Date Yourself Instead - How to let go of the toxic cycle, set boundaries, and move on

Episode Date: March 11, 2024

You shouldn't have to threaten someone in order to stay with you. You shouldn't have to lower your values or your boundaries to stay inside of a relationship. You shouldn't have to compromise your own needs or give up parts of who you are for someone else. In this episode, I dive into ways to let go of toxic relationship cycles, how to set healthy boundaries, and how to truly move on and be your best self. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to rate it on Spotify and Apple. JOIN THE DARE TO DETACH MASTERCLASS HERE Use code SELFLOVE for a discount at checkout. Spots are limited.

It should never take them losing you in order to value you. It should never take you having to walk away or threatened to walk away and have to go through indescribable amounts of pain in order for someone to miss you and to know what they've lost. It should never take substantial amounts of energy and effort to prove your worth to another human being.

You deserve someone who sees your worth right away and you don't have to play any games. You don't have to pretend you're someone you're not. You don't have to sugarcoat anything. You don't have to hide pieces of yourself or manipulate situations in order for them to commit to you or want to be with you. They should just want to be with you and accept you as you are. If anyone shows you that they don't value you or respect you, if

someone continuously does things that makes you feel unworthy or small or like you're not good enough for them, it is time to walk away. Especially if you've addressed how you feel to this person and then they continue to repeat the same actions and do the same things over and over again. That's when you know you need to gain some self-respect and it's time to walk away with no regrets. You have to trust that walking away from this person is a decision you're making for not only you, but also for your higher future self that will thank you

and also for your inner child. Remember that you would have loved this person future self that will thank you and also for your inner child. Remember that you would have loved this person through anything, but they couldn't do the same for you. You would have stayed with them through anything, but they couldn't do the same for you. You accepted this person as they are inside and out even when they were that toxic, but they still won't give you what you deserve or what you need. You deserve the type of love that you offer because why not?

Why are you continuing to settle and lower your value and lower your standards for someone who will never be able to meet you where you're at? Now, before I really dive into the full episode, I want to mention my masterclass stair to detach because it ties in perfectly with the topic of today's episode, which is how to set healthy boundaries and really get over that toxic relationship as quickly as possible. The Dare to Detach masterclass is open with limited spots available this time around.

And if you've been holding on to someone who's toxic, who can't see your worth, or who never saw your value, this course was made for you. If you feel truly stuck and held back by someone in your life, or if you just feel held back in general and you can't seem to figure out your why or your purpose, if you feel called to make a huge change and upgrade your life and shift your identity and who you are, this masterclass was made for you. You get four days of videos instructed by me, detailed workshops on the power of letting go and rewiring your subconscious mind, you get the meditations I use to get over my breakup really quickly,

and an exclusive private group chat with all of our members, which is the best part of all because we're all in this journey together, healing and growing and evolving and up-leveling. You get unlimited access to classes, so once you have the course, it is yours to keep forever, and you could go back to it and revisit it at any time. You also get instant access to the course via email, so the second you download it, it goes straight to your email and it's yours to keep forever. Remember to use code selflove at checkout. And also you can find the link to the course in the podcast show notes or on the Instagram at dare to detach as well

as my podcast Instagram at date yourself instead. I cannot wait for you to join us. I'll see you there and let's dive into the episode. It is not your job to prove your value or your worth or who you are to anyone. How exhausting is it trying to keep up with someone who is never going to see your value anyway? They're never going to fully commit to you anyway. They're never going to be the person that you need regardless because they just don't have that emotional capability or capacity to be that person.

You cannot change someone or how they feel about you. You can only change how you feel about yourself and what you choose to do with the people around you in your life. You can either keep those toxic people as a part of your journey and you can continue to suffer or you can choose to make the powerful decision to let go and attract better people into your life so you can be happier. You are chasing a ball that continuously rolls further and further away and your inner child is the one chasing it.

