Date Yourself Instead - God will NEVER give you peace in something that isn’t meant for you - my narcissistic abuse story

Episode Date: October 14, 2024

This episode is very vulnerable as I start to open up about my 4 year toxic on and off narcissistic abusive relationship that I had struggled with mentioning because I'm still in the process of healing from what happened. What this relationship taught me most is that the universe and God will never allow you to settle in a narcissistic, abusive relationship - let alone any toxic relationship that is holding you back from fulfilling your destiny. JOIN MY MASTERCLASS DARE TO DETACH AND THE MIND BODY SOUL RESET - doors open soon! If you're enjoying the podcast, always feel free to say hi and send me a DM @lyss or @dateyourselfinstead. I love you. Thank you for being my best friends and the most amazing community. <3

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Date Yourself Instead. Before I get into today's episode, I want to mention my masterclass, the Mind Body Soul Reset is coming so soon and I am so excited. This is the step by step I do to get myself out of a funk, to step into my power, to feel motivated again and to reset my entire life. Whenever I go through a breakup or I've gone through situationships and I'm just feeling a little down because it didn't work out or I'm just feeling a little set back because I'm sad, I have a specific routine that I do to get my brain back on track and to reset

everything so I can focus and realign with my goals and realign with my purpose. Our brains have a tendency to go to the past, to replay past memories, to relive old patterns, and that can cause things like anxiety, stress, fear, worry, doubt, and depression. And after going through multiple situations where I felt depressed, where I felt anxious, and I felt like I couldn't really focus, I came up with a specific routine that gets me back on track every single time. It'll help you focus on becoming the best version of yourself and step into that higher timeline where you don't even recognize your past self anymore. And I cannot wait to release it. It's coming soon. If you are interested,

be sure to join the wait list. The link is in the show notes as well as on my Instagram at date yourself instead. And there is a separate Instagram account for the masterclass at mind body soul reset. I cannot wait to see you there. And now let's dive into today's episode. The universe is never going to give you peace in something you're not supposed to settle in. Let me repeat that the universe is never going to give you peace in something you are not

supposed to settle in. Now I'll give you a perfect example. I was in a four-year, very toxic, abusive relationship. It was mentally and emotionally abusive. It drained my soul. It drained my bank account. It drained my mission. It drained my purpose. I felt like I had nothing going for me. I felt like I had lost myself completely in this relationship. It was a narcissistic, abusive relationship. And when you go through a relationship like that in real time and you're actually in it, you don't see it clearly because you are so blinded.

You have these rose colored glasses on essentially because you're in this fog, thinking you're so in love, thinking this person would never wanna hurt you, thinking that this person is this amazing guy. And then you realize that none of it was real. As I've mentioned on the podcast, I do plan on making a multiple part series that kind of ties everything together and gives you and paints you a very clear picture of what happened to me because I think it will help people who have gone through this or are going

through this and it'll help you spot the signs of a narcissistic relationship. For me, it was one of those relationships where I was so naive and I kept ignoring very clear warning signs that this person was very deceitful. The relationship was never stable and it was never settling. It was never grounding.

I was always on edge and I was always anxious. It was never grounding. I was always on edge and I was always anxious. The first time I actually felt a little bit of anxiety was very early on in the relationship and I felt very weird about certain things and you know a woman's intuition is just always spot-fucking on and I knew very early on that this relationship was probably going to be something very toxic. But when someone is so good with their words and manipulation and they're so good at convincing you into things because they're really charismatic and charming and they are very confident in what they're saying, it's easy to fall into that trap of believing them and trusting them.

If you're a very empathetic, kind, loving person with an open heart, you see the world as butterflies and rainbows and bunny rabbits. And I used to see the world in that lens. And I would try to trust people to the best of my ability and open my heart up as much as I could because I wanted to see the good in every person that I've ever dated.

But with this particular person, I was so blinded to the point where it was kind of scary once the truth had been revealed and once all of this information came out and multiple people had come forward and told me about him and how he had had sort of intimate relations with them, I was floored. I was absolutely floored because throughout the relationship, I had held myself back from moving on so many times. And if I had known the information that I had knew towards the end, I would have left a lot earlier because I do not stand for betrayal or cheating. I know as a woman, if a man cheats on me, I'm done and I'm out. And I think this person also was aware of that.

