Date Yourself Instead - 10 things I'm letting go of this summer (AND FOREVER)

Episode Date: June 17, 2024

Summer is the perfect season to DETACH, LET GO AND CLEAN UP your life. It's a total reset for me, personally. Some things I'm letting go of include... Self doubt Negative self talk in my head Anyone who makes me feel afraid to be myself The fear of embarrassing myself (whoops) Procrastination Worrying about other people's opinions AND MORE. JOIN THE MASTERCLASS - DARE TO DETACH Doors are still open for the month of June! Use code "FREEDOM30" for a special 30% off discount when you join.

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Date Yourself Instead. I had a wild morning. I'm just gonna start this episode off by telling you what happened to me because it ties perfectly into the theme of today's episode which is all about letting go of certain things. And this summer, I'm gonna be letting go of a lot.

A lot of baggage, a lot of different things that have been weighing me down. This summer is all about letting go of a lot. A lot of baggage, a lot of different things that have been weighing me down. This summer is all about letting go, releasing, detaching, and setting myself free so I could step into the summer feeling empowered, feeling confident, feeling like the best fucking version of myself, and hopefully this will inspire you to do the same.

Now, on the topic of today's episode, I go to this coffee shop next to the podcast studio pretty much every time before I go to the studio. I get my coffee there. Sometimes I'll get breakfast. It's a great place. And this morning, I'm feeling all confident, feeling empowered. I'm like, yes, I'm about to go into the studio, record this episode, crush it. I go to this place, get my coffee,

and as I'm leaving, I glitch, and I literally just basically, I don't know how this happened. My coffee flew into the air. My arms like flailed up into the air. I dropped my coffee. It spills everywhere. It spills all over the chair next to me. It spills all spills everywhere. It spills all over the chair next

to me, it spills all over the floor, it spills all over me, it's splashed all over my pants, my shirt. I'm basically fucking soaked in coffee. And the girl that's working there is just staring at me. This guy that's working at a laptop right across from me, he's just like looking at me trying not to laugh. And I'm trying to play it so fucking cool. I have a straight face on. I'm like, oh, yeah. Just casually spilled my coffee meanwhile. I made the biggest fucking mess.

It literally looked like a coffee tsunami had taken over the place. And it was one of those dramatic moments where I drew so much attention to myself first thing in the morning, and I had to do my best to recover without making myself feel embarrassed. And the whole thing about publicly embarrassing myself,

I've had this happen to me a lot recently. Over the last month, I feel like the universe has been fucking testing me because every time I'm out in public for some reason, something embarrassing will happen to me where I have to keep it cool and recover and mentally detach and actually remove my emotions out of a situation and be like, okay, it's not a big deal.

We're all gonna die one day. It's totally fine. No one's gonna remember this by tomorrow or hopefully not. And a similar thing had happened to me when I had left Bali last month. It was the last day I was in Bali and I end up buying cookies at this place that I went to a bunch of times because the food there, the desserts there, oh my god, they are so good. And I was like, you know what, I'm going to get a box of cookies for the plane ride home. I'm gonna have it as a snack for my long 30 hour journey home. So go get some cookies.

I'm holding the box, walking back to my hotel, all cool, confident. I'm like, yes, this is the best day ever. I have my chocolate chip cookies ready to go. I'm all packed. I'm about to go to the airport. Okay. I don't know how it happened. Once again, my body glitches. I freak out. I'm super clumsy and uncoordinated, clearly. I trip on the sidewalk directly next to a girl, like directly next to her where basically I fell into her feet and I faceplant into the sidewalk. My cookies go flying into the air all over the place.

My shit's just flying everywhere, okay? Made a huge scene on the sidewalk. This girl looks down at her feet and sees me crippled on the sidewalk. I have a gash in my fucking knee, okay? I basically look fucking helpless. And my brain just blanked out, and I'm like, oh my God, this did not just happen.

So this girl's looking down at me. She's like, clearly what the fuck just happened? Like, how did this girl just collapse? And I see out of the corner of my eye, this other girl walking towards me really quickly. Gorgeous, Victoria's Secret model. She looks like Bella Hadid, okay? She's walking towards me in a beeline, Victorious secret model. She looks like Bella Hadid, okay?