Your inner child is the one usually begging for more love and begging for reciprocation because that child is wounded. Maybe you didn't get the love and affection you needed as a young child. During your childhood, maybe traumatic things have happened that have shaped you into the person you are today, and it has wired you to think you need to beg other people for love and affection. I know for me, that was definitely the case in some aspects where I felt like I constantly needed to be validated by men, because I wasn't getting that validation in my childhood. It's a very common dynamic,

and it happens to a lot of people. And as we get older, you'll often notice the dynamics we experience as children often infiltrates into our relationships romantically. And this can be fixed, that's the beauty of it all. Through healing and through addressing the issues and addressing these patterns and cycles that we go through, if we truly tackle them head on

and we really wanna change and be better and heal, this is fixable. And that's also why I love listening to self-help podcasts. I love listening to self-help YouTubes. I love reading self-help books because if you really want to change, you can absorb knowledge and information that will help you change. Therapy is also a great way to approach this. Meditation is also a great way to approach this.

And just finding new ways to really better yourself on a daily basis. Is the key to healing this and evolving and growing? And creating healthy boundaries is a huge part of being able to honor yourself, know your self worth, love yourself deeply, and it will help you detach from people who aren't meeting those requirements for you, who are crossing those boundaries. When you really commit to your boundaries and set healthy boundaries, you're going to be able to cut people out of your life easier because you're not going to settle and you're not going to tolerate people who don't see your value and who are no longer good for you.

I was doing some research on why it is so fucking hard to walk away from a toxic relationship. And one of the things I found recently hit me and and it really resonated, and I knew I was going to share this on the podcast. What I found was that toxic people are some of the most entertaining, fun, and exciting people to be around. Sometimes they're the life of the party. Sometimes they have this persona where on a surface level, they seem great. All of their friends love them.

All of their family adores them. And on a surface level, you're like, wow, this person's amazing. And it's your first impression of them. So you get caught up in celebrating the highs with this person. And when they treat you right and you have fun times with them, and they make you laugh and they make you feel good and they shower you with compliments or maybe they love bomb you or whatever it is, you feel this dopamine rush and you feel this high and sense of satisfaction. And it's so validating and so comforting in those high moments that that's when you get

attached. And it can be this exciting thrill almost like being on a roller coaster, but we thrive off of that up and down wavering energy. And in the moments where we're being treated well and we feel good around this person, that dopamine rush is what is going to make us fixate on them. And that's ultimately what's going to get us attached and hooked on this person long term. And it's going to make it really hard to let go and more painful to let go because we fixate

on that really high dopamine rush type of feeling where it feels so good and it almost feels like a drug. So when we go through pain with this person later on, we think it's worth it because we're like the highs are so good and the good moments are so intense and so good and so meaningful that it's worth it to go through the lows. Now you can really compare this to a drug addiction. Here's what I found online, and I'm gonna read this to you

because I thought it was really powerful. Scientifically, toxic relationships and drugs both activate dopamine in the brain and cause addictive patterns. Toxic relationships and drugs can activate the brain's reward system. Toxic relationships lead to intermittent reinforcement, unpredictable responses, which

are highly addictive. As I said, the highs and lows. Sometimes this person is amazing to you, which feels like the high, and then sometimes this person treats you like total garbage, which is the low. Similarly, drugs activate this system directly by flooding the brain with dopamine. A neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and satisfaction, and this activation encourages individuals to repeat the behavior despite the negative consequences. So when you're constantly flooding your brain with this neurotransmitter, which is associated with feelings like happiness and feeling good and feeling satisfied, and then you experience the total opposite, your brain is ultimately going to crave

that addictive feeling again and say, you know what, even though right now this person is treating me like total trash, it's worth it because the highs are so good. And I'm gonna stay and ride it out and stick with this person regardless of how I'm being treated during the lows because it feels so good when they actually do treat me well.

So by knowing this information, when you go through a breakup, or when you don't have that high that that person is feeding you, it can lead to intense withdrawal symptoms such as depression, anxiety, and the fear that maybe you're never going to find anyone else, or you're missing something and you need them around. So then you end up going back to them because your brain is actually saying, I need more. I need more, which is very similar to coming off of a drug and experiencing withdrawals. So you're saying, I need this person, I need this feeling. And you end up going back because

you're just desperate for that high again. So when they text you finally after ghosting you for three days, you get that high again because you're like, oh my God, they finally reached out again. They finally want to talk to me again. And it activates the reward system of your brain, which floods your brain with dopamine, which makes you feel good again. And you create an addictive pattern with this person.

