Date Yourself Instead - How to become MAGNETIC and HARNESS YOUR POWER (become unstoppable)

Episode Date: July 22, 2024

Shifting your energy and focusing on YOU instead of on external factors, you become so magnetic and powerful. Stop telling everyone your dreams and goals, keep it to yourself and HARNESS YOUR POWER AND ENERGY. JOIN MY MASTERCLASS - DARE TO DETACH Join the waitlist - doors open in August. Super excited to have you! x If you're loving the podcast, always dm me on instagram @dateyourselfinstead @lyss. Love you.

But the key to being a human super magnet for anyone or for anything is to not care, to not really give a fuck about what you're focusing so heavily on. When you focus so much on the same problem or the same situation or the same thing over and over again, it could actually cause you to spiral in a direction where you're pushing that thing further and further away. And on today's episode, I'm going to be talking about how decreasing the importance of something and actually not focusing on it is going to attract it into your life. And you're going to get more of it because you're not so heavily focused on the situation.

When you focus on a situation, you enhance it energetically. You are making it so important that it's actually throwing it off balance. Now let me give you a perfect example. Have you ever been dating someone and then you tell everyone about it before it even really escalates into anything? And then they give their opinions and suddenly it shifts the dynamic and then the situation ends. You've told everyone, oh, I met this guy,

I met this girl, we're getting married and this is my husband and I'm so happy and this guy is everything I've ever wanted and checks all the boxes. And you're in the group chat, right? Talking about it and then all of a sudden, over the next week or two, your situation fizzles out, they get weird, they get distant,

and the energy dramatically shifts, and suddenly you're like, what the fuck just happened? I just told my whole family and my whole group chat that this person was the love of my life, and now they're being weird, they're being distant, and I feel like the dynamic has shifted. It's because when you place heavy importance on something and you start throwing more energy at it

and you start speaking it out loud into the universe, sometimes what happens is you throw the energy of the situation or the person or the relationship off balance because you're directing force at it. And it can emphasize the situation or the relationship to the point where it just doesn't work out anymore. And that's not to say because you told someone about something or because you're speaking of it, it's going to ruin it.

However, I will say that whenever I started focusing heavily energetically on a person or a relationship or a date that I went on or something with work that I really wanted to manifest. It always ends up changing the energy around whatever it is I'm talking about. And it almost feels like you've sucked the actual force and power out of the situation. And now things can shift and change in a way that might not be favorable. That's why I always give advice around keeping things to yourself, keeping your thoughts and energy

and your manifestations to yourself. Because when you keep things to yourself, you're harnessing that power internally, and it's special. You're making it special and private for you. And then once those things come to manifest, once you manifest those things, they come to fruition, then you could share the news because it's already going to be out in the world.

For example, I know I always bring up talking about my podcast, but it is my career and it's relevant. When I was doing the podcast, I didn't go around boasting to everyone, oh, I'm starting a podcast, I'm doing a dating advice podcast. No, I kept the plans to myself.

I kept my goals to myself because I knew if I started talking about it to everyone, if I started setting these goals and then sharing them with everyone, what was gonna happen was it almost takes the energy out of it and you're throwing so much of that energy that's within you into the situation instead of harnessing it within,

and it throws everything off course and off balance. I truly believe that. And also the other side of that is when you share the news, when you externalize something and you're telling everyone about it, they can send you their energy towards the situation. And if they're not supportive of it, if they don't really want you to be happy,

they don't really have your best interests at heart, they could actually send you bad negative energy towards whatever it is you're telling them. And it's happened to me on several occasions where I slipped and I told someone that I knew didn't really have my best interests at heart, told them something about a situation around dating, and I knew that they just didn't want me to be happy in a happy relationship because they were struggling with their relationship problems. And everyone has their shit, everyone goes through stuff, but I knew that deep down they were a little bit envious that I was doing well and I was happy and I met someone.

And so when I told them about it, I saw them have this fake smile. Oh, that's so nice. I'm so happy for you. And then I was like, oh shit, I don't think they're actually that happy for me. And it just causes an energy shift. No matter what it is, regardless if your manifestations work out or not, regardless if that relationship works out or not,

regardless if that career opportunity pans out the way that you thought, it's just better to harness that energy and that excitement within instead of throwing it out everywhere and telling everyone you know about it. That's my opinion. And now some people might thrive and they might feel it's helpful for them to share their news. It's helpful for them to share their goals and what they're working on, but I've just personally noticed the difference between not sharing and then oversharing.

