health minister, Sheila Denotse Stulu, asks him for a dance, he's up in a flash, half waltzing, half disco dancing. We know what the dance is. We saw it's up in a flash, half waltzing, half disco dancing. We know what the dance is. We saw it on both videos. Don't say waltzing. It's this and this, and then he does this over and over. It's very white guy at a party drunk dancing. That's what it is. He's two seconds away from breaking out the sprinkler.

Like, he's that bad. Like somebody's dad in 2005 is how he dances. Basically, it's drunk uncle at a wedding. That's what he does. Yeah, totally. So they said that Gascoigne reveals his party trick, which thankfully does not involve plastic breasts or dentist chairs. He takes a napkin and writes the numbers one to ten on them, then asked the minister to pick one. He shows us that the number matches what he had written down on the reverse side. This works a couple of times until he tries it on the wife of Britain's

ambassador to Botswana. She picks wrong number after wrong number. Guess again, guess again, until finally she's left with one digit. And obviously that matched. She said she was impressed and won over by his irresistible grin and obvious pride in getting it right.

Eventually, I'm almost wishing for the return of the plastic breasts, the article says. Please come over and ask for, people come over, ask for a signed photo. He does every one without any weariness. As the evening comes to an end, two Botswanan national footballers say goodbye. And he says, nice to meet you. I'll score a goal against you tomorrow. Okay. So, yeah.

The next day, they're supposed to go to the largest hospital in the area here, but they can't find Paul. Uh-huh. So the one guy has to visit the hospital alone, where more than 15,000 people are registered at the infectious diseases clinic, almost all of them HIV positive, and he's not there. So they said, they're like, you know, everybody had gone to bed the night before. What happened? Turns out that they figured out that Paul, everybody went to bed the night before all happy and, you know, feeling good about themselves.

the night before, all happy and feeling good about themselves. He got up in the middle of the night and wandered down to the hotel casino where he lost his credit card and his little schedule book. So he didn't know where he was supposed to be going. Didn't know where he was supposed to go, and he ended up trying to find his list and his card in the casino, in the hotel room. Didn't find it until after dawn. Yeah.

So that was his story. He didn't go there and gamble and party. He lost everything and had to search the hotel from top to bottom for six hours. Not that he just gambled and drank and then fell asleep because he's a person. So they said they, uh quote although he won't say i wonder whether the temptations of the casino have been too great to resist only last week he was caught out on a seven hour bet binge in a london casino by the sun newspaper jesus but he maintains his ocd kicked in and he couldn't rest until he'd found his list when he realized he was too exhausted for the hospital trip he said he quote cried his eyes out i really wanted to be surrounded by the most aids ever he said this is i'm so sad i'm missing this he's not sad he's missing it he did

that he knew he was going to miss it when he went to the casino so public criticism of him particularly from his family has shaken him he said obviously there's a lot going on at the moment. As regards getting stick from my ex-wife or from my stepdaughter being on the TV show, it doesn't help when they're giving you stick. But most of it is lies. He said, I'll move on and they can do what they want. By the afternoon, he's back hanging out with the kids again, playing soccer with them, doing all kinds of shit like that. He and Clements play a game that involves passing a ball and shouting condom as you receive it. I don't understand that game at all.

Condom! Just to let them know condoms exist. They know, hopefully by now. So he basically is like, tell you what, we're going to get the word condom stuck in these people's head like an earworm. And we're just going to do that. Had your parents worn one, they'd still be here. You wouldn't, but they would. The approach is a little naive, but here the need to reduce the stigma surrounding the use of condoms is overwhelming.

But here, the need to reduce the stigma surrounding the use of condoms is overwhelming. Despite the high levels of infection in Botswana, where the average life expectancy has plunged by 20 years since the 70s to 37. Average life expectancy is 37 because of AIDS. It was only 57. Yeah, which is not great. But, I mean, there's not a lot of hospitals and medical care. And, you know, it's not the same level of hippos. I'm sure there's fucking rabid dogs in the street.

