Date Yourself Instead - Here's what to do when they pull away

Episode Date: August 14, 2023

When someone pulls away, it can be difficult to navigate. Often times we feel like we did something wrong to mess the relationship up. It can cause a lot of anxiety if we're not sure where the other person stands or why they're distancing themselves...when everything seemed to be going well. In this episode, I talk about what to do when they pull away from you - and how to handle it like a pro. You'll feel better in no time baby.

Okay, so I actually recorded this episode last week on what to do when someone pulls away from you and I Think I was being too lenient with the episode a lot of the information that I had recorded was almost not Harshanoff because at the end of the day you deserve someone who is all about you You deserve someone who is direct with you, who knows what they're looking for, and who can give you that sense of security in a romantic partnership. In the episode I previously had recorded about this topic,

I played it back while I was in the gym, and I was like, I'm being way too nice right now. I'm being way too understanding. And maybe I'll post it at a different time, but I decided to come back to the studio and re-record it because I thought it could be improved. So here we are. I'm back in the podcast studio, and we're going to get right into it.

We're going to discuss what you should really do when someone pulls away from you. And I'm gonna be talking about some of my own personal experiences with this and how I've been in situations where people have pulled their energy away from me. They've distanced themselves from me. And I thought that I had done something wrong, and it was giving me anxiety and driving me fucking insane.

A lot of people go through this, and I've gotten a lot of DMs about this as well. So, here we go. So what do you do if they pull back? You were talking, you thought everything was going amazing. You were texting a lot. Maybe they were FaceTiming and calling you often. Maybe you've gone on vacation with this person. You've met their family. Or you've just gone on a couple of dates,

but you thought there was a good energy. You thought there was a good vibe. And everything seemed to be going perfectly. Or you're in a relationship with someone and they just start distancing themselves and you can't really communicate or get on the same page and they're going cold or you could be married and this person isn't treating you the same way they did when you were first married. And regardless of the situation

at hand, this person's energy is distant, it's cold, it's weird, you feel like something's off and it's triggering you. Your body is in fight or flight mode. You want to send them paragraphs and essays of your emotions and your feelings and you want to ask them what's wrong, but deep down you know it's not going to help because you don't want to push them even further away and you're in panic mode.

Because one second, everything felt really good and validating and overnight, it's like a switch flipped in this person's brain and they're pulling themselves away. So now you're feeling lonely. Now you're feeling shitty because you don't know what's going on in this person's head. You're left feeling confused. Maybe you did something wrong.

You're replaying everything you said to this person in your head. Did I fuck up? Did I make a mistake? Listen, this is very common, as I just said. I get so many DMs about this. This guy, I thought everything was going amazing and then he started distancing himself.

Then he kind of ghosted me, then he came back again, ghosted me, came back, et cetera, et cetera. It happens a lot. And I'm gonna tell you a story of what happened to me when someone had treated me this way. I think it was 2019, I want to say. So there was a guy who literally deaded me and kicked me to the curb. I think I've told this story before on my TikTok. You should definitely go follow me on TikTok if you want more dating advice content, by the way. Anyways, I was seeing this Aquarius guy, huge mistake.

Aquarius men are very detached to begin with, or so I've noticed just from the few I've had experiences with, but whatever. So he was showing all the red flags from day one and I just chose to entertain it because at the time I wasn't exactly looking for a serious relationship. However, I think I was also just a little bored. I didn't really have anyone else I was talking to and I kept tolerating this shitty red flag behavior. It was really fascinating because when we would hang out,

I knew it wasn't going to turn into anything serious, but then he would ask me things like, are you seeing anyone else? Because I'm not. Are you doing things with other guys? And then he would grill me on that, and it felt like he wanted it to be more serious. And I was just kind of like, what is happening? Why are you asking me so many questions about my relationship life and what I'm doing and who I'm

hooking up with? Because we weren't that close. But based on everything he was asking me, it felt like he wanted something more serious. I think he was playing mind games with me. Because I think he also knew that I wasn't really heavily invested in him yet. So he was trying to make it like,

oh, he cared about who else I was dating. He cared about who else I was hooking up with. And it kind of started messing with my head because I'm like, why is he so invested in what I'll some doing? Does he want something more serious? Even though I don't feel like it was going to go in that direction, maybe it will go in that direction.

