Date Yourself Instead - How to break the cycle - SET YOURSELF FREE. Let go of your old self now.

Episode Date: October 7, 2024

SET YOUR SOUL FREE. You deserve to be happy. In this episode, I get vulnerable about my current situation and dive into some mental health issues surrounding the concept of truly feeling free and knowing when it's time to change your life. JOIN THE MASTERCLASS - sign up for the waitlist and access my masterclasses when they become available next. Subscribe to my new Youtube channel for more videos: https://www.youtube.com/@DateYourselfInstead Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dateyourselfinstead/

Before I dive into today's episode, I wanna mention my new masterclass, the Mind Body Soul Reset is coming out late October of this year. I am so excited to release this masterclass. It is going to be 10 steps up from the current masterclass, Dare to Detach. I know you guys are very familiar with Dare to Detach.

A lot of you are members and we've had so much success with that masterclass and so many amazing up levels. You are going to skyrocket to new levels, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and physically. In this masterclass, I teach you everything you need to know about glowing up, becoming the best version of you, becoming fucking unstoppable, stepping into your highest power, but it's also combined with my fitness and workout routines and what I eat and what I do and how I live my life physically on a daily basis to

Maintain my energy levels to feel the best version of myself and to also just feel more confident in my skin You will literally have people telling you you look different. You had a glow up. You're glowing. You're radiating You are radiating positive energy. You're fucking sparkling and glittering I've had people tell me this over the last six months because I have completely changed the way I live my life physically and I believe that physical movement and also just honoring your health and wellness is such a key part in manifesting your dream life and creating your dream future self and A lot of people don't stress this enough, but having a good fitness routine in place, it translates into every other part of your life, including your relationships, your career,

and how you show up in the world on a daily basis. For me, when I was going through some of the worst periods of my life, movement and staying active and taking care of my body from a health perspective changed the game for me and completely transformed my mental health. And I think it's so important to cover all the bases when you're trying to change your life and level up

and leave toxic relationships and detach from your old self. You need to take care of your physical health. So the Mind Body Soul Reset is a program I created to focus on those parts of life and also include everything I know about detachment, manifestation and stepping into your power in the most profound ways, those parts of life and also include everything I know about detachment, manifestation, and stepping into your power in the most profound ways, including all the meditations I do, all the quantum leap exercises I do, and so much more to change your life.

We're also going to have a private group community chat on the new masterclass as well, where we're going to share our progress, our experiences, and our journeys along the way, which is super exciting. And we're gonna be able to connect on such a deeper level, make friends, build a community, and grow together and heal together. If you're interested in signing up for the Mind, Body, Soul Reset, you could check out the show notes and join the wait list,

or you could also send me a message, Mind, Body, Soul Reset on Instagram as well. I am so excited to launch this class for you guys. And now let's dive into today's episode, which is all about embracing freedom and understanding that you deserve to be free and happy wherever you're at in your life right now. You deserve to break free and live your best life. What is stopping you from achieving your dream life? What or who is stopping you from becoming the best version of yourself? Who is weighing you down? Who is holding you back?

If it's that guy you're seeing right now, if it's a toxic friendship, if it's a toxic family member, who is holding you back from being the best possible fucking version of you? You have to really understand that there are going to be people in your life, situations, environments, circumstances,

and even careers. It could be literally anything that may be preventing you from freeing yourself and freeing your soul to live your best fucking life. I was really thinking about ways I could free myself and better myself as a person until the end of the year. Because I'm going through a period of my life where I feel like I've been living in Manhattan for the last 14 years, I think,

and I was born and raised in New York, moved to the city right after college, started my social media career. I had three serious relationships in New York. I've been through a lot of toxic situationships in New York as well, and I feel like I'm at a point in my life where a karmic cycle or a life chapter is really ending.

So, when I was thinking about this concept of freedom and how to really free myself, it felt really scary because I was like, am I just going to pack all my shit up and move right now? Because my lease is ending. I don't know if New York feels like the best fit in this current stage of my life. And I feel like I'm going through a rapid transformation where I'm letting go of toxic relationship cycles.

I'm never gonna let a man dictate my future or my self-worth ever again. I'm stepping into my power in an entirely new way. And I feel like this chapter of my life is teaching me how to really, really unconditionally love myself and put myself first more than ever. So I was asking myself this question, how do I free myself? How am I going to free myself emotionally, mentally, spiritually, so I could show up as the best version of myself,

so I could actually be who I'm supposed to become. And I came to the conclusion that I wanted to spice things up a little bit and pack up my apartment and temporarily move to Bali. Now, I was debating even publicly announcing this because I don't even know what I'm doing still. Like, I've decided that I'm leaving, but I don't know for how long. I don't have a game plan.