I mean, there's a lot of shit that can get you there. They said there's still a sense of shame around the disease. And Gascoigne said, quote, I've never said the word condom so many times in my life, he says. Yeah. So they say they think that football can deliver messages that people cannot so football coaches command respect among a teenage audience and for the last six years you know soccer which they've been trying to develop in this country has included messages about hiv and its training so they're like kick the ball like now what you want to do you want to go through the around the back of the net put a condom on

just while you're back there just for just for the fuck I know you're not fucking anybody

you're in the middle of a game but just wear one just to get the feel of it

the fit of it you know that sort of thing he said there are some kids

that obviously weren't born when Gaza was playing but they knew him because his name goes before

him it's people that like football who where possible should be involved, especially where kids are concerned, because they're the ones that can get the message across.

So they said, will he continue to work with children in football? And he said, quote, I don't know yet. Okay, well. He's not sure? Not sure. I don't know yet. Not absolutely. This is important. I don't know yet. He said, I enjoyed it playing football with the kids. I feel a little bit stiff now. I haven't played for a while, but that's just because I've had a difficult time because of the neck injury and the other little injuries I've had. And then he goes on to say that he hopes to train to be a professional coach, but he says it's not going to be an overnight thing.

And he said, I'm not in any hurry to do anything, just taking my time. And they're like, yeah, but we were just asking, are you going to help AIDS kids more again? I don't know. I might be too busy. You're real selfish and weird and self-centered. I might be coaching the World Cup. I don't know. You never know.

I could be coaching everybody. Maybe I'll play. Maybe I'll be the best guy on the team. You don't know. Who knows? He said, asked about the future. He gives the addict's reply. I don't try and think weeks ahead.

I try to take it one day at a time. That's the only way I try to live at the moment, just a day at a time. Whatever happens, that day happens. Yep. So, yeah, he said, I like to think I'm a more relaxed person. I moved on. I'm chilling out now. I'm not rushing about or doing anything mad.

I'm just enjoying life. Yeah, got to do it it slow one day at a time enjoying life um absolutely enjoying life which is fucking hilarious um so he he uh the charges the assault charges end up getting dropped i think i said that may 29 2007 gas coin has emergency surgery. Uh-oh. He has a perforated stomach ulcer. What? It's a bleeding ulcer. That is not good. You'd die from that.

How does it get perforated? That's when it's bleeding, I think. It just ate through? Yeah. My mother had that once, and she died for a minute. It was bad. Jesus Christ. It was really bad. They take her in an ambulance.

It was crazy. So not great. So they said he had to have surgery, which was believed died for a minute. It was bad. Jesus. It was really bad. They take her in an ambulance. It was crazy. So not great. So they said he had to have surgery, which was believed to be a success. His agent issued a statement and said Paul Gascoigne was admitted to hospital with severe stomach pains. He underwent emergency surgery for perforated stomach ulcer and will remain in hospital for a few days. He's recovering well after the surgery. Complained of stomach pains. He was taken to Newcastle General Hospital

before being transferred to the Royal Victoria where he underwent surgery. His best friend Five Belly's there. I guess was with him when he fell ill and they said it's the second time in less than a week that he's been admitted to the hospital. Jesus Christ that's not good. This is like

his 38th surgery. and the 30th at least 33rd i guess a week before he had complained of chest pains after he'd gotten home from a trip to dubai and was taken to the general hospital in barnett in north london and had an ekg and fucking all sorts of stress tests and all that. However, he denied those claims for some reason, even though everybody saw him there and knew what he was doing, insisting that the hospital visit was caused by burnt feet. What? It was just burnt feet, he said, not chest pains.

He said, in Dubai, I stupidly played football on the sand without shoes, and I burnt my feet, and now they're really sore. So he went to the emergency room for that. Really? They're just sore. Yeah. The agent said Paul categorically denies having any heart palpitations or tests on his heart. He went to have his feet bandaged.

Okay. Jesus fucking Christ. So they keep talking about all of his problems and everything like that. They go down his list of failures, and they said it has to come down to the person himself. This is what Gordon Taylor is going to say about him. If he has problems, he can come to us, but it's down to the person himself. You can only really provide help when it's asked for. I have a high regard for Paul. He's a lovable character. He's been under a very big spotlight throughout his career.

And, of course, he has well-documented problems off the field. No kidding. Obviously, he's had a lot of people helping him. They'll help him through anything. February 21, 2008. He's in Northumbria, and the police are holding him here at the Gateshead Hilton Hotel, where there was some concern about his behavior, apparently. Shocker. He had been asked to leave the hotel earlier that day after a disturbance.