She's walking towards me in a beeline, clearly has seen what just happened. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, she's not going to say something. She's not going to come over right now. I start getting so in my head and I'm like scrambling to stand up and play it cool. I'm like, this didn't really happen. I'm living in a simulation right now. Nothing is real. Please, let's just forget about this.

This isn't real life. And I'm trying to convince myself out of what just has happened. This gorgeous girl, okay? Hottest girl I've ever seen in my life. No exaggeration. She's holding a fucking surfboard. She's literally stunning.

And I'm like, this is worse. This is worse than a hot guy seeing what happened. This is actually worse. And she comes over to me and she's like, oh, are you okay? I know Birkenstocks. They could be really hard to walk in sometimes. And I'm like, looking down at my feet,

I'm wearing these shitty Birkenstocks and she's looking down at my feet with me. And I was like, oh my God, I gotta get the fuck out of Bali. I need to leave Bali right now. I don't care. Whoever just saw that, I just hope no one follows me. My followers just saw what just happened

because there were a lot of people that actually follow me that lived in Chengu where I was staying and I would run into people all the time. So I was like, oh my God, does this girl know who I am? She just saw me literally do the most embarrassing thing in my entire life. I just looked absolutely helpless. And that was another thing, okay?

And my point is, I think the universe tests me sometimes to see how good I am at detaching from situations and seeing how good I am at battling my insecurities and my deepest fears and my deepest thoughts about how I could look stupid because everyone Has that fear in some capacity? I think it tests my ability to be confident and test my ability to get over shit quickly and in that moment I had to literally detach and

Reset my brain and be like, okay, it's really not a big deal. Things could be so much worse. Okay, I tripped, face planted, a hot girl saw me. She probably knows who I am, but in the big scheme of things, is this really gonna matter in five years from now? Probably not. Or maybe she'll remember me for the rest of her life as this girl that just collapsed in front of her

and looked like a helpless animal on the side of the road. But regardless of what it is, you can't do anything to change it, right? So I just walked back to my hotel room, reversing everything in my mind where I was like, okay, that didn't happen. I'm letting it go. I'm taking a deep breath. I'm moving on. And I'm just going to pretend that that version of my reality

does not exist anymore. And now it's just a funny story, obviously, but I can confidently say that it was testing me. And in today's episode, I'm gonna be covering a lot about the things I'm letting go of this summer. That is a memory that I'm letting go of. I've admitted it on the podcast.

I've told you guys this story and now I'm releasing it and letting it go. And hopefully nothing that extreme will ever happen to me again. So I'm gonna list out a bunch of things that I'm letting go of this summer. Number one, putting things off to the side, being flaky with myself and procrastinating.

I used to be the biggest procrastinator and it's still something I've had to work on a lot. I'll think of something that I want to do, something creative, I'll have an idea and I'll write it down, but I won't immediately act on it. And this summer I'm letting go of procrastination and stalling on my plans and creativity and my dreams. When I write something down, my goal now for this summer is to act. I want to act on shit immediately. I want to get shit done. I want to be productive.

I want to feel good about my day. I want to walk into every day feeling super confident, knowing that I've accomplished X, Y, and Z, because I laid it out in a list and I checked it off. I think a really good way to do this is to write things down physically. I have a notepad and I love making things fun for myself where I physically have to cross it off once it's completed and I feel like I get a lot more tasks done that way. But when I write things down on my notes on my phone, sometimes I'll just forget about

them. So a huge thing for me this summer. Stop procrastinating because there's no time to waste. Life is short. Act on your dreams. Act on those impulses. If you have a really good idea for something, if you have a dream you've always wanted to fulfill,

if you have a passion project that you've always wanted to work on, but you never got started, if you have an extra two hours a day, instead of scrolling on Instagram and Twitter and whatever you're doing, focus on your passion and get shit done. Or even if it's tasks that you necessarily don't want to complete, get it done, get it over with. Stop procrastinating because it's just going to linger in the back of your head and eat at you. I know every time I have a chore or an obligation or

meeting or something that I have to do and I don't immediately act on it and get it done and complete it. Even a small thing such as cleaning my apartment or making my bed or just anything that you're like, oh, maybe I'll just put this off till later. It's just so much better to act immediately, even if you don't necessarily want to, get it done, cross it off your list, and then you'll have so much extra free time

and free up that space and free up that energy to focus on things you really do want to do. Or if it's something you've always wanted to do but you're scared to do. This summer is the perfect opportunity to capitalize on your dreams and your goals. And I know for me, I have so much I want

to accomplish this summer. I want to make a goal for myself to get to a certain level of my podcast, to put out a certain number of new episodes, to make more video content. I want to work on my marketing skills because I love marketing and I'm coming out with a bunch of new things for my brand.

