Date Yourself Instead - GO AFTER WHAT YOU WANT (Taking a leap of faith into the unknown)

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

This episode is all about going after your purpose and your passion and not being afraid to take a leap of faith when it comes to your future. If you know you’re meant for something greater, why not go after it? If you loved this episode, always dm me @lyss or @dateyourselfinstead. JOIN THE DARE TO DETACH MASTERCLASS DOORS ARE OPEN NOW AND WILL CLOSE SOON - USE CODE "FREEDOM30" for a special discount 30% off.

Hi, everyone. Welcome to another episode of date yourself instead. Today's episode is super exciting. I'm really, really looking forward to recording. It's officially summer in New York City. I remember when I originally moved to New York City, it was right after college, I moved into a new apartment for the first time, had a new relationship, I was social, I was going out. I was just living the sex and the city dream life.

And it was truly incredible and so special. And every time I come back to Manhattan, especially after a long period of time where I'm away, it just, it feels so special all over again. And I never get tired of it. Last night, I went to a really amazing dinner with a group of people that I've never met before. I went really far out of my comfort zone. I love socializing

and I do feel like I'm both introverted and extroverted. Like I could be a social butterfly and I could also be pretty introverted where it's kind of a struggle for me to like go up to people and introduce myself and talk to them because I'm a little bit nervous or shy. It's just who I am. And last night pushed me out of my comfort zone. I went to this dinner called it's like this company called Supper Series and I found it on Instagram. I ended up going I didn't know anyone there and I just had to kind of like push myself to start talking to people. And everyone was so friendly. Everyone was so nice and welcoming. And it was just such a good time. I met so many cool people from all different parts of the city. And it was just really amazing to realize that

there's so many good amazing people in New York City. And sometimes I define the city as cold. I think it is a little tricky to meet people here because everything is so spread out. And I feel like, whereas I was in Australia and Bondi Beach is a very small community. So it's fairly easy to just run into people all the time. In New York, you really do have to make more of an effort to create a social life for yourself.

And especially when you move to a big city like New York, it can be really challenging to meet your people. So just putting myself in positions like that has helped me network, has helped me meet new friends. And I highly encourage you looking into different events and group activities. If you do live in a big city and you're struggling meeting new people,

I always get this question, like what do you do when you're by yourself? What do you do when you're dating yourself? How do you meet people? And these are the ways that I meet people. You have to jump out of your comfort zone. I was anxious, okay? I might seem confident. I might come off confident because of the podcast, but in real life, in real time, I do get shy and I do get introverted. So for me, it was a big deal. And I ended up having a really good time and it was really fun. So today's episode is going to cover a variety of topics. But the main overall theme is pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, taking a leap of

faith, taking a bet on yourself and being confident and self assured because a lot of us want to make drastic changes in our life, but we're scared because we don't want to take that leap of faith and then have this huge mass of failure and then feel stupid after doing it. Or you feel like you've missed out on your life because you're building an empire and you feel like you're sacrificing your friendships, your relationships, or you're afraid to quit your job because you need that security and that comfort. And you're afraid if you quit your job,

you're going to end up with no career and you're going to end up like on the streets. And it's just such a common fear to have when you are doing something new and you're trying to take that leap of faith in your life, but you're not really sure what your future has in store for you. And you're diving to the unknown. It can be so terrifying. It can be such an anxiety riddled process. And this episode is going to cover why I think it's so

important to take a bet on yourself and take a massive risk when it comes to your future and what you actually want to pursue. And if you have a calling, if you have a passion, if you wake up every day and you think about something consistently, but you're not acting on it, this episode is going to cover why I think it's so important and so valuable to actually capitalize on your dreams and actually take that risk and leap of faith. It's

black and white to me because My whole life I've had one mission and my mission was always to make some sort of impact in the world And I know that sounds very cliche, but it's true. I never wanted to just settle for an ordinary life. And I feel like I was born that way. Ever since I was 10 years old, I always told my mom, I wanna do something different. I wanna do something that I know is gonna make

a lasting impact and is gonna truly make me happy. And I wanna inspire other people. And I just had that innate calling and that innate drive to do something unique and creative. My brain works in a very interesting way. I need to feel creative when I am working in my career. I need to feel like I have some sort of creative control. And a lot of people don't need that.