So he was really good at hiding things. He was really good at keeping secrets and playing certain characters. And it was just one of those situations that once I took a big step out of it, I realized how fucking naive I had been. And it's taken me a bit of time to forgive myself and process everything. And I'm still processing it.

And I'm still going through the healing moments of it where healing is not linear. It's an up and down roller coaster. And for those of you who have been through breakups and relationships that were really toxic, you know that healing is never linear. Healing, one day you could feel like you're on top of the world, and the next day you crash and you feel like your life is over

and you're never gonna find love again, and you feel defeated. And it's a roller coaster. When something is not right for you, and something is not supposed to be in your for you and something is not supposed to be in your life or someone is not supposed to be in your life, the universe will try to remove that person until you listen. And if you don't listen, there will be violent action taken by the universe or God or whatever higher power you choose to believe in. That person or situation is eventually

just going to get ripped away from you. And that's exactly what had happened to me. I didn't listen to my gut instincts for years. For years, I didn't listen to myself. I didn't listen to the voice in my head saying something's off. I didn't listen to these feelings I had in my body, feeling sick, feeling anxious, feeling like I had a knot in my stomach at times. When I was feeling really anxious or feeling really worried about something and I felt like, you know, something's up with this person, he would throw it back on me and gaslight the shit out of me and say, oh, your period's coming. You must just be hormonal.

Or oh, you're just crazy. You're just like your mom. You have mood swings. And I'm like, first of all, you've never even met my mom because my parents have refused to meet you. And second of all, you don't know a thing about me. I'm actually very grounded as a person. But when you're with someone

that is deceitful and you're with someone manipulative and you're with someone that's very toxic, it can destabilize you because of course you're around someone that's being a deceitful shit person. So when you're with someone that is throwing your emotions for a loop at all times because they're manipulating you and messing with your mind, of course it's going to destabilize you. I made a TikTok a while ago about this too, where a lot of men that are very narcissistic or people that are narcissistic, I know I say men, but I'm just as once again, I'm speaking from my personal experience because I date men. I know this goes both ways and I know men listen to the podcast and I'm sorry if it

sounds like I'm blaming men for everything because I'm not. But I'm speaking from my relationships. So from my experiences, I've noticed that men tend to gaslight when you're feeling anxious, but usually the anxiety is a warning sign. I used to blame myself for being anxious because that person would say to me, oh, you have mental health issues. You need to go get help. You need a therapist.

You're traumatized from your past. You're taking your past and you're putting it onto me. You're projecting your trauma onto me because I didn't do anything wrong. And then looking back and seeing how this person was probably the most deceitful person I've ever dated in my life. I was like, so I was right the whole time. It wasn't my anxiety, it was my fucking intuition.

It was my gut telling me, you're not crazy. This person is lying to you. This person is dishonest This person is cheating on you and is living a double life I don't want to go into the full details of everything yet because I want to come from a place of being fully healed and You know, I want to come from a place of really feeling like I'm ready because it's a lot to discuss and it's a lot to unpack. But what I will say is this, the universe will never give you peace in something that you aren't supposed to be in or settle in. And that whole relationship was the most up and down roller coaster I have ever been through

and I've ever dealt with. And I'm so grateful and so happy that it ended when it did and I had removed myself because I felt like I was crazy all of the time. I felt like I had something wrong with my brain all of the time. And then when I finally broke the chains and got out of the cycle and completely ended it forever, I felt this sense of peace in my soul and my body that I've never felt in my life before because felt like the biggest relief. It just felt like, oh my God,

my intuition had always been right. My gut instincts had always been right. And it gave me this confirmation about myself that I have a superpower of knowing when to leave and I just logically would convince myself out of it. I would use my brain instead of my body and say, oh no, but you know, he's saying he's telling the truth instead of listening to my body and listening to those feelings when I would be a little anxious or sick or worried.

