Date Yourself Instead - How to DATE YOURSELF, love yourself, value yourself, and KNOW YOUR WORTH.

Episode Date: August 5, 2024

Dating yourself is the VIBE. It's the mood. It's everything. Dating yourself means knowing your worth. Dating yourself means YOU get to decide what and who makes you feel good. You get to choose what works for YOU. Feel free to dm me if you loved this episode, @lyss or @dateyourselfinstead. JOIN MY MASTERCLASS DARE TO DETACH Doors open August 11th!

The difference in caliber of dating once you actually love yourself. Once you actually date yourself instead, the world just really opens up for you. You have unlimited options. You have unlimited possibilities when it comes to dating because people sense how much you love yourself and care about yourself and your wellbeing. And that is the most attractive quality and energy in the world. When someone feels that you value yourself,

you draw people in like magnets because they feel how good your energy is. They feel that you're in such a good place, that you love your life and that you don't need anything else to define your happiness. You don't need anyone else to define your self-love because you're filling your own cup. And on today's episode, I want to talk about this concept of really dating yourself instead, part two.

I've made an episode about this last year when I was staying in London. I'm back in London again. This is the London series. I always record episodes when I'm out here and it's just so much fun for me because one, I love the studio that I record in. I feel like it's very intimate. It's just a really good vibe because as I record solo episodes sometimes it can be tricky to find a really good place where I feel very comfortable and here it's a really good space. And the second thing is I always have these amazing incredible life altering experiences while I'm in London, good and bad, okay? My journeys

in London have not always been smooth sailing. They've not always been perfect, but they've always been really memorable. And I love documenting everything while I'm out here and sharing it with you guys. I've always gotten really good feedback whenever I'm in the UK. So let's dive right into it. The beauty of being in your power is that you can trust your judgment so much more easily

and then dating becomes so much more fun and light and easy because you're not worried or paranoid or thinking, oh my God, does this guy like me? Are they gonna ask me out? Do I deserve to be treated this way or do I deserve better? You're not really questioning much because you're so in the flow of your own energy and

you love yourself so deeply that you're not so overly invested in what someone else's opinion of you is. Now when you come from a place of neediness, desperation, insecurity, and you're not really sure of yourself and then you start dating, you go into this fear of, oh my God, do they like me? Do they see a relationship with me? Do I have enough to bring to the table for them? But when you love yourself and you're really learning how to date yourself and be with yourself

and enjoy your own company and presence, you'll go into dating feeling entirely opposite. Instead of wondering so much about what their opinion of you is, you're actually asking the questions of, how do I feel around them? How does this situation make me feel? How did I feel after I walked out of that date with this person? Could I see them as someone I really want to be with for the rest of my life?

Sometimes also I realize just talking to you guys over DM when it comes to dating in general, you're so concerned with the current moment, which is a beautiful thing to be in the present, obviously. But you get so fixated and hyper-focused on this one person in the moment because they gave you some compliments and they said, oh, you look beautiful tonight. And then you fall in love with this potential of someone in the moment. Instead of really looking at things from a more objective, logical standpoint and saying, you know what? This is my entire future, right?

If you end up getting into a relationship with someone, you were basically signing up for a commitment, which could dictate a lot of your future. It's important to really understand this because you don't want to commit to someone who's flaky, inconsistent, treats you poorly, isn't providing. You don't want to be with someone like that. But if you're living in the current moment and you're not thinking of the future, sometimes it's easy to get swept up in this like romantic idea of, oh my god, this person is nice, they're saying and doing all the right things.

But are they really the love of your life? Is this person really going to be the father of your children? Is this person really going to be marriage material? Now, if you're just looking for some fun, you're looking for casual fling, you're looking to just live in the moment and enjoy yourself fine. casual fling, you're looking to just live in the moment and enjoy yourself fine. But a lot of you are willing to settle and go for someone and try to commit to someone and be with a person that's giving you fucking nothing. And that's where you have to draw the line and really get real with yourself and say, is this really the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?