Police said he was not in custody and was receiving medical treatment now. So they picked his ass up for being crazy is what it sounds like. We don't have him. The hospital has him. Yeah, we were like, no, this is too much for us. We don't have medication for this guy. Yeah. So it's understood that he had moved to the Hilton Hotel

after leaving the Malmaison in the early hours of Wednesday. North Umbria police confirmed that he'd been detained under the Mental Health Act. A Hilton spokesperson said, we can confirm that the guest in question checked into the hotel early on Wednesday, February 20th. There was no disturbance caused at the Hilton. We did receive a phone call from the police later that day. Since then, we can confirm that he was escorted calmly from the hotel, and we are continuing

to cooperate with police. So he's, yeah, he's being put. Was he 5150'd elsewhere? No, it was here they took him in. He's being sectioned under the Mental Health Act here. I'm trying to figure out what he did here. I guess the police attended the Hilton Hotel in Gateshead after receiving a report of concern for a 40-year-old man staying at the hotel.

The man was detained. No one was injured during the incident. I guess that's good. They said he'd only been staying one night. He checked in. He actually came in from the police. Actually, the call came in from the police, so it was not from the Hilton. From our end, the police call came in and we were obviously happy to help, but there was nothing that happened at the hotel to make us think that there was anything wrong once the police arrived that evening. He was escorted peacefully away. So I guess, I don't know if he called the cops and said he was having problems. He called the hospital maybe and then the cops came. I'm not sure. But he's still in the hospital for a while

and they said Mr. Gascoigne had been staying with us for 10 days, oh, at the hotel for 10 days and had been a perfectly friendly guest. That's the hotel he was at before that. There was an incident at approximately 3 a.m. on Wednesday morning that led to a firearm being triggered. Fire alarm? Alarm being triggered.

And then he left shortly afterwards um a court a source at the hotel said his behavior had caused concern among a number of staff and guests he's a fucking mess let's just say that june 3rd 2008 he continues to be treated for health problems mental health problems here uh he spent two weeks in the hospital in february with similar problems that we just talked about. Now he's back again. So he's having a lot of problems, including he can't stop drinking, OCD here. His sister, June 4, 2008, there's an article that says,

Sister fears for Gascoigne's life. Because of his drinking and mental health problems, Anna Gascoigne believes the ex-England player needs professional help and complained that hospitals are able to treat him only as a drunk person rather than dealing with the very dangerous combination of depression and addiction. Yeah. They said, he's been drinking, I believe, to escape. It's been a vicious circle.

I have feared for his life the last couple weeks. Well, I assume they can only hold him while he's dangerous you know what i mean he's got a he's got a voluntarily by his own choice seek help right they can't hold him till he's not a doesn't want to drink anymore that's not the state's job like yeah they can't do that they can hold him until he's what they determine is not a danger to himself or others. Yeah, that's it. Otherwise, what the fuck are they going to do?

Right. Now, listen, Paul. The state has decided to keep you from drinking. That's not really what happens. We're not allowing it anymore. Yeah. So June 7th, 2008, he's having some problems here. This is from the Gazette, and it says,

Sad State is the headline. Oh, no. That's not good. Former England star Paul Gascoigne's downward spiral continued last week as he was sent to a mental hospital for a second time this year after being seen in an agitated state in Hemel Hempstead, England. Oh. An agitated state. Oh, an agitated state. June 7th, 2008, he broke down and apologized to his ex-wife, Cheryl, for beating her during their stormy two year marriage.

He said he's been tortured with guilt over what he put her through and denied the whole time. And this is at the at the clinic that he's at. He's yelling and screaming. He's being treated for drink and drug addictions that lead to suicidal depression, violent outbursts, schizophrenia, and panic attacks. My God. Jesus Christ. I guess Cheryl has visited him since he was

put in this facility. And I guess he was apologizing to her. I think therapy's part of the whole proceedings. Or he's at that step where you gotta make amends make your amends here um one of the people who knew the close to the couple said cheryl is 100 paul's rock she has promised she will not leave his side now and is going to be there for him every step of the way they've been divorced for 10 years and have had

and have this week spoken at length about how Paul mistreated Cheryl. He told her he would never raise a hand to her now and is so sorry for what he did to her. Yeah, I bet. Cheryl has forgiven Paul, but he is still haunted by the violence. It's what began his demise into drinking drugs.