It was all right. And I could kick myself and be like, oh, why didn't you listen to yourself? You should have left years ago. But if anything, I'm taking it as a major learning lesson and I took it as a major wake-up call to really trust myself no matter what. And I advise you to do the same. If you are constantly feeling anxious or on edge or sick around someone, assess what's going on and trust yourself because you're usually not wrong. You're usually not wrong. If your body is constantly in fight or flight mode around someone, if you're constantly

walking on eggshells with someone or you feel like you can't fully trust them but you can't physically explain why because they're saying, oh, I would never hurt you or Oh, I would never lie to you. Trust yourself and your feelings over that person's word. You'll know if you can trust someone based on how you feel around them. I truly believe this. If everyone was just made up of energy and you were reading people's energy and you were judging people solely based on their energy and not their physical appearance, on not what they were saying, but just their energy and how you feel around them, do you think that that would be the right person for you? Do you think it would be the right person for you if you were sitting next to them and you were just feeling out their energy versus looking at how attractive they are, looking

at what they're saying or listening to what they're saying or how people perceive them and people are like, oh, this person's amazing. Fuck all of that and feel how you feel around them. Tap into how you really feel around them. That's how you know if that person is right for you. And if you're an empath like me and you're very emotional and you're very sensitive to energy, this is a very good way to detect if someone is a good person for you or not or a nice person to have in your life. When I am around good people for me, I feel calm, my nervous system is at ease, I feel like I could talk to them about

anything, I feel like I could open up, I feel like I could be comfortable, I'm not riddled with anxiety, I'm not worried, I'm not overthinking or questioning things. Now with this relationship, two months in, maybe I'll give a little insight or preview to the beginning because it's fucking insane. Two months in, he went on a trip with his friends and I was chilling in New York, minding my own business. It was very early into the relationship. And we had just started dating. It was so fresh.

I think we had started dating maybe a week or two prior to him leaving to go on this boys trip that he had booked. And I wasn't about to tell him what to do and be like, oh, I feel weird about you going. I wasn't about to say anything because I wanted to trust him. And I think a good healthy relationship should be based on trust and respect. And I was like, okay, have fun.

Even though in my head I was a little nervous, I was like, all right, have a good time. And one of the last days of the trip, I get a text from him. I think it was like late at night saying, get them naked. Get them naked. I'm like, excuse me, what? Excuse me, like, what the fuck is this? And of course my brain instantly goes to,

there are girls where he's staying. There are girls in his house because he was staying in like an Airbnb. I felt like a wrenching, like gut wrenching feeling. I felt this like feeling of panic come over me, but it was also anger because it was so early on that I wasn't too emotionally invested yet. And I was like, oh, fuck this.

Oh, hell no. This is not happening. And he calls me and he FaceTimes me and I could tell he was panicked and he's like, no, it's not what it looked like. I was making a joke to my friend, but there are girls in the house. So he had lied to me because he had failed to mention

that there were females in his vicinity throughout this whole trip. And I don't know for which part of the trip it was. I don't know if it was all the trip. I don't know a thing because back then I didn't know a lot about him. And to this day, I don't think I know as much as I should have known about him. I think he kept a lot of things private. But in this particular scenario, I knew right away that something was obviously very shady

and very sketchy. And instead of completely cutting ties then and walking away, I allowed this man to convince me that he did nothing wrong. And now I know saying it out loud and telling the story publicly, it sounds fucking insane. And I sound almost dumb for allowing him back into my energy space and giving him a chance. But there were multiple factors involved in this. It was COVID. So I was very isolated. I wasn't around my friends or family. And we had spent almost every day together. So we had built this cocoon of intimacy during COVID. COVID was a weird fucking time. And I felt like people's blinders were on more than ever

because the world was in shambles and there was nothing really to do and people weren't going out. And I was just with him all the time. So my brain was always just focused on us and the cocoon that we had built. Number two was, I felt like it was so early on in the relationship that I wasn't so emotionally invested to the point where it was hurting me.

It just more upset me and got me angry and fired up. So it wasn't like I was really sad over what happened and I felt betrayed. It was more like, okay, you want to lie to me? Go ahead and do that. So when I was coming from a place of detachment and anger versus like, oh my God, I can't believe you did this to me because I'm in love with you. Cause at that point I wasn't in love with him yet.