Even though you know logically that it's really unhealthy and fucked up, you'll probably stay because it's so difficult to break an addictive cycle. Your brain is very powerful, so when your brain gets hooked in this way, can be really, really, really hard to let go. And that is also why I created my Dare to Detach program because I was in a toxic, addictive cycle like this. And I've been here several times where I feel like I cannot break out because my brain is craving more of the highs.

My brain is craving this person and their attention and their validation because it feels good when you get it. And I created this course because I was so desperate to break out of that cycle and through this course and through a lot of my own healing and learning the process of letting go and being able to really step into my higher self and know what I deserve.

I was able to create a masterclass around it that really effectively helps you in the process of healing and letting go and removing yourself from those toxic cycles. So what are some key signs or warnings or feelings that you're going to experience being around a toxic person or in a toxic relationship? So signs you're with a toxic person can be, and this isn't limited to, but these are a lot of things that I've experienced personally and that I've seen in a lot of other people as well. Number one is you always feel

like you're doing something wrong with them. Number two is you feel like you have to undercut your value and always drop your boundaries and lower your standards around them. Number three is you always feel like you're asking too much from this person. Number four is you feel insecure or anxious around them often. Number five, you feel like you're walking on eggshells so they don't run away from you. Number six, you have glimpses of good times,

but then you feel like you're grasping at straws holding onto this person constantly because you're already anticipating the low moments. You know they're going to eventually walk away or you feel like they're going to walk away all the time or you know that they're going to ghost you for a few days and then come back again. That pattern is very common and when you have glimpses of those good moments, but then you feel like you're holding on so tightly to them because you know it's going to go back to the low moments again, that's a very toxic cycle.

And the last one, this person's energy constantly waivers and flip flops and you can never fully pin them down or their next move, also known as inconsistency. Now, if any of these resonate, I really want you to think about why you're tolerating a situation like this or a person like this in your life. Is it because you're afraid that this is the only person that's gonna give you any sort of attention? Are you worried that you're missing out on the potential of what this person could become?

If you let go, you'd be missing out on the potential of an amazing future. Are you just attached because of the sex, which is also very common because sex can tie us in emotionally? Really get honest with yourself. Why are you continuing to allow this toxic pattern into your life? Think about why you're really allowing someone to cross all of your boundaries to make you feel small.

And why are you allowing someone in your life who isn't giving you the type of love and care you really deserve? Why are you punishing yourself by staying in a toxic relationship? I want you to journal on this. I think journaling is a really effective way to get to the root of a lot of issues because sometimes your brain will actually think of things subconsciously that you're not aware of on the conscious level. And when you journal, that can come out on paper. If you just take 30 minutes when you wake up in the morning, make yourself a coffee or a tea or a hot lemon water, something that's going to get you started for the day, don't

look at your phone, just use 30 minutes out of your morning before you really jumpstart your day and journal on it and ask yourself these questions. You could get out of pen and paper right now. Why are you allowing this behavior? What are you afraid of? What are you fearing in your life that is making you stay so attached to someone that doesn't treat you well? And oftentimes when we journal on this and reflect on this and actually give ourselves

the space to reflect, you'll come up with really valid answers and then you'll start to unpack and understand why you're making these decisions. I know for me, when I was tolerating really bad behavior, it was the fear of never finding anyone else that would treat me right, that kept me stuck on people that treated me really badly. It was the fear that I'd never find a connection that was the same.

It was the fear that I was missing out on the potential maybe of what this person could be. But the truth is toxic people show you their colors right away, even if you choose to ignore it in the beginning, even if you turn a blind eye in the beginning and you say, oh, they weren't always like this, they changed. That's usually often not the case. We often get signals and warning signs very early on that we just ignore. Now, this isn't true for 100% of relationships, but I know I would be in such denial sometimes with people's character because I just wanted to see the good in them so badly.

Toxic people will often be toxic from day one even if you choose to ignore their red flags. They're usually loud and clear and they're always there. You may have suppressed your intuitive feelings, you may have suppressed your gut feelings about that person and dismissed bad behavior because you thought that they were going to change or you didn't want to see the truth. But I'm telling you toxic people are toxic people. A really, really good, genuine, good person with an amazing soul is not going to treat you like garbage. If they don't want to be with you and they don't see a relationship, they'll tell you that and they will let you go and set you free. I've had guys who didn't see a future with me say to me, you know what?

