Crime Junkie - Update from Brit

Episode Date: September 6, 2022

Hi, crime junkies. I'm Ashley Flowers. And I'm Britt. That is right. I'll give everyone a moment to catch their breath, squeal, cry, whatever it is you want to do. But Britt wanted to come on and give you guys an update directly from her. Yeah. So, I mean, I've come on here and talked about it a little bit before, but I wanted to give you guys a more complete whole version of the story. Obviously, yes, I had a spontaneous brain bleed that landed me in the hospital and Ashley right by my side. You had two brain, you had two brain surgeries.

Yes. So one was to like the emergency one, get to the ER, stop the bleeding. And then a couple of days later, another one that was a little bit less invasive, but to basically cauterize the vessels that had leaked and make sure that, you know, wouldn't happen again. Ideally, yeah. Yeah. But the bigger issue was that I was really, really anemic and really malnourished. And the reason for that was based in my alcohol use and alcohol abuse. And that led me and Ashley and my husband and family to come to the decision that I needed help.

I'm going to cry. I think Ashley might too. But I, after being released from the hospital, after my surgeries, after being cleared by everybody else, I entered a treatment program. I've been out now for a while. I am sober. I am planning on staying that way with the support of everyone around me, including our crime junkie family, which is why I wanted to tell you that this is the journey I'm on and have been on in my time off mic. And I really appreciate your support in this being my decision to talk about and this being something that it is my story.

It is my journey as much as you're on it with me. But also, this is as much as it is my story and my journey, there are people, you obviously very included, that are part of my life that this still affects. And this is a journey for all of us. Yeah, which is part of, I mean, I think when people hear my message, again, I was sobbing. Because when I found out, the first thing I found out was that you had this brain bleed and you're having emergency surgery. And then I had no idea when I was driving up to the hospital, I had no idea. No, one of the things that I've thought about a lot in the past couple months is what was my bottom?

What was my ground zero? This needs to change. And it was a couple of conversations, but one thing that continued to resonate in my mind, like every time I got discouraged, every time I was struggling, and probably will be something that I fall back on for a long time, is when we were talking about me needing to go to treatment, you said, I brought two outfits to the hospital with me. One so I could sit with you while you were here. And another to wear to your funeral because I wasn't sure which one I would need.

And that statement, again, just echoes in my brain. And I don't even know if you remember saying it. I do. But whenever I was in a place where I was struggling and I was really frustrated with where I was, that and a couple of things that my parents have said and my husband has said, those things are the things that got me through and really drove home how serious my problem was and how serious I needed to be about my recovery. Yeah.

Because again, when I drove up, I was like, I don't know if I'm driving up and I'm going to get to see you after surgery because you were still in surgery when I was driving or if I'm going to drive up and then you have to go to your funeral. And then I saw you and it wasn't until after the first time that I saw you that I sat down with Justin and then I got the whole story. And he told me and I couldn't understand how I didn't know like at all. And I was like, I know her better than anyone in the world. If she was struggling with something, I would know.

If she was hurting, I would know. There's deception. There's coverups. So much. So much. And there's like on the addiction side for me, like there's a lot of shame. Yeah. And that's for me, that's a lot of why I was deceptive or hiding things.

Like there was a lot of shame and is a lot of shame associated with addiction, which is another reason why it's not talked about. Just knowing that like I would have to, even with you, my like closest, closest friend who knows all the other shameful things about me. This was too much. This was too much shame. This was too much. I'm not okay. And on top of that, you know, me as kind of like a fixer, like give me a problem.

I'll try to find a solution. Give me a solution. I'll poke all the holes in it to make sure it's the perfect one. And like this was one that I didn't have the answer to. And if I didn't have the answer to like, what could you do? Like you would just feel helpless and I don't want you to feel helpless. So I'll just do this and figure this out on my own. Spoiler alert did not go well.

And yeah, there was just so much like I don't want people, especially those that love me to know how, how ugly and broken I am. Unfortunately, it took a brain bleed and like you and Justin pointing out that I was still hooked up to an IV that was still plugged into the wall. I had no clothes and I could not leave the room. And you tried to butter me up. I was, my hospital cafeteria did not have milkshakes. Guess what? The only thing I craved for the entire time I was there was milkshakes. Ashley like marched into a five guys at literally 10 o'clock on a Sunday morning.