Or am I just lonely? Am I scared to be alone and I found a decent connection and now I'm afraid to let it go because I don't have anyone else? Be honest. When it comes to self-love and learning how to date yourself, the beauty of it is once you get to a place of peace being alone, you can walk into any date feeling like you own the conversation, you own the experience and you're in your power. So that person will have to earn your respect. That person will have to earn

the right to spend more time with you. And I never really had this dynamic where I would walk into a date feeling like I owned the energy of the situation. So I'll give you an example. I was talking to a couple of prospects before I arrived in London. I went on a couple of dates while I've been out here. And there was one guy I was speaking to before I arrived who was really, really kind, was texting me often, checking in, very sweet. However, it got a little too excessive where if I didn't reply,

he would blow up my phone 10 more times. And looking back at my past experiences, I was like, this isn't going to work for me. I don't want someone who feels almost codependent or like they're doing too much or they're overcompensating for something. Not my vibe, not into it. There was a few other red flags where I was like, eh, OK.

Quickly eliminated because I didn't want to waste his eliminated because I didn't want to waste his time. I didn't want to waste my time. And in the past, I think I would have entertained it and ended up giving him a chance. But now because I'm so sure of myself, I've done the inner work, I've healed so much, and I'm really focused on maintaining healthy connections for me and what works for me, I know how to eliminate and cut people out quickly and weed out the dust, weed out the people that aren't worth my time. So I ended that before I even arrived in London.

And then there were two other prospects, which are very interesting because it's a very new experience for me to date a few people at the same time. And it's something that I don't want to encourage because it's kind of hard to do. I don't know how men do this. I really don't because I'm so empathetic and I'm so caring that I almost feel like a shithead talking to more than one person at a time. I'm very loyal and I'm very focused on one person at a time usually, but I'm in a season of my life where I'm trying to just go with the flow, trust myself more, have fun, and

not take things too seriously because I don't really owe anyone anything right now. I'm 31. I'm single, I'm just trying to enjoy my life. And I know if I met the right person, I would immediately eliminate all prospects. But when I arrived in London, there were two people. So one was older than me, he's 10 years older than me. And then there's someone else that was a little bit younger than me. So it was a very opposite type of dynamic where there was one person who was, I guess, just gave me more of a mature energy where he's in a place of maybe looking for his wife. Not totally sure how true that is, but just kind of looking for someone to really commit

to and be serious with. And then there's another person that also is looking for a partner, but I don't know what level of seriousness it would be. So I also want to watch myself because I don't want them to listen to this. So bad. Hopefully at the point where I put this episode out, I will have made up my mind and I will know what direction that I went in. Or maybe neither will work out and I'll just be back to fucking square one. Who knows? But it's just been so nice to get to know different people and understand what I'm looking for. And I'm putting myself first. And there's no rules to dating. It's just what makes you feel good

and what makes you feel comfortable. And I think for the first time in my life, I'm just kind of seeing what's out there and seeing what works for me. And right now I'm still figuring it out. So it's a really interesting experience being here because I actually like both of them and I feel like I'm on London Bachelorette. For myself, I've created my own Bachelorette reality TV show which is

hilarious because honestly it's really not like that. It's way less intense and way less dramatic than I'm making it. But just to see my options and then kind of reflect back after each date being like, what makes me happy? What makes me feel good? It's been really an enriching and rewarding learning experience for me in the dating. So yeah, the beauty of really loving yourself and dating yourself and then going into dating is that you really have to do nothing. You have to do nothing. If someone likes you, if a man really likes you, they're going to show you that. And it's going to feel smooth and easy and effortless. You have to be a human magnet. As a woman, I really do believe it's your job to sit back and enjoy and be in your feminine energy. Obviously, it's nice to reciprocate certain things.

If a man is saying that he likes you, you could say, I like you too. You don't have to be cold and standoffish and just expect things in a entitled energy. But when you come from this place of this sweet feminine energy and you're like, I really appreciate you for doing this. I really appreciate the dinner. I really appreciate drinks or whatever it is. That's all you have to do.

Be appreciative, be grateful and stand in your feminine energy. You don't have to lift a finger. I really am learning this as I continue to learn more about dating and what works for me. I don't want to have to bend over backwards to make plans with someone. A man with a plan is so sexy.

