Date Yourself Instead - 30 things I learned before my 30th birthday

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

It’s a big thing to be turning 30 and a lot has happened in the past couple of years to make me who I am today. This week I am talking about 30 things I learned before turning 30. I also wanted to say a belated Happy New Year and I’m so excited about getting listeners involved in the future of the podcast; bringing on guests and incorporating your topic suggestions!   Connect with the Date Yourself Instead Movement: Website | Instagram Connect with Lyss: TikTok | Instagram | YouTube

Welcome to date yourself instead. Date yourself instead. What does it mean to date yourself instead? I'm just gonna learn how to love myself and that's it. Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Date yourself instead. And happy Monday. I've just touched back down in New York after a ton of traveling, post-new years. I never really did a recap of what I did for

new years. A lot of my episodes are pre-recorded and not really in real time. So my last episode I didn't even mention like Happy New Year's or anything or maybe I did. I don't even remember, but I really just wanted to give a quick recap on what I did for this past new years, even though we're already halfway through January. I went to this wellness resort in Playa del Carmen, Mexico called the House of Aya. It was super relaxing. They have a ton of wellness classes, like yoga, breath work, meditation,

and all of that amazing stuff. And it was an all inclusive resort, so you could do as many classes as you want per day. And it was just such an interesting concept for a hotel and the food was mostly vegan. So you just come back feeling really light and refreshed and rejuvenated. And it was a really relaxing new year. I didn't really go out and party or do anything crazy. It was just super low key. And for those of you who know me on a more personal level, I think I've also mentioned this in previous episodes, not totally sure, but I don't really drink alcohol. So when I celebrate

holidays or special occasions or I go out, I'm usually just either on some sort of caffeine, like I'll have a cup of coffee before I go out, or I'm just completely sober. So I do smoke weed occasionally, but that's literally for medical reasons because I have really bad anxiety. So I don't really do anything, I don't really drink, and I like it that way. I feel like I'm able to really enjoy myself regardless, and I love being clear and focused and feeling really good the next morning. When I was at this resort during New Year's, I actually had my Tire cards read and this woman told me that I have to step more into my masculine energy

this year in 2023 and play the role of the father as far as my career instead of waiting for people and circumstances to happen for me. Like when you're in your feminine energy, I think you approach things like your career differently. That's what she was explaining to me, which I kind of understand because when you're trying to run your own business and be an entrepreneur, you have to take charge and you have to be a leader. And I think women and men can both be leaders and both be in charge of things. But I think this is the point she was trying to make. Just stepping more into my masculine would mean to stop waiting around for things to just happen

and come for me. And instead of having people take care of me, it would have to be me taking care of myself and me taking care of other people. And it really resonated with me. I feel like sometimes it's so easy to get stuck in a pattern of waiting for amazing things to happen for you, but sometimes you really just have to take intense action in order to get what you want. It's not always just going to fall into your

lap magically. And that's something I've had to learn the hard way through past experiences of thinking my manifestations would just appear at a thin air if I was sitting on my couch and thinking about them. But I think there's a misconception with manifesting, because sometimes you really also have to put in the work. If you're looking to achieve really big goals and you have major dreams for yourself, you can't just sit around and expect everything to fall into your lap. You do still have to take some sort of necessary actions in order to get to where you want to be. So that reading was pretty cool. It was a really nice little vacation, had a little,

I just said I don't drink alcohol, but I actually did have a glass of tequila at the bar on New Year's Eve, and I really felt shitty the next morning. I highly regretted it, but it was for the Instagram pick. If you follow me on Instagram, you probably saw the photo of me in a gold dress holding a martini glass.

