Date Yourself Instead - How to master your emotions and remain in your power

Episode Date: February 19, 2024

Have you ever lashed out at someone and later regretted how you responded to a situation? Have you ever overreacted in your relationships and later realized things weren't nearly as bad as they seemed? To be honest, sometimes in the past I have tended to go off the rails in situations and later didn't really like how I acted. This episode is all about steps to make those changes to MASTER your emotions in the moment so you can remain grounded and in your power. That way, you can approach situations and conflicts from a place of calm, and make better decisions for your future. 8:00 - Being non-reactive and how to master your emotions. - JOIN THE DARE TO DETACH MASTERCLASS - use code 'SELFLOVE' for $20 off the course. IF you’ve been holding onto someone who you know isn’t good for you, if you feel stuck in your life and can’t seem to figure out your “why”, if you feel held back by ANYONE or anything and you want to skyrocket forward into the new year, THIS course is it. This is the game changer and I am so insanely excited for you to join us!!! WHAT DO YOU GET?  4 days of videos instructed by me •detailed workshops on the power of letting go •the exact meditations I used to get over my breakup quickly  •an exclusive private group chat 💬 with all of our members  •unlimited access to classes (once you have it, it’s yours forever) •instant access via email - Follow me on instagram @lyss and the podcast account @dateyourselfinstead and send me a message if you enjoyed this episode! :) I love you x

Are you ready to change your entire 2024? The Daredead Detach Masterclass is officially open with limited spots available this time around. If you've been holding onto someone who you know just isn't good for you, if you feel stuck in your life and you cannot seem to figure out your purpose or your why, if you feel truly held back by anyone or anything and you want to propel forward into the new year, this course is it. This is the game changer.

I am so insanely excited for you to join us. So what do you get if you join the Dare to Detach Masterclass? You get four days of videos instructed by me. You get detailed workshops on the power of letting go and stepping into your power. You get the exact meditations I use to get over my breakup quickly. I've tried tons of meditations and these are the ones that work. You also get an exclusive private group chat with all of our members and unlimited access to classes.

So once you have the master class and download it, it is yours forever. You can revisit it at any time you want. And you also get instant access via email from anywhere worldwide. So anywhere around the world, you can download the masterclass. I put my heart and soul into this class for you guys, and it really works. The Dare to Detach program isn't just another course.

It was created by me to help you create your dream life by detaching and letting go of the bullshit into 2024 and for any time of year. So this is the perfect time to gift to yourself. If you are looking to change your life and skyrocket and up level and really step into your higher self this year, this course was made for you. I also want to mention that I have a totally free reframe your mind worksheet as well as a free higher self meditation and a free vision board workshop all located on my website in

the show notes as well as on my Instagram at date yourself instead. So be sure to follow me on Instagram as well and always feel free to send me a message to let me know what you're thinking of the podcast. If you decided to join the master class and if you've decided to download all of the free goodies on my website. We would love to have you. I would love to have you. Our community in Dare to Detach

is absolutely incredible. We have over a thousand members that are all going through their healing journey together. We all support each other. We all talk to each other on a daily basis. And it is just so empowering and amazing. And I cannot wait to see you there. Remember, you could use the code selflove for $20 off the masterclass exclusively for the podcast listeners. Remember to use code selflove at checkout. I love you. And now let's get into today's episode. Have you ever had a dream where you catch a significant other or someone that you're

close with being unfaithful to you or you just get in this huge intense fight with a person that you know or one of your best friends? Just anyone that you're super close with, this could be someone you're in a romantic relationship with or not, but you have all this tension with them in your dream and then it feels so real. Like it feels so real to the point where you feel like you're actually fighting with this person when you wake up and your body's in fight or flight mode and you're like, I'm actually mad at this person, but nothing actually really happened. I had this dream last night where I was really, really upset with someone that I'm pretty