So it kind of made me start to question everything. And he also would bring up things like, you never asked me to hang out and initiate the plans. I'm always the one initiating. And I was like, okay, I mean, I didn't realize that affected you that way, but maybe I'll start initiating plans if you want to hang out with me more. I don't really know what's going through your head, dude. You're kind of confusing me, but maybe I'll start initiating plans if you want to hang out with me more. I don't really know what's going through your head, dude. You're kind of confusing me, but eventually it got to the point where I decided to invite him to this really big event for my job. And it was an event where it was like a charity gala, and I had to pay for the tickets. And the tickets were a couple of thousand dollars, but it was all going a charity.

So it was more like a donation on my behalf, but I bought an extra ticket and I got to bring a plus one. So once I actually made a plan with him for once and invited him, he agreed to come. And then two days before the event, he completely dipped and pieced out and ghosted me. And I had spent a lot of money on these tickets. And I was chasing him down. I was so confused. I'm like, hello, where are you?

You're supposed to come with me to this. I need to confirm if you're still coming. And he was just gone, dropped off the face of the earth. And then finally he answered his phone and he was like, yeah, I can't come. And then he completely shut down, got super cold, got super distant, and the whole thing was super fucked up. He was playing me. And then I realized that he was bullshitting me the entire time.

And being a total dick and telling me he had family issues and family problems. And I'm like, listen, I understand and empathize with you if you're going through something, but just communicate that to me. Don't get distant and cold and weird on me. Don't pull back and make up all these excuses because I had a feeling he was not being honest with me. And he had asked me to initiate plans. So when I actually caved in and did that, I think he was finally satisfied and said, oh, I got her. You know, now she's making the plans. I got what I wanted.

I have the satisfaction of being in control. I know that she's prioritizing me more now so I can pull back. It was some sort of weird twisted game where I felt like he had made me latch onto him a little bit. Then he was like, finally, I got what I wanted and dead of me. And that was just one of a few experiences that I've had where someone pulled back once they kind of got what they wanted. And I've learned a lot from it. And I'm here to tell you, because I've learned so much through these shitty stupid fucked-up experiences, you're going to know exactly what to do by the end of this episode when someone is pulling that cart on you and distancing themselves from you and being an ass.

There was another person kind of recently in my life who kept pulling away and going super hot and cold and he was just being a drunk mess and I was very turned off because his Instagram stories were always drinking, going out, partying, and then he'd message me drunk, ridiculous things. And he was just hot and cold. So some days he would be good, everything would be fine, communication would be normal, and then other days he'd fall off the face of the earth, he wouldn't text me for two or three days, and then tell me that he's so hungover, and he doesn't remember what he did that weekend.

And I'm like, that is not something I want to hear. I don't know what woman would find that attractive, just knowing that you're a drunk mess. So I get it also, you know, if you're a single man and you go out and you party sometimes, it's fine. But if you're trying to really pursue someone and get to know them and have a connection, which I don't think maybe he's just not in that place to do that, which is totally respectable and fine,

it's just not a good look when you're not really sober half of the time and you're going hot and cold and being flaky and maybe you're forgetting what you said the night before. It's just not a good look. In my opinion, I'm not really into that. So this guy had also called me his wife. And meanwhile, I don't know him like that. I don't know him that well.

I don't know anything significant or deep about his life. He doesn't know me that well. I don't know anything significant or deep about his life. He doesn't know me that well at all. And then he'd say things like that where I knew that he wasn't being genuine. Because why are you calling me your wife? You barely know who I am. It's just weird. It doesn't matter if you're fucked up, drunk off your ass or not. It's immature.