Gaza told a friend, I made up that she's in my life again. I want us to become a proper family again. She's a remarkable woman. I don't deserve her. He has taken up embroidery to keep his mind off his trouble. Oh, is that right? Imagine this crazy fuck trying to embroider something.

Wow. Something would be a little off. He'd lose it and rip it up and throw it away. He also loves soap operas on TV now. Really? Yes. up and throw it away um he also loves soap operas on tv now and uh yes and also he's been gaining weight by eating tons of spotted dick he said really yeah tons of it what is that i don't know is it a sausage is it a cheese diseased penis i assume i have no idea and custard oh yeah i can understand that that's good shit. Yeah. He spent his father's day with his son, his 12-year-old son.

It was the first time in three years he's seen his only child. Unbelievable. Wow. Cheryl's expected to bring the kid back again so they can work on rebuilding their relationship. Three years apart. Fuck me, man. relationship three years apart fuck me man um so september 13th 2008 he leaves his rehab clinic he's in portugal yeah and he leaves his rehab clinic and hours later he's having his stomach pumped to wash out more drinks and drugs that he took in an apparent suicide attempt. Oh, really?

Yeah, just got out of the hospital, said he was fine, and then not. Went to Portugal to end it all. Yep. Police found him in a semi-conscious state at a five-star hotel in the Algarve, where he is reported to have been holidaying with friends since last month. He's believed to have suspected drug overdose as an attempt after an emotional argument a few hours earlier with his ex-wife and her daughter Bianca who had traveled with him to Portugal

to try to convince him to stop drinking. Wow. They went to Portugal to tell him not to do it. Yeah, to stop doing it. An ambulance took him to the hospital where he was put on a saline drip. The hospital spokesperson said last night that Gascoigne had been treated and was released. So this is obviously just a disaster now.

A fucking disaster. Sources were quoted in the newspaper saying police were called because some trouble at the hotel and then requested medical support. He's a mess. He was sedated. Medics washed out his stomach they said september 19th 2008 here we go gas coin arrested after clash with photographer a different photographer this really yes he's got to stop doing that this is uh they're gonna take your picture that's just gonna happen he's not a fan of him not a big fan here uh paul was arrested

on suspicion of causing criminal damage. He was involved in a confrontation with a photographer while leaving a pub. And so I guess he smashed a camera or something. November 5, 2008, Paul owes taxes in the sum of 200,000 pounds. Oh, that's a lot. That's a lot of money. thousand pounds oh that's a lot that's a lot of money he's been given nine weeks of breathing space here to file his late tax returns and fend off a bankruptcy petition by revenue and custom shit he has not filed any returns in the past two years none just didn't file anything in two years

yeah which is weird because it seems like it's easier to get away with that than filing false shit. Yeah. Like, you always hear, how often do you hear, like, a guy, someone will have a huge tax bill, and, like, he owes $5 million in back taxes, but there's no, like, he's going to go to jail. Right. But then, like, Wesley Snipes went to jail. So, like, what the fuck is the difference? The difference has to be you tried to cheat or another one.

It's better just to not file it, apparently. At least I didn't lie. I just didn't do it. I guess that's what it is, yeah. We didn't talk about it. We didn't talk about it. Didn't give myself the opportunity to lie. Yeah, I guess that's literally what it is, I think.

So they said that it's about 200,000 pounds here. A London bankruptcy court said the case was adjourned until he could give him nine more weeks, see if he can come up with the money here. So his solicitor, his lawyer, Craig Montgomery, told the deputy register that the financial affairs of Paul were complex. It's very complex. Involving interests overseas, and time was needed to submit returns and liquidate

assets to meet his liabilities. Yeah. Normal people with day jobs don't try to understand this. There are interests from overseas. Listen, we have overseas things. He's got a big interest in Botswanian AIDS stuff that's going on. You don't understand it. He's got interest in Botswan and Trojans.

The man owns an ostrich. I mean, I can't get into all the complications that we're dealing with here. So 2009, July 23rd, 2009, he flirts with Ann Robinson on an episode of The Weakest Link. Oh, the what? He's flirting with the weakest link lady um it was the harry potter looking lady yep the sporting heroes episode of the weakest link he's like bring that ass over here i'll give it a ride no condoms over here buddy by the way i i told whatever you think i told those kids is bullshit she looks like an eight-year-old boy. Robinson asked him if he's still fit, and he replies, I'm as fit as I did have the chance once and I turned you down.

