Date Yourself Instead - 10 BIG ways to improve your mindset & manifest your dream life

Episode Date: February 5, 2024

Having a healthy mindset is the key to ultimate success. There's been many times in my life where I've gone through periods of time where my mindset was not in a healthy place. In this episode, I discuss 10 big ways I've changed my entire mindset for the better and had major breakthroughs when it came to my mental health. If you loved this episode as always, send me a DM @lyss or @dateyourselfinstead. JOIN THE MASTERCLASS DARE TO DETACH Use code "selflove for $20 off the course.

Okay, so having a healthy mindset. Having a healthy mindset is the key to ultimate success. And there's been many times in my life where I've gone through periods, where my mindset was just not in a healthy place. And I've spoken about this a few times before on the podcast, but from the end of 2020 into 2022, I had two of the most challenging years of my entire life.

My late 20s were really difficult for me. I had an experience in my life where I felt so broken and so lost and I completely lost who I was in my identity due to a number of things, one of them being a super toxic relationship dynamic I was in for three years. And the other was my mom getting diagnosed with cancer. And the third thing was basically going broke and having to dig up all of my savings and everything I worked for in my early twenties. And I ended up spending all of that trying to survive, trying to pay rent, trying to get by and think of new ways I could reinvent

myself. But I kept hitting walls and roadblocks. And it was just so increasingly challenging. And it was just so increasingly challenging. As you can imagine, that really affected my mindset and I was in a really dark place in my mind and my thought patterns were super toxic. It always felt like nothing was ever going to get better for me. It felt like every day progressively kept getting worse. And then I would attract even more difficult

experiences into my life on a consistent basis where it ultimately felt like there was no hope left and my world was shattered and I just felt completely defeated. Every day I would wake up and struggle to get out of bed and do basic minimum things to take care of myself. And I ended up spiraling into a really serious depression for an extended period of time. It took me a very long time to pull myself out of that place and rewire my thoughts and actually transform my entire life and reality for the better. Because when you hit an all-time low, you almost feel like there's no coming back from it. When you're currently going through

really difficult periods of time in your life, it can be really challenging to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It could be really difficult to see what could be positive that's coming out of it. And you feel almost stuck because you are trying to make yourself feel better and you're trying to do things, but it's just not working. And things just keep getting more and more intense. But towards the end of 2020, I really reached

a breaking point where I knew I needed to genuinely help myself or else things were not going to look so great for me and my future. And I actually had a period of time where I didn't really want to be here anymore. And it's really vulnerable and weird to say those words out loud because I don't think I ever would have taken any action or anything serious where I would have actually wanted to end my life. But I was having thoughts circulating around that idea and it was really scary to me and I realized that I needed genuine help. So I got a therapist for the first time in my life and between doing therapy and going on a healing retreat by myself in Mexico, which I've spoken about on the podcast, and

committing myself to a solid health and fitness routine, I was gradually able to get myself out of this dark place and transform my world into something so much more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. I could say now, in 2024, I'm finally in a place where I'm genuinely so happy. I'm so at peace with my life. I'm confident in who I am. I'm very grounded. I have very firm boundaries regarding the people I allow into my life. I feel like it's one of those situations where it's like the phoenix rising from the ashes, where the worst things that could happen to you can often turn into the best things that have happened to you. On today's episode, I really wanted to cover the ways I was really able to improve

my mindset and completely shift my reality and the ways I was able to get myself to a place where I'm genuinely excited to wake up in the morning and get things done and how I'm able to create magic and abundance in my life now that I went through all of those things. I want to cover all of the steps I took to get myself to a place of peace, of happiness, and genuine love for myself and love for life again. And before I get into all of these steps, I also wanted to mention the reason I created my masterclass Dare to Detach is really because of this. When I was going through a period

of time where I felt so broken and I didn't know who to talk to or what steps to take to heal, even though I was doing therapy, I just still felt like it was only once or twice a week. It was what I could afford at the time. And it was helpful for sure. And I highly recommend therapy. If you need it, if you feel called to do it. I think it's a great supplement to the healing process, but I really felt like I wanted to do more to take action and to see results quickly as I could, and I wanted to heal faster. And I really also wanted to let go of what was no longer serving me in my life. I was still really hung up on my ex-boyfriend and my breakup, and I was still thinking of a lot of worst case scenarios.

