Date Yourself Instead - 50 ways to date yourself at any age

Episode Date: February 13, 2023

Dating yourself - what does it REALLY mean? In today’s episode, I dive into why I think Valentine’s Day is a scam, why learning to love yourself is important regardless of your relationship status, and 50 ways to date yourself at any age. Learning the power of self-love and treating yourself to a day of fun with or without a partner is always a good idea. PS - this Valentine’s Day, I’ll be treating myself to a romantic dinner for one.  Feel free to message me on instagram @lyss and @dateyourselfinstead and tell me how you’re celebrating! Connect with the Date Yourself Instead Movement: Website | Instagram Connect with Lyss: TikTok | Instagram | YouTube

Welcome to day yourself inside. Day yourself inside. What does it mean to day yourself inside? I'm just gonna learn how to love myself and that's it. Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of day yourself instead. I have the worst stomach ache right now. I had coffee on an empty stomach and I'm literally like sweating. I'm just so nauseous and I feel like a knife is stabbing me in the stomach right now. So I don't know what's

going on, but this is your sign to eat something before you drown yourself in caffeine and coffee in the morning because honestly, I'm not doing too well right now. I feel like that was a really weird and awkward introduction to this podcast episode, but I just like to keep it real. So that's where I'm at right now. I'm like jittery and shaking as I open my laptop to my podcast topics. And I forgot that Valentine's Day is coming up. Valentine's Day is a scam. Let's be honest. I mean, obviously it's a fun holiday. Everyone loves Valentine's Day when you have someone to celebrate with, whether it be a group of friends or a significant other or family, whoever you're with on Valentine's Day. It can go really good or really

bad depending on what phase of life you're in, for example. The last few Valentine's Day. It can go really good or really bad depending on what phase of life you're in, for example. The last few Valentine's days for me have been really amazing because I had a boyfriend and they've been really fun and I think I did a vacation two years ago with my ex-boyfriend, which was really nice and then last Valentine's Day I think I was also away with my ex and it was really fun. But now, lo and behold, I'm a single girlie and Valentine's Day to me hasn't really crossed my mind, but now everyone's posting about it. I just saw this really cute TikTok of this guy who made all the lights red in his girlfriend's bedroom.

And then he surprised her with romantic music and busted through the door with roses, and it was really sweet. Like, I definitely think Valentine's Day is cute for those reasons, right? But when we're single, when we're alone, and when we have no one to talk to or text or call whatever it is, it can be a little bit sad.

And I guess I just wanna make a point to say that you are not alone if you are celebrating Valentine's Day this year by yourself. There's plenty of other single ladies and single men that are also going through the same thing. And if you are feeling stuck or alone or you just feel kind of shitty, you could always just call a friend, face time someone you love. You know, it doesn't have to be call a friend, facetime someone you love. It doesn't have to be a romantic partner, it could be literally anyone,

or book a call with your therapist. I might have to do that, honestly. Or I don't know, just go to an animal shelter and play with some puppies all day. Honestly, I feel like dogs are better than boys anyway. So yeah. OK, I feel like this episode is actually going to be really interesting and fun.

I wanted to make an episode covering 50 ways to date yourself at any age. I know my whole podcast is centered around this, right? This topic of dating yourself and loving yourself and being your own best friend and being your own best advocate. And it's all about women empowerment and all that fun stuff, right? But I never really made an episode dedicated to the meaning of the entire podcast at yourself instead. The reason I created this podcast is obviously because I was going through my own breakup and I had struggled with this,

not only with my last breakup, but with all the people in my life in general that I've dated, I just always lost my sense of identity. I always lost my sense of self and I always felt like I needed a boyfriend and I needed someone to talk to me every single second in order for me to feel loved and validated. And after doing a lot of inner work and self-reflection, I realize that this is not a healthy way to live because you're always at the mercy of someone else giving you attention and love and showering you with affection.