It's so fucking sexy. It's so attractive to me to get a text saying, okay, we're doing this tonight. All you have to do is show up and you're like oh this is so nice after being treated like dog shit from so many people after chasing after the wrong guys after throwing myself at a situationship last year where this guy, I would get excited if he texted me after four hours and I'd be like, oh, okay, maybe he likes me. What was I thinking? I think now being in a place of total peace with myself and loving myself so deeply, I

really understand what it means to be valued by a man because when you value yourself, everyone else can value you that way because everything in valued by a man. Because when you value yourself, everyone else can value you that way, because everything in life is a mirror. You can only meet people and experience people as deeply as you've met yourself. And I know that's such a cliche quote, but it's so true. And the way you love yourself is the way people will love you as well.

And I truly, truly stand by that now because I know how deeply I care about my wellbeing. I know I have very firm boundaries now. I know my standards are so much higher than they've ever been in the past. And it's reflecting in my reality and in my current dating life. The people that I'm seeing are so kind, respectful, caring, they're gentlemen. They're actually really good people.

And that's showing me where I'm at in my life and how I treat myself. And it's such a beautiful thing because even last year, not to bring this up again, but it's so relevant because it's like comparing what I went through last year to now. There was someone that was flaky, hot and cold. He wasn't direct with his feelings. He would leave me on read for hours.

He would choose his friends and choose those plans over me. And I would make excuses in a way because I was kind of living in this state of, oh, well, I don't really want anything serious anyway, so it's not a big deal. But regardless of what I'm looking for, regardless of what you're looking for in life, you deserve to be treated well.

Why the fuck not? Why don't you deserve to be treated well? Especially if you have a good heart, good intentions, you're an empathetic soul, you're spiritual, you're connected. If you are a good fucking person, you deserve a good fucking person, regardless if it ends up in a serious relationship or not. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. And I think I'm realizing that now more than ever because I'm having these beautiful real-time experiences with different men that are so great. And you don't have to feel

guilty about someone treating you well. I would feel really shitty and guilty if a man would constantly pay for me. Like back in the day, I be like oh should I pay for his next five dinners if he paid for my first five? I would get so in my head about being treated right and it's not to say you can't offer. There's been times where I've offered or I've done small gestures in return. For example if a guy takes me out for drinks and dinner and then the next day we meet up for coffee I'll cover the coffee just or I've done small gestures in return. For example, if a guy takes me out for drinks and dinner, and then the next day we meet up for coffee, I'll cover the coffee just because I like to.

I like to contribute a little bit for sure and just show that I don't mind doing that because I think it's important sometimes to show acts of kindness, to show that you care, to show that you're willing to contribute a little bit. Okay, you don't have to be stuck up high maintenance, but you really should just be able to enjoy being taken care of.

And I'm enjoying that now where I'm like, I really value a guy that knows how to take care of a woman and I'm able to show up in my way and appreciate it and show him that I care that he's doing those things. Now we'll see, okay? We'll see how this whole dating experience bachelorette episode turns out. There's two prospects and both of them are just

really showing me what it's like to have a healthy dating experience. And my point is, once again, because I want to reiterate this, because a lot of you are waiting around for men that don't do anything for you, or you're clinging on to the potential of fantasy of a man that might commit or might not, or you're sitting by your phone anxious because they haven't made a plan with you after you hung out with them once, and you're like, when's the next date?

You're not gonna have to question anything. You're not going to have to get so inside your head about what they're thinking, because they're gonna make it clear to you. I truly stand by that. You won't have to lift a finger. You should be in the driver's seat. And that's what my dad said the other day. I was on the phone with him. He always gives me great dating advice. And something he said to me was, you

should be in the driver's seat when it comes to dating now. You've been through enough. You've had a lot of life experiences, you've been through a ton of trauma. You get to decide, you make the rules, and you get to choose what works for you now when it comes to dating. Let the ball be in your court. And if it's not the right situation for you, the right man is going to show you with action that he cares enough to make you a priority.

And I think being in London, actually, this time around, every time I come here, it's such a different fucking situation. But this particular time, I have no ties, no exes, no one in my life that's holding me back. I am very much single in my energy, grounded and at peace. And it is reflecting so deeply into my reality and into my dating experiences where even my best friends, I was telling them in my group chat, I met this guy in particular, there is one that does stand out to me a lot and he's just so funny and charming and like ticks every box I could ever want in a person technically for now. And I don't want to say that because I don't want to jinx it, but I just think he's so cool and he's special and he has shown me so much effort.