I'm mad. He's like, I could have fucked you. I should have. Should have really fucked you when I had the chance, he said on TV. She's like, can we cut that snip there? Is he drunk? Yeah. she's like can we cut that snip there is he drunk yeah so she said now come on gaza we were really uh we were in the gym together i didn't know i had the chance i've been off that treadmill really i'd have been off that treadmill really fast oh she would have done it yeah yeah i think she would

have yeah he's got to be drunk he's got to be drunk. He's got to be. Afterwards, he said, quote, you should have seen how quick I peddled when I saw you, darling. I'm single until I meet up with you later. Jesus Christ. Later in the show, he tells the audience that he was hoping the quiz questions would be in his wheelhouse about, quote, rehab cocktails and beer. That's stuff I know about what's all this history that is fucking hilarious then he played another charity football game

the next day here March 29th 2010 Paul is charged with drunk driving or drink driving as it's known over there they were called to a disturbance at a takeaway in Leeming Bar, North Yorkshire.

And yeah, he's got problems with this. He ran through the drive-thru drunk? I think he was drunk hanging out at this place getting food. He's also been charged with driving without insurance and driving without what, Jimmy? A license. Anything. Anything at all.

No, remember, we've forgotten how bad of a driver he was because he's done so much other dumb shit that it's. That's right. He's also a terrible driver and a drunk one at that. So he and another man who faces similar charges will appear before the magistrates. The other man, I don't know why we're even talking about him, but he's in this article that really. Yeah. here before the magistrates. The other man, I don't know why we're even talking about him, but he's in this article that really, who's, who's aged 40 has been charged with drinking and driving, being in charge of a motor vehicle whilst over the limit driving whilst

disqualified and driving without insurance. The two men, men were charged after answering bail at North Allerton police station on Sunday. Hoof man, what a mess here. So may 7th, 2010 Oof, man, what a mess here. So, May 7th, 2010,

Cheryl was suing the News of the World featured Paul's reaction to her claims of violent and sexual assault last year. Yeah. At a high court in London, it was accepted the article, quote, you lying

bitch, is the name of the article. Yeah. That's a nice name. Had suggested that Ms. Gascoigne had lied. The libel laws are a lot looser there. A lot. Really?

Here you have to show malicious intent. You have to show that you meant to fucking hurt somebody and you knew it wasn't true. You can just sue somebody for saying you lying bitch? can sue it's a lot looser there that's why you hear these lawsuits all the time where like american stars like tom cruise and scientology they sue the fucking tabloids over there all the time for saying the exact same shit the tabloids here say but they can't sue for that can't do anything yeah which is good because you know otherwise we would have nothing to look at, read, hear about. Everybody would just sue everybody. So the paper gave an unreserved apology and the court awarded her a five-figure sum in return.

Yeah, in libel costs here. Wow. was published in the news of the world on october 11 2009 and featured mr gas coin's response to an interview given in the newspaper about her book stronger my life surviving gaza the week before imagine if somebody had a book called stronger my life surviving jimmy imagine how terrible that would be surviving jimmy wissman wouldn't that be awful you've got jesus all in there it's all yeah she was the original surviving this person yeah that's that's wow wow and so so she can write that and and he can't say that lying bitch well he can't no no he can't say he can say because he said it wasn't true for a long time okay and that was fine because he can say because it's between the two of them.

But when the paper publishes, they're publishing, I guess, their title, You Lying Bitch, and they're suggesting that what she said wasn't true, not just by the title but in the article, rather than just quoting Paul as saying that, I guess. They were suggesting that he was telling the truth or whatever the fucking deal was. It said the article suggested that Ms. Gascoigne had lied in both her book and the interview by falsely claiming that Mr. Gascoigne had forced himself on her sexually. It also suggested that she had lied in both her book and interviews by falsely suggesting or claiming that she suffered repeated acts of violence at the hands of Paul.