I felt like I was letting more things slide. But looking back, I'm like, wow, I didn't have any fucking boundaries. And I was way too lenient and way too trusting. The other thing was this man was a professional at lying and manipulation. So he had come up with this whole plan to make sure that I wasn't going anywhere. And he flew back early. He booked his flight home right after I saw that text. He panicked, booked the flight home, was sending me essays and paragraphs about how sorry he was and

how nothing happened and he swears on everything in his life and he swears on his family members and blah blah blah blah blah and crafted this whole apology and flew right home to see me and was like crying. So in my head, I was kind of like, okay, well if he's crying and he flew home and he's so overly emotional over this and like trying to do the most to make sure that I don't go anywhere in my head at that time because I didn't see through a clear lens and I didn't see through the lens of relationships that I see now because I'm a very different woman now. I was just seeing it as, oh my God, he really cares about me and he didn't do anything and I was willing to trust him and let him back into my energy space. Looking back, I'm cringing at

myself and I'm humiliated. I mean, I'm not really, but I'm like, holy shit, what was I thinking? But in that moment and at that time in my life, I was just vulnerable. I was insecure, vulnerable. I had no one during COVID around me. So there were so many things and so many layers to it that I think unless you've been through something like this, you don't really fully understand it. And when you look at it from the outside, it looks like I'm stupid. I get it. But it's a learning lesson. And also, I don't regret a thing to this day. I don't regret how I handled things.

I don't regret taking him back. I don't regret being in the relationship. But it's just insane to me how much I had swept under the rug thinking that this person had the best intentions because I was looking through the lens of bunny rabbits and rainbows and leprechauns and fields of grass in Ireland. I don't know anything you could picture that would be peaceful and loving. I was looking through the world and looking through people and partners through that lens. So when you look through the world through a specific lens and you're this forgiving, loving human being, you're going to let a lot of things slide if you don't learn how to set firm boundaries.

You can be kind and also have firm boundaries in place, but for me, I was being kind and I had no boundaries. So when you're a kind person with no fucking boundaries, you're going to get yourself in a lot of shit. And that's what happened. So I wish I could hug that version of me and also kind of like slap her and be like, wake the fuck up. Like, what are you doing? Why are you believing this person? But it is what it is.

Everything has taught me so much about myself. Everything has built my character and made me stronger. And that's what life is all about. And that's what learning is all about. When it comes to relationships, I think I am a warrior. And now I am like prepared for literally fucking anything that's thrown my way. I bounce back every time something ends,

I come back stronger and I never look at anything as a regret. So that's the positive here, but that whole situation was so sketchy, of course. I was like, wow, okay, so there were women in your Airbnb that you were staying at, great, cool. And then I let it slide, I let it go. And from that point forward, it was a pivotal moment

where I started to question him. My trust issues started getting progressively worse because once something like that happens so early on in a situation, it's triggering and you start to question who this person really is. And ever since then, that was two months in, I feel like the universe was trying to pull me out of it. And I would get all these signs and I would see all these symbolic things that were like lists. It was God himself being like, get the fuck out. You do not deserve this.

I just continued to ignore it and stay blinded and stay in my bubble with him because I was scared. I was scared to be alone. I felt like he had me wrapped around his finger energetically. I just felt like I was falling in love with him. After a certain point, I just got so emotionally invested. And it sounds so bad, but there were so many good moments mixed in with these moments of betrayal

that I was only focused on the good. And I think another thing with me is that I love to focus on the positive. So when there are 10 amazing things that happen with someone, and then there's one bad thing, I'll look at the 10 things and ignore the one bad, but the one bad was really bad. And I think I just, I swept it under the rug. I take accountability for not walking away but at

the same time I was so manipulated and so blinded to how bad it really was because I was in this bubble. It's really hard to get out and you don't really get it unless you've been through it and you've been through a very manipulative relationship where this person is basically mentally controlling you that you don't even realize what you're dealing with or who you're dealing with manipulative relationship where this person is basically mentally controlling you that you don't even realize what you're dealing with or who you're dealing with or what you're going through. And the only person that had ever stepped in and was like you need to leave you need to leave was my dad and my dad was like trying so hard to get me to see what was happening and all of my

friends people that knew him, his friends, they all seemed to love him and they all seemed to really like him and worship him and fucking, I think some of them were even like intimidated by him. I saw him as this like grand leader for all of his friends and he controlled the show and people just looked at him as this guy, this like amazing guy who controlled everything and did everything and looking back I'm like, oh my god, those are all the signs of a full-blown narcissist. Those are all the signs of someone who is fucking thriving off of people's power and has no remorse or has no empathy and there were so many comments he made about not giving a shit about certain women he dated.

