Crime in Sports - #394 - Confidence For A "Fat Lass" - Paul "Gazza" Gascoigne - Part 4

Episode Date: February 6, 2024

This week, we finish up this epic tale with our subject's life, flying downhill. His career is over, but his career with getting arrested, is really picking up steam. He fights at bars, he tries to make a "fat lass" feel good about herself, he makes hacky racial jokes, and goes to rehab, more times than we could keep track of. The only question is, will he survive until the end of the episode?Sue multiple newspapers for invading your privacy, make yourself a public menace of the rails, and often be found in a state of mess, on the sidewalk with Paul "Gazza" Gascoigne!!Check us out, every Tuesday!We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!! Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman Donate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail] Get all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.com Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!!  Contact us on... twitter.com/crimeinsports [e-mail] facebook.com/Crimeinsports instagram.com/smalltownmurderSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!! I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Crime and Sports. Yay! Ha ha, yay indeed, Jimmy. Yay indeed. My name is James Petrigallo.

I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman. Thank you, folks, so much for joining us today. We are going to take it home today with Gaza. Hell yeah. Part four. Let's put a ribbon on him. I'm telling you, this will be obviously our longest one one so far we've done three parts on other people this is a four-parter until we get to vince mcmahon

and his 68 part epic when we decide to end the show that's what we're going to say we're going to end it in one year and it'll be a 52 part vince mcmahon episode until the end that's how we'll do it that's how we're going to end the and it's just gonna be a ball change the name of the show just to the vince mcmahon uh chronicles tribulations chronicles the vince chronicles and i'll do problems and i'll do the entire shows in my vince mcmahon voice and then i'll have throat surgery afterwards because i'll sound like this it's already like i don't it's already like this show is just the ballcast coin show i don't know i don't remember the last time we covered anybody no it does because we've been this is but you know what that's actually good because that's what it's like to know no paul or

or no of paul is to have paul's his orbit yeah yeah is to have paul's horse shit take over everything because that's what he is. You know what? That worked then. It's an enigma. We did it. We hopefully gave you the feeling of what it's like to know this man because I feel like that's what it would be. Welcome to Paul Gascoigne 4.

That's right. Paul Gascoigne 4. We will get into that very quickly, though. Shut up and give me murder.com is the site. Head there. Merch is up. And also, tickets for live shows for Small Town Murder. That's the name of the show, right?

Small Town Murder. Oh, yeah. That'll be 2024. The whole catalog is on sale. So get in there and do that. You also certainly want to listen to your stupid opinions if you haven't yet. I don't know what you're waiting for. There is a ball stretcher this week oh there's a motel you guys more rats than people and then

frontier which is worse than a motel with more rats than people a nightclub where there's a lot of punching going on this week in the show it's crazy it's very fun punching and rats and roaches check all poop is everywhere of course course. Check that out for sure. So get into that. And a tiny sex pest named Sean. Yeah, that's a tiny man in a polo shirt named Sean who will trade sexual favors for drinks, allegedly. You definitely want Patreon.

Patreon.com slash crime and sports. Let's face it. Our Patreon is the best value in podcasting. We're not going to lie to you. $5 a month or above gives you a giant back catalog of episodes. You're going to get over 200 episodes immediately to back the catalog binge. And then you're going to get new ones every other week. One Crime and Sports.

One Small Town Murder. And you get it all. All of it. All of it. And this week what we're going to do for Crime and Sports, we're going to talk about the strangest crime in sports, one small town murder, and you get it all. All of it! All of it. And this week what we're going to do for crime in sports, we're going to talk about the strangest injuries in sports history. This is everything from

Sid Justice jumping off the top rope and snapping his leg to the guy kicking himself in the back of the head in baseball as he tried to go to first base. All that shit we're going to talk about all the way back in time. And there's some weird ones from back in the day, so we'll get into that. Then, for small town murder, we're going to talk about all the way back in time. And there's some weird ones from back in the day. So we'll get into that. Then for small town murder, we're going to talk about old timey murders.

And these are some this is like a popular demand one. We had to bring back because a lot of people are asking about it. We go back into old newspaper archives from way back in time and we find some horrid things that people did. It's crazy. And the newspaper was just completely frank about just horribly like wow that is wild stuff so check that out patreon.com slash crime and sports and jimmy will mispronounce your name at the end of the show you bet while he would love to get it correct so that said let's get into this because holy shit we need to clean up old paulie here heart for now where we left off last

week was he had just it's 2011 yeah and he had just finished another autobiography his third i believe autobiography this one mainly just a fluff piece about his career just like his soccer memories and shit like that yeah this is less about his fuck-ups which is pretty funny yeah because this is when he's trying to turn a new public leaf here he wants he wants to be like a manager of a team so yeah to be like in charge of it's one thing to be a player and be crazy that's fine But to be in charge of something, people like you to be reasonably stable. Be nice. Looks like you're going to show up on time

with a lineup, run a practice correctly, have a plan of how to win the game. Whistle. The manager or the coach of a team has to be the most organized person there. They have to make sure. Clipboard and shit. They have to know what everybody's doing. You kind of can't be a fuck fuck up to do that sort of thing.

So he's trying to do better. Now, August 3rd, 2011, he sues the sun, the newspaper, the sun over for defamation and invasion of privacy. Now, he sued for defamation before and libel and shit like that. So he launches this lawsuit here. Um, one of the headlines he's suing over is, uh, one that says Gaza off to rehab after logger Trek to pal moat and,

uh, to pal moat. So Gaza off to read, it says he went to rehab after he drank a bunch to go see his, we're on the way to go see his friend. Oh, okay. And the second story was It's Paw, P-A-W, Gas Coin. Both of these were published.

What does that mean? Well, we'll find out. Both of these were published in July 2010. So he's suing over this a year later. In the first story, they published enough information about the location of the clinic that Gascoigne believed that people were spying on him with the paper's encouragement, which interfered with his treatment, he claimed. Okay. So they gave away his rehab spot. People came and bothered him. Okay.

That seems like a real stretch. I mean, they shouldn't be giving away location anyway no but i guess if they're gathering outside or doing whatever yeah that would affect your shit but maybe it seems like a stretch to sue over is it outpatient i doubt it like this guy no no no this right they're they're hanging on to him i feel like right yeah he doesn't go he doesn't do outpatient right they're not sitting in the courtyard where everybody smokes and looking for autographs walking around with robes on and shit right and there's just random people in there and manchester you shirt yeah yeah that's our that's our our vision of it anyway terry tell robe terry terry robe smoking out in the in the main area there yeah messy hair and slippers we've seen it

all but feeling okay yeah that's the introspective uniform that yeah where you go i'm a piece of shit you take a long drag while looking off into the distance right and you're like yeah yeah in that robe and slippers with messy hair just going, wait a minute, I fuck up. Wasted a lot of my life, didn't I? Yes, I did. I'll continue. Oh, man. And so he claimed here that it was evident from his intervention with the killer.

Remember when he came into that Paul Mote guy and got him to surrender? He said he was going to get him to, he won't kill me cause I'm his buddy, that guy. He said he was in desperate need of treatment here. So they, I guess last year he arrived where, as we know,

where police were hunting and they ended up trying to find this guy cause he killed a bunch of people. So according to this, Radio Northeast suggested, according to reports, that Gascoigne had brought Moat a can of lager, some chicken, a mobile phone, and a blanket. Remember, we brought that something to keep warm. So in this lawsuit, Gascoigne claims that the stories breached his reasonable expectation of privacy and caused such distress that the challenge of rehabilitation became even more difficult for him. If you're a world-famous athlete, if we had a murderer on the loose that the whole country was hunting for, and say Shaquille O'Neal decided he wanted to go and bring him beer and chicken in a blanket,

that would be a news story. People would be reporting that Shaquille O'Neal, a retired athlete, is on his way with beer and chicken in a blanket for this murderer, and he's going to intervene and get the cops to back off while he talks. That would be a huge story. So you cannot say that we can't report that. How do you not report that? It's insane. And then Shaq went to rehab after, and us reporting that he tried to talk this lunatic off the ledge.

I talked to this guy, and he interfered with my rehab. He said, where's that? And the guy didn't even kill nobody else, but he interfered with my rehab. Right now I'm trying to get some rehab in. That's about, was that about how it sounded? I'm trying to rehab from all this lemon pepper Costco chicken. I mean, too much lemon pepper Costco chicken.

You know what I'm saying? I did that. There ain't no such thing as Shazam, but I did throw other things, though. There's a lot of other things like that. You know what I you're saying if you did that if you do shack foo you should buy that shit it's real good still you should buy you could download it i'm sure it's on spotify or something like that you know you could do that i loved the video game shack i really did it was so much fun you sang out with foosh niggas they come over and do some raps and

shit and i just stand around you know i do myaps, but they'd ride them kind of for me and just talk about me dunking all the time and shit like that. That would be. Gets your ass kicked in the park. Oh, man. Oh, shit. That would be a big story. Yeah, it'd be huge. It'd be a big story.

So in the second story, the son claimed he had committed sexual assault oh that's different this is that could be libelous accusatory yeah by walking into a chemist shop and groping a shop assistant's breasts that's a pharmacist yes and they called him i guess so yeah and they called him a dirty old man. Ah, shit. In the paper. It's bad when one person thinks that of you. An author put that message in a bunch of people's fucking heads. Dirty old man.

There we are. Lovely. Dirty old man he is. Dirty old man, isn't he? So, yeah, apparently, I mean, you can't just walk in and grab a chemist's tits, can you? That's a weird. But you can't just write that. Can you?

Imagine going into a science lab and just grabbing someone's tits. It's the weirdest place to do that, if you're going to do that at all. And she's counting aspirin. I would think that has to have some ring of truth to it to write it. Or in America, you'd have to go, this is what's being alleged. You can't say this happened. You'd say, this is what's being alleged of him, and that's okay to say here. Whereas in England, the libel laws are much different.

And honestly, kind of annoying if you ask me. Yeah, if you can't say what's being alleged, you have to wait until they are adjudicated as such? Is that true? I guess so, yeah, apparently. And that's the other thing, too. Like, if these laws were in America, all we would do is it would be nothing but court. That's all it would be. Yeah, the court would be locked up.

It would all would be every celebrity suing everybody. And then people couldn't get their gossipy news that they love. And it would be pretty much the end of gossip as we know it in America. So he is seeking aggravated damages, saying it was extremely difficult for an alcoholic to give up drinking and recover. And he added that he fears that without an injunction, the allegations will be repeated in the paper. He's seeking an injunction banning publication of information about his medical condition or medical treatment, including treatment for alcohol addiction. So he's basically saying, I don't want to be famous, is what he's saying.

Because that's the only way that happens. That's the tradeoff of fame. addiction so he's basically saying i don't want to be famous is what he's saying because yeah that's the only way that happens if you're that's the trade-off of fame otherwise what's the right why not be famous then that'd be great draw of it is to be talked about and also the downfall of it is is to be talked is to be talked about yeah it's a catch-22 i mean that's yeah when something bad happens with two sides shit like that's yeah when something bad happens with two sides shit like that everybody cheers you something bad happens everybody laughs at you that's famous right the trick is to do more positive than negative paul it's kind of on you if you want to become famous it's not like they you know picked him out of the womb and said we're going to follow

this young man for the rest of his life and you know that's not what happened i wonder did he grab a titty jesus i mean who not well later on it's it's his i'm not saying he did it but it's it's his mo as we show you a picture later on you're gonna go oh my god that's the same thing that they he was accused of the other place so grab titties he will grab a titty. You can't do that. He'll pull a Bill Murray in Kingpin and just guide her around by the tits. God, I'd love it, but he can't. There's a picture later that you see it and you're like, oh, God, you can't do that. So that's what he wants. He instructed his lawyers to follow suit.

In July, he became one of the lead cases in the News of the World phone hacking litigation. Oh. Yes, because I guess there was, that's been a big thing that they were, the News of the World was hacking people's phones, I guess. Oh. And stealing info out of it. That's how they got, and they were writing articles

based on that proprietary information? You can't do that. No, or that's how they know to look into things or whatever. So, yeah, that's what's going on here. According to this, this case arises out of a disclosure of information by the – because he's got a civil damage claim against News Group Newspapers. That's a different thing. And that arises out of a disclosure of information by the Metropolitan Police relating to a material forfeited by private investigator Glenn Mulcair, who, with message left by his friend James Gardner for this was a message for former former professional footballers association chief executive Gordon Taylor asking for the PFA to help with the cost of a surgery on his spine. So the phone hacking was he's also saying that it's exacerbated his alcoholism

drove him to the edge of suicide oh yeah he will say paul will say about this at the time i was going through a bad time because i knew i was getting hacked i knew 110 and no one believed it okay so drove him to drink he was telling everybody while the while they were all hacking people's phones he was telling everybody someone's hacking my phone they're all like here's fucking crazy paul again there he is that's the problem broken clock is right twice a day yeah tinfoil tinfoil hat yeah you could be a crazy person but once in a while your shit's gonna be right if you have a hundred crazy things one out of a hundred will be right it's not bad and then you feel extra crazy when, one out of 100 will be right. It's not bad.