So instead of being flattered, I was just turned off because then he told me he had loved bombing me. I'm like, why are you openly admitting that you're love bombing me? So I just cut it off because I'm like, you need to grow up. I'm sorry. I don't have time for little boy games. I'm 30. I'm not 20 years old anymore. It's unfair to me and my standards and my mental health to keep this going. I'm looking for security and stability. This situation was eye-opening for me because, listen, there's no hard feelings. I wish him the best. I just think it was very eye-opening because I don't want to be in a situation where I'm dealing with people who are playing hot and cold games, who are stringing me along and saying things they don't mean, then pulling back when they feel like it.

If you want to be my partner, I need you to be direct forward. Tell me how you feel. Not be drunk 24, 7. I want you to want me and I want to be sure of that. And I want to feel good and secure and like we're moving in a positive direction. And a lot of women tolerate this dumb bullshit that guys do. And it goes both ways.

I've got in messages from men as well. I understand it goes both ways. There's a lot of, you know, women who do the same thing to men, whatever. However, I'm just speaking from my experiences, what I've been through and the dates that I've been on. So, the point is, you don't deserve to be thrown around, you don't deserve to be tolerating craziness

and up and down the roller coasters with your emotions and not being sure where someone stands and having them play hot and cool games on you all the time. It's just exhausting, it's draining, and no one wants to deal with that. So now getting to the topic of this episode, what do you do when someone pulls back their energy and is playing hot and cold with you? First, I'm going to tell you what you shouldn't do. Do not chase them down and blow up their phone and beg them for answers and beg them to talk to you and communicate

with you. Do not throw desperate needy emotional energy onto them and ask them what's wrong a million times. It's not helpful. The key here is to stay as calm as humanly possible in a situation where you feel like you might be losing control. Because number one, there can be a million reasons why someone actually pulls away. It doesn't all have to be bad all the time. You don't have to jump to crazy conclusions right away. And number two is, when you remain calm, you're able to think more clearly and you are able to assess any situation with more grace and you're gonna get better results guaranteed.

So whatever outcome you're looking for, if you're looking to communicate properly with this person, if you're looking to patch things up with this person, if you're looking for them to commit to you, et cetera. Staying calm is only gonna be useful. If you freak out and blow up their phone, it's never helpful. And I'm speaking from personal experience with that one.

So it's easy to panic, but I want you to approach this as calmly as you can. Step number two, you're going to remind yourself that it is safe to be yourself and that you should never allow someone to make you feel this anxious solely because they are not validating your needs. Your emotions and your needs should not be dependent

on how someone is replying to you, how someone is talking to you, how someone is reciprocating their energy, you should not be dependent on what they're doing in order to make you feel good. So you just have to remember that by being completely yourself at all times, you're going to actually do yourself a favor by weeding out everyone who's not going to accept you as you are. And if you're noticing that someone's pulling back from you, if you're noticing that they're

distancing themselves from you, and you're just showing up as yourself and being authentic and honoring who you are and honoring your truth, you did nothing wrong. That person wasn't going to stick around regardless. You shouldn't have to filter your feelings or cover up who you are or hide who you are just to keep things cooperative with someone. And we often do this when we get into something with someone. We often do this when someone starts to pull away from us, we're like, oh, maybe we have to just play their game to keep things more cooperative. Maybe we have to also not reply for three days now

to keep things smooth sailing, so they'll continue to like me. But the truth is, eventually it'll all catch up to the relationship. And if someone is willing to just play hot and cold games with you all the time, they probably really don't like you that much. The truth is, it's safe to show your true intentions. And sometimes, when we're with someone that's pulling back all the time, that's distancing themselves, it can make us feel like we can't be our true self.

It can make us shut down, and it can make us afraid like we can't be our true self. It can make us shut down and it can make us afraid to come forward and speak our truth and afraid to address the situation. But just understand that the right person is going to understand your emotions and your needs and they're going to be willing to work through shit with you. So let's just say someone's pulling away from you and you gently confront them. If they continue to act distant and cold and cut you off, that's not the right person anyway. So you don't have to feel so guarded and covered up and like you can't show your true self around someone because if you feel that way, they're not right for you anyway.

