Date Yourself Instead - How to be unbothered, go no contact, deal with cheating, & more

Episode Date: July 10, 2023

It's official - I am HERE to answer all of your questions on this very juicy episode of Date Yourself Instead. In this episode, I discuss the art of being unbothered and how to live your truth, how to go no contact and my thoughts on blocking someone if you're broken up, my honest thoughts on cheating, and more.

So today I'm going to be answering all of your questions that you DM me on Instagram. I always ask you for topic requests and there were some highly requested topics. So we're just going to get right into it. The first question is how to be unbothered by someone who ghosted you. You know, the term unbothered is really funny to me. Being unbothered is defined as a lack of concern or genuine interest about something. And I find it really an appropriate term for where I'm at in my life currently. I feel very unbothered. Lately, I've just not given a fuck about the small things. Point blank.

For example, if a guy doesn't like me, I'm not going to lose sleep over that. And what people don't tell you is that being unbothered isn't about not having a heart. It's not about being a bitch because I'm not a bitch. I do have a really big heart. And I am willing to give the energy that you're giving me. I am willing to share my love wholeheartedly if someone is worthy or deserving of that love.

But if you're not reciprocating my energy and I feel that you're just a douche or you're pulling away or you're not present in my life the way that I need you to show up the same way that I would show up for you, I'm really just not going to waste time anymore. I'm not going to lose sleep over it. I'm not going to give you my energy if I don't think it's worthy give you my energy if I don't think it's worthy of doing so. And I think something hits you at a certain point when you've just had enough. You've tolerated enough bullshit, you've gone on enough dates to understand your value

and to understand that you do not want to waste your precious valuable time anymore. And you just don't want to deal with feeling like absolute crap by someone that you're not even close with. You're putting someone on a pedestal for no fucking reason. If they've ghosted you, you got to just cut ties. You have to naturally just detach knowing that this person isn't giving you the decency and the respect to give you some sort of answers to why they disappeared.

And they're not seeing you in the same light that you see them clearly. So it's not a fair relationship, it's not a give and take relationship, it's not equal, you're investing more currency with your energy into this person. That doesn't deserve it. And you just got to cut it off, point blank.

There's really no other way to give advice around this topic because listen, I've been ghosted many times in the past and it's not fun. You feel rejected, you feel like this person isn't seeing you for you. You might feel like everything was going really well and then they just pulled the rug out from under you and suddenly it's over and you're like, what did I do wrong? What's wrong with me? Am I not attractive enough? Am I not good enough? And you start to question your own worth. But if you really are at a place of peace in your life, and you're really all about loving yourself and working on yourself every day,

it gets easier when someone doesn't see your value, because you start to validate yourself constantly to the point where you don't need their input, you don't need their opinion. And if they're willing to walk away so easily, it's just not the right person. Also, I think detachment and had to be unbothered, I guess, comes with going through a lot of bullshit. So it's kind of a learning process in general. And as I've got an older, it's gotten a lot easier. But I remember when I was younger, it was more painful and it was harder to deal with. For example, in 2021 and through 2022, I probably had the worst

two years of my life. So I think when shit hits the fan to an extreme, you kind of just learn how to detach better because you have no choice. You understand that everything is just perspective, and you'll see what's important and what really isn't anymore. For example, I used to care about the dumbest things. I used to care about if someone actually approved of me, someone that I wasn't even close with. I used to care about the opinions of how people thought of me, perceived me, I used to care about the bullying comments

on my TikTok, on Reddit threads. It got to me a little bit. Even though I would say to people, oh, I don't really care. Deep down, I think on a subconscious level, I cared a little bit, even though I would say to people, oh, I don't really care. Deep down, I think on a subconscious level, I cared a little bit still. And then I went through a loadable shit. I went through a load of different situations

that traumatized me to make it short and sweet. The questions of me wondering if my ex was going to call me again, kind of faded in the background because I found out my mom was diagnosed with cancer and it was really serious at a point where it was stage three. So it was pretty progressive. The doctors were saying, you know, there's a low survival rate and all this stuff that was really scary.