I really care for you and I wish you the best, but I don't see this going anywhere. And they were brutally honest, but in a really polite, respectful way. And they didn't want to waste my time and I know for me when I've been in situations where I wasn't interested and I didn't see it going anywhere I also made that clear in a very respectful way because I didn't want to waste someone's time I didn't want to hurt someone I didn't want to lead them on it goes both ways and if you are a really good person you're going to be honest with someone if you care about them. But toxic people want you to stroke their ego. Toxic people want

you there and they want to keep you there and they don't mind wasting your time because they don't care about your feelings. You also know if someone's toxic, if you start making a list of everything they've done wrong. Last summer, I was interacting with a man who was really good at being casual about his red flags. So whenever he did something wrong, he would act so oblivious, and he would approach things in a calm manner. When I would go at him and say, you know what, this was messed up,

he would be like, oh, what do you mean? What's going on? Why do you feel that way? And he would play this role of I'm really not doing anything wrong, and you're pretty much overreacting. And it would make me feel like I was overreacting to everything or asking for too much. And it's such a shitty feeling because you're like, I feel like I'm really asking for the bare minimum. And you're making me feel fucking crazy. You're making me feel like I'm asking you to take me on a 365 day vacation around the world and spend $10 million on me. You're treating me as if I'm asking

you for these lavish, insane requests when we just started talking, when that's really not the case. I'm just asking you to answer my texts and not go a week without replying. It's really not that difficult. Empathetic me at the time would kick in and that side of me is naturally activated. So I'd be like, oh, he didn't mean it that way or, oh, maybe it wasn't intentional. And then that's how it ended up being a several month thing because I was choosing just to trust his word and be empathetic towards him and say, you know what,

maybe he didn't mean it that way or maybe that wasn't his intention. But now I understand regardless, if their actions are intentional or not, if someone's trying to hurt you or not, they're still doing things that are crossing your boundaries and making you lower your standards, and that in itself is enough of a reason to walk away.

Even if they tell you that it's not good enough of a reason to walk away, even if they make you feel crazy, you have to be so sure of who you are and what you stand for and when it comes to entering any type of relationship that you are constantly honoring your boundaries regardless if someone doesn't agree with it or not and that will give you the strength to remove people from your life that aren't meeting your requirements and if someone's crossing your boundaries and then you're justifying it, that means you're not really sticking to your boundaries. And that's why it's so important to really know

who you are and not budge and stand on business. As I've seen in a lot of recent dating advice videos on TikTok, there's this comment going around saying, oh, she's standing on business. But it's a very appropriate sentence. And it's something that I think is important standing on business and not budging and not wavering from what you truly feel you deserve. Because then you're just going to end up in a toxic cycle with someone who

doesn't respect your boundaries or who isn't treating you the right way. So back to the story of this guy that was basically just not respecting me and I was justifying it. He would only make a plan with me on a Tuesday or Thursday and I noticed this right away. The first date fine, but then I feel like he wouldn't allocate any real time to me unless it was on his terms. And he wasn't willing to give up any sort of weekend time to see me. It felt like his friends were way more of a priority, which, okay, fine, but then it's speaking for itself

that you're not that interested because it's one thing if you take me on a proper date and we're getting to know each other and the first date's on a Tuesday, fine, and then maybe a Thursday, but it just kept felt like he wasn't willing to commit to any type of real date plan or anything that would give up his real time. It felt like it was a convenience thing. And there were many other red flags. This was just one in the beginning that I remember where I felt like he just wasn't willing to really devote any sort of meaningful time because he always had something else going on. And if he was treating me really, really well and respecting me and making me feel comfortable, maybe it

wouldn't have been a big deal. But for me, I just felt like there were so many other things at play too. And the red flag started slowly adding up where I was like, I feel like I'm just not getting any quality time with this person. I feel like I'm just getting his out of convenience time. And I will get into this full situation on a full episode. I actually did already record a full episode about it,

and I never posted it. I was with one of my friends yesterday for coffee, and I was giving her the full rundown of A to Z what had happened, because we were just talking about toxic dynamics. And she was like, Liz, you have to post this episode. And I'm like, I know it's just one of those situations

where I didn't want to actually have to speak about it publicly because it just felt almost like humiliating in a way, like humiliating that I was tolerating such shitty behavior from someone, especially that I have a podcast all about self love and self worth and self respect. And here I am tolerating the opposite that was really hypocritical. It felt like an also just really embarrassing. And then I was really thinking about it. I'm like, but at the same time, I'm human. I am a human being and I'm allowed to go through experiences and I'm allowed to share them and I shouldn't feel guilty or bad about it. But it was just such a ridiculous thing.