And I think there could also be a little bit of a balance. Obviously, if you really have something exciting going on and you have your best friend rooting for you next to you, and they're super supportive, and you trust them, of course, tell your best friend, tell your mom, I have a super close relationship with my parents now. I do share a lot of big news with them. I share with them what I'm working on sometimes. However, I still keep it minimal because I don't want to put so much importance on it. Now when you put importance on something, that's when everything goes off balance and

the equilibrium of the situation can shift. I always give this advice to people who are dating, to people who are in new situations in any aspect of their life. Stop throwing all your energy force into one person or one situation and making it the end all right from the get go. Because when we do this, not only does it throw everything off course, but it emphasizes it to the point where you just feel like if you don't have this thing, you're not going to be happy.

If you don't get this person to fall in love with you, you're not going to be happy and you're never going to find anyone else. If you don't get this new job that you wanted, this new offer that with you, you're not going to be happy and you're never going to find anyone else. If you don't get this new job that you wanted, this new offer that seems incredible, you're never going to get a better offer. I'll give you a perfect example when I was living in Australia and I got an offer from a network about a reality TV show. I've always wanted to be on reality TV. I've always wanted to be on TV in general. It was a big milestone for me just getting the email,

having the interviews, I had rounds of interviews, they were like, we love you, we want you on the show, we think you're perfect for reality television. I was like, oh, this is amazing, cool. And what ended up happening was, I was scared to reject the offer because it just felt like if I passed it up, there would be no more opportunities.

And I made it this big grand thing in my head where I was like, this is the end all. If I don't take this opportunity now, I'm never going to get it again. And it made me so stressed out because I suddenly put so much importance on this one thing. It was all I could think about. I was trying to make a decision for months. And then I ended up feeling more stuck. I started telling people, I started telling my friends, my family, I don't know what to do. Should I do the reality TV show? I'm not sure if it's aligned with me.

And then I came to the conclusion that if I was questioning something this much, it obviously wasn't a gut decision. It was just something because I had convinced myself it might be a good idea in the past. I thought it would be applying to my future as well and being like, I got this opportunity. I have to do it for my future. But in reality, the past version of me is so different than who I am now, and I got the offer almost too late. I got the offer at a point in my life where I'm like, I don't need to be on reality TV anymore.

I would like to maybe have a different type of opportunity, but this opportunity in particular wasn't 100 percent aligned. I struggled with accepting that because I had placed so much emphasis on it for years before and I had placed so much importance on having this show and building my dreams off of this show. So my friend said to me, which was an amazing piece of advice and this is actually how I made the decision, she was like, listen, do you really think this is the end all? Do you really think this is the only opportunity and chance you're going to get at being on reality TV? Why are you making it so important? Why are you throwing so much significance on this one opportunity. Because by throwing the importance onto it and making it so

fucking significant, what you're doing is actually creating blinders for yourself. You're creating walls around your vision into the future because now you're limiting yourself to one option and you're like, this is the only thing that's going to make me successful, or this is the only thing that's going to make my life work out the way that it should work out. When that's not true, we do this with relationships as well. When we meet a new person that we really have an amazing connection with and we're like, Oh, well, if we don't get into a relationship with this person and it doesn't work out with

them, I'm never going to find another connection like this in my life. So I have to force myself to get into a relationship with this person. So then you start obsessing over them and you start creating this false reality and you start dreaming and you're like, oh my God, we're going to get married. We're going to the Hamptons this month, whatever it is. And you barely even know them and you've went on two dates. You create this excessive importance and then it throws everything off. Or you create this excessive significance and then you create blinders for yourself where you're so limited in what you could see for yourself.

You convince yourself that there's no other options and then you start obsessing and fixating on something. So my point is the way to be a human magnet, a human super magnet, and to not give a fuck in a good way, in a detachment sense where you're excited about something but you're not overly attached or overly obsessive or throwing so much importance on it, stop putting all your eggs in one basket. That is the key. And I'm actually going to be covering this in my new masterclass coming out called the Mind Body Soul Reset Program. It is probably my favorite thing I've ever created. I'm so excited about it. It

talks a lot about detachment, but also mixed with physical attributes where we're gonna be talking about how detachment can actually give you a major glow up. People are gonna be asking you, what's different? How are you glowing? What's the secret? Because you're so in alignment and you're so detached from the outcome of situations

and you're just living in a flow state. Now, when you live in a flow state and you're living in a constant state of, everything's aligning for me, everything's working out for me, I'm really trusting the process of my journey, of my life, of my future. I know that a higher power is a plan for me. When you truly embrace that lifestyle and you truly embrace that mentality,

you start to shine and people start to see how much you're radiating from within, and you literally walk around with a golden aura. And that's what the new Masterclass, the Mind, Body, Soul Reset, is going to be all about. It's coming out later this summer. I am so excited for it. It's totally different from the other Masterclass I talk about often called Dare to Detach. And this particular masterclass also incorporates my workout routine, my skincare routines, anything related to having a major glow up

and resetting your soul to attract the most amazing, incredible things into your life. And I am so excited to share more and talk more about that. But anyways, back into the whole message of today's episode. amazing incredible things into your life. And I'm so excited to share more and talk more about that. But anyways, back into the whole message of today's episode. You take the power out of your own thoughts when you start speaking them to everyone. If you start telling people every little thing and every little detail about what you're trying to prove, what you're trying to do, what you're trying to do,