And then all my attention went to that, right? All of the priorities of what I was thinking about shifted in my brain and I realized the only actual significant thing of value in life that you really need to worry about is your health. Because what's the point of anything else? You're really going to care if a guy ghosted you if your mom is dying. You know what I mean? So that was kind of how I shifted my brain a lot and my perspective a lot. And I realized that nothing is really as big of a deal as it seems if your health is jeopardized. You can't thrive and live your best life and be happy when your health is at risk. So after going through a really traumatic experience like that and just

dealing with that mentally from, you know, the sidelines just watching my mom lose her hair, watching her go through chemo, not knowing the outcome. It changes everything fundamentally in your brain. And then, instead of worrying about if someone's gonna commit to you, if someone ghosts you, or someone, you know, that you want to date, isn't wanting to commit to you, whatever it is, or even if someone breaks up with you. wanting to commit to you, whatever it is, or even if someone breaks up with you. Those things kind of fade into the background because you realize that they're way more important things in life than getting hung up on someone that doesn't care about you enough. Now, it's obviously easier said than done because we all of emotions and feelings and we get invested in people and it's easy to get your heart broken and I get it because

I've been there. I'm just saying, this is from my perspective, how I've learned to see the bigger picture and how I've understood that everything is kind of temporary. It's helped me to touch and let go more easily. So just thinking in life, everything is temporary. If you're feeling anxious or upset or frustrated because of a relationship situation and someone goes to just remember

that everything is temporary and that it's all working out for your highest good anyway. That person did you a favor by walking away. They did you a favor by just jet setting out of your life because it makes room for someone who actually does deserve you and someone who could value you and never want to go to you because they care about you so much. That's what you deserve. Okay, you don't deserve someone who disappears off the face of the planet.

You're not going to marry someone who does that. Imagine you have kids and they just get up and walk away. This happens to people. This happens to people all the time. They're doing you a favor early on. I've been ghosted many times as I just mentioned and now if that happened to me, I would just smile and carry the fuck on because I cannot be bothered by someone who does not want me 100%. I'm a 100% type of person. I am a 100% type of person. I need 100% all in or all out.

I hate the in between. Obviously in the early dating stages, it's gonna be in the in between. But just think of it like this. If you've been seeing someone for a while, and they disappeared, they were not gonna commit you long-term regardless. So if they didn't ghost you now,

they would have ghosted you later, and you would have just wasted another several months with them, and for what? You gotta look at it as a blessing in disguise. Stop wasting your time with people who cannot see your worth. It is 2023, and we know better now. And we have podcasts to get us through hard times.

Mine included. Another question from the DMs. How to really go no contact? Going no contact when you are super in love with someone is not easy. Okay, it's really hard and this may not sit well with a lot of you. This advice is just my own advice from my personal experiences. Feel free to do whatever the fuck you want, but I am a firm believer, a firm firm believer in blocking people if you're not dating anymore and you're hurt.

Because who wants to see your ex's posts and their stories and what they're doing 24-7? If you're in pain and you're trying to heal and move on out of sight out of mind, okay? Blocking them doesn't mean you go and create a fake account and stalk them from another one. Blocking means you're blocking. You're not looking at their social media and checking their posts and keeping tabs on them and their friends anymore. You're not checking who they're following every two seconds.

You're not refreshing their Instagram page. Okay. You're not making fake accounts. You are done. You're cutting it off. It's over. The digital visual of them is gone and you're wiping a clean. And I'll tell you why I think this is ultimately super effective, at least for me, because I've gone through this before and every guy that I've ever dated that didn't work out was blocked immediately after. It might sound a

little bit intense and dramatic, but I'm going to tell you why. It's not out of anger, it's not out of hating them, it's not out of trying to get at them and showing them like you're blocking them. No, it's not about that. It's about me and my needs and healing and protecting my peace. I am a very visual person. Once I see something, it gets burned into my brain and I cannot forget about it. So if I see something I don't like and it hurts me, it's going to affect me even on a subconscious level.