So that was actually alcohol and I did drink. So it was worth it for the picture, I guess, but I did wake up with a slight hangover and yeah, that's the last time I'm probably gonna be doing that for 2023 because I like feeling healthy and I like feeling like my best self and Alcohol fucking wrecks me. I had a chug so much water the next day. I was literally dying I'm just so sensitive. I can't explain it and when I tell people this they think I'm being so dramatic But I swear if I even have like one glass of wine

I'm done for like the next three days. I don't know if like I'm allergic to something, I have no idea. All I know is that it really takes a toll on my body. So anyways, if you don't already, be sure to follow me on Instagram and TikTok. My handle is at lists, LYSS, and the podcast handle is at date yourself instead. Be sure to send me a DM if you've been loving the episode so far and say hi.

I'm always looking and reading through your comments and feedback. And also, be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify. It would be so, so appreciated. I've been loving the feedback and all the messages I get from you guys on a daily basis. It means so much to me. And 2023 is going to be the year for the podcast. I'm so excited.

I'm going to have so many guests on and so many new topics and I'm taking all your topic requests from my DMs and I'm making them into episodes. So I'm very excited. Okay. Now that I've rambled for five full minutes, let's dive into today's episode. It is the week of my birthday. I am turning 30 years old. Very exciting. And I thought I was going to do a very casual birthday situation this year, but since it's 30, I'm trying to organize a birthday dinner very last minute. I'm the most last minute person on the face of the earth.

And I didn't really think about it as like a big deal. Oh, it's my 30th birthday, but I had a few friends message me about it and they're like, what are you doing for your 30th? I'm like, oh shit, I didn't even think about it. I didn't even really think it was a big deal because for me, birthdays are just like, I don't know, some people really put such emphasis

on their birthday and it's like this huge ordeal, but I just treat it as another day because I don't believe in age. I just think age is just a number and a concept and like, I don't feel like I'm 30. I really feel like I'm 20 still. Like I have so much energy and so much life in me and so many new things I wanna accomplish still.

And I don't like labeling myself with an age because I feel like people kind of put like their own judgments and they kind of just like associate you with that age and like things you should be doing at that age. If that makes sense, like, oh, you should be settling down and having kids and you should be married already, all that stuff. But I don't really believe in that. So my birthdays are just like any other day for me. But this one, I guess, now I'm trying to figure out plans because people have been telling me

that it's necessary. And I think it'll be fun. We'll see. I'll keep you guys posted. But anyways, 30 is a really big year. It's a big thing to be 30 years old. And living on your own, I just went through my Saturn return for those of you who don't know what that is.

It's like the years you really transform as an adult and step into your adulthood and a lot of transformative shit can happen. And I would say from years 28 to 30, has been a fucking shit show. I've gone through hell and back with my emotions and dealing with crazy things. My mom had a really bad health scare this past year. She got diagnosed with cancer.

It was really scary. And there was just a lot of other things going through my breakup, having to go through the emotions of that at the same time. My mom was sick, thinking I was gonna move to London and start a new chapter, but then I ended up coming back and having to relocate back and forth because of my mom. And it was just a lot going on. And I don't really share this publicly because I don't want people throwing a pity party for me.

I don't like complaining. I don't like, you know, sharing all my personal details that could feel dark to some people out in the open because I don't want to be a burden or, you know, make anyone feel bad for me, but it was a lot. And I know a lot of people go through shit behind closed doors and don't really share a lot. And that's why I always say be kind to everyone because you don't know what they're going through. So I just learned a lot throughout the last couple of years. And I wanted to make this episode about it.

I've just taken so much knowledge and wisdom with me over the last couple of years in my late 20s. And it has built me into the woman I am today. And I wanted to talk about all the things I've learned in this episode. I'm going to list out 30 things I learned before turning 30. I'm gonna make this as simple and sweet

and straight to the point as possible. And I wanna make this episode easy to digest. And I also might have a few more than 30 here. But anyways, let's dive right in. And I hope might have a few more than 30 here. But anyways, let's dive right in, and I hope you enjoy. 30 things I learned before turning 30 years old. Number one, you are never going to be or look perfect to everyone you meet.