close with and we were in a massive fight and it felt so fucking real and I woke up in a panic and I was like actually angry and I didn't know why. Sometimes when I have these type of dreams, I really try to psychoanalyze them and I'll go on the internet and search the meanings of dreams and the significance and whatever it is. But in this particular situation, I was like, actually really mad and emotional. And I was so tempted to tell this person what happened and give them an attitude because it wasn't very nice what unfolded in the dream. But I know that this is common. I know a lot of people have experienced this before where you're literally fighting with a person and it's not real but it feels real

and you wake up just being pissed off. So yeah. Anyways, it's so interesting too because I feel like dreams catapult you into an alternate reality and when they feel that real, it could physically affect you. I don't know if this has happened to anyone else but sometimes when I wake up from a nightmare or something that a dream that just carried on for hours in my sleep, I wake up and I feel like I'm still physically in the dream or like my heart's racing or I'm sweating or I just feel like I'm still physically there if that makes sense. And it's just so fascinating to me because our brain is so powerful and our subconscious mind is so powerful.

And when we go to sleep, it's processing all these thoughts and all these memories and every single little thing that's happened to us or every single thing that our brain's picking up throughout the day that we don't even realize is really affecting us. For example, even I was just thinking about this also, I had another dream recently where I saw this guy drop a treadmill.

Okay, sorry, this is gonna be a little bit graphic. So if you get squeamish or you're the type of person that is very sensitive to graphic content, maybe just skip the next 45 seconds of the podcast. But I had a nightmare basically that this man dropped a treadmill on his legs. Like he was transporting a treadmill in front of me in the gym and dropped it and got trapped under the treadmill. Oh my god, this is so fucked. I'm so sorry in

advance to whoever's listening to this and getting so grossed out and uncomfortable. But it was horrifying. It was so scary. In the dream, I was like full out panicking. And I woke up and I realized that prior to going to sleep, I had been reading Amazon reviews about this new supplement that I've been taking that reduces bruising and swelling. And one of the reviews said something about a woman who dropped a dresser on her while she was moving it. And when I read that review before I went to bed, I just skipped over it quickly and moved on to the other hundred reviews that there were, and I was reading through all of them. But I guess my brain thought that review in particular really stuck out, took that information and turned it

into a fucking terrible nightmare. And I was so grossed out and weirded out when I woke up, I was like, that was the weirdest dream I've had in a very long time. And I'm not reading Amazon reviews before I go to sleep ever again. And I'm also not watching any more scary movies or anything that's going to mess with my brain before I fall asleep.

Also, I noticed that when I eat really big meals before I fall asleep, because I love snacking at night and I love dinner. That's my favorite meal of the day. I don't really like breakfast. I could do without lunch. But dinner, I look forward to a really good dinner every night. When I come home, whether I'm working or I'm coming back from the gym or a yoga class,

whatever it is, I'm always looking forward to my last meal of the day. The night that I had this dream about this person doing something really messed up to me, and I was really upset when I woke up, I had 20 rolls of sushi before I fell asleep. I fell asleep with such a full stomach, and I noticed that when I do that, my brain crafts up these really intense emotional nightmares or situations. And I have really bad dreams. I'm going to try to avoid doing that. Maybe I'll have a nice light snack before bed, a nice tea, and I'll start having a bigger healthy breakfast in the morning, because these dreams and

nightmares are getting out of control recently. Now, part of the reason I brought this whole dream situation up about having a dream that someone did something messed up to you and you wake up feeling like it's real and you get pissed off and you wanna yell at them, I'm tying that into today's episode because today's episode is about how being non-reactive in

emotional situations and keeping your emotions under control is one of the most powerful and attractive things you could actually do for yourself. The most attractive quality that I believe someone can have, especially someone that I'm in a romantic relationship with, have, especially someone that I'm in a romantic relationship with, or someone that I'm really close friends with, is when they have their emotions for the most part under control. What does being non-reactive really mean? I want to unpack this before I really get into the full episode. Being non-reactive is when you have the ability to stay calm and to not lash out and to not go apeshit the second things start to go wrong in your life. When you're involved in a very high stress emotional situation, whatever it may be,

it can be easy to freak out, it can be easy to panic, to feel a wide range of emotions, and then you end up reacting in a really intense way, sometimes where it's too intense, and you react in a way that maybe feels really unlike you, and not really aligned with who you truly are, but you're in the moment and you feel something, and then you just act on it really quickly, and then you might end up regretting how you reacted later down the line.