And I don't want that because I'm trying to heal and I'm trying to move on. So instead of sabotaging my healing process, I just don't want to see anything. So I block. If you're over it completely and you've moved on a year later, you can unblock them. It's not a big deal. But it takes a lot of self control, and I get it, because it's easy to get an Arabid whole

of what your ex is up to on social media. But I am telling you, if you're really in a genuine place to commit to your healing process, and you want to love yourself and respect yourself and know your boundaries, you have to stop looking at their shit. It speeds up the healing process.

You have to stay strong. It's not out of anger. It's not out of bitterness or resentment. It's just for your mental health and to protect your peace. That is the best piece of advice I can give. That is my commentary on that question. Going no contact is healthy because it gives you the time and space to heal without having their energy mixed into your life, without getting confused that

you may or may not get back together, it's just healthy. And eventually, if the timing is right and everything falls back into place and you're both in a healthier mindset and you can work on things and fix it and fix the relationship, great, That's amazing. But in order to really get a clean break and understand what's best for both of you, I really believe in no contact. Next question. What are my dating rules early on?

For example, how many dates would I wait before I have sex with someone? Okay, this is a pretty good question. The truth is, I don't really have a set rule, but I do have boundaries now that I didn't when I was younger in my 20s. So, one of them is, yeah, I typically would not sleep with anyone on the first date. However, I will say the last two serious relationships I was in,

I did sleep with them early on. So, I don't think there's a set rule book. Okay, I can't say it applies to everyone and everything. I don't think it matters the timing as much as the connection matters. It's not a make or break thing if you sleep with someone it's completely fucked and you've ruined any chance of being with them. I'm a case study of this. I know that because I've slept with people early on and it's turned into a relationship. So there's no set rule book. It's just the connection. It's either going to be good or it's not.

It depends on the situation. One big rule I will say I have for myself is to trust my intuition right off the bat regardless of anything. It does not matter if this person is saying and doing all the right things and being super nice. I say this in every episode. It's easy to be a nice person. It's easy to be kind and go to dinner with someone.

So don't put this person on a pedestal just because they're taking you to a nice romantic dinner. You have to trust your gut regardless and follow your intuition regardless of what they're doing and saying. Because you know better than you realize, usually. Nine times out of a 10, my instincts are always right with someone. Even if they're kind, you know, they're texting me often,

they're following up with plans, technically nothing is a red flag, quote unquote. Sometimes my instincts just say, this isn't the right person. So I always go into every dating situation that's new with the idea of really trusting myself and trusting my gut. And if something just feels a little off,

you don't need to have some grand logical explanation for it. You can just follow your intuition and trust that you're right. You don't need all the proof and evidence to say, oh, this person is not for me. It's just how you feel and that's okay. And I'm always usually right. Oftentimes I would justify these thoughts and say,

oh, I'll still give them a chance because they're doing all the right things and they're super nice. And then it would backfire later on because I would go on multiple dates with this person and waste so much time because it just ended up not working out and I knew it from day one.

So I'm able to weed people out much easier because I'm trusting my intuition. I will also say a rule for me in a sense if I really want to get to know someone and I feel like they could be my boyfriend, I'm not going to settle for just a quick drink. Early on in the beginning, the first date, second date, that's fine. But if I'm really trying to get to know someone and I really feel like it could go somewhere,

I would expect a nice dinner and different ways of hanging out, not just getting drunk, because I don't really like drinking. So if you're taking me on a walk in Central Park with a coffee on the third or fourth date, I think that's really nice. Sober, you know, I think the key is to get to know someone on a sober level. The first and second date is fine to have a drink,

but I wanna know you when you're not intoxicated because that's a really good way to get to know someone and know right off the bat if they're good for you or not because when you're drunk, anyone could seem pretty cool. At least from the experiences I've had, I feel like I get along with most people when I'm drunk. So, being sober on the third or fourth date, also someone who just cares about my feelings and emotions early on. I need emotional depth to my conversations with people.