Constantly altering how you look to make other people like you or accept you or changing pieces of your personality in order to match someone's energy all the time is just fucking exhausting draining and absolutely pointless and staying true and authentic to who you are is really the key to your own happiness. You don't have to be a people pleaser. You don't have to change who you are to match other people's energy in order for them to accept you. who you are to match other people's energy in order for them to accept you. By accepting yourself and truly loving who you are and truly knowing yourself on a really deep level, you will be the happiest doing that. You will not be happy constantly trying to please everyone else around you.

And I used to struggle with this a lot. I used to want people to accept me and like me all the fucking time. And it always drained my soul and made me feel terrible about myself. I never felt like I could grasp exactly what I wanted from other people because I was always trying to change who I was and change my identity in order to be accepted. When in reality, all I had to do was truly love myself and understand that the right people in the right circumstances will come into my life when I'm true to myself. Number two, it's okay to feel your feelings

and show emotions and vulnerability to other people. Don't be afraid to express yourself. Don't be afraid to cry. I used to be so afraid and guarded to show my own vulnerabilities because I associated being vulnerable with weakness. But now as I'm approaching 30, I really believe that showing your emotions on a deeper level to other people is super brave and it's a positive thing. And the right people will walk with you through those emotions and be there for you in the hard times.

I met someone from TikTok who became one of my really good friends over the last two years and she saw me at my absolute fucking worst over the last two years because I just went through obstacle after obstacle in my life and she's still to this day is just such a good friend and has been there for me through my absolute worst and that's what a really good friend is. I never had that as crazy as the sounds. I never even had a friend like that for the most part up until now as I'm approaching 30. And I mean, of course, I have other friends, but they don't live here. And she's the one that lives here. and I was able to go to the most.

And it just opened my eyes up to the fact that there are really good friends out there and the right people will always stick by your side when you are showing the worst sides of yourself. Just by showing how vulnerable you are sometimes, that can also make you closer to the right people. Number three, it is okay to let go of people if you feel like you've outgrown them.

You don't have to feel guilty for cutting people off if they're not making you feel good or happy or you can't be yourself around them. You also don't have to be mean about it. You could set clear boundaries and still be a nice person. You're not mean for setting boundaries on who you allow into your life and into your space.

Number four, true love is unconditional and will not make you drastically change as a human being. You're not going to have to bend over backwards for anyone to make things work. You're not going to have to change yourself in crazy, unimaginable ways to make someone stay in the relationship or fall in love with you. You just being you is always enough. Number five, you don't need to have everything figured out. Life is a constant journey and things change and evolve all the time. You cannot plan everything out perfectly or control every single detail all of the time. So it's okay to let go and relax a little bit. Enjoy your

journey and trust the process of your life. Number six, good times, common waves, and bad times also common waves. This is just life. Nothing is going to be smooth sailing 100% of the time and that's okay. I always used to beat myself up when things went wrong in my life and when things didn't go according to plan and I would always be so hard on myself and throughout the years I've realized that good times and bad times are all a part of the process of anyone's life. No anyone's life. No one's life is perfect. As much as you want to believe that if you see someone's life looking so perfect on Instagram or TikTok or whatever it is, it's not true.

Everyone goes through shit at some point or another. Number seven, changing how you look physically on the outside is always temporary. Changing how you feel internally on the inside is permanent. And Changing how you feel internally on the inside is permanent. And I'm going to dive into this in another episode, but I struggle a lot with not only body image, but also just the way that I look, my face. I compare myself constantly to people on Instagram, and I've done this for so many years. And as I'm approaching 30, of people on Instagram and I've done this for so many years and as I'm approaching 30, I've realized that it never fucking ends. It's exhausting.

If you change one thing about your face, then you eventually are going to see something else and want to change that too. And then you'll see something else on Instagram. Oh, this girl, you know, she just got under eye filler and more Botox in her farhead. I want to do that too. And it's just this thing that keeps going on and on and on and it never fucking ends. Like you do one thing and then you want to do something else and then you want to do something else and you constantly are looking to change yourself physically in order to

keep up with the beauty standards. And it's just draining and it's exhausting and it's all temporary. Like, it never really made me feel better about myself in the long term. In the short term, maybe, but true inner peace and feeling really comfortable and beautiful does come from within. And that's a fact. Now I'm going to make the rest of these a little bit shorter and sweeter so you can just digest them and absorb them and take them in, because I realized that this could take a really long time.