what you're trying to work on, you're taking the momentum out of the goals by blasting it before you've even begun. Now as I said, if you've already told a hundred people about the new person you're seeing or the new job offer that you received, that's okay. But this is an episode that I want you to remember when you have new things coming into your life, when you have new opportunities and new experiences being presented to you. I want you to test this. I want you to just write something down that you really want to manifest, write a situation down that you really want to see pan out for you, and then keep it to yourself and work on it in silence. Working on your goals in silence is the most powerful thing you could do

because once you actually achieve the goal and everyone sees all your hard work coming to light in the daylight and they're like, oh my God, how did you do this? How did you do that? How did you do that? How did you accomplish this in such a short window of time? And you could just say, I was just working on this for the last six months, but I wanted to keep it to myself because I was focused.

When you're laser focused, you don't have to go bragging around about what you're trying to accomplish. You're just doing it and you're living it and breathing it and doing it. And then once it comes to light, people will see the hard results. That's why we often see celebrities just blow up out of nowhere. And then it raises this question to the public. Oh, like, where did that person come from?

Who are they? Why are they suddenly blowing up? It's not that they were suddenly blowing up, it's that they put 10 years of hard work and dedication in silence behind closed doors into their craft or whatever they're doing as an actor, as a singer, as a performer, and then they suddenly start skyrocketing because all the results are finally coming to fruition. And people are like, oh, where did that person come from? But the truth is, you didn't see the 10 years of hard work that they were putting in prior to them skyrocketing into the public eye. So that's something to keep in mind. You don't have to go around blasting your life to everyone.

I think it actually takes away how special it is sometimes. So test this theory out. Start fresh, start today. If you have a new goal you're trying to accomplish, test it out. Keep it to yourself, start working on it in silence and see what happens. I can almost guarantee that you will get to the goal faster if you work in silence. Because you're not placing an energetic importance onto

it by externalizing it and shouting it out to everyone. Test it, see for yourself, and let me know if you have achieved a goal by working in silence. I would love to hear your experience and your story. You could always send me a DM on Instagram, Atlas, or on the podcast account, at date yourself instead. Now, as I've said a few times already in this episode, by not making anything important,

you can actually surf and coast your life in a very, very smooth and different way than you're used to doing. But this is what flow state is really all about. You feel like you're used to doing. But this is what flow state is really all about. You feel like you're coasting through your timeline, whatever timeline you're living on right now. By not making anything so overly important,

it puts you in a state of ease. You're less stressed. You're less anxious. You're less worried about the future. You have to de-center whatever it is or whatever problem it is that you're focusing so heavily on. I'm going to give you some examples so this is very clear. Example one. When I was rejected by an Aquarius man, I've told this story, actually I never said his sign and then I got like hundreds of DMs on Instagram asking me what this man's sign was.

It was the episode where I was talking about how to handle rejection. This guy, I'm going to summarize it for you really lightly. You could go listen to that episode if you like, but he was an Aquarius. I don't get along with Aquarius men because they're so detached to the point where I need something. I need some sort of attention when I'm dating someone. But they're very like, oh, I don't know.

Just the detached side of them, I guess, doesn't work for me. And it's happened with several of them. So sorry, too. It's not a petition against Aquarius. The funny thing is I am best friends with so many Aquarius women, and I love Aquarius energy. But when it comes to being in a romantic relationship, I'm like, I don't know how people do this.

So I basically was dating this guy. He was telling me all of these things that made it feel like he really cared. He came over to my apartment, he was fixing things in my apartment. He was doing all these boyfriend duties, which is really special to me because I am big on, like not only words of affirmation,

but I don't know what the other love language is. It's just like, oh, acts of service. So I'm really big on acts of service. So for him to be fixing the lamp in my apartment and offering to hang my TV, and then asking me about my family and digging into my emotions, I was kind of like, oh, this guy is cool.

He really likes me, blah, blah, blah. I in my head was like, obviously if he's here and he's like fixing things around my house, like my boyfriend, he has some sort of interest. And we had gone on a couple of dates. And then he was asking me about wanting to be in a relationship. And he was asking me like, do you like me? Do you see this being anything? I'm not seeing anyone else. He told me he wasn't seeing anyone else. And he was also asking me if I was seeing anyone else. And he was also asking me if I was seeing anyone else. And he kept grilling me about it. So I'm like under this impression, okay, if

you're asking me all these questions, you want to know if I'm only focused on you and no one else, you obviously like me. Meanwhile, it was more of just a tactic, I think, to make sure that I wasn't seeing anyone else, but he was and I'm lying about it. LOL. Anyways, I'm sure we've all been there, but the whole point of the story is he didn't want me. And there was a moment of rejection where I felt very rejected and I was like, Oh, okay. This guy basically ghosted me. And he doesn't give a fuck at all. He stood me up for this like gala that I invited him to,

