Date Yourself Instead - How to live in an abundant mindset in 2025 - they always come back.

Episode Date: January 13, 2025

Welcome to 2025 - the year of taking our power back. The year of abundance, confidence, expansion. We are living with an abundant mindset. WE ARE LIVING EXPANSIVELY. My masterclasses Dare to Detach and the Mind Body Soul Reset are designed to help you let go of the past and step into this new year feeling unstoppable, confident, and ready to become the best version of you. Get access to my masterclasses here. Follow me and send me a message on instagram here. @lyss @dateyourselfinstead I love you and wish you a 2025 filled of love and healing. Xx Lyss

They always come back. They always come back. And on today's episode, I am going to cover why, even though people usually come back into your life after they've ended things, after a bad breakup, after you think it's literally impossible for them to show up in your life again, I am going to tell you why you shouldn't even care. You shouldn't even give a fuck if they come back or not. shouldn't even care. You shouldn't even give a fuck if they come back or not. I get so many DMs about people messaging me and they're like, hey, I really want to get my ex back. I really want to get this person back. I really want them back into my life. And I don't know what to do because it feels impossible. It feels like I'm begging. It feels like I'm chasing and it feels like I'm so desperate. And I don't want to be in that position, but I love this person.

And I get it. Because when you love someone and you care about someone deeply and you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with them, you're obviously going to do whatever it takes to try to make the relationship work. But at the end of the day, we don't live in a lack mindset. We don't live in a mindset where there's not enough

to go around. And if you're living in a place of lack and you're living in a place of, I'm never going to find anyone better. This is the only one and only person for me. And that person is literally choosing to walk away from you. And that person is literally choosing to have nothing to do with you. And they don't want to be with you, then you are living in a lack mindset. You are not thinking in abundance. You are not thinking in an expansive mindset. When I was in Bali, one of the things I really learned was this concept of living in an abundant mindset and an expansive mindset in order to get everything you've ever wanted out of life. If you really want that person back, if you really want your dream job, if you really want to go after your goals, if you really want to be successful in your life and achieve whatever

it is you're trying to achieve and get whoever it is you're trying to get to date you, to be with you, you have to be expansive. You can't live in a lack mindset where you're trying to get to date you, to be with you, you have to be expansive. You can't live in a lack mindset where you're constantly thinking of the worst scenarios, you're constantly pessimistic, you're constantly replaying things in your mind saying, this is never going to happen for me, this is never going to work. What you tell yourself matters. What you replay in your mind every day matters. What you say to yourself really holds weight.

It manifests. It translates into the universe and comes back at you. Whatever you think about yourself and yourself concept on a daily basis, actually really matters and holds more weight than you could ever even imagine. I've been able to manifest, attract whoever I want, attract my exes back, literally every single person I've dated. And I'm not saying this in a conceited way or bragging way, but every single man I've dated has made an appearance back

into my life again, has begged for me back, has asked for a second chance, has come back into my life. How? Because I detached and I lived in an expansive mindset where instead of replaying the past and saying oh my god I'm never gonna find anyone else, this is the only one person for me. Instead of thinking like that I told myself there has to be something better. There has to be something better waiting for me. There has to be someone better waiting for me. If this person is rejecting me, if this

person chose someone else, if this person chose someone else, if this person literally walked away with no shame and no remorse and is now begging on their hands and knees for me back, is that really what I'm meant to settle for? Is that really how I see myself and perceive myself? Is that how I see my value? When you don't value yourself and you don't love yourself

and you don't actually see yourself through God's eyes, you will settle for trash. You will settle for people that don't appreciate you, that can't love you the same, that can't show up for you the same, and you will cause yourself to live a life of lack. It's not expansive to settle. It's not expansive to tolerate bullshit behaviors from people who can't see your worth.

And something I learned just traveling and being around so many different types of people and meeting so many people from all around the world and having the privilege to connect with so many people from all around the world and having the privilege to connect with so many people from all parts of life. I've realized that the most successful people and the happiest people are the ones that choose to live in an expansive mindset. One of my really good friends, Isabelle, who now everyone is starting to become familiar with because I've mentioned her on several episodes of the podcast.

And she changed my life and she changed the trajectory of my life because she introduced me to this energy work and I've been healing so much and doing so much work on myself after going through really toxic relationships and narcissistic abuse and all of that stuff. And I've come out so much stronger and I've managed to get to a place where I'm so so confident and happy with myself and she's played a role in that. Something we always talk about is people who live in expansion. People who live with eyes of abundance.