But all of these are so significant and important. And the reason I wanted to create this episode in the first place was because I wanted people to be able to go back and listen to this. is I wanted people to be able to go back and listen to this. If you ever have a moment of feeling just like not your best self or you just need a little pep talk or a little boost, I just want it to be in that type of format. So if you ever want to replay this podcast or go back to it, it'll be easy to listen to. Okay. Number eight, it's normal for your body to change on a daily basis and it's normal for it to change how it looks on a daily basis.

You don't need to work out seven days a week in order to feel good about yourself or keep up with yourself. Number nine. If they wanted to get to know you and date you, they will make that happen. Number 10. Setting healthy boundaries with people is a positive thing. You never have to feel bad or guilty for drawing the line and having your guard up when you don't know someone well enough. Number 11.

Not everyone has the same heart or intentions as you. Number 12. True freedom is understanding that you never needed them to make you happy. All you needed was to step into your power and love yourself. 13. Healing is not a linear journey. There are going to be moments where you'll feel perfectly fine and then moments where you're going to be sobbing your eyes out. 14. Your reminder that during the healing process, it is perfectly fine to stay in and take time to be alone. You don't need to go out and drink

or party to get over someone. The pain will only hit you later if you try to avoid it. Take genuine time for yourself and your heart to heal in healthy ways. Number 15. Exercise really does help when you feel sad. Moving your body is the greatest gift.

As you get older, it's more important to move your body and to cherish that you have the ability to do so. Getting into a good routine to move your body can improve your mood and happiness and build your mental strength. This has nothing to do with how you look physically. It's all about your mental health. Number 16. Someone who genuinely sees forever with you would never put themselves in a position to lose you.

Number 17. If they are your soulmate, you could let them go. You don't have to hold on to them so tightly or force anything. If it's truly meant to be, they will come back into your life. And if not, the universe is going to deliver your true soulmate to you someday in the absolute perfect timing. Number 18. You don't need their validation in order to feel worthy or loved. You can choose to love yourself every single day.

Number 19. Call your parents more. Life is short. Number 20. True freedom is being free from what no longer serves our highest good. Be free from that toxic relationship. Be free from the construct that society boxes us in. Be free from our deepest fears, worries and negative emotions. In order to be truly free, we need to be willing to let go and trust the process of our life.

Emotional freedom at all times is really what everyone is seeking in life. Number 21. The best feeling in the world is when you do not have to worry about anyone lying to you, hurting you or betraying your trust anymore. Being alone can actually be a beautiful and peaceful experience because you could just focus on making yourself happy instead. Number 22, it is never too late to start over again. You don't have to compare yourself to other people's timelines. It doesn't matter how old you are or where you're at in your life right now. You can grow and

evolve at any age and level up at any time in your life. Number 23, you can be multiple things. You can be both vulnerable and powerful, you can be confident at times and scared at times, you can be strong at times and fragile at times. Duality is what makes us human beings. Number 24, pain can be so freeing if you allow it to teach you the lessons you need in order to expand and evolve into the highest version of yourself. Number 25. Every day is a new opportunity to start working on your goals and manifesting your dreams. Don't allow someone who didn't see your value to tear you away from the future laid out

in front of you. Number 26. You will never have to force someone to be with you. You will never have to make them change for you and bend over backwards in order for them to be with you. You will never have to manipulate or convince anyone to want you. Number 27. Maybe is still a no.

