Date Yourself Instead - How to heal from a heartbreak (you deserve better and so do I)

Episode Date: September 2, 2024

It's time to end the toxic cycles. In this episode, I cover everything I know about going through heartbreak - and what I've learned over the years on how to recover quickly and how to move on. As I reflect back over the last two weeks, I feel like the rug had been ripped out from under me and at first I couldn't understand why...but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason - and the universe always remove someone or something in order to REPLACE IT with something better. Although I spoke highly of this person out of respect, after recording this episode and taking a step back, I recognize that I was mostly definitely love bombed, and no one should have to go through that. JOIN DARE TO DETACH - DOORS CLOSE SOON FOR THE FALL SEASON.

When we're in the midst of a heartbreak, sometimes we don't understand why it's happening to us. We don't understand, we can ask God, the universe, whatever higher power you believe in. For me, it's God. And I ask sometimes, why? Why would it happen to someone with such a good heart? Why would it happen to someone

that wants to give the world to my partner? Why do I deserve to be put through this pain and this chaos and confusion? Why do I have to cry these tears? Why do I have to be up every night with anxiety or feeling worried or stressed because the person I love or the person that I'm choosing to be with doesn't feel the same? I know what it's like to go through a heartbreak. I know what it's like to be in the midst of it. And I had a little taste of it again. Being back in London, and I'm in the studio, and was kind of blindsided. I flew back to London. And I had mentioned

on the podcast over the last couple episodes, I had been seeing someone that I thought was this amazing, amazing person and he is. No doubt about it. I think his intentions are good. I don't want to go too into the details, but I will say the planets are all fucked up right now. I'm super into astrology. It's Mercury retrograde combined with a bunch of other shit happening. The energy just felt off.

When I landed in London, I was going to see him. I was going to also see my friends who were visiting from Bali. I have a lot of friends in London, so I decided to come back here and I pretty much, I don't wanna say the word got broken up with because we were never officially together, but the situation I was in abruptly came to an end

because it just felt like something was off. And I couldn't put my finger on it, but when I landed, it just felt like the vibe was different than it always had been, and everything was so good, and everything was so intense and so amazing. And I really, really liked this person. He has a great personality. He is funny, charismatic. I described him

in the other episodes. You could go listen to them if you want. Over the last month, I've posted a few. But I came into the studio today and I was like, how am I going to talk about this? Because I was so excited about it. And it felt like it just kind of got ripped away from me. And when we had a conversation about ending the situation we were in, I was literally like bawling my eyes out because it reminded me of all the other heartbreaks that I'd went through combined and collectively. I don't know if I was upset over him necessarily or the fact that I feel like I do the most to show my love to try to get close to someone to be vulnerable to open my heart again. And then when something like this happens where it just kind of explodes in your face, you ask

yourself why, right? You're like, why did this happen to me? I feel like I'm doing everything I possibly can to find the love of my life, to find my soulmate. So why does this keep happening? And I wish I had the perfect answer for you, but this episode is going to be just really raw, vulnerable, everything that's going through my head because I'm still kind of processing what happened. I also have grown so much because I know in the past I probably would have stayed in bed

and cried about it for days and I would have been going to my friends and venting about it and I would have just been this hot mess. And because I've been through so much and because I've been through so much pain in my life when it comes to relationships, I'm now able to have this shield of protection. I genuinely feel this angel or guide or whether it's my grandma or God or whatever it is, I just feel this energy constantly protecting me and guiding me whenever really hard things happen like this. So I've actually been doing pretty well. And I feel like I have a lot of clarity and I have a lot of peace just knowing that what's meant for me is never going to pass me by.

The right person is always going to choose me and show up for me. And it's good that it happened now versus in a year from now getting more invested, getting more emotionally attached and involved with someone and then them turning around and saying, my feelings have changed. I don't feel the same about you. That's essentially what happened. Now, I don't even know what's true or what's not. I don't know exactly what happened or transpired in a week's time, but I do think that person has the best intentions.

I'll never speak badly of anyone on my podcast. I always try to approach every episode with love and respect. And I encourage you to, if you are going through a breakup, if you're going through a hard time, the best thing you could do is wish someone well and wish them peace and wish them love, regardless if they hurt you. Because if you hold onto resentment, if you hold onto bitter feelings, if you hold onto anger, it's just really poisoning yourself. And it's just really going to hurt yourself in the long run because those negative emotions will bottle up and fester in your soul and it just doesn't feel good.