that I got tickets for, spent thousands of dollars, just, it was like a charity event. There were just other things where I was like, okay, this man has no interest in me. He ends up just disappearing essentially. Long story short, it didn't work out. And in the past, I would have parped on it so heavily and I would have been like, I can't believe that he did

this. I can't believe that he led me on to believe that he wasn't seeing anyone else and he liked me and blah blah blah. And I would have created this whole storyline. I would have told a million people and I would have been really upset. But at the time, I just decided, and I made the conscious decision to cut the energy cord immediately and just say, no, no more. This isn't gonna work for me. That was not cool.

And instead of crying or getting upset that that happened to me, yes, I felt rejected. Yes, I felt played, but I wasn't going to give the situation power. That's the key. When you start throwing your energy, it's something you start talking about it with everyone, you start crying and venting about it,

you're giving that situation and that person energetic power and fuel, and it makes the problem oftentimes bigger. Now it's okay to vent occasionally, but the thing with me is I truly believe the more you vent and the more you say and rehash and relive the experience over and over again, it's literally signaling to your brain that it's still actively a part of your life. By doing that, you're creating more stress,

more anxiety in the body, and it's harder and harder to release the memories and let go and detach because you're reliving it. Your body doesn't know the difference between living in an actual experience and replaying the memories of the experience because your brain is very powerful. It's wired that way. And if you're reliving the past in your head, it's essentially signaling the same chemicals or receptors in your brain as if it's actually living it in real time.

If that doesn't make complete sense, go listen to Dr. Joe Dispenza. He has so many YouTube videos on this, but your brain does not know the difference between a memory and living something in the current reality. So, as I just said, when you're replaying shit in your brain or you're talking about it or you're energetically focused

on it, you're still telling your body you're living in it. So for me, practicing the art of detachment, which I've mentioned in, obviously I have this whole masterclass around it because I'm so passionate about it. I was able to remove the energy from the rejection and say, you know what? This clearly isn't my person. My person, my soulmate, the love of my life, would never treat me this way, would never do this to me. I would never marry someone that takes advantage of me psychologically like that. Because that's fucked up.

And if they have that within them, they can do that to someone else easily, even if they were married to them. Why would I want my husband to be a manipulative person? Why would I want my husband to be someone who gaslights me and makes me feel like the most important person in the world and then shuts off and doesn't want anything to do with me. That is not the person that I want to end up with. So instead of replaying the last four months of my life that I pretty much just wasted, I am going to use this as motivation to be even better, to do even more with my life, to focus more on my future, and I'm going to let go of this as important, because it's not.

He is not important. I'm not giving him that title. I'm not making him important. It's over. And of course, within a few weeks, of course, he starts sending me stuff, texting me excuses, sending me Snapchats. I'm like, dude, you me excuses, sending me Snapchats. I'm like, dude, you're 35 and sending me Snapchats,

trying to get my attention. Also, the only reason at the time I had Snapchat was because I was using it for filters. This was like years ago, FYI. This wasn't a recent situation. But I just feel like if you're a grown man sending me Snapchats of you with filters on, what are you doing? I don't think that's my husband either.

This might sound judgmental. People are like, I use Snapchat. I've posted videos on TikTok about this where I was like, yeah, if he uses Snapchat to communicate with you after the age of 15, he's not the one. I want to clarify that there's nothing wrong with using Snapchat, but if you're using that as your main form of communication with someone, I just don't think that's building a solid connection or relationship. Now, if you disagree with me, go ahead. But what happened to actual calling, texting, FaceTiming? Why are you Snapchatting me pictures of you with filters on your face saying Zup? That's not going to cut it. At least for me and my standards.

Anyways, so going on a tangent, but the whole point is that I let go of the importance of him in my life and in my energetic space and kicked him out. I literally visualized myself flicking people out of my fucking energy field when they're not welcome in my life anymore. I literally closed my eyes, picture myself flicking like a little bug. Flick. Out. You're done. You're not welcome. You're not worthy of my presence because you don't treat me well, so why would I have you in my energy field? And that's it. It's over. It's not important. And even though he technically came back, he sent me a few texts, Snapchat-ed me,

it didn't even feel good anymore because the whole situation was just icky. It's like, you didn't treat me right. I was rejected and I don't even want this anymore. It is no longer significant. It is no longer important. And that's how you really detach when you realize your value, you realize your worth and what you bring to the table. You're just gonna let shit go that much easier

because you know that the universe would never want to see you with someone like that. The universe doesn't want to see you unhappy. The higher power that watches over you, whatever you believe in spiritually, I know many of you are probably very spiritual. If you listen to date yourself instead, you know I'm into all of this stuff. Do you really think your angel guide or God or the universe or whatever you believe in wants to see you miserable, wants to see you fail, that's no