Confusion on their end is still a no. Not knowing what they want is still a no. The right person will always give you a clear fucking yes and commit to you without any hesitation. Number 28. Freedom is realizing you can't control anyone else's decisions, actions or feelings towards you. Once you let go of trying to control someone else, everything in your life will become so much easier. Number 29. Being with the wrong person feels like leaving your hair straightener on and wondering if you turned it off while you're out. In other words, you're going to be constantly anxious and

wondering what the fuck is going on with this person and the relationship. Number 30. If they want to, they will text you. If they want to, they will put you as a priority in their life. If they want to, they will. You cannot force someone to be the person you need. The other thing I will add to this though is sometimes, even if they want to, they just can't because the timing is off and some people don't have the same heart as you or capacity to love you in the way that you love them. And there's various reasons for why things don't work out. It's not always about if they wanted to, they would, but it kind of falls into the same

gist. The timing could be bad. They're not ready to. They have a lot going on. Whatever it is, the only thing you could do is control how you feel and what you do with your life. You cannot force anyone to be ready to be with you or to want to commit to you. The only thing you could do is focus on making yourself as happy as fucking possible. I've spent so many years of my life trying to force other people in a way, to like me, to accept me, to validate me, to date me, to want to be in

a serious relationship with me. There's so many variants, whether it's related to my career, romantic relationships, or friendships. And the truth is, you can't control how anyone else feels about you. That's a fact. You can be a good person. You can say and do all the right things in order to manipulate the circumstances temporarily. But at the end of the day,

people will do whatever the fuck they want. But the only person you can control is yourself. And that's the whole meaning behind this podcast, like dating yourself instead. It's just so important to learn how to love yourself at such a deep capacity and such a deep level that you understand these things. If someone isn't willing to commit to you,

if someone isn't willing to value you and make you a priority in their life, at least you know you still have yourself at the end of the day and you're at peace with that, and you're not relying on anyone or anything or any circumstances in order to make you feel amazing. And of course it's easier said than done at times, but all you could do is try and work on yourself and move towards becoming the best version of yourself every single day. You don't have to be perfect. I'm not perfect.

Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite in a way because I've had my fair share of mistakes and mess ups and I've had strong feelings for people that didn't want me, and, you know, I'm human. I'm just like all of you listening to the podcast. I go through these things, and that's why I can talk about them. And it's hard because we have emotions, and we have feelings, and we want things to work out in our favor, and we're human beings, and this is a part of learning and growing and evolving.

Relationships and you know, things we're working towards and new jobs and moving and loss and death and betrayal. Like all these things are part of being a human being and having a physical experience here on earth. So if I could just bring my experiences to the table and help in any possible way, shape or form, that's what I'm going to do. And as I'm approaching 30, I think the biggest gift to me is just knowing that I'm able to impact as many people as I can and knowing that I'm able to impact as many people as I can and

knowing that I'm able to change people's perception of themselves a little bit in a positive way and help other people grow and heal. And yeah, I mean, that's an amazing thing and I'm so grateful that I'm able to contribute to that. So I am so grateful for all of you listening and thank you so much for being here. I'm really excited to turn 30 and it's going to be an amazing year. As I mentioned earlier in the episode, it's going to be an amazing year for the podcast and I'm so excited to build on it and expand on it and meet new people and have amazing guests on that could also

contribute to the podcast and just helping other people and all the messages and kind feedback I've been getting has kept me going. So I really appreciate it. More than you guys know, especially with everything I went through over the last two years It's like a whole new start and it's a fresh chapter and a fresh page for me to be able to work on this and share my experiences with you guys I have a bigger list of things that I've learned That go way past what I have here in front of me that I think I want to expand on in a separate episode. But for now, I think that concludes today's episode.

Thank you guys again so much for listening, truly appreciate it, and happy birthday to me. I'll let you know how the birthday goes, what I end up doing. I think the whole dinner plan is probably going to work out. So I'm pretty excited. And PS, if any of you see me in New York, because sometimes I'll bump into people and they're like, oh, I didn't know if I should say hi or not. Like, please say hi.

I love when you guys say hi to me and I get to meet you. It's so exciting for me. So if you do see me running around Manhattan, always feel free to come up to me and say hi. All right, I hope you all have an amazing week. Thank you again for listening and stay tuned for next Monday.