This is just a me thing where early on in the dating game, I could tell if someone's emotionally intuitive and gets me and understands my feelings. And people who ask questions that are genuine are so important because it just shows that you care. And I need that emotional depth with whoever I'm interacting with. I get bored really fast and I check out really fast if that emotional depth isn't there.

So I don't know if that's necessarily a dating rule, but it's more of a boundary for me if I don't feel there's an emotional connection there, and that person really just isn't on my level in that sense, I'll probably cut it off really early on. Next question. My thoughts on cheating, and if I would take someone back if they cheated on me. I would say in the past, my automatic answer to that would be no. I would not take someone back who cheated on me.

I pride myself on loyalty and I would expect the same in return in any relationship. It would be hard for me to maintain a relationship once the trust is broken because trust is the foundation of any relationship between friends, family, co-workers and romantic partners. It doesn't matter who it is. Trust builds the foundation between human beings in general. And when someone cheats, it automatically breaks that trust. And I think I am a very trusting person in general, so if someone breaks that for me, it's usually done.

I'm usually done in my mind. There's no going back because I wouldn't be able to perceive that person in the same light ever again. However, the reason I haven't really even created a full episode dedicated to cheating is because I've never had any proof that anyone has ever cheated on me before. And there have been times where I've definitely questioned things in my relationships. There was one person I was dating for a few years and there were several instances where I thought he had been cheating on me.

There was one time I found some messages that were super shady and some Snapchat conversations that were not appropriate, especially for someone in a committed relationship, it was considered emotional cheating. And I was really upset to the point where I almost blacked out when I found out. And I remember being so black out angry and I had no idea what to do with the information. And at the time, I was younger,

so it was my first time really dealing with something like that. And I couldn't prove that there was any physical aspects involved. I didn't know how extreme the situation really was. And I didn't want to know. I think I kind of just turned my head a little bit because I was so upset and I didn't want to face it head on because I was younger. And being in a situation like that is really hard was so upset and I didn't want to face it head on because I was younger.

And being in a situation like that is really hard because if you really love someone so much and you've poured so much time and energy into a relationship and then you find out they're betraying you with another person, it's super, super painful. So my thoughts on cheating, would I ever take someone back ultimately? I don't think so. I haven't been in a situation where I've been, you know, married to someone in this happen. I know people go through this where they're married with kids or they're married for a few years and they find out someone's cheating. And I just think every situation and relationship

is so different that you can't really compare situations and have a straight yes or no answer. It really just depends. It depends on the relationship, the dynamics, how many times, if it was a one-time situation, you can't really know until you're in it. That's my perspective on it. And I'll give you an example of a really good friend of mine. He was in a situation where he found out that his boyfriend at the time was cheating, but it was a one time situation.

And they went to a lot of therapy, and they did couples therapy together, and they worked on things, and they grew from it. There was a huge rough patch involved, of course. And I'm sure he was really emotional about it and it was really difficult and it was a huge roadblock in their relationship. But they eventually figured it out and they grew together from it ultimately and now they're married.

So that was a situation that was probably more rare. And it was a situation that taught me that no relationship is the same. And if you're willing to really work on something like that together and grow from it and heal from it and actually do the inner work and changes a person, especially the person that did the cheating, if that person is willing to level up and actually change a macama good, I don't want to say become a good person. It doesn't mean a become a good person. It doesn't mean you're a bad person if you've made a mistake. I'm just saying if that person is willing to change a lot of parts