There is a different type of power and a different level of power when you're able to keep your calm and handle situations with more grace because nine times out of ten, whatever you're mad about, sad about, frustrated about, or angry about is either not going to be a big deal in a few weeks from now or that person that you're worried about or set over and you want to send angry paragraphs to is typically not worth it as a person. Now, I understand every situation is situational, every situation is different, and there's going to be moments in time where we freak out or go crazy on someone because maybe they do deserve it, okay? Or maybe someone was unfaithful to you, someone was dishonest with you,

and maybe they were one of your best friends, maybe with someone you were married to, whatever it is. And things can get intense and emotional, and you're going to want to lash out and say something, which is human and it's normal. However, I feel like a lot of people are just not worth your energy and your time. And we'll spend so much time trying to change a situation or change a person or change the outcome of something by sending some 130 essays about how they've wronged you or how fucked up it was that they did X, Y, and Z, when meanwhile, long term, it's probably not gonna change anything. I want you to go into this episode

with a little bit of an open mind because it might not sit well with everyone. Now, if you're someone that identifies as being super emotional and you like to really express yourself and get your points across and you're super communicated. That's fine. Some people are wired that way and that's fine and you can choose how you want to operate in your relationships. You could choose how to handle whatever situations you want to handle in your

own way and that's totally acceptable and fine. This episode is really going to be something that I found is very powerful for me and that's worked in the past and Something that I admire in other people. It's more of an opinionated episode So if you don't agree with everything I'm saying totally fine totally understandable I Truly believe that not everyone is at your level or caliber to even deserve your time and energy that you're going to spend yelling at them or frustrated at them or mad at them. When you're throwing your anger and energy at them and telling them everything they've

done wrong to you, most of the time, it's not worth it with that person because that person isn't going to end up being anything significant in your life in the long term anyway. This can apply to friendships that are fizzling out, situations that are not leading to a long term relationship, and toxic ex-relationships, ex-part, where this person is still coming back into your life on and off, you have a cycle going, and you're just so frustrated and you keep entertaining it and throwing more energy at it and throwing more fire into it when it's really not worth it 99% of the time.

When you're able to stay calm and in control of yourself and your emotions in toxic situations, in really emotionally intense situations, you earn a different type of respect from people. This is what I've noticed. You're respected and treated differently based on your ability to react in a different, healthier, calmer way versus screaming at someone. And the reason I'm saying this also is because I was the type of person that would constantly react in the moment because I am very emotional. So if someone wronged me, my instant reaction usually would be like, fuck this person, I'm done. And I'll either write them a whole speech, or I would snap at them and yell at them and tell them everything they're doing wrong. Whereas now, into the new year, into 2024, one of my biggest things is to not only protect my peace more, but to control my emotions in an entirely new way where if someone's wronged me, if someone's betrayed me, if someone's really hurt me or fucked me over,

I'm not going to just instantly react and start yelling at them or start telling them everything they've done wrong because most of the time as I said, nothing is really going to change and that's not going to change the outcome by me having an intense emotional reaction. I was reading this book a couple of nights ago and this woman was talking about how she was cheated on. And her boyfriend and one of her best friends started hooking up behind her back, which is obviously a very messed up situation. I've never been in a situation like that, but I can imagine how upset and hurt I would be.