And I'm talking about it now, but maybe I'll post the full episode if you do want to hear it and you're curious. And maybe it would help you send me a DM on Instagram at date yourself instead and tell me if you're interested in hearing a full story. I may or may not share it. It's already recorded, so it might come out eventually, but it depends on the demand for it because it was something I put on the back burner. Anyways, to get to the point here, there were just so many warning signs that made me really question this person and the universe really had my back because I remember one of the last times I saw him, I had asked for clarity from the universe and from my angel guides that I'm very spiritual, okay, that might sound a little

ridiculous to some people who aren't spiritual, but for me, I believe that there is a higher power at play guiding us. And I'm not religious, but I'm very spiritually connected. And I asked the universe to guide me. And the last time I saw this person, things just were a total shit show. And they really hit the fan. And I was like, okay, this is a mess. This clearly is just not the right person. And I felt so horribly shitty around them

that I knew that I needed to just cut it off and it just wasn't going to work. At that point, I knew I needed to let go and the universe guided me out of it and there was a very clear breaking point where it just had to end. So anyways, fun little trick if you're really unsure about someone or a situation, ask the universe for guidance and you will get a clear fucking answer guaranteed. Every time that method is foolproof and every time I'm struggling with making some sort of decision or I'm not sure about something, I will write in my phone notes asking the universe for a sign. I'm like, hello, angels, hello, it's me, just give me a fucking sign on what to do. And that method never fails.

I always get an answer within 48 hours. Minimum. Sorry, maximum. I always get an answer within 48 hours. Maximum, usually. It's a very quick turnaround. So anyways, now tying it back into the whole point of today's episode. How do you really set healthy boundaries and really get over a toxic relationship or person? How do you truly let go? So the key here is you have to drill in your head that what you're chasing after is not what the situation ever was in reality. Who you're chasing after this person you're constructing. Oh, well, he'll change. Oh, well, the potential of this person is there because I've seen glimpses of good moments with them. That's not the reality of the situation. And once

you really get that through your head, it's going to be way easier to understand that you're just chasing an illusion of someone that doesn't exist. You're chasing the idea of a relationship and what it could be versus what it really is. 99% of the time, we're attaching ourselves to a toxic relationship or person because we're just clinging on to false hope that things are just going to change. But things can only change if that person's willing to change. And while it's okay to be a hopeful person and to think positively, which is very valid and like obviously being optimistic about situations is a great thing. It's never worth it if you're continuously sacrificing yourself, love your peace and respect for yourself. And if you're doing any of those things and you feel like you've been

sacrificing yourself, respect and your self worth, it's time to change the dynamic. It's time to walk away. Why would you put yourself through toxic bullshit? For maybe another year or two, for maybe however long that person will let you drag it out for, because sometimes we're going to have to be the one to cut it off because that person's not going to do it because they love you there because their ego craves you and gets validated by you. And it's going to be hard to walk away, but I promise you once you make that decision, things will greatly shift and change in your life. Life is so short.

If you're clinging on to someone who's not good for you and you're getting really honest with yourself and you know that it's deeply hurting you every day. It's time to create boundaries for yourself. You have to remind yourself that you have every right to feel the way that you feel if someone's making you sad, uncomfortable, if they're causing you pain, you're not crazy or stupid or asking for too much. You're none of those things. You're just probably with the wrong person. You don't have to feel bad about how you feel. This is who you are.

These are your emotions at play. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to feel comforted and safe with the right person. You don't deserve someone to gaslight you into thinking that you're constantly asking for too much or doing the wrong things in the relationship. If someone is making you feel like you're not enough, you're not insane. You're not asking for these grand, crazy favors from someone. You just might not be with someone

who has the capacity to really appreciate you. And that is often the universe communicating to you that you deserve so much more. A lot of creating healthy boundaries also comes from just rewiring your mindset. It does take time, but once you learn how to slowly reprogram your brain, A lot of creating healthy boundaries also comes from just rewiring your mindset. It does take time, but once you learn how to slowly reprogram your brain, you'll understand that you were never asking for too much, you were just asking the wrong person.