A lot of people actually like the nine to five structured routine and stability, especially living in New York City. That is the lifestyle here. A lot of people like that structure and that's totally reasonable and fine. And it makes sense because having a routine is actually really healthy for your brain

and having a routine and a set schedule and knowing how much you're getting paid and knowing the direction you're going in because you have everything kind of laid out in front of you like a game plan. It's really actually healthy for your brain because it gives you direction, right? It gives you that structure. However, for me personally, I never liked the feeling of having structure. I like the feeling of just just

doing whatever the fuck I wanted and seeing where it takes me. And that's been my personality my whole life. That's been my, you know, the way I've lived my life pretty much since I'm born. So I knew from day one when I started thinking about what I wanted to do for a living, because I feel like adults always ask you that when you're younger, like, Oh, what do you want to do when you what do you want to be when you grow up? What do you want to do when you grow up? And you're like, I don't fucking know. Like, I'm 10 years old. Why are you asking me this? But I knew even as a child that I wasn't going to follow the herd and like follow the pack. And I was just going to be my own person and figure it out along the way and I wasn't going to do something that was expected of me. I just knew that I

had a different calling and I think a lot of people will stay feeling stuck even if they have a calling to do something else they're gonna feel staying stuck because they're just scared to take a risk and that is so human and that's so normal and I've definitely been afraid to take risks in my life for sure. And that's what this episode is all about. It's just really about encouraging you to take that risk, to take that leap of faith. If you are feeling called to do something different with your life with the work that I do now, doing the podcast, helping people with their relationships.

I always had that calling even when I was very young without really consciously realizing that that was the calling that I was receiving from my higher self. So when I was younger, I used to always be the person that my friends would go to for relationship advice. And I had a very long term eight year relationship, my first boyfriend and I dated on and off for eight years. By no means was the relationship perfect or stable, but I was the first one of my friends to really have a serious relationship. And I was always the person that people would go to

asking me for dating advice. And I loved giving advice. And I loved giving advice about everything. I genuinely always wanted to help people and my friends and whoever it is that asked me for advice. It was, it was a calling of mine. It was a passion of mine to always do that in my everyday life. This wasn't my job, but then it turned into my job over time because I realized that if

you tie your career with your actual identity, it makes it so much easier to become successful at it. And it makes it so much easier to actually get to where you want to be and climb to the top of you know success, whatever success looks like for you because you're so passionate about it and it's actually tied into your core identity and your values and who you are as a person. And when you tie your core values and who you are into your career, it makes it so much easier to show up in the world and it makes it so much easier to wake up every day and want to work.

And I didn't realize this at the time when I was younger and, you know, being that person that people went to for advice, I didn't know it was going to turn into my career. But looking back now, it all kind of makes sense and all the puzzle pieces have kind of come together. And I'm like, this makes so much sense that this is what I'm doing for work now, because I was always that person anyway. And then I was looking at my posts on Instagram from 2017, 2018, 2019, and I was posting these quotes

about self-help and self-empowerment and loving yourself and dating yourself and being your own best friend and knowing your value and worth in relationships. I was posting all of these things already prior to the podcast. I almost knew before I even knew what I was gonna do next. And nothing ever really makes sense until after the fact. I think there's this quote by Steve Jobs,

and I'm gonna butcher it right now, but it's basically like, you can't see why things happen the way they happened until after the fact. They're not really gonna see like why things happen the way they happened until after the fact. They're not really going to see why things are happening the way they're happening until everything's come to completion. And then everything else is going to make sense looking back. All those small pieces that you didn't think were significant

were actually defining the final moment and defining the end result of what you were going through. And I will say in 2021, 2022, if you've been an avid listener of the podcast, you know those were like the worst years of my life. The end of my 20s, my Saturn return, it was just a nightmare. Like I, I really did have some of the shittiest years of my life. And looking back, if I hadn't gone through all of that, I never would have been pushed to transform into the woman I am today. I never would be able to show up for the podcast.