Instead of bashing on both of them, talking shit about them, yelling at them, confronting them, she removed herself immediately from the situation. She cried behind closed doors. She cried in private. She cried maybe to her friends and family and who was closest to her at the time. But she did not react to them and what they were doing in particular. And from her words, what she said was, I let the universe take care of it from that point forward because karma is real. I know what I deserve. I place a very high value on myself.

I know I deserve love and respect, and that was the total opposite of anything I ever deserved or deserved to be put through. So I just immediately pulled back and removed myself. Obviously, she was no longer with this guy. She no longer had this friend in her life anymore because obviously that's not a real friend. And she said what ended up happening was so fascinating because she pulled her energy back,

which made those two people come forward towards her and try to apologize and remedy the situation. And they had all these regrets, and it didn't end up working out between them, obviously. And those two people, the boyfriend and the best friend, were trying to get back into her life and trying to salvage everything and trying to make some sort of amends with her. And she said it got so bad to the point where she just blocked both of them. And she was able to see it from a bird's eye point of view

and have a new perspective and say, you know what? They're toxic. This was a blessing in disguise. The universe removed these people out of my life for a reason. And she was able to approach the situation with a lot more clarity, with a lot better decision-making skills, and she was able to move on effectively because she didn't come from a place of instant emotional reaction where she was going apeshit on them.

Now that's not to say you can't be emotional about a situation like that. As I said, you can be as emotional as you want in private or to other people that will be there for you and support you. But when someone fucks you over and you start lashing out back at them and start giving them all this reaction, it often gets messier. It makes the situation, I think, a lot worse because you're essentially adding more fuel to the fire that has already been created by this person. So I thought that was a really fascinating part of the book I was reading and I think

it was really helpful and insightful because it allowed me to see my own issues from a totally different angle and perspective. Being non-reactive doesn't mean you don't have any emotions towards the situation as I just said, and I wanna make that very clear. It just means that you're not willing to add more fuel to a situation that is no longer serving your growth. And a benefit of being non-reactive

in a lot of situations where people have wronged you, it will actually make them question themselves more and make them question their actions and what they did. Sometimes, if you don't give them the reaction they're expecting, like, they're expecting you to go crazy. Right? That person's expecting you to lose your shit because they did something messed up and nine times out of ten They know what they did wrong

By you not having a reaction It'll make them really think and question their behaviors a lot of the time and it gives them More of a chance to actually reflect on their actions and see what they did wrong, and it'll make them question everything they've ever done, which is a good thing. If you just react and give them the reaction they were expecting, it usually just gets messier.

Now, as I said, also part of the reason I wanted to make this episode today is because I actually am typically a reactive person, and this is something that I've had to heavily work on. And I noticed that when I've actually practiced controlling my emotions better and removing myself from situations and seeing it from a different angle before I just dive in and start attacking someone else for their behavior, It's always benefited me to stay calm. It's always benefited me and it's always made the situation way more clear and it's made

me see people for who they were a lot more. And it's also understanding that people are going to do what they want to do at the end of the day. No matter what you say to someone's face, just because you verbalize it, it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to change the outcome of anything. It doesn't mean they're going to change their character or their behavior. It's not going to magically change them at their core. So the point is, there's really no point in having a grand reaction to the way they're

treating you. If they're disrespecting you, if they're not valuing you, if they're just treating you badly, ultimately, it's usually not going to change in the long term just because you're yelling at them and you're reacting to them and you're saying what you want to say. It's really an empowering feeling when you're able to walk away from a situation knowing that you deserve so much better and you're not going to spend your valuable time and energy trying to whip this person into the person you want them to be and yell at them for wronging you. Sometimes it's better to just cry it out on the side to people that love you and care

about you and get your emotions out that way versus directly going to that person that wrong you and showering them with all these thoughts that you have and all these feelings that you have because if they don't care, they're not going to change. If they don't really care about your feelings or what you have to say, they're not even really going to absorb what you're saying. On top of that, I know this from my personal experience, when I have gone off on men in particular that have treated me really, really badly, they either pull back and distance themselves even more, or they're able to label me as crazy to their friends and make me feel like I'm the one who did