And then you feel extra crazy when no one will listen to that because you know it's happening. So he said, I was speaking to a therapist and it clicked again. He was talking to his therapist and he said they were. And he can hear the click in the phone when they click in. Apparently so. He told me I'm paranoid. I'm going through a mental disorder. I said, there's fuck all wrong with me.

I know I'm getting hacked. I know. And he put the phone down on us. I never told a lie. I've got nothing to lie about. Nothing. I've waited 15 years to be sat here. I'm disgusted, really.

15 years. Can I say one final thing? I'd like to trade my mobile phone. I'd like to trade my mobile in for a coffin because those guys have ruined my life oh my that's what he told the therapist at the time he said that's from his book so that's how much of a big deal there's certainly something wrong with you it's just not that part no and he eventually wins a damages suit uh based on the hacking as well so jesus they did hack his phone turns out so he was right sometimes you know sometimes when the paranoid motherfuckers who are paranoid about

shit are right about the shit they're paranoid about the scary part is that when they when he's right about one thing then he thinks it makes him extra yes in his other bullshit. And that's how conspiracy theories people. And that's how crazies get crazier. That's how crazy people get crazy. Because if you have 100 conspiracy theories, one of them is true, and then they all must be true because they're hiding it from me. They're all hiding it from me.

Live your fucking life, losers. God damn it. None of this affects you that's what i love yes see for him this is a conspiracy theory that personally affects him i get that if one doesn't affect you shut the fuck up and go play with your kids you fucking loser go hug him you love him so much otherwise when they're when your kids are in therapy in 30 years and they're asking how'd your dad fuck you up so bad or how'd your mom fuck you up so bad? Or how'd your mom fuck you up so bad? Go.

Well, I mean, they were right that one time. So, you know, I guess it makes sense now why they wouldn't do anything with me. Cause they were looking into fucking rabbit holes of bullshit. It's just wild.

How entertainment turns to, uh, uh, brainwashing. Like my uncle thought the hailale-Bopp thing was – he fucking believed wholeheartedly in that whole spaceship is in the tail of it thing. What the fuck is wrong with people? I don't know. It's certainly my family.

I think he didn't know the address of the place to go to get super involved in that. That's good. Thank God he was too busy working during the day that he didn't have time to go research anything. That's the thing. That's what fucked us all up. As soon as everybody was in the house for two weeks, it was over. Now they can convince themselves. Yeah.

People who are too busy, they work all day, they get home, they're tired, they're not going to have time to go down rabbit holes, they're going to eat dinner, they're going to watch football, they're going to go to bed. These people are now like, really? Oh, I knew it. Now they're, no, no. He had a picture of the Hale-Bopp comet in his garage until the day he fucking died. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.

Under a shade tree in August in Phoenix, dehydrated. Fuck, man. Oh, God. We need an IQ test that goes with internet access. Not with voting or anything like that. Internet access. Are you smart enough to do this? Because this information is dangerous in the wrong hands.

This access to just bullshit is just way too dangerous. That'll help on first dates a lot do you have an internet account i do do you have access to the internet i'm hoping i'm hoping someday nope we're gone so february 3rd 2013 his agent says now his his life is in danger because he started drinking again. Really? Thanks a lot, agent, for blowing my cover there. The sun made him drink. Yeah, apparently he was on stage at a charity event in Northampton and was shaking and slurring his words, which is a bad sign. Hmm.

Shaking? That implies he needs alcohol, but the slurring implies he's been drinking. Maybe. Okay. Maybe right before he stepped on stage, when he was in the midst of a real withdrawal, he just downed a bunch and was like, that's about it. Still had some residual shakes, though. Or do you think there's some like pills medication going on yeah he's

had spinal surgeries oh for sure he's you know come on there's some medication he's a guy who likes shit like that anyway and then they gave now he's got reasons to use it because his body is his body is fucked up i mean i believe it there's no doubt about that he's in some pain on a daily basis so for this guy to be on pills is not a stretch and we're not saying he is just that's possible it's it's a certainly a alleged by me it's certainly alleged to have thought to have been oh we're not in england i think this motherfucker is popping all sorts of shit i think so too yeah so his agent told bbc Radio 5 he won't thank me for saying it, but he immediately needs to get help. And he said, whatever's happened to him in the five or six weeks since I saw him before Christmas, he is not as well as he's been.

His life is always in danger because he is an alcoholic. Maybe no one can save him. I don't know. I really don't know. Sounds worried about him. Like, I'm going public because i'm just worried and yeah sometimes alcoholism is so far gone that quitting will kill you oh well yeah if you can't quit that's quit immediately yeah pills do pills do like that happens to a lot of people if they go in if the body is so you have to be on a lot on it yeah yeah yeah it takes a like it takes a

while like garing tomorrow like garing when they captured him like herman garing they captured garing and he was on so many fucking pills that they said they had to wean him you have to for like months for like months they had to do it because he was on like holy shit how do you he's more pill than man like how the fuck do you eat that you just eat him like candy all day j Jesus. I visited my uncle before he died in the hospital going through alcohol withdrawals. It scared the motherfucker out of me. Oh, it's awful. I've never seen anything like that before.

Yeah. It's so, so bad. They had a nurse watching him go through it. I mean, they have him hooked up to shit so that he's got his nutrients and stuff, but the nurse has to be there watching in case his fucking vitals drop jesus jimmy was so disturbed that he had to go out and have a bunch of drinks to clear his brain of it all that's how disturbed he was but he really drove him to drink it was terrible terrible before that before that completely a clean and clean as the day is long never had a

drink until that day a while he was j. Jimmy used to be a Mormon, actually. He saw that. He said, fuck this. There is no God. And then it was all over from there. Denounced religion and sobriety. Right there. So Gary Lineker, who's a former teammate of his, said, lots of you asking for my thoughts on Gaza's plight.

I can only hope he finds peace somehow, but fear those hopes may be forlorn. Oh. Oh, wow. That sounds like a eulogy. Yeah, it sounds like a poem. Shit. Fear those hopes may be fucked, basically. So the Professional Footballers Association say they will continue to support Paul as they have in the past. So, yeah, they said they're continued to be concerned about his welfare. The union has provided assistance financially and medically supporting the provision of rehabilitation and treatments received both in the UK and abroad.

Yeah. The PFA recently arranged a detoxification for Paul through the Sporting Chance Clinic. You got a sporting chance, mate. You might be able to make it. Regrettably, though, Paul checked himself out and chose not to complete the program. Because he's Paul, and that's what he does. That's just Paul.

He had a sporting chance, and he blew it. Yeah, sporting means you could lose, and he did. They said, we would like to stress that the support of the PFA and the Tony Adams Sporting Chance Clinic, that's the name of the place, it's in giant letters on the outside, Sporting Chance, remain available to Paul and any other members in similar need or circumstance. So they said, though, they're worried that he's going to wind up like George Best,

who was a very great player who died in 2005 at 59 after tons of alcoholism. And this Taylor guy here, the chief executive for this organization, said we are in regular touch with him and have been again. We go one step forward and two back at times. And this is just the situation. If we're not careful, careful, it's going to be akin to george best it is unfortunate but we try to keep going jesus they're burying this guy already truly that is fucking awesome um for they said that he was appearing in an evening with paul gas coin at the park inn in northampton on thursday and his agent said that he tried to cancel the show after he saw

that paul was drinking yeah he said he wasn't cancel the show after he saw that Paul was drinking. He said he wasn't in the condition he'd been in for the last two years. He was slurring a bit. I phoned the organization and said it was possibly best we didn't put him on, but he was insistent and he had some new jokes and he was going to be in tip-top form. Oh. He's got new material. That's the problem.

Listen, man. You got new jokes. You're not going to be in tip-top form. No. Here's material that's the problem man you got new jokes you're not going to be in tip-top form no it's gonna be tough going we understand you write a new joke you're excited you want to tell it can't wait to tell it you're not going to open you're going to open with it and fuck the whole setup that's the problem now you're going to bury that motherfucker in the middle yeah that way if it works it works if it doesn't who cares that's it you see some waitresses dropping shit off that's the time to tell it. Just get yourself comfortable.

But no, this guy, see, he's already got the problem. Going about it all wrong. He's got the bug. He was fairly upset but insisted he wanted to go on. When he came on stage, we sat him down and he just started shaking. He's always a bit nervous on stage, but he started shaking uncontrollably. When asked why Gaza was upset, Baker explained that a friend had recently died in a medical facility while Paul was holding his hand and that was haunting him. Yikes. Yeah. Baker said he spoke

to Paul again the next day and that Paul was, quote, fairly incoherent. In other words, hadn't stopped drinking since. Very drunk. Very drunk still. So after a video of the event was put on the Sun's website, they said, there was on Twitter, it said, this is not fun watching. Gaza needs help. Come on, PFA. Time to step up.

Yeah, but you can't force. That's what I mean. What are they going to do, tackle him? Fucking drag him off by the leg? They said the same shit about Ultimate Warrior the night that he died. Do something. Help him. What do you want us to do, duct tape him and throw him in a facility?

We can't. No, no, no. He wasn't doing it. Ultimate Warrior's had a heart attack. He wasn't doing it. Right. But he looked the way, no. He wasn't doing it. Ultimate Warriors had a heart attack. He wasn't doing it. Right. But he looked the way he did. He looked like shit.

Yeah, but that was just a... No, no. It was just a lifetime. It was very evident his heart was going to fucking explode soon. He looked like shit. Nobody said it that night, though. They all said he looked great that night. Right.

That's my point. They should have, maybe. Yeah, I just... I don't... He looked fine. He wasn't slurring or shaking or... I suppose, but he... No, I... No one had seen him in 25 years, so, I don't he looked fine he wasn't slurring or shaking or i suppose but he no no one had seen him in 25 years so i mean he looked he looked so bad he looked 55 as opposed to 30 so i mean that's if you want to say that's bad yeah i don't know maybe he just took the

makeup off and he and i was like oh no you ever see anybody you knew in high school and see them now you go jesus you look terrible compared to when see them now? You go, Jesus, you look terrible. Compared to the last time I saw you, you look like you're going to die. Watch out. We're going to duct tape you and put you in a facility. We're going to take you to a facility. The wait is over. So far, you're not losing.

The only thing you're losing is my patience. Quickly, I see that. Bing! The queen of the courtroom is back. I didn't do anything. You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face. I see he's not intimidated by anything. I can fix that.

New cases. She wanted to fight me. Leave her alone. OK, so, uh... This is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor.

You married his cousin. His brother. That's not him. Yes, ma'am. I would make a beeline for the door. The Emmy Award-winning series returns. How did I know that? I have a crystal ball in my head. It's an all-new season.

It's streaming. You can say anything. Judy Justice. Only on Freebie. If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, what was in Al Capone's vault, or which famous meteorologist is Lenny Kravitz's second cousin, then you haven't spent enough time on Wikipedia. But that's okay.

I am here for you. I'm Darcy Carden, and I'm inviting you to listen to my new podcast, WikiHole, from SmartList Media. Discover the craziest rabbit holes on Wikipedia with me and my funny friends as we bring the cyber frontier directly to your tympanic membrane. And if you listen to my podcast, you'll learn that that's the science-y term for eardrum. We embark on a hyperlink rollercoaster as we start out on a Wikipedia page and go from link to link to link to link, careening through trivia, oddities,

and unexpected connections until we collectively shout, how the hell did we get here? Follow WikiHole on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to WikiHole ad-free by joining W WikiHole on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to WikiHole ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Imagine if somebody saw you, they'd go, oh my God, where'd your hair go?

Jesus Christ. Get Jimmy in a facility. All his hair fell out. He's drinking too much. Yeah, I guess anytime you're older, I guess that's the time. Yeah, you look awful. That's what you want to do to people. We all look terrible as we age. Force them to get some help.

Get some help, mate. Look at you aging. You look terrible. You look like shit. You look like shit. I mean, you look like rehab bad. Like facility bad. Alter Warrior did. He looked so bad all the wrestlers look bad when they're older messy hair terry clots and some some slip on some sliders man go sit on a patio for a while

he's looked weird always too i mean he's a weird looking guy without the makeup yeah the old warrior yeah without the makeup he's a weird-looking guy. Without the makeup, the old warrior. Without the makeup, he's always a weird-looking guy. So I feel like we're just used to seeing that makeup on him. His skin was, you could see veins, man. He looked so bad. The other thing, too, is he's lived in Arizona since, like, fucking 1990, and he, like, loves the sun. So that's a guy that, mean he's his skin was just

oh it was not good no no there's a lot of carcinoma it looked like too much sun and hgh in there boy it's a lot when that runs through your veins that activates something can't blend those together no the rays the ultraviolet it activates some other shit it's not good so uh they went on to say we are all responsible for how we live our lives. But that doesn't mean we can't step in and help. There is always a right time to start doing something. And with what we've seen from Gaza, that time has come for time has come for football. They need to help him. Basically, the agent said he hadn't witnessed Gaza drink in two years. He said, I swear to you, I have never paul drink and all the time i've

known him until very very recently he has definitely been clean for most of the last two years absolutely for definite for definite what never heard that that's british for sure yeah definite he has made huge massive efforts to get his life on track, and it's just gone a bit wrong at the moment. I would say, yeah. So February 6, 2013, now the English team is stepping up to help him as well. Really? They're saying, yeah, they were distressed by the sight of him, and so they were going to help him. And all of his friends from the English team are trying to get him into rehab, is what they're doing here.