I wouldn't have had Date Yourself instead. I wouldn't have created the brand. I wouldn't have started a podcast if I hadn't gone through all those shitty years. Now that the whole puzzle is completed, everything makes sense. And I'm like looking back, I'm like, oh my God, thank God all of that shit happened to me

because I wouldn't be doing this for a living if that hadn't. And I wouldn't be able to share my knowledge with people if that hadn't happened. I wouldn't be able to guide people if that hadn't happened. So it's just, it's beautiful because life sometimes will not make any fucking sense in the moment.

But then once you get to the end of where you're trying to go, even though you kind of feel lost in the moment, you're like, I don't know what's happening. I don't know why my life is blowing up into a million pieces right now. I don't know why I'm broke. I don't know why this person broke up with me. A year or two later, you're gonna look back

and know exactly why it happened. And you're gonna be like, oh, that's why that happened because I wouldn't be the person I am today. And I wouldn't be this strong warrior woman or man that I am today, if that hadn't happened to me. And that's what living is all about. It's literally about growth, transformation, learning more about yourself and being so sure of yourself

and honestly trusting and just knowing that everything is happening for you and for a good reason. One of the notes I wrote this morning while I was chugging my coffee at my counter was that you will feel it in your bones and in your DNA if it's meant for you. You will have such a strong pull towards your purpose and your passion if you know that it's fucking meant for you.

You will know. Like, there won't be any second guessing. There won't be any doubts. You might be a little fearful to dive into the unknown, you might be a little scared and you might be a little, you know, worried if you take that risk that it might not work out because that's just human fear and it's normal because if you're jumping out of your comfort zone and you're breaking a routine and a cycle that you've been living in for the last five, ten years in the same job on repeat, it's scary to break out

of that and transition and go into a new phase of your life. However, you will feel it in your DNA and your cells in your bones if you're supposed to do it. At the dinner I went to last night, I met this girl, she was several years younger than me, super sweet. And we were just talking about life and career and whatever and she was telling me that she was going to quit her job and start her own fashion brand and I was like, do it and she's like, yeah, but I'm a little bit scared to just dive into the unknown and

I don't really know if it's worth it because it's a lot of work and I'm scared because you know, it is a risk at the end of the day, I'm still leaving my job to take a bet on myself. I looked at her and I was like, you need to do it. You absolutely need to do it. I'm going to give you advice right now. And I hope you take it because it is so worth taking a risk and a bet on yourself if you are feeling that pull to do so. Now, if you are just trying to convince yourself to do something because other people are telling you to do it or you're you are just trying to convince yourself to do something because other people are telling you to do it or you're you know you have this fear of missing out and you're looking at people's lives on Instagram and you're like oh my god this person is doing this this person is an influencer this person is you know a chef this person is a musician this person is an

artist whatever it is if you are looking at other people's lives and just comparing and getting sucked into that rabbit hole and like, you're actually genuinely happy with your life and you just feel like sometimes the art of comparison is like just messing with your head a little bit, that's completely different. Because comparison will also just make you feel shitty in whatever job you're in.

Like if I go on Instagram right now and start looking at what everyone else is doing in my career field, the brand deals other people are getting, the places people are traveling to, the relationships people are in, if I do that to myself, it's poison, right? Anyone can compare themselves to someone that's technically better than them in their eyes

and feel shitty about it. That's not what I'm talking about. That doesn't mean you should quit your job and upheave your whole life and move across the country and start a about it. That's not what I'm talking about. That doesn't mean you should quit your job and upheave your whole life and move across the country and start a new chapter. If you're genuinely happy with your career, if you know that it's your calling, if you know that it has meaning and it's serving a purpose for you, that's not what I'm referring to. I am referring to this feeling of hunger where you're waking up every day and you're like, I am so passionate about this certain thing and I need to do it. I don't care how many extra hours I have to make in a day. I need to set aside time to make this dream a reality. That's the feeling that you will get if