way to live. If you live in that mindset, you live in that perspective, everyone deserves a good life. Everyone deserves to be happy. We all go through shit, okay? I've gone through a lot of trauma. I've gone through a lot of crazy fucked up experiences, and I've questioned God or I've questioned the universe, like, why is this happening to me? This is so fucked up. I'm a good person, blah, blah, blah. Yes, we all go through shit. But at the end of the day, God or... I want to get so religious on here, but... The higher power watching over you

wants to see you happy, and sometimes you need to go through hard shit to build your character to be stronger, to transform, in order to get to that version of you that you need to be. So even when you go through hard times, you have to have that mentality of, this is teaching me something, this is happening for a reason.

And stop putting so much emphasis on the actual problem and start looking into the future instead and saying, you know what, I'm not gonna make this so overly important and obsess over it, something really bad happened to me. I'm going to look into the future instead and saying, you know what? I'm not gonna make this so overly important and obsess over it. Something really bad happened to me. I'm going to look into the future and try to understand why this could be happening. Why could this be happening?

Now, when it comes to things like that are super serious, like a loss, like a death, it's a little bit different because I understand it's a very, that's a totally different realm of why would this happen, especially if it's someone close to you that you loved and obviously you're like not understanding why you could lose the love of your life or lose someone that is close to you that passed. But I'm talking more about everyday situations or problems that we're faced with,

and not necessarily an aspect of that. Because sometimes this topic can get a little bit sensitive, and I want to just be aware of it, and I want to bring light to that as well because I've had people in my life that have passed too soon or whatever and I get that question all the time. When I say everything happens for a reason, you just have to trust and you just have to believe and have faith, sometimes people will message me with this question of, well, what

if it's about someone dying? And I say, I don't have the answers to that because I'm not a higher power, I'm not God, I'm not going to be able to answer that. But we come on this earth to learn things. We come on this earth to grow and evolve and transform and learn things. And at the end of the day, no matter what it is, everything is here to teach us more about ourselves and our purpose and why we're here. And sometimes I look at the passing of someone as just a reminder to, to appreciate what you have, to be fucking grateful, to express gratitude, to understand that, yeah, not everything is such a big deal

because there are way worse things going on. And when you're truly grateful and you understand that life is short and life is precious and you have to value it, that's something that also death teaches us. grateful and you understand that life is short and life is precious and you have to value it, that's something that also death teaches us. And I've seen it happen where my mom, she was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. It was super serious. It had spread all over her body and it was almost stage four. So my family was like, oh my god, this is an experience that could almost put us in this mentality of she could pass and this is not really something that anyone signed up for because she's young and we thought she was healthy, whatever, and she thought she was healthy.

And through that experience, she survived. She went through chemo. She did as much as she could to feel back to herself and she's doing well now. But she always said to me, like, through that experience, I would literally pray to the higher power over me, my angels, and say, I realize that maybe I haven't been 100% appreciative of certain things,

or maybe I haven't been grateful enough for certain things, and I just want that opportunity now, if I make it through and I survive this. I want that opportunity now to express my gratitude more and to appreciate life more than I ever have, and just please give me that opportunity, because I realize that I was never focused on that. Because when you're healthy and everything's going right,

you don't really focus on gratitude so much because everything's going well. But the second shit hits the fan, then you start to question shit. And then you start to be like, oh my God, I need to pray. I need some sort of miracle. I need this, I need that.

But yeah, I guess that's what that taught her, being in the face of almost like a near death experience. She has relayed this to me and she's like, it changes your whole perception of the world, of what you're focused on or what you're stressed about. None of that matters. None of that matters. It's not important if that guy's not calling you.

It's not important if you lost a deal in business. It's not important if you occasionally, you go through financial hardship. Your health and your happiness and being here, being on earth is so special and we take it for granted. When you focus on that and you just focus on the fact that you're breathing, you're alive, you're healthy hopefully, it makes everything less important because you're realizing

that there's no point in harping over bullshit when life is so short. And I always say this as a reminder to myself too. Whenever I get stressed about something, whenever I get a little bit nervous around a new guy I'm texting, he doesn't answer me for a few hours, okay, am I going to really make that the center of my day? Am I going to really spend the next five hours wondering, oh, why isn't he answering me? Or am I going to say, I'm grateful for my day, I'm grateful that I'm here, I'm going to go do some cool shit today. I'm going to take my attention

off of this. I'm going to make it less important. I'm going to go do something that makes me feel happy, makes me feel productive, and makes me feel good. Another random example of making something less important and focusing on what really matters. Now, the reason I got into my first relationship and I had a boyfriend and I manifested the exact guy I wanted, because I saw him and I was like, he's mine. Literally, I saw him, he walked by me, and I was so confident and so secure in the sense of knowing that this person was gonna be in my life.