Like I want to get better at being an entrepreneur. I want to get better at taking control of my life. And this summer I'm letting go of that procrastination. I'm letting go of being flaky to myself. Because if you're flaky to yourself, then you're gonna show up flaky to other people as well. Everything in life is a mirror. And I truly believe that if you can't get shit done

for yourself, you're not gonna be able to show up for other people either. You're gonna be flaky with other people. You're gonna be inconsistent with other people. And that's not an attractive quality to have. And I wouldn't want someone to be flaky with other people. You're going to be inconsistent with other people. And that's not an attractive quality to have. And I wouldn't want someone to be flaky with me. So just showing up for myself, stop procrastinating and getting shit done. Number two is self-doubt.

I want to get better at trusting myself. I'm letting go of that self-doubt. I'm letting go of that hesitation when I'm like, oh, should I listen to my intuition or should I listen to my logic? No, your intuition is always fucking right. Your gut is always communicating to you. Your intuition never lies.

Your judgment and perception is usually on. And if you start backpedaling and trying to convince yourself out of something, it's usually a red flag. And for me, I'm letting go of that self-doubt. I'm letting go of that fear of trusting myself. Sometimes it can be really scary to trust yourself because it's not the answer you want.

It's not the answer you want to hear. But if you have a gut feeling that something is off, that something's not right, you're usually accurate. It's not 100% of the time. Sometimes there's just fears there because of past trauma, past wounds, whatever it is. usually accurate. It's not 100% of the time. Sometimes there's just fears there because of past trauma, past wounds, whatever it is. But for me, self-doubt, I'm letting that shit go. I'm trusting myself. I'm trusting my judgment. I'm stepping into my power and saying, okay,

if I feel a certain way about something, I'm going with it. I'm trusting that inner voice. And it's so easy to backpedal when you, for example, I just went through a situation recently where I really liked this new guy I was talking to. I was super interested in him. He was super funny, making me laugh. I was like, okay, this guy's really fucking cool. But what is my heart actually saying? What is it speaking? What is actually being communicated to me? saying, what is it speaking? What is actually being communicated to me? Not in the physical, logical world, but in the spiritual realm where I'm tapping into my inner voice and my higher self. What is that voice communicating to me? And something I noticed that kept coming up for me was this fear of getting love bombed because in the past, I know I've had experience

being love bombed before where this guy, I know I've had experience being love bombed before where this guy will shower you with affection, compliments, calling you, babe, I love you, you're amazing, you're my wife. I've had that happen to me in the past. And I feel like I was falling into this pattern with this person who by the way is a great person and there was nothing actually wrong with him.

But I think there's this gut feeling that came up for me where it was like, you need to take your time. You need to take things at your pace, in your timing. Take your time, move slowly. You can build on this with him or whoever you talk to in the future. You can build on something great and build a connection and get to know each other, but take your fucking time.

And that's what my inner voice was saying. And it just gave me that reminder. Always time. And that's what my inner voice was saying. And it just gave me that reminder, always trust yourself, always listen to that inner voice, and don't doubt that inner voice. Don't backpedal and be like, oh, no, no, no, this time's different. I'm just gonna fly into a new relationship

and dive into a new relationship head first with someone I barely know. Because that's not always the most reasonable decision in general, but for me personally, I know that that wouldn, but for me personally, I know that that wouldn't work for me. I'm in a place in my life where I'm really looking to build something lasting with someone and I don't want to rush into anything with anyone.

Nothing to do with this person in particular. It's literally nothing personal towards anyone, but it's more about just listening to myself and knowing what's good for me and not doubting that voice. The next thing is negative self-talk. Having that voice in my head when I wake up in the morning sometimes being like, oh, you're a lazy piece of garbage. Get the fuck out of bed. None of that, okay. I used to talk negatively to myself frequently

on a daily basis. When I was going through my late 20s, I would literally have these days where I'd be like, my life sucks, nothing's getting better. I'm broke, I'm depressed, I'm lonely, I have no one. I'm worthless, I'm not attractive. And I would create these narratives in my head of negative self-talk.