They're looking through a lens of abundance and power and confidence knowing that they're gonna get whatever they want out of life. When you are so confident in your vision and your purpose and your mission on earth, nothing else matters more than that. Nothing else can compete with that when you are so driven by your purpose and your mission and why you're put here on this earth, why God made you and created you. Why you are here today. Your purpose and your mission will take you away from the drama of everyday

bullshit. Will take you away from that toxic person that's dragging you through the mud. Will take you away from toxic relationships and people in general. It'll take you away from the bullshit and distractions and side quests that you're constantly on because you just don't see the bigger picture. And I'm guilty of this. I'm gonna go into more detail and explain it a little further.

When I was in my toxic relationship that was four years long and I kept going back to this one guy, when I was suffering the most, I didn't realize that that suffering was just a distraction. It was a side quest. It wasn't why I'm put here on this earth. We weren't made to suffer. We weren't made to struggle in relationships and suffer. We weren't made to literally hate our lives. And obviously there's been really low points in my life that I've discussed very openly and transparently

on the podcast, but... every low moment is obviously here to teach us something about ourselves, and without those low moments, I wouldn't be the strong person I am today. I wouldn't have the perspective and the lens of life that I have today, and I'm so grateful for all those low times and those low moments. However, those are the distractions.

You can't sit in those low moments. However, those are the distractions. You can't sit in those emotions forever. You can't dwell on the past forever. You can't entertain shitty people forever, because then what ends up happening is, you live a life of misery. You live a life that you hate. Why would you want to live a life that you hate and that you're settling for? Why would you live a life with someone

that doesn't love you, that doesn't shower you with love, affection, and care, and do whatever it takes to be with you, and commit to you, and worship you? You and your partner and the people that you have in your life in general, your friends, your family members, the people you surround yourself with on a daily basis will shape the course of your life

and will shape your perspective and how you feel about yourself, and how you carry about yourself and how you carry yourself and how you envision the future. I know for me I need to be around people who carry the same vision as me. I need to be around people who share the same beliefs and perspectives as me. It's crucial, it's essential, it's living in an expansive mindset once again. The people who get it get it get it. When you're living with optimism and abundance and faith regardless of your circumstances,

that is living in an expansive, abundant mindset. I saw this episode that The Wizard Liz recorded. I'm sure many of you are familiar with her. She's so beautiful and so inspiring. And I love her work on YouTube and everything she puts out. But I remember her saying on YouTube and everything she puts out. But I remember her saying one thing that stuck with me is it's not about if a man has money and can spoil me and can you know spend all this money on me and take care

of me financially. It's not the concept of the money itself like the physical dollars and you know the fancy lifestyle. It's not about that. It's about living in an abundant mindset, knowing that even if that person hit rock bottom, even if that person hit rock bottom and was at the lowest point of their life, they know they're going to bounce back. They know they're going to climb to the top again. They know that they're going to recover from what they've lost.

And they know that they're able to create abundance, even if they're living in a state where maybe they don't have any money. I know for me, when I was broke a couple of years ago before the podcast, when I was dating my ex, and that relationship was really tough, and it drained my bank account. It made me financially have a huge setback with my career. I stopped posting online. I stopped doing what I do and doing what I love because I was so unmotivated and I wasn't

driven anymore. And that person played a huge role in that. He stole my drive. He stole my power. He stole my energy. And I was allowing it of course, but I didn't realize how bad it actually was until we had officially ended everything. And then I slowly started to recover my business and recover everything I had lost. And I was literally asking

my parents for money because, and by the way, I've never ever depended on anyone financially. I'm a Capricorn. We don't do things like that, we don't roll like that, we always try to figure it out. Capricorns are like ruled by ambition and drive and finances. To ask my parents for money and to ask them to help me out and pay my rent and pay my bills was like, for me, a rock bottom moment. And there's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with asking people for help.

There's no shame if you really, really need it. I was so desperate that I needed it. I had negative dollars in my bank account and I was like, I need help. And my parents, they're so generous, they're so loving and I'm so grateful that I have them and they have my back because I had never asked them for money ever. I'm 31, almost 32, and like in all of these years, I've always figured it out, no matter what job I had. I was a hostess in college, I worked at an ice cream shop, I did anything, I sold things on eBay. I was like a little mini entrepreneur when I was a child.