something wrong, or they're able to use that reaction as an excuse to why it wasn't working out. Oh, see, this is exactly how I knew you were going to react, that type of thing, where you're being manipulated back into feeling like you're the crazy one and that you've done something wrong. That's a shit feeling. And when you don't react, they have no leverage over you. They're not going to be able to say, oh my God, this person's fucking insane. Now if you don't really care at all about their perception of you, fine, whatever. Do whatever makes you happy.

But let's be honest, if you really like someone and you've invested time into them and you had some sort of relationship going with them, you obviously tend to care about their perception of you, right? And for me personally, I would rather someone that I've dated to have a perception of me that's grounded and stable, then the last interaction we had was me screaming at them. That's my preference.

However, it's easier said than done. And I get it. And I wanna tell you a story time because I think it's time to really open up about this. It's nothing too dramatic, but it really ties into today's episode. And it's something a little vulnerable on my side because I'm admitting that I'm in the wrong here. Sort of recently, I was talking to someone that in my opinion had wasted my time, but at the same time, I knew deep down that I was wasting my own time. I need to take accountability here.

I saw red flags from day one and I chose to actively ignore them. I chose to dismiss the red flags. When I met him, was I looking for a relationship? No, the last year and a half, I haven't been looking for a relationship. When I met this person, I didn't expect to have any sort of connection with them. I didn't expect to like them.

I saw red flags, I ignored them. Maybe it was self sabotage because I knew it was wrong. Maybe it was a part of me that just didn't want commitment anyway, so I didn't care. Whatever the reasoning was, I chose to stay, so there I will take accountability. The entire time I was talking to this person, I was trying to force him to do things essentially by verbalizing how I felt constantly. I'm a huge communicator. When it comes to getting to know people, I really expect two things, full communication and full

honesty and transparency. And I do believe that it is normally effective to communicate and it is effective to be open and honest with people when you know that they care about you, right? If you know that you're in a solid relationship and you have some issues that you need to work out, obviously communication is key, right? I know that communication is so important to me and it should be important in any relationship. However, if you are dealing with someone that does not give two shifts about you and does not want to date you or does not want to be with

you and you are actively trying to always communicate points across to try to verbalize how you feel, to try to tell them to do things differently, to tell them what's bothering you, they're not going to absorb the information anyway. They're not going to take it to heart's bothering you. They're not going to absorb the information anyway. They're not going to take it to heart and apply it. They're not going to apply the information that you're giving them. They're not going to take your feelings into consideration. And it's going to go through one ear and out the other, right? My point is, like, this episode applies to those situations where you know that it's

really one-sided. You know that this person probably doesn't like you as much as you like them, or doesn't love you as much as you love them, and you know that long-term it's probably not going anywhere. I think this episode topic applies really well in these type of dynamics. Long story short, this person told me they're not looking for a relationship after several months of going back and forth, asking me to communicate better, saying, you know what? You need to be more direct with me. I don't really get what you're asking

for. He would say things to keep me there. He would say things to keep the conversation going enough where I had hope that he would absorb the information I was providing and whenever I would vocalize something that was bothering me, he would make it like he cared enough to listen, but then nothing would ever change. He wasn't absorbing anything I was saying. That's because he didn't like me, which is fine. But at the same time, there was no point in me throwing all this energy at him in the first place. And looking back, I was so reactive and I was so intense with how I was trying to go about handling him. When in reality, I was wasting my fucking

energy and precious time, months of my time. And on top of all of that, it got to a point where I had built up so much emotion because I was never able to properly communicate a point across without feeling like I was being dismissed and not listened to. And it got to a turning point where I had really just had enough. And when you try to stay calm and patient for so long with someone, there has to be some sort of breaking point for everyone. And I'll tell you what happens. So basically, I decided I couldn't speak to this person anymore because it just felt like going in circles and it felt like it was never going to go anywhere, which I was clearly

right about. And I said, you know what? I can't talk to you anymore. And he was like, okay, I get it. I understand. I'm like, okay, great. I would rather not contact each other anymore. I can't talk to you anymore.