They said that he's a mess. We saw the video of him. That's old school Gaza type of deal. Yeah. And the captain of the English team said, we've made it clear we are able to help if needed. I am very happy the players have made the gesture because I'm sure Paul's having the love of the current England team could be a factor in aiding his recovery because the English team was doing well. Yeah. So like he might want to get in on the publicity of the whole thing and he'll go to rehab for that.

So yeah, they all say they'll help him out. They said like everyone else who has marveled at his talent, it is sad to hear he is not in a good way and having to take these drastic measures to try and get his life back into some sort of order. All I can hope is that he recovers well and the friends he has out there rally together and give him the help he needs. Yeah, but he has to want to do that. Sure. Yeah, that's, yeah, they said so. He had, I guess, they said sometimes being a friend might have to mean telling people things they don't want to hear and telling them not to do things they want to do. Hopefully he'll come out the other side a fitter and a stronger person.

So I guess he's going to rehab again now. So the trip was organized to the treatment center, organized by a former cricketer named Ronnie Irani. He's from Iran. With an I. With an I,eter named Ronnie Irani. He's from Iran. With an I. With an I, yeah. Ronnie Irani. He said, I called British Airways and explained the situation that we had to get him out to Phoenix to get some help.

So he said he needs it, and if not, who knows what's going to happen. Yeah? Wow. Like Arizona? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, Arizona. That's where he keeps going that i didn't i had

no idea there was that many rehabs there there's a ton remember how many of our athletes remember hollywood henderson getting cracked delivered to it that was the best yeah there was there's also but i'm i've heard of a lot of uh celebrities going from la across the desert and getting pulled over on their way to rehab in arizona But I guess I didn't put together that it's in the actual metropolitan area. Yeah, yeah. I've heard of the Cottonwood one. I've heard of that one. He went to that one, too.

Yeah, there's one in Sedona, I think. Yeah, there's one somewhere on Camelback or Lincoln or somewhere in that area. Over there? Yeah, somewhere in there. I could see one up in the fucking mountains. That's where Hollywood Henderson was. Really? That one on Camelback or something.

Oh, that one. Yeah. He was in there. That's where he was getting crack brought to him. So Paul said, quote, there are a lot of people who have got everything, but inside they don't share enough. There needs to be more done, especially with the guys. It's a macho thing.

They think, nah, I'm doing this because no one will like me. Or I'm not doing this because no one will like me. I'm not going to rehab because no one will like me. So February 11, 2013, his therapist says there's no fears for him. He's placed in intensive care in the United States. So don't worry about him. He's fine.

So he's in Arizona and he's being treated and he's totally good. He said, the hospital has reassured me that he's in Arizona, and he's being treated, and he's totally good. He said, the hospital has reassured me that he's up and about and walking. I would hope so. He hasn't been in, like, a horrible car accident. He was just drunk. How drunk was he?

He flew all the way to Arizona from England. He's in the hospital. At some point, he probably could walk around. It's a good place to dry out. That's for damn sure. Yeah. He said, though paul has experienced severe complications with his detoxification this is not unusual for someone who has been drinking

as heavily as he paul was transferred from the u.s clinic cottonwood to a local hospital to be monitored so as to be completely satisfied yeah there are no cottonwood oh no i probably they probably sent him to pho a Scottsdale or something. Not to fucking Verde Valley. Like the Mayo Clinic or some shit, I'm sure. Up there. The hospital there has got to be two trailers welded together. The ambulance is drawn by horses up there, probably.

I don't think it's... No. Is this a guy with a fucking quad or something? It's the pickup truck people from Planes, Trainsiles that's who it is or a tractor with hay on the back yeah take you to wichita that's how it works so they said there are no fears for his life we will aim to keep everyone concerned updated on a regular basis they say that he could be discharged from the hospital in the next day or two. He was put in intensive care where they're monitoring him, but they said it wasn't a

life-threatening situation and he should be out of the hospital in the next couple days. They said that there is a, the treatment director at the Providence Project Rehab Facility, where he had been previously, said there is a slight overreaction to the news that he was placed in intensive care. They said, I wouldn't have seen it as a breakdown in his recovery. And in fact, sometimes this process is quite normal in the early stages of detox from alcohol. It's to monitor him, that's all. They said, I was with Paul on the Monday that he flew to Arizona and his health was very

poor. He was physically dependent on alcohol and a detox procedure can be quite complex. Talking about. Holy fuck. That man went through that on an airplane. Yes. Or he drank on the airplane. Oh, you have to, right?

Why? I mean, why would you do? You're going to go to the hospital. I guess you'd want to go in and get your money's worth. You can't put flight attendants through that shit. That's what I'm saying. Him shaking and acting all weird. I think it's just give him a steady stream of Johnny Walker Black.

He'll be all right. Keep him even. Yeah. They said everybody can experience withdrawal symptoms, but hallucinations, shaking, sweating, insomnia, anxiety, paranoia, and inability to process any food. It heightens these sort of sensitivities so they said that he's been experiencing lots of these types of symptoms he said in very early days i think it's important to say that rehab is not actually the cure or the answer but the first step in recovering he's taken this first step quite a few times

yeah yeah he all they also said his agent said that the decision to go abroad was very much He's taken this first step quite a few times. Yeah. Yeah. They also said, his agent said, that the decision to go abroad was very much based upon some of the media frenzy in the UK. Okay. No one over here cares. You can go to Arizona and be like, I'm Paul Gascoigne. And they'd be like, whatever, Paul. I don't know who the fuck that is. Great.

Anyway, you got a cigarette? Like, they don't fucking care. Nice robe. Got to smoke. It'll be 11-12. Thank you. Don't give care. Nice robe. Got to smoke. It'll be 1112. Thank you. Don't give a shit. Yeah.

It would have been very difficult for Paul to continue with his treatment over here because of lack of privacy. Paul's trip was funded by some of his celebrity friends, including Ronnie Irani and Chris Evans, the broadcaster Chris Evans. OK, I don't know who that is. So, yeah, people are tweeting about him and everything else. so apparently that's february by august he's out because by august he's being fined a thousand pounds for assaulting a railway security guard and being drunk and disorderly oh it didn't work this happened on the fourth of july so oh my sometime between detoxification in February and the 4th of July, he was drunk and fucking assaulting a security guard. Yeah.

On the train. For the train. Yeah. He appeared before a magistrate and admitted attacking a guy named Jack Sherrington at the Hertfordshire Towns Railway Station on the 4th of July. Uh-huh. See, I got my own fireworks, mate. Well, they don't shoot fireworks over there.

Well, he spends so much time in Phoenix, he's like, Oh, I'm stuck on the 4th, mate. I got to set something off. And he's just real like, Have a spot of tea and some black cats. He's got to. Yeah, he's so used to it by now. The assault charges relating to his wife were withdrawn.

So he and his wife were charged with assault. Let's get him, babe. The two of us. Apparently so. Yeah, I guess this was weeks after he left rehab in the U.S. And he was there. He was traveling from Newcastle to London's King Cross after visiting his sick father. But got off the train at Stevenage. And the court said that the security guard tried to come to Paul's aid after he noticed him staggering toward the rail tracks.

Oh, my God. He was drunkenly staggering in front of a train yeah this guy said oi mate he fucking turned his shoulders the other direction um wow redirect mr magoo and mr magoo takes a swing at you well no they tried i guess other staff they tried to help him by putting him in a wheelchair why don't you sit down and because he was stumbling and he became abusive according to sherrington here and according to paul because he admitted it um she said that um i guess they said that paul grabbed a hold of mr sherrington in the neck area and then assaulted him in an assault which lasted a few seconds he didn't

suffer any injuries. And they say that he's going to pay 100 pounds compensation to the guy. Okay. The lawyer for Paul said that this all happened. He consumed only a small amount of alcohol. Yeah. Staggering. A little bit.

Together, we drank more than a small amount of alcohol. Yeah. And we still didn't stagger into a fucking railway track. I certainly fell asleep. We fell asleep. Not in front of a train, I might add. No. No. So the lawyer said this happened.

It was due to a combination of stress caused by worry for his father. So it's stress. This is what does this. And acute pain from a hip operation six weeks previously so when you're sad and in pain you can't walk and you stumble in front of trains that makes sense um they said that he had not drunk alcohol for a significant period of time and so the effects were stronger than would have otherwise been that's true but it's still not a small amount no so the the court heard from his ex-wife Cheryl and his children.

They were called to the station and his 17-year-old son became distressed, they said at that point. I don't know what that means. So they said he was originally – yeah, but I think it's different though here. They said that he was originally charged with two counts of assault, one involving his ex-wife, but that charge was dropped. So they also heard he was receiving one-to-one treatment for his alcoholism,

and he said he was remorseful. So he said that, according to his lawyer, he wanted to apologize publicly for his actions that evening. He now wishes to be left alone to carry on with his recovery. So the security guard said he fully accepted Paul's apology.

And in a statement said in differing ways, this has not been easy for either of us. And I sincerely hope he gets the help that he needs in the future. I now consider this matter closed. So wash that away. Now, January 27th, 2014,

he is undergoing an extensive rehabilitation program. Yes. He has checked into a 6,000-pound-a-month clinic in Southampton, marking the seventh time he's entered rehab. Lucky seven. Yeah. This should work, right? Everybody, right now, take your bets. Does this hold or what?

Lucky seven? Is it going to stick? What do you think here? It's too early. I think you've got to hit double digits before you go, Jesus. Once you see another column open up, you go, God damn, that many? Okay. So they said that it was over a week left on the program,

and they hope the treatment would be the last he will ever have to experience. Yep, a friend said, we've been here so many times with Paul, but at least he's trying to get better. The fact that he's gone into a clinic is encouraging. Sure. He has the love and support of so many people, but only he can sort his life out and get well again. Yeah. Jesus Christ, man. Yeah.

He's a mess. He said at one point, at least I know if I did pass away through it, I wouldn't be in this pain all the time. Jesus Christ. It's too bad. I just think sometimes fucking hell, just go away or drink me, drink or me go away. And that means a wooden box and six nails. But I'll keep on trying and I'll try my best till I actually get this. I've been lucky twice.

I'll keep on trying and I'll try my best till I actually get this. I've been lucky twice. I hope I don't die through it, but I won't get any sympathy because, well, you know, I was warned. So yeah,

yeah, that makes sense. So, uh, August 21st, 2014, he is playing soccer again. Really? Yes.

He signed, uh, signs on for a Sunday league division four four team i don't know what the fuck that is it sounds like old guys fucking around division four sounds way down the list way down yeah absolutely uh sunday league also sounds like it just on sunday yeah just on sundays this is a bunch of guys who are sore at work Monday and Tuesday is what this is. We got six days to recover until our next outing. Yeah, that's fucking hilarious. So he's going to do that.

He's going to make his debut against either Rentech Repairs or ARC Cleaning. Yes. Business teams. Yes. The look on your face was like you had to register that for a minute. Like, what the fuck? Like the bail bonds team in Bad News Fairs. Yeah, exactly.

The manager of the Abbey team, Chris Foster, who's a taxi driver, said this. Oh, boy. This is where he's playing. I've offered to pick him up. He said he asked Gascoigne to sign after driving him to a shop to buy him sick to buy him cigarettes so paul got a taxi to go get cigarettes and this guy was like we got a team you want to sign up and he did we got an opening that is fucking amazing he said if you're still playing at 51 then i could still play at 47. Sure. And he said, I brought the forms to complete.

And he said, quote, he said, what's that for? I said, are you going to sign on for me? And he said, oh, go on then. He said, who's it for? I said, Abby FC. And he said, okay, then, mate, it's a deal. You give me my $8 change back for the cigarettes that he got, because he said,

yeah, cigarettes and I'll sign for you. And that was it. He got him for his change. He got him for the favor of taking him to the favor of going in and grabbing him some smokes, basically. So he said that his involvement will depend on his fitness and said that he will quote, pop a little letter through his door and he rings me if and when so they said yes that he has registered and could play immediately he's ready

to go so um by that was august 21st august 24th he's believed to have been taken to the hospital again by then so days later he doesn't make it to sunday is what the problem is yeah 72 hours it doesn't happen in the hospital he's believed to has been taken to the hospital after being found drunk outside his home again he what what do you think it is he's a fucking alcoholic there's no way to get around it right now he's he's one of those people it's so fucking sad because people that drink or do drugs and they have a problem with that shit and obviously have this fucking disease weighing on them and everything you'll see you could be clean you could be doing wonderful for 10 fucking years you've done everything right every day and you can fucking destroy it in two seconds like that's that is wild right back to fucking yeah reverted

right back into like as hard as you were ever in it crazy it's so fucking crazy that i feel terrible for people who can't not monitor that shit you know what i mean yeah like it's we can i can have oh my god i can i can drink i can drink as much as the next guy i can drink all fucking night and and i can do that for a week straight and then i right now i haven't drank since last year you could not do that you could when you were 20 years ago i don't know that i've done it in a long time three martinis and you fucking slept half the night but i'm saying i could sit and drink beers all fucking day i'm not talking about hard booze yeah i'm not drinking i mean and i've drank last time I drank, I drank tequila all night.

