Date Yourself Instead - I got sick from a toxic relationship + how I healed my PCOS naturally

Episode Date: February 26, 2024

A highly requested topic about how I got physically sick from being in a toxic relationship, and how I was able to heal my body naturally after suffering from PCOS for years and having irregular periods, mood swings, weight gain, and more. For years, I didn't feel good in my body, and I knew I needed to make significant changes. DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor and I am not here to provide concrete medical evidence, I am here to simply tell my story and share it with you.

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of Date Yourself Instead. So the craziest thing happened. I've briefly spoken about it on my Instagram and my TikTok. I've definitely covered this experience a couple of times, and it was actually picked up by a few news outlets. I think the Daily Mail actually wrote an article about it and I didn't even know until one of my followers sent me the link over DM and I was like, what the fuck is happening right now? I didn't realize that this was going to get picked up and blasted all over the internet,

but it happened. So I got really sick from a toxic relationship. And I had shared this TikTok that went viral, and a lot of the women in the comments were saying that they've experienced something very similar. My body was physically rejecting my boyfriend, and I knew the relationship was toxic because after we broke up, all of my symptoms magically went away. So I wanted to dive into this topic and also explain the story time of really what happened

and my experience of how I got sick, the symptoms I had, and I also want to tie this into my experience and my journey with my hormones. I have PCOS, which is also known as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, but PCOS for short. For those of you who have PCOS, which I feel like it's pretty common amongst women, it's not fun. It's definitely not a fun experience, especially when you're in the process of getting diagnosed

and you don't really know what's going on with your body Because your hormones are so out of whack. It can be a really scary process and While you're in the midst of figuring your hormones out You could be going through a lot of different types of symptoms that could ultimately Make you feel like shit and on today's episode. I really wanted to dive into my whole PCOS journey as well So there's gonna be two parts of this episode one And on today's episode, I really wanted to dive into my whole PCOS journey as well. So there's going to be two parts of this episode. One, how being in a toxic relationship really made me sick.

And part two of how I dealt with my PCOS, my diagnosis, the story behind it, and where I'm at now with my hormone issues. I also want to preface this episode off by saying this episode might not be the best for men in particular. I know there's a small percentage of men that also listen to date yourself instead. And I just want to preface it by saying this might be a little TMI, too much information for your ears. And you might not want to hear some of the things I'm going to say because it ties into gyneological health and women's hormones and all that stuff. So if that's not your cup of tea and you're looking for just breakup advice, this might

not be the best episode fit for you, but I have an entire catalog of other episodes, that would be perfect for you and your healing journey. So anyways, here we go. I'm gonna start from the very beginning telling you about my first relationship. So when I was 14 years old, I got into my first serious relationship and I started experiencing excruciating pain in my ovaries.

I was on all of these hormone supplements, essentially to try to get my period because at 14, my period was extremely late and I had never had it before. When I was 10 or 11 years old, I remember my doctor being like, oh, you have to get ready because you're going to get your period soon and it's all about womanhood and by the time you're 11 or 12 years old, you should expect your period. Nope. I had no signs of a period until I was almost 15.

A lot of my friends had already had it and were going through the changes that we go through when we're a young woman. And for me, I was like so far behind. And for me, that was very late. I don't know if that's considered late now, but back in the day that was considered late. There was obviously some sort of hormonal issue

and I started seeing doctors because I was unable to get my period naturally. And eventually after entering my first romantic relationship, I was almost 15 years old when I started getting pain on my ovaries. And I remember there was just one night where I was in my house and I started feeling like stabbing pains going through my uterus. And I didn't know what the fuck was going on.

I was so young, so naive. I had no idea what was going on internally at all. And the pain was beyond excruciating to the point where I was literally bent over, hysterically crying. I could not walk for days. I would be sobbing my eyes out, dying. And I was bedridden in my parents' house. And it was my mom who basically diagnosed me first

and was like, I think I know what's going on. I had these growing up. You could be experiencing an ovarian cyst. I had them. It could be genetic. I'm not really sure, but we're going to obviously figure this out, take you to the doctor, whatever. I'm like laying in bed with a heating pad on my uterus, bawling my eyes out and wondering why there was like a knife going through my uterus.