So when I created my masterclass, Dare to Detach, it really came from a place of genuinely wanting to guide people and show you all of the steps and things I did to heal as quickly as possible, to reprogram my subconscious mind, and to change my reality in a shorter window of time. The Dare to Detach Masterclass is four days long. It provides tons of videos instructed by me, detailed workshops that help rewire your mind,

meditations, and different resources I use to make me feel more hopeful and positive during a really difficult time in my life. And it also includes exercises that help undo the blocks and old programming that really have kept you stuck. It really helps you create an entirely new mindset. I would absolutely love for you to join us. Remember, you could use the code for my masterclass, self-love for $20 off, you can find the link to the course in the show notes or on the Instagram at Dare to Detach. And usually I'm posting about it as well on my Instagram at date yourself instead. So you could go over there and check out the link in my bio.

And yeah, I would love for you to be there. Use code selflove and now let's dive into the episode. So number one, the first step in really creating a healthier mindset and really healing is committing to doing affirmations every single day for the next two months. I want you to say affirmations every single morning when you wake up and every night before you fall asleep for the next 60 days. Every morning, I woke up and one of the first things I did during my healing process was write a list of 20 to 30 affirmations that made me feel

really good, really confident and super empowered. I like to write my affirmations on my phone and change them up and customize them whenever I really need a boost of confidence and motivation and whenever I feel like I really need that reminder that everything is going to be okay and that everything is working out in my favor. Sometimes we get so caught in our thoughts and negative thought patterns and affirmations are a really powerful way to rewire your brain to think more positively overall. Some of my affirmations include I am so powerful, I am unstoppable, I am the highest version of myself, I am operating at the highest frequency possible,

I am aligning with all of the universe's magic, I am manifesting miracles at every single hour of the day. I am so unbelievably blessed. I am so abundant and lucky in every aspect of my life. I am at the top of my career. I am attracting my perfect romantic partner, et cetera. You get the point. I just read off some of the affirmations from my phone, but you could truly customize this to fit

whatever it is that you want. The key here is to start the affirmations with the phrase, I am. The words I am are very affirmative and you are ultimately conditioning your brain to rewire to believe that you are a certain identity and that you're identifying with these things that are going to ultimately manifest into your reality. Step number two is learning how to create a really good routine for yourself that makes you feel super excited to wake up in the morning. So there was a period of my life which I just spoke about

in the beginning of the episode, but it was the most depressing period of my life because in the beginning of the episode, but it was the most depressing period of my life because I had no structure or routine to my day. At that time, I know I didn't have any meaningful goals where I would wake up and know I had some sort of mission to attend to. I didn't have anything going on. I didn't have work coming in. I wasn't into any sports or hobbies or extracurricular activities, and I wasn't even really working out or taking care of my physical health. I was just letting life pass me by on a day-to-day basis, and I wasn't taking any sort of action. Our brains are wired to want to take action and be productive. And our brains are so powerful and so beautiful,

and it's the most important organ. And if we're not feeding it and nourishing it, it can ultimately lead to things like depression and anxiety. And this doesn't mean you have to be stressing yourself out and doing a bunch of things you don't necessarily want to do, but it is a really important and healthy to have some sort of routine to allow your brain to actually complete tasks. I spent over two years without a defined career goal and no hobbies, and I was in a really toxic relationship at the same time. And what ended up happening was I spent 95% of my days waking up late in bed or on the couch being overly lazy, crying myself to sleep every night, feeling like total garbage

about my self worth and my self image. And because I just had no structure to my day to day life, I contribute that a lot to why I was so depressed. I wasn't moving towards anything. I wasn't waking up and saying, okay, I'm going to do these five things to take care of myself and then start my day. I had no structure.

My biggest tip to you, my biggest piece of advice is to create a solid fun routine you can look forward to in the morning or at night before you go to bed or both and I have a morning routine and a night routine. And just committing to it and sticking to it and giving your brain time to get used to it and adjust to it and enjoy it. You can engage in new activities too. For me when I was coming out of my depression

and I was living by myself and I really didn't wanna see people, I still took small actions to build a routine such as journaling, writing down my feelings in my phone, making myself coffee every morning, stretching, doing yoga, engaging in skincare routines, going on Pinterest and finding new recipes to try. Certain things like that will start to make you feel better if you make it a routine. If you do it once, you're not really creating

any healthy habits or patterns for yourself. It takes a few weeks for your brain to really stick to new routines and habits and patterns. So just give yourself time and patience when you're engaging in this process of building a new routine because you have to be consistent with it. But I promise you, if you keep up with it, it will slowly improve your mood and start to build the foundation for a healthier mindset.