It doesn't feel good to hold on to resentment, sadness, depression, anger, of course. So for me, I'm practicing gratitude. I'm grateful for the experience. Also, a really comforting thought. Whenever I'm going through a breakup and I ask myself, why did this happen? I try to find the lesson in what it's teaching me and how it can make me better and how it can make me stronger and how it can make me evolve. And I could look at it and be like, Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed. I went on the podcast and went on and on about how amazing this person was. And in a split second just disappeared.

And now I'm back to square one. Or I could say, you know what? That was an amazing experience. It was a learning lesson. I grew even more. I'm building up my strength even more. My heart stronger because of it, and I'm going to be able to come out of this an even stronger and wiser person, and I'm

going to be able to help other people through this information. The most important thing to me is to be able to go through experiences, be honest and open with you guys, and then relay what I've been through, relay my experiences, relay advice to you. If I could help you all in any way, if you're going through the midst I've been through, relay my experiences, relay advice to you. If I could help you all in any way, if you're going through the midst of a heartbreak, if you're going through pain and your heart hurts right now, I want you to know that in time, everything will be okay. Everything is going to be okay.

I can promise you that. I've been through breakups where I've cried for months and months and felt like it would never get better and I couldn't stop thinking about them and I felt like I would never move on and I healed and I got over that. And I've also been through these types of situations where it's just, it almost felt like a crash and burn type of thing where it was,

I don't know if the word's crash and burn actually, it's like, it's just happening so fast and you think it's so, so good and you think it's going one way and then it just flips the other way. I've been through these situations before. And what it's taught me is that you can't really force anything, okay? You can't force someone to love you. You can't force a connection. If someone's not willing to stand by your side through the hard times, if someone's not willing to see you in all of your mess, if someone's not willing to stand by you even

if not everything is perfect all of the time because nothing is ever going to be perfect and no one is perfect, if they're not willing to stand by you through the imperfections, they're not going to be a good partner to you. And I think that's what I took from this too, because it happened so early that now I could catch it and be like, well, if this person is saying that one small thing changed his feelings, then that's obviously not someone I would want to be with.

Because if you were married to that person, one day they might wake up and say, just kidding, I don't want to be with you anymore. And that's something you have to consider when you are looking for a potential long-term partner, when you're looking for someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Is that person that person? Be real with yourself in the moment right now. That person is showing you their true colors and who they are. Is this the person that you can see as someone you could trust for the rest of your life in sickness and in health? When you have children, when you

have a family, when you build a life together and you invest so much love and energy into them, do you think they're really going to show up for you the way you need in a husband or a soulmate or a wife, if you're a man listening to this podcast? You have to really be honest with yourself and your heart. And in this situation, yes, I thought this person was great, had so much potential, and I thought

it was going in a really positive direction, even though it didn't feel perfect, because I don't expect perfection in anyone. I'm the type of person, Venus and Pisces, okay, this is something that a Venus and Pisces person does, but maybe you can relate. You see all of the good in someone and you ignore the bad. And I've done this with a lot of people. Maybe it's a flaw, maybe it's a good and bad thing. I look at someone and I look at all their potential. I look at how amazing it could be. I look at all the positives. I'm the type of person who

wants to focus on the positives and that's what I do because I think it helps me in relationships in a sense when things are not perfect you're able to work through problems because there's a person that's willing to see the positive in every situation. I am an optimist so I even though there were maybe small red flags throughout the situation, I look at all the positives because I want to see the good in everyone and I also do think this person is a good person. So for me, I'm like, okay, well, I didn't really like this, but there are all these

other amazing things and I'm just going to stick through it because this is what I want at the time. Now not everyone thinks that way. So I think if you're easily scared off and you see one flaw that you don't like or you might have a weird feeling about me or someone in the beginning and it freaks you out easily, there's nothing I could say or do to control that.

And that's kind of what went down. So that's the very generic overview of that situation. I think he got a little bit scared because maybe there were certain things he didn't like about me or there were certain qualities about the dynamic that were intimidating. And whatever it is, I'm trusting God or higher power that that is what was supposed to happen in order for me to evolve and grow. And everything happens for a reason and everything happens in divine timing. So whether this is just a hiccup in a bigger situation and if it's meant to be it will be, I do think me and

that person had a great connection. It's a shame that it kind of got thrown away. It almost feels like it was just knocked out of my life randomly. But what's meant to be will be. And I'm trusting that. And I live by that faith. When you live by faith and not by sight, which essentially means when you're living for a higher reason and you're visualizing there's a reason this all happened versus living in the moment and being like, why did this happen to me? I can't believe this is happening. And you're grieving in the moment.