And that will spiral you into a reality that is just so fucking dark. It is not benefiting anyone and it's definitely not benefiting you by having those negative thoughts about yourself creep into your brain and then sit there. Anytime now that I have a negative thought about myself, I'm like, no, this is not happening. I am not going to sit here and bash myself. Even if I do something technically wrong,

even if I make a mistake, even if my judgment's off, even if I trust someone and they weren't trustworthy, even if I fucking face plant on the sidewalk, the goal for me this summer is to let go of that negative self-talk. Let go of that narrative in my head that I'm not worthy, that I'm not good enough, that I'm not making enough money,

that I'm not pretty enough, that I'm not special enough or deserving because I've had all those thoughts in my head and they get you nowhere. You're not productive. It sets you back. It drains your energy. It makes you feel like shit.

And the power of your thoughts is so important when you want to get to the next level of your life. When you want to feel good about yourself, you need to reverse that negative self-talk and change the narrative. You need to reverse your thoughts into something positive. That's what Dare to Detach Masterclass, the masterclass that I run on my Instagram, is all about.

Dare to Detach is all about letting go of that negative self-talk, rewiring your thoughts, reprogramming your subconscious mind to attract better and more incredible things into your life, to let go of the bullshit and toxic energy and negative thought patterns in your brain. So you could clear that space for a brand new timeline. So you could clear that space

to dive into a new version of you, to dive into a new reality where you feel amazing, empowered, beautiful, strong, confident. That's literally what the Masterclass is all about. And I talk about it on every episode because it's the only thing that I promote, the only thing that I promote. I don't do advertising. I'm not signed to a network. I'm an independent podcast. And I always said from the beginning, if I ever promote anything on the podcast, it's going to be something that I know works. It's going to be something that is authentic to the brand, is something that could actually help people. And I genuinely want to help people and make a difference. And Dare to Detach was

designed to help you in addition to all of the podcast content, to up-level, to remove yourself from those toxic relationships, to remove yourself from the people that are no longer going to be a part of your future timeline. Do you want to stay stuck with someone that treats you like shit for the rest of your life? Really? Do you want to stay stuck in past patterns where you're not growing or evolving and you're not able to transform and up uplevel to the next level of your life? Do you want to stay stuck in fear? Do you want to stay stuck in the past?

Or do you want to uplevel, detach, change your future, know that you have the power to change your reality, and create it and manifest whatever the fuck you want? Life can be so beautiful if you look at it as this fun, exciting game where you just ascend to the next level and the next level and the next level. And if you're looking to change your whole fucking reality, join the masterclass and also just keep listening to the episode because we're gonna dive more into these topics.

And this is probably gonna be one of my favorite episodes I've ever recorded because I love the concept of letting go of the chaos, letting go of the bullshit that's weighing you down. This is probably gonna be one of my favorite episodes I've ever recorded because I love the concept of letting go of the chaos, letting go of the bullshit that's weighing you down. It's the best fucking feeling. Detachment is the best feeling in the world. The next thing is I am letting go of anyone

who makes me feel like I'm not myself. If I feel weird around you, if I feel like my energy's off around you, if I feel like I can't show up properly towards you, if I can't speak my truth, if I can't be honest with you, if I feel like my energy's off around you, if I feel like I can't show up properly towards you, if I can't speak my truth, if I can't be honest with you, if I'm walking on fucking eggshells with you, you're not the type of person I wanna be around. And this has happened to me on several occasions

where I'll meet someone and I just get this weird feeling in my body. Like my body just knows if someone and I are not gonna get along. And I'll get a little anxious and I just won't feel like I'm able to properly be myself in front of that person. I'm not able to speak my mind. I'm not able to showcase my full personality.

The worst feeling in the world is when you're talking to someone and you feel like you have to suppress or diminish parts of your personality to cater to them. And it also comes with how confident you are for sure. But it also is, it's just a thing. Some people just aren't your people. And for me, I've had to do so much healing around that too because I have to meet a lot of people in the industry

that I work in, in the social media space. There's a lot of other creators that I've met. There's a lot of events that I have to go to and be social and put myself out there. And a lot of the times I've met people who I thought would be really friendly and warm and open-hearted. And I feel like I'm pretty social and I like to meet new people. But some people are just closed off and very cold and judgmental or they'll be like, oh, you don't have like 500,000 plus followers. Like, I'm better than you.