Now you really need to know yourself and love yourself in order to stay true to your boundaries. So I want you to take out a pen and paper and start reflecting or take out your phone and write this in your notes. What qualities are actually important to you? How do you envision your future soulmate showing up for you and providing for you and loving you? Is it the situation you're in right now? Is that your ideal scenario? Crying every day in your bed over someone who's giving you the bare minimum? Or do you really think you deserve more? Get honest with yourself. Do you think you deserve to be treated badly or do you think you deserve more out of life? Because some people do believe that they do deserve to be treated badly,

based on trauma and wounding and childhood dynamics. I know for a long time I didn't think I deserved soulmate type of love. I was always settling for breadcrumbs because I didn't think I truly deserved a deep down. So just get real with yourself. Write down what your values are and write down what your boundaries are. What will you tolerate and what bothers you? What would concern you? Is it okay for you to have lack of communication in a relationship? and what bothers you, what would concern you?

Is it okay for you to have lack of communication in a relationship or is that a deal breaker? Is it okay if someone's inconsistent with you or is that a deal breaker? Is it okay if someone only makes plans with you during the week and never on a weekend because they wanna be with their friends all the time? For some people that might be okay. For some people, a huge sense of independence and not really planning anything or planning specific days, that's not a big deal to a lot of

people if you enjoy your independence and you're not really fussy. But some people, that would be an issue for. For me, I feel like quality time is part of my love language and having quality time with someone and knowing that they're setting aside plans to be with me and scheduling plans to be with me is a huge indicator that they are really invested in me the same way I would invest in them. But that's not for everyone. You just have to be clear about what you want and what you're looking for. Creating healthy boundaries for yourself is doing a lot of self-reflection.

You have to understand what you actually really want out of a partner. What are you really, really looking for fundamentally at your core and what can you live without? Now, if you're just looking for physical attributes and you're like, I just need them to be 6'3 and have a six pack and go to the gym, try to really reflect on what actual human emotional qualities you need from someone versus just going for looks.

I have a lot of people in my messages saying, you know what, I'm just so attached because he's the hottest guy I've ever been with. And I'm like, so where are looks really going to get you in a long-term relationship? Because someone's attractive. I get physical chemistries importing. I'm not saying it's not. I obviously need to be physically attractive to my partner, but in my opinion, half of what makes someone attractive, at least half, is their heart, is their soul, is that emotional chemistry where they're just so invested in such a genuine, meaningful way?

Because that's also what makes sex good. If I'm being completely honest, I've never had amazing sex with a guy that I didn't connect with on an emotional level. And maybe some people have experienced that in a lucky fucking you, good for you, and that's probably a great experience. But I need some sort of connection, some sort of genuine connection with someone if I want the sex to be really, really, really good. Obviously, there have been times where I've been in situationships and the emotional connection wasn't amazing, but the sex was decent.

But the really, really good intimacy comes with really, really good communication, with feeling safe, with feeling secure, and with just being able to drop your guard around someone and trust them. Trust is a huge part of intimacy. And you just have to reflect on what's important to you. I don't know how I just went off on that tangent, but I think sex is a huge part of a relationship and it's important to talk about it. And I don't really talk about it often on the podcast, but I think I probably should because that weighs

into emotional attachment and that weighs into really building a relationship with someone for sure. Another thing with learning how to set healthy boundaries is being super crystal fucking clear with your communication with people, telling them upfront what you're looking for and not wavering on that. So for example, if you go into a situation and deep down you want a really serious relationship and a guy is telling you, I'm not looking for a relationship and then you you're like, yeah, me too, same, and you play it cool. That's not really going to end well. That never ends well, actually.