When you live by that faith and you trust that there is a higher plan at work working in your best interest and God or a higher power or your angel guide or whatever type of spiritual power that you believe in that's guiding you is working in your favor and trying to help you and see you through something, it gets a lot easier. For me, I truly believe that I'm divinely protected. I know my heart's in a good place. I know I deserve true love. The right person is going to give me that and show up for me in the right way. I have no regrets about any of the relationships or things that I've done or said. I wish everyone the best. I've come to a place in my life where I'm so healed that even if someone hurts me, even if someone breaks my heart, I still want the best for them because if they're letting me go, that

means there is someone better for me too. If they don't think I'm the right person for them, that means that there is someone better for me as well because why the fuck would you want to be with someone who doesn't think that you're their person? That's absolutely ridiculous. And when you really break it down, nothing can fuck up what's meant for you. Nothing can mess up what's truly meant for you. And I think another thing that I've been doing a lot to really get me through situations like this

and be at peace with whatever happens is praying and just praying and trusting that there is someone or something out there guiding me in the right direction at all times. And I want you guys to really sit with that. If you're going through a hardship, if you're going through a breakup, whatever it is, if you're struggling with some negative emotions and you really want to move forward, if you need strength, if you need clarity. Write down what it is that you need and pray on it. Now, I know not everyone is religious here. I know I'm

sure there's a lot of people who don't believe in God. I know that we live in a world now where everything is a lot more free-flowing and just more about spirituality and not necessarily about religion. But I will say as I've gotten older, as I've gone through more hardship, as I've gone through more heartbreak, having someone or something to turn to in the midst of it has been so life-changing and so powerful for me. And I know it'll be powerful for you too. Now I'm not preaching any sort of religion on you,

but I will say, if you have something or some higher energy or power to pray to and just ask for clarity or guidance, it will make you feel comforted and safe and protected at all times. And that's what I've been doing because I don't really have another option. And I wanna be the best version of myself

where I'm able to stand in my power and feel good and feel happy and wake up every day excited. And I think this situation in particular with this person was definitely weighing me down and hurting my heart. And when I look at it from that angle as well, I'm like, well, am I being real with myself? Was I truly happy? I was, I definitely was happy.

But when you start to feel someone pull away, things change and I was getting very anxious. And I know you guys who've been listening to the podcast for a while, when you start getting anxious all the time, when you start getting anxious all the time, when you start getting worried all the time, where you feel on edge like something's off, your gut is always right.

Your gut's always right. And for me, as a woman with very strong intuition, I had to be the one to be like, listen, something feels off, we need to talk about it. And we talked about it. And lo and behold, I was right, because you just know, you know when something isn't aligning with your higher self anymore. You know when you deserve better. And yeah, that's pretty much it. And I wanted to make

this episode because even though my ego was a little bit bruised, because was also like oh my god I just made all these episodes about how amazing dating is in London I'm having the best time and this guy's amazing I don't take any of that back I still as I said I still don't regret anything that I've ever said or done but I guess this is a learning experience for me as well and living through it with you guys and sharing what I've been through, hopefully will help some of you who are also going through a situation like this, or maybe you've been through a situation like this

in the past where you thought everything was amazing and then it backfired. Or maybe it's just also good for me as like a way to kind of lay out everything that happened because this is so recent, this happened two days ago. So I'm still processing it, it's still Mercury retrograde. I do believe that during Mercury retrograde, not to blame astrology or anything, but there's a lot of things that just go so backwards and sometimes it doesn't feel real because you're like, I don't think this is an

accurate reflection of what's actually happening. If that makes sense. You're like, something just feels a little energetically off in the universe right now. And I guarantee you everything is going to smooth over and be fine. And that's kind of what my higher self has been also telling me. It's this is just a blip in time, no matter what the outcome is, just trust and stay calm and stay grounded. You know your power, you know how much you've

been through and there's no reason to let this dictate the rest of your trip because I'm still here. I'm still in London and I actually had a really incredible day yesterday. It was so beautiful here. The weather has been incredible in London also, just a side random note, but usually when I'm here, it's always raining. And these last couple of days have been sunny. London summer is next level incredible. And then it makes me want to move here because I'm like, oh my God, when it's not raining, it's the best city in the world.

And then what it is, I'm like, get the fuck out of here. But no, it's truly just beautiful. It's truly incredible. And I have been having so much fun. It was the Taylor Swift concert. I didn't actually go to the concert, but there were so many people here in the city for Taylor Swift. And it was so crowded.

It was actually insane. It's the most crowded I've ever seen London in my life. And like every hotel was fully booked out. It was just, it was a little bit chaotic, but it's just such good energy and such good vibes here. So I think that's also been powering me through because the sun changes everything for me. I'm a big sun person. I love being outside.