So just giving myself the narrative that it's safe to be myself, it's safe to show up for myself and not be afraid to speak my truth and communicate with someone. And if I lose them, it's just divine protection. It really does help. And it's a super good way to filter out anyone who's not right for you anyway. Even if you speak your truth and you show up as yourself and you tell this person, listen, I don't really like how you're acting. I don't feel comfortable in this relationship.

And it's making me anxious. If they reject that and they still act like they don't want anything to do with you, it's just redirection and a true blessing in disguise guaranteed. The right person is not going to run away from you when things get tricky or bumpy or complicated. So if you're expressing your truest emotions to this person and being authentic and they're still continuing to pull back, authentic and they're still continuing to pull back. It's a blessing in disguise and you have to perceive it that way. Step number three is that you need to understand that nothing will fuck up what is actually meant for you. If they're pulling away now and they continue to distance themselves and they don't want to get back together and they don't want to fix anything and then they just disappear

and goes to you. You deserve one million times better than that and I think you know that if you're listening to this episode and you can relate to this, you know deep down that you deserve so much better than what you're receiving right now. And I understand, while although it might be hurtful and painful to experience someone pulling away from you. They're really doing you a favor because it's going to allow you to find someone that's actually all about you. I promise you that. You don't want someone that pulls back every time things get deep or serious, or once

you start to be vulnerable and open up your heart, they dip. Okay, that's not the right person. So if someone's avoiding you and pulling away the second you start to give your heart to them and be open and vulnerable, that's just a turn off. When I look at it as a turn off versus something that hurts me, it is so fucking helpful.

I look at people who reject me as a turn off. I don't look at them as someone who hurt my feelings. I used to when I didn't have great self esteem. But now that I'm at a place where I'm really secure, I love myself deeply, I'm more confident in the woman that I am. If someone is treating me like garbage, I just let it go.

I move on. I don't sweat it because I'm like, there is someone that won't treat me this way. There is someone else that will love me better. And maybe this person didn't even love me at all and the universe is doing me a favor by eliminating them from my life. So it's really not a loss. It's actually amazing because now I can go meet the people who will actually appreciate me for who I am, who love me for who I am, who can make me feel safe, who can make me feel secure. I don't need to waste my energy and my breath and my time chasing down someone

who's running away from me because when you're chasing someone, they're running, right? And it's not a good feeling. It makes you feel powerless in a sense. It makes you feel like you're not stepping into your power by chasing someone down bottom line. And you can listen to my how to step into your power episode, how to take your power back episode. You can listen to many of my other episodes. They talk about stepping into your power,

loving yourself deeply and committing to yourself versus chasing after someone who doesn't want to be with you. It's so much easier to cut ties with someone who's playing hot and cold than entertaining it for another six months, then wasting your energy. And, you know, your energy is, it's so valuable. And it can be so frustrating when someone is just not meeting you where you're at and drain the living shit out of you. So for me, when someone's not giving me the same energy I'm giving them, when someone's pulling away, when someone's running from me, I say goodbye. I don't chase anymore. When you feel magnetic and when you feel like the best fucking version of yourself,

you're going to just pull in everything that's meant for you energetically. You're a magnet literally. You're made up of energy and when you feel really good and your energy is high and you're vibrating at a high frequency, you're going to magnetically pull in everything that's actually meant for you in your life. So if you're low, if you're feeling depressed, sad, anxious, fearful, and you're chasing after someone who's fucking sprinting away from you, you're not going to feel good. You're just not going to feel good about that. And you're going to drive yourself even deeper

into a state of sadness and anxiety and confusion and fogginess. And it's just not a good fucking feeling. So I always tell my friends, I tell people who are in situations like this, and I tell you guys as well, whenever you DM me about this stuff, you need to become a human magnet. And if that takes a million visualization techniques, and meditations, and deep inner work, and you have to go for runs, and go to yoga, and meditate meditate and do whatever you can to just feel a little bit better work towards that. It's so much easier to cut it off now than to spend

the next six months hanging on to false hope. Step number four, redirecting your energy into something bigger. You need to shift your focus into a greater purpose than this person causing you pain and anxiety. Instead of focusing all your attention on them and saying, oh my god, they're avoiding me. They're pulling away and you're calling up your friends and telling them this guy's a dick. They're an asshole. They're not responding to my text. They haven't responded to me in 12 hours. They left me on red. I made plans with them and they ditched me. Instead of spending all your precious, valuable time and energy on doing all those things and asking your friends, why do you think they're doing this?