When you could just be giving that to yourself and when the time is right and you feel really independent and happy with yourself by yourself, you will meet the right person that feel really independent and happy with yourself by yourself, you will meet the right person that can compliment that and who you are. But I was always stuck in situations and patterns with men in particular, where I depended on them for my self-worth and myself love, and it took so much energy away from me, and it took so much valuable time away from me as well because I was always catering

to someone else other than myself and always so dependent on someone else other than myself. And it just always ended badly because I would forget how to love myself. I would forget how to take care of who I was and nourish my inner child. I was always abandoning her in hopes that, you know, this person would always stick around and love me forever and I'd never have to actually do the inner work for myself. But that didn't happen. After my last breakup, I was alone and for the first time in my life, I felt like I really had to pick up the pieces and put myself back together without anyone's help, without

jumping into another relationship or situation ship. Even my friends, like I kind of just distance myself from everyone because I knew I needed to heal and I knew I needed to do that in a way that felt right to me and I needed to take genuine time for myself for the first time in my life. And it's just so important to be able to learn how to do that. Whether you're 25 or 45 or 65, there's always room to improve and grow as a woman and as a person. And my podcast is obviously most of my audience is female,

but I know there are men to going through the same things, and it's just a universal experience where we need those years to actually learn how to love ourselves fully without depending on anyone else to give us that love and to give us that validation. So, as I mentioned, I'm celebrating Valentine's Day alone this year. And instead of looking at it as a bad thing or a negative thing, I'm choosing to see it in a really positive light because I'm going to treat myself maybe to a spa day or maybe just do my hair and makeup and get dressed up

and take some fun pictures. Whatever it is that I decide to do on that day, this day is for me. I honestly am such a big believer in making any day really special to take care of yourself or to celebrate your partner. I think Valentine's Day, the reason I was a scam in the beginning of this episode is just because you don't need a significant day in order to appreciate your loved ones or to love yourself. It's kind of silly, the whole concept of it. It's really just a holiday, so you can make it fun and you can make it romantic and it

could be really exciting. And obviously, to each their own, some people are obsessed with Valentine's Day and I totally respect that. But for me, it's just like another day, because you could take any day of the year to make time for your partner and make them feel special and loved and appreciated. So you don't need Valentine's Day in particular in order to celebrate love.

That's all I'm trying to say. But anyways, maybe I'm being misdebby downer. You guys are like, I love Valentine's Day and you suck. But yeah, to each their own. Okay, everyone has their own perspective. So I feel like Valentine's Day for me this year is gonna be the holiday where I just enjoy being single and join my own time.

Obviously being happy and confident when your single comes in waves. Sometimes I have days where I feel like really defeated and really sad because I'm miss talking to someone and I'm miss texting someone and I love love. So when I'm not in love, it's like I need to figure out how to love myself even more in those times. I see happy couples walking through New York City and I see people out at night having dinner together and on dates and all that fun stuff. But instead of getting so upset and hung up on the fact that that's not you, because your time will come when the time is right. I believe in the timing of everything,

I believe in the power of the universe, giving you what you need at the right time in your life. So I'm just trusting the process. I know this is my journey and my path. And although it can at times, and although it can be tricky to navigate at times being alone, maybe I'll just take myself to a nice dinner, have a glass of wine, even though probably won't drink

because drinking makes me cry, and it doesn't make me feel good. Probably just have like a Coca-Cola or something because I'm weird like that. I love soda. It's like my weakness. I have a vice and it's Coca-Cola with like every meal that I have, but I literally

I'm trying to cut that out too because it's not healthy, but whatever. Yeah, so if you are alone this Valentine's Day, do not fear. There are so many people, do not fear. Okay, I think I'm getting really weird right now, but seriously, do not stress. Do not worry. You are not alone, and I'm here for you. This is what this podcast episode is all about. Because now we're going to dive into 50 ways to date yourself at any age. It doesn't matter how old you are. It doesn't matter if you just got, you know, out of a relationship and you're 26 or you just got divorced and you have children and you're 45.