No exaggeration. It felt, well, now I actually have had people message me and say having an ovarian cyst is worse than giving birth because I've had both and I'm like, that's good to know. So I basically felt something worse than giving birth when I was 14 years old. And I think that's true and probably holds some sort of validity to it because I remember it was the type of pain where I almost blacked out. I was in like cold sweats trying to survive in my bed, not being dramatic.

I thought I had to go to the hospital. After that ovarian cyst experience, I got my period for the first time and my period lasted two full weeks. It was extremely heavy and it literally lasted two full weeks, which was obviously super irregular. And I continued to have really crazy irregular periods and issues come up until college. And even when I was in college, I just eventually, I think I just stopped getting my period altogether. I remember I would go months without it and my doctors would be like, you need to go

on medication as soon as possible because you're going to have trouble getting pregnant and you're going to have all these issues when you're older and I'm like, okay, I'm so young. I don't plan on having a baby anytime soon, but let's try it out. They put me on birth control, which made me gain a ton of weight. They put me on metformin, which is like this diabetic medication. I didn't even know what I was putting inside of my body. I was just listening to doctors because I thought they knew better than me. But I was going through all these

crazy mood swings. I was depressed. I was really overweight and I started getting cystic acne from the birth control. So my body was completely out of whack and I felt so out of my frame. Like I felt like I wasn't me while I was on the birth control. So I knew eventually I was gonna stop it because I just felt like it was not helping and it was making everything worse.

So there was another medication that doctors prescribe me as well, but it was like a cream. It was some sort of progesterone cream that I would rub on my skin. And it was the weirdest thing ever. It was so disgusting. I would rub this lotion medication cream. I don't even know what it was. Just not fun. All over my body. And then I remember I would get my period, but it would be induced by this cream medication.

And I was just dependent on all these drugs, essentially, which I didn't want to be, but I felt like at the time I was desperate, I had no choice. I knew that if I didn't get my period, they were saying I'd be infertile and I'd never be able to have kids. It was this whole thing. Obviously, going through all of these different experiences with meds and hormone imbalances, I saw multiple doctors, and all of them diagnosed me with polycystic ovarian syndrome, which is PCOS.

Eventually, half way through college, I knew intuitively that being on medication, especially the birth control, was just not the right decision for me anymore. And intuitively, I was like, I cannot do this to my body. I feel like it's not helping. I'm still irregular. I'm still experiencing a ton of hormone problems. And on top of that, now I'm not able to lose weight because I'm

on this birth control and my appetite is off the walls and I just eat everything in plain sight, which is fine. But for me, it wasn't fine because I didn't feel good in my body. And I felt like sluggish, tired, fatigued, just depressed. I just didn't feel like me. And I knew that I needed to go off of it. So I start Googling natural remedies to cure hormonal issues. And I came across this one article that looked pretty legitimate. It was this study from some sort of prestigious scientific university. I cannot tell you what it was, but it looked like a very legit article. And it basically was

talking about how people had alleviated their PCOS issues with a very low carb diet and consistent exercise. So while I was still studying in school, I was like, you know what? I'm going to make it my fucking mission to follow a strict workout regimen. While I'm still here, I have the time. I'll go to class. I'll go to the gym before class. I'll go to the gym at night.

I'll do whatever it takes to be active and take care of my body. And I'm also going to completely change my diet. So I'm not drinking alcohol at all. I'm literally eating fish, chicken, or turkey, a little bit of vegetables, drinking a shit ton of water every single day, and essentially going to the gym twice a day to get my period normally. I was so committed to fixing the problem and to fix whatever imbalances were going on my body in a holistic way. And it sounds pretty extreme, maybe, like having such a strict routine, working out a lot and being extremely strict with my diet. But I was so desperate to feel good without the use of medication, and I was willing to commit to this routine versus taking a bunch of drugs.