And then I was, I mean, I woke up and I haven't drank since then. Yeah, yeah. And I mean, that's where I'm at. I can drink and drink and drink and then, or I cannot at all. And I don't know, I feel so bad for people that can't do that. I know that they have to. And then there's the other side of the coin, too, where I can go out and have two drinks and stop. And there's a million people that can't do that.

That's me. I haven't. That night that we drank those three martinis, that was the most I drank in over 20 years. Wow. Well, I got to tell you, too, those were the strongest martinis I've ever had. They were. We went to the restaurant by my house. They us there the bartender knows us and they weigh those fucking things down it was boy are they happy we had like a bottle of vodka between us it felt like

they were a lot of gray goose in there yeah that was a that was goose wasn't it it was goose yeah that was a very heavy drink uh still though that's yeah but i can do that have two or three and quit but even if it was two or three beers whatever the drink is i can have a couple and quit and there's so many people i am that literally if they have two they're having terrible i know i feel i don't get it i feel bad and then there's the people like um like like our my dad in that generation who just get home and just kind of have a beer in their hand just always have one through the evening yeah but they're not ever drunk because they have like you know three beers over a five-hour period but they're always attached to their hand that type of thing so

there's different types of drinkers and paul is the uh drink it till it's gone now wow type of drinker so paramedics and police were called to his rented apartment and they found him slumped on the ground holding a bottle of vodka still holding it oh that is the saddest that's an ugly drunk that's just fucking sad man um oh god damn it he was in the process of being evicted by his landlord jesus from the property because his neighbors kept complaining about his noise all the time. Not even because he can't afford it. No, he's just a nuisance. So he's being treated at a hospital.

A friend told the Daily Mirror it's very sad, but the reality is Paul has been drinking for the past few weeks, and once that happens, things will only end one way. Today, things came to a head. He has had a lot on his plate, and he's still in the process of trying to find somewhere to live. His landlord has given him 10 days to get out of the flat, and it was weighing on his mind. Well, you could either pack,

or you could drink until you're fucking slumped out in front of the place. That's not going to get you a new place, by the way. Somebody gives you 10 days to get out, it's going to take you that long to get out generally, right? Yeah, I would hope so. This is a fucking. Dude, this is to have that thought process of I have got to do adult things for my life. Fuck it.

I'm just going to drink myself into oblivion. I'll do it tomorrow. Wow. I don't understand it. So, yeah, obviously things became too much for him in the past couple of days and he's turned back to the bottle. So they were the ambulance came for him and everything. It's a fucking mess. So that's time number what?

Eight, nine. That's eight. That's eight. Wow. Is he in rehab or just the hospital? He's in the hospital right now, but that's going to be rehab after that. I'm sure it's got to be. So, yeah, you can't just let him go okay you're fine paul send him out there you're all sobered up now uh august 26 2014 the headline here in the evening standard is

nowhere for gaza to hide his living hell so they say this is right from the article, the photographs of a gaunt, distressed Paul Gascoigne staggering through the streets pursued by camera lenses and bystanders armed with iPhones reminded me of a line from an old Billy Connolly interview. So we know Billy Connolly. A comedian? Oh, no. The comedian said his definition of hell was to be famous without enough money to build a wall. Genius. That's what it is. If you're fucking famous, you better have enough money to protect yourself or insulate yourself or else your life's going to suck.

That's all these people like all the people like with Gypsy Rose and shit. I'm like, she is going to get eaten the fuck alive out there. Absolutely. She doesn't have money. She's got millions of Instagram followers, half of whom are there to fuck with her. Yeah. And she doesn't have a wall. It makes sense.

And with that, even if she's getting money, she's got no wall. She's in a fishbowl with money. If you don't have that, oh boy. Every reality show idiot is signing up for that. Yeah. Everybody. Everybody. have that oh boy he's the every reality show idiot is signing up for that yeah everybody i'd like to be famous but without the money to insulate myself from the inconveniences of that fame fishbowl with with no money ridiculous so that's where gaza is now he is broke and not just at the

mercy of his various addictions but the public too as his broken life is paraded for all to see some say this might shock him back to health they think he can be shamed into coming off the drink i think he'll be shamed into drinking more that's how his brain works yeah bad things make him stress requires alcohol he doesn't go fuck that i'll do that's not him he goes okay go glug glug that's that's his thing there it's not that simple. Gascoigne has obsessive compulsive disorder. He's bulimic and has Tourette's, anxiety, and attention deficit issues. Bulimic?

Bulimic for a while, too, because he's fat. Remember, he was always saying how fat he was and always having to lose weight all the time. But then, like, how do you keep alcohol in you to keep the shakes away if you're throwing you know what i mean like that's god that's a fucked way to live maybe he's bulimic when he's not drinking possibly to keep his weight down because a lot of times too alcoholics and drug addicts when they stop doing what they're doing they eat a fuckload yeah and they get fat immediately because it's their body is needs to replace all that sugar and shit with something i think so empty calories empty calories and so they just eat and eat and eat and people go well it's better because their body needs to replace all that sugar and shit with something, I think. Empty calories.

Empty calories. And so they just eat and eat and eat. And people go, well, it's better you're eating than drinking. Yeah. Fine. And then you get huge in fat. So maybe that's what happened here. Then you get Elvis on a toilet.

Exactly. Yeah. Except he wasn't quitting anything. No, he wasn't going to stop. He's just getting started. In the midst of his fun is what that was. Wow. And the bottle is just one bungled attempt to obliterate his myriad mental troubles.

This guy is, that's what he is. He's Soccer Elvis. Yeah. That's exactly who he is. Football kept him in check for a time. Now there's nothing to give his life structure. Gas coin only has a chance of recovering when he promises to help himself, but that's an extraordinarily difficult pledge

for himself to keep. So, here we go. August 26, 2014. This is him now giving a thumbs up. There's a picture of him with a thumbs up, and it says, thumbs up to say Gaz is on the mend. Yeah, because 2013 is possibly the

worst year anybody's ever had in their lives here he is now oh dear christ he looks like a looks like an old woman he yeah he looks like the the the nosy woman in every bad neighborhood yeah yeah he really does cargo shorts that are like ill fitting anyway. And they look worse on him somehow. Very. It looks like his pockets are full of change. Like all of the car, our short pockets. His skin is as baggy as his shorts.

Yeah. He's got baggy skin. He's got that bad old man. Okay. He's got that bad old man torso where his chest is concave and his gut is hanging out. Yeah. So he's got like but you

see that on like an 80 year old man right he's 47 here that man's 47 47 right well i feel terrific right now i look fucking amazing he could be my father in this picture we're almost the same age that's disturbing who had you very old and you're very concerned about him yeah yeah he waited till he was like 40 hooked up with a younger woman and now you know it's gonna be uh i don't know if he's gonna make it to graduation holy shit so they said that he seems stronger and healthier uh than did last week. He's looking good. And so maybe that's how bad he looked. That's looking good for him.

Yeah. Holy fuck. Wow. March 11th, 2015. He told the court. Now he's in court. And he said that he was scared to speak to anybody by phone during the 10 years his voicemail was hacked by the mirror. Okay.

Wow. He said the journalist ruined his life. He said he had known his phone had been hacked, but no one believed him, and he described the experience as horrendous and blamed his alcoholism on it. Paul. Okay. Yeah. Listen, Paul.

You were drunk before that. It didn't help paul you were drunk before that it didn't help but you were you were in rehab like six times before that happened so yeah remember when you were stowing fish in friends cars that's what i mean that was before the hacking yeah you were like you know training an ostrich to run around the fucking well before the hacking so but i'm not that they should hack him i'm not saying that no. No, no, no, no, no. But don't blame that for that. One has nothing to do with the other. Exactly. So he's claiming in court that 18 of their articles that were written were to have been the product of a legal activity.

He told the court that he was disgusted. He would often change his phone number several times a month because he knew his phone was being hacked. But his family didn't believe him and he told his therapist and his therapist told him he was paranoid and going through a mental disorder. Yeah. Because they were like, you're not being hacked. He thinks

he's being hacked. He said, I knew I was being hacked by the mirror. This continued for ages. Phone calls to my father and family were getting blocked so I changed my mobile. It happened again so I kept i changed my mobile it happened again so i i kept on changing my mobile five or six times a month he said it was so scary i was scared to speak to anyone my parents my family and kids it was just horrendous and people can't understand why i became an alcoholic paul no paul paul we all have problems Paul. This is part four, Paul. So where the other three fucking parts.

I didn't hear anything about the moves. Who were pre-hacking. Yeah. What the fuck, man? That's what I'm saying. You had three parts of fuckery before any hacking happened. So come on, Paul. This is crazy.

Taylor Swift is soaring high. Her every move captured in the news cycle and devoured by her devoted fans. She's broken billboard records and made Grammys history, not to mention becoming a billionaire in the process. But along the way, Taylor has had to wage war, first by taking on a very powerful, very famous manager, Scooter Braun, and then by going up against the biggest live events company, Ticketmaster. Hi, I'm David Brown, the host of Wondery's show Business Wars. We go deep into some of the biggest corporate rivalries of all time.

And in our latest season, Taylor Swift will shake up not only the music business, but Hollywood and the NFL. Follow Business Wars wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app app that's a guy that can't handle fame you know what i mean no he can't everyone loves him yeah yeah he can't handle a negative word about him well the problem is if you're the guy who brings trout in and does all that crazy shit at some point when you're not the most popular best football player anymore that shit isn't cute anymore. People don't go, oh, that's just Gaza. That's how he is, mate. They go, oh, that's sad. Look at him. His chest is all concave and he's got a big

weird gut and he looks 70 and he's 47. This isn't good. A drunk slouched in a stairwell with a bottle of vodka isn't funny. That's not funny. A drunk partying with all his friends bringing trouts in. Look at him. He was shit-faced, and he came. That's fun.

The man's wearing galoshes, you guys. Fun turns to sad very quickly in a life like that. So he said that I've waited 15 years to be sat here, so I am disgusted, really. I would like to trade my mobile phone in for a coffin because these guys have ruined my life. I have no life. And he said constant media pressure has made it very difficult for him to lead a normal and private life that has led to his family not being as close as they once were. He suffered alcohol dependency over a number of years and even drug dependency as well. and even drug dependency as well.

He said that between 2000 and 2006, he had wrongly accused people close to him, such as his stepdaughter, Bianca, of going to the newspapers with stories about him. He said, I became obsessed about being monitored. I felt that I was being watched or listened to all the time for years, and the pressure on me because of that was more than I think any sane person could bear.

Wow. That is interesting, man. Yeah. He even brought, he brought other people they've hacked in to describe what the paper's done to them as well, to make it like a,

this isn't just Paul who's bitching. It fucks everybody up too. And they said the mirror was the worst culprit as far as they were concerned. The Mirror wrote the dirtiest stories and a lot of personal attacks, they said. So they said this is one of the witnesses. I feel like the people who worked at the paper were sadistic and their mission was to destroy people's lives. 2015, here, a documentary is released about him. It's got a 7 out of 10 on IMDb also.

It's called Gascoigne, The Man, The Legend in His Own Words. And, yeah, full-length theatrical documentary on the life of Paul Gascoigne, one of the most naturally gifted footballers of all time, delving deep into his psyche vulnerabilities fears and triumphs yeah and that is directed by jane preston and um i think it's on prime right now you can watch really if you want to watch that yeah he's it's i mean nothing short of interesting and he's gonna be interesting it's nothing else at that point too in his life like that's a bad time to do a documentary that's a rise and fall and like no

redemption like you want the redemption part and there's none to be had at that there's none well every time he starts redeeming then it crashes very quickly i mean how many times has this happened so may 21st 2015 the damages are doled out or you know they awarded i should say for the phone hack because they have to pay out a bunch of money damages totaling 1.25 million pounds awarded to eight people whose phones were hacked by the mirror journalists uh here actress sadie frost had the most she got 260 000 pounds paul gas coin got 188250 pounds out of the mirror. That's a good way to start over, I guess. Not bad. Soap stars Shane Ritchie, Shabna Gulati, and Lucy Benjamin also received payouts.