He's just doing all these things to come see me and to come hang with me and spend time with me and dropping plans to see me and I'm like, oh, that is so kind and amazing and so refreshing to know what it's like to be valued. And it's not to say that I've never had these experiences before, like my last boyfriend in the beginning of our relationship, he was very much persistent, making the effort, showing me that he loved me and cared about me. But that's how you know. The point is, that is how you know if someone is serious about you you will not be going to fucking tarot card readers and Psychics and asking them for advice and I am so fucking guilty of this asking my psychic

for the details of someone's birth chart, oh, he's a Sagittarius and I need to know does he like me and my psychic, who by the way is an amazing psychic, he actually predicted that my ex was... Oh God, should I say this? I'm not gonna say which one, but he told me that one of my exes was living a double life and I didn't believe him. Like I was like what? That's so sketchy. What are you talking about? And that proved to be true. So I'm like you know what? This guy's good and I love him and I literally direct everyone to him. If you're interested you can message me on

Instagram for his info. But anyways, if it is the right person, you're not gonna have to go to a psychic to confirm that. That's my point. You're not going to have to go to some tarot card reader and pull cards on the situation and be like, oh, like, what's this person thinking? Because you're going to know. You're going to just know. Like, you're not going to have to pull apart their messages, screenshot everything they're

saying. And you know how I know this current person is legit. I haven't really asked anyone for his information or anything. I haven't told my friends too much information about it. I'm giving them small updates because obviously it is the early stages. I haven't really spent enough time with this guy, but I haven't questioned that much and I haven't been anxious at all about it or in my head about it. Now, does that mean this person is the love of my life and going to be my husband?

I have no fucking idea, right? You can't really know, but what I will say is, I'm very at ease with it. And I'm not pulling apart the situation and going to tarot card readers. Which, I hate to say it, but the last few guys I've been with, I've done that. And I've gotten really so in my head about it and looking at their astrology charts and our compatibility and all this shit and I'm like, honestly, with this situation, I don't feel like I even need to do that because it's so easy. It's just fucking easy. And when it's easy, you kind of know it's just going to be a good thing.

So yeah, stop throwing yourself at someone. Stop throwing your precious, beautiful, feminine energy out at a man that's not reciprocating his. There's this famous quote, if they like you, you'll know, and if they don't, you'll be confused. And that really hits for today's episode because it's true. I also want to mention that when I went on one of these dates in London, something wild happened, which was I think the universe's way of communicating with me

is through numerology. So I don't actually know that much about numerology, but I'm gonna give you a rundown of what it means to me because I think I just know about it intuitively because I've experienced it firsthand. I was born on January 19th, and 19 has always followed me throughout my whole life. It's just this number that chases me everywhere I go. I see 19 in certain buildings, windows, coffee shops.

I'll be on a bridge. I went to the airport on my way here and I was questioning a lot. I was getting in my head about something and I turn over, look to my left out of the car window and number 19 is just painted on this random side of a bridge as I'm heading into the airport. And I'm like, what the fuck? Everywhere I go, it's just there. And I've been doing a lot of research around this concept of the number 19 lately because it's been so prominent lately

in particular because I've been so prominent lately in particular because I've been more tapped into my energy, been doing a lot of healing things. When I came back from Bali, it was following me a lot. And there's this religious meaning tied to the number 19. And I looked it up and there's a passage. Okay, guys, bear with me here because I'm not religious,

but there's a passage in the Bible and it's 119 and that's my birthday, January 19th. As I said that the lights in the podcast studio just flickered on and off. I don't know if that was a weird, freaky coincidence, but passage 119 is, it talks about how in this idea of people betraying you and conning you and manipulating you, essentially, you can always take a really valuable life lesson out of it. And you could take those experiences and let them guide you and teach you and put it into your purpose. And I found that so amazing and incredible because that's literally what my life purpose has always felt like.