And it's the it sucks because that's actually the reality of the social media space. There's a lot of people that are very clicky. And for me, I'm like, if I'm around you and you're making me feel like I'm not welcome in your energy space and you're closed off and weird and making me feel uncomfortable, like I have to prove myself to you. Goodbye, you're done. I don't care who you are.

I don't care if you're fucking Beyonce. I don't care if you're Ariana Grande. I don't care. I love both of those artists. I don't know them personally. But point is I don't care your social status, how many followers you have. I don't care who you are.

I don't care if you're a celebrity. I don't care. If you're making me feel weird, you're done. And I've also met really amazing people, just want to also include that. I've met amazing people in the space as well. I've met really amazing artists, entrepreneurs, musicians that I get along with really well,

and I'm so grateful for those interactions. But if you are making me feel like I cannot be myself around you, I'm cutting you out, I'm removing myself, and I'm also creating those healthy boundaries with my interactions with people now, because in the past, I would try to be a people pleaser and try to be super overcompensating and try to be overly nice and try to make shit work

with people and force these connections. And not only did it drain me, but it just made things worse and made me feel really uncomfortable to do that. It felt so unnatural. So for me, I'm like, I really, really, really, I'm not tolerating any people in my life that make me feel weird or that make me feel like I can't be myself.

And that's the bottom line. The next thing is, stop letting myself get embarrassed over nothing. And I think I've really worked on that, as I told you at the beginning of this episode, giving you the rundown of how I consistently fucking embarrass myself. On a pretty much daily basis,

I think because I've been put in those situations, it's become an acquired skill to remove my emotions and detach myself from the embarrassment, from the situation and be like, listen, I just have to brush it off. Like I have to brush it off because I have no choice. I'm not gonna sit here and dwell in the emotion of feeling embarrassed because that is not

a high vibe feeling. It makes me feel shitty. It makes me feel like I'm fucking stupid and I'm not gonna live like that. I'm not gonna allow myself to dwell on those emotions. So I try to make a joke out of everything now. If something embarrassing happens to me, if I trip in public,

if I have food on my face on a date, oh my God, which also happened in Bali, by the way, went on a first date with a guy, matched with him on a hinge. I think it date with a guy, matched with him on a hinge. I think it was hinge. Yeah, matched with him on hinge. He was super attractive. I thought we had a good connection. We were having a really good conversation.

Then in the middle of me talking, he was like, oh, you have food on your face. This wasn't the guy that I talked about in my how to manifest your reality episode in Bali. This was a totally different date that I went on with a guy that was actually really cool. And he told me that I had food on my face. We were getting sushi and I was in the middle

of telling him something about my dating life. I was probably going on some rant about one of my exes which is probably not what you're supposed to do on a first date anyway. And I saw him look at me and he was like, yeah you have something on your face. So I'm like, fuck me. And I just wipe it off my face. I'm like, oh okay thanks for letting me know. And then in my mind I'm just like, shit. I don't know if I would want someone to tell me that, but I I would want someone to tell me that, but I obviously did want him to tell me that.

But at the same time, I had to mentally reverse what had just happened as I was in the middle of telling him something and be like, okay, he was looking at that and not paying attention to what you were saying. He was literally probably looking at the food on your face and not paying attention to what you had to tell him. From my perspective too, it became like this serious sober moment where I was like, I don't know if this is going to work. And then yeah, never saw him again.

But just detaching from those situations and realizing that if you were with the right person, for example, if that guy had made a really funny joke about it and we were laughing about it and I felt super comfortable with him, it wouldn't have been a big deal anyway, right? But I think in those moments it illuminates where your fears and insecurities lie and it illuminates little triggers that can make or break whether you know someone is right for you or not, or whether you know a situation is right for you or not. And in that situation, I was like, yeah, I don't know, obviously, I could have made it this really embarrassing thing, but I'm just going to detach myself and remove myself

from this connection altogether, because for some reason in that moment, I realized that we weren't aligned. But it was also one of those things where I look back and I'm like, yeah, it was a little embarrassing. It made me feel a little bit exposed. And I just had to, once again, learn that art of detachment and be like, it's really not a big deal in the big scheme of things.