I also want to make a point to say I really do empathize so much if you have a lot of mental health struggles and you experience things like anxiety and depression. I know how difficult it can be to actually want to do anything and I know how hard it can be to keep yourself motivated. But I will say that what I've learned is when you do commit to building a routine, such as waking up, making your breakfast, answering emails, journaling, saying your affirmations, maybe taking an everything shower. I don't know if you guys are familiar with that, but it's really big on TikTok where

you buy a bunch of really fun skincare products and new shampoo and conditioner and body scrubs and new razors and you take an everything shower where you step out of the shower feeling like a newborn baby. Just things like that, small acts of self-care. That is what is going to set you up for a successful rest of your day. And it brings you peace knowing that you are moving in some sort of direction and even taking small actions like that and you have things to do to occupy your time in healthy ways.

Step number three, this is so, so important. Stop scrolling throughout the day. Get off your phone and stop comparing your life to other people, to your friends, to your family members. If you feel like you're constantly missing out on things that could really create a negative mindset and mentality, and you could really go in a rabbit hole with this. Comparison is truly the thief of joy, and I've noticed this within myself too, when I get so locked into someone else's life Watching their life through stories watching people post that they're on vacation while I'm at home working a Huge thing for me, which still affects me and I've had to put my phone down a lot because of this When I go on Instagram and I see the hottest girl I've ever seen in my life, with the hottest body I've ever seen in my life,

with the hottest man I've ever seen in my life, on some sort of private jet or luxury vacation, or she's in Paris, drinking wine, going back to her five-star hotel and living her best life with a group of girlfriends, which I never really experienced. I never really had a core group of solid, amazing girlfriends that I would go on luxury vacations with, but I see it on Instagram.

And it's hard not to get swept up in the fantasy of what your life could be, and that could lead to things like anxiety, the fear of missing out, depression, and creating these like negative thought patterns in your brain where you feel like you're not doing enough or your life isn't fulfilling or you're just fucking lame. It can make you think of things like this.

So I've made it a really important habit to close Instagram and put my phone away any time I start to get in a rabbit hole and redirect my energy and my thoughts into something that I could be doing to make myself happier. I know also that dopamine rush of how good it feels to be doing those types of things, going on vacations, living in luxury because I've had tastes of that before and I'm not going to lie and say I haven't because I'm very grateful for the experiences that I've had tastes of that before and I'm not going to lie and say I haven't because I'm very grateful for the experiences that I've had in my life. But you have to also remember that life ebbs and flows, experiences ebb and flow. Nothing is going to be 24 seven dopamine where you're living a party lifestyle and living in luxury 24-7.

At least from my experience, maybe some people have had an experience where their life is just perfect all the time. But for me, I know that what I post isn't really a reflection of my reality. Of course, there are amazing moments that I've experienced. And when I've documented it, I posted it on Instagram. When I've gone on vacation, I posted it. And yes, was I on that trip and was it fun? Of course,

but there's so much more to someone's life that you're not seeing and no one's life is perfect. What you see on social media most of the time isn't the full scope of what's actually real. It can be partially real, but not all of it is. And the more you consume your brain with someone else's life and what they're posting and not your own, it will take away from you getting to your goals and getting to that point where you're doing things that you love and want to be doing because you're so focused on other people's lives. It's not to say you can't use Instagram or Pinterest as a tool to get inspired, but if you feel like you're constantly being consumed

by this idea of other people's lives are better and you wish your life was different and you're feeling discouraged, put your phone away. Start focusing on what you could do to make your life better and get out of that rabbit hole because everyone falls into it sometimes. It's very common and it's normal, but I highly suggest making sure you're taking phone breaks and keeping a check on your mental health while you're on social media.

Step number four is truly accepting that life is a journey and it's not one straight linear road to the top. As I just said, life ebbs and flows. You're gonna have bad experiences and you're gonna have good experiences. We're human, okay? This is a physical reality where shit happens. Nothing is perfect 100% of the time and nothing is ever gonna be just one straight run

of glitz and glamour and perfection 24x7, even though that's what social media tells us, right? Trusting that your journey is yours, and although there's going to be ups and downs, it's your journey that makes everything so beautiful and worth it. I hear a lot of manifestation coaches talk about how it's not the manifestation that you're looking for, but it's actually the feeling of what that manifestation is going to bring you. And I find this to be very accurate because often when you actually manifest what you're looking for, it gives you that excitement and that dopamine and that hive, oh my god, I manifested it, it's here.

But what you're really wanting is the feeling around it. Like how would you feel when it actually manifests? That's what you're looking for and that's what you're usually seeking. And once you really put yourself in a state of trust and faith and once you realize that everything truly is working out in your favor and you really fundamentally believe that at your core. It often helps you manifest so quickly and so fast.