I don't have a specific strategy in place. I am making this decision based off of intuition and not really logic. And it is the scariest, most terrifying thing ever, because a part of me is like, am I crazy? What am I doing? But at the same time, I also think of it like this. Nothing in life is permanent.

And if you are honoring your soul, and you are honoring your soul calling, and you feel like you're supposed to be doing something different, if you feel like you're supposed to be leaving someone toxic because you know you deserve better, if you feel like your career is making you depressed and you know that you need a break free and switch up your job, you have to honor that.

And this fall is a season of change. I made an Instagram post and the caption was, fall is glow up season, mark my words, fall is glow up season. And I truly stand by that. I feel like fall is this amazing time where you prep for the winter and then you go into the new year

feeling like an entirely new person. And there's only a few months left of 2024. So it's time to fucking go. It's time to fucking get your shit together, get your life in order and don't be afraid to make changes. Don't be afraid to jump into new life transitions and make power moves for yourself. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to feel free.

You deserve to feel confident. You deserve to feel fucking inspired about your life. You should be your own inspiration. You should wake up every day being like, my future self needs me right now. My future self needs me to step into my power and to be strong, and to be emotionally mature, and grow the fuck up and make a massive change,

because I'm not happy where I am right now. I think that's what I was going through. The last few months have been a blur, and in good and bad ways, I feel like I've grown a lot. I feel like as you guys have known, if you've been following the podcast, you know I went through another situationship

with someone that was like literally the worst. And it really pushed me to see my world in a brand new light. I feel so transformed after that situation. It was like the last straw for me. It was definitely a relationship that broke something inside of me permanently, and it's not necessarily in a negative way. I just feel like I've had enough.

I've had enough of tolerating bullshit and bad behavior from people. I know my heart. I know what I deserve. I know what I'm capable of bringing to a relationship. I know that I deserve the best of the best and I'm not willing to tolerate any shitty behavior or shitty people moving forward into the new year. So starting this fall, why wait? I'm not gonna say, oh, in 2025,

I'll start making these little power moves. No, it starts right fucking now in this very moment. It should start for you too. You should be waking up every day loving your life. Life is short, life is precious, life is valuable. Your life matters. And if you are struggling with your mental health right now, if you are struggling through a period of time

where you don't feel inspired or you don't feel creative or you're not honoring your own wants and needs, what is the point? It is time to grab your life by the balls and fucking go. You deserve to be happy and free. And on today's episode, I really just wanted to talk more about this concept of freedom,

and knowing when it's time to change your fucking life and take actions to change your reality. Who wants to stay stuck in the same position they were 10 years ago? Who wants to stay stuck in the same cycle and loop for years and years? I never judge anyone for their decisions. And if you're truly happy living in a cycle, if you're truly happy doing the same thing on repeat for the next 50 years, then that is so amazing.

And I truly mean that with all my heart. I am so supportive of anyone who makes that decision if they're truly happy. But the amount of people and messages and DMs I get on a daily basis and people I talk to out in the real world that say, I need to make a change, I'm just scared. I need to make a change, I'm just stuck.

I'm scared and I'm letting my fear hold me back from living my best life and creating my dream reality. I'm like, let's fucking go, snap out of it. You don't have any more time to waste. This is your life. You need to take charge of your reality. No one's gonna do it for you. No one's gonna hold your hand

and walk through life with you. You have to hold your own hand. You have to be your own hand. You have to be your own mentor and your cheerleader and coach yourself to make that change because no one's going to do it for you. No one is coming to rescue you. You have to rescue yourself. That is another lesson I learned recently just going through a slight depression because I feel like I had just gone through a very toxic four-year up-and-down relationship cycle with a man who betrayed me so badly.

And I hid my emotions from the world. I didn't speak about it publicly. I bit my tongue and kept my mouth shut. And it caused me to spiral internally. It caused me to bottle in a lot of emotions that I was feeling and I ended up getting super depressed because I wasn't vocalizing what I was going through. I was storing it and then I was making these podcast episodes

and behind closed doors crying my eyes out and it was scary. I don't know how to go to the studio and show up and create content for anyone and inspire people if I can't even put myself, if I can't even take care of myself right now because I'm in shambles. And no one really knew this. My friends didn't really know the extent to the emotions I was experiencing. And my family didn't really understand or doesn't even really know the extent of how bad it got.