I did anything to make money because I was passionate about it. And this was just a different level where I was like, I have no means of income, I have no idea what to do. And I feel like I have no sense of purpose and no sense of self that I really need the help. And it happens, right? I think I'm really grateful to have gone through that experience too, because now I could speak from the experience. And if someone listening right now is going through financial hardship and you're going through a time in your life where you're really lost, you haven't figured your shit out, and you don't know your purpose, I can relate and I understand

now what it feels like. Whereas maybe several years ago, I didn't have that knowledge and that perspective. So it became a good thing. And, you know, you use these experiences as fuel and motivation to be better and, you know, learn and build your character and build your strength for the next time, for the next season of your life. After asking my parents for money and using it for good to try to build myself up, to pay my rent and to also myself up, to pay my rent, and to also find a strategy to rebuild my life, which was the podcast, crazy enough. It made me realize that I needed an abundant mentality

and an abundant, expansive perspective in order to get myself out of the hole that I had dug myself in. I had dug myself this massive hole with my last relationship and let my life burn to the ground literally in a bad way. And I was so broken that the only way out was to change my thinking and change my mindset and change everything that I was replaying in my head, which was how am I gonna get myself out of this?

I'm a failure. I fucked my life up. This man controlled me and ruined my life. He drained my life and my business and everything I had worked so hard for. And I'm never gonna recover. Like I literally had to reprogram my mind and reprogram my mind

and reprogram every single thought that was going through my head in order to dig myself out of that hole. And that's what living in an expansive mindset is because you are shifting your mindset to the future instead of burying yourself in memories of the past. You have to bury the dead, the dead moments, the past. You have to let the past go. And when you master the art of letting the past go and letting those past people go and detaching from toxic situations and relationships and people that are bringing you down and draining

your life force, your life will infinitely get better. And also that means you are living an expansive life because you are looking to the future now. The only way forward is to look into your future and believe in a better future and have unwavering faith that that future is the only plan. That's all you need to focus on is your mission and your purpose and why you're put here. I didn't realize it at the time as I was digging myself out of that low moment that I was living by God and I was living by faith because I had never been religious. I had never been connected to my religion.

It's so funny also because my mom was actually my Catholic school teacher and she, they had instilled religion in me. My parents raised me in a Catholic household, but I just was so disconnected from it. I never went to church. I never gave a shit. I was like, I don't care about God. I don't believe in God.

I'm spiritual. I was always spiritual. I always believed in a higher power. But as I got older and as I started going through more and more traumatic hardship, I started turning to this higher power more often. And I started to question everything. And I was like, what higher power am I speaking to?

Like, who am I speaking to? I'm speaking to the universe, but that's not resonating anymore. I think when you really hit your breaking point, it starts to shift how you operate in the world. And it shifts your perspective on a lot of things. And for me, it was finding out that my ex had been cheating on me to extremes that I didn't know about and I was never aware of.

And all this information started to be brought to light in 2024. That really changes you as a woman and as a person, I feel like everything I had known about relationships and love had been stripped away from me. And to speak of someone so highly on my podcast and to have faith that that man would never hurt me and we had ended amicably and he had my back no matter what, to perceive him in that way and then to discover an entirely different version of that person and realize that every single thing

I knew about him was fake is a mindfuck, obviously. And it's really, really difficult to process. And it's something I've had to work through this year and heal and do so much work on myself to get to a place of peace and trust with people. And a big role in my healing journey was turning to faith and believing in God and suddenly realizing that I don't have to walk this pain alone and I don't have to do this life alone. And even though I'm technically alone and I don't have a partner and I was betrayed on such a deep, profound level, I don't have to do it alone. I don't have to walk this journey by myself. I always have God by my side.

And it might be a little extreme for some people. It might be a little too deep for some people, but for me, I don't care because I know that that was what pulled me through and I'm gonna preach it and I'm gonna say it and I'm gonna talk about it because this is my podcast. And yeah, like it can resonate, it may not, but as long as you have some sort of faith

and a higher power guiding you, that is what is going to help you get to the next level of your life and live in abundance and see a future and live in a mindset where you can actually achieve your wildest dreams, achieve everything you've ever wanted and attract people into your life and attract whoever it is you want.

If you want your ex back, fine. I'm not here to tell you what to do at the end of the day, it's your life. But I'm here to hopefully inspire you to make better decisions and to make better changes in your life. And if you want your ex back, fine. If you're trying to get someone back, fine. But my point is, why would you want someone back that doesn't want you? Why would you want to settle for a life that isn't suited for you because you deserve better?