And this number is just always following me. So recently, I've been getting super into this 19 thing because I'm like, maybe this is just a sign that this was my work and my mission all along to help people through my traumatic dating experiences and Turn my experiences and my pain into a purpose So I just thought it was really fascinating. Anyways, I just want to give you that little background because I'm about to tell you something so insane The first date I went on when I got here, we were waiting online for 10, 15 minutes to this wine bar.

And literally, there was a ton of people in front of us, behind us. There was a ton of tables that were booked and we had to wait, okay? And finally, when we get a table we sit down and I'm looking at this guy, he's pouring us wine and I just look at the table and what fucking number is the table? It says it right on the side of the table where he's sitting, 19. And I'm like, does that say 19 on the table? And he's like, yeah, why? I'm just like, what the fuck is going on? It is so wild to me.

There is tons of tables at this restaurant, okay, at this bar, tons of tables. And the one we happened to sit at was 19. And also the fact that we had to wait online beforehand and there were people in front of us, we could have been in any other position online, waiting for any other table and sat down at any other spot. But the fact that I was at the 19th table, it's just so insane to me.

And I feel like the universe always has these different ways of really connecting with us and telling us that we're on the right path and we're doing the right things for ourselves. And for me, that was confirmation that I am in the right place at the right time always. Everything is always working out and aligning for me. Everything is connected and nothing is a coincidence. And that's how I like to live my day-to-day life now, trusting that everything is connected and everything is working in my favor. And when you really live like that, you go into new experiences with such ease and such excitement because you trust that there's a higher power kind of guiding you and leading you exactly where you need to be.

First of all, the date itself was really great when we were in the cave, but I didn't have service in the cave. And there were just so many funny moments. There was one point where there was just a giant rat that like crawled behind me, I guess, and I didn't see it. And he was like, oh my God, there's a mouse behind you. And I'm like, what? And we were literally like underground

in like the streets of London in the dark and there's fucking like mice scurrying behind us and around us. And I'm just like so wine drunk that I'm like, oh, whatever, it's fine. Hi mouse. I was literally just like, hey, it's all good. We're in a cave.

Everything's fine. Meanwhile, if I was sober, I would have probably fucking screamed and ran out, but that's also the beauty of glass of rosé makes you just not really care about much. But that combined with actually just trusting the universe, you really don't give a fuck about anything. And that's the beauty of detachment too.

It's just, you're in such a flow state and you think everything is light and easy and fun and you don't take everything so fucking seriously all the time. Sometimes in the past when I would go on dates there would be this heavy weight attached to it where I'm like, oh, is this person going to be the one? Is this person going to be my soulmate? And it just puts a fucking damper on it because you can't really live in the moment and enjoy it at all because you're so like hyper focused on the outcome. But when you're living in a flow state and you're detached, it can be really fun.

And that whole date was just really funny. But I walked out and I realized that I had no phone service. And I got a little nervous because I was like, oh, this is my first date. The first time I'm hanging out with this person, I don't really know him. And now I have no reception, so I should probably get home. And he ends up walking me home.

And then the next three days, I didn't have cell phone service. And I was like, did the cave like to send me back in this timeline like I'm living in the 1500s and it fucked my phone up I was literally tripping myself out because I had no signal at all whatsoever I couldn't use my phone and it was so scary and especially because I'm traveling by myself I'm like this is not good. This is a problem. So I end up going to the Apple store here and I'm talking to the guy and he's like, oh yeah, there's like an international outage with Verizon.

It's not that you were in a cave. I literally told him, I was like, so I went on this date and I was in a cave and when I came out of the cave, my phone stopped working and he's looking at me. He's like, honey, there's an international outage with Verizon. And I'm like, oh, right. Okay. Nevermind then. And he's like, yeah, you're all good.

It'll just come back. We can't even do anything on our end to fix it. The service hopefully will come back soon. And I'm just looking at him. I'm like, okay, right. So I just told you this story about this crazy date I went on while I was sitting in a cave in a past life and I thought my phone stopped working there and I thought like a spirit took over my phone. And meanwhile, there was just a fucking international outage.