I have seasonal depression, I think. So when I see the sun in London, it's rare, but it's so special. And I went out with a couple of my friends yesterday. I went to Battersea, which is like this new upcoming development area in London. And it's really futuristic. It kind of reminds me of Dubai. It's really, really cool. We spent some time there. We went to rooftop. We got some drinks. I went to Nando's for the first time. It's really, really cool. We spent some time there. We went to rooftop. We got some drinks. I went to Nando's for the first time. It's pretty crazy because I've been to London so many times. I've never been to Nando's. But my friend Ben who's here, he was like, you've never been to

Nando's in London? We have to take you right now. So him, a few of his friends and I went to Nando's and Battersea. It was amazing. The chicken burger was incredible and had a really good day. And despite everything that happened previously where I was like bawling my eyes out, the next day I woke up and I said a prayer and I was like, you know what? Everything's happening for a reason.

I can't change what's going on in the moment. I just have to let go and relax. And that's also what my master class theory detach is about. And I want to live by my truth. I want to live by what I'm teaching. And that is the art of detachment right there. It doesn't mean you don't care. It doesn't mean you don't have feelings. It doesn't mean you don't want to be with that person, but if it's just not working and something's not clicking, the only thing you could do is shift your energy and trust and have faith that everything is happening for a divine reason. So when I went through that, I don't know to call it breakup or I broke it off with this

person, I woke up the next day and I was like, you know what? I truly feel no matter what happens next, I know that I'm being guided in the right direction and I have to believe that. And if that's true, there is no reason for me to cry or be sad or upset anymore because I know I deserve amazing things in life. I know I'm an amazing person

and the right person will show up for me. The right person would be in my life if it's meant to be. So I switched my energy. I switched my energy. I did the quantum jumping meditation in my Dare to Detach masterclass, which I absolutely love. I visualized myself in a totally new place with totally new energy, feeling strong,

feeling empowered, feeling confident. I love the meditations in my masterclass because they truly work. They are the meditations that I use specifically. There's a lot of stuff out there. I know there's a lot of people selling courses and selling masterclasses. This is the only thing I promote because this is exactly what I do when I need to reset and move on from something. When I know that I need to get my shit together and get my life in order and I need to detach in a healthy way.

Okay, as I said, detaching doesn't mean you don't care. It doesn't mean you're numb. It doesn't mean you're heartless. It's the opposite. It means you can love deeply. You could be the amazing person that you are, but you won't allow pain to hold you back. You won't allow someone else to weigh you down.

You won't allow that person to ruin your life. You're still going to carry on and be the boss ass bitch that you are and heal and grow. And the right people and circumstances once you detach will come into your life like magnets. You will draw people in like magnets. You will draw situations that are better for you in like magnets because you are standing in your power and that's what it's all about. I also had some messages the other day because I've been promoting Dare to Detach on my Instagram, the at date yourself instead Instagram and there were people messaging me about how all of their exes

are coming back magic within taking the first or second day of the course. Their exes are coming back into their life. And they're saying, I don't know what to do with this, because I'm trying to move on from them. I'm trying to detach. Isn't the point of detachment to completely get them out of my vortex, to completely get them out of my life?

And I said, listen, detachment is going to come with things like that sometimes, because when people feel your energy shift away from them, they're going to come towards you, right? But the point of the course isn't to get your ex back. That's not the point of Dare to Detach. The point of the course is to put you in your power so you get to decide what works for you and what doesn't,

so you get to make the rules of your life. They might come back, they might not. I'm not gonna guarantee that. But if they do come back, you're in your power enough and you have clarity enough after taking the course to decide what works for you and if you wanna keep them around, if you want them in your life.

Because you might level up so much to the point where you're like, you know what? I know I deserve better, so why would I take them back? It might feel actually wrong for you to go back to them after the course because when you start knowing your worth and you start loving yourself so deeply, everyone who treats you like shit is going to look like a turn-off to you. Everyone who doesn't appreciate you and value you and love you properly is going to be a fucking turn-off to you.

That's what the course is designed to do. It's to teach you how to love yourself. It's to teach you how to detach in a healthy way, stand in your power, value who the fuck you are. And if they do come back, great. If that was the goal, great. But you have to be honest with yourself and decide if that's actually going to work for you. And I've had a lot of people go through this and they're like, I don't know what to do. And I'm like, that's up to you. I'm not gonna make your life decisions for you. But at the end of the day, be real with yourself.