What if God or a higher power has created such a better plan for you and has whipped up a better person for you and they're waiting for you on the other side of your fears and your lack mindset? What if your soulmate is waiting for you on the other side of your doubts about if you deserve better. I'm in a season right now where I'm focused on myself, I'm loving myself, I'm not looking for a relationship in this very current moment. But I know for me that God has someone waiting that is so much better than I could ever imagine. After all the shit I've been through, I'm like, that is the only option. That is the only option. And when you have that unwavering faith in your future and your future partner, in your life,

in your dreams, in your goals, that's when you manifest it. That's when you attract it. Because when you believe in the plan, you're rewarded for that. Genuinely, you are rewarded for having faith and believing in the plan. And it might take months, it might take years, but stay with the vision.

Stay with your faith and watch what happens. Your life will infinitely get better because you are living in expansion. You're not living in constant fear and worry about your future. You're not living replaying memories of the past. You're living to a better future. You're not living replaying memories of the past. You're living to a better future. You're living in that mindset of, I'm gonna get whatever it is I want in this life. I'm literally the best.

I'm a superstar. I deserve whatever it is I want out of life because I have a good heart. I have pure intentions. Why not? Why can't I have it all? The most successful people in the world live in abundance. They live in abundance.

Even if they're broke, they know that they're gonna rise to the top again. That's exactly what happened to me because I stayed true to the vision. I literally had a journal when I was financially struggling and at my lowest, heartbroken, hated the way I looked, my face was literally gray, I've posted videos about it, my face was sunken in and like swollen and gray,

I looked physically ill from my relationship. There were just so many things that felt like there was this black cloud hanging over my head all the time and I literally wrote in my phone, I have like this documentation of everything I went through in my relationship. And one of the things was like, I feel like I have a dark cloud over my head all the time.

It was really sad. It was really sad. I should have ran then, but I was like, you know, you're so blinded by the fog of the toxicity and you get it. I had a journal and I would go by the water by my apartment and I would write over and over again in this journal, I am making this amount of money. I am fulfilling this goal, this goal, that goal.

I am the number one podcast on Spotify. I am the most successful person that I know, I am making new friends, I am attracting my dream partner. I would write my manifestations in I am format every single day until like I ran out of pages. I just ingrained it in my heart and soul that I am this, I am this identity. I am creating a new identity for myself. And that is also what my Mind Body Soul Reset Masterclass is about, and Dare to Detach. Both of those masterclasses combined are all about detaching from the bullshit, letting

go of your past, rewiring your subconscious mind to attract a better life for yourself. And part of the masterclass is talk about this I Am method, which is also inspired by Neville Goddard's teachings, which you should go YouTube Neville Goddard, he changed my life. He talks about manifestation a lot. It's this concept of I am when you step into a new identity before it actually manifests or before you're actually that person, you have to believe and become you are that person before you're that person. So this wording believe and become you are that person before you're that person.

So this wording is so important. This choice of wording, the I am method is saying you are something before it actually comes to fruition physically. So when you start to believe you are a certain identity and you keep replaying it in your brain and reprogramming that in your brain, that's when it comes to manifest. So I would literally do that every day. And in my master classes, I put a huge emphasis on this method because it works. You have to wake up every day believing you are that person. If you are interested in manifesting on high speed, on detaching, on letting go of your

past and rebranding yourself and becoming unrecognizable to the point where you're like, holy shit, I don't even know my past self. I don't know who that girl is that would tolerate anyone or anything or settle for breadcrumbs. I don't know who that person is because I am so different now and I'm healed and I'm empowered and I'm confident and I'm the best fucking version of me that I will never settle again. If you wanna get to that level, join my master classes.

The link is in the show notes and also you could go to my Instagram at MindBodySoulReset or at Date Yourself instead. The links are there and they're in the bio. You can go access the master classes, join the community of thousands of women who are detaching and leveling up from toxic relationships and healing. We're all in this community together. I have an amazing private group chat for you guys as well. You could all connect and talk on there and share your stories and support each other while you're taking the master classes. And

I highly recommend getting them in a bundle if you haven't already, because both of these courses combined are the biggest game changer in upleveling and changing your life. It's literally everything I've done, all the tools I've used, all the meditations I've used. I've done a lot of meditations. I've trialed and erred a lot of different methods,

meditations, quantum leap exercises. I've included everything that really works for me in these master classes and I know they're going to work for you too. I am so excited for you guys. If you do decide to join, also feel free to send me a DM on Instagram at dateyourselfinstead and let me know if you do. And yeah, I just, you know, I created these master classes because I want you guys to become so unrecognizable to your past self and to level up so greatly and raise your vibrational state to the point of no return where you're like, even if your ex does reach out again, even if they do come back, which they will,

you're like, it doesn't matter, it's irrelevant. Who is that? Who is that? I have a really funny story that's kind of tying into this, but I just landed in London. I'm actually recording in London right now. And maybe I should have intro'd with that. Yeah, I'm not in Bali anymore, I'm in London.