But I was really isolated in my apartment over the last month. And I feel like it was really eye-opening for me because I was like, I need to make a massive change. And I don't know what the change is, but I need to do something and take a step somewhere in order to change my current circumstances. Because if I don't, I'm not going to be able to show up for the podcast,

show up for the millions of women that are listening. Most importantly, I'm not going to be able to be happy or okay, and your happiness comes first. And my happiness comes first. and my happiness comes first. You deserve to be happy. And I know it's important to share this information with you because I know that there are probably a lot of you who can relate to this feeling of isolating

and feeling depressed and feeling discouraged and feeling like, you know, I don't know what I'm doing right now. I'm feeling lost. I'm feeling drained. I'm feeling like I'm hitting a wall, and I don't know which way to turn. It's a common experience. A lot of people go through periods of time like this,

and I've had a lot of ups and downs emotionally in my life. And last month was one of those months for me where I had to make the decision of what to... what steps to take next, because I knew I couldn't live like this. And I can't live like this. And... it's not a bad thing.

I don't look at it as like, oh my God, you know, it's so bad that I'm depressed or I have emotions, but I feel like... it's no way to live. It's no way to live. It's no way to live. You deserve to wake up feeling inspired, joyful, passionate about your life. And I've had many moments where I felt like that,

and then I've had, you know, little setbacks, like the last month. When I have those setbacks, I turn it into learning lessons, and I look at it as transformation. One of my best friends, when I have those setbacks, I turn it into learning lessons and I look at it as transformation. One of my best friends, when I was telling her, you know, I feel like I am going through a really difficult period of my life. Like I feel like I'm in shambles because it almost feels like I want to give up sometimes on what I'm doing. And I know that there are so many sometimes on what I'm doing.

And I know that there are so many things to be grateful for, but sometimes I feel like particularly in relationships, I give so much and I give with all my heart and I love with all my heart and very deeply. And when you get burned over and over and over again, it starts to become this feeling of, am I gonna be okay? Like, am I going to make it out alive?

Because I feel like I've done everything I possibly can to be the best version of myself and show up in the world and fulfill this mission that I'm fulfilling right now, like helping other people. It's my dream. It's everything I've ever wanted to do. And I love my work and I love helping you guys and I love connecting with you.

And it's the best thing and I am so entirely grateful. But there's a part of me that feels a little lonely because I have this brand-date yourself instead and I'm very vulnerable. And I say, like, you should feel confident. You should feel like you're on top of the world and you don't need anyone to be happy. And all of those things remain true,

but even I struggle with this feeling of, oh my God, I'm alone. Oh my God, like, I don't have anyone to really turn to. And I'm in my apartment and it's quiet, and I'm sitting here and I'm realizing that I've been through so much fucking shit. So, last month was one of those months where I was kind of just reflecting

and I was like, whoa. In order to show up properly, I need to heal, I need to put myself first, and part of that decision was temporarily leaving Manhattan. And it's a crazy decision because I don't want to even say, oh, I'm giving up on New York or, oh, I'm leaving New York because I'm sad. But a part of me knows that if I don't properly heal outside of the environment that broke me

and where I lived with my ex, and, you know, the memories we had together and walking around my neighborhood with him and having this whole four-year saga where I'm currently living. If I don't take the proper amount of time to heal and regenerate myself, I won't be able to do what I'm doing right now, for much longer. So I made the decision, which is a very crazy decision, but I made the decision to temporarily move. Just to clear my head,

just to get a new perspective on life. I don't know what to expect. I'm just going with my intuition and where my soul feels called to go. So I booked a trip to Bali. I might love it, I might hate it. I might be like, what the fuck am I doing when I get there? But I'm bringing you guys along for the journey.

I hope you will be here to witness me on this new adventure. But truly, I think the valuable takeaway from this month and a half has really taught me that you need to take risks and you need to go outside of your comfort zone and follow your soul's calling and follow your gut intuition. Even if it's terrifying, even if it's scary,

even if you are like, this is the craziest thing I'm doing right now and I don't know what I'm doing, it's better to take those risks and see what's on the other end of those risks than to not do anything at all and just stay in the same place. It's time to break the toxic patterns and cycles

that are weighing you back and holding you back from your future self and your future calling. So if you feel like you need to make a change, if you feel like you're being pushed to evolve and grow as a person, and you're just scared, and you know it's just your fear blocking it and getting in the way, I hope this episode can inspire you a little bit to take more risks and to break out

of those toxic cycles and bubbles that you might be trapped in or feeling trapped in, because it's not easy. It's not an easy thing to do, and it's scary, and it can be really difficult and challenging to do it. But once you make that leap, I promise you, most of the time it's worth it. And every time I've gone through a period of transformation, every time I've gone through a period of self-discovery and growth, it's been very uncomfortable.