Who the fuck cares, okay? But just letting go of that fear of getting embarrassed, letting go of that fear to be exposed or to be seen, I think that's super important. The next thing is, well, let's guide into this, but just like worrying about the opinions of other people, worrying about other people judging me in public, worrying about how people perceive me physically,

how they see me just as a person in general, because it's so easy to get caught up in this idea of, oh, this person thinks this of me. This person is judging me based off of this. This person has this opinion of me. It's easy to get sucked into that rabbit hole of caring so much about what other people think, especially being someone that a lot of people know

in the public eye. And there's this thing on Reddit, like these Reddit threads where people shit on and destroy influencers. And my friends sent this to me. I don't really use Reddit. I didn't really know what Reddit was until two years ago, but apparently people go on Reddit to be anonymous

and just shit all over other people. And it could be used for good, but it could also be used for bad. And I don't like to entertain any negative energy, or I just think it's really bad energy to engage in those type of conversations And I don't like to entertain any negative energy, or I just think it's really bad energy to engage in those type of conversations or to just read them in general.

So my friend sends me this Reddit thread about how I basically am a fraud and I'm not spiritual and all this bullshit, okay, about my spirituality, which obviously these people don't know me personally. They've never met me. They don't know who I am. There was another, about my spirituality, which obviously these people don't know me personally. They've never met me. They don't know who I am. There was another comment about my body, how I'm so skinny to the point where I look like

I'm gonna break in half. I was like, what the hell is this person talking about? There was another comment I read about my past relationship and how I was dating someone of a different religion. And they were just analyzing every single little thing about my relationship. And saying that they knew me personally, and I was like, this is all inaccurate information.

So clearly you're not close with me. I don't know you personally, and either you're making shit up or you must have heard some sort of gossip and you're relaying it in this fake thread of fake information. And the thing is, maybe five years ago, this would have affected me,

but because I'm in a place of deep security and I love myself and I know who I really am, that's not gonna affect me anymore. But I know how comments like that can affect people. I have been in that situation before. I've been in that position before where I was insecure and I did feel like I wasn't the best version of myself. And then those comments would actually feed into my insecurities even more I've been in that position before where I was insecure and I did feel like I wasn't the best version of myself.

And then those comments would actually feed into my insecurities even more and make me feel shitty and make me feel worse. And I think just practicing this idea of not only not listening to what anyone else says, but just knowing yourself and knowing who you really are and being grounded in your frame and your energy and knowing that you're are and being grounded in your frame and your energy and knowing that you're a good person, this is my truth, this is who I really am, it really just helps you stop worrying about

what anyone else has to say or think, and you know your truth. And when you know your truth and you're confident in that and you radiate security, those comments eventually will fade away. No one's going to be able to talk shit about you and actually be truthful about it and actually relay honest information and real information

if that's not who you are. They could say all they want. People could say all they want about you, but if that's not the truth, you know that's not the truth and it should fuel you to wake up every day even more empowered and stronger and feel better about yourself. Cause you're like, these people are talking shit,

wasting their breath, wasting their energy and their mental time talking about me. And none of what they're saying is even true. So they're just wasting their precious energy that they could be using for good, using it to shit all over someone they know nothing about. And it's funny. I actually think in some ways it's funny because it's like I would never spend hours of my time going on the

internet and bashing someone I know nothing about because I have too much to do. I have so much going on. I'm so productive. I have so much on my plate that I don't have fucking time to do that and I never would do that because my heart's in the right place. People who talk shit about other people are not happy with their lives. And that's a fact. People who talk shit about you, who judge you, who criticize you, it's all a projection

of how they feel inside, whether they wanna face it or not. They might say, no, no, no, it's really not, but no. It's really not this person, like whatever, blah, blah, blah. People will talk badly about you when they feel badly about themselves. Everything is a mirror, as I've said on many other episodes. So don't take it personally.

I'm letting go of taking that shit personally. I'm letting go of worrying about their opinions. Moving on, who the fuck cares, be happy, know who you are, know your worth, know your value, and nothing else will really matter. The next thing I'm letting go is of my old fashion sense. Now, I was never a big fashionista, not really into fashion in general,

but I think how you present yourself and the things you wear and how you do your makeup, how you dress, how you do your hair, your style is a reflection of your inner state. I really do believe that. And this isn't to say you can't dress in sweatpants and no makeup and not be beautiful and confident because 95% of the time,