I feel like if you're not honest from the get-go, that's going to cause friction and problems long-term because you're going to want something that they don't and you're not going to be on the same page and you're not going to be able to convince this person of what you want because you weren't being honest with yourself. You have to get honest with yourself and stand on business. As I just said, don't waver in that. If you really want a serious relationship and someone's saying, I don't want that, you have to be strong enough to walk away from that and be honest with yourself. And don't deny yourself a serious relationship because all you're doing is preventing yourself from meeting the right person who will be on the same page as you if you choose to stay

with someone who isn't on the same page as you. I also think creating boundaries, not only in relationships but in other aspects of your life gives you good practice to create boundaries in your romantic relationships. So, for example, if you say, you know what, the next 30 days, I'm going to commit to a fitness routine and be really healthy and I'm going to take care of my physical health because I want to feel good. And then you don't stick to it. That's breaking down your own boundaries and not respecting your own boundaries because

you're not committing to what you said you were going to do and therefore you're not being fully honest with yourself and you're not respecting your own boundaries. And you're not respecting that version of you that said you were going to do those things. So just learning how to commit to yourself in different aspects of your life gives you that strength and that confidence to commit to it in your relationships as well. So one thing I really like to do is compare my romantic boundaries to my boundaries with friendships and business. Now, if someone in my workplace is treating me like garbage, I will not fucking tolerate it.

I've spoken about this before. I've had managers and agencies represent me that didn't value me, that didn't appreciate what I brought to the table, and would try to take advantage of me all the time, and lie to me about shit and just degrade me in a way where I felt pretty much like garbage being represented by them. That's no way to have a working relationship. And I knew that and I was confident enough to walk away from several different people throughout this social media career and say, fuck this, I'm out.

Like I'm done and I never looked back. And if I can do that in my workplace, then I can definitely show up that way in my romantic relationships. But is it a little bit more difficult because there's obviously emotional feelings involved versus obviously I'm not emotionally attached to my boss or my manager because I don't have romantic feelings for them. So it's a little bit trickier to navigate. I get it. But it's the same principle of having boundaries and knowing what I deserve.

And I saw this girl on TikTok make a video. She said, my dad gave me really good advice once. I wish I could credit her, but I scroll through TikTok a lot and I've saved like hundreds of these videos. So if anyone knows the creator, let me know. But she basically said something along the lines of, my dad gave me really good advice. And he said that if I was miserable in my career, I wouldn't really stress about finding another job. I would be excited to find another job because I was so unhappy with my job. I'd be

looking for a new job and I'd be ready to go out there and get a new job. Whereas when it comes to romantic partners, we're so fixated on this one person even if we're miserable and it's so hard to walk away because we're afraid we're never going to find anyone else. But why are we afraid of that versus if we have a job, we know we could probably find a better one. But when it comes to romantic partners, we stay stuck and we stay so fixated and attached on this one particular situation or relationship or person.

And the whole point of the advice was basically saying, there's so many amazing people out there that would love you and make you happy. And you're so fixated on someone that is making you fucking miserable. And that's what you have to think about when you're choosing to make the decision to walk away. And I thought it was a really beautiful video and it resonated and I thought it was just inspiring.

And that's just a really amazing point because if you are able to walk away from other things that are no longer serving your growth, there is no reason to fear walking away from someone who is treating you like shit. And just knowing you deserve more and trusting that, you will find better and you deserve better. And once you really, really, really, really fundamentally believe that, you will attract an amazing partner who loves you,

who respects you and worships you and values you. And you don't have to prove shit to anyone. You don't have to prove shit to them because they accept you and love you exactly as you are. And I think that concludes today's episode. That was probably one of my favorite episodes I've ever recorded. I am so happy that you're all here and loving the new episodes. I recently had surgery, so my voice is a little bit more mellow than usual.

I don't know if you guys can spot the difference, but I've been taking it easy and I've been coming to the studio a little less because I've just been resting a lot. And I will talk about that surgery probably on a future episode, maybe in the spring. But all is well. I'm totally healthy. I'm totally healthy. I'm totally fine. But I definitely want to share my experience with it. And I haven't really shared any details on it as well. But a few of you caught on and a few of you messaged me about it. And

yeah, so anyways, I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Thank you as always for listening. If you haven't already, be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify and share it with a friend. It would mean the world to me. And be sure to message me on Instagram as well, at LIS or at date yourself instead. And if you join the masterclass at Dare to Detach, always feel free to send me a message and tell me that you've joined. I love hearing from you. I love hearing your feedback on the program. I love hearing your reviews. I love hearing your success stories. It means so much. It makes me so happy.

I love you. Thank you again and stay tuned for next Monday.