And they said that it's so serious and prolonged, the justice added, the length, degree, and frequency of all this conduct explains why the sums I have awarded are so much greater than historical awards. People whose private voicemail messages were hacked so often and for so long had a very significant part of their personal lives exposed, then reported on, are entitled to significant compensation. So it's $155,000 to dollars to a uh richie here mr richie i don't know who richie is he played alfie moon in east enders oh if you're english you probably know who he is if you're us you're going i don't know the fuck that is i wonder if they were hacking it by like doing that calling the number and then getting the voicemail and then putting in the code somehow they got their fucking voicemail code. Oh, probably.

That's fucked up. I mean, this is their business, so they're going to invest money in doing this. This is like, you know, not just some journalist going, let me guess his code. 0472. Try to figure out his fucking pin code. Yeah, trying to figure something out here. So another one, Lucy Benjaminjamin there referred to in court here by lucy taggart she received 157 000 she played lisa fowler in east enders so they just

attacked the whole east ender cast it seems like here other people here coronation streets sunita allahan was given 117 500 pounds and a bunch of other people i've never heard of as well we're given less than that how little that shit translates to america does not cross over whatsoever um to that shit at all so they said this is there's other people too they've had they're told they have to set aside money for other damages for other cases and it's a lot man um he uh paul was described by his lawyer as being delighted with the result here they said that he was scared to talk to anybody it's ruined his life and now he can you know have a couple of bucks anyway to start over that's not forever money it's not forever money but maybe it's you know start over a bit money

unfortunately i hope it's not drinking money that's why I hope it's not drinking money. That's why I hope it's not here. October 7th, 2015, he is charged, Paul is, in court with harassing his ex- girlfriend with abusive messages. His ex-girlfriend Amanda Thomas, he's accused

of harassing her with tweets, text messages, and telephone calls over a two-week period in March. Tweets also? Even tweets. And this is over in March. That's when the awards were being doled out. So while he's being given a bunch of money, he's then texting this girl some shit here.

Jesus. He's also charged with harassing Andy Stone, who is reportedly a photographer, during the same period. Okay. Andy Stone, who is reportedly a photographer during the same period. I don't know why he's doing this at all, but a spokesman of his declined to comment. Now, October 8th, 2016. Oh, boy. Paul Gascoigne squeezes a fan's breast after she asks for a photo. This is the first time he's been seen out since like his drunken meltdown here and um yeah

he had that evening with gaza shit so people haven't really seen him out so some woman said oh hi will you take a picture with me my friend will take this picture so he with his right hand grabbed her tit while he put his left arm i have the picture you can see it let me see it's fucking wild um here check it out um the grab oh that's a full grab it's not just a little bit he is a full he's grabbing this woman's entire tit he's he's holding her tit better than her bra is yeah and then watch this this is the funny one this This one cracked me up. Look at this one. He looks right at it. He's looking at it like he's holding a baby. Like it's a newborn baby that he's holding.

You know, people gaze into a newborn baby's eyes. He's holding the tit and looking down at it. He's like, well, that's a nice tit right there. I do give him credit. He is certainly holding it. He's holding it like it's a baby. He is cradling it, yeah yeah it could fall and crack its skull like that's how he's holding it his tits are in danger and she's got a lot of titty oh there's a lot yeah yeah she's not a small woman and no she's

got a lot of tits and he is uh he is holding the whole thing. He is a fucking mess here. By the way, that evening with Gaza mess that he was drunk and had to pull out of, those were £65 per ticket prices that people paid. So those people paid fucking money. Top dollar to see him. Yeah, that's a lot. And other people, there was another event that he got drunk and didn't make at the martin hotel and country club that had people who paid up to 2 000 pounds to meet him

and imagine that yep they said they said that he wouldn't be arriving because he started shaking and then ran away is what the promoter said who we 2 000 more than a dollar you know i mean 2 000 things that are worth more than a dollar people paid that to see you to see him um at this point too it's coming out that what his drinking was about like how much he was drinking at a time he was drinking two liters of gin and like 15 cans of Stella per day. Yikes. 15 cans of Stella is a lot on its own. That's too much.

That's way too much. But then two liters of booze on top of it. Two liters of gin a day will kill you anyway. Yeah. And then add the Stella just seems like that's what he's got like on the counter all the time drinking. He's watching TV. That's on a coaster on the coffee table. And then he'll be pounding the gin. the cell is always going yeah like david who's dad drank

wine like that like beer and then he would just shoot tequila all night oh my god that's called an alcoholic yeah that's a severe alcoholic right can you imagine the acidity in there jesus christ what the hell what were his shits like oh Oh, the man hasn't digested a decent meal in three weeks. He hasn't been able to digest a decent meal in six weeks. It's got to be, right? You can't do that. You can't do that. That's why you have to go to the hospital after a while.

And tequila shots all night. During this, he would be taking up to 30 Valiums a day in addition to that. Yeah, there you go. There's the slurring. Well, here comes the other part. Here comes the shaking. Oh, boy. And injecting cocaine.

Get out. That's a lot to put in your body in a day. Shooting coke. That's why you go to fucking detox and rehab and the hospital first because- That's a lot of substances. Your body is running on not what it should be running on you can't treat that because you're treat you can't treat all that at once fucking that's so many things to treat it's a mess it's absolutely a fucking mess that's what i mean

that's multiple drug addictions yeah and valium and coke are different addictions like you can't just say that's not an umbrella you throw over that whole thing. Those are very different. And then all of that booze is like his baseline. Jesus Christ. That's just to keep him, you know, level. And then he's doing the drugs, too. So that's, wow. That's why he's slumped over and shit all the time.

How's that motherfucker alive? And he's not a big guy we talked about either. It's not like he's, you know, an offensive lineman who's doing this this is a small man that's why he looks 65 at 47 yeah imagine drink imagine doing that once just one day you do that in give me that for a week i guarantee i die oh i'll be dead i'd absolutely be dead in three days if i guarantee it yeah i think you have to you have to build your way up to that though that's not a yeah he didn't just go you know what i'll have today and then lay out his thing like that even if you let me wean up to that it would take a while it would take me so long to wean up to that i'm not a drinker like i can't drink like that i just can't

i'll be just a lot of volume i can't do it yeah that's the other thing it's too much volume i can't drink anything but water and that kind of volume. It's tough. So they talked about his evening with Gaza stage shows were marred by controversy after controversy. Him running away, people paying money. In September of this year, he admitted to racially abusing a black bouncer during one of the events as well. Oh, my God. For some reason.

This is fucking terrible yeah he humiliated a man named earl rowe who had been assigned to protect him during the show saying quote can you smile please because i can't see you okay he's even a hack yeah it's one thing to be racist but that i, I mean, people are racist, but don't be a hack too on top of it. Jesus Christ. Like, like, hmm. He had to pay a thousand dollar fine and hand over a thousand dollars in

compensation at that point as well. Then you got the tit grabber over here. Oh boy. Um, he, October 29th, 2015, his ex-girlfriend now has a, um, a restraining order against him.

He's admitted to harassing her as well. Um, he also admitted to assaulting a photographer named Steven Shepard and damaging his 200 pound sunglasses as well. Or to a regular glass, not sunglasses. Punched him in the face. Or knocked him off his face or whatever. not sunglass punch him in the face or knock them off his face or whatever so the district judge sentenced him to a community order for 12 months and issued a restraining order for two years prohibiting him from contacting his ex-girlfriend or posting about her on social media keep her name out your mouth motherfucker is what the judge said

not happening yeah so i guess they had the relationship and then it ended at the end of the last year and she started seeing another man named andrew stone who works with the photographer who he assaulted too so andrew's ass kicked yeah yeah and it was on march 16th uh he i guess paul called this woman his ex-girlfriend at a post office shop where she worked and she told him not to contact her again. So he went on to send her text messages, a series of abusive tweets

and all sorts of other shit in the following days. Bleeding at her. The prosecutor said as a result of those tweets it encouraged other persons using Twitter which led to further harassment of her. And she called him and asked him to stop. And they said he didn't.

It was only worse. So the next day he called her back and said, quote, I'm going to destroy you. I'm going to hammer you. I'm going to come into the post office tomorrow. I'm going to come into the post office tomorrow. So the next day he did show up at the post office, quote, causing a scene and shouting her name. Good Lord. He then sent a further tweet saying, quote, if they do not sack the cow, I'm going to sue the post office.

Fire my ex-girlfriend or I'm going to sue the post office sack the cow that's a british way of saying that he's a menace already this guy used to be a big deal he a big that's what i mean think about what a giant sports star this is put it into american terms i'm trying to do this would be you know he's a huge star ken griffey jr is doing this. Wouldn't you be like, why are you doing this, Ken Griffey Jr.? Ken Griffey Jr.'s at the post office calling his wife a gal. His girlfriend. Not even a wife. Their careers ended about the same time, so I'm trying to think of someone like that. Was that famous, I guess? It'd be weird for Ken Griffey Jr. to do this.

It's fucking crazy. Like, why, Ken Griffey Jr.? Why? Ken, you were supposed to. I mean, I get the junior part. Yeah, we know you're a junior. You should be nicer. Jesus Christ, you have everything, Ken.

So she made a complaint to the police and they arrested him for it. He also admitted assaulting Mr. Shepard and a charge of criminal damage. The court heard the photographer was taking pictures of him as he signed autographs and posed for pictures with fans at a cafe on June 16th. He confronted Mr. Shepard and demanded Mr. Shepard hand over his camera's memory card. The altercation resulted in a one-inch graze to Mr. Shepard's head and damage to his prescription glasses. Yeah. In defense, his defense attorney told the court his client had been in a relationship with Miss Thomas dating back five years.

But the paparazzi and photographers came in contact with him and that's when it went downhill. And yeah, they also fascinating job, too, because if you went and were taking pictures of a guy, you know, I mean, you're you're a fucking scumbag. If you're just following somebody around you're a creep but this guy just because he has a camera and this is his job he's not a creep that's a creep job it's still a creepy guy right yeah people hate the paparazzi but they love gossip and pictures that they love pictures yeah they don't hate them they can shut the fuck up you love them they love them yeah or stop looking at the fucking juicy pictures they take right but if i just followed around a celebrity with no camera i'm a creep oh you're with the camera though you should be getting paid for this yeah yeah stupid

you're one of the best in the biz now yeah now i'm great highly respected member of the community so but again if you're famous you know that's part of the yeah it's part of the fucking game so uh now they accused the photographer of a brazen attempt to provoke paul so uh photographers could be basically so that other photographers could take pictures of that is what they were claiming oh okay yeah so he's fined 100 pounds for harassment, ordered to pay 1,535 pounds in compensation and court costs, and a 60-pound victim surcharge. He's going to lose his fucking award on fucking assault charges. It's insane. This is what I mean.

Yeah, he's going to lose it all. September 1st, 2015, Paul claims that he tried to help the killer Raul Mote after convincing himself he was his brother following a cocaine binge. Wow. Yes. He said he got so amped up that that's what he did. So he was going to save him because we're brothers. Yeah, he brought a fishing rod, cooked chicken, and a drink. Fishing rod. He said he was so coked up, that's why he did it.

Let's go fishing, brother. Let's go fishing. It'll all be fine. He said, quote, You've got to realize I'm half cut anyway sitting in the living room. I've got about six lines of cocaine lined up. I'm not realizing much, but a good line.

And me and Raul moat are sort of friends, a couple more lines. And we're good buddies, a few whiskeys, another few lines. I've had about eight lines and we went to school together. Yeah, we grew up together.

So now it's, now we're buddies. Now traveling in the taxis, doing more lines going, that's my brother. I got to get there. So now we're buddies. Now traveling in the taxi is doing more lines going, that's my brother. I got to get there. Oh, my God. So he took a taxi to where Mote had been cornered by police but was denied access to him.

After being told to just go home by an officer, he went to bed with a bottle of whiskey and woke up with no recollection of the incident. He read about it the next day. I did what now? I brought chicken and a fishing rod and a blanket to a murderer? Is that what I did? A chicken.

He said, didn't know what he did until he looked at his phone and saw hundreds of missed calls. Yeah. And all sorts of news alerts with his name on them. He said, quote, I was was like what have i done i've got a chicken by my side fishing rod rods a barber i'm like fuck me i must have done something i turn on sky news paul gas coin was there last night dot dot dot he's a fucking at all oh fuck all he's a disaster he's an absolute walking disaster at this point unbelievable i mean yeah it's all it's a lot of drug and alcohol related but not everybody who has drug and alcohol problems then do the dumbest things imaginable while on them some people just

sit in their house and get drunk and you don't know about it. This guy is like, I'm going to get chicken and a fishing rod. And make the news. And make the fucking news. And go get in the middle of a police standoff with a murderer. Yeah. That's a bad man. That's smart. So he can't just sit home and get drunk, which he should be doing.

Life would be better. So what if he's having hallucinations and everything else? Do it in your house. It's way worse to have him on the street. Yeah, Nikki Sixx did it. You can do it too. You can do it too. That's what I mean.