I just knew somehow and I didn't obsess over it. I didn't place any emphasis on it. I just trusted. I said it in my head. I'm like, you're mine. That's it. I'll see you later. We passed each other, didn't say a word to each other. And I didn't focus on it. I wasn't in my room journaling. I need blah, blah, blah to fall in love with me. I need this. I need him to want me. I need him to love me. Because that's what people do when they're trying to manifest. They'll obsess over the manifestation. That's why you're not getting it. You can't receive what you want if you feel as though you don't have it already, right? So if you feel like you're lacking it and it's not a part of your life,

the universe is hearing that you don't have it, you don't have it, you don't have it, and it's not going to give you what you want because you're in this vibrational state of saying that you lack it and you don't have it. The key to manifesting is believing that you have it. So I wasn't thinking about him. I just knew. It's the same thing as if you order something online. You know it's coming. You know you ordered that dress. It's coming in the mail. You're not going to spend the next five days checking your email every three seconds to

see when the dress is arriving. I mean, maybe you would, but why? You know it's coming. It's coming in the mail. And just trusting and coming from that mental state of knowing that it's already there is how you manifest anything. Decrease the importance of it in your thought process. So a month later or so I ended up seeing this guy again at my friend's birthday dinner and I

knew I was like this is it. This is the moment. The universe has connected us now. I knew it was coming. I didn't know how it was gonna happen but I knew and I hadn't really thought it was going to happen, but I knew. And I hadn't really thought about him until that second interaction, but I remembered the first time when I had said, he's mine, met him again a month later, perfect timing because I was involved with someone else throughout that month where I wasn't sure where it was heading. That situation ended the same day I go to this birthday dinner. I meet this guy

that I had set my eye on and we hit it off. We were talking, chatting, flirting, getting along really well the whole time. Within a week, we were dating. And it felt so easy and effortless because I hadn't obsessed over it. It was like, yeah, this was obviously going to happen. That's the mindset you have to get yourself into. It's not just about saying it, it's about feeling that way. You really have to genuinely feel that you are deserving of your manifestations in

anything that you want or anyone that you want. That's how you get that person or that situation because it feels so natural. And you're not making them overly important. Now if you're placing someone or something on a fucking pedestal all the time, you're literally communicating energetically that they're better than you and you're not worthy of it. You're not going to vibrationally align with it because you're literally saying to the universe, this thing is better than me and I don't deserve it.

But when you see everything as natural and you're like, yeah, of course it's meant for me. And now I could go do other things. Now I could go live my best life. And when the time is right, it'll happen. That's when shit starts to get really good because everything happens in this natural flow state. You're not forcing anything. I was talking to this girl yesterday, I had lunch with her and by the way, I don't even think I mentioned this, but I'm in London right now. I'm literally in London right now and I love London summer.

London summer is so good. It's so fun here. It reminds me so much of New York. If you're an avid listener, update yourself and say, I've been to London a million times. I feel like I'm going to end up living here at some point. And I always thought my husband was British. You told my mom this since I'm 10. My husband is British.

I just know it. And she's like looking at me like, okay, you're fucking crazy. But it's so true. And I was just talking to her about this the other day. I'm like, I just feel like my husband is in London. And I've always felt that way. And I did my astro cartography in London, which is basically you take your astrology chart and then you apply it to this map. And it gives you a rundown of what cities and what countries resonate best with your astrology. And my Venus line, which is how you love and partnerships and relationships, runs right

directly through London. And in the description on this website that I use, it's called AstroClick Travel, it's very easy to use, you could Google it. When I tapped on the line of London, it literally said, you might meet your soulmate here or something like that, something about finding my soulmate. And I'm like, yeah, but I knew that before I even checked. I intuitively have known this since I'm young, that my husband is British.

Anyways, okay, I sound like a psycho, because I'm very much single right now. But I have this as documentation. This episode will be proof and documentation that I'm partly psychic and my intuition knows everything. Anyways, so the whole point that I'm trying to make is, when you decreased your obsessions over what you're trying to get into your, to get to come into your life. When you decrease the significance and when you just live in a flow state and you're just

moving around and taking what is and taking what comes and understanding that nothing is that deep. Nothing is that important for the most part. You start getting this giddy sense of life can be fun, life is like a game because if this isn't working out, if something is blocked, if something is stagnant and not working in your favor, and then you truly believe there's a better option for you,

and you choose a different timeline's a better option for you, and you choose a different timeline, you choose a different path. It's so much fun because once you open a new door, you'll realize that whatever it is you were focusing on before wasn't even that big of a deal, wasn't even that great. We often get stuck in toxic situationships, toxic work environments, toxic friendships, where we're like, oh my God, I don't know how I'm gonna live without this person. I don't know how I'm gonna survive.