I put zero effort into what I'm wearing. I don't do my hair. My hair is always back. I never do my makeup and I'm always wearing sweatpants and baggy t-shirts. I literally love being comfortable. I hate jeans. I hate tight jeans. I actually like baggy jeans because they're not so bad. They're pretty comfortable, but I hate tight jeans. I actually like baggy jeans because they're not so bad. They're pretty comfortable. But I hate tight clothes. I hate feeling suffocated in like tight outfits

where I can barely budge or move around. I feel like it literally is probably my worst nightmare. Like one of the worst things for me is being uncomfortable. But at the same time, I think there's a way to be stylish and comfortable, right? So this summer, I'm trying to find the balance of this new sense of style where I could be really comfortable, but also look really good and feel confident in my body and feel confident in my fashion sense and know that I love what I'm wearing and know that I'm walking out feeling really good about my appearance. Physical appearance isn't the end all, but I think physical appearance really does help your mental state sometimes. When I'm feeling really sad and I force myself to get ready, get dressed up,

put a little makeup on and take a walk, I immediately feel better. And I'm really letting go of my high school fashion sense. Guys, I have clothes still from high school sitting in my closet, okay? I have a lot of things sitting from my past in my apartment that I'm cleaning out. I'm literally doing a full reset this summer. I'm cleaning out my closet, literally doing a full reset this summer. I'm cleaning out my closet, cleaning out my drawers and starting fresh.

I'm gonna buy some basic things, basic tops, basic pants, have a couple pairs of jeans and I wanna be more simplistic but I wanna have all these like fashion staples where I can mix and match things but also have a really fresh start. Because I think energetically, because everything carries energy and stores energy.

A lot of the things sitting in my apartment, whether it's material things, clothes, makeup, bags, old journals, whatever it is, everything stores some form of energy. And for me, it's super important to have a fresh start this summer. I want to clear everything out, detox, blank slate. Just went through a traumatic breakup situation with someone that I was on and off with for a while.

A lot of that stuff, clearing out, throwing out any old garbage, just creating a brand new space for myself. And that will clear up energy spiritually. throwing out any old garbage, just creating a brand new space for myself. And that will clear up energy spiritually, that'll clear up energy mentally. It's all connected, right? Even though you might now think, oh, this sweater from seventh grade doesn't store energy.

Yeah, it does, it does. So it represents your seventh grade self. And that's fine if you wanna hold onto it and you're super sentimental and you don't think it's impacting you in any way, it does. It does. So it represents your seventh grade self. And that's fine if you want to hold on to it and you're super sentimental and you don't think it's impacting you in any way, go ahead. But for me, having closet cleanouts and just any clean out of any sort, even like clearing up space in my phone, deleting old apps, deleting old notes, going through my old files on my computer, all that clutter, going through my old files on my computer. All that clutter, I am clearing out this summer to make space for new and to transform my identity

and transform my life. The next thing is fears around dating and intimacy and marriage. Gotta be real with you guys. I do have a fear of getting super, super close with someone to the point where they're my one and only and getting married. I want to be married, 1000%. I think that's the next step for me. However, I think because I've been with the wrong people my whole life, it's created a lot of blocks internally where I'm like, I'm scared that marriage equals a trap.

I'm scared that marriage equals this permanence where if I'm not happy, I can't get out. But that's not true, right? That's obviously not true, because if you're with the right person, it could be such a beautiful freeing thing. It could be someone that compliments me and makes me even better and makes me feel more inspired.

And I'm not gonna settle. I'm waiting for that person to show up and show me how good it can really be. And I trust that that person is on their way to me, hopefully very soon. But I'm clearing those fears and letting go of those fears around that type of intimacy. Because I think it's natural

when you're so traumatized from the past. Even though I've done a lot of healing on myself, you still have those fears lingering in the background sometimes where you're like, well, what if this goes wrong? It feels so good now, but what if it all just spirals and goes downhill again? And my goal for this summer is to let go of those fears completely and go into a new relationship

with such an open heart and mind and spiritually feel so open to just receiving and trusting that it's gonna be so good, that I'm not gonna let those blocks get in the way of my happiness anymore. I'm not gonna let those fears dictate my relationships anymore. And I'm going to trust with an open heart.