And that was the decision that I made for myself. And not everyone will agree with that type of decision, but for me, I felt like it was right for who I was and aligned with the type of person I am. I don't even like taking Advil, okay? I don't even like taking a Tylenol. So for me, I knew that this was my mission and my purpose to just get to the bottom of it naturally. And it took some time, I will say, but after about six months of also affirming in my brain that I was going to get my period naturally, mindset was a huge game changer for me in this process as well. I didn't listen to anyone else telling me it was impossible or that I was wrong for

doing it my way. I was very adamant about my routine, getting it naturally and also affirming it in my brain. This is happening. I'm going to fix my health issues. I think that was a really huge thing and it was a mental thing where I didn't listen to anyone else and I didn't listen to any doctors and I had to rewire my brain and tell myself you're getting your period naturally and you're gonna be completely regular and all of these problems are gonna go away and you're gonna be just fine. I had to really believe that fundamentally at my core. And so that's what I did and

six months later, I woke up one morning and I had my period. No medications, no birth control, nothing, just a strict diet and exercise regimen. It was literally such a surprise also. I did not expect to get my period. And I do remember I was a little bit emotional a few days prior. I was like super sensitive to everything and I was crying a lot. And then like, bam, got it naturally.

I'm like, oh, so this is what it is. This is what it's like to get your period for real. And it was crazy because I was like 19 or 20, which is very late to experience a regular cycle. And I could count the number of times I had had my period on one hand, basically, at that age. So it was wild to me that this was all happening. And I was like, holy shit, I think I fixed the issue.

And listen, I am not a doctor. I am not a medical professional. But I will say this, the power of your thoughts combined with taking action to take really good care of your health and eating clean and having a good workout routine and ultimately I had to lower my body fat and build muscle and just do certain things to take really good care of myself, but that combination helped me fix a lot of the issues and the underlying problems, and also completely reshifting my mindset and just trusting that I was healthy and I was fine

and I was gonna figure it out. Ever since then, I got my period regularly every month with no medication, and the only thing that was left was the occasional ovarian cyst. So I will say a lot of the cysts subsided and I didn't get them monthly anymore because I was getting them almost every month and it was so painful and debilitating and I would fear and dread the next month. Every month I was like, oh my God, I have to,

I'm gonna have a knife ripping through my uterus, essentially every single month for the rest of my life. That was how I thought it was going to be. And eventually it got to the point where those things subsided as well. And occasionally I would get them, but they were not nearly as bad. And that definitely subsided over time. It's definitely interesting in a way because I noticed that

when I'm going through intense amounts of stress, especially when it comes to my romantic relationships, my cysts will make an appearance again. When I'm very internally stressed in my body and I'm in a toxic situation, that's when the cysts come back. I do believe there is a link and a correlation between ovarian cysts and being in toxic romantic relationships because it's like you're uterus panicking and freaking out. Now, that's my theory on things. I've noticed that correlation. As I said, and I'm going to reiterate this a few times because there should be a disclaimer here. I am not a medical professional. I'm just a girl that has health issues, like hormonal issues, and I don't want to diagnose anyone or give them any sort of idea because I'm

not a doctor and you definitely should consult your doctor for any medical decisions for you personally, but for me I'm just the type of person that I feel like I knew better and what worked for my body better than a doctor would know and I Realized that a lot of the cysts would make an appearance again Or I would feel them poking at my ovaries if I was in a toxic relationship. And the first time I had really experienced them to an extreme was when I was with my first boyfriend and things were shaky, and we were not really on the best terms.

So I just find that really interesting. I do fundamentally believe that PCOS is linked to emotional trauma in the womb and it could be a generational trauma thing as well. However, this is almost like my spiritual perspective on it and it's something that I find is very probable considering the amount of emotional trauma that stems from the women's side of my family and my mom's side. And there's a lot of ancestral trauma there. I wouldn't be surprised if it's all linked. I will say,

though, I once again do not want to jump to conclusions and give actual medical advice to any extent on this podcast, but I will say my experiences, and this is my perspective and how I see things and how things make sense for me and my brain. Whenever I haven't been seeing anyone and I've been single and at peace and really take good care of my health. I've experienced less health issues in general and less cysts and less hormonal problems and now I'm going to pivot into the story time of one of my last relationships that I was in where things were so high stress and I ended up thinking I actually had something really wrong with me because I was having