And there were so many things I could like kick myself looking back because there were so many warning signs. But it was my first time really dealing with a person like that. And it wouldn't benefit me to be hard on myself or blame myself because I didn't know. I was literally so naive. I didn't know. I was literally so naive. I didn't know how bad it really was. That being said, there is so much more to this story that I will eventually share and unpack,

but it's still a process for me to process it. It's still a process for me to even talk about because it's like you basically dated a stranger for years and lived a complete lie for years. You thought this person was someone so amazing and special and you thought that this was the one guy who would never hurt you and for him to know all my secrets, for him to know the private parts of my life, for him to see every side of me, and then to find out that I didn't know a thing about him

is terrifying. It's literally terrifying. I'm like, you know me, stripped down to my core, and I know nothing about you. I don't know who you are. Who was I dating? You know that series on TikTok, Who the fuck did I marry? I feel like my situation in some ways was very similar, maybe worse. I don't know. But all

I know is that when you're in a situation like that, it's really hard to see it clearly. And if there is anyone advising you to get out or remove yourself, there's probably a good reason for that. So be aware of that. If there's someone in your life that's like, you really need to leave your relationship right now and you're convincing yourself like, oh, they're wrong, they're crazy, they're this. I would try as best as you can to take that advice

and process it because my dad had always said, you're so blinded, you're so blinded. And I would defend this person to the very end, till the very end, until all of this information came out that he was lying to me about so many things. I would defend him to everyone. I was like, no, you know, he's my soulmate. He's the love of my life.

He's just going through a hard time. He's the love of my life. He's just going through a hard time. He's the love of my life, but he's just depressed. And, you know, I need to be there for him because there was just so many things where he would try to keep me there and tell me, you know, I have mental health issues. I need help, this, that.

And I would stay and I would stay trapped in the situation because me being empathetic felt bad and I loved him and I cared for him. And my dad was just like, Alyssa, you are so far deep into shit that you have no fucking idea what's flying. And he was he was very much right. But the beauty of it is one, I get to share this information and take it as a way to hopefully guide and help other people who are going through this or who have

experienced this and know that you're really not alone and number two is It's built my strength and my character more than I could ever fucking imagine I thought I was strong and I was in some ways for sure I was But this has changed the trajectory of my life in ways that I could not even have possibly imagined. I just feel like I know my boundaries. I know my value. I see my worth.

I know that I have an amazing heart and I'm not going to let anyone fucking take advantage of that ever again. And that's even why with the last situationship that I went through, if you've been listening to the podcast, you've heard other episodes where I went through this like brief two months situationship, even though I went through that, I bounced back from that in a couple of days because I had been through so much

and I've gone through so much and I've, you know, after going through a four year relationship like that, I could literally conquer anything. I could take on the world because I'm like, that broke me to the point of no return where now I've had to build myself from scratch and heal from scratch and like completely reassess my entire life and do so much inner work on myself to be okay, that anything from this point forward is not going to impact me the same way because I have a firm garden place. My heart is guarded until the right person gets to see it and has access to it. And that doesn't mean I'm closed off to love. It doesn't mean I'm like, oh, fuck men. It doesn't mean that at all.

I'm very open to receiving love, but with the right person and the right person only. And that's very rare and very special. And I know when I meet that person, it'll be the real fucking thing. So now I have this radar where I'm like, if I even feel a little weird or if I even feel a little uncomfortable or anxious, goodbye, see you later. I'm not even fucking tolerating you for two seconds because I've been through way too fucking much

to let just anyone in my energetic field and space. And that's what firm boundaries are. That's what having boundaries in place means. You're not giving people access to you just because you're lonely. You're not giving people free access to speak to you, to get to know you, and to become a part of your life just because you're afraid of being by yourself.