The solicitor for the defendant here, News Group Newspapers, told the judge, the defendant, through me, apologizes to Mrs. Gascoigne and joins in the making of this statement to assist in setting the record straight. She said, I'm just glad that justice is done. There we go. So she successfully sued over that shit, which is amazing. Unbelievable. Honestly. And she also said that Paul has started drinking again,

which is not good here. July 2010, there is a North Umbria police manhunt here for a guy. This guy was, I guess, accused of killing a bunch of people and having a big standoff and all this type of shit. Now, this will make sense in a second here. A policeman hunt. It was a major police operation conducted across Tyne and Ware and Northumberland, fog on the Tyne, being all mine and all, with

the objective of apprehending fugitive Raoul Mote. After killing one person and wounding two others in a two-day shooting spree in July 2010, the 37-year-old ex-prisoner went on the run for nearly a week. The manhunt concluded when Mote died by suicide

having shot himself near the town of rothbury northumberland wow jesus following a six-hour standoff with armed police officers uh moat's victims were ex-girlfriend samantha stowbert her new partner chris brown jesus really england killed their chris. Done and done. Ladies, you can come out now. It's all safe. Stobert was hospitalized and Brown was killed while Rathban remains in the hospital for nearly three weeks and was prematurely blinded or permanently blinded before dying by suicide. Mote shot the three with a sawed-off shotgun two days after his release from Durham prison. Wow.

Six days on the run. After six days on the run, Mote was recognized by police and contained in the open, leading to a standoff. After nearly six hours of negotiation, Mote was shot with experimental wireless long-range electric shock weapon, long-range taser. They fired electrified rounds, which proved ineffective. Well, there's that experiment

never mind both then shot himself in the head and was pronounced dead here um yes the manhunt began after the shootings in the early hours of july 3rd 2010 here we go now we talked about that to get to this gas coin appears in northumberland town on Friday night in an attempt to smooth negotiations between the police and the fugitive. He showed up. To negotiate? It didn't work. To negotiate. Gaza showed up and said, maybe I can talk about it.

You know why? Because he was a, quote, good friend of Moat. Oh. He, in the middle of a police standoff, Gaza's like, let me get involved here. I got this. I got this. He's just murdered multiple people.

I'll take care of this. He brought him Botswana. I'm terrible. I'm really good with stuff, though. Watch me do this. Watch me bring him, quote, a can of lager, some chicken, a mobile phone and something to keep warm. A blanket. OK.

phone and something to keep warm a blanket okay um he told the radio station gaza quote he is willing to give in now i just want to give him some time or i want to give him some therapy and say come on modi it's gaza wow he is all right simply as that i am willing to help him i've come all the way from newcastle to rothbury to find him and have a chat with him i guarantee modi he won't shoot me i'm good friends with him no he shot himself yeah wow so he showed up that's fucking amazing um hilarious so uh they said reacting with shock to the news that gas coin was there his agent his agent said, quote, he's doing what? Literally. They're like, so your client's going to intervene and stand in the middle of a police, an armed standoff with a triple murderer. And then he said, what the fuck are you talking about?

It's going to do what? He literally said, quote, he's doing what? I am sitting, have enjoying an evening meal in my orca i'm speechless what a fucking idiot is what he just said is that are you fucking serious he did for real no yes fuck um wow uh that's amazing so uh the 20th that month he has been warned he could be jailed after admitting driving. He was just talking about how he drove while being more than four times the legal limit of alcohol. Fuck.

Jesus. He was stopped by police on October 8th. He is due to stand trial for drinking and driving. And they said he had 142 milligrams of alcohol and 100 milliliters of breath when he was stopped. The legal limit is 35. He had 142. That's a lot.

That seems like a lot more. That's about five times the limit of what you're supposed to, or at least four times. So the judge said all options up to and including a custodial sentence were open and a 12-week jail term was possible given the high level of alcohol recorded. Wow. That's trying to kill yourself drunk. Yeah.

That's like John Bonham drunk. You can't be that fucking drunk out there. Holy shit. So he's supposed to go on court for a separate drinking and driving charge as well. When asked about the appeal. Wow. That's so funny. I'm still laughing about the, wow, that's so, I'm still laughing at the agent going, he's doing what?

Where is he? I didn't set that up. Yeah, I don't get 10% of that. This isn't my doing, but I just want to let you know, I didn't get him that gig to intervene in police fucking standoffs with armed murderers.

That's, he said he won't shoot me. I'm Gaza. That's who he is. Thrice murderer. He's killed three people. Killed his ex-girlfriend. He liked her at some point, too. Killed her. He's like, but I'm Gaza. He won't kill me. It's fine. And he didn't, though. That's the thing.

Killed himself first. October 2010, for some reason, he came close to being appointed manager of a team. Really? Who the fuck would let him manage anything? What team? I wouldn't let him manage a McDonald's at this point.