I spent so much time and energy and invested so much into them. But then when we finally choose to be done, and then we choose a different timeline and reality for ourselves, and we're introduced to someone else that treats us better, we're introduced to a new group of friends. We're introduced to a new experience. We realized that what we were holding on to wasn't even that great and we were selling ourselves

short. I'll give you an amazing example of this. When I was in Australia, I found out through someone that the person that I was in love with betrayed me and was doing a lot of shady shit behind my back and I never knew about any of it. And when all that came to light, I was, of course, devastated, heartbroken. A lot of what you don't see on the podcast is me bawling my eyes out, feeling like total garbage. Because I try to be as open and real about my experiences as I can, but there's a lot you don't see about a person behind closed doors. And everyone thought I was doing great.

Oh my God, you're living your best life in Australia. You look so happy. And I was happy. Don't get me wrong. I love it there. It was an amazing experience. Best place in the world. And I think I'm literally going back this year

because it took my life to a whole different level just living there, living on the beach and meeting so many cool people. But when I found that news out about the person that had betrayed me, it sent me in a very dark place where I was like, I don't know how I'm going to go to record Date Yourself Instead episodes about

detachment and about living your best life. I don't know how I'm going to do that right now because I feel like I'm at rock bottom. I'm literally so sad and I don't know how to show up properly in my work, which scared me and I almost took a break. I almost took a break from the podcast and I was going to put out like this dramatic public service announcement and be like, hey guys, I need a month to myself.

I'm so glad I didn't do that and I'm so glad I just powered through and continued the episodes because some of my best episodes came out of me just going through a hard time. But yeah, I was so in this dark cloud type of situation, this energy where I felt like shit. But then I woke up one morning and I was like, no more. No, absolutely not. Am I going to allow this person to control my day and my happiness and my future? Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. And if I take the importance off of it and rehashing it and reliving it

and trying to investigate why this person did what they did, instead, I'm going to focus on a new future for myself. Let's take the attention and the importance off of this and start focusing on a new future. The second I made that conscious choice to focus on my future, everything started aligning. I went to Bali. I met a spiritual healer that like coached me through life. I went to psychics and they were giving me these like readings about how my life is going to be so amazing and just making me feel so hopeful and positive. I started meditating again, I started journaling, I started taking care of myself.

I was just living in a new timeline because I chose to consciously, I was like, I am not allowing this person to get in the way of my happiness anymore. Because once again, life is short. If you make something overly important and obsess over it, it can cause you to spiral. It's not fucking worth it. So I made that decision. I started meeting new people. People were

approaching me. I sat down at a cafe in Bali. Gorgeous man sits next to me, asks me for plans. I was like, okay, this guy is, I ended up being friends with him, went on three dates, they were all. I actually talk about one of them in my podcast. One of them was the worst date I've ever been on to be fair. But needless to say,

I was just living in a totally different timeline where I was able to handle dating. Even after going through some crazy shit, I was like, I'm not stopping my life for anyone. I'm not going to sit here crying for the next six months over this person. I've already cried enough fucking tears over them in the past. I'm not doing it again. I'm not giving them my energy anymore. I'm not giving the situation my energy or time. It's not important. And of course, yes, is it technically important because it played such a significant role in my life and who I am as a person in my identity? Of course. But you can choose to

detach and choose a new reality for yourself. You can choose that. If you want to be happy and you don't wanna live in this cycle where you're just feeling like, oh my God, I can't believe they did that to me and you, instead of rehashing that for the next six months, you can say, you know what? I know what happened. Healing comes in waves.

Yes, I'm gonna cry. Yes, there's gonna be hard days. Of course, I still cry over what happened. I'm not perfect. I'm human. But I'm not going to let it control me or dictate my reality anymore. It's not going to be a part of my reality anymore. It'll be a part of my past, and I appreciate it and I accept it, and I'll hold onto it

as a learning lesson. And yes, I'll honor the grieving process. If I have to cry, I'll cry. If I need a friend to talk to, I'll talk to them. If I need therapy, I'll honor the grieving process. If I have to cry, I'll cry. If I need a friend to talk to, I'll talk to them. If I need therapy, I'll utilize therapy. But I'm still choosing a better life for myself consciously. And I'm going to trust and have faith that the universe wants to see me fucking happy. Like that is it. Bottom line. I'm not here to suffer. I'm not here to relive memories of the past for the next 10 years. A lot of people do.

You get so caught up in the emotion of, how could someone abandon me? How could someone neglect me? How could someone leave me? How could someone treat me like I'm nothing? And then that replays for years and years, and you get stuck in a cycle of believing that you don't deserve better, or believing that nothing's

going to improve, or believing that you're going to be alone for the rest of your life. I also want to emphasize that by trusting that it's never too late to get what you want out of life, that opens up so many doors in itself. Me and my mom set my parents' friends up when they were both approaching 70 years old. 70. They both had gone through serious relationships that had ended in the past. They were both married, now both single for years, hadn't found anything serious in a very long time. I think it was like 20 years. My mom's friend was telling me that she hadn't really anything serious in a very long time. I think it was like 20 years.