And this is the whole first part of my Dare to Detach course. And I talk about this a lot on the podcast. When you have faith in whatever higher power you follow or having faith in the universe or just in some sort of trust within you that you're gonna receive what you want in life, it makes life so exciting and enriching and fun, and it makes life feel like one big adventure. If you knew, you were in full control of your destiny, and that through the power of your positive thinking,

and through the power of you reprogramming your mind, you can attract almost anything you want into your life. It makes life feel like a game, but in the best way. It makes life feel like anything is possible, and that you're living one big adventure. And I didn't realize how much control you actually have through the power of your mind. Your mind is so fucking powerful.

And once you actually realize that, and then you start to have faith that everything is truly working out in your best interests at all times, life opens up for you to all these new amazing possibilities and the world becomes magical. If you're constantly thinking of the worst case scenarios all the time and that shit is impossible and nothing is worth it anymore and you feel like giving up all the time. Those types of thoughts will attract more negative experiences into your life whereas if you are able to actually fundamentally rewire your brain in healthy ways and believe that anything is possible for you, your world will truly open up and it makes waking up and taking on every day so much fun. The key is to be in a total place of trust and surrender and having total faith that everything

is aligning for you and the universe truly has your back and nothing that is meant for you will pass you by. So whether you're going through a really bad breakup or you lost a job and you got fired or whatever it is, just trusting that you're being divinely protected and guided at all times will attract better experiences and circumstances into your life. And it's also really amazing because at the same time, you're improving your mindset and you're just able to attract better because you're thinking more positively. Number five is believing that you are a human magnet because you are. When you believe you are magnetic, you will

start to attract constant miracles and abundance. Really sit with that idea of being a human magnet. You are a magnet. You are made up of energy. This isn't really an analogy because you actually are made up of energy. Yourselves are energy. You have energy coursing through your blood and veins. You carry special powers. You carry everything you actually need within you already. Everything you want and need is within you. You don't have to force shit all the time. You don't have to desperately seek out people and things and circumstances all the time. Visualize yourself attracting the best possible scenarios to yourself constantly,

because you are that woman. Surrender. You don't need to blow up someone's phone begging them to be with you. You don't need to chase anyone down. You are a magnet. You can draw experiences into your life without chasing shit down. Let the universe work its magic and take care of it. It'll guide you to the right circumstances, places, people, and situations. You don't have to force shit. You don't have to cry anymore over

the circumstances because you are trusting that you are a human magnet and everything is going to fall into place because you're made up of the most powerful energy. You could pull new experiences into your vortex now and attract huge opportunities you could never even imagine having before because you are powerful. You are that powerful. And we often don't give ourselves enough credit and we often feel powerless and we hand our power over to external situations and people when really we have everything we need within ourselves. Step number six is remembering to move your body solely for your own mental health,

whether that's taking long walks every day, doing yoga, stretching, meditations, taking new doing yoga, stretching, meditations, taking new workout classes, whatever it is, just investing in some sort of physical movement. I took my savings when I was going through the worst period of my life, and I invested it in mainly two things, therapy and a personal trainer. And let me tell you, that was the best investment I ever made. Even though I was financially struggling, I saw it as worth every penny at the time because I knew it was essential for me

to take care of my health in any way possible. And the combination of therapy and having a one-on-one personal trainer changed the game for me. It set the foundation for the healing process and it just helped me so much get out of a rut. There were so many days prior where I felt like I could not get out of my bed.

It literally felt like my soul had died. It felt like I had gone through such a major death and rebirth in 2021. I think it was where I couldn't even recognize who I was. Like I didn't even know who I was at all. And I felt like I had lost myself so deeply. I feel like having people around me during the time period that were self-help coaches, therapists, and a personal trainer saved my life.

I slowly started building my confidence again through investing in people that actually wanted to see me happy again. And that's a really beautiful thing. Which brings me to step seven, which is learning how to redirect your thoughts into creative outlets and passion projects. Instead of using that energy to go back to a toxic situation, you should be directing your energy into what you're passionate about or some sort of creative outlet, because that's what's going to make you the happiest in the long run. It could be so easy to fall back into toxic patterns because that's what your brain is used to currently, but forcing yourself to break out of that and actually put your energy

towards things you love and things that are going to nourish your soul is so important. For example, instead of texting your ex and wondering what he's up to, you could be writing a book about your experience. You could be joining a new art club. You could be joining a running club. You could be engaging in new activities. You could be journaling and go out and do shit to nourish your soul, surround yourself with friends that would never break your heart.