I was listening to a video by Joe Dispenza this morning while I was drinking my coffee and packing up my apartment. He talks a lot about how your brain likes to stay in the familiar, and your brain likes to be comfortable and stay in its comfort zone. And this is why I love his work, because it is so inspiring, and I want him on my podcast one day,

because he has changed my life. I know if I had Dr. Joe Dispenza next to me, like coaching me at all times, I would be superhuman. One of the things he said is that your brain likes the familiar, right? Your brain likes to be comfortable. And when you try to go against that comfort and that familiarity, and you try to change things up

and do something different, your body is gonna have a fight or flight response and get anxious and feel uncomfortable, and it's normal. When you suddenly start to feel feelings of fear and doubt and stress when you're trying to change something about your life, that is normal because your brain is just responding because it's used to that comfort of your old life. It's used to the familiar patterns that you've been repeating for the last 10 years. When you try to take your brain out of patterns

that you've been following for the last 10 years, of course it's gonna freak out. And I think it was really reassuring this morning to hear that because as I was packing, I started to go into panic mode and I was like, oh my God, am I making the right decision? What am I doing? I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm freaking the fuck out. I'm an idiot, I'm crazy. I'm freaking the fuck out. I'm an idiot. I'm crazy. And I started going down this rabbit hole of how I might be making the wrong choice. When you are choosing to free your soul and do something different with your life and make big power moves in your life,

it's gonna be scary. It's going to be an entirely different chapter of your life. You're upheaving your old reality and your old patterns and everything your brain knows, and you're rewiring your brain to become an entirely new person. So, for me, I feel like that's exactly what's happening. I am literally transforming from the inside out,

and it is scary, it is uncomfortable, it is really crazy. Like, I have been... riddled with anxiety over the last two weeks as I've been making these decisions that are going to probably shift my reality permanently. But at the same time, there was one important thing that I kept reminding myself of. I'm not happy where I'm at right now.

I'm not truly happy. And if I'm not truly happy, I need to make a change. It doesn't matter if the change is scary. I would rather dive into the unknown and be a little scared and worry a little bit and have a little fear than be stuck where I'm at right now, especially in the environment that broke me. I know it sounds crazy, but another big thing that I think is important when you are going through massive changes is to clear anything out in your space that reminds you of your old self. So for me, it's furniture, it's a lot of different photos, it's my photo albums on my phone. Everything stores energy and everything is energy. So your clothing stores energy,

your apartment has an energy, your bed stores energy because you are sleeping there every night. I was thinking about it. And part of the reason I also decided to move was because I felt like my apartment and my space and my bed and my couch and every little thing was storing the energy of my past.

And I couldn't shake it for the life of me. I staged my apartment, I put incense in there and I put candles and I changed the decor and I was doing these like crazy meditations every day, and I'm like, I should not be this stressed out trying to transform my space for the last six months and still feel depressed being in my own home. Like, my home is my sacred space, and I want to come home feeling really comforted and happy and safe.

And if I'm not feeling that way still, after months of trying to change things up, there needs to be changes. There needs to be a change. That's also part of the reason I decided to move. Obviously, I waited till my lease was over so I could leave and not, you know, have to break my lease or anything like that. But I do believe everything stores an energy and stores memories. And if you want to change your life, sometimes you have to change your environment. Sometimes you have to let go of old things that you don't want to let go of.

Sometimes you have to clear your albums on your camera roll. And I know a lot of people are like, oh, you deleted all your texts from your ex, you deleted all the old memories and photos of you guys. I'm like, yeah, I deleted everything. I don't have a trace of my ex on my phone because I don't want to be reminded of the past and it's okay, I'm not saying it's not okay

to think about the past, but if it's weighing you down and holding you back and making you depressed, why would you want to go backwards and send your brain backwards into the past and spiral and be sad? Why would you willingly want to be sad? It's not that I'm forgetting him. It's not that I'm, you know, discounting my emotions.