about themselves and heal in order to not hurt the other person again, the relationship can still work out. So, yeah, is it tricky to get over something like that? Is it difficult to forget about something like that? Is it difficult to forget about something like that because it is the ultimate form of betrayal in love? However, it's a case by case thing. And you can't judge someone if they stay with someone else for cheating. You can't understand the feelings involved and the experiences involved that this couple

went through if someone's cheating and, you know, there was a whole not to bring celebrities into this, but with Beyonce and Jay-Z, okay, they were together since their babies. And I think Jay-Z might have cheated on her. I don't know if it was rumors, whatever it is because the public will never know the full truth. But we see these situations happen

and these road bumps happen and no relationship is ever going to be 100% perfect. So I haven't directly fully experienced this and that's why I didn't make a full episode on it because I like to speak about my personal experiences and speak from a place where I'm really, really knowledgeable on the subject and I can actually give you the proper advice. Luckily I haven't been in a situation where it was like an intense form of cheating, but emotional cheating is included. If someone is talking to someone else and you're in a full-blown relationship and someone

else is liking and commenting things on bikini photos of women on Instagram, I do believe that's a form of cheating or betrayal in a sense. If you're hanging out with the opposite sex and hiding it from your partner, that's cheating. If you're going out with your coworker and they're the opposite sex, and it's just the two of you grabbing drinks and having conversations about your significant others, that's emotional cheating. I think there's so many different forms of infidelity,

and it's all the way you perceive things and everyone perceives cheating differently and has their own definitions, but those are some things that I would not be comfortable with that I think are crossing lines. And I will devote a full episode to what I define as cheating and what I don't, because I think,

let's just say you are in a co-working environment with a guy you find that's really hot, okay? And you have a boyfriend, but you're attracted to this coworker. And one night after work, you decide to grab drinks with this person. And you're physically attracted to them. And then you start having drunk conversations about your boyfriend and how you're not happy, but you're still with them. That's fucking cheating, okay? That's really betrayal, in a sense, because think of it from your boyfriend's perspective if he knew what was going on, if he heard the conversation, if he knew you were out one-on-one

with your attractive coworker, it's inappropriate. Regardless if you do anything physical or not, it's just inappropriate to say the least. And if you've been in a situation like this and you're uncomfortable with it, you know, if your significant other is hanging out with the opposite sex, and you're not really sure what they're doing or what they're up to, you have a right to be uncomfortable and you have a right to feel like your boundaries are being crossed. And that's my opinion.

That's my perspective on it. If you're feeling uncomfortable, you have to communicate that with your partner and you have to set healthy boundaries. So you know what is and what isn't okay. Some people are okay with things like this. Some people are okay with, you know, hanging out with your guy friends or girlfriends and being in relationships.

And some people just don't give a fuck. They prefer to have a more open, flexible situation with their relationship and that's okay too. It really just depends on the relationship and the two people involved, and how much trust is involved. Another question, what's the most disrespectful thing a guy has ever said to me?

That's really funny. There's been a few things where I was pretty baffled. Something that just came to mind was when a guy told me that I was really ugly and I was lucky to be going on a date with him because I was not as type. He usually goes for women that look completely opposite of me. I don't know what completely opposite means, but he said that he only dates women that look the complete opposite of me usually.

He didn't say I was really ugly to my face, but he said everything that implied that. He was like, yeah, I don't know, you're not my type at all physically. He's like, I don't date women with blonde hair. I'm not really physically attracted to you, but I love our conversations, and I love speaking to you.

So interpret that as you will, but in my head I love speaking to you. So interpret that as you will, but in my head, I'm like, you think I'm ugly. So I think that was just a little bit inappropriate. And luckily, I wasn't that into him anyway. And after that, I was 100% not into him and I was completely turned off. Also, he had so much earwax.