Do you wanna go backwards after you've done so much healing and work on yourself you've invested in a course? Do you wanna go back to that toxic pattern? If they've also changed and you know that they've changed and they've done some work on themselves, great. Then maybe it can work. But I just wanted to clarify that because that's what true detachment is all about. Standing in your power and then you get to make the rules of your own life. You get to create your destiny.

Do you want to stay with someone that's going to keep mentally hurting you or making you feel small, making you feel like you're not worthy. Do you want to entertain a relationship that is not right for you? Or do you want to detach, level up, stand in your power, be the best version of you, and then invite your soulmate in? Invite someone who's actually going to be on your level to appreciate you and worship the amazing, incredible person that you are. You get to choose. Well, that being said, I think I'm in a place right now where I probably have to

take my own course again, take my own master class again. But you know what? That's amazing. I'm excited. I'm excited to dive back in and revisit the materials. I actually, as I said, just did the quantum leaping meditation yesterday and as I was falling asleep. It has these theta wave sounds where you basically just pass out like you could fall asleep pretty easily from it. But it helps your brain rest, rewire,

and reset and it's really helpful. So if you're interested in learning more about data detach, if you're interested in taking the course, you can always visit my Instagram at date yourself instead. It's linked there or in the show notes on the podcast below. Anyways, I'm going to take a sip of my coffee and maybe a sip of water too because your girl's a little dehydrated after talking. Going on a rant about this whole London mess. Okay, I have this app on my phone. It's a Bible app. Don't get scared. Don't get freaked out.

Okay, I just want to read you something. I'm going to remove the word God and replace it with higher power or universe just so it can resonate more with everyone. You don't have to download the Bible app, okay? I know a lot of people might be like, what? No, I'm not Christian, whatever it is. I'm not Christian. It's fine, okay?

I might sound more religious than I am, and it's not a bad thing. I just have been getting more into this concept of following a higher power because it really has healed me and helped me, and I want to guide you guys, and I hope this will help. Today's devotional, which applies perfectly to the episode, was so powerful and I'm going to read it to you guys. Trust a higher power even when you don't understand what's happening in the current moment. Sometimes we face life's issues and wonder why God or higher power has not stepped into help. Perhaps he has already helped us though, and we just don't see it yet.

There is a blessing in the breaking, okay? There is a blessing in the chaos. If you feel like you're in the midst of pain, of a heartbreak or something tragic, and you're like, what is going on? I need help. I just don't understand why this is happening. You may be being guided. You might be being guided, but you just don't see it yet. You might actually be on the way to such a better path, but you just don't physically see it yet

in the physical reality. So that's when I say when you trust in a higher power and you actually look ahead of what you're currently physically going through, that's what's going to get you to the next level of your life. You're not going to stay stuck in your past. You're not going to stay stuck in the present even. You're going to be envisioning a better future for yourself. And that's a key of detachment also because you don't want to be stuck in the past, living past memories, thinking about this person, having sleepless nights because you're like, oh my god, they were the love of my life. Oh my god, they broke up with me. Oh my god, they don't love me anymore.

No, you're like looking to the future and you're trusting that there's a higher plan ahead. So you're like, wait, maybe this is a higher play at work, helping me and guiding me even though I can't see it yet. It's all about having that faith that everything is working in your favor. And I'll give you an example that's not even tied to really relationships, but when I was poor, like literally broke,

and I had negative money in my bank account a few years ago, it was so hard to see the future because you're spiraling mentally. You're like, what am I gonna do about my finances? I have no game plan. I have no idea what I'm doing. And it's hard to see a future clearly because you're like, well, I have no money. So I have no money now. So what am I going to do? Right. And something I did was envisioning myself super successful, super abundant, having everything I've ever wanted. And it was hard, it was easier said than done, but I had faith that everything was going to turn around.

I truly did. I always wrote down my manifestations. I always wrote down manifestations about money. I was like, I'm going to be rich and wealthy and successful and hot and sexy and powerful. And I'm going to be the best fucking version of myself. I made vision boards. I was waking up every day and literally saying affirmations non-stop, reprogramming my brain and truly, truly with all my heart envisioning this higher person. I'm like, I know I'm gonna

get there. I know it's really hard in the moment, but I'm gonna get there. And when all of that was happening, okay, I was like, why the hell is this happening to me? Because I don't even know how I got myself in that position where everything just crumbled to the ground and I felt like my business collapsed. COVID ended my travel career. There was just so many domino effect things happening where one bad thing was happening after the other essentially.