It's not that I'm discrediting what I've been through and throwing everything away and saying, oh, I'm just gonna ignore it and suppress it. It's more just like me actively choosing to move on and step into a new version of myself that leaves all of that behind. And leaving that behind for me, my strategy is deleting things because I don't want to reread old text, I don't want to cave in and start looking at old photos of us, I don't want any of it. My brain is super visual, not

everyone may be this way, but for me I'm a very visual person. So if I start rereading old things or looking backwards, it makes me sad. So I'm choosing to be at peace, and part of my peace is just erasing everything. Me and my friend Ankita, we talk about freedom a lot and what it means to us. And we both have a lot of Sagittarius in our astrology charts, and we're always like,

oh, that's so Sagittarius, that's so Sagittarius. Because it's like the sign of freedom and adventure and exploration and learning about religion and the arts and spirituality and just like embracing those parts of you. And my moon and my north node is Sag. And I think her rising is Sag. I forget, but honestly, like, it's all we fucking talk about is this concept of freedom

and embracing your free nature and your true self. And we were laughing about it because we're like, oh, like, there are people who will say to us, but you are free. You are free to choose to do things. Like, you do have freedom. And I'm like, it's not just about the actual word freedom. Freedom to me is this feeling, right? It's an emotion.

It's this feeling of just letting go and letting the universe take you or God take you wherever you're meant to be in this really delicious, amazing state. It's the feeling of just kind of surfing through life in this beautiful, transient way, where you're going through life just feeling light and effortless, and you feel like everything's just in flow and divinely coming your way, and you're abundant,

and you see the world in such a new light, where you're just vibrating at such a high frequency, that you just feel free. You feel like a fucking bird floating above the Earth, looking at everything from such a delicious point of view and perspective, and I felt it in very specific moments of time where I'm like, oh my God, this is what life is really supposed to feel like.

It's just this feeling of pure bliss and this high vibrating energy where you just trust that everything is happening for you. Everything is happening in divine timing and you are exactly where you're supposed to be. It's emotional freedom, it's spiritual freedom, it's being in touch with your soul and living through your soul's purpose

and your soul's calling, and you're not caught up in the bullshit of everyday reality. You're not letting things weigh you down and make you feel heavy and stuck. You're not depressed because you're looking at life through your soul versus your ego. And, ugh, like, I know that maybe I did describe it the right way and you guys will understand what I'm saying

and it'll resonate and you'll be like, wow. Like, I wanna get to that level of freedom or I've felt that way before and I want that version of me back. It comes in waves, okay? I'm not vibrating at that feeling all the time. As I just said, I've gone through a lot of struggle over the last month and a half.

But even just talking about that and just relaying that message to you guys, I just felt it in my body again. That sense of just living at such a high frequency that you know that everything's working out for you, and you know that everything's gonna be okay. And you're trusting that, and you're living by that. And it's such a beautiful feeling, and it's such beautiful emotions to be radiating,

because people will feel that, and they'll gravitate towards you. When you're truly living out of freedom and you're just surfing through life, trusting that everything is gonna come to you, that you're magnetic, that you're unstoppable, and that you're living for you and not for anyone else, people will feel that and literally come towards you like a magnet.

You become magnetic when you truly harness all of your power and you're just like, oh, life is supposed to be free. Life is supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be a series of events that make us laugh, that make us feel joyful, that make us feel inspired to go out in the world and give that light to other people and share our wisdom with other people.

Part of the reason why I left my old career, for those of you who did not know this about me, I used to be a travel influencer and I was traveling all over the world, creating content for hotels and taking photos in different destinations and not complaining, it was an amazing career and I'm forever grateful I got to experience

the things I experienced in that. But it's not fulfilling when you're doing things solely for you, if that makes sense. I felt like I was having all of these luxury experiences, but it felt like I wasn't making any sort of genuine impact. I'm sure I was inspiring people maybe to go and travel and explore the world, which is a beautiful thing.

But for me personally, I felt like I had such a deep divine soul calling, and I wasn't fulfilling that. When I made that leap to transition into self-help and to actually relay my wisdom and my relationship advice and my experiences and start the podcast. After I got to a certain point of doing this, I realized how much happier I was actually helping people

and spreading love and spreading wisdom and spreading my knowledge to people. It's so rewarding to spread love because not only are you connecting with other human beings, but if you can give one piece of advice to someone, and then it helps them make a change in their life, and then they could help the next person

make a change in their life from what they've learned from me or from whoever, and then that person heals and helps the next person, it's like a domino effect of spreading love and positivity and healing the world and changing the next person, it's like a domino effect of spreading love and positivity and healing the world and changing the world. And I think that's the beauty of having a career where you feel fulfilled and you feel like you're completing

some sort of soul mission because you will be able to show up in a way that can help others and heal others, and then that will carry into their relationships, which carries into other people's relationships, and it's like a domino effect where you could be changing the world collectively. The whole world eventually will vibrate at a collective frequency of just joy and happiness and bliss and freedom because you are spreading love and you're spreading good energy. I think tying this back to the decision for me to move,

to get out of my environment, to make a change. I made that decision not only for me, but I think looking at the bigger picture, if I want to help other people and, you know, be a part of this collective community of healing the world and changing the world, I need to be okay. And Dr. Joe Dispenza also made another great point on this video that I watched.