It really doesn't matter. It's never too late to start loving yourself and taking care of yourself. So, dating yourself can seem like a weird type of concept, right? But it's becoming trendy over the last few months. I see it everywhere or all over social media. I see it all over TikTok and Instagram. Self-care and self-love is so crucial, especially when you don't have anyone else to turn to. In a world where we're surrounded by other

people, and it's easy to focus on external validation and get your dopamine from a hot guy sending you a text, it's really important to remember to love yourself more than anything because all these distractions can make us take away from who we are. And I've been there and I've done that and I've fallen into situations with people that did not deserve my energy and time and all that energy and time could have been spent focusing on myself. Whether you are single or in a relationship though, dating yourself can easily help you become more confident, more self-assured, and it'll also, in the long term, improve your relationships with other people. So the more you love yourself and the more energy you put into who

you are, the better you're going to feel and the more powerful energy you're going to radiate outwards. And people are going to fucking love you. People are going to be like, wow, this person has their life together. They look confident, and I feel their confidence, and I want to be around them because they seem like a happy, loving person. And back to my previous episode that I had posted about becoming magnetic when you let go, letting go of toxic people in situations that no longer serve our growth is a key part of becoming this happy free magnetic person.

So if you're currently also in a situation this Valentine's Day where you feel like you're in a toxic bubble with some other person, whoever it is, whether it's a friend, family member, coworker, or significant other, and you're not happy, try to take a minute to really reflect on what you need in this upcoming year and what you want to change in order to become a happier person and remove the toxic energy from your life.

People can really bring you down and slow you down if they're not right for you, and I've learned that the hard way. So if you're currently in a situation like that, you might want to listen to this episode and reconsider, you know, what you really want this year for yourself and how you're going to put yourself first and prioritize your happiness and your peace. Now, there are so many amazing ways to date yourself at any age, right? And I thought I would just list out 50 ways to date yourself that I found online, but I also do myself and I've also edited and tweaked this a little bit. But these are just some amazing ways you can pamper yourself,

love yourself a little more and focus on your needs, and a fun way to entertain yourself if you're celebrating the holiday alone this year. So, let's dive right in. Number one, go out for a walk. Walking is low key therapy for me. And I know that sounds kind of basic and you're like, okay, what am I gonna do going on a walk?

But usually when I go on a walk, I listen to podcasts and I listen to self-help motivating speeches. And I also will like find a place to sit down sometimes if it's nice out and it's sunny out, especially in New York that's rare during the winter. But when it is nice out, I'll sit on a bench or I'll sit by the water by the Hudson River. And I will listen to a podcast or I'll watch a YouTube video.

I feel like YouTube saved my life during the pandemic, but also it saved my life after my breakup because there's so many amazing motivational people that post their videos on there. And obviously, this sounds like clearly obviously like, yeah, YouTube, where have you been? Like, it's been around forever. But I never used to utilize it as much because I just, I don't know, I was never big into YouTube for some reason. But during my break up, I was watching these videos by Dr. Joe Despensa that really helped me just like center my energy and protect my peace more and know, you know, my value and my worth.

He just talks a lot about that stuff and become a magnetic and how everything is energy. And he gives amazing advice, highly recommend his videos. and then it started recommending to me other people as well. So I love going for walks and listening to self-help things. Number two, go get your nails done. I love when my nails are actually done. I do the opera extensions and I'm obsessed. But the only thing I will say is the patience you need to have when you're sitting in a nail salon,

that's the only con, I guess, of this suggestion going to get your nails done. Because I'm like anxious and I need to be occupied and my brain needs to be moving at all times. And I feel like when I'm sitting in the chair at the nail salon, like time slows down and time stops. And I have nowhere to turn and nowhere to run. And I'm literally sitting there as they're doing my nails.

And I'm like, anxiously trying to get up. I'm like, why is this taking so long? I don't know why I just whispered, but honestly, yeah. It's like a love hate relationship. But honestly, it does kill time. So it's a fun way to spice up your day, go get some Valentine's day nails nails or just do your nails in general I currently have a

Perly white look going on my nails right now, and I also Pinterest I use Pinterest for everything I pin everything that I want for my nails like straight from Pinterest and I send it to I like air drop it to my phone and Yeah, it's just a fun little activity you could do Okay, number three try cooking something new that you've never tried before Honestly, I'm not the biggest cook. Okay. I don't really know how to cook I love ordering takeout because I'm a New York City girl and I'm used to ordering food and having everything delivered to my door Which sounds really privileged and spoiled and I'm sorry if it came off that way just now, but it's like a New York City thing.

Like ordering takeout is such a big thing here. It's like a cultural thing. And I just love it. But honestly, in general, I really do want to start cooking more because one, it's so much healthier for you and you know what you're putting in your body and you know what you're cooking with and the ingredients you're using. And also, it just tastes better when it's homemade and it's made with love. And I love cooking and baking. I actually really love to bake and I'm really, really good at baking brownies.