What went wrong? What did I do? Did I fuck this up? You need to remind yourself you were an amazing, powerful human being before you met this person, and then you need to step into that version of you before you met them. It's not going to be easy to do, but I want you to try. Picture the version of yourself prior to meeting them before you even knew they existed. When you were unbothered by their presence because you didn't even know they were there.

What would you do? I'm sure you weren't instantly attached to them the second you had a conversation with this person. You weren't obsessed with them the way you might be now. You weren't invested in them the way you are now. Go back to that version of you before you knew they existed. Would you be blowing up their phone begging to talk? Would you be historically crying in your car? Most likely not because you didn't even know

them yet. So I think a really helpful technique for me in the past when someone has pulled away from me is just remembering a time I was truly happy before I met this person or at least somewhat okay before I met this person. And then envision that time in your life clearly in your mind and tell yourself, I'm going to be fine. I'm going to be just fine. And then think about something that you can redirect your energy towards. What's one thing you can work towards today to focus your energy on something else?

What can you do and what can you focus on to snap yourself out of this situation? For example, the last time I had someone distancing themselves from me and I felt like the energy had shifted, I went and took myself to dinner that night and posted some fun stories looking really fucking hot. Then I went shopping the next day and I booked a solo trip. So I did things that helped me. Yes. Was it a little bit of a distraction? Yes, but that's okay because at least I was starting to redirect my energy into other things other than, oh my God, this person left me on red for 12 hours. Oh my God, this person isn't reciprocating. Yes, I was sad, I was hurt, I definitely felt rejected, and it wasn't easy,

but I did what I could to redirect my focus and pull my energy out of the situation. So take yourself out of the thick of it by doing things, taking action in your day-to-day life, and doing things that are going to slightly help you. Number five, I want you to do a deep meditation of some sort. If you're in the thick of the pain and you're really upset right now because someone that you truly cared about is distancing themselves from you, you need to meditate. Meditation has completely changed the game for me when it comes to dealing with really heavy, annoying emotions. I always go on YouTube and I've been doing this daily now and it's changed the game for me completely

in the way I see things in my perception of other people and just how I show up every single day. I'll go on YouTube, I search different meditations, you can search one on Let go, for example. Just type in letting go meditation. There's a million of them that will come up. Pick which one that resonates with you that calls to you and then do it repeatedly. Even if you need to repeat the meditation 10 times a day, do it because it's better than thinking about when this guy is going to call you again. It's just better. You're redirecting your energy into something

that's more productive for you and for your highest good. If you need to cry it out, if you're hysterically crying during the meditation, that's okay, just cry it out. But do something that's going to help you release your emotions in a healthy way and then redirect your focus in a healthy way. Number six. Now is the tricky part.

Where you might think this is kind of strange advice, but I'm telling you this is helpful because I've done this and it does help. It does help because everything is energetic and everyone can feel your energy. does help because everything is energetic and everyone can feel your energy. Whether you want to believe it or not. If you're clinging on to someone right now energetically, even if you're not physically with them, even if you're not speaking at them, if you're holding on in your mind to someone, they could feel that. I promise you, they could feel it. They know.

They know that you're still holding on. And there's proof in this because every time you truly let go, every time you're actually over something, the person fucking comes back. Okay. When you're truly over it, that's when they feel it. They feel that you're over it and then they try to weasel their way back into your life. So I want you to wish this person a ton of love. You're going to wish them peace and happiness. You're not going to curse the day they were born and say, fuck you and they suck. You're the worst person. You know, you're not going to talk shit about them 24-7 because in a way, that's still holding on. And that's reacting purely at a fear and anger. And it's not really healthy to react at a fear.