I have to link it somewhere because it was such a good video. But he said, if you're on an airplane and the oxygen masks come down, the instructions are you need to put your oxygen mask on prior to helping anyone else. And the same applies for healing. The same applies for showing up for other people in your life. You can't show up for people in your life if you can't show up for yourself.

You can't help other people if you can't help yourself. You can't spread love and positivity and change the world if you aren't feeling those feelings of love and positivity. It's just not possible. So it's not selfish to show up for yourself. It's not selfish to put your needs first. It's necessary.

It's absolutely necessary. And I love that point he made because in some ways I was struggling with this idea of like, oh, you know, am I stupid for leaving New York at this time in my life? Am I making the wrong move and I should be working harder and pushing myself harder and, you know, creating more content and doing as much as I fucking can to put podcast episodes out.

And then when I was thinking about it, I'm like, I'm not gonna be able to show up as the best version of myself to help other people if I'm struggling like this. If I'm crying myself to sleep, I can't wake up the next day and record a podcast episode pretending everything's fine. I have to authentically show up happy and show up with love and positivity in my heart

so I could help other people. Otherwise, I'm not living authentically, number one. I'm not going to relay the messages properly in the way that I need to relay them. And number three, I'm not going to be able to continue in the way I need to continue and fulfill my life mission and my calling if I'm struggling this much. It's just the momentum is going to die down

and I'm going to fall apart if I don't this much, it's just the momentum is going to die down and I'm going to fall apart if I don't honor my mental health. The point is, it's not selfish to put yourself first and to put your happiness first and to honor where your soul is calling you to go, or to honor what your soul is telling you to do in order to be the best version of yourself. It's necessary.

So what do you want to do with your life? Who do you want to be the best version of yourself, it's necessary. So what do you want to do with your life? Who do you want to be? Who do you want to become? What goals do you have to accomplish? Are you sitting around waiting for something to change magically? Or are you going to take inspired action to get everything you've ever wanted out of life? Are you going to take those risks? Are you going to make those power moves in your life?

Are you going to wake up tomorrow and be like, you know what, I need to take control and I need to take charge of my destiny. And the only way I'm gonna do that is if I make massive power moves. I'm not gonna wait for anyone to hold my hand and walk me through this. I have to take charge of my life.

It's so important to understand that your life matters and you only have one shot. You have one shot, which is right now in this moment, to make a change. And to take inspired action to fulfill your calling or your dreams or your passions, and to not let anyone or anything get in the way of that. Now, I've had people tell me,

oh, you're giving up on New York, you're crazy. My parents were like, what are you doing? And I'm like, listen, nothing is permanent, okay? Everything is fixable. If I make a mistake, if I go somewhere, I'm not happy, I'll come home. If I pack up all my shit and sell everything, which I basically just did, and move across the country and move around the world and I regret it,

it's a learning lesson. I'll take something from it. But if I don't do it, if I don't make the move, if I don't try something new if I don't make the move, if I don't try something new and break out of my bubble, I'm going to ultimately think about the what if. I'm going to sit back in 10 years from now and be like, remember that opportunity I had to go to Bali and learn something new about myself

and I didn't take the jump and I didn't make the leap? I was just, before I started recording this episode, um, one of the guys that also has a podcast, who is in the studio, he just said to me, because I was telling him, you know, I might be going to Bali, I might be doing something different, and he was like, you know what, when you're 70 years old, you're gonna look back and be like,

remember that one year I decided to do something different with my life and take a leap of faith and try a new country. And I was like, yeah, 100%. That's an amazing way to look at it. When you were 70 years old, how do you wanna look back on your life? How do you wanna replay all the memories you have of your life?

Do you wanna replay it on the same loop and be like, oh, I didn't change a thing about myself. I didn't do anything. I didn't take any risks. I didn't, you know, do what I wanted to oh, I didn't change a thing about myself. I didn't do anything, I didn't take any risks, I didn't, you know, do what I wanted to do, I didn't fulfill my calling, I didn't do what I loved, I didn't, you know, take risks in love, take risks in my career.

I just sat on my couch for 30 years straight, doing absolutely nothing. Do you want to look back on your life that way? Or do you want to look back and say, wow, I'm so grateful and so thankful I took those leaps of faith and I broke out of my comfort zone and I was scared and I was fucking terrified

to make those power moves, but I did it because I know that my life matters and we have one life to live and I want to live my life to the fullest and I'm so glad I did that. And also, the beauty of taking risks and freeing yourself from your old patterns and cycles and whatever it is, that you're trying to break free from,

free from, oh my God, that is the biggest tongue twister, break free from, wow. Whatever, break free from... Wow. Whatever... Ha-ha! Whatever it is that you're trying to break free from, nine times out of ten, you're going to be happy you did it just because you lived out a new experience, because you're building character.