Hope you respect that. It would probably hurt me if we continued this. He said it was fine. He respected it, hung up the phone, great. Never planned on reaching out again. The next day, he proceeds to reach out to me again and he says, hey, I just wanna talk to you but I don't want to bother you.

And that's when I lost it because I had felt for so long, I had let down my boundaries, I had lowered my standards, and I had tolerated this person that had no intentions of ever being anything more than just a person that was there. There was no reason. There was just no reason for communicating at that point. And I had already made that clear. But then he crossed the boundary by reopening the conversation again.

After I had advised him not to, because it would hurt me. Now in my head, I'm like, that's selfish. That is a very selfish thing to do when you know that communicating with me is going to potentially hurt my feelings because you don't want anything to do when you know that communicating with me is going to potentially hurt my feelings because you don't want anything to do with me. And it's very selfish. And that's when I lost it.

I just snapped and I was like, listen, this is really fucked up. And I went off and looking back, I will say with confidence that I deeply regret reacting that way. Even though in the moment it felt good to just say what I had to say and vocalize what was going on in my head, I look back now, months later, and I'm like, I regret ever reacting like that because one, it was partially my fault. I did that to myself. I put myself in a position where I knew someone really didn't value me and I chose to stay there willingly.

Number two was I think I was more mad at myself than him because of that, because I had chosen to stay in a situation that wasn't going anywhere and I was basically self-sabotaging. So that was where a lot of my emotion was actually stemming from. Number three is it was wasted energy because no matter what I said or no matter how I reacted or anything that came out of my mouth, it still would have ended up the same way. It still would have ended up with basically us not speaking. So regardless if I reacted calmly or I screamed, it would have ended up the same way. So the better, nicer option in my head is I should have just been more calm about it or I shouldn't have even replied.

Either way, right? And at the end of the day, the past is the past. We can't change the past, we can only change the present. And that's also why I've made this episode because it's a good reminder to myself and also reflecting on the situation. I can learn and grow from it and be more mature in situations to come and Mature for myself. I want to be clear about that not because of what that person thinks of me now or what other people have thought about me

This is for me I want to know that I am in more control of my emotions when it comes to emotional situations and not to overly react to something in the Moment just because I'm upset the best thing you could do is give yourself a window of time to process information before you lash out or react or say something. It also applies to this idea of wanting to text someone 30 paragraphs and essays because you're pissed at them or they've wronged you. The instant reaction is to get angry for an hour, type all this shit out on your phone and send them really intense things. But I advise this, and this is a really good piece of advice that I've carried with me and I apply all the time. Type it out in your

notes. You could send it to your best friend, send it to yourself, leave it there and let it sit and marinate for 48 hours. Two days, give yourself a window of time to cool down, to make sure you're coming from a place of actual clarity and not just rushing to have a reaction. And if you still want to send the message after the 48 hour time period, then you can send it knowing that you're not going to regret pressing send. And I want to reiterate that I understand that we're all human. Myself included, I'm not perfect at all. I've definitely made a ton of mistakes in my relationships.

I've definitely fucked up before. I've definitely been the one who's been manipulative. I've had my moments, 100%. There's moments where I've been super toxic. And I think we can all relate to this to some extent. We both, in the relationships that I've been in at least, I know there's been times where it's gone both ways, where someone has wronged me, but I've also wronged someone else in my past too.