But what are the chances of that? Okay. If you really think about it from my perspective, the second I got into the cave is when the outage happened. So come on, you got to cut me a little slack. It's a pretty good assumption that that's the other alternative of what could have happened. But it was just really funny. Felt like I was living in a little bit of a fantasy film and it's so fascinating to me because every time in London I have these wild stories and that's part of the reason why I'm just so addicted to coming here because I always have a good story to tell and I just thought it

was so so entertaining. I hope that entertained you guys. Okay, so anyways, I'm just going to take a sip of my coffee before we dive into the next part of this episode, which is covering some of your questions that you've sent to me because I love doing this because it all kind of ties together and makes sense after the fact of like why I made this episode and then tying in what you guys want to hear. It just brings everything together and makes it really special and so I went on Instagram I asked you guys what you want to hear from me and what advice you would like. And one of the questions was how you remove an attachment from your ex

because it's been two years, you still can't shake them, you're trying to move on, you're trying to see other people and you just don't know what to do because you still have that string connecting you guys. Even if you try to move on, they're always kind of in the background. I had this exact experience and that's why I'm gonna give you my advice on it.

I promise you, now what if I could promise you that if you actually cut the cord and trusted in a higher power and trusted in your future self more than the current moment that you're going to open yourself up to a brand new timeline with someone that is so much better than your ex. What if I told you that was a possibility? Because it is. Because I'm living it right now. It took me so long to cut every cord from my ex-boyfriend because we were together for a very long time. And any time I would try to cut him, he would somehow get back in my fucking head.

He would do the most to try to get back in my head. It was very manipulative. Looking back, I'm like, what the fuck was he doing? Because he knew that I would always just be there. He knew that if he texted me always just be there. He knew that if he texted me, I would answer. He knew that if he came back and said the right things and did the right things, I would pick up his call. So we often have people like that in our past, in our lives, kind of like weighing down our energy. Even if we try to move on,

even if we try to date new people, if you still have your ex in the back of your head energetically, you cannot fully open up yourself to a new experience with new people, if you still have your ex in the back of your head energetically, you cannot fully open up yourself to a new experience with new people. It's literally energetically not possible. So my best piece of advice is you need to have faith in the future and not be reliving memories of the past and get yourself to this place of visualization where you're literally visualizing yourself with your soulmate, happier in a different reality, with new friends, going on solo travels, living your best life, manifesting whatever you want.

You're holding your life back essentially from clinging on to someone because they're weighing down your potential. They're weighing down your future timeline. They're holding you back from that. What if you saw this golden door with a golden light? I'm thinking of Monsters, Inc. with the doors. Whenever I picture like a door in front of me, I'm thinking of Boo or whatever. Was it Boo?

No. I haven't seen this movie in a while. But you know the doors when they're like opening the doors to see what monsters are behind the doors. Anyways, so it's like that. You have a lineup of doors, right? And then there's a bunch of dark gray cloudy doors with all of your exes. And then there is one giant golden door with all of these incredible opportunities waiting for you behind it. All of these miracles and blessings and manifestations that you've always wanted. It has your dream, path, and destiny behind that door. Wouldn't you open that door?

If that was really physically in front of you right now, wouldn't you? Obviously, it's a no-brainer to open that door and walk through it, of course. But because you don't physically see the proof and the evidence of that right now, it'll keep you stuck. But if I could give you and relay one angel message to you today, it's visualize that door, open it and walk through it. Walk fucking through it right now.

Don't go back to those other doors that are already closed with cobwebs and dust and spiders covering them. Cause every time you go back to an X, that's the door you're opening. So I love that metaphor, I guess you could call it. I love that analogy because if you really do picture it that way, it makes it so much easier to take that leap of faith. And that's a lot of what my Masterclass, Dare to Detach, covers is this concept of faith.

I talk about my Masterclass, Dare to Detach, a lot because it focuses on the art of detachment and you get there by way of faith and having full trust in the universe that there is a better life ahead of you, waiting for you. And you just have to open that door and unlock it. Don't be afraid to do that. Don't be afraid to let go of good for better. That's another part of the Dare to Detach Masterclass, letting go of good for better. That's another part of the Dero Detach Masterclass, letting go of good for better.

Because I've had people come to me and say, well, my ex kind of makes me happy, but there is a lot missing. He doesn't do this for me. He doesn't do that for me. And I feel kind of stuck. And I'm like, well, if you have felt that way for so many years and you feel like something's

missing and you feel empty for the last three years, that's probably not going to change. So why wouldn't you let go of okay or let go of decent for better? What's stopping you? Do you think this is all there is to life? Do you think this is really all that the universe or God or whatever higher power you choose, do you think that's all they really have in store for you? So you have to settle?