Just sitting there. Think about it. He'll be sitting in his house trying to fucking not get out of the house. Respooling his reel just all alone. Ordering some chicken and then next thing you know there'll be a knock on the door yeah and he'll answer it and it's vince mcmahon that's who it is oh no that's right it's vince mcmahon oh no former basically no no titles at all for him now at this point the titleless former head of wwe and he's with a very weird face of a strange what did you call him a mexican soap opera villain vampire that's right and he says

how is it you've come to arrive here? Oh, my goodness. Let me tell you something, Paul. Paul, are you listening to me? I'm intense right now, Paul. I'm in Royal Rumble mode. That's right. Paul, I'm going to tell you this, Paul.

I've seen a lot come and go over the crime and sports years. I have. Ah, God, I'm so worked up right now. I have. Ah, God, I'm so worked up right now. I have. But never, never in the history of crime and sports has I felt a kindred spirit with such a man. I feel like you're the type of guy, Paul. Paul?

You're good for that. Hold up, Paul. You're nodding off, Paul. Hold on. Paul! Wake up. Wake up. You and I, together,

we could shat upon women's heads from here over to England. You're famous in other places. We could poop on them in Italy, Paul. It's so good. Ah, Paul! Take your shirt off. Oh, your chest is... That's a concave

chest there, Paul. It's going the wrong way hold on a minute paul this is um i don't think i've thought this through paul i'm gonna oh god hold on paul i gotta i gotta rumble into my tummy paul hold on is your ex-girlfriend around paul ah and he runs out of the house and poop he's gone and paul's very confused about whether this was a alcohol and drug-induced hallucination or if Vince McMahon just tried to recruit him. There is a poop on the floor. There is.

But he doesn't know if it's his or Vince's. He's not sure. He can't tell. He can't tell. He never can tell. So August 19th, 2016 here, he is fined in order to pay compensation after he admits to racially abusing the bodyguard in front of a thousand people during one minute show jesus yes so uh you got to pay money that the uh the the court said you targeted mr roe for no other reason than the color of his skin

you sought to get a laugh from an audience of a thousand people because people uh because of the color of mr roe's skin that's why i applaud the crown prosecution service for bringing this matter to court it's important that we that we challenge racist behavior in all its forms so he is uh an evening with gaza is his thing here that's a full evening oh my god that is fucking funny he did also said, quote, I didn't know my security guard had got a suntan, too. It's another thing he said. Oh, good Lord. Jesus Christ, man. So he's just very hacky.

Very, very hacky. That's as far down the pole as you can get. He said he meant no offense when the cops interviewed him and said it was just good humor. I would say humor. It's hacky humor. He said, I would say humor. It's tacky humor. He said, I'm upset that I upset him. Looking back,

I said the wrong thing. I've upset somebody. I apologize from the bottom of my heart and it will never happen again. So there you go. Um, and he offered an apology there and the judge said, you have lived a rollercoaster life. That's a fact there.

Um, that's what he said that it's the 21st century and fucking get with it is what The judge said, you have lived a roller coaster life. That's a fact there. That's what he said. It's the 21st century and fucking get with it is what they said to him. So December 28, 2016, he is taken to the hospital. For what? Well, guess. Could be a lot of things. Does he have an infection?

Is he sick? No, no. He was taken to the hospital after getting in a drunken fight at a hotel. That old trope. All right. He was, quote, racially abusing customers at Ace Hotel. What? In East London and throwing money at them. What?

In what context is that, Paul? What the fuck are you doing? Luckily, he was taken to the hospital with a head injury, which sounds like a well-deserved head injury. Somebody had enough. Yeah. A witness said that he was very drunk during the altercation. This guy, Alvin Carpio, said he was racially abusing my mates and hitting one of them on the shoulder and head before throwing a $20 note on him, a 20 pound note on him.

So they said that he'd been taken to the hospital with a head wound. He hadn't been arrested though, but he was about to be released to be sent home. I guess he got what he deserved. No arrests were made. They were like, well, he got what he deserved. He doesn't want to press charges. Everybody walks away. Yeah.

So that makes, uh, that's fun. Press charges. Everybody walks away. Yeah. So that makes that's fun. So October 4th, 2018, he's going to be inducted into the Scottish Hall of Fame. Of what? It's just him and Billy Connolly.

It's going to be a very. And Shrek. And Shrek. The character. We now introduce the character played by Mike Myers in So I Married an Axe Murderer. Yes, his father. It's just Mike Myers in a gray wigried an Axe Murderer. Yes, his father. It's just Mike Myers in a gray wig, but that's who we're inducting. Yeah.

He was nominated before being chosen by an expert panel. That's what he's doing here. Other non-Scottish inductees into the Scottish Hall of Fame include Brian Laudrup, Henrik Larson larson and terry butcher i don't know who any of those people are yeah you guys gotta work harder then october 2018 they go maybe not um yeah once it got out to the public they got a bunch of shit for it and the hall of fame statement said a number of factors are behind the move saying that they're not going to put them in it said further to consultation with the chair and members of the Scottish Football Hall of Fame committee due to a number of factors, including ongoing inquiries and concerns over the state of Paul's health. It's been decided to withdraw the nomination of Paul Gascoigne at this time from this year's nomination process.

Also, we just heard about a line about a suntan. That's yeah. We're're like you know what this is a lot going on there's probably a better one somewhere plus who knows if he's going to show up to the induction shit-faced and take a swing at somebody or so you never who the fuck knows what he's going to do you can't depend on the guy so uh in his stead we're going to induct the movie braveheart yeah that's it we're just going to do that. That's the only fucking thing we can do here at this point.

November 19th, 2018, he's charged with sexually assaulting a woman on a train. Oh, no. From York to Durham. Now, he's arrested. I guess he was arrested on August 20th, but it comes out now.

He's charged with one count of sexual assault by touching and will appear in court for it. Oh, my goodness. He said the charge relates to an incident on board the train of August 20th, and we'll find out about all of that. So he's a disaster. Boy, is he. I mean, imagine just the wake he has left behind of people who've tried to help him. Yeah. Friends, family, agents, girlfriends, wives, kids.

Everybody. Fans. Yeah. Photographers. Just a guy having a drink who's getting a 20 thrown at him and being called names by him. There's a lot going on that you're like jesus christ these fucking people have been through a lot together i feel sorry for all these people jimmy yeah all of them but not nearly oh yeah oh there's there's a few too this is a more common name than you'd think

not nearly as bad as i feel for yeah paul gas coin i uh he works at novus renewables went to cornell university lives in salt lake city utah just a blonde guy probably the most mild-mannered guy you can get that poor bastards never had his name spelled right in salt lake i guarantee that no uh paul gas coin creative director for life in a Day. I don't know what the fuck that is or where he is, but he speaks English because his whole thing's in English. Wow. I know that. So, yeah. Oh, it's England.

He went to West Surrey College of Art and Design. That's it. So there's that guy. And Paul Gascoigne, director and founder of K10 Vision Limited in the United Kingdom as well. Oh, by the way, Paul Gascoigne, managing director at Goldman Sachs in Hong Kong. Give that man your money. He's just going to do coke with it. Imagine.

Let me just Google this guy that I'm working with on a high-level, multi-billion-dollar deal. Oh, my God. He's in the street with vodka bottles. He's shooting a coke. This is nuts. I'm not giving him a fucking dime. Poor bastard.

So October 14, 2019 is court for the, quote-unquote, sexual assault here. Now, I say quote-unquote because it is gross and stupid. And it's sexual, but it's like it's gross. No one would want this happening to them. Put it that way. From York to Durham? Yes. How far is that?

Is that a long ride? I don't know how long the fuck that is. You're asking me how long a train ride between York and Newcastle is? How the fuck should I know? It's got to be an hour or two, right? They're not the same town, so I assume so it's got it's got to be an hour or two right I it's they're not the same town so I assume so yeah it's got I'm wondering how long did he have to create this fucking situation I yeah really yeah how long are you on there for did this happen in three minutes this is like between stops at a subway so we're going so far I've got to come right now what what

did he do no no no his size has nothing to do with coming or anything uh they accuse him and this is even in the in the papers here i said the quote unquote because they say a quote unpleasant sexual assault i mean which i don't know what are pleasant yeah that would be weird yeah uh he denies sexual assault by touching. He told police he had, quote, kissed a fat lass. Sir. In order to, this is the best part, Jimmy. We've seen him. He's no fucking Adonis here.

He kissed a fat lass to, quote, give her a confidence boost. Hey, chin up, tubby. That's what he said. And then he what he said and then he kissed her and then he kissed her the complainant the woman was left shocked and upset here yeah they said this case concerns a brief but unpleasant assault with sexual overtones on a train they he told police that it was a peck on the lips and on the lips he didn't consider it a serious manner that's what paul gascoigne said gave her a quick peck on the lips you put your mouth on her mouth you hey y'all fatty that's right one of them

yeah that's right if You lose weight that way. Oh, man. Holy. Fat butt on the train is all mine, all mine. Fat butt on the train is all mine. Fat butt on the train is all mine, all mine. Pump your arms up in the air while you sing it. Get a Geordie in your mouth.

Oh, man. Now, I guess she had been traveling home and said that she noticed a, quote, shouty and sweary passenger behind her, which is hilarious. After drawing attention to himself, the man who she later learned was Paul Gascoigne had tried to sit on her. Oh, boy. And she doesn't know who he is at the time. She's not blown away by his stardom or anything. This isn't one of those things. We're like, oh, it's Paul Gantz.

She's like, who is this weirdo on a train trying to sit on me? Yeah. So she tried to move away from him. He put his hands on her and kissed her, is what she said. Good Lord. When confronted by the other passengers, he told them that he was just trying to give her a confidence boost. Oh, Paul. Then when the police confronted him, he said that, listen,

the other passengers had been teasing her about her build. Oh, she's being bullied on the train. Yeah, adults are calling her fat on the train. And he said that he jumped in to try to give her a confidence boost and give her a little kiss and say, there you are, lassie. You're not so ugly. I'd fuck you. I'd fuck you.

Now, the other lady was a bit of a larger woman, and he had no problem grabbing on to her tits. So he just likes to fucking, he thinks it's his right to just touch fat ladies. It feels like he thinks that they won't say boo. Yeah, they won't. Yeah yeah they won't yeah they'll they'll they'll be happy about it's fucking wild so just be happy someone touched him the prosecutor described it as a blatant act and added that it was humiliating for the woman involved adding perhaps it was him showing off he said the prosecution in this case is it was a sexual assault and we will seek to prove it by making you sure that it was nothing else.

The complainant said that it was not a peck like on the cheek. She told the jury it was forceful and said there were lots of, also that he was very noisy on the train and said there was, quote, lots of cans on the floor. Oh, I wonder where those came from. Yeah, he's shit-faced kissing ladies on the train going, i given her a confidence boost a lingering peck so it's you can call it a peck but it's like your lips were mushed against hers for probably four or five seconds he didn't come on and go on the cheek and go you're beautiful in my book there lassie which still is not okay don't touch people but that would have been like oh there's nothing sexual about that you know what i mean that's just it's just uh awful behavior it's just annoying and stupid and it'll get away from me but it's not like you know you didn't think oh i bet his dick was rock hard when he was doing that whereas a kiss on the

lips like oh yeah oh you i could get whatever you have by doing that right yeah you know so uh she told the jury quote he kept saying sorry i said it's fine i was just looking out of the window he said sorry a second time and then tapped my arm i turned around this is after he tried to sit on her yeah um she said she had put on her headphones to try to ignore him when he was behind her but she he kept bothering her she said i turned around the face i mean he grabbed my face and kissed me full on the lips and i was taken aback because i was just completely it was completely out of the blue i just completely froze so um can't do that uh obviously she said i already made up my mind to report it to the travel police because it was unwanted behavior and there's no instigation on my part wanting any attention from him right yeah so um i i mean yeah she said that she was very shaken and the trial this is a

trial it's gonna let due to last five days holy um could we like what the fuck like why does it take five days to adjudicate this how many fucking witnesses do you got a call that it's five days get some she said it happened he said it happened what are we fucking talking about here get two people from the train and go yeah i saw it that's a fucking day move on what are we doing here um she also said that he was drinking something from a milk carton but said it was certainly not the color of milk so he put booze in a milk carton gross and drank it on a train what's weirder to drink in public booze in a milk carton. Gross. And drank it on a train. What's weirder to drink in public, booze or milk?

Definitely milk. Milk is weird to drink, period. It's weird that you're drinking that at home, but to do that in public? Jesus, man. Brought me milk out, eh? So October 15th here, he breaks down in tears in court as he denies sexually assaulting the woman. He wanted to reassure her, he said, because he heard another passenger describe her as, quote, fat and ugly. She was unfuckable, mate.

Yeah, so I just was trying to, you know. Your Honor, they called her unfuckable. I was doing her a favor here, really. I was trying to tell everybody that I'll throw one at her if she needs it. I'll leave it in you, for Christ's sake. He said it wasn't sexual. He said it wasn't sexual at all. No, no.