It's self-development. It's building your character. Do you know how many shitty people and relationships I've met in my life and been through in my life, and I... even though I'm burned out, I'm drained, I've been through the fucking wringer with people, I don't regret any of it. I still will look back and say, I had those experiences for a reason.

I built my character. It helped me grow. It helped me mature. It helped me grow. It helped me mature. It helped me evolve. It gave me a new sense of purpose to my life. I'm reborn because of those experiences. I've changed and become such a powerful, strong magnetic person and woman. And I'm the woman I've always wanted to be

because of all the shit I've been through. Because I took those risks. Because even though I've had my heart broken multiple fucking times on repeat, no matter what, I know that I took risks. I know that I lived my life with an open heart. I know that I did things I wanted to do and I acted on my emotions

and I wasn't afraid to get my heart broken. I know that I experienced life to the absolute fucking fullest and I freed my soul and I did what I wanted to do in my life because we're all gonna die. And I know that sounds morbid and I'm sorry if that's a little bit crazy to say, but it's fucking true. It's the reality of the situation. We're all gonna die, okay? We have that all in common. Humans are all living this experience in different ways and we all have different life paths and destinies,

and everything is, you know, maybe some things are predetermined by fate, whatever it is, but at the end of the day, we're all gonna die. So do you want to be on your deathbed, saying, oh, I didn't do shit, I didn't take any risks, and my time is up, and I didn't do anything I wanted to do? Or do you want to go knowing that you fulfilled everything you've ever wanted to do and you took leaps of faith in your life and you lived out to the best of your ability the time that you

had and you went on a trip to South Africa because it was your dream or you quit your job for a little bit and just tried to figure out your new passions because you truly weren't happy. Or you left that toxic relationship and opened your heart up to someone new. Maybe you really love that person, but you knew you deserved better and it catapulted you into a brand new relationship where you're finally living out the relationship and the love that you've always wanted. Are you going to make those moves this fall? Are you going to step into your power and free your soul and break free of the chains that are holding you back from achieving everything you've ever fucking wanted in your life? Are you capable of doing that?

I know you are. I know you are. And I know if I could do it, and it's scary and I'm freaking out, I know that you could do it too. I know that if I could do it, you could do it too. I know that if I could do it, you could do it too. The beauty also about social media and YouTube videos and Instagram and TikTok is it's so accessible to see how other people are living

and it's so easy to get inspired by it. So obviously social media has its downsides and its upsides but for me, I use it as a source of inspiration a lot of the time. I'll go on Pinterest and I'll look at things that I want to do. People that I want to meet. Jewelry that I want to buy. Outfits that I want to wear. Whatever it is, it could be materialistic, it could be spiritual, it could be anything.

And get fucking inspired. If other people have it, you could be anything. And get fucking inspired. If other people have it, you could have it too. If other people are living it, you could live it too. If other people are experiencing life in a certain way, you can experience that too, but you have to actually step into your power and believe that you're worthy of those things, number one.

And two, not be afraid. Not be afraid to jump out of your comfort bubble. Not be afraid to take risks. Not be afraid to break free, set yourself free, and live your best fucking life for you and no one else. Not be caring about other people's opinions of what they're gonna say when you do it.

Not be afraid to leave old patterns and people behind, because people will judge you for leveling up. People will say things, or people will get offended that you're leveling up. People will say things or people will get offended that you're leveling up. This has happened to me multiple times where I will level up and I will make power moves and I see people drop off or they'll start getting jealous or they'll start getting like weird

because they're like, oh, you're doing that, you're doing this, Oh, you've changed. I even got a message the other day because I did a photo shoot with Spotify, which is obvious because I work with Spotify. I have a podcast and there were messages from people being like, don't change your personality, don't change who you are. And I'm like, because I did a photo shoot. And also, who cares if I change? Who cares if I level up and become even more magnetic and powerful for myself? Because

that energy spreads positively to other people. If I'm helping people making a difference in a positive way, it's good for me to change. It's good for me to make those power moves. I want to be the best version of myself. I want to keep leveling up. There's nothing wrong with leveling up and becoming a more powerful version of you. There is nothing wrong with that. Don't let anyone tell you there is. Now, there is a fine line between becoming the best version of you and becoming a piece of shit and becoming cocky and arrogant and full of yourself. And I think maybe that's what that person may have been referring to. But the truth is, it's a character thing.