Do things that are going to teach your brain that it's okay to be happy again and take care of yourself. For me, I know a big thing was solo traveling and taking time with myself to be in places that I loved. It was making a routine of praying and trusting in a higher power more than my current situation. I was trusting outside of that and saying, you know what, even though my current situation is really difficult right now, I'm going to trust in a higher power that everything is really aligning in my favor and I'm being protected and guided at all times and making it a habit to really pray every single day. Even though I'm not religious, by the way, I want to make that clear.

I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual and I believe that there's always hidden blessings even in the worst of times and Just making sure I kept telling myself those things on a daily basis was really essential in Creating a more healthy mindset for myself. I talk about this in my masterclass It's called the reframe your mind method or the reset method Essentially what you're doing is every time you have a negative toxic thought creep up in your brain, you become aware of that thought and you try to redirect it into something more positive or put a positive spin on it. For example, instead of saying, I'm never going to meet anyone else ever again, I'm going to be single forever, you can say, the

universe is directing me to my soulmate in the perfect divine timing and the universe has my best interest and right now is a perfect opportunity to just take care of myself and learn how to love myself more and more deeply. And even making a small mindset shift like that and redirecting your thoughts like that, it will set you up for success. Every time you have a negative thought, just be more aware of it and try to redirect it. Step number eight is cutting out toxic people. This is very straight to the point in self-explanatory.

Toxic people will bring you down, they can infiltrate your mindset and make things more negative if they are negative. If people don't have a good mindset and you're surrounding yourself with people who are very pessimistic, it could really affect you. And it's important to distance yourself from anyone who is making you feel shitty about yourself, who brings you down, who's emotionally or verbally abusive. It's really, really important to cut those people off in your life if you want to see success and if you want to create a healthy mindset for yourself. Other people can suck your energy dry just from being really negative.

And I truly believe that and I've had to cut a lot of people out of my life to make room for positive people. And I'm really happy to say I have the most uplifting amazing people around me now, but it definitely took some time and it was a process to find those people. But just putting your good energy out in the world and trusting that you're going to find those people if you don't have those people in your life right now is so important. And I truly believe that it's better to be completely alone than with toxic people. That's a fact, actually. It's not really a belief. It's true. It's better to be by yourself and ride your waves alone and talk to your higher self every day than stay stuck in relationships and friendships with people who don't want to see you happy.

And number nine and 10 is tied in together, but just practicing forms of self-care, such as journaling your thoughts on a daily basis and documenting your progress and documenting your thought patterns and seeing how you could ultimately make changes to create more positive habits for yourself. And consuming only positive things, whether it's podcasts, shows, movies, music, everything is energy. And if you're listening to sad music all the time, if you're watching scary messed up shit all the time, if you're consuming really negative dark things, it could ultimately set your brain up to think more negatively because our brains are wired to absorb information. And for me personally, my brain is very sensitive to information, so I cannot watch scary movies. I cannot watch things that are really depressing, that talk about there's no hope in humanity anymore and there's no way you're going to find anyone because all the good men are taken.

That is such a negative message and anything that's relaying some sort of negative message towards you, especially on the news too, I see it all the time. It's like always bad toxic news that's going to ruin your day. So I don't watch the news, I don't watch or consume anything that's going to affect me in a negative way. And I also journal, I also take care of my mental health by writing down my thoughts, monitoring how I feel, and honoring my feelings, by writing down my thoughts, monitoring how I feel, and honoring my feelings, not pushing them away or shoving them away or suppressing them anymore like I used to in the past. I think part of the reason I went through such a dark period

in my late 20s was because I had bottled in so many emotions and trauma and fears and I had kept myself stuck in toxic patterns for so long and I never allowed myself to really feel and process anything. And now I make a habit of processing my emotions in such healthy ways and making sure that I get my emotions out and cry it out and honor my feelings if I'm having a bad day and not being ashamed of that. And that's also a form of self-care, just honoring your emotions and not being afraid to face them head on. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode. I hope that was helpful. I hope that resonated with you.

If you enjoy this episode, always feel free to DM me on Instagram, Atlas, or on the podcast page at date yourself instead. Be sure to also rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify. It helps the show grow. And if you'd like to share this episode with a friend as well, every share, every rating counts and all the support and love is so appreciated. Thank you as always for listening and being here. I love our community so much. And always remember to check out the masterclass as well if you're looking to up level and change your life

and let go of the bullshit into 2024, the masterclass is for you. I love you, thanks as always again and stay tuned for next Monday.