He said he was traveling with his nephews. He wouldn't be sexual there. Stopped short of it. He said while passengers were asking for selfies and autographs, he heard a man who he could not see say about a female passenger, what do you want a photo of her for? She's fat and ugly. And he said that he previously had trouble with his weight, so he automatically went to sit down next to the woman and reassure her. He told her, you're not fat and ugly, you're beautiful, he he said he became emotional while giving this evidence to in court of um so he said that jurors were also handed a file of photos showing him kissing and being kissed by famous people not that that means that she wanted to kiss yeah a photo of him kissing

princess diana was even included oh but the thing was when she was alive he was famous and beloved right he's a fat alcoholic if she was alive today she wouldn't allow it no she'd be like get that fucking he has bugs probably get him away from me so that's what they said um she said that he was invited to several bar mitzvahs and on one occasion he greeted a rabbi's wife by hugging and kissing her he apologized when he realized what he had done he said so sometimes just i'm just friendly i'm just gregarious okay um yeah other they also heard lots of people say he was intoxicated and drunk when he did all this and um he said what prior to traveling to the hotel, uh, one, one person who had spoken to him said, quote, I know what it's about.

Then when the cop walked up to him, he said, I know what it's about. I kissed a fat lass. He said, people have come up to me and kissed me all the time. Yeah. He said, people have come up to me and kissed me all the time. Yeah. He said, quote, he said that he had only had three or four cans of beer prior to the incident because he couldn't drink hard liquor because it made him, quote, spew up. Okay.

He said, I can have beer. I won't spew up. Any shots, I spew up immediately. Yikes. So this is, he had some kind of operation here. He took his, he also, he said that any impression that he'd been slurring his words were wrong because he just got new teeth put in. So he took the bridge out and said, see how different I sound? So I sound like I'm slurring when I take these out.

That's all it is. So that's, wow. October 17th, he's cleared of sexual assault. Wow. Yeah, they clear him. The jury said that he's free to go. He's cleared of a lesser charge by sexual assault by beating of assault by beating. That's the thing.

I think the sexual part made people go. I don't know if it was sexual. Okay. But it's still you. You can't just kiss people. Still weird. Yeah, it's fucking weird. Like you can't just kiss people still weird yeah it's fucking weird like you can't just do that uh i don't know he said he's looking forward to getting on with his life though that's what he knows um i don't know that's that's wild he said his lawyer said quote or she said this is the defense for him his lawyer said that in his own way he thought he was

making a larger woman have more body confidence. It's a clumsy way to go about building someone's confidence, but it was not sexual. What a bizarre thing to say out loud. That is so fucking strange. Yeah. So he's all cleared up, ready to go. So then we go to March 2021, March 16th, 2021. He's on a reality show called I'm a Celeb Italy.

I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here. It's one of those. Yeah. Just an Italy version. He jumps from a helicopter into the Honduras Sea on the Italian version of the show and hurt himself. Oh. Because, you know, that's dangerous.

I was looking forward to it and never came back up. No, no, he's there. He jumped from a helicopter before swimming to land as he was introduced, and I guess he was injured. Yeah, because that's how they do that at the beginning of the show. They drop him out of a helicopter into some fucking island, and then they have to swim to shore, and then they have to survive. And if you scream, I'm a celebrity, get me out of here, they'll come get you. So it's Survivor with celebrities. Where you voluntarily leave.

Unless, if nobody leaves, then they have a vote off. But somebody inevitably says, I'm tired of shitting in a hole. They're fucking, yeah, that's not going to happen here. September 22nd, 2021 here. Richard Maddely and Susanna Reed were on Good Morning Britain, and they said they were talking about Paul Gascoigne. And because Paul Gascoigne, they spoke to him, he paid a moving tribute to his pal Jimmy Graves here. This guy had died at the age of 81. Fuck.

And he, what's his name, Richard Madley, praised him for beating his demons. Paul. Has he? He said, I just continue to do what I'm doing. I'm just enjoying my life. And they said, well, you look well. You look really well.

And then another comment said, you've just become a grandfather, haven't you? And he said, oh, yes, lovely little kid. Oh, yeah, that thing. Yeah, it's a pretty decent little shit. Yeah, and people were saying how great he looked. Wow. People were tweeting.

I couldn't even recognize him. He looks so great now. This is amazing. Okay. Yeah, he's amazing. So December 30th, 2021, on Good Morning Britain, he's talking about his struggle with alcohol and how he has also been diagnosed bipolar. And, you know, we know all of his problems. And they said, huge congratulations for beating your demons again. They said that to him. Right. So he keeps talking about it and keeps talking about it. His problems, he said, didn't stop with alcohol. After taking cocaine, he experienced severe psychosis. And he said the worst about was about the worst was a psychosis through the cocaine 10 years ago when my sister

got me sectioned. The paranoia was unbelievable. I was frightened to touch food. Sure. Jesus Christ. He said two and a half years ago, I'd been on a bender and they got me to Cottonwood Rehab Center in Arizona. I had the shakes for two days. Not too bad. But the third day, there was nothing they could do to stop the shakes. I was rushed to a hospital and I heard a doctor on the phone to Cottonwood and he said, this guy is not going to make it.

He will die. And I said, please don't let me die. I need to water my plants back home what they were injecting my heart and lungs to keep me alive oh jesus christ there was even i'd have no idea what you know or something something i guess to keep him going there there was a rumor that spread that he died at that time but he didn't obviously um so yeah he talks about all of that april 13th 2022 another documentary here we go now yes another one comes out now um so they're just they keep fucking coming out it's airing on bbc2 it's called gaza and it's details the football hero's

struggles which is claimed uh which it claimed was worsened by the actions of the tabloid press. So they're getting on his narrative here. So he also tells people at the height of his drug addiction, he was snorting 16 lines of Coke every day. He said, you think, well, how did I get myself in a state like that, especially taking cocaine? It was there on a plate, and I thought I'd try it, and I couldn't stop. I locked myself in a hotel room for six weeks. He hasn't been able to digest a decent meal in six weeks. That's got to be two eight balls, right?

It depends on how big the lines are. That could be anything from a little. They could be big, fat lines. I mean, we don't fucking know. Jesus. He says he'll always be an alcoholic. His ex-wife here said, the world got Gaza the charmer, and I got Paul the abuser. They're two different people.

You guys got the best of them. She published her memoir, Stronger, My Life Surviving Gaza, as well. Jesus Christ. She published her memoir, Stronger, My Life Surviving Gaza, as well. Jesus Christ. That's like Christy Martin's book where her husband actually literally tried to murder her and left her for dead with holes in her and shit. He shot her in the fucking face with her own gun. Yeah, that's something.

So he apologized to his ex-wife here and all of that. He told a friend, I've made up. She's in my life again. I want to become a proper family again. She's a remarkable woman. I don't deserve her. That's true. That's the first thing he said here.

That's true. I don't know of any woman that could put up with this shit. He's a lot. He's a bit of a fucking mess here. So, yeah, 14 lines of coke he said he took before going to meet the murderer guy, trying to do that. I thought I could take Raul Mote fishing because he was near a river. Hey, cops, back off for a minute. Let us catch a couple of fish. There's a river right there, boys.

Let's get down to the shoreline. Now, 38 days on the island. The I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here Caribbean Island version. He did 38 days? the island the i'm a celebrity get me out of here caribbean island version he did 38 days yeah he had to be airlifted to a hospital after one trial because he dislocated his shoulder though but um then he ended up coming back but then he ended up leaving because his shoulder was still bothering him so that was the main problem and uh they said he's looking wonderful april 20th 2023 paul wins a show called scared of the dark he's looking wonderful. April 20th, 2023. Paul wins a show called Scared of the Dark. He's now doing celebrity reality competition shows.

And says the show made him a better person. Oh. Let's talk about what Scared of the Dark is. It is a British reality television series presented by Danny Dyer. The series follows eight contestants as they live in complete darkness for eight days. Jesus, what? The first series of five episodes aired over five consecutive nights.

Described as a world first, eight celebrity contestants spend 180 hours living, completing tasks, eating and sleeping in complete darkness in a specially built set. There's also a psychiatrist there who monitors the contestants and analyzes their activities. It's in a way it's compared to the exit strategy of I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here because you have to shout.

I'm scared of the dark at any time. And then you can leave. I like it. It's interesting. Yeah. How do you see them? Infrared cameras? Can I watch a whole episode of fucking infrared camera footage?

I don't think I can watch that. All it is is them sitting down and not doing a goddamn thing, right? Because you can't. They can't fucking see. But they have to do tasks and eat and cook. They have to basically do a bunch of shit just in the dark, which has to be so frustrating. Yeah. It should be called

i'm fucking blind what's going on it should be called i'm desperate to get any kind of money i need cash so other people's should be called my home is in foreclosure yeah they're taking my shit from me my car has been repoed get me out of here yeah so the celebrities involved in this nicola adams who's a former boxer chloe burrows who was on love island chris eubank a former super middleweight boxer paul obviously max george the lead singer of the wanted oh i don't know who that is. No, I don't know. You said, oh, like I know that band well.

I don't know. I thought I knew them. Chris McCausland. Do you know what he does for a living? No. Comedian. Is that right? Yeah, no idea.

Neither of us ever heard of him. Another television personality, Scarlett Moffat moffat and then donna preston an actor writer and comedian so he is the first the first time they did the show and paul wins wow he wins it all and he's like when i'm shit hammered it's it's just like i close my eyes most of the time anyway i've been in blackouts darker than this yeah if you give him a bunch of booze he'll just stumble through the whole thing and not even remember it so yeah following his win he said he'd been nervous to take part but his experience made him a better person he says people always question my mental strength but my success on this series proves that

i am strong yeah i was nervous you're used to living in the darkness. You can deal. You're a fucking mess. How drunk is he? I'm sure he just doesn't turn the lights on sometimes. He's like, it just hurts my eyes. Oh, God, I can't do it. It gives me a headache.

He says, I was nervous going in, but having gotten this far in the series made me the happiest man around. I've got my smile back. I'm a better person. Wow. I mean, you know, smile smile back you can't get your teeth back yeah well he got some more new ones put in i guess did he yeah they're all good now all fixed they're not drilled in though right they're just plates right he said he was going to the dentist i think he's going to get them fixed and put in permanent good for him get him screwed on in big guy. So I guess they said the mounting psychological pressures of light deprivation while taking on the faceless challenges. Failing challenges resulted in a loss of further privileges, although wins would earn you treats and precious time in the light.

Oh. Yeah, that's interesting. So as he was declared the winner, they praised him for his openness. And one of the people on the show said the way he has been so open about his emotions and talking about his mental health. I feel that's probably the most remarkable thing that's happened. The journey for him has been really, really hard. And I think that he needs to be proud of himself. Be proud. Here's some shit that he said on the show though. Um, that's pretty funny. Uh, there's one guy here, Chris Eubank is that that's the middleweight boxer,

super middleweight boxer. He was pissed off at him. Oh, he was pissed off. Um, about this because he said, Paul told a very crude story on the show. It was, well, we'll talk about it here.

He met Margaret Thatcher at 10 Downing Street, which is where the prime minister lives, and they all burst into giggles and all the other contestants, but Chris was all pissed off here. Okay. He apparently said that I may get myself into trouble here but when i go went to 10 downing street i put my arm around maggie thatcher oh god almighty i felt myself getting hard he wanted to fuck margaret thatcher okay everybody has their own what they're into but yeah if you're like with margaret thatcher you got

fucking problems in the 80s when she was prime minister for christ's sake hard up for you bud i started getting hard he was like a young man at that point and i thought quick i better just go release this so i quickly went to the toilet and just whacked one out. He admitted to not just being aroused by Margaret Thatcher. Whacking one out quick in her bathroom. He jerked off in the prime minister's house. So he wouldn't essentially jerk off on her leg or something. So he wouldn't sexually assault Margaret Thatcher. So he wouldn't grab her by the cheeks and kiss her and call her a good-looking fat lass.

Oh, my God. He said, horny bit, just come on out. That's his hard-on. Horny bit, just come on out. Yikes. And I wasn't going to walk with a boner on like he placed it on him. So I just quickly, and then he did that. The Chris Eubank guy was very pissed off.

Just offended. Yep. He said, it's unfortunate that that's probably true. Okay, so let's lift up the octave or the class. Let's lift it up. What you've done there, Paul, is that's your pub talk, man. That's not for here. That's all he's got, though.

Save that for the bar, mate. Yeah, what the fuck, man? Another guy said, quote, he's brazen. He'll drink you underneath the table. He's a legend that's not legendary. What's legendary is Paul. Paul and what what he did he was a superstar in football i want to know paul he's a beautiful man okay um so uh november 21st 2023 he talks about quote opens up about his addiction here yeah yeah um he says that he's um you know he said

quote the thing is that once i start that's it he's talking to vinnie jones by the way the guy grabbed his balls there's another crime and sports alumni here he said once i start that's it i cannot stop and it's a nightmare he said it wasn't so much the drink it was the consequences vinnie yeah obviously that's everybody's thing. Yeah. If you just let them drink in peace, they'll just eventually die. But if they can get in trouble for like running their car into a fucking tree, then that's another problem. Was this on Vinny's podcast or something?