So if anyone wants to try some brownies, hit me up. I love making vegan brownies in particular for all my friends and family. I've done it a couple of times, but it's a lot of work. I love making vegan brownies in particular for all my friends and family. I've done it a couple of times, but it's a lot of work. Baking and cooking takes up a lot of time. If you're bored and you have nothing to do, takes up a lot of time. That's definitely a good suggestion. Number four, read a new book or go to a bookstore.

This is literally one of my favorite things to do in general. Regardless of the day it is, I will go to a bookstore and browse and try to find as many new books as I can and take them home with me. Reading books is so enriching. I just love reading a good book that changes my perspective on something. My friend recently recommended this book called The Soulmate Secret to me, which I'll definitely have to buy the full thing. I think I downloaded a preview from Kindle and it was it was really good. It was just all about the perspective of like attracting a soulmate and

attracting true love. So definitely got to get that book. I liked it from the preview. It looked really good. So I'm probably going to order that soon. And yeah, just in general, just like going to a bookstore and walking around and having a tea in your hand and just browsing and looking for the latest book to read, that is a day of happiness for me, honestly. Like I thrive for bookstores. Also, fun fact about me, maybe I brought this up in a previous episode before, but my mom, when I was really young, I was like four or five years old, she would bring me to the library every single day. Like literally every day, I'm not even exaggerating.

And my brothers used to make fun of me and call me Matilda. And I would go to the library by my house and just sit on a chair and read like 20 books at a time. And I was obsessed with reading. And it made me so smart. I was so intelligent as a baby. I was like a baby genius.

I was like at an eighth grade reading level when I was five years old. I'm not even kidding. And I was like taking my brother's practice SATs because they're both older than me, and I was like scoring perfectly on the SATs. And I wrote my brother's college essay, or not college essay, sorry. it was a high school essay,

I think, I don't know. It was some sort of essay that was way above like what I should have known. I just don't even know how I wrote it, but I wrote the whole thing for him and he got an A on it. So I don't know, I think it was the reading, the reading really like taught me so much as a kid. And then I stopped reading once I got to high school,

and I feel like I got, I don't want to say this in the weirdest way, this is so weird. I feel like I not like dumb down, but I just feel like if I had continued, I would have been way smarter than I am today. I think I'm very, very intelligent in my own way. I'm very creative. I come up with new ideas. I love talking to people.

I have my strengths, but I feel like I would be more book smart and I would know a lot more if I had just continued down that path, but I kind of stopped and I got distracted by other things and then social media happened and it went all downhill from there. But honestly, I still have to read. So, okay, I'm going off on a crazy tangent right now. Let me just read through the rest of these so you guys can circle back to this

episode and listen to them because I'm being, I think I'm being a little too much right now. Okay, number five, take a long bath. That's literally my favorite thing to do. I take a bath like every day, calms my anxiety. I love getting like different soaps and bubble baths and make it like the bath bombs. I just love taking baths, so that's a really good suggestion. Number six, write in your journal, write down your manifestations, write a letter to someone that you want to manifest. I love doing this. It sounds a little creepy, but I swear it always works.

It always works. I have an episode on this, how to manifest your soul mate. If you wanna learn more, you could listen to that episode. Number seven, catch up on your favorite shows. Number eight, watch an inspiring TED Talk. Number nine, meditate. I use YouTube for this all the time. I always do meditations from YouTube.

Number 10, organize your room and closet. This also actually really helps. I love to clean when I'm feeling kind of sad or lonely and it always makes me feel better. Number 11, get a massage. Number 12, experiment with your makeup routine. And you could film it for TikTok because everyone's into those get ready with me videos right now. Number 13, try a new workout class. Number 14, unplug and detach from your phone for a while. I mean, that's kind of hard when you're by yourself,

but you can do it. It honestly sometimes is nice to just unplug and detach from social media and technology in general. Number 15, watch YouTube videos. Okay, I mentioned this a million times, but YouTube really is a way to kill a lot of time if you're kind of alone and you don't know what to do with yourself.