Garforth Town. Maybe there's a lot of suicides there. He's trying to talk somebody down. Maybe there's a lot of police standoffs and aides around there and ostriches. So after weeks of talks between his agent and the club, he decided to turn down the offer. Yeah.

But he says he does want to be a football manager. He's turning down offers. I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here. Wow. That is fucking amazing. That's incredible. October 23, 2010, he is arrested again.

Uh-oh. Suspicion of possessing drugs. Not good here. What kind? This is the day after he was told he could face prison for drunk driving. Oh. So he is on suspicion of possessing a Class A substance after a raid at a house in North Tyneside. Interesting.

They confirmed that he has been arrested along with charges with another man who was arrested on suspicion of supplying the drugs. That's interesting here. Let's see if we can find it out. November 4th, 2010. They delay his drunk driving trial because he's got other problems now. They're worried about other problems here. November 12th, 2010. He is supposed to appear in court to be sentenced for drunk driving after he went to rehab.

And instead, he does not show up. He just doesn't show up. Nope. He didn't even go. Nope. His lawyer said he went to rehab instead. They're like, no, we were going to send him there. Send him there.

The process has been delayed a couple of times. And the judge said it will be within his powers to jail him for not attending, but it would feel like a sledgehammer cracking a nut, he said. If he's in rehab, I'm going to pull him out of rehab to throw him in jail so we can put him back in rehab when he's done. Let's let him finish rehab, and then we'll sentence him in November. So, you know, why do that? However, he was frustrated, the judge. He thought he was very annoyed by it. He asked the lawyer, quote, who's running the show?

You can't get your fucking client here. The judge said that Gascoigne was unfit to be interviewed by probation officers when he attended a meeting last Thursday because he was drunk. He showed up. There's a pre-sentencing report for his drunk driving to figure

out what his sentence is going to be. He had to show up to talk to people about how he's not going to be bad and going to be good and he showed up fucking drunk for that. I'm not going to drink. That is insane. Are you drunk right now? Yes. Yes, I yes i am and i'm very very happy about it again

i have an ostrich so wait till you see what's in the bag wow he's a fucking mess probation officers could now interview gas coin while he's in rehab, and the judge said, repeating all his sentencing options, including jail, were open. The lawyer said, the situation is that I received information through the course of the last 48 hours advising me that Mr. Gascoigne

has been readmitted into a rehabilitative institution in the south of the country. And the judge went, you know, he just went, Jesus Christ. That's wild. So December 10, 2012, Paul Gascoigne has escaped the prospect of spending Christmas behind bars. He didn't escape rehab. The troubled former New England midfielder was given an eight week sentence suspended for a year.

What a guy. So that judge is a mensch right there. Truly. He's also banned from driving for three years and handed an alcohol treatment order. He's got to get his shit together, too. I guess police had seen him driving an MG erratically and he admitted drunk driving. That's how this whole thing started. And, you know, this whole thing's a mess. His lawyer said, quote, the talk now is of an extensive and elongated period of support while not actually under the roof of the Providence project, but certainly within easy reach, given the continued support they would propose to offer. So previously

it has been on his terms. He's gone in and he's used it as he saw fit and, of course, relapsed because he had not done the full program. This time it's being done on their terms. So they said it was a 12-week thing with a third of it as credit for the guilty plea was appropriate, a third of it off, I guess. Yeah. So he's got to go in for eight weeks. for the guilty plea was appropriate, a third of it off, I guess. So he's got to go in for eight weeks.

He said the suspended sentence, that's the suspended sentence, was in recognition of his progress in this program. He said, if you reoffend in the next 12 months, though, we will trigger the term. And he said, quote, I hope to not see you again. Ever. Yeah. Gascon said that he was relieved and he said it was a good result and that's uh outside the court well wishers shouted tune army never surrenders i don't know

what that means tuna army tune army oh like t-o-o-n not tune like he wrote a tune like a cartoon uh he signed autographs he got into his lawyer's car, and there he was, going off now. He sported a Manchester City pendant on the passenger window of the car. It wasn't his, it was the lawyer's car, which he didn't play for, which is funny. He was also tried on a separate charge of drinking and driving, which he denies. He's a mess. So, like we said, May 25, 2011, his bankruptcy case is dismissed. A bankruptcy petition against him has been dismissed.