insane chest pains. I was dizzy and nauseous all the time. I was having frequent panic attacks. I was having brain fog every day where I couldn't focus or think clearly and I was having the craziest repetitive night terrors. They weren't nightmares. They were night terrors where I would wake up in a sweat and they would feel so real. I felt like I had shifted realities and I had gone to some sort of trippy reality and then come back into the physical realm and I would be so scared and freaked out and There was just so many things that I went through throughout this last relationship towards the end of

one of my last relationships, gonna try to keep it somewhat anonymous, but the internet's seen it, I've posted about it. A lot of the videos have gone viral and I don't think anyone will ever know who I'm referring to, but it has nothing to do with the person itself, okay? It was the dynamic of the relationship that was not healthy, and my body was crying out for help,

and I ignored it for so long, and the symptoms kept getting worse and worse. So one of the first things I noticed was I was getting chronic yeast infections, and I had no idea where they were coming from because everything else in my life, I was taking care of my physical health. I was meditating. I was doing inner work to better myself. I was doing things that would ultimately

keep my health in check, but I kept getting these chronic yeast infections. And the one thing I will say is that I was constantly stressed over the relationship that I was in, but everything else in my life was pretty stable and fine at that time, at least. So I was going to the drug store and picking up medication for it at first, but then the medication stopped working

because my body started getting used to it because you build up a tolerance for medication if you take it too much. I was taking it every week basically because my infections were so bad. Then I was starting to change my diet to see if it was a diet issue, but I wasn't even eating anything that unhealthy or crazy. It wasn't like I was loading up on sugar every day or drinking alcohol because I wasn't drinking at all. So I was confused because I was like, I don't know where this is coming from. I don't know how to fix it. The medication's not working anymore. And that was the first

really big problem that I noticed. And it just wasn't going away. There were even days where I remember I would fast because I was reading online that it could be a diet problem and if you're eating the wrong foods for your body, it could build up yeast in the body and cause the infection. So I was like fasting and basically starving myself to try to figure this out.

That did not work at all. So I'm like, all right, I don't know what's going on. Then I started experiencing intense brain fog and memory loss. I couldn't focus for the life of me and everything felt super cloudy and blurry in my mind. A lot of the things that happened during this time frame, I don't even really brain was functioning or operating at a normal speed, if that makes sense. And I remember I would wake up some days, like not really knowing where I was in my bed.

I'd be like super disoriented. I'd be super fatigued and it was hard for me to move or do anything. And it was like, I don't know, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know super disoriented. I'd be super fatigued and it was hard for me to move or do anything. And it was a mixture of that and just feeling like my body was super depressed. And once again, it all circled back to this idea of being with someone that I

knew wasn't right for me. And I never really linked the two because whenever I would talk to him about it or he was there for me when I was going through my health issues, he was still really caring and loving towards me. And he wasn't bad for me in the sense of he was a bad person. And that's what made it so tricky to navigate because I'm like, okay, it can't be him because he's a good person And he's he has a good heart and he means well. It's not him making me sick, right? so I never really correlated or linked the two and

Then I started having Heart attack pains in my chest now when I say heart attack pains I was walking around with stabbing pains in my chest. Now, when I say heart attack pains, I was walking around with stabbing pains in my chest right by my heart, where I felt like I was having a heart attack. My arm would go numb, I would start sweating, and I was walking one time in New York City by myself, and I had a stabbing heart pain

where I literally had to sit down on the sidewalk and breathe because I thought I was having a heart attack. And what I didn't realize was I was experiencing panic attacks and I had never experienced this before in my life. So this was a very new thing for me. And I really was diagnosed by my dad because my dad has suffered with panic attacks his entire life and I knew nothing really about it because I had never gone through it.