Demanded a milkshake and brought it to me and told you we're done. We're done. Yeah. I remember, I remember like going for my phone and like we've already talked to your parents. And I was like, cool. Thanks guys. I knew. And like even like trying, I was mobile.

Like I was getting up and out of bed and stuff, but like I was hooked up to an IV. And like I remember like kind of sitting up and like thinking like I'm going to storm out of here. And you guys both look at me like it will take you five minutes to like get all the stuff that you need to walk down the hallway very slowly in like your hospital socks. I think, I don't think that it had like fully sunk into yet that you almost died. Right. Like I think you were like, oh, I had an accident and I'm in the hospital. Honestly, it was like two or three weeks into treatment before I even like looked up what had happened to me and like the statistics as to like how many people have this and like come back. I keep telling you, it's a miracle and it is.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Once I looked up the statistics, like basically 20% of people who have spontaneous subdural hematomas, which is what I had, or a subdural hematoma, spontaneous or via trauma, like hitting your head or whatever. About 20 to 30% of them regain most of their like physical and cognitive function. And like I'm pretty 100%. I survived something that I shouldn't have in a lot of ways. Both my physical situation, my brain bleed and alcoholism, because a lot of people don't survive alcoholism. A lot of people don't survive addiction.

I mean, that's one of the things that I, you know, I can only speak as the person from the outside, the person who cared about the person with the addiction. And the one thing that I remember vividly saying to you from the hospital was, because again, I could see how mad you are. And I said, you're fuming. And I said, I don't care if you're mad at me. I don't care if you never speak to me again. The way that I look at it, I'll lose my best friend either way. Either you get help and stay alive and you've, and hate my guts for the rest of your life, but you're alive. Your kids, I'm a mom, you're, you know, or you, my best friend dies and I don't have a best friend. And I was like, I feel like I, like at this point in this room, I feel like I'm losing you either way.

I'd rather like, I'd rather lose you when you be alive. Yeah, you make it out with your life. Yeah. And luckily, I didn't lose you. Yeah, I'm still here to annoy the shit out of you. So I made it through without like too many tears. I just saw one, one beautiful little tear that came down. So again, each one of you out there has been our third best friend for the last five years. Which is wild.

And so we just wanted to have this conversation with you just in the spirit of being 100% open, 100% honest and hoping that this empowers other people to do the same. Yeah. And one thing that might just be worth mentioning, what's life for you now? Oh yeah, recovery is like a full time job, I swear. So I am the treatment center that I went to as a 12 step program. So I'm participating in 12 step meetings. I'm going to both individual and group therapies once a week.

I'm reading a ton of books on recovery. I'm putting myself in recovery communities to meet more people. I'm really doing a lot of work on myself, which like is also including a lot of people in my circles doing work on my relationships. And really like a pillar of my recovery of recovery of recovery in a 12 step program is rigorous honesty. And so like Ashley said, like it only felt right for us as friends, me, you, Ashley, like the crime junkie community, my people and for my recovery to be completely honest about this. So bringing you in is part of my recovery and something that as much as I'm doing for you guys and to bring you into our circle even deeper. Also, for me, so I thank you guys so much for all of your support and love. Like, I really can't say how like seeing those DMs for the past few months have made me feel it's been amazing.

And so on that note, the last thing we want to do is rush into anything. So you guys will still hear just my voice for a minute. Again, we want to make sure you have. I'm ready. Yeah. And you know us, we don't say, Hey, here's a problem in the world without saying, Hey, here's a solution or a way to help. If you or anybody you know or love is struggling with addiction is struggling with alcoholism. Reach out in the US there is the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration hotline.

That's 1-800-662-HELP. You can also text your zip code to help the number 4 and the letter U or visit S-A-M-H-S-A dot gov. And there's a ton of resources there for people in active addiction, for people who are in recovery, for family members, for loved ones, for friends. It's a great resource that's out there. All right, I'll see you guys on Monday. You guys all see Brett soon.