And I remember vividly when he was sitting next to me at the table we were drinking at, he turned his head and I looked in his ear and there was a glob of earwax. So I didn't really give a fuck what he was saying after that point. I was like, you can tell me whatever you want about not being attracted to me. I don't know why you even had the audacity to say that to my face on a date. However, you need to clean your ears. You have the worst hygiene and you have no right to speak to me

the way that you're speaking to me right now. So yeah, I mean, that's definitely an experience I'll never forget. I'm trying to think of more. I mean, I'm sure there's more. I've definitely had guys say things that were inappropriate, talking about how there was one guy I actually was dating very briefly.

That told me that his girlfriend deserved to be cheated on because she was so overly clingy. And I cut it off right then and there. There was another guy that used to joke about putting body parts in his freezer after he was done hooking up with a girl gave me the ultimate murderer Jeffrey Dahmer vibes so I cut that off You know, I've been through a lot especially living in Manhattan, New York City The city that never sleeps everyone's on dating apps, swiping away,

I have a lot to say about the crazy dating experiences here. And I've made some commentary on it before and I've made an episode, the worst dates had been on in New York. You could go check that out if you haven't listened already. There's a lot. It's a lot to unpack. It's a lot to handle. And if you're not mentally tough in New York City, I advise against the dating scene. You have to be mentally strong.

You have to go and prepare. You have to know your boundaries and know what you're getting yourself into before you even plan a date and go on a date. You have to expect the worst sometimes. It sounds so messed up, but no. I'm really an optimistic person. I don't doubt that I'm gonna meet the love of my life and get married and live a beautiful, happy life eventually.

And I cannot wait until that unfold so I could talk about it on the podcast. And then I'll have my husband on the podcast. It'll be great, okay? I have this whole vision for my future. I'm optimistic, but the New York dating scene is treacherous. It's definitely something that you need to prepare yourself for mentally. If you move here or if you live here, you know you understand it. And I'm sure you can

relate to this. People are fucking weird. People are crazy. And I've been through all types of shit. I have to write it down. I have to really write it down and I'll make another episode dedicated to the wild things men have said to me. But there was also a guy I remember that was that shaming people on a date, like people that would walk by, sort of commenting on their weight and their appearances, on the first date date saying, oh my god, thank god I don't look like that, you know, and laughing. I was like, how did I even get to this point in my life where I'm on a date with someone that has the mindset of a two-year-old? Things like that, you know, where you just weed people out and over time

now I can even sense if someone's gonna act really inappropriate, I just don't even answer their texts. I just don't even bother. Okay, I just trust my gut, usually. Now, I just feel like that's why trusting your intuition is so insanely important. Before you even go on a first date with someone,

if you look at their pictures and they just look a little off or creepy, trust it. If you just get a weird feeling about something they're texting you early on, trust it. There was another guy now to bring up another crazy experience that I've had. There was a guy that asked me to go get a juice at 9 p.m. All the juice shops are closed in New York at 9 p.m. And he was suggesting a date that didn't exist. And then he proceeded to tell me he didn't want to drink. And I was like, well, what do you want to do then? Because it's 9 o'clock at night.

And I just got ready and we planned a date. And now you're saying you don't even know what you want to do. It was super bizarre and weird to me that he didn't want to even properly plan anything to see me. He was just kind of winging it. And I like a man who's decisive on the first date. I can plan the third date, the fourth date, whatever. I'm chill, I'm open-minded.

I'm willing to plan and do things and initiate, but the first date, make the plan. OK? Just show me that you can handle it. And then I'll take it from there if you really want me to suggest a place next time I'm more than happy to. But he wasn't willing to do anything.

He told me, let's meet at juice generation at 9 p.m. and I'm like, dude, it's closed. It's closing in five minutes. I'm not meeting you for a juice at nine o'clock at night. And my gut was screaming, don't even hang out with this guy. Why are you even meeting up with him at this point? He's giving you weird vibes. But there was another part of me that was like, you know, maybe he's a health freak.

You like fitness, you like health and wellness. Give him a chance. Huge mistake. That guy was nuts. And he was such a dick. And I met up with him a few times because I like to see the good in people. I posted this on my Instagram yesterday. The red flags are always there from day one. You just choose to see the good in people. If you're the type of person who looks at the good and people, you tend to ignore red flags because you're trying to look for their potential.