When you're constantly talking shit about someone, when you're constantly venting out about them and wishing the worst upon them, it's lowering your vibration. So it's actually doing you a disservice by doing that. Fear is not helpful in situations like this. It actually makes things more intense in a negative way and it makes things worse. It actually makes you energetically hold on to them more. It's very counterproductive.

So I want you to genuinely wish them love. Like open your heart and pretend that you're the future version of yourself and you're actually over it already. Visualize you being over it already and sending them actual love and happiness and peace. Say, you know what, if they don't want me, that's on them, that's their decision to make. I'm not losing anything because I know that I'm fulfilled by myself. I don't need them to validate my existence. And I wish the best for them. If they think they can live without me, let them live without me.

It's not in my power or control. I cannot control what this person is doing or how they feel about me right now, but what I can control is how I feel about it. So I can wish them love and hope that by letting them go and letting them go in peace, that we could both heal from a situation and eventually, if it's meant to be, it'll be. By truly understanding that if it's meant to be,

it'll be, and letting this person go with love in your heart, it helps your life. Even though it sounds like strange to wish someone that hurt you love, it actually is helping you move on. I promise you, I promise you. It really works. It makes you feel better to do so.

Instead of having all this bottled up sadness and anger and fear and anxiety, just take a deep breath and let it go. And I promise you, it can only have positive effects on you. Guaranteed. Now, number seven, do some intense self-reflection and energy shifting into your own power. Don't immediately react based off of angry emotions and start bombarding this person with questions and comments or attacking them for distancing themselves or closing themselves off to you. When you attack someone, it's counterproductive. You're not going to get the positive results that you're looking for. If you actually want it to work

with this person or you know, you could see yourself being with this person in the future. Attacking them is not the answer. Sometimes people just need space and time. Sometimes the timing is often relationships. It doesn't apply to every situation, but sometimes the timing is just bad, and people need space. Energy between people is constantly changing, ebbing and flowing, nothing is going to be 100% perfect and consistent all the time. So by understanding that and approaching a situation like this with compassion is helpful for both ends. You never want to go in like an attack.

So after doing some interreflection and saying, how can I approach this from a place of compassion? So after doing some inter-reflection and saying, how can I approach this from a place of compassion? How can I approach this from a place of genuine love? Where can I improve myself to become more at peace before I approach the situation? It's helpful. Before you decide to communicate with this person,

if you do want to send them how you feel or communicate to them, how you feel, I really think before you do want to send them how you feel or communicate to them, how you feel, I really think before you do that, you need to go in knowing that, regardless of what they say, you're going to be okay. You're not going to expect anything from them. You're going to go in with zero expectation and you're going to go in with peace and a calm demeanor. And tying that back into step number five that I had mentioned, doing a lot of meditations helps with this. So if you're freaking out, if you're anxious and you're angry and you're about to send

that paragraph, think again before sending that, you want to go in from a place of being calm and at ease. If you're looking to actually communicate with this person and have a really good mature conversation. And the reason I always say to meditate is because it really helps with being more centered and grounded and then you can go into conversations with a lot of love and peace. And sometimes when people wrong you or they distance themselves from you or go cold on you, the ins and reaction is to get all angry and upset. And that can really mess with your alignment.

So if you're going to attack them from a place of feeling unbalanced and unworthy and all your anger unleashes onto them, it's just not always going to be the most productive end result. So really just take your time and be patient before you go and hit send on that angry message you're gonna send them about ghosting you. Now, the most challenging step, which is the most important part of everything, is to ultimately respect this person's space, if they ask for it. Now, if you really want