And I think this summer is all about really opening my mind up to this idea of really trusting and understanding that it can be really good. It doesn't have to be scary. It doesn't have to be, oh my God, what if he's lying to me? What if this person doesn't really like me? Change the frame. Change the mindset. Change your mentality around dating. That's for me something really big that I'm working on this summer because if I'm being really honest with myself, I'm still a little scared. I've noticed when I'm interacting with new guys and I've spoken to several,

I have a little anxiety in my chest because I'm like, oh my God, and it's not about them, it's me, and I know it's me because I have a fear that, you know, because of what I recently went through with someone where I was really betrayed, now I'm going into dating, oh my God, I have to be careful, I have to be on guard. But for me, I'm working on moving past that guard and saying, you know what, I'm living with an open heart

and understanding that I could still create healthy boundaries for myself, but I could still detach healthy boundaries for myself, but I could still detach in a way where I'm like, okay, I trust that what's meant to be is going to align for me now and I'm not going to hold myself back and project my fears onto someone else. I'm going to open my heart up and see where life takes me and see where this relationship goes. The next thing I'm letting go of this summer is comparison.

Stop comparing your life to everyone else. I have to tell myself that often. I've gotten a lot better at not looking at what everyone else is doing and focusing inwards, focusing on myself and my goals, but it's easy to compare. And that's a huge thing for me this summer. Stop comparing yourself. Stop stalking everyone else.

Stop seeing what everyone else is up to and getting discouraged. I have people in my life that I see doing huge things. There is one person I follow that I love and admire and respect. They accomplished a goal that I've been wanting to accomplish for a very long time in a much shorter window of time. And I could have looked at that and been like, oh my God, they haven't been doing what I've been doing for that long and they're already at this level that I want to be at and they already accomplished this thing that I wanted. They already manifested what I wanted to manifest. But I think what I've learned is instead of allowing those things to discourage me, it's

time to let those things inspire me to go deeper and be like, you know what, if it could happen for them, it could happen for me too. I'm not going to compare. I'm going to get inspired. Turn comparison into inspiration and watch how your reality shifts. Because once I said that, it felt even more possible for me. I was like, you know what, they could do it in that window of time. It's coming for me soon. Okay, I've been working at this for a while.

I've wanted it for a while. I know it's coming. I know I'm gonna get it. And just trusting that and seeing it and taking it as a sign, like an angel saying, you know what, this is on its way for you too. Instead of being like, oh, fuck, like they got it and I didn't, like that's no way to live.

So that's a really big thing for me this summer. And the last thing is letting go of resistance to change, going with the flow of life, going with the currents and understanding that sometimes things have to dramatically change and shift in order for you to get to the next level of your life. Not being afraid to embrace the unknown. I think for me now,

going into this new chapter of my life in my thirties, where I'm really single, I'm really independent, I'm really focusing on myself. Sometimes you could look at it in a scary way and be like, oh my God, there's so much happening and my world is exploding and falling apart. But in reality, it's only exploding and falling apart so better things can come in and align. And so your future will be better than your current reality.

Sometimes things have to get destroyed in order for you to up level and create a new future for yourself. And the amount of things that have happened over the last two months of my life, you would not believe. You would not fucking believe. And I will talk about it one day, not now. And I, sorry, keep dangling in everyone's face when I talk about it on the podcast.

I'm like, oh, I don't really wanna talk about it, but here's the general overview. It's not important what happened. What's important is that I am telling you right now, sometimes things have to break down in order for you to build yourself up stronger and better than ever, and to transform for the better, for your ultimate good.

Sometimes you need that breakdown in order to propel you forward. I can tell you right now, after having the last two months be so difficult and so emotional and having these breakdowns, I am in the best fucking place in my life right now. I am so much more confident. I go into my work with more passion and drive.

I wake up every day feeling more grateful. I feel so much stronger because I know that if I can get through that shit, I can get through anything. And that's what I'm letting go of this summer, the resistance to change and the resistance to being scared of transformation and scared of change because change can be so beautiful.

Even if it feels scary in the moment, it's always for a higher divine reason. And just trusting that will change your whole fucking life. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode. Thank you so, so much for listening to the podcast. If you love it, be sure to share it on Instagram and with a friend and on your stories. It would mean the absolute world to me.

I see all your support. I see all your comments. I see all your feedback and your DMs. I love you. Thank you as always. And also, if you haven't, be sure to check out Dare to Detach Masterclass. Doors are open for the month of June.

It's an amazing community. It's so inspiring. We're all there to uplift and empower each other and heal and grow together. Thanks again. I love you and stay tuned for next Monday.