And, oh my gosh, so I was getting all these DMs. This girl actually just messaged me even before I got here and she was like, are you going to see your London ex? Are you going to meet up with that guy from the summer? I got a bunch of messages related to that story because as you guys famously know, I recorded an episode, How to Stop Being Too Nice. I recorded several episodes about this guy.

He was living in London and I came to visit him. He came to visit me in New York. I don't even really want to give him the airtime anymore, but I was getting like all these DMs being like, are you going to see him? And I'm like, do you guys know who I am? Like, do you like listen to the podcast? Do you know the woman that I am?

There is no fucking shot in hell I would go back to an ex after all the healing work I've done on myself, after all the investment and self care I've put into making myself a better woman, making myself a stronger version of myself. Why the fuck would I go backwards? That version of me doesn't exist anymore. That would tolerate bad behaviors from men. And also that person doesn't deserve the new up-leveled version of me.

And if they do come back and they do want to see me, why would I give them access to the healed, better version of me when they couldn't even love the unhealed version of me? They don't deserve that access. It's really funny because I landed here and I had a dream that that person would say something. Like I had a dream he had messaged me

and then I woke up and I was like, oh, he didn't message me. That was weird. But I could have sworn that like it happened. You know when like a dream feels so real and you're like, it almost feels like it did happen? Well, the next day it did happen. And I was like, okay, so I guess I'm psychic, cool.

I've been really tapping into my psychic abilities ever since Bali. I've been not only manifesting things really, really fast, faster than I've even been manifesting them in the past, but also just tapping into future insights and weird things. I will literally dream that something will happen and it happens. So it happened.

He reached out to me. He was like, oh, I forgot what he said. It was something so casual and stupid. I was like, so do you think I'm going to acknowledge this? Do you think that I am going to even open this? I didn't even open the message because first of all, no. Second of all, ew. Third of all, goodbye.

Fourth of all, I don't know you. This version of me doesn't even know you. I don't know who you are. I don't know anything about you. I don't that like this version of me doesn't even know you. I don't know who you are. I don't know anything about you. We're on two different like timelines. That's the best way to describe it. When you level up and love yourself so much, you ascend to a whole new dimension of reality that like anyone that you try to talk to that isn't working at that vibration and that isn't going

to meet you at that level, it falls flat. And this is something my friend Isabel says, which I don't know, she's just like next level. I love her. But it's like it falls flat because you have ascended so greatly and you're in such a different frequency now that anyone who's not meeting you up there falls flat. You don't care about them anymore because you're like, I know my husband's royalty. You know what I mean?

I know that the next person I'm with is like, God sent, is literally God sent. And that's the bottom line. And that's all that I really need to know is that the next person that I end up with is going to be sent from him himself. And I don't have to worry about the details. I don't have to worry about why or how or when or who it is. I just know that I'll know.

And I'm never gonna settle again. And anyone who reaches out to me from my past is fucking irrelevant. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode of Date Yourself Instead. I hope that inspired you a little. I hope that lit a fire under your ass to make changes, to think expansively, to believe in yourself,

to love yourself, and to be more confident in everything that you're moving towards in your life. Because honestly, if you listen to this podcast, if you're a part of the Date Yourself Instead community, you deserve the world. I know you have a good heart. I know you have pure intentions. I know this podcast is attracting only the best of the best people and the best souls and the best community. I love you. Thank you as always for being here. If you haven't already, be sure to check out my master classes,

the Mind, Body, Soul, Reset, and Dare to Detach, as well as rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify and like it on YouTube and subscribe if you haven't already to my new YouTube channel, Date Yourself Instead. It would mean the world to me for your support. And thank you also for sharing your Spotify rap in 2024. All of the comments, all of the DMs, all of the story shares, all of the reposts, I see everything.

Sorry if I haven't responded, I get a lot of DMs, but I see everything. I appreciate you. I genuinely love you guys so much from the bottom of my heart. So thank you. I don't know when I'm going to post this. I was about to say, I hope you have an amazing rest of the year into 2025, but we'll see when I post this if I do post it before 2025. I hope you have an amazing rest of your year and a happy new year

and if I post this after 2025 I hope you're having an amazing start to your new year. I love you, thank you again and stay tuned for next Monday.