There's no fucking point in giving someone access to you because you're going to end up in a situation that you just don't want to be in and you're going to end up draining yourself all over again. So I'm very, very thankful and grateful and blessed, and I wouldn't have my life any other way because I really wouldn't be able to show up for you guys. I wouldn't be able to do the work that I'm doing now. I feel like my calling and my mission and my purpose on earth is to help people heal

and to help people from these situations. So I'm very grateful that I went through it, but it's been a journey. It's been a crazy fucking journey. And most people only see the surface. A crazy thing that actually happened, and it was a very clear sign from the universe that told me to end this relationship. It was very early on as well.

It's so insane. When I told my friends this, they were like, what the fuck? That was literally God-sent. And I just ignored it. Because at that time, too, I wasn't very religious. I didn't believe in God. I was more just spiritual and kind of just like all over the place with my belief systems. Now I'm in a place where I'm like a little more structured with my beliefs because I feel like it's gotten me through the biggest trials and challenges and tests of my life. And having a higher power to turn to has helped me heal in ways I don't think I would have

been able to if I hadn't had that guidance. Anyways, so at this time, I had decided to cut ties with this person because I felt like something was wrong and it was our first real breakup. And I flew to Miami and I was staying at this hotel and I'll never forget I was sitting on my bed. I had finally come to accept that I wasn't interested in this person anymore because I didn't feel comfortable dating someone that I couldn't fully trust. I was just kind of like coming back to myself because I had a moment to breathe. I had a moment alone and I was literally staying on the beach in paradise.

So I'm like, okay, let me take this vacation as time to heal. I'll be here for the week. Then I'll go back to New York and start fresh, clean slate, breakups happen, whatever. And then he calls me, of course, because they always feel it when you're in your energy and you're back in alignment and you're feeling amazing again and you're feeling like you're healing and moving on, they always fucking feel it because everything is energy.

And so he calls me while I'm in Miami, sitting on my bed and I'll never fucking forget this moment for the rest of my life. As he's talking to me, he's telling me that he wants to fly to Miami and make things up to me and see me and he made a big mistake and he doesn't know why we ended things and it was this whole ordeal.

And I just felt like my body tense up. And I turned on my TV as we were on the phone, and a commercial comes up, and in huge letters, the commercial says, let him go. As I'm on the phone with him, as he's saying, I wanna come to Miami, I wanna see you, I wanna make things up with you, the commercial says, let him go.

And I'm sitting on the bed and I remember just staring at the screen and then looking at my phone and like trying to pay attention to what he's saying, but then looking at the screen and reading it and absorbing the sign. And it was such a godsent sign. And I couldn't shake it and I couldn't forget it.

And it just stuck in my head. I was like, this is a sign. I couldn't not ignore it. Like it was just so clear that there was some sort of higher power communicating with me in that moment. And unfortunately, I had somehow been convinced and manipulated to not let this person go because he ended up flying to Miami. I ended up getting back together with him.

Looking back, I'm like, I can't believe that there were so many clear things in front of me telling me to let go. There were so many clear divine signs telling me to let go. And obviously, you have to decide what signs are really resonating and what signs aren't. But in that moment, I truly believe that sign was sent from God and it wasn't like I was looking for it. I think when you're looking for signs, you have to just like ignore that because you can look for signs and they'll just appear because that's what your reticular activating system wants you to do. For example, if you're like, oh, red car, red car,

and then you turn down the street, you might see a red car. In this moment, it was like, it just felt so symbolic. I was like, holy shit. I can't believe I didn't listen. And the relationship continued on and on and on, and I refused to listen, and I refused to block out anything that was trying to get in the way of us, and I fought for us, and there were so many fucking roadblocks and obstacles, and tying it back to what I said

at the beginning of this episode, the universe will never give you peace in something you're not supposed to settle in, it could not be more true. You're never going to feel peaceful with someone you're not supposed to settle in, it could not be more true. You're never going to feel peaceful with someone you're not supposed to be with. You're never going to feel aligned and in your full power if you're with a toxic leech or someone that's manipulating you or draining you or narcissistic and abusing you. You're never going to be truly in your power. And why the fuck would you want to live your life outside of your power and weak and vulnerable and insecure around someone for the rest of your life?