And I was like, what is going on? What is going on? But there was a blessing in that because not only did I get severely humbled because I had a very successful business in my early 20s and I was making a lot of money and then it all disappeared, not only was I very humbled but it gave me the strength to rebuild my confidence when it came to my business and entrepreneurship and my work. It gave me the courage to restart my life and I didn't know that I needed that at the time,

but I wouldn't be the woman I am today and how confident I am in my career. And I wouldn't be doing the podcast. I wouldn't have any of what I'm doing right now. I wouldn't be able to help anyone because I would have been probably stuck in a past reality where I was still trying to maybe travel blog or do something different.

I wouldn't be doing the work that I'm doing today if I hadn't gone through that shit. And so in real time when that was happening, I was like, why, why, why? What is going on? What did I do to deserve this? Like, I can't even afford to pay my rent. Literally. I was like asking my parents for money and my ex-boyfriend who, that's a whole other story, but he also helped me pay my rent because I was just broken, I had nothing. Went from that to now I'm able to fully support myself,

I'm very successful, I have everything I've ever wanted, literally have manifested my dream life in two plus years, like not even three years. And at the time it felt like the impossible was happening to me and my world was going to shit. And now I look back and I'm like, I needed that period of time to learn more about myself to learn more about the value of being abundant and having a positive mindset around money and healing my relationship with my finances because I don't think I had a good money mindset over those over that period of time at least I had all these negative beliefs about money

that I was never going to get to where I wanted to be and just going through that type of situation reset my brain I had to start from scratch I had to rebuild my life and my career and my identity from zero. And I am so fucking blessed and grateful I went through it. Even though it was so difficult, it was really difficult. I think people also look at me now if you're just following my podcast as of recently, you see my Instagram, you see my travel, I do all these things. You're like, oh, she came from money or oh, she was always rich. She has this Instagram. She's making millions of dollars, whatever.

That is so far from the truth. Every dollar I've made, I've earned for myself, by myself. I've worked so hard to get to where I am today. I've had to rebuild so many parts of my life in order to become successful and become the woman that I am today. And I'm proud of it. I have no shame speaking about money or my success or anything because I know I worked for it. I know I worked for it and I put my heart and soul into it and it was not handed to me.

It was not handed to me and people might assume that but it wasn't and yeah, it's a learning lesson for me whenever I go through something really serious like that, really hard like that, whether it's a breakup, whether it's financial issues, or anything else. If you lost your job, if you lost a loved one, something negative at the moment and where it feels really, really difficult for you at the time, there is something to be learned in that regardless of what it is. There is something that you could take away from that and when you really look at it from that perspective and then once you get to the other side, you'll realize why things happen the way that they did and I guarantee you you'll be grateful for it. You will be grateful for it. It might be painful, it might be hard, but eventually you will be grateful for it. It might be painful, it might be hard, but eventually you will be grateful for it.

It will change the trajectory of your life more oftentimes than not in the best way possible. But sometimes it's just hard to see. So I'm going to go back to this app and read you what else I pulled from it because it was really powerful. We do not know how God intends to work out our issues because it's usually not how we expect it. Lean not to your understanding. When we don't quite understand what's going on in our lives, it's important to put it in God's hands.

Lean not to your own limited understanding, but stand confident knowing you can trust God and depend on God. Do you believe He's working it out for your good? Because I promise he is." It's basically everything I just said. In the moment, you have limited understanding of why things are happening the way they're happening. In your physical reality, you don't

get why that person broke up with you, because you're like, what the fuck? What did I do to deserve that, right? You're like, why would this happen to me? But you have limited understanding. You can't see what God sees, or you can't see what your angel guides see. You can't see the future and why things are playing out

the way they're playing out in real time. So instead of overanalyzing why, why, why, like why the fuck did this happen, So instead of overanalyzing why, why, why, like why the fuck did this happen, look ahead and trust that it is happening for you and not working against you. The universe wants to see you happy. I've said this on many episodes, but it's fucking true.

The universe wants to see you succeed. It wants to see you happy. And sometimes shit will hit the fucking fan in order to give you succeed, it wants to see you happy, and sometimes shit will hit the fucking fan in order to give you a reality check and a wake-up call and make you grow. Now, I think another thing, talking about making you grow and having to jump outside your comfort zone, that's a very uncomfortable feeling.

It's actually the scariest feeling in the world, even going from a four-year relationship to completely cutting ties with that person. That's four years of your life, right? And I'm sure there's people listening to the podcast who have been through longer marriages or longer relationships with kids with so many memories, so many things. When you've built a life with someone and you've built so much with someone and so many memories and you have those attachments, it's almost like, how could I ever let go? How could I ever change my reality?