I wanna make that clear, that I understand that we're all human and we make mistakes. However, if you can take bits and pieces of what you've learned from the past, if you've gone off on people in the past, if you've reacted really strongly to things in the past and then

regretted it later on, just taking all of those experiences and applying them to your future and understanding that taking a step back sometimes and actually using the information you've learned from your past mistakes and applying it by not having such an intense emotional reaction to things in the future, it just means that you're improving. And it means that you're maturing emotionally. And I said in the beginning of this episode, not everyone is going to agree with what I have to say on this podcast

because some people might identify as someone who's extremely, extremely vocal in their relationships and they're like, no, I'm going to say what I have to say and I'm going to yell at someone if I want to yell and I'm going to vocalize how I feel at all times and be really open and I don't give a shit. I used to be like that and I still am like that in some ways, so I get it. But my point is I've noticed that when I pull back and I'm more patient and I don't instantly react, the outcome is always so much better and healthier and more stable. And I've been able to make better, clearer decisions with my relationships, and I've

been able to have less regrets of how I've handled things. I guess that's the point I'm trying to make. I also went online and researched some benefits of being more non-reactive in emotionally intense situations and learning how to keep your cool in composure. And here's what I found. One of the best things about being more non-reactive is it keeps everything in perspective. It keeps the situation at hand in perspective. You're able to see things for what they are. You're able to see things more clearly

when you take a step back. And I've already said this on the podcast episode, but you're able to see things from a perspective of someone who's not really in the situation. If you learn how to detach for a quick second and pull yourself out of the situation you're in and look at it from a friend's point of view or look at it from a family member's point of view,

and you're able to give advice to yourself based on that perspective versus being actually the one in the situation. It's so helpful. If you were cheated on, for example, and your instant reaction is to go ballistic on this person, which is understandable. Don't get me wrong here. But sometimes if you can see it from an outer perspective and you can remove yourself from the situation for just a split second and think about what to do from a more rational perspective, it usually diffuses a lot of the issues. It diffuses a lot of the tension. It diffuses the situation in a much healthier way. Just like I gave the example from the book

that I had been reading the other day, that girl was cheated on even worse. Her best friend was involved. And she was able to detach and remove herself to the point where those two people were begging, essentially, for her to stay in touch with them and figure things out and remedy the situation. And because she had taken her power back and she removed all of her energy from the situation, she was able to see things for what they were and approach it more rationally and say, this is not working for me. This is toxic. Instead of engaging, throwing more fuel to fire and making the situation bigger and bigger and bigger and an even bigger issue and a problem.

Another big thing is reducing regrets. When you're non-reactive, it minimizes the likelihood of regretting your actions that might be taken in the heat of the moment. You might do really crazy shit when you're emotional. There are many situations I can recall in my life where I've said really bad things to people that I was in situations with or said things I didn't really mean. Said things that deep down I knew I didn't mean but I said anyway because I was angry. And when you're non-reactive and you practice this more, you're able to regret less because you're not going to say things you don't mean or do things you didn't really want to do and did anyway.

You're coming from a place of more groundedness and stability and most of the time it ends up in a way better place. And the situation ends up, as I said, defusing itself instead of you adding more fuel to the fire. Another benefit of maintaining your composure and being non-reactive is it prevents the ex-partner or whoever you're dealing with from manipulating your emotions to their advantage. They're not going to be able to have that leverage over you saying, you're fucking crazy, you're a psychopath, blah, blah, blah, which happens all the time. I know what's happened to me when I've had intense emotional reactions to things.

It's been held against me. It's not to say it's the worst thing in the world because everyone's entitled to their own perspective and opinion of you. But for me, I felt like it had been used against me in the past, which I didn't like. And when you're not reacting, no one can use anything against you because you're standing in your power and you're calm and you're not saying a bunch of shit

you probably don't mean anyway. Being non-reactive also gives you the time and space to focus on your own healing. calm and you're not saying a bunch of shit you probably don't mean anyway. Being non-reactive also gives you the time and space to focus on your own healing and it avoids you giving your power away to someone else. Now, when you're screaming at someone and you're throwing all of your energy back at them for something that they've done wrong to you, you are giving a piece of your power away to them because you're showing them that they have some sort of emotional control over you.