You could always educate yourself from YouTube. It's great. Number 16, apply a face mask. Number 17, listen to an album or music you have not heard yet. Number 18, go to a comedy show. Number 19, visit a museum. I mean, I personally wouldn't do that. I don't really like museums.

I know that might be a controversial thing to say, because I know people love to go to museums, right? I don't know. Do people love museums? I don't know if I'm crazy or whatever it is. I'm not a big fan. I love history, but like to an extent where I can like look it up myself and you know look at the art myself in my spare time,

but to like actually go on a guided tour for like three hours in a museum. It's pretty, it's pretty hard for me. I don't know if I said 19 or 20, but we're going to go with 20 now. Right, a handwritten letter to someone you care about. Now, I kind of said this, manifesting someone into your life by writing them a letter. This always works. I don't know how to explain it. I had multiple people DM me after I had made this episode about it.

It's just like when you need some time to kill and you're feeling lonely and you have no one to talk to, manifesting like a specific person into your life comes when you actually believe that they're already there. So, need some time to kill and you're feeling lonely and you have no one to talk to. Manifesting like a specific person into your life comes when you actually believe that they're already there. So, what I did when I wanted a boyfriend, I sound so silly, but I swear it really worked. I went to a store, I bought a card that said love on it, on the cover, and I wrote a generic person, a letter saying, you know, dear to my soul mate,

I love you, you make me so happy, you make me the happiest girl in the world, I'm so lucky to know you, I love traveling with you, I love spending time with you, blah, blah, blah, you get the point, and two days later I met my ex-boyfriend and we dated for a few years, but I had met him right after I wrote that letter so it was really fascinating. I was like, whoa, the power of manifestation is real. Okay, so I'm getting confused with the numbers, honestly. I wrote a list down, but I fucked up the whole number system. So I'm just gonna keep going, but I'm not numbering any of these, okay?

So just follow along. Make your own face mask or face scrub. You could obviously Google this, go to Pinterest, look up recipes for skincare, works every time, works like a charm, I use Pinterest for a lot of things. Head to a cafe for coffee and tea and work from your laptop, love that. Research something new that you've been wondering about.

I don't know, that's pretty generic, but I love Google, I love YouTube, I love looking things up on TikTok now. So research something, I guess. Clean your home, create a playlist, declutter your email inbox, fix your resume, write a letter to your future self, set your intentions to work on yourself, and manifest all that you desire. Listen to a podcast like this one, this awkward girl talking to a microphone. Go to the movies, create a budget for yourself each month. That doesn't sound so fun.

I don't know who wrote this list, okay. Just kidding. Drink water, okay. Well honestly, drinking water is a really good reminder in general because I don't drink enough water and it's really good for your skin and for your body and hydration in general. Take a nap, okay.

That's a no-brainer I take a nap like every day. Meal plan and prep, find a new workout routine, find new affirmations to jumpstart your week, browse your favorite shopping website, Minds Amazon. Draw or color in a coloring book. Honestly, not a bad idea. Sounds a little childish, but I heal my inner child every time I color or do something that I used to do in my childhood,

like drawing. Drawing for me is so therapeutic. And there's this place actually called Paint in Poor in New York City that I've been to a few times. And you just paint and sip on wine and like, it's an art class essentially, and it's really cool and really fun. Look up things in your community or where you live to see if there's any cool events going on. I do this all the time. Watch a new documentary on Netflix or any other streaming platform. Write a creative

story. Start your own business. For me, when I was bored and going through the worst shittiest time in my life, I started this podcast. So it's a good idea. Make popsicles. Okay, that one's weird. Okay, that one's weird. We're just going to ignore that one. Do laundry. That sounds terrible. I would not want to do laundry. Okay, ignore the last two I just said. Make a vision board.

Okay, making a vision board is actually an amazing way to kill time and it's also so much fun. And I love doing this. I make a vision board every few months and it's so fun to look back and see what you've manifested and what's coming to fruition. And sometimes you kind of forget what you put on there, but then when you look back at the end of the year, you're like, oh my God, I actually manifested all these things

on my vision board. Vision boards are extremely powerful, they're really cool. You could also learn how to create one on Pinterest. Seriously, just look things up. People always ask me, like, how do I do this? How do I do that? I figure everything out in my life, via TikTok, Instagram, Pinterest, or YouTube. I literally just look everything up.