you know you're meant to do something. You'll also be driven by passion and you're not going to be driven by money and material things. So for example, I've touched on this a lot, but with my podcast, I didn't monetize it for a while because I knew for several reasons I didn't want to do that. First of all, even though I was basically broke when I started it, I knew that I wanted to build a really genuine community. I wasn't in it for the money. Number two is I wanted to genuinely help people and make a difference. And it was coming from a place of actual authenticity where I wanted to make people's lives better. Like I wanted to

genuinely help with nothing in return. Number three is that I think when you're driven by money and material incentives, it never lasts long term because once you have that money and that financial security with whatever career you're in, you'll find a million other reasons why you're miserable. You could be making millions of dollars doing something you absolutely hate doing, and you're going to end up still being unhappy because you're not fulfilling your purpose. You're not fulfilling your passion. You can have a lot of money, but be stuck in a job that you hate and you can't get out of it. And you're showing up every day in the world in authentically and not be happy. There's so many people who have millions and millions of dollars and billions of dollars and they're still not mentally in a good place because they're not really fulfilling their purpose and they're not really being authentic to who they are.

And a lot of people that I know with the most money are the most unhappy and that doesn't mean money, you know, can't make you happy. I know there's this whole quote like money can't buy happiness. I do think it makes a lot of things in life way easier and less complex and less stressful. And being financially secure in a physical world is very, it is a very important thing, especially because you need money to live and survive on earth. But I will say that should not be the defining factor in choosing a career that should not be the defining factor in choosing a career. That should not be the defining factor in what you choose to do with your life. Because honestly, as I just said, I know so many people who are so financially successful and they're so spiritually depleted, and they're so unhappy.

So if you have the privilege to align yourself spiritually with your work and know that it's your calling and it's your mission and purpose, you will be so happy even if you're not making a single dollar. When I was doing the podcast and I was getting offers from networks, they weren't substantial offers but they were still monetary offers that I could have accepted and I didn't. People were like, you're crazy for not accepting this. And I was like, I don't care about the money. I care about the brand.

I care about the people. I care about myself showing up authentically. I don't care about that stuff because that stuff will come naturally and in a way that's authentic to me where I know I'm genuinely helping people if I were to make any money off of this podcast. It's going to be from a place of being sincere and not just to grab a check. That's not who I am. And people are like, Oh, you know, what are you going to do? Like my parents are like, what are you going to do? What? How are you going to like pay for your rent? And I was like, I don't fucking know, but I'll figure

it out. And I did. I ended up figuring it out long term. Yes, was it scary? Was it terrifying? Being in the unknown space for months and months and months working my ass off and not, you know, seeing any material success coming out of it? Of course. But at the same time, that passion and that hunger for showing up, doing what I love and doing what I care most about and giving advice, it overpowered all of the fear.

It overpowered all of those thoughts like, oh, okay, you know, I'm pretty much negative in my bank account, but I don't care because my mission is so much greater than that. And I trusted that the finances would come. So my biggest piece of advice to people also, when you're starting out

and you're scared to take that leap of faith and you're scared about money and finances, if you are so hungry for the vision that you have and you're so fucking driven towards it and it's all you could think about, the money will come eventually. You just have to trust that and have faith in that. Having a vision in any aspect of life is also so crucial, and this also applies to romantic relationships. I'll give you a great example. One of the biggest red flags for me was not being able to visualize my wedding day with my ex.

That said everything, because first of all, I think women in general are very visual people. I am so fucking visual. I can envision anything. I could daydream about anything. Give me a pair of headphones. Give me my Spotify playlist. I'm in the Uber visualizing my dream man, my dream life,

my dream vacation, anything, okay? And that's part of manifesting too, just being able to visualize clearly about what you want and going after it. But with my ex, I couldn't visualize our wedding day. I couldn't visualize me actually getting married to him and like looking at him and dead in the eye and saying, I do like I couldn't picture that. And that was such a red flag because it felt like whenever I tried to envision it, it was like this clouded block and it just like my brain just went blank essentially.