So I called him and I was like, I think I'm having a heart attack. I think there's something wrong with my heart. I was convinced that I had some sort of rare heart condition. I started convincing myself of these crazy things. I was Googling my symptoms, which you should obviously never do. And I was like, I think I'm dying. And my dad was like, you're under so much stress and you don't even realize how much stress you're under because of your relationship that you're in. And it would cause anyone the amount of stress that you're going through. It would cause anyone like heart pain because

you're so stressed out and you don't even realize it. I'm like, no, it's not the relationship I was so defensive about it. I'm like, it's not that whatever. He's like I'm telling you you're having panic attacks because your body's under so much stress because I've experienced this feeling of having heart pains and Shooting pains in your chest out of nowhere. I end up getting two EKGs which are heart scans basically going to the doctor and they ran a bunch of tests. They're like, you're totally fine. There's nothing wrong with your heart. And I'm thinking in my head, it has to be something. Maybe it's coffee. So I stopped drinking coffee, but the pain persisted and was still there. And for me to give up coffee, that's a huge monumental thing because I'm a coffee addict. I love my coffee and I need my coffee.

Basically every morning I like look forward to waking up and having my coffee. So for me to give that up, even for a temporary amount of time was a big deal, but I was like, okay, this is really bad. This is not good. I don't know what's wrong, but something's definitely wrong. I swear to you, when I finally made

the decision to end things with this person, actually it was more of a mutual decision. I'm not going to say I was the one who ended it because I was not. I was pretty afraid to cut things off, but when we decided to go our separate ways, my heart pain disappeared. Suddenly all that brain fog I was talking about, it felt like someone had taken the top layer off of my brain which was like filled with dust or like gunk that was just like sitting on top of my brain and cleared it out.

Like it felt like my head had suddenly been cleared out and I started to feel literally reborn. Like all of my symptoms went away And I started to feel literally reborn, like all of my symptoms went away and my yeast infections were gone. And for all of that to happen, and then to suddenly feel better after about 30 days of no contact, there was no coincidence there.

And that's when I realized that being in a toxic relationship, regardless of how much you love someone, regardless of how much they care for you, because I have nothing bad to say about this person's character, it doesn't matter because if something's toxic for you, it's toxic. If something's not working, it's not working. And my body was crying out for help. It was literally crying out for help.

And the fascinating thing about the heart pain was I think a lot of it was also trapped emotions that had been suppressed in my chest and stored in my body because if you store emotions, you could physically store them in your body. Your body will carry heavy emotions with you that can manifest as physical illness, which I didn't understand at the time. The crazy thing about this was after the breakup and removing myself from the relationship, that's when I went to Tulum and I had this whole retreat and I did this psilocybin experience and when I was

doing the experience, I started crying in the beginning and it felt like someone had opened this door that had been slammed shut and locked in my chest, had turned the key, opened the door, and let all of the emotions pour out. If you could picture a body of water behind a door, and the second you opened the door, all of that water just rushes out, that's what it felt like. I had been storing so much heaviness in my body and in my chest in particular, and I knew once I had that release of emotion coming out of my heart,

that's when I knew I was healing because I'm the type of person that will carry shit with me, and I won't even realize that I'm carrying it. I suppressed so much, and I never really fully gave myself the opportunity to heal it or release it or open my heart up enough to actually be vulnerable and say, you know what, I'm hurting. I would always bottle it and be like, I'm fine. I'm doing fine. Everything's good. And I would dismiss my feelings and push everything away. have that experience and also feel physically my emotions pouring out of my chest.

That was such a profound, insane experience that I'll never forget. So this essentially is your wake up call. If you're in a very toxic dynamic and you're feeling ill, you're feeling physically sick, you're just not feeling your best. Keep this in mind that toxic relationships can physically affect you and stress can manifest as illness in the body. So once again, I'm not a medical professional, but I just wanted to speak about this experience because I know a lot of people have gone through it, especially seeing that almost every video I've posted about it has gone viral on social media. It's obviously some sort of universal

experience to an extent. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode. Thank you so much as always for listening to Date Yourself Instead. If you haven't already, be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify. It really helps the podcast grow. Any feedback would be so appreciated. You could always message me on Instagram, atlas, or on the podcast account at day yourself instead. Be sure to send me a DM as well. I always love to hear from you. I love you. Thank you so much for listening as always

and stay tuned for the next episode.