Why the fuck should you have to settle? Why? There's no reason why you have to sacrifice so much for anyone. You deserve to have everything you want in this lifetime. You deserve to have a person that you're excited about, that makes you feel better, that makes you feel like a better version of you.

Now, if you're stuck with your ex who makes you feel like garbage, why are you choosing and signing up for a life where you wake up feeling like trash? Like you're not valued, like you're not appreciated. Why do you want to live and be around someone and have someone in your vortex and in your space that doesn't love you?

Why are you choosing a life like that? Snap the fuck out of it. But really, what are you doing? Why are you holding your happiness back? Really give yourself that wake-up call, that reality check. And if you can't, I'm here to do it for you. Replay this episode, this part of the episode a hundred times in the morning if you have to when you wake up.

Stop sacrificing your peace, your happiness, and your self-love for someone who can't be the right person for you. And that's my advice to that question and I hope that was helpful. The next question is what to do if you like someone but they're a terrible kisser? Well, I can give you my opinion. You could run with it or you could be like, all right, I'm not gonna take your advice, but whatever. I can't do that. I can't do it.

I get the ick if someone is a terrible kisser. Kissing is a number one priority for me. Our mouths need to be in sync or else you're not my person. It needs to be good. It needs to feel right. Physical attraction, physical chemistry, sexual chemistry is a huge, huge deal for me. Now if that's not a big priority to you, so be it. But I just find that kissing to me and being affectionate and close to someone, it needs to be good. Now, if you kissed them once and you said it was bad, try again, because sometimes the first one can be a little on the fence. I've had this happen to me before, actually pretty recently, where I kiss someone the first time and I was like, eh, wasn't so great, kind of turned me off,

was like, eh, not really my thing. Just didn't feel like really good chemistry. But I gave it another chance because personality, 10 out of 10, vibe, 10 out of 10, energy, 10 out of 10. I'm like, those things are way more important on a first date. And then we kissed again. And it was amazing, 10 out of 10.

And I was like, wait, okay. Sometimes you just gotta give it a second chance. So give it a second chance, but if it's still pretty bad after a few times, I just, I don't know. I just feel like your person will know how to kiss you the right way. Could be wrong, could be a judgmental thing to assume, but I really do believe that your person will know how to make out with you. That's my opinion on that. And

let's move on to the next question. The next question is a question I actually get pretty often, which is it okay to, one, stay friends with my ex if they are seeing someone else, or is it normal for a guy that I'm seeing to be friends with his ex, or is it normal for a girl that I'm seeing to be friends with her ex, and what is my opinion on it? I'm going to speak from my personal experience. Take it with a grain of salt, if you will. I don't think it's OK. And I'll tell you why.

I used to try to pull this card of being friends with my exes normal. And I really feel like unless you've taken a significant amount of time apart and no contact and you've both moved on in new relationships, yes, can you be cordial, can you be civil, can you exchange a few words here and there, if you see each other, you say hello, it's friendly, of course, no bad blood. But if you're like spending all your time with your ex and then you're trying to date, that doesn't make any sense to me. Because how are you using your energy to still spend time with your ex and then also cater

to someone new? I just don't think it's fair to your new person or your new partner. And I've experienced this both ways. So last year I was seeing someone and my ex was still in my life, back and forth, on and off, texting me, calling me, while I was trying to move on and see other people. And it would weigh in on those experiences because I would end up comparing my ex to those people

and comparing those people to my ex and getting in my head about it. And it wouldn't allow me the opportunity to really open my heart up fully. I wasn't ever giving anyone the proper chance because I was still entertaining and having this like ex energy lingering in the background. As I said before, you can't fully open yourself up to new experiences if you have those energetic ties still being attached to your ex, you can't fully open

yourself up to new experiences if there are energetic cords still tied to people from your past. And I stand by that. I think in rare situations, yes, could you be really good close platonic friends with an ex over a long period of time, of course. But if you just stop sleeping with them a couple weeks ago, and then you're going on new dates with someone else, and they're still texting you, I just don't find it appropriate. And I've done this before, I'm guilty of it, and I'm sure a lot of people have experienced

it on their end as well, where they're dating someone new and they're like, oh, I'm still friends with my ex. It's just uncomfortable. I think it's uncomfortable. I just think it's showing that that person isn't really fully moving on the way that they should be moving on. Now that's my experience. That's my opinion to each their own.