And that's how you know if something is meant for you. If you can visualize it and see it clearly, there's another version of you on a higher timeline that has it already. But if you can't visualize it and you're blocked and you feel like, eh, something's not feeling right, something's not sitting right with me, I can't really see that, it's probably not your calling.

So that's my rule of thumb too. Like if you want to know if something's truly meant for you, if you could see it so crystal clearly and it feels like you're being energetically pulled towards it, that's probably a good sign. But if you can't see it at all, it's probably not right for you at all whatsoever. And I learned that the hard way because I would justify, it's kind of funny, but I would like justify why I couldn't visualize being with my ex and like getting married to him.

I'd be like, oh, you know, it's because I don't believe in marriage. I don't believe in this concept of getting married in general. So maybe that's why. And I would like just deny myself of the truth when in reality, I mean, I do have a fear of marriage and I've spoken about this on the podcast too. I think I do have slight avoidant commitment issues just because I love my freedom so much. I have a lot of Sagittarius

in my astrology chart. My moon is Sag, my north node is Sag and Sagittarius prides themselves on freedom and independence and like kind of just like going with the flow of life. So I don't really, I just, marriage to me was never the top of my to-do list ever. Like I wasn't a little girl dreaming of her wedding day and a lot of women are. And that's like so beautiful and it's so wholesome.

And like, I love that. But at the same time, like that just was never on the cards for me in my Brain, so I would use that as an excuse for like oh, that's why I can't visualize it, but now looking back I'm like no I could visualize myself getting married But just to someone else like to the right person And I think that was my brain like literally giving me signals like hey this isn't Clicking it's not visualizing for you because it's not fucking right so that was my brain like literally giving me signals, like, hey, this isn't clicking, it's not visualizing for you because it's not fucking right.

So that's the rule of thumb. I say, if you're unsure about something, see if you could really picture it in your head as you're meditating, as you're falling asleep at night, as you're waking up. Do you want it as badly as you need to breathe? If you were underwater, like, do you feel that like, oh, like that urge, like like I need to do this?

That's your calling. That's your purpose. That's your mission. Part of the reason why I always talk about my masterclass, Dare to Detach, is because so many people ask me, how do I really let go and step into my power and become this higher self version of me where I know my purpose, I'm aligned with my mission, and I'm doing what I love to do. I'm scared to leave my job. I'm scared to leave the familiar. I'm scared to not feel that security blanket because I've had it my whole life. And I always say, you need to learn

how to visualize your higher self as if you're already that person. And that's what the masterclass is really centered around. It's about letting go of the past. It's about breaking those toxic patterns and cycles that are no longer serving you. It's about letting go of the past. It's about breaking those toxic patterns and cycles that are no longer serving you. It's really about envisioning that person that you've always wanted to be

and to become that boss version of you that you could see yourself already as, but you just need that little shove and that little push to get there. That's what the course is all about. It's also about letting go of toxic people and toxic situations that you know are weighing down on you heavily.

And this could be family, this could be friends, this could be a romantic partner as well, but it could be literally anyone in your life that you feel is stopping you from achieving your goals and believing in yourself. And for me personally, I know that I had a lot of people around me when I was younger, doubting me, denying me of my truth, making me feel stupid

for visualizing certain goals that I had, denying me of my truth, making me feel stupid for visualizing certain goals that I had, making me question my purpose and my reality and my truth because they didn't believe in me. And the only person you need to believe in you is you. And that's what Dare to Detach Masterclass is all about. You will walk out of that course feeling super confident, self-assured

and knowing your purpose and knowing your calling and what your mission really is. And that's why I created it. And if you're interested, I would love for you to join us for the summer. You could find the link to Dare to Detach in the show notes or on Instagram at dare to detach. The doors are open for the month of June and then I'm closing it for the summer. And we're coming out with a different master class which is kind of a surprise. But I'm also gonna to lowkey drop it right now in this episode.