How could I ever live in a reality without this person? Because your brain is so used to it. It's so familiar. It's so comfortable. It's all you know. You've cultivated this whole reality with another human being. And to have it ripped away from you, you're like, how the fuck am I ever going to have a reality without that person?

Now, I look at it this way. Yes, it's really scary to leave. It's terrifying to leave. It's really uncomfortable to walk away from a relationship where you felt like you've invested your whole heart and soul and you've built a life with that person. But what if there is something better for you that you just can't see? Because if you're miserable and you're unhappy and that person isn't treating you right or that person doesn't love you anymore or whatever it is, there has to be something

better. There has to be. There has to be something better and I always say this because it's fucking true. You don't deserve to live in misery. You don't deserve to live in anxiety and despair and wondering if that person's cheating on you and wondering if that person cares about you. There are so many people in this world that would love and adore and cherish you and care for you the proper way. So why are you settling in a situation where you're miserable? Now every relationship goes through hard times, ups and downs, right?

Energy ebbs and flows. When you mature and you've gone through a lot of different types of relationships, you'll realize that nothing is smooth or perfect 100% of the time. Going through this situation just now with this person, so fresh, and obviously we weren't dating for that long, but it was so intense where I did think this person was like a soulmate or something. Maybe he'll listen to this and be like, what the fuck? But that was my reality, okay?

That was what I felt. I saw the potential of something incredible happening. And I was like, we get along really well. This could be really good. And to have that pulled away so suddenly, that's really shocking to your brain and to your system. Like at first I was like, what the hell, right? You're in such a state of shock because you've cultivated this reality in your brain where you're like,

this feels good, this is comfortable, this is what's happening. And then to have that flip overnight, it's like a complete shock to your brain and fear snap. And then fear creeps in, right? Fear will flood your brain. Fear will flood your brain. Fear will flood your body. Your fight or flight system will be like all over the place and you're going to be like, Oh my god, what do I do? I need to try to hold on to this. I need to try to make this work. I need to try to like do X, Y and Z to make sure this person doesn't leave me and you freak out. So when we were like

discussing everything, I was like, can you not leave right now? Cause I was like hysterically crying. I was like, can you please just stay here for a minute? And I just need to process what's going on. And the more we were talking and the more we decided that this wasn't working, I was like, okay, well, this has to be happening for a reason. Because obviously, if one person isn't invested, right, what am I going to do? Am I going to beg him to stay?

Am I going to beg him to try to see the potential of a relationship that could be so amazing? Am I going to beg someone to see what I see? You can't force it, right? You can't force someone to see your perspective on something. They have to be willing to grow and change and evolve in order to meet you there. And if they're not, no matter how hard it is to walk away, whether it's a four-year relationship, whether it's this, there has to be something

better than if they're not willing to give you what you're looking for, right? There's that quote, you're not asking for too much, you're just asking the wrong person. What I was asking for with that person might have been a big deal to him. I was like, you know what, I want to travel with someone, I want to build a life together with someone, like I want something real and serious. And maybe that was just too much for him to handle. Maybe he was scared or intimidated that, like, it was too far out of his comfort zone.

But you can't fucking grow. You can't grow. You can't evolve. You can't ascend to the next level of your life if you're choosing the same reality over and over again. If you're choosing to stay stuck in the same bubble on repeat, you can't evolve to the next level of your life. You can stay comfortable and that's fine if you want to stay comfortable. That's the thing. I respect anyone who chooses anything for their life if they're happy, right? If you are truly happy staying comfortable in your comfort zone,

whether it's in a relationship, whether it's in a job, whatever it is, I'm so happy for you. But if you have this itch in the back of your mind, saying you want more out of life, saying you know you can get more out of life because you're so special and you're so unique and you're so different and you have that potential, life is so fucking short, right? Why not try? Why not break out of your box and try to do something different or take a risk or take a risk in love

or take a risk in your career? That's just who I am. That could be very overwhelming to the average person or anyone. I don't know. Maybe I'm too much. Maybe I'm too much for a lot of people. But I know, point being, I know that I'm not going to be too much for the right person.