to talk to them, calmly ask them what's going on. Ask them about the situation. You can communicate your feelings in a very appropriate logical way. Say you've noticed that they've been acting a bit distant and approach it as a way of you checking in and being more concerned, then, oh my God, fuck you, I can't believe that you're ghosting me. No, don't do that. Approach it as a way of you just checking in on them and their emotions. Approach it with love. Now, if you do that and then they keep acting weird, cold, non-responsive, and they keep treating you like garbage, it's time to walk away. Because you know that you're coming from a place of maturity and compassion and if someone's not willing to hear you out, if someone's not willing to be open to discussing it with you and they're

just cutting you off, cold and dry, that's not the right person for you. And they're doing you a favor and showing you their true colors, that they're not a right fit for you. And now it's up to you to walk away and make the decision for yourself to say, listen, I tried, I gave it my all, I showed up for them, I told them how it is, I told them how I was feeling about it. And if they're not willing to communicate properly with me and make things better or make things right, it's just not meant to be right now. If it's truly meant to be, it will be.

I promise you that. But you cannot force it, you cannot force someone to communicate with you, you can't force someone to be the person you need. They have to be willing to do that for themselves. They have to be willing to make that decision and show up if they want to show up. But it's really out of your control. The only thing you could do is control how you feel, control how you handle it, and if you handle it with love and peace and respect, and know when it's time to walk away for yourself, if it doesn't pan out the way that you hoped, it's the best thing you could do. And if they don't come back and they don't reciprocate and they don't want to communicate,

it is painful. It sucks. But you have a clear answer right then and there. You don't have to play games anymore. You don't have to decipher their hot and cold energy. That is all you need to know as far as what's meant to be and what isn't. It's so important to understand that if someone isn't giving you the response you want, it has nothing to do with you.

Sometimes, these experiences are here to teach us things, here to teach us lessons about ourselves, and you can grow and learn from them. Okay. Stop blaming yourself for everything you could have said or done differently, stop beating yourself up for everything, you know, that you said, maybe you already sent that text and you blew up on them, it's okay, you can forgive yourself.

Just be forgiving to yourself and understand that you did nothing wrong by being who you are. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just not meant to be, and that's okay because there's gonna be someone else out there that will love you and respect you and accept you exactly the way that you are. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just not meant to be. And that's okay, because there's going to be someone else out there that will love you and respect you and accept you exactly the way that you are. I promise you. So it might suck now and it might hurt now, but in the long term, you're going to be thankful to don't work out with this person. If someone is being flaky with you, distant, hot and cold, and not really giving you the energy you're giving them. If someone's telling you they can't hang out for two months, they're dodgy with plans,

and they're just not investing the way that you're investing, it's a clear sign to walk away. You should be thankful. You should be grateful. You should make light out of it in a way. This is what I do now. Listen, I understand throughout my 20s, I really took ghosting to heart. I took it to heart when someone would pull away from me. It hurt. It's stung. I felt like there was something wrong with me. But as you get older and you go through multiple experiences like this, and then you meet someone who actually does appreciate you and value you, you realize that everything happens for

a fucking reason, okay? Those experiences were there to teach me what I shouldn't be gravitating towards. They were there to teach me what I shouldn't be looking for. They were there to teach me how to love myself more and to walk away when things just weren't working. Having experiences of people that pulled away from me also taught me how to trust myself more and to trust my intuition and trust my gut and to understand my value as a person. I'm not going to fuck with you anymore if you don't know if you want me or not. If you're confused about me, that's the answer.

I don't need someone who's confused about me because I'm sure of myself and I don't need to be validated by anyone else other than myself. So now going into situations, if someone's playing these little silly hot and cold games with me, I have no problem walking away because I know that there's going to be someone else that'll actually value me and see my worth and not play games with me. You need to understand that you deserve someone who wants to be around you, who wants to invest time and energy into you, and when you stick by that and you really believe that, everything gets easier, everything feels lighter.

You shouldn't be settling for breadcrumbs and false hope just because you're alone right now. And you can listen to this episode again and again if you need to. I hope that was helpful. I hope that resonated. I hope that was good advice. And I love you. Thanks as always for listening to the podcast. Remember to date yourself instead. love yourself instead, and choose yourself instead. And with that being said, stay tuned for next Monday.