You were always like that, and you were always that way, or you're not. And if you are a person that has a good soul, a good heart, and you ascend in your career, and you become more successful, I guess from a financial perspective or a status perspective, according to the public eye or whatever, your core is never gonna change if you're a good person. So, I don't believe in that concept of,

oh, this person changed. It's either they were always a piece of shit and covering it up well, or they just didn't have the access, or they didn't have the resources and, you know, experiences to act on being a piece of shit, or they were always a good person and they're gonna remain that way and they're gonna remain humble and grateful and appreciative and they are a good, kind person. And I stand by that because I've met so many amazing people who are extremely successful

and they are the kindest, warmest, most loving people I know and I know that they were always that way. And then I've met people that are just fucking awful and I know that they were also always that way. It's a character thing. So it's not about status, it's not about success, it's not about leveling up, it's not about stepping into your power more

and then you suddenly become this piece of shit person. No, it's either you were always that way, or you're a good person. It is your core. And I don't think people really see it that way. And maybe you'll agree with me, maybe you'll disagree with me, but I do. The other thing is the fear of being seen,

and the fear of putting yourself out there, and taking leaps of faith. There's another aspect to it that I quickly want to cover. It's this concept of feeling insecure based on other people's perception of you when you are making a change in your life. So for example, when you are posting content for the world to see online, because everything is social media driven nowadays, it can be easy to get in your head about what other

people are going to think about it. And you post a video and it gets like no engagement and then you're like, I'm a fucking loser. Why did I post that? Oh my God, I'm so stupid. This isn't resonating with anyone. I'm an idiot. Like those thoughts, and I hate to say it because like this is my job and my work, but those thoughts are actually very common and they're very human. We all have

insecurities about posting content sometimes. Now, I know that it can be tricky because you have your friends watching you, your family watching you, your coworkers watching you, your boss may be watching you on your Instagram and you're like, well, how am I going to start posting more authentically? And then they're going to see me for who I really am. And they might be judging me and they might think of me for who I really am, and they might be judging me, and they might, you know, think of me differently, and it's embarrassing, whatever it is. Even sometimes when I post, still to this day, and I've been doing this career and been in the social media space for literally over 12 years,

sometimes I still feel a little bit like, oh, should I post this, should I not? This was stupid, maybe I should take this down. And I get in my head sometimes too, should I post this? Should I not? This was stupid. Maybe I should take this down. And I get in my head sometimes too. So I get it. But at the end of the day, as I just said, the point I just made, we're all going to die

and no one's gonna care. And no one's gonna care that you posted that 30 second video or that 30 second TikTok, even in a week from now, or even in a day from now, people forget things pretty quickly. You are in your head about it way more than you think. You think that everyone is looking at you, but that is 99.9% of the time, not the fucking case.

You are way more invested in their perception of you than they are in you, if that makes sense. That's something else to note. Even when you post a video and it doesn't perform well, or you post a story and no one replies to it, or whatever it may be, if you are trying to put yourself out there more, no one fucking cares. And if you care about their perceptions,

it just feels heightened because it's your own insecurities essentially being projected out into the world and then it'll come back to you and you'll see evidence of it just because you're projecting that energy out into the world. When you come from a place of genuine, I don't give a fuck confidence, everything will change and shift around you because it doesn't matter what you post, it doesn't matter what you say, obviously, as long as it's well-intentioned and it's coming from an authentic, genuine place, nothing matters. It doesn't matter. Because you are living for you, you are posting for you, you are sharing your life for you,

and you're not living for other people's opinions. Why are you living for other people's opinions? None of it's going to matter. So stop living for other people's perception of you and start truly doing whatever you want and honor yourself, honor your passions, honor your calling and live for you and only you. If you're watching this right now, you are so unstoppable, you are so powerful, you are so capable, you are so worthy of everything and more. I love you. Thank you as always for listening to Date Yourself Instead. If you haven't already, be sure to message me on Instagram, atlis,

at dateyourselfinstead. If you enjoyed this episode, if you love the video episodes, I would love to hear your feedback. And be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify as well as check out my masterclass, Dare to Detach, which is all about setting yourself free and breaking free from those toxic cycles and patterns and detaching from who and what is no longer serving your highest good. And my new masterclass, the Mind Body Soul Reset is coming out late October. I am so excited to share that new masterclass with you guys. It's everything I do in my wellness and fitness routine, as well as how to level up mentally,

emotionally, spiritually, and financially, which is so exciting as well. I love you. Thank you as always, and stay tuned for next Monday.