So maybe the person I'm supposed to be with is someone in my industry, someone that might have a different type of career in entertainment. I don't know what the answer is, but I truly believe that if someone isn't on the same page as you in terms of growth, in terms of wanting to change or whatever it is. If someone's not giving you what you're asking for, there has to be something better. There has to be something better waiting in store and you deserve the world. You deserve someone that can meet your needs and vice versa. I'm willing to also because this is just who I am willing when I'm dating anyone to see their perspective, to see their side, to understand them and to not adapt to them but to understand them enough to make

them feel comfortable about what they're doing. I respect anyone in any career field. I respect anyone's opinions or perspectives on anything because I'm very open-minded as a person. That's just who I am. Moon and Sagittarius, okay? We're very free thinking, open minded. If someone has the opposite perspective from me, I actually like it because I like hearing the differences in people's view of the world. I like hearing that. I like talking to people about their perspectives when it's so opposite from mine because it helps me grow. It helps me see things in a different way. And the truth is having differences with anyone could be a really positive thing because,

as I said, you can learn from that person but they also have to be willing to grow with you as well person, but they also have to be willing to grow with you as well and willing to see your side as well. And that's what a relationship is. Relationships, I've learned this just from going through so much, they're never perfect. No matter what it is. My parents have been married for 40 years, okay? They met when they were in their 20s. They've been through a lot of hardship and they always

tell me nothing is going to be 100% easy all of the time. They're still married, but they've had roadblocks, they've had bumps, they've had periods of time where one felt stronger than the other, right? They've had periods of time where one almost walked out maybe, or they went through financial hardship. My dad went through financial hardship, my mom went through her own thing with finances. Throughout 40 years, shit's going to happen, okay? You're not just going to go in one straight line and go up this mountain and never peak and then come down. It ebbs and flows. Life ebbs and flows. Energy is never constant when it comes to another human being, because you're both learning. You're both learning about yourselves. You're both going through your own things.

You have health involved. Maybe if you have kids, it's your kids coming into play. There's so many factors involved and things change. So you have to find someone that's willing to stick it out with you no matter what. You have to. It's not about things being perfect and, oh, this is my perfect soulmate partner, let me write down a list of every single thing this person needs to have. Looks fade, okay? Physical looks fade. Sexual things are important, but they kind of fade in a way because at the end of the day, what's going to hold your

shit together with someone in a relationship? Mutual respect. My grandparents who were happily married until the day they died have told me this. They mutually respected each other forever. They always heard the other person out. They always communicated clearly and had open discussions. They were willing to let the other person have their independence and be their own person and preserve their identity. They were willing to give that person that space and that freedom no matter what, but to have mutual respect for each other, to communicate clearly, and to want to grow and evolve together and see that person grow old.

That's how you know it's real, right? It's not about the small things like, oh, today I don't like you as much, or, oh, like, you didn't do what I said I wanted you to do. You didn't fold the clothes. You blew me off for dinner. Whatever it is. It's not about that shit, because that shit's going to come up and happen occasionally. It's about the long-term sustainability. Is that person going to be by your side when things get really fucking hard?

Is that person going to be by your side and take care of you when you're not feeling well? Is that person going to show up for you when your life has gone to fucking shambles? Be real with yourself. If you're currently with someone that is treating you like shit now and not showing up for you now and you're not even married? You're not even engaged? Whatever. Really think about it.

Is that going to change? Is that the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Someone who's not dependable? Someone that is going to walk away the second things feel a little off? No. No. And I'm not applying this to the situation I was just in. walk away, the second things feel a little off. No, no. And I'm not applying this to the situation I was just in. That was like a very quick two-month thing, whatever.

I'm giving this advice objectively for anyone in a relationship situation right now where they're not happy, or they feel like that person isn't giving enough, or they feel like that person isn't reliable, they keep getting canceled on on or whatever it is. Just be honest with yourself and the longterm and your future with that person. Look at their true colors. Look at what they're showing you now. If time and time again, they're not showing up the way you need them to.

Have the courage and the strength to walk away because when you let go of good for something better it will always come to you in divine timing. If you know you deserve better you probably do. I know I say these things a lot but they're good reminders and I want you guys to really realize that and understand that. I know everyone listening to this you have the most amazing hearts, all the messages I get, all the love I get on the podcast, all the DMs I receive. Thank you so much as always. I love you so much. I appreciate you and I want the best for all of you. I want you guys to have the best

relationships. I want you guys to be happy in love. I want you guys to succeed in your life and to wake up every day excited to take on the world. I want you to feel in your power and that's what I'm here for. And if you've been taking any sort of inspiration from the episodes, that's all I want. I just want to help make you feel better and I hope I'm making a difference or an impact on you. If you ever want to chat with me, I always check my DMs at dateyourself instead. I get a lot of them, but I try to go through them. I see them. If I don't reply right away, I still usually see them. I love you. Thank you so much as always for listening to the podcast. I hope that episode can help at least one person today. If you liked it, always send me a message

on Instagram. And if you haven't already, check out the masterclass, Deer to Detach. I know it will change your life, and rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify. It would truly mean the world to me. I love you, I love you, I love you, sending you all the good vibes and energy today, and stay tuned for next Monday.