My mom's friend was telling me that she hadn't really been with anyone and same for him where he hadn't been really in anything serious. Me and my mom knew these people separately. They didn't know each other, but we knew them separately. My mom said to me, wouldn't they be a good match? I was like, yeah, they would actually. And we introduced them and it was history and they've been together ever since for years,

but they were approaching 70 and they both look great. They don't look 70, they look great, but they are living their best life deeply in love, deeply happy. And that situation in itself just showed me that it is never too late. When people say, oh, it's too late. I'm in my thirties. I'm like, dude, what the fuck? I'm 31. Why are you messaging me that it's too late to find love? It's not fucking too late.

It's never too late. It's your mentality around it that's blocking it. If you're thinking it's too late, you're not going to meet anyone. You have to trust and get in the mindset that it's never too late. It's your mentality around it that's blocking it. If you're thinking it's too late, you're not going to meet anyone. You have to trust and get in the mindset that it's never too late. New doors and opportunities and windows are always opening for you. Everything is aligning for you at the ideal timing when you're ready for it. Divine timing. You have to trust in that too. And that's how I live my life now.

I'm not harping and placing this importance on, oh my God, I'm old, I'm getting older. What am I going to do? How am I going to have kids? No. You can't live in a state of fear like that because if you're living like that, you're limiting yourself. You're limiting your reality. You have to live with an open heart and mind and go into new situations saying, I'm not going to obsess over this thought of being alone. I'm not going to obsess over this thought of not getting what I want. Just trust.

Lean back and trust and lean into the power of the universe and trust in miracles and trust that everything is working in your favor. That is the way to live. That is freedom. That is detachment. and trust in miracles and trust that everything is working in your favor. That is the way to live. That is freedom. That is detachment. And tying this back into my new course coming out, which I'm so stoked about, the Mind-Body-Soul Reset, it talks about all of this, just trusting.

And it's going to have different techniques and tools and things and methods that I use to be able to trust deeply to be able to tap into this more to be able to Align myself with what I actually want for my future. I do a ton of different meditations when I fall asleep Those are gonna be included. I do a ton of different quantum leaping exercises that will literally shift and program your brain into a new reality. You're literally shifting timelines to attract bigger and better into your life. That is another thing that's going to be a part of the course, which I'm really excited about. And also everything I do physically to have a glow up, which is also really exciting because I have seen a crazy transformation in myself and I'll be sharing more content about that on Instagram if you want to go follow me at date

yourself instead on the podcast account. I'm going to be sharing a lot about my physical transformation as well, how I literally, there is a crazy, crazy, crazy difference between me in a relationship and me not, me in a toxic relationship, let me clarify, and me not in one, where my face was so bloated and puffy all the time, because not only was I crying all the time, but stress, because your cortisol levels are so fucking high from being in a toxic relationship, it can literally bloat your face and puff up your face.

And I've shared my transformation with that as well on my Instagram. Go check that out. Add-date yourself instead. Let me know if this has happened to you before you get cortisol phase, which is like basically your face is all blown up and swollen from cortisol levels being just so ridiculously high when your body is under an insane amount of stress. Wild stuff, but I talk a lot about that in the new course coming out and how you could change it. How you can let go and detach and

transform and not only are you going to transform mentally and emotionally, but spiritually and physically. It's so exciting. I cannot wait. I'm going to transform mentally and emotionally, but spiritually and physically. It's so exciting. I cannot wait. I'm going to have a special discount code for the podcast listeners as well once that's released. We'll probably be out by mid-August, I want to say. I'm not sure the exact date yet.

We're still figuring that out with the team, but I cannot wait for that. And if you're interested in learning more, always send me a DM at dateyourselfinstead or atlas, and I'd be happy to answer any questions you have. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode of Date Yourself Instead. Thank you, thank you, thank you, as always for listening to the podcast.

It always means so much to me. I'm so appreciative for the community on here. If you haven't already, be sure to check out the other masterclass too, Dare to Detach. That program is completely separate and it's all about detachment, letting go, rewiring your brain. Just a totally separate thing that I've mentioned a million times on the podcast, but it's life changing. It will change your life. I love the community that we built in there as well. It's just so inspiring. All of you inspire me as well. When you send

me your messages of success, when I see you thriving, when I finally see you in happy relationships, it makes my day. It makes me so excited. I love the work that I'm doing. I'm so passionate about seeing people heal and live their best lives. So if you have a success story from the podcast, if you've taken something from the podcast and you want to talk about it with me, always send me a DM as well. I love hearing from you all. Thanks again. Have an amazing, amazing rest of your day and stay tuned for next Monday.