It's kind of annoying to do, but I promise. It's so easy to pick up on things if you just do a little research. Face time, your best friends. Okay, love that. Try a new hairstyle. Pin away on Pinterest, as I said. Redecrate one of your rooms in your house or sign up for volunteer work. Signing up for volunteer work is actually a beautiful way to not only make a difference in other people's lives and do a good deed, but also it's just rewarding and it's helping other people, but it's also helping yourself just feel more connected to humanity and I just feel like it's a beautiful thing to volunteer in general.

So these are just some of many, many, many things you could do to focus on yourself, take care of yourself, date yourself a little more, and many things you could do to focus on yourself, take care of yourself, date yourself a little more, and regardless, as I said, my podcast is not just meant for single people. It's meant for everyone whether you're in a relationship or not. And that's what I think is so amazing about it is that sometimes I really think being in a relationship makes you forget how to date yourself even more so than when you're single. Because I know from my experience when I was in a relationship, I would always lose myself and I was always with another person. So I kind of lost my sense of self in the relationships I was in.

And I never really took time for myself to love myself, focus on what my needs were, focus on my values, and what I stood for. I was always kind of catering to my partner. So I think the beauty of actually dating yourself is knowing that regardless of what relationship status you're in currently, there's always room to take care of yourself and there's always time to better yourself and improve yourself and work on yourself. So I just think that's really fun. And I hope these tips helped. I actually pulled them from Pinterest. So yeah, I love going on Pinterest just to kind of find

new things to do and try and experience. And I'm always trying to find new things to incorporate my routine. Regardless of if I'm with other people or not, I'm in a relationship or not, I still think it's so crucial to learn how to love yourself in new ways every single day. And life is so short, so obviously having a boyfriend or girlfriend or significant other is always amazing. And I, as I said, in the beginning of this episode, I love love, like I love being in love, and I love that feeling of giving to someone and sharing memories with someone

and doing everything with someone else, like totally understand why sometimes it feels shitty when we're alone, but it can be a beautiful thing. It really can, because you get to know more about yourself, you get to learn more about who you are, and eventually that right person will come along It really can, because you get to know more about yourself, you get to learn more about who you are. And eventually that right person will come along when you least expect it. I think also the beauty of not putting pressure on finding someone and just taking this time

to really know yourself better makes it so much more special when you actually do meet someone because it's organic, it just feels good and it feels easy and you're not forcing anything. You're not, you know, desperately chasing after a relationship. And when you come from a place of desperate energy, usually you tend to force a connection with someone. It doesn't end up working out in the way you expected it to. But when you come from a place of want and not need and you're not actively like chasing after anyone and you just let it come to you once you're feeling not need and you're not actively like chasing after anyone and you just

let it come to you once you're feeling really good and you're feeling really empowered. It always leads to the best things and the best relationships. I've always met my significant others when I wasn't looking for it. It was regardless of the place I was in my life. It was always just when I least expected it and I didn't really want it and I wasn't really chasing after it or focusing on a boyfriend. And that's the beauty of just letting go, focusing on yourself and taking care of yourself. Okay, well I think that concludes today's episode.

I hope these tips helped. I hope these ways to date yourself really inspired you to take care of who you are a little more. And remember, it doesn't matter where you are in your life, you can always take time to better your life and focus on yourself and love yourself a little deeper. And I feel like this is the year of just celebrating self-love more than ever. I see it everywhere and it's just so cool to see it being. I mean, I hope it's not a trend, you know, because there's a lot of trends going around, but it shouldn't be a trend. It's a movement that'll leave a lasting impact on everyone because we're

all learning how to take care of ourselves without needing anyone else's approval and that's such a cool thing. And yeah, I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for listening. If you haven't already, feel free to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify. It would be so, so appreciated. And always, always, always send me a DM on Instagram at lists, LYSS, or on the podcast, Instagram at date yourself instead. I always check my messages if I don't

respond. It's because I have so many, but I always look through them and I appreciate the support and the feedback. As always, you guys are so positive and incredible and I love reading all of your DMs. Okay, well, I hope you guys have an amazing week. Thanks again. And stay tuned for next Monday. have an amazing week, thanks again, and stay tuned for next Monday.