If you feel like it is possible to balance being really close with your ex while also maintaining a new relationship, so be it. But I just find that would be a really difficult and tricky thing to navigate. Now another question that I often get asked is, what are the signs if someone is really invested in you and only you? And I'm going to give you a rundown of what I've experienced. You will feel safe. You will feel comfortable around them. You will not feel anxious. You will feel like you could be yourself. And you will feel that sense of trust, even if

you've been burned from your past. Now, my last relationship towards the end, things got really messy and it ended, officially ended where we've not spoken at all. And I don't think we ever will again, because just shit went down. That was not okay. And I was like, no, goodbye, done, cut, never again. And it was traumatic and it broke my trust for that person. And I felt very betrayed. And I think going into new situations, dating now, I could give my perspective on this.

Yes, it is a little nerve wracking to open your heart up again to dating and trusting and knowing if someone really likes you or not and trusting that someone really appreciates you and values you and respects you or not. Because you have to actually trust in order to take in someone's word. You have to be able to trust them. And it can be hard. Like it could definitely be hard because you're like, well, do they like me? Do they not like me? I was lied to before. I was manipulated before. How do I know?

Are they not like me? I was lied to before. I was manipulated before. How do I know? I think when you know, you know. I think it's just a matter of listening to your intuition and how you physically feel. And even if you feel a little worried, that person will know that you're worried and be able to guide you through it and make you feel more at peace. And before my grandma passed last year,

I was super close with her. She's just, she was like my best friend and I'm gonna get so emotional at the end of this episode. But my grandma is just like such a badass and I would tell her everything about my life and my dating life and my travels. And she would always ask me and call me and ask me for updates. And when I asked her before she died, did you know that

your husband was gonna be your husband before you married him, before you got together? And she's like, yes. It was just easy. It just happened very naturally and I didn't have to question anything. When you know, you know. She said, you'll just know. You'll just know. And that made me really comforted. And I literally recorded her saying it too. So I have it on my voice note. And every time I miss her, I like, oh my god, I'm literally going to start crying. But like, every time I miss her and I need some life dating advice, I can replay that voice memo.

She doesn't even know I recorded her, but I recorded her because I knew that she was going to pass. And I just feel her like guiding me now like through my dating life because I think she wanted to see me get married. And it's just so beautiful to have that and just to be able to relay that to you guys as well. I didn't expect to just start crying at the end of the episode. Also because I don't cry that often in public settings or like around people. It's usually more intimate to myself. I guess I am alone sitting in a studio. But yeah, if I could relay one message to you, it's just about trusting and knowing

that your higher self and your heart will just feel it and you'll know and you won't have to be like asking so many questions to people about if it's right or not because you'll just know. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode of Date Yourself Instead. Thank you so, so, so much for being here. I'm so grateful for all of you for listening. As always, if you haven't checked out the Masterclassclass Dare to Detach, be sure to do that. My website is linked in the show notes and on my Instagram, date yourself instead and at Dare to Detach we have an amazing community there. Everyone is so uplifting, empowering, so inspiring to me.

We're all in this healing together. We're all in this journey together learning more about ourselves growing, learning how to detach from toxic relationships and people and situations in order to become the best versions of ourselves. And it's just such a beautiful community. And also, if you haven't, be sure to rate this podcast on Apple and Spotify. It would mean the world to me.

And if you're enjoying Date Yourself Instead, you could always send me a DM, at list or on my Instagram. At Date Yourself Instead, I feel like I said Date Your yourself instead 300 times, but. I love you. I love talking to you guys. I love chatting with you guys over DM, and it means the world to me that I'm able to

connect with all of you from all around the world every Monday. It makes my day. It makes my life purpose so meaningful, and I appreciate it more than anything. I love you again. Thank you and stay tuned for next Monday.