Some interview show, yeah. He said, God fucking hell the consequences. The thing is, when you're in it, you're in it. Do you know what I mean? A nightmare. And then you become a loner and no one wants to speak to you did you know if you just kiss people that don't want to be kissed you get in trouble it's fucking weird and you go oh she's a fat lass i was giving her a bit of the sugar that's you can't do that she feel how you feel better now. Should I get you a sandwich? You gotta feel better now.

Yeah. So January 2nd, 2024, he is found outside of a Bournemouth travel lodge after an argument with two people. He is found physically and mentally battered. What? And arguing and currently arguing with the people outside a seafront travel lodge. So they said he could barely string a sentence together when he was spotted outside the Budget Motel last Thursday.

It's the same kind of thing as it is here. I was thinking, is that like a name for a hotel center or something over there? No, no, the actual travel lodge. It's the same as it is in America. Super eight by the sea is what this was. Uh, the newspaper,

uh, proprietor is what they call him by the way. Um, Oh no, he was seen having, he was seen having a row with a man and a woman who allegedly were trying to take money from him or from him when a good Samaritan, Terry Swinton stepped in. So this Terry Swinton,

who I guess, um, is 54 and owns a newspaper was staying at the hotel when he went outside for a smoke and he saw quote his hero in some trouble. Paul, he said he didn't witness the fight, but he told, uh,

but, uh, told the pair to quote, do one when they tried to grab the 10 pounds he offered Gascoigne to get a taxi home. So I guess they tried to take it away. So he took Paul back inside of the hotel to sober him up and sat with him for 10 minutes before leaving him with hotel staff. He's like, he tried to kiss me. I've had enough.

So this was his quote. This is Swinton from London. Quote, I went downstairs for a fag during the football and immediately recognized who he was. He's a hero of mine. When I saw him, I was heartbroken, to be honest.

Men of a certain age, we all know who he is. We have grown up with him. Yeah. He said, I didn't have any money on me, but I went back upstairs to get some money to get it to, uh,

to get a taxi home. When I went to hand him the money, the man and a woman tried to take it. And I told them to do one and told Gaza to get inside. So you go fuck yourself. You come inside, said he couldn't string a sentence together. And he was physically and mentally battered.

I made sure the two people didn't take anything off him and went back upstairs to watch the football. When I went up to watch the football, I wasn't interested. I made sure the two people didn't take anything off him and went back upstairs to watch the football. When I went up to watch the football, I wasn't interested. I kept thinking of Gaza. I am old school. You see someone in trouble, I want to make sure they get home all right.

It just so happened to be Paul Gascoigne. Yeah, I'm sure if it was just some fucking schlub homeless guy, you intervene whenever a homeless person's in trouble, I bet, too, huh? You'd make sure that guy gets back to a halfway house or some shit. No shit. Yeah, he said, I said good morning to him and asked him how he was feeling.

He could barely string a sentence together. As someone who's grown up with him, I was heartbroken to see him this way. Sure. Jesus, man. He's having a lot of problems. So at this point in time, and who the fuck knows? We know with the net worth shit it says his net worth is five hundred thousand dollars which could very well be true

you think so it could because he's doing a bunch of reality shows he's got appearances and stuff he could have half a million dollars somewhere could be money somewhere sure yeah but all of his other money is gone um here is dino zoff this is a former italian goalkeeper and this is a fucking a fun quote this sums up gaza in one two sentences quote he was a lovely boy lovely such a heart but a troubled boy he ate ice cream for breakfast he drank beer for lunch but a player oh beautiful beautiful ice cream for breakfast and beer for lunch. He's a child, grown child on the field, though. Beautiful, he says.

I can't get enough of Paul Gascoigne. Well, here is a signed England Euro 1996 football jersey of his framed and everything. Four hundred twenty bucks or best offer. That's his shit still sells for good money. Oh, yeah. No, no. He's still sells for good money. Oh, yeah. No, no. He's very popular. And also, let's say you know you want to rock some Paul Gascoigne,

and we are going to absolutely get this. We have a Paul Gascoigne, wow, fog on the tine, 7-inch vinyl single. Healthy. And it has, dude, check it out. It has his picture on it. Look at that. On the actual record is his picture. That's the thing.

His cover is terrible. Or the pre-owned Paul Gascoigne Fog on the Tine with him like with his arms up with the headphones on. The regular thing there. That is £5.74 plus £12.69 shipping if you want to buy it from the U.S. Sure, sure. So we can get that for under 20 like 20 bucks 25 bucks we're absolutely doing that that that record will be in our in our studio right next to him next to alan iverson's and fucking kobe's dumb shit and all of it. It's all going to be there. So everybody, that is Paul Gascoigne. Four parts of crazy. I would take this as advice from this.

Number one, if you have a problem, get help, obviously. Number two, you have to come on to somebody before you kiss them. You got to get permission. You have to get in with them i mean you have to like get in with them first to where they're like yeah they want me to kiss them right you can't just assume

that your kiss will bring them confidence and joy and joy and therefore they won't feel bad about their body anymore that's not okay to assume so that amongst another million other things not to do he has taught me so many lessons that i already knew that's why so many lessons that a 55 year old man like him should know that he doesn't fucking know apparently wow he's he's not gonna stop i mean he was he's gonna go till he dies yeah that was less than a month ago he was shit-faced like that so what's gonna happen here like he's too old to be living like this anymore yeah he's going to kill himself with this shit is he and it's sad now he's older than that yeah is he i think he's i think he's 54 now so boy that's too old man you can't be

fucking drinking like that you can't be doing that stuff we're gonna hear about him with a tragic ending very soon and it's fucking sad because honestly when the guy's sober he's sounds like he's a terrific guy like everybody loves him when he's sober he'll do anything for anybody and then as soon as he's drinking it's just there's fucking mr hyde or dr jekyll or whichever one was bad i don't remember now i think it was jekyll that hyde was bad hyde is bad yeah dr jekyll is doing shit and then then he turns into Mr. Hyde. Mr. Hyde's a piece of shit. He's nighttime bad.

So, yeah, he's Mr. Hyde here. So, I don't know, man. Will England keep an eye on this guy? For certain? What do they say? Yeah. If you enjoyed any, for certain, any of these shows, for certain, any of the four parts, for certain, get on whatever app you're on and give us

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patreon.com slash crime and sports and if you do that you will also get a shout out where Jimmy's going to mispronounce your name he wants to say it right but god damn it let's be honest it's probably not going to happen that often that said I think it's about that time Jimmy i need to hear the list of the most wonderful fucking people in the world who support the show keep it going who i'd just like to say

thank you to jimmy hit me with them right now this week's executive producer jordan bennett alinea montroy happy birthday alinea alinea alinea alinea alinea i don't know nathan schrage Alenia? Alina? Alenia. Happy birthday. Alenia. Alenia. Ali-nia? I don't know. Nathan Schrage. You guys are fantastic. Thank you, guys. Thank you for going above and beyond. You don't have to do as much as you do, and you do it anyway, and we got to fucking say thank you.

You're incredible people. Thank you. Other producers this week are Liz Vasquez, Janice Hill, Rebecca Sorensen, Atkins Acres, Golden Retriever Pups. Hey, thank you. All right. Golden Retrievers, that's me. You suck wang also, James,

is a person who donated. Oh. Yeah, you suck wang, James. I do. I do? I don't know. Whoever does? Whoever wrote it.

Oh, that's all right. Schmooples, Devourer of Mortal Souls. Hey, listen, you ask wang, and he's going to tell you how good it is. So go fuck yourself. Stuffer Cold, Tuna Casserole. Oh, boy. All right. Ben Goats, Jennifer Sauter, I think.

C-Stir. C, the letter C, and then S-T. Oh, C-Stir. C-Stir. This episode brought to you by the letter C. And your C-Stir. Alasia, Cree Star the letter C. And your C-Ster. Alasia, Cree Star, Darling, Edgington. Robin would know last name.

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There can only be one, Jimmy. Yes, there can only be one. Sidney Hunter. Carl Zart. Shannon Laith. Sean Dwyer. Paolo. Paolo. Paolo.

Polo. How do you say that, James? Paolo, right? Paolo? P-A-O-L-O. Yes, Paolo. P-A-O-l-o yes paulo yeah paulo yeah uh turco uh jeremy gay gaeta uh victoria darnell hunter with no last name kim with no last name caitlin lackey casey hostert i'm aim aim coast aim coast with no last name dana hunter sydney with no last name

trina monasmith uh jamie cunningham roman mossy uh jared fowlers nope that's flowers Dana Hunter. Sidney with no last name. Trayna Montesmith. Jamie Cunningham. Roman Massey. Jarrett Fowlers. Nope, that's Flowers. Kristen House. Kelly Magapat. Magapat? Mago Pat. Jaina.

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Okay. Angie McCord Laura Davis Leia Pyle Better than Hunt I guess Bill Schmansky Alex Lenz Ernest Banks Jeff Hendren

Shauna Nelson Hillary Ocker Eric Ferris Stephanie Roy Harrow Sean and Nelson. Jeff with no last name. Hillary Ocker. Eric Ferris. Al Bundy's love child. Stephanie Royhero Leon. Leon. Toy Thomas. Thomas Loit.

Christy Pappas. Sean. Nope, that's Sarah. Therese. Sean and Sarah. Same thing. Same thing. Spencer Clark.

Nate Gross Nicholas. That's St. Nicholas' terrible brother. Angelica Francia. Not as nice. Frankashini's. Miss Tess. He steals Amazon packages off your porch. Rather than leaving gifts, that's Gross-Nicholas.

Bizarro Santa. Sorry. Gabrielle McClanahan. Rue's other kid. Yeah, that's yeah adam's child there adam beard melissa altman eli eli basujor boozajor uh avery brown dylan ellis pamela with no last name sama santa santa selling pa what carla walsh punky brewster okay Chiasan. Nice to see she's back. It's been a while. Paris Morris. There was a run of mischievous girls.

There was her and Pippi Longstocking. Punky. It was a good time. Yeah. Mischievous orphan girls. Just being little shits. Super orphans all the time. Orphans were big in the 80s.

They really were. Webster, different strokes. Punky. Punky. There's fucking pound them out. Broken homes. It's so funny. Lana Finagle, Yang Yom Kippur Wong.

What is this name? Yang Kippur Wong? Long Finagle. Long Finagle. Long Finagle? Fangel. I thought you said Yang Kippur Wong. I was like, that's the strangest name I've ever heard.

As close as I'll ever get to this. Half Jewish, half Chinese. That's me. How's everybody doing? They know who they are. It's a lot of W's, N's, and G's. Yes. Fabulous 35, Tess Schaefer, Kaylee Ashenfelter.

Yikes. Pete Petticone, Kate the Great, James Coccaro, Hannah Kelly, Michelle Roberts, Katie Baker, Bex Wagner, David Lisa, Ashton Lambeth, Tiara Marie, Jen with no last name, Alana Hall, Nick Burkett, Caitlin Euchre. I hope you're related to Bob. That'd be amazing. Joshua Gifford, I wish. God damn it, I wish. Chevy with no last name, Adam Norbudas. Chase, obviously.

Probably. Nikki Doches. Chase, obviously. Probably. Nikki Doches. Nikki Doches. Courtney Hish. Devin Marie Bree would know last name. Angela Fedor. Feeder. Feeder.

Chris Freiss. Freiss, maybe. Chelsea Schrauner. Schrauner. All right. Joshua Fisher. Austin D. Scotty Barbour.

Barbour. Barbour. Alex Alexis. Pedregon, Joe Talberg, Lance from Quitman, Abby with no last name, Killian Long Ross, Athey, Kaylin Chastain, Money Muscle, Carol Abbas, and all of our patrons. Obviously, you guys are amazing. Thank you. Thank you so much, everybody. Awesome. Thank you. You guys are the fucking you thank you so much everybody awesome thank you

you guys are the fucking best for all that you do for us thank you so much and also i would like to thank uh ian our research person for this because this was a quite a my god this was a lot of of stuff so great job on this it's still around next week. Yeah, he might be buried, and I'm sure Paul Gascoigne will come over and maybe assault him in some way. We're not sure. He ended up, Paul. He did it. It's all him. It's not us.

Go give him a kiss. Yeah, give him a good sloppy one. I think he'll enjoy it. So there you go. Thank you so much. Wrapping up, Paul Gascoigne will be back next week with someone who didn't have quite as crazy of a life. But it'll still be crazy, obviously, just not four parts worth. We'll cram it into one.

Thank you so much for hanging with us through all of this, and we will definitely keep coming back and live from the Crime and Sports studios. We'll see you next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Crime and Sports early and ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.