There's a very special master class that I'm releasing towards the end of the summer that's going to be such a game changer. And it's completely separate from the Dare to Detach course. But it's not going to be available for the months of July and August. So there's going to be a two-month window where the course will not be open.

So I highly recommend grabbing it for the month of June. And you could always use the code selflove for a podcast discount at checkout. I also love the concept of detachment when it comes to your life purpose because you can't really step into the highest version of you and fulfill your purpose fully if you have situations and people

that are constantly doubting you around you. Like it won't allow you access to that new timeline because you're always going to be worried about what other people think of you, how they're judging you. You're always going to be worried about pleasing other people's opinions of you. And that will block you energetically from building the life that you want to create. And that's also why I created Dare to Detach because I've been there with people that are toxic that are weighing me down to the point where I Felt like at a point especially in my last relationship where I had no meaning and no purpose and no value in my life I would wake up every day and literally be so depressed because I was with someone that was just so wrong for me

And it's not really about him and specific But it's just about knowing that you're in the wrong relationship and how that could actually cause a domino effect energetically in every other aspect of your life. And for me, I think part of the reason I struggled so much financially in my late twenties was because of that relationship, because I realized that it put me in a position where I felt like I wasn't the best version of

myself. I felt powerless and I felt like I just wasn't tapped in and I wasn't in alignment the way that I usually would be. I'm in such a different energetic space than I was just a few years ago. And now everything else in my life is so much better and has improved so much and has felt so much lighter and more carefree. And I wake up every day with this feeling of lightness in my body that I hadn't had before and that's because I was just Out of alignment with the wrong people So that's why I always tell people you need to be protective of your peace and your energy and who you're surrounding yourself with

As you're trying to find your higher purpose and your calling or as you're trying to leave a job that you're, you know, you just feel secure and you want to do something different. You need people and things around you that are going to support that energy, uplift you and make you feel more confident and assured about it, because that's how you get pushed forward into your new timeline. You're not going to get pushed forward into your new timeline if you're around people who are doubting you and questioning you and you're allowing that to affect you and get in your head. I found this quote on Instagram and it says, detachment is having your life be about you and not about anyone else.

The whole point is to stop letting other people hold you back from living your best life. Who would you be if there was no one else that existed on planet Earth? Who would you be if there was no one else that existed on planet earth? Who would you be? Would you be the person that you are today if you didn't have any of the people around you in your life? Think about it. You're just a solo man standing solo woman standing on planet earth right now. Okay, I don't exist Nothing else exists. It's just you and you know, you have endless options to choose from where would you go with your life? What would you choose? Would you be doing what you're doing right to choose from. Where would you go with your life? What would you choose? Would you be doing what you're doing right now?

I know obviously that's not entirely realistic because we have obligations. We have, you know, some people listening to this podcast have children have families are married. Are in relationships, but the whole point is to just really tap into that higher version of you and really get familiar with her and what she actually wants out of life and really get familiar with her and what she actually wants out of life or really get familiar with him and what she what he wants

out of life because that's how you know what direction to go in. It's just your inner guide guiding you. Sometimes it's just good to tune out the noise for a second and get in touch with that higher self and that guide. And it's really helpful because if you actually don't think about anything or anyone else just for five minutes and you create this like inner silence and peace within and you're like okay what do I actually want who do I actually want to become what is my meaning and my purpose if you really meditate on

that and sit with that without anyone else or anything interfering you will find the answer you will get your answer 100 guaranteed and guaranteed. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode of date yourself instead. If you enjoyed this episode, please let me know on Instagram, send me a message anytime at list L Y s s or on the podcast account at date yourself instead. Also be sure to check out the masterclass dare to detach doors are open for the month of June. I would love to see you there. We have such an incredible awesome kick ass community of women and men. And I would love to see you there. We have such an incredible, awesome, kick ass community of women and men. And I would love to see you there and stay tuned for next Monday.