You're trying to look for that glimmer of hope in that person. But stop. You've got to stop. If you're looking for your husband, stop ignoring the red flags and take people at face value for who they're showing you in real time. And by following that rule now, because I'm older, and I understand I had to go through those shitty weird experiences with people, now I know how to cut people off immediately. If I feel an ounce of anxiety or stress, and I'm like, this just makes me feel weird, I'm out. And it made my life so much easier. It made the dating process so much easier, it helped me weed out the garbage.

Another question. When is a time to go? When is a time to go? I'm assuming you mean time to leave a relationship. It's time to leave a relationship when you're not happy. When you haven't been happy for months, when it costs you all your peace, when you don't feel like the best version of yourself, everyone's gonna go through rough patches and relationships.

There's ups and downs, it ebbs and flows. Nothing is ever gonna be perfect a thousand percent of the time, but if it's been years and you're miserable, get the fuck out. Life is too short to be in a situation that's draining your energy and draining your peace and making you question your worth. And when you're stuck in a situation like that,

it can be so hard to get out because it's also a comfort, knowing that you still have this person. Even if you're not happy, I went through this with a three-year relationship. I was super in love. He was an amazing partner. He loved me. I loved him.

But the circumstances were so toxic because there was a lot of problems with our families and our beliefs and our values and ultimately what we wanted out of our futures. And it drained the life out of me. I cried every day. I gave myself physical illnesses because I was so depressed all the time. I couldn't get my work done. I couldn't focus. I had no purpose. I had no passions. I didn't want to live anymore. I'm not exaggerating. There was a point where I had suicidal thoughts because I just wasn't happy with my life anymore. And it doesn't take away from the fact that he did nothing wrong

to me directly, okay? It wasn't like he was this horrible person abusing me. It wasn't like that. It was still the relationship that was costing me my happiness. And I knew I needed to get out after months and months of trying and working on things and trying to fix things. It just wasn't working still. So that's how you'll know. And I think it's just also a timing thing. Sometimes it takes a while to get to the point where you're ready to finally make that leap to leave and make that decision to

walk away. But once you do, you will think yourself in the long term. It's not going to be easy. Okay, it's not easy to just cut someone off that you've been dating for a long time and that you're in love with. I get it. But you have to protect your peace. You have to recognize that your happiness should be the priority here. Not trying to make something work for 10 years and it's just not working and you've dug yourself a deeper and deeper hole. Now, yes, as I said, people go through

hard times and relationships. This doesn't mean give up on someone if you're going through a rough patch, but ultimately there's a solid foundation there. You don't have to give up on a relationship if you're both willing to work on it and grow together and things are slowly moving in a right direction. But if it's been this way for years and you're miserable, that's a sign to leave. That's just my opinion. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode. I hope that was helpful. I hope you enjoyed it. It was a really fun going through your DMs, answering your questions, getting to know you guys a little better.

Hopefully, that was solid advice. Remember, disclosure here. This is all my brain. Okay, this is all my perspective, my thoughts, the things that I've been through. This is me. So whatever you decide to do with my advice, amazing. And I hope it helps and resonates. But you don't have to take everything, I say to heart.

You don't have to apply it to every single piece of your life if you don't want to. I'm just speaking from my personal experience and what I've been through and how I'm able to deal with things. And hopefully, it helps. Thanks again, as always, for listening to the podcast. If you haven't already, be sure to rate it on Apple and Spotify, it really does help the podcast. And if you wanna send me a message,

if you want me to answer your questions next time for this type of episode, feel free to DM me on Instagram, at lists or on the podcast account, at date yourself instead. I love you, have an amazing day, and stay tuned for next Monday. at lists or on the podcast account at date yourself instead. I love you, have an amazing day, and stay tuned for next Monday.