You're gonna let someone make you feel that way. You're going to let someone in your life that's going to bring you down and not let you reach your fullest potential. What kind of life would you be living? It's taken me years and years and years to figure this out but the key to tapping into your highest potential is to cut out the bullshit and cut out anyone who makes you feel like unsure, unworthy, confused because that is all energy that's going to weigh you down and pull you down and suck the life out of you. I've made every excuse in the book for every guy I've been with. I've been overly nice. I've been overly defensive because

I want to see the good in everyone. But if you've listened to my recent episodes, you know that I've changed. I've grown. I've healed. I've leveled up. And now I'm in an era of my life where I will never go back to that version of me. I'm never going to go back to the version of me that's going to let someone walk all over me because I'm an empathetic person and I want to give them the benefit of the doubt. Fuck that. What about my feelings? What about what I need from a person?

What about how I fucking feel? What about my future? Do I care about my future self and showing up in the best way I know how? Or am I going to let someone bring me down indefinitely and ruin the rest of my fucking life? That's not happening because I know that life is short, life is precious, and I wanna live my life to the absolute fucking fullest.

I wanna skyrocket into abundance. I wanna skyrocket into a brand new version of me where I meet the love of my life because I didn't fucking settle. You can't open new doors and new timelines and manifest your person and be happily married to someone if you're holding on to someone that isn't right for you.

You need to fully close the door and I truly believe this. You need to slam the door on the past in order to open that future timeline and access that future version of you. You need to. It's a mandatory requirement. Otherwise, you're going to stay stuck in the same patterns forever. And it's hard to do. It's not easy to do.

And it's taken me a lot of fucking time to learn these hard lessons because I dragged relationships out for years, hoping people would change, hoping dynamics would get better. But you see someone's true colors very early on and you could ignore it and you could dismiss the red flags and deny it and bury it. You can and you could live a lie, but you know if they're right for you or not. You know. You fucking know. You're very smart. You're very intelligent. You're very emotionally aware. You know. If it takes the universe slapping you across the face and waking you up and shaking you up like it happened to

me, I had to find out through someone else that this man was lying to me and betraying me and cheating on me for me to walk away. When I should have walked away, when I told you about that story two months in. But because I didn't value myself enough, I wasn't mature enough, I didn't understand what true love was, I didn't understand that I was being manipulated. I couldn't. At least I know now that that will never happen to me again, because I have evolved into the person now I truly want to be, which is strong, empowered, firm boundaries in place, confident, knowing my worth, knowing what I deserve,

knowing what I stand for and what I don't. And I'll never let someone walk into my life that's trying to take something from me. The only people that walk into your life should make it better. That's it. No excuses, no questions asked. The only people you should be allowing

into your energetic space are those who lift you up and make you better. You should be growing together and evolving together with the people in your life that you love and care about. But if someone is draining you and weighing you down or if someone's making you question your value or shaking up your life on a daily fucking basis, they're not it. Cut them. Cut the fucking cord. Listen to me. I am telling you right now, if this is your sign, trust me. You will do yourself the biggest disservice if you continue

something with someone who is not meant for you. And the universe will make it clear to you and make it known to you. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the podcast. I hope it could resonate and help some of you who are going through really hard relationships

or have been through relationships like this before. And I hope it can inspire you to make a change. I hope my messages also help you understand that you are never alone in this and everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has their moments, their bad moments, their good moments, and everyone has gone through a relationship where they haven't shown up

as the best version of themselves and they've tolerated bad behaviors. And I'm an example of that, and I hope that I can just communicate that to you that you're never fully alone and I'm here for you and I feel like we're all best friends. This community is so incredible and I'm truly grateful. If you haven't already, be sure to check out the master classes, Dare to Detach and the new master class, The Mind, Body, Soul Reset.

It's going to be so amazing and I cannot wait to see you all there. And also if you haven't, be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify. It really helps the show grow and share it with a friend if you're enjoying the episodes. I love you. Thank you and stay tuned for next Monday.