The judge was told during a hearing that lasted just minutes that Gascoigne, whose clubs included Newcastle, Tottenham, and Rangers, had reached an agreement with his creditors. So he won't have to do anything here. He owes the tax man 32,000 pounds and faced a bankruptcy petition. He owed the creditors the rest. So they're going to give him some time to pay off the full debt within a structured time scale, which I thought was kind of what bankruptcy was here. So they heard that an individual voluntary arrangement has been done, and he has to pay 825 pounds in court costs. Now, 2011, he writes another autobiography. I don't know how many autobiographies.

This one should be great, though. It doesn't sound like it. It's called, quote, Glorious, My World, Football, and Me. No, he's lying. It's bullshit. It's a nice one there. He's a lying bitch. That's in 2011.

Let's leave it there. Let's leave it in 2011. And we will have to have a part four where he just keeps getting arrested. He's still fucking up all the way up until like a month ago there was shit going on with him. So there's a lot more to talk about pretty much all crime from here on out there's really not much else to talk about but he keeps getting arrested for dumb shit and drinking we'll talk about that we will leave off and uh we'll pick back up on august 3rd 2011 where he sues the sons uh the son the paper over allegations of defamation and invasion of privacy so that will be a really fucking good time here terrific um so we'll pick up on that so there we

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So if only, gee, podcasters, what are they doing here? They're competing with 45 fucking million people making podcasts, YouTube, every fucking streaming thing on the face of the earth, live stuff. That's what you're, sports. You're competing with all of this earth, live stuff. That's where you're competing. Sports.

You're competing with all of this, okay? Then it's just going to be audio. Then it's just going to be this. Then it's just going to be that. Then why don't we make it so they don't even get the shit all the time? How about that? Right. How about that?

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on 420 as well we're wearing costumes that are going to be fun so that'll be good shit so that said jimmy i'd like to hear something from you i'd like to hear the names of the most fantastic people in the world who keep our show going and who get amazing stuff on Patreon every two weeks. Jimmy hit me with that list right fucking now. This week's executive producer, Peyton Meadows, Kyle Norwig. He's an enormous fan of fog on the time.

Vanessa Thompson, angry lesbian socialist, and all of our other producers this week. Holy shit. Strap in. We have Jacob Cook, Maria Victoria Munoz in Scotland, Melissa Spears in Australia.

Joel Sellerite, I think. S.J. Surridge. Anna Mueller. Janice Hill. Brandi Davis. Alexandra Jane. Jack Emoff. Jack Emoff.

All right. Ellen with no last name. Jason Bryce. Yep. Rich Pop. Popey, maybe. Poppy. Jacqueline with no last name.

Zebra with no last name. Rory McBride. Lacey Lady. Yeah, that's true. Jeff Scherer. No, it's not Lacey. Is it Foxy? Foxy Lady was that pup that died. Oh, that's what that was. Foxy Lady is another one. There's also Lacey Lady. Jeff Scherer.

Keenan Kieljew. Kooljew. Oh, boy. Kooljew? I don't know. It's K-U-L-J-U. That's not what it sounds like. Kylie Sheryl Braden. Braden? Oh, boy. Kulju? I don't know. It's K-U-L-J-U. That's not what it sounds like. Kylie, Cheryl, Brayden. Brayden? Oh, Shognacy. Joe Crystal, Rebecca Miller, Deb Deb, Gentry T, Beja Polowski, Braxton Heiserman, Lys, L-I-L-Y-S, Lyssa.

Oh, I think it's Alyssa. Holly Mobley, Valerie Johnson, Neil Roper, Alex Rennertz, Harvey with no last name, Stephanie Wilson, Jake Phillips, Lindsay Galvin, Joanna Smarzinski, Maddie Shug, Kevin Richards, Joe Bacich, Tess Ledoux, a boy from Oz. Spencer Morey. Shea Grant. Haley with no last name. Joseph Relling. Riling. James L. J. Winborn.

Wing King. Carolyn Munns. Burt Booker. Aaron Henson. Bobby Gagne. Gagne, maybe? Gagne. Gagne. Gagne. Gagne. Alright, Tony Spigany. Regalette. Angela H. Rebecca L. i'm just moving on ebony ingram amy o hannah lee billings uh buck fan 357 hope you stay away from anything that's a 357 that is a

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