And not everyone will agree with that statement, but I truly believe that every time I've given some sort of crazy emotional reaction to someone in response to what they've done, it's made me feel worse in a way. It's made me feel like I've given some sort of control to them and they know that they got a reaction out of me. They got a rise out of me.

They got a hold over my emotions. This also applies to blocking people out of anger. Now, I've spoken about blocking people before on social media. If you're blocking someone out of protection of your own peace and you're blocking it from a place of self-love and you're not angry about it or anything, I think that's different. But it's all about where your energy is coming from and how you feel internally. If you're blocking someone out of anger, they know they have some sort of effect on you emotionally, right? And they know they have some kind of hold on you, if that makes sense.

So, for me, I think learning how to control my emotions more, being less reactive is also not giving my power away to someone else, which is a really positive thing. It also allows space for deep self-reflection. And you could use all the energy you would want to spend reacting to this person, instead putting that energy into yourself and really reflecting on what it is that you actually do want in a future partner or how you want to see your relationships change or how you want to improve your own life and better yourself so you could foster healthier connections and relationships. And it gives you the time to reflect and actually understand

what it is that you need to do in order to foster healthy relationships and connections with people moving forward and not put yourself in the same situation again. I also remember when I was dating my first boyfriend early on, we had broken up and there was a period of time where we maybe weren't together for the month or two. He started seeing someone else that I was friendly with. And I initially had a crazy, angry reaction and went off on both of them. And I was also really young. Okay, I was like 14 years old.

So keep that in mind. But also this could apply at any age because that's a normal reaction to have when you were in love with someone and they've moved on very quickly and you see this person every day. And one of your friends, they're just suddenly dating one of your friends. So you're like, okay, obviously I'm going to be upset. So I reacted emotionally. I was very upset and I remember after I did that it temporarily made everything so much worse. He was even more

dismissive and put off towards me, wanted nothing to do with me and I had lost this girl as a friend, whatever. But over time, over the next month, I started focusing all my energy inwards. I started protecting my peace more. I was working on myself. And I remember I was focused on my happiness again and tossed out the whole idea of the relationship altogether. And what ended up happening was he came back, and maybe that's not some sort of flex, but he came back and we ended up getting back together because I took control back of my own life and I Ended up doing this thing where I wasn't allowing anything to affect me emotionally in the same way that I was in the beginning of that whole situation

And we ended up back together and everything smoothed over. And looking back, I was like, wow, the way I had initially reacted to that, although it was human and although it was normal to do that, sometimes I wish I had handled things better and more maturely and differently because at the end of the day, what's meant to be will be. And if you truly trust that and you truly trust the process of your life and your journey and your relationships, nothing is going to sway you as much as you think it will. If you truly fundamentally trust that what's meant for you is never going to be fucked up,

what's meant for you is always going to be there for you when the timing is right. If you truly fundamentally trust, nothing is going to warrant this crazy emotional reaction out of you because you trust. And I think that's also a really good point to make here is when you come from a place of genuine trust in the universe, in a higher power, in your journey, you will be less reactive because you'll know that what's meant to be is going to be. And if something's not playing out the way that you expected or someone's wronging you and you break up with someone over it or you lose someone really important in your life because they've betrayed you, if you truly trust that that was what was meant to happen

and that's clearing space for better people to come into your life, then it's harder to be overly angry or reactive, if that makes sense. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode. Be sure to check out the Masterclass. Dare to detach if you haven't already. Doors are open with limited spots available. I would love to see you there. Remember you could always use code selflove for $20 off of the masterclass. If you haven't already, be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify and send me a DM on Instagram at day yourself instead or

at LIS. I would love to hear from you. Have an amazing day and stay tuned for the next episode.